#made me smile for ages

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[inuhodo]

They keep a stool empty for you at the Hanged Man.

clouds practice that turned into pain.. every day i think about how kirkwall is filled with ghosts and my hawke is just one in a long line of many haunting the place. perhaps she's the loudest.

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #dragon age inquisition #varric tethras #hawke #i know thats not what the statue looks like in game i just made it more fereldan sue me #PAINED SMILE AS I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT VARRIC AND AVELINE AND MERRILL LIVING IN KIRKWALL WITH THIS BIG EMPTY SPOT #I LOVE HERE LIES THE ABYSS CAN YOU TELL

[neroushalvaus]

And why did we meet in the middle of a war? What a silly thing for anyone to do.

Jak Malone as Hester Leggatt in Operation Mincemeat

Footage by @lasagnatrades

#my fingers have been itching to make this #i love her your honor #(yes her name is actually spelled with an a; thank findhester for that information) #that little smile is so cute. i needed to gif it. #operation mincemeat #hester leggatt #lasagnatrades #my gifs #seeing this broke me #i haven't made gifs in ages so i'm a little rusty.. luckily this musical has Inspired me so expect improvement very soon

[ghost-proofbaby]

well i just had an older!eddie idea that is going to haunt me.

#eddie munson #stranger things #ghost talks too much #and thinks too much #just hear me out #older!eddie and older!reader #you dye your hair to cover your greys cause society fuckin whatever and yeah yeah he's against it yes he's adorable and sweet about it all #the greys are just proof y'all are growing old together #but then one day the younger kids (who aren't very young anymore) made a joke that got him thinkin #and so he asks you to dye and help him cover *his* grey hairs #and suddenly the roles are reversed #and there's something something about worshiping him and just reminding him how you love the streaks in his hair #you love the wrinkles that show when he smiles beside his mouth and eyes #you love those subtle symptoms of aging that you've witnessed come around #it means you've loved him for many years #you get to love him for many more #idkidkidkd #i will not write this but i'm thinking about it #i wanna grow old with him and shit that's sort of gross right #booooooo #alright im done back into the abyss of trying to write #just eddie getting self concious about growing old and you reminding him how fucking metal it is i guess ALRIGHT IM REALLY DONE

[littldoctor]

Doctor who - S2E8 - The Impossible Planet

#tenth doctor #doctor who #david tennant #10th doctor #billie piper #rose tyler #tvshow #the impossible planet #this broke my heart but aos made me smile a lot #the doctor is terrified of settling down without even mentioning the age problem still #like having a life in one place a family #then again maybe its because he already lost all of those things before

[todayisafridaynight]

no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo

#snap chats #is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds #ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much #i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day #not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀 #excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT #this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE #got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up #AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu #and then immediately made up for it a minute later #sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up #i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided #thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ... #him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet #im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo #im gonna be sick i love him so much #if i redraw this later shut up. i love him... #this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt #its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do .... #and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!

[bluehattedapprentice]

Luke as unhinged things my little brother said while we were watching the professor Layton movie ft Clive as my actual face when he said those things

#apprentice art #professor layton #luke triton #clive dove #clive has no hat bc hats a hard :( #my brother has a similar age to luke and i'm like a year younger than clive so this is extra funny to me #I asked him why he was being unhinged and I just made him laugh #and probably gave him reason to be MORE unhinged #I love him sm fdjkhgdkfjg #he liked the movie btw! I don't think puzzle games are his thing but i'm happy he liked the movie at least #he did manage to solve the movie's puzzle with ease! #I tried so hard to hide my proud older sister smile so he would only know he was right when the movie showed it #he popped off so hard everytime it was so cute #anyways hi if you read all of these have a great day :D

[kurj]

Have a minoan bull leaper!! My previous drawing of her and her snake: click. Outfit based on this fresco from Knossos.

#minoan #tagamemnon #crete #ancient greece #bronze age aegean #watercolor #im depressed but drawing this made me smile #kurjdraws #still picking a name for her #my minoan art

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando and Fisi pictures that I like and enjoy a normal amount (pt. 1: 2005)

#please please please lmk in the tags which are your favs and why #ill go first: the one where theyre holding up the engine in a very babygirl way and the one where theyre being picked up #but also all the post aus gp ones(the ones where they're holding hands above their heads) #ALSO THE ONES OF THEM IN STRIPED SUITS IT IS SERVING CORRUPT MAFIA MEN #actually i need to stop before i list every pic...like the point of the post is that i love all these pics.... #anyways i think theyre v endearing to me as a duo bcs theyre relatively the same height and those cute renault suits make them look shorter #so theyre like twins or smth to me LOL #(btw i was so surprised to learn that fisi is almost a decade older than nando! they rly dont look that much different in age) #also this is not an insult btw but fisi is endearing to me bcs his smile always looks like hes looking directly into the sun LOLOL #i think at some point i should rly make a fisi comp post bcs i ended up saving a lot of pics of him bcs he is my unexpected blorbo #these are all def 2005 but if not feel free to come admonish me for mixing up djkskd #ill make a 2006 pt 2(bcs ive yet to delve into those archives just yet) #i could probably make a 2005 pt2 honestly bcs i have like uhhhhh...2-3x the amnt of pics here of them! #so yeah lmk if you would like those too :) the grind never stops in terms of deep diving pics #this post kinda makes me wish i made photo highlight posts along w my post-race gifs #also if you want to enquire as to what race/event a specific pic is feel free to drop an ask or dm #fernando alonso #giancarlo fisichella #renault #2005 formula 1 #formula 1 #f1 #formula one #renault nando #fa14 #fisico #fisi #we do a little bit of f1

[ro55ocorsa]

I recognize in thieves, traitors and murderers, in the ruthless and the cunning, a deep beauty - a sunken beauty.

#this was meant to be done a few days after singapore #but I had to go to a wedding and then university is busy so I kinda lost motivation #so now its kinda in vain cause of Max's win at Suzuka lmao #my waffling out of the way Singapore made me smile for days after I was so happy people were finally seeing Carlos #for the ruthless intelligence he is #and i've loved this quote for ages and i think its the f1 quote tbh #because this sport really is about nothing about the perfection of ruthlessness in the end #anyway waffling over #f1 #formula 1 #carlos sainz #carlos sainz jr #f1 fanart #singapore gp 2023 #red bull #ferrari #scuderia ferrari #f1blr #my art #dead animal

[hughlegat]

Mona Lisa smile + Ivy by Taylor swift

#Taylor swift #here’s a good version of that post I made ages ago #lesbians #lesbian characters #mona lisa smile #dark academia #ivy taylor swift #Ignore me getting the last pics off youtube #betty x giselle

[zaharacrossing]

Deli and Marina throwback :')

#i haven't had them in ages but this made me smile when i was looking through my switch gallery #myscreenies #mypics #my pics #sunflower #villager interactions #ac deli #deli ac #ac marina #marina ac #acnh #animal crossing new horizons #animal crossing #ac screencap #ac screencaps #acnh blogs animal crossing fandom #acnh community #acnh screenies #acnh blog #ac blog #animal crossing blog #animal crossing fandom #Nintendo #ac villager #acnh screenie #acnh screenshot #New Horizons #ac villagers #ac community #animal crossing community

[bloodshotgun]

thought of an au where angie doesn't die and has a baby with a guy who actually loves and cherishes her and mark gets to be an uncle and felt so nauseous i almost blacked out

#put this fucker into a room with his very tired but very happy sister and let him hold a tiny baby in his big clumsy hands #instantly feeling absolutely crushing love for the tiniest living thing he ever held. terrified of dropping her or holding her too tight #reminded of how he held angelina when she was a baby (12 years hoffman siblings age difference save me). tears running down his face #yet when angie asks if he's okay he just looks at her with the smile so wide it must hurt his face and says that the baby has her eyes. #im so normal about this #can you tell im gonna become an uncle soon and is projecting wildly? no you cant #saw #mark hoffman #daneil made

[todayisafridaynight]

i cant capture it in a single picture but the pain and agony i felt watching this shit in front of my very eyes. this was evil <- needs every frame of it in a museum

#gaiden spoilers #snap chats #LIKE STOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP #LET DAIGO SEE HIS DAD YOU ASSHOLES #HIS DOWNCAST LOOK :(((((((((( WAAAAAAHHHH ill forever cry about this grown ass man leave me alone #i just want him to have a hug.......... give my middle aged child a hug idcidc #PLEASE THE WAY DAIGO WAS TRYING TO APPROACH HIM STOPPPPPPP I ALMOST WANNA CRY this game was so evil #it was so delightfully evil and im gonna think about it until january 26th #i was kicking my feet in anguish shit hurted #the one saving grace of this torture to my soul was seeing daigo do his lil hand clap after they left the building.... that was cute... #bro was basking in the sunlight like a lizard... i love him so much and no one even knows how much i love him.... #i loved seeing daigo seem so casual for once...... i love him so so much please let him smile more god thank you... #i have to squeeze my daigo i said i was playing minecraft I Lied the mental illness is taking hold of me once more #anyway gonna go look at arakawa. from this same segment HIS FACE AT TENDO PLEASE IT MADE ME GIGGLE MORE THAN IT SHOUDLVE #he didnt even kill you yet son why are you so pressed. ily. #ok bye

[kimtaegis]

that hots episode was soooooo fun omg

#probably my fave dance style out of all that are being introduced in the show!!! #watching them made me smile so hard #also as someone who’s interesting in video editing and vfx. brooo that editing must’ve taken AGES #*interested #all that tracking and rotoscoping 😭 #and the comic/ painting style for the last performance??? so sick