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kkusuka · 3 years

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What about a insecure reader about her and Ushijima's relationship since he doesn't seem all to interested in having her around unless it's for volleyball purposes. So when she starts to drift away from him he's super confused, suddenly Tendou becomes more comfortable to sleep on at movie nights, and Reon seems to know everything you used to tell Ushijima. And he struggles internally because he doesn't know what to do. And the last straw was when you walked in holding Goshiki's hand and he walked over pushing the 1st year away with a worried/pained/anxious face shaking his head saying no because he doesn't to no what else to say but he knows it's not right.

Muddle<3

relationship: ushijima wakatoshi x reader, slight oikawa tootu x reader

words: 1.5k

synopsis: Ushijima can’t bare to lose you.

cw: insecurity

a/n: i havent written something like this in a while and i really missed it!

Ushijima Wakatoshi was not emotionless.

Simple, but not emotionless.

It was something that had to be constantly reminded before people began to truly believe he didn’t feel anything. He’s had his many licks with emotion, as anyone else would. The joy of finding the one thing he truly loved doing; volleyball. The confusion when his mother began reprimanding him for using his left hand. The overwhelming helplessness when his father walked out the door.

Butterflies when you smiled at him in the hallway, the heat in his cheeks when he saw you in the stands at one of his games. The shake in his hands when he met you at the gates and told you his feelings, very detailed in facts.

Ushijima Wakatoshi was clearly not emotionless.

So why was it he seemed so indifferent to you?

You knew he had to feel something for you, people don't empty their entire heart just because they felt like it, at least you hoped. Of course, as much as he denied, you knew that you would be on par if not second to volleyball. In a sick way; you were fine with it as long as he came back to you and let you share some of his burdens, you were happy.

But as of recently, it seemed that he couldn’t even do that.

Gone were the nights he would fall into your arms outside the gym doors because he’s been practicing for five hours straight. The walks in the park when neither of you could sleep, ones that ended in his arms on the couch watching some random food network show.

So now, as you leone the couch, void of the warmth you so desperately crave; you can't help but wonder if it was only you who felt the distance between you.

Your door unlocked- just as you thought it would. Your boyfriend slipping through the door, eyes immediately finding your body draped over the end of the sofa. He could still see the dinner you had made, glazing over the dirty dishes, proof he was hours behind when he said he’d be here.

“Tosh? Is there any way we can spend more time together? It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve done something.”

“No. Nationals is arriving soon, I cannot do anything about my schedule. We are spending time together right now.”

If Ushijima was not emotionless; how was it so easy for him to dismiss you?

Did you and Tendou always have a Wednesday movie night?

Ushijima raked his mind for the last time he’d seen this; the last time he was in his dorm on a weeknight. He knew you and the redhead were good friends, close since the first year of high school. He remembered something about a sleepover before you had begun dating and the occasional dinner at some fast-food restaurant.

He understood both your and his love for anime, and the movies alongside. But if he hadn’t known any better, he would assume that it was to two of you dating, not yourself and him.

Clearing his throat, you both glanced from your spot, huddled on the couch, inviting him to sit beside you. It was nice, though he knew nothing about what was happening on screen, something about demons and a little girl along with a boy with boar head overtop his.

The second the credits rolled, you and Tendou engaged in a conversation that he couldn’t even begin to understand. Somehow ending in another plan to go out the next night for a store opening that will have a manga that you both like.

Finally, as Tendou left, you noticed how silent your boyfriend had been since getting there.

“Would you like to come with us, Toshi?” Would he? The ice in his eyes held the answer far before he spoke.

“No. I will be practicing.”

The statement seemed like nothing. A simple retort you’ve heard so many times you could predict what he was going to say before he did. The phrase forced the memories of laying alone on the couch and sitting at restaurants staring at the clock for what felt like-- and really was-- hours a night.

You could count o one hand how many dates that he’s been early too, or even stayed the whole time. That’s even when he accepted your invitation.

Your friend had warned you that you would feel like this, abandoned and thrown to the side. ‘Why do you stay? Clearly, he isn’t treating you right, o find someone who will!’

“Just for a little? We haven’t been out for a while.” you plea, noticing how he was ready to walk away.it felt like ages since you’ve had an actual conversation.

“Y/n, don’t start right now. I am tired, and I have already told you that I am busy. Quite pestering.” pestering? Is that what you meant to him, were you a bother?

Tendou had always reminded you that Wakatoshi wasn’t good at feelings. He didn’t know how to put what he felt into words. You accepted that, you understood that emotions can be harder on some people.

But now, it wasn’t just feeling an word, it was actions. It was the missed dates he never apologized for, the charging past you after practice that he stayed overtime for. It was him turning his back on you before you could respond.

As you turn your eyes catch one of the photos you have taped to your wall, a selfie you and him took during a trip to Harajuku in May. You bought matching bracelets both with small flower charms on each, ‘a symbol of eternal love’, yeah right.

‘If you’re the only one putting in effort, it’s not a relationship, it’s desperation’

Ushijima Wakaothish may not have emotions, but he surely had one.

Jealousy.

Green and far too ugly to acknowledge.

He may not understand the butterflies when you smile or the warms when your hand locks with his, but he knows exactly what the burning in his veins is. The furrow in his brown and deeper frown than normal, he’s jealous, extremely at that.

A fact that anyone who looked at the man could see, his aura radiated exactly what he was feeling, a true sight to behold.

His mind was muddled, what right did Oikawa have to even share the same breath as you, never mind put a hand on you. His mind ran through all of the things he could possibly do right there, he could punch the brown-eye playboy, but then he would be in trouble.

He could make a big scene and yell at him, or he could do nothing, just watch as the Seijoh playing steals your attention. Suddenly he’s thrown into memory, Reon and you chatting at the lunch table. Like you’d been friends for years, the smile that was supposed to only be meant for him plastered on your face.

Then it was Goshiki and his blistered hands that you so dutifully wrapped for him, holding his hand so tenderly that Wakatoshi wondered if it felt like when you held hands with him.

Then to Tendou, your pro-claimed cuddle buddy.

Would it even be worth it to stop Oikawa? Has he already lost you to someone else?

He couldn’t let that happen, not when he still had a chance to keep you.

You were violently ripped from whatever stupid pick-up line Oikawa was spouting by two hands on your hips. Your entire body was pulled into a hard chest as the same two arms cradle you to his.

“Waka-”

“Don’t talk to what’s mine, Oikawa”

You’ve never heard him sound so angry, he practically snarled at the setter, turning the both of you and walking down the hallway to the ext before the brown-haired man ould even retort.

“Toshi are you-”

“Please don't leave me.” Another emotion you’ve never seen from the man, fear.

He was acred, losing you was the end of the world for him. What was he supposed to do if you aren’t there for him? Who will he look at in the crowd to keep him going during the fifth set? There is simply no one that can give him the rush you can.

“I know I’ve been bad, and I’m so so sorry. I can make up for the dates and we can go to the manga store and to dinner whenever you want. We can watch movies after practice and cuddle whenever! Just please don’t leave me for Oikawa!” he pleaded, taking your hands to his, holding you so tightly and yet like you were glass.

“Wakatoshi, I’m not leaving you. Please calm down, I’m not going anywhere.” You move your hands to cup his face, finally taking notice of the tears looming in his eyes.

And you smiled. The smile just for him, taking his head onto your shoulder, slightly rocking back and forth. His hands rubbing along the length of your back.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I won’t let you.”

tags: @bakugos-cumsock @rinsangel

#ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader #ushijima angst #ushijima x reader angst #ushijima wakatoshi x readder #ushijima wakatoshi x reader angst #oikawa tooru #oikawa angst #oikawa x reader #oikawa x reader angst #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa tooru x reader angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x self insert

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pinkpetalwaterimagine · 3 years

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On the edge... (Charlie Gillespie) part 1

A/N : So sorry guys, I’m posting it again here, anyway enjoy. Don’t hesitate to point out any mistakes.

Bonne lecture ❤️

Summary : It’s not that you are insecure but seing Charlie and the onscreen chemistry he has with Madison is making you uncomfortable. And it obviously lead to a fight.

Word count : 2,1 k

Somehow you had passed your exam with a flying hand and you were ready to rest during your vacations. Vacations that were obviously well deserved. Charlie, your boyfriend, was currently shooting with Kenny Ortega in Vancouver. Living quite far from there you could not go see Charlie every other weekend. However you decided to go on set with everyone during your vacations.

You have already met the whole crew, they were really nice to you, and immediately you felt included in there tight knit group.

You were just so excited to see Charlie after months of separation. You had missed him just as much as he had missed you.

He did not know you were coming to surprise him, it was supposed to be, well, a surprise. You took an uber to Charlie and Owen’s apartment. Those boys really hide their key under their doormat. Do they know that this is dangerous ?

You enter the flat and were met with silence, the boys might still be at the studio or filming or whatever actors do. You took time to take a long shower to wash off the sweat from the flight. You even took a small nap to regenerate.

You heard loud voices in the hall and you just knew that one of the voices belonged to your boyfriend. A bright smile already on your lips as you waited for him to enter his house. Owen was the first one to acknowledge you.

« Y/N ! How are you doing ! What are you doing here ? We are so happy to see you ! » he embraced you in a hug, not for too long because Charlie pulled him off of you.

He did not say anything he just took you in his arms, for a long time, kissing the top of your head again and again. When he released you just a bit, he tilted his head and kissed you like it has been a long time you havent seen him. But he has been a long time and oh how you craved his soft and rosy lips. The others were doing anything but looking at you, it wasn’t that they were embarrassed it’s just that this was an intimate moment that the two of you hadn’t since a long time and they wanted to respect at least a bit of your privacy. Only Charlie and you were standing in the hall anymore, the others were already on the couch or on the floor, ready for movie night.

« I missed you so much, I am so happy you are here, you can’t even imagine » Charlie said whispering in your ear, sending chills down your spine.

« I missed you too, that’s why I’m here after all. » you chuckled in the crook of his neck.

He led you to the living room with all the others, never leaving you. He always had a hand on the small of your back, or on your thigh. It has been such a long time since you have seen each other that he didn’t want to miss a single thing about you.

You said hello to everyone, happy those familiar faces again. You were just ready to chill with everyone.

You were about to sit on the couch next Owen and Jeremy, when you felt a pair of hands grabbing your hips and making you sit on Charlie’s lap.

« Where do you think you’re going » you giggled at his act.

They were something about Charlie that always make you giggle or blush and more generally acting like a schoolgirl. You swear sometimes you think his goal is to make you blush so much that you were as red as a tomato. But you loved your goofy, cute man.

« Thank you Y/N for being here ! Really, we can’t hear Charlie complaining about not seeing you or how much he misses you. » Jeremy said and Charlie has a deep shade of red on his cheeks.

You thought he was really cute to go and talk about how much he misses you. You know that he wasn’t just on your part that those months of being apart were hard. The night goes on and the smile you had never left your lips. Charlie had his arms wrapped around your waist the whole time, and he was always making quiet comments about the movie you were watching or just kissing you under the ear and so on. `

Everyone fell asleep in uncomfortable positions and the next morning all of them has knots in their back.

« Ok guys, you need to leave or you’re going to be late on set ! » you exclaimed trying to wake all of those people but no one moved. « C’mon guys, you need to get moving » as you were trying to shake them all up, your arm was pulled by Charlie and you fell on him. He had still his eyes closed even though he was smirking.

« Do you want to come with us on set ? » Charlie asked with a groggy voice.

« Yes ! »

« You just waited for me to ask you right ? » you blushed at his words. You didn’t want to impose your presence to the staff and all the actors.

The day you decided to join all of your friends on set, they had to film the scene between Charlie and Madi where they sang perfect harmony. You knew that supposedly nothing was going on between them, but it was just the way Luke looked at Julie. You tried to convince yourself that this was nothing, it was just on-screen chemistry nothing more. But they both looked so pretty and handsome and you couldn’t not feel bad about yourself.

At the end of the scene everyone clapped and congratulated the both actors who executed perfectly the routine. Charlie made Madi spin, both giggling. You heart broke a little but you tried to not let it shows. Everyone was so cheerful and happy.

You put on a fake smile and got on with the day. You hung around makeup and costumes and tried to help as much as you could, from setting the buffet for everyone to painting some decors.

————————————

Everyday for a week, you accompanied the band to the studio, but as the days goes by you couldn’t not notice the constant banter between Charlie and Madi. It wasn’t that you were jealous or anything, of course he was « allowed » to speak to other girls. It’s just that they seemed to understand each other on a deeper level. On a music level that you could never understand. You could sing under the shower but you didn’t knew how to play any instruments or writing any lyrics.

« Don’t you think that this song is such a killer song ?! » asked Owen, excited, almost crushing you on the couch where you rested.

« Hum ? Which one ? Even though they’re all amazing! »

« Well the one Charlie and Madi wrote together » you looked at him in disbelief. « Yeah, perfect harmony ! »

A whirlwind of thoughts came into your mind and made your insecurities come back at full speed.

« Oh… no I did not know that. » you said quietly, like if you spoke too loud you would break down in tears. And Owen saw right through you.

« Are you okay ? You know that it is just a song ? »

« Yeah, yes I know, it’s just since this morning I’m not feeling good. I think I’m going to head back to the house. If Charlie asks … » you topped mid-sentence, was he really going to ask ?

You couldn't answered that question being a hundred percent sure.

You took your stuff and left the studio.

Charlie just ended another scene and went to look for you. « hey Owen ? Have you seen Y/N ? » he asked a bit worried and with a small frown on his forehead.

« She went back, said she didn’t felt well »

Well that’s weird, thought Charlie. She would've told him if she wasn’t feeling well. He shook his head and focus on the next scene he had to play before heading back home.

You were laying on your guys bed, crying your eyes out not really knowing why they were so much waterfalls.

You heard the front door open and you recognized the voices of the three boys that played the ghosts. You quickly shut your eyes, trying to make Charlie believe you were asleep.

Charlie entered the room and saw the girl he loved with her head buried in a pillow, she seemed asleep. He sighed and closed the door on his way out. He didn’t understand why all of a sudden you were so cold to him. He didn’t remember having done something bad or wrong. He tried to replay in his mind everything that happened that week without founding anything.

« Are you alright ? » asked Jeremy concerned at the face his friend was making.

« Yeah, it’s just I don’t know why Y/N is giving me the cold shoulder. » he sighed, his head between his hands.

After a few hours of hiding in the room, you decided to fix yourself, make somehow your eyes a little less puffy. You tried to pass by the living room without noise, not ready to confront the boys or anyone for that matter.

You thought you had made it to the kitchen without making your presence known. But as you closed the fridge’s door and turned towards the table you were faced with Charlie’s hazel eyes.

« How are you ? » he asked softly, you felt your throat tightened. « Fine » you croaked.

He knew they were something wrong.

« You know you can talk to me, I’m here babe » Charlie mumbled. You tried avoiding his gaze. He stepped softly towards you, almost chest to chest.

« I don’t want to talk about it » you muttered. « well I think we have to. You have that sad look in your eyes and it saddens me ! »

« I don’t want to do this now, the boys are just in the living room ! »

« But I want to help you, let me help you! » his voice was raising higher and higher.

« Ne fais pas ça maintenant s’il te plait » (don’t do this now) you exclaimed in French so that the boys wouldn’t understand what was happening, even if the knew that you were fighting, no need to be a genius to realize that.

« Oh so now we are talking French ?! Why ?! You don’t want our friends to know that we are not this perfect little couple they think we are ! » Charlie snapped.

« Ne m’humilie pas de la sorte ! Je pense que tu l’as déjà assez fait cette semaine! » (don’t humiliate me like that, you already did it enough all week) you seeped. Your head was beginning to spin from all the crying and the shouting didn’t help.

« Mais qu’est ce que tu racontes bon sang! » (what are you talking about for god’s sakes) Charlie spat, his Canadian accent resurrecting strongly.

« Okay, you want to know what I’m talking about ? I’m talking about you and Madison, I know that I should not be jealous but you are so close to her via music and filming and so close to her as well as in not far away. How do you expect for me to not see that. To not see the chemistry you two has on screen ?! » You were between yelling and sobbing uncontrollably. Charlie stayed silent for a moment not knowing what to answer to this.

« You know, and I’ve told you countless of times that we are nothing more than friends ! She is young » Charlie exclaimed

« Oh because if she was older, you would definitely take her on a date ?! » you exclaimed, hurt by his words. The both of you stayed silent for a bit of time. A heavy silence.

« Of course not, you’re the one I like. The only one I love. Yes, we are not together 24/7, but I love you Y/N. No one else but you, why can’t you see that ? » Charlie insisted, his hair tugging at his now shorter hair.

« I think I should go back for a bit. I’ll see you later » you said in a breath.

« Dont do this to me, don't do this to me Y/N! I’m begging you » he pleaded.

You knew you had to get away for a bit of time, you didn’t knew if your relationship could hold after this full blown out but you’ll live. At least you hoped. You ran straight into Charlie’s room and packed your bags not meeting the boys gazed. They heard everything, and it pained you to have them involved in such a fight.

As soon as you slammed the door of the bedroom, the boys ran straight into the kitchen, they found Charlie on the barstool looking down at his hands, a single tear running down his cheek.

They didn’t knew what to say, are you okay seemed a bit insensitive after what they all heard. They took a sit next to him and pat his back. Sometimes a small gesture is worth a million words. Charlie knew that he will always has his friends, they were like family, but so was Y/N. But apparently not anymore.

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie angst #charlie imagine #jatp fanfic #jatp imagine #julie and the phantoms #angst #fluff #charlie gillespie imagine

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sleepless-in-starbucks · 3 years

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14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

#oops this got long ':) i got distracted by the gays... happy pride month djhbvcfjds #fanfic #creativisleep #ts roman #ts remy #nb!remy #the cryptid speaks #meri #yeah roman just. has an all out gay panic disaster moment right there #poor man 😔#also my characters keep ending up kissin in each other's laps can y'all tell im a touchstarved gay yet /hj

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flange5 · 5 years

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millennium-enterprise replied to your post “[[MOR] I’m fully aware the mcu is not the comics. That is not my...”

i thought the steve stuff was bad but tbh the thor stuff was the only thing that truly enraged me and im really surprised i havent seen more people talking about it!

I saw some discussion of it on twitter, but more in a subtweet kind of way bc spoilers.

So I know not everyone reacted this way but I had a very negative response to the way the movie drew an intersection between Thor’s grief and depression, alcoholism and obesity. This is not to say that these things cannot be related but the framing was what made it a problem *for me*. In Ragnarok we see alcoholism and grief and withdrawal from Valkyrie and in Infinity War we see grief and (briefly) hopeless paralysis from Thor but in both cases the films frame their pain with compassion and even if there are moments of comic relief, the audience is expected to relate to the characters in pain.

That’s not what happens with the representation of Thor here and I think a lot of it has to do with how his obesity is framed not only as comic relief but also as emasculation. So even though Valkyrie also retreats in Ragnarok from her duties, she’s not framed as incompetent or weak, and even when she’s visibly drunk, staggering, she’s visually framed as strong. Thor’s obesity is played for laughs and *mocking* laughs. It’s linked to his moping over Jane and to his desire to get a drink at Valhalla instead of complete a vital mission. It’s linked to visceral disgust not only bc his body is large, but because it’s represented as unclean and unkempt. It’s a nasty intersection of emasculation, dehumanization and abjectification that links mental illness (depression and alcoholism) to obesity and othering that is implicitly about not ‘manning up.’ That’s how it read to me.

The only mitigating factors were

the interactions with Frigga injected some compassion, acknowledging how rough his life had been

he can still wield Mjolnir

he didn’t magically get ripped again for the fight

But it was still played for laughs and not laughs with him but at him and the only reason I can see why they felt it was necessary other than straight up cruel fatphobia is that with Gamora not having memories of Quill and Thor going with them at the end, they wanted a plausible reason why Thor wouldn’t be the guy they’ll inevitably pair her with bc heaven forbid she be single. After all as Nebula said ‘it was [Quill] or a tree.’ No other options, right? So since apparently Thor will be with them in the next film, I wonder if this was about coming up with a reason why the guy all of them were drooling over suddenly isn’t the god of sex anymore, which carries again its own issues.

Anyhow. I know this didn’t hit everyone the way it did me and that’s fine. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth, despite my overall happiness with the film that is largely based in the Tony aspects.

#millennium-enterprise #endgame spoilers #thor #fatphobia tw

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scifikimmi · 6 years

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A Defense of Thor Ragnarok – From a Loki Fan

(This is unedited so I’m sure there are typos and mistakes sorry)

(also, I think I avoided IW spoilers so you should be ok if u havent seen it yet)

I’ve seen a lot of Loki fans expressing a strong dislike for its treatment of Loki as a character. Many people believe that it made him nothing more than comic relief and downgraded his skills and overall intelligence in order to make Thor look smarter or more capable.

I acknowledge this. I get it. I’m not trying to change your mind or say that your feelings in this are wrong. The purpose for making this is to explain my personal reasons for why I actually really liked what Thor 3 did for Loki and Thor as both individuals and for their relationship with each other.

(I added a read more line because I realized this post is really long and annoying)

1. Post- Thor 2: Odin-Loki

One of the big issues going INTO Thor 3 was how to deal with the ending of Thor 2 and the long time gap between the two movies. What HAS Loki been doing as Odin? Well it couldn’t have been anything TOO crazy or Thor would have caught wind of it earlier. I think the idea of they went with worked as well as it could have given the loose ends they were given.

Lok is, as Tony once said, a full tilt diva. It is not surprising to me that he built a statue in his honor or had a play produced. Loki is dramatic. Usually, he is in situations that are too serious for the draa to come out in such a silly way. Its more akin to the deleted scene in Thor 1 were he turns a goblet into a snake just for funsies or Thor’s story about snake-Loki and being stabbed.

Additionally, Loki has always wanted the admiration of the Asgardian people. Now he gets it twice over. He gets it as Odin, who is already respected. And he gets it from retconning his own death to make it even more heroic to gain the favor of the public. And he gets to watch it all. Bonus.

Many people seemed upset that Loki has been sitting around on his ass the whole time being fawned over and not doing anything worthwhile. But I think that people forget that while Loki wants to be King and wants what he is owed he has always been about High Gain and Low Risk.

There is a reason why in the first Thor film he tries to get Thor banished and take over the throne by making people think that he is the rightful one to be there, instead of say, a hostile takeover, and killing his father and Thor. One of those reasons is that, despite how much he may deny it, we know that he loves his family (even Odin) and wouldn’t be able to kill them off for realsies. This is echoed by the fact that at the end of thor 2 he sends him to earth and doesn’t kill him. The other is because it is a much lower risk to make it look like he is supposed to be there.

When he attempts to conquer earth it is because he is desperate and has ended up making promises to the wrong sort of people. I firmly believe that otherwise he wouldn’t have done so. To much of a risk for everything to go wrong. Like it did. And even when he went about doing it, instead of an all out attack he tried to take out the avengers first from within by using the hulk and splitting them up. Trying to minimize risk with as little physical danger risk as possible.

In the time between Thor 2 and 3 he COULD have been doing dramatic and cool things as Odin. But, to do so, he would have risked exposing that he wasn’t Odin. So, he backed off from the other realms leaving them to their own devices and he enjoyed ruling Asgard in a peaceful period where he had to make little grave choices.

I will admit that this whole deal wasn’t perfect. But like I said. They didn’t have much to work with going into it. And considering that, I think they did alright. And Loki wasn’t TOO far off character. At least, not in a way that couldn’t be explained like I did above.

2. How Hela helped Loki’s redemption

The addition of Hela was very important for the redemption arc of Loki’s character. We always felt that it was a little shady of Odin to not tell Loki that he was a frost giant. We had the feeling that there was something there beyond him “protecting Loki from himself.” By having Hela tell them that Odin wasn’t some benevolent all good pure guy but had actually been a war mongering king. It actually goes a long way in redeeming Loki’s actions against New York/Earth. Because, even after learning all the bad things Odin did, we still don’t call him a villain, do we? Surely what Loki tried to do wasn’t any worse than what Odin did to Jotunheim?

If we can forgive Odin for what he did as King and what he did to Hela by locking her away. Then we can forgive Loki for attacking earth, especially since we now know that much of that was done under the influence of thanos and his people… who are scary as heck! If Thor 2 was a bridge for Loki from villain/antigonist to anti-hero, this movie is the bridge from anti-hero to actual proper hero/protagonist.

3. Loki on Sakaar

Loki lounging around and worming his way into favor and there for power? Loki joining up with Thor only once he realizes that Thor is the winning team and he’s out of favor with the Grandmaster/ he is on the losing team? Yes that sounds exactly like Loki. Like I mentioned, Loki likes high gain and low risk. As a result, he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Lets go over a list of things Loki has done:

Dramatically let go of Thor’s grasp to fall off the Bifrost so that Thor mourns him rather than dealing with the consequences of his bid for the throne and all the lies and bad things he did to try for it.

Tried to joke off his defeat in new York with his “I’ll take that drink now” line.

Literally told Odin that he’d rather that Odin ‘swing the ax’ than lecture him. Then proceeded to pout throughout his time in jail.

Faked his own death (or at least didn’t let Thor know that he was still alive) so that Thor’s memory of his was as a heroic martyr instead of having to actually work to repair their relationship.

Sent Odin into exile instead of killing him. No doubt in part cause he has complex emotions about Odin but also probably because he didn’t want to deal with what Thor would do if he found out/ wanted a fail safe for if he royally effed up ruling Asgard. Like, whoops, I messed up but now Odin can come back and fix it.

So to me it make perfect sense that he’d rather stay on Sakaar than go back to Asgard and face the mess he made. Better to let Thor go clean up his mess as usual.

Tldr: it feels very in character for Loki for me.

4. Dumbing down of Loki - Thor tricking the trickster

First of all. I don’t think that making Thor smarter means that Thor 3 made Loki dumber.

For one, in the last however many years (at least 2?) between Thor 2 and 3 Loki has been making plays as Odin while Thor has been fighting and doing badass hero things and LEARNING. One has been stagnant and one hasn’t.

Also, I think it is a great thing for their relationship as brothers that Thor is learning from his past experiences with Loki. Thor has been the victim of Loki’s tricks quite a few times by the time we see them in Thor 3. If Thor was just as blind to them as he was the first time, then Thor would not only have had no growth as a character in that aspect but their relationship wouldn’t grow either. Additionally this is something we can see having seeds of growth in Thor 2 when Thor throws Loki out of the ship and Loki says “you tricked me, I’m impressed.”

All Loki has ever wanted (according to Thor 1) is recognition. By Thor learning how to out wit him, he is, in many ways getting his wish. Thor hasn’t ignored him or dismissed him. In order to learn how to out-wit him, Thor needed to pay attention to him, to take him seriously, to care. If he didn’t, he would have just been fooled like before. By acknowledging Loki’s powers enough to learn them, Thor is acknowledging Loki. Which is what Loki wanted.

It encourages Loki to grow. If his tricks and old standbys were still working, then he wouldn’t need to grow as a person or a character. There would be no incentive. And change and growth is good in characters and people in general. Thor grows, so now Loki must grow too.

The last thing to note is in response to the comments of “how come everything Loki does in this fails? This is a Loki bash!” I ask: what else is new? Loki’s plans in Thor 1 fail. Loki’s plans in Avengers fail and he literally gets thrown around by the hulk like a toy for laughs. In Thor 2 he is punched by jane and thrown out of a moving ship also for a laugh. And its not like he is the only victim of this. Thor is frequently a victim of this too. Thor is always getting thrown around and injured for laughs. Its just how the movies work, especially since Thor 3 is on the outside more of a comedy than the other films in the series. Also, it absolutely makes sense that Valkyrie beat him in a fight, she is way older and more experienced than him that is a fact.

5. Loki saves the day – Loki’s redemption arc

He didn’t have to save the day. This wasn’t like Thor 2 where Loki’s choices were:

1. Go with Thor and try to help him save the day, potentially winning Thor’s favor

2. Stay in prison maybe forever, especially if Odin and Thor get killed by the Dark Elves. In fact, they then may go and kill him in prison.

3. Double cross Thor and maybe succeed and escape or maybe fail and have Thor kick his ass. Either way it would just end up with him being pursued as a ‘bad guy’ again and the cycle would repeat.

Loki picked pretty much the only option that made sense and could have a positive outcome.

In Thor 3 he has a choice. He could have run off and not faced the consequences of exiling Odin and causing Hela’s escape second hand. Thor gives him the chance to leave scot-free. Sure, he shocks him and leaves him there, but he could still leave once Korg shows up. He didn’t. That shows growth. He CHOOSES to go any save the day.

The way in which Loki saves the day also proves that Thor KNOWS Loki and that Loki KNOWS Thor.

Thor knows Loki: He knows that Loki acts the way he does because he wants recognition of his skills and gives him that. He knows that Loki is capable of stepping up and being more than the trickster, capable of growth (see: Thor’s speech while Loki is being shocked). And by recognizing Loki’s qualities, Thor inspires Loki to act upon those good qualities.

Loki knows Thor: Loki figures out that he is Thor’s backup plan and that Thor is waiting for him to come and help. He realizes that if Thor fails (which he ends up doing), the other ship is big enough to get the people out. So, he gives up his escape option and brings the ship to Asgard. Sure, he milks it as a chance to be a hero, but heck he deserves it. In that moment he is a hero.

This is exemplified by elevator scene (and I like the Get Help scene after, fight me! It shows that they still have their brotherly bond and that they have fond memories from when they were growing up together).

That is the big difference between his character redemption arc in Thor 2 and Thor 3. In Thor 2 he has little choice but to help and then once he does he doesn’t stick around to deal with the results of his actions. In Thor 3 he does have the option to not show up but he does anyway. And then, instead of just leaving, he comes back to Thor and his people to deal with the results of his actions. This is amazing growth and it shows Loki maturing.

6. Where Thor 3 leaves Loki (ignoring IW)

At the end of Thor 3 we are left with a Loki who is more mature in dealing with the consequences of his actions and realizing that he can be WITH Thor and not be in his shadow—now that Thor has recognized his talents and skill, AND that he has recognized how much regard Thor actually already has for him. He not only had returned to help save his people when he could have left them to their fate but has actually returned a second time to help them and Thor on their journey to rebuild when he could have left again.

He knows that the people likely have mixed feelings about him (cause he lied to them and inadvertently killed Odin but also cause he saved them from Hela) and that Thor still loves him but isn’t sure if he can trust him. He is redeemed but still has to deal with the existence of all the other choices he has made in the past. The fact that he is going to willingly be stuck on a ship with all these people after all that shows incredible character growth. He is facing his mistakes and actively trying to rebuild and I love it.

Anyway these are just personal opinions based on my interpretation. You are all entitled to love, hate, or neither love nor hate the movie and how it affected Loki.

(also, fuck infinity war)

#Loki #Thor #thor 3 #thor 3 ragnarok #thor ragnarok #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #thor and loki #thor & loki #loki and thor #loki & thor #movie analysis #character analysis #character study

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swampgallows · 6 years

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well, so, tumblr ate my post on my phone, but the gist of what i wanted to say was that it was, of course, amazing, but i feel like... and this is kind of cheesy and embarrassing but, it wasn’t really until this year, between wonder woman and this film—the shape of water—that i felt like anything was “for me”.

i cannot remember the last time my heart swelled like that during a film, let alone in general. in fact, i’m not sure it ever has. not in that way. this film made me understand why people care for romance films or romance itself, the appeal of it. i cried a lot. and i cried a lot during wonder woman too, but for a different sort of reason. wonder woman helped me realize i was starving to see a strong, whole woman; i had thought to myself “no wonder people love superheroes so much”. i thought they were fun, of course, but it wasn’t until wonder woman that i truly felt that kind of power, that feeling of being uplifted. it was like... hope, and protection. even growing up i never had a “hero”, as it were, not until chris metzen, and that wasn’t until i was well in my teens. i have felt like the outcast for so long that i couldnt even feel like an underdog, let alone a hero.

it’s foolish to say what i found in the shape of water was “representation”, but... it was like a validity. it felt verified. it felt.... real. it wasn’t goofy. it wasn’t a joke. it wasn’t supernatural or one-sided. it felt very real. i did not even realize there were tears in my eyes until one fell down my face. it felt so very real to me. of course, i love all of guillermo del toro’s movies, particularly in that he engages with fairy tales—parables, too, as he had mentioned in the interview following the credits—with a reverence, an authenticity. with respect. when you accept these creatures and themes as real, they become real. but if you maintain the whole time that it’s “just CGI”, “just movie magic”; proving his whole point, when you “Other” these creatures, you turn them into things. you make them objects instead of real, believable, sentient things. and his point was that we do this to people too. “There is no us VS them. There is only us.”

and, really, on the heels of seeing Bright, the contrast between the films is stark. Bright achieved almost the exact opposite of taking these fantasy races—which are to be respected as fellow people in an urban fantasy setting—and immediately Othering them, as well as making the entire film about their Otherness. additionally, the “message” of the film is lost when jakoby is the exception to the rule, the “One Good Orc” instead of “orcs are people” (despite literally having the line “orcs are people too”, this is never put into practice). and he is even further robbed of that by ward being a bright all along instead of jakoby, or even BOTH of them. ALL the formulaic evidence points to jakoby being a bright. “brights are elves, rarely humans, NEVER orcs”; jakoby is unblooded, round-toothed, clan-less, seen as a dissenter to his entire race; inexplicably wanted to be a cop ever since he was a little kid even though there have never been orc cops and most are sent off to war; demonstrably more sensitive and inquisitive than most orcs; even the very last moment up until ward’s bright reveal, jakoby gives an entire relay of the myth of jirak the humble orc farmer, who was unblooded, who turned out to be a man of prophecy, and begs ward to go back and help tikka. “I think we’re in a prophecy!” yet ward is the bright and jakoby isn’t. fucking L. ZERO payoff. ward is a racist asshole to jakoby the entire fucking film, treats him like shit, then finds out HE gets to hold a magic wand? fuck off.

yet even bright, in all of its horribleness, still feels like it was “for me”. so, it’s strange, but, i feel like mainstream stories are... finally becoming accessible to me? it’s hard to explain. Like, there’s a reason i’m rooted in my Very Insular Interests and all that bullshit. i dont feel welcome anywhere else. of course i stick with what’s familiar, and i dont think i will ever “move on” from these core aspects of my life and personality, but... it feels like there are stories coming out that i can actually relate to, things where my interests are the focus instead of being a side character or an extra in the background, or it’s the core plot to a film instead of being a parody or, worse, from a documentary angle. “how strange this is! why are people like this! can you BELIEVE there are people who relate better to MONSTERS than PEOPLE? god, there are people who actually think this is COOL but it’s so lame and stupid and for total nerds!!! UGH, can you BELIEVE those crybaby SJWs are BEGGING for a FEMALE SUPERHERO for WOKE FEMINIST POINTS?”

wonder woman stood atop the tower, alone, triumphant, and had saved the village. and everyone looked up at her, in awe of her, full of gratitude. that shot made me think “this is why little boys want to be superman.” there was a little girl in me that thought “i wish i could be wonder woman.” something like gender shouldn’t make a difference, but what a difference it makes. i mean, there’s a reason i havent felt that feeling before. and it’s not because i have any particular affinity for superheroes or diana herself; i truthfully have very little interest in either. but that is the first time i have ever seen a solitary, non-sexual, powerful woman. even in trying to tell my mom about the shot after i saw the film, i burst into tears.

bright was handled like shit, but the fact that the movie even got made is astounding to me, particularly because it didn’t have the “excuse” of being rooted in preexisting media. so even though the story was shit, that it was an original screenplay is HUGE to me. Hellboy II was sick as hell, one of my favorite films, and pulled off the ‘urban fantasy’ much better than bright could ever hope to, but it had the veil of being a “comic book film”, so people knew they were going in under a pretense that it would be pulp and campy. essentially, not serious. not real. already written off as “this isn’t real so it can’t affect me. i’m just turning my brain off for a while.”

i guess it’s just that... these monsters are so real to me and i relate to them so deeply that it’s almost like seeing myself, in a sense. i feel such a personal attachment to them that seeing a creature as obscure as an orc on film or outside the same realms of media (lotr, warcraft, d&d) is cause for celebration. it’s like seeing something that even vaguely references a rave; i feel acknowledged because that’s me, that’s my community, those are my people. and OTHER PEOPLE recognize that that’s me too. i remember in high school one of my classmates told me to watch the entirety of disney’s chicken little (not recommended) because it made him think of me. why? there was a split second where one of the characters (the ugly duckling, thanks asshole) holds a glowstick. that is literally it. there wasn’t even techno playing. it was wannabe by the spice girls. but even then i was still like (POINTS) ME

and i think that’s something guillermo understands, because he relates so deeply to monsters as well. and interviewers and other media outlets might take it as a novelty—oh that kooky del toro, what will he think of next! isn’t that bizarre! what a strange man he is haha oh but we love it! wow, totally trippy settings! where does he come up with this stuff???—but del toro makes sure his films convey respect and severity. He doesn’t play up these films as pulp or tongue in cheek or with any sort of bashfulness of “i know this is silly, but...” He doesn’t feel a need to excuse himself for his interests. he portrays them fully and seriously, and that gives me great courage. as someone who is constantly apologizing for my interests being too silly or “too insular” (I will never get over that haha sorry!) or too obscure or too abrasive, always being too loud or too much or too ugly, seeing my interests portrayed with genuine respect and depth always feels worthy of celebration to a degree i cant put into words. it gives me strength to exist, unabashedly, and as my full self.

i’m excited for the blockbuster bubble to burst. maybe, finally, all of us at the edges will finally get to surface. i am already seeing the little trickles.

#bright spoilers /#the shape of water spoilers /#blathering

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missjackil · 7 years

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Why Wincest? : An Honest Answer.

Like most Wincest shippers, I get asked a lot of different questions about why it is so appealing to me. Fortunately, I havent received any hate regarding it (yet) just mostly curiosity, and to be honest, I ask myself all the same questions. To be clear, I am only answering for myself, since everyone’s experience is different, but I know there are people who feel the same way. I’ll start by saying, I don’t have a brother kink, or any interest in m/m sex, but something about Sam and Dean specifically, intrigued me very early on. I’d say somewhere around “Woooaaah easy tiger” (Dean grins) “Dean!?” (Sam answers breathlessly) I thought, “Oh yeah, these 2 wanna bang each other!” and that was literally the first scene we ever saw of Sam and Dean together. There is a reason why the writers/producers gave us a scene like this as our first introduction to the brothers’s relationship, it’s because they want us to sense sexual tension between them. This is the type of scene that TV shows and movies use to plant such thoughts between characters. For whatever reason 2 characters suddenly have physical contact, or maybe just long eye contact. The trope we’ve seen a million times, the “oops our bodies are touching and we made eye contact” that has started almost every love story ever. Since this is the very first scene between the brothers, the writers wanted to establish this immediately. So, like so many people, I noticed this, and then thought “well thats kinda gross, they’re brothers” and moved on. However, it didnt stop there. The writers threw in text mixed with subtext to keep it going. From standing/sitting too close together, unnecessary touching, grabbing, pinning each other against the wall, and so on, mixed with spoken text about how much one needs the other, or how theres nothing they wouldnt do for each other, established in concrete, that these 2 are not normal brothers.

Of course canonically, the boys don’t have a sexual relationship, and they never will, and Im absolutely fine with that, and honestly wouldn’t like if it was canon that they do. What I love is the level of love they have, and wondering how far they do go for each other, behind fictional closed doors of course. And is it really the worst thing they can do, or have done? Sam and Dean’s love to me, though toxic at times, is absolutely beautiful, and J2 convey it perfectly! They know all about wincest, and how it appeals to many of us, and not only does it not offend them, they play right along with it in the gag reels and at conventions. Even in the episodes that it is mentioned, The Monster at the End of This Book, Sympathy for the Devil, and Fan Fiction, the show acknowledges that many fans see and fantasize about wincest, and realize we really dont care that theyre brothers. Also the fact that they never allow the brothers to be romantically involved with anyone else for any significant length of time, shows that they don’t want us to stop thinking about it. And in the end, I am sure, the brothers will end up together forever. Whether it be in death or retirement, they are going to be with each other and not with romantic interests.

Incest is a very taboo subject, no one will argue that, but sex between 2 consenting adults, no matter their relation, doesn’t have to be as taboo as we make it. I saw hate sent to a fellow wincest shipper via anonymous ask, claiming that if we accept the idea in fiction, than we accept the idea in real life, and that we say to children that its ok if their big brother, or dad or uncle touch them inappropriately. The fellow shipper answered defensively, and failed to actually answer the accusations. If it had been sent to me, I would have answered differently. For one, no, accepting something in fiction means nothing in the real world. We accept all kinds of murder and infidelity in fiction, so why would this be different? Sam and Dean have a relationship that no one in the real world has. They don’t lust for each other, but they LOVE each other more than any of us have loved anyone. Most of us have someone we would die for, but none of us have someone we would sell our souls for. Not just sell your soul, but willingly set yourself up for eternal torment, in 1 years time, just so the other doesn’t die yet. Or, risk the fate of the entire world and everyone in it, just so the one we love doesn’t become evil, and those are only two things, in a long laundry list of things the Winchesters have done for each other. And if you did, and you and this person are consenting adults and wish to have sex? Go for it! I wont stop you. To the other part of the accusation, that this tells children its ok if brother, father, uncle etc touches them, I say “what?” This no more tells children such a thing, anymore than shipping a normal relationship tells children its ok to be touched so long as you’re not related. Seriously. Another misconception is that if Sam and Dean have had a sexual relationship, it would mean they are bisexual, which canonically neither of them are. But that’s not true. To me, neither of them have sexual or romantic interest in men in general. It can be argued that subtextually they have, but that’s another thread. Canonically, Sam and Dean are straight, so how would they have sexual attraction to each other? Because it’s not the attraction at all, but a by product of a love so strong and deep that they’re literally exhausted every way to express it. It seems like any wincest fan fic I read, portrays one or both as being at least bisexual, and sometimes full on gay, but that’s not necessary if you imagine the deep abiding love came long before the sex, not the deep abiding love developing from the sex. When some shippers see their sexual relationship develop or be experimented with when they were teenagers, usually they are showing that the epic love the brothers share developed out of curious, experimental sex in adolescence. For me, in my mind and in my fan fic, the sex always comes about the first time when they’re in thier 30s and have already done every other thing imaginable for each other, except for sex. And then for me it becomes beautiful, acceptable, and maybe kind of necessary. Not so much kinky, dirty, or taboo. At SDCC Jared said “Sam and Dean love each other as much as two human beings can love each other” and to me, he accepts all the ways one can love another in that statement. Not saying he thinks they have, or wants them to have sex, but acknowledges romantic love is in there along with every other way. This essay isnt to try to convert anyone, but so everyone can understand that there is more than one way to see this epic love, and explore its possibilities without hurting anyone.

#wincest #my thoughts #its not as bad as it sounds #sam and dean #epic love story between brothers #sam winchester #dean winchester

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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yallnve realized by now that this is a fulltime 100% narnia blog...and as i havent slept since finding out someone somewhere was set on making "the silver chair" into a movie & the dynamic world of narnalysis is the best i can offer,

first of all im like.........ya rly gonna just jump into the silv chair!! im not really interested w the details on what anyone plans to do with the content b/c i donno, ive never been really interested in the book. not because its like bad or anything, actually it's probably the most cinematic in terms of things actually happening at a steady rate. i just like what i like, maybe because its sort of lower scale? whatever. its not like its hard to make into a movie i dont think, is what im saying. that would be either the horse and his boy or prince caspian, probably the latter b/c like a genuine 1/3 of it is an expository flashback. but all of the books are bit tricky to adapt coz theyre just short, you have to pad basically all of them in some way or another. but sure. silver chair. w/e

the thing is that you Have to assume despite starting afresh that theyre doing this one since the first three books have been recently filmed? and this being the fourth. but How Are You Going To Just Jump Into This One. thats an awful lot of exposition thats being built on, at this point in the game we're neck deep in the Lore. you'd really just have to have read the previous books or at least seen the movies. are they counting on the audience to have done that? but at the same time its really not fair to fully rely on that. in the book you can go "read the other books" and wave it off in a sentence of "and then they explained it all" which does tend to happen in the actual text a fair amt. its a bit awkward in movie form though? its a plot point right off that eustace knows who prince/king caspian is. so then you have to sum up dawn treader. and that has to do with what happened in prince caspian, in which the plot of lww is pretty important. like, alright, possibly you could just explain tvotdt & take it from the perspective of the girl who doesnt know crap about narnia yet? but thats not nearly as good a starting point as lww. on account of that ones meant to be a starting point! i'll see scholastic / any publishings that try to push magician's nephew as the first book In Hell, frankly. strongest narnpinion right there. the published order over the chronological order

anyways i'm sure it can be figured out, its just.......Interesting to think how the silver chair intro might be made into Intro To Narnia v.2.0? will they even try or will it be "ok but seriously just have read the books or whatever before you come in here." mystery unfolds

another thing thats interesting is that lww is clearly abt like, hey kids here's a version of the resurrection for you. whereas silver chair doesnt have anything to do w any Biblical Events at all (tho of course neither does prince caspian, tvotdt, or the horse & his boy). it is instead about how atheists will try to steal your firstborns for.................reasons. (no reason, theyre just evil.) this one is just a major amplified version of another particularly ridiculous CS Lewis Apologism Favorite that runs through the books: that when it comes to having no Faith (in aslan but you know also the abrahamic god) everyone who doubts aslan/god is like, actively lying to themselves, because they have that Gut Feeling telling themself that their faith is not only whats righteous but also whats true. the gut feeling of truth is a big theme in the books, shit hinges on it all the time and makes doubt all Clearly Sinful instead of a reasonable result of aslan effing off for centuries or whatever. and speaking of, god only knows if lewis is really suggesting that real life doubt or nonreligiousness is 100% populated by people who are clenching their fists like "i know in my heart jesus is real but i dont want to believe it so i won't, damnit!" which yknow makes no sense for like....life, and uh? i dont know what its supposed to mean for like....other religions? i dont think he's about putting the nuance that not every concept of religious Faith is the same as in christianity into this book, i dunno abt his thoughts irl. lord knows its a mystery how he thinks that "if jesus wasnt lying and jesus wasnt Insane then christianity is real" argument means anything. nothing in the world fits that argument for finding out if something is true or not........and also it hinges on that concept of "insanity" which......like.......i'm sure is all about nice 1940s ideas of how "insane" people act. its shit, throw it out, i mean. and besides? as though theres a Logic argument to prove christianity as truth? have you just Solved religion, lewis? have you? sometimes, i swear..

anyhow so in the silver chair its just a big ol festival of his "atheists are lying to themselves" and "atheism starts by someone who Knows The Truth (jesus is real) lying to others, likely aka the devil or whatever, and the stand-in for the devil is a witch again." and lewis really seems fond of the allegory of the cave. smh! like, in that allegory "knowing" that your faith is true is impossible! but youre also out here arguing its logically provable? and don't forget the gut feelings thing. but it makes NO sense for him to drop it into this book universe because in this allegory the prince captured by atheists & the protags are people who have hopped into the cave and seen the sun and shit!! they dont need to be the people who have only ever seen shadows who need to be convinced that an outside world can exist!!! bitch!!! get your allegory in order. silver chair just.....lord. the lying babysnatching atheists

a n y w a y s . . . thats a weird conflict to put in your third act, and its also a weird argument to make re christianity, that even though you acknowledge its impossible to know that your faith is in something thats real, you're willing to risk it? its sort of like that idea that you might as well be religious even if you dont "believe" any religion is true, because you lose nothing and potentially gain both comfort in life and reward in an afterlife. but its kind of a big deal in christianity that you're supposed to believe that what you believe in Is Literally Real. maybe apologists are allowed to do that sort of thing in their arguments, i suppose. its like in the last battle where he has a dude who believes in another deity accepted into the christian afterlife b/c despite a lack of belief, his virtuous nature is, from a practical standpoint, accepted to be for all intents and purposes to be equivalent to having believed in the christian god, like if he happened to follow all other rules except the Believing In Jesus one then he's good to go anyhow. interesting in that its also supposed to be pretty vital in christianity that one has to accept jesus as god in order to be Saved all up into heaven! i suppose that guy in the book was meant to have been converted right before death or whatever. at that point its very unclear who is exactly dead or not, but probably everyone. still, aslan clearly makes the argument that "basically you might as well have been believing in me, so you're good to go." fascinating stuff. another one to ask lewis abt

uhhhh another point is that i think theyre intending to make other movies also? but not all four remaining ones!! and if i had to guess which one they'd be leaving out uhh lets say....the horse & his boy....................which conveniently is the other sort of sparsely plotted one. two kids ride horses towards narnia, briefly have to have a shenanigansy undercover sneak through a crowded city, ride towards narnia some more, and then one of them stays at some guys house while the other kid goes into narnian battle where he himself doesnt actually do anything, but that fact is described pretty funnily. its still sort of a fun one, on account of the sneaking around hijinx, and the fact that it happens to give ANY of the details of what tf the pevensies did for like the twenty years they reigned over narnia's golden age which the lww just tells you absolutely n o t h i n g about! the answer is: a lot of battling probably, on account of narnia went from being ruled for a century by someone who could kill you in a second and also why would you have invaded narnia at that time, it wouldve been like trying to invade russia. but then a bunch of kids took the throne and upended the whole system and the snow went away, it seems like a destabilizey time to invade or whatever. imo. but then again they mightve bought themselves a few years on account of aslan having shown up and all. but lbr, they were just put into battle right off and coronated three seconds later, theres no reason on that front that they wouldnt shy away from having more battles. and the books said there were a lot of battles. and in thahb, its like, well we've been battling a lot lately and now we're in shenanigans and we'll just have to battle our way out of it, which they absolutely do. edmund straight up decapitates a guy. how ARE they supposed to just transition immediately into english schoolchildren after a couple decades of that mess??? they even have the fancy courtly speech. its magic i suppose

the point is its kind of a fun book, oh also, aslan is TOP shenanigans in this one. he straight up actually attacks one of the protagonists, for Reasons, but still. not that he doesn't murder the pevensies in the last book. i mean, i guess you could argue that its just like Divine Coincidence where what with the unaligned timelines betwixt england and narnia, aslan couldve just picked the moment everyone was gonna die anyway and just tossed them over to X point in time in narnia. but I Donno.....im kinda with that university student who's stressing about whether aslan cause ww2 for the purpose of sending the pevensies to the wardrobe. like, that train accident that killed everybody killed four people on the platform & five people on the train in different carriages and everything, or maybe the numbers are switched because i dont remember where lucy was. im saying, that was a hell of a crash. but sure. anyhow, even more fun, aslan appears as a cat to the Other protag while he's spending a night on the edge of the wilderness, and scratches him for saying he once threw rocks at a stray cat. like, hard #same, aslan!!! wtf dude why arent YOU being claimed by satan

whats also fun is that it doesn't really take place in narnia, which is also the reason besides pacing that you wouldnt really want to make this one into a film? because uhhhh the whole worldbuilding lewis crapt upon everyone for calormen is clearly racist as fuccck. if you arent already familiar with all the books (namely this one and i suppose the last battle) then its like.....i guess its some sort of vague notion of the ottoman empire? its really just a mashup of any number of white-english-variety racist notions. everyone is brown, is it an inaccurate stab at an amorphous amalgam of middle eastern culture? east asian? are people islamic or hindu? just try and guess what he was going for because its just. not based on anyone needing to know anything about reality. lewis was against seasoning food i guess, because it will mention i guess like, people cooking with onions like the heathens they are. (spoilers: this country just exists in the narniaverse to represent Those Heathens). its not necessarily an Evil place, they are noble savages ok!! with their formal seriousness and cutthroat customs.......b/c they are not as advanced and peaceful as the white northern christians, see. closer to the less developed violence of their inherently backwards ways and Cruel Society reigned by violence DONT CONVERT OR YOU'LL DIE, KIDS. but also.....you wont be white? the reason of calormens existence is really never explained. telmarines came from englandverse on accident thru a magic portal just lying around, possibly thats whats meant to have happened there too? its never attempted to be explained. anyways its basically the intro to the disney aladdin.

lewis is entirely inconsistent and self contradictory all throughout the series for the sake of the authors convenience. this is part of what makes the stories fun and the worldbuilding charming. it is also what allows him to pull stunts that have you pinching the bridge of your nose in exasperation and writing out essays to try to figure out how narnia is supposed to work. it is also what allows him, five books in, to be like, "here is the country to the south where the demon-worshipping gross scary brown uncivilized folk sit around hating narnia and confirming any racist notion you have about any nonwhite nonchristian country or culture." thanks, clive

its of course ludicrous and, of course, the protagonist shasta just so happens to be white despite being raised calormene. spoilers, he is narnian. or really from archenland, which isnt narnia but is still white and pro-narnia so its alright. i mean, technically narnia is allied with calormen at all points in time of the series? calormen just quietly tries an invasion in that book and also in the last book. so thats interesting. i suppose lewis is anti-crusades, which is big of him. the pevs arent out here trying to conquer calormen and convert them to narnianism. so that must not be the Destiny of the true christian? or are we meant to believe calormenes are beyond help? shasta who is of course secretly not "really" calormene is still representing someone undergoing "conversion," yet again, the guy is white. i suppose being brown is whats hopeless?

theres an inadvertently laughable line at the start of the book where a calormene expositorially points out that shasta is white by comparing him to the "accursed but beautiful" narnians. who are all white? is he just talking about the pevensies? the archenlanders (i cant remember where theyre meant to have come from either.) are like, all humanoid narnian natives white?? wtf, aslan. anyways, the dialogue is unnatural and funny enough, but its also like.....ok lewis, we got it, whiteness is the standard for all universes and everyone wishes they were white. stupid, sexy narnians.

what alllllmost suggests that being a poc isnt an automatic fastpass to hell is that im fairly sure the second protagonist aravis is a nonwhite calormene?? i dont remember it ever saying she was "fair" like the narnians the way the book immediately points out that shasta is. she is of course escaping an arranged marriage (the calormene plot to sort of vaguely try to invade narnia is also based on forcing susan to marry a dude she doesnt like yet who she apparently genuinely considered as a suitor when he wasnt acting like a jerk? so not only a dude who isnt white but a dude who isnt aslanian christian. its a whole complicating element to just toss out in this otherwise flat af worldbuilding, dude!! not to mention? despite the battles and shit, susan was out here considering marriage? how absolutely fucked up would it have been if any of them married and then effed off back to england. moving along) but she is from the start portrayed as equally sympathetically as shasta and nothing about her is pointed out as being Bad and Reprehensible, which the narration has no qualms about doing. she even gets to spend some time with her calormene friend, who is not exactly meant to be as sympathetic or noble but certainly isnt portrayed as at all evil. like...theres at least the occasional exception apparently, in which maybe not every person is inherently evil and violent and cruel. who knows

also aravis definitely later marries the white protag?? but apparently interracial marriage isnt entirely Unthinkable here. wait, also, aravis claims to be somehow a direct descendant of the calormene god tash? first of all, is that true, comma, possible? in the last book its confirmed that tash is real, albeit, like, a demon. dunno what c.s. is telling us with that one. is aravis related to a demon. we can only guess on account of the theme of Inconsistency

anyways. i suppose you could make it into a movie if you just threw out the racist shit. but the "calormen is also distinguished from narnia via its religion" element is also a touch janky. can it be thrown out too? if they intend to produce the last battle, will it be thrown out then. it kind of comes up again. if you get rid of those elements though, the stakes get a little blurrier and more political and more "wait well why would they have any beef with each other in the first place" if you cant just easily point out that the calormenes are shaking their fists at the narnians and their demon worship and their jealousy at not being white. again, are all centaurs white or something? wtf

truly calormene is the most racist ass shit in the whole series, but the concept comes up in less painfully direct ways other times, too. why are there native species in narnia that are considered inherently evil?? sure, the white witch as the stand-in for the devil wasn't originally from narnia. was she creating shit too? i dont remember what she was up to on account of i havent read the magicians nephew in a hot minute. i know they had to take a pegasus into a garden of eden type shit to smoke her out of wherever she was lurking for some reason or another. still. whys there whole types of creatures who are universally and unilaterally condemned? i know we're meant to believe that they just have evil intent according to their nature, but uh....theres no point at which any of these creatures are given a chance? maybe they served the white witch because she was nice to them for once. you're not given the chance to know. EXCEPT for the fact that you get shit like: giants are evil save for the occasional exception, like in lww when a "good" giant is described as having like, a long family line, and "traditions." not like Those Sorts. they do talk in like prince caspian and shit, when their numbers are miserable and theyre discussing tactics, whether to get help from the gross hags and harpies and etc and ppl will talk about Those People and Sorts and Rabble and its like...jfc. b/c apparently sommme of them can be decent! if theyre a giant or whatever. and meanwhile the dwarfs are always chaotic neutral or whatever. not believing in aslan but not necessarily being anti-narnia coz they live there. but sometimes being good guys!! but sometimes being bad guys, and jadis was cool to them apparently. like.................theres definitely cases of Types of narnians who fall outside the "born good / born bad" system, and thats pretty fucked. wolves too? theyre the Talking Beasts aslan definitely created, but on the side of the white witch? how was she having trees be on her side, too? whats going on around here. whats the moral meant to be. smh

uhh well anyhow, you could do a nice essay on gender re narnia. on account of sometimes its staleass typical sexist tropes like uhh, say,, the devil stand-ins keep being women? witches, ok. and the idea of "women need to be protected as pure creatures" as a basic sexist notion, and even lewis taking a relatively subdued jab at the idea of calling that sexist. susan being the miniature mom character type, and of course the infamous last battle bit where, in an attempt to describe her lack of spirituality as a self-insert of what lewis considered his own period of fake maturity via rejection of christianity, she's of course not only described as not believing in narnia (which????? what is anyone supposed to make of that. again, in the allegory of the cave shit, she's been outside the cave!!! she lived in narnia for YEARS AND YEARS and then WENT BACK. how are we supposed to believe she just convinced herself it wasnt literally real? its not quite the same as someone losing their faith in christianity.) but as like, wearing makeup, damn her. even if he wasnt trying to make the point that "look at boys and go to hell" which, i suppose he couldnt, as in narnia susan was being courted just fine as queen, yet i suppose also she didnt marry anyone—anyways, of course its still sexist to slight the way she decides to dress as some form of false maturity, even if its meant to be metaphor. just clumsy af & not great when again, devils are always witches around here. and being younger is to be more spiritually pure which like............mmm ok. this is sort of another one of those weirdly sexless fantasy universes, why do those keep happening. i mean sure this is a christian fairy tale for kids. but nobody even gets married save for in the last paragraphs of a couple books. its left a bit ambiguous whether thats even spiritually acceptable in the narnia rules, unless its to Continue the Line a la the telmarine monarchy from caspian the first to tirian the whateverth. hm

but also of course you get the young girl characters being...somewhat almost allowed to fight (archery mainly) but anyways at least being given equal status to the boys who are there also. theres even mention of once apparently narnia being ruled by a queen w no kings around. fantastic. and theres some non-witch lady characters on occasion. the human characters are where the dynamics are most at, i suppose, but anyways this at least has some nuance & at times seems to go just a bit beyond what you might expect from some old dude in the 50s. still not that surprising or innovative, but not completely flat, and seeming to contain at least a little reflection upon the topic

the essay of race re: narnia would be really short though. Its Racist Af. if you threw classism in too, you might get a bit more length out of it. but really its just so flat in this subject, and totally needless. there's the fact that even narnia is ruled by white english people but.....you can really do without juxtaposing this with the heinous nonwhite country somewhere over there. the rest of the books operate just fine w/o this

tolkien mentioned HIS scary brown backwards civilization to the south a lot more fleetingly in lotr but its....v much the same worldbuilding as narnia??? aka middle earth is pretty much an imaginary proto-england where you dont want to go too far east or south or you run into dangerous &/or inherently evil territory!! ok, jrr.....who was the other people in the inklings?? what did they write. could no one rein these guys in. coz lewis is over here with his Alternate Universe england. with uhhhh wilderness to the north and west and the dangerous evilish racismland to the south. and the ocean and dont forget narnia is a flat earth to the east. also? why are the lone islands like that. can aslan take care of some of that shit. for gods sake. anyways. the all-white good guys / evil poc should be thrown out of everything, thats not what makes the worldbuilding in either lotr or chronarnia at all interesting. yet is it is surely a subsection of the inherent Englishness of both examples........it warrants analysis but not "carrying on into films or anything based on either's precedence in the fantasy genre."

god who knows what im talking about at this point. im just saying "if they arent looking to even bother trying to wrangle the horse and his boy into something not ludicrously racist then i wouldnt be at all surprised." still, do you suppose theres like a curse where unless all narnia books are given some sort of film adaptation, the world won't know peace? more likely the world would end, maybe. the curse of clive. i dont really remember but that elder bbc series sure didnt cover the whole saga

well this is long enough but lets all set off in more endless, doomed narnalysis, such as

my thesis on trying to figure out what. the Fuck any reader is supposed to make out of edmund's role in the lww

whats the deal with merpeople?!

where are all these witches coming from, anyways

seriously if the narnians were just less murderous to the Undesirable species would they have been on the pro-aslan side all along

if there was only two humans staying in narnia at its birth, wouldnt their line like, die out immediately with their kid.

where did the archenlanders come from

where did the calormenes come from

oh yeah and like. are we seriously meant to believe that, at the end of the world, when aslan reveals that being goodnatured supercedes having the Wrong Religion, there is only one calormene in all of a) current existence and b) history who fits the bill? really. why even bring it up, then.

how did narnians react to their four monarchs completely disappearing......for real.....and what happened to the line to the throne?? was there just no ruler until the telmarines came in and took things over for the rest of the few centuries or whatevs.

when was that deep magic in lww written? at the start of narnia? coz thats the magicians nephew. again, how tf did the white witch get any leverage in that one. how was that supposed to be a good idea. wtf. see my thesis

whats the white witch supposed to represent as a stand-in for the devil? not helping that i dont remember the details of magicians nephew for shit, but she's definitely in the Multiverse lore of narnia as being from a different world as narnia and england. wtf is like...her nature

how weird is it in narnia that you have a god who drops in confused alien children to both go on personal journeys and save the world? is narnia-aslan/earth-jesus also dropping other children from other worlds into other other worlds? via other forms? hmm

lewis is all but inviting us the readers to be filling in the blanks with narnia fic. he's basically like, outright actually inviting fic with people wanting to speculate what happens with susan, who must inevitably return to narnia as lewis intends her to represent his own departure from (and obvious inevitable return to) christianity

a weird detail that is also never elaborated on: in addition to the narrator freely inserting loads of opinions into the narration, there's a time or two its made clear that like, the narrator has gotten this info from interviewing the characters. how'd you know about that last battle, "they all died and this happened in the afterlife" shit, huh. just another weird element

sussing out other lewispinions, like how he hates all schools apparently

narnia vs middle earth!! both quasi englands, both pre industrialization, both with christ figures running around some more than others, both with the need for rightful kings, totally different roles for humans tho. well, thats the whole comparison

and, inevitably, more.

#just narnblogging #or narbling #stay tuned for......murder

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fluffi · 3 years

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so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?

hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D

i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.

also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.

and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.

the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.

the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.

ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.

ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)

ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?

YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.

jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.

how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33

YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.

and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD

clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/

sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D

and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T

also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3

help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.

honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!

hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.

ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?

yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?

ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.

yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant

oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!

oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!

lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.

jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.

ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.

seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).

yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.

hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.

yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.

omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.

#long post #also im listening to love song right now haha i love it so much #also sorry for not answering yesterday hhh i got busy last night #「 asks 」#moots — [♡] ;#toffee — [♡] ;#neo-shitty

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mysticmessengeraddictaf · 5 years

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My take on our MysMessian chat-nerds...

And why I chose who I chose ...

(These aint facts or anything, they're just ... Opinions and thoughts and how I interpret it. I could be entirely wrong about some things but eh)

Jumin: An extremely serious and "cold" character. From what I've seen so far, he would be date-able™, but hes a tad too serious. This lass needs someone with a sense of humor and an open fire of a heart, and Jumin might be a good friend or so, but from what I've noticed, he's rather distant and constantly busy, which makes him seem like he's constantly surrounded by people who need him to be "professional"

Seven/707: This guy... He's definitely a funny guy. He's constantly joking and could probably have you wheezing of laughter on the bathroom floor at 4am when you've been trying to brush your teeth for a solid 2 hours after a night of movies and snacks. But to me, (like I've stated above, these aint facts, these are just my thoughts and opinions) Seven hardly takes anything actually seriously. Maybe after a tragedy... (He'd definitely laugh at the story of how I drank water and accidentally got water in the "air vents" and I got stubborn and tried chugging down even more water and nearly drowned. I laughed at it, dont worry, it was just stupid) But in My opinion, hed rather be one of my best friends. Someone you can meme around with and if you're feeling down, he's definitely there for you to laugh with instead. But he's... Too much memes, too little serious. So he's opposite of Jumin.

Zen: Do I need to say anything else others than that this man would most likely have a huge dilemma wether to kiss you or the mirror next to you...? He'd be on a debate with himself for an hour. But dont worry! I think he's a gentleman as well! He would probably take good care of you. He also seems protective and loving and would smash walls to rescue you. But he loves his work so much. Or should I say... Works... He would also be busy and your life would most likely be filled with paparazzis as soon as you stepped out the door. This man loves the attention, and even though he may seem like a desperate man on search for a new Girl, rumor has it he's never cheated. But too full of himself, and definitely too full of fancrowds and work!

Jaehee: im not gay

But!

If I was!

This Girl, first of all, seems to have her heart set on Zen. But others than that, she's a very calm person. She's got emotions, but others seems to think she's a robot. An assistant, and nothing more... However, as her friend, I've/we've seen more than that! She talks about her emotions sometimes, how she's sad that nobody sees her as a human. Id totally call this girl over to my home and have a girls night and just let her relax and feel that she can trust someone. I havent made any move on her, others than being friendly, and even though I know she's "just a bot" in a game, I can't help but respect this womans feelings. So I took a harsh step back from Zen and let her know that Im not set to be her rival. Im actually working almost equally as much (as the opportunities comes to me) to try and get Zen to notice her. Sadly, I made the mistake in the beginning of not acknowledging her feelings for him, and Zen was in the beginning my main boy. I was completely set on Zen until this woman started showing signs of emotions towards him.

Yoosung: This is the last boy I know is "date-able" in the game... i bet there's more... But eh.

Yoosung is a cheerful young man, with many emotions and feelings. He seems like a mess at some points, but he's also a gentle soul. He's caring, and very smart, but not intelligent enough to not be an easy target for tricks and teasing... He's a gamer, and tries to get more hobbies besides "LOLOL" - The game. He's also seemingly a good cook and I value that. I love to cook, personally, and anyone who can cook, friend or more, is of high respect. It shows some sort of health and competence somehow... But then again, Im a cancer, so I love my home. He seems to do so as well! I also play games and do nerdy shit so we'd come along fine. This... Is actually the person I least expected to think was interesting enough. He's rather feminine, and more a boy than a man, but I suppose my irl boyfriend is the same. Except my irl boy is a bit more mature... (im just playing this godforsaken game to see what its about. Im not.. actually... Crushing... On anyone here...)

Anyway. Yoosung is also the person I relate to the most. He drinks alot of milk chocolate even, and tries joining the coffee-barista club! Which both of those drinks, I hold dear to the very core of my heart. He plays games... And he's so emotional. He's both funny and serious as well, plays games but also studies... Id say he's rather balanced!

So I chose that guy because of all those reasons.

And he reminds me of my irl boy as well... So yeah :^)

#mysmes #mysme 707 #mysme jumin #mysme yoosung #mysme zen #mysme jaehee #mysme #mystic messenger #mysticmessenger #thoughts #opinions

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

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i actually commend him today. a legitimate issue between us is the fact that the weed we have ends up being shared between us but no one knows who smokes what amount or when and its just like stoners arguing about a weed bag which is asinine after awhile - its your word vs theirs. but i did smoke his weed this weekend / this week. im smoking it now. to be fair, its one of the ways i help create equality - for a long time i did not get what i want, and i dont really think i am so this is something ive done but its time to mature out of it and set a better example. its a very uncouth/unclassy thing to do. he was angry this morning and reiterated thst hes told me a number of times and that this is a giant inconvinience to him and it means i have to see him etc. but i also felt like it was a very controlled response to a legitimate thing i am doing to him in some ways. it wssnt like this random outburst of emotion - it felt much more straightforward and i feel that there were things he had to take into account - the fact that i do buy weed and it gets mixed in with his. or the fact ive given him 40$+ since the beginning of may and have paid for a nunber of things. the fact i continually offer him money or weed replacement. he repeated thst it was an inconvinience and that he didnt want to worry about it so stop smoking it. and fine - this time it feels different because hes not adding on "but i dont really care about it" - or watching as i smoke it and saying nothing. i can even appreciate that this comes at a time when im more likely to be able to afford my own in the future. which is why i dont believe its a huge issue to just pay it back. i told him i could just drop it off in the mailbox - which honestlt is more convinient for me because after three days of sitting st his house in the evening, im actually ready to just chill at home. or do other things. i appreciate that he used his time on projects and that i downloaded a dozen movies - the fact i have them honestly settles my anxiety because i know i dont have a lot of options. today is a studio day at the gallery, i have a cleaning job i feel well eniugh for out of the city and i havent seen our mutual friend since the weekend. i also promised to have drinks with another friend if she needed it. so i was naturally inclined to be distracted by things not involving him to begin with and taking a walk up to his house in the evening is just nice to enjoy the weather and go for a walk, or maybe get a drive from our mutual friend. what i dont appreciate about him is that he. reates these scenarios as giant ones that are end of his world. its an exaggeration thats really unnecessary but i know its becsuse alot of people have taken advantage of him. so ive always tried to give to the best of my abilities if i choose to take from him more than he is giving willingly. instead of dragging it out - i apologized. he told me sorry was not much because i did it anyways and continue doing it. i told him the only thing i can do is apologize and bring him back something in return, which could be done casually and without fanfare. it shouldnt be unusual to say something like, " oh will you be home? should i drop it off somewhere? ". he decided to drive me home before getting ready for work which i also appreciate because it meant that he was choosing to end the conversation without making a huge scene. it wasnt leading to this is break uo im not seeing u fuck u etc. it didnt include this so to me it felt like it was actually serious. like i could take this at face value and accept it as is and any further consequences from it. he just choose to end it. and our car ride was silent, which was fine - theres nothing else to say. i understand i did a thing that bothers him on legitimate levels and i can only be sorry for it and pay back whats owed. its very basic. but what i also appreciated was that when we got to my place i told him that i was sorry i continued to smoke his weed and i was sorry he was angry; not in a condescending way but just an apology that an action of mine caused him to feel anger in the day and that i would drop off weed in his mailbox tonight; he just needed to trust that i would pay him back. he said alright, give me a kiss, i have to go. which is very.. amazing. as we drove i kind of apologized to nyself that i was involved in an anxiety provoking situation in the morning and that i was causing harm to the success of my day but it wasnt the worst thing. so to end it on a peaceful note instead of no fuck u i dont want it i dont want to see you... im really grateful. i might even write a note with my drop off and like.. applaud him for making an effort not to be sooo... like he hss been. i dont know, this was very easily an opening for him to be like fuck it im done this is the last time its not worth it we just went through this. but he let it be and he wanted to trust in some ways that id pay him back and i wasnt ungrateful and i wasnt trying to take advantage of him and not acknowledge what i was taking. i am not an enemy. and after such a battle where nothing has been spoken about it since or ever came to a real conclusion.. its truly amazing this is how we are operating. i dont feel negativity. there are certain things i need to do in life anyways and i feel like by him not exagggerating this to a "break up" and dragging in all these random delusions of how i act and what we are that its actually taking seriously the probability of us remaining together. and if we are remaining together then this is not okay. temoorarily? whatever, minor expense. long term? not okay. and just this like little bit makes me feel better about things because i came to realize that there is absolutely no trust with him. he has also been hurt so many times that he operates at full protection mode all the time. when i said thst he hsd to trust id pay him back, as the words came out i realized they carried a heaviness. he did not trust i would pay him back. he did not trust that i wasnt taking sdvantage of him or trying to take up all his time. but ive never done this. to get here, its taken consistency. despite my overall instability, i am probably the most consistent thing in his life right now besides his mother. and my reactions have remained consistent and i really do want to control my habit at that level and stop smoking it now. i am truly amazed. i think after the last bit and the fact no one is talking about it made him realize hes here to stay. its "not a relationship" is now a joke, a funny belief of the past. it is love because i stood and took your abuse; not purposeful abuse, but being side swiped by an inability to control themselves. and i think hes smsrt enough to know that we are equals. he has had to carry me and stand thriugh and put up with anxiety because of me and i have done the same for him in times that are mentally very hard and even physically hard. i think its easy to say this is my boyfriend. this is my girlfriend. this is a relationship. but what does that even mean? my partner in life. to me, for the first time as an adult, i believe this might be setting ground work for a defining relationship in my life that is so enormous in what it could be that it simply cannot be done in fast forward. to be fair, i actuslly dont reallllyyy want to live with him right now. the comfort and safety of being able to leave when hes unbareable is so much better than being stuck. but what if that changes? what if his methods of expression become bareable? ive never seen someone grow. to make choices above the base one. but i know it happens. and to see this choice is inspiring and makes me want to make better choices. i feel about as bad for smoking his weed as he does for all the times he told me this isnt a relationship. i dont have guilt, unfortunately. i doubt he does either. but it can stop. on both sides it can stop and once it does, it doesnt need to be discussed or held on to. im hoping to watch a movie & get ready for my cleaning job but im 95% thsre - 5% wants to stay home and sleep but i want to atleast try to live my idealized version of the day becsuse i was given an idealized resolution this morning.

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