#mainly i want to write that red lamb scene

[yanderepuck]

Petplay Kink~

You’re all sluts I hope you know that.

But I’m the biggest slut because I’m the one that came up with the idea.

If you don’t know what petplay is.  Well. You’re about to get a pretty good idea.

Napoleon

He didn’t understand the appeal until he saw you in some cat ears.  You thought it was a cute accessory and you wear that headband when you wash your face since it is the only thing you have to keep the hair out of your face without pulling it back.  You didn’t think anything of it.  When he reached up to feel the ears you let out a soft purr.  He then imagined what you would look like with a long fluffy tail which then made him think of how much he’d want to pet it, and seeing you naked on his bed trying to use that fluffy tail of yours to cover yourself.

Mozart

It’s hard when you’re both bottoms.  But for the most part you are the one topping him.  You both don’t get too kinky, mainly you’re just rough with each other. But there’s some things from back home you’ve always wanted to try.  Before Mozart has said he’s okay with trying a few things, meanwhile there’s others he knows he doesn’t want to do bondage.  But he hasn’t said anything about some petplay.  You decide to have it as a surprise and see how he reacts, besides its not like he has to do much.  He normally calls you his lamb, but tonight you’re going to be a wolf.

Leonardo

The thought of you with a cat tail and ears gets him hard.  He isn’t quite sure why but he wants to put you in a collar and call you his kitten.  The moment he sees yourself like that he looses it.  He’s got you naked on the bed, touching you all over while you purr for him.  The collar that he got you was made just for you.  It’s a thick silk velvet ribbon with some gems and lace on it.  It ties in the back so it can be tighter or looser.  He enjoys taking you from behind so he can see you reach out and grab the sheets.  As he fucks you into the mattress he makes you meow for him.

Arthur

He might be a ho, but even this is new to him.  He already thought you were hot wearing a choker/collar.  He loves to give it a tug to pull you closer to him.  One day while you were waiting for him to get back, you were sitting in his room and happened to see Vic’s leash and had an idea.  When Arthur got back you were in your underwear and were holding the leash that was attached to your choker.  His face got red.  He wasn’t expecting to come home from this.  He isn’t phased for too long however.  He takes the leash from you and pulls you close to him.  As he’s kissing you he starts saying how you better bark for him.

Vincent

This pure boy barely knows what kinks are.  You bring up to him that there’s a few things you want to try.  He tells you that he’s okay with trying anything as long it doesn’t harm either of you.  You don’t tell him anything in particular that you want to do, but there are some things you were into back home.  After a day of painting Vincent was coming to your room to see how you were doing.  He walked in to see you on your bed in a robe with some lingerie on.  He’s always wanted to paint you dressed like this.  He wanted to always see you like this.  He came over to give you a kiss and noticed you wearing a choker collar.  It looks cute on you.  Even getting the slight urge to give it a tug.  But he doesn’t.  He controls himself.  Until he pushes that robe off of you and feels something odd.  You show him the tail you are wearing and get a little embarrassed because you weren’t sure what he was going to think of it.  But he assured you that it made him only want to paint you more.  He gave it a few strokes before giving it a bit of a tug.  You weren’t expecting it and let out a little yip.  Putting a finger under your choker collar he pulls you closer and kisses you, before pushing you down on the bed to get on top of you.

Theo

Do I even have to write for him????  This bitch loves it.  He already calls you a mutt as your pet name.  But lets take it a different route this time.  You’re his sweet hondje.  He treasures you and treats you like a sweet small lap dog.  You rest your head on his lap and he strokes your hair while you get cozy and fall asleep.  He pampers you and gets you everything you would need.  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have you wearing a collar.  He wants everyone to know who you belong to.  He doesn’t want to loose his precious pup.

Isaac

Why would seeing someone in animal ears be attractive?  Isn’t that a little childish?  But you warm him up to the idea.  He didn’t know what to expect.  But the room is dim, you’re purring in his ear giving his neck a few little licks, just to tease.  You take his hand and get him to wrap a finger around the collar you have on.  You let out a little whimper when he tugs at it.  For the first half of it you lead his hands, but the second half he has his hands on your hips, guiding you and calling you a good girl.

Dazai

It was probably his idea.  You are in lingerie, with some fox ears and a tail and he’s drooling over you.  He didn’t have a leash but he tied a rope to your choker to keep you close to him.  He has his hands on your ass, your back against the wall and tells you that if you behave he’ll reward you.  But as a fox you keep teasing him, so he keeps your leash short.  Not close enough to have your bodies touching, but don’t even think about touching yourself or he’ll use that rope to tie you up. 

Jean

What could be so attractive about some animal ears?  That’s what he thought until you were on top of him, in all lace lingerie, your hands all over his body while gently bucking your hips into his for any sort of friction.  You’re saying how you caught him and how he’s your prey, meaning you go down on him.  You’re taking your time and keeping his hips down on the bed.  He has a hand in your hair trying to get you to take more of him, but you don’t listen.  So he grips you by the collar you’re wearing and bring you back up to his face and getting on top of you, saying he’s trapped you now.

Will

He already likes to tie you up and act like you are his prey, but you wanted a little more.  He keeps you on a short leash so you can’t wander off and get in trouble.  He has you get on your knees and makes you beg.  He likes to play with you in front of a mirror so you can see what you look like, so you don’t forget who you belong to.  He leaves marks all over you.

Comte

After that one scene, he would be the one in ears in a tail, BUT WE AREN’T BREAKING THE PATTERN NOW.  He spoils you.  Maybe a little too much.  He always gives you what you ask for so when you don’t get your way you act out.  Of course its all roleplay, he’ll put a hand around your neck and tell you to remember who you are talking to.  If you still act out he’ll be sure to reach under that skirt the tease you until you can’t stand any longer.  But don’t think about collapsing.  He’ll remind you that his is what you wanted, and he’s giving it to you, don’t be ungrateful now.

Sebastian

The idea isn’t new to him, but it wasn’t much of anything he was exactly into, until you brought it up to him.  Only he has you wear a dainty little collar all day while working.  No one else in the mansion really knows what it means.  He started to get more into it once he knew how much you liked it.  He’d watch you closely int he kitchen and if you didn’t do something to his standards he’d press his body against your from behind, a hand firmly against your neck asking why you aren’t being a good girl.  He has no issue reaching up your skirt and rubbing you.  He says that if you’re a good girl and finish all your chorus when he’ll reward you 

Vlad

He spoils you with everything.  But the moment you disobey him he’ll make sure you won’t forget who your owner is.  He has no issue walking you around the castle on a leash.  He wants your to beg for forgiveness and then even act upon it.  If you aren’t on your best behavior he’ll tie you up so you can’t touch him or yourself and you’ll have to watch him please himself. 

Faust

He already treats you like a pet everyday.  You ask him for help and he’s make a comment about how he needs to train you to do it properly, even if the thing is just getting something off a high shelf.  He loves watching your face light up when he calls you a good girl.  Your energy just fills up the room, and he knows that if he wants you to do something, all he has to do is praise you and maybe give you a treat.  He finds it adorable when you have a choker on, he calls it your collar and calls you his little kitty.

Charles

He loves to call you his kitten.  He puts cat ears on you can gives you head pats as a joke at first.  But then you were like, no, need more head pats.  You just keep asking for attention even when he’s busy, and one day you take it a little too far and just sit on his lap while he’s busy, so he reaches around to put a finger under your choker and drags his tongue along your ear and says that if you’re going to be on his lap that you better get to work on him.

Masterlist

#I had this half done #and I got stuck on Jean and Isaac and then its been in my drafts since like January #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp napleon #ikevamp mozart #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp theo #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp jean #ikevamp shakespeare #ikevamp comte #ikevamp sebastian #ikevamp vlad #ikevamp faust #ikevamp charles

[irelise]

(high fantasy au ficlet)

i’m feeling a bit rusty with writing so i just whipped up something short and sweet...! part 1 of probably 2

based on this prompt

dnd campaign pitch: the king sends you to kill a dragon that’s been ravaging the lands but when you get there it turns out the dragon only has a price on it’s head because it has sensitive information about the king’s political scandals and it needs your help leaking them to the press

After the servants clear away the dishes, after Lord Shaw explains his reasons for summoning him in the first place, Charles only says: “The Grey King? A rather odd name for a dragon, that.” “But a fitting one.” Charles’ liege lord motions for a servant to refill their winecups. “Grey for the colour of its scales, grey for the ashes it leaves in his wake – or so the smallfolk report. It must be stopped.”

"You must know that I'm a poor choice for this, I've always believed that man and dragon-"

"Can live in harmony, yes." Shaw interrupts, looking bored. "I heard you the first twenty times. But you've heard what this beast has done. You still believe you can make peace?"

"Always," Charles says firmly, and Shaw laughs.

"Oh, dear Charles, that's why you're my favourite." The glint of greed in Shaw's eyes is nothing new, but as always, Charles elects to ignore it, taking a calm sip of his wine.

Shaw drinks as well. "Oh, fine then." He waves a careless hand. "I'll send someone else to deal with it."

"No, no, I'll be glad to handle the matter. I just think resorting to killing right away is not the answer."

"What, you planning to talk it into submission?"

"There must be a reason for what it's doing. I'm going to find out what it is."

"It'll kill you." Shaw's eyes bore into him. "No, not physically, that would be a kindness. It'll turn your mind against itself. It'll turn you against us, you, my best knight. It'll make you its slave, is that what you want?"

***

On his second week of hard riding, Charles catches a glimpse of the dragon.

The sun hangs low in the sky, bathing the world in the orange-red glow of fire when, without warning, a swift shadow passes over Charles. Charles snaps his head up, eyes scanning the skies - there! Sunlight reflects off the dragon's wings, outstretched in flight. They gleam like sheets of burnished metal, darkly iridescent, a thousand different subdued colours of the rainbow shimmering across the iron-like span.

The dragon doesn't seem to be hostile. It's not burning and destroying, it's not even hunting; it simply is. It soars in long, lazy patterns, and Charles' breath catches at the sight of its beautiful, deadly splendor.

He watches it for a long time, an unnameable ache in his chest, until it disappears into the horizon.

***

"A big grey dragon? I've seen it a few times in the distance, but if it's been causing trouble, it's not hereabouts."

"Only problem we've had lately is from drakes, I've not heard anything about this Grey King of yours."

"I heard it lairs a few days west of here, but I've never seen the thing myself."

It's the same story no matter where he goes: nobody has ever seen the dragon up close, and nobody has ever had their land and animals and family razed to the ground. The dragon doesn't even take livestock, preferring to do its hunting elsewhere. Charles' own eyes confirm the story: the villages he passes are industrious but peaceful, their fields ripe and golden, ready for the harvest. The people are welcoming and their children play out in the open, in meadows dotted with wildflowers, not a single hint of fear to be seen. It is not the look of a region devastated by a dragon. Just what is Shaw playing at?

Then Charles comes upon the garrison.

It's the smell of burning that first attracts his notice. Then he sees the smoke, rising in grey clouds above the treetops. Instantly alert, Charles urges his horse into a faster trot.

When he comes to the end of the road, he's greeted with a scene of devastation. The stone walls of the garrison are scorched and blackened, the heavy gate of reinforced wood an unrecognizable heap of charred ashes.

Worst of all are the bodies piled up at the gate, soldiers cut down by fang and claw and flame as they fled for their lives. Useless, against a dragon. Charles scans the skies - there are still fires burning, the attack can't have been very long ago - but there's nothing, nothing except smoke.

Charles dismounts quickly, one hand on the hilt of his sword, the other moving in quick, precise gestures as he mutters the words of a shield spell. Not many have the mixture of innate talent and ironclad discipline necessary for the study of magic; he's one of the few battlemages serving under Shaw, and the strongest.

Perhaps too strong. Charles grimaces as his magic flares, fire-sparks whiting out his vision, but he's adept by now at wrestling his magic back under his control. Once his vision returns to normal, he starts forward cautiously, only stopping when he reaches the grisly pile of bodies. The garrison is a small one; it wouldn't be manned by any more than twenty soldiers, and almost half that number are here.

All those lives, snuffed out in an instant. Charles pushes back his sorrow and drops to one knee, critically examining the injuries: gashes, mainly, but not so large and deep that they would have come from one of those ancient, massive wyrms capable of slicing a man in half with a glancing blow. The dragon he's dealing with can't be much larger than a young adult, although of course dragon morphology can vary greatly...

Charles climbs back to both feet, heading deeper into the garrison. There are more bodies strewn on the ground, many of them clutching bloodied weapons; they must have landed a few good hits on the dragon. It wasn't enough to save them. Charles' heart sinks the longer he searches, not a single living soul to be found

Then he rounds a corner and he sees a wild-eyed soldier with his sword drawn, poised to thrust it through the chest of an unconscious figure lying on the ground.

Charles doesn't stop to think. "Fus!" A blast of concussive force leaps from his outstretched hand, slamming the soldier to the ground. Charles draws his own sword as he steps forward. "What's going on here?"

"Back off!" The soldier snarls, scrabbling for his sword. Charles kicks it further away. "He's working with the dragon! I've seen him skulking around these past few days, he-"

"He is an unarmed, unconscious man!" Charles crouches down next to him. To his surprise, the man's eyes are open, but glassy and unfocused. Blood stains the wooden floor under him, and Charles can see cruel lacerations across his chest.

But his clothing is strange; nothing like what the men of the garrison wear. And that face... There's something familiar about the sharp cheekbones, the glint of copper in his hair. Charles frowns, trying to place it, but his concentration is broken by a snarl from the soldier. He had pulled himself back to his feet and is now making another lunge for his sword, but Charles intercepts him easily, snatching the sword away from his fumbling grip.

"Enough of this," he says sternly. "My name is Charles Xavier, I'm one of the knights sworn to the service of Lord Sebastian Shaw. Just what is going on here?"

"I came back from patrol to find - this. I looked-" The soldier's voice cracks. "Everyone was dead. Except him. I told you, I've seen him! He's been spying on us! And now..."

It's a story full of gaping holes and tenuous connections - certainly not enough for Charles to order the execution of a defenseless man. "I know you're grieving and angry, but killing him now will be a mistake. There's too much we don't know. He may be an innocent man, as much of a victim of this attack as you are."

"You don't know what you're talking about," the man snarls, helpless fury contorting across his face. "All you high and mighty knights, you don't know-"

"I will take him back to the city," Charles interjects firmly. "We'll question him thoroughly, I promise you. Come with us. Your testimony will be invaluable."

"Fuck you." All at once, the fury leaves the soldier. He slumps against the wall. "Do what you want. You'll wake up to a knife in your back tonight, and I'll bury your body along with the rest."

***

The injured man goes quietly with Charles, docile as a lamb, his eyes still vacant and dazed. As much as his heart aches for him, Charles takes no chance: he binds the man's arms and searches him for weapons before he brings him away from the garrison.

"I have medical supplies in my saddlebag, but we'll ride back to the closest village to get you proper treatment. I'm afraid you'll have to stay with me for awhile, until we get all of this sorted out."

Charles is sure that the man hears him, but he gives no response, and the vacant look in his eyes doesn't fade. Shock? But no, there's something buzzing at the edges of Charles' magic-sense, a whisper that something isn't quite right... He directs the man to sit on the grass, carefully arranging him to rest against the trunk of a tree as he removes his shirt to clean and dress his wounds. They don't look like wounds that have come from a dragon's fangs or claws. If anything, they look like wounds inflicted by a blade.

"You saved me."

Charles starts, gaze flicking up to meet the stranger's pale eyes. The blankness has not entirely faded, but there's an intensity not present before.

"I would not condemn a man to death without knowing all the facts," Charles says. "Although now that you're lucid, I hope you can give me some answers. How are you feeling?"

"I've had worse before. I'll recover." The man grimaces. Charles can't place his accent - it's a mix of many things, some of them infuriatingly familiar, a fading memory he can't properly grasp. "Am I your prisoner?" He shrugs his bound arms.

"Unfortunately, yes, you were found under some rather suspicious circumstances." Charles gives him a small smile, wanting to show the man that he does not mean to treat him unkindly, despite his status. "May I have your name?"

"Erik. Erik Lehnsherr."

"Charles Xavier, a sworn knight under Lord Sebastian Shaw. I promise you, I will ensure you are treated fairly and with justice."

Rather than look comforted, Erik skewers him with a sharp look. "Shaw? Sebastian Shaw?"

"You must know of him, surely, these lands are under his rule. Are you a traveler?"

"You could say that."

Charles frown, giving the man's shoulder a brief squeeze. His skin is terribly cold and clammy. "I would advise you to be forthright in your answers. You're in a great deal of trouble, my friend."

Erik barks a sharp laugh. "Fine. Ask your questions."

"What were you doing at the garrison?"

"Attacking it, what else?"

Charles' composure fractures, and he stares at Erik in open shock. "...I'm sorry?" He manages. There are still bandages in his hands, and Erik is smiling at him, teeth bared, fierce and hungry yet without a shred of malice. If anything, he seems entertained.

"You heard me."

"I did - I'm sorry, I'm just very..." He shakes his head, knowing Erik is deliberately throwing him off-balance. "You were working with the dragon? You're admitting it openly?"

"Yes. Problem?"

"Many," Charles snaps, the broken, bloody corpses flashing in his memory. "All those men, Erik! Why?"

"It was justice," Erik growls. "I've heard of you before, Charles Xavier. Shaw's right hand, his keenest blade, his most powerful mage. He sent you to slay a dragon, didn't he?"

Charles watches him with warily. "He did, but killing it was not my intention."

"Good. Because he wants to meet you."

#cherik #xmfc #my writing

[diabolikotaku]

Otome Heroines as K-Pop Idols Pt. 5: Haruka Nanami Edition

Heyo I’m not dead, just on the inside

- Age: 18

- Graduated high school already, but she went to Saotome Academy.

- She was already familiar with the idol scene because she obviously writes songs for them. However there was a big difference between writing songs and actually performing them.

- Surprisingly, none of the boys or Saotome found out about this double life Haruka lived. Guess they weren’t looking into breaking into Korea’s charts any soon.

- ^ which benefited Haruka

-  Despite her soft and shy looks, Haruka has some amazing vocal abilities. 

- ^ of course, she got professional training...For free because Saotome perks.

- LuNars call her ‘Princess’ and ‘Goddess’ because of how elegant and beautiful Haruka is in real life. If you actually say this to her face, she immediately hides her face.

- The mastermind behind all of the songs HEROINE releases.

- The members call Haruka ‘Nana-nee’, ‘Noona’, ‘Seven-unnie’, ‘Leader-nim’ and ‘Producer Nanami’.

- ^ Actually, her producer name is ‘7even’ because she didn’t want Saotome or anyone who knew her to find out the whole ‘K-idol’ ordeal.

- Stumbles with her Korean sometimes and it’s really cute the others older than her.

- Knetz hate on her for being an ‘airhead’ and ‘clutzy’, but that wasn’t gonna bring Haruka down!

- ^ Mainly because the other members try to hide forums from her so that she wouldn’t get so stressed over them.

- Surprisingly flexible.

- Likes to collab with older seniors because they don’t keep up with anything j-pop related...But then again, she’s playing with fire here.

- She acts the same around Starish/Quartet Night along with her members.

- The other members would be silently fangirling around seniors, but Haruka treats them professionally like how she would meet with other idols and bands she wrote songs for in Japan. 

- ^ Seniors commented on how professional yet relax Haruka was.

- The first one to obtain a solo debut

- ^ a mini album that contained mainly slower songs (r&b pop,r&b, and ballads). It did pretty decent on charts.

- When Haruka is in Japan and alone, she would practice her singing and dancing so that she wouldn’t get rusty.

- ^ There was this one time she was dancing and Natsuki and Syo caught her, she then had to make up a fib that she couldn’t find the time to exercise and ‘decided’ to dance in order to ‘make up for it’. They bought in and Natsuki actually offered to dance with her so that she wouldn’t do it alone, Haruka refused politely though.

- Can’t really act, she always shows what’s her emotion and all that.

- Helped HEROINE get a lot of fans because of We Got Married with Yuzu. 

- Haruka is always researching and listening to new music to get inspirations for both Starish and Heroine.

- ^ One time she accidentally mixed up her songs and gave Starish a 90′s themed pop song and Heroine a dark pop/rock song. But it worked out in the end because those songs became chart toppers.

- Haruka is clutzy, so she trips over her own feet a lot when she dances. So she gets a lot of bruises and scratches on her knees and legs.

- ^ Tokiya noticed this once and asked Haruka, however Natsuki answered the whole ‘exercising’ bit and he just proceeded to lightly scold Haruka about taking it easy. 

- ^ So one time, LuNars were considered on social media about the reoccurring brusies on Haruka’s legs and some went as far as to claim that Haruka was a victim of company abuse. She then released a statement later saying that it was mainly her fault about the bruises due to her clumsy nature.

- It’s kind of awkward for Haruka to see J-Idols while she’s with Heroine or just on a Korean variety show. Since they already know her for writing their songs and then she has to explain them in private not to reveal the whole ‘I write for the hottest boy bands in Japan’. 

- ^ However, she became closer with said J-idols. Hikaru of j-band New Moon basically treats her as an older sister and Haruka treats him like a little brother. It caused netizens to question the relationship, but found it kind of cute.

- Various of videos of her playing the piano exist on the internet.

- When Heroine was getting popular, Haruka was starting to become more worried about people recognizing her. But tried to calm herself down by telling herself that she was only known in Korea.

- ^ God hated her at that moment.

- ^ She was with Quartet Night at some random company and the CEO’s son was a huge fan of Heroine, especially her. So Haruka asked his son to keep quiet about it to the other four in exchange for a selca and signing some things.

- Haruka can’t handle stress that well, all of the nights of dancing and tiresome schedules finally caught up to her...It didn’t help because of her poor health that she passed out and had to be taken to the hospital.

- ^ She kinda begged Saotome not to tell the boys and Tomo about it.

- Now here comes the night where everyone found out...

- Haruka was told by Otome Sound’s CEO that she was doing a collab with a J-idol and she didn’t mind, thinking it was probably Hikaru or something. 

- Turns out, it was Heaven’s Van.

- Good god was it awkward for Haruka. Not for Van though, he was strangely excited to know about and be the only one to know about Haruka’s secret. Plus he liked her talking voice already, so singing voice must be great!

- ^ They did something a guitar + moderate beat kind of song (See: nct 127 - angel)

- Guess who fell for Haruka’s singing voice?: Van did. Now he was even more determined to ask her out.

- ^ She still said no.

- Apparently, the song did REALLY well in korea that it started getting attention in Japan because of Van.

- Since there was a slighly-romantic mv pairing with it, it was trending in both countries. So naturally, EVERYONE in Saotome’s company saw the video. 

- When Haruka got back, she tried explaining something she pulled out of her head, only for it to be tossed in the trash when Heroine’s Japanese single started to play on a giant TV. It was already over.

- Haruka had a long talk with Saotome and they agreed that Haruka could continue being a songwriter to Starish and be an active member in Heroine. Although he was bit dramatic, saying that ‘he should of recognized her talents earlier’.

- Starish and Quartet Night on the other hand where HELLA worried about Haruka being idol, knowing her bad health and how tiring it was. 

- ^ She assured them that she was okay, although she didn’t tell them about the whole hospital thing.

- Besides being worried, they were surprised and kind of hurt that Haruka didn’t tell them about her idol career. 

- Now they ALL look at her group’s activities...Which included We Got Married and some of the more mature concepts...

- Needless to say, they all love her voice and her ability to fit in with any concept.

- Ren took a liking to the mature-sexy concept Haruka did (see: miss a - hush) and started teasing her: “Oh, every guy in Korea saw my little lamb’s body...You should only show that to me.”

- This caused Masato to hit him upside the head and apologize for him, beat red.

- Everybody was low key jealous of Yuzu

- Except Cecil, he was high key jealous and displayed it to Haruka.

- The concepts the boys liked: Ittoki - bubblegum pop (see: wsjn - happy, twice - cheer up), Tokiya - Natural/90′s pop ( see: gfriend - rough, gfriend - glass bead), Cecil - r&b/ r&b pop ( see: red velvet - talk to me, primary ft. sumin - i know), Syo - fierce pop (see: mamamoo - decalcomanie, sonamoo - I (knew it) ), Natsuki - classic girly ( see: apink - nonono, girls’ day - darling, apink - mr. chu), Ren - sexy/mature  ( see: miss a - hush, aoa - bing bing, red velvet - be natural), Masato - soft and mature ( see: red velvet - one of these nights, mamamoo - paint me)

- Continued: Reiji fun/funky/ disco-pop ( see: triple h - 365 fresh, snsd - all night, blackpink - as if it’s your last, kara - mamma mia) , Camus - classical/ orchestral (see: btob - thriller, btob - insane)  , Ranmaru - dark rock/pop ( see: kara - damaged lady, dreamcatcher - goodnight) , Ai - Soft and mellow but meaningful ( see: roy kim - only then, day6 - all alone).

- Doesn’t know a lot of korean songs

- Doesn’t know a lot of korean singers, so that’s why she’s just professional with them.

- 1 of 2 members who are close to being legal (don’t get any funny ideas...)

- So Haruka’s Sasaeng story: Apparently this sasaeng found out she also worked for Saotome, so he proceeds to stalk Haruka for a week. Making her feel paranoid and nervous all of the time, it only got worse when she started getting packages and creepy letters. Apparently seeing Haruka with one of the Starish boys or Quartet Night boys was enough to drive the sasaeng crazy to the point he tried to kidnap Haruka. But to the sasaeng’s bad luck; Ranmaru and Natsuki was around in the area. Ranmaru immediately charged at the sasaeng, but he threw something at Ranmaru which missed and caused Natsuki’s glasses to fall off and awakening Satsuki. 

- ^ Later on, the police was called to pick up a really roughed-up man and Saotome filed a restraining order.

- Doesn’t eat a lot, which concerned a lot of people, but She told everyone that she had a low metabolism and didn’t like to feel stuffed.

- Did a special stage with a 90′s throwback along with Yoowon (WhaDup), Sapphire (Noir), and Aezy (Cupid). 

- A part of the Sweetie line (Komori, Chizuru, Haruka)

- Was on the masked singer, but lost after the third round.

- Ideal type: Someone generally kind to others, knows how to cheer her up, strong and protective, has the same interests as her.

- LuNars adore how caring Haruka is towards fans, she would ask them: “Have you eaten yet? How long were you waiting here?” And tells them: “Be sure to eat plenty and on time! Get a lot of rest! Be sure you’re taking care of yourself!”

- A compilation of Haruka getting hurt exists on the internet.

- One time Starish was late to their concert because of a delay and Haruka had to be an opening act, now pretty much everyone knows who she is...It’s just a blessing they don’t know she’s the writer for Starish and actually lives with them.

- This other time, she was on a reality TV show with Heroine-WHITE and Quartet Night was the other guests on the show. They learned a lot of stuff about Haruka that day.

woop woop, it’s done

#utapri #uta no prince sama #haruka nanami #otome #kpop au #kpop #anon #request

[weconqueratdawn]

Tagged by @aametis - thank you!

Books, Movies, or T.V. show: TV show

Favourite Character: Will <3

Favorite moment of the entire franchise: OH GOD - I mean, there are so many?? Visually, I guess, the two of them hanging upside down in Mason’s meat truck - that’s probably everything you need to know about the tone (and trajectory) of the show in one single moment. I am always DELIGHTED every time I see it. There’s an implied intimacy somehow? And Hannibal’s already on the best date of his life by then.

Favourite quote of the entire franchise: WHAT are you DOING to me!?? One quote leads to another, this is impossible. Errrrrrrr...... it has to be “It’s beautiful” doesn’t it? On it’s own it means very little, but after those three seasons and everything which happens in them, it’s utterly thrilling. And shocking. And exciting. And I can’t wait to know what happens next :)

Fight scene you’d want to see on NBC’s Hannibal: We’ve had some good ones already :0 But I want to see more fighting from Will - just a tiny little murder husbands fight, side by side, post-it’s beautiful - just one, oh please Bryan *sob*

Alternative theme song to NBC’s Hannibal: Anything else Brian Reitzell cares to write for it.

Favourite book from the series: I’ve only read Red Dragon so far (the others are waiting for me, but I’ve been sorely in need of comfort books over these past months and those books are... not that, lol), so I can’t really choose.

Favourite movie from the series: Has to be Silence of the Lambs.

Favourite episode from NBC’s Hannibal: UGH, um, at the moment possibly Primavera or Secondo - the tragedy and beauty of everything is just thrumming away so wonderfully in those episodes. 

Hannibal Season 4, yes or no: YES \o/

Alternative hobbies to replace Hannibal’s cannibalism: Has he tried BDSM lol 

Hannibal invites you to a dinner party, you…: accept without any hesitation - I’m so there, sorry everyone! have you seen his food ffs?? it looks amazing

Alternative animals for Will to collect: BIRDS - imagine Will with a bird sanctuary XD 

Animal (mythical or real) you’d tattoo on your back like Francis Dolarhyde: A wings-spread magpie? Like a Hell’s Angel jacket!

What brought you into the fandom; books, movies, or T.V. series: The TV show - and many, many gifs on tumblr.

Least Favourite scene from the entire franchise: Like @aametis - I don’t look forward to Beverly’s death :( 

Add Clarice to NBC’s Hannibal, yes or no: Yes, I think there’s interesting things which could be done with her character, given Will, Miriam, and also Bedelia already occupy some of her character’s space.

Favourite killer of the week: Tobias has it!

Your reaction to Mizumono (S2 finale): I knew they both survived, so no worries there. It was mainly utterly silent tears. 

Your reaction to The Wrath of The Lamb (S3 finale): How many times can you say “oh my god!?” over and over and over and over... There was a blanket too, to stifle the involuntary noises I was making.

I have no idea who’s already done this - sorry if I tag you again! No obligations, as usual @theseavoices @zacharybosch @wraithsonwingsposts @aviran007 @janespetticoat @matildaparacosm @fragile-teacup @hanni-bunny-lecter @littlethingwithfeathers and anyone else who fancies a go :)

#memery #ask meme #hannibal #about me

[ljones41]

"FLASH FOR FREEDOM!" (1971) Book Review

Below is my review of George MacDonald Fraser's 1971 novel, "FLASH FOR FREEDOM", which featured the character of British Army officer Harry Flashman:

  ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM!” (1971) Book Review I believe there are at least six novels from George MacDonald Fraser’s series about the adult adventures of Harry Flashman, the cowardly bully from ”Tom Brown’s School Days”, that I consider among the best that the author has written. One of these six novels happens to be ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM!”. Published in 1971, the novel featured Harry Flashman’s experiences with the Atlantic trade of African slaves and the American slave system in the antebellum South. The novel took that great English symbol of cowardice, lechery and bigotry from the coast of Dahomey in West Africa, to the Caribbean, Washington D.C., New Orleans, the Mississippi River Valley, the Ohio River Valley and finally back to New Orleans. ------------------- ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM!” began with Flashman’s arrival from the European continent, where a series of revolutions had appeared during the early spring of 1848 (see ”ROYAL FLASH”). Fearful of a class uprising that seemed to be brewing within a British radical group called the Chartists, Flashy’s father-in-law, John Morrison, arranged for Flashman to meet political figures like Benjamin Disraeli and Lord George Bentinck at a country house party in order to seek help in jumpstarting his own political career. But an encounter with an old nemesis from ”FLASHMAN” (1969) framed Flashman with card cheating . . . and the surprisingly innocent Flashy assaulted him. Morrison has Flashman shipped out of the country to ride out the scandal . . . on a slave ship bound for the western coast of Africa. I had not been kidding when I claimed that ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM” was one of Fraser’s best novels. His passages featuring Flashman’s experiences aboard the Balliol College are masterful. Not only did the author give a detailed description of life aboard a 19th century slave ship, he provided readers with probably his best fictional creation - master of the S.S. Balliol College, Captain John Charity Spring. Not long after Flashman becomes a member of the Balliol College's crew, he realize that his father-in-law has put him under the thumb of a Latin-quoting psychotic. In one sequence, Spring discoveres that another crewman, a mentally challenged young man named Looney, has pissed on the food prepared for the slaves.  Needless to say, Spring's enraged whipping of poor Looney would turn out to be an event that Flashman would later attempt to exploit for his own means. Upon the Balliol College's arrival upon the coast of West Africa, Fraser gave readers a bird’s eye view of how African slaves were purchased from African rulers like King Ghezo of Dahomey and European traders along the West Africa coastline. Fraser also provided readers with a peek into the kingdom of Dahomey (which eventually became Benin), its ruler and the latter’s famous female warriors - Dahomey Amazons - some of whom the Balliol College’s psychotic captain longed own for scholarly reasons. When King Ghezo hands over six of his “Amazon” warriors to Captain Spring, the remaining women, resentful of the exchange, attack the Balliol College’s landing party during its trek back to the ship. One of the women (who had taken a slight fancy to Flashy) wounds one of the crewmen, an Englishman named Beauchamp Comber. Just before his death aboard the Balliol College, Comber confess to Flashman that he was a Royal Navy agent charged with gathering evidence against Captain Spring and the other owners of the ship. One of the ship’s investors turned out to be Flashman’s pernicious father-in-law. The Balliol College eventually reach the Honduras coast, where the crew deliver the new slaves and pick up a half-dozen mulatto slave prostitutes to be delivered in New Orleans. But a U.S. Navy sloop under the command of the young and ambitious Captain Fairbrother spots the Balliol College and a brief sea battle ensues in which the slave ship is damaged and Springs is shot by a mentally challenged mate named Looney, at Flashman’s instigation. To avoid facing arrest for illegal slave trading, Flashy assumes the late Lieutenant Comber’s identity. Once more, Fraser used his journalistic skills to good use in his description of what is known by historians as theMiddle Passage. He went into great detail about how slavers dealt with captured slaves being held below deck. Fraser also described the practice of some sailors to mate with female slaves in order to impregnate them. This sexual practice was used to ensure a higher value among these female slave and any racially mixed children they might produce. Flashman is assigned to have sex with a Dahomey female slave he has named Lady Caroline Lamb. Another interesting aspect about this passage in the novel was how Fraser revealed the racism and herd mentality of white Westerners like Flashman, Captain Spring and the Balliol College’s first mate, Mr. Sullivan. Following Comber’s death, Spring refused to immediately bury the Royal Navy officer at sea, after one of the slaves had died on the same day and was tossed into the sea. Apparently, the slave captain found the idea of a white man and a black man being “buried” in the same area within hours of each other racially repellent. In another scene, Mr. Sullivan seems to have a ready answer for Flashman’s ponderings about the slaves’ “docile” behavior.  He believed that the captured Africans were basically brainless brutes who had simply surrendered to the idea of becoming slaves without any resistance.  And Flashman simply accepted his excuse. I found it interesting that both Flashman and Sullivan used race as an excuse to the newly captured slaves’ ”docile” behavior. Neither man had bothered to consider the possibility that a series of traumatic experiences – being captured as prisoners of war, enduring a trek from the interior to the coast; and being tossed into a barracoon or holding place, before being loaded aboard the Balliol College - may have contributed to their mental state. Instead, the two white men indulged in some kind of herd mentality and dismissed the slaves’ behavior as typical of their race. ----------------- Forced to continue his disguise as Comber, Flashman becomes acquainted with various American politicians that happened to be sympathetic to the abolitionist cause. One of them turned out to be one-term Congressman Abraham Lincoln. I must admit that I enjoyed Fraser’s portrayal of the future president as a shrewd, manipulative and humorous man. Lincoln not only spotted Flashman as a rogue, but suggested that he might also be one. The novel also featured a dinner conversation in which Lincoln expressed his exasperation with the abolitionist movement and especially the presence of blacks in the United States. If ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM” had been published for the first time in the past twenty years, Lincoln’s opinion of blacks would not have seem surprising. But in 1971 (when the novel was first published), his opinion probably did. Ironically, many 19th century abolitionists – black and white – had harbored ambiguous or even contemptuous feelings toward Lincoln’s moderate views. Congressman Lincoln manages to blackmail Flashman into traveling to New Orleans in order to testify against Captain Spring. It seemed the sea captain had survived Looney’s attack. Having no desire to be exposed as a charlatan, Flashman manages to escape from his U.S. Navy escort in New Orleans and seek refuge at a brothel owned by an English Cockney madam named Susie Wilnick. Fraser must have visited New Orleans, while researching for this novel . . . and fallen in love. Not only did he describe the Crescent City circa 1848 in great detail, but also allowed Flashman to fall in love with the city. This segment also introduced the character of Susie Wilnick, the red-haired madam who will end up having a major impact upon Flashy’s life in the novel, ”FLASHMAN AND THE REDSKINS”. Before Flashman can board a ship bound for Europe, local agents of the Underground Railroad, an organization that aids escaped slaves, snatches him. They deliver him to their leader, a Mr. Crixus. He “recruits” Flashman into escorting a wanted escaped slave named George Randolph to Canada, via a steamboat journey up the Mississippi River. Flashman’s meeting with Mr. Crixus of the Underground Railroad is where Fraser committed a major mistake. The mistake centered around Crixus’ description of the Underground Railroad as an organization that sent agents into the Southern states to help slaves escape to the North and Canada. And according to Mr. Crixus, many or most of these agents happened to be white. This might be one of those rare times in which Fraser’s research may have failed him. The Underground Railroad was not as organized as the author had indicated. It simply consisted of anti-slavery sympathizers who assisted any runaway slave that managed to reach their homes in either the Slave or Free States - regardless of race, gender and region of origin. Granted, there were a few like the wanted fugitive Harriet Tubman and the white Virginian John Fairfield who made excursions into the South to free slaves. But their numbers were few and usually operated in the Upper South. Either Fraser had known this and made the Underground Railroad more organized for the sake of the story, or he simply embraced the myth of it being highly organized and mainly operated by white abolitionists. --------------------- This segment also introduced the character of George Randolph, an infamous runaway slave whom Flashman was recruited to escort up the Mississippi River Valley. Randolph’s self-righteousness and conceit proved to be a thorn in Flashy’s side. Yet, his presence in the story allowed Fraser to sharpen his writing skills and describe the society that existed in the Lower Mississippi River Valley in the late 1840s with his usual penchant for detail. Flashman’s journey up the Mississippi River not only revealed steamboat travel in the antebellum South, but also the colorful characters that populated that particular region - including slave traders and planters that acquired new money from the slave trade and the cotton plantations. Fraser also contrasted these slave and cotton magnates to the more haughty and refined planters from older regions of the South like Virginia, Kentucky and the Carolinas: ”All very fine, in a vulgar way, and the passengers matched it; you may have heard a great deal about Southern charm and grace, and there’s something in it where Virginia and Kentucky are concerned – Robert Lee, for instance, was as genteel an old prig as you’d meet on Pall Mall – but it don’t hold for the Mississipi Valley. There they were rotten with cotton money in those days, with gold watch-chains and walking-sticks, loud raucious laughter, and manners that would have disgraced a sty.” The dialogue spoken by these Mississippi Valley citizens seem a lot more cruder than what one would have heard coming from Robert E. Lee’s mouth. Which makes me wonder if Fraser had read Kyle Onscott’s 1957 novel about slavery, ”MANDINGO”: ”Don’ you give me none o’your shines, ye black rascal! Beds, by thunder! You’ll lay right down where you’re told, or by cracky you’ll be knocked down! Who’re you, that you gotta have straw to keep your tender carcase offen the floor? ‘Tother hands is layin’ on it, ain’t they? Now, you git right down there, d’ye hear?” ---------------------- George Randolph’s refusal to play the docile slave ends up endangering his life and Flashman’s chances to leave the South. The runaway slave’s behavior ends up attracting the attention of a slave trader named Peter Omohondro (my God, what a name!). Flashman makes his escape over the rails and into the Mississippi River.  He eventually swims toward the state of Mississippi and ends up at a cotton plantation called Greystokes, where he is hired as an overseer. There, Flashman’s use of slave women as concubines attracts the attention of Greystokes’ mistress, Annette Mandeville. I must say that was a little disappointed that Fraser never bothered to delve into any detail about life on a Mississippi cotton plantation. Instead, he focused upon Flashman’s misery at being stuck in the U.S. and far from home. He also touched upon the English officer’s frustration at his dalliances with women he viewed beneath contempt – namely Greystokes’ female slave population. This segment also dealt with Flashman’s observations of the Mandevilles’ pathetic marriage. Mr. Mandeville, who was a noveau riche cotton planter, had married the daughter of a Creole aristocrat. Mandeville had married for love and his wife, for money. And yet, it is the haughty Annette who regards her husband with contempt. And Flashman ends up sharing her feelings whenever Mandeville brags about Annette’s non-existent sexual desire for him. -------------------- Not surprisingly, Flash realizes that the haughty Mrs. Mandeville has a yen for him and the two embark upon a sexual affair for a few months. The affair becomes easy to conduct, due to Mr. Mandeville’s frequent business trips. Flashman tries to incite expressions of emotion or passion from his mistress, but she seems to regard him as nothing more than her own personal bed warmer. The affair eventually ends when Mandeville returns home earlier than expected: ”We had just finished a bout; Annette was lying face down on the bed, silent and sullen as usual, and I was trying to win some warmth out of her with my gay chat, and also by biting her on the buttocks. Suddenly, she stiffened under me, and in the same instant feet were striding up the corridor towards the room, Mandeville’s voice was shouting: “Annie! Hullo, Annie honey, I’m home! I’ve brought –“ and then the door was flung open and there he stood, the big grin on his red face changing to a stare of horror. My mouth was open as I gazed across her rump, terror-stricken.” I must admit that I found the above passage a little evocative. How often does Fraser allow Flashman to be caught in such a compromising position, while nipping his bed partner’s ass? On the other hand, I found Harry’s attempts to provoke some kind of passionate response from Annette Mandeville rather irritating – and a little out of character. It was quite obvious that she saw him as nothing more than a mere stud. And she was not the first female character to use him in such a manner. So, why was it important to Flashman for Annette to express some kind of affection toward him? Ego? These scenes between Flashman and Mrs. Mandeville seemed a bit off to me, considering the Englishman’s womanizing nature and lack of love toward the plantation mistress. --------------------- Upon discovering his wife in bed with Flashman, Mandeville goes ballistic and threatens the former’s life. However, one of the planter’s slave trading friends offer to sell Harry as a mixed-blood slave to his cousin, an Alabama cotton planter with a plantation near the Tombigee River. Harry finds himself tossed into a slave cart bound for Alabama. Also in the cart is a beautiful light-skinned slave named Casseopeia “Cassy”. Mandeville’s discovery of Flashman and Annette’s affair was a well-written segment that featured one of the Englishman’s most terrifying moments in the novel. I found it terrifying not because of the possibility of Flashman facing death, as he had done fleeing the Dahomey Amazons, facing gunfire from the U.S. Navy or fleeing from Peter Omohundro’s suspicions. What made this sequence terrifying was that Mandeville’s friends, Luke Johnson and Tom Little, were sending him into the constant hell of black slavery.

------------------ During their first hours together inside the slave cart, Cassy tries to comfort Flashman. But when she realizes that he is a white man being punished by Mandeville, Cassy’s own hostility towards whites – generated from years of enslavement - kicks in: ”’Well, now one of you knows what it feels like.’ She went back to her corner. ‘Now you know what a filthy race you belong to.’” Cassy ignores him for several more hours, while Flashman tries to convince Johnson and Little to release him. Eventually, she overcomes her disgust toward Flashman’s race and conspires to free them both from the slave cart. She attracts the two slave traders’ attention by faking sex with Flashy (must have been a great temptation for the poor devil), before killing the pair. Cassy and Flashman dump the bodies and head for Memphis. The above sequence brought back memories of Flashman’s conversation with the Balliol College’s first mate about the Africans’ disposition to be docile about becoming slaves. Yet, in a near ironic twist, the very same thing nearly happened to Flashman inside the slave cart. Especially after Luke Johnson and Tom Johnson refused to heed his pleas to release him. Just before Cassy could laid out her plans for escape, Flashman seemed on the verge of surrendering to years of slavery for himself. And I found it interesting that Cassy turned out to be the one instrumental to their escape. Then again, I should not have been surprised, considering the Englishman’s cowardly and obsequious nature. ---------------------- The pair arrives in Memphis, Tennessee; where Flashman puts Cassy on the market to be sold. Again, Fraser’s journalistic eye comes to the fore. Flashman’s description of the Tennessee metropolis seemed to center around two words – rain and mud. But his account of a slave auction struck me as another example of Fraser’s ability to send his readers back into the past: If you’ve never seen a slave auction, I can tell you it’s no different from an ordinary cattle sale. The market was a great low shed, with sawdust on the floor, a block at one end for the slaves and auctioneer, and the rest of the space taken up with the buyers and spectators – wealthy traders on seats at the front, very much at ease, casual buyers behind, and more than half the whole crew just spectators, loafers, bumarees and sightseers, spitting and gossiping and haw-hawing. The place was noisy and stank like the deuce, with clouds of baccy smoke and esprit de corps hanging under the beams.” Very colorful indeed. Yet, there was something about the slave auction segment that disturbed me. Through Flashman’s eyes, Fraser focused on the entertaining and colorful auctioneer, the auction’s location and the male attendants’ reaction to Cassy’s attempts to raise her price (via a strip tease, apparently). Not once did Fraser give the readers a glimpse – however brief – into the other slaves’ reactions to being sold like stock on parade. Granted, Flashman is not the type who would care about their feelings. But being an observant man, surely he would have noticed the reaction of those slaves who were sold before Cassy? Like I had said, I had found this particular aspect of the sequence slightly disappointing. ---------------------- In the end, someone buys Cassy for $3,400 dollars. After Flashman purchases steamboat tickets and clothes for them both, Cassy escapes from the Memphis slave pen and board a northbound steamboat with Flashman. During the trip up the Mississippi River, Flashman and Cassy become lovers. And the Englishman discovers that his companion has great ambitions and an exceedingly strong will. He also discovers that her trust of him is not as strong as he had assumed. Unfortunately, the pair discovers that Flashman had purchased tickets for a steamboat bound for St. Louis, Missouri, instead of their intended location, Louisville, Kentucky near the Ohio River. In St. Louis, Flashman discovers that he is wanted for slave stealing and the murders of Luke Johnson and Tom Little. Flashman and Cassy board another steamboat to take them from St. Louis on the Mississippi Rover to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the end of the Ohio River. However, the Ohio River freezes near Owensboro, Kentucky and the pair is forced to leave the safety of the steamboat. At a Kentucky tavern near the river, Flashman and Cassy have an unpleasant encounter with a slave catcher named Buck Robinson. Flashy ditches Cassy and flees across the frozen Ohio with the escaped slave, along with Robinson and his friends close at his heels. Cassy proves to be more dependable when she saves Flashman after he had been shot in the ass in this well written passage: ”It was so bitter that I screamed, and she turned back and came slithering on all fours to the edge. I grabbed her hand, and somehow I managed to scramble out. The yelping of the dogs was sounding closer, a gun banged, a frightful pain tore through my buttock, and I pitched forward on to the ice. Cassy screamed, a man’s voice sounded in a distant roar of triumph, and I felt blood coursing warm down my leg. ‘My God, are you hurt?” she cried, and for some idiot reason I had a vision of a tombstone bearing the legend: “Here lies Harry Flashman, late 11th Hussars, shot in the arse while crossing the Ohio River”. The pain was sickening, but I managed to lurch to my feet, clutching my backside, and Cassy seized my hand, dragging me on.” I strongly suspect that Fraser may have been inspired by Harriet Beecher Stowe’s famous 1851 novel, ”UNCLE TOM’S CABIN”; when writing Flashman and Cassy’s flight across the Ohio River. The pair eventually seek refuge at an abolitionist’s home in Portsmouth, Ohio. There, Flashman is reunited with Abraham Lincoln. Buck Robinson catches up with them and Lincoln defends Flashy and Cassy in a scene that has become legendary with fans of the FLASHMAN��novels: ”Buck was mouthing at him, red-faced and furious, but Lincoln went on in the same hard voice. ‘So am I, Buck. And more – for the benefit of any shirt-tail chawbacon with a big mouth, I’m a who’s-yar boy from Indiana myself, and I’ve put down better men than you just by spitting teeth at them. If you doubt it, come ahead! You want these people – you’re going to take them?’ He gestured toward Cassy. ‘All right, Buck – you try it. Just – try it.’ The rest of the world decided that Abraham Lincoln was a great orator after his speech at Gettysburg. I realized it much earlier, when I heard him laying it over that gun-carrying bearded ruffian who was breathing brimstone at him.” In the above passage, Fraser continued to tear down the prevailing view of Lincoln as some modest, gentle giant who found himself caught up in national politics. Fraser’s portrayal of Lincoln revealed a tough and intimidating man to the rough-neck Buck Robinson. And not only did he reveal that George Randolph made it to freedom, Lincoln also managed to blackmail Flashman into returning to New Orleans for John Charity Spring’s slave smuggling trial. Before Flashman could leave Ohio, a Canada-bound Cassy says good-bye to him in one of the funniest scenes in the novel: ”’There,’ says Mrs. Payne. ‘I think you may kiss your deliverer’s hand, child.’ I wouldn’t have been surprised if Cassy had burst out laughing, or in a fit of raage, but she did something that horrified Mrs. Payne more than either could have done. She bent down and gave me a long, fierce kiss on the mouth, while her chaperone squawked and squeaked, and eventually bustled her away. ‘Such liberties!’ cries she. ‘These simple creatures! My child, this will never-‘ ‘Good-bye,’ says Cassy, and that was the last I ever saw of her – or of the two thousand dollars we had had between us.” As noted the recent passage, Flashman discovers that Cassy had quietly taken the remaining money she had earned in Memphis. No wonder she remains one of my favorite female characters in the FLASHMAN novels. --------------------- After a U.S. marshal escorts our hero back to New Orleans (thanks to Lincoln), Flashman appears in court to testify against Spring for smuggling slaves into the U.S. Due to the testimonies of two of Spring’s “cargo”, Flashman realizes that the insane captain had been conveying American-born slaves to New Orleans, when the U.S. sloop had captured the Balliol College. Which meant that Spring had not broken the law by conveying American slaves. This also meant that Flashman had the means to avoid testifying against Spring and avoid being exposed as a fraud. I must admit that this latest sequence featured one of the funniest moments in the novel. I especially enjoyed the testimonies of two female slaves named Drusilla and Messalina. The novel ends with the charges against Captain Spring are dismissed and Flashman asking for passage back to Europe aboard the Balliol College. From the psychotic Spring, Flashy learns that his father-in-law had passed away; leaving his beloved wife Elspeth a rich woman. Unfortunately for Flashman, another year or two will pass before his return to England . . . as depicted in ”FLASHMAN AND THE REDSKINS”. --------------------- As I had stated at the beginning of this article, I consider ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM” to be one of the best from the FLASHMAN series. Through Flashman’s jaundiced eyes, Fraser revealed a richly detailed account of the African slave trade during the mid 19th century. In fact, Fraser’s account of the trade is one of the most detailed I have ever read in any fictional story – from the Balliol College crew’s preparation of the slave deck, to the crew’s expedition to Dahomey and King Gezo’s court; from the Middle Passage across the Atlantic Ocean to the slave marts of Honduras and Cuba; and finally the Balliol College’s encounter with a U.S. Navy frigate in the Gulf of Mexico. I have to admit that Fraser’s writing was supreme in the novel’s first half. Once Flashman reached the United States, the story became unevenly paced. From the moment Captain Fairbrother sent Flashman to Washington D.C. to the moment when the Englishman boarded the Sultana Queen with George Randolph and black Underground Railroad agents posing as slaves, the story raced at a fast pace. Perhaps too fast for my tastes. The story managed to slow down to a leisurely pace in order to describe Flashman’s trip up the Mississippi River aboard the Sultana Queen. But upon his arrival at Greystokes, the Mandevilles’ plantation; the story’s pace quickened again. And for the second time, it slowed down when Mandeville caught Flashman in bed with the missus. This meant that Fraser never bothered to give readers a detailed account of life on a Mississippi cotton plantation. Instead, he focused upon Flashman’s affair with Annette Mandeville. I also found myself surprised by Fraser’s description of the Underground Railroad. For a writer who usually went through a great deal to incorporate historical accuracy into his novels as much as possible, he certainly failed to do so in regard to the abolitionist organization. The Underground Railroad had never been as organized as Fraser described it in the novel. Most of the agents lived above the Mason-Dixon line. And they simply assisted those slaves that managed to reach the Free States with food, clothing and temporary shelter. The Underground Railroad was never dominated by white agents that escorted runaways out of the South. Granted, personalities like Harriet Tubman, John Fairfield and John Brown may have engaged in such activities, but they were rare in numbers and usually operated in the Border or Upper South. Regardless of whether they were successful or not, the runaway slaves bore most or all of the responsibilities for their bids for freedom. And I never understood how Captain Spring managed to avoid being convicted of slave smuggling in the end. Granted, the slaves he had picked up in Honduras and Cuba were all American-born . . . save for one. There was also the Dahomey slave, Lady Caroline Lamb. Captain Fairbrother of the U.S. Navy had certainly met her. I never understood how the Federal judge managed to overlook her presence aboard the Balliol College. Flashman claimed that she had not been shackled. And because of this particular testimony, she was not deemed a non-American slave aboard Spring’s ship. Frankly, I found this a bit too thin . . . but what can one say? One last problem I had with ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM” centered around Fraser’s portrayals of non-white characters. Mind you, he had provided strong portrayals of West African characters in the novel’s first half. However, King Gezo was a historical figure, Lady Caroline Lamb was a passive bed mate for Flashy, and not one of the Dahomey Amazons had a name – not even the leader who had taken a fancy to Flashman. With the exception of two, the African-Americans featured in the novel’s second half ended up being mere background characters. Even worse, the only two major slave characters of African descent were light-skinned. George Randolph was one-quarter black and Cassy was one-eighth black. Both were light enough to pass for white, bar a few physical characteristics that hinted their African ancestry. And once again, I stumbled across another disappointment. Granted, Fraser probably needed Cassy light enough to pass for white during her and Flashman’s flight up the Mississippi River. But why Fraser thought it was necessary to portray Randolph as light-skinned? What exactly was the author trying to hint? That only light-skinned African-Americans were intelligent enough to be interesting characters? But despite my misgivings about ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM”, I still consider it to be one of Fraser’s better works. First of all, I thought it took a great deal of guts on his part to write a serio-comic story that featured African slavery or race in the 19th century American South as its main theme. The only other works of art that I can recall that dared to even touch upon the subject using comedy seemed to be an episode of ”BEWITCHED” called (5.02) "Samantha Goes South For A Spell" in which Samantha Stevens ends up trapped in 1868 New Orleans; the 1971 movie ”SKIN GAME”; its 1974 remake,”SIDEKICKS” and Quentin Tarantino’s 2012 movie, “DJANGO UNCHAINED”.  And despite the novel’s grim subject matter, Fraser provided some very funny moments: *Flashman’s attempt to seduce Fanny Locke (soon to be Duberly) at the political house party at Cleeve House *A cabin boy’s offer to sexually service Flashman *One of the Dahomey Amazons’ interest in Flashman *Abraham Lincoln sniffs out Flashman as a scoundrel *Cassy’s passionate farewell to Flashman *Captain Spring’s trial in New Orleans *Flashman’s reaction to John Morrison’s death But there are two humorous scenes that truly stood out for me. One involved Flashman’s description of Captain Spring and his wife: ”At any rate, he lost no opportunity of airing his Latinity to Comber and me, usually at tea in his cabin, with the placid Mrs. Spring sitting by, nodding. Sullivan was right, of course; they were both mad. You had only to see them at the divine service which Spring insisted on holding on Sundays, with the whole ship’s company drawn up, and Mrs. Spring pumping away at her German accordion while we sang ‘Hark! the wild billow’, and afterwards Spring would blast up prayers to the Almighty demanding his blessing on our voyage, and guidance in the tasks which our hands should find to do, world without end, amen. I don’t know what Wilberforce would have made of that, or my old friend John Brown, but the ship’s company took it straight-faced – mind you, they knew better than to do anything else.” Another passage that I found particularly hilarious was U.S. Navy Captain Fairbrother’s reaction to finding the slave Lady Caroline Lamb inside his cabin, aboard the Balliol College: ”’Mr. Comber,’ says he, ‘there’s one of those black women in my berth!’ ‘Indeed?’ says I, looking suitably startled. ‘My G-d, Mr. Comber!’ cries he. ‘She’s in there now – and she’s stark naked!’ I pondered this; it occurred to me that Lady Caroline Lamb, following her Balliol College training, had made her way aft and got into Fairbrother’s cabin – which lay in the same place as my berth had done on the slaver. And being the kind of gently-reared fool that he was, Fairbrother was in a fine stew. He’d probably never seen a female form in his life.” ”FLASH FOR FREEDOM” had its share of virtues. But what really stood out in the novel was its collection of some of the most interesting fictional characters created by Fraser. Yes, the novel had its share of historical figures like Benjamin Disraeli, King Gezo and Abraham Lincoln. But the fictional characters proved to be the novel’s finest assets. Fraser introduced his readers to characters like the imbecilic and pathetic Looney, the Dahomey Amazon that took in interest in Flashy, the intense and enthusiastic Underground Railroad agent Mr. Crixus, the conceited and self-involved George Randolph, the ever suspicious slave trader Peter Omohundro, the pathetic Mandeville and his cold and controlling wife Annette, and the brutish slave catcher Buck Robinson. But two characters stood above the rest. They were the beautiful, yet ruthless and determined fugitive slave, Casseopeia; and the psychotic master of the Balliol College, Captain John Charity Spring. In fact, I would say they were among the best of Fraser’s creations. I might as well add that the novel was not perfect. Its description of the Underground Railroad was historically incorrect. Most of the African-American characters were poorly conceived, with the exception of two that happened to be light-skinned. And the novel’s second half seemed to be marred by uneven pacing. Fortunately, the virtues outweighed the flaws. Fraser did an excellent job of creating semi-humorous story from the grim topic of slavery. The story had its share of drama and action. It provided a detailed account of the Atlantic slave trade during the mid 19th century. And the novel also featured some of the most fascinating fictional characters in the entire FLASHMAN series. In the end, I believe it is one of the best novels written by George MacDonald Fraser.

#flashman papers #harry flashman #george macdonald fraser #flash for freedom #atlantic slave trade #american slavery #historical novel

[xfearlessxbritt]

What I think is going to happen in 720

Warning in advance this post will be long, going to try and keep it as organized as I can. I’m planning on breaking down what I think based on the promo for the finale as well as why I think Wren is AD and Melissa is his helper, why there is NO twin for Spencer, and why I think it was Melissa in the scene with Ezra and Wren in 715.

I guess I’ll start by breaking down my thoughts on the promo.

The first real scene of significance is someone in a black hoodie watching all the girls and guys having dinner together. Now I have seen the video from when they were filming that night where it’s either Ashley or Lisa (one of the BTS people on the crew) yell out Torrey’s name. Now this could mean a couple of things, maybe Torrey was on set for another scene before they set up to shoot that scene and was leaving for the day. Maybe Torrey was the one wearing the hoodie looking on at the dinner. I’m seeing a lot of people make assumptions that because of this Melissa has to be AD. I don’t necessarily think so. If the assumption is that whoever is wearing the hoodie MUST be AD the same logic could be used for Mona because there is a clip later of in the promo of her in the hoodie knocking out Spencer. Based on my own theories my interpretation of this scene is that Melissa is a helper that is looking on at her sister and realizing that this is why she’s doing all of this.

Okay next scene.. the infamous “Bury/Marry” scene. I’ve seen the promo several times and I’ve heard it both ways. I think because of Lucy being stuffed because of crying it muffles it and makes it sound like bury when it’s really marry which Marlene confirmed in the live chat that her and Sasha have done today. So that ends that and at least at that point Ezra is not dead and going to need to be buried.

Okay the next stuff is the Spoby kiss and sex. I’ve seen a lot of different things being said about this. Mainly that people don’t want to get another sex scene and they are back together without an explanation. Honestly I think we are supposed to interpret that they got back together after 718. They don’t always spell everything out for us and honestly I’m okay with that. Another thing I’ve seen of concern from Spoby shippers is the reference in last nights episode to the fact that no one could reach Toby. That has sparked up a lot of stuff with Toby was still with a potential twin. No. I think it was honestly an excuse to not have Keegan in the episode. If his absence does get explained it will be that he was at the cabin with no service. I honestly don’t think it will be explained at all. And obviously it doesn’t effect Spoby getting back together.

The next scene is the Spencer/Melissa stable scene. A lot of people say that Melissa looks sketchy in the clip and it’s giving fuel to Melissa being AD. While I’m not opposed to her being AD, I can’t see a logical way where it makes sense. All these years Melissa has said everything she has done is to protect Spencer, how would be the ring leader of this all be protecting her? That’s why I think she’s a helper and that they are going to splash varying red herrings through out the episode to make it look like her. And this was a scene that I honestly thought took place towards the end of the episode but now I think it does occur earlier on before the AD reveal hence the red herring with her looking all sketch.

Next is the scene of Mona hitting Spencer over the head. Nice parallel to 225.. don’t understand why it’s happening. Scenes later on in the promo show that Mona is in some sort of a hospital and AD comes to visit her. The thing is I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a flashback to season 3 OR if it’s supposed to be during the year jump. So my guess is that AD busts Mona out. This plays into why I think Wren is AD, he could bust her out. He’s a doctor so he could easily go in and discharge her. I’ll get into that further once I start discussing why I think Wren is AD.

After that we see a bunch of clips of Spencer being locked somewhere and Mary coming in and hugging who we think is her. But then in one of the last clips of the promo it shows Mary stabbing the Spencer she is hugging with some sort of shot and it appears as if Spencer is watching it happen. Marlene confirmed in this live chat today that there is someone wearing masks because they don’t want people to know they are around. Melissa is wearing a Spencer mask, Mary stabs her. Mary knows that Melissa is a helper and it brings her comment about Melissa and Spencer looking like twins full circle.

Then there is a bunch of other random clips Jenna with Addison, one of Aria, etc. before we reach the one with Wren holding a gun and shooting it. When they released the first promo way back that had a close up of the hands with the face and background blurred I said it looked like Wren.. and I was right. I’ve seen several people use this scene to discount why he can’t be AD because “why would they make it obvious in the promo” same thing could be said about throwing a sketchy scene of Melissa in. I’ve also seen several people say that they think it’s going to be Wren saving the girls from AD (I’ve seen variations of people saying he’s shooting a twin or Melissa) and they are taking it from an interview that Marlene did where she talks about Wren being a part of this huge twist and it being something that we as the audience will associate with in a positive way. People are taking this to mean that Wren is actually good, I think Marlene means that it’s something that us as an audience will like and will give good positive feedback on. I’ll go into this a little bit more in a second when I discuss my theory about Wren.

The last scene of Mona and what one could assume is AD I want to talk about more in my Wren theory so I’ll save it until then. So that is my overall thoughts and analysis of the promo. Now to talk about the twin theory and why I think it’s a load of crap.

When the twin theory first started coming out about 2 months ago I was into it. I thought it was a cool and original concept but I couldn’t understand where the logic would be for a twin to do all of this and I don’t feel like Marlene and co aren’t smart enough to write something like that. Now over the past 2-3 weeks the theory has picked up major traction. From what I’ve seen the reason being because of differences in hair style (Spencer’s bangs sometimes being more split to one side), the changes in wardrobe, her not wearing her watch in the 718 Spoby scene, and Spencer’s weird behavior in the 715 scene with Wren and Ezra.

I’m going to lump the first 3 all into one paragraph, the changes in bangs could just be continuity error happens sometimes on shows, the wardrobe changes obviously these people don’t pay attention to the fact that the timeline on this show is wack and there have been as many as 3-4 wardrobe changes in an episode that spans a day or two at most, I am almost positive the only sex scene Spencer ever has worn her watch in was 502. I may be wrong on that but I don’t see that as being too odd.

Now Spencer’s weird behavior in 715... it’s because it was not Spencer. As I stated above Marlene confirmed that someone is going around town wearing a mask because they don’t want people to know they are around. Meeting at the airport would be a spot where not a lot of people would be around that would recognize you but wear a mask just in case. I think Melissa is wearing a Spencer mask and using voice changers or maybe she’s good at imitating voices. We know Melissa has connections to that weird mask maker dude back in was it season 4..? Maybe it was 3..? I’ve lost track but it was revealed through Melissa talking and flashback that she had a working relationship with that guy. So boom has a mask made to make herself look like Spencer. To me this is why I can’t see the Spencer twin thing making sense..

Now, to why I think AD is Wren. I’ve had Wren in my mind as a suspect for a long time. In season 3 I thought he was shady with some of the stuff going on, especially once it was revealed he helped Cece see Mona and it was implied that he and Cece together helped Mona come and go from radley. Eddie Lamb never liked Wren and made it pretty clear. Then in season 4, specifically in 410 that infamous Mona/Wren Scene happened. That episode all around made him look sketchy and it was the last time we saw Wren physically until 715. But the two things I zeroed in on this episode is first what Mona said to him in their scene and second him coloring in that picture at the end of the episode.

His scene with Mona let’s break it down:

“Let’s take a break and see if you can be honest with me.” -W

“Why would I ever be honest with you?”- M

“You used to be.”- W

“Well that was before I realized where your loyalties were.”- M

“I thought that we had done a pretty good job of establishing a trust while you’ve been a patient here”- W

“That was before I realized you were keeping secrets from me.” -M

Obviously from what we know about season 3, Mona was working with Cece and Wren. We know Cece stole the game from her. I think before the game got handed over Wren was working with Mona. It makes how when Emily had all the Human Growth Hormone stuff where she was in the hospital going on make sense. Wren had access to the stuff so that Mona could put it in Emily’s cream. Once Emily was in the hospital Wren was able to set stuff up that happened there like the tray that had the cream on it and such. The way I took this scene to mean was Wren was an ally to her or so she thought but once she was in radley and Cece took over he switched sides. Also makes the last scene in the promo make sense. Mona is at some hospital and AD or someone in a hoodie walks in. Mona says to the person “I never would have guessed it was you.” I honestly take that as a jab the way she says it and the look on her face. She sees Wren as a lackey and nothing more. Didn’t think that he could take over the game and do it himself. And honestly if Wren is AD I could see as one last sign of protection and Mona caring about the girls Mona teaming up with him to take him down.

Another thing that makes me think it’s Wren is the fact that AD tricked the girls to where they were caught for Rollins murder. Now hear me out for a second, because one would think why would Wren care about Rollins’ death and the girls being caught? Wren is British, he’s a doctor, and he admitted in season 3 to Hanna that mental illness runs in his family. Rollins is British, he’s a doctor, and we know he was bat shit crazy. They both look alike. Charlie Craig one of the writers and producers said in September that “Wren plays a really large role in this massive twist in the finale”. A few weekends ago Huw and Andrea were at a con and Huw said that Rollins was a pretty important part of the finale and that we would see him again. While they would have been filming around the time of the finale a picture of Huw and Julian together popped up online I think Julian posted it on his instagram. The big twist is going to be they are brothers and that’s why AD wanted the girls to pay for Rollins’ death. AD never really cared about finding out who killed Cece, honestly they probably already knew it was Mona. They used that through the game to lead on the girls and make them think that they had won and it was all just a trap to get them caught for Rollins’ death. But that plan failed because of Mary taking the blame for Rollins’ death as well as Jessica’s. And with that and Mona being taken to a facility by Dr. Sullivan all the leverage that AD had was gone which is why they packed up and left for a year and possibly too they left because too much pressure they didn’t want to get caught in the crosshairs. Or maybe they weren’t even supposed to be in Rosewood anymore (Wren was at the airport in 715 because of a flight layover and delay).

To me Wren has connections to all the big players, most of the canon fodder went toward Hanna and Allison (Emily was collateral damage) which were the main two involved with Rollins. Hana killed him and Allison had the ability to expose him. Aria was handed a semi free pass but not really once it came out that the leverage used to get her to do things Ezra already knew about. And Spencer for the most part got answers about her real lineage which since Mary worked with Rollins for a time she obviously would have dealt with Wren so there’s how that came to be and honestly the emotional damage of having that letter and knowing who she really was was more damaging to Spencer than anything else AD could have done.

As for Marlene’s comment about Wren’s twist being positive I think she means that we as an audience will like it. Not that he’s the good guy that comes in to save the day. In that scene of him shooting the gun he looks wacked out of his mind. Not like someone trying to save people.

I know this is getting super long so I’m going to stop here. But this is my analysis on everything. I think some things could turn out differently than this but I’m for sure about one thing.. THERE IS NO TWIN. I feel pretty confident about Wren being AD and Melissa a helper, but I could see it being flip flopped, I don’t understand how they would explain Melissa doing it but..*shrugs*

#pretty little liars #theories #AD theories #anti-twin theory #wren is AD #spencer hastings #mona vanderwaal #analysis

[adambstingus]

5 Directors That Should’ve Stopped After One Movie

Some filmmakers are like marathon winners; they stay consistently strong and fast for an inconceivable amount of time, and when they finish, you are left inspired by their existence. And some directors have careers like my performance in my second grade’s three-legged race. I fell at the start, busted my nose open, and writhed on the ground for a while as my partner walked away from me. The following five directors did similar things in their own metaphorical three-legged races. What began as a burst of glorious potential devolved into something hideous and often embarrassing.

5

Zack Snyder With Dawn Of The Dead

Zack Snyder has always been the Mountain Dew Code Red to Christopher Nolan’s iced coffee. They both direct grand adventure movies, but while Nolan’s philosophy is that of the kid in the back of the freshman year writing class with the scarf, Snyder’s is frat bro existentialism. Snyder is pretty great at examining the darkness that lurks in the hearts of men, but only when those men are grunting at each other, “HOLD ME BACK BEFORE I LAY THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT, DUDE”-style. In any other case, it’s a toss-up. For example, in Watchmen, he totally got the plight of radioactive superman Dr. Manhattan. But the only female on the team, Silk Spectre, was shot like she was in an impromptu Axe Body Spray commercial.

Read Next

5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

The only movie that Snyder has done that’s consistent throughout is his first, the 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a bunch of people being eaten by zombies at the mall. It’s also fantastic in a way that few remakes actually are, mainly because it does not seek to replicate or expand upon the original. A lot of times in horror remakes, directors try to cram in “answers” to questions that they think viewers have, which totally robs the movies of their potency. We’re scared of the things we don’t know. When we say “Oh, man. He uses a chainsaw? What the hell?” we don’t want the director to respond with, “Well, he got his chainsaw from the old slaughterhouse he used to work at.” There’s nothing terrifying about learning where Freddy Krueger shops for his sweaters.

Instead of that route, Snyder actually chops off any of the rough edges of the source material. The original ends with a bunch of bikers attacking the mall that the heroes are in, which leads to a lot of cool gore effects, but bites the face off of the movie’s sense of pacing. It robs us of the intimate climax that Dawn Of The Dead could’ve built to. Snyder’s version doesn’t have that problem, as it’s a horror/action film from the very beginning. Sure, it’s not as satirical as the original, but it doesn’t need to be. Snyder is not interested in creating a horror film that’s also an allegory. The zombies don’t have to represent anything. They can get by when they’re just being spooky zombies. Constantly reminding me that “The real villain … is man” is the best way to get me to hate both zombies and English teachers.

Sadly, Zack Snyder’s next project would be 300, which had cool action scenes but was the movie equivalent of a guy whispering motivational quotes to himself in the mirror at the gym. And since then, all of his films have either been bloated epics or that thing about warrior owls. It’s a shame. Because when Snyder makes films that aren’t really about anything other than what’s on screen, he shines.

4

Terrence Malick With Badlands

Terrence Malick is the #1 “Well, I appreciate his work” director in the world. “Well, I appreciate his work” directors are a rare breed, as they’re usually either obsessively loved or “appreciated.” And by “appreciated,” I mean “I know a lot of time probably went into putting all of those pretty colors on screen, so I can’t hate this one too much.” I truly appreciate Terrence Malick, even though his films feel like staring matches with an old computer’s screen saver.

His first film, though, is a refreshing take on a genre that needs all of the fresh takes that it can get. Badlands is a serial killer movie, and the biggest problem with the serial killer subgenre is that very rarely do such films actually make us disgusted with a serial killer. Instead, we marvel as the killer says awesome quips and performs super sweet serial killer melee moves. Silence Of The Lambs is a great movie, but it’s hard to feel bad about a guy who eats other guys when he’s Jason Bourne-ing his way out of police custody. Yeah, the hero should be the person who hasn’t wantonly killed multiple innocent people, but I saw the killer do a double backflip off the diving board once, so my vote is set.

Badlands makes serial killing look really awful. Like, “Dude in front of you doesn’t know how to work the self-checkout lane” awful. It’s the story of a 15-year-old girl who becomes enamored of a 25-year-old man, and then gets swept up in a life of theft, violence, and cross-country travel when he decides to start murdering South Dakota. So we see the killer through her eyes, and as her opinion of him grows sour, any chance that we have of admiring Martin Sheen’s sweet bangs slowly evaporates too. Sheen is a shitty dude in this one. Like, “Friend who doesn’t put your Blu-ray back in its case and instead just lays it bottom-side-down on the floor” shitty.

3

Roland Emmerich With Universal Soldier

From the mid ’90s to the present, Roland Emmerich has been a constant source of the loud and mediocre (Independence Day, White House Down, Stargate), the loud and dull (Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012), and the loud and very, very historically inaccurate (The Patriot, 10,000 BC, Anonymous, Stonewall). He is the “Hold my beer” to Michael Bay, and no matter what trends are popular in Hollywood or how financially successful his previous film was, we can always count on Emmerich to deliver something that somehow damages the intellectual standard of the explosion.

Emmerich started as a filmmaker in Germany, and most of the films that he made there are either impossible to find in America or were released years later and just on video. His first American film to receive a theatrical release was Universal Soldier, which features Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme as soldiers who get resurrected to become … universal soldiers? I’m not sure what the “universal” thing means, but I guess it’s because, now that they’ve been brought back to life, they’re not limited by the earthly definition of “kicking ass.” They can now kick all the ass in the universe. Side note: This theory is remarkably unconfirmed.

For Emmerich, Universal Soldier is amazingly subtle. And that’s not just because Van Damme is given the emotional range of a yam in this film. It’s mostly a big chase movie, and not just the typical Emmerich “Leave nothing in this major American metropolis un-fireballed” fare. Van Damme and his reporter girlfriend stop in a town, Lundgren catches up to them and shouts, Van Damme escapes, and Lundgren responds with more heavily accented shouting. Compared to Emmerich’s other stuff, Universal Soldier is Driving Miss Daisy.

I don’t know if “limiting the scale” is the key to fixing Emmerich, as he doesn’t have much luck in crafting personal tales. So maybe the key is Dolph Lundgren. Maybe Emmerich made a movie that was one big combustion, but Lundgren absorbed it all, and then released that energy by yelling. I’m no professor, but I think the science works out.

2

Seth MacFarlane With Ted

Seth MacFarlane is a comedy titan. Not satisfied with ruling Fox’s TV animation division, he’s also branched out into movies. And he’s made three so far: Ted, A Million Ways To Die In The West, and Ted 2. Guess how many of those were pretty solid? A hint is hidden in the title of this column.

Ted, the story of Mark Wahlberg and a talking stuffed bear, has some heart in it. There are plenty of movies about dude friends who have problems with each other whenever one of them gets in a serious relationship. They want to drink beer and fart out their dicks, but SHE likes organizing the apartment! Whatever will they do? Ted is still crass, but in centering the conflict around Wahlberg not wanting to abandon a literal stuffed bear, it truly nails home how infantile the whole “bros before respectable type-A females” struggle is. You can still have a fun life and chill with your bear, even if you’re married. And those who don’t understand that are the true dick-farters.

After Ted, MacFarlane made A Million Ways To Die In The West, which most closely resembles those Leslie Nielsen jokes-every-ten-seconds comedies, with the problem being that MacFarlane doesn’t have the warm presence of Nielsen. Nielsen was the comedy genre’s beloved uncle, while as an actor, MacFarlane is still its odd half-cousin. Ted 2 is about teddy bear rights, which expands a few jokes into a two-hour movie. It never ends up being as funny or likable as Ted, and feels like it was made not because MacFarlane wanted to make it, but because a Hollywood executive decided that Ted 2 was their only means of finally getting a third Jacuzzi installed.

1

Eli Roth With Cabin Fever

I’m always hesitant whenever a horror director says they’re making a homage to a certain era of horror films. This is usually because they let the homage aspects outweigh the actually-being-a-good-movie aspects. “But it’s a homage to ’80s slasher films! It’s not supposed to be a masterpiece!” Yeah, but it’s supposed to be competent and somewhat exciting, instead of a 90-minute declaration that you’ve seen Sleepaway Camp multiple times.

One of the only really good ’80s homages is Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever, which is sort of styled after The Evil Dead, but mostly does its own thing. Now, Cabin Fever isn’t perfect. Eli Roth’s writing would actually peak with Hostel Part II, which is a statement that no man should be forced to make. But Cabin Fever feels less like a guy trying to remind you of how great 1983 was, and more like a guy who’s trying really, really hard to make a fun, gory horror flick. Plus, it manages to pull off some gross-out moments that are sincerely shocking. Even in the age of things like The Human Centipede trilogy, which is edgy middle-schooler humor brought to life, Cabin Fever can still make you feel weird.

Roth’s next film, Hostel, desperately wanted to be like one of the graphic Asian horror films that Roth is a fan of. The biggest difference is that stuff like Takashi Miike’s Audition and Kim Jee-woon’s I Saw The Devil manage to place interesting stories and dynamic characters around their torture setpieces. Roth’s characters are a couple of dumb guys, which is meant to say something about how young American adults kind of treat other countries like playgrounds that they can fuck in, but it mostly comes off as Roth needing characters who explicitly won’t grow or change, because an arc doesn’t really vibe with a drill to the chest.

Roth would later make The Green Inferno, a movie that I saw on opening day because I can’t be trusted with my own money or schedule, and his next movie is a Death Wish remake. Remember that series, the one about Charles Bronson putting bullets in crime and crime-related activities? I don’t know whose idea it was to give that movie to the guy whose most famous scene involves cutting someone’s Achilles tendons, but I feel like it might have been a bad call.

Daniel has a Twitter. Go to it. Enjoy yourself. Kick your boots off and stay for a while.

Watch Independence Day right here if you’re a true American, and get one of the cool aliens in adorable Funko form and pity Daniel Dockery for hating everything amazing in the world.

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Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move. A young woman from the trailer park and her very smelly cat. Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, a new novel about futuristic shit, by David Wong.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-directors-that-shouldve-stopped-after-one-movie/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/177815193117

[samanthasroberts]

5 Directors That Should’ve Stopped After One Movie

Some filmmakers are like marathon winners; they stay consistently strong and fast for an inconceivable amount of time, and when they finish, you are left inspired by their existence. And some directors have careers like my performance in my second grade’s three-legged race. I fell at the start, busted my nose open, and writhed on the ground for a while as my partner walked away from me. The following five directors did similar things in their own metaphorical three-legged races. What began as a burst of glorious potential devolved into something hideous and often embarrassing.

5

Zack Snyder With Dawn Of The Dead

Zack Snyder has always been the Mountain Dew Code Red to Christopher Nolan’s iced coffee. They both direct grand adventure movies, but while Nolan’s philosophy is that of the kid in the back of the freshman year writing class with the scarf, Snyder’s is frat bro existentialism. Snyder is pretty great at examining the darkness that lurks in the hearts of men, but only when those men are grunting at each other, “HOLD ME BACK BEFORE I LAY THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT, DUDE”-style. In any other case, it’s a toss-up. For example, in Watchmen, he totally got the plight of radioactive superman Dr. Manhattan. But the only female on the team, Silk Spectre, was shot like she was in an impromptu Axe Body Spray commercial.

Read Next

5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

The only movie that Snyder has done that’s consistent throughout is his first, the 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a bunch of people being eaten by zombies at the mall. It’s also fantastic in a way that few remakes actually are, mainly because it does not seek to replicate or expand upon the original. A lot of times in horror remakes, directors try to cram in “answers” to questions that they think viewers have, which totally robs the movies of their potency. We’re scared of the things we don’t know. When we say “Oh, man. He uses a chainsaw? What the hell?” we don’t want the director to respond with, “Well, he got his chainsaw from the old slaughterhouse he used to work at.” There’s nothing terrifying about learning where Freddy Krueger shops for his sweaters.

Instead of that route, Snyder actually chops off any of the rough edges of the source material. The original ends with a bunch of bikers attacking the mall that the heroes are in, which leads to a lot of cool gore effects, but bites the face off of the movie’s sense of pacing. It robs us of the intimate climax that Dawn Of The Dead could’ve built to. Snyder’s version doesn’t have that problem, as it’s a horror/action film from the very beginning. Sure, it’s not as satirical as the original, but it doesn’t need to be. Snyder is not interested in creating a horror film that’s also an allegory. The zombies don’t have to represent anything. They can get by when they’re just being spooky zombies. Constantly reminding me that “The real villain … is man” is the best way to get me to hate both zombies and English teachers.

Sadly, Zack Snyder’s next project would be 300, which had cool action scenes but was the movie equivalent of a guy whispering motivational quotes to himself in the mirror at the gym. And since then, all of his films have either been bloated epics or that thing about warrior owls. It’s a shame. Because when Snyder makes films that aren’t really about anything other than what’s on screen, he shines.

4

Terrence Malick With Badlands

Terrence Malick is the #1 “Well, I appreciate his work” director in the world. “Well, I appreciate his work” directors are a rare breed, as they’re usually either obsessively loved or “appreciated.” And by “appreciated,” I mean “I know a lot of time probably went into putting all of those pretty colors on screen, so I can’t hate this one too much.” I truly appreciate Terrence Malick, even though his films feel like staring matches with an old computer’s screen saver.

His first film, though, is a refreshing take on a genre that needs all of the fresh takes that it can get. Badlands is a serial killer movie, and the biggest problem with the serial killer subgenre is that very rarely do such films actually make us disgusted with a serial killer. Instead, we marvel as the killer says awesome quips and performs super sweet serial killer melee moves. Silence Of The Lambs is a great movie, but it’s hard to feel bad about a guy who eats other guys when he’s Jason Bourne-ing his way out of police custody. Yeah, the hero should be the person who hasn’t wantonly killed multiple innocent people, but I saw the killer do a double backflip off the diving board once, so my vote is set.

Badlands makes serial killing look really awful. Like, “Dude in front of you doesn’t know how to work the self-checkout lane” awful. It’s the story of a 15-year-old girl who becomes enamored of a 25-year-old man, and then gets swept up in a life of theft, violence, and cross-country travel when he decides to start murdering South Dakota. So we see the killer through her eyes, and as her opinion of him grows sour, any chance that we have of admiring Martin Sheen’s sweet bangs slowly evaporates too. Sheen is a shitty dude in this one. Like, “Friend who doesn’t put your Blu-ray back in its case and instead just lays it bottom-side-down on the floor” shitty.

3

Roland Emmerich With Universal Soldier

From the mid ’90s to the present, Roland Emmerich has been a constant source of the loud and mediocre (Independence Day, White House Down, Stargate), the loud and dull (Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012), and the loud and very, very historically inaccurate (The Patriot, 10,000 BC, Anonymous, Stonewall). He is the “Hold my beer” to Michael Bay, and no matter what trends are popular in Hollywood or how financially successful his previous film was, we can always count on Emmerich to deliver something that somehow damages the intellectual standard of the explosion.

Emmerich started as a filmmaker in Germany, and most of the films that he made there are either impossible to find in America or were released years later and just on video. His first American film to receive a theatrical release was Universal Soldier, which features Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme as soldiers who get resurrected to become … universal soldiers? I’m not sure what the “universal” thing means, but I guess it’s because, now that they’ve been brought back to life, they’re not limited by the earthly definition of “kicking ass.” They can now kick all the ass in the universe. Side note: This theory is remarkably unconfirmed.

For Emmerich, Universal Soldier is amazingly subtle. And that’s not just because Van Damme is given the emotional range of a yam in this film. It’s mostly a big chase movie, and not just the typical Emmerich “Leave nothing in this major American metropolis un-fireballed” fare. Van Damme and his reporter girlfriend stop in a town, Lundgren catches up to them and shouts, Van Damme escapes, and Lundgren responds with more heavily accented shouting. Compared to Emmerich’s other stuff, Universal Soldier is Driving Miss Daisy.

I don’t know if “limiting the scale” is the key to fixing Emmerich, as he doesn’t have much luck in crafting personal tales. So maybe the key is Dolph Lundgren. Maybe Emmerich made a movie that was one big combustion, but Lundgren absorbed it all, and then released that energy by yelling. I’m no professor, but I think the science works out.

2

Seth MacFarlane With Ted

Seth MacFarlane is a comedy titan. Not satisfied with ruling Fox’s TV animation division, he’s also branched out into movies. And he’s made three so far: Ted, A Million Ways To Die In The West, and Ted 2. Guess how many of those were pretty solid? A hint is hidden in the title of this column.

Ted, the story of Mark Wahlberg and a talking stuffed bear, has some heart in it. There are plenty of movies about dude friends who have problems with each other whenever one of them gets in a serious relationship. They want to drink beer and fart out their dicks, but SHE likes organizing the apartment! Whatever will they do? Ted is still crass, but in centering the conflict around Wahlberg not wanting to abandon a literal stuffed bear, it truly nails home how infantile the whole “bros before respectable type-A females” struggle is. You can still have a fun life and chill with your bear, even if you’re married. And those who don’t understand that are the true dick-farters.

After Ted, MacFarlane made A Million Ways To Die In The West, which most closely resembles those Leslie Nielsen jokes-every-ten-seconds comedies, with the problem being that MacFarlane doesn’t have the warm presence of Nielsen. Nielsen was the comedy genre’s beloved uncle, while as an actor, MacFarlane is still its odd half-cousin. Ted 2 is about teddy bear rights, which expands a few jokes into a two-hour movie. It never ends up being as funny or likable as Ted, and feels like it was made not because MacFarlane wanted to make it, but because a Hollywood executive decided that Ted 2 was their only means of finally getting a third Jacuzzi installed.

1

Eli Roth With Cabin Fever

I’m always hesitant whenever a horror director says they’re making a homage to a certain era of horror films. This is usually because they let the homage aspects outweigh the actually-being-a-good-movie aspects. “But it’s a homage to ’80s slasher films! It’s not supposed to be a masterpiece!” Yeah, but it’s supposed to be competent and somewhat exciting, instead of a 90-minute declaration that you’ve seen Sleepaway Camp multiple times.

One of the only really good ’80s homages is Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever, which is sort of styled after The Evil Dead, but mostly does its own thing. Now, Cabin Fever isn’t perfect. Eli Roth’s writing would actually peak with Hostel Part II, which is a statement that no man should be forced to make. But Cabin Fever feels less like a guy trying to remind you of how great 1983 was, and more like a guy who’s trying really, really hard to make a fun, gory horror flick. Plus, it manages to pull off some gross-out moments that are sincerely shocking. Even in the age of things like The Human Centipede trilogy, which is edgy middle-schooler humor brought to life, Cabin Fever can still make you feel weird.

Roth’s next film, Hostel, desperately wanted to be like one of the graphic Asian horror films that Roth is a fan of. The biggest difference is that stuff like Takashi Miike’s Audition and Kim Jee-woon’s I Saw The Devil manage to place interesting stories and dynamic characters around their torture setpieces. Roth’s characters are a couple of dumb guys, which is meant to say something about how young American adults kind of treat other countries like playgrounds that they can fuck in, but it mostly comes off as Roth needing characters who explicitly won’t grow or change, because an arc doesn’t really vibe with a drill to the chest.

Roth would later make The Green Inferno, a movie that I saw on opening day because I can’t be trusted with my own money or schedule, and his next movie is a Death Wish remake. Remember that series, the one about Charles Bronson putting bullets in crime and crime-related activities? I don’t know whose idea it was to give that movie to the guy whose most famous scene involves cutting someone’s Achilles tendons, but I feel like it might have been a bad call.

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Watch Independence Day right here if you’re a true American, and get one of the cool aliens in adorable Funko form and pity Daniel Dockery for hating everything amazing in the world.

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Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move. A young woman from the trailer park and her very smelly cat. Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, a new novel about futuristic shit, by David Wong.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-directors-that-shouldve-stopped-after-one-movie/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/09/06/5-directors-that-shouldve-stopped-after-one-movie/