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strangelock221b · 2 years

Note

2 - It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas - Gabe/Kitty

It's Beginning... (AO3)

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,” Kitty Bennet sang softly as she walked beside him. The overcrowded store they were trying to navigate was full of Christmas decorations and signs proclaiming various items to be the “perfect” gift.

“It’s November third,” Gabe Bromley muttered, though his tone didn’t have much rancor in it due to the company. He could admit to himself that he had a soft spot for the adorable romance novelist, but only to himself.

Gabe didn’t know how he came to be informally adopted by the ever-growing Bennet family, but he was grateful for it. It started nearly two years before, when he met Leland and Mary Arnold at a Christmas party Gabe’s architecture firm threw for its best clients. The earl and countess weren’t the most social people but then neither was Gabe, so naturally they hit it off immediately. They invited him along to Mary’s family’s annual summer picnic six months later and that’s where he met her younger sister Kitty. The entire Bennet family accepted him immediately but it was Kitty who seemed to make it her mission in life to get past his walls.

And she succeeded. They were friends, good friends even, despite having little in common, and while a big part of him wanted more, he wasn’t sure if he was cut out for a long-term relationship – none of his previous girlfriends had stayed with him more than a year.

And if I’m going to be with Kitty, it’s going to be forever. She deserves nothing less.

“Christmas Creep is only a problem if you’re a Scrooge,” Kitty said before going over to a display of ornaments.

His cane tapped on the floor as he followed her to the display, unable to keep a smile off his face. “Has anyone ever told you you’re part magpie?”

Kitty chuckled as she picked out the sparkliest ornaments. “You’re definitely not the first. Lydia says I’m named after the wrong animal.” She added her haul to the basket hanging from the crook of her elbow then she smirked at him. “But, I am a discerning magpie – I only collect the best, whether it’s ornaments or friends.”

Ask her out, dumbass. “What … what about boyfriends?”

She raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t quite so discerning before I went to uni, then I realized that what I wanted was quality, not quantity. Why do you ask?”

Do it. “How do you feel about converting a friend to a boyfriend?” He was nervous, he knew she could see it, so he gave her his most charming smile to hide it. “I’m not perfect but I’m willing to learn.”

Her pinkened cheeks gave him hope, as did the smile she had as she looked down at a nearby display of wreaths. “My family adores you, and you’ve survived multiple dinners with them, so you’re certainly strong enough to endure dating a Bennet girl.”

“But I don’t want just any Bennet girl, I want the best.”

She smirked at him. “Jane’s married.”

Gabe chuckled. “I mean the fourth Bennet girl, one Catherine “Kitty” Bennet. She’s the best for me, therefore she’s the best overall.”

Kitty’s dimples when she grinned at him made him want to kiss her right then and there but he decided it would be better to wait. “Is that so?”

“Yes, that’s so.” He held out his free hand. “I’ll even let you decorate my flat for Christmas, so long as it’s not before December first.”

She took his hand and nothing had ever felt so right. “Does that include mistletoe?” she asked impishly.

Gabe smirked. “I think exceptions can be made.”

#fandom christmas in july #pride and prejudice 2005 #modern au #kitty bennet #omc #kitty bennet x omc

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countessmaggie · 3 years

Video

Birdie-Death loves Kitty-Death 🖤

#costume #cosplay #fur suit #skull bird #monster #costume design #original charact #maggie #magpie countess #bird #spooky #halloween #my costume #my design

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stringergames · 3 years

Conversation

Strahd: What are your pronouns?

Farthen: what’s a pronoun?

Strahd: Indicative but not exclusive to your gender identity

Farthen: Stop swearing at me

Strahd: Can I refer to you as they/them?

Farthen: But my name is Farthen

Strahd, turning to Magpie: What are the cow person’s pronouns?!

Magpie: Oh, we use he/him for him, he doesn’t really care though

#edge of night #edge of night pod #edge of night incorrect #incorrect quotes #curse of strahd #dnd 5e #strahd von zarovich #farthen dur #magpie #countess strahd #barbarian #cleric #source: tumblr #no light queue shine can pierce the dark

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iheartvmt · 6 years

Photo

Get out of there, Maggie! Those warm blankets are for the surgery patients!

#lol #clinic cats #Countess Magpie #cute #surgery #hypothermia #surgical nursing

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dramioneasks · 3 years

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HP FESTS: Dramione RomCom Fest (Part 2):

Dramione RomCom Fest - The Sequel 2021:

What If by DakotaDelacour - E, WIP - “Want to go for a swim?” asks Hermione. They don’t have bathing suits, so she must mean in their drawers or in the nude. Either way, it’s a provocative question, something she shouldn’t ask. Because she has a boyfriend. Sure, he’s halfway around the world, busy opening a new location of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. And sure, as of late, their long-distance relationship seems to be deteriorating. But they’re still a couple. They’ve built a life together. They share a mortgage and Gringotts account, for fuck’s sake. Which is why Draco knows he should resist temptation. But he also knows he’s not going to.

A Courtship of Trials and Errors by sun-celine (Sunshine_celine) - M, WIP - Self-assured matchmaker and Wizarding London’s most exclusive personal consultant, Draco Malfoy guarantees his clients can get the one person they most desire if they follow his advice to the letter. Every time. However when he reconnects with Hermione Granger, he will discover that his own advice isn’t as infallible as he assumed. These Gryffindors were supposed to be easy to read, weren’t they?

One Notable Exception by alexandra_emerson - M, WIP - Hermione breaks up with Ron and needs a place to live. Draco Malfoy, of all people (her former childhood bully and current womanizing coworker), offers up the spare room at his flat and she’s desperate enough to take it. A Dramione spin on the movie, "Someone Like You."

Just Like Quidditch by whimsymanaged - E, WIP - A Friends with Benefits (2011) Dramione AU It takes less than ten seconds for her expression to clear. “Wait. You’re saying we should have sex? You and me. Me and you.” Since he’s already said it, he might as well press on. “Well, think about it. We both want to shag someone regularly. We’re already friends, so you must like and trust me to some extent. We’d be having sex without the emotional complications.” She’s still staring. “But… It's you. And me. I mean, do you even find me attractive?” Does he even--? He blows out a breath that sounds more like a laugh. He gets the feeling that Granger doesn’t realise how fucking gorgeous she is.

Something Like a Second Chance by AdAsttra - E, WIP - Two stubborn idiots join forces to give a tragic love story a happy ending.

The Golden Rostrum by goldcrown - M, one-shot - Draco Malfoy hasn't been seen since the eve of his 21st birthday. Why has the Malfoy heir disappeared? And where exactly did he go?

The Arrangement by teh_kris_eh - T, WIP - “It’s perfect, really. We can help each other out of the awkwardness of the night. I can help you by offering you an excuse to not have to attend Zabini’s party, and you can help me by coming with me to my parent’s party so that I don’t have to be the only one there alone.” And there it was, laid out simply in front of them. It was the perfect solution. She just had to get him to see that. “So, you’d like me to be your...what, exactly? Fake boyfriend?” “Well, yes..."

Magpie in the sky by Vertraymer - M, one-shot - "She was free. Free to live, free to breathe, free to love again. "

Roman Holiday by WordsmithMusings - E, WIP - Princess Hermione of Hogwarts, the adopted child of Queen Lily Evans Potter, King James Potter, and consort Sirius Black-Potter, is touring Europe alone on her first goodwill tour for their small island nation. She is accompanied by the Countess of Ross, Minerva McGonagall, General Lupin, and a host of others while her brother, Harry Potter, is off doing his second military tour and their fathers tour Asia. Hermione is well aware that she is in a precarious situation, having been entrusted on this tour without her parents or brother. She is holding fast to the light at the end of the tunnel - a day to tour Rome, the one place she's always dreamed of visiting, but a Princess' life is not always what it seems or what one hopes for. This is her story. It's one of duty, adventure, and perhaps a hint of forbidden romance. Muggle AU

15 Robes, 10 Suits and 2 Kilts by SunsetRiot - M, WIP - A Dramione take on 27 dresses: Draco was a great best man and bridesman he helped picked the cakes, was always on hand when a bride needed her wedding dress holding in the toilet and was a shoulder to cry on if the planning got just a little bit too much. The trouble was Draco was so good at running after everyone else's love live's he never had any time for his own. The other issue was he was in-love with his best friend and she had no idea. Hermione was just fired but after spending 10 years travelling and working perhaps it was time to head home for good after all, there was a wedding this weekend and her perfect story might come in the shape of Draco Malfoy's enormous wedding closet.

Choose Wisely by AccioMjolnir - E, one-shot - Still smarting from their breakup, Hermione is stunned when Ron tells her he's engaged to be married. In an effort to seem like she's moved on, she lies and says she's seeing someone... and then finds herself getting asked out by not one, but two of the most unlikely people. The trouble is, she likes them both. A lot.

Beauxbatons Blue by DarkoftheMoon - M, WIP - When Beauxbatons student Draco Malfoy enters the Great Hall, his eyes are drawn to a curly-haired witch. It's too bad her friends don't approve. A Dramione twist on the 1980s classic, Pretty in Pink.

Endless Night by sodamnrad - M, one-shot - When Hermione spots a sulky blond at the bar and pretends he's her date, it leads to an endless night of adventure, chaos, and romance. Inspired by Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist. Dramione but replace books with music.

Serendipity by aureliandreams - E, WIP - “How do you not know that one? It’s an old folktale; a classic. Our hero Draco goes out in search of green gloves and in a perfect act of serendipiosity or serendipatiousness, he runs into a beautiful, attractive girl. Who won’t tell him her name. Probably because she has a boyfriend,” he paused, taking a sip of his tea. “You do have a boyfriend, right?” Hermione grinned. “Yeah, I do. His name is Ron and we’ve been together for almost a year now.” “That’s what I thought.” “And you have the glove lady?” “Yes, I do have the glove lady — Astoria. We’ve known each other since we were children.”

Love, from Hermione by January_June - T, WIP - Dramione romcom fest submission based on the movie Love, Rosie Mother said she still hasn’t received your RSVP for the wedding. Granger, it really would mean the world to me for you to be there. Truly. How am I supposed to get married without my best mate by my side? I know I know, you aren’t her biggest fan. But can we at least agree she is much better than the last one? (AU where Voldemort is defeated in the first war, and Draco and Hermione grow up as friends)

Imperio by ElizColl - T, WIP - A Dramione RomCom story inspired by Ella Enchanted.

Making Magic by kmd0107 - E, WIP - Just promoted Healer Hermione Granger hits a serious bump in the road after a one-night stand with Pureblood society’s most eligible bachelor Draco Malfoy results in pregnancy. Can the consequences of their actions bring them together and give them both what they’ve been missing? Dramione twist on Knocked Up

Leap Year by Snowflake_Dazzle - T, one-shot - Hermione has been waiting for Draco to propose. It happens to be a leap year and tradition states a woman can propose to a man on Leap Day and he must say yes.

Only you – Or the only time Hermione believed in divination by FedonCiadale - G, one-shot - Hermione is on the verge of her marriage when a name Trelawney dropped years ago diverts her from her path to the altar.

C'est Si Bon by MrsKissyT - M, WIP - Draco chuckled gleefully at the thought of any of them taking pains to make sure he was comfortable. Even if Granger did anything of the sort, it wasn’t as though it would cause him to do something rash like fall in love with her or anything. No. That, he was positive, would never happen. - or - A Something's Gotta Give AU

Groom Heist: Hermione Slythers In by Mondette - M, WIP - Upon receiving a voice message from her best friend, Hermione remembers a certain marriage pact they did years ago. Now he’s getting married... not to her though.

Womaneater by echoesofmyfootsteps - T, WIP - “Well, well,” Draco leans on the doorframe. “My favorite newshound, here for a personal audience. I’m looking immensely forward to having you trail after me for treats.” It takes all her reserves of calm to extend her hand. “Careful, little snake. I just might eat you alive.” Hermione Granger is the Daily Prophet’s top writer, and Draco Malfoy is the wizarding world’s sweetheart—until word gets out about his serial wedding runaways. Assigned to profile him in the days leading up to his next wedding, Hermione resolves to set personal history aside and get the job done. But as she lets her curiosity take hold, she begins to wonder if Draco Malfoy might not be the man he’s let her, and everyone else, believe he is. A Runaway Bride (1999)/Dramione AU.

Many Strings Attached by leydileyla - M, one-shot - A retelling of the Romcom, "No Strings Attached". ~ “You know this is clearly not going to work, you're going to fall in love with me.” Draco said with a smirk on his face, his arms tucked behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. Hermione scoffed, “You wish.” “No, it will happen. Eventually” “No, it won't.” “It definitely will.”

Disaster...? by orphan_account - G, one-shot - Hermione Granger is of the firm opinion that after so many years of one thing being a certain way, one ought to be used to such things carrying on that certain way. In other words: when life generally throws chaos, one ought not be surprised when chaos comes one's way. Today, however, is a complete and utter disaster. Or... is it?

Dramione RomCom Fest: Christmas Edition 2022:

Always Christmas Eve by WritingFicariously - M, WIP - After a year of dating, Draco Malfoy is ready to pop *the* question. When Hermione invites him to meet her parents over the holidays, he thinks it might just be the perfect proposal setting. But when they arrive to the Granger's snowy vacation home, there is more than meets the eye and secrets are revealed that could drastically change the life Draco envisioned for them.

Lies and Truths at Christmas by QuinTalon - T, one-shot - It couldn’t be true, it just couldn’t.But somehow, Hermione knew that it very well could be.And if it was, oh, there would be hell to pay.

Warmth of the Season in my Heart by magical_traveler - M, 2 chapters - Draco’s eyes landed on the most horrendous jumper he’d ever seen.There was red and gold tinsel wrapped around the arms, a green pointed tree in the centre with a large rock with a long white beard in sunglasses dancing with a guitar. But worst of all were the words above the thing: Rock-in Around the Christmas Tree. Draco couldn’t help but laugh at the bloke. He looked up to see who was in the thing, and of course, it was Hermione fucking Granger.

Draco Malfoy’s D(eleteriously) I(rksome) A(utobiographic) R(etchings for) Y(our eyes only) by Guardian_Kysra - T, WIP - Years after the war, after getting out of Azkaban, after realizing the error of his beliefs, Draco is in transition and not dealing well enough for his friends' tastes. Enter Theo, Blaise and a charmed journal that Draco markedly Does. Not. Want.

This fest is ongoing.

#dramione romcom fest #dramione #based on other book or movie plot #fests/exchanges/challenges

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fictionadventurer · 2 years

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@magpie-trove

Book I Read Last Year: I’m going to recommend you my favorites of the fairy tale retellings (mostly the rereads). Brine and Bone by Kate Stradling is the #1 priority, given your love for “The Little Mermaid” and the fact that this appreciates the happy ending of the story. (Her Soot and Slipper is also a nice little Cinderella retelling, though nowhere near as good at Brine and Bone). The Bruised Princess by A.G. Marshall is a sweet short story retelling of “The Princess and the Pea” (and “The Cat and His Servant”, while not on the same level, is a very fun take on “Puss in Boots). The Countess and the Frog by Kenley Davidson is a “Frog Prince” retelling with a very sweet, sensible romance that’s one of my favorite love stories (though you’d have to subscribe to the author’s newsletter to get that one). Also by Kenley Davidson, Goldheart is a very sweet “Rumpelstiltskin” retelling focused on friendship and art and romance, and while the audiobook made me much more aware of significant flaws in the structure and style, it’s still a nice story worth reading.

Book On My Shelf I Haven’t Read Yet: An Episode of Sparrows by Rumer Godden. I’ve read the first few chapters, and it has so much compassion and common sense. It promises to be a story about people with difficult lives coming together through gardening, and I can’t help but think you’d like it as much as I have so far.

#real life book recs #answered asks #magpie-trove #fairy tale retellings #i feel like i should protest having excellent taste #but we certainly have similar taste and i can't insult your taste because your taste is excellent #going through the options i wanted to recommend you everything i read or was about to read #i think you'd enjoy or at least have the right views on all of it

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wolfofwinchester · 2 years

Note

👤 / Cordelia

Send me 👤+ a character name for my muse’s opinion on that character

concerning @saphireign

"You are truly asking me how I feel about my very own sister?" The Countess pressed her fingers against the brooch pinned to her neck, a politely bemused expression formed. "Well then, allow me to educate you."

"She's brilliant, more so than even yours truly on many occasions, that's for certain. It's a very controversial statement for the eldest to say that about the youngest, but it is completely true. She is as sharp as a fresh-made blade, and she is just as refined. You would not want to meet my sister on bad terms in the night," Claudia rested on her knuckles and grinned. "she is keenly versed in how to best wield herself."

Eldest, youngest, it was such nonsense! The structure of nobility itself was nonsense too, completely vainglorious in purpose. But now, more than ever, Claudia clutched the order tighter than she ever had before. The eldest was pressed, pinched, and embroidered with responsibility and refinery more so than those who followed behind in age. The eldest took the brunt, the youngest was able to live more freely. There would be no pressure for Cordelia to find a husband nor to bear children, or at least not to the immensity that is expected of the heir. She had more freedom to chase her desires, and even one day, if she so wished, to leave the manor and strike out on her own. She had no chains, and that is how Claudia preferred it.

It was something that they both deserved, but Cordelia's freedom was so much more viral; she was so very serious and solemn, especially now that they'd landed in their peculiar situation. She needed to live. She needed to be free. She deserved to be free. Claudia would be damned if that was threatened. As frivolous as she was by nature, the thought of her death leading to Cordelia inheriting the collar of the Watchdog brought her an edge that was more piercing than she would have alone. Death was rejected.

"And I must admit, I do get my amusement from toying with her. I don't have much, so my poor twin must suffer my insufferableness!" There was a snicker hissing through her bared teeth. eyes squinted delightfully. "Cordelia is such a serious woman, you know. The bite of winter in human skin! I am not spared from her wrath mind you, I am in equality with everyone who should ever be so similarly foolish to tamper with the tempest." Another hissing snicker. "So, do let that be a warning; I am not safe, and neither are you, and you do want to avoid her repercussions at all cost. I don't, because I am a fool who enjoys swatting at certain death."

The hissing simmered slow into a pleasant hum, the Countess turning her eye to the magpie thaumatrope perched to the left upon her desk, supported by two wooden hands that pinched the ends of its strings while the window just behind blew the breeze to make it dance. It was in flight, only stopping when the nipping breeze calmed. "While I do enjoy playing with my poor, dear sister, I respect her, and there are not many whom I feel that way towards. You see, I do not jest when I say she is brilliant. She is of a tactical mind, one that could, and I assure you that it would, win any war that found itself unfortunate enough to wage against her. The way her mind works," A tapping of a velvet digit at her temple. "you would be stupefied."

Her head tilted, and there was a flash of the eyes back in the direction of her inquirer. "It must go without saying that I care for her greatly, don't you think so?"

It was very subtle before, forming from the moment the question aired, but steadily it grew thicker, stronger, enough to make the hairs on the back of a neck prickle. As jovial as the Countess was, there was an underlying tension swelling in the atmosphere, and it was of the predacious nature.

#saphireign #【 ic. 】 ¦ & with a wolfish grin.#【 v. the watchdog. 】 ¦ & the game begins.#【 v. the spare. 】 ¦ & i am her other half; for better or worse.#【 asks. 】 ¦ what all that howlin’s for.#long post

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coatntails · 2 years

Text

POV: you are holding something ✨shiny✨

#loj masquerade #labyrinth masquerade ball #labyrinth of jareth masquerade ball #costume #costume design #bird costume #skull bird #Halloween #spooky #cryptid #original cosplay #fursuit #monster #masquerade #corvid #crow #magpie #maggie the magpie countess

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musical-dreamcasts · 3 years

Photo

Anastasia - Grace McLean as Countess Lily Malevsky-Malevitch, requested by @raccooninthedaytime

Birthday: January 11, 1984 (age 37)

Birth Place: Costa Mesa, California

Theatre credits include: Marya Dmitrievna (Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812), Jutta von Sponheim (In the Green), Queen of Hearts/Red Cross Nurse/Magpie (Alice by Heart), Chaperone Marie (Cyrano), Carly (Bedbugs), Caroline Reville/Madeline (Sleep No More)

(Pictured on the right is Caroline O’Connor, who played the role in the original Broadway cast)

#anastasia the musical #natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 #great comet #in the green #alice by heart #cyrano musical #bedbugs musical #sleep no more #grace mclean #lily malevsky malevitch #marya dmitriyevna #jutta von sponheim #queen of hearts #caroline reville

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cromulentbookreview · 3 years

Text

Wo die Bäume aus Holz sind!

You ever find yourself bent over a copy of the collected fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm in the original German, translating the damn thing sentence by sentence, thinking to yourself “why am I doing this? when will this ever be relevant?” And then you find it’s actually very relevant when it comes to reviewing retellings of those same Brothers Grimm fairy tales?

No? Just me?

Brüder Grimm, you devious bastards.

Did you also find that while I was distracting you with my tale of translating woe suddenly a whole bunch of your jewelry disappeared and all that was left behind was a red penny?

And by that, I mean: Little Thieves by Margaret Owen!

Es war einmal...

Once upon a time...there was a little girl named Vanja. Born the 13th daughter of a 13th daughter in a magical land with no reliable methods of birth control, Vanja is considered unlucky. Wherever she goes, catastrophe follows, or so her mother says. So, one snowy winter night, Vanja’s mother takes her to a crossroads deep in the woods and abandons her to Death and Fortune. Not metaphorical death and fortune, but the actual gods Death and Fortune, who take four-year-old Vanja in and make her their goddaughter.

Thirteen years later, the glamorous Gisele-Berthilda Ludwila von Falbirg, princess of Sovabin, fiancé to the Margrave Adalbrecht von Reigenbach of Bóern, is attending a party thrown by the count and countess von Eisendorf. The princess has a little too much Glöhwein so the countess von Eisendorf offers the use of one of her guest parlors to the Prinzessin, so she can, you know, have a lie-down and sober up a little before dinner. And thus, the drunken princess is left alone with only her loyal maid Greta to attend to her.

“Gretaaaaaaa.....”

Or so it would seem.

Because no one in their right mind would guess that the princess, as soon as she’s alone, would take off her pearls (a lady is never seen without her pearls) and transform into someone completely different. Namely, Vanja Schmidt, goddaughter of Death and Fortune.

Because this, good people, is a heist.

Cue the overture to The Thieving Magpie!

See, after living for a while with Death and Fortune, Vanja became a servant in Castle Falbirg. After toiling for several years as a maid-of-all-work, Vanja became the lady’s maid to the real Princess Gisele-you-get-the-idea von Falbirg. The girls spent practically every day together. They became best friends - until the rest of the world made it painfully clear that one of them is a princess, and the other a servant, and, in this world, only one of those has value.

So, last year when Gisele was sent off to Bóern to eventually be married to the Margrave, Vanja saw an opportunity and took it: she stole Gisele’s appearance-altering pearls, assuming the identity of the Princess von Falbirg, leaving her former BFF penniless and alone.

Sound familiar, Brothers Grimm fans?

But Vanja-as-Gisele hasn’t just been living the high life while her fiancé is off fighting wars and shit - no, she’s been stealing from the rich and -

Sorry, there’s no and.

Vanja is stealing from the rich and keeping it for herself because she needs the money. See: Vanja doesn’t want to actually marry the godawful Adalbrecht and be a Margravine, God, no. Once she’s saved enough money fencing her stolen goods, Vanja plans on getting the hell out of the Empire of Almandy, and going somewhere where she can live far, far, far away from the influence of her Godmothers. She almost has enough saved - stealing from the rich has been easy, after all, who among them would suspect a princess of being the notorious jewel thief known as the Pfennigeist?

(Pfennig: penny and geist: ghost, by the way - the pfennigeist’s calling card is a red penny left in place of the stolen jewels)

Anyway, all of this brings me back to...

While the princess is trying to sober up, her maid, Greta (Vanja herself, dressed as a servant, sans-enchanted pearls) pulls off yet another successful heist, emptying the Countess von Eisendorf’s jewelry box. Just as “Princess Gisele” returns to the party, the jewels safely stashed in her carriage, two massive wrenches are thrown into Vanja’s plans:

1) It’s suddenly announced that Adalbrecht von Reigenbach is on his way back from the warfront, eager to finally marry his fiancé,

And!

2) A prefect from the Godly Courts (basically this world’s equivalent of a detective) has been dispatched to locate and apprehend the Pfennigeist.

Both of these are bad. Really bad. But Vanja’s life motto is, and always has been: don’t panic. She can manage both of these situations. Really, she can! Adalbrecht is the absolute worst, - a grade A chauvinist pig - but she can manage him by playing the part of the empty-headed princess, playing to his ego while making herself seem harmless. And the prefect - sorry, junior prefect sent by the Godly Courts, Emeric Conrad? He’s a human bean-pole in an ill-fitting uniform, in way over his head, easily riled and completely flustered whenever he’s in Gisele’s presence. Vanja doesn’t need to worry about him.

Does she?

But then, just as she’s left the Eisendorf’s with her stolen jewels, Vanja runs into the biggest wrench in her plan: Eiswald, the low god who oversees the land on whom the Eisendorf’s castle sits. Furious that someone would dare steal in her domain, Eiswald curses Vanja: unless she makes up for all that she has stolen by the next full moon, Vanja will become her greed. Her body will slowly calcify into a bunch of rubies and pearls - starting with a ruby teardrop Vanja’s face.

Yikes.

To make sure Vanja doesn’t try to wriggle out of her curse, Eiswald sends her shapeshifting, half-human daughter Ragne to monitor Vanja’s progress. Ragne isn’t quite used to being human all the time, and she often gets confused by human things like wearing clothes and sitting normally in chairs, but she takes her job to watch Vanja very seriously. Because the clock is ticking, and Vanja’s curse will come to an end, one way or another. But Vanja doesn’t quite understand how she’s supposed to break the curse - how exactly is she supposed to make up for everything she’s taken? And how is she supposed to do it with a relentless prefect (ahem, junior prefect) hot on her heels and a fiancé who is clearly up to something sinister?

Well, first thing’s first:

Have you ever encountered a book that just feels like it was written for you, specifically? Like, it checks all of your own personal boxes when it comes to story, setting, characters, and, well, everything?

Yeah, Little Thieves felt like that to me. I loved every moment of it. I loved that the whole novel was a retelling of The Goose Girl but from the perspective of the “wicked” maid. And, most of all, I loved the character of Conrad, the collection of billiard cues that unionized to solve crime. I loved Ragne and her aversion to clothes and chairs and how if you threaten her or her friends she will turn into a bear and claw you. I absolutely loved Vanja as a character - she is a hilarious and wildly entertaining narrator, but she is also very, very unaware of her own blind spots. She’s so convinced that she is always, always right that she doesn’t even begin to consider that she might, maybe, possibly be just a little tiny bit wrong about certain things until its almost too late. And it’s not like she believes she’s right for no reason - Vanja has learned certain truths the hard way, but, as we all do, we learn that those truths aren’t always universal. Like how, sometimes, it’s OK to panic. Or need help. Or accept that you’ve made mistakes and apologize. Vanja may come off as abrasive at first, but watching her as she transforms from petty criminal to hero is an absolute joy.

I also loved all the references to German language, mythology and culture that permeate the book - especially Owen’s inclusion of some of the more, uh, let’s say... interesting aspects of German cuisine (Weißwurst??? Blegh! Euch, of course Adalbrecht likes Weißwurst). And, if you, like me, spent over fifteen grueling years painstakingly learning the language of your ancestors only to be told your accent sounds ridiculous, then you, too will love all of the German-language easter eggs sprinkled throughout Little Thieves. Seriously, the language nerd was positively giddy the whole time. There is, for example, a moment where Vanja calls out Conrad for being a northerner because he said “prost” instead of “prosit” when he held up his wine for a toast.

Me, during that scene:

Speaking of which, perhaps my favorite part of the whole novel was the relationship between Vanja and Conrad. Though it takes Vanja some time to realize it, there is way more to Conrad than the nervous, easily embarrassed rookie detective. In fact, Conrad might be the first person ever to cut straight through Vanja’s bravado and see her for who she truly is and, honestly, I just love the two of them so much.

Me, literally every time Vanja and Conrad are together:

Seriously, I could go on forever about how much I enjoyed Little Thieves. I really could. I can’t wait for the finished copy to come out so I can read it again. I need legendary Irish animation studio Cartoon Saloon to take Margaret Owen’s sketches of the characters and turn the book into an animated movie. I need it. Seriously, look at Owen’s artwork and then watch Wolfwalkers or The Secret of Kells and tell me Little Thieves wouldn’t work as a Cartoon Saloon movie.

Seriously, if you take anything away from this review, it’s to pre-order Little Thieves. Go ahead, the link is right there in the text.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of YA fantasy, fellow Teutonophiles, anyone up for a retelling of one of the Brother’s Grimm fairy tales, the little thieves who are just trying to live, damn it!

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: The big thieves who steal kingdoms. Seriously, those guys never get sent to the gallows and yet they’re literally the biggest thieves of all. Also anyone who doesn’t like YA, romance, fun, joy, reading...or if you’re someone who really likes Weißwurst. They’re barely even cooked!!

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED GERMAN-SPEAKING FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000,000 / 5

RELEASE DATE: October 5, 2021

DEUTSCHE BEWERTUNG:

GEESE:

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