#makes jack look tired and anxious cause i want to cause myself emotional pain or something

[anextraordinarymuse]

Looking forward to your thoughts on tonight's WCTH if you have any you'd like to share...

Hey, anon. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

This was probably the first episode where I’ve enjoyed pretty much the whole episode in ... awhile. That might have something to do with the fact that I waited until today to watch, when I was ready and not tired. Anyway ...

Rosemary and Nathan for MVP’s!! Now, I pretty much always love Rosemary. But she held it down this episode: trying to help her friend, who she can see is hurting, but also calling her out and really making her do the emotional work that she’s been avoiding. I could have jumped through my screen and hugged the life out of Rosemary when she said “Elizabeth, Jack’s death wasn’t Nathan’s fault. You know that, don’t you?” 

It’s interesting (and illuminating) that Elizabeth immediately gets upset and defensive about that. I think that tells us something important about where Elizabeth’s head is at right now: because in her opening monologue she calls it “the senseless accident” that took Jack from her, but in this moment it almost feels like ... Elizabeth doesn’t know that Jack’s death wasn’t Nathan’s fault. I think she knows it wasn’t, but she also struggles with kind of accepting that. When someone you love very much dies a sudden, unexpected death one of the hardest things to grapple with is just not understanding it. Especially if there was “no reason”. Sometimes, we know ahead of time: it was cancer, or old age, or even in the case of a drunk driver or something. There is a clear cause there; there’s something or someone to place the blame on. But when someone just dies and there’s no reason for it, that is so hard to come to terms with. It’s easier to have somewhere to place the blame. I think that’s what Elizabeth is trying to make sense of right now. Nathan had nothing to do with Jack’s death, but that’s probably not how it feels right now. Elizabeth needs to make sense of the world all over again, but now that’s complicated by so many things - and we’ll get in to some of those in a minute.

I loved the Lucas and Allie scene. Allie’s uncertainty is so touching, and so is her heartfelt concern for her uncle. This poor kid is stuck in the middle of a situation she doesn’t understand, and has no idea how to navigate unless she does it from her center of True North: Nathan. Allie wants Elizabeth to be part of their lives, and she wants things to be okay with Lucas and Nathan, and she just really wants Nathan to be happy again. But she has no idea how to make any of that happen, so the best she can do is show her love and loyalty to her uncle. And I’ve never hated Lucas, but I don’t think I’ve ever loved him more than I did in this scene with Allie. In fact, he irritated me a little in a later scene, but in this moment I thought he was amazing. He understands Allie’s concern, and what she’s trying to do, and he immediately tries to reassure her. That was wonderful. BUT, I also found the story he tells Allie about his mother and the guy that wouldn’t leave her alone interesting. In that story, Lucas (the adult) is the man that wouldn’t leave his mother alone, and Allie is Lucas (the child) who is afraid and just trying to get the man to go away. So, Elizabeth and Nathan are the parents in that story, and Lucas is the man who is trying to separate them, and Allie is the child who is just trying to keep her parents together. 

Hmm ... what an illuminating story, Lucas. It’s almost like you know that you’re in the middle of something that’s bigger than you; almost like you know, on some level, that you’re somewhere you’re not supposed to be. 

Now, circling back to Elizabeth: I think right now she is looking for any reason not to love Nathan, and any reason that a love between them wouldn’t work. She’s making assumptions about a lot of things, and a lot of people, rather than simply asking for and then accepting the truth. At this point, I think we’ve seen that the truths Elizabeth has been given lately aren’t really ... helpful. They’re big, and they’re scary, and they aren’t helping her tell the story that she wants to tell herself. She doesn’t want Nathan to be noble, and selfless, and in love, because it’s easier for her to pretend that she’s not in love with him if he’s not those things. 

I think that scene with Nathan in the jail really rocked Elizabeth to her core - again. Lately, every time she talks to Nathan he sets her reeling - and if he’s her new foundation, as I’ve already mentioned, and that foundation right now feels shaky and unsettled, then everything else in her life is going to feel shaky and unsettled as well. But that scene in the jail ... Elizabeth is actively trying not to be in love, for just the reasons that Nathan said he didn’t want to be in love with her: because it feels like she’s betraying Jack’s memory. But there’s more to it than that: Elizabeth did not want to fall in love with another Mountie. Plus, there’s now a whole new layer to her relationship with Nathan now that she knows that he just as easily could have been in Jack’s place. This whole disaster started with Nathan’s close call in the season 7 finale, when Elizabeth thought he died. Now, episodes later, she has just found out that there was another time that he could have died - and it doesn’t matter that she didn’t know him then, because she knows him now. So, Elizabeth is dealing with the death of Jack, but now she’s also been made to face (again) that the man she doesn’t want to love, but does, could also have died twice over. Now, it’s natural for us to be glad that the people we love are okay and nothing bad happened to them - so does Elizabeth struggle with this? Maybe we’ll get to see it, but I bet she does. Imagine the confusion and guilt she’s trying to make sense of for being glad that Nathan didn’t die, but then feeling conflicted because Nathan not dying means that Jack did. And there’s no real competition here: you can absolutely be glad that this person you love is okay without wanting anything bad to happen to someone else. But in this confusing situation, full of grief and guilt, does Elizabeth really understand that? Or does she feel like a traitor for being grateful that Nathan didn’t die ... in the accident that Jack did die in? What a painful conundrum to be in. 

And that’s probably only compounded by Allie. Because three years ago Elizabeth didn’t know Nathan or Allie, but she knows them now - and loves them. And she knows (at least on some level) that Nathan dying would have left Allie totally alone in the world. But Jack dying left her and little Jack alone. And there is no right or wrong answer here, or right or wrong choice. No one (myself included) is saying that it was better that it was Jack who died instead of Nathan. It’s just a thing that happened. And, again, it’s true that Allie would have been totally alone without Nathan, but that’s not one of those helpful truths that we talked about. It doesn’t help Elizabeth tell herself whatever story she wishes she could live instead. 

And then hearing Nathan say the words back to her? “I fell in love with you, and I think love is always worth fighting for.” Of course, Elizabeth jumped on Rosemary’s statement that she talked to Nathan earlier; of course, Elizabeth would rather believe that Rosemary encouraged him and told him what to say. Because, if not ... if not, the alternative is that, yet again, she and Nathan are so in tune - so similar, and connected, and aligned - that it only makes her love him more. Here’s this man who won’t give up on her, no matter what; who will understand her grief and confusion and pain over loving him because he feels it too, because he also tried not to fall in love with her; who is noble, and selfless, and who, somehow, without knowing it, has said the very thing to her that she’s said to someone else weeks ago. I’m not at all surprised that Elizabeth would rather assume that Rosemary encouraged Nathan. 

And Rosemary! Calling Elizabeth out in that last scene ... amazing. It’s about time someone gave this woman some hard truths. 

Oh, and the scene in the saloon where Elizabeth is about to be blindfolded? Watch the way she looks at Rosemary, and the way Rosemary’s face changes. Elizabeth knew that this wasn’t going to end well, or at least knew enough of herself to know that she might not pick the man she intended to. She is afraid and anxious in that moment, and Rosemary sees it. She sees the doubt on Elizabeth’s face. I also think this is why Elizabeth says “Lucas?” quietly right before she takes off her blindfold. She stops at Nathan’s hands because of the feeling she gets - that breathless sort of spark - and she wants it to be Lucas. She hopes it’s Lucas ... but it definitely is not. And, keep in mind, this handholding moment comes after Elizabeth has been to the jail and she and Nathan have had their moment. So, Nathan tells her that love is always worth fighting for and now here she is, hours later, blindfolded and picking him out of a lineup by just the touch of his hands? Hands that she’s never held before, by the way, or really even touched in more than a glancing way. 

Listen, Elizabeth’s heart is a compass, and no matter how hard she tries to ignore it, it just keeps pointing her home. Upset, confused, guilty, on shaky ground, aligned, unaligned ... she still just keeps finding her way to Nathan. 

Also, later she tells Lucas that she talked to Nathan and she describes the encounter as awkward. Now, I honestly don’t know why they had her use that word. That scene in the jail is a lot of things, but awkward is not how I would describe it. Heavy, intense, emotional, raw, unguarded, honest ... but not awkward. Why did she describe it that way? I honestly don’t know. But, I’d also point out that Elizabeth maintains eye contact with Nathan when he talks about falling in love with her - she only looks away when Nathan says he felt guilty because he felt like he was betraying Jack’s memory. Her eyes shoot straight up to his face again when he tells about love being worth fighting for. Interesting body language, no? She’s looking right at him - no hiding, no looking away, no disbelief or surprise or anything when he talks about falling in love with her. And when Nathan steps closer to her, like real close, Elizabeth has that breathless feeling again - you can see it in the way she takes a deep breath as he approaches. And she’s almost crying when she leaves. What Nathan says brings tears to her eyes. 

So, again ... awkwardness where? Awkwardness who?

Also telling was that Elizabeth tells Lucas “I don’t want to be caught in the middle either, Lucas” when he says that he and Nathan will work things out so that Allie isn’t caught in the middle. Now, after Elizabeth says that and then tells Lucas that Nathan told her about the whole Jack thing, Lucas asks permission to go ask Nathan why he didn’t tell her sooner. That kind of irked me because it felt like overstepping, and too ... I don’t know, aggressive? That might not be the right word. At any rate, that was not Lucas’s place, and it wasn’t necessary. This matter truly is just between Nathan and Elizabeth. 

Anyway, I think this was a good episode. I do wonder if, after seeing the expression on Nathan’s face after Elizabeth leaves the jail, we’ll see Nathan kind of give up in episode 10 and 11. I know he said in this episode that he wouldn’t when Rosemary confronted him about it, but I wonder if that’s true. Or maybe he won’t give up, per se, but be like he was in this episode: there, but not there. He’s not seeking Elizabeth out or really even approaching her, but whenever she approaches him he’s open and honest with her. At any rate, I think we’ll see the real turnaround come in episodes 11 and 12. I think we’re seeing the start of it now, but that’s when it’ll really happen. We’ll see some more of it episode 10 - I kind of think Joseph will say something at the wedding that will set Elizabeth thinking even more - but things will really swing around in the last two episodes I think. 

#nathan grant #nathan x elizabeth #Jess' thoughts #wcth #Anonymous

[aperrywilliams]

Her Eyes (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

———————

Summary: Spencer talks about things of his life with Reader.

Word Count: 4151

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences. Angst (so sorry)

Warnings: References to death and grief

A/N: So sorry... but I hope the end worth it. The idea came from “Jack y Sarah” movie.

——————–

It was not uncommon for me to wake up in the middle of the night because a nightmare was plaguing my mind. Given all the things that had happened in my life, I was used to it. Sometimes I even missed them. But when I met (Y/N), nightmares stopped. Just like time stopped too. Things began to move in slow motion. Seeing her walk down the hallways of the BAU was perhaps one of my favorite things every morning. I made sure to get there early every day to watch her get out of the elevator, walk through the glass doors, and watch how she sat next to her desk. At first, of course, she didn’t know about my existence. That changed when she was transferred to our team. There I had the opportunity to speak to her for the first time.

It took me eight months to ask her for a coffee date. Another six months to ask her to be my girlfriend. Finally, one more year to ask her to marry me. Although the last statement is not entirely true, I must be honest. She was who ‘suggested’ we could get married. I only bought the ring and chose the moment to pop the question.

Our wedding was simple, only our family and closest friends. Neither (Y/N) nor I liked expensive things, despite Rossi’s insistence on having a big event. The memories of that day are projected in my brain as if I lived them over and over again. She in her beautiful dress, smiling at me and walking to me down the aisle. That smile. God, I can see it now. The same smile was on her face when I came late from work one day: she showed me a positive pregnancy test. We both cried. We had been trying to get her pregnant for months. We wanted so badly to have a child. When she told me, I couldn’t hide my bliss. I think I’ve rarely screamed in my life: that was one of these times. I lifted her off the floor with an embrace that could have lasted an eternity. When we told the team, the hugs and congratulations continued. They were almost as happy as us. Although we knew this meant a change in our lives and at work. (Y/N) could not stay in the field anymore and would leave the BAU for a while. Time enough for our child would grow up a little.

The months of waiting were like that: waiting. A beautiful wait, I must say. Every morning when I woke up, I had the routine of giving two kisses: one on the lips of my beautiful wife and the other on her growing belly. I tried to live the pregnancy phase as intensely as I could by her side. Then, of course, the trips for work continued, but we arranged to enjoy every moment of the process.

“Do you want to know the gender of your baby, or will you wait until the birth?” the doctor asked us when she scanned (Y/N)’s belly on one of the ultrasound appointments. We had both discussed whether we wanted to know or be surprised. However, curiosity was stronger in both of us.

“Yes, we want to know,” (Y/N) said enthusiastically.

“It’s a girl,” the doctor said. I couldn’t contain my tears of emotion—a girl. And although I couldn’t know why I secretly hoped my baby would be a girl.

“She’ll be daddy’s little girl,” assured (Y/N), staring at me and laughing.

-

When we painted the nursery, we didn’t want to do something very extravagant. Our main idea was to get a calm and well-decorated place to have everything we could need, so we chose light tones and some children’s figures to give our daughter a unique space—our daughter, to whom we still could not choose a name. Of the few discussions I had with (Y/N), this one was the most difficult. We both had many ideas but could not agree on any.

“Spencer, you can’t give our little girl this name; she will hate us forever,” (Y/N) said, shaking her head in rejection.

“But my love, it’s a beautiful name. I wouldn’t like our little girl to have a traditional name. She’ll be more than a traditional baby,” I argued.

“Babe, I know. But let’s just try not to be so inventive. Let’s do it for her, okay?”. She insisted again, trying to make me see the reasons.

Finally, we reached an agreement that made us both happy. We hoped she would like it, too, and not hate us as she grows up. When we talked about it at the baby shower, everyone was happy with our decision. That day was unforgettable. Our families and friends reunited for our little girl. Our little girl. Oh God that sounds so good. She must have felt all that love. I’m sure she did because that day, she kicked (Y/N)’s belly like never before. At the end of the day, lying on the couch in our apartment with (Y/N), we were exhausted but happy with all the love we had received. We don’t feel anything, but lucky thanks to the people that rounded us. Even today, I cannot be more grateful. That night we talked a lot about how our new life would be like with our daughter. We talked and tried to imagine what she would be like, her features, her temper.

“She sure will have your nose.” (Y/N) told me.

“Why do you say that?” I asked, laughing.

“Because your nose is beautiful and I love it, therefore, it is fair our daughter inherits it,” (Y/N) said with utter conviction.

“Okay. Well I think she’ll have your eyes,” I declared almost solemnly.

“Why my eyes?”. (Y/N) asked me curiously.

“Because your eyes reflect all the love that one can feel for another human being and because your eyes are kind and full of life. Because your eyes are what light up my life, and I can bet her eyes will light up our lives much more,” I said almost without blinking and barely breathing. I noticed how some tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Wow… you’ve never said something like that… and it’s true you have said very nice things to me, Dr. Reid,” she said, smiling. That night I showed (Y/N) how much I love her, and not just with words.

The following weeks were rough. (Y/N) was in her last phase of pregnancy and looked more tired. I don’t blame her. Our little girl was not making life easier for her. Also, I was away more days than I would have liked. I tried she wouldn’t be alone. Her mom and sister were near to her the days I couldn’t be. When I came home one of those days, I noticed her relieved face when he saw me.

“It’s nice you’ve shown up tonight. I already believed I was going to give birth without you,” (Y/N) said to me in a tired voice and sitting on the couch fighting for a comfortable posture.

“What? now?…” I asked, stunned. She started to laugh but had to stop because it was additional exhaustion for her body.

“No, not now. But believe me, this afternoon I thought it would happen…” she said with a grimace.

“Okay. I think the trips are over for now,” I stated as I called Emily to request prenatal leave. Birth could happen at any minute.

Those days I was home with (Y/N), I tried to make up for all my absences, for every day she had to take care of our daughter in her womb without me being present. I was the first one waking up to make breakfast. We cook together. I spent whole afternoons reading books to both of them. Without a doubt, that was my favorite panorama. I know (Y/N) also enjoyed it; we always did that on the days we had off.

It was early morning. I felt (Y/N) moving in bed. I could tell she was uncomfortable. My sense of alert flared, and I sat up in bed. I saw the pain on her face. I asked her what was going on. She told me it seemed like it was time; birth could occur at any minute.

After being paralyzed for a second, I got up quickly and got dressed. I helped (Y/N) dress lightly and wrapped her in a blanket. Then I took the bag we had prepared from days before, and we left, heading to the hospital.

I could tell (Y/N) was in pain. She was looking at me, trying to regulate her breathing. I told her we were close, to hold on a little longer. It broke my heart to see her like this. At that moment, I would have given everything to be the one who was feeling pain and not her. Our daughter was about to come into this world, and she was wreaking havoc on her mother. It caused a big contradiction in my head.

We arrived at the hospital, and they quickly set (Y/N) in a stretcher. They had her medical records and knew she was in her 37th week. Nurses began preparing her for birth. I also prepared myself. I remember calling (Y/N)’s sister and JJ, asking them to let know the rest of our families and friends. Nurses told me to wait outside a room while they prepared (Y/N).

Time seemed like an eternity. I began to pace a little uneasily until a nurse left the room after 37 minutes and almost 40 seconds. I hastened to speak to her.

“Can I come in now?” I asked anxiously.

“Mr. Reid. You cannot come in for now. We’ll have to do an emergency c-section. For some reason, we don’t know yet, she is bleeding a lot, and we have to confirm she and baby are doing okay.” At some point, I had stopped listening to what the nurse was saying to me. I wasn’t even able to correct the fact she told Mr. Reid instead of Dr. Reid. This was not how it was supposed to be.

“But they… are they okay?” I asked with more fear.

“We are monitoring their condition all the time. Now we’ll take her to the OR. Please, I’m going to ask you to wait in the other room until we have news.” Without saying a word, I nodded. I took off the hospital gown and sat in the waiting room to wait. I was just waiting.

I forgot I called (Y/N)’s sister. She appeared next to her mom. Then JJ came with Emily. Their faces were excited and anxious but changed when they saw me sitting in the waiting room.

“Spencer? Why aren’t you with (Y/N)?” her sister, Steph, asked me. I could only look at Emily and JJ, who immediately suspected something was not going as expected.

“They are doing a c-section now. She won’t have a natural birth”. I said, trying not to alarm anyone. Trying to convince me it was a matter of time to see both my beloved girls. I don’t know if my explanation made them quieter, but they didn’t ask me any more questions. They sat next to me, same as JJ and Emily, who made some calls. I figured the rest of the team was on their way.

The minutes became hours: precisely 2 hours and 12 minutes. A doctor came out of the hallway of one of the ORs and approached where we were.

“(Y/N) Reid’s family?” He asked. I got up immediately.

“I’m her husband,” I said with a trembling voice.

“Mr. Reid. I know your wife came here with a full-term pregnancy and was expected to be a natural birth. Unfortunately, after the water broke, a sudden infection caused significant bleeding, a risk for the baby. After a c-section, we managed to get your daughter born, and she is in perfect condition.” My daughter was born, and she was okay. A sigh left my body.

“And how is my wife? Can I see her?” I asked quickly. The doctor’s face suddenly darkened.

“Your wife is fighting right now. Her body has not reacted so well to the medications, and although we managed to stop the bleeding, her levels have not rebounded in the last hour. Believe me; we are doing everything we can to make her body react to treatment…”. In the distance, I felt how (Y/N)’s mother vanished while Luke tried to hold her. (Y/N)’s sister began to cry, and JJ sought to hug her. I just felt Emily’s hand on my shoulder. I couldn’t react. Fighting? But if everything was just fine. Our daughter was born. She also had to be fine.

“Is she… conscious…? Can I see her…?” I asked automatically.

“Yes. You can see her. You can see your daughter too.” I nodded. The first stop was in the room where my little girl was wrapped and surrounded by nurses who monitored her condition. With a bit of fear, I approached her. My hands were shaking. My heart was pounding. When my eyes saw that small lump moving restlessly, my heart swelled, and I felt an uncontrollable urge to hold her and try to calm her down. One of the nurses took her off the crib and handed her to me. So I could have my baby in my arms. With a smile and all the tenderness the universe could provide, I spoke to calm her down.

“Hey, my little girl. It’s me, your daddy. Sure you’ve heard me before. Yes, I’m the moron who has bored you for months, reading stories to you. That´s right, my little girl. You are everything your mom and I had been waiting for. For so long, you know? You are so perfect, my little girl…”. As I spoke to her, she calmed down. She was no longer moving uncomfortably. For a few seconds, she opened her tiny eyes, and I swear I saw (Y/N)’s eyes in them, a fraction of them at least.

With tears in my eyes, I was only able to return a smile. Fool of me, surely she couldn’t see that. I knew what I have to do next. Very gently, I put my daughter in the hospital crib and went to see (Y/N).

I watched in horror as she lay in the hospital bed connected to tubes and machines. I slowly approached and held her hand, the one without the needles stuck in it. Finally, she was conscious and turned her head to see me.

“Hey,” I said, trying to smile. She smiled back at me. Even in that condition, she kept smiling at me. She wanted to speak, but I tried not to. “No, my love, don’t speak. You just have to keep fighting, okay?“. As expected, she paid little attention to me.

“Did you see our girl? How is she?” She asked me and squeezed my hand.

“Yes, I did. She is doing great. She is so beautiful…” I said, unable to stop the tears from coming out.

“Isn’t she?… I knew she would have your nose,” she mumbled, trying to joke. That also made me laugh.

“And she has your eyes,” I added, remembering our conversation from weeks before.

“Spencer… you can’t to know that… she’s… she’s very tiny yet…” she tried to refute.

“I’m positive. She opened her eyes being in my arms. They are a little piece of yours. I swear”. Tears began to flow from her eyes.

“I’m sorry…” she murmured.

“No, my love, don’t say that. You don’t have to think about it. You just have to recover. We have to go home with our little girl.” I spoke, trying to cheer her up. And cheer me up. I was looking for hope, trying to believe that everything would be fine.

“It’s what I want most in this world,” she said in a whisper.

“See? Then you must go on, my love. To keep fighting. I’m right here by your side.”

“Spencer. I’m scared,” she cut me off in an almost inaudible voice. It was true. I could feel it.

“I know. That’s why I’m here with you.” A little silence filled the room.

“Please… tell her how we met. Tell her how much we loved each other,” she pleaded as tears ran down her eyes. I couldn’t bear to see her like this. Not like this.

“You can do it yourself, my love. I don’t have to do it alone if you’re with me.” I don’t know how it was possible to say words with my broken voice. But they came out. They just came out.

“Tell her that mommy will love her forever, even if mommy is not here. I’ll make sure to take care of both of you, okay?” She was trying to contain the tears, but her voice cracked.

“No… no… don’t…”. I started shaking my head, looking at the floor. No, this was not happening.

“Spencer. Please, look at me.” I knew I had to, but I knew what it meant. “You’ll be an exceptional father. I do not doubt it. Please be happy. Help our little girl to fulfill her dreams and be happy too. And you, my love, try to find your happiness…” she mumbled in an increasingly tired voice.

“But I already have my happiness. With you…”. I tried to refute, praying to anything to keep her with me.

“Sometimes plans have to change,” she said with a shy smile.

“Not these, my love. I don’t want to change these.” I kept trying to avoid the unavoidable.

“I love you. I’ve always loved you. That’ll never change. I was so happy with you,” she said to me as more tears ran down her cheeks.

“I love you too. I love you more than anything in this life. Please don’t leave me. Stay with me.” My voice was a prayer. A useless prayer.

“Don’t lie. Now you have another girl in your life. You’ll love her as much as me,” she said, giving me her last smile.

When I left the room, I could only hear in my head the beep sound of the machine warning her life had gone out. I was devastated. I don’t know how I was able to get to the waiting room where everyone was. I also don’t remember how I almost fell to the floor. My legs failed me. In the distance, I felt cries, hugs of condolence, words of reassurance. When I became aware of what was happening, next to me were Emily and David. Silent. That awkward but necessary silence. They didn´t know what to tell me. I also didn’t know what to say to them.

-

Negation? Yes. I locked myself in my apartment for five days and 14 hours after (Y/N)’s funerals. For five days and 14 hours, I dropped into my pain. Neither the screams of (Y/N)’s sister blaming me for what had happened made me move. Nor JJ’s words through the door, nor Penelope’s baskets, nor the calls of Emily or David managed to get me out of the inertia of those five days and 14 hours. I was also unable to see my daughter. Already discharged from the hospital, (Y/N)’s mother took her to their home. I had lost everything. Did anything else matter? No, not to me. Nothing. Never. Again.

I have some gaps from those days. I know I spent some of those days drunk, sitting, and hitting my head against the wall—the rest of my memories: crying and screaming. I didn’t even go to the shower. I hardly entered the bedroom because everything there reminded me of (Y/N). Her scent was there. Her clothes were there. Our pictures. Our books. And a deafening silence.

After those five days and 14 hours, I was on the floor watching the clock and how the minutes moved forward. Then I heard a cry on the other side of the door. My sense of alert returned from one moment to the next. I got up from the floor and opened the door. I looked down, and there was a baby chair with a crying baby girl inside: my little girl. There was no one else with her. I glanced both ways down the hall, and I didn’t see anyone.

I saw a handwritten note over the blanket that was wrapping her: ‘Daddy, I need you.’ I froze. My daughter was asking for my help.

Not knowing much what to do, I just managed to pick the chair with my daughter inside. I left it on the dining table, watching how she cried. I remembered the first and only time I had held her in my arms. I tried to replicate the same.

I pulled her out of the chair with trembling hands and started pacing with her in my arms around the living room. Maybe that could help to calm her down. Partly it worked, but then she started crying again.

I called (Y/N)’s mom, waiting for her answer, but I got nothing. Then I called (Y/N)’s sister. She didn’t answer either. I called JJ, who didn’t answer. I tried with Emily and David without luck.

It was only my little girl and me. And (Y/N) who started talking to me in my head. Telling me she trusted me, telling me I would be a good father, that I would do everything necessary for our daughter’s well-being. And I had already failed miserably. It had been five days and 14 hours failing her.

My head started going through all the books I read about babies, all the podcasts I listened to, all the conversations with (Y/N) about what would be best for our daughter.

Instinctively I took her to the nursery we arranged with (Y/N) before her arrival. I checked the drawers and started checking the baby’s clothes. I pulled out a bag of diapers. Yes, her scent was evidence she needed a diaper change. When I finished it, I searched through the things on the baby chair where she was when I found her, and there was a bottle of warm milk. While I was walking with her in my arms, I gave her the bottle, and she drank it with great need.

Even stunned by the situation, I didn’t know much more to do than walk with her in my arms as I watched her fall asleep. And that’s how I understood it. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what to do. It only took five days and a bit more than 14 hours for me.

While I was watching my little girl sleep in her crib, my cell phone started to vibrate. It was JJ who was calling. I moved out of the room, leaving the door ajar to answer the call in the hallway. I didn’t want to wake her up.

“How are you doing?” JJ asked.

“Did you know about this?” I asked back. Although it was evident, she knew what was happening.

“Yes, we thought it was time to bring you back. She needs you, Spence,” JJ said to me with a soft motherly voice.

“JJ, I don’t know if I’ll be able… I can’t do it without (Y/N),” I replied, almost crying.

“I’m sure she would disagree. And I’m sure she told you that too,” JJ replicated.

“Yes. She told me. But I’m not ready,” I mumbled with my broken voice.

“Spencer, nobody is totally ready for something like this. And it would happen with (Y/N) or without her here.” Yes, maybe JJ was right.

“How do I start?” That was a question for myself rather than JJ; however, she answered it anyway.

“We are going to help you. We are your family, after all.” She said, trying to reassure me.

“What about (Y/N)’s mother and sister?” I interrupted, realizing my little girl had spent her first days with them.

“They agreed with this. It is what (Y/N) would have wanted, and they want to honor her memory and her wishes,” JJ assured me. “With Emily, we’ll visit you now. We have the bottles you should use in the afternoon and tonight. Then we’ll go to the grocery store and clean the apartment - which I bet is a disaster right now. That way you’ll spend the first night with your daughter. See you later, Spence,” JJ said before hanging up the phone.

I returned to the nursery, where my little girl had started to squirm and was moving uncomfortably in her crib. I took her in my arms and sat in the rocking chair. I began to sway to soothe her with the movement. She opened her eyes and looked at me. And yes, it was (Y/N)’s eyes. There was no doubt about it. I could have sworn she stared at me like her mom the first time I dared speak to her.

Then, in a soft voice, I started to speak.

“I think it’s time for daddy to tell you a new story, my little girl. The story of how you came to this world.”

——————–

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds

[twistednuns]

February 2020

I managed to use my iPad as a second monitor for my computer. So tech savvy. Yay me!

Joking about developing a sex-based cardio programme with Manu. Powerfucking! Might help against aggression as well.

A late night phone call with Tom. Not saying much.

Making a huge pot of my grandmother’s signature veggie stew.

More Bon App��tit test kitchen videos. Chris recreating tacos. Claire making Ben&Jerry’s. Priya making her mum’s Indian curries.

Writing a letter to Lena. Drawing upside down bats (which makes them look like they’re having a wicked dance-off). Just the act of writing. I thoroughly enjoy looking at my handwriting.

Using the Salted Coconut handscrub by Lush. Especially now that I wash my hands so often when we’re working with clay at school. I feel like the peeling triggers some pressure points on my palms.

That Saturday productivity high. Cooking and preparing heaps of stuff, cleaning the windows, doing laundry.

Painting my nails like an expressionist artist.

Some portrait studies. Accidentally drawing Sirius Black.

Being really motivated to improve my Spanish. Working with Lorena, the Duolingo app and even starting my own grammar/vocabulary book.

This ultra quirky ASMR video. Also: watching videos with Erin an her boyfriend Chris. It’s amazing how well they work together. How you can almost feel their connection, how similar they are.

Carrot cake oats.

Seeing the The Darkness live again, this time with Margit. Justin’s outfit and personality, singing along, especially to Time of my Life, the band’s traditional first song after the show.

Meeting Chris. Having a Bramblette cocktail at Pusser’s. I like that place. Feels very old-timey with a rowing boat right under the ceiling. We made out in front of a tiger slide in a toy store window on our way to the next bar.

Peeling fresh carrots.

Pickling onions and making kimchi. My fermentation game is strong these days!

Looking through Dominik’s sketchbook. I loved the tree whose bark resembled a mole burrow with its underground tunnel system.

The flu. Yes, really. Fewer pupils at school. Quiet times. I’m actually surprisingly healthy. I’d guess my probiotics must play a role here… Who knows.

More sourdough experiments. Writing about it (DELICACY - a haiku. Oven-warm sourdough / salted butter, alpine cheese / and a strawberry).

Finding a really interesting list of SanFran hippie era book recommendations at the end of Robin Sloan’s Ajax Penumbra: 1969. In the mood to read Maya Angelou, Tom Wolfe, Jack Kerouac, Richard Brautigan.

Even more beautiful books: I really enjoyed Die weiße Stadt by Karolina Ramqvist, a feminist author from Sweden, and the graphic novel version of To Kill a Mockingbird. But two books that literally (well, figuratively obviously) blew my mind were Circe by Madeline Miller (mythology, loneliness, animals and plants, magic and monsters, some desperate kind of feminism, independence and strength) and Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (magical realms, university setting, psychological depth, unexpected twists and turns). I haven’t read anything comparable in a very long time and I desperately hope that there’s more to come from these authors.

A beach collecting all the world’s single socks in The Magicians. Oh and of course seeing them break the moon. What a sight. The show is super confusing, obnoxious and absolutely fabulous at the same time. Best example: the Freaky Friday szene in which Margo and Eliot switch bodies. I love how the actors took on each other’s speech patterns and behaviour.

A new addition to my colour vocabular: celadon (a greyish green; there is a type of ceramics you’ll only see in this colour which is not surprising since the shade provides such an interesting contrast to the the earthy, rusty orange of burnt clay.)

Manu telling me that he had rarely seen people with more joy in their eyes than me (“Ich habe schon Freude in deinen Augen gesehen! So ein Leuchten kann man nicht simulieren.”) after complaining about being bored and lifeless. / Making curry with or, well, for him the other night. Drinking Liqueur 43 with cinnamon and milk. Playing the Jackbox party games for which you can use your phone as a controller.

Finding myself in a well-known sitation from the past. Lying in Frank’s bed in the early morning hours, not that tired yet, when he starts talking about his life and his depression. In English, obviously, because that’s our emotional filter. Relating, since I feel quite similar. Coming up with a suggestion for a reciprocal support system. Let’s see what we can do for each other.

Looking at travel photographs. The sea, the cenotes. Longing to go back to Mexico or Australia. Diving. Taking it all in.

Dreaming of my grandmother talking about her biggest regrets in life. Weirdly she was in a little bundle under a coffee table, much like Voldemort in the last Harry Potter movie.

My weird, weird brain. How both pleasure and pain enhance my sense of smell and increase my brain activity, almost causing hallucinations and fixations on ideas. Like geometric shapes in gloomy off-colours and a beige silicon-like surface the other night. All I could think of was a benchscraper.

Blue eyeliner.

Brainstorming three-letter-words with Frank since I’m thinking of getting personalised Nike Blazers. Sad cat. Yes but. Dat ass. Why tho.

Flying squirrels. Watching them wobble through the air. How they look like cute exhibitionist when they’re extending their limbs and thus stretching their, well, let’s just call it wings.

The fact that red cabbage has an intricate pattern like brain convolutions when you cut it open.

Talking to Sonja for the first time in over two years. What a strange person. Interesting, too. At least in homeopathic doses.

Ripe strawberries and nectarines. Oh my god. I love fruit.

Meeting Eve at Pub Quiz. She identifies as female, loves swing dance, used to be an animator and I love her style. Also, I realised that really like Betty. And Dennis wasn’t mean to me for once. I love my nerd friends <3 And I learned that Starbucks was named after the first mate in Moby Dick! Also, coincidentally they asked a question about the city where To Kill a Mockingbird takes place (Maycombe, Alabama) after I had read it the week before.

Inviting Lorena to the Botanical Gardens. I always feel very happy and very much myself when I’m there. I sometimes wish I was a gardener. Lorena was late so I walked along the Spring Path outside and it might have been the first time I’ve seen a brussels sprouts plant. Inside I learned lots of Spanish words and marveled at the incredible butterflies. The huge yellow one right behind the entrance was my favourite. Its delicate feelers were fascinating.

Washing my hands at the Keg’s bathroom. Looking into the mirror. Suddenly thinking of the perfect karaoke song… Rescue Me by Bell Book and Candle! I kept singing it for days on repeat. My neighbour must hate me (nothing new here) especially since my voice is too low for the chorus.

It isn’t hard to see how such attachment patterns can undermine mental health. Both anxious and avoidant coping have been linked to a heightened risk of anxiety, depression, loneliness, eating and conduct disorders, alcohol dependence, substance abuse and hostility. The way to treat these problems, say attachment theorists, is in and through a new relationship. On this view, the good therapist becomes a temporary attachment figure, assuming the functions of a nurturing mother, repairing lost trust, restoring security, and instilling two of the key skills engendered by a normal childhood: the regulation of emotions and a healthy intimacy. // An interesting article on attachment styles and why theraphy works; it makes me want to learn more about attachment theory. This School of Life video is a nice addition as well.

That dream. About a book shop modeled after my picture of Penumbra’s 24-hour bookstore. There was an old man in a very narrow but high-ceilinged room full of books. There was no light source except for moonlight or some street lights. There were loads of stairs, very steep, leading to the back of the house. Upstairs the man would set out cat food and on the rooftop there was an old sailing boat. One day the man decided to open the door to the roof and let visitors see the ship, much like a museum; perhaps to attract customers. However, in the next night a cat-shaped ghost appeared who reminded me quite a lot of Kot Behemoth character in Mikhail Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita. The ghost was not amused about the old man’s decision and took away his key, a big golden one adorned with a red ribbon.

Toasted sesame makes pretty much every dish so much better.

Watching High Fidelity with gorgeous Zoe Kravitz (I adore her effortless style and her outfits), getting in the mood for making a playlist and listening to more music in general. There are all these great songs out there I forgot about.

Remembering the xkcd storm chaser comics.

Making a wicked good batch of Pho for Tom.

Spending a nice evening with Alex at Shamrock. Singing along to American Boy by Estelle. Confirming the hypothesis that the nerdy, quiet ones usually have a freak streak. That moment in the morning. Eye contact and kegel exercises.

Karaoke with Margit and Betty. Meeting Manu’s doppelganger. Same type, looks, voice. Eerie.

Making a BA Gourmet Makes meme for Steffen after he had passed his law examps. Strangely Gaby kinda looked like him after I was done with it.

Saturday morning in bed. Reading comics and graphic novels. Fresh bedclothes, surrounded by books. Since it was February 29 I thought about leap years and asked a few friends what their inner seven-year-old would have done that day (based on the thought experiment that your birthday was on February 29 and you’d age in 4-year-steps which would divide your age by 4 obviously).      

I came up with: visiting grandma / eating Cini-Minis / falling asleep with my face buried in a cat / beating my neighbour Anna at Memory / drawing while listening to a Bibi Blocksberg cassette.

Alex said he’d have been outside all day, building a snow igloo. Not noticing his mum telling him to come to dinner. If the weather had been bad he would have played with his dinosaur collection. His inner 7-year-old was a hopeless dreamer who got agitated whenever his parents had a fight. Who came home late from school every day because he forgot about time when he was talking to his friend next to a hedge with thorns that looked like tiny airplanes.

Lena said she would have been outside all day long, playing in the mud with the neighbours’ kids. Of course.

#things i love #present perfect #personal #february 2020 #february #2020

[bethanysnow]

Lore of Darkiplier and Antisepticeye

This is here by lore and theories from two fans of Markiplier and Jacksepticeye and means no harm by what we write. This is simply fun, nor is anything really cannon unless already stated. We don’t want to get into debates or say these  characters could be anyway shape or form real. We adore and love these youtubers and would never want to make them unhappy or uncomfortable. Thank you and here is our findings. -B

DARK

-Mark made a contract with Dark when he first started youtube (like back in 2011)

-Dark would allow him to gain love and support and gain the ability to make the effect in the world he wanted too, with the rule that Dark could periodically take over Mark’s body (and basically just exist latently inside Mark)

-Eventually Mark just kind of went into denial that Dark was real because Dark rarely showed up (except for the few times that Mark doesn’t really remember much because Dark took over the vessel and Mark’s consciousness was just kind of knocked unconscious) (this having similar ideology to when someone with split personalities ‘falls asleep’ or ‘loses time’)

-So Mark started laughing at the idea that Dark was real, and was greatly amused by the fanbase

-But Dark wasn’t pleased…….

-He wanted his share of the bargain, and he was trying to find an opening when he could gain control of the vessel

-Then the fanbase discovered Anti (translation: “created” Anti)

-Dark was told by the greater demons to try to contain Anti, but he didn’t find it that easy…

-Dark is a much older demon than Anti, having come into existence a very long time ago, far before Mark ever made a contract with him

-Also his real name isn’t Dark. That’s just the nickname he adopted because of the fanbase

-Dark has a fun time deciding what his appearance will be. While he appreciates the appeal of nicely done up suits and ties, and he really enjoys looking nice, he also does enjoy dressing up more “punk” I suppose (especially because when he rips the sleeves off Mark’s shirts it pisses Mark off and that’s so much fun)

-Dark has his own personality, own style, but has caught up with the times. This then creating his best advantage when he puts himself in front of an audience.

-During the “Date with Markiplier” video, Dark took over Mark’s body finally after a very long time of staying silent and inside, not only because Anti was starting to become more active, but also because he saw it as a brilliant opportunity to completely win over the vessel from Mark and get his side of the bargain

-This created the idea of ‘Dark’ into the cannon for the fanbase.

-Dark has a tendency to use Mark’s voice against him, and against the people around him. Everyone knows Mark’s voice is really nice and really attractive, but when Dark uses it for his own uses, it’s so much worse, and because it looks like Mark, no one really understands why Mark is suddenly so much more seductive, but it’s just Dark taking advantage of the faculties provided by his host

-Dark is a psychopath. He has no guilt or remorse, no empathy, no emotion, hes extremely narcissistic and is superficially charming, as well as dishonest, manipulative, and reckless - all traits of a psychopath

-Both Anti and Dark are incredible actors this fooling everyone they come into contact with - even fooling people like their family and friends.

-Dark is a sadist, so he will be looking to inflict as much pain as he can on the chosen victim. As whatever will hurt the person the most. This could be rejection, physical pain, or otherwise.

-First you will see it as Mark, our lovable doof and nothing will seem abnormal. Only when he is tired of using the host will he become his own entity. WIth the knowledge he has gained about the victim will use that against your will.

-Dark is a master manipulator, and has no remorse or guilt for anything he does. He simply enjoys the act of inflicting pain

-Dark has a magnificent way with words, and coupled with Mark’s fantastic voice, it’s hard to say no to him. Really hard. If he tells you to sit, you sit. If he tells you to kneel at his feet, you do it. If he tells you to kill yourself, you find a cliff and jump. It’s almost impossible to say no to him, no matter what he asks for. His words are sweet whispers in your ears telling you that if you just give yourself over to him the pain will end. But it never does

ANTI

-Anti was just the idea of a demonic figure, but the fanbases sudden obsession with him slowly made him grow into an actual creature with a large amount of malicious intent

-When he fully became real, that’s when shit hit the fan

-Anti is crazy and angry and out for blood, and he won’t stop until he gets his quota (and who knows how much that is)

- Anti being based around Jack, he has his qualities since the fanbase had to have a vessel when creating up this creature.

- These qualities are more superficial than anything, like jacks green hair or bone structure. His laugh and over chaotic personality.

-While Jack stands for believing in yourself and being who you are, Anti would do anything for his victims to be shocked and taken back and scared with his existence. Also taking Jack’s worst qualities like his self doubt Anti will use this to make others feel bad this acting as a lure when talking to victims.

-Whereas Dark has a (mostly) consensual contract with Mark, Anti has nothing of the sort with Jack. Since Anti was created from Jack, he has no idea the demon is in him, and Anti is thrilled by this

-It means he can cause so much more havoc (such as making Jack hurt himself or others and then let Jack take back over the vessel with no memory of what the hell happened)

-This is why Dark has a 3d appearance when he takes over his vessel, whereas Anti is more glitchy - because he has no consent to take over Jack’s body, and so the two are fighting for control of the vessel

-We as the viewers see this as glitching or 3-D as that is what we has humans can relate this too. These are youtubers so it makes sense to the brain that they would look in a way related to technology. It’s also the only way our brains can really understand the real way they look, as human minds can’t handle that kind of eldritch thing

-Anti is a sociopath. He’s a pervasive liar, he’s physically aggressive, has no regard for his or others safety, and also has no remorse - all traits of a sociopath

-Anti loves to cause pain, but he’s also obsessed with inflicting pain on himself more than anything else. He’s very masochistic, and thus makes a perfect partner in crime to Dark, the opposite to him

-Anti blames other people for his own faults, mistakes and actions, like when he blamed the viewers for Jack’s death in his halloween video. This being shown as him killing the prized possesion of the fanbase, Jack.

-Anti has no regard for consequences, and believes he can get away with anything. He didn’t really kill Jack, but because the fanbase saw him appear to do so, he caused as much pain as he could, which he loves to do

TIMELINE:

-Markiplier seals a contract with the demon later to become known as Dark

-Markiplier starts his first channel, Markiplier

-Markiplier’s first channel is cut off from ad revenue, and thus gets canceled

-Markiplier starts his second channel, MarkiplierGAME

-Markiplier uploads the video “don’t blink” on June 19th, 2012, the first recorded (and canon appearance of the creature known as “Darkiplier”

-Markiplier uploads the video “don’t move” on July 4th, the second recorded (and canon) appearance of Darkiplier. This marks the first time Dark uses the black and white effect

-The fandom starts to notice Dark’s presence and creates a separate persona of Markiplier named Darkiplier as Mark continues to upload videos where he stares into the camera and just generally acts creepy

-The October of Terror Livestreams of 2012 start, where multiple appearances of Dark are recorded

-Markiplier uploads the video titled “Mr Kitty Saves the World” on July 23rd, 2013. A little over halfway through the video, it seems to glitch out, and Darkiplier’s face shows up on screen, with the words “THANK YOU” being heard through a distorted filter. Then the video loops back to the beginning, signifying the first time Dark uses looping as an effect. Mark also starts this episode by mentioning that he’s been having nightmares and seeing things out of the corners of his eyes

-Markiplier uploads the video titled “Error #53” on the same day as “Mr Kitty Saves the World” July 23rd, 2013. The “game” he’s playing seems to be riddled with glitches and problems, but he just brushes it off as nothing much, until near the end when everything seems to glitch out and Mark’s webcam disappears

-Just five days later, Markiplier uploads the episode titled “Raspy Hill”, and a little over halfway through this video, it glitches out once again, and the gameplay is replaced by clips from the gameplay with what we think is Mark’s voice over it (but what may actually be Mark being influenced by Dark) saying things like “Lately I haven’t been feeling like…myself” and “But it’s okay, because you’re here now. Here…you’ll be safe”

-Markiplier has another October of Terror Livestream in 2013, where Dark makes a couple of appearances

-Markiplier uploads “Jumpscare Friends” on May 12, 2014, where Dark seems to take over his body by the end, gaining control of the vessel through Mark’s heightened fear senses. This also shows that Dark can influence others around him, causing the others around Mark to make him anxious and frightened

-Markiplier uploads a video titled “The Way Too Serious Dance” on April 6th, 2015, where he claims that the dance he does can summon Darkiplier. This may only be Mark poking fun at the character the fanbase has created, but by this point Mark has completely gone into denial about the fact that Dark is real

-Markiplier uploads a video titled “Surgeon Simulator IN REAL LIFE” on May 10th, 2016, where by the end it’s shown that Mark is manipulating Matt into cutting Ryan apart, like on the game Surgeon Simulator. This is likely just a sketch, and not an actual appearance of Dark, but it’s noteworthy nonetheless

-Later that year, on August 14th, Markiplier uploaded a video titled “relax”, which features Darkiplier as a prominent figure who attacks Mark in the pool as he’s thanking the audience for 14 million subscribers. This likely isn’t an actual appearance from Dark, but is Mark acknowledging the “angsty, emo” persona the fanbase has by now made Dark out to be. At this point Mark believes that Dark doesn’t truly exist, more parodying the idea.

-On February 14th of 2017, Markiplier uploaded a video titled “A Date With Markiplier”, which seems to simply be a pick your own adventure style video with multiple endings, but quickly becomes more than that when Darkiplier shows up physically and clearly for pretty much the first time. He takes over Mark’s body in “HORROR” and talks directly to the viewers for a long period of time, talking about how he’s been cast aside (both by Mark himself as well as by the heightened presence of Anti in the dual fanbase’s mind), as well as talking about how he can give us more choices than Mark can (despite the fact that in reality, he only gives us one choice - the other three are links to his older appearances: don’t blink, don’t move, and relax). In the video titled “FREEDOM!” Mark once again appears and fights Dark (although Mark here is actually Tyler in a Mark mask but let’s not get too meta). In the end, a gun is dropped and we as the player are given the option of who to shoot. If the dialogue of the two Mark’s is actually listened too, it’s pretty clear which Mark is real. While Dark says things like “Kill him! He needs to die!” and “He’s going to hurt a lot of people!”, Mark says “You can’t trust him!” and “He’s got–he has weird eyes!” The statement about the eyes especially stands out, as Dark is often depicted as having strange dark eyes, and also because Mark says things like that. He’s a goof, he cares about us and would do anything to save everyone, whereas Dark merely wants Mark taken care of so he can control the body. When you shoot one, the other Mark takes control, and you get ice cream (vanilla if you killed Dark, chocolate if you killed Mark). If you killed Mark, you look down at the ice cream, and when you look back up the screen glitches, and Dark appears, telling us we made the wrong choice, and that we’ll be there with him forever. If you kill Dark, you look down at the ice cream and the screen still glitches, but when you look back up and it’s still Mark, implying that Dark is still in there, but is weakened and has no control.

-If you and Mark get caught by the chef in the date, and then you escape and decide to stick together, if you decide to try and exit, Dark glitches into frame briefly before suddenly you and Mark are transported back in time to when you were still in the cell, showing off his ability to loop time, and also showing that there is no escape, no exit…unless you call upon Wilferd Warfstache, which we won’t get into here

-So far this is the last appearance of Dark, and his biggest appearance so far

(AS WE SAID DARKIPLIER HAS BEEN AROUND LONGER THAN ANTISEPTICEYE SO HAS A LONGER HISTORY!)

-Jacksepticeye uploads a video titled “SOMETHING DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT | Five Nights At Freddy’s Sister Location #1” upon this at the end and throughout makes the video ‘glitch’.

-Through the whole month ending in his halloween video you will see ‘glitches’ with Anti peeking through in various poses and doing various things.

-Some of these include stabbing Jack, smiling into the camera, or killing himself even. Instilling that he is a masochist.

-Becoming more and more consistent is the noticing quality that Anti has been taking over Jack’s social media through the month.

-On Halloween Anti makes Jack make a pumpkin carving video and slowly interrupts him with sounds around what we know as his house.

-And mainly ¾ths the way through the video gets a green and grainy texture and Anti finds control of the vessel.

-Shouting on about how Jack is weak and Anti is ‘in charge’, that his fanbase ‘watched it happen’, blaming us and saying that ‘we could have saved him’, all while slitting Jack’s throat with the carving knife.

-Only the next day we see what we know as Jack to clean up and identify as him being Anti and then putting him in the cannon.

Jack doing other voice over work for other channels this being the unknowing creation of what will be AntisepticEye.

-Clips of Jack/Anti laughing causes the fanbase to doubt that there isn’t another person there. (Not cannon, but I like to think it is~B)

-So with these extra bits for other peoples videos we start to truly see the chaotic tendencies of Anti

-Between the next appearance of Dark, Felix and a couple other youtubers do a long 7 hour livestream for christmas Mark and Jack both taking part. Theory being this is when Dark got Anti undercontrol.

-This being only 2 months till the next appearance of darkiplier. (see above)

-Once Darkiplier appeared, Anti (in a response to a question on tumblr) called him a “cheap imitator”

-Jack also began playing the game “Detention” around that time, and throughout every episode of Detention there has been some appearance of Anti

-The last episode of Detention was #4, titled “BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS”. In the description there was Zalgo script spelling out the words “BETRAYAL” “NEGLECT” and “MISTAKE”. This may be a reference to us betraying him by paying attention to Dark’s appearance, or it could be a reference to us betraying Jack and allowing him to die (as Anti claimed in the pumpkin carving video)

This being created by @totheworldosanime and @juliansin

@markiplier @therealjacksepticeye

#markiplier #jacksepticeye #lore #theories #theory #darkiplier #antisepticeye #totheworldosanime #raenspirit #textpost #dark #anti #datewithmarkiplier