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#maipoint
maipoint · 3 years
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Take your Ritalin with food.
Get your bang for your buck.
ℹ️ A 2001 study finds that taking food with Ritalin does not make it work faster, 🔺it makes it work harder. 🔺 More of the drug gets absorbed and hence, it’s more effective, apparently.
My morning job is relatively mindless, routine-like at the kindergarten 👩‍🏫... I can pretty much finish everything without thinking. Meanwhile, taking Ritalin with 🫔LUNCH 🥗 instead of empty stomach right out of bed has really benefited my overall work in my second job. 🤩
My second job is 📚educational counselling 📝, and it helps to have better awareness of myself at that point. I only take 10mg because somehow my body seems to take rebound quite severely 😔. Not limited to headaches and fatigue if I take the 20mg pill in the morning. 🐒 I can always repeat the 10mg if needed but taking all of it at once hasn’t been great.😆
‼️ Don’t want to spread misinformation so please consult your healthcare professional regarding your personal medication.
This is purely based on my own brief googling and experiences.
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justdealwithjc · 7 years
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Walang hindi ko alam. "Malungkot ako pero di ko alam kung bakit." Psh. Kalokohan. Alam mo yun. Alam mo kung bakit, hindi mo lang maipoint out kasi di mo tanggap yung reason o ayaw mo nung reason kung bakit ka ganyan. O ngayon tatanungin kita bakit ka malungkot, tanggalan ng maskara at hiya. Panigurado may masasagot ka. Tama ba?
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maipoint · 3 years
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Reaching out to a therapist is nerve racking. The costs are extortionate and time is a currency.
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maipoint · 3 years
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Broadcasting how I feel proud because I went to my barre class even though I really didn’t feel like it.
Newsflash, I do feel better now that I went through with my commitment 😍
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maipoint · 3 years
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Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
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maipoint · 3 years
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Does anyone know anything about the Enneagram Tests? I briefly did one and got Type 4 :)
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maipoint · 3 years
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Woke up this morning with 🥰 thoughts. I attribute it to some small changes I’m cultivating:
🔸Starting a habit tracker on a spreadsheet to keep me on track. I do feel some pressure if I have to make everything 🌺 a e s t h e t i c 🌾 so I decided a minimalistic digital approach would be best for me. I’m starting a masters degree in September so study habits are going to debut then.
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🔸Trying to commit to SMALL BUT CONSISTENT steps to exercising. I’m not breaking out a sweat with my exercise, just trying to churn out a consistent trend for at least a month before deciding what to do with the data.
Sun salutations: this is a great morning thing. I find it hard to stick to “challenges” on YouTube so only focusing on a repetitive but full body routine is good. I heard that 12 sun salutations in the mornings are a good way to wake up the body! I did it for a few days before the tracker began and did it this morning too. Great feeling!
Stepper: ok so I thought about outdoors running too. Or walking for that matter. But there’s the whole COVID thing which makes outdoors activity really hard given the population in HK 🥲 so I really wanted to opt for something indoors. I’ve a track record of sticking to running or hiit workouts for like a month and then burning out. Didn’t want that to happen so mini steppers are truly great. I can adjust resistance, no pressure speeding up beyond sustainable pace... and I get to watch 20 minute sit-com episodes as a reward. I probably try to stick to this per day before doing either longer sessions or repeat the routine in separate sessions. This is HABIT BUILDING not outcome oriented.
Weights: I want to build a stronger back for singing. And I also want to make my shoulders look nicer. I have relatively bulky legs so I’m not keen on doing any lower body weights. I’ll just work with what I have in yoga. I only have a set of 3kg weights, but they’re already enough load for my weak ass arms.
Cardio: I included this because I really enjoy musical theatre dance workouts. I do sometimes get into a mood for them so might as well see if I can make it a thing. If it can replace other things that eat up my time like snacking, binging Netflix, or just procrastinating on social media, that’s a great thing too. Putting it on the list makes it more likely to stay in the forefront of my mind.
🔸Make more of my own meals and try to make more vegetarian options instead of opting out of cooking just because I don’t have meat at home 😂 Its funny because meat spoils very quickly... and it would mean taking a lot of time going to the grocery stores every two-three days just to make sure I have protein at home. I’m planning to get things like legumes, packaged tofu, frozen fish at home to make sure I have these options on hand. But I realise I do like vegetarian food, so why not just eat...more of it? Plus, I can’t afford to really buy REALLY NICE animal-based proteins, might as well make it an occasion when I do and eat out.
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maipoint · 2 years
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maipoint · 3 years
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Waiting for therapy like 
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maipoint · 3 years
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I’m feeling the struggle. I thought I found a really good workplace that challenges me, yet had reasonable remuneration and expectations… big fat nope. My fault for being naive. Now, I have already quit my other more stable job part time. I’ve currently mo prospects for the next few months where my financial strain would exponentially increase due to mortgage and school tuition on top of rent. Ive been binge watching trash television as a distraction, but that hasn’t been very healthy. I really want some help.
⚠️Trigger warning: eating disorder language. I do not have diagnosis but I do have these behaviours occasionally and I’m just trying to record it. If you are in recovery / can be triggered by ED, please refrain from reading.
I was trying to keep it together on Friday when everything blew up in my face because I had a date. He was a great distraction. But then dust settles, morning comes, and work continues. I found my face physically swelling up and developing hives throughout the day. I stress ate so much I don’t think I’ll need to even eat again today. I literally had a burger, a pizza, half a block of cheese, a can of soda and donburi in the span of about 14 hours. I haven’t binged like that since university. I feel absolutely 🤮 disgusting.
I bailed on the therapist Sunday morning due to how bad the hives were and had to pay for it anyway because it was an online session with a 48h cancellation policy. And then I binged a little more, eating an entire tub of tiramisu. I even glanced at the liquor cabinet for a minute there but I am applauding myself for the small win. I didn’t drink. Instead, I just finished about 8 litres of water yesterday because I wanted to not eat anymore. But around 10pm I ordered fried chicken and Korean pancakes. Scoffed all of that down and felt worse than ever.
I’m struggling so bad and I really want to reach out to someone but I really can’t afford to right now. I also can’t move back in with my parents because I have responsibility with my pets. My ferrets don’t get along with their cats. I know I can get through this without self harming behaviours. I just need to focus on what I can do instead of what happened. You can do this!
Yet, I can sort of feel the disengagement settling in. The depersonalisation and tonic immobility is deep rooted in my trauma response. I was bullied for a while in school and it really informed how I related to any type of stress onwards. I never had directions on really solving this mental block. I can feel myself giving a pep talk about this rationally not the end of the world type of work situation. My body is responding very dramatically in contrast to what my head is processing. Are there any tips from people who experiences these things? How your eyes cannot seem to focus, and your throat is hot with a lump so you feel difficulty making sounds….? I feel like I’m unreasonably hot as well - crank the AC to morgue cold.
If you read up till this point, just want to say thanks :)
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maipoint · 3 years
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Learning to let go
I broke up with my girlfriend and funnily enough, the ideation of it was not the surprise element. It was the fact I followed through. My friends know me to be the one who always commit quickly to things, the overwhelmed girl who drinks to forget, say I forgive, and swallow the pain down with something brown. Yes, it’s not the most elegant of self-images but I can own it. I’m working past it. How?
My best friend laughed when I said I wanted to pursue marriage and family therapy. She said,
Given your messy history, why the fuck do you think you can help anyone?
“Ouch.”
No, she’s right. Who do I think I am? I’m always asking for help myself, constantly switching sides and realising things in the aftermath rather than considering carefully. That’s why I’d like to study it. If no one else can help me, I gotta self medicate!
Despite codependency, I think I thrive best when I experience self autonomy. The clarity is rare in my life, as I’ve never been single for over three months since 16. Yet, this baggage of all those past persons still haunt me. I can feel my mouth souring as I think about all the bad choices I made. I used to blame all of them. If he wasn’t so controlling, I wouldn’t have freaked out. If he wasn’t so needy, I wouldn’t have to cut him off like that. If she wasn’t so cold, I wouldn’t be so sad.
Do you see a pattern there?
My other friend sent me a book about assertiveness, written for women specifically. Now, I ended things with my girlfriend for this reason precisely - there was a wide dichotomy between what she felt and what I received. Don’t get me wrong, I was totally in the wrong for not mentioning it. I was patching things up because I thought it was all my fault. Me giving all this time for nought. And her. She’s doesn’t appreciate me does she? Does she even know how much I’ve twisted and turned and contorted myself to this minimised version of the person I think I am?
Answer is, of course not.
I never fucking mentioned any of this.
Telling yourself that you can be the bigger person is the biggest act of phoniness. It’s how resentment is grown like a bloodsucking Audrey 2. Before you know it, you’re swallowed by all of it and there’s no way to fix things.
So let me clarify, she isn’t totally in the wrong. I wasn’t totally in the wrong. I needed to let her go to make myself better. In a way, I am guilty for making her a victim of my lack of better judgment.
If I continued with her, which I tried for a day, I foresaw that resentment digging into me everyday. It no longer mattered how much I still care and love this person. The history of my resentment would be unresolved if I didn’t cut this loose.
So how should I go about letting go? Should I forgive her because I wronged her in the end? I think not. I have to hold on to some of that anger to motivate myself to not make the same mistakes. I have to hold on and feel that sadness in order for me to not fear assertiveness. The sadness serves as a reminder that any relationship with no boundaries is a worse consequence than being sad about endings.
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maipoint · 3 years
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Today my ADHD feels like this.
It’s been a long weekend, and I’m so glad to have a break. Except I basically botched the entire experience by doing nothing but binging shows, food and… wasting away. I had a few thoughts:
Gee, that project at work wiped me out didn’t it? Is this burnout?
Fuck! I’m spiralling again, should I call my therapist but… what do I say?
Am I just feeling a little lonely because it’s been a while since I’ve had sex? Lemme call me fwb.
Literally two days later, I remember I have medication for this type of thing. I was finding it so difficult to prioritise, it for sure felt super overwhelming. In the end, I feel guilty for not doing anything and THEN begins the spiral.
I took the medication an hour ago and now the glitching is finally calming down. I picked up my mop and cleaned the house thoroughly. I’m on a bus to a massage to really sort my back out after a few days of being a potato sack. I called someone out for a movie and dinner. I will start work again tomorrow.
It’s ok, i can take care of myself. Sometimes, that’s all I really need to hear from me.
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maipoint · 3 years
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Status: googling, “how to be empowered?”
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maipoint · 3 years
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It’s so frustrating that self care is never linear.
It’s absolutely infuriating how my condition can make me feel like I am losing time. I get home from work and… it’s 2am?!
I want to do better for myself and it seems so daunting. One week it feels like it’s going great and the next feels like I’m crashing and burning.
I know it’s about the journey but I guess it’s been weighing on my mind for a while. I got completely wasted on the boat this Sunday but what I didn’t anticipate is my reaction. I had another freak out in front of my friends and they are so concerned. Except… I don’t have recollection to what I said, therefore much less how I felt. I’d like to talk about it but given so many redacted memories, I feel blocked out by my brain.
I’m not getting enough sleep and I want to fix that part. If any other thing in my routine cannot be maintained, I hope sleep can be the one constant I fully control.
I’ve always despised waiting. Waiting for a job. Waiting for documents to process. Right now, waiting for my confirmation for my last day in my job because it’s been well over a week I handed in the resignation.
I’m feeling quite anxious because I feel like I’m underperforming my potential and it’s low-key making me forget how to breathe.
⬆️ The last point above definitely be a reaction to me taking Ritalin an hour ago despite alllllllll of above weighing in my head for the past two days.
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