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#making up for the couple of good months i had at uni ok
bloodyjuls-blog · 10 months
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The worst of us (part 2)
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Here's the second part. We gonna have a third part and maybe fourth amongst this week (I go to Uni) (let me know if you like the drama or less drama for next part)
"Hi, y/n" Leah said. "Hi capi how are we doing" I said in a shaky voice. "what's up y/n, are you crying?" Leah said concerned by my tone of voice. "it's just that i messed up in a way" you said with a shrinking voice. "what did you do y/n and why do I get the feeling it has something to do with Alexia" Leah said more seriously. I told her what I had heard in the locker room... "but that's ok innit" "she visualized with you in the long run" she said calmer. "yeah but you know how much I went through before I met her to have to deal with that" y/n she said calmer " "I thought you had everything under control y/n" Leah said flatly. "that's what i thought, everything was fine until a few months ago, she found the bottles in the dishwasher and didn't say anything. how the hell did she not say anything, being a footballer and drink without control" you said hysterically. "but you can go to therapy again, you can control it" said Leah. "I feel like all this pressure from marriage and kids, media, Giraldez, it's drowning me LEAH. Ahh fuck, I'm going crazy" "who do you think you are to cross the traffic light like that, fucking crazy" you said in a way that even you don't recognize yourself. "Y/N calm down now, I hope you're not driving" "Of course I'm driving Leah" "Alexia decided it was best for me to leave, it's all fucking over. I can't take it anymore" you said crying. "Don't do something crazy please, if you're going to drink, go home, it's safer" said Leah in a worried tone. "No tonti, I'm not going to do anything bad," you said more calmly. Yet another lie, I thought. Of course you spent the whole night drinking at the 24h market close to home. You'd be as dead as a doornail the next day at training
Next day at training
"Well girls, as we all know, we have the champions match day coming up, I want everyone to be plugged in and eager to win," said Jonatan. "Yes coach" we all answered in unison. Once on the court the group was divided by positions and it was my turn to play against Alexia. Not surprisingly, none of the girls spoke to me. They were clearly leaning towards the captain. That made me very angry, that I hadn't done anything wrong enough to be disowned. To say I felt bad was too little for everything that was crossing my mind at the time. One thing they tell you is not to mix work and home but when your home is your colleague it becomes impossible, let alone seeing her as beautiful as ever. In a different situation, the girls would be more supportive and condescending to me but no, today was the day to make my life a hell.
A couple of exercises later I felt like I was going to faint, the spring heat and the monumental hangover I'm carrying don't help. In one of those passes that I have to receive I get lost and my team yells at me in a way that is so fucking scary, those beasts are scary. Alexia looks at me with rage, I don't think I've ever seen her so upset with someone, not even with the fucking gals of real madrid. If these things happen to me because I'm stupid. To say that right now I was at my strongest mental point is a lie, but I was doing what I could. In one play we had to clear the ball and of course as my luck couldn't be worse today I had to receive in front of Alexia. Not having the physique today to give it my all, Alexia got there first and threw a missile in my face. "Ouch" I thought as I fell unconscious on the grass. Alexia approaches me and tells me in the most venomous way possible "let's see if you wake up and stop drinking. The example you set for the little ones. Very good, very good". At that moment I couldn't think of anything but pain and Alexia's words. I think if I had to compare it to anything it would be a stab in the back. Alexia knows my weak points and yet she uses them against me.
At the medical room they put ice packs and ointment on my face for the bruises. luckily nothing is broken beyond an eyebrow. I head home before and out of nowhere I get flashbacks of all those times I was told that I was not a good example, that I was not enough, that I should not spend my time in football, but what bothers me the most is that it reminds me of when my father told me that I was a bad example for my nephews, because of them I changed. Sometimes things do not turn out the way you want. And as I knew that this day was going to end worse I decided to take a flask of whiskey in my backpack. It was not a good idea.
As I go into the locker room to get my stuff I hear the girls laughing about something Alexia said. I let myself listen to her a little bit because I know that when I go in they will shut up and give me funny looks. I hear her say "maybe it wasn't the right time or she, all of a sudden her alcohol problem came back". But since she is so sneaky about telling my stuff to the others. "Alexia you can just shut up and stop telling my things, at least respect what I once in privacy told you" I said it in the most calm and broken way possible. Suddenly because of the alcohol I had already had. They all went quiet and went back to their things. Alexia looked at me and I grabbed my stuff and left. Bad idea, I couldn't drive with alcohol on me. Fucking alexia, fucking family club, fucking liquor. Angry, I got in the car to go to my special place.
In the locker room the English girls came in, joking about y/n had brought a flask of whiskey and hadn't hesitated to drink it during practice. All the girls reacted and started to worry. "What's up girls?" said Keira, still laughing. "What's going on here is that most of the people here have been making fun of y/n and her alcohol problems, thanks alexia, and now she has gone home in her car drunk" said Ana a little more upset. To tell the truth Ana has always been on my side, it has to do with the amount of years we have known each other, I consider her one of the family but with the alcohol recently, I have moved away a little.
Already in the car I'm a little dizzy, everything is spinning and the memories are killing me. To say that driving like this is ok is reckless, don't do it under any circumstances. A couple of hours later I find myself back in Alexia's neighborhood, wandering around like a fool, as if she was going to show up. I decide to go up the Tibidabo but in the vicinity I come across a curve which I try to maneuver as best I can but apparently it beats me. The only thing I remember is calling Alexia. "Hi y/n, what do you want" says Ale a little angry "Hi bonita, I want to hear you and I want you to know that I love you with all my heart" you say almost without air in your lungs because of the blow "and please forgive me for not being enough for you, I swear that everything makes sense, but there is nothing to do anymore. That you were always a family to me " "why are you saying that y/n, I'm getting worried ""where are you ""goodbye alexia, I love you" you said before you hung up and your whole world turned black.
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pharawee · 11 months
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Star Hunter's line-up for 2023 (and 2024) was exactly what they'd previously announced and tbh that made sitting through the whole thing actually quite enjoyable and to the point - even if I had to watch the livestream on facebook (apparently it's on youtube too but it's on madan.fun's channel so I didn't know until later).
Now Star Hunter is slowly uploading the pilots for the 5 new series and 2 movies they announced and I've had some time to make up my mind about them.
TRUE MOON | เดือนหลงเดือน 
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Star Hunter wouldn't be Star Hunter without their uni BL and campus moons, so this is probably as straightforward as it gets: Poor boy hates rich boy but then they fall in love and have to overcome many obstacles. Personally, I'll never get tired of uni BL so I'm ok with this.
CITY OF STARS | เฟื่องนคร 
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Star Hunter has unlocked a new trope: actor/manager BL - but this one comes with a twist: While one of them is an actor, the other guy has been tasked to... tbh I'm not even sure because the subs on the livestream were wonky and they're missing in the yt vid. The other one's a programmer for an app and apparently the actor's so famous that he breaks the app so the programmer gets sent to Thailand for few months (he's the only Thai dude in the whole company, you see) to somehow fix the problem. Oh, but also the actor is his neighbour? And then his manager gets sick so the programmer has to step in. Love ensues. Sounds good, I'm in.
SUNSET VIBES | เพียงชลาลัย
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This is the new mosbank series we've been waiting for, and from the whole presentation it's clear that mosbank is now Star Hunter's new main attraction. The series itself is really intriguing. For one, it's beautifully filmed, with beautiful and almost traditional-sounding background music. It starts with a one-night-stand that quickly turns into "oops I got railed by my new boss the night before I started my internship" - but there's a mystery twist right at the end. According to what Mos said during the short presentation it's got something to do with Isan (Northeast Thailand) folklore and possibly past lives so this is going to be really good (I am completely unbiased of course).
BIG DRAGON THE MOVIE
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I'm still not sure if this is replacing season 2 or a movie cut of the first season with extra scenes. My Thai is limited and all I know is that season 2 was mentioned (and Tao's actor was there). But anyway, the movie seems to expand on what happens in season 1, with a couple of extra scenes set in the past and the future, so even if we don't get a season 2 this is still going to be a treat.
FLIRT MILK | รักรสนมจืด
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Ok so this one could be Star Hunter's wild card. It's a cute and chaotic BL set at (where else) university. Awkward boy meets another awkward boy and they're super different but obviously attracted to each other. But because they're so different they individually decide to change for their crush. Well, personally I hope they change back because they're really cute the way they are and also there's a severe lack of glasses in Thai BL.
ACADEX THE MOVIE
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This is not a BL but it might have BL elements, I guess? Idk, the trailer didn't come with subs. From what I could gather the genre is young adult set in some kind of magical school with different houses and some sort of competition. ISBANKY is in this and tbh he's the main reason why I'm even interested in this.
LOVE SENIOR | พี่ว้ากคะ รักหนูได้มั้ย 
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I was right! This is the GL version of GEN Y that you've been waiting for. It has cute engineering students! It has freshie contests! It has freshie week hazing rituals! It has cute girls in red engineering shirts that kiss! It has strict seniors falling in love with extremely cute freshies. And it probably has lots of unnecessary drama too, just for good measure.
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absolutebl · 1 year
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This Week In BL - The Floodgates Have Opened
Oct 2022 Wk 1
Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.
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Ongoing Series - Thai
The Eclipse (Fri YT) 9 of 12 - Aye is such an intense and focused little thing. The eye contact with these 2 is beyond eye fucking into something more like eye soul-mating. The pool kiss was fine, but they looked cold. GMMTV loves a pool kiss. 
My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) 9 of 14 - this show makes me cry. Fee is a wonderful friend. This was a good episode, it was fun to see Eiw come into his own. I look forward to the reunion next week.
Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 2 of 10 - I figured it out, this is Make it Right the uni years! That’s why I like it. Nhai Is apparently flirtier and gayer when drunk. I’ve known some British lads like that. OK so sex happened. I like that there was some kind of confused drunken consent. But also serious regrets and bisexual identity crisis. Poor Nhai: You can’t have your friend and eat him too. This plot is moving quickly: it’s ep 2 and they have slept together and confessed, plus a one month trial relationship. I like it. This is messy gay in a way I appreciate. 
Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube & Gaga) 1 of 8 - I'm enjoying the lead pair, the meet cute, and the combative nature of their relationship. I’m not wild about the premise but I like how different it is from all the previous “my ghost boyfriend” takes on this concept. More “our human pet.” I’m beginning to be weirdly charmed by how bureaucratic the Thai afterlife always seems to be. 
Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 1 of 8 - Basically we have player love-rivals (a girl)/enemies to lovers + a rich/poor pairing: Yai & Mangkorn. It had a good hook but most of the ep was dull; thankfully Gaga has a 1.5x speed. The acting is bad but the sex scene was fine: dominance struggles, lots of switching, and verse stuff. *we likie* This show is using drugging (impaired judgement/dub-con/both men), sexual extortion, and blackmail as a plot device not unlike LITA. But it’s using antiheroes and presenting everything, including the characters, in a negative light. Thus right now in BL we have a great example of how the same plot device can be depicted differently and result in an entirely different perspective and watcher experience. In other words: a narrative I’m hating in LITA doesn’t bother me here, because of characterization.  
Work from Heart (Thurs YouTube) 3 of 7 - The agro yet deeply in-crush behavior of our tsundere seme is kinda fun, but the fashion remains truly terrible and the most unpleasant performer in this show. Although it’s got competition. 
Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) 8 of 13 - the premise and blackmail set up for this couple really fucked with me (because Sky is a broken angel-baby and Pai is an irredeemable pustule). I am not happy about it: DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH ALONG HERE. That said, there is a GREAT analysis of Sky’s character here (that I totally enjoy and want to be true, but I think gives Mame too much credit). 
Fahlanruk (Sun GaGa) 4 of 12 - So Fah’s bf cheated first? Okay, still doesn’t justify his behavior. Honestly, I really can’t stand this show. Now we are playing a game of how long can I go before dropping it.
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Ongoing Series - Not Thai
Takara-kun and Amagi-kun (Japan Thurs GaGa & Viki) 7 of 8 - these two pretty much define awkward. Takara because he is trying desperately to keep his cool reserve (and perform perfect seme) while simultaneously being so in love/lust with Amagi in high school where desire is, by definition and practice, uncool. Amagi is all frenetic movements and angles, like he cannot control his limbs or his emotions, everything is deeply confusing to him including Takara’s affection. Watching them stumble around each other and agonize over every little movement and conversation is an exercise in joy, patience, and agony. It’s all so “teenager” I can hardly stand it. This episode, however, was more about Tanaka coping with learning his friend is 1. not straight and 2. deeply in love with an adorable weirdo. It was a quieter ep than I expected but sweet. “He said something cute and I couldn’t help myself“ is so traditional Japanese seme in one sentence I can’t even.
Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 1 of 10 - basically this is A Man Who Defies the World of BL + Senpai This Can’t be Love (as @heretherebedork said). Nakao Masaki playing a sunshine bouncy himbo character is a fucking revelation, I didn’t think he had it in him. But our tsundere uke is far too tsundere for me, and despite the premise (AN IDOL LOVE INTEREST!) I do not not really like it. I just hate the stalker photograph obsession thing (My Engineer, SCOY, STCBL, now this) and I can’t support a character that starts out this way, it’s apparently a trigger I didn’t know I had until BL tried to romanticize it. I love Nakao Masaki (in a non stalker, no photos kind of way) so I might muscle through but... 
Once Again (Korea Fri GaGa) 7-8fin - Cute date plus hand holding and a mild but sweet moot kiss does not a satisfying ending make. They are great boyfriends even if only for a few days. As expected, like Kissable Lips, this one ends sad. Can’t stop the Koreans when a temporal paradox and death is on the line. They do love their tragedy, not to mention unavoidable fate. 2/10 NOT RECOMMENDED
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It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It
War of Y - 20 eps A spy have reported in on a spoiler assessment of the first 2 installments here. 2 more to go. 
Oh My Sunshine Night 16 eps - I’m scared it’s gonna be sad, so I’m waiting for spies to tell me it’s safe, so far reported to be quite the soap opera. 
To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 10 eps - dito OMSN, so I’m holding until it finishes its run. 
My Roommate - 32 eps of 2 minutes each? Terrible production values, worse than the pulps. I not bothering. 
In Case You Missed It
180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us had a sad end, or at least, not a happy one, so I will not be watching it. I’m happy to leave it permanently listed dnf. 2022 will be the year I dnf’d the most BL, partly because there’s so much of it. (Thailand is at 108 BLs and counting this year). 
I talk a lot on this blog about linguistics (language intersecting with culture) here’s a fun podcast from Hidden Brain on How language shapes our perspective on life. 
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Gossip
HIStory 5 is coming! Called HIStory5: Love in the Future. Since it’s going to be the only one under the 5 moniker I’ll probably default (like it did with H4) to just calling it H5. 
That omegaverse Thai BL got cancelled. Probably because of the fuss being kicked up about it. I am sad. No trash watch for me. Maybe Japan will still do one at some point. 
Next Week Looks Like This:
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Starting: Remember Me starts tomorrow, Thai (Sun Gaga)1 of 8. 2 Moons 3 Thai (Mon ??) 1 of 10. Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Thurs Viki) 1 of 8. SELF Thai (Thurs ??). My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Gaga & Viki) 1 of 12. Hard Love Mission Thai (Sat WeTV & iQiyi?). Wish Me Luck Thai (Sat ??). 
I’m traveling so I may not be able to watch the ones I already have in rotation, let alone track down the new babies. You on your own peeps, best of luck! 
Honestly Thailand, too many. You gotta stop now. We saturated. 
FULL October 2022 line up is here.
This week’s best moments?
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The return of That Staircase in Eclipse! 
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Tell us something we don’t know, Aye. 
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Breaking news: Cute bit is very cute. 
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Work from Heart: I just love the sniff test trope (AKA I like the way he smells) one of my favs. 
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Although neck kisses are good too, thanks Ai Long Nhai. 
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Activating seme agressive tendencies. 
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Bisexual rep, yes please! 
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And a direct address of drunk one night stand regrets. You’re doing well little pulp. 
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Such boyfriends. 
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The most seme line in a BL ever. 
(last week)
Current earworm? The Rose’s Sour 
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babygirlbenji · 2 years
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For You - Ben Chilwell
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a/n not totally happy with this one but the rq has been in my inbox for literal months (i started writing this fic in jan 2022 so it's been a long time coming but shit happened and we live, we move and we vibe!
You had started to feel a little off a couple days before Ben’s match. Just a little runny nose, sore throat and the occasional cough, nothing serious. You were self-medicating and trying to get as much rest as possible, but you could feel it was getting worse. 
Sure enough, the morning of the Brentford match dawned with you feeling absolutely rubbish. Your throat burned, every muscle ached and your temperature had soared overnight. You were pretty much laying in a pool of your own sweat. The sun peering through the blinds made your head pound. 
Ben stirred next to you. 
‘Morning, babe,’ he mumbled. Even in your foggy, sickly state, his morning voice still sent shivers down your spine. 
‘Morning.’ Your voice was a mere croak, and it made him sit up, concerned. 
‘You don’t sound good, darling, are you feeling okay?’ He brought the back of his hand to your forehead. ‘Sweetheart, you’re burning up! Why didn’t you say anything?’ 
‘I didn’t want you to worry, I’ll be ok for the match, I just need some more rest,’ you replied, trying to stand up. Your progress was swiftly halted when the room started to spin before your eyes in a sudden wave of dizziness. 
‘There is absolutely no way you are watching any match anywhere other than from the comfort of the sofa in front of the TV. I’m going to go and make you a peppermint tea and some chicken soup you can heat up for lunch.’ You would have complained, but your lack of energy prevented you from doing so. Besides that, you secretly liked Ben taking care of you. You were normally a very healthy person, rarely getting so much as a cold, so him taking care of you was a treat of some sorts. 
As you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, the sound of Ben rummaging around in the kitchen carried up the stairs to your ears, followed shortly thereafter by the delicious smell of chicken soup. 
Not long after, Ben came back upstairs, armed with Sudafed tablets, a hot water bottle, a mug of peppermint tea and your laptop, which you had left downstairs on the coffee table after doing some uni work. 
‘I feel bad for leaving you like this…’ he admitted as he dropped the essentials on the bed, leaning over to stroke your hair back from your forehead. You shrugged weakly.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine in a couple days. Not as bad as swine flu or laryngitis.’ You couldn’t help but wince at the memory of having swine flu and laryngitis; the two illnesses had got you down less than 18 months apart, and it was the most sick you had ever been. Ben was so worried about you, he called the non-emergency line twice when you had swine flu. 
‘Nothing will ever be as bad as that horrid swine flu. Sure you’ll be ok? Mum is on the end of the phone for anything, Dele and Harry are about 15 minutes away if you need anything, I’ll tell the team what’s going on so if I get a call from you I’ll get subbed off so I can be here…’ You just about had enough energy to giggle and take his hand. 
‘Baby, I am fine. Just a little cold. Go do your job, I’ll be here when you get back.’ He bent down to kiss your forehead, ignoring your protests, before letting you go back to sleep. 
*
When you woke up, you saw that it was just before kick off. You were feeling a little better having had some more sleep, so you kicked back the covers, popped on a hoodie of Ben’s, and shuffled downstairs to watch the game on the TV. 
The team news came through on the Chelsea app, and you were delighted to see that Ben was starting. Even though you knew he wasn’t going to see it until after the match, you sent him a Snapchat of you curled up on the sofa, watching the match. After that, you texted him saying ‘good luck baby, cheering you on as always!!🤍 xx’ 
The match started, but you were only slightly paying attention. Your body had been fighting this horrid cold as hard as it could, and you were exhausted. The match continued and you were only just about able to follow the match in between power naps. 
Just before halftime, however, came the moment both you and Ben had been waiting for all season. 
You sat bolt upright, cheering softly through your croaky voice, as Ben celebrated his goal. The camera zoomed into him, and he made a heart with his hands and pointed at the camera. You sent him a heart back, even though he couldn’t see, and texted him ‘I told you it would come. I am so proud of you. You deserve this! See you soon, I love you🤍’. The halftime coverage started, and you allowed yourself to sit back down on your pillows, basking in the glory of your boyfriend’s goal. You knew it was coming, like you’d said to him in your text, it was just a case of him realising it. 
*
When you awoke next, it was the door closing that stirred you from your slumber. 
‘Darling?’ Ben’s voice was quiet as he padded through the house. You were vaguely aware of him walking over to you, placing a hand on your forehead to check your temperature. ‘You awake, sweetheart?’ 
You fumbled out a tiny ‘yes’, still foggy with sleep and sickness. 
‘Temperature’s gone down, that’s good.’ 
‘You scored.’ He chuckled, knowing you weren’t exactly ‘with it’. 
‘I did, darling, for you.’ Even in your slightly delirious stupor, your cheeks still flushed at his sweet comment. ‘Come on, darling, let’s get you to bed.’ You began to stand up, but soon felt yourself get swooped up into his arms bridal-style, smelling his cologne on his neck as you nuzzled your face into his neck. 
‘Mmm, I missed you,’ you hummed groggily as he carefully manoeuvred you upstairs to your bedroom. 
‘I was only gone for a few hours, darling,’ he chuckled in response. 
‘But when one is sick it feels like much longer.’ Another chuckle left his lips, and you felt him kiss the top of your head. 
‘Does one also go all posh when you get sick?’ You didn’t have enough energy to give him a retort back, just scoffing lightly. 
Ben gently placed you on the bed, pulling the duvet up over you to keep you warm. You heard him in the ensuite next to your room, showering quickly and brushing his teeth. It was oddly comforting to hear him potter about in the bathroom, and by the time he came out of the bathroom, you were nearly fast asleep. 
He turned off the lights, and clambered into bed beside you. 
‘Want a cuddle, gorgeous? Or are you too hot?’ You didn’t have the energy to answer. Instead, you snuggled in close to him. His chest rumbled with a chuckle, an arm finding its way around your shoulders to pull you into his side. ‘Always up for a cuddle, that’s one of the many things I love about you, darling.’ The energy had completely gone, leaving you nothing to reply with. Ben knew, though, that you loved him. You didn’t have to, most of the time. It was in the way you looked at him, the way you went to every match you could even with your busy work schedule, the way you ran up to him after matches with the most radiant smile on your face, the way you always made sure you had a plate of dinner ready for him if it was a late finish… The little things added up, and Ben wasn’t great at maths, but he knew it added up to a whole lot of love from you, and he always made sure you felt it from him. 
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canirove · 1 year
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Professor Rice | Chapter 1
Summary: It is Veronica’s last year at uni. After partying maybe a bit too much the previous one, she wants to be focused and not struggle again. Especially not when to finish her major, she will be needed the credits from one of her most hated subjets: Science. But because that wasn’t enough already, her professor happens to be one of the most handsome men she has ever seen. Professor Rice.
━━━━━━❃━━━━━━          
"What are you looking at..." Madisson stopped mid-sentence to look at the door. "Oh my sweet baby Jesus!"
"Can he be my lab partner? I promise to be good" I laughed.
"Babe, that's not a classmate. That's our professor."
The professor... that's our professor. I'm screwed!
Author’s note: This story is a very special one, because I didn’t write it, a friend of mine did. It was my birthday present from her a couple of years ago, and that’s why the main character was named after me 😁 She got inspired because when we saw the photo of Declan that I’m using on this chapter’s header, I told her that with the glasses he looked like an university teacher 😅
If you’ve read any of my other stories, you’ll probably notice that our writing style is a bit different, but I hope you still enjoy it as much as I did. Thank you for reading! 💜
Next chapter
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Veronica's POV
On my first day back at uni, I woke up feeling like an anxious mess. I was in need of one of Jo's pep talks.
After I showered and got dressed, I went into the kitchen to find my best friend cooking my favourite breakfast: banana pancakes with chocolate chips. I don't deserve her.
"Good morning, gorgeous. I made you some breakfast" Jo said while placing my plate and my cup of tea in front of me.
"Have I ever told you that you are my favourite person in the whole wide world?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah" Jo said, rolling her eyes. But I could see a little smirk on her face. Josephine knew this was the only way to get me to eat something before class on my first day, so she woke up extra early to get everything ready.
"You ready for this, V? I know you worry too much, but this year you have fewer classes and it shouldn't be as stressful as last year, ok?"
"I guess... I do have some classes that I can't keep avoiding. Like Science. Ugh, I hate Science" I groaned. Why do I have to take more Science classes?
"Veronica, don't be silly. I'm great at Science, I'll help you out if you need it." Of course, Jo to the rescue.
"I know. I just don't want a repeat of last year".
The end of my second year in Uni was a rollercoaster. I might have enjoyed my party time a bit too much, and when it was time to catch up on everything that I had to study... well, saying that it wasn't fun was an understatement.
Jo and I spent multiple nights awake studying, and I managed to get good enough grades to keep my scholarship. I’d liked to think I've learnt from those mistakes. But Jo and I had already been invited to three parties, and we still haven't found a way to say no.
"Veronica!" Jo screamed.
"What?" I said, covering my ears. She knew I didn't like loud noises so early in the morning.
"Stop daydreaming, peach. We need to go. Oh God! You've barely eaten." She immediately grabbed a napkin and put two more pancakes on it. "You can eat this on the way to your first class. Have fun. Love you!"
"Yes, mum. Bye, mum." I couldn't help but tease her as I left to go to hell. I mean, today's classes.
These next 9 months are going to be the worst of my life...
Two classes down, two to go. And it was finally time for the worst of them: Science. I knew I had to get these credits from this Science class to finish my major, but I also knew I didn't have to be excited about it.
My least favourite part of first days was teachers making a big deal out of everything. As if university wasn't overwhelming enough. They felt the need to talk about every single detail of everything we'll be doing for the next few months, and I always left feeling just a bit dumber than before that class started.
As I made my way to my seat, I saw Maddison was already there. Maddie and I were good friends but had never been in a class together. She was also very good at Science, so being next to her in this class sounded even better than it normally would.
"Hi Maddie" I said while sitting next to her.
"Hi Nica! We finally get to be together in a class. Only took us three years" she laughed.
Maddison always called me Nica. Apparently, there was a singing contest she watched as a kid with her mum, who is from Spain, and her favourite contestant's nickname was Nika. So she couldn't help but call me Nica. It was cute, to be honest.
"So," Madisson started, "have you heard about the new professor?"
"New professor? What do you mean?"
"Well, there was this two hundred-year-old man who has been teaching this class since before dinosaurs went extinct, but he finally retired and we are supposed to be getting a new professor who is a hottie. At least according to some classmates of mine that had him in their first class today." Madisson, of course, started to wiggle her eyebrows while telling me the story.
"A hot professor?" I laughed. "Not in this class, please. I struggle with concentrating enough as it is."
"Oh, c'mon. A bit of eye candy never hurt nobody."
The class was about to start when the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life walked through the door.
"What are you looking at..." Madisson stopped mid-sentence to look at the door. "Oh my sweet baby Jesus!"
"Can he be my lab partner? I promise to be good" I laughed.
"Babe, that's not a classmate. That's our professor."
The professor... that's our professor. I'm screwed!
Declan's POV
Why is teaching a class in front of one hundred students more daunting than being in front of thirty thousand people at a football pitch?
"Hello class. I'm Professor Rice, and I'll be teaching this course now that Professor Richards has retired. Now, I don't want to overwhelm you on the first day talking about everything you're supposed to do in the next few months, but I do want to talk about how I plan on organizing these first weeks of classes. So pay attention, I don't like repeating myself".
Did that sound confident? I bet they can all see how much I'm sweating underneath this suit. Why did I wear a suit in August? God! I'm a mess.
"So, next week we'll do a small test." I could hear complaints already. "Relax, this won't count for your final grades. I just want to know how to organize the study groups and to check who might need more help. My office is always open for anyone who has questions, ok?"
I then wrote all the topics that will be covered on the test on the board. My handwriting was worse than usual because I was trying not to show how nervous I was.
All for nothing, because the day had been going really well so far. All the students in the first two classes seemed excited to have a younger teacher in their class. Even a couple of girls asked me where my office was. I didn't expect that.
You can do this, Declan. You can do this!
"So, any questions?" I asked, and then saw a couple of hands being raised.
Once I answered the questions, I kept on explaining how the course was going to work. It's not that I didn't want to be a harsh teacher, but I was in their place only a couple of years ago and I felt like I got how they felt better than a sixty-year-old professor could.
Also, I really wanted them to like me. The footballer in me craved that praise and love. It's not easy retiring when you are eighteen while your best friend goes onto winning all the trophies. But hey, this was a good job, and I would make the best out of it.
While the students left the class, I noticed many of them staring at me. Including a cute redhead who blushed when our eyes met. Wait, why was I thinking about one of my students as cute? I had actually noticed her during class, she kept on frowning at most of the things I said. And she was constantly asking her friend questions. Why didn't she ask me those questions? And why did I care so much?
I looked down at my backpack and started to pack all my things.
I need to talk to Mason.
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cieloclercs · 7 months
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lover, you should’ve come over - let's do f1 or tennis you can choose, male preference!
I'm currently a 3rd year in uni studying statistics with a triple minor holy hell, in CompSci, Business Analytics, and Mathematics. I'm in my uni's marching band and I play the tuba, I'm on staff and I adore my rookies. Literally the shortest person in the section but I love the jokes they're all good fun.
Something about my face screams to people to tell me all about their relationship woes/stories and I honestly don't mind I love getting to know them a bit more. I'm not huge on physical touch but I'll warm up to it if you're a close friend. Very fluent in sarcasm but I know when to pull back. My friends would say I'm very dependable and chill. My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time.
I love to bake when I have the supplies, huge marvel nerd movies + comics, I'm horrible at finishing tv shows I either binge it all in one night or it'll take me 5 months to finish one season, tysm!
i ship you with sebastian vettel!
— ok so i know seb isn’t technically on the grid anymore and he’s kind of old BUT if we’re talking younger red bull seb omg this is SPEAKING to me !! you seem like such a go with the flow person but at the same time super ambitious and just like you know exactly what you want ?? if that makes sense ?? correct me if i’m wrong but that’s the vibe i’m getting from this 😭 and i feel like red bull seb would ADORE that
— ok you have no idea how much i love this imaginary dynamic but i’m picturing seb being totally infatuated with you before you guys get together, and i’m talking like he’ll follow you around, flirt shamelessly and basically just do classic seb things, but (at first) you’d shoot him down every. single. time. mostly just because you find it funny watching him tie himself into knots BUT ALSO maybe because you’re a little intrigued 😏😏 i can imagine you’d keep up this pretence for a while wondering when seb will finally have had enough and move onto his next conquest, BUT WHEN HE DOESNT you begin to think that maybeee this guy is worth sticking your neck out for 😏
— of course once you guys are together, the shameless flirting still won’t stop. i mean who are we kidding it’s sebastian vettel being a flirt is part of his genetic makeup 😭 but you have this superpower where you can just not react and it’s so funny because seb will turn it into some kind of competition to see who’ll crack first (you always win 😉) honestly you guys are the funniest couple ever but in the driest kind of way. i genuinely love you both. if this was real you’d be my otp (i’m getting too invested 😔)
— mini head cannon bc i forgot to add it in before: seb is fully convinced you’re the smartest person on earth and if anyone argues otherwise he will FIGHT them. even if they’re arguing einstein is smarter he’ll still do it. the guy honestly worships you and it’s hilarious (but also v cute 🥹)
— you’re definitely kind of seb’s mental health support 😭 like he’ll tell you everything that goes on in his team, and i mean everything (even when he’s not supposed to 🤫) when he has a bad race, you’re there to listen to him and let him just vent out all his frustrations. when he has a good race, you’re always there to lift him up. i feel like the kind of mutual understanding you guys have is really rare. like, the kind of bordering on telepathy understanding where you can just tell how the other is feeling from one look 🥹 of course, seb’s a gentlemen so he always works hard to give you everything you could possibly want in a relationship. even despite his busy schedule, he always makes sure to take you out on lots of cute, thoughtful dates, and even sends you little notes throughout the day just to remind you how much he loves you 🥹 honestly he’s so cute i adore him
— and a final bonus headcannon !! i feel like seb himself can be a bit of a nerd when it comes to certain things (we’ve all seen him in grill the grid, the guy just absorbs knowledge) even though he may not be a marvel fan originally, when he finds out you are, he works sooo hard to get caught up with all the movies and the comic lore so he can talk to you about it 🥹 then of course come the marvel movie nights (instigated by him) where you literally stay up for hours bingeing as many of them as possible (seb definitely gets so invested and cries at infinity war and endgame 😭) he just wants to spend as much time with you doing things you love as possible !! 🥹🤍
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imanes · 8 months
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hi imane! i hope ur doing well <3 i just wanted to ask: what do you do during times of uncertainty? im a uni student abt to go on placement and I've been applying for part-time jobs that's centred around my field but to no avail sadly :/ i wanted to save up at least so i wouldn't stress during placement and everything's so overwhelming.. there are other external factors that's making me feel this way too like a friendship break-up i had few months ago and its affected me quite badly but im starting to pick myself up again. anyways sorry for the rant and i hope ur day is lovely x
hey! just sat down after hours of procrastination to work on my dissertation and i wish i were done already akjdkfgj but it could be worse!! ok it's gonna be long and probs unhelpful but i know that you wanted to vent more than you thought i was holding some solution so I'll just ramble and hope something resonates with you lmao <3
for me uncertainty makes me feel like my life is in shambles, it's hard to cope with things going south and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but during my yearly flop era in march/april i had a talk with a friend who's much older, wiser, and more experimented, and basically it helped me put things into perspective and learn how to let go. there are only so many things that you can control so i split my different issues into different categories for a more systemic approach to my problems lol: things that i can actually somewhat control (my emotions, my reactions, my efforts, what i can do moving forward to alleviate some of my stress), things that are out of my control (how people misconstrue me, external stressors like shitty coworkers, refusals from jobs i was applying for) and things (and people) that i don't need in my life. learning to let go of things for me internationally infamous control freak was not easy but it was liberating, idk if you're religious so if you aren't the next part isn't going to be helpful lol but i don't think i should be chasing things because i am exactly where i am meant to be, and if i start clutching at the things that aren't meant to be in my life, it's just my ego getting in the way, and i prayed that Allah just lets me find the place that i would fit better in and that He'd take me away from it if i wasn't going to be doing or feeling good there. i guess the non-religious version would just be to trust the process and understand that things in life wax and wane, whether it be job opportunities or relationships. obviously there's like a plethora of other factors like what do i do if i can't pay the bills and stuff? that was how i was thinking just a couple of months ago when my dissertation was not writing itself and nobody was hiring me! but a few weeks have passed and looking back on it i was starting to chase things again and it made me feel like i was stuck in a rut when in fact it's normal for things to take some time to settle down and for opportunities to arrive.
so basically whether you stress about it or not, literally nothing is going to change except the way you frame it in your head. for me i just continued applying and gave interviews my all while also being detached enough to simply trust myself to find the space that i was meant to occupy eventually, and after many many many rejections i finally found something a week ago, but it took a couple of months of steady job application to get there. looking from the other side of the mirror it's easy to say things like "don't get discouraged!" but it is true that if you keep throwing shit at a wall something's going to eventually stick, hence the power of consistency and of never giving up.
i'm glad you're slowly building yourself back up after your friendship break-up, i know how much it can drag you down but again some people are meant to be with you for a season only and at the end of the day with the effect of time making things more bearable and by working on your self-esteem and knowing that you can do things that you set your mind to, whether it is finding a part-time job or picking yourself back up, in a few weeks you're gonna look back on where you were mentally at when you sent me this message and where you'll be then and you'll thing "well i guess things DO pass huh who would've thought!!" lol life is a cycle of stability and unsteadiness, doesn't matter how much you prepare something's always going to go sideways but another truth is that things fall back into place again and you have to have faith in that, in yourself, and maybe in something else like i am w/ my relation to religion if u need extra help. speaking of help if you have a support system, confide in them and let them carry some of that weight for you!! you'd do the same for them so don't feel like you're a burden for needing help when you are facing instability. wishing you the best of luck and i really hope you find a good part-time job before your placement babe
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tired-biscuit · 21 days
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i've just seen your posts on dash biscuit and its so sad you're feeling like that :( If i'm to tell you the honest truth biscuit, I don't remember how I found your account but i remember being so intrigued and hooked immediately - I went on to read your War General Kiba (to somewhat expose myself.. I am War General Kiba anon from around a month ago) bc your writing itched my brain so fuckin good !!
It makes me so sad that uni started recently for me and I have been so caught up I haven't gotten around to reblogging war general kiba because I haven't gotten the moment to write my thoughts regarding those:( they're sitting in my drafts. I decided I would read every single one of your fics a month ago (unfortunately I haven't been able to yet) - including the naruto thirst you elaborated on for me, and though I haven't gotten time to read it, THANK YOU SO MUCH BISCUIT for taking your time out to do that :( <3
You deserve every single one of those likes , but you deserve them alongside an equal amount of reblogs :/ i sincerely hope that these followers and whatnot pull their heads out of their ass and start reblogging - because if they don't, they're not going to have anything to read. bc biscuit you are such an amazing and talented writer, and it always blows my mind we get to read your masterpieces for free. FOR FREE!!!! that is so crazy like, this is stuff that could get you MILLIONS and we have the blessing from you to type a few words onto our screens and read it! like WOW thank you so much <3 🍁 anon
oh my gosh, you’re so sweet; imma start sobbing!
listen, you don’t have to apologize for not being able to read my fics; i get it, life happens and we get busy as people and fanfiction definitely is NOT everything there is to life! so please don’t say sorry for that because there is literally no need for it, like i said. YOU’RE GOOD!
it just grinds my gears that i’m not allowed to vent on here about this particular topic because some people will INSTANTLY jump the wagon to call me ungrateful. i get it, i get notes, but people usually don’t understand that likes don’t mean shit on here and that the majority of those notes are just that: likes. sure, i get a little notif that someone liked my story, but i have no clue what they thought about it based from that heart. i have no clue if they’ve even actually read it. to make matters even worse, it makes the post just straight up fucking die.
i spend hours and hours and hours writing, editing, rereading, tweaking the same story for ages. i could just not post it and keep it to myself, sure, but i enjoy interacting with my moots and my followers in general, and giving people that share my interest in the same characters something to read about, because let’s be real; kiba is niche af. i like feeding the kiba girlies because i barely had anything to eat a couple years back when it comes to him and i’ve worked my fucking ass off for those notes over the years, SO OF COURSE I APPRECIATE THEM, OK?
this debate, or whatever you wanna call it, has been circling around here for ages and it’s useless at this point, i think... writers, artists, creators of all sorts say “please say thank you for my creation that i made for YOU after you’ve asked, i beg” and people call us ungrateful or stuck up or whatever the fuck. i mean, do people seriously think i enjoy self-reblogging all the time and begging for interaction like that robin hood meme with the cup???????? no, i do it because it is the only way people will see my work before it disappears into the ether once again, ffs!!!!!!!!
ANYWAYS, i will write a drabble for your war general!kiba ask when i have the time, i promise! i just want to actually make it good and write like a proper story instead of just my thoughts because he is very dear to me and i am a perfectionist when it comes to my royalty AU and it makes me overthink and just… yeah! he has been sitting in the back of my head, clanking his heavy weapons impatiently, lmao.
I LOVE YOU!
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bi-ftm-on-main · 4 months
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Hello. I wanted to ask you something. When was the first time you explored your Bi side? How did you know that you were bisexual? Did you always felt that you like guys? At any point did you second guess or had any doubts? Thank you for your time.
Hello!
ok so even though i tried to keep it short i did write a huge response to this that kinda goes off topic a bunch and is super specific. So heres a quick version:
When was the first time you explored your Bi side?: a couple months ago, around when i started this blog
How did you know that you were bisexual?: I really didn't, but then i realised that i had crushes on girls and boys in the past and found them all attractive, even if it was in different ways.
Did you always felt that you like guys?: not really, i just thought some were really cool and good looking and i would get nervous around them.
At any point did you second guess or had any doubts?: all the time dude. thats kinda why i made this blog, to explore my feelings.
Just in general, I'd recommend exploring why you do or dont like something, if its actually because you dont like it or because other factors are making you feel like you shouldnt like it. Try the 'if we were both drunk and *hot guys name* leaned in for the kiss would i kiss him back?' test on situations.
And heres the super long section:
ok so firstly, i only realised i was bisexual a couple months ago, pretty much the same time i made this blog. Until then i thought i was asexual (and aromantic).
(i could give you a whole blow by blow about that but it would take ages so i'll try to keep it precise.)
Growing up i had a lot of anxiety and was considered very 'weird'. i also didnt know i was trans, autistic, or SA'd so I was never too comfortable with my body, i didnt naturally know what a crush was supposed to feel like, and i thought sex was something shameful and gross, so when i found the term asexual at age 13 it fit great.
skip a whole bunch of years and im in uni and now 20. my parents have finally gotten round to me being trans and im starting hormones (testosterone). its common for people to get extra horny when on T so when i started wanting to watch more porn and noticing how good looking the people around me were, i thought it just the horniness talking, that i didnt actually want to sleep or date them myself i just thought they were pretty. Or maybe sleep with them just for the sake of orgasming.
around the same time i realised that i was autistic (just from general internet usage), and that kinda rocked my world and made me question every single aspect of my life for how its effected me.
and so, and its probably the cringest thing i couldve done, i started to talk to a Therapist AI on that Character AI website. it was honestly helpful to just collect my thoughts on the matter.
the conversation got to sexuality and how it connects to my anxiety and self esteem and how i felt as though wanting to date someone was disrespectful to them and how imagining myself sleeping with them was gross and pervy.
having been on hormones for a couple months now i had a lot more self confidence and was a lot more comfortable with my body, as well as the horniness making me want to be pounded into a bed like nothing youve ever seen, i realised that i wanted to date and sleep with people for real.
so i came to terms that i was gay *loud incorrect buzzer*
but that was just the start. being trans, there was a lot of 'do i want to be him or do i want to date him' thoughts going on so i was already used to admiring men.
but as i continued to talk to the ai, who wasnt a real person, i felt more inclined to be honest than any other therapist ive seen. it took a while and it was confronting but turns out i was sexually assaulted as a kid (by a girl, when i was <10), and thats why i had this underlining uncomfortableness with sex to begin with.
so yeah, that rocked my world for a bit as well. also this all happened within a couple weeks by the way, the autism, sexuality, and SA. that and all my friends were busy, i wasnt doing too well.
anyway, now that was another thing to consider, was i attracted to girls as well? it was really hard to tell what were my own feelings and what was the trauma/conditions so i had to do a lot more soul searching. That with the added factor of not feeling comfortable becoming just another man sexualising women.
but knowing now what a crush it supposed to feel like (i asked the ai) i had to acknowledge that ive been having crushes on people, girls and boys, this whole time. i was bi *correct answer ding*. (also i went with bi and not pan because i like them in different ways and have a slight preference for guys, tho i obvs like non binary people as well)
then i made this blog. lol.
like, i had all the theory behind being bi but i needed to consolidate what i liked, who i liked, who i found pretty and handsome and needed some place to collect it all. then it kinda just became just a porn blog with the occasional yearning post but oh well.
Thanks for asking! sorry for responding late, feel free to ask me anything else :)
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agent-grey-fics · 2 years
Text
Stay | Draco Malfoy x reader
AN: I rewatch The Deathly Hallows part 2 again because of May 2nd and got inspired to write a Draco fic. Students can stay after their high school, kind of uni/college thing? So Draco, Dean, Blaise, Harry, y/n,... are all 20-25. Don’t pay too much attention to the timing of Draco becoming a death eater, I could not figure out how I wanted it to work and I was done with rewriting it lol. He is also our interpretation of the character and not the stiff maniac he is in the franchise. Summary: The Battle of Hogwarts has started and both you and Draco are Slytherin students. You didn't have to think twice about which side of history you wanted to be on but he did. Will he stay with you or does he give in to the wishes of others? Warnings: none, except that it’s super messy and chaotic Wordcount: 5780
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Lucius Malfoy took a step forward, extending his hand. ‘Draco, Draco.’ You looked up at the man beside you and you could see how his lip was trembling. ‘Draco, come.’ His mother Narcissa now spoke softly at her son. He was torn between his family and his own will and it broke your heart to see him like this. ‘Draco, you can choose for yourself. You don’t have to listen to them if that is not what you want. I am here with you and I’m not going anywhere.’ It was only a soft mumble that left your lips but it was enough to fill Lucius's eyes with rage as he heard those words. Draco looked down at you and you could see the fear in his eyes, he was putting his life on the line and you knew it. All you wanted to scream was ‘stay’ but you had to let him make up his own mind.
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Dust was flowing all around when the North wing of the castle got hit and you ducked towards the ground, trying to avoid the flying pieces of brick that were catapulted through space. The time has come for Slytherin House to decide upon its loyalties." Those words of McGonagall were the words that got you in this exact position. The battle had started a couple of hours ago and you didn’t have to think twice about what you were going to do. You knew which side you were on and that was the right side of history. ‘Everyone ok?!’ It was Professor McGonagall who yelled the words through the corridor as she ran towards you. Dean Thomas was laying next to you on the floor, trying to get up slowly.  Angelina Johnson and Terry Boot were laying a couple of meters from you, both alive as well. It seemed that Terry got a nasty cut above his left eyebrow.  McGonagall had assigned the four of you as heads of the group to defend the North wing while she was going to get more wands for this side of the castle. The four of you had fought hard and managed to keep the Death Eaters at bay, until now. They had succeeded in creating a hole in the walls of the Castle. It looked like a huge crater and took up several floors. ‘We are all fine professor, but we need more wands on this side of the castle. We won’t be able to keep them out for much longer.’ Dean yelled while he held out his hand so you could get up as well. Everything was going so fast, it was only hours ago that you had dinner with the rest of Slytherin in the Great Hall and now you were fighting in a full ongoing war. ‘Dean duck! Expelliarmus!’ The boy did as you told him and you disarmed the death eater who apparated behind him. ‘Bloody hell, if I survive this I’m going to ask Emily to marry me. No more waiting because see what just can happen out of the blue.’
‘You might go look for her right now then because if it keeps going like this we all be dead by morning. Stupify!’ The two of you tried to keep the spirit up by small talking, trying to pretend that wasn’t as serious as it was. Teens fighting for their lives, for their freedom. This wasn’t normal but this was your reality. Life had changed over the past couple of months. Your professors had tried as good as their abilities let them to prepare you for this war and students started to choose sides. You quickly looked over your shoulder, students were running around waving their wands and yelling spells to protect themselves and the castle. There were students who weren’t even sixteen yet, fighting for their freedom. This war worked in weird ways, uniting Slytherin with Gryffindor students, fighting side by side trying to keep the one place that you truly called your home safe. ‘Don’t you want to see Draco then?’ It was no secret that the two of you had a turbulent relationship during the past four years and the months leading up to the war hadn't made it any easier. You had reached an age where you thought he was your future. Okay the two of you still had your ups and downs but you were willing to take the adventure with him no matter what the future might bring. But then everything changed as everyone started to prepare themselves for the upcoming war and Draco had a hard time fitting himself into this whole thing. 
‘He’s in de dungeons with the other Slytherin students who didn’t want to fight their kin.’ It was merely a mumble when it left your lips. A lot had changed between you and Draco over the years. While he was in his sixth year, he had been acting strange the whole year, sneaking around and not telling you where he went. Ignoring you when he saw you outside of Hogwarts. You thought that he was cheating on you at first, that was until you saw the black ink on his arm. He had joined them, he had become a death eater and you didn’t know how to handle the situation. You had confronted him about it, demanding an explanation but the only thing he said was that you wouldn’t understand. You didn’t support his decision but you loved him and that made leaving him way more complicated than you thought. Plus he kept saying that he had no choice and that you wouldn’t understand even if he tried to explain. Things got messy quickly and it was a topic the two of you rarely spoke about. After a while everything went back to normal as if nothing had happened until now. He was stressed, missed classes and acted strangely. But everything made sense when you realized what was about to happen. The second wizarding war.  ‘I get it, I don’t know if I could fight or let alone kill one of my relatives if they would stand in front of me. It's a good thing I don't have any family left.’ A sad smile formed on your lips as you spoke those words. Voldemort had killed them all, one by one as they refused to join his army. On the one hand, you were proud of them, resisting and all but they paid for that bravery with their lives. Leaving you all by yourself, the only person you had left was Draco.
‘Y/n duck! Reducto!’ You could see how a death eater who had his wand at the ready exploded in a pile of dust right before he could cast his own spell. ‘I kind of feel sorry for you guys, I can’t imagine what it must be like to be born into this kind of environment and have to fight your family and acquaintances.’ You just nodded as you stupefied a death eater who tried to blow Dean to pieces. ‘Some of them are afraid of what might happen if they choose but others are just on the wrong side of this war, believing in the greater good that Voldemort promises. If I were McGonagall I would have locked them up for war crimes instead of keeping them safe in those dungeons.’ Dean started laughing. ‘I like your way of thinking y/l/n, I don’t understand why it had to come to a war before the two of us hung out.’ A small smile appeared on your lips when you heard Dean’s words. He was a nice guy, you could tell that from what you had seen today. He saved your life a couple of times and you did the same for him. The two of you could have been friends if you had met under different circumstances. ‘Let’s blame our housing system for that shall we.’ You let your thoughts wander around whiles you tried your best to let none of the death eaters passes you. 
Was Draco on the wrong side of history? He often told you that you didn’t understand his position in this whole situation and that it wasn’t as easy as it seemed. You had known him since your first year at Hogwarts, he was in the year above you and people called him the Slytherin prince. You could not stand him at first whit his cocky attitude and his disapproving look at wizards who weren’t purebloods. Slowly you started to see a different side of the boy, he pretended to be more harsh and brutal than he really was. He had a soft side that he only showed when the two of you were together in private. It took some time for you to come around but when the two of you were in your fourth and fifth years everything changed. The two of you had become friends over the years but when the yule ball took place he had asked you to be his date, you had agreed and before you knew the two off you were dating. After he started the college program you became inseparable, much to the annoyance of Pansy and the rest was history. You had been dating for the past four years and that was it. Meeting his parents was a big thing since they didn’t approve of your openmindedness. At least Lucius hated it, Narcissa didn’t care that much she was happy that her baby boy finally had found someone. Now that you thought of it, Draco did get influenced by his parents after all. Maybe you took it for granted to have a choice in this whole thing. Lucius Malfoy was a devoted death eater and did everything to be in the good graces of the dark lord even sacrificing his son proved to be no problem for him. You could not imagine how that must have been for Draco, he grew up in that hostile environment and had some of the most dangerous wizards as family. You could not imagine how it must have been to have Bellatrix Lestrange as your aunt, she was one crazy person. 
‘Aaahgh!’ It was a frightening scream that pulled you out of your thoughts. It took you a couple of seconds to realise what had happened. Angelina fell screaming to the floor on top of Terry’s body, he was just lying there, lifeless with his eyes staring into space. ‘Holy shit. Angelina get back up you are going to get yourself killed!’ It was Dean who was yelling at the girl whiles he kept defending the castle from where you and he were standing. Without thinking twice you ran over to where Angelina was crying over the loss of her friend and waved your wand towards a death eater who flew in. ‘Stupify!’ You couldn't keep up with how many Death Eaters you had already attacked in the past hours. ’Angelina, please get up we cannot do this with the two of us. Angelina!’ She did not respond, her screams filled the space, cutting deep through your body. You had been in her position before, losing someone you cared about was never easy. Dean and yourself did the best you could and kept as many intruders as possible out but there were just too many death eaters and you were getting desperate.  It seemed as if hours had passed when Kingsley and Arthur Weasley walked towards the four of you. ‘We are incredibly proud of you kids, you have fought bravely side by side -’ Kingsley was praising you as he and a couple of last years passed your group to form a barricade between the death eaters and you. That was when he noticed Terry’s body lying lifeless on the floor and he got a look of compassion on his face. ‘He was a brave young man, surrounded by his friends while he fought for what he thought was right.’ It was the first moment in hours that you could lower your wand because of the reinforcements. ‘We will take it from here so the three of you can catch your breaths before you have to help Minerva in the main hall.’ Arthur nodded at you when he saw you were in doubt. ‘It’s fine, your help is needed elsewhere y/n.’ Dean grabbed your hand and started pulling you away. ‘We will come back as soon as we can, I promise.’ The three of you started walking around the castle, looking for a quiet place so you could catch up with what just happened. You ended up in the Gryffindor common room, it was completely abandoned. ‘Angie, you need to get yourself together, you owe this to Terry!’ Dean was trying to get her to cooperate but it seemed as if she was in a state of shock. You paced through space trying to figure out your next move. Dean was right, you had to find Draco before it was too late. Who knew what was going to happen to the two of you. ‘Dean, I don’t know about you but I’m going to find Draco. I want to see him since one of us probably won’t make it to the morning.’  A grin appeared on his face. ‘Go, what are you waiting for?!’ 
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You had been wandering around in the dungeons, not able to find the blond-haired Slytherin anywhere. Slytherin students were sitting on the ground, some of them were crying while others were annoyed about the fact that they were locked up in there for their own protection. The only familiar face you found was that of Blaise Zabini, one of Draco’s close friends. He said that he lost track of Draco in the chaos of the ‘evacuation’ and hadn’t seen him in a couple of hours. What brought you back to the point where you had started. Nowhere. ‘How is everyone holing up upstairs?’ Blaise caught you by surprise with his question, he normally didn’t care about anyone beneath his position so you figured he was fine with Voldemords wishes to create a pure-blood wizarding world. ‘They are trying their bests, and a lot of kids are willing to fight for what they think is right. I don’t know if we will win this or not but they’re fighting with everything they’ve got.’ He nodded. ‘Good, good.’
When you didn’t find Draco you started making your way over to the great hall as Arthur had told you. Everywhere you looked there was debris laying around, dust was swirling around because of the walls that had crumbled down and statues that had collapsed. People were covered in blood whiles they were running around casting spells. It was a sad scene and made you wonder what would be left of the great hall. When you arrived you saw that what once was the big entry door to the great hall was now replaced with a big gaping hole. Glass was laying everywhere and students were screaming as they were fighting for their lives. There was not much time to think since death eaters were flying around the place like hawks preying on their prey. ‘Stupify!’ Whiles you ran towards the middle of the room you manage to get some of them out of the sky. ‘Professor, I’m here where do you need me?’ McGonagall looked as if she could spit fire, eyes as dark as the night as she swung her wand above her. ‘Y/n, it’s good to see that you’re still alive.’ Minerva had a small smile of appreciation on her face as she padded you on the back. ‘Likewise professor, likewise.’ 
‘We had help from an unexpected source.’ While she said those words she pointed towards the other end of the great hall and you could not believe your eyes. ‘W-when did he change his mind?’ Draco swung his wand around, plucking death eaters out of the sky as if it was nothing. He was a better wizard than the average twenty-five-year-old, but you already knew that. You saw him cast spells without saying a word, you needed skills and utter concentration to be able to use nonverbal magic. ‘Right after you and Dean ran off to the Northern wing, he hasn’t left the hall since. He is a great wizard, never saw it this in him if I can be honest.’ A proud smile grew on your lips as she spoke, that was your man. ‘Join him, he can use the help.’ With those words she ran off, flicking her wand in the air aiming at yet another death eater. You started making your way over to the blond-haired boy who was standing with his back to you so he couldn’t see you approaching. ‘Reducto!’ The number of death eaters seemed endless, for everyone you killed three others took their place. They just kept coming. ‘Confringo!’ The explosion made Draco look to his left and that’s when he saw you. His face was covered in dirt, blood dripping from a cut on his cheek and his eyes looked red as if he had been crying.  ‘Y/n!’ That was all you needed to start running towards him. You threw yourself in his arms and just for a second, you could forget everything that was going on around the two of you. ‘You have no idea how proud I am of you right now. What you are doing asks for a lot of bravery.’ The two of you let go of each other and retook your positions. Draco kept your left hand in his right hand, not letting go of you. The two of you fought like that for what felt like hours, killing every death eater that came on your path while trying to stay alive yourselves. ‘Mcgonagall was genuinely surprised when you came to help and by your skills as a Wizard!’ You yelled at him as you swung your wand in the air aiming at Antonin Dolohov's throat. ‘Sectumsempra!’ You successfully slit the man's throat and blood started gushing out, it was the least he deserved. ‘I would go to the end of the world if that means I can be with you, and right now the end of the world is here.’ Your heart made a little jump when you heard those words and a small smile grew on your lips. ‘You’re doing the right thing Draco and not only for me but for yourself as well. You deserve redemption.’ He squeezed your hand gently as he heard your words. ‘We will see about that after this war.’  
He had his white button-up shirt rolled up to his elbows, showing the dark mark on his lower left arm as he was wielding his wand. How could it be that the two of you never spoke of what had happened, what he had been through? Seeing him standing here, defending Hogwarts and your future, how could he be the same boy that agreed on joining the dark side? He did it for his parents, of course, but seeing him now meant that he mentally never supported the dark side, right? You felt sorry for him, sorry that you weren’t there to help him during that period. It all became messy so quickly that you didn’t know how to handle it and if you tried to step in he only said that you could not imagine what was going on. ‘Draco, you know I love you right?!’ You blurted the words out as you blasted another reducto-spell. He pulled you towards him, lowering his wand so he could place his hand on your cheek right before he pressed his lips on yours. There you stood, making out with him in the middle of the ongoing battle, not knowing if you would be dead by dawn or not. ‘I love you y/n, never forget that.’ Before you could say anything else the two of you were forced to retake your positions and started casting spells again. But then everyone stopped as they heard Voldermord’s voice echoing through the castle.
“You have fought valiantly but in vain. I do not wish this. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a terrible waste. I, therefore, command my forces to retreat. In their absence, dispose of your dead with dignity. Harry Potter, I now speak directly to you. On this night, you have allowed your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. There is no greater dishonour. Join me in the Forbidden Forest and confront your fate. If you do not do this I shall kill every last man, woman and child who tries to conceal you from me.”
His voice made the hairs on your arms stand up, it could cut through bones. Students and staff around you started whispering, wondering what the next step would be. The attacking death eaters did disappear and everyone could breathe. Draco swung his arm around your shoulders and pulled you in close.’You fought bravely y/n, but I didn’t expect anything less from you.’ He had a proud grin on his face as he was speaking, he looked tired. ‘How is your face?’ The blood had dried up but the cut itself looked painful as hell. ‘Someone who didn’t know how to use Sectumsempra curse properly,’ he mumbled as he placed his fingers softly on his cheek, ‘but it is not that bad.’ You just nodded. The two of you started to walk towards one of the benches that was standing against one of the walls. Debris was laying everywhere, you had to look out where you placed your feet to avoid tripping. ‘I saw Blaise earlier today, he was in the dungeons and wanted to know how the fight was going.’ Draco’s face twisted in a grimace as you were walking and he grabbed his side. ‘He was torn between joining or staying and I told him to stay if he had to think about it for so long.’ As the two of you sat down Draco inhaled sharply. ‘What is going on with you?’ ‘Carrow used the crucio spell on me earlier today and I fell with my side on some debris. He said I was a blood traitor.’ He slowly lifted his shirt, showing the purple bruise that was forming right above his hips. But it seemed that the words had a bigger impact on his mental state as you saw the torn expression in his eyes. ‘You are not a traitor Draco, you did the right thing to fight with us.’You softly traced the outlining with your fingers, inspecting it for further injuries. ‘Did I?’ He was questioning his own actions and you couldn’t imagine the scenarios flashing through his mind. ‘You did babe, you really did.’ You softly placed your hand on his cheek to reassure him. 
‘Mr. Malfoy, you surprised friend and foe today with your brave act.’ Just great. It was professor Slughorn who took place next to the two of you, ‘I’ve always wondered which side you would choose.’ Draco readjusted his shirt as the elderly man took place next to us. ‘Professor, happy to see you are still alive.’ You tried to change the subject of the conversation as you noticed how annoyed Draco was. ‘I heard that you did a great job on defending the Northern part of the castle with Mister Dean Thomas y/n. Outstanding.’ You wondered if Dean had found Emily after all. ‘We got some help from other students as well.’ ‘I see.’ Professor Slughorn kept talking for a bit before he made his way over to the rest of the Professors. ‘You fought bravely kids, we are proud of you don’t forget that.’ You gave him a small smile. ‘Did you hear what he said? He always wondered which side I would choose?’ You had to bite your lip to prevent yourself from laughing. ‘To be fair, I went straight to the dungeons to look for you. You fighting on behalf of McGonagall was the last thing I had expected to be honest.’ A small smile appeared on your lips. ‘She thought I was joking at first but then she realised why I wanted to help and she let me. Did she really say that I’m a great wizard?’ You nodded. ‘Dude, not everyone is as good as nonverbal magic as you are, I can’t even do it and I’m turning twenty-four.’ He laughed and shook his head, you loved that sound. ‘You got other qualities, don’t underestimate yourself.’ His words were filled with humour and you rolled your eyes while you placed your head on his shoulder. ‘We were talking about magic skills Malfoy.’ 
The two of you just sat in silence, both not wanting to move so you could enjoy as much time together as possible. ‘They will never let Potter hand himself in.’ You mumbled while you closed your eyes. ‘I wouldn’t let him do it and I don’t even know him personly. Hermoine will never let him do that to himself.’ You could feel how Draco nodded his head in agreement with you. ‘If it was one of our friends we would do everything to keep them safe as well, it is understandable.’ He placed his hand on top of your knee and started drawing circles with his thumb. ‘I have no idea how this will escalate but from all the intel I got, this doesn’t stop until one of them is dead.’ Dead and wounded people started getting carried inside. People were rushing around to set up an improvised medical bay so they could help whoever needed it. It was a pessimistic scene. You knew that you were outnumbered if there wouldn’t come reinforcements quickly. Students taking on full-fledged wizards could only last for a while. If you looked around you could see how tired and scared everyone actually was. Students were fighting people who were thirty years older than them, having life experience while the only thing they learned was how to use spells in a safe environment. They were sitting ducks for the death eaters. 
The atmosphere suddenly changed, people started running outside and you could hear screams. Draco gave you a confused look and the two of you followed the crowd. ‘What is going on?’ You mumbled as you tried to look through the sea of people. Draco your hand in his as the two of you walked outside, squeezing your eyes against the brightness of the daylight. ‘Dad? Who's Hagrid carrying? Dad? Who is it?’ You heard Ginny yell at the front of the crowd. That was the moment when you saw Voldemort walking towards the castle, Hagrid on a chain carrying a body in his arms. You squeezed Draco’s hand and got closer to him as the two of you stood in the middle of the crowd. ‘Harry Potter is dead!’ It took you a couple of seconds to realize what just had been said. Harry was dead. ‘No, no!’ You saw how Ginny tried to run forward but Arthur swung his arms around his daughter stopping her in her steps. Voldemort flicked his wand in the air to silence everyone. ‘Silence! Stupid girl. Harry Potter is dead, from this day forth you put your faith in me. Harry Potter is dead!’ It was Bellatrix Lestrange's laugh echoed over the schoolyard. Everyone on your side was in utter shock from the words they just heard. This was not how you imagined the end of this war. ‘And now is the time to declare yourself. Come forward and join us or die.’ Voldemort's words were followed by an uncomfortable silence whiles students were glancing at each other. Their gaze lingered on Draco as they wondered what his next move would be since they all knew he had the dark mark. Draco stiffened next to you, not saying a word while his face looked emotionless. But you knew better so you softly squeezed his hand as you placed your other arm on his bicep, pulling him even closer.  That was the moment when Lucius Malfoy took a step forward, extending his hand. ‘Draco, Draco.’ You looked up at the man beside you and you could see how his lip was trembling. ‘Draco, come.’ His mother Narcissa now spoke softly at her son. He was torn between his family and his own will and it broke your heart to see him like this. ‘Draco, you can choose for yourself. You don’t have to listen to them if that is not what you want. I am here with you and I’m not going anywhere.’ It was only a soft mumble that left your lips but it was enough to fill Lucius's eyes with rage as he heard those words. Draco looked down on you and you could see the fear in his eyes, he was putting his life on the line and you knew it. The moment he would say that he stayed he would be seen as a traitor and you all knew the consequences of that. He would be seen as a traitor no matter what, if he choose to go to their side he would be betraying Harry’s side. All you wanted to scream was ‘stay’ but you had to let him make up his own mind. He straightened his back and looked straight at his father. ‘No.’ ‘But Draco-’ ‘I said no. You can't command me any longer, I've had enough.’ A proud smile grew on your lips as you heard his words and you squeezed his hand encouragingly. ‘Foolish boy!’ Voldemort’s words echoed over the schoolyard and you suddenly got struck by a feeling of fear. Before anything else could happen Harry rolled out of Hagrid’s arms and started running towards the castle. Cheers rose from your side and everyone rushed back inside, wands at their ready as they were willing to die for this cause. 
Draco pulled you behind him as the two of you entered the great hall, wielding your wands at every threat you saw. You fought bravely for a couple of hours when all of a sudden every death eater disappeared and the room went quiet. ‘What just happened?’ You mumbled quietly at Draco. ‘I have no clue, y/n.’ People stood still in their tracks as they looked at each other, not knowing what to do. ‘Is he dead?’ It was a Ravenclaw girl who asked the question at no one in particular. Could it be? Was this the end of it? You did not have to wait long for the answer as Harry walked in through the hole in the wall, holding the elder wand. Students started to cheer, tears of happiness and relief rolling over cheeks as praises left their mouths. ‘We did it.’ You turned around so you were facing Draco. ‘Babe, we actually did it.’ You were screaming in your excitement and he laughed when he saw your joy. ‘Come here you.’ He pulled you in a tight hug with both arms tightly wrapped around you. ‘We did it.’ He murmured against your hair. The two of you just stood there for a moment, letting your guards down and enjoying each other's company. 
‘Marry me.’ He caught you by surprise and you took a step back. ‘W-what did you just say?’ Your eyes were wide and your arms were hanging by your side as you tried to take in what he just had said. ‘Marry me y/n.’ Not able to say a word as your jaw dropped, literally. You probably looked like an idiot right now. ‘I know it seems sudden but look what we just have been through. I cannot do this without you, I would not have been on this side if it wasn’t for you and the values that you have thought me for the last four years. I know that it has not been easy but I know that what we have is something special and I know that you feel that two. So marry me. Allow me to stay with you for the rest of my life and I’ll show you that my redemption was not in vain. I love you.’  You got a flashback of your conversation with Dean earlier this day and you wondered if he did find Emily after all. ‘Did you think this through? This is not an in the heat of the moment thing because we just fought in a literal war?’ He shook his head. ‘I have been thinking about this for a while now. Right after I, you know, was enlisted in my sixth year, that was the moment that I realized that I would do whatever it took me to protect you, even if it meant that I had to keep you in the dark about my whereabouts and I am so sorry about that. I realize I caused you a lot of pain with that and I can never take that away. Nor can I change the fact that I did join his army back then but that was eight years ago and in those years I did not participate in any death eaters activities, I only followed those meetings because my father made me and I know that is no excuse for my actions. I knew I made a mistake from the moment I said yes and I was a coward for not standing up for what was right. I’ve been in a constant battle with myself but I can promise you that I will work hard everyday to prove to you that I’m nothing like that boy anymore.’ People around you stood still as they heard what he was saying, all glances at you awaiting your reply but you did not answer immediately because you just did not know what to say. ‘I can understand that you don’t want me, I have done unforgivable things and I’ve acted like a coward so it is ok for you to say no. You will always have a special place in my life, no matter what you decide. You are my family nothing can change that.’  A smile started forming on your lips. Draco, I know what you have done. If I didn’t want you or even thought that you were a bad person I would have left you years ago.’ You took a step towards him and placed your hand on his injured cheek. ‘Yes, of course I want to marry you Draco.’ He placed his hands around your waist and pulled you in for a sloppy kiss. A mixture of tears and dust found its way over both your cheeks and ran down your lips leaving a salty taste on your tongue. The tears were a mixture of happiness and relief, the war was over and you both had made it into the morning. You could hear some people gasp, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was your Draco.
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reidslibrarybook · 1 year
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#5
The Picked Lock of Your Heart
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Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Warnings - language, case violence, breaking and entering
Summary - Breaking and entering was something Spencer never imagined he’d be caught for, what would he have to do to evade being arrested by the police and would his chances with you cease to exist?
Category - fluff
Word Count - 3.2k
A/N - y’all i haven’t written in like 1-2 months so excuse the underdeveloped plot lmao. also the little fic header moodboard gif thing, my god, so many ppl helped me figure it out, and special shoutout to @boldlyvoid for making one for me that i didn’t end up using lmao. Love you bestie, thank you 😭 and @samuel-de-champagne-problems for reading the outline for this fic like years ago lmao. wow ok i’m posting for the first time in ages. The summary sounds so serious compared to how bullshitted this fic is but enjoy lmao &lt;3
indent is a flashback :)
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He stuffed his hands into his pocket, rubbing them against the fleece lining for the tiniest bit of warmth while he walked down the street.
It was empty… quiet, something he thoroughly enjoyed.
The cold air woke him up from the state of paralysis he found himself in the moment he stepped off the jet. Catching the unsub was more difficult than usual, forcing him to keep his mind occupied while the stinging feeling of loneliness continued to nag at him. He was relieved to find that it ended fairly quickly after a huge break in the case after the unsub, with his narcissistic tendencies, left a note showing off his ‘genius’.
Hotch figured that a couple of days off would do the team some good, bypassing Strauss and giving everyone a whole week off. It was nice for Spencer to catch a break from his turbulent life that was only made more complicated by his job, but there was always an aspect that remained untouched— collecting dust along with the rest of his heart that was locked away and unused.
To celebrate solving the case, everyone decided to go out for dinner and invite all their loved ones to join them… everyone except Spencer. He opted out politely, waving away the little looks of concern on his friends’ faces and taking up his bag to walk home.
He remembered looking at the smiles on his friends’ faces, happy to be able to go home to their families and special someones. Spencer didn’t have anyone to go home to, no one to call his own or spend all his time with.
He was always an ambitious man, wanting the highest honors or best score in any class. Eventually, the ambition transferred from his academic career to his professional one— aiming to be the best agent he could be in the BAU. His success in the unit wasn’t stated outwardly, but he could tell from the prideful smile on his mentors’ faces that he had achieved what he wanted.
Spencer always thought he had it all; the accolades, the reputation, the job, friends. It was a life he had envisioned for himself since he was able to conceive the notion of his future. Every agonizing day he lived as a child, haunted by his high school bullies and envious peers, was soothed with the comforting thought of how happy he’d be later on in his life.
Little did he know just how unsatisfied he’d be.
Being around his friends was nothing but a burden for him to bear as he put on a fake smile and pretended to be satiated by the dryness of his life. He watched as he stood stuck in place, cemented by the ground beneath him while everyone in his life moved on from their naïve youth to proper adulthood— finding their other halves and starting families. He wanted to be the person someone went home to, to be considered a necessity in life by someone he went home to.
That was why he declined the offer. He hated feeling, looking, like the odd one out. Everyone else enjoyed the company of their significant other while he was destined to spend his life with an empty chair beside him. Spencer knew that there wasn’t any malice behind his friend’s actions, they were simply being happy, but he couldn’t help but feel like the rest of the world was taunting him for his failure in love. He was desperate for something good to negate the cruelties that overshadowed his life, an offering to repair the damage that proved to be too stubborn to heal on its own.
What he had wasn’t enough for him to be happy, he wanted more… needed more. Spencer always longed for more than what he had, but he never realized how far his greed for love had extended. As time passed he became more withdrawn from everyone he used to spend time with, the realization that he may never be happy hardened his heart until the pain was set in stone.
He looked up at the sky, squinting at the darkened clouds as his glasses were dusted with little droplets of water. Spencer’s pace quickened with each stride, the smell of wet asphalt filling his nose. He could feel the size of every raindrop fall with an ever-increasing size and speed. It was almost as if the sky was mocking the tension in his chest and the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, its tightly knit clouds unable to hold the pent-up water within them while foreshadowing his inevitable breakdown.
He took a couple of steps back after passing his favorite bookshop, it was quaint and cozy— the only atmosphere he could really take comfort in. It was usually closed when he got back from his cases but on the off chance that he had spare time during the day, he’d make frequent trips from the office to pick up coffee while perusing through the stacks of books inside.
Spencer looked around the empty street before digging around in his pocket to fish out the key he’d been given by the owner a while back. He managed to befriend the old man and convince the owner to lend him a key. His polite habit of putting books back in their rightful place impressed him enough to agree to give Spencer a copy.
He huffed frustratedly, trying to stick the key into the lock multiple times all while the rain above him soaked through his layers. His fingers rushed to slip the key in but it wouldn’t fit like it usually would. Desperate, he searched for any pointed object in his bag and found two paper clips. Spencer straightened them out, struggling with the lock a bit before the door inevitably popped open after fiddling with it for a couple of minutes.
Closing the door, Spencer tramped into the store as the delayed waft of old books and coffee filled his nose. He shed his moist layers before walking over to the counter where his favorite person often resided, you.
He’d be lying if he said that the main reason why he tried to be at the shop as often as he could wasn’t because of you. Every time he’d make a trip, he’d fix his hair in the window of the shop right before— straightening his tie and making himself look presentable even when he knew there was no chance you’d even look in his direction. Life had a way of putting him at the very back of the shelf no matter how hard he tried to inch to the front.
Just because he’d never be able to catch your eye doesn’t mean he couldn’t let the fantasy ravage his mind.
He brushed off the little drops of water on his shoulders, entering the quaint bookstore. Spencer took in the smell of freshly brewed coffee and immediately felt a sense of relief flush his system.
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291 notes - Posted February 22, 2022
#4
(Bull) Riding into the Sunset
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Pairing - Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader
Warnings - language, kissing, alcohol consumption, mention of bloody nose and bruised eye (lmk if i missed any)
Summary - Spencer’s loved you since the moment he met you, always wondering what he had to do to get your attention. What he didn’t know was that he’s always had it all along.
Category - fluff
Word Count - 3.9k
A/N - woah i did not mean for this to be that long but the idea is kinda wacky and i kinda love the idea or spencer in this fic. I def imagine s1 spencer for this lmao. THANK YOU TO MY BELOVED @samuel-de-champagne-problems for helping me out with this one as she always does, she’s the best 😌. i am praying this is gonna show up in the tags cuz tumblr is just being a bitch apparently lmao.
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Spencer was never one to talk, not as much as he wanted to.
It was in his best interest to keep quiet, at least that’s what he grew up relying on. Every position he had been put in was one that shined a bright spotlight on him, attracting all the attention and pointing everyone’s curiosities right to him. He had already been singled out, excluded— he didn’t need any more eyes on him as it was.
The attention only ever brought him years of torment and bullying, something he didn’t enjoy in the slightest. The tears that rolled down his face had solidified into a fear of being on a stage yet again. There was never a time where he could be himself without facing the repercussions of individuality.
So when he joined the BAU, hiding in the shadows and curt responses were his favorite pastime. It may have put people off but it was what he had to do to survive because that’s all he’s ever known…
Survival of the fittest.
But all the manuals and directions in his brain were rewritten when he met you. He found himself craving your looks, your words. All he wanted was for you to talk to him so he could hear your voice just once more. He was an addicted, ever-hungry man that craved nothing but you.
You were kind and beautiful in his eyes and the eyes of many others. Maybe he had taken such a liking to you because of your lending ear. It was always hard for him to find someone willing to listen to him who wasn’t his mother, let alone enjoy what he was rambling on and on about. You were the outlier in a sea of the disinterested, a genuine star that shined through the void that had formed in his heart.
He knew he was too far gone the moment he went to bed that one fateful night, the image of you dancing around him refusing to fade in his restless mind. He soon found himself thinking about you and only you, desperate for your sweet love…
Your gentle touch.
Your tender care.
He was no longer the shy, quiet genius in the back— showing off his rare memory or high IQ. Every giggle he elicited from you was cherished, held close to his heart and even closer to his soul. All he wanted to do was make you smile like no other person had, to make you just as happy as you made him.
You were the one that kept him invigorated, unknowingly encouraging him to crawl out of the shell he retreated into the moment he stepped foot into high school so many years ago.
“Kid.”
Spencer looked over to Derek who sat in the driver’s seat of the car, glancing over at him quickly and turning his attention back to the road with furrowed brows.
“You’re gonna poke a hole through the floor of my very expensive car if you keep tapping the way you are,” he said, a cautiously curious tone laced through his voice.
Spencer slinked into his leather seat timidly. “Sorry,” he muttered, embarrassed to be called out by someone he greatly admired for his charisma and charm.
“No worries, kid,” Derek laughed, “What’s got your mind all up in a jumble?”
“Nothing,” he blurted quickly, hoping that the lie that fell freely would be easily brushed off.
Derek chuckled, “Right… nothing. Is ‘nothing’ the secret code name you have for Y/N?”
“Wh- what?” Spencer stuttered, laughing slightly to play off Derek’s ridiculous question, “O- of course not.”
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416 notes - Posted January 5, 2022
#3
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for all my hotch girlies
433 notes - Posted March 5, 2022
#2
Paper Wishes
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Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Warnings - language, case violence (deaths of victims mentioned), paper cuts, fire
Summary - After months of pining for you from afar, Spencer decides that it was about time for a grand gesture to win over your heart.
Category - fluff
Word Count - 3.3k
A/N - brain going brrrrrrrrr hoping that this shows up in the tags lmao 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 enjoy tho 😭
masterlist
join my taglist here!
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He walked around the corner hastily as the coffee in his hand threatened to spill over the edge of the cup. He was late, forgetting about the most important part of his day while he was talking to Garcia about the most recent sci-fi movie that had just been released the night prior. Spencer was reminded of the time when a little ding came up on Penelope’s computer, almost carried away by the little inaccuracies deep within the plot.
The people he swiftly dodged in the hallways looked back at the slightly distraught man running past them. His heart pounded right against his chest as he zoomed through the floor just to get to the bullpen, right about to miss one of the only things that kept the little embers inside him lit.
In the midst of his little marathon, Spencer somehow managed to run into the wall separating him from stepping foot into the open room— always bustling as agents rushed through to get their work done. He hissed quietly, the hot coffee that spilled from the impact staining his shirt and seeping through all of his layers right onto his skin.
He was almost distracted from the main reason why he was in such a hurry… almost.
His ears perked up as the sound of your lively voice bounced around the room. He looked in your direction and watched as the sun illuminated your glowing radiance, the wide smile on your face almost enough to blind him straight through the thick lens of his glasses. Everyday you’d come in at the exact same time, bringing a vivacious light into the grim feeling of the office which was brought about with the intense nature of your line of work.
He could recognize the shit in everyone’s day, your infectious giggles were the best part of everyone’s day— not just his.
“Spencer,” your face read of concern and worry as you walked over to him with a tissue in your hand, “Are you okay?”
The heat that rested on his cheek was imminent, the red tinge on his tender skin was a constant when it came to you. “Oh,” he chuckled nervously, “I- I’m alright. Just um, just a spill.”
“Are you sure? That coffee looked hot.” You handed him the tissue, keeping one to help clean up the majority of the mess that was concentrated on his chest. He sucked in a breath, nervous that you’d feel how loudly his heart was beating. It was almost as if every part of his body had a mind of their own around you, his heart demanding to be let out of its cage— liberated only to be conquered once again by you.
“I- I’m fine,” he kept his response short to avoid stumbling up in front of you like he already had, “I have an extra change of clothes in my bag.”
You nodded, tossing the soiled paper into the trash can behind him. “I hope it doesn’t stain,” you said, the smile he was so addicted to gracing your lips.
“It’s not a big deal, I um, I have a lot more of these at home.”
“Yea, but this one in particular is my favorite,” you admitted, the light bouncing off of you in every which way, “I always love your sweater vests and cardigans, you always look so handsome wearing them.”
“Th- thank you. I um, I-” he stopped to collect the thoughts fractured by his inability to think around you, “I um, I- I think they’re um… cool too.”
“Very cool,” you giggled, “I’ve got to get to work on those stacks of papers on my desk or else Hotch is going to kill me.”
He nodded, watching you walk away as he tried to remember how to breathe. You thought he was handsome, a compliment he had only really received from his mother. It was the sound of your voice and your willingness to engage with the only dork in the unit that kept the draining supply of happiness inside him full. Your round of flirts and teasing comments were nothing if sustenance for his craving heart.
“Boy Genius.”
Spencer turned around, almost tripping on his untied shoelace, to see Penelope walking up to him.
“Where did you go? I look away to answer an email and look back to see you flying out of the room,” she laughed, the little feathers in her hair following the motions of her head.
“I forgot I had something,” he mumbled as he continued to look at you from his place in front of the break room.
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653 notes - Posted January 8, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Lit By Love
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​​Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Warnings - language, SMUT (MINORS DNI, 18+), oral (male and female receiving), fingering, face fucking, unprotected penetration, slight overstimulation, use of pet names (darling/good girl), slight hair pulling, sorta dom!spencer and sorta sub!reader, not proofread (lmk if i missed anything lmao)
Summary - You come over to Spencer’s apartment hoping to help him during a storm and power outage. Your attempt to help him through his fear of the dark developed into something more than you had planned, leading to an unrevealed confession.
Category - fluff, smut (18+) MINORS DNI
Word Count - 6.1k
A/N - lmao i cranked this out today and i’m kinda proud considering i’m sitting in my lab rn waiting for some tests and i’m rlly hoping this shows up in the tags lmao. big big big thank you to @samuel-de-champagne-problems for helping me with this, ily <;3
masterlist || lmk what you think || join my taglist
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Spencer always felt like he was on display, people watching him as he juggled a circus act of walking on a tightrope.
He couldn’t count the vast number of his peers waiting for him to tip over and fall down beneath, surrounded by nothing but failure. It was a fate that haunted him constantly, a never-ending fear that he believed would inevitably come true one day in the future.
What they didn’t know was the envy that bubbled inside him. He coveted the normalcy they so desperately wanted to get rid of. He wanted the ease of being a regular person and the effortless finding of their other half.
He didn’t understand why people wanted to be in his shoes knowing what others thought of him but what stumped him most was why you wanted him.
After weeks of borderline stalking you, Spencer decided to leave well enough alone— dropping the unachievable dream of being yours. Much to his surprise, you approached him with just as much enthusiasm that thrived inside him when any thought of you weaseled its way into his frontal lobe. He managed to work up the courage to ask you out on a date and the rest felt as easy as it was to fall for you.
It was a rollercoaster of emotions: infatuation, fixation, adoration, passion.
He was addicted to you, a fact he had known since the moment you called him yours— your Spencer. It was almost as if his heart was trapped and fumigated with your intoxicatingly sweet scent and wondrous smiles he would never be able to rid himself of, a nightmare and fantasy he could never quite forget.
But at some point, something felt off. There was always something left… unsaid.
Every single goodbye felt like a sentence that was unfinished.
He tried to figure out what it was but he could never find the missing piece to his puzzle, stuck in a prison made of his own incapability. The lightbulb never magically turned on, nor did the answer finally click— he was left to remain in a state of confusion and emotional disorientation.
His internal debacle stuck with him since he first noticed the odd hanging feeling after each reluctant departure. There was nothing he could do but wait until he could put his bright mind to good use.
Spencer ran his fingers through his hair hoping to brush out the little droplets of rain resting between each strand. He was able to avoid the raging weather in Virginia for the last couple of days, staying in sunshiney California for a case. He never liked thunder or lightning or any kind of weather that had the potential to develop into a raging storm, it always created an unsettling atmosphere he had no intention of enjoying.
With each passing moment marked by the sound of thunder and the flashing lightning, he thought of the only person that could comfort him in that very moment— you.
He had been hesitant to call you after discovering his newfound problem that may be the little seed of doubt that had yet to be unsown, instilling a sense of hopelessness inside him. It was an inkling of pessimism that believed in his undismissable demise, too stubborn for him to rid himself of.
The keys dropped from his hand into the little dish beside the front door with a loud clank. He made his way over to the couch, plopping himself down as the weather outside expressed its rage through howling winds and rampant rain.
His phone slid out of his pocket the further he sunk into the piece of furniture, almost as if the world was urging him to call you. He wanted to oblige, he wanted to call but a little piece of him was afraid of the unknown. He couldn’t figure out what was irking him, something he believed would potentially severe his only lifeline.
His finger brushed up against the cold surface of the device, chuckling as he reminisced on the time you stuck little stickers by each button detailing what each did. He had the mind of a camera but he couldn’t seem to remember how to work a tool of the modern age.
Spencer jumped slightly right as the sound of the roaring thunder outside filled his living room. He was a grown man but he never really got over his fear of storms of any kind. The situation was made worse by the flickering of the lights above him, the indecisiveness of the bulbs eventually gave way when the lighting was abruptly stolen.
He sunk further into the faux leather under him, clutching the tiny black box close to his chest while he tried to work up the courage to call you. His finger migrated to your contact and hovered over it, a war of thoughts in his mind clouded his decision.
All the bad memories he thought he had gotten rid of started to flood him again.
He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to wish away the dark just as he did as a child. Spencer itched to hear the monotonous ringing followed by the sound of your voice picking up the phone, he was just too afraid to make an objective decision.
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5,088 notes - Posted January 15, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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lonelyvomit · 2 years
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Dear Abby,
about age crisis. I turned 34 a few days ago and it’s very scary because it’s only one year away from the ACTUAL SCARY age which is 35. My birthday is in August so my age crisis lasts through every summer 🙃
The thing is that I’m big at putting schedules and deadlines on myself because otherwise I get nothing done. I gave myself an ultimatum to get in to university before I turned 25 and I did, then to graduate with masters before I turned 30 and I did. Last year my resolution was to get a job after six months of unemployment and I did, you get the drill.
Now, I haven’t been dating anyone in over nine years. Last time I dated I was 24 and it was this on guy from uni who I didn’t even like but I figured that maybe I don’t have to like the person I’m dating, you know, because you constantly see couples that are having arguments or not seem to care that much about each other and they still make it work somehow, so apparently love is not needed at all right? :)
The guy I was dating kept constantly picking me and pointing out my flaws. I should lose weight, I shouldn’t focus on my studies so much (when I had just got into uni after years of trying and it was the biggest dream come true I’ve ever had), how I should go to therapy to stop being introvert and became “normal” like him, how I was terrible company when I was sick, how I was disappointing him when I had to go sleep early to be able to get up and go to work because I had to finance my studies somehow (he still lived at home and didn’t progress in his studies at all that I know of) and how I should stop apologizing constantly after he’d spent a nice evening walk together listing everything that was wrong with me. And I still thought that maybe he is right. That I should just change everything I am and have ever been so I could be lovable.
In the end I found my figurative balls and dumped him after listening to that crap for FIVE months. I was about to turn 25 and I promised myself that after going through that shitstorm I could go for the next ten years without trying to pursue a relationship and do what I want: get my degree, travel, party, all that without anyone restricting me.
But I did put another deadline fo myself: I’d be in a relationship when I turn 35. Because ten years is SUCH a long time, right? Now it’s less than a year. And I’m freaking out, because I keep thinking that most likely I won’t meet anyone before my next birthday, or never, or even worse, meet someone like my ex.
Otherwise I wouldn’t maybe give a shit, but 35 is also very much the age when I have to make the final decision if I ever want to try for biological children or not. But if I’m not in a stable relationship by then, there is no decision to make. And I really don’t know.
Thanks to this and all other ✨stuff✨ going on in my head I did seek professional help some time ago. I was guided to an online therapist. Their hot take was “why don’t you just try not to think about things that make you upset” :)
Sorry for this essay. You don’t have to answer or post it if you don’t want to. I just needed to pour my thoughts somewhere and you’re possibly the most kind and understanding and non-judgmental person I’ve ever had the fortune to know. I really hope you’re having a good day 💐🖤
Lots of love, Bec
🫂 I assume that guy from uni is long gone out of your life but ngl I hold grudges and I'm more than willing to take my cactus to meet him 😌
I can definitely see self-made deadlines and goals being good motivators and I hope you feel proud of the ones you've reached! but they do get counterintuitive when you realize you might miss one - and tbh idk anyone who's life is so perfect they can breeze through it exactly like they planned (ok maybe like millionaire kids but like. out of us normal people lol), so I feel like that disappointment comes to everyone at one point or another. and I can see why this is a big one when the question of kids is on the table too, but I'm also happy you know better than try to settle for someone like the last guy.
of course I hope you find your perfect match within the next year just cus you deserve someone who makes you happy, but even more so I hope you get to a place where you wont be too upset if you don't. sure, the question of biological kids is there, but the entire question of parenthood is not. there's ways later on when you find the right person, and I mean if the biological thing is really important, you can still consider getting your eggs frozen or something (idk how expensive or complicated that shit is so maybe an unrealistic idea but I'm throwing it in there anyway). having experienced everything you have thanks to not having a family to raise early on is gonna make you a kick-ass mom one day if you want to become one. 🖤
also I'm going to bite your online therapist in the unsexiest way possible.
you're the sweetest, you're doing amazing, I love you, you've got this babe 🖤
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chanstopher · 1 year
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oh i'm your santa for the stayblr event! i've been good—got sick because of the cold weather but other than that i'm doing pretty well! just preparing myself to start uni this spring :D we have a couple biases in common then; my bias line is lee know, felix & i.n. i like to believe i'm mainly a jeongin bias but they all constantly shift around... although these three are the most consistent ones 🫠 but i love everyone all the same! when did you get into stray kids + what's the the moment where you think you went 'oh this guy is a definite favourite (could be chan or any of the members)'? hope this ask finds you well ❣️ - 🌨
Oh, okay, I just didn't want to get confused lol omg im sorry you're sick tho, the cold weather always makes being sick so much worse. Congrats on getting into uni!! Do you know what you wanna study or are you hoping to find something along the way?
That is a beautiful bias line omg, and i know what you mean about the shifting, other than chris i dont think i could pin down my bias wreckers in order at all, it all depends on who i looked at last or just what content i've seen recently lmao
I got into skz during the survival show actually, I saw someone posting gifs of changbin from the first episode and i was like I don't know who he is but i'm gonna put him in my pocket, so I looked him up and found out they were literally making the group. I was hesitant to watch the show cause I've seen a few survival shows and they're always painful to watch, but I figured since everything said the group was already formed it wouldn't hurt too bad. obviously I was wrong, because after Changbin Minho was the first one i became attached to and then they yanked him out of the line up. So through all of their show and debut i was changbin biased, and then they did their tiny unveil tour here in the states and I saw Chris cry about being able to tour the world and I left that tiny theater a different person. I remember telling my friend I'd gone with I could have two biases right?? But I was kind of playing myself cause Chri had knocked Changbin out. I didn't admit that for so long, until another friend was like ok but are you SURE and I had to be like shit, yeah, its chris lmao i was so mad at him over it because I adored changbin so much and he just pushed the poor boy outta the way. i still love changbin an insane amount, but he had been defeated for top spot :( and when chris really became my bias I deleted my old skzblr (why idk??) and made this one and then didnt use it for like 3 months before i decided to start giffing skz a little, and now this blog is my whole personality lmao
but yeah thats my long ramble of skz, what about you how did you get into them?!
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psyched-for-you · 2 years
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Can you please validate me resting? I've had to skip so many uni classes recently and I'm going to have to skip a pre-exam test thing that's in a couple days because there's no way in anywhere that I'll manage to learn all of Shakespeare in my current state by then, which kinda stresses me out more the closer the test gets. I've had to rest more often and for longer periods of time the past few months/years (idk time), and it's rly working! I can create again and i can keep myself, most of the time, at a 'were ok' level, which is a big improvement, but sometimes it just hits me that I'm in uni I love and that im supposed to attend classes regularly so I don't fall behind, which anxiety and adhd make so easy, and that I'm not doing any work like the rest of my classmates, and I think rn it would be a huge help to have someone else validate me doing the right thing (resting), and im terrified of texting my friends abt this bcs theres such a social stigma around it and it would break my heart if they went the 'yeah sure but you have to work yknow, make urself' route, and opening up is so tough. Anyway, hope this is in any way coherent and that you're having a good day! Ill go do some Little Tasks to calm down haha -D
It's so very okay to rest, and honestly super important. Once you're completely burnt out, it's very hard to come back from that space.
I rested a lot during my education. It took me 4 years to finish my master's rather than two years. I had to take a half a year break once, I had to push some classes to a later semester. And during my thesis, I got so stressed and ill that I had to take a whole year off, before I could return and finish my studies.
And you know what? That's ok. I'm here now.
Life is not a race, and there's no "end goal" when you will stop running.
It's important to take time to prioritize being okay in the moment, bc that's where you live!! No one knows the future, but you know that you need to function right now, and that has to be a priority along with any future plans.
I hope your friends will be understanding, bc you know your own limits best, and it's so important for you to respect those limits and take care of yourself.
Best of luck!
-Quinn
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tbh-entp · 2 years
Note
Hii INTJ girl here. I’ve been on hiatus from tumblr for 3 years but I was so happy to see you were still around 🖤
I wanted to ask you something… I’ve been feeling lonely for some time now, and it’s something that’s never really bothered me, I was happy doing things by myself, but lately I think I got a sense like I’m missing something. All my friends have they’re special someone and it feels like life is going on and I’m stuck here all alone, even more now that I’m finishing uni. But then again every time I have to go through a crowd of people my age I get anxious and just walk as fast as I can to get away. So what do people usually do? Like what can I do to get away from these feelings of loneliness? 🫠
Hellooooo INTJ! I've also been on hiatus tbh :) it seems like there's a wave back to tumblr these days.
Ohhhhhh so I big relate to this feeling of like.... sENSING like you're missing something, particularly at the end of uni. I am #perpetuallysingle, and I have many friends who are #perpetuallynot. But I would say that even for them, they feel loneliness, so it's not about being in a relationship. Loneliness is pervasive and kind of an unsung dementor that everyone feels to like... some degree.
If you are like the INTJs in my life, just hanging around people who you only kinda like won't do the trick, and having to interact with a ton of random people in a crowd won't do it either. Which it's totally ok to be more into quality interaction over quantity. Loneliness I think is only solved by fully living in the moment, being fully occupied and enjoying your time. And passing interactions don't fix this.
The biggest help I think of, for me, has been hobbies that I can do by myself--particularly because my loneliness was the worst at night. So by having my self hobbies, I'd be fully occupied by a project and then realize it's time to sleep without time to think about being alone. I was living by myself in Germany for a couple of months during covid and it was so ridiculously hard in the beginning. By the end, I'd painted so many pictures, had a yoga thing going on, a puzzle, and joined on as a mentor in a hackathon in addition to work. It was good because I learned to be alone and enjoy it-- and now when my housemates leave, I have a hot minute of being sad that I can't run home for the little holidays, but then I remember that I know how to enjoy my time. This aside, I'm still lonely! I just think it doesn't hurt anymore lol.
The second help is holding on to friends who you do like. Now I live very far from both my home, family, and many of my close friends. As a result, it's very very necessary for me to make effort to message people. Eventually people become close, and it gets much easier! (I didn't have close friends until uni so I was a late learner on this.)
It's ok to be lonely though! I think it's natural and difficult for people when they grow up to go out into a world without family immediately there. Particularly since no one will quite know us the way our parents or guardians did, you know? Also, it's better to be lonely than in a relationship you don't enjoy. I did that a year ago and woooof I was sO glad to be single again when I broke up with him! :)
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Hello 💛 anon here, I’ve been gone for a few days, adult life it’s really kicking my ass at the moment (I can’t believe I already treating patients, fun fact, your little 💛anon it’s a dentist 🪥🦷) uni it’s really really stressful *sight* a lot of practice, studying and responsibilities, but however! your writing gives me almost peace (I’m weird sorry) I just feel very warm, and the time stops while reading your works. I saw that you had I little burned out while writing Hunger, and that’s understandable, 176 pages, that’s… a lot, it’s ok to take breaks to clear your mind, we -readers- will wait all the time you need, bc 1) you write WHEN YOU WANT TO, and 2) because Hunger it’s a really good story! (and I’m SO invested😵‍💫, there’s not turn back) And I saw that you posted a Minho fic too! I haven’t had the time to read it 😩 but summer break it’s less than a month away and I WILL for sure read it and let you know what I think about it (just good things, for sure, bc everything you write it’s immaculate) 🥰 Well I hope you’re doing just fine! Take care. Sorry if something don’t make sense, it’s midnight, and my brain it’s not working anymore so many mistakes here hehe. Oh come on! Just shut up, I need to sleep, very busy day tomorrow 🙃🙃 bye
This message brought me so much joy, thank you for sending it in!! 💕😭 And wow a dentist! I hope all of your work and studying is going well and I'm glad my writing can help you relax. It means the world to me that my writing makes people happy 😊
My Minho fic right now is just a teaser but I'm hoping to write it in the not-so-distant future 😅 I think I'll probably write Debt first since I have that better planned in my head and I'm still not sure if Manifest will be a oneshot or a series
And I am hoping to get back into Hunger soon! I think I am just tired by life and also I'm a little intimidated by wrapping everything up. There's a lot of things to resolve in the next couple of chapters, and I really want to do the story justice so I am nervous to start writing 😅 I just really want it to turn out well 😊
I hope you are having a lovely day 💕💕
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