Vox Machina Cooking headcanons based purely off Vibes (from worst to best)
Can’t cook for shit - Percy, Vex
If you want something totally incomprehensible three hours later than it was promised, Percy’s your guy. He gets excited about the chemistry of cooking and forgets that this is a Meal, not an Experiment. He has never bothered to learn standard preparation methods for anything but the most basic ingredients, so it’s a crapshoot as to whether he’s even using the right part of that vegetable. (Why would you even try to cut a pepper like that??) Somehow even raw components taste sulfurous and slightly charred.
Vex is extremely good at foraging, and killing/dressing wild game. This is the extent of her culinary contribution unless you want your meal charred in the good old-fashioned, non-demonic, put-it-on-a-stick-over-the-fire-and-forget-about-it way. You’ll eat. Eventually. She’s been known to just slurp down a raw egg when on-the-go, and if she’s feeling generous she might offer you one too *:)
Will (probably) make you a Passable Meal - Grog, Pike, Keyleth
Grog has no memory for recipes, but decent instincts. A Grog Meal is hearty, meat-heavy, totally unseasoned, and will keep you going for days. Unfortunately, his penchant for eating straight Mayonnaise and the occasional barstool sometimes leaks into his cooking. He might forget you can’t digest raw meat.
Pike knows six dishes Very Well. (Two of them are basically the same thing, except one calls for rice instead of cornmeal). They are consistent, affordable, nutritious, and no one Dislikes them. This is the nicest thing that can be said. When she volunteers to cook, it is in an extremely sweet but obviously halfhearted way, so the crew rarely takes her up on it.
Keyleth will prepare you a fucking incredible salad, gazpacho, ceviche, or fruit plate. Please don’t ask her actually use heat. Seriously. She can, but she’ll either get so anxious about poisoning someone that she overcooks everything, or she’ll just lecture you about the natural flavor/organic perfection of this wonderful bounty until you give up and let her do whatever she wants. Her tea is literally magic though.
Likes cooking and is actually very good at it - Vax, Scanlan
Years of his sister bringing him whatever she could catch/find means that Vax can make Good Food out of pretty much anything. He used to nick fine spices/grains and keep a little bag for when they were on the road and Vex brought him “rabbit #14, with a side of assorted immature tubers.” He’s probably kind of shy about it, because it’s nothing fancy, but if he loves you he Will feed you. Surprisingly good at baking, even if his bread is always a little dense.
Food is the way into many hearts. And trousers. Scanlan has a repertoire of elaborate dishes (and more elaborate stories to go with them) that he -ahem - whips out for his more … involved seductions. He’s great at improvising and modifying recipes, though sometimes leans too hard into presentation over taste. (Do we really need to put the feathers back on the bird to serve it?) He doesn’t cook much for the group when adventuring (conjuring arcane chickens from the aether does not count), but give him a well appointed kitchen and he’ll do some real magic. Displays carrots in very inappropriate ways.
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exhibit 572032 of user mintjeru going into an art piece saying “i’ll only do lineart” and ending up with a multi-layer piece with gradients
open for better quality | no reposts | ID under the cut
[Image description: A four page comic about Childe and Diluc’s mornings together.
The first two pages depict Childe’s point of view. He wakes up early, around 6 in the morning. He looks down to the side and smiles endearingly when he sees Diluc sleeping peacefully. He kisses Diluc on the forehead before getting out of bed.
The second two pages depict Diluc’s point of view. He wakes up around 10 in the morning. Childe is walking by outside the room and their gazes meet. Diluc smiles and gestures to Childe with open arms. Childe goes to his bedside and leans down to give him a hug.]
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Modern AU
Cassandra has a death wish with the drinks she makes. Bela is surprised her sister didn’t get a heart attack. But that is only Bela, what does she know when it comes to the things that her sister does. As long as she’s handling this madness just fine, Bela shouldn’t have any reason to complain.
But the eldest daughter feels obligated to mention what is mixed with the vodka. Because different people like different things right? Some prefer cranberry, others prefer cherry soda, and then there is Cassandra’s mix which is vodka and red bull. Of course, it isn’t for show, Cassandra does drink that monstrosity and thinks most people are okay with this thing.
It isn’t only vodka. On occasion, Bela saw her sister mix espresso with red bull when she needs the extra burst of energy after staying up very late. How her sister didn’t drop dead after drinking that is still something Bela wonders about to this day.
Cassandra never listens though. She thinks it’s okay and as long as her body isn’t rejecting this then why should she stop?
On a morning while the girls were staying over at their aunt Donna’s house, Cassandra did toss espresso in a glass full of the energy drink. It was then that the three sisters saw their very kind and very soft spoken aunt snap.
Donna is very against energy drinks. To the Italian woman, if you need energy you get it from caffeine that’s either in tea of coffee, and that’s about it. Energy drinks are a huge no in her book and she often speaks about it. To see her niece nonchalantly mix two things that have no business mixing together, the woman was sent over the edge.
Donna might have over dramatized it. She didn’t have to go as far as mention how she will tell Alcina that she stood by while her daughter killed herself. Because the woman is convinced that the second Cassandra drinks the beverage, her souks will depart from her body.
Daniela, trying to help her aunt calm down, mentioned that she should relax because “Cass does this a lot you really don’t—“ But she was interrupted because what do you mean she does this frequently?
Donna wonders how Alcina allows this. To which the daughters gulped because their mother doesn’t really know and they figured that what Alcina didn’t know isn’t going to hurt her. But of course, Cassandra is cocky and thought her aunt wouldn’t even know what red bull is which is apparently not true at all.
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So I think I'm finally getting a contract and I'm going to start my new studies (as a youth/school counselor) in my old school. I met the principal today and had a talk with him, and he said he was pleased to see me there and would like to have me there because I already know my way around and seemed to manage things just fine when I was still their student. So, that's great, I'm finally getting somewhere.
But I'll have to wait until Friday because he's still not quite sure who's going to be my supervisor, so he's going to have a talk with a couple of staff members about it at first.
And then my teacher in my new school is already pressing me with contract matters and stuff, wanting me to start earlier than I had originally planned or at least get the contract done by then, so uhh. I'm going to have a Teams meeting with her on Friday at 8 o'clock in the morning (I'm not a morning person at all), and I'm sure we're going to have such a lovely discussion about my schedule and study plans and all that stuff.
All this phone-calling and paperwork is giving me a headache. And I still have some school assignments to do and to return before next week, and guess what - ya girl just wants to read and write fanfiction all day and all night. 🤪 Priorities, I has them.
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Which of ur fankids is most likely to fall asleep like this cat I'm feeling silly rn
Samir-
Actually tho- Vivienne. She’s trained to go out like a light, except her body just uses it as a chance to just, knock out if it feels too tired. Smth rook put into her at age 2. Faraja has had to catch her mid fucking fall on multiple occasions. Vivienne never remembers any of it. Faraja’s senses have saved her so many times.
Samir also has a napping problem, but he didn’t get silvers narcolepsy. He just, is sleeping a lot. He napped with silver whenever he knocked out as a kid so he is just gone
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