#manipulative bastard

[chessmastervillainshowdown]

Tumblr has had many, many bracket tourneys in the past several months. These are fun ways to have your favorite characters duke it out, to see which character is the best of the best of their archetype.There have been polls of who is the best girl,the best boy,the best robot,the best dad,the best thief, the best little guy, the best smart guy and so on and so forth. There even has been some sillier polls like asking the best character who wears a striped shirt.

But has anyone on Tumblr dared to ask the question...who is the best chessmaster villain? Afterall, there are many manipulative masterminds all across fictional stories, so seeing which is the best of the best (or at least the most popular and well liked) sounds like fun. So heres where this bracket comes in. Chessmaster Villain Showdown is a bracket meant to determine which manipulative mastermind comes on top, which has managed to impress audiences the most.

Does that sound fun for you, my dear audience? In that case join me! Lets make this tournament as fun and exciting as it can be!

Submissions will open soon.

#tumblr polls #tumblr brackets #brackets #polls #tourney #tumblr tourney #villains #chestmaster villains #mastermind villains #manipulative bastard #magnificent bastard

[incorrect-fanfiction-quotes]

Harry, a literal banana: *is crying because someone stole his peel*

Tom, the manipulative bastard who orchestrated the whole thing, also a banana: Here, share mine.

Pure crack, I tell you.

#Crack fanfiction #short fic #read on ao3 #incorrect quotes #ao3 link #harry potter #tom riddle #manipulative bastard #fruit AU #I can’t believe I just typed that #I can’t say I regret reading this?

[shhhhimwatchingthis]

peak drama is Hia Lian saying "never have i ever kissed a stranger" to figure out if Nu Kuea knows it was him who kissed him that night, and also maybe to punish him a little, and also just because he thinks it's funny

i GASPED I love him so much the manipulative messy little bitch

#nu kuea #hia lian #kuea keerati #lian kilen wang #lian x kuea #cutie pie #cutie pie the series #thai bl #thai drama #drama #manipulative bastard #affectionate

[maybebabyplease]

#1 dumbledore hater

#fuck that guy #manipulative bastard

[inspectorspacetimerevisited]

If there was an incarnation of the Inspector that was known for his ability to manipulate multiple people and events,

it was the Seventh.

#Inspector Spacetime #Cosmic Chess Game (trope) #Cosmic Chess Game #The Chessmaster (trope) #The Chessmaster #Manipulative Bastard (trope) #Manipulative Bastard #playing a massive game against #The Blessing of Vanargand (serial) #Vanargand (character) #the Inspector (character) #incarnations #incarnations of the Inspector #Seventh Inspector #known for his ability #to manipulate people #to manipulate events #it was the Seventh

[kiss-my-asymptote]

I’m fucking dying Astarion’s early party banter is him just flirting with all the companions and striking out; none of them are having it. When he comes on to Tav at the party, not only is he manipulating them, but they are literally his last choice. Not even plan b or c, Tav was plan ‘fuck it, I guess we’re doing this!’ and that clown still fell into his own pit trap.

#My roommate asked me why I romance him and like him so much #because all I tell her when we sit on the couch playing our respective games next to each other is what a snarky bastard he is #the answer is that he’s funny #my roomie said ‘i guess that’s fair. A guy can get away with manipulating me if he’s pretty and makes me laugh’ #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate tav #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion x tav

[tibli]

people treating either dirk or jake as the 'villain' of the relationship fundamentally misunderstand that they were isolated teenagers with social issues who both contributed to the relationship's problems, and neither of them are evil

#homestuck #dirkjake #dirk strider #jake english #im not a huge dirkjake person. i like it but not super actively or anything #but they BOTH did things wrong #dirk can be manipulative and overbearing #but hes not some evil mastermind hellbent on ruining jake lmao #his worst offense was like. building a fighting robot that jake explicitly asked for #and then going too far with it #on the reverse side #jake is not some unfeeling uncaring monster #hes socially anxious and has a hard time standing his ground on personal matters #his worst crime was mainly just. being kind of inattentive and unintentionally a little callous #i think postcanon (ignoring the epilogues and hs2) dirkjake could work fine if they both just like #got a little therapy and counseling #i think this is kinda why the epilogues make me bitter bc they really just like. completely bastardized the both of them #dirk is a hypercontrolling obsessive ultrabastard #and jake is a dumb thoughtless himbo who for some reason is a constant punching bag #also im p sure jake canonically has brain damage like i think thats stated in plain text in hs proper #i mean that could probably be healed but for a while he was kind of like. airheaded and unfocused #and i think its kinda insulting how hes treated in both timelines #im not a jake scholar like i am a dirk one tho so jake lovers i need someone to back me up on this pls

[mademoisellegush]

On the Emperor and *that* scene

so i went and looked at some of the branches of that conversation -he basically reacts by reflecting and amplifying whatever energy the player gives him. Whatever you say, he will not contradict you.

You reject him, violently? He'll show you how right you are, how much of a monster he is. You reject him, preferring to "stick to business"? so does he. You agree to see him as a potential partner? Not a one-night stand, you are "bonded and it is time to consummate love with war".

Something to keep in mind, however (pun intended) is that "to best protect yourself from illithid manipulation, pay attention to its actions, not words."

tldr: i think the emperor is a very neat character.

The first branch is the disgusted rejection - the one where the player calls him a freak. his reaction is to show you how right you are. a mind controlled Stelmane, how the partnership was puppeteering. "you are my puppet", he tells you. "You have no other choice, if I must, I will force you."

he does not force you to do anything, after that. the threat is there, of course, but it's hollow. empty.

should this be taken at face value? can we trust him, even now, that he is telling the truth? it is certain that he mind controlled stelmane, yes. But was he the one who made her ill?

two items put that into question. a) stelmane's portrait, hung up at his desk along all his treasured possessions from before and after he became an illithid (balduran's butter fork, to go with the butter knife. his old sword, a recipe for fiddlehead soup, his dog Rascal's collar. the emperor's outfit, container for brains, chains for his "meals".)

If he's a liar about everything, why does he have a framed picture of Stelmane? He would not have been able to physically go back and set things up in a Knights of the Shield secret hideout while he was stuck inside the Astral Prism in our pocket from the hells, down to the Underdark, unless i'm getting the timeline of this story majorly wrong.

and b) an account of stelmane's illness.

Stelmane's condition got worse *after* Balduran/the Emperor disappeared, captured by Gortash and the cult of the Absolute.

Make of that what you will. Is this an actual testimony, or something he somehow planted there for you to find, despite the logistical difficulties in doing so? You decide.

2. The violent rejection is the only branch where he does not tell you how big the elder brain has grown. I think that is because there is an actual reaction on his end; something vicious that he's unused to feeling. Not the cold, calculating pragmatism he was praising in the player character three lines ago. Compare the first branch to the following two paths:

What i think is: Balduran uses you. The sole thing he cares above all else is his continued survival, any power gained that way is a side benefit to his goal. If you even get the Orphic hammer, even "as leverage," even as you threaten him, he does not "force you" to do anything, as threatened above. Ansur died, yes, but is self defence murder? Neither Ansur nor Balduran deny that Ansur tried to mercy kill Balduran as he slept.

What I also think: you have to succeed at perception check, in the third guardian dream, to figure out that "the hurt runs deeper than they're willing to show you." then, an insight check (something that requires wisdom, what you use to resist, or lean into, the tadpole's hivemind) "beneath the resilient veneer, a touch of fragility. they need comfort." This allows you to hug them, if you desire - something they say "it has been a very long time since someone did that. for [me]".

Make of that what you will.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #the emperor #balduran #he is an awful little manipulative bastard and i think hes perfect

[shannonsketches]

There's a meme going around to draw your comfort characters as the Steven meme.

Bowser's never been a comfort character for me, but thinking about how great an Illumination Smash Bros movie would be with these two having the dumbest greatest villain team dynamic has brought me SO much joy this year.

#ganondorf #bowser #I spammed chat about it once I have a VISION #Gan's so manipulative and Bowser's so stupid like let me do OoT Ganon + Bowser Villain Dynamic Duo for an Illumination Smash movie #after letting me establish Gan as a bastard cat in an illumination OoT movie obvs #Just please please PLEASE imagine Ganondorf trying to teach Bowser how to impress a woman with like. Common Courtesy. #Mario's training montage except it's Bowser getting Miss Congeniality'd by Hyrule's Most Wanted Diabolical Mastermind #and it's not even about how to be a good villain it's literally just how not to immediately fuck up with a girl you like #with gan becoming increasingly exhausted and bowser trying SO hard and Kamek being SO jealous Bowser has a new sorcerer bestie #who is very obviously using him and will throw him away by the end of the film -- leading to Peach genuinely sympathizing #until Bowser immediately fucks it up but in a less egregious way because he's trying and that's what matters kind of #AMA I have this whole plot in my brain aklsjdfa

[rabbitprincessthief]

gog i still can't get over minish cap vaati's Everything. He is So Fucking Stupid (affectionate)

Like. This guy's establishing character moment is, in order:

he's introduced as having won an entire tournament to get to touch a magic chest and get a cool sword, which was the prize for said tournament

turns around and does a goddamn evil soliloquy TEN FEET AWAY FROM THE GUARDS who were about to hand him his macguffin on a platter

(like this man fucks up his own horribly planned daylight heist because he cannot keep a lid on the dramatics for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, IN PUBLIC)

(THE BAR WAS ON THE FLOOR VAATI, FUCKING GANONDORF PLAYS THE PIPE ORGAN FOR HIS OWN BOSS INTRO AND HE STILL KNOWS BETTER THAN THIS SHIT)

proceeds to fight the guards (it is, admittedly, a curbstomp for him, but it still clearly wasn't his plan, because otherwise why bother with the tournament)

gloats evilly

opens chest, unleashing a whole bunch of monsters

exposits out loud about Zelda's powers like a nerd while she is actively charging up her magic powers to kick his ass

RECOGNIZES and IDENTIFIES said magic as the special power carried by the female royal line

completely fails to recognize it as the light force he is currently trying to get his hands on (he spends like 99% of the game not figuring this out.)

petrifies her

(i have no idea if link could have deflected this spell if he had managed to get the right angle with his shield but i like to think somewhere there is a very short and very funny alternate timeline where it happens)

(more importantly: no part of vaati's original presumed plan would have involved doing this. he 100% created this situation for himself by being an dramatic idiot and picking a fight for no good reason.)

looks in the chest

there's no light force

considering his stated goals he might be as confused as you are about the monsters tbh

uhhh

evil laugh

teleports the fuck out

He then proceeds to spend the rest of the game trying to figure out where the light force is and ends up having to wait for Ezlo and Link to figure it out first because he was, as far as I can tell, GENUINELY stuck on this part. He fucking kidnaps and impersonates the King, not for access to Zelda, but to… send guards to go look for the Light Force, presumably because he was either running out of ideas or genuinely thought that would work.

None of the guards even had any idea what he was talking about. He's not even good at impersonating the King. He's already sent like twenty people to the dungeon by the time you get there and it hasn't even been a week. Somehow the game spins this as a cunning plan and clever manipulation or something.

(Meanwhile the guards are just. Poking around in random bushes and shit hoping to find the light force. One of them asks you what you think it might look like.)

Zelda is literally right next to the throne and Vaati does not figure it out until you find an actual honest-to-goodness LORE TABLET spelling out that the Light Force is Stored in the Zelda, at which point he's like "ahahaha you've done my work for me this was definitely my plan all along" and takes over the castle and throws a bunch of monsters at you to stall for time while he figures out how to extract the force from her. Somehow he still doesn't think to actually lock the fucking door.

#vaati #minish cap #loz #mc #he's my stupid little squeak squeak and i love him #meta #op #sorry this got long but i have So Many Words about this little bastard #i think he's a really fun foil to ganondorf tbh - #ganondorf looks like a brute force guy but in practice tends largely toward manipulating and long cons and cunning #the appearance of dumb muscle but is actually refined and clever and skilled while also still being built like a brick wall #vaati looks like a classic scheming squishy wizard guy but actually is just cheating and does almost all his nonsense very directly #and his plans tend to be either Do X / ??? / Profit stuff or barely exist at all #to the point where og four swords is gated primarily by your ability to convince great fairies to help you rather than vaati stopping you #ganondorf is a guy given power who wants a magic wish granting artefact #vaati is a guy given a magic wish-granting artefact who decides he wants more power now actually #vaati has had a significant minion approximately once (shadow link) and that was in shared custody with ganon

[yummybongwater]

#bastardcore #chaoscore #schizospeaking #chaotic bastard #chaotic ramblings #nihilist #goblincore #nihilism #goblin culture #female manipulator #mitski #girlboss #memes #doomer #void #void thoughts

[ghouljams]

‘Stranger things have happened than the devil knocking up a witch’ that should not make me fold and yet it does- I am simply just a woman

As I work on their little baby fic I think to myself:

Price knew. He knew what he was doing, he knew there was a possibility, that every time he fucked her his seed might find fertile ground. Witch operated under the delusion that they were two incompatible creatures, hadn't heard stories of fae having babies with witches so she chose to believe it couldn't happen. She forgets, often, that she's human and that humans absolutely can have children with the fae. Price doesn't ever forget that fact. He fucks her and he hopes that this will be the one that takes, that he'll have another guarantee towards their wedding, that maybe he is the devil for not saying anything...

He just loves her so dearly, and he's only a man.

#x oc #cod x oc #price x witch #oc: witch #somethin... somethin is purrin #Price you could knock me up under false pretenses I won't be mad #manipulative bastard I want you so bad it makes me look stupid #the fic is going really cute but GOD #Witch is so smart but also so fucking stupid #she wants kids with Price she just also was like “but that probably won't happen :)”

[chicotfp]

Because Legolas clearly got his skills from someone)

#thranduil #lee pace #lotr #the hobbit #lord of the rings #tolkien #the elvenking #mirkwood #elves #probably incorrect pose #wood elves #the last thing some orcs and spiders saw before death #lucky bastards #edit/photo manipulation

[caiside]

Let me just go ahead and apologize for the person I will become when season 2 comes out

#interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #iwtv s2 #daniel x armand #oh Armand you manipulative bastard #poor Daniel someone get that poor old man out of that penthouse #I can’t even discuss Louis

[artiststarme]

Highway to Hell

Just another fun little story based on a random sentence song title that came to mind. I hope you guys like it and please leave a comment below!

~*~*~*~

Steve was a really bad driver. He knew it, his high school friends knew it, and the police knew it. He didn’t mean it in a technical way, he was perfectly capable of driving a car and not crashing it. Admittedly, he was reckless and he found driving laws to be more of a suggestion than a rule. Steve had his reasons though. 

There was very little to do in Hawkins for any sort of entertainment. One could only go to the arcade or go swimming at the lake so many times before it became boring just like everything else in the town. When the excitement surrounding fun activities wore out, Steve turned to racing down empty country roads and skidding down the highway to feel a thrill. 

And he liked it. The feeling of the wind tearing through the open windows, the exhilaration at the threat of danger, and the delight that came with gaslighting the cops that pulled him over. There was nothing better. 

All of that changed when the kids started hanging around though. Steve couldn’t race down the 25 mph roads at 70. He had to slow down and protect his precious cargo. As such, the only people that didn’t realize he was a notoriously bad driver were the kids and Robin. They considered him the safest driver they’d ever been around. He followed the speed limit to a T, didn’t have road rage like their parents, and always stopped at stop signs. What more could they ask for?

It lasted for a while, his good driving habits, enough that Hopper, Powell, and Callahan all took a sigh of relief. Not having to worry about Steve Harrington doing his darndest to wrap himself around a tree allowed them to let their guard down. Granted, it coincided with strange happenings, disappearances, and murders, but still, it was one less thing on their plate.  

When he started hanging out with Eddie after the events of Spring Break, Steve relaxed a little bit. He didn’t have to be so stringent with his driving and could start letting loose again. So he did. Whenever he was alone or driving somewhere with Eddie, he’d speed like a bat out of hell, ignore the recommended stop signs, take turns too fast, everything he shouldn’t do. 

Hopper was the one who pulled him over first after he illegally passed the police cruiser going 60 mph in a 45. 

“Harrington, what the hell? I thought you were done with this shit,” Hopper grumbled. His face was exasperated which made sense since his pseudo-son was being a little shit again. 

Steve just sent him a chagrined smile, “I’m sorry Hop, I didn’t mean to speed. I’m rushing Eddie back to the trailer because he’s feeling sick and I don’t want him throwing up in my car. I love the guy but not enough to deal with vomit, you know?”

Hopper just shook his head at him and waved him off. “Next time I catch you speeding, you’re getting a ticket. Go the speed limit, Steve.”

“Of course you won’t catch me again, Hop! I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow. Bye!” He called as Hopper walked back to the cruiser. He looked at Eddie in the passenger seat to face a deranged glare. “What’s up with you?”

“Me?!” Eddie shrieked. “You’re the one speeding like you have a death wish then blaming it on me to my future father-in-law! You’re not winning me any points here, Steve!”

“Wow hey, Hop likes you just fine. Also, future father-in-law? Let’s go back to that, as far as I know, you haven’t even proposed!”

“Gay marriage is illegal! Otherwise I would’ve-”

~*~*~*~

The next time they got pulled over, Steve blew through a stop sign. That one, admittedly, was his fault. He’d been too distracted with Eddie’s hand rubbing his thigh that he’d driven right through it. Luckily though, it was late and no one was out and about. Besides the police cruiser that was parked out of sight in the dark. 

As soon as Powell saw it was him, he told him to keep his eyes on the road and walked back to his car. He’d dealt a lot with Steve Harrington and he wasn’t willing to put up with the headache at 2 AM on a Tuesday. He’d get him next time, he was sure. 

~*~*~*~

Steve had a tactic for dealing with Callahan. His big brother could be a bit of a dumbass and as long as you muddied the situation enough, he would drop the lecture and ticket out of confused rage alone. It had worked with him every single time thus far and it wouldn’t fail him now. 

So, when he and Eddie got pulled over for speeding down an empty country road, Steve mustered up his bitchiest face. As soon as Phil walked up to the window, he started his act. 

“Phil, what the hell? Why are you pulling me over? I’m just trying to get home after a long day.”

“You were going 30 mph over the speed limit which is considered reckless driving. I should write you a ticket right now,” Callahan spoke with an air of cocky arrogance that was sure to fade. 

“Who says I was speeding? You were the one that had to speed to catch up to me. Why were you driving so quickly? Some might say that’s reckless.” The smile dropped off of Phil’s face immediately and he became defensive. 

“I’m a police officer, I’m allowed to speed.”

“Ohhh, so you think you’re above the law because you have a badge?” Steve raised an eyebrow and could only watch in delight as Phil’s face became more and more red.

“That’s not what I sai-”

“That’s awful, Phil. What would mom say right now? Or worse, what would Hopper say about his deputy mistreating the badge?”

Phil just looked at him in shock before he blinked. “How the hell do you do this every time? Do you know how many times you’ve tried to trick me when I’ve pulled you over?”

“Phil, that doesn’t sound like me at all. Why are you really pulling me over today? Are you trying to pull the annoying big brother card? Is this a prank?”

“You know it's not a prank, you were speeding!” He yelled at him.

“You were speeding!” Steve screamed back, pointing a finger at him accusingly. 

“Jesus Christ, just go home and stop fucking speeding! Fuck Steve, every time!” Phil screamed in fury before stomping back to his cruiser. 

Steve merely rolled up the window and turned his head to look at Eddie. He was once again shocked with his mouth gaping open. 

“Oh yeah, did I tell you that Phil’s my brother? Small world, huh?”

~*~*~*~

Of course no one in the Party believed Eddie when he told them that Steve drove like a maniac on crack. Every single person he told just shrugged it off and it was driving him insane. He even tried to convince Hopper to talk to the kids but he refused to get in the middle or risk fighting with his kid. 

To this day, the Party still doesn’t believe Eddie when he says that Steve is a reckless driver (and it’s infuriating because Steve smirks arrogantly anytime it comes up).

Bonus: Eddie knows Steve before the Upside Down because he almost hit him with his car when Eddie was walking home one day (Steve gave him a ride after but the damage was done)

That’s how he knew he could handle driving the RV and why he decided to throw him the reins. 

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#Yes he crashed the Toddfather but that doesn’t count #Hopper finds out that no one has ever given the manipulative little bastard a ticket before and pins Steve with one the next time he catche #Callahan reads him the riot act because it was a ‘targeted ticketing’ that his brother didn’t deserve #stranger things #steddie #fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #chief jim hopper #phil callahan #officer callahan #officer powell

[edoro]

“Luz does end up being Philip’s guide to the human realm” au where every time she gets impatient and starts being (completely justifiably) mean to him, he just acts Extra Old And Befuddled so she looks like a mannerless teenager abusing her mildly demented grandfather in public

it makes her so mad. if he doesn’t cut this shit out then she’s going to take him to the mall and ‘lose’ him.

#local manipulative old bastard has absolutely no sense of shame or dignity #and is at his best when acting like a pathetic wet paper bag of a man #luz is just like 'god i wish you were my actual grandpa because then i could put you in a home for real' #unfortunately. #philip wittebane #luz noceda #the owl house