#maca reads

[da-proti-toku-grem]

heyy did anyone record the live? i'd be thankful forever if you post it :)

#i forgot they were going to do a live bc i was reading a book lmao #i also don't have tiktok anyways so... #joker out #maca speaks

[laurent-ofvere]

Maya spill the hot hot tea of what you think of Shadow & Bone series (I’ll say it cz I’m evil, it sucks—-except the cast, the crows in particular really look the part)

I mean listen ive only seen 5 eps of the second season, I haven't read the shadow and bone books to compare and im watching this season with maca who's the worlds biggest hater and we cant get through 2 minutes without her finding things to bitch about and it CLOUDS MY OPINIONS bc I try and think of a scene and all I can hear is her YAPPING

that being said okay mmm I really truly dont give a fuck about the shadow and bone plot, like I just dont care and borderline skim lmao the special effects when she does her light stuff make me violent + does ANYONE like her and mal?? anyone??

I hear nikolai is meant to be hot and charming and all that? physically he bores me lol he's just giving baby face frat boy and im not about it but like, I get it, I guess he does the job (I say as someone who's unfamiliar with his written character and dont know what the job is)

ben barns is hot hes HOT he's so hot and I would rather watch him sit in his dark vibey room and be mute and pissed off for 45 minutes than watch another scene of alina whine about thinks I dont care about and thats really the situation. also, I love genya and david is a punk ass bitch and I wish they went more into her trauma and fucked up past lmao

I so agree on the cast! I really think the crows are FANTASTIC, a way better portrayal than I would have expected. I just, like, we're all on the same page regarding the crows being the more enjoyable part of this show? yes?

im really enjoying how this season seems to be more about their actual book events (unless im remembering wrong? I feel like s1 was mainly made up stuff and backgrounds to tie them into the show and s2 is more book 1 stuff?) and for a story where so much of the oomf is in between the lines and in the "you need to read 600 pages of so many small things that alone mean nothing but together have such an impact" of it, I do think theyre doing a solid enough job. I do think that a lot of it can be quite cringey, but personally I feel like this kinda story and some of these finer dynamics are inherently cringey when on screen and more palatable when its on paper so thats not really a critique on them, more so just is what it is. I also appreciate and am endlessly surprised by how much screen time the crows get given its not technically theyre show. but thats probably bc its just the better story :)

#asks #shadow and bone #quick on the characters bc this post is long and doesnt need to me #kaz is great idc I was the most skeptical of him and yet im the most impressed #hes an awesome kaz maca if youre reading this you can suck my cock #Inej...... why cant I put my finger on you sister #I have nothing negative to say but im just not as !!! by her as in the books #im not by kaz either but idk #I think her kind of character is just the type of impossibly cool that when tried to be portrayed just feels too impossible lol #Jesper isnt as hot to me as in the books but thats on me lmao I cant make up someones looks then kick up a fuss when they dont look like it #characterization wise tho I think he's an excellent Jesper #wylan is adorable and pathetic so thats good news #Nina is WONDERFUL she's a delight #I love matthias!!! fuckin love him man #I wish they showed him/him and Nina/hellgate more #I really do love the relationships in this story #okay I think thats all

[macabrecabra]

Everyone, do me a favor and find someone important to you, give them a hug, a high-five, or just a kind word. Just go and do that little kindness because got to remember there is some good in this world, and not just tragedy 

#Maca speaks #right now got some trauma news happening #I'm safe and secure #but there is an empty desk in the place I work #and I can't articulate what I'm feeling yet #but knowing people will read this and do that little good #will be a little kernel of warmth to help ground me

[bmacakizi]

Moralinin düşük olduğunu görünce neyin var diyo ve tam o sırada beyin ikileme giriyor. Anlatsak mi anlatmasak mı?

Anlatmasam kendimi yiyip bitiricem,rahatlamıcam.

Anlatsam kendini haklı çıkarmaya calısıcak,anlamaya calısmıcak,belki de tartışma cıkıcak.

Bilmiyom bende ne bok yicegimi. En iyisi uyumak

#book review #bookish #booklr #currently reading #education #maca kızı #fiction #illustration #harry potter #photography #macakizi8 #karantina #3391kilometre #turkey #türkiye #wattpad #book blog

[koraibot]

smth about the akazaya inflicting the same wound on kaido as oden using his sword style

#wano has been growing on me ever since i started it #abt to reach chapter 1000 #its def in my top 3 arcs #maca watches op #reads*

[devilishchaos]

aventuras em Miami | Rúben Dias Imagine

Rating / genre: M (18+); filthy smut, fluff

Pairings: Reader x Rúben Dias

Summary: Y/N and Rúben go on a vacation with Rúben's friends, in Miami. Y/N surprises him with sex chocolate.

Warnings: Explicit smut, oral sex (f receiving), explicit talk, unprotected vaginal penetration (don't do it!!! stay safe!), hair grabbing, use of pet names "baby", "babe", size talk just for a sec

Word Count: 4 277 words

This is a work of fiction. The story, names, characters and incidents either are product or the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

The sunglasses that were once placed on top of your head, now sat on the bridge of your nose in order to block out the blazing rays of the sun on this record breaking, hot day in Miami. The sand underneath your feet felt soft, yet crunchy at the same time and very hot. A cool, light breeze had your hair blowing. The water was calm enough to be safe for those that wanted to play in the water, but still provided big enough waves for surfers to ride comfortably behind the scattered swimmers. In the sky there wasn’t a cloud in sight, which meant you were going to need help lathering sunscreen on your skin by your ever helpful and willing boyfriend - Rúben. 

Speaking of Rúben - him, Ivan and their two friends, Nuno and João, were currently riding jets in the middle of the ocean, so you used the opportunity to go explore the shop that caught your attention while you guys were making your way to the beach. A sex shop. Exciting. 

A red haired woman, approximately your age, looks up from the counter at the tinkling of the bell, signifying someone coming into the store. 

“Um, hello..“ you say timidly. 

“Can I help you?” she asks pleasantly, seeing you glance around the shop at all the various dildos and sex toys.

“I was wondering what these chocolates do..those over there..“ you pointed to the chocolate pieces, placed in front of the window, next to the front door. 

“Do you know what you’re looking for specifically?” 

“Mmm..not really.” you shake your head, “I’ve never used one. I want to surprise my boyfriend.” 

“Alright. Good choice by the way.” she smiled and pulled out, from underneath the till, a tray with said chocolates on display. “So this is pleasure-boosting dark chocolate with high-quality natural ingredients to increase your sex performance. It stimulates blood flow, enhances performance and increases sex drive. Consists of 60% dark chocolate, epimedium, maca root and DHEA. One block consists of two servings - one for you and one for your partner. You take it, wait 30 minutes and enjoy your time.” 

“I’ll take a pack, please.” you were really intrigued at this point. 

The employee wrapped it up nicely for you “Have fun.” 

“Thank you. Have a great day.” you smiled and made your way back to the beach. 

*

You were back at the hotel and were currently getting ready to go to dinner. 

“What did you do while we were jet riding?” Rúben asked you as he was coming out of the bathroom. 

“Umm..” you played with your earrings “I..got us..something.” you turned around to face him as he was putting his watch on his wrist. 

“You got us something?” Rúben looked at you puzzled. “And what is it?” 

“Chocolate.” you hold up the package for him to see. 

Rúben frowns, far away enough to not be able to read the words on the front “I could have bought you Reese's cups or something.” 

“This is not..It’s a different kind of chocolate..” you grin wickedly “..have you heard of tabs chocolate?” 

“Are they that fancy ass company that charges, like, $60 per bar?” Rúben puts his wallet in his pant’s pocket. 

“No.” you laugh “These have aphrodisiacs in them.”

“Aphrodisiacs?” your boyfriend hums with a furrowed brow “Isn’t that-?”

“It’s sex chocolate.” you finally reveal your secret to him “You up for a bit more exercise today?” 

“Sex-ercise you mean?” Rúben rushes to your side with a shit-eating grin, far too proud of his shitty joke. He's grabbing for the chocolates but you snatch them away, giggling. 

“We take them now and have to wait like 30 min, for it to kick in.” 

“Oh, spicy!” he laughs, tugging the box out of your hands, and scanning the cover “You want to take these now? See who can last longer without touching the other?” 

“How strong can this little square be?” you grumble, snatching the little foil squares from their places “Okay, break..” you snap the square in two “..bite..” you hold Rúben’s portion out for him, letting him take it from your hand. His trimmed beard prickles against your skin and you bite back a giggle, stuffing your mouth with chocolate instead. 

The chocolate is savory and bitter on your tongue, with just the right amount of sugar. You don’t get to swallow the chocolate and finish their signature slogan before Rúben has wolfed down his bar, tossing the package on the side table and surging for your lips “..bang.”

The kiss he drags you into nearly buckles your knees. It’s intense and hot, the chocolate coating his tongue and his fingers that dig into your waist as he tugs you closer, making it hard for you to breathe. 

“Mmf..Rúben!” you gasp, dragging in a lungful of air that he’d practically stolen from you with that kiss. He’s eager to touch you, to feel you, to taste you as his lips never part from your skin, dragging down your neck, to the spot just under your jaw that makes your stomach tingly. 

��Let’s get going or we will be late.” and with that you were up for an exciting evening. 

*

Dinner was absolute torture. 

Rúben always looks good in your eyes, but tonight he somehow looked even better. His sun kissed skin, peeking out from underneath his light blue shirt, made your head spin. His hand on your thigh seemed to leave a burnt imprint on your delicate skin. The air seemed to not be enough, no matter that you were seated outside. 

“How strong can this little square be?” my ass. You were currently beating yourself up internally as you were all seated in the V.I.P section in one of the most popular Miami nightclubs, a U-shaped couch with a table in the middle and then a small section in front of it for people to dance and mingle. You were sitting in the corner with Rúben, his arm around your shoulders as you both tried to seem relaxed. You had to admit, with uni and the internship and Rúben’s busy schedule, you didn't really get to spend much quality time with each other. So this vacation was more than welcomed. 

You were currently 3 drinks and 5 shots deep, laughing at something Ivan and Nuno were bickering over, when Rúben’s face suddenly got closer to yours as he whispered in your ear.

“I'm gonna go to the bathroom.”

“Okay.” you shot him a smile and pecked his lips quickly before he got up and left the area. You were kind of disappointed honestly, because you expected him to have broken your guy’s agreement two hours ago. 

“Come on, let's do some more shots.” you yelled over the music. Ivan grabbed the bottle of alcohol from the table and lined you both up with two shots each. 

“You guys are crazy, man.” Nuno shook his head. 

When Rúben returned, he found you and Ivan hysterically laughing, the half filled bottle of alcohol he'd left you with was now empty and a waitress was placing another bottle on the table. Rúben smirked to himself as he stepped closer to you and Ivan. 

“Hi, baby.” you rushed over to Rúben, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” he grinned as you nodded, you both shared a sloppy kiss before you went back to dance with Ivan. 

Rúben mingled with his friends, spoke to a few people and was enjoying his evening as well when you plopped yourself down next to him, his hand naturally falling onto your thigh as you wrapped one arm around his forearm. 

“You okay, meu amor?” he turned to look at you, your head resting on his shoulder and your eyes closed. 

“You look so good right now..” you lured yourself into his lap. Lightly grabbing you by the neck Rúben pulled you into a kiss. 

As the kiss went on, it got deeper and more needy. Rúben slowly trailed his kisses off of your lips, kissing down your neck to your shoulders. He had rotated you to the front, with your back facing him. He was rubbing all over your thighs while still kissing on your neck. 

Without any words, Rúben grabbed your hips and started grinding your ass on his lap to the rhythm of the song. You knew what he wanted you to do, so his moves soon became your own. You took over grinding yourself into his lap, moving your hips to the beat. You could feel him rubbing and smacking your ass, and you were glad that it was almost too dark into the club so pretty much nobody could see you two. Rúben was clearly turned on, you could feel his hard on under you, ever so slightly brushing against your heat at times, making you go absolutely crazy for him. 

At this point Rúben was ready to take you home. He reluctantly slid you out of his lap only for the fact that his friends were soon gonna be flooding back into the section. He draped both of your legs over one of his and you leaned in to kiss him one last time. 

“Take me home, Rúben.” you both smiled before excusing yourselves and leaving the club. 

Rúben held onto your body as he navigated you through the club, your feet hurting from the shoes you were wearing and it was making it impossible for either of you to get very far without you needing to stop. Once you got outside, Rúben sat you in the car and helped you take off your shoes. The car you were in was luxurious, the seats were ridiculously comfy, so you instantly relaxed into them, your legs stretching out so your feet were resting on Rúben's lap as he sat opposite you. 

Back at the hotel, you had barely put your bag on the counter before you were pushed into it, a gasp left your mouth as Rúben trapped you. Hands on your shoulders, hips pressed into your ass, firmly keeping you in place. 

“I can’t believe you made us take these damn chocolates. I already wanted to fuck when we got home from the beach.” His deep voice in my ear. 

“Yeah..” I whispered softly, gripping the counter. Your head fell against his shoulder, his hands running over your front as he trailed kisses from your cheek to your neck. 

“How am I supposed to keep my hands off of you, hm?” he hums, his breath hot and heavy against your neck. He sucks a patch of skin just to the left of your throat, one that makes you grab the counter even harder “You’re so fuckin’ sexy, don’t need a chocolate to think that.” 

“I want you so bad, babe..” you whine and you take his hand. It's rough and strong from all the hard work he puts in the gym. It curls around yours and you lead him to your bedroom, letting him sit on the edge of the bed while you slip your dress off, leaving you only in your panties in front of his wild wandering gaze. 

“Come here..” Rúben calls softly and you get closer to stand in front of him, in between his muscular thighs. 

When his large hands slide up your thighs, smoothing over the fabric of your panties, you inhale deeply. He gives you a few moments of silence and they’re anything but comfortable. Tension is thrumming through every vein in your body, concentrated on whatever shapes Rúben's palms were drawing on your skin. He massages your thighs, but his thumbs edge up the curve of your ass, closer to their target. His fingers knead and squeeze at the soft flesh of your inner thighs, paying special attention to the hypersensitive skin between your cunt and your thighs. When he ghosts his fingernail over the crease there and you clench your thighs together, he knows he’s got you. 

Rúben gets up from the bed, your innocent eyes follow his every move. He places his hands on your waist and with one swift move you are already laying on your back, on the bed, and he is hovering over you. The second your lips are in his line of sight, he’s on them. His own press enthusiastically to yours, a heavy pant released into your mouth as he braces his knees on the mattress. 

“I can't fucking take it anymore.” he groans, choking out his words in between kisses. His tongue is sloppy, licking up your own like he’s trying to swallow it. 

You’re having trouble focusing with his tongue lapping sensually at your own in smooth, eager strokes and his fingers skillfully pinching at your left nipple. When you jolt into his touch, your hips buck up and you feel his hard cock against your eager core, through his pants. 

Rúben hums approvingly into the kiss, parting with a sloppy trail of saliva and speaking hotly against your lips “So needy..gonna grind this pussy all over me?” 

“Ahh yes..fuck me Rúben. Please, fuck me..” you manage to breathe out he sucks harshly at the skin of your neck. You accentuate your words with another desperate roll of your hips, grinding your clothed cunt over his bulge. He's straining in the fabric of his boxers, a fact that makes your mouth water, and Rúben tears himself away from your neck to wrestle with his undergarments.

He knows you’re aching, burning with desire, because he is, too. His cock bounces free of his boxers and stands hard, angled towards his stomach and oozing pre-cum. It’s the most sexy sight you’ve ever taken in, you will never get tired of it. 

Rúben hisses as his thumb carasses against your panties, his fingers slip beneath the hemline. He feels your slick soaking through the fabric at the slightest pressure from his single finger, revealing just how wet you’ve gotten while waiting for him. 

“Oh my God, you’re dripping, meu amor.” Rúben groans, his voice thick and lustful as his face screws up in concentration, his sexy accent coming through. 

“R-Rúben, pleasee..” 

Rúben chuckled against the waistband of your panties, his hands hooked there and he pulled them down slowly, the material making your legs tingle from how gently Rúben removed them from you. He shifted further down the bed so that his head was right between your legs, and he leaned in closer and closer..you jumped when the cool tip of his nose brushed against your core and Rúben shushed you gently. The noise sent a vibration through you and you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to sink into the sound, finding comfort within the very person, who was making your blood sing in your veins. 

Rúben dived right in for a taste. He kissed your inner lips the way he usually kissed your mouth and you gasped, your hips arching up off the mattress to get closer to Rúben’s touches. He tested the waters with kitten licks, slow and careful, and he groaned at the taste of you. Like a switch had been flicked, Rúben’s hands curl around the plush flesh of your thighs so he could hold you open as he pressed his face into your folds, his tongue now beginning to explore your folds with a heated passion unlike anything you had ever experienced. You couldn’t help but to squeeze your thighs around Rúben’s head and the man groaned yet again, the sound sent another shockwave through your core. 

“Ohh..Rú- Rúbenn..” his name fell from your parted lips like a prayer, as your pleasure heightened. You could feel the mattress beneath you moving as Rúben rutted into it at the same pace that his tongue moved against your core. 

“Ah, baby..” you gasp, face pinched in half ecstasy, half dread as he sucks at your clit “..please, no..I’m gonna- I’m gonna cum!”

“Do it.” he urges, tongue licking a long, wet, slick stripe up your cunt before diving back between your folds “Cum on my face, baby. Come on, give it to me.”

“No. Want- I want to cum..with you inside of me..please..I need- need your dick!” you reach for his face, sitting up in your pleasured haze. 

“You can have it.” he promises, fingers coming to bully your puffy clit while he focuses his tongue on your vagina “Later.” 

His nose rubbed against your clit with every movement, his hips stuttering now, the rhythm of his mouth broken, but desperate, and the coil within your stomach tightened. Your thighs clenched, your core did the same around nothing and that coil within you snapped. Your orgasm crashed over you, through you, like a tidal wave and for just a moment - your mind, body and soul all merged together and you saw stars. 

Rúben is eager to continue even when you’ve finished, licking and sucking desperately at your sensitive pussy. It feels good, but you’re almost too sensitive already and you’re not waiting another second for his cock. 

“No, no..I want- “ Rúben doesn’t let you tell him what you want - he doesn’t have to, he already knows. He knows what you really want is in between his legs, so he surges forward, locking his lips with yours and using the momentum to lay you back down onto the mattress. 

“Oh, fuck..” you breathe, feeling his cock nudge at your sensitive cunt immediately “..fuck me, babe, plea-” he slams into you with no hesitation, hips on a mission to fuse with your own as he rams his cock into you. The rhythm is relentless, more desperate than you’ve ever felt him before, and you clutch at his broad shoulders as he buries his face in your shoulder. 

“Fuck.” he huffs, a grunting, groaning mess “Ugh..you feel so good. Oh, God.” he pants, mouth falling open and tongue flattening against your neck, swiping up over your jaw. His mouth latches there, sucking harshly just beneath your ear at the curve of your jaw. His hips drive the same steady pace into you, filling you up impossibly deep with each pump of his cock. His dick so hot and mind-numbingly hard, probably achingly painful too, as he buries it inside of you to get relief. The more he thrusts the deeper he goes in, until he’s slamming into your sweet spot, balls landing heavy against the curve of your ass as he fucks into you. 

“Rúbenn..” you moan, nails scraping against the tan, toned skin of his back “..don’t- don’t s- stop!” 

“I'm so close, fuck..” he grunts, voice muffled slightly in what you suspect is shame. His libido is strong and he doesn’t usually finish this fast. But with the aphrodisiac in his system you’re not surprised he’s cumming quickly, nor are you put off by it. In fact, you’re exceptionally aroused by it. The feeling of him fucking into you so eagerly, so needy - it gets you going like nothing else. You feel another wave of pleasure begining to creep in. With the constant motion of Rúben’s thick cock and every flex of his tongue over your neck, as he sucks bruises into your skin, you feel your orgasm approaching. 

Apparently, the way that your nails dig into Rúben’s skin is encouragement for him as well. Your thighs tremble from the weight of your previous orgasm, and the impending pressure of your next one, his dick twitches like it’s painful for him to keep it together. 

“It’s okay, baby..” you pant, scraping a hand up his back to cradle the back of his neck. He's still suckling on your neck, tongue and teeth working in tandem to mark your skin “You can cum. Feels sooo good, ughh..you feel so fucking good!” 

Your encouragement seems to help and his dick twitches again. You tug on his hair and his thighs tense. You yank his head back with a fistful of his hair, pulling him out of your neck to kiss him and invite him to occupy his tongue with your own instead of your throat. 

The second your tongue brushes against his own, he cums. It’s like a dam bursting, every ounce of arousal he’d tried holding in, busting from his head straight into your incredibly wet pussy. You’re already slick enough from all of your own release, but his own gushes from the seam between his cock and your vagina. 

“Fuck me. Oh my God.” Rúben pants, the words flowing directly between your lips as he mouths at your mouth. He’s desperate to do something with his mouth, he always has been, and it’s no surprise that he’d taken his time to appreciate your pussy earlier.

He licks over your tongue, his own tucking to the inside of your cheek for a brief second before he sucks at yours again. It only makes your own arousal more intense, and before you know it, your second, possibly more intense orgasm is seizing you, tensing your muscles and spasming through you. 

Rúben cums for a long time, dick twitching and spurting cum the more he makes out with you, and the more your cunt convulses around him. Your kiss is sloppy, it’s messy, there’s drool leaking down the corners of your mouth, and that’s what makes it so effective to stretch out his orgasm. When you’re both sure you couldn’t cum more even if you tried, he slumps over your chest, his full weight on you as he lays panting on your sweaty skin. 

“Fuck..that- ” he groans, voice broken and raspy with strain “that was the best sex we’ve ever had.” 

“Mhmmm..” you nod lazily, enjoying a rare moment of breathing freely “..yeah, we need to use those chocolates again.”

“For sure.” he agrees, his beard prickling against the skin at the slope of your breast “I didn’t think it would work.” 

“I'm glad it did.” you said thoughtfully, and you feel Rúben shift against your thigh, his cock already half-hard again. He grinds it into you, what you think is accidentally, but his groan lets you know it felt nice. 

“Baby..” you start, but he’s already rubbing up against you once more, humping his hardening cock against your thigh.

“I need- I need a little more.” he almost whimpers, tightening his hold on your upper half “Babe, i need more..please.” 

“Okay.” you soothe, kissing his sweaty forehead “Okay, umm..I want to ride you.” You replied. Uttering the phrase felt like jumping over a mental fence. You basically had to force the words past your lips. Although, once they finally escaped, you felt much less shy about it. Speaking so boldly to him felt very empowering. 

“Fuck yes.” He replied and lied on his back next to you, patting his thighs for you to straddle. “Ride me.” He said. It wasn’t a suggestion, it wasn’t a question, it was a command. It makes your knees feel wobbly and your legs feel like jelly. 

You obliged, straddling his body. “Watch me.” You commanded back, your eyes meeting his and a moan escaped his lips. He sat up on his elbows and obeyed, watching as you slid your soaked core up and down his dick. 

“Oh my god, fuck!” His eyes widened and his hands grabbed at your thighs. 

You took his dick in your hand and slowly guided it to your entrance, sitting down on him and taking him deep into your core. 

“Oh, fuck..you feel so big.” You said. You felt a small sting as he stretched your walls, but carried on. 

“A-and your wet little pussy is so fucking tight.” The words barely escaped his mouth as he was breathless. He stayed propped up on his elbows to get a full view. 

You began to slowly rock your hips, grinding your clit against his pubic bone, feeling him twitching inside of you. You moaned at the sensation, but he moaned louder. 

“Fuck- move up and down..” He said, his eyes glued to the spot that your bodies collide “Let me see my dick disappear inside of you.” 

You gasped at his filthy mouth once again, but granted his wishes. You moved your legs around so that you could stand on your feet and began moving up and down, bouncing on his dick, feeling how he stretched you with each motion. The new angle gave you new pleasure, he was hitting spots you never even knew existed before. 

“O-oh my god, baby-“ your voice was shaking. You knew at this point you weren't going to last much longer. And quite frankly, he wasn't going to either. 

“Yeah? Feels good?” You barely heard him say through the fog of your pleasure. 

“Yes, Rúben! Fuck..feels- oh, so good..” You were unable to form words.

You shouted, unsure of what you were even saying, as pleasure overtook your entire body. 

Your vision went white and the world became a blur. You didn’t even know if he had finished - by the time you came to your senses it was all over. You had collapsed onto his chest and his arms were around you, as he whispered god knows what into your ear. You truly were on another planet.

“..so fucking good. You were so fucking good.” He praised you. 

“What?” You mumbled out, blinking your eyes a few times as you grounded yourself, which caused you to giggle. 

“Are you alright, meu amor?” Rúben asked you, a smile could be heard in his voice. 

“Wonderful.” You hummed. You didn’t want to move. Your body melted into his. “I like filthy sex with you, Rúbes.” 

“I like any kind of sex with you.” Rúben said as he kissed your forehead. 

#ruben dias #ruben gato dias #ruben dias fic #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias imagines #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias x you #ruben dias x y/n #ruben dias smut #ruben dias fluff #football imagine #football imagines

[neon-ufo]

March 2023

Both me and my brother got sick throughout the month

Navid wore a cone for an entire week

Still reading Bionicle, got really into Toa Whenua

Album of the month: Maček Muri in Muca Maca 2 Song of the month: Mačji Banket

#i struggled a lot with how i should turn navid with his cone into a little pictogram #and i'm really proud with the final decision of making him a manuscript cat with a saintly halo lmao #luv diary 2023 #original character #oc #character design #luv #aesthetic #illustration

[thickenmyblood]

hi maca :) do u already know when you can post chapter 20? im so sad about hiuh ending but also so excited for some happiness :( also, will it really only be 20 chapters or will you add one or two more? in any case, thanks so much for all the time and effort you put into this! I loved every second I spent reading this fic <3

hello!!! well, i was supposed to post ch20 on feb 1st . . . but that obviously did not happen. this month is the month though!!!! I'll try to make it happen before march.

about the chapter: yes, it's the last chapter ever. there will be no more. ever. honestly, I don't think you'll want another chapter after this considering the rough draft I'm working with is 250 PAGES

#anon #hiuh #ch20 will NOT be 250 pages #so don't even be like oof no one's gonna read that much blablabla #i'm TRIMMING IT #i'm giving it a shave #i was making good progress before the power went out lol #and yes there is happiness this chapter STOP WORRYING IM GONNA MAKE IT SAD I WONT #i mean yeah there are always sad bits but if you read ch20 and say it's a sad ending i'm kms #AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOUUUUU #sometimes i sit here and think that this is the culmination of 3-4 years of work and i'm like what the actual fuck #somebody sedate me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i also think of all the shit i wrote and never posted and i'm like what's wrong with me like ???????? girl #anyway yeah disabled laurent lives on in my mind and so does the camping trip fic and so does ur mom's dick

[puuta-heinaa]

Joker Out, Paris (Café de la danse) 22.3.2024

I arrived at the venue around 14ish, and was third to last in the EE queue. However queueing is part of the party! I exchanged sooo many bracelets and met amazing people, some of which I just met that day, some I knew from Discord or tumblr or earlier gigs, couldn't have been happier. Got selfies with Bojan and Jan?? Hug from Bojan??? HELLO. That would never happen in Finland. I described his hug as jämäkkä and turvallinen, which roughly translates to sturdy and safe.

Some of the bracelets I made for the concert!

Met someone in the queue who had hawk's eyes and who encouraged me to go and ask for a selfie with Jan, and later on she spotted Bojan on the street 100 m before everyone else did. I had a chance to give Bojan 3 2 ananaslonkero -bracelet that I'd made, with a tiny drink charm. If the main joke in fandoms is that a hug from your blorbo would cure you? well it's true. Getting a hug from Bojan removed some stiffness between my shoulder blades that I didn't even know was there. It was literally easier to breathe after the encounter. I also kept vigorously shaking for 3-5 minutes afterwards, so much that some people asked if I'm ok. Just released years worth of trauma ig. Also LOTS of happy hand stims throughout the day, my autism was showing lol.

Jan was outdoors SMOKING!!! And Bojan had charmingly dirty hair! He was taller than I had thought.

ANYways the gig !! I ended up on Jance side, which was nice as I was on Kris' side in Helsinki. Whole stage was about as wide as K-18 section at Kultsa, and I think they suit better on smaller stages.

We got Vem da Gres and Gola in soundcheck! I was wearing Vem da gres -bracelet that I got in Helsinki a few weeks ago and thought about that person for a few seconds!

Gola was ok. Bojan got disney mickey ears, and he was wearing my 3 2 ananaslonkero bracelet. Bojan also got a maca plushie that he was NOT scared of, he even made it fly.

Kris left the stage as soon as the last notes of Gola were over, other boys stayed jamming in accelerating speed for couple of more minutes. I showed them my UM sign that only read "I want to sing UMAZAN" at that point. :')

20h02 was ok, didn't connect with their music at all though. JC Stewart seemed a bit sick, but sounded good nevertheless. Finished my sign.

They started with Katrina and Bele Sanje, and people were singing even guitar riffs along. Dopamin hit like dopamine followed by Ne bi smel, Nace was staring at me several times during those songs.

Liinu's superb edit of staring sc Nace and struggling Kris and Arcti's edit about Jan's forgotten library books made my day

People were already singing along to Sta bih ja, and Bojan was sooo happy (and sweaty. We were all very sweaty, the concert hall was ridiculously warm.). Kris disappeared for a moment in the beginning of Sta bih ja, and Bojan looked like a lost puppy (wait, where is kris?? about 5-10 seconds into sta bih ja). Bojan said Kris didn't like how Jan played the riff and that's why he left the stage :P. Jan flipped a bird to him.

Decibels raised by about 20 when they played Ona and Demoni. Turns out they might be the easiest to sing along for absolutely everyone, not just for people who speak Finnish. Bojan looked me directly into eyes during second verse of Demoni for several seconds, and I felt so seen (in a good way). EE was definitely worth its price.

In Helsinki I felt like the setlist was over before it even started, but in Paris it felt more like we were really dancing and playing until the stars fade. I think it had something to do with how much they interacted with each other and with the public during each song. In Helsinki they seemed like they had forgotten how to be on stage, and there was just TOO MUCH SPACE, whereas Paris had Nordic Tour energy.

They all moved a LOT on stage!! Kris was on jance side several times! Nace had a mating dance thingy going on with Kris at least twice, Jan once. Jan interacted with the public on Kris's side a few times. Bojan almost run into Kris at one point - no wonder he caressed Kris's arm to let him know he's there before grapping his hips?? and dancing behind him??? during Behind those eyes. It's cafe de la danse after all.

Def thinking "THIS is how we'll trend on tumblr tonight" right after the famous dance

Everybody's waiting and soooooo many people raised hands when Bojan asked in his spiel before the song if anyone here suffers from panic or anxiety attacks, and I think it made everyone feel less alone. He sang I'm the problem it's me -line to make things a bit lighter before proceeding to the song.

We got Omamljeno Telo and I felt SOOOO HAPPY (but also sad for Moonu) but also SOOOO HAPPY it was on the setlist, I think I screamed VITTU JES on top of my lungs (manifesting it for Ruisrock huh). Famous water spray on Jan during OT, and it shows I've grown old, because instead of "yeeeess I want Bojan's spit on me" I went "rat disease, why am I not wearing a mask".

Everyone sang along during CD, not in French though even if there was a fanproject French translation published a whole 28 hours before(....). Plastika hit like a hammer once again, but I think I was already waiting and stressing for UM, so I didn't mosh for example. Which, good idea, because my neck was soooo sore after Helsinki.

Bojan announced the karaoke song, and asked which versions we have today. He saw my sign, asked "Slovenian version?", to which I "said" (from 4th row on Jan+Nace side) Finnish version, and he heard it and corrected himself and said perfect. I was not afraid at all even if I knew I'm probs going to sing in front of about 500 people in 5ish minutes???? How??? I'm usually a ball of anxiety but here I was just proud and excited to sing my version of it.

I loved the Bretogne/French version (I've still no idea what were the words, but it rhymed super well and she sang well, but that was def NOT paris region French), cringed at some of the "translations" because they did not fit the lines and did not rhyme, sang along to Slovenian versions in Finnish, felt bad for one of them as the karaoke singer started at the wrong moment and Bojan spent most of their special moment trying to orchestrate the band.

When Bojan approached with "I think we still have a Slovenian version, OH NO, A FINNISH VERSION" I chortled, and felt the last bits of nervousness disappear. (Cue "some boat, titanic, oh no".) I had my ACTUALLY finger pointing moment, which, on point with my personality, telling him it's a hybrid version. I don't know what he meant with SUOMI SAA, but it was NOT full-on Suomi SAATANA, that much is certain. I quite like the idea/interpretation he was making a pun with SAA(tan)Are you ready? But who knows. Sad about missed chance to answer "ArE YoU???" now that I think about it, but at least I wasn't the only one who failed the moment :') . Speaking of cursewords though, a histronic youngster next to me did shout vittu though! I loved my spot but she was super annoying throughout the evening.

The Finnish version is in the beginning of this one, and the Arabic version right after Finnish version is AMAZING. The French version is on the first part, as well as Bojan going "uuu Finnish version? perfect".

Started in Slovene, which made him have a Ok?? face, but when I switched to my own Finnish version that rhymes with the Slovene version, he raised his brows and seemed so impressed that I just nodded to him, sending telepath(et)ic messages that yes, our languages match and rhyme, about time you collaborate with Jere. I think he remembered I asked for a hug in the afternoon, because he did not hug everyone during karaoke. Afternoon hug was better btw.

I love his little surprised smile right when I finish the first Finnish line on this one

I usually think quite a lot about how other people perceive me, but now I didn't give a single fuck, just enjoyed being the main character for 20 seconds, having this interaction with my blorbo. Forever grateful for the 4 different angles I received from friends I made in the queue, and 1 from a random guy who asked me after the concert if I'd like to receive a video he took of me singing. Even Vita was filming the whole thing with her big light + camera + phone ensemble. I often sing in my car, and even IMAGINING i'm singing karaoke makes my voice suddenly tiny and weak and compressed, so I'm overflowingly glad it went this well, you have no idea even if I've just bragged about it for 4 paragraphs.

I later realised I was the only one who didn't hold the mic themself, this is a clear example how I objectify the boys, seeing Bojan just as a mic stand.🫣😵‍💫

I got fluent Kiitos from Bojan, that guy needs to move to Finland he speaks Finnish so well. Also LMAO I forgot to sniff him in the afternoon, now I'm praying the snifff I took after karaoke wasn't too evident and doesn't show on Vita's video……….. Jere is wrong, Bojan does not smell like shit, but there were no parfume smell either? He just smells like nothing in a pleasant, pheromone rich way lol.

my translation: Sanje so tvojega okusa Aamuihin taas tuoksusi Neula ei haarukassa Sieluni on hukassa Etsimässä tietään luoksesi

I haven't figured how to translate the first line. I've been playing with "Makus' on tarrannut uniini", but it does not rhyme with the og well enough. Otherwise super proud of my version. Neula and haarukka are parts of compass, basically saying the compass is layed on the map the wrong way. 🧭

This is how small the place was??? I was in 3/4th row, and the hat guy in the right corner was right behind me during the concert so the club truly was tiny.

Apparently bubbles were not allowed on stage in Cafe de la danse? But some people had brought their own so we had bubbles anyway.

Jure exchanged his drumstick to a breadstick. I laughed because a) it was a clever pun and b) such a stereotypically French thing to bring a BAGUETTE wrapped in a napkin to a concert. Also no wonder boys are always sick, I don't even want to know how many people touched that bread before it was on stage.

Life is pain (in mouths)

We waited for the boys after the concert outside the venue in the rain, and they walked past quite quickly. Bojan stayed for 30 seconds to take a group selfie. <3

Honestly so happy I traveled there and met amazing people and surpassed myself on so many levels.

I feel like 2004 again, because that's when I last made a post this long on livejournal and also when I last was this hyped about a group.

I loved band's AMAZING OUTFITS in Café de la danse, everyone had some idrija lace on them, and I'm afraid my next special interest will be bobbin lace.

#joker out #cafe de la danse #my concerts #sys tour #umazane misli #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #nace jordan #jan peteh #jure maček #metrijormaus

[uwuowotf2waslife]

What does your husbando/waifu/nonbinary barbie-crotched S/O says about you?

TW: slight teasing,but oh well...., also nsfw themes and swearing ( sowwy)

TEAM FARTRESS 2

Scooter/weanie man: complete morosexual or the unhuman need to take care of Boston inhabitants with room temperature EQ ( en englais: you have the mommy/daddy/parent kink and you want to show that boi all the love he deserves)

Soldier: you are a human carpet ( sub) or so Dom my sibling in Christ I am terrified. You think his bravery/randomness is endearing or you got roped in by every tumblr/wattpad headcanon potraying him as the ultimate beefcake ( cant argue with you, mofo built like a brickhouse on steroids without the roids.)

Pybro: A. you are a nonbinary peep and any nb representation makes your ovaries/balls/reproductive parts COMBUst with excitment. B. intense latex/leather kink with slight burn/wax play on main. I am both afraid and faschinated by your ability to flesh out on a person we barely know the most basics of their personaility, Godspeed you allmighty bAstERD <3

eNGIe: cowboy appreciator, daddy seeker and parental figure creamer connesuer, you fell in love with the ( here ) so much you actively search and look out for the gruff, wrench handling and guitar-playing texas man of your dreams. No matter your gender or sexuality engie hits that hotspot only the daddiest of daddies hit !

Heavy: rare breed of bear enjoyer, probs an older sibling that wants to make the older sibling ( tired, unhydrated and slighty (( extremely)) in need of therapy) pair. Probably not a huge shipper since you view HeavyMedic as more of a platonic pairing, or you are of the rarest Medicx Reader x Heavy poly sandwich. Please dont hug him too tight, hell hug tired and make your eyes pop like a cheap pop eyed toy.

Demo: contrary to popular belief, you are not a bbc enjoyer/seeker, Demoman isnt just a sextoy to you. He is just the only level headed person you see in a team of morons ( for u) or manchildren with murder tendencies and well, JUST LOOK AT HIM, HE IS BUILT WITH ABBS LIKE A WASHBOARD AND LOVES HIS MOM, HE IS NOT HUSBAND MATERIAL. HE IS SOULMATE/LOVE TILL DEATH ( WONT DO YOU PART, HE KNOWS MAGIK TO RECITATE YOU) , PLEASE I SALUTE YOU YOU GLORIOUS TAVISH ENJOYER!

Medic: WE GET IT HE IS HANDSOME AND SOUNDS EITHER LIKE A CHICKEN WITH A TOP TIER DANTE DEMON OR HOT GERMAN GILF! Please dont canoodle him so hard, youll throw out his back or break his hip. Also very questionable kinks ( i see you blood kinksters). You unironically are the I cAn MakE HiM So MUch WorSE squad and you scare me.

Sniper: yes he is the ratman ofyour dreams and yes he is also really pretty, but please stop treating him like a man who aint also a hired killer. Yes he wont even think to correct his Macas orders, but he will and can make you swoon so hard you look redder than Pyros suit, mans gots that outdoors, unshowered , rugged swagg and he is rocking it harder than the fricking 80s <3 <3

Spah: yesh you have a french kink, yes you want him to whisper in your ear soft french while he btters your bagguet, probably into dilfs or gilfs in the distance because none is a dilf /suave/sensual enough for you. ( perfume isnt a shower, go to shower now, mon petit coucou

RESIDENT EVIL VILLAGE ( or the bimbofied RE4)

Lady Alcina Dimitrescu: a cis male/ a sapphic soul/trans,enby vagabond who respectfully wants to drown while motorboating he absolute units of bazoongas. Perhaps slight size kink and perhaps a person who doesnt mind a good blood slurped by their F! S/O if their tumm had the ramblies. Please dont go overboard, or youll enter the unholy assemblange of vore/stuffing kink irl

Donna Bienevento: creepypasta kid, you unironically got spooked first time you read Jeff the Killer. Probably into some questionable types of literature, hardcore horror enjoyer who also has a sanrio addiction. You have tried some kinds of handcraftmanship and might even have some hobbies that involve handiwork. I applaud you, but please dont give the basement FEOTus monster your choccy milk, itll have the zoomies and knock of angies card-castle.

Salvatore Moreau: the epitome of I can fix him! peeps, probably slight hurt/comfort enjoyer. You saw how dirty all the other treat him and you crave to make fish man happy. Both feet in monsterfuckening domain, unironically want to do the dirty while he is at monster form. Maybe you saw the Shape of Water and your brain did the thingy, but oh well, please continue on and make the lord of the reservoir the happiest fish in the sea!

Karl Heisenberg : you slimy, daddy kinked bAsterds, cant we have one game with a slight rat man with a good VA without yall flocking to him like lycans to his factory for french toast scraps??? slight bdsm enjoyer, or person who wants metal rat man happy and softened out like a soviet made breadcutter blade after a top tier professional restoration. Either way, please handle with care he may cry if you hug him the good way

The duke: an absolute chad who may or may not want to drown all your sorrows to a large, beautiful, suave man hug ( or man-thing, you never know.) You seriously deserve the world, because you be pumping fics faster than a heated political debate on Reddit. Also probably a slight hand kink, we all show those monsters at the Shadow of Rose DLC.

#tf2 fanfiction #tf2 headcanons #re8 headcanons #tw sex mention #tw bullies #tf2 fandom #tf2 facts #re8 facts #re8 shitpost #re8 lords #tf2 x reader #re8 x reader #lady alcina #donna beneviento #karl #salvatore moreau #tf2 #tf2 medic #tf2 scout

[da-proti-toku-grem]

Okay I don't want this to sound cheesy, but I just relate a lot to what Nace said and I'm so emotional right now so I need to say this.

I have always been the typical quiet girl in class that everyone ignores or even laughs at. Honestly, I have never been very affected by the fact that they picked on me and, since I always ignored them, they stopped doing so after a few years (they still ignored me but at least they didn't laugh at me)

I have always said that it did not bother me to be alone every day at school, because I knew that when I got home I had my family there for me and with them and their support was enough for me to be happy, but it is true that this fact has shaped me as a person. Because of this, I am a fairly closed person, it's very difficult for me to open up to people and trust them, I prefer to stay at home than go out partying, I never talk about my interests with anyone I know in real life (e.g. not even my lifelong best friend knows about my obsession with JO), and many other things that I'm not going to write because otherwise this will be too long.

What I wanted to say is that entering this fandom has been one of the best things that have happened to me in my life. It may sound stupid, but it's true. When I started posting about a finnish rapper and a slovenian band just because I liked their songs at Eurovision, I never would have thought that people would start interacting not only with my posts but also with me.

This fandom feels like a safe place, a place where I can say exactly what I think without thinking that someone is going to judge me for it.

I'm very bad at expressing my feelings with words (another thing due to everything I've explained before I guess), but I just want to thank everyone who interacts with me, sends me asks, tags me in posts or simply responds to my posts. No matter how minor they may seem, those interactions mean the world to me.

I may not have found my people in real life yet, but knowing that there are people out there, even in other countries, who care about me is something very precious to me.

Since joining the fandom, I've felt a lot better about myself and also more confident in my own skin. Not only because of how happy the boys make me but also because of all of you. Just the thought that when I get home I'll be able to go on tumblr and talk to all of you keeps me going.

This past year has been terrible personally, especially because of the stress of the last year of high school. I have had a minimum of one anxiety/stress attack a week and, in general, I've had a very bad time. But this fandom has made me feel better in my own skin and I couldn't be happier with the decision I made back in May.

I'm going to shut up now because this has become too long, but I want to tell you that I love you so much and I wish I could hug you all.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. FOR EVERYTHING <3

#don't read this if you don't want to #but i needed to get this out of my system #joker out #fandom #mine #maca speaks #personal

[baronessblixen]

I had the opportunity to try Gillian's g-spot drinks while I was in England and so I did.

I promised myself that I would go into it unbiased and judge it fairly. Disclaimer: We all like different things! Me reviewing the flavors is just how I see (read: taste) them. My control group was my friend who tried each flavor as well.

Read my thoughts under the cut!

All three beverages are based on sparkling water and apple juice. Each has a different blend of herbal extracts. Now, I'm no expert, but for the most part, those other ingredients are used in very small doses. So really, in order for the nootropics and adaptogens to have any effect, you would have to drink more than one or two cans per day - and over a longer period as well.

The brand says that they "lie somewhere between a purist health drink that claims to change your life, and a mainstream soda brand that wants you hooked." That is one hell of a claim. Personally, I'm not sure how mainstream a beverage that costs £3,50 per can (0,33 l) can be.

The first one I tried was "Soothe". It's supposed to "calm your mind", according to the can, and has magnesium, maca, reishi, and ashwagandha as its ingredients. I had no idea what to expect and I can say in all honesty, I did not like the taste at all. My friend said it tastes like drinking medicine. To me, it tastes like sparkling cough syrup. It's because of the sage but also the slightly woody and bitter taste of the reishi.

Now let's move on to my taste test:

My next one was "Protect". That one uses ginger, turmeric, chaga and peppercorn, which I must admit sounded interesting to me. Well. What can I say? It tasted way better than "Soothe", but you must absolutely like the taste of ginger. My friend doesn't and said this one tastes even more like medicine.

The aftertaste was the worst. It would just not go away. I don't know if sage as a cure for anything related to colds and coughs is a German thing and that's we reacted so strongly to it. Anyway, I liked this one so little that I didn't dare to try the next one for another two days.

I saved the best for last: "Lift". From the few things I've read online, most people seemed to prefer this one. The ingredients here include bacopa, theanine, cordyceps, and lion's mane in addition to berries and peppercorn. I really liked this one because it's actually refreshing.

The aftertaste is not as insistent and quite nice with the gentle spiciness of the peppercorn and the turmeric. As I kept drinking it, I understood what my friend meant by saying it tastes like medicine though. Drinking the whole can was a struggle because the ingredients just get too much at some point.

Like "Protect", it's a bit spicy, but it works way better here with the berries. Though I must admit that I couldn't really taste the berries as well as I would have liked. As much as I liked this one, it's not something I would want to drink daily. Like the other flavors, this one, too, has several ingredients that taste bitter and/or earthy, like bacopa and lion's mane. It's just not my thing. My friend agreed that this was the best one, but she was like, one sip of this is enough.

Conclusion:

Oooof. I speculated with a friend (not the one who did the tasting with me!) what these would taste like and we originally thought it would taste like sparkling apple juice with some flavor. I don't know if it's a thing anywhere else, but Apfelschorle (sparkling apple juice) is a huge deal here and really, really tasty.

I didn't expect the bitterness and earthiness to be so prominent in the taste, to be honest. All in all, I expected more from these drinks- Especially at that price. None of these were so good that I was like, I want more. Maybe they are good for my health - though that's quite a claim - but so is water. And maybe the sparkling, flavored water you can buy at Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury's isn't as healthy (but it might be?), but it tastes much better. It's way cheaper, too.

All that aside, I'm still not sure what to think of the whole brand and the idea behind it. One thing, in particular, I'm missing is information about how the ingredients are sourced. Cordyceps, Lion's Mane, Reishi, etc. aren't exactly ingredients you can get everywhere.

Anyway, that's it from me!

#how to tag this #my taste test #i tried to like it okay? #like i didn't have anything to drink at home before i went shopping earlier #i chose tap water over the g-spot drinks #other people might like it! #this is just my opinion

[macabrecabra]

Is there any fic you would recommend us on ao3? Something that stole your heart or that was different/special for you?

This is difficult honestly....mostly because haven't read so many fics of late (no free time for the reading of fics for the past year ; w ;) but I can plug some people I do enjoy! @aaaaamorphous-entityy My bestie writes some good stuff here and the rare pairs I enjoy and always pop in when I can see to make list of things to read! LINKY TO THEIR STUFF!

The authors of the Diablo fandom are what really got me into both the fandom again and to work on a longer piece again after Overwatch, with a few inspiring me here! @fishyfiash writing the wonderful writing for the Diablo fandom HERE!

@mal-likes-biscuits and their awesome Archfall is worth a read as well and an inspiration too! HERE

@oyeedraw draws but also dabbles in some wonderful fanfiction! HERE @trackerwrites is another good author I've dipped toes in to read as well and hope to get more time to read more! HERE The ones that are super special/inspired me to write are from my fanfiction.net days before Ao3...and I wonder if any of em are still there :c should look for em.

(Also apologies....I am the worse at remembering to leave comments 83;; or I think I left em but I didn't.... I need to get better >.<)

#Maca speaks #some fanfic writers to peak at #all good people too! #Makes the fics even better honestly = w = #need to read more fics though in general 83

[bmacakizi]

-Değişiklikler-

Uzun zamandır buraya uğramamanın ardından hayatım uçurumdan aşağı düşen bir araba gibi mahvolmuş durumda..

Mart 2022 de sevdiğim çocukla sevgi adı altında yaptığım cahillik ve önlem almamaktan dolayı hamile kaldım... 6 ay boyunca kesintisiz sakladığım bu durum bebeğim 25 haftalıkken ortaya çıktı. 25 hafta boyunca nasıl sakladın derseniz şansım göbeğim olmamasıydı. Ardından olaylar sarpa sardı ve sevdiğim çocuk ve ailesiyle kalmaya başladım. Babam bebeğimi bırakıp gelmemi okumamı istese de kimse evladından cani olmadığı sürece vazgeçemez bende vazgeçemedim... 3 aralıkta doğum yaptım bu sırada ise Yavaş yavaş babam durumu kabullenmeye,abim hala küs,ablam ve annemle konuşmaya başladım. Daha kendim 17 yaşında bir çocukken bi anda anne oldum. Peki sadece anne mi oldum?

Tabiki de hayır. Daha kendim çocukken,genç kızken,ergenken kadın oldum,sonrasında ise eş,gelin,anne,öğrenci ve tekrar evlat olmaya çalışıyorum.

Her birinin kendine ait zorluğu var. Eş olmak sadece temizlik,yemek yapmak veya birlikte olmak değilmiş. Eğer gerçekten seviyorsanız karşınızdakini ona arkadaş,kardeş,anne,baba olmakmış. En sıkıntılı anlarda destek olmakmış. Kendinizin asla kabullenmiceği bir şeyi onun için susmakmış. Gelin olmak karşındaki büyüğüne sadece saygı duymak değilmiş. Onun elinde ki işi alıp senin yapmanmış,saygı duymak,sevmesen bile sevdigin insan arada kalmasın diye sevmekmiş,destek olmakmış,ara bulucu olmakmış. Anne olmak göründüğünden daha zormuş... Canı yandığında senin canının yanmasıymış,gerekirse 3 gün 0 uykuyla kalmakmış,bazen çok sinirlensen de kendini durdurmak,yoruldugunda tekrar güçlenip onun için savaşmaya başlamakmış... Öğrenci olmak okuldan kaçmalarla,derste uyumalarla olmuyormuş aslında; Öğrenci olmak en zorlu şartlar altında bile okuma istegiyle bi yerden tutunmaya çalışmakla oluyormuş. Evlat mı nasıl olunuyor? Evlat en kolay ama aslında en zoru. Senden asla vazgeçmezler biliyosun ama onların gözünde tekrar en iyisi olmak icin çabalıyorsun. Peki bu nasıl mı olunuyor? Eğer gelin,eş,anne,ögrenci olmayı en iyi şekilde başarırsan işte o zaman o sana bedava verilen evlatlılığı yaptığın aptalca bir hata yüzünden en zorlu şartlar altında kazanmakla olunuyor. Yoktan var eden babamın yüzüne bakabilmek için,her şekilde bana güvenip benden asla böyle şeyler beklemeyen abim için,benim yüzümden ablamın üstüne gidilmesin diye ve en önemlisi annemin "yine de benim evladım onu yarı yolda bırakamam" demesinin üzerine cabaları boşuna gitmesin diye. Ve her şeyin üstüne benimde gezmem,saçlarımı yapmam,makyaj yapmam,kendime bakmam şart. Bakın ŞART diyorum. Çünkü dedim ya ben bir KADINIM. Kadın dediğin bakımlı olur değil mi? Ve en önemlisi de kadın dediğin yorulamaz,yorulmaz. Öyle derler yani...

Peki ben Yorulmuyor muyum? Çok yoruluyorum. Cunku bir çok sorumluluğu bi anda aldım. Bazen insan olduğumu unutuyorum. Mesela en son ne zaman kendime gerçekten vakit ayırdım? Tek başıma sahile gittim? Sanırım en son 5-6 ay önce bir kitap bitirdim. KENDİ arkadaş grubumla en son haziran da buluştum. Gibi gibi ve daha fazlası...

Ama ne kadar yorulursam yorulim benim pes etme gibi bir hakkım yok. Durmaya,dinlenmeye en azından suan böyle bir hakkım yok. Belki ileri de dinlebilmem için suan yorulmam gerekiyordur. Bilemiyorum ileri de nolur. Çünkü geçen sene bana sen üniversite sınavına hazirlanamicaksin onun yerine anne olacaksın deselerdi bende inanmazdım. Ama hayat işte her an her şeyi başımıza getirebiliyor. Bunlara ağlamak yerine Herr şeyden bir ders çıkarmayı öğrendim. Düşünmeden yaptığım her hareket benim hayatımın dönüm noktası hatta hayatımın sonu olabileceğini öğrendim. Belki erken büyüdüm,belki zorlanicam ama belli mi olur belki çok mutlu olurum?

Başta "hayatım uçurumdan düşmüş bir araba gibi mahvoldu" diye baslamamin sebebi dikkatinizi çekmekti. Belki de her bitiş bir başlangıçta olabilir. Ağlamak,hayatım mahvoldu napicam demek yerine ayakta durup pozitif düşünmek,çözüm odaklı olmak hayatınızı daha yasanılabilir bir hale getirebilir. İnanın bana.

-SON-

《Maça kızı》

#book review #bookish #booklr #currently reading #education #maca kızı #fiction #illustration #harry potter #photography #kadınlar #karantina #black and white #wattpad

[koraibot]

also got the act 2 of wano !!!!!

#ive read it so fast actually #maca watches op #also i read this docs with theories and answered questions and like #ppl who go that much into detail #how do u guys genuinely enjoy things #i mean of course you have to remember things and like this foreshadowing thing is fun #and mysteries but ppl are just so #uuuuuhhh idk

[tyhi]

porridge for champions (only)

you gotta prepare some of this the night before, so that the phytase enzyme in the buckwheat can get to work on the phytic acid in the oats to release the minerals and make them bioavailable and generally make all of this easier to digest and stuff.

combine the following in a jar or saucepan and mix it up:

oat flakes, however much you want to eat idk. you can play with the oats-to-water ratio to make more of a dry/fluffy or a wet/smooth porridge. the range is around 40-110 grams for one portion, depending on what you're going for. a tablespoon of oats is about 10g

½-2 tbsp of buckwheat -- i use raw crushed groats. less processed = richer in enzymes. crushed is a good balance between cooking time and enzyme content, i think

1-2 tbsp sunflower seeds, chia seeds or pumpkin seeds for extra nutrients, variety, texture :) (optional)

pinch of salt

water - soak em. enough to cover the oats etc + a lil extra bc they soak it up and expand. NB if you want dry/fluffy porridge then err on the side of less water, ie just enough to cover the stuff. this is part of why i use a saucepan to soak, cuz it takes less water to do this = fluffier porridge.

cover with a lid and leave at room temperature overnight.

cooking: add some fat. i love using fatty coconut milk or just coconut oil, or goats milk butter or even some kind of animal fat. i turn the heat to medium-high at first to get it all hot while mixing it, and then i leave it on low for a while. takes like 30 minutes or so

completely optional, i usually add some of these b4 i start cooking:

plain protein powder (im a fan of hemp protein personally)

maca and/or ashwagandha

matcha powder - ive really been liking this lately

collagen supplement (if u have an autoimmune condition pls look into healing gut permeability btw. even if u dont have digestive problems. ily)

carob powder my beloved. or cocoa powder. or both

or if u like savory porridge: curry powder, smoked paprika, leek, herbs, pepper

egg

& some possible toppings:

any kinda nutt butter u like <33

stick some chocolate in there and watch it melt

jam. classic

honey and cinnamon

coconut sugar syrup

berries, frozen or fresh

some reading materials btw:

#food #recipes #my stuff #oat porridge #updated 22.2.24 #updated 25.2.24 #use a saucepan #updated 12.3.24 don't really need That much water honestly i often end up with oat flakes not really touching the water in the morning but #they've still soaked. idk how much contact they've really had with the enzymes from the buckwheat but alas i need that fluffydry porridge rn #i change this up a lot ok? these are just guidelines