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wen-kexing-apologist · 10 months

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Going Out

Whether you loved, liked, were neutral, or outright hated today’s Step by Step episode, I want to talk about one of my most favorite (and poignant) moments of today’s episode.

This hand holding scene.

But, wka, there are so many other scenes for you to focus on! You say. But, wka, there were multiple spicy scenes you need to do body language break down on. But, wka, last week you wrote a 20 page deep dive in to Pat’s psyche. Why are you hyperfixating on this four minute sequence???

BECAUSE THE SOCIAL COMMENTARY TEE AND THE REST OF THE PRODUCTION TEAM IS GIVING HERE IS BEAUTIFUL, BRILLIANT, AND LOWKEY MAKING ME EMOTIONAL GODDAMMIT.

As someone with strong, deeply rooted beliefs in empathy, in connection, in harm reduction, I can firmly and sincerely say there are people who I consider a part of my community, who I care for deeply, who are my friends who are homeless, who are drug users, or who are homeless drug users. And having worked in harm reduction before let me tell you how truly wonderful and enraging it is to provide people basic services and treat them with basic goddamn dignity and respect and how genuinely surprised, uncertain, or overjoyed my unhoused and/or drug using loved ones are to have someone who actually cares about them.

SO, I present those pre-emptive thoughts and personal background as proof of concept for what I am about to glean from this whole scene.

The scene transitions from flirting to community service when Jeng asks Pat if he wants to come with him to give food to the homeless, and I don’t remember this but @bengiyo did but this is something Jeng has been doing since Episode 1, and it shows in the reception Jeng receives when he arrives to this spot under the bridge.

The people who live here know Jeng, the people who live here like Jeng, he comes here often enough that he has established a rapport with their community and it is so so wonderful for me to see this nepo baby raised on rich bitch juice feeling comfortable and at ease with a group of people that society (at least Western society) almost always ignores, belittles, or downright dehumanizes.

And if I wasn’t already impressed with how Jeng and Step by Step as a whole was handling its portrayal of cultivated relationships with unhoused people, Jeng takes this even further, when he hands the woman the rest of the food bags:

Now, this is a brief scene and we don’t get a lot of information at all about the people who are living here, but in my mind, or rather the indication I have for this interaction is that Jeng has identified a community pillar, trusts that community member, and is recognizing and valuing the autonomy of the community to distribute the rest of the resources they have been given.

Most everyone Jeng handed food to wandered off and went about their night, leaving Jeng and Pat alone to sit and talk. Under a bridge. With homeless people nearby. Rather than leave. This is SO IMPORTANT TO ME. It is SO SO SO important to me that Jeng and Pat don’t just show up, hand out food, and immediately return to Jeng’s fancy car to drive back to Jeng’s fancy condo but that they stay and they talk here under the bridge, maintaining a respectful distance since Jeng and the rest of the people in this scene do not appear to have built a strong enough relationship to join them directly, but sharing space nevertheless.

(I will not talk about barriers, I will not talk about barriers, I absolutely, positively will not talk about how Jeng has spent most of the show with a vertical line between him and Pat, and Put spent most of Episode 7 with vertical lines keeping him out of Pat’s world, and now that Pat and Jeng are an item, they are sitting together inside double barriers, boxing themselves in having a discussion on cruelty because they are still in the phase of their relationship where the two of them are in their own little world and hiding from the world at lar... FUCK I talked about the barriers)

ANYWAY, I absolutely will not talk any more about the barriers and will instead begin my descent into madness in the form of The Proffering of the Hand.

The build up to this moment starts when Jeng and Pat settle down to talk. They are sitting as close together as they can be without physically touching, they are openly flirting, they are making prolonged eye contact. Basically, they are being very obviously gooey, and the community member who appears to be the closest to Jeng (this is the person who hugged Jeng when he arrived) comes up to him and Pat, and points out the drawing that he made and the similarities he sees between that drawing and the two of them.

The drawing is two stick figures of an undetermined gender (or if you want to read it this way, of a visually similar build [ie both people have triangle chests and short hair, no obvious breast tissue, no differentiation in color, they their faces are a little different but they are nearly identical] so you could call this a drawing of a same sex couple and it wouldn’t be wildly off-base, especially not with the original artist here telling Jeng and Pat they look like the drawing). For the sake of making me feel even stronger about my love for this scene, lets say this is a drawing of a same sex couple.

Now the two lines this person says to Jeng and Pat are particularly striking to me:

“This picture was drawn by me, you look the same”

“It looks like us.”

Both of these lines are said by the artist. You can interpret that “it looks like us” line however you want to, but baby that’s queer to me.

The artist walks away, leaving Jeng smiling softly to himself, thinking about it for approximately three seconds and then proffering his hand.

Now, Jeng and Pat have not…how you say….been particularly careful about maintaining appropriate distances from each other anywhere since they started jumping each other for sport, but the touches they give to each other in the workplace are secret, are hidden. Hands held between them on the computer in a cubicle where no one can see, arms pressed up against each other so they can be mistaken for just being cramped, footsie under the table away from prying eyes.

Here, now, is the first time since they got together that Jeng overtly, publicly extends a hand to Pat in a move that cannot be mistaken as anything but romantic. Pat is, rightfully all things considered, a little apprehensive.

“What is it?” he asks “It’s like the picture that he drew,” with a smile and a soft nod to his hand.

Pat’s brow furrows, he looks to his right, where the people they visited are sitting, he looks to the left his eyes scanning for any other potential witnesses. Pat, who has been the person consistently approaching this relationship with the most caution, is initially hesitant to take Jeng’s hand; Is initially hesitant to confirm their relationship to one another with other people around.

“No, people will see”

“No one will see” Jeng says, and I want to make it clear here that this is not a situation where Jeng is saying that the unhoused folks sitting nearby aren’t people.

I interpret it more as there is no one around who would be unsafe for us to be visible to.

Pat takes Jeng’s hand. Right here, out in the open, with people around him, he takes Pat’s hand in his outside of their houses, outside of Jeng’s car, outside. Outside. OUTSIDE.

So why is this such a monumental occasion for me?

I feel like I always say this, so eventually I have to make it happen, that I need to familiarize myself more with Thai social issues, because I don’t know much about Thai homelessness, and which populations of people are disproportionately represented there. So when I saw this scene, the only way I could approach it was with a Western lens. And I am comfortable running with my thoughts here using that Western lens because Pat references American homelessness in his conversion with Jeng.

Which means, dear readers…

The first thing that came to mind for me when Jeng and Pat were visibly queer here was the disproportionate rates of homelessness in the queer community in the United States.

Let me give you some quick (and very unfun) stats about homelessness and queerness in the United States:

40% of homeless youth are queer

Queer youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness than non-queer youth

In one survey, researchers found:

8% of transgender adults surveyed had experienced homelessness in the past 12 months

3% of cisgender queer adults surveyed had experienced homelessness in the past 12 months

1% of cisgender heterosexual adults surveyed had experienced homelessness in the past 12 months.

All this to say, that there are close ties between queer people and homelessness.

And there is something extremely, extremely powerful in Tee and co. recognizing and affirming that queer people can be safer sharing space with homeless people than they might be sharing space with salarymen at a corporate office.

For a number of reasons, Pat and Jeng cannot come out at the office, even if that closet is glass. In huge part because a boss and subordinate relationship is a gross imbalance of power, but also because homophobia is rampant in that office. We saw it all the way in the beginning of the show, when Pat was asked if he was a top or bottom. We see it now, when Pat is overhearing his colleagues, his coworkers, that spent the beginning of his time at this office exploiting him to do their labor, saying awful, gross, disgusting shit about him and to him.

“I didn’t think he’d be working on his knees”

“Lick until you get your bonus” These are things Pat is seeing, Pat is hearing in this place full of “people contributing to the betterment of society”, people who have stable housing, and cash to spare, and food to eat. People who aren’t looked down upon by society, people who reflect society’s current ideals and mindsets. The other queer people in the office clocked Jeng immediately, but Pat didn’t and neither did any of the straight employees in the office until Pat and Jeng started hanging around

each other more unable to turn off their heart eyes. Because Jeng is in a position of power, he dresses in traditionally professional clothing every day. Collared shirt of mild color, suit, tie, brown loafers. Compare him to Chot or Pat and you can see how Jeng blends in as straight to people who aren’t trained to clock that shit. Look at Jeng when he’s out of the office and hanging out around Pat, he is in denim, he is in white tank tops, he is wearing a chain. Jeng is putting armor on when he goes to the office. Pat and Chot don’t have that luxury.

And as a result, Pat and Jeng can only be out and open at home. Until now. Until this moment.

Step by Step definitively established in this one scene, in under FOUR MINUTES that Jeng and Pat, two queer men were made to feel comfortable enough and free enough in this place in this space around people who are often villainized, who are often deprived of human rights, people who are often seen as deserving of their poverty and the treatment they get from others as a result, people who are frequently spoken about as being a negative impact on society (WHICH IS BULLSHIT BY THE WAY HOLY FU- *I am forcibly removed from my pedestal*) because queer people are often villainized, deprived of human rights, seen as deserving of the terrible treatment that they get, and are frequently spoken about as being a negative impact on society.

And considering the statistics on how many homeless youth are queer, there is something to be said for the way the person who appears the youngest, or who at least is acting the youngest, is the person who initiates the interaction that signals to Jeng that they are safe here. That helps Jeng and Pat realize they can engage in a public display of affection here amongst people who understand.

And that is one hell of a fucking statement to make if I do say so myself.

Side Note 1: I was already leaning towards this show being a For, By, and About Queers show. This scene solidified that for me.

Side Note 2: I am thinking about the BL trope of the BL Bridge, I think this was something that @absolutebl wrote about once, but please correct me if I am wrong. If you are new to BL or otherwise unfamiliar with the trope, it is essentially just a repeated theme in multiple BL shows where one of the couples kisses in front of famous bridges in Bangkok. It is notable that in a show like this that is For, By, and About Queers (and boy do I have more thoughts on when and where and how the connection between Jeng and Pat deepens over the last couple episodes in relation to the workplace and homophobia (see @bengiyo’s quick thoughts which will hopefully become bigger thoughts on queer people and corporate culture)) that Jeng and Pat’s first openly public display of affection happens not on the surface, not lit up by bridge lights, not where the whole world can see them. But underneath a bridge, hidden away with the rest of the people that society has shunned, looked down upon, dehumanized, ignored, and failed to support.

(tagging @neuroticbookworm who is waiting patiently and @waitmyturtles because if I know one person on this website who is gonna add something incredible to a discussion of homelessness in this scene, it's gonna be my bestie.)

#yall better fucking cry at this one cause I almost cried writing it #step by step #step by step the series #step by step episode 10 #tee bundit #patjeng #jengpat #manben #benman #jeng x pat #pat x jeng #chot x krit #ben bunyapol #man trisanu #bruce sirikorn #dee hup house #i am DEEP in my feelings tonight yall #and now i collapse in to bed because it is *way* past my bedtime #homelessness

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