#magpie dot txt

[80hdean]

Cannot fucking believe I worked all day long to reblog as fast as i possibly could, way faster and more careless than I usually am, like I spent more than 6 hours doing this, and still never hit post limit. I don’t think it’s even possible for me.

Actually wait I did some math. If post limit is 250 and I spent 6 hours on this website I would have had to reblog faster than one post every 1.5 minutes which okay I’ll be honest there’s no way I managed that. So much of my dash is really text heavy or even if it’s technically a jpeg it’s got a buttload of text in funny fonts on it which takes even longer to decode or just like straight up videos that are longer than 90 seconds! 90 seconds per post is so fast! To read or watch a post, decide if it’s worth reblogging, add the requisite tag(s) and wait for the app to load shit.

Y’all who hit post limit regularly…is it mostly just still photos? One liner shitposts? How on earth do y’all do it. Coz at this point I’m realizing I’d have to spent probably 10-12 hours on tumblr realistically to get 250 posts reblogged. And even that idk some days I’m a lot slower or there are a lot more long form text posts to read.

Huh well destiel I guess y’all weren’t important enough for me today 😔

#i would say maybe next year but truthfully I hope not #there’s just not enough of a community left to sustain my interest for an entire twelve months #i mean that could change. anything is possible. and if I’m not busy #I could see coming back for the 5th for another nostalgia frenzy #but that’s not healthy for me tbh nostalgia is the mind killer #anyways it’s been real y’all are amazing it was a good time today even if I failed #thanks for distracting me in between panicking around the medical emergency that occurred this afternoon #that required a literal rescue mission. that was stressful #magpie dot txt #nov5 posting

[80hdean]

it’s midnight and im back on my mpreg bullshit

akfjdkfj the non-cringey mpreg corner of this fandom (which seems to be like, um, four or five people lmfao it’s hard to know) is really rad and I appreciate the different angles everyone approaches it from, whether it’s baby-trapping someone (@autisticandroids’ mpregpocalypse), or it’s the body horror atrocity that happens when one is pregnant (postpartum prometheus by @dragqueendean & @nifedick), or it’s the angst angle of giving destiel the Most babies in the most tragic way possible (@astermacguffin’s au), these are all great!! I genuinely enjoy all of them for various reasons.

what I’m still not getting, though, is why it’s always cas being impregnated. I mean, the obvious answer is that it’s easy to invent some sort of handwavey angel magic that allows him to do pretty much anything with a fetus. but angel magic aside, are there character reasons for not inflicting this curse upon dean?

bc from where I’m sitting, it seems like a very entertaining way to cause dean Physical Suffering and Psychic Agony, as well as the gold mine of conflict between his fear of fucking up any life he’s responsible for and his deeply buried desires for that picket fence life he thinks he doesn’t deserve/isn’t cut out for.

I suppose that last part is arguable. It’s just one potential interpretation of the dean the show presents. resonates with me, so I ran with it but I don’t assume that’s ubiquitous.

perhaps the other issue is the characterization of cas, bc gender fuckery aside (i.e. I will not argue that carrying a human fetus is feminizing or whatever), gestating a human or human adjacent being inside a human vessel is difficult and strenuous and does make someone more vulnerable for a decent chunk of time (the degree of this varies widely, obviously). I kinda felt like towards the end of the show at least, cas had been beaten down so far physically/metaphysically (given his dwindling grace and decreasing mobility (though this is a rare hc of mine that I’ve never seen discussed on tumblr so it’s not a huge part of this argument)) that it is less interesting to me to make him more vulnerable? dean, in contrast, seems as strong and powerful as ever.

the other aspect is that to make dean pregnant you would either need to do more handwavey angel magic (which, sure why not what makes one magic more plausible than another?), or you’d have to make dean a trans man and deal with the fallout of that. I don’t think making dean trans is the issue, though, at least not in the tiny corner of spn fandom I find myself in, at least not for transphobia reasons. perhaps it’s just that the consequences of inflicting pregnancy on a trans man are arguably worse than on an angel, and therefore would be more difficult to parse and write in a non shitty and non cringe way.

or maybe it’s just me, succumbing to the brain worms? but I kinda think the extra consequence flavor is what makes the idea so spicy~

#mpreg #for blacklisting purposes #for the record i am a trans person with fetus gestation equipment pre-loaded onboard my vessel so #is this just my new horrible way of dealing with my mental afflictions by inflicting them upon fictional characters? #maybe so #who can say #I do genuinely enjoy the thought of torturing dabbnatural dean in this specific way though #mostly as revenge for how he treated jack but also bc part of me wonders if it would help him reconnect w humanity lol #babies as the solution for all middle aged crises #also I think it would be a very interesting way to force dean and cas to reconcile from their divorce OR split forever #due to irreconcilable differences and they’d have to have split custody of dean’s spawn #I just I guess I want someone to tackle the mpreg issue through the trans lens #bc trans men can and do get pregnant/have kids and 1) it should be normalized to reduce stigma/ increase access to quality medical care #and 2) ALSO be treated with the necessary horror/gore/fear response that it elicits in plenty of ppl w gestation equipment #both kinds of ppl exist and sometimes if you’re real special you get be both at the same time and just live with the screaming conflict #did I show my entire ass in this post? yeah. whatever. shame is for the weak. #I’m team ‘give dean a baby’ forever alright #magpie dot txt

[80hdean]

Okay!! I know we are all supposed to be horrified at soulless Jack and be sad that he killed Mary or whatever but okay like

Jack is autistic

there’s just...I am not capable of seeing him as not autistic. and I’m gonna not go into it but the fucking soulless arc for him annoys me bc it plays right the fuck into those “autistic people don’t have emotions and can’t feel empathy” horseshit narratives and it makes me very mad!!

anyways my boy Jack he just had some overwhelming emotions and was tired and anxious and he had a meltdown!

(he just happened to have a god-powered meltdown)

but Mary pushed him 😂 she did what every idiotic allistic person does to every autistic kid ever having a meltdown; she followed him and made direct eye contact and wouldnt fucking shut up demanding he stop stimming and start responding to her and as much as I like Mary and as much as this obviously sucks for the story on the show—

there’s definitely a part of me that saw that scene and felt righteous vindication bc IF ONLY we had the fucking power to make people just stop when they’re being too loud/pushy/demanding

so what I got out of this storyline was:

Jack is an Autistic Hero!

#bummer for mary :( #spn #14x17 #mary winchester #jack Kline #magpie dot txt #I feel very strongly about this suddenly I will not be persuaded otherwise lmfao #jack #was not soulless he was experiencing a developmental growth spurt and had some real bad input! #and his autistic dad was gone and also tbh cas played into the soulless panic plot so whatever no redemption for cas in this post #lmao #my psychic agony mercy killing

[80hdean]

I think I’m gonna just start posting bits of the elaborate mpreg fics I’m writing in the secret good timeline where I’m able to overcome the gnarled tangled mess the adhd makes of my executive functioning skills and actually compose complete narratives

but since we live in the hell timeline, the fic concepts are trans mpreg navel gazing h/c kinda nonsense and by “writing” I meant “word vomit bits and pieces of ideas in the small hours of the morning” but oh well!!!!

anyways here’s wonderwall*

*the first installment of the MpCU (mpreg cinematic universe)

Naturally, Dean is a trans dude, because I’m glamorous and clever like that

Cas’ deal with The Empty actually appears to operate under Buffy/Angel soul-loss purity dynamics, aka they fuck against the wall in the dungeon post-confession and then the Empty comes for him.

It goes like this:

Cas confesses he loves Dean but knows he can’t have him, but instead of that statement immediately summoning The Empty, he stands there awkward and expectant for just long enough for both him and Dean to realize oh, The Empty’s not coming, and Dean has processed it enough to stalk towards him saying “you dense son of a bitch, you can have me”

Fade to black lol I’m not writing a sex scene rn

Certain ill-advised decisions regarding safe sex were made, but in their defense they were barely thinking at all, and were kinda expecting imminent Death.

Tl;dr oops, Dean gets knocked up, and now we get him experiencing post-Chuck Widower Arc 2: The Sequel, while he tries to deal w the whole “what the fuck, I’m a dude who is accidentally pregnant with my dead best friend’s potentially half angel baby” thing. Christ, he’s basically a walking (but unsurprisingly not currently) talking episode of Jerry Springer.

#I always want to yell JEREMY BEAREMY whenever I talk about the hell timeline vs the good timeline #mpreg cw #I will always tag for this btw so if for some unfathomable reason you dislike any discussion of mpreg but you’re determined to follow me… #there’s that at least #mpcu #I did rewrite the scene where the empty takes cas (minus the sex scene bc idk I’m never drunk enough to manage that) #and I’m a little embarrassed about how much I prefer it to canon. I guess that means im doing headcanons right. #I only wrote it from cas’ pov tho im still not settled on where dean’s at but I will get there. maybe. #also no my mind is not yet made up whether the child is a nephil or not. Cas has grace performance issues so who knows what went down #magpie dot txt

[80hdean]

this isn’t news but like yeah ‘when castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost’ but also did you ever consider that when castiel first laid a hand on him, dean imprinted like a baby bird and was ruined for anyone else after that?

#sometimes it’s 2am and I think to myself ‘when did it all go wrong’ and I always start at ‘WHERES THE ANGEL’ #but then I have to go back further to the coat in the trunk of the NOT impala #but then I have to go back further to the speech dean gives godstiel right after he eats the purgatory souls #but then I have to go back further to hey remember that time he let cas beat him to a pulp in an alley bc he was so in awe of this being who #apparently had the capacity to care so fucking much about him? #but then I have to go back further to the end and then back further to Bert and Ernie #but then I have to go back further to the first time cas dies for him!! the way he trusts him SO FAST in the green room #anyways it just goes like that all the way back all the way back #they were both lost but dean knew shame like it was part of his very bones and #cas had to be taught #oh no I made myself sad #magpie dot txt #destiel

[80hdean]

ok maybe it’s just bc it’s 3am or maybe that it’s fathers day and also pride month and also transnatural week approacheth but like I had a record scratch thought the other day and it won’t leave me alone… but it’s also like skirting the realms of propriety for a lot of ppl and it’s related to a convo about something that I don’t have any answers for I don’t have any hard opinions about whether it’s ethical or fetishizing or not in every context

but like hear me out, if we are into domestic curtain fic and we are into baby jack and/or give-them-a-baby-natural and we are into trans dean and/or trans cas truthing (which we certainly are, at least for the sake of this post)

if these things are true then I would like to respectfully ask: where is the (non fetishy non omegaverse) mpreg fic? maybe it’s not called that idfk but like, I can think of a hundred scenarios off the top of my head that would result in either comedy gold, cavity-inducing fluff or Peak Suffering that involve an oops baby scenario, none of which require any magic or angel grace or supernatural handwavey nonsense. like it’s genuinely 100% in the real world possible for a dude to accidentally get knocked up! it’s not super likely if he’s on t but it’s certainly a thing that could happen

anyways I just think dean is so full of disorders and trauma and secret desires for children and family that it would also be entertaining to watch what happens if he was also full of cas’ baby

#I’m afraid to tag this but I will bc I want to respect blacklisting so #mpreg #destiel #transnatural #idk perhaps I don’t run in the right circles for this or perhaps the circles aren’t big enough to contain this sort of thing I genuinely idk #I suppose there are a lot of gr8 and fun trans hcs and posts and art I see go around but not a very lot of fic so it is most likely a sample #size issue like I do feel like you get to a critical mass of anything and eventually someone brings mpreg into it but like #it’s usually in the weird omegaverse way which I don’t wanna knock it it’s a trope it’s whatever but it’s also unnecessary when like #trans masc ppl exist lol #I don’t even know where I’m going with this it just seems appropriate for this genre bc of the additional body horror aspect of pregnancy in #general and like spn has a history of producing children from thin air like spn is also kinda unnerved by traditional child acquisition #just feels like a rich untapped vein of fictional character derangement #I am simultaneously hoping lots of ppl see this and can come explain things to me and also hoping no one sees this and it’s all a feverdream #magpie dot txt

[80hdean]

Oh my god I just read a fic that I think actually fully explains Dean’s character choices (particularly regarding Jack, though also Cas) in seasons 14-15?? In an actually satisfying way? I never expected to have that make sense to me and I’m still kind of reeling.

The thing is that The Only Way it makes sense relies 100% on three things being true:

Dean is heinously full of self loathing, despair, and maladaptive coping strategies that he refuses to improve upon or seek help for; namely his belief that he is worthless and undeserving and should have been left to rot in hell, and that because of this worthlessness no one he cares about will ever really care about him in the same way, will never stay with him, so he must push them away before they get the chance to blindside him with that betrayal (which he knows from prior experience that he doesn’t deal with well) AND

Cas is the one being that’s even partially exempt from this rule because he’s an angel that earned his faith early on (profound bond style), and while he’s never been one to stick around physically, his devotion has never wavered enough that Dean seriously doubts that Cas cares deeply for him. This means that Cas somehow becomes integral to Dean’s conception of hope in general and becomes necessary to Dean envisioning a future of any kind for himself BECAUSE

Dean is romantically in love with Cas from at least season 12 onward (his feelings could potentially be repressed to a degree for some of it but they do need to be present explicitly for his motivations to make any kind of emotionally resonant sense)

All three of these things must be true for this series of interpretations to hold up. It all slots together so well that it almost seems *possible* that this was all somewhat intentional/planned on the writers’ part, but that the eventual execution was so piss poor that I wasn’t able to connect the dots (mostly bc of the extreme gaslighting regarding #3). It’s confusing as fuck to constantly try to figure out why the fuck a character is doing something if the logical CONTEXTUAL reasoning is frequently said to be nonexistent.

Basically this fic didn’t posit anything radically new, but it was a specific combination of minor takes and at a couple of key (and unexpected) time stamps that finally made it all coalesce for me.

Like, for example, Dean feels like he “had never had Cas, and now he never will” when Cas leaves him to protect Kelly before Jack was born, not afterwards, priming him to be not only angry at Jack but to see him as the interloper standing between him and Cas. This would then ratchet Dean’s rage and homicidal anger towards Jack up to eleven when Cas gets killed doing this.

But then getting Cas back restores Dean’s hope, hope for a future, so he chills out and even comes to care for Jack, especially since Cas does. And Cas is noticeably more affectionate and fond, and Dean’s hopes grow a little stronger until Jack dies and Cas goes and makes the deal with the Empty, after which Dean notices Cas being less obviously affectionate with him, which he can only conclude has something to do with Jack and his soul, which leads to increased suspicion yet again.

This was crucial for me bc without seeing it from this “Cas is my only hope at having a future” and “if you get between me and Cas I will treat you like I am a jilted and jealous lover” like without these layers of context, his reactions to Jack (and to Cas, especially during the divorce arc) are out of proportion to the situation and out of character for Dean given the whole trajectory of the show and character development and whatever.

I could write another 3k words about this, which is so silly, but yeah this one fic has fixed for me the one giant pulsating un-ignorable fault that caused me to fly off the handle about the last couple seasons of the show at any given moment. I’m aware that’s super irrational but what can you do. The show wrote one of my favorite characters being an abusive homicidal rageaholic towards my top two favorite characters (one of whom is a child!!) without anything resembling a good enough reason.

I personally found Dean’s character arc pretty hard to follow after the Mark of Cain was removed and even the back half of season 10 was kind of convoluted to me ACTUALLY you know what he really just went off the rails when he tricked Sam into accepting Gadreel. That’s when shit started to go sideways for Dean’s basic characterization, and things just snowballed after s11-12 I think.

Anyways I got this far and forgot to say it but the fic is Hell Was The Journey That Brought Me Heaven by thursdaysfallenangel (https://archiveofourown.org/works/26376697)

#dean #cas #meta #fic #fic rec #writers #jack #magpie dot txt #also this fic was published last September and managed to come up with an ending that eerily echoes 15x18 down to some details I’m not sure #how they predicted but they did! #like the handprint on the jacket! #idk maybe there were set photos leaked idfk I love the concept of this weirdly prescient fic author #destiel #I should also perhaps mention that there’s no easy resolution in this fic there’s no great catharsis moment #the beauty of this fic for me was explaining Dean’s inexplicable behavior and choices by putting them all to fit in the same contextual #framework

[80hdean]

truly the only thing i keep thinking regarding the ‘I love you’ in goodbye stranger is that if we are to assume that was part of dean’s character from at least s8, it makes the dabb era that much more ooc and infuriating. like I’m aware that there were most likely production/network pressures that limited their shared screen time and edits to scripts and whatever, but like overall it’s kinda just depressing how dean treats cas, particularly in s14-15.

it does actually help explain dean’s initial horribly violent response to jack, which I talked about in a previous post, but it should have also spurred him to change his mind more easily once cas returned. the deeper into s13 you get, though, the less and less possible that becomes.

the only in-universe hc I’ve been able to concoct to convince myself is that chuck gets more heavy-handed with his writing of dean the farther they get into the finale, bc he knows cas has always been a wild card but an entertaining and easy to kill wild card, but now cas is father to one of the most powerful beings in creation and who is NOT easily controlled.

so how do you control cas? you lay it on thick with the dean controls. hence the lack of growth wrt jack, the way he sends cas to hell with belphegor, overall the overly drawn out divorce arc, his total lack of reciprocal emoting at basically every turn, etc. I don’t think chuck necessarily writes scenes fully as much as he is able to influence emotion to a degree, or inhibit some instinctual responses to things. I think since he gave humans free will, it likely takes a huge amount of power to exert that particular kind of control over a human, which is why he never really bothered before even when it would have been really convenient, but leading up to the endgame he had to keep pulling out the stops to control dean and therefore cas and jack.

it’s just, a universe in which dean knows he’s in love with cas in s8 is a universe in which the end of the series makes so little sense it becomes incomprehensible. too many conflicting narratives here. frustrating!

#destiel #goodbye stranger #scripts #magpie dot txt #meta

[80hdean]

via this twitter thread, what i can see says:

BEL: Castiel--stop. Please. It’s me--Jack

But it only makes Cass angrier--

CASTIEL: LIAR!

His hand starts to GLOW. Brighter and BRIGHTER... BAM! And Castiel SMITES HIM! A turbo-charged rage-and-grief smiting as light BLASTS from Bel’s mouth-- his eyes--taking  [...] to WHITEOUT--

[...] back in. To the dimness of the lair. Bel CHARRED [...] floor. Cass sees the toasted remains of his son--  [...] wracked with grief... sees Lilith’s Crook in Bel’s [...] fist. Crushed. Broken. [...] gutted. Betrayed.

I can’t see the whole thing but like. Ouch. His son...wracked with grief...

#cas #castiel #belphegor #spn #scripts #behind the scenes #thank you to the person who wrote out the featurette dialogue so i didn't have to watch it #bc it looks like it was full of a bunch of rancid bullshit lol ugh #anyways but there was this shot of a page of script and it made me want to hurl so #figured i'd share #i can't even let myself think too hard about the plot they shoved cas and jack through bc it's so awful its so so awful and there was no #no good resolution no catharsis no healing no redemption it was just all suffering and grief #im just sad #magpie dot txt

[80hdean]

i know this question is moot bc it’s been 12 years and every discussion has already occurred at least twice but

where is the discussion of cas basically going through turbo puberty when he becomes human and suddenly has to deal with a fully functional endocrine system

he finds himself storming up and down the halls of the bunker shaking his fist impotently while thoroughly, creatively and accurately cursing his adrenal gland

walks slowly through the overgrown grass on the hill trying to sweet talk his pituitary gland into chilling tf out

one day, after three nights of stubbornly attempting to “regain the upper hand” against his hypothalamus by refusing to sleep (cue an eyeroll and a soft chuckle from sam when he hears this excuse), he rounds the corner into the kitchen where dean is finishing up washing the dishes, grabs his hips to twirl him around and pin him against the counter. dean opens his mouth to question it or protest or something and cas just says “blame my godforsaken hypothalamus” and kisses him hard

#it's monday night and the brainworms are having a real good time i guess #destiel #magpie dot txt #human cas #he had to deal with his weird overblown angel emotions before sure but his grace had hella control over jimmy's body #being thrown into a human body with no grace to shield him from the whims of human hormone regulation? #potential for a lot of frustration and hilarity

[80hdean]

jfc The Scene just does Not have the same impact with the benefit of context! 😂 Having seen the rest of the show now, this scene is so out of place and ludicrous I can’t take it seriously

Objectively untrue! Not even the most caring character on this show anymore!

You should have met more humans I guess?!

So, is this me deflecting bc Am Uncomfortable With Expressions Of Human Emotion or is it snarky commentary on a poorly written couple of characters? genuinely couldn’t tell you but whatever the reason, I’m currently rolling in agony at the cosmic joke I played on myself! I only started watching this show bc of this scene and the nonsense that followed!

and here I am watching it in the proper order and thinking....lol nope

#spn #15x18 #destiel #cas #dean #my psychic agony mercy killing #I gotta say that perhaps it’s bc I knew the show was bad and I let myself look past Dean’s constant failures and errors in judgment through #the whole show but when it came to jack that’s where i drew the line in the sand #and the show did NOTHING to redeem dean it just kept digging the hole deeper #so I made it to the last few episodes disliking both leads lmao that’s a fuckn whoopsie #I’m Bad at watching tv #magpie dot txt

[80hdean]

Here’s the thing, this show has been so shitty about Dean since mid s14 (since s13 tbh but I can let a little bit slide) that it got me genuinely rooting against him for most of season 15. It’s why I haven’t bothered live-blogging much of it. I just don’t like him anymore! There are moments here and there, and I did genuinely enjoy the Why Lamp episode, but overall: Dean Is Just Shitty Now And I’m Siding With Death On This One

but then THE Confession Scene started and apparently I’m not immune to that either!! Goddamnit. I’m not immune to Dean crying about Cas and being sorry and have a genuine emotion (about someone not Sam or Mary).

So I had to stop the episode to come and try to collect myself before finishing it, bc in theory I still am siding against Dean, and also I truly am conflicted with this scene since I now finally have all the relevant context. It just barely makes sense narratively, which is the problem, like it doesn’t really.

Like For Real?? his Happy Moment? was telling this dickwad who tried to kill his kid like twelve fucking times (the most recent of which was him assisting with the attempted murder-suicide plan like two days prior)?????? He wasn’t happy when Jack returned from the dead?? Okay I guess like handwavey technicalities about him “allowing himself to be happy” doesn’t really fit there I guess but it feels wrong, like emotionally there isn’t support for this confession anymore!

God this show sucks so bad, it’s hard to even watch the bits I do like anymore bc the emotional tone, plot pacing and even like the overall narrative themes just aren’t consistent in the slightest from one episode to the next. ESPECIALLY knowing what happens in the finale?? The Why Lamp episode (I forgot what it’s called lmao whatever) just has no business being in the same universe as 15x20. They just don’t fit together at all!!

It’s too jarring to have one episode be like all conflict and betrayal and hurt glances and angry monologues and then two episodes later, without ANY kind of reconciliation or reckoning with all that bullshit, they pull out this massively emotional devotional love confession that somehow inexplicably makes him so fucking happy it fulfills the deal and summons the empty?

Make it make sense!!

#spn #15x18 #destiel #cas #the fucking inconsistency in this show is brutal as hell #wish they could have committed to being awful and bad or devastatingly good but this back and forth and in between nonsense #it’s so tough to handle #I just want to be fucking done already I hate how much I hate Dean #I might even be able to watch the finale again like bring on the rusty nail idfc dude is so shitty he deserves to die humiliated & in pain #also for real Billie doesn’t even come across as the villain here her logic is sound AF #I mean the show still treated her terribly but at least she didn’t get cartoonishly evil #she always hated them!! she just begrudgingly helped them a couple of times to further her own plans #she was always open about that tbh #idfk show is dumb and bad! #ok time to actually watch the confession scene I guess #magpie dot txt #my psychic agony mercy killing

[80hdean]

today I just want it to be transnatural week every week

#I keep joinin new discord servers and they’ve all got some rad ppl not gonna diss anyone at all but #there’s a difference knowing every time you post you gotta couch it in terms the cis majority won’t take offense to #and some shit is just harder to discuss at all #sigh #I wish I coulda been accepted to the transnatural server I swear that was a thing idk what dqed me #I’m whining! it’s been a week idfk I’m desperate to talk to more trans folks #about destroying the gender framework entirely #but my brain is stuck stuck stuck on spn so it’s just easier to pat it nicely and work through all my issues #via fucking transformative fandom like whatever it’s 2021 I do what I need to do #and my irl trans friends are Goin Through It rn and don’t have time for bullshit which is fair and I respect it #anyways #transnatural week was gr8 the end #magpie dot txt

[80hdean]

I’m reeling bc I was trying to think of who in the SPN universe was masculine/manly enough to confront Dean/bully him into doing something he feels is emasculating (Cas and Jack are removed for plot reasons) and I literally could not think of a single late-series character aside from

Sam

Garth

Jesse and Cesar

Max Banes

or any number of dead people (or apocalypse world bobby I guess but I didn’t like how they played that so yeah I’m ignoring him I guess)

The CW really said “oops we made the main character queer, so no one else on the show is allowed to be more manly than him”

#sorry there’s just gotta be a reason the only ppl they know who aren’t dead are gay or non-stereotypically masculine #maybe it’s just that they vibe real well maybe it’s bc dean is also q— #nah nah it’s fine this is so normal #masculinity is SO WEIRD like for a guy so obsessed with performing it so hardcore he really doesn’t seem to like it all that much #well and I say ‘masculinity’ and I mean ‘stereotypical American macho hyper masculinity #bc it’s not actually Like That I am aware #dean #magpie dot txt #I just wanted some masculine dude from the show to bully dean into trying therapy bc ‘real men take care of themselves’ or something #stupid but it is what would work on blockhead s15 dean

[80hdean]

wait i just figured it out, it’s not about the ‘chuck won’ ending or any of the other (admittedly awesome) fix it post-finale scenarios i’ve read, it’s that one meme was right

they are in the bad place

like, it’s jack’s version, it’s the nicest version of hell he could think up, no more body horror and gore, it’s all psychological and emotional torture now babey

but like...no one on that show deserved to go to a real heaven, maybe sam if you squint? but certainly not dean or cas. you don’t get to be mass murderers and just shrug it off with ‘i saved the world’

that’s a satisfying ending for me anyways. i impose MY morality on the whole nightmare of a scenario and all the checks and balances declare: everyone goes to hell

#idk what kansas did to deserve it but tbh depending on your heaven/hell mythology it can be startlingly easy to be a sinner! #finale #spn s16 #finale fix its #meta #misha only seems to mention the tragedy of the ending even the 'should have been' endings and like fiNE THEN i'll just lean in #tragic ending makes sense for the show but it's still cruel #the way they did it was not a tragic ending it was just gross and bad lol #if they'd kept cas in the empty and given dean jimmy instead it would have been literary tragic and that would have been something at least #I guess by the morality system the show sets up (which contradicts itself plenty tbh) it's like 50/50 whether or not they 'deserve heaven' #bc ken lay made it to heaven (barf) but kevin went to hell so #im talking myself in circles here there's no way to ACTUALLY make sense of this damned show why does the brain still insist on trying ?? #magpie dot txt

[80hdean]

ok I’m absolutely not a fic writer but I feel like since I’ve read hundreds of millions of words at some point, in theory I oughta be able to write something

except I keep trying to work on my ideas and instead of going forward with the plot I keep having backstory and side plot ideas and it feels like an old strawberry plant, sending out runners but bearing no fruit, going backwards and melting sideways

#writing struggles #sigh #I keep telling myself ‘it’s fucking supernatural it absolutely does NOT matter if there’s not a clear and logical procession of events’ #it doesn’t need to fit the established lore! it doesn’t need to wrap up the entire series!! #but the brain doesn’t listen it wants to. F I XXX this stupid story #mpcu #magpie dot txt