Everything okay?
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you are not alone.
If you are in the United States, please try:
National Eating Disorders Association (support, resources, treatment options)
If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find help lines related to eating disorders for your country.
For self-help courses on body image and general peer support, please try Koko.
If you need some inspiration and comfort on your dashboard, follow Post It Forward on Tumblr.
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I wish i could cut anywhere in my body without having to hide it
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TW: Mention of Su*c*de and SH
I keep typing “su*c*de” into my search engine…
I look at what comes up, like I have 1,000,000 times before and I wail in disappointment at the lack of knowing what to do.
“Text 988”
I think about it.
But what would I say?
“Hey I am going to end my life tonight.”
no… they might send someone to my house.
“I need help. I keep cutting myself.”
no…they might send someone to my house.
“I can’t breathe, my thoughts are drowning me and I’m in the bathtub thinking about how I could kill myself right now.”
no…they might send someone to my house.
Not that they shouldn’t.
Yet not that they should.
They tell you to text or call if you want to die.
I want to die but I’m too afraid to text or call in fear that I’d be wasting their time.
Something I was taught strictly not to waste growing up.
Something I seem to waste without trying
along with other things such as space and air.
I want to die.
But I’m too afraid to text.
I’m too afraid to call.
So I only search up “su*c*de” on my search engine
and
wail at the disappointment of not knowing what to do.
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What your preferred sh tool says about you
- Pencil sharpener blade: you either just recently started sh, or else you lost whatever other tool you were using and had nothing else so you unscrewed your sharpener. OR you’ve been using it since you started sh and you like to stick to what you know works.
- Razor blade: you are a perfectionist/overachiever, or “if I cant do anything else right I’ll do sh right” (not that there’s any “right” way to sh 😁), or you just happened to have some at hand and decided to use it and it became your favourite thing to use
- Box cutter: you’re practical, you are the kind of person to be really prepared on a camping trip OR you saw that cute kitty paw box cutter (or a similar cutesy box cutter) on etsy and bought it (no hate, it’s literally what I currently use)
- A knife: you’re making a point of using a knife, not in a bad way but like a knife is a statement piece, you’re the baddie of your friend group
- Heating up a metal utensil and burning yourself: you’ve noticed the efficiency of not having to clean up blood, im not saying this im asking; you lowkey vibe with scarification right?
- Just straight fire from a lighter or smth: crackhead energy, you dont give a fuck about anything, possibly a smoker,
- Needle: you dont want anyone finding out you sh, you probably feel invalid (dont<3), you like to watch it
- Hitting yourself: you struggle to deal with anger/frustration/self hatred, or you’re clean and you think hitting yourself doesn’t count as a relapse
I AM NOT GLORIFYING, ENCOURAGING OR INVALIDATING IN ANY WAY THESE ARE NOT ACCURATE I AM JUST TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH
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$h is such a slippery slope, and it's scary at times.
I went from doing cat scratches to cvts going through f4t in just a few years. And now even those don't satisfy the need for pain sometimes. I'm constantly chasing the unreachable goal of causing enough damage to myself, but it will never be enough. Ever.
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"If you keep cutting yourself like that you're gonna leave your body all scarred"
YEAH NO SHIT SHERLOCK
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