Confronting The Past
Summary: You’ve made a home on Earth after signing the Accords as a condition of your sanctuary but there are some things you cannot leave in the past (set some time after Civil War and before Ragnarok but isn’t entirely canon compliant)
Pairing: Thor Odinson x female!short!Asgardian!reader
Word Count: 4051
Warnings: Angst, feelings perceived as unrequited, grief, fluff, childhood-friends-to-lovers, heartbreak, I’m sorry this got long, soft smut (oral sex - f receiving - and penetrative sex), bittersweet ending
Ao3 Link (most of my works can be found here)
Tumblr Masterlist (a small selection of fics posted here)
Patreon (early access and option to request fics)** this story was previously posted on Patreon in 2021.
The air crackled as you reached for the top shelf, fingers barely getting halfway. You slumped back down at the realization you couldn’t lay a hand on the last box of pop tarts but the disappointment was quickly squashed by the sense that you were not alone in the aisle. Turning slowly, your eyes widened as they landed on him, taking in the casual way he was dressed, and how different he looked since you’d last seen him. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail, blond strands framing his face, slightly lighter than the thick stubble that covered his jaw. The last time you had laid eyes on him, he was in full battle-dress, a stark contrast to the faded denim and black t-shirt he was presented in this time.
“I was under the impression you would be hard to find, Lady Y/N,” Thor murmured, approaching you as if you could attack at any moment. You remained still, shocked at the sight of him, following his hand as it reached up behind you and easily scooped your prize from the top shelf. “I guess I know you a little better than Natasha does.”
“What -” Your voice came out squeaky, so you paused, swallowing around the lump in your throat. “What are you doing here?”
“Stark informed me that you had accepted sanctuary on Earth,” he said softly, placing the pop tarts in your hand. “That you signed the Accords.”
“It was either that or return to Asgard,” you shrugged. “And we both know I’m not welcome there.”
“There are other worlds,” he pointed out.
You smirked at him, dropping the sweet treat into your cart. “None with pop tarts.” With a glance over your shoulder at him, you pushed on. “I should have known you would find me.” He began to follow as you strolled down to the next aisle. “Though I’m surprised it took so long. Losing your touch?”
Thor chuckled deeply. “You haven’t lost your sharp tongue, my lady.”
Sighing heavily, you slowed to a stop, turning to look at him. He paused only a few inches away, blue stormy eyes boring into yours. “Why did you come here, Thor?”
For a moment, he appeared confused, eyebrows drawing together in a frown. You waited, one hand on the cart, the other limp at your side.
“We did not part on good terms,” he muttered, suddenly breaking eye contact. “Not a day has passed that I have not thought about you.”
You snorted, turning abruptly to continue on, pushing the cart with a little more force than necessary. Thor stalled for a moment before following, rushing to catch up and walk beside you.
“Y/N, stop -”
“No,” you ground out, keeping your eyes ahead, fingers curled so tightly around the handle of the cart that the metal began to warp.
“Y/N -”
Your temper flared and you turned to face him, feeling the rage burning through your veins. “What do you want from me?” you yelled, attracting the attention of other late night shoppers. A few paused, one or two pulled out cameras, obviously recognizing the significantly more famous face you were shouting at.
Thor’s eyes darted around, a concerned expression developing, and the heat in your blood simmered, rationality taking over.
“This is not the appropriate place for this,” you grunted bitterly.
“Then perhaps we could discuss this somewhere more private?” he suggested hopefully.
A wry smile tugged at your lips. “We both know that would be a very stupid idea.”
“I promise, Y/N,” he said quietly but firmly. “I only wish to explain myself. To apologize.”
You stared at him, chewing the inside of your cheek as you considered his request. The possibility of a physical altercation of any kind was highly likely when you thought back over every other encounter you’d ever had with him. Thor was a flame, and you were the moth, drawn to him at every single turn, but curiosity was pushing you to accept his request.
Finally, you sighed and nodded. “Would you prefer to drive with me, or are you going to…” You finished the sentence by flinging your hand up in a flying motion, and Thor grinned.
“I will accompany you,” he chuckled.
“Great,” you replied, teeth gritted. “Good thing I’m almost done.”
It only took another thirty minutes to get through the rest of your shopping and that was with being derailed by two young ladies who had recognized and begged Thor for a selfie, which he seemed happy to indulge. You ignored the interaction, stalking off with your purchased items and leaving him to catch up in the parking lot.
“Let me,” he requested as you opened the trunk, and you happily stepped back, allowing him to load the few bags into the car as you climbed into the driver’s seat. In the rearview, you watched him return the cart with a friendly wave to the guy stacking them.
The whole car shuddered and sank under his weight when he got in beside you, his huge frame awkwardly hunched in your little compact. Unlike most Asgardians, you were small in stature, though it didn’t diminish your inhuman strength, and only increased your speed. You waited until he was buckled in, trying not to stare at the way the belt sat snug between his pecs, pulling his shirt tight across them.
“To your home, I presume?” he asked, and you nodded, unwilling to talk with such a suddenly dry mouth.
You didn’t live far from the grocery store. Part of your agreement with the American government was a small stipend each month which allowed you to live in relative solitude, though it required you make yourself available to them - a clause they had not yet called into play.
“This is it,” you muttered, pulling into the driveway. You didn’t wait for any acknowledgment, climbing out and heading to the trunk to retrieve your bags. Thor followed, and the car raised several inches as he climbed out, making you smirk in amusement. Once again, he insisted on shouldering all the burden so you simply shrugged and headed for the front door, keys in hand.
It was a modest little house, one you’d worked hard to make comfortable over the last year. The few possessions you had managed to carry with you from Asgard were scattered among other curiosities you had gathered in your new home, along with shelves upon shelves of books. Your living room resembled more of a library than a home, but you were happy with it, and it wasn’t like you had frequent visitors to entertain.
The only people you’d seen in the last year were government agents following up on your end of the deal, making sure you were remaining out of trouble.
Trouble seemed to have found you after all.
“It is… nice,” Thor announced as he loitered in the doorway, surveying your humble little home. His head was only an inch or two off of scraping the doorframe, and he looked ridiculously out of place, but you couldn’t help feeling a little proud of the life you’d built and glad that he could see that you were very capable of surviving on your own.
“Thank you,” you replied, gesturing to the kitchen. “You wanna put those on the table?”
He nodded and continued on with the bags, placing them atop the large oak table that dominated your small kitchen. “Your voice is different,” he commented quietly.
“Just trying to blend in,” you forced out, grabbing for the first bag. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“I’m fine.”
“I need to put all this stuff away,” you sighed. “Why don’t you go make yourself comfortable in the living room?” He glanced back the way he’d come and you smirked. “Just through there.” His sheepish smile made your grin grow unbidden, but when his back turned and he disappeared through the hall into the lounge, you dropped your elbows onto the table and covered your face with your hands. “What am I doing?” you groaned quietly, digging your fingertips into your temples.
You just had to be firm with him. Whatever explanation he had for what he did, it didn’t change things. He had chosen a human over you, and his father had banished you for your part in their plot to save the same human. Thor had only watched as Odin stripped you of your very identity and stranded you on Midgard. In the two years since that had happened, you’d put that betrayal behind you, rebuilt yourself and your life, albeit a lonely one, and you were damned if Thor was going to destroy any of that.
It didn’t take long to get the groceries away but you took an extra few moments to make yourself some tea, carrying it through to the living room with you. Thor hadn’t made himself comfortable on the couch, not that you’d expected him to; he was standing by the large ornate bookcase in the corner that stretched from floor to ceiling, thumbing through a book. You tilted your head to catch the title, smiling in amusement when you saw it was one of your Norse mythology tomes.
“Some of the things they got wrong about us are hilarious,” you commented, sliding into your favorite spot on the couch. Thor looked up with a grin, closing the book, replacing it on the shelf with the others. “And it’s remarkably easy to pretend to be a professor of mythology when you lived through most of the legends.”
“Is that what you do with your time?”
You shrugged, lifting your tea to blow across the surface. “Only a few hours a week. It’s entertaining.”
Thor’s grin didn’t fade and he moved to the big armchair opposite you, dropped one meaty hand to the top, assessing it quickly to make sure it would hold his weight. He sat slowly, keeping his eyes on you. “My father was wrong to banish you,” he said softly. “And I am sorry that I did not speak up for you.”
Keeping your composure, you leaned forward, placing your tea on the low table between you. “I made my peace with that,” you replied coolly. “I knew it was a possibility when I helped you and Jane escape.”
His eyebrows drew together again in confusion. “I must admit, I’m confused,” he confessed. “Why are you so displeased to see me if you have forgiven my betrayal?”
You sighed, rolling your eyes. “It amazes me that you have lived over a thousand years and you are still so clueless.”
“Enlighten me,” he requested gently, leaning his arms on his knees.
“I’m not sure that would be wise,” you chuckled dryly. “If you do not know by now how I feel, then I fear there is little hope.”
He looked surprised at your choice of words. “How you… feel?”
Sighing again, you leaned heavily on the couch arm, propping your chin on your knuckles. “Do you remember when we first met?”
“Of course,” he laughed. “Your mother was handmaiden to mine. We used to play together in the gardens.”
“We grew up together,” you mused quietly. “Trained together. We became adults together, fought together… we…” Your throat dried a little at the recollection of the more intimate times you’d shared, young stolen moments in the back halls and chambers of the palace. “All that time, and you believed we were only friends? Was that all it was for you?”
Clarity descended on his face, astonishment widening his eyes.
“It’s funny,” you continued, “I always imagined it would be the Lady Sif I lost your heart to. But I suppose… if I never had your heart at all, then how could I lose it?” Your chest felt tight as you shifted to pick up your tea again, sipping it delicately, avoiding his gaze. “When you chose Jane, when you left me to your father’s mercy, I accepted my fate. And I have tried to move on.”
“Did you succeed?”
The question threw you and you looked at him sharply.
“I thought I did.”
Thor was quiet for a moment, watching you as you gripped the porcelain cup in your hands tightly, hoping the shaking in your fingers wasn’t too obvious. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, watching the blue storm in his gaze, remembering other times when he looked at you with such intensity.
“I was a fool,” he said suddenly.
You broke eye contact, putting your cup down again. “Maybe,” you whispered. “Maybe we both were.”
“You were never a fool, Y/N,” he murmured softly. “You were always my dearest friend.”
The comment stung and you looked away, trying to ignore the tears gathering in your eyes as you waited for the ultimate rebuttal, waited for him to tell you that he had never felt the same need for you as you had for him.
He moved then, taking to his knee in front of you, reaching for your hands as you met his gaze with watery eyes. “But I… I was such a fool. To believe that I belonged anywhere but with you.” You sniffed, choking back a sob as he smiled and lifted one hand to wipe away an escaped tear.
“You belong on Asgard,” you stuttered. “I no longer do.”
“What if I could change that?”
You paused, staring at him in shock before shaking your head. “No. I do not wish to return to a people that shunned me. There is no one left there that I care about.” Tugging your hands free, your expression turned to stone as you looked at him. “And I know you would not stay. You have a purpose, Thor. We both know your journey does not end with me.”
“Then come with me,” he urged. “Fight with me.”
Shaking your head again, you pushed him away, getting to your feet. “It would break the agreement I have with the people of this planet.”
“You wish to stay here?” he asked, standing and watching as you crossed the room to the fireplace, putting distance between you. “Why?”
“I have fought in a thousand battles,” you exhaled, leaning one arm on the wooden mantelpiece. “I have lost family, friends, my home… this place, this existence, it may seem small to you, but it’s mine, and I am not subject to the grief and gravity of any position. I built this… this is my home now, Thor.” You met his gaze again, trying not to let your trembling become apparent, nor to let your resolve crumble. “Would you really wish for me to give that up?”
He was silent, and you nodded, requiring nothing more as an answer. Pushing away from the fireplace, you approached him slowly, lifting one hand to take hold of his.
“I will always love you, Thor Odinson,” you whispered, lacing your fingers through his. “But our paths meet in fleeting circumstance and you know you cannot stay.”
You went to pull away but he suddenly tightened his hand, holding you in place. When you looked up at him with a puzzled expression, he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a soft and gentle kiss that stole your breath away. For a moment, you indulged the buried need for him, letting it blossom as he continued to deepen the caress. When he pulled away, you were panting, clinging to his hand like it was your very last hope.
“I cannot stay,” he admitted quietly. “And you are right there are things I have yet to do. Something is coming and our people are in danger, and I would not be able to rest knowing I have done nothing. But I cannot leave until…”
“Until?” you prompted, when seconds ticked by without a resolution to his words.
His lips twitched into a smile, his free hand cupping your jaw. “Until I know I can come back.”
You almost sagged against him, clinging to his shirt with one hand, the other still contained in his larger fingers. “Thor…”
“My Lady Y/N,” he purred back, coaxing you into another kiss that you willingly accepted. The need you’d allowed to surface was becoming all-consuming, mixing with the need to have him return to you, to ease your loneliness in the life you’d chosen. A hope you’d carried for over a millennium burned brighter with each stroke of his tongue over yours, and your fingers twisted in his shirt as you tried to get closer to him.
“Would you stay tonight?” you asked nervously, pulling away only a fraction.
He smiled, nodding lightly. “I will stay a while,” he murmured, dropping a chaste kiss to your lips in between words.
“Then let me show you the bedroom,” you whispered with a slightly shy look, tugging on his hand to lead him to the stairs at the back of the house. He looked almost comical in the small hallways, his large breadth meaning his shoulders nearly brushed each wall as you guided him up to the second floor of your small house. The bedroom took up most of the space up there, with a bathroom occupying the last few square feet.
He didn’t waste time once you were inside the open area, pulling you into another eager embrace, kissing away each nerve and reservation until your resolve was utterly obliterated. You found yourself half-naked before him, rectifying that by almost tearing his shirt in your hurry to even the score.
“I can get you more clothes,” you giggled, dissolving into moans when his hand found its way under the waistband of your pants and underwear, thick fingers caressing you intimately. “Oh…”
Thor grinned, pushing his hand deeper until he had a single digit buried in your tight channel, stroking in exactly the right spot. You clung to his shoulders, panting as he fucked his finger into you, his eyes locked on your face as your expression dissolved with pleasure. “Do you want more?” he asked quietly.
You could only manage a nod with your bottom lip captured between your teeth but instead of increasing the stimulation, he withdrew, pulling you towards the bed. His shirt hit the floor before he turned his attention to your pants, disrobing you until you were entirely nude.
“Lie down,” he murmured, kissing you again, trailing one hand down to tease a puckered nipple. You shuddered and obeyed, sitting on the edge of the bed without taking your eyes off of him. He dropped to his knees in front of you, slipping one hand over your bare thigh, and you realized he’d asked you to lay, not sit. Leaning back, you swallowed a whimper as he pressed your legs apart, returning his fingers to your sex. It had been so long since anyone had touched you like this - human males seemed too fragile for the sort of enthusiasm you usually displayed and most of your attempts had failed miserably. The only man who had ever pleased you without concern for injury was the one touching you now, further proof, you felt, that he was the only one for you.
He was quick to penetrate you again, leaning in as his fingers filled you, dragging his tongue over the swollen pearl of nerves that made a shaky breath pass your lips. You fisted the sheets underneath you in one hand, letting the other dance over his golden locks as he began to feast on your cunt. He grunted as he devoured you, his free hand pinning your thigh to the bed as his other fingers fucked into you with a steady stroke.
“Thor,” you whined, pushing yourself further up the bed as if you could escape the unbearable pleasure building in your core. He only tightened his hold on you, and you heard the bed creak under his weight. “Thor, please -”
Pulling his mouth away abruptly, he grinned at you, withdrawing his fingers with a little more leisure and sliding them into his mouth, sucking your essence from them. “You’re still just as impatient as always.”
You smirked, pushing up onto your elbows as you watched him stand and discard his pants before he crawled up the bed, his larger frame covering yours. His knees parted your thighs, the thick heft of his cock resting heavily against your drenched sex as he drove in for another kiss.
“I missed you,” you murmured, brushing your nose against his when he broke away once more. His blue eyes seemed to shuffle through darker hues as he looked down at you, careful to hold the majority of his weight off of your body.
“And I you,” he replied. “But I will always endeavor to return to you, Y/N. I swear by all of Asgard and the Nine Realms; I belong with you.”
You wanted to say more, though it felt superfluous, but then Thor was pushing into you, filling you so completely that all you could do was cling to him. Each kiss was met with enthusiasm, and you quickly wrapped your legs around him to pull him in deeper, letting him settle in your belly with a comfortable and familiar weight. One of his hands rested on your ass, the other underneath your shoulder, and when he began to move, every cell in your body sang.
His thrusts were measured and slow but hard enough that you felt the first stirrings of climax within only minutes, digging your fingernails into his shoulders as he drove into you. You whimpered into each kiss, responding to every touch with just as much passion as he gave, desperate and unwilling to break contact with him for so much as a second. Thor seemed to share that sentiment, moving the hand under your shoulder to cradle your head, allowing him to plunder your mouth with his tongue until you were aching to breathe. Your head swam with bliss, and you could barely find the strength to cry out as the wave of pleasure dragged you under.
Thor slowed, lifting to watch you as you fell apart, keeping his strokes hard and purposeful, glancing down to witness your body accepting every inch of him. “My Queen,” he hummed, dropping his mouth to suck one hard nipple between his lips.
You smiled lazily at the quiet comment. “I’m not a Queen,” you corrected softly.
His eyes met yours, and he released your breast with a wet pop. “To me, you are.” He didn’t give you a chance to argue, sweeping you away on another round of intense kisses, rocking into you with a steady rhythm. You felt the pressure in your belly build once more, only this time, you want to feel him, all of him.
“Thor -”
“I know,” he shushed, breathless with exertion. “Kiss me.”
It wasn’t a crescendo like you’d experienced before. This time felt different, more concrete, more mature - he was promising to always return to you, even if he couldn’t stay. His oath was more binding than even the bond you’d shared as children, and you knew it would be a vow he would never break.
“Let me feel you,” he whispered, and you crashed, clinging to him as he spilled into you, eagerly accepting a last hard kiss before the both of you collapsed atop the sheets. Thor was quick to move you into a more comfortable position, holding your body firm against his as he sought out lazy, gentle kisses and caresses.
You laid still in his arms for a while, enjoying the warmth of his body, listening to his heart pound in his chest, mirroring your own heartbeat. There was a stickiness you’d have to deal with eventually, though that threw up an entirely new problem.
“You know,” you whispered, looking up at him as he gazed down at you, “I’m not sure you’re going to fit in the shower.”
He laughed, a throaty and loud noise that made you smile anew. “We’ll figure it out,” he chuckled when his mirth died down a little.
For a second, you simply stared at him, unable to voice the dozens of questions clogging your head and your heart. “And everything else?”
Thor smiled, cupping your cheek and leaning in to kiss you softly. “There is nothing we cannot conquer,” he murmured, “together.”
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