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patchofsunlight · 4 years

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Warmth | Zuko x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Avatar!Reader AU | Zuko has made many mistakes and holds uncountable regrets, but maybe Y/N can still love him back. Spoiler: she does.

REQUEST (by anon): “Could you do a zuko with maybe a f! avatar? Him falling in love with her like how they joked in ember island play. And him being tormented when she 'dies' in cross roads and them having some tender moment of confessing either in the western temple or ember island? maybe the play has the kiss and he confesses idk”

WORD COUNT: 5.3k

WARNINGS: Y/N is the Avatar, so Aang doesn’t exist. kissing, there might be swear words but I don’t really remember, bad editing. lots of mutual pining and some angst. I don’t know if I did this request justice but I really tried?

OBSERVATIONS: there’s a bit of Sokka x Reader bc I’m a weak woman but in the end he’s the main Zuko and Y/N shipper. not having Aang seriously hurt me. I wrote most of the Zuko sad rant in the beginning listening to Words Fail by Ben Platt and I think it would be interesting if you guys listened to that while reading? idk

I hope you all like it!!! feedback is always appreciated, so keep that in mind and thank you very much for reading!!

There was a hole inside his chest that Zuko simply couldn’t get rid of. It hurt him to his core, bringing pained sobs to the edge of his throat and slowly dismantling his soul.

He always thought getting rid of Y/N would quench his anger, rebuild his honor and complete his destiny. Now, his father accepted him again, Mai was his girlfriend, and Azula treated him like a true brother, in her own deranged ways. The Fire Nation considered him a hero, the man who killed the Avatar.

Then why did it trouble him so much? Why did he wake up every night in a cold sweat, with tears stinging his eyes? Why did he have the same nightmare over and over where he was the one responsible for her death, hitting her with lightning and watching as the light inside her disappeared, leaving behind only her idle body and Katara’s desperate cries? Why couldn’t he be satisfied? He had fulfilled his fate. He had done what he was meant to do, sided with his people, and fought against his greatest enemy. Why wasn’t he happy? Why couldn’t he ever be happy?

Back in Ba Sing Se, he saw her at the Jasmine Dragon more than once. He couldn’t believe his eyes when she first entered the teashop, and he was pretty sure she had recognized him, but Y/N managed to send a polite smile in his direction and sit down, greeting “Mushi” with joy. When Zuko served her tea, she asked him what his name was as if she didn’t know. She didn’t confront nor attack him — she simply let him live his new life and went on living hers. It felt like she had washed off his sins, erased the bloodstains he carried in his soul and hands. Y/N freed him of his past and he had thrown it all away.

It was the right thing to do, he had told himself day after day after day. Except it wasn’t, and now Iroh refused to talk to him and the Avatar was probably dead and, in the case she wasn’t, she would never forgive him. She wouldn’t let him be free of himself again and he would never get redemption for his mistakes.

He wished he could go back in time and fight alongside Y/N in that crystal cave, wished he could live up to the trust Katara offered him before they were saved, wished he could have stopped Azula from throwing that lightning bolt. He wished he could do things in the right way, yet he couldn’t. Zuko tried so hard to regain his so-called honor and to bring his father pride but his only real achievement was engulfing himself in guilt and regret, being aware that powerful and forgiving Y/N could be dead because of his lack of dignity and character — this couldn’t be honor. Violence, betrayal, death, and hurt couldn’t be honor, and he wasn’t sure he wanted his father’s pride if it meant feeling like this, like he was no good, like he was not worthy of love or praise or admiration.

Zuko had spent a great part of his life hating himself, but nothing compared to the hate he felt every night after waking up from another crushing nightmare. How dared he make this about himself and his feelings of guilt when the Avatar could be dead? How dared he worry about the Fire Lord’s pride when the world’s last hope was gone? How dared he indulge in self-pity after all he had done? He didn’t deserve pity, didn’t deserve help, he only deserved to wallow in his own pain and die. But that wouldn’t fix anything, neither would it bring Y/N back — he had to act, and he had to do it fast.

Going after Team Avatar was not difficult. He thought he would feel complicated like he had when first betraying Y/N’s trust, thought it would hurt like coming back to the Fire Nation did. Thankfully, leaving only caused a new type of satisfaction to bloom inside his chest, giving him the sensation he was finally walking through the right path. Hope seemed to pour out of every pore in his body and he could somehow think of better, future days when he would have done enough to make up for his mistakes, days when he didn’t feel the urge to scream every time he looked at a mirror. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to despise himself like he currently did, maybe things would be okay and he would be truly happy, if that was even something he had the capability to do.

But then they didn’t want him. He left everything behind, he charged every inch of his hope with the idea of joining the Avatar, and they didn’t want him. Why would they? Why would they, after everything he had done? How could he have even considered they would accept him, that she would trust him again? Of course they didn’t want him. No one did and no one ever would and that was entirely his fault — it was his fault that he was a bad person, took the wrong decisions, and caused pain and destruction. It was his fault he never did the right thing and he should’ve known he would be rejected again, for being rejected was just what he deserved.

But it still hurt. Oh, Spirits, it hurt. She couldn’t even look at him, even after he helped them defeat Combustion Man and was finally accepted in the group. Sadly, it made Zuko realize that, no matter where he stood, he would never be a part of their team, and Y/N would never trust him entirely. For some reason, that was more upsetting than their rejection. He wanted to impress her, wanted her to like him, and she never would.

“Y/N? Can I—can I come in?”

The Avatar looked up from the map she was currently analysing on her bed, studying his figure carefully before nodding with hesitance, “yes. Do you need something?”

He sighed deeply and walked towards her, feeling his heart crack when she brought her legs closer to her body and away from him the moment he sat on the edge of the bed, “I—I just wanted to talk to you about, well, you know, everything.”

Her expression hardened and she averted her eyes back to the map, “we have nothing to talk about, Zuko. You can go back to your room.”

The Fire Nation Prince swallowed nervously, “Y/N, please. I’m so, so sorry. I have made so many mistakes, I—”

“Zuko,” her voice was firm and emotionless, but that quickly changed when she met his gaze, “I thought things could be different. I thought things could be different back in the North Pole, when we first talked to each other and you told me about Azula. I thought things could be different when you saved me as the Blue Spirit. And I was so convinced things would be different when we met again in Ba Sing Se that I—” she scoffed at her own words, “I had a crush on you, can you believe that? That’s why I visited the teashop so regularly, I just wanted to see you. Stupid, of course. I should’ve known.”

Zuko was sure she could hear his anxious heart beating from the other side of the bed. They were less than a foot away, and yet it felt like miles. He didn’t want her to think about him like that, he didn’t want her to be disappointed in him. Damn, she used to have a crush on him, she liked him, and he screwed everything up like usual. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m—I’m here now, I’m on your side.”

“Yeah, but I thought you were on my side back then too. Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. You need to teach me firebending and that’s the only reason you’re allowed here. Talking is unnecessary.”

“Please, I—”

“You should leave, Prince Zuko,” he flinched at the title escaping her lips, hating how it sounded bitter coming from her, “I have really important matters to deal with. We’ll start my firebending training tomorrow.”

“Y/N—”

“Leave, Zuko.”

With a heaviness inside his stomach, he left the room, missing if by a second the frustrated tear that ran down Y/N’s cheek. She wanted to trust him, but how could she? How could she let him in after his betrayal? She had always been forgiving, but she refused to be naive — seeing Zuko side with Azula in the crystal caves hurt her deeply and shoved her little crush on him down her throat. She couldn’t go through that again, it would be simply idiotic to. Y/N had to stand her ground. She wouldn’t be hurt by him again.

-----

“Hey, jerks. Mind if I watch you two jerks do your jerkbending?”

“Get out of—” Zuko was interrupted by the Avatar’s laughter. Sokka smiled softly at her, cheeks blushing. For some reason, that only managed to piss Zuko off even more, “get out of here!”

“Okay, take it easy. I was just kidding around,” the Water Tribe boy winked at Y/N, “see you later?”

“Sure, we still need to see that part of the temple we found yesterday. Exploration partners!”

“Exploration partners!” he agreed with a chuckle and turned away from them. “Bye, Y/N. Jerkbending… Still got it.”

Zuko glanced at her with irritation while she watched Sokka leave. He felt already incredibly frustrated for not being able to produce his fire and not knowing why, he definitely did not need to watch as Sokka and Y/N flirted.

They would make a cute couple, though, and she smiled so brightly at him it was physically painful to watch. He wanted her to smile like that at him, look like that at him. But she wouldn’t — she was over her crush and had no reason to ever feel anything towards him again, not after what he had done. He didn’t deserve her love anyway, so maybe it was for the best.

“So? Any progress, Sifu Hotman?”

“I told you not to call me that,” he snarled angrily and she sighed.

“Sorry, Sifu Hotman.”

“This was a mistake,” he sat down roughly, ignoring the ache on his legs due to the sudden movement, “maybe teaching you firebending is not my destiny.”

She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, not understanding, “what do you mean?”

“How can I teach you anything when I’ve lost my fire, Y/N?” he chuckled sadly, letting one of his hands go through his hair in distress. “I wanted to be on the good side of the war and I can’t even make myself useful.”

“You haven’t lost your fire, Zuko,” her voice was careful, “I think you’re just going through some internal conflict and that’s reflecting on your bending, but if you were meant to teach me firebending, you will. Your destiny is still your destiny regardless, Sifu Hotman.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re the Avatar! I’m not even sure who I am anymore, but you have always known what your destiny was.”

“Yeah, and I was scared of it,” she smiled softly, “I ran away and disappeared for a hundred years. People died because of my absence. I have made mistakes, and I have failed many, many times. Sadly, that doesn’t make me less of an Avatar. Zuko, if you must be my teacher, it’s gonna work. We’ll figure things out and you will get your fire back. Okay?”

He stared inside her eyes. There was still some sort of mistrust in them — she was willing to help him because she needed him, but still suspicious. She wasn’t really sure he was on their side, but this was a start. He was going to fix everything and he would make her proud. He would make Y/N happy to call him a friend. Or something more.

Maybe he had a crush on her, too.

-----

Toph’s idea to look for the original source of firebending had greatly backfired (no pun intended, even though Y/N could clearly hear Sokka’s laughter in her head at the joke). They traveled to the Sun Warriors’ ancient city and found an impressive temple adorned with statues. Things were going surprisingly well until they weren’t, and now they were stuck in a disgusting glue because Zuko touched the pretty gemstone. Hours had passed and Y/N was increasingly more annoyed at their situation.

“You had to pick up the glowing egg, didn’t you?”

“At least I made something happen! If it were up to you, we’d never have made it past the courtyard.”

“Maybe, but we wouldn’t be stuck here either, so did you really win?”

Zuko rolled his eyes, “this is stupid. How are we getting out of here?”

“Help!” the girl screamed as loudly as she could, being met with only silence.

“Who are you yelling to? Nobody’s lived here for centuries,” the Fire Prince argued and it was Y/N’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Well, what do you think we should do, genius?”

“Think about our place in the universe?”

Despite her current irritation, Y/N couldn’t help but smile at his words. He instinctively smiled back and she felt warmth spread through her chest.

She was starting to think she wasn’t as over her crush on him as she thought.

They were rescued by the Sun Warriors and judged by the last dragons, and Y/N was sure she hadn’t felt this alive in a while. After burning Katara (it was so long ago it seemed like a different life), she had thought of fire as something destructive, harmful, but she could now see it with new eyes. Fire could be love, life, and power.

The Avatar glanced at Zuko. Maybe she could try and see him as that, too.

-----

“You did well today,” Zuko complimented warily, avoiding her gaze, “if we keep up the training, you might become a better firebender than me.”

“Why, thank you, Hotman,” she smiled brightly and Zuko was sure he could pass out right there, “I just have a great teacher.”

“Y/N!”

The Avatar felt Sokka before she saw him, laughing at the way he hugged her from behind joyfully, leaning his chin on her shoulder. “Hey, honey. What’s up?”

“Doing fine,” he mumbled, brushing her hair off his face delicately, “wanna grab something to eat?”

“I think I’m gonna train some more and clean myself later. I’ll meet you after?”

“Sure! I’ll be back inside. See you, Y/N, Zuko.”

They both watched as the Water Tribe boy entered the temple again. There was a weird burning sensation running through Zuko’s blood when he asked, voice slightly raspy and overly quiet, “so, you and Sokka, huh? You make a nice couple.”

She turned her head to him so quickly it almost gave her whiplash, “what? No! I mean—” she blushed at the question, flustered by the fact he would even consider something like that. The Fire Prince waited silently, irritation surfacing at her stammering. He wasn’t sure why that angered him so much, but he decided to be still and listen, “we are just friends,” she concluded, “he means a lot to me, but so do Katara and Toph, you know? We are—we are just friends. He even likes that Kyoshi Warrior, Suki! So, yeah, we are definitely not a couple.”

“I see,” Zuko felt curiously static with that piece of information, “and you don’t have feelings for him?”

“No, of course not. I mean, I had a thing for him when we first met, but now it’s gone. He’s my best friend and I love him, just not like that.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Good?” Y/N turned her head to the side in confusion and he paled considerably, finally noticing the meaning of his own words. “Why is that good?”

“Oh? I—it’s good that you love him! Yeah, having friends is amazing, right? Yeah.”

She smiled amusingly, “it truly is.”

“Yeah.”

The Avatar chuckled lightly, “come on, Sifu Hotman. Let’s do that leg movement again, I think I’m not doing it right.”

Days passed and a lot of things happened. Zuko knew Y/N wouldn’t be happy with Sokka’s suicide mission, but he couldn’t let him do it alone, so he accompanied him to the Boiling Rock. Again, she wasn’t happy when he followed Katara for revenge for her mother’s death, but then at least someone had Katara’s back and was ready to protect her. He desperately wanted to earn Y/N’s trust and friendship, but that was rather difficult when he insisted on doing the stuff she didn’t want him to do.

They continued their training on Ember Island and the whole Team seemed to thoroughly enjoy the place. Y/N was giving her all to learn firebending and was succeeding splendidly. To be honest, Zuko loved to see her get the moves right — every single time she made it, she would look at him with bright eyes and grin. It was the most beautiful sight Zuko had ever seen and he would do anything to have it permanently engraved in his mind.

They stayed up late during one particular night. They were both exhausted after hours of training and ended up sat beside each other on the ground on the back of the Fire Nation Royal Family’s beach house. The air between them was filled with silence and heavy breathing from their previous effort.

“Hey, Zuko?” after a few moments, Y/N called him gently, voice tired and raspy giving him chills. She laid down and stared at the dark sky. “Look at the stars with me.”

He blinked, “really? I mean, shouldn’t we go inside?”

“Please?” her eyes met his and his heart skipped a beat. “Just for a bit.”

“Okay,” Zuko whispered, lying down next to her. They looked at the sky quietly for a bit.

He liked to be around her. It could be the Avatar thing, but Y/N had a calming aura around her that was just unmissable. Being next to her like this gave him the feeling things would be alright, the feeling he was not worthless. It was a lie, of course. There was no way to know how their plans would go, and he was pretty much worthless.

But being beside her was enough to trick his mind. Maybe the little crush he harbored towards her had become something more — Spirits, he liked her so much. Not that it mattered, considering there was no way she would ever love him back, not after everything he had done.

“When I was younger, I believed we became stars when we died.”

He turned his head to look at her, “really?”

She turned to look back and his breath hitched at their close proximity. She chuckled, “yeah. I didn’t even know I was the Avatar back then, I was so young. They told me when I was sixteen, and I ran away shortly after,” there was bitterness to her words, “like a coward.”

“You are not a coward, Y/N. You had no way of knowing how things would go.”

“You really think so?”

“I do. Besides, if you hadn’t run away, you wouldn’t have been stuck on ice for a hundred years, and I would never have met you, which would be awful,” he widened his eyes, completing quickly, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. I wouldn’t have met them either. Of course.”

Her smile was so pretty he forgot how to breathe, “you’re right, Zuko. I don’t think I would have liked to live a life where I never met you,” she smirked before going on with teasing eyes, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. Of course.”

“Of course,” he agreed with a blush on his face. They stared at each other carefully and Zuko was pretty sure his heart was performing a professional routine of somersaults inside his body. He definitely was past just a simple crush.

Y/N smiled that dazzling smile of hers before averting her gaze to the stars again and yawning. “We should go in.”

“We should,” the Fire Prince immediately started to sit up, but she held him down with a hand to his chest, and probably felt his crazy heartbeat under her fingers.

“Just a bit more, Prince Zuko,” she whispered, eyes trained to the sky. Slowly but surely, she moved her hand from his chest to his own hand, creating goosebumps on every inch of skin she lightly touched on the way there. Zuko could feel his body burn at the barely-there feeling of her fingertips. She intertwined her fingers with his carefully, giving him the chance to pull away if he so wished. He let out a shaky breath and squeezed her hand. She immediately squeezed his back in reassurance.

In the middle of the quiet and comfort they suddenly found in each other, they fell asleep under the stars, fingers playing with each other until exhaustion finally engulfed them in dreams of pretty smiles and light touches.

It was nice to dodge the nightmares.

-----

“I’ve heard you and Zuko slept outside today,” Sokka had a teasing tone to his voice. Y/N glared at him, “you are together now or something?”

“We are not,” she countered, scratching Appa while they talked. Zuko, Toph, Katara, and Suki had left for the beach already. Y/N still needed to feed her sky bison and Sokka offered to help with the excuse of being a good friend. The Avatar was absolutely sure that wasn’t the real reason he stayed back alongside her and he was currently proving her right, “we were just stargazing and then fell asleep.”

“Stargazing, huh? Real cute. I bet it was an endearing impromptu date, wasn’t it?”

“Since when do you even know the word impromptu?”

“I am always full of surprises.”

“Right,” she rolled her eyes and he laughed loudly, “it was not a date.”

“But you do like him, right?.”

“What?” she turned her entire body to him, furrowing her brows and crossing her arms in a defensive stance. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I know you better than you know yourself and I can tell you have feelings for him,” Sokka copied her movements, staring at her with a smirk, “I also know he likes you back.”

Y/N scoffed and transferred her attention back to Appa, “he does not.”

“So you admit you like him!”

“Shut up, Sokka!” she glared, but quickly gave up under his intense eyes and raised brows. “Yeah, I like him. It doesn’t matter, though.”

“Yes, it does! He feels the same! Look, what about this,” he leaned in closer, that crazy look he had whenever making up a plan taking over his face, “we are going to watch that play about us tonight, right? Well, you guys can sit next to each other! Like a couple!”

“That’s a terrible idea, honey.”

“It’s not! I bet he’s gonna make a move!”

“He won’t, because he’s not in love with me.”

“Wait, you’re in love with him?”

Y/N’s entire body tensed up. She shouldn’t have said that. She wasn’t in love with Zuko! Was she? I mean, she did love to be beside him, and her heart sped up when he gave her one of his rare smiles, and training with him when he had his shirt off was distracting to say the least. Besides, he really seemed to have changed and grown — she felt like she could trust him again, but she could never be sure, and she was adamant on not getting hurt once more. Especially now, when she was dealing with so many things. If he betrayed her a second time… Spirits, it would be just too much to handle.

“I don’t know,” she muttered and Sokka’s cheeky smile faltered, “I don’t want to be.”

He stretched an arm out to hold her hand fondly, “it’s fine, Y/N. Whatever happens, I’m here for you, okay?”

The Avatar smiled sadly, “thank you, Sokka. I’m really glad to have you in my life.”

“I know, honey. I’m great like that.”

She laughed loudly and he grinned in satisfaction, turning her body around and starting to lead her towards the beach, an arm through her shoulders holding her close to his body.

“Shut up, Sokka. You’re so stupid.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.”

Zuko felt a pang to his chest when Sokka and Y/N arrived at the beach holding each other so dearly, but he knew he had no right to complain. She would be better off with Sokka anyway — he was good-looking, nice, funny, smart. Meanwhile, Zuko was nothing but a sad mixture of mistakes and regrets. The Avatar deserved more than that.

“Hey, Hotman,” she walked to him with a smile, planting a kiss on Sokka’s cheek before leaving his side. “Why are you all alone on the sand?”

“Because he’s boring,” Toph answered from some feet away and Katara chuckled. Zuko could feel his face redden.

“He is not,” Y/N argued amusingly, sitting down beside him and grinning. She glanced at him with a happy spark in her eyes, “are you excited for the play tonight?”

“No,” he muttered, but his lack of vivacity didn’t bother her in the slightest, “the Ember Island plays are always ridiculous.”

“I think it’s going to be fun,” she shrugged contently, basking in the hot sun, “if it isn’t, we can always throw food at the stage or whatever.”

He tried really hard, but couldn’t bit back the smile that took over his frown. He watched her attentively, noticing how she seemed to glow in the daylight, giving off this incredible warmth he had only ever seen on her. He averted away his gaze, feeling his neck and face heat up at how unapologetically beautiful she was.

Zuko cleared his throat quietly, “yeah, I guess.”

She only smirked in response.

-----

The play could be worse, he figured. Yes, their portrayal of him was horrible (even though his friends — could he call them friends? Were they friends? He hoped they were — said otherwise) and the actress playing Y/N was not nearly as pretty as the Avatar really was, but Y/N was next to him and, at some point, she had leaned her head on his shoulder tiredly and stayed there. All the training was getting to her and he felt inexplicable joy in the fact she trusted him enough to rest her body on his.

“Look,” her voice was raspy from sleepiness and a chill ran down his spine, “I think now is when you join Team Avatar and becomes our friend.”

He nodded carefully not to disturb her from her position and his heart skipped a beat when she nuzzled closer to his neck. Zuko watched as actor Zuko was accepted into the group and just after a scene with only him and actress Y/N started. Actor Zuko stared at the actress longingly, “my dear Y/N… I know I have wronged you in many ways, but I wanted to apologize for my mistakes and beg for your forgiveness!”

Y/N giggled at that, nudging him affectionately, “that really happened.”

He smiled, eyes following the performers on stage. Actor Zuko continued, “your forgiveness… And maybe your love, Avatar.”

They both immediately tensed up at the words and Y/N moved her head slightly, brows furrowing in confusion.

“My love, Prince Zuko?”

“Yes, my darling.”

They all watched as Actor Zuko and Actress Y/N kissed passionately, earning cheers from the audience. Sokka whistled loudly and Y/N turned to glare at him, receiving a wink in return.

“I have been in love with you since we first met!” Actor Zuko declared excitedly, holding Actress Y/N’s hands. “You are the only one who can make me forget about my teen angst. I love you, Y/N.”

“Well… I don’t!” Actress Y/N moved away swiftly and the crowd gasped in surprise. “I have accepted you in my group, Prince Zuko… But I’ll never accept you in my heart! You’re a bad person that doesn’t deserve my love!”

“What?!” Sokka almost screamed in disbelief. Y/N finally took her head off Zuko’s shoulder, incertitude swimming in her eyes. Before she had the chance to speak, Zuko had already left. The Water Tribe boy widened his eyes at her. “Go after him!”

Y/N nodded her head, getting out of her seat and walking after Zuko, calling his name. He ignored her, feeling anger boil inside him. He knew she would never directly say something like that, but he also knew it was true. She would never love him — he wasn’t worthy of her love, and he was pretty sure she was aware of that too.

“Zuko, wait!” she finally catched up to him, holding his arm and pulling him back. “It’s just a stupid play, Zuko. None of that is true.”

“Really, Y/N?” he turned to stare at her, rage covering his expression. “Because I’m almost certain it is. They said I don’t deserve love, Y/N, and that’s true. After everything I’ve done…”

“No!” she exclaimed desperately, shaking her head vehemently in disagreement. “Zuko, of course you deserve love. Yes, you have made mistakes, but all of us have. You shouldn’t care about what some actress says.”

“But they’re right, Y/N,” he insisted, feeling tears stinging his eyes, “I’m unworthy of love and everyone knows, and that’s why nobody actually loves me.”

“I love you!” she yelled out before she could stop herself, breath hitching at the troubled look taking over his face. Y/N sighed deeply, crossing her arms shyly and looking away, “I do,” her voice was small as she blushed, “I thought I was over my little crush for you but I wasn’t, and it’s—it’s much more than a little crush. I was afraid of admitting it but I know who you are, Zuko. You are loyal and smart and so inherently good and I love you. Spirits, I really do.”

He stared at her for a second, processing her words. She fidgeted anxiously and he smiled at all her small manners. With certainty to his movements, Zuko took a step forwards and cradled her face in his hands. He studied every inch of her expression, waiting for some kind of rejection. She offered him a hopeful smile and he was quick to smash his lips with hers, feeling the warmth that always surrounded her consume him entirely. He kissed her passionately, happiness pouring out of him — the words “she loves you” echoing inside his mind like a broken record, filling his heart with joy.

She moved away when there was no more air in her lungs, breathing heavily and grinning like a mad woman. Y/N lifted her arm and touched his scar so fondly it physically hurt. Never before had he been touched with such care and it made tears flood his eyes, something she instantly noticed, giggling at his cuteness and drying one running tear with her thumb. She felt like her chest was full. He kissed her thumb lovingly when it rested near his mouth.

She loved him. She thought he was worthy of love, of her love, even after everything he had done. No matter how many mistakes he had made, she still loved him, and that thought was enough to make Zuko feel some sort of hope towards the future.

Spirits, she really loved him.

“I love you too, Y/N. Very, very much.”

is it good? not really. could it be worse? yeah lmao

taglist: @bottledcostcowater @lammello @coldlilheart @azucanela @samsmultifandomblogs and @knaite-solo that asked to be tagged on this particular piece

thank you all for reading!! I hope you liked it!!

#zuko x reader #zuko x fem!reader #zuko x f!reader #sokka x reader #atla x reader #atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender x reader #zuko #sokka #avatar #avatar!reader #avatar reader #ember island #the ember island players #requested

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cheeriecherry · 4 years

Note

Can I get a cup of uhhhhhhhh dating headcanons? For Todo, Baku, and everyone's favourite sleepy dad?

One cup of headcanons, coming right up!

Warnings: Just fluff

Todoroki Shoto

-Actually getting to the dating stage is kind of a wholeass mission. I wholeheartedly believe that Todoroki is the dumbest smart person ever; he’s clever and strong, but he also strikes me as the kind of guy who thinks 1KG of steel is heavier than 1KG of feathers.

-Lol everyone knows you’ve got a crush on him. Everyone except for him. He just doesn’t think that much about dating or romance or anything like that, unless prompted. His whole life, he’s been forced to focus on hero work, so it’ll take some time for him to get out of that mentality.

-He doesn’t clue in to his feelings for you, not for a while at least. He’d start off pretty indifferent towards you like he was with everyone else, but over time he’d begin to notice that he likes having you around. He feels more relaxed around you, and more inclined to converse and be present and friendly.

-I think he’d chalk it up to ‘is this what friendship feels like’ meanwhile he’s out here training extra hard in hopes that you’ll see and be impressed.

-Someone will probably have to say something to get him thinking about his feelings for you. Either that, or he accidentally admits to you that he has a crush on you, but he doesn’t know it’s a crush, and you’re just like ‘oh bby’. You’ll have to spell it out for him.

-He finds you after class one day and asks to take a walk around campus to talk, and you’re like ‘okay sounds cool’.

-It’s a little awkward and quiet at first, and eventually you’re like ‘are you okay, did you need to talk about something?’

-And when he turns towards you his cheeks are flushed and he looks uncharacteristically flustered. Then he goes on to tell you how whenever you’re around, his heart beats faster and he gets warm even though his quirk isn’t active, and how he always wants to impress you even though he doesn’t care what other people think.

-He probably admits some really dumb stuff too, like how he still has the pencil you lent him at the beginning of the year, or how he fell on his ass during training because he was too busy staring at you.

-Pls be kind to him when you tell him about feelings. I think it will surprise him for like 0.5 seconds, but then he’ll be like ‘oh that makes sense’ in his usual way.

-Even after all that, you’re gonna have to be the one to ask him on a date. He’ll definitely say yes to you, but would still struggle with asking for himself.

-Anyways, once you guys have gone on a few dates and decide to make it exclusive, it’s a pretty relaxed relationship. He trusts you, so he’s pretty up front about everything, and if he doesn’t know what he’s feeling he’ll let you help him work through it.

-He’s not always clueless though, and he gets a lot better at expressing himself the more time he spends with you and the rest of the class.

-He’s pretty into casual touches, which he figures out after you sit beside him on the couch in the common room and set your head on his shoulder. He’ll ask you in private if you could do things like that more often, and over time he’ll start reciprocating, and it’ll just be a relationship full of head pats and held hands and forehead kisses.

-Also pls cuddle him when it’s just the two of you. Hold him close and run your fingers through his hair. 8/10 times he’ll fall asleep.

-Will want to train with you, and during class exercises he’ll seek you out as a partner/opponent. He wants to learn how to work with you, in case the need ever arises. But he also just wants to spend time with you, and likes watching you be bad ass.

-If you’re upset with him, or not quite feeling so great, please tell him. Don’t give him the cold shoulder, or be like ‘you know what you did’, because he absolutely will not know what he did. Let him know if you have an issue with something he did, from small things like eating the last of your chocolates, to more serious things like accidentally doubting your skill or flirting with other people. Just. Verbalize how you’re feeling.

-This also goes for when he does something good. Tell him when he’s made you happy, or helped improve your mood, or validated your feelings, or smth. It’ll reassure him that he’s being not only a good friend, but a good boyfriend too.

-Also,okay so he has that thing where he looks cool and aloof at first, but is actually soft and big-hearted right? There’s a whole bunch of other things he doesn’t show at first, which you are the first person to experience.

-He’s hella shy about kissing you. He’s pretty chill about PDA like holding your hand and hugging you and stuff like that, but kisses? It’s just such an intimate thing to him.

-Once he figure out he really wants to kiss you, he’s relentless in trying. Probably tries at the most inopportune times though, like at lunchtime and in the middle of class. Don’t be too mad at him, it’s the only thing his brain cell can concentrate on.

-So much so that he takes a hit during training and falls flat on his back. And you’re like ‘oh shit??’ and rush over to him once he doesn’t get up right away. You kneel over him and ask him if he’s alright, gently touching his cheek to try and calm him.

-And he just stares up at you because you look like an angel. Deadass blurts out ‘I want to kiss you so badly’ without a second thought, and smiles his little smile when you get flustered.

-And that’s how your first kiss happens, in the middle of an arena with your whole class watching. Aizawa probably scolds you.

-All in all, I think he’d be a pretty good boyf. He’d need some patience at first, and a lot of verbal affirmation and open communication, but that’s a good thing to practice in any relationship. He loves you a lot and is devoted and caring and always willing to fight for you.

Bakugou Katsuki

-God, okay, definitely the shoutiest boyfriend. He’d probably be pissed af when he realizes he’s catching feelings for you. He’s definitely not verbal about his feelings, but he’s not stunted like Todoroki is. He knows what he’s feeling, he just doesn’t like it.

-He thinks you’re a distraction to him, and probably takes it out on you. After all, if you hate him then it’ll be easier to let go of you and he won’t have to deal with you being around him.

-Sike tho, either he makes you sad and instantly feels guilty about it (which he hates), or he makes you Big Mad and you serve him his ass on a silver platter. Both ways, he’s not able to make you dislike him, and he only ends up liking you more.

-He’ll calm down after a couple weeks though, and come to terms with the fact that this is his life now and that he’s gonna have to deal with the annoying heart palpitations he gets whenever you’re around.

-Though a bonus I guess is his palms also get sweaty when you’re nearby, which means more explosions. Which we all know is a good thing for boom boy.

-Over time, he begins to slip up, and you begin to notice. His gaze lingering on you during training and during class, his lack of insults towards you, just generally being less unpleasant when he knows you’re around. Some of your classmates have also picked up on it, but none of them have really put two and two together.

-You have, though, and you know he won’t be the one to make a move. So you corner him one evening outside the dorms and confront him about it. He vehemently denies it, but all it takes is for you to look at him and he huffily admits it.

-Nothing is really agreed upon right then and there, but as the days and weeks pass, you pretty much just end up dating. You spend more time together, studying or training or goofing off. Well...he doesn’t really goof off, but he sits nearby while you do. You even convince him to come to game night with the bakusquad and -after much poking and prodding- he even plays a couple rounds of mario kart.

-He either wins or he accuses everyone of cheating. It’s funny to watch.

-He doesn’t really know how relationships work, so be patient with him also while he figures it out. If you’re mad at him, don’t try to act snide about it because it’ll just end up blowing up in your faces. He might grumble if you tell him outright, but overall he’ll try to fix it. He’s a ride or die boyfriend, and however temperamental he is, he hates making you sad.

-Also he’ll never say it out loud, but he loves cuddling you. He’s pretty strict about not showing his softer side in public, so most of your more affectionate gestures are behind closed doors. Sometimes he’ll just show up at your dorm room, slam the door shut, and flop down on your bed. This is his way of saying ‘i feel like shit, come pet my hair’.

-Most of his needs are conveyed nonverbally, so you’ll have to learn how to speak Bakugou.

-The only time he’s ever told you what he wanted out loud is when you guys had your first kiss. He was noticeably tense throughout the day, so after class you pulled him aside and asked him what was up.

-You hadn’t expected him to turn tomato red and mutter that your lot of friends had been teasing him earlier about kissing, and his lack of experience. You asked him if he wanted you to go kick their asses, and he was like ‘no, i want you to kiss me’.

-Cue both of you being flustered. But it lead to a really sweet kiss, soft and surprisingly gentle and thoughtful.

-He’s more open about kissing you publicly, if not for the fact that he’s low key addicted, then definitely because it sort of lays his claim on you without being too mushy. But those kisses will be shorter and cooler than the ones you share behind closed doors.

-When it’s just the two of you though? He’s got you held close while your lips meet, fingertips sliding across your jaw and arm held fast around your waist. Those are the kisses that lead to heated makeouts usually.

-All in all, also a good boyfriend. Abrasive and loud, but loyal and smart and willing to explode everyone if it would make you happy. He calms down over time once he gets used to the relationship, while still maintaining an air of pride. Will never hesitate to brag about you, and will affectionately shout compliments at you whenever he feels like it.

Aizawa Shouta sleepiest dad

-Anyone who knows him knows that he’s got a busy life. Between teaching and being a pro hero, he probably doesn’t have a lot of down time. So you have to be okay with him having so much work.

-He doesn’t mind if you miss him during the days, in fact he would be mildly off put if you didn’t miss him (at least a little), but you can’t be someone who would try and make him change his schedule permanently to give you more attention.

-A day or two off here and there? Sure, the occasional lazy day break is nice and also reasonable, but I don’t think it would work out if you were super clingy.

-It probably gets a little difficult when the dorm system is implemented at the school, since he’s there overnight most of the time now. I think that’s one area where he’d be willing to try and implement a better system, whether it be having you on campus with him during the nights, or allowing him to head back home.

-Because as busy as he is, he’s not a neglectful partner. Even if he’s dead tired when he comes home, he’ll always take the time to greet you and sit with you and ask you about your day and tell you about his. He’ll lay back on the couch with you across his chest, and listen to you tell him about all the dumb shit you’d witnessed throughout the day.

-He’s a little rigid about PDA, mostly because his friends tease him and he doesn’t want to risk any of his students seeing (lest the also tease him), but he’s fine with casual affection. Walking with your arm tucked around his, hugs, chaste kisses, that sort of thing. He’s an adult in a relationship, he’s not gonna deny you any of those things just because he’s shy (though he will never admit that).

-Despite his outward uncaring appearance, he’s actually really intense, and feels a lot. He’s an emotional person, he’s just really good at keeping it on the down low. So you’d have to be pretty good at reading him in order to get him to open up, but also not push him too hard. Let him know that you know he’s stressed about something, but give him the room to make the choice in coming to you.

-He’s a pretty low maintenance boyfriend. He doesn’t need all the bells and whistles and fancy dates. He’s fine making dinner together and then hanging out to watch a movie, or maybe occasionally going out for a drink or a walk. What he cares about most is spending time with you, and just getting to be around you.

-But he is still perpetually tired, so he’ll be most happy on his own couch. Dinner and movie nights often lead to cuddles, which often lead to soft kisses, and then more heated kisses, and then hands touching you everywhere.

-It’s very easy to get carried away when he kisses you. Unless you’re in public, even the smallest kiss could snowball into a good romp, granted you have the time. He’s intense and firm, but his lips are warm and pliant, and he kisses you the way he needs oxygen; desperately and absolutely.

-Arguably the best boyfriend, but maybe i’m biased because he’s my type lol. He doesn’t ask for a lot, but requires your respect on the few things he needs, and in return he’ll be there for you when he can. And when he’s there? His attention is solely on you, all his thoughts and energy. He’s quiet and patient and loving, and behind closed doors he’s pretty affectionate. If he’s dating you, then it isn’t just something casual; he’s already seen that you’re someone worth putting his time and energy into. By the time he asks you out, he’s probably already in love with you.

#aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa x reader #eraserhead x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #Anonymous

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quartermera · 3 years

Text

Ace, Thatch and Marco with a Vice Admiral Rival Imagines

Waaa ma bois! No problem anon! Thank you for your ask! It’s not exactly what you requested but I hope you’ll like it nonetheless ^^

Ships: Ace x Reader, Thatch x Reader, Marco x Reader (all gender & race neutral) Genre: fluff, maybe angst if you squint really hard idk Warnings: like... 1 curse word xD Word count: Intro: 300; Ace: 700; Thatch: 450; Marco: 350; Total: 1700

Introduction:

You didn’t know how long you had been chasing him anymore. It had been ages since you first met. You, a young marine recruit, and him, a pirate with little to no reputation at the time.

Both of you grew in your respective universes. He was becoming more and more famous, seeing his bounty grow as he became a prominent figure in piracy. Meanwhile, you were doing the same, working hard to get to a higher rank. Your goal was to change the world for the better and you knew you couldn’t do that by remaining a seaman your entire life.

You were now vice admiral. Yet you still hadn’t caught your life long rival.

A certain tenderness had grown in your heart for the pirate. He might be on the other side of the law, but his charms had worked on you... to some extend. Or at least that is what you told yourself. Some might call it a crush. But you wouldn’t go so far. You were a marine after all!

Despite that, you couldn’t resolve yourself to hate the man. Whenever you would meet, you would end up chatting in one way or another. It might end up with you chasing them and never catching them, nevertheless, you sometimes admitted to yourself you liked the pirate’s company.

However, you didn’t know how much longer your pride could take it. Seeing him run away and teasing you about it every time was becoming frustrating. It had been all fun and games until now. But now, now you were a vice admiral. Having a pirate escape you so many times was greatly affecting your reputation. You feared for your rank. What would happen to you if you couldn’t catch him next time?

Ace

“Ahhh, Y/N! How long has it been?” resonated a voice behind you. You could tell who it was in a heartbeat.

“Not long enough, clearly,” you responded, the ghost of a smile tingling at your lips.

“Come on, don’t be so moody!” he cheered.

Ace walked over and sat on the stool next to yours. He asked for a drink to the barmaid and when he wondered if he could offer you one, you politely declined.

“I’m not miserable enough to accept a drink from a pirate,” you bit.

“Ouch, Y/N!” he said in mock offense. “Beside,” the young man continued, “you didn’t say that last time.”

You huffed at his teasing. It wasn’t any different from usually, but this time you weren’t in the mood to play along.

“Can you stop reminding me that this is the umpteenth time I won’t catch you, freckles?”

Ace frowned and looked at you curiously. With caution, he asked: “Is something wrong, Y/N?”

A deep sigh escaped you as you closed your eyes. You nodded your head in negation.

“I don’t know, Ace.” You opened your eyes again and looked at him. “I’m vice admiral now, you know?”

“Yes, I’ve heard of that! Congratulations!” he intervened.

A small smile graced your lips. “Thank you. But to be honest with you, I fear I’ll lose my rank any time.”

Ace frowned once more. “Why so?”

“Because I keep on letting you run away,” you declared, bittersweet. “People in the marines are starting to think I do it on purpose and it might not be entirely wrong but I can’t keep doing that because it’s getting really suspicious and I might lose my job even though I worked so hard for it so I would have no idea of what to do if it were to happen. Meanwhile you keep running around as if none of this was happening and you don’t stop teasing me and it’s always such a pleasure to see you, freckles, but I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.”

Ace was frozen. It was a lot to process in so little time and it took him a few seconds to catch up with all the information you had just wildly thrown at him. His mouth opened and closed a few times. A frown appeared and left his features just as quickly.

After taking a deep breath, he finally found something to say: “Listen, if it’s really that dangerous for your rank and it’s so important for you... we can simply stop running into each other. I would miss seeing you, but... I don’t want to be the cause to you losing a job you worked so hard for.”

A bittersweet laugh escaped you. “Like we could actually plan that!”

Ace gulped and avoided your gaze. His hand traveled to the back of his neck.

“Well... maybe we haven’t been bumping into each other all this time so haphazardly...” he confessed.

The words were missing you. You blinked quickly a few times.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The man was still looking anywhere else but you.

“Ace?” you called calmly.

He took a deep breath before meeting your gaze. “Maybe I’ve been going to places a few times because I knew you were there?”

You had the slightest incredulous look but it quickly vanished as Ace let out a nervous laugh. A soft smile graced your features.

After the initial shock passed for both of you, you chatted as you usually do. Making sure to not attract too much attention, you quietly agreed to keep bumping into each other but... more discreetly.

Ace gave you his Den Den Mushi contact and you did the same. You assured that you would get your hands on a white variant in order to encrypt your calls and be more secure.

The young man was happy you didn’t decide to cut off all contacts with him but rather hide them. It would always be better to him than to never see you. Plus, now you could talk almost any time.

You didn’t tell him but you were also glad with how the situation turned out. The prospect of never seeing your favourite pirate anymore had felt incredibly wrong.

You wouldn’t admit it just yet, not even to yourself, but the one you nicknamed ‘freckles’ had a special little place in your heart.

Thatch

“Well, well, well, what a surprise to see you here!” cheered a voice behind you.

A small smile graced your lips as you recognized who it was in an instant. You turned towards the man.

“Always a pleasure to see you, Thatch,” you greeted.

“And even more to see you,” he responded with a grin. “I’m going to get some rum for my fleet, wanna join?” he invited.

You nodded and the two of you started walking.

“So, how have you been since the last time we bumped into each other?” he asked.

A grimace flashed over your features.

“Could be better to be honest.”

Thatch frowned at your answer.

“Why’s that?” he pushed kindly.

You clicked your tongue.

“Everyone’s just been getting really suspicious. They’re starting to think I’m one of your allies because of how often you’ve managed to run away,” you answered honestly.

Thatch offered you a cheeky smile: “It’s not your fault I’m faster than you.”

His comment made you laugh. Despite that, you admitted: “I don’t think we should be so familiar with each other though. If anyone under my command sees us chatting so casually, I could get into serious trouble.”

A sad look appeared on Thatch’s face.

“Do you... not want to talk with me anymore?” he asked cautiously.

A sigh escaped you.

“It’s not that I don’t want to. Despite being on the opposite side of the law, I enjoy your company.”

“You enjoy my company?” he teased.

“Oh shut up!” you responded while laughing. After a quiet moment you continued calmly: “I just don’t want to lose my job. I worked so hard to get where I am and I can’t change the world if I go back to barely being a seaman first class.”

Thatch remained quiet for a bit. As you approached the most famous rum seller on the island, he carefully offered: “If you want to stop, I’d understand. But I think I’d miss you.”

You laughed: “What’s there to miss about me anyway?”

“More than you might think,” he responded with a wink.

“Shut up,” you mumbled under your breath.

As you both came to a halt in front of the shop, you took in a deep breath before meeting Thatch’s gaze.

“I’m going to go back to my men,” you declared, “and I’ll try to think of a solution by the next time we meet each other.” Your tone was confident. As much as you feared for your job you also knew you didn’t want to stop seeing your favourite pirate.

Thatch offered you a trusting smile, declaring he was sure you would and that he would be looking forward to it.

Marco

“Fancy seeing you here,” greeted a calm voice behind you.

You lowered your book and turned to the origin of the noise. There was your eternal rival. The man you had been chasing for so many years and that you had yet to catch. Maybe you let him run away on purpose on more than one occasion but then again, the idea of sending him to Impel Down didn’t appeal to you. You’d rather keep your game going even if you didn’t admit it.

“Long time no see, Marco,” you greeted back.

You scooted more to the side of the bench on which you were sitting, leaving some space for the man to join you. Marco promptly sat down next to you and asked how you had been.

“Better,” you admitted. “The rumors have lessened since the last time we met.”

The man smiled lightly.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

You took in a deep breath.

“Funny how we’ve been bumping less into each other since I told you I was scared to lose my job though,” you remarked.

Marco remained silent, looking straight in front of him.

You, however, turned towards him.

“I told you we didn’t need to stop seeing each other despite the rumors.”

A sigh escaped the blond.

“I’ve been causing you trouble your entire career already, I thought I could let you breath for a bit this time,” he admitted calmly.

You huffed: “Do you really think I’m unable to catch you if I want to?”

Marco offered you a puzzled look.

“Sure at first I was actually trying, but after a while it became too much fun. Who would I chase if you aren’t around anymore?” you said in a joking manner while actually being serious.

A small smile graced the man’s features.

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” he declared. You had perceived some fondness in his voice but you convinced yourself otherwise.

“Shall we be seeing each other again, then?” you wondered.

All Marco had to do was flash you a grin and you knew his answer.

2 things: I didn’t mean to make them shorter and shorter, that just happened xD and I really hope I didn’t make them OOC because that is always my worst fear ;-;

Anyway, let me know what you thought of it, thank you a lot for reading! <3

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ketchup-monthly · 3 years

Text

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

#ss d&d 2

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hartigays · 4 years

Note

3. “It’s always been you.”

billy storms out of the apartment, seething and fighting back tears. because billy hargrove does not cry. ever. he didn’t back when he lived with neil, he didn’t after his mom left, he didn’t when he got arrested for possession and almost lost his scholarship to UCLA.

he’s not about to start now.

not because steve pretty boy harrington has to go around acting like a grade-A asshole, with his soft hair and big eyes and pouty lips, screwing everything with a goddamn pulse. no sir. billy won’t give him that luxury.

the reality is, steve has always had a thing for plowing his way through as many people as humanly possible. or so billy heard all those years ago when he’d first arrived in hawkins and started inquiring about the pretty-faced indiana boy who billy just couldn’t seem to stay away from.

but billy thought all of that was behind them. they live together, for fuck’s sake. they’d moved out to california together so billy could go to school, and so steve could take a position at one of the offices of his father’s company in LA. steve hasn’t been seeing anyone, billy hasn’t been seeing anyone. they’ve been happy. content.

and okay, so maybe they aren’t dating. maybe billy hasn’t exactly told steve how he feels. but, like, steve should know. billy has gone out of his way to make it glaringly obvious. steve may be oblivious, but he’s not dumb. not like everyone thinks.

billy is pretty damn sure there’s no way steve isn’t aware of how he feels.

the worst part is, billy thought steve actually felt the same. at least, he had up until today, when he walked in on steve sitting on the couch with some girl, laughing and smiling and whatever the fuck else. he’d walked out before he could see anything more, despite steve’s desperate pleas for him to come back so they could talk.

there’s nothing to talk about. billy thought steve liked him, steve doesn’t. it’s done. he just needs some time to... process it, or whatever. billy finds himself on the beach soon enough, and he slips off his shoes so he can stick his toes in the sand, plopping down with a sigh.

it’s a private beach tucked a ways away from the pier, but billy knows the owners of this plot. they don’t stay at their beach house until the winter, when they want to escape to somewhere a little warmer during the colder months. he’s pretty sure the rest of their time is spent in aspen. so for now he’s safe to sit here and think, staring out at the water as the sun sinks below the horizon.

billy has brought steve here a lot. they’ve picnicked here several times, and billy even brought steve out a once or twice to teach him how to surf before they knew that steve was irreparably bad at it. the thought makes billy’s heart squeeze, and he has to pinch himself as a reminder to not be such a pussy.

because it’s whatever that steve is into some air-headed cheerleader type with a tiny waist and hair like strands of gold. it doesn’t bother billy one bit. not at all. he Does Not Care in the slightest.

maybe if he keeps telling himself that, it’ll somehow become true.

“thought i might find you out here.”

billy doesn’t turn around at the sound of steve’s voice, keeping his eyes forward even though his stomach sinks. “congratulations, you’ve finally managed to develop critical thinking skills. let’s bust out the champagne.”

“i can go if you want me to,” steve says softly, even though billy feels him sink down onto the sand next to him, close enough that their arms brush.

billy just snorts, shrugging. “i don’t give a shit what you do, harrington.”

steve just sighs, and for a long time he doesn’t speak. out of the corner of his eye, billy can see him staring out at the sunset, looking rather forelorn. billy wishes he could turn that look into something soft, something happy, but steve has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t have that right.

“you know, i remember the first time you took me here,” steve says finally, and billy can’t help but glance over at him. steve’s smile is warm and soft, but tinged with something like sadness. “you tried to teach me how to surf. the first time, i mean. i slipped off the board and busted my ass so hard on it you had to carry me home.”

“you suck at surfing,” billy acknowledges, nodding. “badly.”

steve huffs a soft laugh. “yeah, i do. i just remember thinking that it was still one of the best days i’ve ever had. because that was the day i knew you loved me as much as i love you.”

billy goes completely still, his heart leaping up into his throat and his eyes watering, because what the fuck? where does steve get off making an admission like that just to make billy be less upset with him?

“don’t do that,” billy says, his voice rough. “you don’t get to do that. don’t pretend like you feel the same just because you don’t want me to be pissed at you.”

“billy,” steve starts, sounding distressed. he pauses, meeting billy’s eyes and fuck, they’re filled with tears too and billy doesn’t know how he feels about that. “it’s you. it’s always been you.”

the words break something inside of billy, and he crumples. he can’t pretend to be mad anymore when the truth is that he’s devastated. plain and simple.

“you sure have a funny way of showing it,” billy tells him, sniffling and wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “i saw you two. you were two seconds from playing couch twister. would’ve been if i hadn’t walked in when i did.”

“leanne is gay, billy,” steve groans, burying his face in his hands. “she works with me and she’s gay. has a nice girlfriend named annalise. they have a fucking kid. we were just- jesus, i can’t believe i even have to explain this. to you of all people. i’m the dumb one, remember? fuck. we were just going over some fucking spreadsheets. yeah, riveting stuff. super romantic.”

“i didn’t- are you fucking with me?” billy asks, because he’s starting to feel really fucking stupid and a small part of him is hoping he didn’t just throw a (rather humiliating) tantrum over nothing. “you guys were giggling. and sitting so close, i just... i thought you were making a move.”

“god, you can be more dense than me sometimes, you know that? we were giggling about you, dumbass. i told her that i liked you and she wanted to know more,” steve explains, shaking his head in disbelief. “it was just- i dunno. like two friends at a sleepover giggling about their crushes.”

“would you quit calling yourself an idiot?” billy huffs. primarily because he can’t think of anything else to say - his mind is racing too much. but also because it’s true. “this kinda proves that if anyone’s an idiot here, it’s me. i just- i don’t understand why you never said anything.”

steve is shoving his hands through the sand repeatedly, watching the sand run between his fingers. “you know i’m bi, i told you as much. i figured you were like me, or gay, or- i dunno. i just thought you weren’t ready to talk about it yet. i left the ball in your court, thinking that once you were ready, we’d, y’know. address the fucking elephant in the room.”

“the elephant being... ?” billy trails off. and he knows, but he really just wants to hear steve say it again.

steve rolls his eyes, laughing. “you know what i mean. but fine: the elephant being that i’m in love with you. and that i’m really, really hoping you love me, too.”

“i do,” billy says, his voice soft. “and i’m an idiot. i’m sorry.”

“you’re not an idiot. i probably would’ve thought the same thing if the roles were reversed and i walked in on something like that.” steve glances over at billy, giving him a tender smile. “just... next time, let’s talk to each other, yeah? i think that’ll save both of us a lot of grief.”

billy just hums, nodding his approval. they sit in comfortable silence for a little while, both still too nervous to make a move despite having just confessed their love to each other. at this point billy just finds it endearing, but he really, really wants to be closer to steve, and not just emotionally.

“i am gay, you know,” billy starts, his palms sweating, “and i really want to kiss you.”

“i know. and i think i’d like that.”

steve’s lips are soft and yielding beneath billy’s. his kisses feel exactly the way billy imagined they would - tender and sweet and a little shy, but curious. billy tries to keep it slow, not wanting to shove them into uncharted territory, but it’s only a matter of time before billy has steve’s back hitting the sand, hovering over him, their lips never breaking apart.

steve just sighs into the kiss, embracing the new position without complaint. he relaxes into the sand, one hand threading through billy’s curls, the other curling into the tufts of hair at the base of billy’s neck. it’s a kiss that billy never wants to end. but he knows there’ll be more. so much more.

“i’d say at least now we can get a cheaper apartment, but i think we’ll both still need our space every now and then,” steve says when billy pulls away, staring up a him with big eyes.

“yeah. plus it’s... ” billy trails off, his cheeks flushing bright red.

“it’s what?” steve asks, his brows coming together in confusion. “seriously, what were you going to say?”

“it’s home,” billy says gently, bracing both arms on either side of steve so he can swoop down to capture his lips again whenever he wants to. “home is wherever i’m with you, but- y’know. i like our place. it feels like us.”

“you’re such a fucking sap, oh my god,” steve laughs, but he’s smiling so brightly that billy thinks the whole beach could stay lit up for the rest of the night. “billy hargrove, secretly soft and mushy inside. who would’ve thought.”

“wasn’t, ‘til i met you,” billy tells him honestly.

and it’s true, for a long time billy hardened himself to the world, protecting himself with an armor of indifference until steve came along and melted him to his core. but billy isn’t one to complain, not when it means he gets to go to sleep and wake up to steve’s smile every day now, for the rest of his life. forever, maybe, if steve is up for that.

he wouldn’t have it any other way.

#is this a modern au? does this take place in the 80s? the world may never know #hope this is enjoyable bby!#❤️❤️❤️#harringrove #my fics #ask #gideongrace

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milkygcf · 3 years

Text

UNDER THE MISTLETOE

Pairing | knj x gender-neutral reader

Genre | tooth-rotting fluff i think, established relationship

Warnings | just a tiny bit of cursing, the boys are a chaotic mess

Summary | ❝ Nothing can beat a holiday spent with Namjoon.❞

Word Count | 4.1k

Author’s Note | THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE MESS I’M SORRY 😭🙏 i rush wrote this so i could put up something for christmas. nonetheless, i hope whoever reads this enjoys it! also, big thanks to @youarejesting for the banner! i love it, it’s so cute :( another little side note is, this is also part of @btscreatorscorner‘s Crystal Snow Event! make sure to take a look at all the other works :] happy holidays!

Christmas with Namjoon is always a wild ride. From hectic decoration shopping to disastrous baking, to actual decorating and singing Christmas songs together. However, it's not like you're complaining, because as rowdy as Christmas time can be with your significant other, nothing can beat a holiday spent with Namjoon.

Every year is an open door to new shenanigans, handmade gifts and memories that embed themselves warmly into your heart. This year isn't any different, except for the fact that the rest of the group were joining for dinner - along with the chaos they always brought along with them. As close as you are with your boyfriend, not even your connection could beat theirs. It's heart-warming - as much as they argue, nothing could possibly tear them apart. Nothing could bring you any more serotonin than the jovial smile that attacks Namjoon's handsome features whenever they're around.

Now, you’re all nearing your thirties - except for Jungkook, he was still bearing life without early back problems - and you suppose you all look the part as well. Unless it's Christmas season and the young man himself proposes they all compete in a Best Decorated House competition between themselves. The winner earns himself an extra present from every participant - which you find rather amusing because you're pretty sure they were willing to buy each other the world in a blink of an eye. The loser, however, gets to wash every dish used during dinner. Ouch.

"Deal!" Namjoon hollers, finger pointed up in agreement, his chest puffed out in pride. You know he's going to stress about it later on because as much as you love the man, he's absolute shit when it comes to decorating. If it weren't for you, his house would be a shit-show. Sorry, Namjoon.

"Can't wait to beat all of your sorry asses!" Seokjin yells even louder, an arm hooked around Yoongi's waist. The energy he radiates astonishes you because even if he's the eldest from the lot, he's always the energetic one. Seokjin might as well be your icon.

And that's how it all began - the calm before the storm. But then again, them proposing this very idea wasn't exactly calm.

You feel a shy tap on your shoulder while you're busy scanning through your fifth isle. Namjoon holds out a tiny Christmas tree to you, his eyes round and shiny. You already know you won't be able to refuse. "Can we get it? Please - my bonsai needs a new friend."

"I think your bonsai would be sad to know their friend is made out of plastic, Joon."

"Well, they wouldn't be sad if they didn't know, right?"

His grin is brimming with mirth. He knows what you're going to say - there was no need to even ask you in the first place because he knew you could never resist his puppy eyes. "Fine," you sigh softly, offering him your sweetest smile. "Make sure Mon doesn't swallow it whole. That dog is a menace."

"He has a restless soul. We'll buy him reindeer ears on our way home."

"Yes!" It elicits giggles from both of you - Namjoon had introduced you to Rapmon just two months into the relationship, claiming you must meet your competition because it's only fair. Frankly, you think the dog himself is competing with your boyfriend - the second you set sight on his silky fur you’ve vowed to never leave his side. Rapmon was an absolute gem. From then on, he was a big part of the events you celebrated together - the main character in your little shenanigans.

Once you've both paid whatever you needed for the day, heaving a ton of shopping bags, you step out of the shop in a fit of giggles. As sophisticated and stern as Namjoon may look, he's quite possibly the clumsiest giant you've ever met. Unfortunately for him, he had accidentally ripped one of the bags you had brought along and as he readied to lift it, all contents came tumbling out as he gawked in terror. Red instantly rushed to his cheeks and you found it hard not to burst out laughing in his face. He wouldn't want to become more flustered than he already felt.

"Every day I wake up to the face of embarrassment," he mumbles ashamedly, shaking his head in dismay. You could only continue to chortle before leaning in to place a tender kiss on his cheek. "It's okay dummy," his cheeks redden even more, "Would some hot chocolate fix your mood?" The second the words slip out of your lips, his face no longer holds a grim expression.

Getting hot chocolate from Pixie’s Magic! is like a tradition between you and Namjoon. Not only was it where you both had met, but it served the most delicious brews you’ve ever tasted. Nothing could possibly beat this little shop in the corner of the mall you were currently in.

Although it was usually calm and quiet, it seemed to be bustling the day you both go out to buy Christmas decorations. There’s a myriad of people piling up in plan of buying themselves the warmest cup of cocoa - a cup of happiness that would complete their own Christmas. Within that queue of people were families, couples and even people who spend their time alone during the festive season. Pixie’s hot cocoa never failed to brighten days.

You scout through your newly bought items for anything that might pass time. Namjoon stands beside you with his phone in hand, thumb clumsily scrolling through whatever he’d missed from the boys’ usual spam session. “Hoseok’s already got most of his decorations up. Something tells me we’re not winning this so easily.”

“We’re literally up against Seokjin and Jungkook.”

He pulls his lips in a taut line - going up against those two was a one way stop to instant loss. Nothing, absolutely nothing could beat either one of them. The competition was and will always be between Seokjin and Jungkook because both were as dense as a brick and would stop at nothing to earn themselves a victory. Frankly, you found it entertaining, even if they were constantly at each other’s throats and threatening to burn each other down - jokingly, of course, you’d never condone violence. Brotherly love if you’ve ever seen it.

“They’re out of the question. We’re up against the rest, those two idiots can eat an egg.” His bluntness makes you burst into fits of giggles, earning the clear attention of those either ahead of you or waiting (im)patiently behind. Namjoon always had a rather poetic way of saying things. “An egg? You’d be doing them a favour.”

He doesn’t quite realise what you mean until a few seconds later when he breathes out a dejected sigh and massages his temple soothingly. “They’re a whole mess.”

And he’s right, because when you’re back in the comfort of your humble abode with a warm cup of cocoa waiting for you in the living room, Namjoon’s phone keeps endlessly buzzing.

“You can’t keep ignoring them forever, you know.”

Namjoon sometimes thinks about how difficult his life would be without you. Go figure that there was no way of avoiding them, right? If you hadn’t told him, he would’ve never guessed so.

The couch sinks underneath his weight as he plants himself beside you, placing a mushy kiss onto your cheek. He’s quick to hand you his beverage once Mon literally hops onto him, wagging his tail like the euphoric little rascal that he is. And there’s peace and quiet, the sound of the crackle of the fireplace, until Namjoon’s thumb slides over the tiny green button making his phone constantly vibrate.

“Namjoon! What took you so long?!”

Seokjin’s voice comes booming out of the device nestled in your boyfriend’s palm. You must admit - it startled you just a bit, but it’s not like you weren’t used to their rambunctious behaviour. “We thought you died. Almost worried us for a while there.”

“Actually,” Jimin so pridefully interrupts, “He was just about ready to forget about you. Don’t act like you didn’t see cloud nine when Tae suggested Joon backed out.” It was all fun and games, affectionate brotherly love between the lot until suddenly, it was a trademarked apocalypse. Truly mind-blowing.

“You tattletale-!”

“Don’t worry Seokjin,” you snort, “He’s still up and running.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing!” Offence washes over Namjoon’s face - perhaps it really is him against the world. Kim Namjoon could trust no one. You could only poke your tongue out at him, earning yourself a blissful smile. “Not at all.”

“Ew. Stop flirting - this isn’t about you, this is about the progress you’re doing.” Seokjin scoffs, making the latter silently giggle to themselves. He has absolutely no filter - nothing could get in the way of the man’s priorities. “Tell that to Yoongi.” His boyfriend was sitting right beside him - and poor him, because Yoongi has to be the strongest man to ever set foot on earth. He’s been dealing with Seokjin’s shit for over a good year or so now.

“Believe me, I might just knock him out.”

“No way - who’s going to peel your tangerines for work then? Ungrateful imp.”

Their bickering continues to produce light laughter from the lot of you until you decide it's about time you update each other on your progress. Surprisingly enough, Hoseok was much farther ahead than you all anticipated, and it earned you another fifteen minutes worth of competitive yelling between the youngest and the eldest.

But that was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Move it a little bit to the left," you instructed stringently, hands planted firmly on your hips as your boyfriend does whatever he's told. The tree jiggles with every waking movement, making Namjoon groan at the heavyweight it settles upon him. "Is this alright?" He mumbles tiredly, eyeing you from the depths of its branches.

You could only nibble on your lip, your eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Maybe a bit to the right."

Even when he's exhausted, even when he's sick and tired of turning a piece of mere decoration to countless directions, he doesn't complain. Namjoon wasn't exactly fond of religious festivities, but spending Christmas with you is always something he looks forward to. Setting the deal aside, it was always enjoyable bringing a little life to the house with someone he adores and his heart beats for. "Perfect! Could you grab the baubles? I'll get the ornaments."

Teamwork makes the dream work. An idiom he liked to say on the daily - it always worked between the two of you. Six hours worth of work put into four and the mess that bested every nook and cranny of your house now lessened. You hang the last bauble and sigh in content. "Doesn't it look pretty? I think this is our best one yet."

"Well, technically speaking, I couldn't expect any less from you, bun." His tone of voice resembles that of a young boy in love, his eyes sparkling under the colourful Christmas lights nestled comfortably in the tree's branches as he looks at you with a bashful smile. It's moments like these when you're so caught up in the things you do together, these blissful moments that you realise just how grateful you are for Namjoon. You love him, you love him so much. Nothing could be a better present than spending time with him. He's your bundle of pure euphoria.

"The tree's feeling a little bland, don't you think?"

It takes you a moment to take notice of what he actually meant before you feel extra weight added on top of your head. He teasingly hangs the finishing piece away from you, puckering his lips in hopes he'd earn himself something sweet in return for the star. You could only roll your eyes, but nonetheless, nothing stops you from latching your lips onto his and giving him your love.

Without hesitation, Namjoon scoops you up onto his shoulders, he guides you towards the crest of the tree and watches with bright eyes as you ecstatically plant the finale to the first phase of your decorating. Monnie scratches at the latter's legs in pure joy, barking at you both to signal his presence as well. It elicits laughter, and as Namjoon gently sets you back down, you let your fingers ruffle his fur as he licks at your face.

However, your hours upon hours of decorating doesn't end there, the tinsel messily spread underneath you is a clear indication of this.

With an exhausted huff, you look at Namjoon with hopeful eyes. There's still much to be done.

---

Looks tend to be deceiving when it comes to Kim Namjoon. People tended to deem him as a friendly giant, however, when it came to snowball fights, he was far from that. Like a devil crawling out the pits of hell.

The day you decide to pamper the outdoors of your house, snow starts dribbling from the skies above you. A miracle, because it’s never really snowed so early in December.

You’re busy setting up mistletoe in front of your front door until you’re barreling forward from the force of something wet on your back. It couldn’t have been Mon - he was sleeping soundlessly inside. But your boyfriend wasn’t - instead, he was childishly running around the front lawn bearing snowballs.

“Namjoon!” You shriek in utter disbelief, turning around only to face a devious grin. Pure evil dripped from him - Namjoon was no longer the soft bear who insisted you play with his hair. He was now a foe. “You’re going to pay for that!” As quickly as you could, you bear your own weaponry to pay back his foolish actions.

His giggles echoed across the small space you’re in and before you could even comprehend what was happening, he was already aiming another shot at you. Unfortunately, you were too slow against him.

Splat!

Three points for Kim Namjoon!

At your absolute suffering, his laughter only gets louder over Mariah Carey’s gorgeous singing coming from inside. “You’ll pay for this, you evil man!” However, your threats are only drowned out by his boisterous laughter. “I’d like to see you try!”

And you do. Because while he’s busy laughing his ass off at your misery, you earn yourself the rightful chance to aim a snowball right into his face. Three points? You just scored a whole seven.

He’s baffled - completely, utterly speechless at what’s happened. Well, you definitely weren’t going to stand there and let him conquer victory, he knew that for a fact. He just didn’t think you’d be so blunt. Now you’ve earned him a pink nose. But was he going to let you get away with it? No, Namjoon’s a Virgo.

He charges towards you like a clumsy child. You almost screech in surprise, instead, busting out in fits of laughter as you tumble and trip away from him. “Hey-! Get back here!” He cries out, almost face-planting into a hefty pile of snow. That would’ve been outright hilarious.

“Just try and catch me, big man!”

It’s light-hearted, it’s all lively and pleasant. You were both adults, but nothing stopped you from feeding into the fruits of life and feeling youthful sometimes. You both did it for the hell of it because you knew that with each other, you could be anything.

You’re too busy laughing to actually take notice of where your feet were taking you, feigning into the mess beneath you and tripping in your own feet. A loud thud leaves your descent, and with that, your boyfriend tumbling down on top of you because he was too clumsy for his own good. It was cute, really. Namjoon lets out a terrified shriek, his arms landing just beside your head - luckily because you’re pretty sure you would’ve earned yourself a long-surviving black-eye.

“Got you,” he says rather flusteredly. There’s a hint of panic in his eyes that almost seems as if he’s seen God himself. Had the fall really taken the piss out of him?

“No,” you state, shaking your head as best as you can. “Technically speaking, I got you.” You place a quick kiss on his pretty pink nose just for good measure, because in truth, you really did get him. He was on three points while you were on a steady seven. Namjoon pulls his lips in a taut line ever so shyly, hiding the growing smile planting itself on his face. No longer was he your arch-nemesis - your boyfriend was back to being your friendly neighbourhood giant. “Shouldn’t we get back to decorating? I thought you wanted to beat the others.” Perhaps it slipped through his mind because the second those words slip through yours, he’s already hoisting himself up and pulling you along with him. Kim Namjoon does not give up in the face of competition, that much is clear, even when he’d previously been working off a snowball fight.

“I couldn’t help myself!” He defends nonetheless, his palm scratching shyly at his mess of a mane. “But now that I think about it, we can have as many snowball fights as we want when we kick ass. A win-win situation, if I do say so myself.”

A win-win situation indeed.

When the boys call later on in the evening, it becomes clear that Namjoon was second in lead - Jimin taking first place. While the rest were busy taking things easily, he’d effortlessly managed to get things done in only a short matter of time. He definitely wasn’t there to play.

“No way. You’re cheating!” Taehyung accuses, astonishment evident from the little you could see of his face. His lighting was absolute crap. Despite his belief, Jimin easily shakes off his accusation with a mischievous grin. “I don’t know Taehyung, maybe if you hadn’t been slacking off at Taco Bell you would’ve been catching up.”

“Wha-! What a heathen - I’d choose Taco Bell over this any day!”

“How dare you! This is Christmas decorating you red-headed scoundrel!”

“This isn’t about you Seokjin!”

“Might as well be,” Yoongi mumbles from beside him, lazily scrolling through his phone as a yawn escapes his lips. You might just think he’s aged by a couple of years because of this ordeal. “You’re all complete losers,” Jungkook comments, face completely mushed against his phone as he nibbles on whatever was in front of him. The kid feared absolutely nothing - the wrath of a butthurt Kim Seokjin wasn’t any different.

Namjoon squints at his phone. He clearly wasn’t wearing his glasses, nor his contact lenses, and you knew he’d face the consequences later on. You’ve spent countless days by his side tending to his colossal headache. “Are you… Are you eating raw pop tarts?”

“Yes.”

“Raw. Aren’t you supposed to toast them?” There’s confusion laced in his tone, and in between, intense fear. “That’s like, a felony.”

Jungkook lets out a scandalised gasp. “No way! I’m not letting this piece of divine heaven be tainted by modern technology! I don’t even have a toaster, and there’s no way in hell I’m touching the microwave.”

Hoseok snickers. “He thinks it’s going to explode.”

“Don’t test me! I know the evil that sits within that thing.”

As complex at it was, you’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no explaining what these men are made out of. They’re simply built differently. In fact, you’ve grown out of trying to comprehend them, because you could be on your death-bed and they’d still be saying and doing things that would make you sigh and shake your head.

---

Alas, the day has come, and so have the boys, who just wouldn’t stop rambunctiously banging on your door. You’re busy setting up the table, Mon at your feet wagging his tail excitedly. “Namjoon!” You call out, balancing a few plates on the palms of your hands. “Namjoon! Could you get the door?”

However, as much as you yell, Namjoon doesn’t respond. You suppose it’s because he hasn’t come back from wherever he had gone earlier during the day. Odd.

Nonetheless, you set a few plates down on the dining table, hurriedly skipping over to your front door only to be trampled by none other than your special guests for the night. “Finally!” A rather over-dramatic Seokjin sighs, patting away the invisible sweat dripping down his forehead. “Waiting for you to open was like running a marathon. I swear!”

You could only laugh as Jimin pulls you in for an embrace - it was in his habits to do so whenever he saw you. It’s not as if you mind, his hugs were by far the best you’ve felt. They were full of love and warmth, something that perfectly describes the man himself. “Don’t mind him,” he tells you, rolling his eyes at the dramatics his friend was making. “He really needed to piss.”

“Sorry for taking so long - Namjoon hasn’t gotten back home from this morning.”

“He hasn’t?” Yoongi neatly sets his shoes by the door, unwrapping a thick scarf from his neck, dangling it on your coat hanger. “That’s pretty unusual, he doesn’t like being out in cold weather.”

“He probably got into some traffic,” you assume, “Hopefully he’ll be back soon. Until then, make yourselves at home. We’ll order take-out soon!”

All of you were like a proper family when it came to celebrating Christmas. Each year, sleepovers are taken in turns going from eldest to youngest. This year just so happens to be Namjoon’s turn - it’s not as if you mind, the house seems more lively when they’re around. They had that thing about them, that wherever they went they tended to make things brighter. Not once have you felt gloomy or perhaps left out. The seven of them all had qualities in contrast to one another, all showing you different ways of happiness. You’re lucky to say you have them in your life.

The wait for Namjoon continues. You all settle with playing board games, for the time being, the living room turning into a whole battleground because Yoongi can’t go by without cheating once in a while. He was really cunning, you could see Taehyung trying to pick up on his tricks.

“Uno!” Jimin yells, shoving a proud middle finger in Seokjin’s face. The man could faint from the amount of disrespect he was receiving. “Try beating that, old man.”

“I’ll tell you I’m more than an old man! I want a rematch. You’re all cheats, all of you.”

“You’re just a sore loser.” Jungkook was on thin ice. His nitpicking on Seokjin was getting him nowhere but pure, utter hell while he was sleeping. You admire his courage - he was fucking insane. “Sore losers don’t win, old man.”

Seokjin almost gets up to throttle him for his constant bullying when the door swings open and you’re all met by layers upon layers of clothing stomping inside. He’s carrying a bunch of bags you can’t seem to decipher, and you could see his nose poking out from his scarf.

Finally, Namjoon’s back home.

“Hey __, I’m back. I’m sorry I took so-”

“Joon, you idiot!” Before you could even bat an eye, Taehyung and Hoseok were on the man like hungry beasts. He was already eaten up by whatever garments he was wearing, the only pieces missing were the duo for him to finally disappear. “What took you so long? We were worried sick! Jimin can’t DJ for the life of him.”

“Hey-!”

You hoist yourself up and dust off whatever remnants of gingerbread cookies were left on you. All the concern that had been building up over time of Namjoon not being home had now diminished. Sudden relief washes over you because you hadn’t really noticed how worried sick you’ve been until he’d stepped into the house. Namjoon can be really impulsive sometimes.

“Joon,” He wraps his arms around your smaller figure and places a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Where have you been? Had me really worried for a second there.”

There’s this cheeky look in his face that makes you swoon. He’s so lovely, in all his ways, you just can’t help but be filled with so much love. You love him.

“I kind of… I kind of forgot to pick your present up. Sorry - Didn’t want to worry you, just a clumsy move.”

He’s all you’ve ever imagined.

“Get over here you two - we’re ordering take-out!” Your little moment is easily interrupted by the guys hollering you over, to which you oblige because you wouldn’t want to waste another second. You could hear Namjoon’s stomach grumbling a bit. “Have I been out for that long?” He queries, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. “Dummy, it’s six in the afternoon. It’s already dark.”

“Well, I’m finally back home now, right where I need to be.”

You don’t notice it, but there’s a little mistletoe just above your heads. And Namjoon knows this because he points up towards it with mirth laced in his pretty eyes and a pretty smile. “Merry Christmas,” he tells you before he leans in and gives you what you rightfully deserve.

#btscreatorscorner #bcccse #bts fanfic #bts oneshot #bts au #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #jeon jungkook #park jimin #kim taehyung #kim namjoon #kim namjoon x reader #namjoon reader #namjoon fluff #kim namjoon fluff #namjoon fic #kim namjoon fic

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kannra21 · 4 years

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@owishi Asdfghjkhgfds I want to write sum HCs rn! 😆✨✨

~o0o~

After a successful photoshoot the MCPTF duo took for a detective magazine, Haru bashfuly thanked the camera crew for their work and started to gather his belongings. After a couple of seconds he didn't see Daisuke moving much from his spot at the studio backdrop so he decided to check on him.

Daisuke was still standing there, petting a beautiful cat on his shoulders. He was smiling for the first time in a long time and Haru couldn't help himself but to tease him a little.

"You have a soft spot for kittens, huh Kambe?" "Huh?" "You love animals don't you?" "Don't get the wrong idea. Just because I helped that little boy with a dog back the-" "I get it, no need to get so self-defensive." Haru approached the two and pet the cat as well. Daisuke continued "We had a family cat back in the days but she died from a kidney failure." "I'm sorry to hear that." "Pedigree cats are always difficult to maintain."

He then approached the studio producer and asked "What's the name?" while pointing at the purring ball of fluff. "Oh the name's Kumo-" "No, I meant the name of the breed." "It's a Maine Coon my good sir."

Daisuke took his phone, dialed a number and a lovely lady could be heard on the opposite line "Yes, Daisuke-sama?" "Suzue, do we have all the predispositions that satisfy the adoption of a cat?" "I mean yes but we can't charge a butler to take responsibility for everything. Consider chipping, regular visits to the vet, special shampoos, nail clippers, toothbrushes, specialized treats, eye drops, litter box, toys, climbing frames, there are many factors which need to be taken care of Daisuke-sama. Besides, it's been such a long tim-" "Alright"

Daisuke ended the phone call with a dissatisfied sigh before asking quietly "How much?" to which Haru needed to interfere. "Didn't Suzue-san just tell you not to take a cat home?" and Daisuke gave him an annoyed side-glance "I'll figure something out."

When he arrived to the mansion in his Bentley Continental GT, he glanced at the backseat to address the feline comfortably lying in the fancy pet carrier. "You better not make a sound, understood?" to which the cat just purred in satisfaction. Daisuke felt so silly at this moment, like a little boy hiding a broken vase from his mother.

When he was about to enter the mansion, he accidentally walked on Suzue typing something on her tablet. She looked up and was delighted to see Daisuke coming home safe and sound. Daisuke stood at the doors, one side of his body peering from the corner while the other with a cat was hidden behind the wall. "Welcome back Daisuke-sama, the crack-open naengmyeon is already served on the table, you can take your seat." "Actually, I was planning on doing something else beforehand. Would you please excuse me for a moment?" "Of course." Suzue turned around and waited for him in the dining room. And although Daisuke was very good at keeping his serious demeanor, Suzue still noticed that something was off, with the tone of his voice for instance. It was very faint but Suzue was able to recognize things like this since she knew him so well. Still, she decided not to question him about it.

Daisuke entered his room and laid the pet carrier on the floor. Opening the zipper, the cat jumped out and rolled cozily on his bed. Daisuke held his phone and took a picture. He decided that he couldn't leave it by itself so he went downstairs to the storeroom where he took a litter box and filled it with old newspapers just in case.

After that he joined Suzue for lunch, they talked about Daisuke's photoshoot and Suzue's data she collected on certain people regarding a case. Daisuke told her that the magazine will be published in three weeks or so and Suzue was so happy she promised that she'll be the first costumer to buy it. Daisuke smiled more around Suzue after he let go of his past and threw his father into the jail. Now that all the bad things are behind him, he can finally indulge in his life and pay more attention to Suzue to whom he has yet to make up for all she has done for him over the years. He's thinking about marrying her soon.

While they were eating and pleasantly chatting, a high pitched "mrow" could be heard from the upper floor.

"What was that?" Daisuke let out a dry cough and said "My apologies. It seems that I needed to take a thicker coat before leaving for an appointment." "But.. you always pay attention to things like this." "It's true, but today I was a little late, had other things to do." "Don't overwork yourself, you need to think about your health." "Seems like you need to take better care of me.", he said with a smirk plastered on his lips to which Suzue just laughed and replied "You're so spoiled." and he scooted closer to her whispering "But I like it better when you do it.", and almost kissed her before the two heard a soft thud coming from the above.

"Excuse me for a moment, I need to check what's happening up there. Will be right back.", maybe the moment was ruined but he kissed her forehead nonetheless and went upstairs, leaving her full-hearted and all mushy inside. Her mind was so hazed from the thought of Daisuke kissing her forehead and almost kissing her lips that she didn't register the cause of his concern.

When he arrived to his room he had things to behold; scattered papers and documents all over the floor and the ashtray he typically used after his "adventurous nights with Suzue" was lying on the ground right next to the nightstand. The cat was sitting on his working table licking her paw as if nothing of this concerned her in the slightest. Daisuke sighed in disappointment and put her back in her "baby jail". She already gave him such a hard time but he couldn't be angry with her, she was his baby (yes he already considered himself a dad for god's sake).

Since they already finished with their meals, Suzue went back to her tech room to finish her work and Daisuke took the opportunity to place some meat and water on small plates and bring it to his naughty little friend.

The cat calmed down instantly after she ate and went straight to sleep. Daisuke couldn't believe his own eyes, the audacity, the sheer amount of spoilage this creature showed was unreal. It reminded him so much of himself and he smiled a little. He really missed having a cat.

After he cleaned up and finished his other tasks, he laid on the bed next to her and pet her soft white fur, making her purr louder and snuggle up beside him. Daisuke knows that Suzue is not stupid and that she'll eventually catch up on him sneaking behind her back to give Furry Elise treats (yes her name is Furry Elise, "Für Elise" might be one of Beethoven’s best-known piano pieces and Daisuke knows how to play it too).

And it actually happened that same night. Daisuke was about to fill her small plate with more meat when he met Suzue in the kitchen and she asked him what he was doing. He instantly gave up because it would be so blatantly obvious and incredibly stupid of him to say that he was trying out a new weight-losing tip when no one in this god-forsaken world ate raw chicken.

So he took her to his room and showed her Furry Elise. And although the cat purred really loudly upon seeing them, Suzue wasn't happy about it. In fact, she looked really disappointed and Daisuke needed to apologize. He explained her how it happened and how he wished to have a pet after a really long time. He thought she liked cats as well and therefore concluded that it wouldn't be such a big deal to adopt this cute little feline she loved so much, but apparently it was, so he asked her one more time why she was so reluctant to the whole idea of owning a cat again.

Suzue now shredded a couple of tears and Daisuke was seriously alarmed upon seeing her like this so he carefully cupped her with his hand behind her back and hugged her, asking why she was crying all of a sudden.

"It's just.. I don't want to go though this all over again." "What are you talking about?" "You see, my parents died, your parent died, our previous cat died so soon. I'm living in fear every day and asking myself if something's going to happen to you as well, that's why I'm so excessively worrying about you. And everything I need right now is another sweet creature that I love so much leaving us again. I don't think I'd be able to handle it anymore."

"Suzue.. I never thought..", Daisuke kissed her head and felt a big amount of guilt dawning on him. He was so selfish for only thinking about what made him happy without considering Suzue's emotions. But then he reclaimed his mind and tried to concentrate on saying the right thing. Hopefully he can make her feel better again.

"Suzue, my dear, you shouldn't limit yourself to things that make you happy. It's not healthy. You see, none of us is eternal; neither you, nor me, nor this kitten down there looking at you with so much love in her eyes. But for that very reason that none of us is eternal, we should dedicate our time to one another and make most of it. So please don't deny yourself or your feelings. Instead of dwelling on the sad things, we should concentrate more on our time spent together and be happy, okay?"

Even Daisuke didn't know how he managed to word it this nicely but he did and he realized that both of them were crying by now. They shared a passionate kiss but got interrupted by a small furball rubbing on their feet like it wanted to share a hug as well and Suzue smiled through tears.

She squatted and carefully took the cat in her hands. "What's her name?" "Furry Elise." Suzue now needed to laugh so much and she hadn't even recovered from her previous emotional outburst.

"I love it, you're really good at this.. it's.. the song you used to play for me all the time before you went studying overseas."

He looked at her with so much love and adoration at this exact moment.

"Know what? I think I'm falling for you all over again, Mr. Millionaire." Daisuke swore, his heart was full that night and no money could ever compare to this feeling.

@daisuzuship @innovativestruggles @narcopharmacist @unholysoggytea @riaymei @ieatcrumbs @cow-goes-oof @matchabucks @bluegleeful @levi-is-heicho @kakooshi @kokorokai @darknessrxse @fluffyyagiza @geniusmeemee @sungmnnnn @koalarin @alstroemerie @petiamaximoff38 @hellohellokookie @marialenikiforov

It's daisuzu stuff so I hope you enjoy. If you want me to delete your tag you're free to tell me. 👍

#fugou keiji balance unlimited #the millionaire detective balance unlimited #daisuke kambe #suzue kambe #daisuzu #daisuke x suzue #hc #scenario #fanfics #ideas #thoughs

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calypsoff · 3 years

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Thirteen. Part 2

I know Chris is annoyed, but if I clear that and clear my schedule I will be his throughout his birthday, all his but he doesn’t know that “so I haven’t seen you in weeks and you say I have a day with you?” he questioned “maybe two?” Chris shook his head “oh wow, queen Rihanna, I may get two days with you. I am so obliged, thank you!” he shouted “don’t be like this with me, it’s busy when I roll out an album. It is not easy for me either, I miss you so much. If you actually come with me then we can always be together, but you refuse to do that because I am taking the masculinity off you, right!?” let me not shout “follow you like a dog? That ain’t me, that ain’t my life Robyn. But I have to suffer because you have to bring out an album, you come here and I am on a timer, how is that fair!?” I feel him, I get why he is upset, I do and I can tell he just wants to spend time with me like I do him “it’s not and I am sorry” I can only apologise “this sucks because I had things planned but now we can have sex tonight and then that’s it yeah, that is it. Sex on the low, a nigga got feelings too. You have a jet you could come” he just wants sex “then fly back, when do I get a break? It’s hard on me Chris, you probably don’t want to hear it but I am indebted to my record label, and I need to get out of it. I am not the richest person yet Chris, I need to get out of the claws, you don’t get it but I do because I am in it. I am stuck between two worlds, once I figure it out I can leave and I will be my own woman but right now I need you to be my escape, where I can just relax with you. It is not ideal, but it will get better and I promise you that, can you just calm down” walking over to him slowly, he is very uptight. Rubbing his arm, he isn’t looking at me because he is annoyed and I get it “I love you” Chris wrapped his arm around me, I can tell he does that is why he wants me here.

Holding up the Ace of Spades box, I forgot to get this out of my suitcase for them. I really do love his apartment; his bedroom is nice too. It is way better then his old one, so much space and air “you coming?” Chris said, I ran back in the room to get this “I got you boys this” walking towards Chris “for us!?” he spat “or you” I chuckled, he took the box from me “this is fancy baby, thank you. We can open it now. Celebrate you’re here too and the apartment” Chris placed his arm around me as we walked off “why not, I am so happy for you Chris. You look so much happier, you are you. You’re free too, I feel it in your heart” TJ looked at me all wide eyed, he can’t get used to it but he will “look what Robyn got us boys” Chris held up the bottle “wow, you spending. Thank you!” Barry said “we going to pop this shit now” TJ got up “yeah bro, open it” Chris held it out to him “I got the wife here so open it now” TJ took it from him, he’s cute. I know he is fed up and wants me to be around, Chris hugged me close kissing the top of my head “I love you so much” he is the sweetest and he is showing me so much love “bro, I don’t blame you being so in love” hearing Barry say “she is a good woman” he is making me emotional.

We cheered as TJ opened the bottle “put your lips on that we are fighting!” Chris spat “I ain’t doing shit, I will pour the glasses evenly too” Chris grabbed my hand “sit down, come” he pulled me along “I will bring the drink to you” I have missed this so much, I have missed a man spoiling me. This is what I deserve in life, sitting down on the couch “if you told me I would have Rihanna on my couch I would be like fuck off, this is crazy but how you been? I am glad you are here; Chris is like a lost puppy. We been hearing his sick ways, now we can see his ways in person. He out here being sad and shit, but on a real. He missed you, that time last week when you were supposed to come and you didn’t, he cooked you a meal” Chris came up behind Barry “shut the fuck up! You might as well tell everything” I didn’t know that “leave him, he did? I didn’t know he did. I feel awful” he cooked for me “that day I was scared to cancel, and I was trying to find way to get here but he cooked for me?” Barry nodded his head “the food was nice though, we ate it with him, but he been waiting for you to come here and look at that, you’re here” I feel such a bad person “Robyn ignore this fool, he is just talking. I was happy you ain’t come” Chris is such a liar, I believe Barry “anyways, drinks!” Chris made his way over to me.

Taking the glass from Chris “here is to my baby being here after all this time, here is to us all having a new future we all deserve. I am super excited for what is to come, and I love all of you that are in this room, thank you for this drink too. But yeah here is to us” I cooed out, we clinked glasses “also to me getting some pussy tonight” Chris cackled “not with those pubes” I drank the contents “you didn’t really tell me you were coming so quick; I wasn’t ready. But I think you niggas may go out tonight, I need to spend some alone time with this one” Chris winked at me “is that all I am to you? Somewhere to dock your penis” Chris sat next to me “don’t be so dramatic, I love you” he patted my leg “so how is Robyn? What you been up too in California?” Barry asked “work, I know it seems like because we are famous that we don’t work but it’s pretty fucked up in the industry. When I went there and got the record deal, I practically signed my life over but I was young and didn’t understand it. I am like indebted to them, so I am trying to release so many albums to get out of it, but I have plans to get out of this. The things you see I have and stuff, it’s mostly free but I do have money but not to the extent people assume but I promise you I will get out of this, so yeah. Things are hectic at the moment, then I will be on tour for seven days, seven countries, seven shows which I am not excited about, but it will be fine. I am having fans with me, like people that can come with me to see how it is, the record label are paying out for a whole Boeing to be packed for this and I ant to ask if you guys would like to come? I can get you places; well I would like Chris to come” looking over at him “seven countries!?” Chris spat “yeah, I really want you to come” I hope he does “we will discuss it later, I mean I didn’t even know of it at all” letting out an oh, it’s like a battle with him. Drinking from the glass “I think it’s good, we should go?” TJ said “we will see” rolling my eyes “if you two want to come then I will put your names down, if he wants to be stubborn then he can stay here” he really can “don’t test Chris, he will end up staying here” Barry laughed, he frustrates me.

TJ filled my glass again “least Gabby can leave you alone now” TJ laughed looking at Chris and then the smile slowly faded “Gabby?” I repeated “who is Gabby Chris?” TJ slowly retreated “do you ever just shut the fuck up bro?” Chris said to him “no I would like to know, TJ tell me” sipping my drink, TJ looked at me “I thought he told you, he said you knew” well this is awkward “is that something to do with the group picture I found out?” looking at Chris, he is glaring at TJ, he angry but for what “I will knock your ass out, seriously. You know I can beat you up, you just open your mouth for fucking what!? The shit was irrelevant, Gabby is some girl that has been harassing me. She wants my dick yeah she knows I have a girlfriend, but she has been after me, like finding me on social media. I didn’t tell you because it made no fucking sense to tell you but this loud mouth nigga did” Chris is so angry, he needs to relax “I think you and I need to talk, but in private. We have a lot to speak about, just leave TJ alone” placing my glass down “I thought you said we would speak more, didn’t we speak on that? You also told me that, you’re angry not at that. You haven’t seen me in so long and we do have a lot to speak on, in private but you need to calm down” Chris got up from the couch in a huff, he is angry at me.

Chris is angry at me I think, he has been angry since I told him that I am only here for a day or two but what does he want me to do, watching him walk off outside “he is worse than a woman” TJ took his place and sat next to me “you trying to take his place already?” Barry joked “I can’t help but like her, I mean look at her but anyways! Fuck you” TJ put a finger up at him “we joking Rihanna, we don’t want to offend you” waving him off “it’s ok, I understand. How has he been though? Truthfully? I know he is your boy, and you are down for him, he could cheat on me and I know you both won’t snitch on him, but I just want to know how he is, has he mentioned anything?” I just would like to know but these do ride for him “he was pretty pissed off that day when he cooked for you and you didn’t come, I think it knocked him. Chris is closed, I mean I know that. We both know that so for him to do something for you he fucks with you, like he ain’t been that same nigga we know when he was in school. He was live, now he is grumpy. He does get those moments; he does like to be in his room a lot though. Noticed that, he lives in that room but yeah. I know he does love you, funny because like we say something for a joke. We said oh you set, you have Rihanna and he got angry at it, oh he is his own boss. He is his own enemy” nodding my head, he is.

I thought I would join him outside, but I don’t want to argue with him at all “are you calm now?” I asked, I didn’t go to the balcony I stayed a little behind, you never know people may be looking “I am” he turned to me “you promised you would talk to him Chris, I know it’s hard. It’s hard on you, on me. On us, I am sorry that I have to be busy, but I want us to work, you think we will?” crossing my arms across my chest “I do, I want us to work but I just miss you so much. It sucks you know, I see you on social media having fun and stuff and all I Want to do is be with you, it sounds mushy and shit. But I do, I hate it and I am going to learn to get used to it. Just hard to see you on there when I can’t have you, I uhm. Probably just being annoying, talking about feelings is difficult for me at most part Robyn and I get annoyed with myself because I get angry instead, it sucks. I just also think you should just fuck your record label off too” I wish I could “I understand, I think maybe we need to talk properly before we do anything, this conversation needs to be had for the both of us yeah?” Chris nodded his head “shall we go to the bedroom?” he gestured “we shall, lead the way” I need to tell him he will be coming with me to the seven shows and that we will be going public, I need to be hard on him because the way he said I will decide on that annoyed me.

#Chrianna FF #Chrianna #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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peanutbutterisland-blog · 4 years

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Lui- A short story by Owami Jackson

Chapter 1: Franks intro

So, how do you start one of these things? Do I tell you my name, the backstory of my character, where I am from? How and why I killed Lui?

*Fuck I ruined the whole story didn’t I? Oh well. Guess we have to start somewhere

Okay boys and girls, to save you the suspense and inner turmoil, yes this is the story of how I killed a girl named Lui. This is not an attempt to bait you into reading a story. You could easily go watch a reality show about this kind of stuff, I mean you’d be surprised at how much of this shit happens, and is televised. honestly I could give two fucks about you or the author of this short story who saw it fit too conjure me from his imagination because he couldn’t sleep or because of his “anxiety” but since we are here I’ll give you the 411. This is not a story about murder nor is it a story about romance, I’m sorry if you wanted a sequel to “A fault in our stars” but this is unfortunately not the place, go rent it at a DVD store like the rest of the perverts who still go to DVD stores. As you will come to find my personality borders on asshole territory. This is not a trait I am particularly fond off but I’m not the author here. So if you are ready for a nihilistic, self-centred, self-deprivation kind of story, buckle up your seat belt ladies and gentlemen, its time for a ride. Oh and my name is Frank.

Chapter 2: Why is it so hard to find a good blowjob in Paris?

It’s a beautiful city Lyon, dead middle in the heart of it all, who would’ve thought a piece of shit like me would make it to a place like this. Don’t get me wrong I much rather be in my shitty apartment, with my noisy ass neighbours but every once in a while you find something that gets you out of the house and gives a rational explanation to the world. You might be asking yourself why I’m in Paris or where I’m from. Let’s just say I’m here for a permanent vacation and I can’t disclose where I’m from because I don’t know you guys like that.

*or the author is a lazy fuck who can’t give me a decent enough back story because his writing this dead late in the middle of the night and doesn’t have any depth.

The thing about the city of Lyon is that you actually start to believe the romantic hype. Its covered by water as if it was being hugged by Atlantis, the air is warm, the noise is music and the music is art. The afternoons, oh God the afternoons, the sky turns a light navy blue with small stokes of the pink sunset embellished on top of it. Sitting outside of a hotel restaurant and eating what could only be described as an orgasm in my mouth feels like paradise.

Waiter: can I get you anything else monsieur?

Just top me off on the wine would you. No, matter of fact bring me the bottle and add a gin and tonic while you’re at it

Waiter: aucun problème

Okay back to you lovely annoying readers; yes Paris, Lyon a beautiful part of fucking civilization, if I wasn’t going to blow my head off in the next couple of days I would have moved here

*is it me or did I ruin another vital part of the story, Fuck!

Okay let’s make this quick, we’ve wasted enough time talking about a city that you can just google. I came here because out of all my travels it is the most beautiful place I have ever been to. This is where I plan to kill myself, everything is already planned, I’ve booked an exquisite hotel in the presidential suite with an extraordinary balcony view, I know what my last meal will be and I’ve hired enough prostitutes and drugs to give Charlie Sheen a boner. While your reading the story please don’t act like you care and even if you did, I did tell you that I’m a piece of shit so that says a lot about you weirdo. This will not end with a coming to Jesus moment; I will not tell you a sad backstory as to what lead me to this decision. The only thing I can say is that I am okay, I’m just not happy. I figured shooting myself in the head would be quicker and as a last ode to me being an asshole someone would have to clean my mushy brain and skull fragments and that brings me so much joy. Now back too regular proceedings.

Concierge: sir I have been informed to tell you that there is a female waiting for you at the front desk

Oh yes, the first of many lovely prostitutes that will be joining me, send her up Garson

Concierge: yes sir.

Time for my first act. I’m guessing you weirdos are going to stay and read about my sexual escapade, just don’t masturbate to it, it’s hard enough giving a good performance to an A list prostitute from Paris and having you weirdos jacking off to it, this is not 50 shades and you are not a middle aged housewife, grow up. What I can tell you though is that I’ve frequented some of the ladies of the night in Paris and despite their beauty they can’t give a decent enough blowjob, I mean it’s like they are physically trained not to produce decent fallatio. It’s a question that has plagued me for years but nonetheless I digress. So yeah this whole backstory shit has been fun but it’s time for me to go, see you in the next chapter.

Chapter 3: Baby! Baby! Baby!

Even in the desolate night where the room is quiet and covered by luminance moonlight, the air in Paris is still warm. I mean I am sleeping next to two prostitutes with nothing on but the air is still comfy. If you’re here to find out if the blowjob was good, yes it was. Turns out when you use two girls the tongue ratio is rationed and abracadabra you have a good blowjob now back to the story pervert.

I’ve never been one to have a good night’s sleep. the last time I slept a full night was when I was blacked out drunk and even then I woke up to take a piss but fell on my own vomit and hit my head on the toilet seat thus inducing a slight concussion but it was a good night’s sleep nonetheless. When I can’t sleep I tend to take a walk, luckily this was a city made for mid night walks and I needed to go buy more condoms. As if only the day was replaced by the moon, the city of Lyon was still vibrant and full of life. bars where open, jazz players where still playing on the road and couples walked around freely as if they were at a market in the middle of the day, I asked one of the locals for the nearest convince store and the fucker told me it was three blocks away. I didn’t mind, it seemed the further I walked the further away my problems became, I got to the convince store and started browsing as one does when in a foreign convince store. Everything is the same if you don’t count the different cereals and sodas. I was the only one in the store at least I thought I was until I heard the softest voice talking to the store clerk. I’ve heard French before I mean how can’t you when you’re in the middle of fucking Paris but this sounded heavenly, almost extra-terrestrial like an instrument yet to be created but sounded like something sweet from your past. I walked in front of the store, as one would do upon hearing the voice of an angel and in awe, I saw her. I’m not going to give you the whole rom com speal because like I said this is not a fucking romance. She was just there, like she was meant to be there as if she was there for me. She had a little back pack and short dress complimented with airforce 1 sneakers and a tiny hat. I had to say something; I had to fill up the space that was between us. “Bonjour, what adventure are you going to? Fuck do you speak English, sorry I mean uhhm fuck never mind” she smiled and said “Hey my name is Lui, yes I do speak English and do you have any adventure we can go on”. I paid for my shit, left the condoms of course and we walked around the city the whole night talked about our lives and our past and…

*fuck this is turning into a romance isn’t it

Fast forward to the end of the night we found ourselves next to a fountain talking about shit we knew we weren’t going to remember, she told me she lived near the hotel I was at ,a tiny apartment full of paintings done by her and her eccentric friends. She said she was having a party later into the day and invited me, I mean a night with pretentious art dealers and middle-aged drunks didn’t sound half as good as a night of sniffing cocaine up a hookers ass but she intrigued me and I wanted to go. The great thing about hookers is that they never run out so I could spare some debaucherous time to be a social human for one night, I mean semi social.

*relax we’re going back to the plot of the story in the next chapter you impatience fuck

Chapter 4: Expiry date.

It was the tiniest apartment I have ever been in but with some miracle, it was able to house 15 drunken belligerent artsy fartsy bearded and incense-smelling individuals. The music switched from pop rock to electric folk to some weird shit that can only be described as LSD in liquefied form and everybody in the room seemed to know everything about the musician or band. It was as if I joined a cult unknowingly and we were about to fuck a goat and eat celebratory rice cakes. From the minute, I entered the room I immediately regretted calling off my nightly escapades with hookers and cocaine until I saw her. She had a short poker dotted skirt on with the harshest BDSM boots I’ve ever seen in my life, her hair was shaped like a mushroom and she had glitter all over her face.

*can somebody tell this Disney ass author that this is not A FUCKING ROMANCE NOVEL

The minute I clocked eyes with her she gestured me towards her friends, I put my hand up as if to say no thanks, she saw my reluctance, smiled and came right over to me

Lui: thank you for making it, I didn’t think you would come

Frank: yeah, I haven’t listened to pop rock in a while so I decided to pop in

*Good she’s smiling

Lui: would you like something to drink?

Frank: yeah what do you have on the menu?

Lui: this is Paris so we have wine obviously, I can make you a gin cocktail and we have beer if you’re trying to be a prude

Frank: I’ll be a Prude thank you.

Lui: ill be right back, just don’t move

Frank: I’ll be right here

I scrolled through my phone looking at pictures I’ve already seen before as one does in a socially award situation. A pixie girl with pink hair came up to me and proceeded to bombard me with a verbal avalanche of gypsy talk and indigo gibberish. I entertained her for a while until Lui came back to save me. Lui and I sat on the sofa together and besides the interruptions of people telling us how high or drunk they were we had a very in depth conversation. Within an hour we were making out, we decided to go up the roof of her apartment for some fresh air.

Frank: i expected a bed looking unto the stars but I guess this will do.

Lui: I’ve had sex on harsher and more abstract places

Frank: London 2003 I had sex in a cemetery while people where burying my father.

Lui: Wow! Impressive, Paris 2012 I had sex in a church with the youth pastor while the service was still in progress. The pastor’s wife walked in on us and told the whole church, my mother didn’t talk to me for years.

Frank: Wow, I didn’t take you in for a church person.

Lui: what can I say Youth pastors are hot.

The sky was bare with sprinkles of stars. the stars were clear and vivid as if they wanted you to look at them. The moon was not shy as well. a crescent moon held the sky together and on top of the roof, it looked larger than life. As always the air was warm, I laid the big trench coat I had, on the floor and well yeah we had sex.

*I’m sorry but what’s this author’s obsession with my sex life like fuck, has he heard of porn before?

Lui: Fuck! Oh my God. Ahhhhhh, wow you’re amazing.

Frank: You’re not too bad yourself. Wow, thank you, I guess.

Lui: you’re welcome. Im gonna miss this

Frank: I mean we can do it again.

Lui: no I mean sex, intimacy, love, passion just life

Frank: are you transferring to a nun school tomorrow?

Lui: I have Lupus and not to get into the nitty grittys of it all but yeah im going to die in a couple of months, I’m in pain every day and I want to kill myself everyday but I never find the strength to do it

*well this just got awkward.

Frank: one way to kill the romance Lui

Lui: I’m sorry but were never going to see each other again so I just thought id lay it all onto you

Frank: well if there’s an afterlife, which there isn’t, ill be sure to pop you in a visit

Lui: I’ll be next to Jesus and the youth pastors trying to get some dick

Frank: You’re hilarious, life shouldn’t take people like you, you deserve to grow old and have kids and grandkids and share your light and lessons with them

Lui: I’ve made peace with it, I mean I don’t have control over it but I do have control on how I want it to happen

Frank: oh yeah?

Lui: I want my last moments to be in an island at a beach somewhere looking Over the horizon with wine in my hand a blunt in the other and a smile on my face

Frank: wow that’s a very specific request

Lui: I read it on those cancer books those white people read, you know the ones where one teenager is dying of cancer and the other does something romantic for them

Frank: like ‘A fault in our stars’?

Lui: Exactly! But I know I’ll probably die in a hospital or in my house if I’m lucky.

Frank: I never thought I’d have sex and talk about a terminal disease right after

Lui: stick with me baby and you’ll be introduced to a world of new sexual dialogue.

We walked back into the party, I had every reason to leave but I wanted to stay, so I stayed. The party ended at 3 in the morning. The host blacked out and I had nothing to do so I cleaned up her house, I went to a local coffee shop at 6 in the morning, came back to the apartment to find her awake, blushing and with a terrible hangover. I gave her coffee and waited for her to come out the shower, I didn’t know what I was waiting for but it seemed like the right thing to do, I heard a gut wrenching scream from the bathroom. I ran in and there she was naked, convulsing in pain, I held her and tried to cradle her to health but it didn’t work. I called the ambulance and spent the rest of the day in hospital. Throughout the day her friends and her family showed up. They all asked who I was and I just kept on saying I was an acquaintance. The doctor came in and told us that She was responsive but she was in immense pain, she could make out words and she kept on telling the doctors that she was in pain and she just wanted to go. The doctors said there was nothing they could do but wait. the pain wouldn’t stop. She could go home and wait to die there or die in the hospital. A decision was made for her to go home. I walked passed the doctors as secretly as I could, grabbed a wheel chair, went into her room and took her out the back of the hospital. I called out a cab and told him to drive to the beach, it was 5 o’clock in the morning and the sun was coming up. We pulled up to the beach, I gave the cab driver a thousand Euros and told him to wait for us. We pushed the wheel chair onto the sand close to the water, I took off her shoes and put them in the water, I cradled her and we watched the sun rise. A tear fell from her eyes, she tried to mumble out a thank you but she couldn’t move her mouth, I looked at her and kissed her on her head. I took her back into cab and told the cab driver to drive back to her apartment, laid her on her bed. Took a pillow and smothered her the fastest way I could. Her hand shaking with pain from her Lupas, stopped and for a while it seemed like her body was at peace, I left a note on top of the kitchen counter next to the cold coffee detailing what I had done and why I did it. I told her parents they could hate me or blame me but this is what she wanted. I also gave them the address of my hotel. I took her phone, called the first contact I found and told them that she was at her apartment.

*I told you this is not a fucking Disney story

Chapter 5- Walking with the lights off

I honestly don’t know how you stayed through out the story but you’re here now, you’ve made it, I would say I’m proud of you but I don’t really care. I guess the author wanted the last chapter to be a mushy moment that would provoke me to come to a Jesus moment and not kill myself

*pussy

And he was right, I think my character arch was cemented in the last chapter. I found something that I cared about and realized that life is meaningful and watching a life fade away in-front of my eyes, she made me realize that I have so much to live for, Sike I’m still going to kill myself. I told you that I’m a nihilistic asshole and things would come to this, you read on and I told you not too, so now that we’re here time to end this chapter with a bang.

I waited in the hotel for 4 days and no one came, no police, no family member and no friends. Sometimes blue lights would flicker outside and I would get myself ready but they never came. I don’t know what I was waiting for, redemption, pain, punishment, I don’t even know why I left my address in Lui’s apartment. All I know is that in the days and nights I spent with Lui I felt a sense of belonging that I had never felt before and doing what I did to her made me realize that maybe I do have a moral compass. Within 5 days I figured the family had understood the letter and how she was in pain, I hoped that they understood that I didn’t do anything maliciously. Until I got a visit from a middle aged women in all black attire with sunglasses on. It was Lui’s mom. We sat in the garden of the hotel and I didn’t know what to say, I mean what do you say to the mother of someone you’ve killed. She looked at me, and said “Your eyes carry pain, just like my daughters eyes” I didn’t say anything. That was not something I was expecting her to say. She continued “I’ve been fighting with my family the whole week on whether we should arrest you or kill you ourselves”. I then replied “Since there are no police here I’m thinking you decided to do the latter?”

“No, I convinced them not to do both, you see I knew the pain my daughter was going through, I think I just got selfish and wanted her to stay a little longer. I want to thank you for helping her with her pain, although you’ve brought my family great pain as we couldn’t say goodbye to her the way we wanted to, you’ve closed a chapter that needed to be closed. I wanted to see you before you disappeared, I don’t know why but I wanted to see your eyes and now that I’m here I realize that there is no one who can save you from your turmoil, your eyes long for a rest you can’t have, I pray that you find solace in this life or the next” and just like that she got up, shook my hand and left. I didn’t know what to feel afterwards but I knew what I had to do.

I grabbed a gym bag, walked out the hotel room at 3am in the morning, I hired a cab to drive me to Lui’s apartment, I left flowers on the entrance of her apartment I then told the driver to drive to the beach, I waited till the clock hit 4:30. The sun came up slowly. It was beautiful I didn’t deserve the view . I kneeled along the shore and took out the gun

*you see, one thing I know about myself is that I’m very self aware. I know my wrongs and I know my rights(as little as they may be). I understand that I’m probably a sick individual, I understand that sometimes someone like myself needs help but I think I’ve ran enough, from my past, my demons and myself. I don’t remember a time I was ever happy and I don’t resent God, my family or myself for it. I have limits and I just happened to run out of them. Sometimes you just have to take the brunt of your inner turmoil and throw them in the fire. As much as I am an asshole, I have a soul and I hope somehow I’ve been able to leave a positive peace of myself attached to someone and changed their lives cause it would be a shame living such a shitty life to not impact at least one person, anyway....

BANG!!

End.

#short story

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allthingspotter · 4 years

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James and Lily Potter Playlist

A collection of songs that remind me of Jily throughout their relationship! All songs are linked!

Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows - This song is Lily realizing that she fell for James sometime during early seventh year. We all know this was not something she planned. Lily didn’t mean to fall in love, it just kinda happened.

Everybody Talks by Neon Trees - This is Lily refusing admitting that she likes James romantically. She’s trying to pretend like she’s indifferent but everyone, including James, knows otherwise. The first lyric also feels like something James would say to Lily while hitting on her in the hall. “Hey baby won’t you look my way, I can be your new addiction. Hey baby what you gotta say, all you’re giving me is friction”

I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) from Hercules - Lily denying her feelings for James, either to her friends or the other three Marauders. (I’d like to think that Lily started hanging out with the Marauders as friends in sixth year and got especially close with Sirius and Remus)

This Town by Niall Horan - This song feels like James being hopelessly in love with Lily. He most likely had to watch her have a few boyfriends and had to wait a long time before she finally fell for him too. He would do anything to be with her, including wait. I really love how sweet this song is and it just screams James at me!

Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran - This song reminds me of their dynamic shifting from nemeses-to-friends and then friends-to-lovers. It’s Lily realizing that James has changed for the better and that she loves him and can’t be without him, as well as James seeing Lily become more free and seeing that she actually cares for him (This song can also work for Romione for different reasons) It’s basically both of them seeing each other in new lights.

I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz - This is James refusing to let Lily go despite her constant rejection. Could also be a form of his adorable speech-like-thing that he tells Lily before he asks her out and she finally says yes.

A Lovely Night from La La Land - This song makes me think of a scenario where James and Lily run into each other somewhere, (Hogsmeade, Diagon Ally, somewhere outside of school) and James trying to make it feel like a date and Lily pushing back that she’ll never go out with him. Classic James flirting and Lily rejecting him while casually flirting back.

Rewrite the Stars from The Greatest Showman - This is James trying to convince Lily that they are meant for each other while she pulls out every excuse in the handbook. She wants to be with James but doesn’t want to be proved wrong about him. Lily’s also thinking about the war against Muggle-Borns going on outside of Hogwarts and doesn’t want to pull James into danger with her.

Walk Me Home by P!nk - This is Lily asking for James’ help to support her through the war that’s going on. She wants him there to make her life brighter despite everything that’s going on outside of Hogwarts. She’s scared that she’ll be pushed out of the new world that she has come to love and wants him to stay by her side.

Take A Chance On Me by ABBA - Would it be a Jily playlist without this song? It’s pretty obvious but this is James asking Lily to finally take a chance and go out with him. Bonus: He plays/performs this song in the halls between classes as one of his attempts to get Lily to go out with him! Complete with the other Marauders as backup dancers/singers!

I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran - This is just a mushy love song that makes me really happy and makes me think of how cute their relationship is!

Why (Acoustic) by Sabrina Carpenter - This is an opposites attract song that makes me think of the fact that even though Lily and James are so different they manage to be so perfect for each other. (The non-acoustic version works too, I just prefer acoustic music)

Sucker by the Jonas Brothers - This is just James being a total sucker for Lily. He’ll do anything she asks because he is that in love with her.

I Like Me Better by Lauv - Another cute love song that just feels like Jily. No specific reason, I just feel like it fits.

Would You Be So Kind by Dodie - This song is another ‘James trying to get Lily to go out with him song’ It’s super cute and feels like something that James would actually say to Lily in another attempt to get her say yes to him.

Maybe It’s Time from A Star is Born - This song is James finally realizing after the incident at the end of fifth year that he needs to change for the better or else he’d never get Lily to like him. He’s figured out that he really is a bullying toerag and he needs to fix that.

Falling For Ya from Teen Beach Movie - This is Lily being caught off guard by James doing something nice for her or seeing him be kind to a younger student and cluing in to the fact that shes falling for him.

Fallin’ For You by Colbie Caillat - *See above* Plus Lily finally telling James that she likes him when they’re in seventh year.

She by Dodie - This song is all James. He’s probably sitting in the dorm with the rest of the Marauders, most likely after a particularly brutal rejection from Lily in sixth year. He’s realized that it isn’t a small crush and that he is in love with Lily. It’s the day he decides to give her space and to stop asking her out. The lyric “But I’ll be okay admiring from afar because even when she’s next to me we could not be more far apart. And she tastes like birthday cake and story-time and Fall, but to her I taste like nothing at all,” shows that he’s finally decided to give up on Lily, even though he loves her, because he thinks that she’ll never see him the same way. It’s a really sad point in their relationship and there were probably tears involved. Lily could also overhear the conversation if you want to make it even more sad.

Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran - Another cutesy love song that makes me think of how happy they would have been together. Can also be used for a Jily wedding song.

Let Me Love You by Fitz and The Tantrums - Another example of a song that reminds me of James trying to win Lily over. Most likely one of the last attempts before Lily says yes. This version feels so genuine and emotional and it is another perfect example of their relationship.

Come Home With Me from Hadestown - I feel like this song documents the first time that James tries to ask Lily out in fourth year. The third voice (Hermes) is Remus during the whole encounter. The only difference would be James somehow screwing it up and Lily walking away unimpressed.

How You Get The Girl by Taylor Swift - This song can go two ways. It can either be the end of sixth year when James and Lily are already friends and he outright asks her what he can do to get her to go out with him. This song could be her response. The other way you could look at this song would be the Marauders coaching James on how to impress Lily.

Absolutely Smitten by Dodie - This song makes me think of the first time James saw Lily in their first year at Hogwarts. When she was called up to be sorted James was immediately taken aback, (probably by her hair). He was completely smitten from the moment he first saw her.

Paper Rings by Scott & Ryceejo - This is originally a Taylor Swift song but this version is slowed down and makes it much more romantic and emotional. This song really feels like Lily and James when I hear the lyric “I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this,” It’s another cute love song that doesn’t have a lot of meaning, it just makes me happy!

Can’t Help Falling in Love by Haley Reinhart - This song is Lily not being able to stop herself from falling for James. When they are assigned to be Head Boy and Girl, Lily is forced to be around James more often. She sees who he really is and can’t stop herself from falling in love with him.

Fearless by Taylor Swift - Another sweet love song that makes me think about the beginning of their relationship while Lily is still falling for James. The lyric that makes it a Jily song is, “But you’re just so cool, run your hands through your hair, absentmindedly making me want you” This lyric describes James so perfectly that it needed to be on this playlist.

Tell Me Why by Taylor Swift - This song makes me think of James finally snapping at Lily. She has probably yelled at him for something that she doesn’t understand (eg. James missing a meeting for the full moon) and he finally lets all of his frustrations out. He yells about everything that has ever made him mad when it comes to her. He tells her that even though he’s changed, she’s too stubborn to give him the chance to show it. This is the moment that Lily finally realizes that she’s been too hard on James and maybe he really has changed. This would probably be the fight that leads to them coming to an understanding and becoming friends.

Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift - A song that doesn’t have a lot of meaning, it’s just a song that makes me think of them. Bonus Points: “Get me with those green eyes baby as the lights go down,” Any love song that has a lyric about green eyes will make me think of Lily and James!

Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran - This song to me is representative of their first kiss. It’s James asking her to trust him and to let him be there for her. It’s Lily finally giving in to the feelings that she’s been pushing down for a long time. “From hate to love, from love to lust, from lust to truth,” This lyric shows almost every emotion that James and Lily have felt towards each other.

Something There from Beauty and the Beast - This song seems to follow James and Lily through their seventh year almost perfectly. I shows Lily realizing that James has matured and she’s started falling for him. It also shows James noticing that Lily has changed her opinion on him and starting to get his hopes up again.

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John - I don’t have any specific reasons that this song makes me think of Jily, it just does. If you have any ideas let me know. For some reason I just think it fits.

You Can’t Hurry Love by The Supremes - This song makes me think of James trying to convince himself that it’s worth it to keep chasing after Lily. The only thing that keeps him from giving up is the fact that love can’t happen overnight, (or over six years according to James)

Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You by Frankie Valli - Whenever I hear this song I think of that one scene from ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ and I can absolutely picture James doing something like that. It makes me so happy to think about James serenading Lily on the Quidditch pitch.

Sitting Waiting Wishing by Jack Johnson - Whenever I hear this song it makes me picture James finally getting sick of following Lily around like a lovesick puppy. This is James finally putting the ball in her court and telling her he can’t just wait around for her anymore. Maybe this means he starts dating or he just leaves Lily alone. Either way, it’s him telling her that if she wants to be with him she has to make the next move.

Green Eyes and A Heart of Gold by The Lone Bellow - This is pretty self explanatory. Lily’s green eyes and the fact that everyone says that she was one of the best people they’ve met. This song is more than that when it comes to Lily and James though. It’s about a couple who are able to push through a tough time because they have each other. This is exactly how Lily and James got through the first half of the war. They supported each other because it was all they could do.

True Love by P!nk (feat. Lily Allen) - This song is the side of Jily that a lot of people forget. Even though they love each other, their bickering never really goes away. This is less romantic Jily, and more of them driving each other insane sometime, but still knowing that they are perfect together. Their bickering is what makes them James and Lily.

Dive by Ed Sheeran - This is another song that makes me think of the first time Lily said yes to James. It would be him asking her to go out with him but only if she sees a future with him. James has been pining for six years and he doesn’t want to get his hopes up, or see how amazing it would be to be with Lily, if she was just going to break up with him a month later. He doesn’t want to completely let go of his heart if it won’t last.

The History of Wrong Guys from Kinky Boots - This song would be when Lily finally realizes that she started to like James. Lily would probably come to this conclusion once James started dating other people and she notices how much she missed having him around. She has to really think this through because in the past she thought she hated him, (nah, she didn’t)

I Will Wait by Mumford & Sons - This song can be looked at in two ways. It can either be James waiting for Lily to finally come around because he’ll always love her, or you can look at it through the lens of the war. The first lyric is, “ Well I came home like a stone and I fell heavy into your arms. These days of dust which we've known, will blow away with this new sun,” It can be seen as James coming home from fighting for the Order and him and Lily saying that they’ll keep fighting and wait for the peace that will come eventually. One is a lot more sad than the other so listen as you see fit.

Just The Girl by The Click Five - I’m just going to tell you to listen to the song with Lily and James in mind and you’ll know exactly why I put this song on my playlist. I’ve never heard a song more perfect for this couple. I can’t prove it but I think this band wrote the song about Lily and James. It’s so perfect!

I know there is a lot but all of these songs remind me of Jily somehow and I wanted to share the reasons why. I’ll keep updating as my playlist grows but I hope you found at least one or two songs that remind you of Jily too! Please reblog with your own songs too!

#jily #james potter #lily evans #playlist #hp #marauders #harry potter #lily potter #james and lily #james x lily

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anatomiaconautoestima · 5 years

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The one where I fall asleep to ideas of Peter pacing in Tony’s library or Soulmates au

I found this pic in a moodboard and I had a vision of Peter pacing around in Tony’s library, I fell asleep at it and now I bring you this: brace yourself, this took a sad turn and I still ask forgiveness if there are mistakes

Soulbound

Were you ever gonna tell me?

Peter was anxiously pacing around the library. Perfect rows of lovely, delightful books were passing by his eyes and in any other moment of his life he would had been ecstatic of simply being in their presence. But not today.

Today he wasn’t happy about his situation and how did he even end in said situation?

He knew that turning 18 was important in everybody’s life, it was the day were you realized who your soulmate was. Their name should appear in one part of your body and boy, he got a name.

At first glance, Peter didn’t think about anything important; the name didn’t flash a memory nor a possibility, it seem like the universe thought his soulmate was somebody name Anthony. Pretty name is you asked him, but other than that, Peter ran off to shower quick and get ready for his day.

So imagine his surprise when while suit up in Spider-man, the big baddie decided to kick hard enough to tear the suit, above his hip; Peter’s reflex was tu web it fast to keep it together but one half look at the name on his skin and his whole body froze. Anthony.

Anthony Stark was written on his skin.

Soft, black and bold letters in a careful handwriting, almost made with love, with devotion.

He was knock out off his feet and swings between buildings. He landed on wobbly legs, his senses were getting the best of him because of his impression even when his feeling were unimportant at the moment; what was important that said Anthony Stark was fying his way to him.

Of course they ended in victory.

—

Peter fought every casual and worried intent from Stark to check over him, to see if it was only a tear on the suit and not something deeper, more dangerous —hyper recovery senses or not, Tony still worries—. Peter is glad, Peter is flatter and cannot lie to say that his heart might had jumped a little at the thought of Tony’s hands on his waist but once the web died, there was nothing to hide his secret and he was still trying to figure it out, to accepted. He couldn’t imagine what possible reaction Tony would have.

—Mr. Stark, please. —he begged with shiny eyes and tussled hair, Peter wanted nothing but escape. —I assure you, I am fine. A couple of bruses... nothing important. Bruses and cold. —Tony saw him clench to the ends of the suit, it became obvious by the minute that even inside the compound, Peter was still cold from the outside chilly wind. Friday turned the heat on and with a soft relieved smile, Tony let him go.

Tony knocked on Peter’s door and waited for an answer, he was there to let the boy know that dinner was ready and Rhodey was around —apparently had finished a new mission and wanted to check on him. Tony smiled at the thought, after all this years, Rhodey still had his back even when most all of his old ways were forgotten, Tony had found new meanings in his life.

Opening the door, Tony could see him; Peter’s hair was still wet from showering, he had his pajamas on. Tony came closer and catches whatever was that Peter looked so intently. His brows were together in a frown and his shoulders were tense with anxiety.

One look at the mirror and Tony found his name.

His name was painted on Peter’s body.

Tony hide his eyes and cleared his throat to make his presence known, Peter flied away from the mirror and looked at him with his big, lovely, warm eyes. Tony could finally recognize that tiny hint of fear.

—Dinner is ready.

—

Peter paced over the place unable to keep still, his spider sense was sending huge signals of distraught but his brain couldn’t understand from where were they coming. That’s why he chose to hide; the rest of superheroes were gathering on the living room in front of the big flat screen and getting ready for a movie night, it was Thursday night after all.

But not peter. Peter was hiding in the unused library, scared of the future.

—Were you ever going to tell me? —Tony’s voice snapped him out of his fears and set his heart rate sky rocking. What was the older one talking about? Tony couldn’t already know about it, right? Peter had only gotten his mark days ago and he hadn’t been paying attention to it. Yes, he felt a slight burning pain overnight when he assumes the mark showed up but other than that he wasn’t paying attention, he had more important things in mind you see. Spider-man.

So being openly confronted by the man he grew up to admire, and —was embarrassed enough to say—felt a developing infatuation with, made him feel trapped. A spider caught on his own web.

Tony had his own mark on his back, small and almost shy near his neck above the muscle; he can recall the strange and short pain he felt one night while being in his workshop but he passed it on as a bug or something. He never thought —after all these years— he was finally getting it. His mark. His very own soulbound mark that connected him to another person.

He had stopped looking after so many years of untainted skin covered in old scars.

—Mr. Stark, I —Peter shutted his mouth with a click and escaped his eyes, the boy was unable to stand tall, he was too afraid. What could he had possibly said to Tony?

Hello, my name is Peter and I’m your soulmate. Or what about: Mr. Stark I’ve been a fan of yours since I can remember and I feel very lucky to be your soulmate. Not that he wasn’t lucky, and if his brain weren’t full with all the things that could go wrong, Peter would feel ecstatic. The man he had grown to love was his soulmate.

They were soulmates.

Peter wanted to cry. The universe had to be very wicked to assure him that the one person perfect for him, it was the one he couldn’t get.

What could he had possibly said when Tony is out there announcing his marriage to Pepper? When he is out there finally happy. Peter couldn’t say anything. Peter wasn’t going to say anything. Peter wanted to sleep on it, forget about it. But Tony wasn’t letting him.

—Pete, sweetheart. —There it was, the lovely endearing pet name that made him feel mushy and set butterflies free on his stomach. Tony had taken into calling him after hours of hard work and coffeeless brain. —Were you? —he couldn’t, Peter definitely couldn’t say it out loud, saying to others rather than himself would make it possible, would make it real. He cannot deal with that. But how so he wanted to.

He wanted for Tony to know, he wanted for the world to know. He wanted it so bad.

Peter wanted.

#starker #pro starker #soulmates au #i imagine peter pacing around #i see tony touching the books with his fingertips #and staring at peter

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acklest · 5 years

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Jensen Ackles, AU!Michael!Dean, 14x10: Nihilism (and rambling about “range”)

Jensen was so fucking good, don’t even touch me right now, don’t even look at me. I mean, he’s always good, but with this episode, he kicked it in the ASS.

I don’t feel like I have enough WORDS for it. Behind a cut while I prattle on. (None of the gifs used as examples are mine.)

I watched the episode multiple times to see what Jensen was doing as Michael that so wasn’t Dean Winchester, because he was so fascinatingly NOT Dean. I know there are certain style choices that lend themselves to the differences, like his hair being parted on the other (wrong) side and the painstakingly dapper suits and the newsboy cap. Dean Smith (4x17: It’s a Terrible Life) had his hair parted on the wrong side, too. It’s some easy shorthand for “hey, something about this isn’t quite right.” (Like the French cuffs didn’t give it away.)

Demon!Dean was just Dean without the moral center. He was fun to watch, don’t get me wrong, for the brief time we got him. MoC!Dean was actually closer to what I thought Demon!Dean was going to be, so I enjoyed him more. Watching MoC!Dean massacre the Stynes was epic and so satisfying (and tragic I know because of the kid, I’m not like yay murder). As much as I love the real Sam and Dean, and I’m always happy when they get back to who they really are, these dark side digressions are so much fun because we get to see Jared and Jensen show off.

But there’s more to it than that. Jensen has said that his approach to each new script is instinctive (reads the script once or twice and decides what he’s going to do) and Jared is intellectual (reads it multiple times to feel like he’s really soaked it in). But here, I feel, Jensen has made some very deliberate choices.

First, A Tangent: I watch different Dark Angel vids on Youtube and there’s usually a comment somewhere about how Alec and Dean are basically the same character, or Alec is Young!Dean. They don’t (always) come right out and say, “He can only convincingly play Dean-like characters”, but the implication is there. The two characters have some superficial traits in common, like sarcasm, physical comedy, Jensen’s face (can’t be helped). But even his face doesn’t really come into it once you hit the latter half of S1 because Jensen’s face changed a lot in the interim. His jaw got stronger, his face got broader. So I watched an episode of Dark Angel and immediately watched an episode of Supernatural (1x3: Dead in the Water). @deanscarlett helped me figure this out: Alec is out for out for himself, Dean was always out for anything but himself (except when it comes to pleasure-seeking, when he even allows it). Alec has his own psychological trauma (2x11: The Berrisford Agenda) which adds facets to his character’s mercenary pursuits, but once he locks down that perceived weakness (”I’m always alright”), you don’t really see him break down like that again. His programming is strong; he just buries it. But it serves a purpose: Max had written him off as a loss after she saved his life at the expense of not getting a cure to the virus (2x3: Proof of Purchase). It showed her that he wasn’t just a “happy-go-lucky sociopath”, that he had a story like everyone else, and that meant he deserved a shot at redemption. Alec was relatively unburdened (I mean... genetically enhanced master assassin... star torturer in HELL... Dean wins this round, I think) compared to Dean, who’s had ever-increasing weight on his shoulders since “Take your brother outside as fast as you can - don't look back. Now, Dean! GO!” Even young, Dean was never this carefree except maybe in his imagination or as a way to distance himself from others, or when he got really into the “I’m a badass I save people” part of it.

In this scene, Alec (if the character is Jensen’s age) is 23. He’s found a bunch of transgenics that fled from Manticore (the only home they’ve ever known) because of a fire. They’re all children, ranging in age from elementary school to early teens. He’s annoyed because they interrupted his sexy times in a motel. He’s very dismissive of them and spends most of those scenes throwing pieces of popcorn at one of the X7s, who are all small children. Creepy black-eyed hive-minded small children, but small children nonetheless. He makes smart remarks and rolls his eyes while Max tries to get through to the children to let them know that they should absolutely not go back to Manticore if they want to live. In just a few minutes, she takes apart their foundations: You don’t answer to me. You’re not a designation, you’re a person. You have a name now. You have to make your own choices.

“Why would Manticore try to get rid of us?”

Alec answers:

Compare that to Dean as early as 1x3 Dead in the Water:

Dean doesn’t even talk the same way as Alec (except in the first few episode, while they were still getting used to their characters), and I don’t mean Jensen’s ever-more-gravelly voice, I mean the way he stubbornly pushes his jaw forward and talks out one side of his mouth or through his teeth. He has his mouth slightly open a lot. Sometimes he barely moves his mouth when he talks, speaking as if saying the words mostly to himself. Like 2x20 where Wishverse!Sam says “You slept with my prom date. On prom night.” Dean says, “Yeah that does kinda sound like me” while barely moving his mouth at all. Or in 4x01 where he holds up the empty liquor bottle and asks Bobby, “What, r’yer parents outta town or somethin?” That’s such a mushy line. He has a mush-mouth that’s only made mushier by hunter jargon and Dean’s... idiosyncratic way of speaking. If you weren’t in this fandom, would you know what I full-on Swayze’d that mother even meant? I always think of this (7x21):

(He can speak perfectly clearly when he wants to make a point, or when they’re pretending to be any kind of authority. I always think of the exchange in 5x14: My Bloody Valentine:

SAM: [mock sadness] That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

DEAN: [pokerface] Remarkably patronizing concern. Duly noted.

He can turn it off when he wants to. That Dean’s Master Adapter thing and it’s FUCKING HOT. Oh, I’m a production assistant now? Cool, aced it in a day. Oh, we’re in prison? This is fine, I’m gonna procure cigarettes. LARPing? Sign me the fuck up. Oh, we’re reporters? I can sound like a reporter. I’ve watched thousands of hours of television, I can mimic anyone. I can fake my way through almost anything. We’re in a different town two weeks from now, I can tell people whatever I want.

OH SHIT, DEAN TANGENT INSIDE OF A JENSEN RANGE TANGENT. Quick, make it look intentional!

Anyway, to me, Alec... Dean... not the same character. Going from one to the other was so jarring. For gifsets or edits where you want to show young Dean Winchester, it totally works for that. I mean, it’s Jensen’s face when he was that pre-Supernatural age... except that Jensen didn’t really look like Ridge Canipe or Dylan Everett when he was that age. (I love Dylan Everett. I don’t even care that his eyes are the wrong color.)

But something else Jensen does is put his own mark on roles that he’s given. Tom Hanniger wasn’t supposed to be as sympathetic as he turned out to be, and most people who watched it stated that they wanted someone else to be the bad guy (Axel was looking good for it) so that Tom would be okay. (Sorry if I just spoiled that for you.) Alec wasn’t supposed to be quite so likable, but that’s what Jensen brought to it. Even Kripke said early on that Dean was different on the page than when Jensen got ahold of him. He finds the heart of the character. Imagine if Dean Winchester had been the guy from the pilot this whole time, grossly leering at Jess to make Sam uncomfortable and defensive.

Remember that Jess first says “Your brother Dean?” with a pleased smile on her face.

DEAN: [instantly leering] Oh, I love the Smurfs. [ogles cleavage] You know, I gotta tell you. [steps too close] You are completely out of my brother's league. [suggestive grin]

JESS: [smile fading, clearly uncomfortable] Just let me put something on.

[JESS turns to go. DEAN's voice stops her.]

DEAN: [isn’t discouraged by her discomfort] No, no, no, I wouldn't dream of it. [another leer] Seriously.

When I first watched that, I thought: “Pussyhound with control issues? That’s your brother’s girl, don’t be skeevy.”

But before long, you realize what it was: Contempt. He wasn’t interested in Jess. “I’m going to make you feel very unwelcome because who the hell invited YOU?” It’s very possessive.

Think about that first scene with Dean after “Easy, tiger!” and then Dean a mere 9 episodes later, in “Home”, trying to get through to John because he’s scared, his voice breaking, his eyes filling up. During that first scene, would you have predicted something like that? "My heart’s gonna break for this bossy bad boy creep.” In fact, by the third episode of the series, it has. Sam tries to make a note of it and gets shut down by Dean right away. "I’ll show you a little, but that’s all. Don’t test me.”

DEAN: You're scared. It's okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave too.

Later:

DEAN: Oh God, we're not gonna have to hug or anything, are we?

It’s not until 2x20: What is and What Should Never Be where you see how Dean feels about Jess now that he understands how important she was to Sam: He hug-tackles her from out of frame, and if she never died... There were more layers of Dean revealed in that episode than Alec got his entire season. (Don’t even get me started on that episode, I’ll just start crying and I’m already so off course with this post.)

Jensen took this role and made it as iconic as it is. He protects it.

I’m not saying another actor couldn’t have also “sold” that role and made it their own. What I am saying is, I don’t think that another actor would be playing the everloving fuck out of that role -- with all its twists and turns, advances and setbacks -- 14 years later with seemingly as much passion (if not more) than when they started.

But Jensen didn’t leave Dean in that swaggering, cocky, Han Solo place. He deepened the character, added layers, he shows us the cracks and the flaws. The show would NOT have lasted 14 seasons without these two actors. God, I only watch it to see what’s happening to them and see the ways they found to challenge themselves in otherwise unremarkable episodes. It’s like a troubled relationship where you’re like “No, I’m not watching it again ever” and then it texts you at 3am with “wyd” and suddenly you’re playing an episode and wondering about your life.

I went into that long-ass, rambling, what-even-are-you-talking-about tangent to set you up for this:

Nihilism was NOT an unremarkable episode.

This is not like any other role that Jensen has played before.

There’s really no trace of Dean Winchester in Michael except the resemblance (and the daddy issues, I suppose). And even that’s played down with the neat hair, the suit, the artful "I know my best angles” way that he presents himself to people. There’s not even a trace of other characters that Jensen has played. It’s an entirely new role for him.

Michael carries himself elegantly. The perfect posture, the poise, the careful, graceful motions. Dean kind of slouches, looms, or does a parade rest sort of thing where he’s braced for whatever might happen. He’s got a big ambling swagger. He puts his feet up on tables or sits with his legs sprawled apart.

Michael eerily doesn’t blink as much as you would expect. As Dean, Jensen blinks a lot and closes his eyes, sometimes for a few seconds in the middle of a line, as if he’s processing his thoughts. I love it. It doesn’t start happening until S4 or so, where he wants to show the general weariness of the character. It happens the most when he’s angry or exasperated. But Michael is laser-focused.

Michael speaks very precisely and almost ceremoniously, like he’s selecting each word for the maximum impact. He has ALL the time in the world. Dean talks like... well, Dean. This is the big one for me. He just doesn’t SOUND like Dean, even though it’s the same damn voice. It’s in the cadence. He also holds his chin upright so his voice projects differently, and his jaw isn’t clenched like Dean’s usually is. His voice comes across as smooth and oozes condescension.

Michael, in keeping with his wardrobe and (understandable) superiority complex is very fussy. While Sam, Cas, and Jack are talking, he’s speculatively opening and closing his hands in the background as if trying the cuffs, but he doesn’t even bother to struggle. While he’s talking to Cas during the big monologue, he absently picks a speck of something out from under a fingernail and neatly refolds his hands on his knee. He puts himself in those 3-piece suits. He has expanded to take up all of the possible Dean-ness and he’s very proud of his vessel. The human that used to be in control could not possibly matter less. As far as he’s concerned, Dean was his the moment he was even born.

Michael’s expressions are very different. Dean has a very expressive face. In one 5-second gif, you can identify a number of little micro-expressions he goes through. His face is almost never still unless something has gone very wrong. His eyebrows are all over the place. He’s squinty from having scowled for so long. He absently curls his lip when he talks. Because Michael doesn’t have all the trauma and worries that Dean has, he keeps his expression smooth. He looks completely dignified. Because he feels he has absolutely nothing to fear, his expressions are supercilious and disdainful.

Michael is very, very serene. He’s a BEING, and currently immortal. The things the “pig-filthy humans” are doing don’t really seem to concern him. “He's a gnat,” he says about Dean. He’s waiting them out because to him, they’re the blink of an eye. People keep trying to get a rise out of him, I think because he wears Dean’s face and they’re desperate to see a glimpse of him. Michael just doesn’t give a shit. Holy fire? Whatever. These cute handcuffs? That’s adorable.

Look at the image below. There is no Dean at all, there is barely even a flicker of concern. His smile here is almost like, “You are naive and tedious. I’m just waiting for my army to get here. Might as well relax.”

I’m sorry, I’m just very, very excited and I’m so proud of Jensen. He was already brilliant, but this kicked it into a whole new level.

What killed me:

* Don’t interrupt me.

* Dean’s not home right now. Please leave a message.

* (”With these angel cuffs on, Michael’s under control.”) You keep telling yourself that.

* THAT CREEPY ASS SMILE after Sam says that the Impala’s trunk could hold Michael!Dean too. IT’S SO CREEPY WHAT IS IT

* I called them. [smiles, fake gasp of surprise] It’s a party.

* (”Sam, are we going to die here?”) ANOTHER CREEPY LITTLE SMILE like he could not be less intimidated if he tried.

* I can hear you. [they move about 5 steps further] Really?

* Remind me, Castiel, we’re west of Kansas City? (Dudes, he is an archangel, did you think walking into another room was going to keep him from hearing you?)

* Yeah, put a chair against the door. That’ll help.

* The last thing you’ll see is this pretty smile. AND HE DOES THE TONGUE THING THAT JENSEN DOES so in the small moment to me he was Evil!Jensen. I would read that fanfic. it made me SO uneasy.

* I’m in his head. LITERALLY.

* (”He’s lying.”) No, I’m not. And I can still hear you.

* God -- Chuck -- is a writer, and like all writers, He churns out draft after draft. (The way he sort of labors over every letter in the word “Chuck”, it’s so contemptuous, almost like he’s saying “Fuck”?)

* He never would’ve been so... anemic. [absently cleans a fingernail]

* [leans forward] Even God can die. Ugh, the chill that went down my spine.

* Cool science project.

* When they put the electrodes(?) on him, he’s sort of glancing back and forth, HE’S SO AMUSED, he even laughs disparagingly.

* Oh, Cas. I believe in you. LOL

* In there? You’re all mine. *audible swallow*

Ugh, if AU!Michael!Dean was a lotion, I would smear it all over my body.

Thank you for coming to my Jensen Talk.

#spoilers #spn spoilers #supernatural #jensen ackles #i haven't written analysis in a long time so this might just be stupid #dean winchester #spn cast

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years

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Michael in the Mainstream: Shazam!

The DCEU is really the embodiment of the spirit of the origins of the modern superhero movie craze. Much like the man who helped kick it off in 2008 – one Robert Downey Jr. - The DCEU had a dark, checkered past, with a lot of horrible issues that made audiences balk at their films. Man of Steel was just another so-so Superman film, Batman v Superman was a bloated, bizarre crossover film made before anything about the world was really established, and Suicide Squad was just a complete and utter hot mess. Then came Wonder Woman, a breath of fresh air in the current superhero landscape and the DCEU at large… and then came Justice League, a tonally confused mess that managed to be entertaining in spite of itself. After that was the infinitely entertaining cheesy fantasy action of Aquaman, putting the franchise back in everyone’s good graces just in time for a silly little movie about a little boy who transforms into a grown man to come on the scene… Shazam!

Shazam! is, without a doubt in my mind, the Iron Man to the RDJ of the DCEU. While there were great ones before, with Wonder Woman and Aquaman being absolutely fantastic and enjoyable, this was the first film to pull of what those two movies did without the big problems that bogged down those two movies. There’s no inane plot twist villain followed by a goofy fight, and quite mercifully there is no acting as atrocious as Amber Heard’s performance. The movie has problems, yes, but it does almost everything solidly enough that I can overlook the issues.

I think what really makes the film special is just how earnest and unashamed of itself that it is. It’s goofy, it’s bright, it doesn’t sugarcoat what a teenage boy granted the power to turn into a grown man would do… it’s just so playful, silly, and charming. And if there’s one thing I never imagined I’d say, it’s that a teenager turning into Zachary Levi to sneak into a strip club would be “charming.” This movie really loves throwing curveballs.

And nowhere is that more apparent than in the concept itself. Shazam, or Captain Marvel, or perhaps even Captain Sparklefingers is not the first hero you’d expect DC to make a movie out of, especially since on paper he seems pretty similar to Superman, power-wise at least. They’ve already established Superman as a big force in this world, so why would they go with the weird concept of a kid getting powers from an old wizard to turn into a knockoff Superman? But if there’s anything comic book movies have proven lately, it’s that weird, off-the-wall concepts like this can work, and they just dive into all this whole hog. There’s no sugarcoating things or explaining the magic away as alien tech like early MCU movies did; no, this is magic, there’s a wizard, there are demons, this is all happening. Magical elements have obviously been in the DCEU before – Enchantress, the Greek Gods, and to some extent Atlantis have all been shown – but this is our first time seeing a wizard who wouldn’t look out of place in an 80s fantasy film and actual, evil demons that personify the Seven Deadly Sins. It’s just so great that we’ve come so far with superhero movies where we can have a magically-empowered child punch demons in the face.

And speaking of the child, Billy Batson is such a wonderful character. He starts the movie as a bitter loner with abandonment issues and a dislike of authority due to his mother going missing for much of his life, with a good heart underneath it all; as the movie goes on, of course he learns his lesson and comes to accept his new family as his real one and all that delightfully feel-good mushy stuff. And much like fellow superpowered youngster Miles Morales from last year’s biggest non-MCU superhero film, Billy feels real, his struggles feel real, and his growth as a character feels real. He honestly feels like a more accurate take on Superman than any previous Superman movie (except Hercules and The Iron Giant, anyway). Obviously credit must be given to Zachary Levi as Shazam, who does a really good job of being both badass and extremely childish when the scene calls for it, but I think props must be given to Asher Angel as well, not only because he is just as capable of carrying the movie as Levi is due to his fantastic dramatic moments and solid humor, but because he has an absolutely fantastic name.

Of course, a superhero movie is usually only as good as its villain, and thankfully this film has an extremely solid villain in the form of Dr. Sivana, a classic villain of Shazam who has been given quite a makeover for this film. Played by the inimitable Mark Strong of modern classics such as Kingsman, Sivana is an utter bastard as well as a tragic figure; we open the movie seeing him abused by his family, only to be called by Shazam the wizard and then cruelly rejected because his heart just wasn’t pure enough for the wizard’s high standards. What follows is a terrible accident that surely opened up the door for decades of belittlement and abuse at the hands of his father and brother, to the point where you honestly understand where he’s coming from to a certain degree… though probably not to the degree where you find it okay he wants to murder a child.

The Sins on the other hand… well, let me put it this way: they gave me flashbacks of the elemental demons that worked for Blackheart in Ghost Rider, and if that doesn’t make sense to you, I cannot stress enough you do not ever want to be compared to those guys. The Sins lack personality, character, and even creative designs; I could hardly tell which Sin was supposed to be which in quite a few cases. It’s honestly kind of sad they had more personality as statues then they did after hitching a ride in Sivana’s body, but to their credit they at least function more like a plot device and minions than as actual characters, serving as essentially either boss battles for Shazam to knock around or as a power boost for Sivana himself. It is a shame they aren’t more interesting, but it’s also not a big loss, as the movie focuses far more on the comedy and drama around Billy than the actual superheroics, which is weirdly a good thing.

Billy’s extended foster family are all great in their own right, though I will say that at the moment they do seem a bit one-note, aside from Freddy anyway. Mary, Eugene, and Pedro are all interesting and enjoyable in their own right, but the movie kind of shunts them and their characters aside to focus more on Billy, Freddy, and to a lesser extent Darla. To the movie’s eternal credit though, it puts a lot of focus on them in the third act, and they get to do something pretty surprising and awesome in the climax that I won’t spoil.

However, I must spoil the mid-credits scene, because that is the moment when I knew that this movie is not just the Iron Man of the DCEU, but the Guardians of the Galaxy as well. You see, a character who those steeped in the lore of Captain Marvel/Shazam will easily recognize appears, one Mr. Mind. Now, with a name like that, if you are unaware of the character as I was when I first had his existence spoiled, you might think this might just be some mad scientist, or some evil doctor, or something akin to Mr. Sinister where it’s a superpowered evil man… but Mr. Mind is something far better.

He is a caterpillar. An evil alien caterpillar from Venus. And he talks with a little voice box in a creepy radio voice.

Mr. Mind’s appearance is a sign to me that the DCEU is going down the right path. This is the sort of ballsy move sticking Howard the Duck at the end of Guardians was, in a franchise that has a lot more to lose considering its checkered track record. The fact that they are willing to, this early into their run, give us an evil universe-conquering worm shows me that now the DCEU is fully willing to embrace the inherent silliness and fun of the comics they are adapting. I’m fully expecting Tawky Tawny to show up in the next film at this rate (and with all the tiger symbolism in this one, he just might).

Fun, charming, funny, emotional, and dramatic… I figured it would be good, but the fact that this film is this good is just a shock. I’m so happy that DCEU isn’t backtracking on its desire to truly embrace what fans love about comics and take risks with what they show us, and the fact it’s doing it a lot quicker than Marvel did gives me a lot of hope we’ll be seeing even weirder stuff in the future (fingers crossed for Mr. Mxyzptlk!). I think DCEU fans and Marvel fans alike can come together and appreciate this one, because it’s just an absolute joy to watch regardless of which comic book company you slavishly worship over the other. More than anything else, though, it must be said:

This is DEFINITELY the best Captain Marvel movie of 2019.

#Michael in the Mainstream #Review #Movie review #DCEU #Shazam #Shazam!#Zachary Levi #Captain Marvel #before anyone says anything I think the MCU Captain Marvel is alright #but how could I not love this more?#It's Big starring Tom Hanks... BUT WITH SUPERHEROES!#And also Mr. Mind #Fuck Darkseid #Mr. Mind for life baby!

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artistotel-archive · 7 years

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i can finally introduce this guy i’ve been developing over the past few days!

long story short, @arrt-jim-lad practically bullied me into making a friend for this guy. also, shout out to jim for helping me so much with tero’s costume, and turning my rough idea into the real thing! ;V; <3

The Fear Hero: FEARSTRIKE

Real name: Tero Shiryoku

Quirk: Fear induction - he can induce fear in his opponent. From mild anxiety and uneasiness to full blown traumatic and phobic attacks, Fearstrike strikes fear in the hearts of his opponents. His quirk requires clear and direct eye contact, even if it’s for a split of second. The quirk has a very individual working - with some people it might invoke a sensation or a memory of a scary thing, or an image, or a sound, or a feeling of physical touch.

personality, backstory, trivia are under the cut!

Personality: For someone with such a villainous and scary quirk, Tero is actually a very timid and shy guy. He's kind hearted and meek, introverted, and you could say - a bit of a sad willow. He rarely strikes a converstation as he tends to be socially awkward since he's never had proper friends before UA. Loneliness made him quite independent and he feels no need to continuously try over and over to fit into a group. He longs for friends, but he knows it will acchieve nothing if they don't like him for who he is. He also tends to be distrustful because everyone becomes cold after they find out about his quirk.

He is very slow to warm up and open to people because of bad past experiences, but once he does, he does it with full heart, and becomes a friend for life. He's loyal, but not under cost of being dishonest, and won't be scared to say things he means, no matter the consequences.

Even though he's quiet and non-argumentative, Tero has a tongue - snarky one at it. He won't fight with words, but he will say what he has to say and probably conclude the argument after it. He thinks his words through, and once he explains himself, he feels no need to do so further. He is prone to simply leaving or cutting his converstation partner short. He isn't expressive, so his tone tends to be deadpan and monotone.

His quirk has often been ruled by his emotions so Tero tries to stay calm and control his feelings. He tries to not get upset over things because he's terrified of snapping and hurting someone in rage. That's also why he's hurt people every time he's used it - it's always been because of his strong emotions. Because of this, he comes off distant and uninterested - but on positive side, he's chill and easy going, as he avoids getting upset over things. It all depends on how you go about him.

Behind such non-expressive face, however, hides an intelligent mind. Tero is both studious and a quick thinker, and while his commentary tends to be short, it's usually enough. Because of his quirk, Tero's become obsessed with psychology and philosophy - trying to figure out what causes fear and what kinds of fear there are. His interest spread to other emotions and the ways psyche works. Questions about moral, ethics, self worth, life, are what dragged him into philosophy.

History: Growing up with such a scary quirk was no easy task for Tero. His quirk manifested at bad time, when his mother looked into his eyes, and suffered a full phobic attack from her son. This made her resent Tero and avoid him. However, his father absolutely adores his misunderstood son, and has been the supportive pillar in Tero's life. His father is a well liked man in the street, so when he got stuck with such a son everyone pitied him behind his back - but he's never shown shame of his boy. Actually, quite the opposite: he always stressed how proud he is of Shiryoku. Tero's also accidentally hurt his older brother the same way he did his mom, so he's not on such good terms with him either.

Tero was abandoned and rejected his entire childhood. When he was a kid, in self defense, he made a bully suffer an extreme phobic attack which left the child traumatized for the rest of his life. Tero, having no idea how to control his quirk, became terrified of it and of himself and made a promise to never use it again. That's when he started wearing skii googles - to block eye contact with anyone.

This scandal obviously led to other children whispering behind Tero's back and making him an outcast, even other parents demanding for Tero to be kicked out the school or forbidding him from coming near their children. This made Tero break down, and that's when the desire to become a hero started sprouting in him: he wanted so badly to repent for his bad deeds and wash that traumatized child off his hands by becoming a pro hero. He didn't feel angry at the other kids - he felt ashamed of himself.

He grew up in a quite poor and bad neighbour, in low class family. He hung out with some bad kids for a while because they seemed to accept his quirk - but after a while it became clear they wanted to use it for bad purposes. He quickly jetted out the clique and was left all alone again.

When he got into UA, he rose in the eyes of his community - he became pride of the street and was finally accepted by his neighbourhood. Grannies started telling him how proud they are and giving him treats when they'd see him. This made Tero insanely happy.

Fighting style: because of his promise to never use his quirk, which is not a physical one anyway, Tero built himself accordingly. He is speedy and versatile, with medium power.

He is a stealth type of fighter, a ninja boy, who jumps, spins, climbs, hides, and tries to keep out of close combat.

Hero persona: Fearstrike was built to be scary. He is dark ninja out of a horror movie which you see only a few times, before he sneaks up from your back. The outfit is mostly black, with eyes that pop out of darkness, making Tero look dismembered and non human. If he isn't ninjaing around, he moves slowly and creepily, in an inhuman way.

Fearstrike never speaks, outside of occassional weird sounds. He has wraps on his arms and legs which are used to wrap the enemies up and immobilize them. Around his waist he has a wire which ends with a claw - he uses this to catch opponents and get closer to them, so that he can make the eye contact. The claw can also serve as a grappling hook so it's quite useful in getting around.

The eyes are actually lights that sometimes flash to appear as if they're blinking. His gloves and heels have spiky endings.

Trivia: - Tero never looks people in the eyes. He is terrified of eye contact, even if he has protective glasswear. - He tried to make his room a happy place by painting it into yellow, but he ultimately failed, since his room doesn't get much sun. So it's just a grey mushy room. - He's a smoker (I made him a smoker just out of spite because Kashi, as a singer, hates smoke lmao). - Kashi helped him design his outfit. Before Tero came to terms with his quirk, he handed in just a drawing of a black jumpsuit and googles, so that he couldnt use his power. After he gains confidence, he asks Kashi for help for a redesign. - Speaking of Kashi, he's a huge fan of Kashi's father. - He adores horror movies. Absolutely adores. - He is very, very studious - in fact, he will often keep researching topics they do in school. He usually ends up on a whole different topic. These obsessions last for a few days, and then he just drops them. - He suffers from frequent nightmares and wakes up often during night. He always dreams horrific monsters and places, but those don't scare him. The scary dreams for him are dreams where other people are suffering, or he's lost control and is hurting them. - When he uses his quirk, he gets a very vague glimpse of what's another person experiencing. It's unclear and he can't always place it, but sometimes he can figure it out. It usually troubles him. - UA changes him inside and outside and he reclaims his quirk and learns to control it.

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #boku no hero oc #my hero academy oc #bnha original character #bnha #art #tero shiryoku #fearstrike #oc #inktober #inktober 2017

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rebeccawrights1 · 3 years

Text

Letters

My son wears a spacesuit everywhere. He’s done it since last Halloween when he told me he wanted to be an astronaut because he wants to be an astronaut when he grows up. I never expected him to wear it for 11 months straight. At first, I resisted. After the first week, my son talked me into getting him a lock for his door, so he could take off his spacesuit when he was sure no one was looking. He didn’t want me to see him without it on. After the second week, he talked me into letting him eat in his room, so he never had to take off the helmet. Even his face was too much for me, his mother, to see. I am gullible- easy to convince. I was so young when I had him that I did not develop a sense of discipline. His dad left, and I wanted to be the best mother in the world. I gave him a doorknob that locks, and I conceded to letting him eat in his room.

That’s why I was so surprised when my son walked out of his room today wearing normal clothes. His pants only went down to his mid-ankle. I thought about how he is going to be tall when he finally hits puberty. He is in eighth grade, but he is such a late bloomer that he still has a boyish face and a child’s eyes. I stopped buying him new clothes this summer. Why bother if he only wears a spacesuit? His shirt still fit perfectly, and he was wearing my favorite red t-shirt with fireworks on it. I stared at him, shocked, for a full minute before I finally thought to say good morning.

“Good morning,” he replied. His hair was long. I hadn’t realized how long his chocolate brown hair got while it was in that helmet. It was at his mid-back. It was greasy and not brushed, but the color was still deep and soft. I also didn’t remember the vibrance of his eyes, his father’s green eyes, the ones that got me pregnant with Ryan in the first place.

“Are you ready for your first day of eighth grade?” I said, trying to be optimistic. He didn’t answer. He grabbed an apple off the counter and quickly left the house. I watched the door shut behind him with a sharp finality.

That’s why I decided to go to Ryan’s room this morning, breaking my naïve vow of privacy I thought I would have when Ryan was born. That’s why I decided to look in his closet, on the desk, and out the window for anything suspicious. That’s why I gingerly touched the smelly spacesuit in the closet, hopeful that this phase was over, and puberty instinct would finally start telling Ryan to shower. That’s why when I looked under his bed and found a small black box with two letters in it, I had to read it. I look at the letters, the familiar handwriting, and stare in shock. I read the first one that was gingerly folded into a small square.

Dear Ryan,

Yes, it is really me. If I calculated right, you should be starting the summer before eighth grade right now. It’s time. I’m you, from the future. I have a few tips for you to make eighth grade great! At least better than last year…first, take a shower. I know that the spacesuit gives you comfort. I know it helps with the anxiety and the fear of not being good enough. But it’s gross. Please shower. You’ll thank yourself later. Also, don’t freak out so much about how big the other boys are getting. You’re a late bloomer, but you’ll get bigger next year. Crazy tall actually. 6’ 2”. And you know what they say about tall boys- they have big schlongs. Hang in there. Keep loving space. Keep studying it. It pays off.

Sincerely,

Ryan

I sit there, wondering if the letter is real. Did Ryan write this letter to himself? Could it really be him from the future? I decide, instead of trying to figure it out, to just read the next letter. I fold the paper back into a rectangle and put in the box. I pick up the next square letter.

Dear Ryan,

Take off the spacesuit. You’re starting eighth grade. You’re getting too old for it. You can still love the planets without looking like a dweeb. Also, ask out Emma. You’ll know why when you see her. You won’t marry her, but she’ll be your best friend this year. She’ll make you happy. Good luck!

Sincerely,

Ryan

I sit by the letters for a long time. I read them over and over, trying to come up with some explanation, some concrete reason these letters were here. Some concrete reason my son finally took off the spacesuit after 11 months. Something that makes sense.

I decide to ignore it. Obviously, the letters are some kind of ploy, something Ryan is writing to himself to help make starting middle school easier. If he writes these letters to himself like he’s in the future, it probably brings him comfort. I fold the paper back into a rectangle and go about my day.

I do the laundry, put dinner in the crockpot, and tidy up the house, but it is only lunchtime. I call my sister. I watch a show. Life is a bit mundane at home. I had a job, but when I got laid off last month, I lost the motivation to keep looking. Why would anyone want a female car salesman who cannot sell a single car?

I think about the letters again. I want to know more about Ryan. I decide to keep checking under his bed. I check every day, for about a month. I keep cleaning, cooking, and sitting around. I start to get more and more lonely each day. I try doing a craft. I join a cycling class. It does not matter. Life is the same, day in and day out. It never changes. There is almost no point to waking up. Except the letters. I start to think I imagined it all.

One September morning, I find another letter. I pick up the square letter and carefully unfold it, making sure not to rip it so he doesn’t figure out I’m snooping.

Dear Ryan,

I know the kids are making fun of you for liking school. I know they call you “teacher’s pet” when you talk to Mr. Willis after class and I know they started making fun of Emma for hanging out with you, too. I know you’re feeling pretty down right now. I know you’re thinking about putting the spacesuit back on and hiding from the world. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You become a scientist. You study physics and astronomy, and then string theory. You have a wonderful group of other “nerds,” and the mean boys from your class make about a million dollars less than you. Keep the spacesuit off. You’ve got this.

Sincerely,

Ryan

I fold the paper back into a rectangle. The next day, I try getting Ryan to talk to me about the letters. We sit at the dinner table, eating my mushy carrots, runny mashed potatoes, and bland steak. I appreciate that Ryan never complains about my dinner. It’s not always this bad. When I get sad or lonely, the food gets worse.

“How’s school?” I ask him while I swallow the dry, bland meat. Ryan shrugs and grunts. I try to pry again.

“Have you made any friends?” I ask.

“I guess,” Ryan says. “I have this new friend named Emma. I kind of like her.” I wait for him to say more, but he doesn’t.

“Do you like your classes?” I ask. Ryan shrugs again. I ask more questions, but Ryan makes dull noises instead of giving me real insight.

“You need a haircut,” I say. Ryan looks angry. He stands up from the dinner table, grabs his plate of food, and heads to his room. The door slams behind him. I sigh and continue eating my dinner.

I find the next letter in November. My heart speeds up with anticipation at seeing another paper in the mini black box. I am eager to hear about his life. This is the closest thing he has to a diary. He doesn’t talk to me. If snooping is the only way to do it, I don’t care about the moral ambiguity of the situation. I need to know. I wonder about what new insights I’ll get about his life. Has he kissed Emma? Are the boys being nicer to him? I unfold the square letter and start to read.

Dear Ryan,

I don’t have much advice for you, you’re doing great. I’m glad Emma convinced you to stand up to the bullies. I’m glad you’re learning so much in science. I’m going to tell you a bit about my life right now. Maybe it will help you feel a bit more normal. I know you’ve wondered why you don’t feel anything when you kiss Emma. I know you don’t understand why you like your hair so long. It’s okay if you cut it. Right now, I’m married to a wonderful man named Adrian. He’s a scientist, too. He works on trying to fix the terrible damage we’ve done to the climate. California is already gone, but he wants to save the rest of us. I hope he does. We have two dogs, Manny and Mario. I also have a snake named Maddy. We’re happy. Truly happy. So, don’t stress so much when you don’t understand what you’re feeling, who you like, and who you don’t. You’ll figure it out, with time.

Sincerely,

Ryan

I am surprised to learn that future Ryan has a husband. I am also surprised to learn that he has kissed Emma. Is this his way of trying to process his emotions? Writing down a future with another man? He never talks to me about it. I start to get up, and I notice another small square piece of paper wrapped in the old letter. I pick it up.

Dear Ryan,

I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but we just won the Nobel Peace Prize! When I figured out how to shift the dimensions, we discovered teleportation, time travel, all of it. They’re trying to use it to figure out how to fix the climate. That’s how I’m sending you these letters. I want to explain more, but life is more fun when it’s a surprise. I just wanted to share.

Sincerely,

Ryan

I stare at the paper incredulously. I had come to terms with the fact that Ryan was writing these, to himself, to help him get through middle school. But the idea that Ryan could be getting these from some other version of Ryan? I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t understand. I fold the two papers back into rectangles and carefully put them back in the box.

After I finish reading the letters, I sit on the floor for a long time. I could clean. I could cook. I could go to cycling or apply for a job. I do not want to. I opt to go back to bed. I have not showered in four days, but I do not want to. I do not want to do anything. I am excited about the letter, but the excitement quickly fades. The letters do not come often. I will have to wait for the next one. I will have to keep waking up and living my mundane life. Ryan is at school. He does not talk to me when he gets home. I want to chalk it up to teenage angst, but secretly I wonder if I have done something wrong. I lay in bed for the rest of the day.

I go back, every Monday, to look for a new letter. Nothing happens. December, January, February, March, April, and May pass. Ryan spends more time in his room. He doesn’t eat dinner with me anymore. He painted his nails black, cut his hair, and called me a Karen, a boomer, or a helicopter mom when I tried to ask about school. He sits in his room, day in and day out, even when I try to cut the wifi for an hour as a desperate attempt to engage. He only leaves for school or to hang out with Emma.

I’m lonely. I live here, with Ryan, and Ryan seems gone. I lay in bed. I have not showered in weeks. I do not clean, I do not cook, and I do not watch TV. I look at my phone for hours on end. I get out of bed to greet Ryan in the morning and after school, but I go back as soon as he stalks past me and slams the door. I long for another letter, a chance to connect with Ryan, even a Ryan from the future who is happier and more confident in himself. I want to connect with him, because I am not connecting with myself. I look under the bed, every week growing more and more depressed with the prospect that my son is gone. Ryan in this time isn’t talking to me, and future Ryan isn’t either.

Summer comes around, and I have less time to look for letters. Ryan stays home a lot. I am home a lot too. I tried to apply to jobs, but after two rejections I gave up. The house is dirty. I am dirty. I do not care. I only care about Ryan, but he does not care about me. I spend a lot of time in my dirty room looking at the walls. Ryan hangs out with Emma, but only once or twice a week. I jump at the chance to look through his room, but nothing is ever there. Slowly, I stop looking.

In July, I decide I do not want to wake up and live like this anymore. I do not want to wake up anymore. I think of a way to do it without hurting Ryan. I could disappear. I could make it seem like an accident.

It does not seem like he cares anyway. I could make it obvious. Even still, I hesitate. I do not want to leave Ryan with no one. But I am not helping him much here. We do not interact, so he will be fine on his own. He has a bright future ahead of him, if the letters are from the future. I do not cook or clean anymore. He does it himself. He does not need me. I am worthless.

One day in early August, I decide I am ready. I take medicine from the cabinet and lay it on the sink. I stare at it for a long time. I can do this. Ryan will not miss me, and I will stop feeling nothing. I would be fine with pain, or sorrow, but the nothingness is overwhelming me. I am suffocated. Suddenly, I hear a knock at my door. I walk over, cracking it enough that Ryan cannot see what is on the counter.

“Hey mom, do you want to watch a movie?”

I blink at him.

“Mom?” He asks again.

“Yes!” I say. I quickly walk out the room and shut the door. We walk over to the couch.

We watch a sci-fi film, something I think is ironic given his future career. We sit in silence for the first part of the movie. I am surprised when Ryan sparks a conversation.

“I’m dating a girl named Emma,” he says.

“Oh?”

“I think I’m gay,”

“Why do you think you’re gay?” I ask.

“I’m dating this girl and I don’t feel anything for her.”

“Do you love her?” I ask.

“No,”

“Do you like her?” I continue to pry. He doesn’t respond. “Why are you dating her if you don’t feel anything for her?”

“I- I thought. That’s what you’re supposed to do.” He answers. My heart breaks a little for him. I do not know what to say, so I change the subject.

“I kind of miss you,” I say.

“We live in the same house, mom. What do you-”

“You never,” I pause. “You never talk to me anymore.”

“You never ask.”

“Well, I say hi and you just storm past me.”

“Yeah, right. You say hi in passing, you’re not actually trying to talk to me. And every time we do talk, you point out a flaw. I don’t need a haircut, or a shower, or new clothes” he snaps. I do not answer, so he continues. “You’re not the only one in this house with problems.”

“What kind of problems?” I say. I try to calm down. I do not want to ruin the moment.

“No one at school likes me. They call me a nerd,” he snaps.

“So?”

“So? I have no friends!”

“You have Emma,” I remind him. He scoffs.

“You just did it again! You’re not listening,” he says.

“I’m sorry,” I say softly. “I’m doing my best.”

“I want to hit puberty. Maybe once I’m tall I’ll like Emma back,” he says. I don’t answer. I do not think that is how it works, but I do not want to hurt his feelings. We keep talking. He tells me he wants to take honors classes in high school so he can get into a good college. He explains his fear of not being good enough. He explains the bullies and how nervous he is to even consider the prospect of being gay. We talk for hours. I start to forget how I feel. It is still there, a darkness inside of me that I cannot shake, but talking with Ryan is a temporary release. The movie ends, and Ryan goes to bed. I put the medicine back in its container. Maybe I will do it another day.

The next morning, when Ryan leaves for school, I check under his bed. There’s another letter. I delicately open it up, half-nervous, half-ecstatic at another glimpse into the future. I unfold it.

Dear Ryan,

Hang out with your mom tonight. Talk to her. Trust me. Also, don’t give up. It will be okay. Life is hard, but you need your mom.

Sincerely,

Ryan

I stare at the letter, wondering about the cryptic meaning, the odd language, and the hurt behind the words. I fold the letter, gingerly putting it back in the box. I think I folded it the same way it was, but I’m not sure.

I feel my heart throb. I am shocked for a second, because I have not felt anything in a long time. Even if it is bad, I am grateful for some emotion, something to prove that I am still alive. I think about the medicine on the counter. Maybe Ryan will talk to me again tonight. If not tonight, eventually? He will get older, and less sour. It will get better. I can keep applying for jobs.

I hope I am enough. Maybe I should tell Ryan I know about the letters. Maybe I should try harder to talk to him and not say mean things about his smell and his hair. Maybe if I hover less, he will come to me more. I start to think of all the things I do wrong. Then I realize I must be doing something right. I am raising Ryan. His letters show he will go on to be great.

I wonder if he knows he saved my life last night. Maybe one day I will tell him. I realize there is only one way to make my “maybes” a reality. I have to try.

I get in the shower. I am not okay. But I know I have to try. For Ryan.

#short story #fiction #family #sadness #writing #original story

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