#mari speaks

[confusedtravelermari]

me starting gundam 1979: damn they’re rly gonna make this neurodivergent kid pilot a giant robot lol

gundam (gripping me by the shoulders): what if there existed a form of neurodivergence that was widely misunderstood in-universe and mischaracterized as the ability to pilot Big Robots Good thus spurring attempts to weaponize it and even induce it artificially in order to produce better child soldiers

me: what the fuck

#mari speaks #mobile suit gundam #gundam

[jamiewintons]

Man, Sanji with a really shy gf would be so cute. Like he’d love to get you flustered, he’d figure out exactly what he has to do or say to get you to blush and cover your face with your hands. He thinks it’s the absolute cutest thing ever. Just him getting really close to you and whispering into your ear that you look beautiful. In that voice. I would actually die.

#sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji x reader #black leg sanji x reader #opla sanji x reader #opla x reader #mari speaks #I’m simping big time today #blame tiktok and sleep deprivation I cannot control myself today #him doing the thing where he lifts up your chin to make you look at him 🙈

[adhdthomasthorne]

Another good S5 Kitmas thing apart from "are you going to kiss them?": Thomas - who is usually much more polite/respectful to women than he is to men - calling Eleanor a bitch like three times when he thought she had murdered Kitty.

#kitmas #bbc ghosts spoilers #bbc ghosts #ghosts spoilers #thomas x kitty #kitty x thomas #thomas thorne #kitty higham #mari speaks

[mysticwiki]

before Mithrun potentially gets crazy popular with the anime only dunmeshi fans (and let's be real he probably will blow up in popularity), i have a confession to make

the first time i saw him in the manga when i read it, like the chapter he was introduced in, i thought he was some kind of decrepit lesbian and tbh. i still stand by that

#mari speaks #dungeon meshi #me upon seeing this decrepit lesbian: oh she's just like me fr #me after learning who he actually is and his character + arc: oh he's just like me fr! #anyway i love him tbh #his whole story arc means a lot to me #the ending made me cry and it's all thanks to senshi #anyway don't ask why i'm posting this at like 5:45am #it's still ramadan so my schedule is still whack

[mettaloverxx]

Hii ik I haven't post nothing but today's my birthday and I wanted to show you all my cake!

I'm going to be posting a oneshot fic someone requested ether to night or tomorrow so keep your eye out for that!

.

.

He's been consumed

#not ut imagines #mari speaks #tw food #mettaton #undetale

[castletown-cafe]

Life Updates, AuDHD, and A Mental Trainwreck

Content Warnings: Mental illness, current events, betrayal trauma, abuse, & family death.

It's time I talked about how things have been for me lately. I'm tired of hyping up all these things/projects I can't commit to, it feels like I'm making promises I can't fulfill. I get too ambitious, I get too many ideas, and even the ones I manage to see through, I just do not enjoy the writing portion.

About a year ago, my focus drifted away from Castletown Cafe. Many of you here may know what that's like to lose interest/hyperfixation on one thing and get fixated on something else, that's natural for us with autism and ADHD. We get an intense hyperfocus on a topic or project for a while only to shift to the next topic, losing interest or forgetting about the previous. I got really fixated on Pokemon Scarlet & Violet, Splatoon 3, and ACNH this past year, as well as making my own unrelated cooking projects revolving around seasonal ingredients. This fall, I got crazy ambitious for an entire fall-themed cookbook and even a Halloween one, things that obviously will take years of practice and experimentation (and need year-round work).

On top of that, however, I have not been feeling as well mentally this year. I've had less motivation to draw, and felt a stronger dislike of writing. If you have ADHD you know how hard it is to get yourself to do something you don't want to do. It's like pulling teeth. I've always had issues with executive dysfunction, and I wonder how much of it I've succumbed to this year. And while I've never been diagnosed with clinical depression, I'm wondering/concerned if I am showing signs of it like I might have been this year with my lack of motivation, my focus and drive getting worse, loss of enjoyment of things I ordinarily enjoy doing, such as drawing, feeling sad more often, and either sleeping too much or too little.

Granted the events of this fall haven't helped. We all know what's going on in the world right now. It's horrifying, it's depressing, and it's easy to feel helpless, but we all have the power to protest, to boycott, and to use social media to amplify voices of the marginalized. I have been very active on Twitter with this, but it has also been hard to enjoy my favorite times of year, the fall and Halloween, when tens of thousands are being massacred. It's no wonder I have been so depressed this fall, knowing the country we live in is siding with the colonizers and is actively funding genocide. Our tax dollars are being used to fund this and many, if not most, American brands and companies are also in favor of it.

Then, in November, I discover that an 80s band I liked is guilty of VERY inappropriate behavior toward women. One I had been listening to for the past few years. Fronted by a guy whose music I had enjoyed since childhood. I shouldn't have been so surprised, but it still broke me anyway. Another betrayal was a YouTuber who turned out to be an imposter with no thoughts or opinions of his own, only stolen from others. Yet another was a confirmation of suspicions I had toward a certain animator having NPD and being abusive, (who, to be honest, I never actually liked, just her art style and cartoons).

Oh, but that's not all! Here's where it gets really personal, but I think I really need to disclose this. On top of everything going on, I had two deaths in the family recently. One was a parent whom I didn't get along with very well, the other was my old pup Oscar. My old doggo has been easier to grieve, because he was a sweet, good boy....and honestly....he deserved a better end to his life than what he got. He was living with my father, keeping him company. My father was the parent I had a bad relationship with, and is the reason I advocate strongly for responsible and careful drinking. Because he failed to do that. He always used alcohol for self-medication, something you should NEVER do. His substance abuse got worse and worse over the years, driving him meaner and more abusive. He was never really kind to me, even if he tried to be. I never had a good relationship with my father, and honestly I know a lot of people can relate to that with one or both of their parents. A lot of us have betrayal trauma from growing up, maybe you have parents who don't love you unconditionally, or parents who never wanted to be parents, emotionally or physically abusive parents, you get the idea. Mine just so happened to be a man born and raised in a time where there was no diagnosis for his neurodivergence. He had tons of internalized ableism that he pushed onto me, and modelled horrible, angry behavior. He also had depression, but never sought help, and I believe that's due to toxic masculinity.

He can't hurt me anymore, though. I moved out of his house almost 5 years ago, and I wish it had been sooner. I'm not sure how to feel about his passing, because of how he treated me when he was alive. One thing I have been feeling though, is stress. He has left behind a house that is a disaster because he neglected to take care of it, tons of debt because he had failed to pay his bills, and no will whatsoever so inheritance is also going to be a mess to untangle. My family and I have been going back to that house to clean it, get it repaired, and figure out what to do with everything left behind. Right in the middle of a holiday season. What fun /sarcasm.

On the topic of Oscar, it's safe to say how he passed/what happened. My father went first, and so Oscar just curled up next to him.....and stayed there until he also died. And honestly....that's just heartbreaking.....I wish Oscar could've howled for help, that someone could have heard him and come to his rescue and taken care of him....but he didn't....I just wish i could have been by Oscar's side in his final moments. I know he was an old dog, he lived to be 15 and a half...but he's with my grandma now and I hope she's taking good care of him, wherever they are.

Meanwhile, Penny has been a new family member since July. She has been by my side to give hugs and cuddles, and I've needed them a lot these past few weeks. Since Oscar stayed behind to keep my father company when I moved out a few years ago, I missed my puppy, and having a little doggo around. And so, enter Penny. She's even registered as an emotional support animal, or ESA, and she goes all kinds of places with me. I love the attention she gets from other people when we go shopping together. Her cuteness lightens up a room and makes the day of many people.

My little fluffy girl has been a big help getting me through everything this season.

Back to Castletown Cafe, it may take a while, but I hope one day to return to it. I have all kinds of ideas and things I want to make and practice, and I also hope to create more content in 2024, even doing more live gaming on Twitch. I got a new computer for streaming, but I still need a monitor for it. I wanna have a streaming schedule and everything.

I really appreciate all of you who are still here even though I haven't been able to make many new things or deliver upon hyped ideas. I feel bad about my lack of content this year, though with recent life events I think it's really understandable as to why I haven't been able to churn out much in that regard.

One more thing: I do want to disclose that my ADHD is unmedicated. I can't get medication for it (not with this hell-thcare system) and I don't know what I should take for executive dysfunction. For those of you who made it this far with ADHD, what do you recommend?

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this, especially if you made it all the way to the end here. I know it was a lot, and some of this is REALLY heavy stuff. These are things that we all do go through, however.

Thank you.

~ Mari 🧡

#long post #cw: death #cw: abuse #cw: addiction #cw: grief #mari speaks

[knifepervert]

Hey, hi, hello just wanted to pop and ona say I hope everyone is doing well ☺️

#mari speaks #I miss being on here sometimes #also it’s my birthday!! #the fact i’m 25 is wild to me

[vingilotes]

Passed my qualifying exam, so I can finally rest a little!

Made a new OC for the new update of SDV (that I barely played yet) so I hope to make a portrait for her someday lol

Been playing Xenoblade Chronicles a bit too, it has been a while since I played a good long RPG

#I think I should write more here idk #mari speaks

[1ifewasawi11ow]

im so scared of the stranger things fandom because ive existed in a “byler ronance i love gay people elmax mitski music using literally ignoring people’s deaths watching noah schnapp’s tiktoks” bubble and then i interact with someone on instagram and they’re like “actually robin should have just been straight” “if max is blind itd be better for her if she was dead” like,,,that’s actually terrifying what

leave me alone im scared of you

#stranger things #ronance #byler #robin buckley #max mayfield #im so scared of straight people #mari speaks

[confusedtravelermari]

While initially presenting itself as a light-hearted romp showcasing the absurdities of the super robot genre, Bravern fairly quickly shifts its focus away from parody (save for as a recurring bit) and instead seeks to answer the question of— why do these kinds of stories exist? Why, in such bleak times as this, with tangible, real-world problems to deal with, do we take the time to entertain the notion that such things as courage, love, and hope can magically save the day?

It’s because we need those things to stay alive. Too loosely paraphrase Terry Pratchett’s words in Hogfather, fantasy is what keeps us human. It’s fitting, then, that the antagonists of the series embody the desire for death. The only way to defeat the human tendency towards self-destruction is not only to have courage, but to believe that courage will be enough carry you through— and in doing so, giving it the power to do just that.

tl;dr

#sorry to get real corny for a moment. I had a lot of fun with this anime and I’m still kind of overcome #bang brave bang bravern #bravern #mari speaks

[jamiewintons]

Just thinking about Sanji giving you cooking lessons. Unnecessarily intimate cooking lessons.

Like you can feel him standing behind you, his body pressed up against yours as he shows you how to like… chop onions properly or something. His hand is on top of yours, guiding you as you’re using the knife. Him whispering in your ear that you’re doing a good job in that gorgeous accent of his.

I just… 🥵

#sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji x reader #black leg sanji x reader #opla sanji x reader #opla x reader #mari speaks #and then you have s*x on the counter I mean WHAT

[adhdthomasthorne]

Even though we didn’t get canon Kitmas, I fully believe that they ended up together once Alison left.

Thomas moped for a while, of course, lamenting the loss of the woman that he’d been enamoured with since she arrived at Button House. But eventually he realised that he had feelings for Kitty that went far deeper than what he ever felt for Alison, and the two of them loved each other for all of eternity - finally experiencing the love that they had craved but never got in life.

If they ever ended up moving on, they did it together 😌

#kitmas #bbc ghosts #kitty higham #thomas thorne #mari speaks

[mysticwiki]

Okay So today is the last day of Ramadan and i'm up right now for the last sehri, and i wanted to share something fun i've been doing over the course of the month (tho this started like into week 2)

a sourdough starter! i started this on March 24th

one of my best friends gave my sister a bit of their sourdough starter so she (my sis) can make a sourdough focaccia. there was still some starter left in the jar they gave us so i was like... why not feed it more and see what happens? and things definitely happened:

so i pretty much stuck with a 1:1:1 ratio (tho a bit less water at some point) and kept feeding it once a day and it was rising significantly! it rose so much to the point of uh. well. jar almost full, but look at how active it got, these pics were taken on April 4th so in just 12 days it doubled sooo much:

i'd say 12 days to get to this point is fine tbh, especially since the weather kept going from very cold and rainy to mild, so it was never consistent. however i've kept the jar near the stove anyway so it could get some heat when we would cook.

eventually i discarded some to another jar and fed it a bit for my cousin to put in his starter, and then i moved my guy to a bigger jar. my cousin also gave me some of his starter to mix in :) which was nice:

and now finally.... here we are once again, i've made a lot bc i haven't stuck it in the fridge yet to stop its process and it's very active, these pics are from today, April 9th:

so yeah this is where i'm at now! later today i'll finally be using it in a recipe for banana bread with starter, which i'm very excited about 👀 and i'm looking into making some roti with this too after Ramadan

anyway you've made it to the end of this post now, thanks for reading! i hope you enjoyed this sourdough starter Ramadan story 🫡

EDIT: how could I forget to share.... its name is Breadward Jr !!!

#mari speaks #i'm genuinely so proud of how far its come!! #baking #i'm so excited to bake with it now too :) #and i have more than enough to share with more friends who are interested!

[mobbu-min]

guys he wants me so badly 😎

#on another note might post something later #might be a fic or an update #idk yet #twisted wonderland #twst #ace trappola #ace twst #mari speaks

[castletown-cafe]

I’m still here, and still cooking, even though I haven’t been recreating things from Deltarune. I got hyperfocused on fall dishes and drinks starring lovely fall ingredients - and while fall is almost over, there’s still plenty I wanna keep making and practicing. I’ve managed to solidify several recipes, however, I REALLY do not like writing. The recipe portion is the easiest. The less fun part is having to write an entire blog post that introduces it. That’s way less fun for me, I often don’t have ideas. With Deltarune food, it’s way easier since I have the game and characters involved that I can talk about. Not so much with an original project….

Anyway, amongst the fall (and upcoming holiday) related projects, I hope to at least get one more Deltarune inspired recipe for the holiday season. I still haven’t done red Butler Juice yet, and I know exactly what I’m gonna do for it. Not only that, but you’ll meet my Swatchling OC in the picture! I don’t often get to display my Deltarune OCs on this blog, but this is gonna be a great opportunity to do it.

As for Dark Candy, idk when I’m gonna finally attempt that again, but I do hope to attempt Light Candy for a Valentine’s episode. It won’t be chalk candy (cause that’s gross), but I’m hoping I can learn how to work with chocolate better. As it’s now peppermint bark season, now’s a good time to build chocolate-tempering skills so I wind up with candy that looks beautiful and has the proper texture.

Meanwhile, I can share some more of my Flavorfall recipes, though I don’t have pictures for ALL of them. I tried to remember to take pics for most of them, however.

Anyway, been a month, time to give an update.

#mari speaks #update #status update

[mettaloverxx]

HI I know I haven't posted in a while Orr haven't answered any of the requests yet I just got my first job and I've been super busy!! I have stuff cooking up in drafts imma try to post them sometime this month!

In the mean time enjoy this vid of mettaton being parishes by bread 🍞

#mari speaks #not ut imagines