I Know That According To The Stats No One Wants My Umbrella Academy Headcanons But I Don’t Care Part Three - Luther
(actually people like these now but i like the title so um. we’re sticking with it)
so after everything’s done he’s a pretty quiet, calm guy actually
he and five both spend a lot of time in the library together not talking because both of them still get overwhelmed around lots of people
he’s the one who suggests they get delores back from gimble’s after five’s inevitable breakdown
he used to talk to his plant when he was on the moon, so he Gets It.
(he brought that plant back with him)
he gets to a pretty unshakeable place in his recovery quite quickly in relation to his siblings, mainly because he doesn’t make a huge fuss about going to therapy like they do. he just goes and enjoys it and gets better. he has a very pragmatic view on how he’s going to deal with his trauma. he probably has a checklist somewhere.
he has to be reminded pretty frequently that recovery isn’t linear, though, because he gets annoyed at himself when he has bad days.
as a result of being the fastest to get mentally stable, he breaks up a lot of fights
usually by physically picking up whoever it is and just. holding them until they calm down. a la diego in episode five of season one. i just really want that to happen with the rest of the siblings it would be hilarious.
when he has to pick diego up he calms down pretty fast so that he can be put back down
klaus will just turn it into a five minute hug
vanya doesn’t get picked up because it freaks her out so luther just stands in front of her and blocks her way to whoever she’s fighting with until she agrees to sit down and talk it out
allison very rarely gets picked up because a) she doesn’t get in fights a lot, and b) she can and will just rumour whoever it was (usually diego) to punch themself
five will try to break luther’s ribs with his feet. once when he was trying to kill/maim klaus for saying something particularly insensitive luther held him at arms’ length for forty three minutes while he yelled. (the key with five is to keep his arms pinned to his sides so he can’t hit you)
ben had to stage a really big fight with klaus while corporeal because he has the emotional intelligence to recognise that he wants a luther hug, but not the communication skills to just ask for one
luther put him down as soon as he relaxed and klaus had to spell it out for him because
luther is the ultimate himbo
“dAd sEnT Me tO tHe MoOn” very quickly turns into “mY tHeRApIsT sAyS” cuz he thinks his therapist is the best (she is)
five and luther being science bros. i will accept nothing less.
five has so many questions about the moon. so many. luther is really happy someone else cares.
five is the one who gets luther to send his research to NASA (”not spaceX, i’m not just handing over years of groundbreaking research to that [redacted for vulgarity]”)
(five has a grudge against el*n m*sk. no one is brave enough to ask why.)
(it’s cuz he’s a communist.)
anyway luther sends his research to NASA and gets involved with their mars projects. they’ve offered to send him back to space on a mission if he’d like but he wants to stay planet side for his family for a while first.
(he will go back to space eventually though, and that will be cathartic and healing in a way he didn’t even know was possible.)
luther and diego is clown to clown communication. the pure chaos of them working on anything together is disastrous. they’re banned from doing anything together unless allison or five is able to supervise.
[ possibly coming soon ] ── CEMETERY DRIVE, klaus hargreeves
❝Being born on that fateful day of October, 1st, 1989 had royally screwed Briar Bagley over. But, perhaps not as much as it had the seven Hargreeves children. Briar Bagley, at the age of twenty-seven, had reached out to Reginald Hargreeves and finally made contact with him in regards to her deadly powers. Under his strict and watchful eye, Briar learns to control her powers for the next three years but then Reginald Hargreeves has a sudden heart attack which results in his death and Briar Bagley is left without a teacher, barely manageable powers, and five severely emotionally stunted young adults. As if things can’t get any worse, their missing brother suddenly shows up to claim they’ve got eight days to save the world and she has to help them.❞
i used to be indifferent to the umbrella academy but then i watched season two and now i love it so
i get that everyone hated luther a lot in the first season, and i agree he’s my least favourite sibling??? but i also think you need to remember that he suffered just as much abuse as the other six, and though it was of a different type, it still does affect him all the way to the present.
other people have gone a lot more in depth than i will, and its worth reading what they’ve said, but this is a guy with a hero complex to rival diego’s, only it’s different because he was told from a young age that he was The hero. the leader, the best of the lot. he would save the world, and was the favourite of the father; right hand to the king. he was told that he was better than everyone else, and that’s something that, now he knows his father is a piece of shit and not to be revered, he has to analyse and work through. he has to think about it and go, oh fuck maybe everything i was told WASN’T the truth i’d always thought it to be.
and that’s what he’s doing! and there’s a big difference between season 1 luther and season 2 luther (no spoilers promise) because he’s spent that time actually thinking and learning, and he’s MET PEOPLE now. season 1 luther has literally NEVER been anywhere except that house and the moon! he’s never interacted with ANYONE who wasn’t immediate family or a talking monkey!
in a lot of ways, he’s MORE fucked up than the rest of his siblings, because they all went out into the real world and discovered what there was outside their abusive household, and he didn’t, because he truly believed that his father was being honest to him, and cared about him, and that being inside the house and on the moon was where he needed to be to protect the world. he hasn’t been socialised! he hasn’t met anyone new! he’s only known two girls his whole life and one of them he was raised to consider other and lesser and failure.
luther isn’t anywhere near my favourite character, and i don’t like the incest relationship, how he clearly pines after allison (and how she returns it in season 1, despite having gone out and resocialised herself - she is clearly going through a whole host of other kinds of abuse that i wont get into, that affect her decisions too) - but dude has never met anyone else. luther has not learned how to be a person. and frankly, he has zero self worth and considered himself a monster the moment he got that gorilla body (which his own father agreed with, because he sent him to the MOON so he could ignore what he’d done)
sure, luther has an ego and can be very self-focused. but i think that’s an incredible depiction of a kid who grew up with the enforced notion that he was Number One, AKA the best. the hero.
he gets way more likeable in season 2 after spending time with people, but that doesn’t (and can’t) just go away, because that’s the damage his father inflicted on him, and those traits ARE his character arc. they are the obstacles that he will have to tear down before he can grow past the umbrella academy, and the abuse, and be his own person. and that includes, obviously, growing past allison.
A/N: It was so difficult fitting all of them in, but
I managed it! XD Enjoy!
Reader’s about 18.
Title: Higher than Higher
Summary: Diego’s afraid of heights. Diego’s also stuck at
the top of a ferris wheel with six siblings who are definitely not
“This is gonna be my death,” Diego stated grimly. His face
was grave, lines creasing his forehead and mouth set in a tight line. The
sudden dimness of his eyes was a direct cause of the looming structure in front
of him, casting a dusty shadow over his rigid body and making his heart jump in
He shook his head and sighed. This was the worst thing he would ever do in his life.
Allison rolled her eyes and shoved past her brother. “It’s a
ferris wheel, Diego. Grow up.”
Diego frowned and dropped his head to look at her. “It’s a death
“It’s the wheel of life,” Klaus said dreamily,
ignoring Vanya’s mindful “don’t you mean the circle of life?” He
waited for Allison and Five to sit in the seats of the wheel’s carriage before
hopping into his own, leaning back as though he were sunbathing on this misty
afternoon and scooting to the edge, supposedly to give Ben the space next to
You grinned as the person manning the wheel made it move
again, stepping forward when the next empty carriage came into view. The sound of footsteps following you failed to reach your ears and you stopped and turned. Your
shoulders slacked at the sight of Diego, holding up the queue to the ride,
staring horrified up at the ferris wheel. “Diego!” you hissed. “It’s our
He snapped his head down and his eyes widened for the
smallest of seconds before he rushed forward. “Oh, right.”
That was as far as he got, however, before he visibly
gulped and his face paled.
Luther sighed and pat his brother on the back, stepping past
him alongside Vanya. “Good luck, buddy,” he said. He and Vanya sat in the
carriage, it moved, and you grasped Diego’s hand, pulling him desperately
towards the empty seats. It was, of course, fruitless, considering your
brother’s strength vastly outmatched your own, but he seemed to get the gist
eventually and let himself be dragged along.
“Uh, Sir?” the man by the controls asked a little
hesitantly. Diego looked questioningly at him. “There’s a, uh, a ‘no knife’
policy for this, uh… for this ride.”
Diego glanced down at the hand not being gripped by you and
noticed with a little grimace that he’d at some point taken his dagger from its
holster and held it tightly in his fist. “Oh,” he said with a nervous chuckle,
quickly returning it to its place, “sorry about that.”
The man nodded, a wary look on his face, but gestured to the
empty seats nevertheless. You bounced excitedly in, waiting for Diego to sidle
in next to you before the bar came down and the wheel began to turn, taking you
“Oh, mother of God,” Diego cursed softly, hands grasping the
bar so tight his knuckles were sure to turn white.
You grinned and turned to look at him. It’d never been a
secret to the Hargreeves family that Diego was not exactly… a fan of
heights. For a mean, lean, killing machine, he certainly lacked a measure of
confidence in high buildings and rooftops. Of course, he’d had his fair share
of them, but that was always during work. He stayed away from anything high
when he had the option to remain on the ground.
The fair in 1963 Texas had been something noticed by you.
All the apocalyptic shit was inevitable, according to Five, and therefore you’d
asked your siblings to visit it with you, and after a decent amount of
persuading, you - and Klaus - managed to convince them.
If anyone were to ask each of the siblings, they would all
agree on the fact that this was definitely a distraction from the less happy
aspects of the lives you’d all been living recently. They were all notably
happier - even Five, who you often joked wouldn’t be able to smile to save his
life, had laughed more in the past couple hours than he had his entire life
(though a lot of that had been when he’d successfully aimed a pie at Luther’s
face in the stocks).
The ferris wheel had always been a favourite of yours, and
you’d been incredibly pleased to see that this one was bigger than most others
you’d ridden. You’d saved it for last, though you supposed Diego probably would
have appreciated getting it over and done with sooner rather than later.
You could hear the sound of the festivities below you grow
muffled as the wheel slowly turned. Your siblings looked happy enough in front
of you, each one talking with whoever they were sat next to - minus Klaus, who
you were sure was periodically singing songs from The Lion King - and you felt
a blissful peace wash over you.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”
Smiling, you looked innocently at him. “What’s wrong?”
Your brother was sat as far back as he could go with his
arms stuck out like branches and hands gripping the bar as though his life
depended on it. His eyes were squeezed shut. “We’re so freaking high,” he all
but gasped out.
You laughed. “It’s not that high.”
Glee was painted all over your face as you watched him crack one eye open in order to look down. He shut it immediately after,
desperately shaking his head. “No. Nope. We’re getting off at the next stop.”
“We are not!” you admonished.
He groaned, dipping his head, and you shuffled towards him,
leaning against his side and resting your head on his shoulder.
He stayed completely still, repeating I’m not going to
die like a mantra in his head.
The wheel continued to turn slowly, and it seemed like
forever before you reached the top. When you did, you were utterly amazed at
how high you were, but decided against letting Diego in on your wonder in case
he ended up vomiting on you.
You would not go through that again. Once was enough.
It was when the carriage jolted to a sudden halt that your
own eyes widened slightly and you grabbed Diego’s jacket.
He yelped a little. “What the hell was that?” he asked,
daring to open his eyes. When he saw that the both of you were, in fact, at the
very top of the ferris wheel, and not moving, he felt his heart skip a
“Why are we- why aren’t- aren’t… what…”
“Attention, passengers! The ferris wheel has stopped
momentarily as a result of some technical difficulties. Please remain calm and
still. We will get you moving again soon, so there is nothing to worry about!”
Diego very much disagreed.
Luther turned around in his seat, only a carriage below you.
He placed an arm on the top of its back and stared up at the both of you with
an impish grin. “How’re you holding up there, Diego?”
Diego opened his eyes long enough to glare at his brother so
hard the man physically flinched and turned back around again.
You snorted. “Come on, Di. You’re fine. It’s
just a ferris wheel.”
A gust of wind blew past you, making the carriage rock the
slightest bit, and Diego’s momentary thought that he might be able to
sit still and think about knives while you all waited for the wheel to start up again was immediately knocked off course. He vehemently shook his head
and began moving, looking up, around, and down, desperately reigning
in the nausea as he did so. “I’m climbing down,” he boldly stated.
Your face morphed into one of utter disbelief as you watched
him. “Diego, don’t be stupid.”
Diego pulled his legs up and under the bar to tuck against his
chest, turning to you with a stony face of concentration. “Oh, I’m not being
stupid. I’m being logical. If I climb down, then I won’t die up here.”
“So, you’re gonna leave me to my death?”
“If that’s what it comes to.” He gripped the side of the
carriage and you rolled your eyes. Honestly.
“Diego, you’ve gotta be normal, here, okay? We’re all
trying to be normal today.”
“CAAAAN YOU FEEEEL THE LOOOOVE TONIIIIGHT?”
He tilted his head and rose a brow in a clearly mocking way.
You bit your tongue. “Everyone except Klaus,” you swiftly corrected. Your
brother remained unperturbed and you made a noise of annoyance. “Diego!”
“Hey, what’s going on up there?” You peered down and saw
Allison staring up from her carriage.
“Diego’s being a child!” you called back.
Diego managed to take one hand from the safety of the bar to
slap you on the back of the head.
“Tell us something new!” Five shouted a moment later.
Vanya turned, resting her chin and forearms on the back of
her and Luther’s seats. She frowned when she saw the man looking as though he
were readying to leap down. “What’s he even doing?” she
You shook your head and crossed your arms over your chest. “He
wants to climb down.”
Luther snorted. “He’s afraid of sitting in a concealed
carriage at the top of the wheel, but climbing down from the top to the bottom,
with nothing to stop him from falling and dying, is perfectly fine?”
Diego stopped, the only movement being his blinking eyes as
he seemingly processed his brother’s words. After a short while, he slowly but
surely dropped his legs to the ground again and sat normally once more, jaw clearly
clenched and heart obviously racing a mile a minute. He shook his head at
Luther’s triumphant smirk. “You probably paid them off to stop the damn ride
when I got to the top,” he ground out.
Luther pursed his lips and rose his brows with a nod. “That’s
actually not a bad idea… remind me to do that the next time.”
“Ohoho, there won’t be a next time,” Diego assured
him. “I’m never getting on one of these motherfuckers again!”
“Stop whining,” Five’s voice could just about be
heard. “We can hear you all the way down here!”
“Yeah?” Diego yelled, much louder than he needed to be, and
definitely with a childish edge to his tone. “Well, maybe you should close your
“Woah, guys, guys!” Klaus interrupted, and when you averted
your eyes to him you snorted at the fact that he was stretched out across both of
the seats, head hanging out of the carriage – very illegally – and long legs limp at
the other end. You hated to think about where poor Ben had ended up. “Let’s all
calm down and sing a song!”
“We’re not singing Lion King, Klaus,” Allison told him.
“I’ll sing Lion King!” Luther said.
Vanya, Allison and Five turned to him immediately with a
defiant chorus of “no!” and he shot his hands up in surrender.
“The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round,
round and round; the wheels on the bus go round and round, all day long! Come
on, kids! Join in if you’re cool enough!” Klaus started clapping his hands, and
your siblings were quick to join in. Even Five, the moody grouch, was yelling
the words like the child you often wished he still was. Allison was swaying to
the side with each line, and Vanya and Luther had somehow made up some weird
dance routine to go with the words.
You looked at Diego, who was very much still holding on for
dear life, and a soft smile appeared on your lips. With your siblings distracted
for the moment, you shuffled up next to him again and looped your arm through
his, leaning your head against his shoulder. He relaxed the tiniest bit underneath
you and sighed. “This is the last time I let you coerce me into something like
this,” he said quietly.
“Really?” you asked. “I was gonna suggest we go to the top
of Lady Liberty next.”
Diego rolled his eyes. He tilted his head slightly and
rested the side of it on top of yours.
“The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep; the horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep, all day long!”
He frowned at the cacophony of voices coming from his
siblings, strangely already feeling his pounding heart die down a little. “Has
this song even been created yet?”
“I think so,” you told him. “Maybe this is how it was
created. By five adults screaming the words on a broken ferris wheel.”
Diego chuckled at that, and you allowed yourself a victorious
smile when the colour returned to his hands as he loosened their grips on the
“The people on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and
down; the people on the bus go up and down, all day long!”
If any of you had turned, you would have been greeted with
looks of utter confusion – and slight fright – on the faces of those behind
you, but none of you were bothered. And it was the first time none of you had
been bothered since the day you’d all ended up scattered across the years and
the state, utterly alone and at a loss for what to do. Now, however, it was clear
your siblings were thinking about anything other than the apocalypse. Even Five
seemed happier than he’d been in… well. Ever.
“The driver on the bus says ‘move on back, move on back,
move on back’; the driver on the bus says ‘move on back’, all day long!”
You chanced another look up at Diego and your smile grew when you
noticed his eyes flicking over the fair below. There was a hazed worry in those
eyes, and he was clearly still apprehensive, but it seemed he was at least a little less
on edge than before.
Which, really, wasn’t much, but it was at least an
“The mommies on the bus say ‘shush, shush, shush, shush,
shush, shush, shush, shush, shush’; the mommies on the bus say ‘shush, shush,
shush’, all day long!”
They finished the song with a round of applause and cheers, Luther
shouting “encore!” and Klaus all but standing on the seats as he bowed.
You leaned further into Diego as you laughed at your siblings antics, and he smiled warmly, despite the shake of his head and the middle finger when Luther blew him a kiss.
“And now,” Klaus bellowed, “for round dos!
Diiiiiiiego on the wheel goes puke, puke, puke, puke, puke, puke, puke, puke,
I really want a scene where the siblings go to a karaoke bar and they all sing bohemian rhapsody a song together, Klaus is really drunk and keeps wrapping his arms over everyone but is the only one to hit the high notes, Allison and Diego are more focused on dancing, though Diego is also really getting into singing, Ben is too because the only one who can hear his awful singing is pissed drunk so he doesn’t care, Vanya’s the only one to actually keep tempo since she’s the only one who knows anything about music, though its hard because Allison keeps grabbing her hand and making her dance and Vanya can’t help but dance with her, Luther is barely singing and Klaus keeps hanging out of him but he’s still having fun,
And Five is down at the bar watching his dumbass siblings with a smile scowl.