#ma'am i'm so tired...

[lesamis]

i learned the grade for my phd thesis today (it's v good! i'm v happy!) & my supervisor took that as occasion to sit down with me and talk about The Future for a bit, and she clearly cares and i'm thankful for her, but the sheer ivory tower out-of-touch-ness of academics will never stop baffling me. like they'll ask you about your new job (admin & public service), and you tell them you're enjoying it and loving all the mental space it's freed up, and they'll be like cool! but you are looking for something better, right?

and it's like. no. i'm really super not. i understand that professors look down on this kind of work, which is one thing, they're snobs, i can't change that. but to not take someone's word for it when they say they find their job fulfilling and rewarding is kind of. ungenerous? not to mention condescending? like please don't call a less mentally taxing job a "waste of potential" when it was working in academia that stopped me from producing literally any writing i cared about or felt proud of for nearly four years

#if there IS any potential still to be reached i'm not reaching it in limited contracts worrying about whether i'll have a job next year lol #anyway i'm here to say if you're on the fence about whether to stay in academia. #do not do it. it really doesn't get easier from here on out in fact it'll probably get harder #and i know it feels good to be encouraged. and you want to do right by people who have faith in you. but god #i'm so tired of wealthy tenured profs who have 2 years to retirement thinking they can give advice without understanding our realities #ma'am no one is funding the humanities anymore. ma'am my friend recently applied for a postdoc position with 200+ applicants. ma'am

[maburito]

Man....I hate having a job.

#Like I really hate it #Or maybe I just hate my job #But yeah not a fan #On the one hand : I have money; I'm independant; I got some cool coworkers and nice customers #On the other I have way way way way way less time for myself; i constantly feel too tired to do things I enjoy #and I have to deal with shitty coworkers and shitty customers #also like; been at this job for two years and it's been a constant mess #and we're understaffed as fuck right now #Wanna leave so bad but can't find another job #sorry sorry i just felt like ranting #but yeah god i hate it #I wanna be able to live free and independant while still not having to work every day of my life godamnit #I wanna do stuff!!! I wanna go out and see friends!! I wanna go to the pool !! I want to bicycle! I wanna play video games!! I wanna draw!! #Literally had an ''interview''' with my boss and while she is nice and definitely better than the shitty boss from 6 months ago #she gently reproached me to ''only work for money'' LIKE??? MA'AM YES #WHY ELSE WOULD I BE WORKING #YOU GUYS ARE PART OF A MULTI NATIONAL OF HOTELS WHO HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH MONEY TO HAVE MORE EMPLOYEES #YET INSIST ON UNDERSTAFFING TO SAVE MONEY #ALSO IVE BEEN HERE 2 YEARS #AND HAD 4 DIFFERENT BOSS IN THOSE 2 YEARS #ONE NEW BOSS EVERY SIX MONTHS #WHY WOULD I FEEL MOTIVATED #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #okay im done

[fuzziemutt]

The more time I'm forced to spend with cishet white people (coworkers 😭) the more I miss being in mainly queer poc environments

My ass is not thriving and I'm literally staring at them like "have you not gone outside like ever. Have not you talked to. Literally a singular brown person in your entire fucking life. How have you never questioned the means of how the world around you operates. At all????"

#i speak #listening to these bitches complain about the pro movement for public transport and literally say i love trump makes me #want to crush them with a hydrolic press #one girl is literally so like. trad wife never questioned women's roles made herself have a kid and then says the kid is the problem #like ma'am i suggest you stop talking to me before i make you face thay you're a terrible mother #can i go back to college it's better than this shit #i need to spend more time with my friends again I'm tired of my coworkers ass #I can't be the only queer light skinned here with the shit they say in front of me

[junonreactor]

i have been informed tha ti have "tiny veins" and this makes blood drawing "quite an experience"

#by the phlebotomist who has not had any water in nearly 10 hours because she didn't want to take off her mask at the hospital #ein babbles #sequel to my dentist "this filling in your molar is one of the hardest fillings i've ever done. because your mouth is tiny and i can't see. #please take care of your molars i don't know if i can do that again' #except like idk that i can do anything about my veins. sorry ma'am #update: oh my god i'm so tired what. i want my blood back #second update: wow my bruise looks kind of hilarious. like a yam

[raen1]

this insane unhealthy urge to do everything on my own is making me want to scream my lungs out

#ive this habit of noting things down on my hand and when it smudges i lose my shit it feels like i have failed to do that task bcs #independently i feel my brain isnt capable of absorbing info and i need to note everything down on a. paper its tiring #it feels like my head will explode god pls i cannot do this i cannot keep track of things i am so .so tired #i have written down exam dates of my friends #friends who are v v dumb and wont even think about me until i text its prolly bcs i care too much but it hurts and #i wish to move on w my life w everything w people just get over it i am sure ppl around me doesn't know loneliness like i do #nd when i see them complaining abt their shit i feel like cutting their intestines in little pieces no I'M NOT BELITTLING THEIR STRUGGLES #but they need to really calm down . #i have noted down my shit my ma'am shit my siblings shit my dog shit and stuck it on a wall and my head hurts when i look at it #sticks and stones may break my bones but words can also hurt me how will i forget the mean things i have heard over the yrs #rant #chaotic academia #desi academia #dark academia #older sibling #oldest sibling #eh idk

[neshatriumphs]

Look. If you decide to have white friends, I don't care, that's your business. But I am banning everyone from complaining to me about all issues with your white friends. I purposefully don't deal with them in my own day to day for a reason and recently realized that y'all be coming to me with their business, hence, making me deal with them.

So, really this isn't a new thing I'm trying out. I'm just letting my friends know that the way I do not really have white people in my life extends to your white people and whatever you be over there going through with them. It always can be summed up with, "Well, they're white," and if I ask you what you expect, I'm the bad guy.

Girl, leave me OUT of it. Enjoy though!

#i'm tired #i have a handful of white people and THEY don't bring me their BS #so how are y'all bringing me y'alls? #no ma'am and no thanks #Nesha Chats

[cassandraleeds]

someone hit my car. :C

#and then argued with me about it in the parking lot for fifteen minutes and then fucking cops showed up #AND I AM SO TIRED OF EVERYONE CALLING ME MA'AM #it would suck enough. but it feels like every time i'm misgendered i have to give some blood and after a full day of errands it's like oh #oh we're down a whole PINT huh?

[bednbunfast]

eepy

#☕️ | chatter #im so !! tired #i wanna go to bed but the lack of sleep makes me less hesitant to do things so... #anyway shoutout to that one memory of an security guard accidentally calling me sir instead of ma'am i think about you a lot #like...that one memoery make me think so hard harder than me solving math problems #LIKE THE MOMENT MY MOTHER TOLD ME THE GUARD PROBABLY MISTOOK ME FOR MY DAD WHO WAS WALKING BEHIND ME I GOT KINDA DISAPPOINTED? #brain. brain you fuck what does this mean. BRAIN. WHY WOULD YOU KEEP THAT MEMORY. #anyway its engraved within me now i keep remembering it every now and again and it makes me afraid #i'm happy with myself!! really!! maybe... #i dont know im comfortable in my own body so i dont know where that came from #i'll probably delete this...later

[eepybubble]

augh

#i'm so goddamn tired #ehat the fuck #haircut was good 👍 #piercing was good 👍 #i got converse #the piercing lady called me sir 🤭 #then she actually looked at me and got confused and asked ma'am or sir #i was gonna say idc but my mom said ma'am 😞 #apparently im going to homecoming now #so i got some pants #borf barks

[thepoisonroom]

i think they should give you polls automatically if you have to work for The Wage. like we need it the most i think

#my brain is so mushy today the cat decided she was ready to explore my room finally #so i kept waking up to her jungle gyming all over my legs #and it was cute and all but ma'am i'm so tired #personal nonsense #not being brave today btw

[tvrningout-a]

alright i'm hmm torn between writing and just relaxing bc i'm tired and nervous ( school assignments and job hunting and getting registered for classes and finals coming up sooner than i'd think?? rip me man ). we'll just see how i feel after i shower bc i mean!! it's only monday, and my job really only gave me the one shift this week, so y'all will probably see a lot of me anyway uvu

#also can i just say i love that my boss said next week things would be back to normal #that this week was just weird bc they gave her very few labor hours #but then next week i only have two shifts -- a total of 16 hours #like dude y'all had me on full time and then took it back and assured me i'd still get decent hours #and then pull this?? and give more hours to people who have been here a few weeks vs over a year?? #ma'am please :/ #sorry to vent in the tags asdfg i'm just so deeply bothered by this situation and i'm tired #i put too much effort into my job for them to do this with me and expect me to stick around like i don't have financial responsibilities #i'm doing it again sorry ;;;;;;; lemme go shower and distract myself from this silly situation #get ready to ramble | ooc #tw vent #tbd

[the-everqueen]

...

#the colleague just messaged me saying that the local bakery is hiring #first...i need to be done with this degree in the next 6 months #i am presently slated to teach two classes twice a week next semester #on top of needing to finish writing/revising my diss #on top of my part-time job that's unrelated to either of those things #second...why tf would i want to live here when i'm done #in this transphobic state away from everyone i've ever loved #if i have to work a 12 hour/day full time job #why would i not just...move back home #she mentioned like ''i know you're probably busy but'' #ma'am i am barely surviving being a full time grad student #how tf am i supposed to take on a full time job too #a job that i do not have experience in and that requires physical labor i might not be capable of #anyways this is the thing that pushed me over the edge today #i am so so tired and NO ONE IS LISTENING

[wizardnuke]

going to the doctor for suresies on monday because my finger is still not working like it should and I am going to give the whole rundown on every popping joint and the chronic pain. boy it will be an anticlimactic success if I do in fact have a certain rare incurable genetic disorder that my sister also shows symptoms of.

#umm the past few weeks of research and asking questions to ppl abt how bodies r supposed to work have been very illuminating #and very upsetting. I didn't understand like.. the Extent of everything I've been experiencing #it's really difficult for me to conceptualize the fact that people genuinely r not supposed to have widespread chronic pain literally all #the time haha. sorry I've been going on and on about this its just I have been in so much pain for my entire life #and I thought it was normal but apparently it is not at all normal. umm haha. #haha um my leg hurts. and I'm really tired and it's not looking like there's much that can be done about it other than to put a name to it #if the issue is what it probably is bc there's not much else it could possibly be. widespread pain and joint dislocations #thought that just kinda happened to people! #I have an essay due tomorrow nite that I am not close to finishing ma'am may I please have an extention because I am sad. #srry it's just like ummm I am going to be in pain for the rest of my life

[knifedog]

Not to rant but I did talk to a therapist about how I was nervous about walking and that I don't drive because I get sleepy

And she was just like "oh just take a nap then :)" pulling over in my car I can understand. Maybe if I'm at a park? But, it's not like if I'm walking the suburbs I can just lay down in someone's yard? And when I asked her about this she was just like "why not? :)"

I guess to empower me? i was too dumbfounded to argue and I did not book another appointment with her.

Would love to live in a world where people can nap wherever but that doesn't fix my problem of fighting sleep after walking two blocks

#chronic fatigue #pictures of stuff like oh going for walks is great for depression :) #yes I know ma'am but my jaw also hurts from yawning so much on my walk and and now I'm too tired to do anything else :) #I think I saw that lady over 2 years ago and I'm not mad I'm just disappointed she has a license lmao #so unhelpful

[wyn-n-tonic]

*scream*

#i love my job #but building a department is so tiring #learning three new softwares is so much #carrying a caseload of 40 on top of that? #my supervisor keeps asking if i'm okay #NO MA'AM #but we have cold brew and Dolly Parton so we'll get through it

[pearl-kite]

So the third-party system we use to receive e-scrips and to process insurance claims stopped working on Wednesday and it's still down and we still can't receive e-scrips (need your hydro or oxy? Hope you can get a physical copy on a fucking Saturday somehow) and we still can't process 95% of insurance claims (oh it should be $5? Well we can wait who knows how long or you can go with this discount card for $20) and I am so so so tired of explaining it to even the kind and understanding folks, can someone go drive into the power supply for the building so we can just go home please

#kite rambles #so tired of explaining it #a lady on Thursday was VERY pissy about it and asked well why are you even open then #and it's like ma'am a lot of people need their meds desperately enough to pay that discount card price we can't just close #because someone MIGHT have to wait 15 minutes for us to fill it after we check with you if it's an okay price #and no we couldn't call you there are hundreds of scrips stuck like that we don't have the manpower to call every single one of you #tired tired tired #if this isn't resolved by the time I'm back on Tuesday I'll probably cry or call in dead