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#make ugly shit

Being a CR fan is hell cause on tumblr it’s all people complaining and making threats over nothing and then you think to go check out twitter and then see (1) piece of whitewashed fanart or pr*shipping stuff and then go okay maybe tumblr wasn’t so bad it’s a viscous cycle

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okay ace discourse is over now aces are officially oppressed bc adam sandler made an ace cringe joke in his new stupdi fucking halloween comedy movie like im. south park already got its jabs on us in like 2017 but we’re all just gonna sit by and let him do this too. god GOD i hate cishet funnymen havent we fucking suffered enough please let me go

#not for regs / // like this is a joke obviously but you actually do make my life hell 4 no reason and this is actually annoying lol, #like 'the oppressors dont even kno who u are' they do they cringe on us adam sandler knows and that will haunt me till the day i Fucking die, #and also the fact that the ONLY REAOSN I KNOW THIS SHIT is bc my against-my-will cishet white republican man roommate, #was watching it on the living room tv and ive never felt so instantly ready to be homeless, #the 'haha what' tone that he immediately took on like literally please let me g-o__Oo-_oo-OO_, #STOP CISHETS FROM MOGAI CRINGE UNIRONICALLY BC ITS A BIGOTRY THING BUT ALSO IRONICALLY BC UAUAUAU, #ADAM SANDLER LIKE EITHER LET ME LIVE OR AT THE VERY /LEAST/ LET ME DIE, #i will say tho ig he stood by his promise abt making it like the worst one yet or smth, #but god i just like. this is why we ask u all to stop the nonsense ur enabling cishet ugliness to get more and more mainstream lol, #i should not have a panic response at the sound of my own identity being spoken on tv bc i inherently KNOW its gonna cause me grief, #anyways tho i Know nobody wants to hear whatever demonic latin chant was put into that script but i gotta say it;;;, #it was some weird amish lookin person who ig only shows up to be weird from time 2 time and says 'im asexual but that girls making me horny', #and like oshghsg regs are Already lining up to downplay but. u kno the truth like u KNO we've been miserable for years. its just a topper, #like osfhds is that the Worst thing a cishet has ever done to me? no and thats why i hate it bc my god these bitches clown, #and that was like the circus ringleader of edgy cishet men went honk honk to attract even more clowns, #you let the cishet reddit incels suggesting eugenics and rape threats on ace fb videos run so adam could walk thru mainstream media like tht, #and it kills me bc aspecs and ppl who are capable of listening or having sympathetic reasioning skills are gonna understand, #All the horrible social issues we face that this jokey portrayal hits right on like Immediately w/o having to be told, #but dumbass regs with no braincells are gonna be like 'why is that bad', #honey bc u dont listen and arent gonna start now so stop tryna waste my time <3 go outside tm and ask a cishet abt mogai labels. hav fun, #stop avoiding shit that obviously happens bc u kno it wouldnt back up ur argument. like bro the proof is Literally right here, #that cishet dudes with power like to fuck around with mogai cringe. u think that doesnt affect anyone and u got brain worm or just lazy
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heres some various scribbles n unfinished stuff i might finish at some point (lemme know if theres any you’d really wanna see me complete!)

some of this is fanfic fanart i never finished 🤧

and also an alternate sketch of dakota 4 the outfit swap that i deeply regret not going with ✌️😔

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*thinking thoughts* hm…. maybe…. its ok that i exist like this…. and its ok that i like the things i like, and its ok that there are so many aspects of myself that are not synonymous with societal norms. And i dont need to constantly feel ashamed, or like i have to defend myself against every little thing other people believe about me - and that i should not need to say why i am the way i am, and i do not need to give every little detail abt it! It is ok. Other people can assume whatever they want to; accepting the fact that, because i fall into society’s category of abnormality, others will always assume things they have no right to, and that feeling shame for things i am not and never will be is imperative for me to live, and not drown.

What i am trying to say, i suppose, is that i am very tired of my brain punishing me for wanting to talk. For thinking of something to say, only to go through an ever increasing list of things that other people could misinterpret from what i said. I cant account for every little thing i could misarticulate. I cant constantly second and triple guess every little thing i say and do. One of the most impactful experiences of my life has been living in a toxic environment where every single thing i said was purposefully twisted around, disorientating me, telling me that i shouldve accounted for whatever implications i made, intentional or not, and then constantly being told that whatever implications other people made didnt count.

Living like that is a paranoid, fearful nightmare, and tbh if people are knowingly, willfully twisting what you say, to the point where you try to avoid saying anything ever and your knee-jerk reaction to anybody trying to befriend you is to think of a thousand different ways to say something, only to realize the thousand different ways you could misarticulate/be misunderstood, then that is a toxic environment and i implore you to reconsider your relationships with those people.

Got massively side tracked, but as an affirmation i need to give myself a lot: you dont need to map out every single reason you are the way you are, and you shouldnt force yourself to come up with a hundred and one defenses for any possible thing other people could misunderstand abt you. There is not only a divide between social abnormalities/deviances and actual morality, there is another between a person’s individual internal life and their actions. You are not some blight on life because you exist outside of expectation, and you are not hurting anybody just for existing, either.

#its a very very long work in progress to convince myself that i dont deserve to die for being strange. for being mentally ill and queer., #hell - its gotten upside down enough that ive begun shaming myself for not seeking professional care., #which is a real fucking personal life decision! thats not for anyone else to decide except me!, #except now it seems the norm to treat untreated undiagnosed people with disdain and scorn. it makes it feel even harder to talk abt, #i guess in general this whole thing is difficult to talk abt. its very very difficult and delicate, #my perspective is that there are two clear lines you should not cross, #there is a divide between social deviance (for instance: b d sm) and immorality (p*do philia), #and another between a persons internal life (violent intrusive thoughts) and actions (abuse of any kind), #in any given situation the condemnation must come from a place where you understand this, #...i really really want to avoid talking abt certain discussions because they are so tied up into an ugly knot., #and in the end what am i? a fucking antisocial anxious wreck. an idiot, #i really shouldnt say shit :/, #but yknow. this... maybe this thought process... well. it helps me let me exist., #it is kinda funny kinda sad that like... at this point i cant even really recall how bad that experience was. i know it weighed on me a lot., #i know 100% yelling at someone only for them to laugh at me. because they intentionally disorientated me and twisted me up., #it was funny to them. and thinking 'you twisted up everything i said. to the point where you claimed i said the opposite of what i did', #this is why i am very intensely aware of someone when they say i never said something or claim i did or say i said the opposite, #idk if its gaslighting but it is infuriating, #and you can say that maybe they just forgot - but someone reacting with anger and vitriol when i refute what they claim...? yeah. no, #....lowkey talking abt that coworker who LITERALLY SAID 'dont question me.', #like!! ok ma'am!! what the fuck do you have zero self awareness or do you think im a toddler, #im childish. im immature. i am not a child. thank you.
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not to be like. a boomer ig? or anything but i miss the early 2000s cartoons that kids don’t get to see now

everything’s so round and smooth and “perfect” i don’t like it. i miss the times when radial gradients were all the rage and clean black lines weren’t necessary. bring back the shitty invader zim artstyle give me shape variations i like circles but this is TOO MANY CIRCLES i want triangles!!! throw in some squares!!! maybe put a little 3D animation in ur cartoon it’ll be fun!!! focus on fun not cute!!! 

i know i sound bitter but that’s bc i am a little bit and i want to phrase this nicer but idk how!!

just. stop with all this “but it’s gotta be super-cute!!!’ shit! man little kids aren’t scared of what you think they are! when i was little the reason i was scared of invader zim wasn’t the dark harvest! it was the fucking episode where zim shrinks down into dib’s body and fucks with his organs! not because i thought something would kill me from the inside, oh, no. i was scared that i would end up flushed down a toilet like zim was in the end. invader zim gave me a fear of automatically-flushing toilets in public bathrooms. and if i weren’t scared of the show i would have adored it!

i don’t want young kids to get older and not be able to have these conversations! weird shit that cartoons did to our brains is one of my favorite things to talk about man! and like yeah, they’re growing up on the internet, but so did i! that’s a whole different KIND of weird media trauma!

askdskdj idk i just. bring back the 2009 deviantart era thank u

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