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gorgonashouse · 1 year

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Females And Autism / Aspergers: A Checklist

Lynda Lim Abstract Multiple FemalesLynda Lim "Multiple Females"

This list is meant as a springboard for discussion and more awareness into the female experience with autism.

By Samantha Craft

Females with Autism: An Unofficial List

Section A: Deep Thinkers

A deep thinker

A prolific writer drawn to poetry

*Highly intelligent

Sees things at multiple levels, including her own thinking processes

Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything, continually

Serious and matter-of-fact in nature

Doesn’t take things for granted

Doesn’t simplify

Everything is complex

Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out” (blank stare)

Section B: Innocent

Naïve

Honest

Experiences trouble with lying

Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty

Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation

Easily fooled and conned

Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed

Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet

Feelings of isolation

Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone

Section C: Escape and Friendship

Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action

Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects

Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming

Escapes through mental processing

Escapes through the rhythm of words

Philosophizes, continually

Had imaginary friends in youth

Imitates people on television or in movies

Treated friends as “pawns” in youth; e.g., friends were “students” “consumers” “members”

Makes friends with older or younger females more so than friends her age (often in young adulthood)

Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, attitude, interests, and manner (sometimes speech)

Obsessively collects and organizes objects

Mastered imitation

Escapes by playing the same music over and over

Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real)

Numbers bring ease (could be numbers associated with patterns, calculations, lists, time and/or personification)

Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging

Escapes into other rooms at parties

Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts

Everything has a purpose

Section D: Comorbid Attributes

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste) (might have Synthesia)

Generalized Anxiety

Sense of pending danger or doom

Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive)

Poor muscle tone, double-jointed, and/or lack in coordination (may have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and/or Hypotonia and/or POTS syndrome)

Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten

Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues

Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges

Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with a mental illness

Experiences multiple physical symptoms, perhaps labeled “hypochondriac”

Questions place in the world

Often drops small objects

Wonders who she is and what is expected of her

Searches for right and wrong

Since puberty has had bouts of depression (may have PMDD)

Flicks/rubs fingernails, picks scalp/skin, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, paces in circles, and/or clears throat often

Section E: Social Interaction

Friends have ended friendship suddenly (without female with AS understanding why) and/or difficult time making friends

Tendency to overshare

Spills intimate details to strangers

Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class

Little impulse control with speaking when younger

Monopolizes conversation at times

Brings subject back to self

Comes across at times as narcissistic and controlling (is not narcissistic)

Shares in order to reach out

Often sounds eager and over-zealous or apathetic and disinterested

Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside

Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly”

Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest or feasible new friendship

Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, body stance, and posture in conversation

Conversation are often exhausting

Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually

Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-filter

Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people

Visualizes and practices how she will act around others

Practices/rehearses in mind what she will say to another before entering the room

Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others

Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situation

Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, inappropriate, or different from others

As a child it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk

Finds norms of conversation confusing

Finds unwritten and unspoken rules difficult to grasp, remember, and apply

Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone

Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house but at the same time will often harbor guilt for “hibernating” and not doing “what everyone else is doing”

One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat (this can even be a familiar family member)

Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, but that doesn’t relieve the anxiety

Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar

Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up

All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about

She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event

OCD tendencies when it comes to concepts of time, being on time, tracking time, recording time, and managing time (could be carried over to money, as well)

Questions next steps and movements, continually

Sometimes feels as if she is on stage being watched and/or a sense of always having to act out the “right” steps, even when she is home alone

Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk (CBT) doesn’t typically alleviate anxiety. CBT may cause increased feelings of inadequacy.

Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind

Requires a large amount of down time or alone time

Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest

Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms

Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, and/or crowded theater

Section G: Sensitive

Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep

Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort

Dreams are anxiety-ridden, vivid, complex, and/or precognitive in nature

Highly intuitive to others’ feelings

Highly empathetic, sometimes to the point of confusion

Takes criticism to heart

Longs to be seen, heard, and understood

Questions if she is a “normal” person

Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions

At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words

Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily, if not hourly

Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work

Views many things as an extension of self

Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment

Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people

Collects or rescues animals (often in childhood)

Huge compassion for suffering (sometimes for inanimate objects/personification)

Sensitive to substances (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, medication, hormones, etc.)

Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action

Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person

Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts

Section H: Sense of Self

Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in

Imitates others without realizing it

Suppresses true wishes (often in young adulthood)

Exhibits codependent behaviors (often in young adulthood)

Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule

Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms

Feelings of extreme isolation

Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work

Switches preferences based on environment and other people

Switches behavior based on environment and other people

Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her

“Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later

Young sounding voice

Trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has occurrences of slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces)

Feels significantly younger on the inside than on the outside (perpetually twelve)

Section I: Confusion

Had a hard time learning that others are not always honest

Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable (self’s and others’)

Confuses appointment times, numbers, and/or dates

Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest

Spoke frankly and literally in youth

Jokes go over the head

Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray

Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme

Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike

Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her

Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity

Difficulty recognizing how extreme emotions (outrage, deep love) will affect her and challenges transferring what has been learned about emotions from one situation to the next

Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white

The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood (all or nothing mentality)

A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world

A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss

Section J: Words, Numbers, and Patterns

Likes to know word origins and/or origin of historical facts/root cause and foundation

Confused when there is more than one meaning (or spelling) to a word

High interest in songs and song lyrics

Notices patterns frequently

Remembers things in visual pictures

Remembers exact details about someone’s life

Has a remarkable memory for certain details

Writes or creates to relieve anxiety

Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words and/or numbers

Words and/or numbers bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship

(Optional) Executive Functioning & Motor Skills This area isn’t always as evident as other areas

Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship

Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome

New places offer their own set of challenges

Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic

The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety

Mundane tasks are avoided

Cleaning self and home may seem insurmountable

Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task

Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia and/or dysgraphia

A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming

Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class

Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are; not being able to locate something or thinking about locating something can cause feelings of intense anxiety (object permanence challenges), even with something as simple as opening an envelope

This unofficial checklist can be copied for therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, professors, teachers, and relatives, if Samantha Craft’s name and contact information remain on the print out. This list was created in 2012 and updated in May, 2016.

Samantha Craft

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and based on my experience after 12 years of researching about autism and being officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It is not meant to replace the DSM-V Autism Spectrum Disorder definition nor is this list meant to serve as an official diagnostic tool. Hundreds of women have used this list in conjunction with the DSM-IV or DSM-V and a professional mental health professional’s guidance. It is also based on 4.5 years of communicating almost daily with those that are diagnosed with autism and some that believe themselves to be on the spectrum. It is not all inclusive. Some will fit into categories and not be autistic/Asperian. This is meant as a springboard for discussion and more awareness into the female experience with autism.

This is an unofficial checklist created by an adult female with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) who has a son with Asperger’s Syndrome. Samantha Craft has a Masters Degree in Education. Samantha Craft does not hold a doctorate in Psychiatry or Psychology. She has a life-credential as a result of being a female with Asperger’s Syndrome and being a parent of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. She has created this list in an effort to assist health professionals in recognizing Asperger’s Syndrome in females—for in-depth information regarding females with AS refer to Craft’s book Everyday Aspergers.

#personal #autismo en mujeres #asperger femenino #autismo femenino #autistic girl #espectro autista #autista #samantha craft #mi maldita existencia entera

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whenitsdarkweilluminate · 2 years

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Stockholm 2016 – Grand Final

Host: Sweden Slogan: “Come Together” Participants: 42 Voting method: 12-point system (50/50 system - separated) Format: 2 Semi-Finals / Grand Final = the top 10 of semi 1 & 2 + the Big 5 + host Winner: Jamala - 1944 Country: Ukraine Points: 534 (54.3% of highest score possible) Language: English, Crimean Tatar General Overview: 2016 is usually regarded as the best Eurovision contest ever. I'd probably rate the 2012 songs slightly higher, but the hosting is outstanding. It's Swedish humour at its finest and the jokes don't feel forced. It's a 4-hour show, so we need entertaining filler segments. The presenters are, of course, Petra Mede (who also hosted 2013) and last year's winner Måns Zelmerlöw. They play off each other well. The Grand Final opening sequence isn't bloated like 2015 was. It starts with the artists preparing back stage. Then the Parade of Nations happens immediately, while a medley of Swedish House Mafia and Avicii songs are played. And that's it. We go straight to the host introductions after. The postcards begin and end with the dandelion logo. In between, the artists partake in various activities, as per usual. While the camera slowly zooms in on them as they pose looking serious. The country names are in a big, luminous white font. And then the camera looks down from the arena ceiling before each performance starts; alongside a whoosh/slam sound. The stage floor is shaped like the top half of a cross, featuring another platform in the audience. There's an entrance in the back that splits the LED screens into two piles of slanted, overlapping, horizontal ones on either side. The Green Room is in the audience as well. The interval is bloated though. First, there's a cool montage celebrating Swedish music from over the decades; including all 6 of their Eurovision winners. This country knows how to craft a catchy melody. Next, Justin Timberlake performs “Rocky Your Body” and “Can't Stop The Feeling!” But it feels weird to see a well-known American singer in Eurovision. It's never happened before (unless you count Celine Dion). At least the latter song was produced by Swedes (Max Martin and Shellback). But I'd rather see a Swedish artist perform. After that, we see a young Destiny Chukunyere as the most recent JESC winner. She will represent Malta in the adult version in 2020/21. Then it's the main event: “Love Love Peace Peace”! Where Petra and Måns disclose the formula to winning Eurovision. It includes several references to past entries, including a cameo from Alexander Rybak. It's a funny parody for sure. But that's not all! Lynda Woodruff returns from 2013 to mispronounce things again. The mockumentary from the semi-finals continues, showing how Sweden is obsessed with ESC. And Måns performs AGAIN. He sings “Fire in the Rain”, where they all roam on hoverboards, and a reprise of “Heroes” (with regular production this time). By this point I'm ready for the results.

2016 introduced a major change to the scoring: the jury and televote points are now calculated separately instead of combined. Which doubles the amount of available points. Sweden copied this format from Melodifestivalen. The new system generally favours countries that have imbalanced results in the two metrics. Previously, ranking 1st and 26th (which has happened) would net 0 points, but now that equates to 12 points. Which means everything is more spread out. Although the televote tends to be top-heavy. The biggest issue though, is how the EBU creates a fake score if a country can't produce a valid jury or televote. But it's all worth it for the increased suspense. I hated how they kept announcing the winners early in 2013-15. The finality feeling during the satellite calls is gone now. So how it works is: the spokespersons provide the jury result first, then the hosts reveal the televote afterwards. To reduce time, only the 12 points are said (instead of 8/10/12 previously). But it's clear that the EBU were new to this, since the hosts read off the #26-#11 televote points way too quickly. They also go in order of lowest to highest televote scores, when starting with the lowest jury vote is better. The progress bar during the jury scoring moves in the wrong direction too. Ultimately, Australia ran away with the jury vote, but the public preferred Ukraine. Otherwise, only THREE songs this year don't have any English lyrics at all. Belgium: Laura Tesoro - What's the Pressure The EBU sure loves to open the Grand Final with the SF2 closer. In fact, they're about to do it 3 years in a row. Czech Republic: Gabriela Gunčíková - I Stand They did this so dirty by putting it 2nd in the running order. 0 televote points?! Netherlands: Douwe Bob - Slow Down Azerbaijan: Samra - Miracle Hungary: Freddie - Pioneer Italy: Francesca Michielin - No Degree of Separation As of 2022, this and “La Mia Città” are the only Italian entries to miss the top 10 after their return. I blame the props. The staging looks tacky and the ripply visual effects are distracting. It goes for a garden paradise aesthetic, where Francesca stands next to a bunch of balloons and flowers... and 3D glasses. While the LED screen shows a tree and the floor resembles a pond. She also randomly grabs a fruit at the end. As for the song, it plays with the “6 degrees of separation” idea, by saying there's “0 degrees of separation” between Francesca and her lover. In other words, there's nothing standing between them. She explains how she was closed off, distant and cautious; how her mind overruled her heart. But she changed when she found love and didn't push it away. The instrumental starts minimal, where it sort of quivers and taps. The song's mood is like she's looking forward to her new life. The pre-chorus then swells up, as the percussion plops like raindrops, before the chorus fills the surroundings. The latter pushes in this choppy pattern like waves. The drums remain for the second verse, where her tone sounds like she's finished with her old self. She also switches to English for the second chorus. It's a nice melody, but the song isn't interesting enough to me. Side note: Stadio won Sanremo this year, but they declined, so the runner-up was selected instead. Israel: Hovi Star - Made of Stars Yeah, this is kinda boring. Bulgaria: Poli Genova - If Love Was a Crime Sweden: Frans - If I Were Sorry Sweden brings tropical house to Eurovision; which was a ubiquitous trend at the time thanks to artists like Kygo. The genre is based on establishing a chill mood. But “If I Were Sorry” is a watered down version of it. The song incorporates a series of minimal sounds, like holding bass notes, finger snaps, cracking echos, and tambourine bells. There's a lazy guitar that runs through it too. Meanwhile, the first pre-chorus and bridge break the energy, so the chorus can bring it back. The instrumental takes focus before the last chorus. And the song title is repeated frequently to maximize the hook-iness. Frans hesitates on the words “dance” and “enough” as well. But the song is kinda bland. What's worse is how Frans sings this with such a defensive and “holier than thou” attitude. He lists a bunch of extreme feats he'd do if he were sorry. He'd even do them again. But, as he states in the final line, he's not sorry. So he's saying this to prove a point: that he's a stand-up guy and his ex is at fault. The bridge turns spiteful too, where he calls out his ex's mistakes and lies. This bitterness turns me off. The chill production implies a celebratory and satisfied vibe as well, in the aftermath of this break-up. The staging is simple. Frans stands in front of an array of yellow lights that sometimes spell outs words. He also wears a smug smile and dances a little bit. This is the worst Swedish entry of the 2010s. This was the first Melfest final I watched live. Robin Bengtsson and Molly Sandén brought some bad pun titles, while Samir & Viktor's got shirtless. The runner-up, Oscar Zia's “Human”, would've made a better winner. Although my fave was Lisa Ajax's “My Heart Wants Me Dead”. Germany: Jamie-Lee - Ghost Another last place for Germany. Was it because of her outfit? The melody doesn't really go anywhere either. Sure, the “tell me who's scared now!” chorus hook leaps out. The backing highlights the “We don't need a lifetime...” part. And there's a “can we get an alternate ending” post-chorus. But these pieces don't do enough. The arrangement feels flat. Once the dense, ground-shaking, “boom-clap” drums take over, the instrumental remains stagnant. It only holds off for the transitions; like the synths before the chorus. The production is unfortunately similar to “Sound of Silence” as well. That said, the first verse establishes an eerie woods atmosphere. Then the pre-chorus adds some snaps and a ticking clock. There's an ominous, wispy wind throughout the song. In the lyrics, Jamie-Lee wants to start fresh with her ex; for them to rewrite their story and have an alternate ending. She feels there's no reason to wait. But the whole “this is the ghost of you / haunting the ghost of me” wording seems clunky. The performance begins with her standing as a silhouette against a full moon. While the stage incorporates a bunch of trees that beam green lasers for some reason. She also seems shy. Fun fact: this was actually Jamie-Lee's winner's single on The Voice in late 2015. France: Amir - J'ai cherché After four consecutive bottom 5 placements, France is back in the top 10! For the first time since 2009 too. No wonder, since that “YOU OU OU OU OU” hook that dominates the song is super catchy. Plus Amir brings an infectious smile, confidence, and personable stage presence. In the song, he reflects on his journey of looking for a meaning to life; through his trials and tribulations, failed relationships and drinking. He eventfully found it with his current lover. And he compares this arduous search to the difficulties of finding a perfect melody. In the bridge, he says that you won't find love if you give up. Musically, the song channels the pop-folk trend of the time. The verses follow an acoustic guitar, alongside sporadic, impatient piano slams. Then the pre-chorus introduces the clacking/clapping rhythm that rapidly bounces and bobs up-and-down. Which continues into the chorus, where the strings relax the tension. It's an energetic and excitable chorus. The second verse adds some tapping. While the second chorus drops down for a moment. Otherwise, the verses are in French and the chorus is in English. And the staging is simplistic. Amir performs alone, while celestial objects fly past on the screens. The floor also shows a galaxy of stars zooming beneath him at one point, and a moon later on. France is on the right track with this, but it's still missing something. Poland: Michał Szpak - Color of Your Life Australia: Dami Im - Sound of Silence The very last spot of the 1st half both times lol. Cyprus: Minus One - Alter Ego Serbia: Sanja Vučić ZAA - Goodbye (Shelter) Lithuania: Donny Montell - I've Been Waiting for This Night Croatia: Nina Kraljić - Lighthouse Yeah, this is kinda annoying. Russia: Sergey Lazarev - You Are the Only One Spain: Barei - Say Yay! Robbed. The “death drop” works much better here than the awkward silence in “Slow Down”. That's when Barei collapses as the music and lights turn off, then she breathes and gets back up. The next verse says to keep going in life even when it knocks you down, so it fits the message. The song is basically a pep talk. Barei wears a silver sports jersey. She greets us with a “hello hello”. She says the future is long and uncertain, so live for today. And she resists the urge to run away through the repetition of “running, running, running”. She also runs on the spot. The song opens with an intense piano note as the camera flies in. The first verse sticks to that serious piano, as Barei raises her voice. Then there's an extended build-up across two pre-choruses. She pumps herself up in the first one, and pumps us up in the second. The former is the “I FEEL ALIVE” + backing responses + finger snapping part. While the latter sees the piano jump out of its seat, eager to dance. And it's further elevated by disco strings. The song peaks in the dance breakdown that follows, featuring some “HURRAY” and “SAY YAY YAY YAY” shouts, as Barei shakes her knees. The second verse then uses lively piano and drums. And there's a mirrored split screen at the end. It's an energizing, dance-able, hook-filled song. It uses an effective escalation. And Barei gives a empathetic and caring tone. She wants us to be happy. My one complaint is that this is the only Spanish entry to not have any Spanish lyrics. Latvia: Justs - Heartbeat Back in 2016, this was the song that grew on me the most after the Grand Final. Ukraine: Jamala - 1944 (winner review below) Malta: Ira Losco - Walk on Water Georgia: Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz - Midnight Gold Austria: Zoë - Loin d'ici United Kingdom: Joe and Jake - You're Not Alone Another flop for the UK. Although I'm glad they steered away from internal selections this time. So Joe and Jake competed on the same season of The Voice UK and became a duo afterwards. The song sounds like something from One Direction's earlier albums. In the song, the duo offers themselves up as an ideal boyfriend, because this person makes them come alive. Which sounds selfish but there's an endearing quality to this. They say it in a way that sounds sweet and well-intentioned. They promise to be there for this person. To make them feel less alone. Meanwhile, the LED screen shows an array of faces to exemplifying a message of togetherness. Those faces jump along to the beat towards the end too. The song opens with some piano pings, but the instrumental is mainly pop-rock, with guitars and staggering drums. Those drums pull back during the first chorus, and return midway through it. While the bridge offers a soft moment. The composition and lyricism seems amateur though. And the “Know oh uh oh” and “I, I, I” hooks feel deliberately shoehorned in. But the duo's friendly stage presence and smiles make it better. The staging lighting is decent too. Armenia: Iveta Mukuchyan - LoveWave This doesn't really work as a closer. The Winner: Ukraine achieves their second victory, with a gap of just 23 points. Which is the closest top 2 since... Ukraine won the first time in 2004. Furthermore, “1944” is the first winner since “Molitva” in 2007 to include lyrics that aren't in English, albeit partially. So it's nice to see the recent trend of landslides and 100% English language champions be broken here. This felt like an underdog victory too. Ukraine were #3 in the final odds, and lower before that. They didn't win the jury or the televote... or the semi-final for that matter. But they still found a way to the top. Apparently Australia would've won under the 2013-2015 rules too. I didn't see it coming at the time either but I was pleasantly surprised when it happened. The song is about the 1944 deportation and genocide of the Crimean Tatars under the Stalin regime during WWII. It was inspired by Jamala's great-grandmother. There's probably a subtext of how the Russian occupation of 2014 brought back this trauma too. And it's only become more poignant in 2022. The opening verse sets the scene: imagine strangers invading your house, killing those you love, and then claiming they're justified in doing so. It sounds horrifying. Jamala, meanwhile, looks terrified to walk forward on stage and on the verge of tears. But she's being courageous at the same time. She doesn't beat around the bush with this – she confronts the injustice directly, using phrases like: “but everyone dies”. She also holds rosary beads during the performance; praying for this to end. The chorus is the section of the song not in English. It's from a Crimean Tatar folk song, about how she couldn't spend her youth there because the land was taken away. She repeats the same two lines in a self-meditative way. Or like an echo across the peninsula. Jamala sways around when she sings it too. In the second verse, she sounds more outraged, as she yearns for a free future. While the second “but everyone dies” line is said with derision, as the backing reinforces it. Jamala gives a very emotionally real performance here. She embodies exactly what this type of suffering feels like. It all reaches a breaking point just before the final chorus; which is the best part of this song – it's where Jamala looks up to heaven and lets out a scream that sends shivers down my spine, as a tree made of fire sprouts from her feet and onto the screen behind her. She lets out another shriek at the end too. The staging is perfect. “1944” doesn't need anything extravagant. The dark setting, the water cube at the start, the emanating fire patterns, the red cracks and flickering light beams in the second verse, and the aforementioned fire tree are enough. Musically, the song is dark and ominous. It opens with the traditional duduk instrument. After that, there's distressing, radiating bass notes, wooden clacking, and this scratching shaker sound. While the main percussion rhythm starts in the first chorus. There's a whimper after “our time”. The chorus includes faint wobbles. And the beat pauses before the big scream, allowing the pain to overwhelm her in solitude. While the final chorus is elevated by orchestral strings. It's a unique and intriguing production that captures the plight of the Crimean Tatars. It has a bleak atmosphere, but still shows signs of life. It paints the image of a displaced, homeless group of people crowded together. Verdict: “A” Tier. It's underrated, even by me at times. My Ranking: Grand Final: 01. Bulgaria: Poli Genova - If Love Was a Crime 02. Ukraine: Jamala - 1944 03. Armenia: Iveta Mukuchyan - LoveWave 04. Czech Republic: Gabriela Gunčíková - I Stand 05. Latvia: Justs - Heartbeat 06. Spain: Barei - Say Yay! 07. Belgium: Laura Tesoro - What's the Pressure 08. Serbia: Sanja Vučić ZAA - Goodbye (Shelter) 09. Australia: Dami Im - Sound of Silence 10. Austria: Zoë - Loin d'ici 11. Hungary: Freddie - Pioneer 12. Lithuania: Donny Montell - I've Been Waiting for This Night 13. Russia: Sergey Lazarev - You Are the Only One 14. France: Amir - J'ai cherché 15. Cyprus: Minus One - Alter Ego 16. Malta: Ira Losco - Walk on Water 17. Netherlands: Douwe Bob - Slow Down 18. United Kingdom: Joe and Jake - You're Not Alone 19. Israel: Hovi Star - Made of Stars 20. Azerbaijan: Samra - Miracle 21. Italy: Francesca Michielin - No Degree of Separation 22. Germany: Jamie-Lee - Ghost 23. Croatia: Nina Kraljić - Lighthouse 24. Georgia: Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz - Midnight Gold 25. Sweden: Frans - If I Were Sorry 26. Poland: Michał Szpak - Color of Your Life Full Ranking: 01. Bulgaria: Poli Genova - If Love Was a Crime 02. Ukraine: Jamala - 1944 03. Iceland: Greta Salóme - Hear Them Calling 04. Armenia: Iveta Mukuchyan - LoveWave 05. Czech Republic: Gabriela Gunčíková - I Stand 06. Latvia: Justs - Heartbeat 07. Spain: Barei - Say Yay! 08. Belgium: Laura Tesoro - What's the Pressure 09. Serbia: Sanja Vučić ZAA - Goodbye (Shelter) 10. Australia: Dami Im - Sound of Silence 11. Austria: Zoë - Loin d'ici 12. Hungary: Freddie - Pioneer 13. Lithuania: Donny Montell - I've Been Waiting for This Night 14. Russia: Sergey Lazarev - You Are the Only One 15. Bosnia & Herzegovina: Dalal and Deen feat. Ana Rucner and Jala - Ljubav je 16. France: Amir - J'ai cherché 17. Cyprus: Minus One - Alter Ego 18. Estonia: Jüri Pootsmann - Play 19. Albania: Eneda Tarifa - Fairytale 20. Malta: Ira Losco - Walk on Water 21. Belarus: Ivan - Help You Fly 22. Netherlands: Douwe Bob - Slow Down 23. Norway: Agnete - Icebreaker 24. Finland: Sandhja - Sing It Away 25. United Kingdom: Joe and Jake - You're Not Alone 26. Israel: Hovi Star - Made of Stars 27. Azerbaijan: Samra - Miracle 28. Italy: Francesca Michielin - No Degree of Separation 29. Moldova: Lidia Isac - Falling Stars 30. Germany: Jamie-Lee - Ghost 31. Slovenia: ManuElla - Blue and Red 32. F.Y.R. Macedonia: Kaliopi - Dona 33. Denmark: Lighthouse X - Soldiers of Love 34. Croatia: Nina Kraljić - Lighthouse 35. Georgia: Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz - Midnight Gold 36. Sweden: Frans - If I Were Sorry 37. Ireland: Nicky Byrne - Sunlight 38. Greece: Argo - Utopian Land 39. Poland: Michał Szpak - Color of Your Life 40. San Marino: Serhat - I Didn't Know 41. Switzerland: Rykka - The Last of Our Kind 42. Montenegro: Highway - The Real Thing “S” Tier: “Euphoria”, “Fairytale”, “My Number One” “A” Tier: “Every Way That I Can”, “Only Teardrops”, “Wild Dances”, “Rise Like a Phoenix”, “1944”, “Hard Rock Hallelujah”, “Satellite” “B” Tier: “Molitva”, “Heroes” “C” Tier: “Fly On The Wings Of Love”, “I Wanna” “D” Tier: “Everybody”, “Believe”, “Running Scared” “F” Tier: none!

#Eurovision 2016 #eurovision review #eurovision song contest

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lesbiancouplescounseling · 1 year

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When It Comes To Valentine’s Day, Lesbians Do It Better

If you want to know what to do for your wife, girlfriend, female partner on the day dedicated to LOVE, ask a lesbian.

Valentine’s Day can be polarizing: either people are totally into it or they roll their eyes at the mere thought of it. The over-marketed Holiday of Love usually smacks of stale heteronormative traditions, ideas, and prescribed behavior which can be intimidating for young LGBTQ couples who want to celebrate their partnerships loud and proud but do so in a manner that is unique to them and their relationship. Enter, lesbians. Lesbians are known for having overwhelming emotions and displaying them at any given moment. And when it comes to showing their partner how much they love them there’s no holding back such a display. But how they do it is what sets them apart especially when it comes to a holiday typically geared towards heterosexual couples. So, how do they do it? Two words: Connection and communication.

Dr. Lynda Spann, founder, and Chief Therapist at the Lesbian Couples Institute has a history of guiding couples on a journey back to love and has helped them take their relationships from stale and disconnected to joyful and thriving. For over twenty years, Dr. Spann has helped nearly 600 couples reconnect and find the joy and passion that was missing from their relationship. Having helped different sex (or straight couples) as well as couples in the LGBTQ community, she has noticed a common thread: connection and communication were the two topics these couples had the most difficulty with. The difference she saw though, was that LGBTQ couples had a much easier time opening up and doing the work to improve these things. Dr. Spann attributes this to the fact that the LGBTQ community, having been discriminated against and often unaccepted by family and friends, sees their romantic relationships as an opportunity to experience unconditional love with another person and finally feel seen and accepted. So, what can straight couples learn from their LGBTQ counterparts?

Dr. Spann provides a list of ideas straight from the “Lesbian Handbook” that encourages couples to think outside the heart-shaped box of chocolates and craft an experience that will infuse their relationship with laughter, affection, joy, creative energy, and pleasure. She bemusedly refers to this February 14th as a “red hot chance for reconnection.”

Here are her five Valentine’s Day ideas to spark creativity and romance:

PLAY MASSEUSE:

Give each other full-body massages. Maybe even with happy endings! Go all out and get some good massage oil. Heat up some river rocks in a roasting pan to put on your partner’s back, light a few candles, and play instrumental background music to set the tone. Make it extra sweet and trace cute messages on your loved one’s back and have them guess what you wrote. This is a great way to deepen your connection beyond just the physical.

CAMP-OUT IN YOUR LIVING ROOM:

One of the things lesbians are known for is creating intimacy in everyday moments. You don’t have to set up an elaborate (or expensive) display to woo your sweetheart. Build a cozy fort in front of your fireplace. Stuff it with yoga mats, pillows, a book of poetry, and a lantern. String up some lights from your box of holiday decorations to add to the mood. Make some hot cocoa (with or without Baileys) to sip and make smores in the fireplace. Tell campfire stories, sing songs from your past, and read poems to each other. Giggle and cuddle in your cozy, comfy fort.

DO A SELFIE COUPLES SHOOT:

Lesbians are the Queens of selfies but it’s not because they’re vain. They love showing off their partner! It feels good knowing your partner wants photos of you that they can look at any time to remind them of how amazing you are. Take a ridiculous amount of couple selfies. Let yourself pose in ways that are silly, sexy, sultry, sophisticated, and spastic. Gather interesting props, outfits, or none. Just have fun. Make an agreement ahead of time about who will get to see these pics. And how you’ll decide to share them on social media.

CREATE A WINE AND CHEESE PAIRING CLASS FOR TWO

Gather several kinds of cheese, making sure that a few are new to you. Take it a step further by writing down how each cheese represents an aspect of love. For example, Parmesan to withstand the rigors of life. Brie could be associated with the feeling of being in love because it melts all over when warmed. Add a description of how your partner matches each sentiment. Include a variety of wine to sip with the cheese. (Extra points if you remember her favorites.) Create a rating sheet with each cheese. Write out the flavors you taste in the cheese and wine. Rate each on a scale of 1 to 10. And pick your favorite pairing.

COOK A FANCY DINNER TOGETHER

Alone in the house and feeling really brave? Cook with nothing but your aprons on. With or without clothes, treat yourself to whatever culinary finery that you’ve been craving. Anything you cook at home will be less expensive than dinner out. Find a recipe or two in your favorite cookbook or online. Crank up your favorite playlist, sip a cocktail or mocktail, feed your partner tastes as you go, dance a little while the meal finishes cooking. Set a beautiful table with linens if you like, a flower vase, and candles. Dim the lights, sit across from each other so you can gaze into each other’s eyes, chatter like you’re on your 4th date, play a fun questions game, and enjoy your delicious dinner. Most importantly, use this time to truly be present and connected with your partner. No phones, no discussion about work or bills, and all the things in everyday life that make you stressed. Set those thoughts aside and focus on each other.

According to Dr. Spann, “no matter what your opinion of Valentine’s Day is, this holiday is a platinum opportunity for couples to be completely unapologetic in how they show each other how special they are to one another.” It is her hope that this year we are able to show the ones we love how we truly feel and allow ourselves to remember why we fell in love and rekindle the spark all over again.

If you need more help, call me for an appointment.

#valentine's day #lesbian couples counseling #lesbian relationship #lesbian couples therapy

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blue-girl-poems-and-photos · 3 years

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On the Hook: Christmas Present Reveal!

Finally I can show you what secret things I was making for about half the year! Back in July, when I finished my Pandemonium Blanket, I was kind of in between projects. I started the Baby Pandemonium when that came out, and I’d made a Pandemonium inspired cushion, but wasn’t totally invested yet. Then I had a bright idea… I’ll make blankets for my family for Christmas! Never mind that the…

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#Christmas #christmas crochet #crochet #crochet everyday #crochet gifts #crochet is my therapy #gifts #Happy #lyndas craft room #not secret anymore!#pandemonium #pandemonium blanket #reveal #secret crochet #the wee house of crochet

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asandersarts102-03 · 3 years

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ARTS102 Reflection and Readings

Reading 1- Chapters 1&2

Chapter 1 begins with interviews from several well renowned graphic designers, asking their opinions on modern iterations of graphic design and inquiring upon their creative processes. Micheal Bierut describes his time working under Massimo Vigneli and later his time at Pentagram, also commenting on his personal strengths, weaknesses, and qualities he seeks in a client. Stephen Doyle speaks about his experiences running his own small studio and what he seeks in an employee. Stefan Sagmeister tells of his unconventional designs and similarly small studio practice. World War Two survivor Arnold Schwartzman explains to the interviewer his assorted titles in addition to graphic designer, as well as his view on how the craft has changed in his 6 decade career. Finally, Gail Anderson answers questions regarding the industry shift to largely digital mediums, her personal typographic style, and what she looks for in a designer. All of these interviews provide the reader with an insight into different parts of the graphic design industry, showing a variety of ways in which others have found success within it.

Chapter 2 takes on how to approach a career in graphic design, whether that be running a studio or working for one. It also incorporates many more interviews with distinguished figures in the field. To name a few, designer Lynda Decker details her experience starting her own business while also expressing her relief to be free from the older, more analog methods of graphic design in a world reliant on technology and the importance of diversity in the studio. Former designer for Kate Spade Allison Henry Aver similarly tells about her first experience at a firm, and later her expansive creative and technological endeavors for Kate Spade Saturday. Romain Rachlin works with a group of colleagues at a design agency in Paris. Their approach to graphic design is refined, minimalist, and aims to act as a dialogue. Alexander Isley is another studio owner whose work is centralized around comedic effect. Working as a duo, Jennifer Kinon and Bobby Martin created their own design business that pushes for the best and most outgoing work possible. All these graphic designers made their way in the industry, whether through being hired at a design firm or organically creating their own studio. This allows a reader interested in the graphic design field real world examples of how to be successful after graduation. The text also includes input from those interviewed as to what qualities they personally look for in an employee or partner, which proves useful for any up and coming designer. This chapter overall provides more personal anecdotes regarding the graphic design industry and ways in which any aspiring creator anxious about entering the field can be successful themselves.

Project 1 Reflection

During our first two weeks of class, I have encountered a variety of challenges and new experiences in the world of graphic design. The first project assigned required me to use a completely new program (that being photoshop) to create images from auditory “snippets” from everyday life. I drew inspiration from music I had been listening to and conversations I had overheard. My first Snippet is what I consider the most successful. The perspective photos I took of fridge magnets translated fairly well into the perspective image of a fridge I selected. Creating shadows for the letters proved challenging, but after many YouTube tutorials and observations of real life shadow castings, I reached an outcome that looked similar to what I observed from life. My second Snippet was the one I was less satisfied with. I feel I used most of my creative energy on the first design, which is a hurdle I run into often. Hand writing the background text on a drawing tablet made the outcome a little more messy than intended, so in the future I will likely experiment with different text options within InDesign or another program. One aspect I did feel successful with was my use of layers in tracing the shoes for emphasis. In addition, incorporating the toes of the shoes as an outline for eyes was a design I really enjoyed. Overall, this project was a productive start to this course for me personally, introducing me to new skills and design methods while leaving an abundance of room to grow.

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ericacrochets · 4 years

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Knitcraft Advent CAL by The Wee House of Crochet and Lyndas Craft Room

Free Crochet Patterns Here

#free #free crochet pattern #crochet #crochet pattern #amigurumi

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level99games · 4 years

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Five Top 4's

I was asked by a friend to share some of my favorite media, so this post is a list of my personal favorite Books, Video Games, Board Games, Movies, and etc. Perhaps this will give you some insight into my creative tendencies, or perhaps it will just be a good opportunity for you to comment and agree/disagree/discuss with me!

Originally this was going to be a top 5 list, but I found myself with 4 obvious answers, and struggling to name a fifth in each category. So I just made it top 4—if it didn’t come to mind immediately, then it doesn’t really deserve that recognition, after all. Without further ado, here goes!

Top 4 Books

Rumo & His Miraculous Adventures - I love all of Walter Moers’ books, and if you haven’t read this author’s work before, you’re really missing out. The Zamonia series builds a wonderland-like world where whimsical species live in harmony with one another.

Good to Great - My favorite business manual. Good to Great showcases what specific elements of leadership, discipline, focus, and culture contribute to success. It’s something I’ve worked tirelessly to replicate in the offices of Level 99 Games.

The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius - One of the most influential philosophy books for me, the Meditations is a classic that instructs the reader in a calm, measured approach to life and its challenges. Much of the book deals with overcoming fear and the internal challenges that are formative to us all in growing up.

Blazing Aces: A Fistful of Family Card Games - Perhaps the best game-related book I own. Reiner Knizia turns a standard deck of playing cards on its head and uses it to play 15 stunningly original games, all based around the evaluation of Poker hands. If you want to see a real master of the game design genre at work, this is the book to get.

Top 4 Board Games

Libertalia - This game is an incredible feat of design, and it combines the simultaneous selection of games like BattleCON and Exceed with a clean resolution system and mechanics that make it appropriate for up to 6 players. The style of the game is excellent, and the mechanics lead to interesting, loaded choices every single turn. This is one game I always want to show my friends, and its something that I would recommend to players of any skill level.

Magical Athlete - Magical Athlete is not at all what we would define as a “modern” game. However, I never fail to have fun with friends when I pull this out and bring it to the table. I keep a copy in the office to remind myself that it’s important not to get too caught up on high-concept mechanics and high-budget art—all this is merely in service to fun, which can be achieved just as easily with simple mechanics and whimsical gameplay.

Dominion - Dominion is one of the most influential board games on my own personal style, and is the game that, to me, signals the temporal and stylistic break between the classic hobby games and modern ones. The incredible amount of modular content generated by shifting setups inspired the many variables present in games like BattleCON and Exceed.

Unlock Adventures - Evocative and interesting without being overwrought, Space Cowboy’s Unlock Adventure series is just the right size for a game you can only play once. I’ve got the whole collection, and eagerly watch for any new ones that drop. I love playing these with my wife and with friends, and they take only a few minutes to teach with the built-in tutorial.

Top 4 Music Artists

Scooter - Spotify tells me that Scooter is my most-listened-to artist of 2019, and a few past years to. I really enjoy the personality and character of these tracks—a Scooter album is always a bit more than an ordinary techno/trance album.

Masterplan - Classic Power Metal. I enjoy their work just a little bit better than Symphony X, Jag Panzer, and Helloween. The characters presented in the songs are a bit more interesting, and songs have a kind of progression of story that you don’t see in a lot of other outfits.

Avantasia - I’m a huge fan of Tobias Sammet’s Edguy, which is more of a traditional Power Metal outfit. Avantasia’s tunes are more orchestral and fall squarely into the Fantasy Metal genre. I love the long epics such as “Raven Child” and “The Scarecrow.”

Electric Six - Electric Six is somewhere between comedy and irony. I enjoy the catchy lyrics and tunes, with some tracks being quite nuanced, others being pure nonsense, and some simply self-aware schlock peddled for laughs.

Top 4 Video Games

Legend of Mana - A game that I’ve idolized since I first played it nearly two decades ago. There’s so much happening in this game, and so many different systems—magic, crafting, golem making, farming, music—that all feel like they fit seamlessly into the universe. On top of that, I love the world with its fantastic races. Far more than a typical “fantasy world” with a bunch of human-like peoples, Legend of Mana presents a wonderland of mythological creatures, animated objects, and talking animals as its cast.

Crono Trigger - While many games have come after it, Crono Trigger still holds a special place. It takes an incredible feat of writing to make such a well-interlaced and cohesive series of parallel worlds. I still hum the tunes from its soundtrack to this day, and the game’s most memorable moments have inspired hundreds of later games. I also enjoyed Crono Cross. I don’t care what you think.

Atelier Escha & Logy: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky - I’ve played a large number of the games in the Atelier series. I love the aesthetics of it, and I really enjoy the puzzle of making items. I’m one of those people who plays an MMO just for the gathering and crafting systems. If you’re anything like me, you’ll likely enjoy this series. Escha & Logy has a great balance of combat and crafting, and is an excellent entry point to the series.

Danganronpa - Say what you like about it, this dark, closed-room mystery series defines the visual novel genre for me. Danganronpa’s cast and situations are wild, but it really draws you in. It has a great pacing and character development that will make you love or hate every member of the cast individually, and the mysteries always take a surprising turn.

Top 4 Movies

The Lighthouse - My favorite film of 2019. Masterful film work and character acting make this CGI-free Black & White picture a modern masterpiece of suspenseful storytelling. The Lighthouse establishes Robert Eggers as the true modern successor to Hitchcock.

Wild Tales - It’s impossible to sum up this movie in just a short paragraph, so go watch it instead. This is a vignette film about revenge and human emotion, and the lengths we will go to settle the score against perceived injustice. It’s also just fun.

The Rocketeer - Between a beautiful soundtrack, high adventure in the early age of aviation, and memorable villains, there’s a lot to love in this classic. Even more than Indiana Jones, I consider this to be the quintessential pulp-action film.

Tampopo - A classic Japanese film that remains interesting time and again. Like Wild Tales, this is a vignette film consisting of several interlaced stories about our relationship with food and with each other, all tied together by a central thread.

Anyway, there’s my list! If you have checked out any of my favorites, or if you check them out due to reading about them on this list, please leave a comment and let me know! I’m curious to hear your opinions as well!

About the Author

D. Brad Talton Jr. is the President of Level 99 Games, as well as the designer of BattleCON, Millennium Blades, Pixel Tactics, Exceed, and many more games. He lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico, with his wife Lynda and daughter Kathryn.

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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 5 years

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In My Mind x 04

*Re-uploading because I've edited these to flow a little bit better. Thank you for your patience!

All the things one has forgotten

scream for help in dreams.

~Elias Canetti

---

“So your plan is to use humiliation as a tool for blackmail? Uh uh, no.”

His eyebrows arch in challenge.

“I said no!”

You stare at Erik from your position on his couch and shake your head. His place is beautiful and spacious, the top floor of some building. If you had this, you’d be ecstatic. However, you can’t really enjoy the aesthetics as you’re exhausted from the back and forth of fussing with this guy. You’ve been going toe to toe with him over the same issue for the past twenty minutes and he is not taking no for an answer.

“You ain’t gotta do anything that’s gonna cloud ya innocence, you just gotta ride with me and try to focus in on him, that’s it. Then just tell me what you see.”

“For WHAT?”

He swore he was slick, but for what good purpose could he want to invade the privacy of someone else’s dreams?

“Nia, do you know what this muhfucka does all day? He kills niggas for a fuckin PAYCHECK! He’s the police chief and I’m bout sick of this shit happening to our people, ain’t you? Or do your MORALS detract from your compassion?”

Guilt. That’s his tactic.

“Don’t try to manipulate me into being your weapon. That’s not fair and you know it.”

“Babygirl, LIFE ain’t fair. It’s SHIT! Because the people who could do shit to help it, don’t do shit.”

That’s you apparently. Somehow this is becoming your fault.

“It’s not like I’m a kill him, I’m just gone give him some initiative to leave our people alone. I’m keeping the streets safe, something we both know people like him don’t give a damn about.”

His finger lifts your chin and his eyes are full of sincerity. You pull your face away from his hand. He’s sincere in his passion, but not his intentions, you can feel it.. an intense bloodlust.

“Nigga, I’m not dumb. You’re gonna kill him and then you’re gonna try and justify it saying he deserved it.. and he probably does! But what happens after that? You get another one in his place and this continues.”

“You ain’t sayin shit I don’t know. I told you, we just gone shake him up a bit. Wouldn’t you want someone to step in for you and yours?”

You eye him. It’s really late and you’re tired, but you know you can’t complain. This is a man who hardly sleeps because he’s seen too much to keep his eyes closed.. literally and figuratively.

“What’s the use of having power if you don’t use it to benefit your people?”

Ol’ super woke ass.

“I’ll make you a deal,” you say and he’s all ears. “I’ll try it. IF.. we go to sleep tonight and you actually sleep.”

Hesitantly, he takes your hand and guides you into his bedroom. Now it’s your turn to look about. The room is dark and masculine like you expected. It's fairly impersonal. There are no real personal touches. Other than a-

“Hey, that’s the journal from your dream,” you point out the worn leather journal on the nightstand. In his dream it was full of symbols that he seemed to understand. The journal obviously held strong purpose and direction for him.

He looks from the journal to you and collects it smoothly, moving it away from you. He doesn’t want you near it. Pressing your lips in a tight line you follow him with your eyes as he exits the room reappearing without the journal.

“You’re aware I’ve already seen some of what’s in there, I just can’t read it,” you deadpan. He pulls his shirt off and there are the little marks he showed you some of before. You knew you’d felt stabbing over your entire torso and now, bit by bit, you're beginning to understand what these marks really represent.

You walk back to the living room space to give him some privacy. He looked like he was ready to strip on the spot whether you stayed or left, gathering his things to shower. A minute later you hear another door close. So a minute or so after that, you determine that he must actually be in the shower. Time to explore. Popping your head back in his bedroom, he's gone. You don’t know where he put that journal so you can’t sneak and look at it.

Back in the living room you quickly walk through noting the dark paneled walls with white accents matching the dark floor, broken up by floor to ceiling glass windows. The glass is thick, you can tell. The outside sky, black. Very dark and semi-gloomy, befitting of a villain’s lair. This is the penthouse.

The living room looks like it can seat twenty with its large white couches and arm chairs. The open kitchen maintains the black theme with its wall of black drawers and trap doors hiding appliances. There's the black island with black bar stools.. liquor in sight. It’s all impersonal, yet sleek.

The only character you can see is in the traditional African masks crafted in wood or iron and the paintings alternating and strategically lining the walls that aren’t black panels.

Then there’s the bookcase and the game system. You go to the bookcase. There's The New Jim Crow. Assata. Emmett Till. Mechanical Engineering. Xhosa, Russian, and German dictionaries. Taxes and financial literacy, law books.. steep, pretty steep. Picking up the Xhosa dictionary you flip through it. The symbols match what you saw in the journal and you decide that if you ever get the chance, you’re decoding that worn out journal. You put the dictionary back like you found it and walk further into his home. He has a ridiculous amount of space.. and money aparently.

Your sixth sense tingles and you dash silently back to the living room, making sure to breathe and act normal. A few minutes later Erik rounds the corner waving you back towards him. You follow him back into the bedroom and he hands you a t-shirt.

“Shower’s all yours. Sleep in this, we’ll get you some clothes tomorrow.”

—

The steaming cascade was restorative. You silently rejoiced under the stream. Many people underestimate the wonders of a hot waterfall and privacy, but not you. You were thankful. The bathroom was so large it could’ve been a spa room or a multi-stalled toilet. You towel off and put the t-shirt on. It goes just past your butt, modest enough if you don’t bend over. Your energy saps you all of a sudden and you double over on the sink feeling your exhaustion. You just want to sleep.

You walk back to the bedroom and Erik is in the bed, eyes closed. No wonder. It’s partially your own exhaustion and partially the pull.

You slide underneath the comforter and top sheet fighting the urge to cuddle him for your own comfort. Your arms feel empty and wanting. You turn your back to him to counteract that feeling and slip under a veil of p i t c h b l a c k...

Ghanaian ceremonial mask used for religious and mythical purposes. Benin mask of Queen Mother Idia. She has a beaded headress and her scarification is like yours, something these white people will never understand but like to pretend they’re the experts on. So, how is it they ended up with OUR shit? The FUCKIN British Empire. And here go this pilgrim looking broad, like clockwork. Drink up, bitch.

“Good morning! How can I help you?”

Fake ass. You been watching me like this shit ain’t all encased in glass. If I were a normal citizen how would I get into the shit, Karen?

“I’m just checking out the artifacts.. They tell me you’re the expert.”

“You could say that.”

Uhuh, that coffee real good ain’t it, Susan?

“They’re beautiful.. Where’s this one from?" Of course, she answers. Knowing every fuckin thing. "Forreal?” You stall her.

Dumbass.

“And what about this one?… Now, tell me about this one.”

“Also from Benin, 7th century. Fula tribe, I believe.”

You 'believe'... Time to end this.

“Nah. It was taken by British soldiers in Benin, but it’s from Wakanda.. and it’s made of vibranium.”

THERE'S the realization in her eyes. Too late though. You fight a smile, but it wins.

“Don’t worry, I’m a take it off your hands.”

“These items aren’t for sale!”

The damn irony. All this knowledge of history and she ignores the fact that they NEVER were for sale.

“How you think your ancestors got these? You think they paid a fair price? Or did they take it like they took everything else? You got all this security watching me since I came in, but you not checking for what you put in your body… CALL A DOCTOR!”

Her body drops to the ground and a team of men in yellow reflective gear charge in. Gunshots and more useless bodies hit the floor. This is what you’ve been waiting for. One shooter, a white man with a grey bald fade and tattoo on the back of his head, lets a guy go and you think of going after him until he caps him mid-run.

“Why you ain’t just shoot him right here,” you question.

“Because it’s better to leave the crime scene more spread out. Makes us look like amateurs.”

Nigga what the fuck? It’s okay I’m bout done with your ass anyway. Just get me and Lynda to Wakanda.

Jetplane. Black girl. Intense feelings. You love her. She’d die for you. For the vision. She’s the Bonnie to your Clyde, all you need and the future queen of Wakanda. She’s beside you like a queen should be, holding her own.

“Drop us off in Wakanda.”

The grey haired man declines but somehow you knew he would. There’s a gun in your hand and you raise it to shoot the pilot. You should’ve shot the grey haired man first. Now he has your world in his hands and there’s a gun to her head.

“Baba?”

The mulitated body of your father soaked and lying in a pool of crimson. You wrap yourself around him trying to bring him back, every tear a prayer. You’d give anything.

“I’m sorry, Erik,” she pleads. No “Don’t kill me” or “Save me” just “I’m sorry.” She knew this could happen, but you’d miscalculated.

“If that happens, shoot me and KILL him. No matter what, keep going,” she’d told you when you were planning the takeover of Wakanda. You were so confident when you kissed her that it would never come to that. The gun stalls in your hand for the briefest of seconds and then you remember…

Everybody dies.. It's just life around here. None of you are exempt.

“It’s okay,” you say sending her a bullet as cleanly and painlessly as you can. Her body drops and the grey haired man is next.

Everybody leaves. Everybody dies. It's just how it is.

You’re numb.

A whirl of color and a throne room.

"IS THIS YOUR KING?!" The question burns in your throat as you look at the faces.

Blood. Sweat. Ritual combat on top of a high waterfall and you almost bust your ass grabbing that nigga and tossing him to his death. Bombs are exploding. Fire rises and releases its choking smoke. The stench of decay fogs the air. Blood and dirt.

“SHOOT HIM, STEVENS!”

I’LL KILL THAT SMILING MUHFUCKA!

The screams of fear. A crowd of Wakandans blind to the world’s suffering. To your suffering. You swing and keep swinging and you bring it all down, but it gets back up.

A knife jabs and plunges deeply into you but it doesn’t hurt as much as the realization that you’ve failed.

Everything is gone. And for what? You tried your best. Your whole life and it wasn’t good enough. All your life to get here and it’s where you die.

“I should’ve taken you back long ago,” a familiar voice cuts in. You've missed him more than life. “Instead we are both abandoned here.”

Baba.. the lost tribe. But are we truly lost?

“Well, maybe your home’s the one that’s lost that’s why they can’t find us.”

You pull the knife from your body and collapse only to wake up in a lab. A little black girl with braids in two buns like Princess Leia.. standing beside the nigga who killed you staring intently.

“Erik?… Erik… It’s Nia.”

Nia?

“I’ve been here. I saw it all.”

Nia

“Erik, you didn’t fail. We know about Wakanda today because of your sacrifice. They are reaching out to blacks in Cali, and now I understand why. Even if the world doesn’t know, THEY know. I know. And YOU know. You’re a hero. An antihero, but a hero nonetheless.”

Don’t patronize me

“I’m dead serious.”

I’m waking up now

“Wait-” Your eyes flutter open slowly and adapt to the light coming through the window. That dream was.. insane. To think that this is his life. You wouldn’t have made it through all of that. You turn over and almost have a heart attack. His face is close and his eyes stare into yours, filtered in calm. Though awkward, this is progress from the last time he woke up.

“Good morning,” he mumbles in a deep voice that goes directly through you. Keep it together, Nia. You’re self-conscious of your breath so you stay silent. Humor lights his eyes and they squint adorably. Not a word you’d normally attribute to this man.

“What your hair look like under that lacefront?” He smirks.

Annnnd he ruined it.

Other Chapters:

#erik killmonger #original #killmonger #erik stevens #erik killmonger fanfiction

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deep-tpn-hell · 5 years

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TPN fic: Mother's Day

The bell in the co-ed bedroom of Grace Field House rang at 6 AM sharp, interrupting everyone's peaceful dreams. Emma, with all her extra energy, was naturally the first to get up. "Wake up everybody!" Her voice sounded extra cheery, because it was a special day. No, it wasn't a sibling's departure, which was a relief. That day was Mother's Day. It was Norman's idea to celebrate it when he read about it in a book. Everyone quickly agreed to it, since they all wanted to let mama see how much they loved her. All the children got ready excitedly, wondering just what Mother's Day was. The eventful day started when everyone was seated at the mess hall.

"Good morning, my adorable children," said Isabella, "for today's special occasion, I got some pink carnations to decorate. Does anyone know what it symbolizes?" A small hand immediately raised up. "It symbolizes undying love for a mother, which is perfect for today." Ray answered. It was really uncommon for an 8-year-old to know the symbolism of flowers, but Ray had a brilliant mind, similar to his mother. "Indeed it is, Ray! Now, I know you're all starving, so let's eat!"

"Let's eat!"

The joyous sunshine seeped into the hall, lighting up everyone's faces even more than they already were. It was another perfect day in the house, Emma and Norman were chatting as usual beside Ray, Don was taking care of Conny like the big brother figure he was. Ray smiled to himself to enjoy the scene. It was like a beautiful dream, no matter how perfect, it would have to end someday. The thought of all of this being taken away from him sent a shiver down Ray's spine. He stuffed another portion of potato mash in his mouth to distract himself from it.

After the daily tests, of which Ray and his best friends got the highest score on, was free time. Isabella took out all types of stationary for card making, and almost everyone were so eager that a few started fighting over markers. Ray took a pink piece of paper and start folding. "What's that you're making, Ray?" Emma peeked from behind. "A card. I read a book on paper folding, or origami." Emma kept watching Ray work with her piercing green eyes, followed by more curious children surrounding Ray as he folded the paper into a flower.

In the evening, after everyone's stomachs were filled with warm food, all gathered around Isabella to present their craft. The cards made by the kids under 4 all looked like random scribbled and circles, which looked hideous compared to others such as Gilda's, yet Isabella accepted them all with a bright smile, thanking all her children. "Thank you, they all look beautiful. Let's hang them up by the hallway!" Emma and Norman were very eager to show off the card they made, because it combined Norman's superb sketching skills and Emma's neat handwriting. Everyone exclaimed in surprise. "This is beautiful," Isabella opened the card and read the text, then put it in another pile beside the doodles.

Ray walked up to Isabella, "This is for you, mama. Happy Mother's Day." he gave a small smile along with the card. It was a small card with the origami carnation in the middle, and the sides were decorated with lots of detail. Isabella praised Ray again for the second time that day. "Ray! Yours looks amazing! Please teach me how to draw the borders, pretty please?" Emma begged with her puppy dog eyes that always seem to work. "Sure, if I have the time." The three then played hide and seek with the younger kids before going to bed. Ray quit after the third round, saying that he needed to talk to mama.

The hallway to Isabella's room was dimly lit and seemed very long for a child, it made Ray wish that he could go play with Emma and Norman so he doesn't have to do this. Isabella was sitting on the chair by her table when Ray entered. "Good evening, ray." Isabella had the same smile as usual, but the lighting from the oil lamp made her look more fearful. He knew that she couldn't hurt him, yet her dark eyes sent a shiver down Ray's spine. "Any updates on the older children?" Ray averted his gaze for a second, yet still noticeable to Isabella. She had a sharp mind like her son, after all. The words were right there, but he just couldn't say it. He can't be the cause of a sibling's early departure again. He's sent too many away to the demons. "... Mitchell and Lynda are getting suspicious about the shipments now. It would be bad if they tell the younger ones. They don't look like the type that will, so I don't think you need to send them away-"

"Thank you for the information. Just leave the decisions up to me." Isabella coldly smiled. However, under the icy cold eyes, there was a hint of emotions. Pity, perhaps. For her children and Ray, who had the unfortunate fate of being born as her son. Ray looked at Isabella hopelessly. "Are they gonna be shipped away early?" She turned around to list the cattle number and shipment date in the table, "They are at that age, so it was inevitable." The silence continued. "Oh, by the way, I got your reward for last time!" She took out from the small bag on her bed a watch. It wasn't expensive, but it was very well maintained and made Ray's eyes light up. "Thanks." He took the watch and got up to leave. "Good night, mama."

"Good night, Ray." The door was shut after that. Ray fidgeted with the watch excitedly. He got another part to make the tracker remover. If he stayed any longer, he would've slipped up by showing the excitement on his face. He held the watch tightly in his hand, "I will leave you someday, mama. I swear."

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Sorry if this was boring, I didn't have a full plot in mind. I just wanted to imagine them celebrating today and add in som Ray and Isabella stuff. But I enjoyed writing this, so if I have another AU I'll do it again. Please give me any feedback if you can!

rachel

(Photo credits)

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osecarroll4484-blog · 5 years

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Let me help you to make a best captain marvel cosplay

You know her as the ambassador of the Amazon people. She is likewise thought about the establishing member of the Justice League. Wonder Woman came from an island called Themyscira. The main title she passes is Princess Diana of Themyscira, daughter of Hippolyta. She had to blend into culture when she left her homeland. For this, she took on the private identity, Diana Prince. The pants: Make use of limited natural leather red trousers and afterwards removed items of blue leather to paste it according to the layout on her trousers. You can also stack the exact same leather cut out pieces on top of one another to make the parts which have elevation and stand apart a lot more. Lasso A lasso is a rope with a noose at one end. It's created for catching cattle or captain marvel cosplay suit steeds. In Wonder Woman, it's called the Lasso of Truth. It's a device understood to remove truth from people. 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So right here we will go over how you can obtain the black stealth suit look included in Spider-Man: Far From Home. Boots For the boots, you can purchase a set of burgundy, over-the-knee boots. To make it better, you can put gold duct tape at the knee. The contemporary Wonder Woman does not wear boots however. She uses shoes with protective armor, referred to as greaves. Turtle Neck Suit: Obtain the body by buying a complete sleeve, black, heavy t shirt. You can make the spidey layout on it if you want. You can simply obtain any kind of such tee shirt off the countless web buying sites, no demand to buy this one. Rey is a brand-new force in the Star Wars flick franchise and you can see her as the lead character in the upcoming installments of the movie. She is a prominent character and she will certainly continue to be for a long time. You can resemble her look to obtain admiration of the fans in the cosplay. 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Cosplaying is more than a hobby to you if you love clothing up as your favored character. It ends up being an expression of your passion-- the elaborate costumes talk all of it. If in this case, you're questioning what will certainly be your next personality, you can start with Wonder Woman. Captain Marvel is an ideas to many both on screen and off. She is the initial female hero in the Marvel Cinematic Universe that got her solo flick. Her powers consist of flying, battling, improved stamina as well as capturing ruptureds of energy from her hands. When she joins the Avengers for the final climactic fight in Avengers: Endgame it's clear that her powers have boosted. Because at one point she is the only one stopping Thanos from doing the Break once more, this is. Her power is extraordinary and so, naturally, anybody would certainly love to cosplay her. Similarly, you have to pay attention additionally to the different other particulars such as fabric color, thorough seams as well as additionally end up resembling an exact same personality with the ideal costume. This suit will surely make you stick out among other cosplayers as it is the last suit she is seen putting on in Avengers: Endgame and also allow's be real- it looks badass. We also could have recommended you to use a complete body Catwoman-esque red natural leather suit, to begin with, however the coat and also trousers will make it much easier to visit shower rooms.

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