Season 1 Jon: Martin is out of the institute, thank God.
Season 5 Jon: Martin is gone from my side for more than 3 minutes. I'm going to die without him
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Did some doodles for Sasha and Melanie character designs. Obvious season 4 and 5 spoiler for Melanie, I just wanted to finally draw how I interpret her blindness. She has no eyes, she’d hypothetically wear glass eyes, but I don’t think she’d wear them in the apocalypse lol
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One episode of TMA that I will NEVER be able to shut up about is 170 (Recollection). The first episode that made me properly cry! Not only is it a beautiful exploration of Martin as a character, but humanity in general.
The light, innocent, childish small talk that Martin offers to the tape recorder. He tries so hard to keep it comforted, welcome in his home, looked after. It'd be wrong of course, to ignore it, even in his despair; others should always be put first.
Through tangled, rambling sentences, Martin manages to always explain away his own emotions, actions... To be visibly uncomfortable, unwelcoming, is wrong. He offers up his life, details of his existence, but talks them into offhanded mentions.
The subtle embarrassment he has for himself; a hallmark of much of English society. Everyone must be a self contained functioning person, lest they risk being 'odd', 'troubled', perhaps even 'disruptive'.
And as Martin's inhibitions fade, as his memories of everything grow dim, his instinctual desperation shows so painfully through. Desperately reaching for answers, as a child desperately holds their hand out for an absent parent.
Martin never had a safe person to reach for, someone always there for him. His father gone before he really knew who he was, his mother infinitely distainful... This abandonment mirrored by Jon's absence that floats into his mind in phases.
And even to be denied the pain, to forget what you were crying about, there's something terrible about it. Feeling the lump in your throat, the tears on your cheeks, but never really being sure why they were there, if they even are.
And the chairs. To be denied the simple comfort of a soft place to rest.
Martin's eventual return to his duties, caring for his mother, the subtle falsified joy he finds in it, and his decline into self hatred, blame. How easy it is for him to find his way back to a place of insecurity even when he has nothing to grasp onto.
And how strong he stays. How ready he is to shoulder the blame, to carry on, to be there for anyone who might need him, anything. It's all outside, and when he falls deeper into the fog his internal, pressed down emotions spill out.
All of Martin's fears come from a place of worrying he isn't enough, and this domain reduces him to a state where he is nothing; and yet, he prevails.
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Oh, but what if someone went back in time and told MARTIN? Martin, pining for a man who is only ever rude and dismissive toward him. What if someone told him that Jon would one day fall for him in return? That Jon would love him more than anything else on Earth. That he would be Jon’s reason for living, for holding on to his own humanity. That, after all of that, Martin would then have to kill him.
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Been re-listening to The Magnus Archives again and I felt compelled to make this
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