Starry Anomaly: Part 4 - If You Can't Hang
Summary: Starry spends the majority of her life feeling lonely until one day a mysterious girl named Anna appears in her town. The two quickly become close but Starry soon realizes that there’s more to Anna than meets the eye.
Four part story. Each part is inspired by a different song.
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3
Word Count: ~3.2K
Lyrics from "If You Can't Hang" by Sleeping With Sirens.
You’re the lowest type
I ran away as fast as I could, kicking up sand behind me. Eventually my legs couldn’t keep up with my panic and sorrow and I fell to my knees again. I toppled over, arms tightly wrapped around my stomach, tears warping my vision. I was heaving, my lungs desperately fighting for the air that had been knocked out of my chest.
When the world finally stopped spinning, I glanced behind me, wondering if she still cared enough to chase after me. All I saw was a barren beach with only my own footprints in the sand.
I wailed out into the night, allowing myself to be as loud as I could. No one was around to hear me anyway. Especially not Anna. She was probably still with her friends, dancing and laughing as if I didn’t exist at all.
My cries echoed back at me, the sound mirroring how I felt inside. In that moment I was the only person in the entire world, alone, afraid, and in so much pain. There was no one around to care or to even know that I existed. The beach, the ocean, the cosmos, it was all empty and meaningless. Time didn’t make sense anymore. It felt like I’d been kneeling there for hours.
I let myself cry until my voice went hoarse and my eyes dried of tears completely. There was nothing left in me and I just barely had the strength to walk to the stairs and sit on the boardwalk. No one was around, it was far too late for anyone to be out. I laid back on the soft wood, staring blankly up at the stars.
It was starting to feel like I wasn’t supposed to be on the earth. Maybe my true home was up there, with the stars as my brothers and sisters. Maybe that was why I was so excruciatingly lonely.
Stay the hell away while I sit here by myself
I looked over my shoulder when I felt a presence behind me. It was Anna. She was slowly approaching me, as composed as ever. A stark contrast to the state I was in.
“Are you okay, Starry?”
“Why?” I asked.
Anna didn’t respond. She just stared at me. For the first time since I met her, I had no idea what expression she was making under that mask. She felt like a stranger to me.
“Why did you kiss him?” I demanded.
Anna looked down. Her posture was shameful but it felt disingenuous.
“Fang and I are to be married,” Anna explained.
I looked away from Anna, squeezing my eyes shut. “You didn’t tell me.”
“I did not know how to,” Anna said. “I thought it would upset you.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t bring myself to believe a word she was saying. If she was so afraid of upsetting me then she wouldn’t have kissed him in front of me. There was obviously a different reason why she failed to tell me. I was at the end of my rope though. I decided that I didn’t care enough to know the real reason. I just wanted to go home, to get away from Anna and her friends.
Anna took a few steps closer to me and reached out to touch my shoulder. The second I felt her hand on me I pushed it away.
“Don’t touch me,” I insisted.
“Starry… I’m sorry,” Anna said. Her voice had a strange tone that I’d never heard her use before. It sounded desperate, like she was pleading with me. There was no remorse in it though.
“Just leave me alone!” I shouted. My cry seemed to startle Anna and she stepped back.
Anger clouding my sadness, I rose to my feet and looked in the direction of my house. I wanted to go home. I wanted to sleep and never wake up.
“Starry…” Anna trailed off.
I didn’t want her to say my name anymore. It hurt too much.
“I thought we were in love,” I said.
“We are,” Anna replied.
I shook my head. “No. People who are in love don’t keep secrets from each other.”
Something hit the sand behind me with a thump and I glanced back to look. I saw Anna’s mask discarded on the ground. The friendly smile on the cat’s face had turned into a taunting grin.
You’re such a pretty face
I turned around and was met with Anna’s beautiful face staring sadly at me.
“Please don’t go,” she begged. “Come back with me.”
“I can’t. It hurts too much.” I had to look away from Anna. The fairness of her face seemed to be drawing me back in. It made me want to just run into her arms, but I knew that all I would find there was more pain. “Please just forget about me, Anna.”
I turned around and ran in the direction of my house. I never even chanced a glance back, not wanting to think about what I was leaving behind. I just needed to sleep. To fall unconscious for a while. To stop thinking about it.
~~~
The next morning, I went to Ramona’s house. I wasn’t sure why I went there. My legs seemed to just move on their own accord, taking me to her doorstep. I knocked on the door, hoping someone would be home.
Ramona opened the door and immediately looked concerned. “Starry? Have you been crying?” She placed a hand on my reddened, tear-stained cheeks. Her thumb softly slid back and forth under my eye.
I simply nodded, trying to find the words I knew I needed to say to her.
Ramona didn’t question me further. Instead, she invited me inside and offered me tea.
We went up to Ramona’s room and sat on her bed. I noticed that her workbench had something on it that was covered by a thin blanket. I wondered what it was but I never asked about it. I was finding it difficult to speak.
Ramona sat next to me while I drank my tea. She didn’t say anything, waiting until I was ready to speak.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on Ramona’s wall. I was still wearing my clothes from the previous night and my hair, despite being much shorter, was a tangled mess. I could hardly recognize myself. I looked like a sad mockery of Anna, my old identity completely wiped away.
After a while, Ramona started to draw on my back with her finger. She drew a variety of different shapes. A moon, a flower, a tree. My body tensed up when she started drawing a rounded shape with cat ears at the top. Ramona noticed immediately and stopped drawing it. Instead, she started to write a message.
Was it Anna?
I burst into tears as she finished drawing the question mark. “Yes,” I said through my sobs.
Ramona took the teacup from my hand and placed it on the side table. She then wrapped her arms around me and I leaned into her embrace. Ramona gently brushed her fingers through my hair, trying to calm me down.
“I’m sorry!” I cried into her shoulder.
“Hm?”
“I’m sorry for not spending time with you. For abandoning you,” I explained. My voice hitched a couple times as I tried to get my thoughts out.
Ramona pulled away to look me in the eye. She kept her hands on my shoulders, warm and comforting.
“It’s okay,” she said solemnly. Her eyes flicked away from me for a moment. “You were in love with Anna, weren’t you?”
“I thought I was,” I admitted.
Ramona gave me a questioning look. I knew she wanted me to tell her what happened, but I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to forget about Anna. I wanted to forget about how happy she made me feel. The loneliness that plagued me came back and it was made so much worse knowing what life was like without it.
“She lied to me,” was all I could say to Ramona. What happened between Anna and I didn’t matter. What mattered was that I had left my best friend behind for the sake of someone who deceived me. For a girl who didn’t care about me the way I thought she did.
After some more crying, I asked Ramona if she could read me a book. Ramona nodded and picked up a book that was on the floor underneath her side table. It was one that I had never seen before. Ramona explained that she got it recently and wanted to read it to me.
I laid down on the bed and closed my eyes as Ramona started to read out loud.
The story was about a sailor who got lost at sea on a fishing trip. All he wanted to do was get back home to his wife, so he started to make a map for himself using the stars. Eventually, after months of sailing aimlessly through the ocean and nearly starving to death, he managed to get back to his home island and reunite with his wife. She had waited patiently for him to return, knowing in her heart that he would come back one day.
I thought it was an incredibly sweet story with the twist of adventure that Ramona and I both liked in a book. It kind of made me wonder how long Ramona would have waited for me to come back to her. I wondered if the book had given her hope that I would return. I was too afraid to ask though.
It took us nearly the whole day to get through the book. We stopped a few times to eat lunch and make more tea. When we finally got to the end it was dinner time.
Ramona’s parents made extra dinner for me. They asked where I had been but Ramona told them that I didn’t want to talk about it. It was so kind of her. Part of me felt like I didn’t deserve her kindness or her forgiveness. Ramona offered it to me without hesitation though.
~~~
That night, I left Ramona’s house alone. She said she needed to finish something that she was working on. I didn’t question it, I had been there all day anyway.
Instead of going home, I went to the boardwalk. I didn’t plan on spending much time there, my parents would be expecting home soon. I just wanted to see the stars above the sea. They looked the prettiest when they were shining down on the water.
I arrived at the edge of the boardwalk and sat down. I let my legs hang over the water but still sat behind the chain, of course.
The horizon was just barely visible in the dark of the night, but I could still see it. I stared out, half-expecting to see another ghost ship. After a long while though, I never saw anything except for the line where the sea met the sky.
It was getting late, I knew I had to return home so as not to make my mom worry. With a sigh, I lifted my legs bag onto the boardwalk and stood up. I took one last look at the sky before going.
To my shock, there was something there. It was moving fast and I could quickly make out its shape. A ship.
I watched in awe as the ship drew closer to the shore at an impossibly fast speed. I soon noticed a figure standing at the bow. It was a young girl with a dress like the one I was wearing. My heart nearly stopped when I saw her white cat mask.
Anna looked at me. I hardly recognized her. She looked just as mysterious as the night I met her. A stranger aboard a ghost ship.
I never thought you’d stay, that’s okay
Anna raised her hand and waved at me. It was a slow, solemn wave. The type that was reserved for permanent goodbyes. For some reason, I waved back.
Even though I wanted Anna to stay with me forever, deep down I knew that we would have to say goodbye eventually. I had no idea that it would be so soon though.
So, despite feeling like my heart was being ripped from my chest, I waved goodbye to her. I smiled as a tear rolled down my cheek. Anna brought her hand to the mouth of her mask and made a motion like she was blowing a kiss towards me. Somehow, I knew she was smiling back at me.
Feeling strangely content, I stood up, prepared to go back home. When I turned around though, I missed my footing and the safety chain got caught on my ankle. Fear struck me when I realized that I could trip. Then the panic came. The same panic I saw in my mother’s eyes when she tried to watch me swim.
Unable to think straight, I reflexively pulled my foot towards me. I just wanted it to be back on solid ground, but the opposite happened. I wobbled sporadically until I flipped over the side of the pier, landing headfirst in the deep blue water. While I was under, I heard the splash that the rest of my body made.
I couldn’t get myself to open my eyes. I had no idea which way was up and which way was down. I felt as if I were floating out in space. There is no up or down in space, just endless abyss in all directions. It was almost calming to think about.
But I wasn’t in space. I had to remind myself of that. I was underwater where I could easily drown if I didn’t act fast. Drown. Just like those kids the elders always talked about. I didn’t want to end up like them. I just wanted to be back home with my parents. I had to get back to them.
I was all alone though. It was silent underwater. No sounds of swimming, no sign of someone, of Anna, jumping into the water to rescue me. No one was coming to help me. No one except for her even knew where I was. She was safe up there on the boat while I was in danger.
I began to notice a low, muted ache in my chest that was slowly growing stronger. My lungs were searching for air. If I didn’t move soon, I would begin to suffocate. That thought alone seemed to bring me to my senses. I couldn’t just wait around for Anna to come help me, I had to surface on my own.
Bravely, I opened my eyes. Above me was darkness and below me was moonlight. I was still upside down. It would be a long way back up if I had been sinking that whole time. I wasn’t even sure if I could make it, but I had to try. My life depended on it.
Remembering my swimming lessons, I kicked my feet to propel myself and used my arms to turn myself right-side-up. It took longer than I expected, but eventually I saw the moonlight above me. I followed the light, kicking as hard as I could. The pain in my chest was quickly becoming unbearable but I just kept moving no matter what.
I began to wonder how far I was from the surface. There couldn’t have been much left but the exhaustion was taking over. Still, I urged myself to keep going. To ignore the pain and just make it back to the surface.
And then the cold night air surrounded me. It chilled me as the wind hit the water on my face. I opened my mouth and gasped for air. I had never been so thankful to breathe in my entire life. The oxygen filled my lungs, easing the pain.
I looked around and realized that Anna’s ship was gone. I was alone under the stars but for some reason, it felt nice. I wasn’t lonely, just simply alone. There was no sadness in it.
Despite almost drowning I felt a strong sense of serenity. As I swam back towards the dock, I knew that everything was going to be okay.
~~~
It took me a long time to walk back home. I was moving slowly and I kept stopping to think. The past few weeks were feeling more and more like a dream with each passing minute. I would never know where Anna came from or where she would end up next. I would never know if she truly loved me and I knew that I would never see her again.
Although it caused a sinking, empty feeling in my chest, thinking about that came with a sense of relief. I still believe that if ever got an explanation for what happened when Anna was there, it would make everything so much worse. I think I’m better off not knowing the answers. I just remember how it felt and that’s all I need.
When I finally returned to my house, I found Ramona sitting on the front step, holding something in her hands.
“There you are,” she said, standing up.
“I was at the boardwalk,” I explained. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to give you this.” Ramona held out the object towards me.
I took it from her and inspected it. I immediately recognized that the top part of it was the glass star map that she bought from the market when I was with her. It was attached to a strange contraption that had what looked like a light on it.
“It’s the star map?” I said, unsure of myself.
“I made it into a night light,” Ramona explained. “I know you hate when it storms and you can’t go outside to see the stars. With this you’ll be able to see them every night.”
I gasped and felt tears start to well up in my eyes. Ramona made the contraption just for me. She knew that the stars made me feel less lonely. She was trying to help ease that feeling. At that exact moment, I felt the heavy weight of loneliness lift off of me, the same way that it did when I met Anna.
Unable to put my gratitude into words, I leapt forward to hug Ramona. I tried to say “thank you” but it came out in hiccups as I cried from joy.
Ramona understood what I was trying to say and rubbed my back. “Anything for you, Starry.”
Would you please stay and come inside?
I asked Ramona if she could sleep over and she happily agreed. We went up to my room and tested out the new night light. We laid side by side on my bed and gazed up at the ceiling. Ramona attached the sphere in a way that it could be turned around in a couple different directions. We took turns spinning to different parts of the map and pointed out the constellations to each other.
After a while, we both got tired and decided to go to sleep. We tucked ourselves into bed like we usually did and I suddenly realized how much I missed falling asleep next to Ramona.
Once we were settled in, Ramona turned onto her side and wrapped her arms around me. I was shocked at first but it felt comforting. We had cuddled before, but not quite like this.
“I’m sorry about what happened with Anna,” Ramona whispered.
“I’ll be okay,” I replied.
“Are you sure?”
“Mhm.”
“But what about your loneliness?”
I shifted a bit, craning my neck to look back at Ramona. “It went away again,” I said.
Ramona gave me a quizzical look. “When?”
“When you got here.”
Would you please stay and please be mine?
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Town of Glass and Ice
Pairing: homeless!female!reader x Steve Rogers
Desc: in a desperate attempt to gain some cash, you find yourself at the hands of a violent gang who are ready to teach you a lesson. All seems lost. That is, until a protective stranger shows up.
“An act of kindness,
Is what you showed to me.
It caught me by surprise,
In this town of glass and ice.”
You had been on your usual rounds of the fleapit. The fleapit was an elaborate complex of murky alleys and interweaving tunnels, which grew darker and darker the deeper you went. There were metal walkways that jutted out overhead where people would occasionally be seen swinging down, usually with a cigarette popped between their teeth and a wad of cash tucked inside their belt. It was your job to notice these things and take your pick.
Today you’d noticed a band of greasy newcomers who seemed to be dripping with cash. You’d taken chase and stalked through the crowd, following them through a pocket in the wall. That was your mistake.
A hand seizes your collar and hurls you against the wall. You don’t even have time to cry out in pain before one of the group is bearing down over you, teeth bared savagely. He rips off your hood and twists your shoulder, to which you let out a sharp gasp.
“Thought you would try to steal from us, retch?” he sneers. His eyes slid off your features, taking in every intricate detail.
Before he can touch your face, you slam into him head on, then duck as he tries to seize you around the waist. You lunge for the alley, desperately hoping you can melt back into the crowd, but another one of the group- a woman this time- swings right beneath you, sending you crashing down to the ground. After that you are grabbed by the legs and hoisted up, thrashing madly in desperation.
“You’re gonna pay for that,” the man says. He wipes his nose, which has begun to leak blood. “Hold her still,” he orders, as a broad man curls his fingers around both your shoulders. A brunette summons a knife and holds it out to him. “Nah,” he says, shrugging her off. “This requires a bit of hands-on punishment.” Then the man whirls and clocks you square in the jaw.
“Please, I wasn’t going to—” you beg, though you know it will mean nothing.
Another swift delivery that sends you reeling. “That’s for being a shit liar. I’ll take that knife now,” the man says, gesturing to the woman. “Now the question is: how deep do I go? Should I give you a nice little scar? Or do I take out an eye?” As he speaks, he hovers the edge of the knife over your cheek, and you recoil, trying your hardest not to breathe.
“Cut off a hand. See if she’ll still have sticky fingers after that.”
The man ponders this, then looks down on you with a delirious grin. “What a good idea.”
He snatches your wrist, and you try to shout, but too late: the man’s hand is already closed around your mouth. You release muffled cries, shaking your head as your eyes burn with fear. “Do a better job at holding her still, would you?” he barks. “I want to make a nice clean cut.”
The man turns over your wrist and snickers. He poises your arm, and the cool surface of the knife meets your skin. You bite your lip and squeeze your eyes shut. Some part of you just wishes he would get it over with. Soon you feel the warm gush of your own blood rolling down your arm.
“Stop.”
“I’m sorry?” He drops your arm and turns to the stranger who stands behind him, glaring daggers, but the stranger doesn’t wither. “Move along, chum. This don’t concern you.”
“Don’t call me your chum.”
“Oh, you got a problem with that?” Your attacker shortens the distance between them and smiles up at him, showing crooked gold teeth. “Who died and made you king?”
“I’m not anyone’s king,” the stranger says. His eyes float upstairs to you, and he requests that you shut your eyes. You do as he says. “I’m your captain.”
Your cheeks bathe in pools of sunlight: a mellow, comforting glow that smooths over your skin, filling you with warmth from the inside out. You release a small yawn and arch your back, extending your arms over your head. You don’t remember falling unconscious, but you must have, because you don’t hear the sounds of a scuffle.
You aren’t lured awake by the warmth of a flaming sun, but rather the sudden chill of a dark shadow sweeping over your body. Your eyes snap open. You see a figure and without thinking, your arms lock around his neck. He tries to speak, and you tug tighter despite your trembling. The figure doesn’t struggle, but you feel the immediate rise in his pulse.
“Please – Don’t panic – There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he breaths.
You are panting heavily, the rise and fall of your chest like an accelerating drum beat.
“You’re safe – I promise I won’t hurt you.”
“Where am I?” you ask.
“You’re in shock – Just calm down and I’ll explain, I promise.”
What do you do now? You stare into his deep blue eyes, their focus never broken from your own, and see something genuine. Slowly, you release him and push away, cramming your hands to your ears as you squeeze your eyes shut.
“Are you okay?” the man asks softly. “Sorry,” he says quickly, when you pull away from him. “Do you remember what happened?”
You nod your head. “I was attacked. And then you…” What exactly had he done? You glance around and realise the ragtag group is nowhere in sight.
“I dealt with them,” the man says calmly. “Don’t worry. I didn’t hurt them too badly- well, not so bad that they had to be taken away in an ambulance rather than a cop car.”
“I… don’t understand. You said you were a captain.”
Despite everything, he excuses a shy smile. “Yes, of sorts. Some people like to call me Captain America. Sorry, that might have sounded a bit dramatic.”
“Captain America?” you repeat, astounded.
“Sure, but I prefer Steve.”
“You’re… Really? The Captain America?”
“Thought I’d be bigger?” he asks with another one of his reassuring smiles.
“No. It’s just… Wow.” You shake your head, flustered. You find your cheeks warming. “Thank you,” you finally say.
“It’s the least I could have done.” He offers to take your hand, which you accept as he guides you onto your feet. “Do you know what they wanted from you?” Now the smile is gone, replaced with something serious.
“I…” Are you ready to admit you were caught stealing in front of Captain America? Steve? But he just saved your life. The best thing you can do is be honest. “I wanted to see if they had any money,” you admit. “I was… planning on stealing from them.” You bow your head in shame, expecting him to be upset with you. And yet his eyes soften.
He plants a hand on your shoulder, and you glance up at him.
“Do you have a home?” he asks compassionately.
“No.” You feel tears stinging the corners of your eyes.
“Would you like to come home with me?”
You tell him yes.
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