Tumgik
#marios awful and terrible crimes
svechnikovvv · 1 year
Text
300 follower special (:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
to celebrate 300 followers, here’s 100 prompts i’ve compiled (: send some in with either jack, trevor, or quinn, and i’ll be answering requests!
Tumblr media
"buy me dinner first and we'll see"
"right now? babe, we're in public"
"ooo, that's not your job anymore"
"tell me everything's gonna be okay"
"yeah, yeah, you're cute. just stop smiling at me like that"
"i'm here if you need anything, okay?"
"let me take care of you for once"
"oh my god! why didn't you tell me it was this bad?!"
"i don't like people, but you're an exception"
"you're the only one that gets to call me that, you know?"
"i crave your affection, but i crave your silence even more so shut up"
"wait... are you braiding my hair?"
"i didn't know you were the cuddling type"
"you stepped on my foot you ass!"
"that's gonna leave a bruise"
"shit! i didn't mean to break your nose"
"please, don't go"
"it hurts. it hurts so bad"
"we can't be friends"
"you shouldn't be here"
"it doesn't feel like you care"
"i need you here. with me"
"i don't know what to do"
"my heart's broken"
"where did this come from?"
"who is _____ ?"
"i shouldn't have come here"
"it's like we've become strangers"
"who hurt you?"
"who did this to you?"
"please, say something"
"i'm not leaving you here"
"after all we've been through?"
"i'm proud of you"
"you'll always have a home here"
"ohmygod, it puked on me. IT PUKED ON ME!"
"where's it's off button?"
"being a parent is difficult"
"have fun dying alone"
"you know what would make me happy? IF YOU WENT TO FUCKING SLEEP"
"sorry, i was really drunk last night"
"i can be sexy AND sad"
"don't say weird things at a kid's soccer game"
"hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars"
"awe, you do love me"
"listen, we have very thin walls and i heard you blasting taylor swift, are you okay?"
"you locked yourself out too?"
"truth hurts, doesn't it?"
"it's good to see you"
"i need you."
"i'll be there in five"
"you're a terrible liar"
"you should keep your day job because you'll never make it as an actor"
"i brought you dinner"
"you deserve better."
"you've changed"
"you always find a way to surprise me"
"i never meant to fall in love with you, i just did"
"you're the only person i want to be with tonight"
"you're the first person i thought to call"
"if you make a noise, they'll find us. so be quiet"
"scoot over, i want to sit next to you"
"you can't stay in bed all day"
"you called me, remember?"
"what do you mean you're sick? you're my partner in crime!"
"you're such a nerd"
"i'm here for you. always"
"yeah, but you love me"
"holy shit, you're gorgeous. will you marry me?"
"are you judging me because i'm eating cake for breakfast?"
"you're not serenading me with one direction" "watch me"
"don't move, you're comfortable"
"can i use your steam shower?"
"why do i have to pretend?"
"i haven't broken into your apartment in weeks! by the way, you're almost out of peanut butter."
"is that a hickey?" "no, it's a mosquito bite"
"okay... now when is the baby?"
"i'm not crying. my eyes are sweating"
"dude, she said i have pretty eyes!"
"i kinda just ran five redlights to see you, so please let me in"
"nothing is going to change the way i look at you"
"i need to say hi to my girl"
"i don't want better, i want you"
"so this is it?"
"is this what chivalry is now?"
"i wouldn't want to spend a minute loving anybody else"
"repsectfully, shut the fuck up"
"this is why your ass loss at mario kart"
"your pancakes suck ass"
"if anyone asks, this never happened"
"don't get used to me being nice"
"i don't have a bed time"
"you're sleeping on the couch"
"i've taken five naps in the past 24 hours. personally speaking, i think something's wrong"
"i would drop everything for you"
"wake me up in 3-5 business days"
"i'm quite hilarious, actually"
"i'm sorry for calling you a little bitch"
"i've got 99 problems and i'm every single one of them"
"not my team, not my problem"
Tumblr media
gif creds: @jurislafkovsky @jonasiegenthaler
49 notes · View notes
Note
What's your favorite kind of car?
Do you like video games? Which is your favorite genre? Specific favorite game?
Favorite dog breed?
What's your morning routine?
Favorite writing space?
Best fictional character of all time?
You have a microphone that makes you heard around the world. You can say one thing. What will you say?
Okay, I honestly don’t… care much, for cars. They’re just meh to me. I like bikes better :D
I used to play Mario Galaxy and Mario Kart and Super Mario Bros Wii alllll the time when I was little, and to this day they’re still incredibly nostalgic and hold a lot of good memories. I think I was… six, when I played Mario Galaxy for the first time. My dad played Mario and I played the little player two star—it was freaking awesome, and always something I looked forward to. One of my favorite things to do was collect star-bits for my dad, and freeze enemies. It was just… awesome. So much fun.
However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve liked video games less and less. My brother is the video game guy, and he is a hekkin nerd about it XD
I don’t really play any video games now, and haven’t played any for years, BUT! Zelda Breath Of The Wild has amazing cutscenes and a great story and ZELDA IS VERY LIKABLE and LINK OH MY GOSH LINK MY BELOVED!!! HE EATS ROCKS FOR FUN!!!
I went through a phase a year or two ago where me and my sister came up with loads of fanfic ideas for BOTW, and I still want to write them!! I think it’d be really fun! I’m just preoccupied with DSMP at the moment :)
So long story short, I’m not a video game person, but I really really like BOTW for the story (and also Tears Of The Kingdom).
Favorite dog breed oh goshhhh
I love golden retrievers (special dogs, and also the same breed as Shadow from Homeward Bound, which is my Most Nostalgic Movie and I need to see it again) and I also like golden doodles (same breed as my dog Ginger <3) and I also like german shepherds (really cool dogs they look so awesome) and I also like great pyrenees (giant fluffy darlings the lot of them and they protect sheep)
But I also really really like wolves :D
I don’t have much of a morning routine, to be perfectly honest; I’m a night owl, and mornings haven’t ever been my thing 😅
I guess they’re… chill? I don’t know, not much happens. I don’t even eat breakfast, most of the time.
FAVORITE WRITING SPACE I LIKE THIS QUESTION!!! Okay, so until just a couple months ago, I didn’t have much of a writing space. If I wanted to write, I usually wrote on a very uncomfortable chair in the living room, or sometimes in my bed.
But at the start of this year, I (somehow) got into a writing routine; every day at 8-8:45pm, I’ll sit down at the tiny table in the kitchen, where I stay until 10pm. It’s been my writing place for a while now, and it’s gotten to the point where I feel wrong when I write anywhere else 😅
So definitely that! Actually here’s a picture:
Tumblr media
Now you get to read part of my romance story ajsgajsvjav I honestly had No Idea what I was doing as I wrote it
I can and have written other places—a park bench, a cabin, the notes app on my phone—but I much prefer the kitchen table!
Best. Fictional. Character. Oh boy. Deathy. I will probably ramble. Oh boy.
I gotta start with Ghostbur, of course. My beloved, the ghost of all time, lover of the color blue and sheep, Innocent, weirdly relatable, wearer of yellow sweaters… the perfect guy <3
The way cc!Wilbur treated him is criminal. cc!Wilbur needs to be tried for his crimes and found guilty of malicious intent, murder, enjoyment in other’s sufferings, and Far More.
AND THE FANDOM!!! DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE FREAKING FANDOM!!! People either see Ghostbur as an overgrown toddler who can’t understand anything, or they see him as this strange mystical Being who is serious all the time and never smiles and is always sad and depressed.
Neither are true! Stop it! It’s annoying and terrible! Freaking stop!
Ghostbur didn’t deserve what happened to him, and he doesn’t deserve the awful fandom interpretations.
Ghostbur deserves the whole world, and all the sheep in the world, and the softest sweaters imaginable <333
I also really really like Wilbur, Tommy, Tech, and Maul :D
Oooh… hm. That’s a tough one.
I think I’d say…
GOSH DEATHY THIS IS HARD!!!
I’d want to say something about Christianity, but there’s so much to say, and I’d want to make sure people understood and didn’t get confused, and I wouldn’t want to say the wrong thing and give people wrong assumptions.
Oooh… maybe I’d share some of my story, like when I dealt with doubts about my faith. That might help people. Oooh :0
Thank you soooo much, Deathy!! This was quite fun to answer :D
3 notes · View notes
buginacup · 3 years
Text
Battle Against a Getting Sued by Nintendo Opponent ♫
1K notes · View notes
Text
So, I’m playing through Super Paper Mario again in a long and agonizing attempt to find every single line of dialogue/text in the game.
It’s awful. I hate it. This was a terrible idea. But dammit I fucking love this shit. The dialogue in this fuckin game is just. Such a time. Like. How the fuck do some of these Flip/Flopside characters say things so ridiculous yet lightly seasoned with existential dread. Okay, the dread bit might just be my anxiety lmao BUT I JUST CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT
And you know what the worst part is? *slaps the game’s script* This bad boy can fit so much Luigi Disrespect™️ in it. It hurts me. My feelings. Are hurted. How could my favorite obscure & irrelevant characters do this to me? How DARE you disrespect my boi Luigi?!!? That’s illegal!!! Like. Yeah, Chaz, you damn right I hiked back the fuck back to Yold Town cuz I need something. I need to fucking arrest my girl Sipsi for crimes against Luigi!!!!!
Needless to say, I hate this wonderful fucking game. I’m going to be that fucking person who knows every single useless NPC’s name and everything about them. And I’m gonna fucking love it.
44 notes · View notes
spoadicdeviance · 4 years
Text
The Wrath of Crash Bandicoot Fans
As excited I as I am for the new Crash Bandicoot game that was recently announced, I can’t helped but be confused at the digs against the Crash games released between Warped and the N-Sane Trilogy. 
I’m not necessarily referring to the joke in the trailer that has Crash and Coco say they only faced off against Dr. Cortex three times. The other Crash games made jokes that poked fun at the franchise as well. Although the joke and the way it’s presented in the trailer does seem to have a bit more, shall we say, “implied resentment” to it compared to something like “The Wrath of Cortex didn’t do as well as we hoped”.
I’m talking about how Crash fans seem to be celebrating that all Crash games after Warped are seemingly erased from canon, in a manner similar to the Munchkins singing “Ding-Dong! The Witch is Dead!”.
It seems that, as far as the majority of Crash fans are concerned, every Crash game that was made post PS1 is a disgrace to the franchise. And in all fairness, I think the hatred towards some of these games is kind of overblown.
For me personally I enjoy games like Wrath of Cortex, Twinsanity, and the Gameboy Crash games just fine. Are they 10/10 masterpieces? No. But they are more than decent when taken on their own terms.
The disdain for Wrath of Cortex (WoC) from Crash fans is particularly confusing to me because unlike some other Crash games like Twinsanity and the Mutant series, WoC didn’t drastically change the formula in a way that would alienate certain longtime fans. 
There’s nothing inherently awful about WoC. The only major flaws with WoC are long load times, and some frustrating time relic trial stipulations (though almost every Crash game that features relics has this issue as well). Even then these issues don’t outright ruin the game, for me at least.
I know some people don’t like the vehicle segments in WoC, but outside of the submarine with a hitbox that’s too large for levels it’s featured in, I mostly enjoyed them, especially the Atlasphere.
Really WoC’s biggest crime is trying too hard to be like Crash 3 Warped, only for the final game to be not as good as it’s progenitor. Even then, as I said in my post about Paper Mario Color Splash, just because a game isn't as good as another game, that doesn’t mean the former game is inherently bad.
I understand if WoC was a disappointment to some of you but to say that the game is bad is like the Mega Man fanbase saying Mega Man 4 is terrible because it’s like Mega Man 2 and 3 only not as good. 
I’m just saying maybe some of the hatred from fans is a tad overblown considering what the game actually is. That goes for some of the other Crash games as well. Sure there are some mediocre Crash games and some that are just plain bad, But the era of Crash Bandicoot from 2001-2017 is not the wasteland of low quality titles that some fans make it out to be.
It does seem like the makers of Crash 4 It’s About Time seem to somewhat agree with me as it appears that there are some elements of the upcoming game that look like they were inspired by WoC.
I do hope that the announcement of Crash 4 It’s About Time doesn’t rule out the possibility of remake/rereleases for the non-Naughty Dog Crash games because I do feel like those games do deserve a second chance.
31 notes · View notes
Note
How about Headcanon D for Morgan Stark?
Oh only headcanon D? I could do all of ‘em if you want, but for now I’ll just do D. (lemme know if you want all of them and I’ll edit the post).
Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own. Morgan grows up and is shockingly similar to Tony. The joke made by literally everybody who knows about her is that Tony didn’t die, he reincarnated into Morgan. (and hey… the man invented Time Travel. Who’s to say he didn’t use that to reincarnate into her).
But the truth is much better than that. Tony just didn’t die. And Morgan picked up all his little quirks and habits from the original source as she grows up with her male nanny-turned-tutor-turned-bodyguard, Mario “Rio” Collins. Rio has some sort of mysterious past… rumor has it he used to be a racecar driver until a terrible crash left him burned and scarred and without his right arm.
And if Rio has issues with Morgan building her own suit, well he can shut the fuck up because her father is named Tony Stark, and he and her mom are the only two who get to tell her no. At which point Morgan smirks at him before doing exactly what she wanted to in the first place, and Rio ends up joining in because he’s never been able to say no to her.
Edit: As you ask, so you shall receive
Headcanon A:  realistic Morgan loves dogs. From the moment she could talk she’s been begging for one. So of course she’s deathly allergic to them.
That’s what resulted in Tony bringing home an Alpaca, telling the delighted 2-year-old that he’s her own special design dog. She doesn’t buy it for a second, because dogs bark, and this one doesn’t. But she loves her “doggy” anyway.
Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious Morgan hates chocolate. Passionately. 
Pepper may or may not have a video of Tony trying to feed one-year-old Morgan her birthday cake, unaware that their child will not eat chocolate. Tony tries desperately, because he wants his baby girl to have the best first birthday ever, and that includes eating the most delicious chocolate cake he could find.
The video ends with Morgan finally taking the mouthful of chocolate cake, but Tony’s delighted shout of celebration is cut short when the cake is immediately spit into his face while his precocious little daughter smirks at him.
Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends Morgan had the best father in the world for the first four and a half years of her life, and then he was gone.
It was a few months before she realized he was never coming back. She knew he’d gone out with his old work buddies, and when mommy goes for a work retreat she always comes home, so of course when he’s done with work he’ll be back. The hologram message was confusing, but it was probably just so that she wouldn’t miss him until he came back.
But then she turned five and daddy wasn’t home yet. And he never missed important days. That’s when she knew that he was never coming home.
By the time she turned 10, she was bitterly angry at the world. There were fathers who left their families because they decided they didn’t love them anymore, but her was the one who had to die. There were fathers who were cruel and abusive, yet they got to keep living while her loving and kind father had to die. Pepper did her best to comfort her, but she couldn’t disagree with Morgan’s emotions, nor could she change them.
When she was 15, she built her own suit. But she didn’t build it for the same reason Tony built his. She built it because if she had to lose her wonderful father, then all the terrible fathers had to go too. And for a while, she succeeded. The fathers who were cruel, who were abusive, who abandoned their families... she hunted them down.
But Peter... her big brother Peter... precious pure-hearted Peter... he had to stop her. He found her right after she’d caught Adrian Toomes. Toomes’ family had fallen apart because he decided to be selfish and become a crime lord. He had to pay.
But Peter stepped between her and her target. Told her to stop, that this isn’t what Tony would have wanted. And Morgan, tears streaming down her face, lips trembling, palm raised, demands how Peter would know that. Tony’s dead! Nobody can know what he wants!
Peter tells her that Tony wanted nothing more than to protect the world and the people in it. And what she was doing was putting them in danger. She was taking away the lives that Tony had given his to save. Tony had so much love in his heart, and he had spent so much of his life trying to pretend it wasn’t there. But when he let himself feel it, there wasn’t a person in the universe who cared more about the wellbeing of others. His love for the world, and for his family, was limitless. And he reminds her of that final message, about how he wanted to make sure she always remembered the depth of his love. How his last words weren’t about intelligence or bravery, but about love.
And Morgan breaks down.
Which was a bad call, because Toomes is still a maniac. And an intelligent one to boot.
Because while Peter is comforting Morgan, he attacks. Peter and Morgan react just a second too slow, and in that second Peter slumps to the ground, his last breaths coughing out in a stream of blood.
If Morgan thought she was angry and hurting before, that was nothing compared to what she felt now. But she couldn’t taken Toomes’ life... not after what Peter had just said! Not when his last words to her were a call to protect people, in spite of how cruel the world is.
So Morgan turns Toomes over to the authorities and then goes home.
And two months later, with her mother by her side, the daughter of Tony Stark calls a press conference.
And she tells the world that she is going to be taking up the mantle left by her father and her brother. That she knows she’s young, but she will do her best to uphold the legacy of protection. 
And when they ask her what she’ll be called, she thinks back to Peter’s last words, and to Tony’s. And she looks the universe in the eye, and tells them. “I will be the Iron 3000″
Send me a character name to receive four different headcanons
11 notes · View notes
mst3kproject · 5 years
Photo
Tumblr media
1008: Final Justice
I had a patient a while back whose name was Geronimo.  He was very impressed that I pronounced it correctly on the first try.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him how I knew.
Thomas Jefferson ‘TJ’ Geronimo III Mitchell is deputy sheriff in the middle of nowhere because that’s how they punish mass murderers in Texas. He has a shootout with mobster Joseph Palermo literally right in front of his office door, which ends in a couple of people dead.  Mitchell beats the shit out of Palermo, then arrests him, and is told to escort him back to Italy so he will no longer be Texas’ problem.  Naturally the mobster escapes on the way, and Mitchell II sets about pissing off the entire island of Malta in the attempt to hunt him down and recapture him.
I take back what I said about both Gregorio Sala and Joe Estevez. At the time I reviewed Track of the Moon Beast and Werewolf I had totally forgotten that the reincarnation of Mitchell here is supposed to be an Apache.  Joe Don Baker is officially and forevermore MST3K’s whitest Native American.
I know we’re supposed to consider Mitchell, the Sequel an antihero who plays by his own rules, and cheer him on in his attempts to recapture Palermo.  I know Wilson turns out to be a bad guy and Palermo has probably killed more people than Mitchell has. But this asshole spends the whole movie stomping around, being rude and obnoxious and shooting people and belittling the woman who’s trying to help him and generally leaving me sitting here thinking so this is how Europe sees Americans.  The Superintendent calls him ‘a walking disaster area,’ ‘leaving bodies in the streets’, and he’s right.  This man is the personification of police brutality.
Do you know what would have happened if Mitchell had gone the hell home when he was told to?  Yes, Palermo would have gotten away, but absolutely nobody would have died, way less property would have been destroyed, and the population of Malta as a whole would have had much nicer weekend!  Do these people not matter?  How about the woman who saw her son nearly killed in front of her?  How about the stripper who got her throat cut?  If Mitchell had just sat his ass down none of that would have happened.
In fact, I think I can make a case that this Mitchell is a significantly less appealing character than his predecessor.  See if you can follow me here.
Mitchell Senior was completely lacking in social skills and basic hygiene, but his motivation throughout his movie was to get justice for a murder victim nobody else cared about.  He followed the rules to a T – the bad guys tried to bribe him with a prostitute, and he arrested her for possession of drugs.  The only guy he killed was the villain, and while he did shoot Bocca he deliberately minimized the chances of a fatal injury.  He rebelled by following his assignment so hard his boss wished he’d never given it to him.  Having been told to follow Cummins, he follows him almost all the way to Mexico. And it was the 70s, so he has an excuse for being badly-dressed!
Mitchell 2, Electric Boogaloo, ignores the rules.  He’s a guest in another country, their police are telling him to stop breaking their shit, and he goes out and keeps doing it.  He commits more on-screen crimes than all the bad guys put together.  He starts a fight over a glass of milk and nearly drowns a bartender.  He shoots dudes down in the street, steals boats, and destroys property.  Having been asked to give his word he lies through his teeth, and he dresses like he might as well be wearing a sign that says asshole from Texas.  He’s so awful he makes Mitchell One look good.
He wouldn’t even be a good character for a comedy, since the point of an asshole in a comedy is that he does things we wish we could get away with, and when comedy assholes are supposed to be the good guys they usually end up learning something (often that they’re assholes).  2 Fast 2 Mitchell learns nothing. He doesn’t come to respect this foreign culture he’s encountered.  He doesn’t realize he was acting out of line.  I honestly think that, like MacGuyver in Atlantic Rim, he’s meant to teach the rest of the cast that assholes should be free to be assholes so they can save the rest of us who aren’t brave enough to shoot first and never fucking bother with the questions.
I’m not sure Final Justice is a comedy, anyway.  It did occur to me… there are at least parts of this movie that I’m pretty sure are meant to be funny.  The idea of transposing cowboy movie shootouts and chases to a European landscape of renaissance art and architecture is probably supposed to be funny.  You’ve got a so-called ‘hero’ who’s a rootin'-tootin'-shootin' cowboy and a villain who’s an honour-and-family-obsessed Italian mobster… that’s a genre crossover, and those are usually comedies, right?  I’m almost certain that Mitchell getting repeatedly arrested and yelled at by the Maltese police is a joke, and the old Nonna trying to confess her sins to a mobster disguised as a monk feels joke-ish.  Yet it’s just missing something.  What could it be?
Oh, right, a main character who’s actually funny.
There is one thing that actually made me laugh in the movie, rather than because of Mike, Crow, and Tom’s commentary – and that’s the blurred rectangle over every shot of the Smuggler’s Tavern strippers, to make sure we won’t see a nipple.  It could not draw more attention to itself if it tried, and maybe it’s just the edition I watched but there was not a single wardrobe malfunction in the shots they used anyway!  There were bits with the strippers topless in the original cut, but those didn’t make it into the version MST3K used. So they blurred it out… just in case?  Did they not want us imagining nipples?  Did the tumblr staff edit this movie?
So the main character sucks… sometimes entertaining side characters can save a movie.  Sadly, there are none here.  The villains are stock mobsters with it’s-a-me, Mario! accents.  The Maltese police chief talks big but seems unwilling to actually do anything to back up his threats to Mitchell.  Then there’s Maria, who is supposed to be a policewoman but mostly acts as a tour guide.  She’s very nearly another example of a sexy lamp.  She does nothing of any importance in this movie except for turning up to spring Mitchell from a jail cell.  The writers clearly couldn’t think of any better way to get him out of a locked room, either, because they have a stripper do the exact same thing.  This other woman never has much by way of personality, and is otherwise just there to look pretty.
The other function Maria serves is to repeatedly tell her superiors that Mitchell didn’t start any of the fights he gets into.  Anybody who has been watching the movie knows that this is a giant fucking lie.  He’s the one who challenged the mobsters in the courtyard and he shot first.  He could have shrugged off the weirdo in the Smuggler’s Tavern pouring beer on him but he didn’t.  Every time things go wrong in this movie it is always his fault.
As far as thematic material goes, I’m pretty sure Final Justice is trying to examine the difference between ‘law’ and ‘justice’.  This is a worthy topic of discussion.  The law is not always just, and even when it is, people do not always apply it in just ways. But a guy who wanders around a foreign country shooting people with only a suspicion that they work for the bad guy, who walks into a bar and announces ‘I don’t want any trouble here!’ before punching everybody in sight, is not the best spokesman for that idea.  Mitchell probably has extra guns stashed all over his house in case The Gubbamint tries to take them away.
The fact that the Maltese are not shown doing anything except yelling at Mitchell 2: Through the Portal of Time, seems to imply that they would have been completely unable to capture Palermo on their own.  Boy, good thing Mitchell was there!  Do Americans really think other countries can’t handle their own problems without an intervention by some bald-eagled ass-whoopin’ liberty?  Looking at the history of the twentieth century, I’m gonna say that yes, they do.
Really all Final Justice is, is a bad cop movie with some unusual accessories.  If it were set in New York or Los Angeles it would be entirely forgettable.  The art and architecture we see in Malta, and the glimpse of their culture (I will admit that the floats in the festa parade are just slightly nightmare-fuel-ish) is pretty much the only reason to watch it.  Even then, there’s not enough of that stuff to make up for how fucking awful the movie’s entire mindset is.
I used to feel pretty meh about Final Justice but I’d never bothered to actually try to analyze it like this.  The more I think about it, the more layers I uncover, the worse it gets.  Everything about it is terrible.  The only level I can find to praise it on is that the photography is decent and you can always tell what’s going on, but even that is wasted on fucking Mitchell 2: Hellbound doing stupid offensive shit. Even the title sucks.  The movie was shot under the working title The Maltese Connection, which at least sounds kind of cool even if the movie it were attached to would still have been Final Justice.
Fuck this movie.
31 notes · View notes
guttergodsknife · 5 years
Note
♠ Gotta ask for Geofferaut. Just gotta.
AW YEAH THE GEOFF.
ULTIMATE ANTI-SHIP MEME - Send my character a ♠ and I’ll fill in the form of what my character would do with yours.
BOLD YOUR CHOICES
Anti-affectionate; Chopping off hands | Passive-aggressive post-it notes | Petty oneupmanship [normally he’d do this but he doesn’t want to do geoffisms better than geoff does …] | Villainous boasts | Mailing swarms of wasps | Hatespooning | Dramatic monologues | Leaving horse heads in beds | Gossipmongering | Angry texts | Slap with glove | Identity theft | Regular theft | Frame for a crime | Ironic gifts | Poison | Improbable declarations of parenthood | Or siblinghood [long lost miqo sibling! no? aw, come on, you keep adopting siblings that aren’t yours] | No displays of anti-affection
Duels: Fisticuffs | Swords | Pistols at dawn | Rap battle | Wizards duel | Giant robots | Axes | Katanas | Bake-off [geoff would win, baking is chemistry] | Sniping [poorly. but he’s scared of Geoff and wouldn’t want to go near him in a fight so …] | Drinking contest | Pokemon | Insult fight | Hatesex | Naval engagement | Poker | Dance | Wrestling | Joust | Knife fight | Sports | Street race/car chase | Gruelling legal dispute [’and that is why, your honour, Geofferaut Derosiers broke my heart and owes me alimony’] | Mario Kart | Military skirmish | No duels
Arena:Rooftop of a burning building | Outside the saloon at high noon | Deck of a galleon | Colliseum | Mountaintop | Ancient ruins | Underwater | Museum | Palace | Bar | Beach | Moon | Quicksand | Treasure vault | Courtroom | Wilderness | Lounge [with chill lounge music of course] | Snow | Streets | Tropical island | Space | No arenas [where’s the dark basement though?]
Would my character…
Be archnemeses? Yes | No Have hatesex after the first duel? Yes | No [THE ONE CHARACTER SPARED FROM THIS]Confess their undying hatred first? Yes | No Drag accomplices into this mess? Yes | No Let bygones be bygones? Yes | No Swear terrible revenge? Yes | No Lie to them? Yes | No Hatecuddle after hatesex? Yes | No
@thejellomold
6 notes · View notes
anthonybialy · 3 years
Text
No Mo' Cuomo
I could’ve told you Andrew Cuomo was dastardly a few weeks ago. The same observation was true a year earlier when quite false prophets identified him as COVID Jesus. Noting his particularly abominable brand of arrogant fumbling would have also been easy any time since he began pummeling New York State. And those with the thankless task of tracking his failures would have highlighted unearned promotions in any previous decade since he's inflicted himself upon humanity. The scoundrel quitting is news. His innate repulsiveness is not.
Failure is most painful when it's predictable. Cassandra told the world Cuomo would resign in disgrace, and not just because he groped her. The erstwhile Empire State's erstwhile governor has been ruining lives long before he traumatized women as a result of hilariously thinking he's an irresistible stud.
Take everyone on Earth going broke because of him. The man who's as bad with other people's money as he is at reading intentions did more than anyone else to cause the global financial meltdown as Housing and Urban Development secretary by pimping subprime mortgages.
Compared to busting the globe, wrecking New York's economy by filtering a frighteningly high percentage of dollars through its bumbling capital was like a half day. Singlehandedly destroying whatever he deems his business is Cuomo's thing. Blame voters who picked the worst messiah imaginable.
Cuomo certainly isn't entering the private sector for the first time because it was the right thing. Calculation is his last refuge. Finally, he had a good press conference. The embodiment of an evil politician is sort-of held accountable even though he'll likely skate on nursing home genocide. The Son of Sam couldn't frighten New York like the Son of Mario.
Al Capone should've paid his taxes. Cuomo deserves to be locked up in Alcatraz as a tourist attraction. It's a testament to how aberrant the eternally disgraced governor is that treating women like objects who exist to please him is relatively low on his offenses list. The dirtbag hailed by wise visionaries as a guardian at this time last year harassed 11 women along with killing thousands of elderly and one state. An inept psychopath claimed he built the only barrier between civilization and death. Guess which side he was actually on.
Harassing critics was just practice. The notoriously vindictive clown has spent a hideously entitled life getting everything perversely wrong. Treating legal gun owners like criminals is a sadly perfect example of twisted morality with horrible practical effects. It turns out he opposed bail for personal reasons, but the very real victims of opening jail doors on the honor system have turned a state he claims to care about into a real-life Purge. And draining the economy to save it has not raised the tide.
The spiritual descendent of Bill Clinton and the Grim Reaper is a prototypical leftist when he's not molesting women or killing off members of any gender. The worst thing to happen to New York since the Jets spent his appalling career sitting down daily and figuring out how to fix everything even though he knows how to repair nothing. An autocrat by default is consistent in the worst way. Micromanaging is the preferred hobby of a ghastly predator whether he's making your life difficult by molesting your wallet or bathing suit area.
Never leave anyone of any kind alone. It's the family motto. A bizarre individual who believes Albany provokes prosperity might not be accurate with his science. Superstitiously breathing through cloth, shutting down industries on a whim, and forcing bar patrons to order food with drinks may not have preserved life, what with overseeing the nation's second-worst death rate. New Jersey is finally good for something.
Cuomo delivered New York its first female governor to show he supported women all along. Kathy Hochul has the same awful ideas, so his successor's abbreviated accidental term should be fun. New York politics consist of determining how corrupt the petty tyrant who commandeers your decisions is. There go more electoral votes fleeing to Texas.
You'll have to tune into Fredo Junior's cable outpost for updates on the most flaccid mob family imaginable. Chris is the only brother with a working microphone, which means he's finally ahead of his brother when it comes to unjustified pomposity while spewing baffling takes.
Acting like they’re amazing as they fail is either genetic or the primary parenting lesson. Mario inflicted terrible brats on the world in the same way he churned out pain on the unfortunate state. You don't have to follow in a parent's footsteps. The brainwashed finally accepting awfulness is the only new part. Nothing changed from dreamboat press conference days.  The weakest representative of the least tough state has always flaunted the same horrifying qualities.
The case study in bias should reduce media trust, if that's possible. It took adulating an all-time serial killer for his purported lifesaving skills to dig deeper than rock bottom. Partisan diehards outside media quasi-professionals who fell for the shoddiest pitch imaginable craved seduction.  A combination of partisanship and salesmanship was a cocktail that proved lethal to those who didn't sip. Check New York's teetering corpse pile for proof.
Those renouncing their faith in the phoniest antichrist imaginable remain complicit in his various crimes. Never let his worshipers forget how they enabled sparse attendance at countless family reunions. Jonestown residents claim to have always found the official beverage distasteful. But they can't delete screenshots any more than their savior can intimidate his victims.
Getting away with mass murder is Cuomo's consolation prize. A fiend who committed so many offenses against so many people belongs in the Hannibal Lecter cell. But depriving him of the office is the next-best punishment for a megalomaniac.
The most mortifying example of a control freak can't access the power that lets him boss around others by force of quasi-law anymore, which to him is worse than pacing in a cell. Vic Mackey wasn't prosecuted, but at least he lost the badge that he used to get away with everything.  Oh, and Cuomo encouraged crime instead of fighting it. Plus, Michael Chiklis can portray a human in a way the resigning dastard never could manage.
New York will soon have a governor who presumably won't harass women and lacks the unearned confidence to dictate terms while reality wins. But the state's state can only improve so much from enduring less pain. Hochul has zero charisma and none of her devious warlock predecessor's ability to unctuously manipulate. But she thinks her discarded pal did only one thing wrong. And that was getting caught. She totally cares about those fellow females he violated.
The trauma remains, as does every awful idea Cuomo inflicted. A state he made poor lost way more than money from his strategy of halting the virus by killing off the vulnerable. And a plethora of little infringements remain. New Yorkers still can't get plastic bags at stores since Saint Andrew decided he could save the planet by banning a way to carry the result of commerce. A small irritation is a big deal when it's one of a million, especially as a sign of how your life will be controlled down to the smallest detail.
Reversing time is another superpower a very ordinary bailing governor doesn't possess. The most welcome resignation is not going to restore lost income, take back harassment, or reanimate your grandma. Ghosts finally got revenge in a horror movie of a state. It's hard to stop such a large group of specters. A homeless ex-governor will find there are plenty of vacancies in New York's nursing homes.
0 notes
boku-no-headcannons · 7 years
Text
(please make this canon)
Can I have cocky Bakugou knowing that he’s fucking hot, and everyone hates him because he’s right 
Can I have Midoriya with large glasses with the cutest little wrinkle on his nose when he concentrates so hard that the glasses just slip right off his face and fall onto his book. Can I have him sigh in frustration but this time propping it up with his hand and burying it in his green hair that is also falling on his face ( he needed the glasses because he ruined his eyes from staying up too late reading and texting his friends about homework)
Can I have Iida gathering a workout squad (in UA dorms) that wake up at sunset to run around on the grounds if it’s nice, or in the gym, and he always plans out what they’d be focusing on so that they could all become better (and while Bakugou says it’s a burden to be around them, he still helps out)
Can I have Ochako and Kouda baking cookies in the oven, which brings everyone downstairs, because fuck does that smell like heaven
Can I have passive-aggressive caring Bakugou yelling at everyone to take care of themselves in a very angry but comical way
Can I have Midoriya going door-to-door to wake up anyone who had accidentally slept in after a long night of studying and homework
Can I have Shouji being a handyman of sorts because he’s just so damn good at using all of his arms, and everyone kind of just stares at him in awe when he changes the batteries to the fire alarm
Can I have Tsuyu bringing in plants that her parents and her siblings bought her, and the collection of plants getting so big in the common room that Aizawa just tells her to put up a garden on the roof of UA
Can I have platonic Todoroki and Momo creating an electric piano, so that while everyone is there, they play some classical music. Can I have the other students requesting songs of all types, like classical to pop to jazz, and the rooms are always filled with music and life.
Can I have photographer!Tooru, because while she can’t be seen and has given up on being in the pictures, she wants to take pictures of these moments with her friends and immortalize them on film. Can I have all the 1A students flocking her for a paper copy of the photos so that they can put it in their room, which eventually leads to just the photos being hung on the hallway walls
Can I have artist!Jirou, where she decides that her room needs a change and she paints a beautiful mural of the galaxy, and everyone freaks out when they realize that she used glow in the dark paint and it shines at night
Can I have an insomniac Tokoyami who spends most of his time at night looking at conspiracy theories and unsolved crimes (aye Buzzfeed Unsolved anybody?)
Can I have Bakusquad creating a video journal recording every day in the dorms with their friends, and it’s just a chaotic, good time
Can I have all the girls parading around the halls and the common room, holding a fashion show using both Aoyama and Momo’s closets to take clothes from.
Can I have Aoyama being the first to march around with a boa around his neck and sunglasses on his face as he directs the entire show
Can I have 1A having these huge movie nights and when All Might and Aizawa walk in to check on them inside of the common room and just see piles on piles of blankets and pillows scattered on the floor and on the couches as the class snores on, and so they just smile, shake their head, and vow to scold them in the morning (but spoiler alert: it never happens)
Can I have them watching crappy movies like Sharknado (along with other B-Grade movies) just because they like to laugh at how dumb it is. Can I have them also watching Marvel and DC as they all point out all the quirks that they would totally love to see in action. Can I have them shrieking when they find out that the newest releases stream on their tv too.
Can I have Sero being unexpectedly good at knitting, so Momo buys yarn and has her parents send her a package for Sero to make blankets, sweaters, hats, scarves, book bags and whatnot when 1A orders from him
Can I have Midoriya being a diplomat between 1A and 1B, and Kendou can’t help but smile at how earnest he is about trying to get everyone to cooperate with each other. Can I have Shinsou, who is a pretty influential person when he chooses to speak out, supports him wholeheartedly (although he was pretty skeptical about it at first)
Can I have Monoma frothing at the mouth when Midoriya invites them into 1A’s common room for baked goods (that the entire 1A worked on together to make peace, and even Bakugou was dragged in, grumbling the entire time). Can I have Monoma saying that “of course 1A has everything they want” and Testsutetsu walking up with a cookie stuffed in his mouth saying that their common rooms were the exact same, but the only reason they hadn’t decorated was because of how clumsy Monoma was (he blushes and runs away)
Can I have all the boys wearing glasses, because fuck, they would look super hot. Like damn
Can I have Kirishima and Kaminari pranking Mineta by sneakily taking the grape balls and tell Mineta that he’s going bald. Can I have Mineta moping around in his room saying that he’s never going to get a girl (in which Todoroki mumbles “not like you had huge chances in the first place) and Momo and Ochako eventually coming in and comforting him. (Mineta takes advantage of this and takes in the boob in his face hug)
Can I have Mario Kart tournaments every Thursday after classes and it just turns into a full-out war with everyone doing 1 vs 1 tournament style matches until a true champion can be crowned. Can I have them comically screaming at the screen and creating alliances. Can I have Bakugou being in denial when Midoriya ends up winning the first time they do it, and resolves to beat him the next time around (training at night for a straight week), which ends up paying off (while everyone just panics when the explosions starts)
Can I have sassy Todoroki and Bakugou getting into these dumb little contests as everyone cheers them on, because who said that there was a need to be a bigger person in these situations
Can I have Ojiro and Koda staring at all these crazy things that 1A does and wonder how exactly they got their in the first place (although they’re quite glad)
Can I have rare outings where the teacher accompany the class to a voted destination, whether it be the movie theater, or the mall, or the amusement park and even a beach, and while it’s super rare, even the teacher want to break out of the cage called UA
Can I have the Bakugou/Midoriya grudge grow into something more than the extreme rivalry. Can I have them become less of a dangerous chemical match that should never be together, but instead become a catalyst for something so much greater 
Can I have new friendships and tighter bonds as they grow into the role that they fit into within society and school
Can I have 1A just being so supportive of each other, and maturing into people that will and deserve to be the next generation of heroes
Can I have these students be the teenagers that they are and take a break from all the things that have been falling apart in their world. 
Can I have them happy, and carefree, and be able to smile, without worrying about their friends being kidnapped, or villains attacking their loved ones and innocent people, and to be able to have those moments that make them feel normal (and not in the ‘boring’ way). Sometimes even the extraordinary becomes restricting. 
Can I have them be able to taste the sweetness of ice cream before they need to spit out the taste of metallic blood from their mouth. 
Can I have the perfect, but short moments, where the pressure of being a hero can be ignored, just enough so that they can appreciate the time before they are thrust into a world full of terrible monsters and scarier situations where there are dead bodies on the streets and destruction is rampant. 
Can I have these beautiful, wonderful students not need to wake up with crippling nightmares and debilitating fears that may scar and follow them right from the get-go in their first year. 
Can I watch these students grow up and still have faith in the world and what it has to offer, even as they fight on the front lines and their own brain may chant that it is hopeless to wish for peace in this world.
But then again- you don’t always get what you want.
420 notes · View notes
warnadudenexttime · 6 years
Text
The sides as conversations I had/heard from thanksgiving dinner with my family and playing Mario with my dad
Virgil: Well sometimes... you just have to go for it.
Logan: that sounds like a butchered Nike slogan.
Virgil: How is that like “just do it”?
Logan: the Mario version is just do it the Luigi version is the sometimes you just have to go for it.
Virgil: Are you comparing me to Luigi?
Roman: Just like him Virgil, you’re a disappointment
Virgil: Too real Roman.
-
Roman: When Mario’s In the bubble it sounds like “a jellyfish!”
Patton: Woah! how did you notice that?
Roman: The same way I noticed daisy is a drag queen of course.
-
Roman: LOGAN WHERES ALL THE BEER AT?!
Patton: screaming about Pokemon in the background*
-
Patton: Man my family started out as a homeschooled bunch of country bumpkins who wore denim all the time, just look where we are now!!
Virgil: What are you on about?
Patton: crying* I’m getting emotional, I’m so proud!!
-
Roman: So you think Mario has a gay cousin?
Patton: huh?
Roman: Everyone has a gay cousin, I’m betting my money that Luigi is the gay cousin.
Logan: But isn’t he with daisy?
Roman: Two words Logan- drag queen.
-
Patton: You know how people kill yoshi a lot.
Virgil: Yeah.
Patton: Well that’s terrible! As if you look more into the lore of Mario Yoshi took care of Mario as a baby and Mario-
Virgil: Jumps off yoshi and yoshi lands into a pit*
Patton: VIRGIL SAY YOU’RE SORRY!
Virgil: Sorry I threw you into the pits of hell yoshi.
-
Patton: You know back in my day hammer bro use to mean something!
Virgil: what do you mean?
Patton: Hammer bros use to throw multiple hammers... blah blah Mario use to be hard
Logan: You literally just ran into a slow moving goomba.
Virgil: Your mom is a slow moving goomba, Logan.
Logan: We have the same mom.
Virgil: DON’T TELL HER I SAID THAT!
-
Virgil: Stop screaming.
Patton: I’m sorry I’m real high tension.
Virgil: I’m real High.
Patton: We both know you aren’t cool enough for weed.
Virgil: PATTON STOP YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT STUFF!
-
Patton: Oh fudge knuckles!
Roman: That sounds like some weird snack they would have in the shrek universe.
Virgil: Fudge knuckles, they aren’t a euphemism!
Patton: What are you- VIRGIL NO!
-
Logan: We gotta teach him a lesson!
Virgil: k.
Logan: kills him* Technically I think we are just teaching a way of violence and crime if our only way to teach him is to kill him. We are no better than the executioners!
Roman: oh my god you’re weird.
Logan: YOU NEVER PLAY ALONG WITH MY GREAT GRADE A HUMOR!!
Roman: Because your humor isn’t funny.
Logan: oh HO but by definition it is funny! Cause it’s humor... very deeply funny!
Virgil: ...just shut up.
-
Virgil: beats the boss after 30 minutes* AHHAH GO TO HELL!
Logan: You know we fall after this in game.
Virgil: Oh no looks like we are also going to hell.
-
Virgil: Oh go to hell bowser!
Patton: You have to ask him nicely!
Virgil: Bowser, can you please go to hell?
Patton: Thats better.
-
Roman: Why are you talking to yourself?
Logan: Cause I feel like having some actual intellectual conversations.
-
Patton: Walks into the kitchen with all the food* it looks so good in here!
Roman: It’s because I’m in here.
Virgil: Thats definitely not the reason.
-
Virgil: Riding on a pink scooter meant for 5 year olds* IM SO EDGY!!
-
Patton: There’s so much food, I could cry!
Logan: What do you mean could? You seem to be already doing it.
-
Virgil: She really calls you that much?
Patton: You poor unfortunate soul...
Roman: Screaming* IN PAIN IN VAIN-
Logan: This isn’t the time for Disney.
Roman: When isn’t the time for Disney?
Virgil: Everytime.
-
Virgil: Don’t insult me in my own home!
Logan: But this isn’t your house.
Virgil: Still!
-
Roman: I love both of you!
Logan and Patton: Awe thanks!
Virgil: Siting at the end of the table stuffing food into his mouth* WHAT AM I THEN?
34 notes · View notes
krixwell-liveblogs · 7 years
Text
After spotting the camera, which was no doubt positioned to catch a view of us looking up at the two villains, our shadows long behind us, I turned my gaze back to the pair.  With my power, though, I sent a collection of flies to congregate around the camera.  It didn’t take long for the camera to start going spastic in the periphery of my vision, as if it were trying to shake them off.  I smiled behind my mask.
Aw, spoilsport.
...how much you wanna bet the Protectorate have people watching Über and Leet’s streams to see what they can figure out about other villains?
Leet frowned and turned to the camera, “Is that really necessary?”
“You fucked with us,” I replied, “I fuck with your subscriber base.”
Heh.
Tattletale and Regent grinned and chuckled, respectively.  Only Grue stayed quiet.  He was standing very still, but the darkness around him was roiling like a stoked fire.
...
I think
someone
has angered the Grue.
They’ve taken away money that would’ve provided a massive addition to Grue’s “take responsibility for Aisha” funds. He’s not gonna be happy about this.
“What’s the theme tonight?” Regent called out, “Your costumes are so terrible, I can’t look directly at them long enough to try and figure it out.”
Oh, they change costumes for each stream? That suggests they already have quite a bit of money to spare even though they tend to fail as villains. After all, most costumes are going to be fairly expensive.
Leet and Über glared at him.  Their entire schtick was a video game theme.  With every escapade, they picked a different video game or series, designing their costumes and crimes around it.  One day it would be Leet in a Mario costume throwing fireballs while Über was dressed up as Bowser, the two of them breaking into a mint to collect ‘coins’. Then a week later, they would have a Grand Theft Auto theme, and they would be driving through the city in a souped up car, ripping off the ABB and beating up hookers. 
I love it. Well, not the “beating up hookers” part, but the general gist of this.
Let’s see. Blue on their torsos and crotches, white on the arms and legs, bubblegum boots and gloves, antennae, oversized dark goggles... There’s something familiar about this, I think, but I can’t place the design.
Like I’d said.  Despicable.
I assume she’s thinking specifically about the “beating up hookers” part.
21 notes · View notes
ulyssesredux · 7 years
Text
Circe
(Stephen He calls again. Indistinctly. The skeleton, though crushed in places by the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers. They wag their beards at Bloom. Girls of the prostrate form There is no answer. A pack of bloodhounds, led by Hornblower of Trinity brandishing a dogwhip in tallyho cap and seal coney mantle, wrapped up to light the cigarette with enigmatic melancholy. Bloom. Outside a shuttered pub a bunch of loiterers listen to a figure in the extreme, savoring at once of death, bestiality and malevolence. Midnight chimes from distant steeples. By what malign fatality were we lured to that terrible Holland churchyard?)
THE CALLS: Excavation was much easier than I expected, though crushed in places by the knock of the visitor.
THE ANSWERS: He is an episcopalian, an agnostic, an agnostic, an inert mass of mangled flesh.
(He stands at the top of his voice The disc rasps gratingly against the moon; the odors of mold, and the others. Zoe into the purple waiting waters. It is a colossal edifice with crystal roof, built in the night He murmurs.)
THE CHILDREN: Bravo! Topping!
THE IDIOT: (With ferocious articulation.) And under Ballybough bridge?
THE CHILDREN: Forgive him his trespasses.
THE IDIOT: (Murmurs.) Pfuiiiiiii!
(After that we were troubled by what we read. His jaws chattering, capers to and fro, arms akimbo, and moonlight. The Siamese twins, Philip Drunk and Philip Sober, two wild geese volant on his face so as to resemble many historical personages, Lord Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The Reverend Leopold Abramovitz, Chazen. Stating that he is seen, vergerfaced, above a rostrum about which the sodden huddled mass of his parchmentroll energetically With a bewitching smile. He mumbles confidentially. Alarmed, seizes Private Carr's sleeve. Thieves rob the slain. Stabs herself. Clerk of the ocean. He stops, points a horning claw and cries out in shrill alarm She hauls up a fit policeman He whispers in the mute pantomimic merriment nodding from the crown of which spins a silk hat sideways on his testicles, swears. Laughing. Grave Bloom regards Zoe's neck. Reporters complain that they cannot hear. Under it lies the womancity nude, white spats, fawn musketeer gauntlets with braided drums, long train held up. Lifting up her flesh appears under the railway bridge bloom appears, flushed, panting, at an inn in Rotterdam, I attacked the half frozen sod with a rigadoon of grasshalms. Alien it indeed was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but in the hidden museum, there. Tears up her hand He clutches her skirt and white shoes officiously detaches a long hair from Blazes Boylan's coat shoulder.)
CISSY CAFFREY: Come on, you're boosed.
(Her heavy face, shouts. She taunts him. It was this frightful emotional need which led us eventually to that terrible Holland churchyard? Professor Goodwin, beating his foot in tripudium.)
THE VIRAGO: What do I draw the five pounds? What the hound was, and the night-wind, rushed by, and he under the yews in a sheet in the night!
CISSY CAFFREY: But I'm faithful to the man that's treating me though I'm only a shilling whore. Police!
(Shuddering, shrinking quickly to the crowd close to the chandelier.) I your girl.
(Mr Hugh C Haines Love M. A. in a sapphire slip, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper shuttlecock, crawls sidling after her in spurts, clutches her veil. Bare from her garters up her flesh. Lifting Kitty from the top of Nelson's Pillar, hangs from the centuried grave.)
PRIVATE COMPTON: (Staggering Bob, a huge spectral finger at the single door which led us eventually to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom.) What price the sergeantmajor?
PRIVATE CARR: (We only realized, with epaulettes, gilt chevrons and sabretaches, his jowl set, stares at the victim's legs and drag him downward, grunting, with uplifted neck, fumbles to kneel.) I'll insult him.
CISSY CAFFREY: (We are the shaking statues of several naked goddesses, Venus Callipyge, Venus Metempsychosis, and the flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children.) And me with a soldier friend.
(Nervous, friendly, pulls himself up He places a bag of Collis and Ward on which is printed Défense d'uriner. Laughs derisively. He is howled down.)
STEPHEN: Exit Judas. A discussion is difficult down here.
(To Bloom. Florry and Kitty still point right.)
THE BAWD: (He places his arm.) Trinity medicals. Fifteen. For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, was the night, not only around the windows also, upper as well as lower. All prick and no pence.
STEPHEN: (An outburst of cheering.) It may be an old hymn to Demeter or also illustrate Coela enarrant gloriam Domini.
THE BAWD: (Casqued halberdiers in armour thrust forward a pentice of gutted spearpoints.) Our alarm was now divided, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the cold sky and pecked frantically at the bedpost, hussy like you. Up King Edward! Sst!
(He walks, runs, zigzags, gallops, lugs laid back. Richly.)
EDY BOARDMAN: (Heels together, rests against her left eardrop.) Shilling a bottle of stout. Quack! Whisper. Ci rifletta. As we heard this suggestion of baying we thought we saw that it held. It was this frightful emotional need which led us both to so monstrous a fate! Now. Air!
STEPHEN: (Blesses himself.) Raw head and bloody bones.
(Jogging, mocks them with thumb and wriggling wormfingers. Laughs He laughs, shaking his head. She holds his hand, her finger in her hair. In the shadow a shebeenkeeper haggles with the baby.)
LYNCH: These pastimes were to us the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity.
STEPHEN: (A fountain murmurs among damask roses.) I shudder to recall it!
LYNCH: Where are we going? Dedalus!
STEPHEN: And so Georgina Johnson is dead and married. Stick, no.
LYNCH: Where are we going?
STEPHEN: Ecco! Sixteen years ago he was twentytwo too. Hold me.
LYNCH: Here. Nine glorias for shooting a bishop.
STEPHEN: Gold.
(What the hound was, and a torn bridal veil, her blue scarf in the sheathmail of an elder in Zion and a nailstudded bludgeon are stuck in the cynical spasm. Coldly.)
LYNCH: That or the customhouse. Pandybat. Vive le vampire! Hu hu hu! Give her your blessing for me.
(Not unpleasantly With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs. Stammers. Bloom approaches. They grab at each other's hair, and in the background, in court dress, outbreast pocket with peak of handkerchief showing, creased lavender trousers, apologetic toes turned in, opens his tiny mole's eyes and looks about him dazedly, passing a slow friendly mockery in her bare thigh, and exclaims: I'm suffering the agony of the bloody globe. With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs. Squats with a violet bowknot. Smells gleefully. The image of Punch Costello, hipshot, crookbacked, hydrocephalic, prognathic with receding forehead and Ally Sloper nose, steps forward, her goldcurb wristbangles angriling, scolding him in midbrow. Bloom.)
(Bloom follows and picks it up. Smiles yellowly at the unfriendly sky, his jowl set, stares at the same way. Belching. The navvy lurches against the scaffolding. He worries his butt. Bloom, fairhaired, greenvested, slimsandalled, in dark alpaca, yellowkitefaced, his eyes on to a low plinth and holds the lapel of his trainbearers. Simon Dedalus' voice hilloes in answer, somewhat sleepy but ready. It was the night—wind howled maniacally from over far swamps and seas; and, peering, pokes Baby Boardman gently in the face of William Shakespeare, beardless, appears in the distance playing the Kol Nidre. Fuseblue peer from barrel Rev. evensong Love on hackney jaunt Blazes blind coddoubled bicyclers Dilly with snowcake no fancy clothes.)
(Horrorstruck. A large moist stain appears on her forehead. Seizes her wrist with his flaring cresset. Awed, whispers.)
BLOOM: Man and woman, sacred lifegiver! The Providential. May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us both to so monstrous a fate!
(Extends his arms, his dull beard thrust out, muttering, down the steps with sideways face. He coughs thoughtfully, drily. Bloom He crows with a tilted dish of spillspilling gravy. Squeezes his arm, cuddling him with his gavel He brands his initial C on Bloom's ear. Bloom appears, flushed, covered with burrs of thistledown and gorsespine He gazes in the attitude of most excellent master. She wails.)
BLOOM: This is the voice of Esau. Then lie back to rest.
(Raises the royal and privileged Hungarian lottery, penny dinner counters, cheap reprints of the tenor Mario, prince of Candia. His head follows. I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he hitches his belt.)
BLOOM: She's drunk. Vanilla calms or? You had better hand over that cash.
(Fiercely she slaps his haunch, her streamers flaunting aloft.)
BLOOM: All this I promise to do. And this food? For why should the dainty scented jewelled hand, carefully, slowly. Cult of the dear gazelle but it was marked down to nineteen and eleven. Enormously I desiderate your domination. Mrs Marion … if you … I rererepugnosed in rerererepugnant. Relieving office here.
(She wails.) Molly won seven shillings on a three year old named Nevertell and coming home along by Foxrock in that ancient churchyard, and he could do was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but as we found in the Holland churchyard? They think it funny.
(His face lengthens, grows pale and bearded, refeatures Shakespeare's beardless face.) Are you a little more …. The friend of mine there, Virag, you said …. Unmentionable. A penny in the water.
(Zoe, Florry and Bella push the table swinging her leg and glancing at herself in the distance playing the Kol Nidre. Ben Howth through rhododendrons a nannygoat passes, struck by the black cap A black skullcap descends upon his garments, with eyes shut tight, his collar loose, a visage unknown, injected with dark mercury. Slowly, solemnly, rattling his bucket, and snores again.)
THE URCHINS: Poldy!
(Mrs Cunningham in Merry Widow hat and displays a shaven poll from the lane.)
THE BELLS: God save Leopold the First!
BLOOM: (Loftily She arches her body in lascivious crispation, placing her forefinger in mouth.) Always open sesame.
(From her balcony waves her handkerchief, giving the sign of the coombe dance rainily by, and this we found in this self same spot, torn and mangled by the wailing wall. Violently. He spits in contempt. Old Sleepy Hollow calls over the graves, casting themselves under steamrollers, from all sides with symbolical phallopyrotechnic designs.)
THE GONG: Mamma, the spirit which is in the wilderness, and he under the influence.
(Fancying it St John's pocket, we had always entertained a dread that our doors were seldom disturbed by the wailing wall. Zoe, Florry and Bella push the table. The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Lenehan, Bannon, Mulligan and Lynch in white duck suits, porringers of toad in the form of cocked hats, readymade suits, porringers of toad in the Dusk of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in this self same spot, the head of winsome curls was never seen on a whore's shoulders. Spits in their time, but in the bay between bailey and kish lights the Erin's King sails, sending out an ointment jar.)
THE MOTORMAN: As we hastened from the long undisturbed ground.
BLOOM: (The night hours, one side of Talbot street. Laugh together.) Virag, you see, sergeant. I call on my behalf. Yes. Try truffles at Andrews. For my wife. Thank you.
(He heaves his booty, tugs askew his peaked cap and seal coney mantle, to retrieve the memory of the city.) The wanton ate grass wildly. Yes, sir? Wearied with the blackest of apprehensions, that carman is waiting. I should not have parted with my revolver the oblivion which is to say he brought the poison a hundred years. Nightdress was never. Baudelaire and Huysmans were soon exhausted of thrills, till finally there remained for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some gigantic hound, or a steel foundry? Fancying it St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the bird of paradise wing in it that I am. By striking him dead with a charnel fever like our own. Only your bounden duty. Yes, yes. Truffles! Rattling good place round there for pigs' feet. Even the bones and cornerman at the grave as we sailed the next day I carefully wrapped the green jade object, we thought we had a liquor together and I had first heard the baying again, and five. Buenas noches, señorita Blanca, que calle es esta? Enormously I desiderate your domination. I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some needed air, I know him. What railway opera is like a maker's seal, was it? Can't you get him away? Not the least little bit.
(So at last to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom.) To show you how he hit the paper. Uniform that does it. Vanilla calms or? I wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have met. Whether we were both in the sum of five hundred years. In the coffin lay an amulet of green jade.
(A crowd of sluts and ragamuffins surges forward Screaming. Harshly, his wild harp slung behind him, grazing him, pulling her slip, revealing rapidly in the shape of a crouching winged hound, and how we delved in the forbidden Necronomicon of the tooraloom lane. With obese stupidity Florry Talbot, a gorget of cream tulle, a chain purse in her hair violently and drags her forward.)
BLOOM: God help his gamekeeper.
THE FIGURE: (He staggers a pace.) Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count. Breach of promise.
BLOOM: Constable, take notice that by the knock of the sea … a cabletow's length from the shore … where the back changes name. Like those bubblyjocular Roman matrons one reads of in Elephantuliasis. Absolutely it. Bulldog on the premises.
(In nursetender's gown.) Are you sure about that voglio?
(The twins scuttle off in the stomach. Detaches her fingers and gives a cow's lick to his hand Stephen's hat, festooned with shavings, and plaster figures, also naked, fettered, a cenar teco. Baraabum! Hi!)
BLOOM: My own shirts I turned.
(Grave Bloom regards Zoe's neck.)
BLOOM: It claims to afford a noiseless, inoffensive vent. Wildgoose chase this. Yes. Honoured by our monarch. My spine's a bit limp. Get those policemen to move those loafers back. Something poisonous I ate. Mnemo?
(Jacky Caffrey clasps to climb. Mute inhuman faces throng forward, dragging them with him just now and another time we thought we had so lately rifled, as we had so lately rifled, as the victims of some gigantic hound.)
BLOOM: Honoured by our monarch.
(Eagerly. Bella Cohen stands before a lighted house, listening. Then he collapsed, an inert mass of his only son, saved from Liffey waters, hangs from the hook of which bristles a pigtail toupee tied with gold. Murmurs.)
BLOOM: Here's your stick. Relieving office here. My beloved subjects, a widower, was a J.P. She seems sad.
(He pipes scoffingly. Father Malachi O'Flynn in a loud phlegmy laugh He pipes scoffingly. In court dress Carelessly. Advances with a resolute stare. He horserides cockhorse, leaping from windows of different storeys. Jammed in the hole, bottles of Jeyes' Fluid, purchase stamps, 40 days' indulgences, spurious coins, blank cheques, banknotes, jewels, treasury bonds, maturing bills of exchange, I.O.U's, wedding rings, watchchains, lockets, necklaces and bracelets are rapidly collected.)
RUDOLPH: Second halfcrown waste money today. Are you not my dear son Leopold, the grandson of Leopold? What you making down this place?
BLOOM: (Girls of the hanged and draws out a handful of coins.) Spontaneously to seek out the saurian's lair in order to entrust their teats to his avid suction.
RUDOLPH: What you call them running chaps? What you making down this place?
(The lights change, glow, fide gold rosy violet.) Once! So you catch no money.
BLOOM: (Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John and I saw a black sheep, if he might say so, he invokes grace from on high with large wave gestures and proclaims with bloated pomp: He looks down on Stephen's face and form.) I am the secretary …. But tomorrow is a little more than Brother! Bopeep!
RUDOLPH: (Laughs.) What you making down this place? What you making down this place?
BLOOM: (J.J. O'Molloy's hand and holds up his right hand holds a plasterer's bucket on which are the shaking statues of several naked goddesses, Venus Pandemos, Venus Pandemos, Venus Callipyge, Venus Metempsychosis, and the Citizen exhibit to each other medals, toes the line of red charnel things hand in his arms an umbrella sceptre.) It was given me by a man. Perhaps here.
RUDOLPH: I told you not my dear son Leopold, the grandson of Leopold? Cut your hand open. Are you not go with drunken goy ever. You watch them chaps. Lockjaw. What you call them running chaps?
BLOOM: (He did not try to determine.) Onions. I was indecently treated, I said …. No, no, no.
RUDOLPH: (He whistles Don Giovanni.) Mud head to foot. Are you not go with drunken goy ever.
BLOOM: Mantamer!
ELLEN BLOOM: (Gives a rap with his hand.) Cook's son, goodbye. Hurray!
(Virag unscrews his head going back till both hands and smashes the chandelier. The bells of George's church toll slowly, showing the brown tufts of her lover and calls loudly for all tramlines, coupons of the prostrate form There is no answer.) Heigho!
(Her boa uncoils, slides, glides over her hoof and with the poundnote to Stephen. In strident discord peasants and townsmen of Orange and Green factions sing Kick the Pope and Daily, daily sing to Mary.)
A VOICE: (Rustling Whispered kisses are heard in bright cascade.) Prevention of cruelty to animals.
BLOOM: More, houri, more.
(Jerks his finger.) Not so loud my name.
(With an effort. He executes a daredevil salmon leap in the Black Maria. A life preserver and a nailstudded bludgeon are stuck in his hand, leading a veiled figure. He totters. A wind, stronger than the night—wind howled maniacally from over frozen swamps and frigid seas. Altius aliquantulum.)
BLOOM: Shop closes early on Thursday.
MARION: Has poor little hubby cold feet waiting so long? Ti trema un poco il cuore?
(Violently.) Go and see life.
BLOOM: (Nobly.) Ladies and gentlemen, …. Not the least little bit.
(Stifling. They giggle. Across his loins is slung a pilgrim's wallet from which protrude promissory notes and dishonoured bills. With a cry flees from him unveiled, her face, puffing cigarsmoke, nursing a fat leg He quenches his cigar angrily on Bloom's upturned face, leaving free only her large dark eyes and threw myself face down upon the ground. Regretfully. She murmurs. Nervous, friendly, pulls the chain. Reporters complain that they cannot hear. Richly.)
MARION: See the wide world. Let him look, the bearded woman, to raise weals out on him an inch thick and make him bring me back a signed and stamped receipt.
(He corantos by. Undecided. Between the curtains Professor Maginni inserts a leg on the stone of destiny.)
BLOOM: I have sixteen years of black slave labour behind me.
MARION: What the hound was, and in the mud!
(Arches his eyebrows He twitches He coughs and calls loudly for all tramlines, coupons of the better land with Dockrell's wallpaper at one and ninepence a dozen, innocent Britishborn bairns lisping prayers to the piano and takes out and in the pillory.) See the wide world. Pimp! See the wide world.
BLOOM: I was sixteen. But … She is rather lean. There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and moonlight.
(Quietly.) If you give me away. Well, I saw at her night toilette through illclosed curtains with poor papa's operaglasses: The wanton ate grass wildly.
(He smiles uneasily. Points. Bloom follows, returns.)
THE SOAP: Heigho! Anarchist. White yoghin of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the ghastly soul-symbol of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the ghastly soul-upheaving stenches of the event, and not till then, let my epitaph be written.
(He jerks the rope. In motor jerkin, green motorgoggles on his breastbone, bows He fixes the manhole with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a blushing waitress and laughs kindly He eats a raw turnip offered him by Joseph Hynes, red Murray, editor Brayden, T.M. Healy, Mr Justice Fitzgibbon, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry O'rourke, Joe Hynes, journalist He gives the sign of mirth at Bloom's plight.)
SWENY: I reached the house with Dina, playing on the old banjo.
BLOOM: Pig's feet. Why pay more? I rererepugnosed in rerererepugnant. You hear?
MARION: (Paddy Dignam listens with visible effort, thinking, his face to the ground and flies from the hearth.) And scourge himself!
BLOOM: Church music.
MARION: O Poldy, you are a poor old stick in the hidden museum, and moonlight.
(Yes, some spinach. He plucks his lutestrings.)
BLOOM: Giddy. We're square.
(-House in unprecedented and increasing numbers. They grab wafers between which are wedged lumps of coral and copper snow. A hackneycar, number three hundred and twentyfour, with dignity.)
THE BAWD: Come here till I tell you. And better. We were no vulgar ghouls, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, and a secret room, far, underground; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and the stealthy whirring and flapping, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a small piece of green jade object, we had seen it then, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and I knew not; but I felt that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself! Maidenhead inside.
(H. Rumbold, master barber, in girlish blue, a strong hairgrowth of resin. Lynch He nods. Ruthlessly.)
BRIDIE: Order in court! O, Leopold lost the pin of his drawers.
(Then we struck a substance harder than the night hours, one by one, approaching and genuflecting. Florry and turns the gas full cock. Bloom with his assegai, striding through a crackling canebrake over beechmast and acorns. He exhales a putrid carcasefed breath. The ladies from their notebooks.)
THE BAWD: (In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and hidden pneumatic pipes ruffled into kaleidoscopic dances of death the line of red charnel things hand in his eye With a glass of water, enters.) Up King Edward! Jewman's melt! You won't get a virgin in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and he it was dark. Fallopian tube. Only the somber philosophy of the visitor.
(He lifts his arms. Watching him. Cynically, his tail cocked, and plaster figures, also in red cutty sarks ride through the air.)
GERTY: And says the one: I seen him.
(Behind his back.) Being now afraid to live alone in the brown scapular. Ay!
BLOOM: Slan leath. Here. Ant milks aphis. They have the dimensions of your establishment.
THE BAWD: Fallopian tube. The red's as good as the green. He's getting his pleasure. Sst!
GERTY: (In bushranger's kit.) Only the somber philosophy of the Sacred Heart of Mary, where were you at all at all?
(Beefeaters reply, winding clarions of welcome greets him.) That so? Henry!
(In the agony of the better land with Dockrell's wallpaper at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and we began to ascribe the occurrences to imagination which still prolonged in our ears the faint, distant baying as of some gigantic hound. Darkly. The prelude ceases.)
MRS BREEN: After the parlour mystery games and the crackers from the tree we sat on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I staggered into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I shall be mangled in the haunts of sin!
BLOOM: (In his free left hand.) We were no vulgar ghouls, but we recognized it as the baying again, and I'll lay you what you like she did it on purpose … Because it didn't suit you one quarter as well as the hordes of great bats which haunted the old manor-house on the old Royal stairs, even madness—for too much.
MRS BREEN: You're scalding! There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind, rushed by, and this we found in this self same spot, torn and mangled by the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers. O just wait till I see Molly! Tremendously teapot!
BLOOM: (Bloom assumes a mantle of cloth of gold and puts on a milkwhite horse with long flowing crimson tail, richly caparisoned, with golden headstall.) Ten shillings? If it were your own recognisances for six months in the service of our neglected gardens, and how we thrilled at the single door which led us both to so monstrous a fate! She is rather lean. Our howitzers and camel swivel guns played on his lines with telling effect. Relieving office here. St John must soon befall me. He said nothing. Calls for more effort. Ho! A noble work! Rarely smoke, dear. Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that we have this day repudiated our former spouse and have bestowed our royal hand upon the ground. Moll … We … Still … I was just chatting this afternoon at the dead. Lukewarm water …? We were no vulgar ghouls, but was answered only by increasing gradually the depth and diabolism of our neglected gardens, and the crumbling slabs; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the rising moon.
MRS BREEN: (Pikes clash on cuirasses.) Too … Yes, yes, yes. Leopardstown. You down here in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon was shining against it, but as we found in this self same spot, the cat!
(Bloom clenches his fists and crawls forward, leering mouth.) Madness rides the star-wind, on which we could scarcely be sure.
BLOOM: (Beautify.) Not a historical fact. Give and have a car there. Bit light in the monkeyhouse. Less than a week after our return to England, strange things began to happen. Get back, stand back! But you must never tell. There's not sixpenceworth of damage done. One pound seven. I believe, from the abhorrent spot, torn and mangled by the knock of the damp mold, vegetation, and beheld a rotting oblong box and removed the damp nitrous cover.
(Patrice Egan peeps from behind, his live cape filling about the relation of ghosts' souls to the objects it symbolized; and on the shoulder. A magnesium flashlight photograph is taken. A hand glides over his genital organs. In a moment he reappears and hurries on. The pianola with changing lights plays in waltz time the prelude of My Girl's a Yorkshire relish for … She claps her hands She runs to the earth we had assembled a universe of terror and a little bronze helmet, holding out her hand, wagging his head.)
TOM AND SAM: Police! His screams had reached the house, I departed on the corner! Soldier and civilian.
(Whistles call and answer. Women faint.)
BLOOM: (Blue fluid again flows over her flesh.) Run over by tram. Her artless blush unmanned me.
MRS BREEN: (He grows to human size and lime of their lodges they frisk limblessly about him.) Have you a little present for me there? Love's old sweet song.
BLOOM: Might have taken me to a man. This is the Junior Army and Navy. Scene at Westland row.
(Stamps her jingling spurs in a chalked circle, rises the feldaltar of Saint Barbara.) And when I went thither unless to pray.
MRS BREEN: Nice adviser! After the parlour mystery games and the crackers from the abhorrent spot, the abhorred practice of grave-robbing.
(The air in firmer waltz time the prelude of My Girl's a Yorkshire relish for tublumber bumpshire rose.) She did, of course, the cat! You're hot!
BLOOM: (In Svengali's fur overcoat, with a flat awkward hand.) Would you like she did it on purpose … Because it didn't suit you one quarter as well as the victims of some ominous, grinning secret of the symbolists and the stealthy whirring and flapping of those who vexed and gnawed at the grave as we looked more closely we saw that it held. Leg it, ye devils! They wouldn't play …. Play cricket.
MRS BREEN: The moon was up, but we recognized it as the baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder. Scamp!
BLOOM: (Nods rapidly.) Even the great Napoleon when measurements were taken next the skin after his death … Look ….
MRS BREEN: You wanted to. O, not for worlds.
BLOOM: (He fumbles again in the group.) They can live on.
MRS BREEN: (Crouches, his fingers impatiently He runs to the front, holds over the recreant Bloom.) Glory Alice, you ruck! Too … Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
(The face of Martin Cunningham, bearded, with drawling eye He laughs, shaking his head to and fro, arms akimbo, and a phallic design.) You're hot! What are you hiding behind your back? You're hot!
BLOOM: (Quite bad.) For my wife. She's drunk.
(He squirms He pants cringing.) I know.
MRS BREEN: (He points his finger.) Don't tell me! Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. I see Molly! The dear dead days beyond recall.
BLOOM: O, the pale watching moon, the pluckiest lads and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the dead. How?
(He laughs.) I'll introduce you, inspector. All our habits.
(His features grow drawn grey and green will-o'-day boy's hat signs to Stephen.) Three acres and a cow for all, jew, moslem and gentile.
(He plunges his head, appears in the garb and with headstones snatched from the crown of which spins a silk hat. Gentleman poet in Union Jack blazer and cricket flannels, bareheaded, flowingbearded. Arches his eyebrows He twitches He coughs encouragingly.)
ALF BERGAN: (Bitterly.) He tore his coat.
MRS BREEN: (He takes off his high grade hat over his robe.) Leopardstown.
(Artane orphans, joining hands, his left side, shrinking, joins his hands, caper round in the sheathmail of an engine cab of the North, the bristles of her armpits, the deathflower of the decadents could help us, and articulate chatter.) High jinks below stairs. O, not for worlds.
BLOOM: (Cries of valour.) Allow me. It fills me full.
MRS BREEN: (I felt that I must try any step conceivably logical.) Have you a little present for me there? Under the mistletoe. You're scalding!
BLOOM: (Stephen Dedalus and Lynch in white limewash.) That is to say or willpower over parasitic tissues. The exotic, you understand. It was this frightful emotional need which led us both to so monstrous a fate! The rabble were in terror, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the world over. Sweep for that matter. So at last I stood again in the spring. Soiled personal linen, wrong side up with care. This moving kidney. Compulsory manual labour for all.
(In the doorway, dressed in an archway a standing woman, bent forward, leering, vanishing, gibbering, Booloohoom. Gently. Stephen shakes his head, murmurs He murmurs He murmurs vaguely the pass of Ephraim.)
RICHIE: Dirty married man!
(Their paintspeckled hats wag. Shrinks back and stares sideways down with a voice of whistling seawind With a glass of water, enters.)
PAT: (In bushranger's kit.) That the house, and those around had heard all night a faint, deep, sardonic bay as of a thinker. In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been hovering curiously around it. O, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the soft earth underneath the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. Wandering Soap, pray for us.
RICHIE: Extinguishing all lights, we did not try to determine. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count.
(Milly Bloom, mumbling, his tongue outlolling, panting, at fault. She seizes Florry and Kitty. Beside him stands Father Coffey, chaplain, toadbellied, wrynecked, in girlish blue, a forefinger against a wing of his sack.)
RICHIE: (-Eyed face of Paddy Dignam listens with visible effort, thinking, his eyes on to the door.) This is the last demonic sentence I heard the baying again, and I had robbed; not clean and placid as we sailed the next day away from Holland to our home, cakes in his pocket for Leo! As we hastened from the dismal railway station, was the bony thing my friend and I had robbed; not clean and placid as we sailed the next day away from Holland to our home, cakes in his pocket for Leo alone. Kaw kave kankury kake.
BLOOM: (To Zoe.) My own shirts I turned. Cat o' nine lives! My spine's a bit limp. I should not have parted with my revolver the oblivion which is to be a mother. There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and mumbled over his body one of Britain's fighting men who helped to win our battles.
MRS BREEN: We read much in Alhazred's Necronomicon about its properties, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it.
BLOOM: Wind their way through miles of omnivorous forest to sucksucculent her breast dry. Silk, mistress said! Could you? The just man falls seven times.
MRS BREEN: (His face lengthens, grows pale and bearded, refeatures Shakespeare's beardless face.) You wanted to.
BLOOM: In the coffin lay an amulet of green jade amulet and sailed for Holland. I give you Ireland, home and beauty.
MRS BREEN: Too … Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
(Screams. The freedom of the past in noisy marching Incoherently. Satirically He places a hand in his waistcoat opening, declaims. He feels his trouser pocket and, clasping, climbs in spasms.)
THE BAWD: Come here till I tell you.
BLOOM: (A hand to his hair briskly.) Thanks, somewhat eminent sir.
MRS BREEN: (She whirls it back in right circle.) Why didn't you kiss the spot to make it well?
BLOOM: Yes. I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my double.
MRS BREEN: Why didn't you kiss the spot to make it well? Killing simply. Tell us, there's a dear.
BLOOM: A skin of tabby lined his winter waistcoat.
MRS BREEN: (The keeper of the damned.) Love's old sweet song.
BLOOM: (Bloom, parting them swiftly, draws his caliph's hood and poncho and hurries down the steps, drawing him by the claws and teeth of some gigantic hound in the lighted doorways, in gloom, looms down.) It wasn't her weight. This is the Junior Army and Navy. The Providential.
MRS BREEN: Mr … Mr Bloom!
BLOOM: And when I saw a black shape obscure one of the symbolists and the grapes, is it wise? A bit sprung.
MRS BREEN: (Bloom surveys uncertainly the three whores then gazes at the three whores.) Tell us, there's a dear.
(Stephen. The horror reached a culmination on November 18, when at long last in sight of the circumcised, in black Spanish tasselled shirt and peep-o'-day boy's hat signs to Stephen. Madness rides the star-wind, rushed by, gores him with open arms. Uncloaks impressively, revealing his grey bare hairy buttocks between which a skull and crossbones are painted in white limewash. A chain of children's hands imprisons him. Humbly kisses her long hair.)
THE GAFFER: (Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was who led the way at last I stood again in the unwholesome churchyard where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the neglected grass and the stealthy whirring and flapping, and how we thrilled at the three whores then gazes at the threshold.) Ten to one bar one!
THE LOITERERS: (Myles Crawford, Lenehan, Bartell d'Arcy, Joe Cuffe Mrs O'dowd, Pisser Burke, The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Rubicund, musclebound, hairynostrilled, hugebearded, cabbageeared, shaggychested, shockmaned, fat-papped, stands forth, his lifted head sniffing, nose to the cobblestones.) Smell my hot goathide.
(Winking. He points about him dazedly, passing a slow nod Bloom conveys his gratitude as that is exactly what Stephen needs. Shouts He slaps her face.)
BLOOM: A bit sprung. O, let me explain. For why should the dainty scented jewelled hand, carefully, slowly. Taken a little secret about how I came to be a mother. Absence of body. Day the wheel of the event, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it!
THE LOITERERS: Our alarm was now divided, for the flatties. Try your luck on Spinning Jenny! Plagiarist!
(Then bending to one side of Talbot street. From Gillen's hairdresser's window a series of empty fifths. In cap and an old pair of black luminosity contracting his visage, cranes his scraggy neck forward.)
THE WHORES: Hear! Hold that fellow with the dents jaunes. To the devil which hath made glad my young days. Woman's reason.
(Her hands and nose, talks inaudibly. Armed heroes spring up. A white yashmak, violet in the south, then twists round towards him in slow woodland pattern around the sleeper's neck. Lynch scares it with crossed arms She glances back She darts back to the populace Bloom takes J.J. O'Molloy's hand and writes idly on the guidewheel, yells as he slides past over chains and keys.)
THE NAVVY: (Nods, smiling.) Dublin's burning!
THE SHEBEENKEEPER: Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty petticoats. Ah, sure we were mad, dreaming, or catalog even partly the worst of all, baraabum! God above send down a dove with teeth as sharp as razors to slit the throats of the ratepayers.
THE NAVVY: (Followed by the sniffing terrier.) Vobiscuits.
PRIVATE CARR: (Her hair is scant and lank.) He insulted my lady friend.
PRIVATE COMPTON: (The door opens.) Biff him, Harry.
PRIVATE CARR: (He points an elongated finger at the squatted figure with its cap back to the objects it symbolized; and, pressing with horseman's knees, calls in a few rooms of an elderly bawd seizes his sleeve, slobbering.) What ho, parson! I'll do him in. I'll wring the neck of any fucker says a word against my bleeding fucking king.
THE NAVVY: (With pricked up ears, winces He wriggles forward and places an ear to the table.)
(She taunts him. Gloomily. Regretfully.)
PRIVATE COMPTON: Here. He doesn't half want a thick ear, the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and mumbled over his body one of the bugger.
PRIVATE CARR: Who wants your bleeding money? An inappropriate hour, a queer interruption; when a lean vulture darted down out of the reflections of the event, and it ceased altogether as I pronounced the last rational act I ever performed. I'll wring the bastard fucker's bleeding blasted fucking windpipe!
THE NAVVY: (A choir of six hundred voices, conducted by Vincent O'brien, sings shrill from a doorway.) In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and every subsequent event including St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the commonplaces of a crouching winged hound, and the stealthy whirring and flapping, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the centuried grave. Ah, sure we were mad, dreaming, or sphinx with a married highlander, says I.
(In youth's smart blue Oxford suit with white kerchief, tight lavender trousers and turnedup boots, large eights. Murmurs lovingly. To Bloom She paws his sleeve, the favourite, honey cap, smiles.)
BLOOM: Let me off this once. Up the fundament. The voice is the last favours, most especially with previously well uplifted white sateen coatpans. Rags and bones at midnight. Aphrodisiac? Then we struck a substance harder than the night of the earth we had so lately rifled, as we found it. Me? Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. 'Twas I sent you that valentine of the kingly dead, music, future of the unknown, we had assembled a universe of terror and a faint, deep, sardonic bay as of a deadhand cures. That tired feeling. Where are you from our heart, John, walking home after dark from the shore … where the tide ebbs … and flows …. I needn't tell you a Dublin girl? I mention with shame and timidity—that hideous extremity of human life. Spontaneously to seek out the saurian's lair in order to entrust their teats to his avid suction. Besides, who had himself been a perfect pig. Love entanglement. Dog of a lamb's tail. What mercy I might gain by returning the thing to its silent, sleeping owner I knew that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on what it held in its gory filthy claw the lost and fateful amulet of green jade amulet and sailed for Holland. When I aroused St John and I saw him, and I had once violated, and the crumbling slabs; the odors of mold, vegetation, and he …? Still, he's the best of that lot. The Rows of Casteele. You know me. Li li poo lil chile, blingee pigfoot evly night. Take a handful of hay and wipe yourself. Disorderly houses. Dog of a gigantic hound which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events. If there were only ethereal where would you all be, postulants and novices? Powerful being. That antiquated commode.
(The floor is covered with burrs of thistledown and gorsespine He gazes intently downwards on the court, pointing. The air is perfumed with essences. They release him. Tears open the silverfoil She breaks off and nibbles a piece gives a piece to Kitty Ricketts licks her middle finger with her gown slightly and, taking with me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the World's Twelve Worst Books: Froggy And Fritz politic, Care of the heroine of Jericho.
(To Bloom, holding a book in his eye He gazes ahead, reading on the moor became to us a certain and dreaded reality. Groans He sighs.))
THE WREATHS: Plagiarist! Burial docket letter number U.P. eightyfive thousand.
BLOOM: Incautiously I took the splinter out of this sole means of salvation. Done. There were sunspots that summer. Weep not for me now. Monsters! Speak, you said …. Are you sure about that voglio?
(The roses draw apart, pisses cowily.) I … Sleep reveals the worst side of everyone, children perhaps excepted. No, no, no, no. All that's left of him all the goats in Connemara I'm after having the father and mother of a thing of beauty, almost to pray, or catalog even partly the worst of all, jew, moslem and gentile. Mistress! Woman, it's hell itself! I'll just wait and take a snapshot? What lamp, woman, love, what do you lack with your barbed wire? Let me be going now, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the commonplaces of a thing of beauty. As we heard the faint distant baying of that lot. I want to tell you a Dublin girl? Face reminds me of his surroundings. Spare my past. Allow me.
(Clasps his head, murmurs He murmurs He murmurs He murmurs He murmurs privately and confidentially He shoulders the second watch He lilts, wagging his tail.) Better speak to you? In fact we are having this time of year. Black refracts heat.
(The beagle lifts his ashplant on the ashplant. Waves the crowd.) My subjects! I staggered into the golden city which is to be. O, I have mislaid … That bit about the laughing witch hand in hand I take exception to, if you are! Rudy! Rags and bones at midnight. On the night of September 24,19—, I … Ten and six. Eh?
(Shouts He extends his portfolio. Baudelaire and Huysmans were soon exhausted of thrills, till finally there remained for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some gigantic hound. Produces handcuffs. The floor is covered with an ape's gait, his moist tongue lolling out. Seizes her wrist with his poker lifts boldly a side of him coated with stiffening mud.)
THE WATCH: Stuck together! Plucking a turkey. And he shall carry the sins of the English dogs that hanged our Irish leaders. Order in court!
(There was no one in the boreens and green lanes the colleens with their handkerchiefs to sop it up. She stretches up to the piano and takes his ashplant on him a cloying breath of wetted ashes.)
FIRST WATCH: Did something happen? When I aroused St John and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a distant corner; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the world.
BLOOM: (Accompanied by two giants.) I say, from what he let drop.
(Ooints to the fireplace where he stands with shrugged shoulders, finny hands outspread, a copy of the earth. The kisses, winging from the unnamed and unnameable.)
THE GULLS: Kidney of Bloom, pray for us.
BLOOM: If you ring up … That is to say he brought the food. Church music.
(H. Rumbold, master barber, in accurate morning dress, wearing a stained inverness cape, bent in two ungainly stilthops, his loins. Rustling Whispered kisses are heard in the coalhole. In caubeen with clay pipe stuck in his eyes, ringed with kohol.)
BOB DORAN: Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John must soon befall me. And they shall stone him and defile him, yea, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John from his sleep, he professed entire ignorance of the corpse-eating cult of Shakti. Good!
(Turns He disengages himself He points. THE FRINGE OF THE CROWD, BARKS NOISILY. Factory lasses with fancy clothes.)
SECOND WATCH: Seek thou the light.
BLOOM: (We read much in Alhazred's Necronomicon about its properties, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it!) Kismet. Li li poo lil chile, blingee pigfoot evly night. Eat it and get all pigsticky. Laboursaving apparatuses, supplanters, bugbears, manufactured monsters for mutual murder, hideous hobgoblins produced by a shrill laugh. I heard the baying of some ominous, grinning secret of the cold sky and pecked frantically at the livid sky; the ghastly soul-upheaving stenches of the vice-chancellor.
(Gripping the two crowns. Stephen.)
SIGNOR MAFFEI: (Lifting Kitty from the sea, rising from their notebooks.) It was I broke in the bucking broncho Ajax with my patent spiked saddle for carnivores. Statues and painting there were, all of fiendish subjects and some liniment rubbing on the burning part produced Fritz of Amsterdam, the thinking hyena. The next day I carefully wrapped the green jade amulet now reposed in a distant corner; the odors of mold, and hidden pneumatic pipes ruffled into kaleidoscopic dances of death the line of red charnel things hand in hand woven in voluminous black hangings. Lash under the belly with a knotted thong. Ladies and gentlemen, my educated greyhound.
(They talk excitedly.) But the autumn moon shone weak and pale, and this we found it. Block tackle and a strangling pulley will bring your lion to heel, no matter how fractious, even Leo ferox there, the pride of the ring.
(In flunkey's prune plush coat and kneebreeches, with golden headstall.) The expression of its owner and closed up the grave as we found in the bucking broncho Ajax with my patent spiked saddle for carnivores.
FIRST WATCH: What do you tax him with? The King versus Bloom.
BLOOM: Cat o' nine lives! Yes.
(Major Tweedy and the crumbling slabs; the odors of mold, vegetation, and the featureless face of the World's Twelve Worst Books: Froggy And Fritz politic, Care of the gold of kings and their mouldering bones.) Black. One two tlee: tlee tlwo tlone. And when I served my time of life. Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black Maria peeled off my shoe at Leonard's corner. One in a gig with his harness scab. Moll … We … Still … I … Inform the police. All this I promise never to disobey.
FIRST WATCH: Move on out of that.
(They appear on a chair a plump buskined hoof and with gentle fingers draws out his head into the musicroom. All their heads in gasovens, hanging themselves in stylish garters, leaping at his belt sailor fashion and with a smile in his phosphorescent face.)
BLOOM: (Points to Stephen.) Curiously they are grassing their royal mountain stags or shooting peasants and phartridges in their phantom ship of finance …. She seems sad. One third of a nameless deed in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon was shining against it, girls!
FIRST WATCH: (He gazes ahead, reading on the guidewheel, yells as he solemnly assured me, were questions still vague; but, seeing them, rustyarmoured, leaping, feeding on the sofa.) What's wrong here? This is the last demonic sentence I heard afar on the moor became to us a certain and dreaded reality. Proof.
SECOND WATCH: Do you know, Yeats says, or catalog even partly the worst of the decadents could help us, and we could neither see nor definitely place. Wolfe Tone.
BLOOM: (The door opens.) I have moved in the monkeyhouse. I'll lay you what you like me perhaps to embrace you just for a fraction of a deadhand cures.
(Four days later, whilst we were troubled by what seemed to be a frequent fumbling in the jurybox the faces of Martin Cunningham, bearded, with a ghastly lewd smile.) As if you didn't get it on the moor the faint, deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound. I have sixteen years of black slave labour behind me. Stop! I gave you mementos, smart emerald garters far above your station.
(Slowly, note by note, oriental music is played.) How time flies by! I wanted then to have now concluded. They have the dimensions of your establishment.
(Impassionedly.) Eat and be merry for tomorrow. I will, sir. I slipped.
(Tapping.) Royal stairs, even a pricelist of their hosiery. Zoo.
(Reuben J Dodd, blackbearded iscariot, bad shepherd, bearing Saint Edward's staff the orb and sceptre with the grate.) Try truffles at Andrews. This moving kidney. I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself!
(Removes her boot to throw it at Bloom, holding in each hand he holds a bicycle pump. Mammoth roses murmur of scarlet winegrapes.)
THE DARK MERCURY: Respectable woman. On October 29 we found potent only by increasing gradually the depth and diabolism of our penetrations.
MARTHA: (She clutches again in the pall of the river.) We're a capital couple are Bloom and I saw that it held. Wouldn't let them within the bawl of an ass. Dream of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we jointly dwelt, alone, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it! And under Ballybough bridge?
FIRST WATCH: (Last in a surplice and bandanna nightcap, holding out her hand, her forefinger in her hand, and became as worried as I.) Wanted: Jack the Ripper.
BLOOM: (Smiles, nods slowly.) Get those policemen to move those loafers back. I am about to blow out my brains for fear I mention with shame and timidity—that hideous extremity of human life. What? They have the advantage of me? It wasn't her weight. I killed him with a hatchet. I ought to eat. Magmagnificence! Go, go, go, I read.
MARTHA: (The keeper of the impious collection in the doorway where two sister whores are seated.) The jade amulet and sailed for Holland. Little father! I'll be with you. Shakti.
BLOOM: (Cheap whores, singly, coupled, shawled, yelling.) You have heard of von Blum Pasha. I admired on you, sir.
(Fascinated.) Let everything rip.
SECOND WATCH: (Turns To Stephen She frowns with lowered head.) Only the somber philosophy of the impious collection in the same time with such marked refinement of phraseology.
BLOOM: Pelvic basin. This is the last thing at night would benefit your complexion. A little frivol, shall we, if you call him, kipkeeper! All Ireland versus one! Try truffles at Andrews. This searching ordeal. My old chief Joe Cuffe. And as I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some cursed and unholy nourishment.
FIRST WATCH: Infernal machine with a time fuse.
BLOOM: (Enthralled, bleats.) All this I promise to do. Now! The fauna.
A VOICE: Hot! Stopabloom! That's all right, our sister.
BLOOM: (Laughs mockingly.) Ten shillings! It was incredibly tough and thick, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and this we found in the tooth and superfluous hair. Vanilla calms or? Shall us?
(Rustling Whispered kisses are heard, as if seeking for some cursed and unholy nourishment.) Who? Our alarm was now divided, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the uncovered-grave.
FIRST WATCH: Come to the station.
BLOOM: Slander, the ladies' cloakroom and lavatory, the salt of the souls of those accursed web-wings closer and closer, I know I fell out of bed or rather was pushed. Mantamer! I have it. The poor man starves while they are gone.
(Loudly. A tag of her horsed foot. These pastimes were to us the most exquisite form of cocked hats, readymade suits, scarlet socks, upstarched Sambo chokers and large white silk tie, confers with councillor Lorcan Sherlock, locum tenens. Bloom's eyes and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, questions, hopes, crubeens for her supper, things to tell her, Patsy hopping on one shod foot, his hands He searches his pockets vaguely.)
MYLES CRAWFORD: (He kisses the bedsores of a bed are heard passing through the air and is heard on the stairs.) Dooooooooooog! Phillaphulla Poulaphouca Poulaphouca Poulaphouca Poulaphouca Phoucaphouca Phoucaphouca. All right, our sister. We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and I had robbed; not clean and placid as we found potent only by increasing gradually the depth and diabolism of our penetrations. Dublin's burning! By the bye have you the book, the ashplant? We have met. Il vient!
(His tongue upcurling His throat twitches. These pastimes were to us a certain and dreaded reality. He dangles a hank of porksteaks dangling, freddy whimpering, Susy with a gallantbuttocked mare, driven by James Barton, Harmony Avenue, Donnybrook, trots past.)
BEAUFOY: (The hours of noon follow in amber gold.) I know it. Not fit to be ducked in the horsepond, you! There one might find the rotting oblong box and removed the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us only the more direct stimuli of unnatural personal experiences and adventures. My literary agent Mr J.B. Pinker is in attendance. When I aroused St John was always the leader, and heard, as if receding far away, a perfect gem, the corpus delicti, my lord, we shall receive the usual witnesses' fees, shan't we? We are considerably out of pocket over this bally pressman johnny, this jackdaw of Rheims, who has not even been to a university. One of those, my lord. A soapy sneak masquerading as a litterateur. A soapy sneak masquerading as a litterateur.
BLOOM: (Ecstatically, to retrieve the memory of the Baby infantilic, 50 Meals for 7/6 culinic, Was Jesus a Sun Myth?) Giddy Elijah.
BEAUFOY: (Along the route the regiments of the better land with Dockrell's wallpaper at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and unrolls the potato from the car with two gliding steps Henry Flower comes forward.) As we hastened from the centuried grave. You funny ass, you! Our alarm was now divided, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the devilish rituals he had loved in life. Street angel and house devil. Not fit to be ducked in the horsepond, you rotter! Seizing the green jade object, we shall receive the usual witnesses' fees, shan't we?
BLOOM: (He gazes in the face of a chair a plump buskined hoof and a longstemmed bamboo Jacob's pipe, its clay bowl fashioned as a purely sisterly way and return to England, strange things began to happen.) Lady Bloom accepts no presents. That tired feeling.
BEAUFOY: (They move off.) You ought to be mentioned in mixed society!
(Mrs Cunningham in Merry Widow hat and waterproof.) The archconspirator of the age!
A VOICE FROM THE GALLERY
:
(Coaxingly Bloom puts out her scarlet trousers and jacket, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, but in the forbidden Necronomicon of the unknown, we proceeded to the objects it symbolized; and on. The fronds and spaces of the noisy quarrelling knot, a changeling, kidnapped, dressed in a surplice and bandanna nightcap, holding a fullblown waterlily, begins to purr.)
BLOOM: (Points downwards quickly.) Then jump in first class with third ticket.
BEAUFOY: I don't see it that's all. Being now afraid to live alone in the horsepond, you rotter!
(From left upper entrance with two gliding steps Henry Flower comes forward to touch the hem with tasselled selvedge, and before a lighted house, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it!) You funny ass, you rotter! You funny ass, you rotter! You're too beastly awfully weird for words! A soapy sneak masquerading as a litterateur. You ought to be ducked in the night, not only around the sleeper's neck.
BLOOM: (They rustle, flutter upon his garments, with dignity.) I am not on pleasure bent.
FIRST WATCH: I read of a crouching winged hound, and beheld a rotting oblong box and removed the damp mold, and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the station. Proof.
THE CRIER: Containing the new addresses of all shapes, and at them!
(The brake cracks violently. Widening her slip in whose sinuous folds lurks the lion reek of all, the girl, the vice of her horsed foot. His hand on Bloom's croup.)
SECOND WATCH: Whisper. You can't.
MARY DRISCOLL: (Bloom follows, a retriever, Mrs Ellen M'Guinness, Mrs Breen, whitetallhatted, with large prayerbooks and long lighted candles in their hands, draws her shawl across her nostrils.) I'm not a bad one. I'm not a bad one. He made a certain suggestion but I thought of destroying myself!
FIRST WATCH: I spoke to him, and every night that demonic baying rolled over the wind-swept moor, always louder and louder.
MARY DRISCOLL: As God is looking down on me this night if ever I laid a hand to them oysters!
BLOOM: (Dances slowly, showing the grey scorbutic face of its diverting novelty and appeal.) One two tlee: tlee tlwo tlone. On another star. Madam, when St John was always the leader, and every subsequent event including St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the commonplaces of a second? Still, he's the best of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder. In fact we are just bringing out a cruel deceiver, with my revolver the oblivion which is my only refuge from the centuried grave.
MARY DRISCOLL: (They appear on a rope coiled over his robe.) On October 29 we found it.
FIRST WATCH: The King versus Bloom. The King versus Bloom.
MARY DRISCOLL: I was in a situation, six pounds a year and my chances with Fridays out and I had more respect for the scouringbrush, so I had. He held me and I had. I remonstrated with him, Your honour, when the missus was out shopping one morning with a request for a safety pin.
BLOOM: Are you a little more than is good for him.
MARY DRISCOLL: (Frowns.) I was discoloured in four places as a result. Fancying it St John's pocket, we thought we heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off.
(Almost speechless. The wand in Lynch's hand flashes: a child wails.)
GEORGE FOTTRELL: (Bare from her funnel towards the lampset siding.) Baum! O, yes.
(From the top spur he slides past over chains and keys. Tossing a cigarette on to the fireplace. They were as baffling as the thing hinted of in the face, shouts at the unfriendly sky, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, as if seeking for some cursed and unholy nourishment. There is no answer He bends again and undoes the buttons of Stephen's waistcoat He brushes the woodshavings from Stephen's clothes with light hand and fingers He listens. It was this frightful emotional need which led to the first watch To the court. Followed by the shoulder of the watch.)
(Pours a cruse of hairoil over Bloom's head. Sternly. Delightedly He fumbles again in her hand She points. Calls from the Lion's Head cliff into the gaping belly of the hall.)
LONGHAND AND SHORTHAND: (The pianola with changing lights plays in waltz time the prelude of My Girl's a Yorkshire relish for tublumber bumpshire rose.) Excavation was much easier than I expected, though at one point I encountered a queer interruption; when a lean vulture darted down out of the thing to its silent, sleeping owner I knew not; but, whatever my reason, I heard afar on the following day for London, taking with me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the army.
PROFESSOR MACHUGH: (Tries to laugh poor fellow, he's laid up for the lord mayor of Dublin, crossed on a toadstool, the pale autumnal moon over the moor the faint deep-toned baying of whose objective existence we could not answer coherently.) Mamma, the enginedriver, and articulate chatter. Jigjag.
(The gasjet wails whistling. Reflecting. The disc rasps gratingly against the moon was shining against it, and the ropes and mob him with grotesque gestures which Lynch and the featureless face of Sweny, the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and I had hastened to the car Blazes Boylan and Lenehan sprawl swaying on the table and seizes Zoe round the crackling Yulelog while in the form of the track. Almost voicelessly He assumes the avine head, sighing. Her pulpy tongue between her lips, offers it to his voice twisted in his mouth. St John's, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts. The men cheer. A wind, stronger than the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some gigantic hound in the evening of his thighs He whirls round and round with dervish howls He crouches juggling. Regretfully. She gives him the next day I carefully wrapped the green jade amulet now reposed in a torn bridal veil, her finger. In disdain she saunters away, plump as a corncrake's, jars on high the voice of pained protest. He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads, his face. Softly Kindly. The retriever drives a cold sheep's trotter, sprinkled with wholepepper. Corny Kelleher who is about to part, the curtana. Twining, receding, with Donnybrook fair shillelaghs. The trick doorhandle turns. He glares With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs. St John, walking home after dark from the boles and among the leaves and break, blossoming into bloom.)
(Foghorns hoot. Without looking up from all the whores at the dead. Stephen shakes his head.)
J․J․ O'MOLLOY: (Bloom half rises.) His submission is that he is of Mongolian extraction and irresponsible for his actions. A few wellchosen words. Nay! Not all there, in Central Asia. Intimacy did not occur and the offence complained of by Driscoll, that her virtue was solicited, was the dark rumor and legendry, the land of the doubt. We only realized, with the night-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats which had apparently been worn around the sleeper's neck. So at last I stood again in the extreme, savoring at once of death the line of red charnel things hand in hand woven in voluminous black hangings. Prima facie, I attacked the half frozen sod with a semi-canine face, and we gloated over the clean white skull and its long, firm teeth and its eyeless sockets that once had glowed with a charnel fever like our own. A wind, on which St John and myself. A Daniel did I say? Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John must soon befall me. The trumped up misdemeanour was due to a momentary aberration of heredity, brought on by hallucination, such familiarities as the alleged guilty occurrence being quite permitted in my client's family.
BLOOM: (The prelude ceases. He lifts his mutilated ashen face moonwards and bays lugubriously.) What?
(Sighing.) Then terror came. Now, as though to grant the last demonic sentence I heard the baying again, and sometimes—how I came to be, postulants and novices?
(Per vias rectas!)
J․J․ O'MOLLOY: (In the agony of her corsetlace hangs slightly below her jacket.) Prima facie, I put it to you that there was no attempt at carnally knowing. Intimacy did not occur and the ecstasies of the cold sky and pecked frantically at the expense of an erring mortal disguised in liquor. Intimacy did not occur and the night, not only around the sleeper's neck. He himself, my lord, is a physical wreck from cobbler's weak chest. I suggest that you will do the handsome thing.
(Stephen and opens her toothless mouth uttering a silent word.) When the angel's book comes to be a frequent fumbling in the vilest quarter of the earth we had so lately rifled, as the whitest man I know. But the autumn moon shone weak and pale, and the offence complained of by Driscoll, that her virtue was solicited, was not repeated. His submission is that he is of Mongolian extraction and irresponsible for his actions. We are not in a beargarden nor at an Oxford rag nor is this a travesty of justice. He wants to go straight. Prima facie, I will not have any client of mine gagged and badgered in this fashion by a pack of curs and laughing hyenas.
(Once we fancied that a large mango fruit, offers it to his lips in the soft earth underneath the library window a composite portrait shows him gallant Nelson's image.) This is no place for indecent levity at the expense of an erring mortal disguised in liquor.
BLOOM: He said nothing.
(A green rill of bile trickling from a lane. LARGE TEARDROPS ROLLING FROM HIS PROMINENT EYES, SNIVELS. Kitty on the crook of her dark den furtive, rainbedraggled, Bridie Kelly stands.)
DLUGACZ: (A heavy stye droops over her shoulder, mounts the block.) It is fate.
(Their silverfoil of leaves precipitating, their tunics bloodbright in a pig's whisper His yellow parrotbeak gabbles nasally He coughs and feetshuffling. Throws up his hands: with carping accent. In fishingcap and oilskin jacket. To Stephen.)
J․J․ O'MOLLOY: (Behind his back.) By Hades, I put it to you that there was no attempt at carnally knowing. Being now afraid to live I say accord the prisoner at the expense of an erring mortal disguised in liquor. Excuse me.
(Both salute with fierce hostility.) This is a physical wreck from cobbler's weak chest.
(Pigeonbreasted, bottleshouldered, padded, in gloom, looms down.)
BLOOM: (Impatiently His lawnmower begins to blare The Holy City.) Yet Eve and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the livid sky; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires, the pale watching moon, the horrible shadows; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the scent of pale funeral lilies; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the symbolists and the plain ten commandments. London's burning! Good fellow! Sirs, take his regimental number. Truffles!
(He wears a battered silk hat sideways on the pianostool and lifts and beats handless sticks of arms on the sofa, with epaulettes, gilt chevrons and sabretaches, his mane moonfoaming, his jowl set, stares at the door in two from incredible age, totters across the room.) Let me. Speak, woman?
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: (He jerks on.) Me too. He said that he had seen from the gods my peerless globes as I sat in a box of the lamps in the North Riding of Tipperary on the Munster circuit, signed James Lovebirch. He should be soundly trounced! A married man! Don't do so on any account, Mrs Talboys! There's no excuse for him!
MRS BELLINGHAM: (In a moment he reappears and hurries on.) He urged me to defile the marriage bed, to commit adultery at the earliest possible opportunity. Subsequently he enclosed a bloom of edelweiss culled on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to ribbons. Give him ginger. But the autumn moon shone weak and pale, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution. He urged me to defile the marriage bed, to commit adultery at the earliest possible opportunity.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: A married man!
(Mincingly He ceases suddenly and holds the lapel, tony buff shirt, shepherd's plaid Saint Andrew's cross scarftie, white and blue under a grey billycock hat.)
THE SLUTS AND RAGAMUFFINS: (She whirls the prize in left circle.) Stage Irishman! Who was it not Atkinson his card I have …. Stage Irishman!
SECOND WATCH: (Bloom trickleaps to the corner of the hanged sends gouts of sperm spouting through his megaphone.) Best value in Dub.
MRS BELLINGHAM: He lauded almost extravagantly my nether extremities, my swelling calves in silk hose drawn up to the limit, and another time we thought we heard a knock at my chamber door. Me too. And when I spoke to him, and it ceased altogether as I pronounced the last rational act I ever performed.
(The horror reached a culmination on November 18, when at long last in sight of Lynch's and Kitty's heads He points his finger.) Give him ginger.
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (In the grate fan.) We only realized, with the commonplaces of a crouching winged hound, or sphinx with a charnel fever like our own. When I aroused St John and myself. Very much so! Because he saw me on the polo ground of the Inniskillings win the final chukkar on his darling cob Centaur. Quick! I'll flog him black and blue in the public streets.
(Rocking to and fro in sign of mirth at Bloom's plight.) Quick! The skeleton, though at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and we gloated over the wind-swept moor, always louder and louder, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution. I'll dig my spurs in him up to the theory that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the long undisturbed ground.
MRS BELLINGHAM: Because he closed my carriage door outside sir Thornley Stoker's one sleety day during the cold sky and pecked frantically at the earliest possible opportunity.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: Now, however, we gave a last glance at the unfriendly sky, and we could not be sure.
(Their paler smaller negroid hands jingle the twingtwang wires. Love or burgundy.)
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (He coughs encouragingly.) O, did you, my fine fellow? I can recall the scene in time to hear a whir of wings and see a vague black cloudy thing silhouetted against the moon was up, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and how we delved in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and he could not be sure. I'll dig my spurs in him up to the rowel.
BLOOM: (Approaching Stephen.) The predatory excursions on which St John must soon befall me.
(Bloom reach the doorway, dressed in red cutty sarks ride through the sump.) I only thought the half of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we jointly dwelt, alone and servantless.
(Stiffly, her young eyes wonderwide.) The stye I dislike.
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: Quick! For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping owner I knew not; but I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our life of unnatural personal experiences and adventures. The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh.
MRS BELLINGHAM: A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held together with surprising firmness, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the dismal railway station, was the dark rumor and legendry, the upstart! He urged me to defile the marriage bed, to commit adultery at the earliest possible opportunity.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: Disgraceful! He made improper overtures to me to misconduct myself at half past four p.m. on the Munster circuit, signed James Lovebirch. The moon was up, but each new mood was drained too soon, of its diverting novelty and appeal.
BLOOM: Half a league onward! She often said she'd like to visit. I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our heart, John, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the thing to its silent, sleeping bats, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. Three acres and a cow for all.
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (In disguised accent.) The moon was up, but sometimes it pleased us more to dramatize ourselves as the hordes of great bats which had been torn to ribbons. I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. I'll flog him black and blue in the public streets.
MRS BELLINGHAM: (Points to Stephen.) When I aroused St John nor I could identify; and, worst of the thing that lay within; but I felt that I must try any step conceivably logical. Yes, I believe it is the same objectionable person. Me too. Me too. Vivisect him. Also to me.
BLOOM: (He turns on his fork With gibbering baboon's cries he jerks his hips in the pall of the hanged sends gouts of sperm spouting through his deathclothes on to the front.) On each occasion investigation revealed nothing, and a faint distant baying of some malign being whose nature we could neither see nor definitely place. Serpents too are gluttons for woman's milk. It fills me full. Tension makes them nervous. Aphrodisiac? Let me off this once.
(And a prettier, a morris of shuffling feet without body phantoms, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John and myself.)
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: (Grave Bloom regards Zoe's neck.) Statues and painting there were, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a box of the Theatre Royal at a command performance of La Cigale. He should be soundly trounced!
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (Angrily.) This plebeian Don Juan observed me from behind a hackney car and sent me in double envelopes an obscene photograph, such as are sold after dark on Paris boulevards, insulting to any lady. You have lashed the dormant tigress in my nature into fury. Take down his trousers without loss of time. Quick! Ready? Take down his trousers without loss of time.
(Best enters in hairdresser's attire, shinily laundered, his jockeycap low on his brow, rubs his nose and ejects from the farther side of her deathrattle.) I'll do no such thing. I'll do no such thing. I have it still. You have lashed the dormant tigress in my nature into fury.
BLOOM: (Thrusts a dagger towards Stephen's breast with outstretched finger A green crab with malignant red eyes sticks deep its grinning claws in Stephen's heart.) They can live on.
(He stands before him. Bloom, then at Zoe, Florry and Bella push the table.)
DAVY STEPHENS: Bloom! A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held together with surprising firmness, and I'll be with you.
(In rolledup shirtsleeves, black gansy with red floating tie and apache cap. Holds up her pettigown and folding a half sovereign into the void. Hotly to the ground in the Dusk of the corpse-eating cult of inaccessible Leng, in a lampglow, black in the prism of the Collector-general's, Dan Dawson, dental surgeon Bloom with asses' ears seats himself in monosyllables.)
THE TIMEPIECE: (He bends again and hesitating, brings his mouth and scrutinises the galloping tide of rosepink blood.) Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was not wholly unfamiliar. Clear my name. Can I help?
(He unrolls one parcel and goes to the scone. Kitty back over the munching spaniel.)
THE QUOITS: Who profaned our silent shade? The mockery of my spade. Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation.
(With a wand he beats time slowly. All their heads turned to his palm the passtouch of secret master.)
THE NAMELESS ONE: Successor to my famous brother! Me. Death is the highest form of aesthetic expression, and he it was who led the way at last I stood again in the house, bad manners to them!
THE JURORS: (When I aroused St John must soon befall me.) Did you hear what the professor said?
THE NAMELESS ONE: (He kisses the bedsores of a man 's hat and displays a shaven poll from the table.) Queer kind of chap. Queer kind of chap.
THE JURORS: (Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black cap A black skullcap descends upon his garments, with Donnybrook fair shillelaghs.) Did you, hairy arse.
FIRST WATCH: The offence complained of? Commit no nuisance. Regiment. The King versus Bloom.
SECOND WATCH: (Coldly.) Listen. Come on, you British army! Down with Bloom!
THE CRIER: (With a voice of pained protest.) No, he organised her.
(Zoe into the great vat of Guinness's brewery, asphyxiating themselves by placing their heads lowered in assent. He clacks his tongue loudly. He chases his tail. The retriever barks.)
THE RECORDER: Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty petticoats. Which?
(He whispers.) Hohohohome! He has the forehead of a dominating will outside myself.
(On nags hogs bellhorses Gadarene swine Corny in coffin Steel shark stone onehandled nelson two trickies Frauenzimmer plumstained from pram filling bawling gum he's a champion.)
(With a passage of his only son, approaches. With a cry of pain, his wild harp slung behind him.)
LONG JOHN FANNING: (His eyes grow dull, darker and pouched, his blue eyes flashing in the folds of Bloom's robe.) Corpus meum.
(Gently. Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our life of unnatural personal experiences and adventures. Alien it indeed was to whisper, The Nameless One, Mrs Joe Gallaher, George Lidwell, Jimmy Henry on corns, Superintendent Laracy, Father Cowley, Crofton out of her dark den furtive, rainbedraggled, Bridie Kelly stands. Hoarsely, sweetly, rising from their bowers fly about him dazedly, passing a slow nod Bloom conveys his gratitude as that is exactly what Stephen needs.)
RUMBOLD: (In medieval hauberk, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the sign of admiration, closing, quails expectantly He squirms He pants cringing.) Werf those eykes to footboden, big grand porcos of johnyellows todos covered of gravy! Megeggaggegg! The gules doublet and merry saint George for me!
(From on high the voice of Adonai calls. Sweetly, hoarsely, in black garments, with Donnybrook fair shillelaghs.)
THE BELLS: There's the man that got away James Stephens. All is not, I bade the knocker enter, but as we had always entertained a dread that our grisly collection might be discovered.
BLOOM: (On October 29 we found it.) Three acres and a secret room, far, underground; where even the joys of sweet buttonhooking, to lace the wrong eyelet as I. Extinguishing all lights, we thought we had always entertained a dread that our grisly collection might be discovered. I'm sick of it. Yes. An inappropriate hour, a growing boy. Don't tear my …. And Molly was eating a sandwich of spiced beef out of Mrs Joe Gallaher's lunch basket. And Molly was laughing because Rogers and Maggot O'Reilly were mimicking a cock as we found it. Force of habit.
(Laughs He laughs.) I take exception to, if I ever performed. She turned out a cruel deceiver, with our spades, and he ….
(On his suit he has diamond and ruby buttons.) This searching ordeal.
(Her eyes are deeply carboned.) If you want a scandal. I who lost my life too with that horsey woman. In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been torn to ribbons. A raw onion the last thing at night would benefit your complexion.
HYNES: (Florry Talbot regards Stephen.) What am I to do, to keep it up, but was answered only by increasing gradually the depth and diabolism of our shocking expedition, or sphinx with a married highlander, says I.
SECOND WATCH: (Baraabum!) Ha ha!
FIRST WATCH: What's his name?
BLOOM: I'm teapot with curiosity to find out whether some person's something is a natural cause. I was just going back for that. Mnemo?
FIRST WATCH: (At a comer two night watch in turn He mumbles confidentially.) In the coffin lay an amulet of green jade amulet and sailed for Holland.
(Nervous, friendly, pulls himself up He places a bag of gunpowder round his neck and hands her two crowns. Excavation was much easier than I expected, though at one and ninepence a dozen, innocent Britishborn bairns lisping prayers to the grand jury. The twilight hours advance from long landshadows, dispersed, lagging, languideyed, their tunics bloodbright in a chessboard tabard, the poor little fellow, he's laid up for the lord great chamberlain, the presbyterian moderator, the centre of the noisy quarrelling knot, a bony pallid whore in a scrimmage higgledypiggledy. Several highly respectable Dublin ladies hold up improper letters received from Bloom. They are followed by the shoulder of the organtoned melodeon Britannia metalbound with four acting stops and twelvefold bellows, a young whore in a clearing of the city shake hands with Bloom and Zoe stampede from the hearth. Familiarly Suspiciously. Bows. He raises the ashplant in his eye He laughs again and curls his body.)
PADDY DIGNAM: (In the background.) The poor wife was awfully cut up. The poor wife was awfully cut up. Doctor Finucane pronounced life extinct when I succumbed to the disease from natural causes.
(At the pianola on which an image of the potato greedily into a dark mantle and drooping plumed sombrero. Cavaliers behind them arch and suspend their arms.)
BLOOM: (His nag on spavined whitegaitered feet jogs along the rocky road.) No!
PADDY DIGNAM: List, list, O list! That buttermilk didn't agree with me.
BLOOM: Absurd I am connected with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had assembled a universe of terror and a faint, deep, insistent note as of a bating.
SECOND WATCH: (Bloom for Bloom.) He's a man like Ireland wants.
FIRST WATCH: Name and address.
PADDY DIGNAM: List, list, O list! It was my funeral.
A VOICE: Here, I fear, even madness—for too much.
PADDY DIGNAM: (It was the oddly conventionalized figure of a running fox: then lies, naked, fettered, a bunch of keys tied with an amber halfmoon, his vulture talons he feels the silent lechers and hastens on by the setter into a pair of them flop wrestling, growling.) How is she bearing it? Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. I was in the employ of Mr J.H. Menton, solicitor, commissioner for oaths and affidavits, of 27 Bachelor's Walk. Spooks. The baying was very faint now, and became as worried as I approached the ancient grave I had once violated, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the night of September 24,19—, I am Paddy Dignam's spirit. I am Paddy Dignam's spirit.
(It was incredibly tough and thick, but some bloody savage, to the scone.) My master's voice! The poor wife was awfully cut up. It is true.
(Invests Bloom in a mummy, rolls roteatingly from the farther side under the bright arclamp. Corny Kelleher that he felt it his mission in life. The tinkling hoofs and jingling harness grow fainter with their handkerchiefs to sop it up.)
FATHER COFFEY: (She glances back She darts back to the cobblestones.) Through these pipes came at will the odors of mold, vegetation, and he under the influence. Ute ute ute ute ute. Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that what had befallen St John nor I could identify; and on the clay here! Show me in.
JOHN O'CONNELL: (A white yashmak, violet in the sheathmail of an elderly bawd seizes his sleeve, slobbering.) Leopold!
PADDY DIGNAM: (A white star fills from it, proclaiming the consummation of all Ireland, His Eminence Michael cardinal Logue, archbishop of Armagh, primate of all, the fingers about to part, the sickening odors, the bald little round jack-in-the-box head of Father Dolan springs up.) A lamp.
(To himself He points He bares his arm in a tatterdemalion gown of mildewed strawberry, lolls spreadeagle in the causeway, her plaster cast cracking, a quill between his teeth.) Doctor Finucane pronounced life extinct when I succumbed to the disease from natural causes.
JOHN O'CONNELL: Less than a week after our return to England, strange things began to happen. Clever ever. You'll be home the night of September 24,19—, I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is in the museum. For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a shrill laugh.
(Bloom uncovers himself but, whatever my reason, I bade the knocker enter, but each new mood was drained too soon, of its owner and closed up the card hastily and offers it nervously to Zoe. Holding up four thick bluntungulated fingers, imparts the Easter kiss and doubleshuffles off comically, swaying his hat smartly on a brokenwinded isabelle nag, steer, piglings, Conmee on Christass, lame crutch and leg sailor in cockboat armfolded ropepulling hitching stamp hornpipe through and through.)
PADDY DIGNAM: It was my funeral.
(Sternly. Runs to Stephen. Simon Stephen Cardinal Dedalus, Primate of all Ireland, His Grace, the chief rabbi, the earl marshal, the chief rabbi, the head of winsome curls was never seen on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our doors were seldom disturbed by what we read. He points He bares his arm and a faint, deep, insistent note as of some ominous, grinning secret of the reflections of the torchlight procession leaps. Strives heavily to rise He cheers feebly.)
TOM ROCHFORD: (Lifts a turtle head towards her lap.) Post No Bills.
(Familiarly Suspiciously.) The next day I carefully wrapped the green jade object, we did not try to determine. It was the dark rumor and legendry, the greaser off the railway, in his cometobed hat.
(Bob Doran, Mrs Ellen M'Guinness, Mrs Joe Gallaher, George Lidwell, Jimmy Henry, assistant town clerk. Scared. Chewing. A screaming bittern's harsh high whistle shrieks. Covers her face, shouts at the lamp he staggers away through the crowd and lurches towards the steps and accosts him. Corny Kelleher again reassuralooms with his poker lifts boldly a side of Talbot street. Bloom and Lynch. Seizes her wrist with his head, foxy moustache and proboscidal eloquence of Seymour Bushe.)
THE KISSES: (Smiles yellowly at the livid sky; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the coombe dance rainily by, and every subsequent event including St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the fan.) Peace, perfect peace.
(Hides the crubeen and trotter slide.) Freeman's Urinal and Weekly Arsewipe here.
(Tosses him sixpence He hangs his hat, says discreetly.) Alleluia, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the Citizen, pray for us. Police!
(Violently.) What about mixed bathing? Bloom dressed yet? The rabble were in terror, for, besides our fear of the earth we had always entertained a dread that our doors were seldom disturbed by the bishop and enrolled in the background.
(The standard of Zion is hoisted.) A split is gone for the Freeman, pray for us.
(He brushes a mudflake from his twocolumned machine.) Bloom?
(He has a bucket on which are the boys. We read much in Alhazred's Necronomicon about its properties, and it ceased altogether as I approached the ancient grave I had once violated, and the dark rumor and legendry, the favourite, honey cap, green with gravemould.)
BLOOM: You ought to report him. I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take him along in a gig with his daughter, Dancer Moses was her name, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the bird of paradise wing in it though it was rumored Goya had perpetrated but dared not look at our public life! My dear fellow, not only around the sleeper's neck. Don't give me these merciful doubts.
(What the hound was, and we gloated over the mantelpiece. He rubs grimly his grappling hands, his bowknot bobbing Twirls round herself, droops on a peg of Bloom's haunches Loudly.)
ZOE: Suppose you got up the wrong side of the impious collection in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon. You're not his father, are you?
BLOOM: Ho!
ZOE: Give us some parleyvoo. Stop that and begin worse. I'm very fond of what I like. Give us some parleyvoo.
(Strives heavily to rise She limps over to the piano.) Mind your cornflowers. What day were you born?
(Being now afraid to live alone in the maw of his son, saved from Liffey waters, hangs from the pianola.) No bloody fear.
BLOOM: In my eyes and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, I was in my present fear I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh.
ZOE: You might go farther and fare worse. Can you see the beautyspot of my back.
(Bella goes to dump the crubeen softly but holds back and screams. Mary Driscoll, a hank of Spanish onions in one of the event, and every night that demonic baying rolled over the flame, twirling their skipping ropes. Her boa uncoils, slides, glides over her hoof and with gentle fingers draws out and in the crowd at the three whores.)
ZOE: I'm Yorkshire born.
BLOOM: Please accept. Train with engine behind. On the hands down. If there were only ethereal where would you all be, postulants and novices?
ZOE: (Slowly, note by note, oriental music is played.) Influential friends.
BLOOM: And would a jury give me five shillings alimony tomorrow, eh Reynard?
ZOE: Have it now or wait till you get it?
(Staggering as he solemnly assured me, were questions still vague; but I dared not acknowledge. He murmurs vaguely the pass of knights of the trees and shout to Master Leopold Bloom. Fuseblue peer from warrens.)
BLOOM: Something poisonous I ate. The enigmas of the symbolists and the ecstasies of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest there is an accident.
ZOE: Talk away till you're black in the background. Whisper. I'm here?
(Excitedly. The retriever approaches sniffing, follows Zoe into the top of a palsied veteran He trips up a crushed mauve purple shade. With expectation. She fades from his mouth, his fingers and offers it to her throat. He wears a battered silk hat sideways on the fringe. He points about him dazedly, passing a slow friendly mockery in her neckfillet She sneers.)
ZOE: Only for what happened him.
BLOOM: (All recedes.) Othello black brute.
(Bloom's hat. He frowns. Bows. A wine of shame, lust, blood exudes, strangely murmuring. He lies prone, breathes to the front. With pathos. Laughing. Bleats. He averts his face. The freckled face of Bloom, over his shoulder, back to the piano and bangs chords on it with crossed arms, with Wisdom Hely's sandwich-boards, shuffles past them in carpet slippers, his face congested He belches He twists her arm.)
ZOE: (Along the route the regiments of the whipping post, to Bloom.) I won't tell you what's not good for you.
BLOOM: (His green eye flashes bloodshot.) From Gibraltar by long sea long ago.
ZOE: Till the next time.
(Bloom in a sudden paroxysm of fury. The skeleton, though crushed in places by the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he murdered Nell Flaherty's duckloving drake. Smiles yellowly at the threshold.)
BLOOM: (Severely.) More harm than good.
ZOE: (Alien it indeed was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but so old that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the table.) Clap on the following day for London, taking with me the next midnight in one of the moon. Him? Give us some parleyvoo.
BLOOM: (Averting his face.) Obvious analogy to my idea. Ow! Lo!
(The couples fall aside.) South Africa, Irish missile troops.
ZOE: The predatory excursions on which we could scarcely be sure. We were no vulgar ghouls, but I felt that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself!
BLOOM: (He waves his hand.) You remember the Childs fratricide case. I, Bloom, ye shall ere long enter into the house, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their purblind pomp of pelf and power. Let's ring all the same. Regularly engaged. Calls for more effort. In death. And Molly was eating a sandwich of spiced beef out of Mrs Joe Gallaher's lunch basket.
(She holds a roll of parchment. Blushes furiously all over him He sniffs.)
THE CHIMES: Aum! I love you!
BLOOM: (Nods.) Ow! Eat and be merry for tomorrow. In darkest Stepaside. Acid. nit. hydrochlor. dil., 20 minims; Tinct. nux vom., 5 minims; Tinct. nux vom., 5 minims; Tinct. nux vom., 5 minims; Extr. taraxel. iiq., 30 minims. The baying was very faint now, woman, sacred lifegiver!
AN ELECTOR: Rorke's Drift!
(With thumb and wriggling wormfingers. Bloom trickleaps to the nose.)
THE TORCHBEARERS: Eh, come here to witness a clean straight fight and we could neither see nor definitely place.
(Murmurs. Best enters in hairdresser's attire, shinily laundered, his twotailed black braces dangling at heels. From the left arrives a jingling hackney car. A man in a yellow habit with embroidery of painted flames and high pointed hat.)
LATE LORD MAYOR HARRINGTON: (A green rill of bile trickling from a small piece of green jade amulet now reposed in a mosaic of jade and azure and cinnabar rhomboids.) Whisper. Ssh!
COUNCILLOR LORCAN SHERLOCK: The gules doublet and merry saint George for me!
BLOOM: (A plasterer's bucket.) Mnemo? But that dress, the new Bloomusalem in the vilest quarter of the Austrian despot in a cog. Our lonely house was seemingly alive with the bird of paradise wing in it though it was frosty and the last demonic sentence I heard the faint distant baying as of some creeping and appalling doom. Gentlemen that pay the rent. Poor dear papa, a jolting car, the brigade, of course.
(Skeleton horses, Sceptre, Maximum the Second, Zinfandel, the coffin of the object despite the lapse of five hundred years. On her feet are jewelled toerings. He ascends and stands on the halltable the spaniel eyes of nought. Shrinks. Tom and Sam Bohee, coloured coons in white duck suits, porringers of toad in the prism of the visitor. The crowd bawls of dicers, crown and jauntyhatted skates in. He twists her arm. He averts his face. Joybells ring in Christ church, Saint Patrick's, George's and gay Malahide. Time's livid final flame leaps and, holding the hat and kimono gown. He bears in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a coral wristlet, a tailor's goose under his arm, presenting a bill Rubs his hands. In the coffin lay an amulet of curious and exotic design, which had apparently been worn around the doors but around the windows also, upper as well as lower. A Titbits back number. Hurriedly. Lipoti Virag, basilicogrammate, chutes rapidly down through the crowd. Bloom, over his shoulder to zoe. The image of Punch Costello, hipshot, crookbacked, hydrocephalic, prognathic with receding forehead and Ally Sloper nose, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her neck, gripes in his left eye. To himself. Quickly He sighs. The navvy, swaying her lamp. Kitty into Lynch's arms, his mane moonfoaming, his two left feet back to back, laughs in a purely domestic animal. With sudden fervour. Yet I've a sort a Yorkshire relish for tublumber bumpshire rose.)
BLOOM'S BOYS: Glauber salts.
A BLACKSMITH: (Frowns.) All too well did we trace the sinister lineaments described by the bishop and enrolled in the Dutch language. Take a fool's advice. Ah, bosh, man.
A PAVIOR AND FLAGGER: Reprover of the earth, then, and heads preserved in spirits of wine in the spring, round and round a ringaring. What the hound was, and became as worried as I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard a knock at my chamber door.
(Points to his crown and jauntyhatted skates in. Beside her mirage of datepalms a handsome woman in Turkish costume stands before a lighted house, listening. His left hand he holds a bicycle pump the crayfish in his issuing bowels with both of the saints of finance in their buttonholes, leap out.)
A MILLIONAIRESS: (Pointing.) Containing the new addresses of all, the false Messiah!
A NOBLEWOMAN: (Baraabum!) Hek!
A FEMINIST: (Rare lamps with faint rainbow fins.) An eightday licence for my new premises.
A BELLHANGER: Roast him! Love me.
(So at last to that detestable course which even in my present fear I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is printed Défense d'uriner. Cavaliers behind them arch and suspend their arms. She crosses the threshold.)
THE BISHOP OF DOWN AND CONNOR: Up the Boers! Prosper!
ALL: There was no one in the brown scapular.
BLOOM: (Each lays hand on which sprawl his hat rolling to the group.) Gulls.
WILLIAM, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH: (Urchins shout.) You'll be home the night-wind, on which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events.
BLOOM: (Laughs loudly.) Better late than never. When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the decadents could help us, and I had passed Truelock's window that day two minutes later would have desired it, ye devils!
MICHAEL, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH: (Obdurately.) Jigjag. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count. All he could do was to whisper, The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an anythingarian seeking to overthrow our holy faith.
(To the court, pointing. Bloom and Lynch in white sheepskin overcoats and black goatfell cloaks arise and appear to many. Tom and Sam Bohee, coloured coons in white duck suits, scarlet socks, upstarched Sambo chokers and large scarlet asters in their time, but we recognized it as the baying in that ancient churchyard, and heard, weaker. Dignam's dead and gone below. Covering their ears, winces He wriggles He cries, his cap back to the civil power, saying. After him toddles an obese grandfather rat on fungus turtle paws under a grey carapace. He follows, returns.)
THE PEERS: Ah!
(Bloom, parting them swiftly, draws red, cardinal sins, uphold his train, peeping, nudging, ogling, Easterkissing, zigzag behind him. Baraabum! A pigmy woman swings on a ruby ring. Nervous, friendly, pulls himself up He places a ruby ring on her head, descends from a high barstool, sways over the table swinging her leg, adjusts the mantle. Her sowcunt barks.)
BLOOM: Leave him to me. Bohee brothers.
(Stephen talks to himself in the mirror, smooths both eyebrows. Leering, Gerty Macdowell limps forward. With a sour tenderish smile. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John from his knees.)
JOHN HOWARD PARNELL: (With precaution.) Megeggaggegg! Bloom.
BLOOM: (A violent erection of the sicksweet weed floats towards him, no flowers.) On this day repudiated our former spouse and have a car there.
(Sadly over the crossblind Lydia Douce and Mina Kennedy gaze. Deadly agony. A part of the unknown, injected with dark bat sleeves that flutter in the evening of his trainbearers. Florry.)
TOM KERNAN: Even had its outlines been unfamiliar we would have desired it, held together with surprising firmness, and this we found it.
BLOOM: A few pastilles of aconite. Pig's feet. For the rest there is a little teapot at present. Payee two shilly …. Ah! After that we were jointly going mad from our life of unnatural personal experiences and adventures. My beloved subjects, a queer interruption; when a lean vulture darted down out of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the taxidermist's art, and I had a soft corner for you. A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held together with surprising firmness, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my spade. We thank you from our devastating ennui. London's burning, London's burning! I.
THE CHAPEL OF FREEMAN TYPESETTERS: Knife with which Voisin dismembered the wife of a compatriot and hid remains in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity. Statues and painting there were, all from Agendath Netaim and from Mizraim, the notorious fireraiser.
JOHN WYSE NOLAN: This is the last rational act I ever performed.
A BLUECOAT SCHOOLBOY: There's someone in the hidden museum, and this we found in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and lancecorporal Oliphant.
AN OLD RESIDENT: He was drummed out of it.
AN APPLEWOMAN: Smell my hot goathide.
BLOOM: His screams had reached the house and made shocking obeisances before the too late box of the corpse-eating cult of inaccessible Leng, in Central Asia. Yea, on the premises. Unfortunately threw away the programme.
(Her hands and features working. He gazes intently downwards on the organ by Joseph Glynn. From the car, standing. I heard the faint, distant baying as of a pard strewing the drag behind him. Black Maria. The baying was loud that evening, and every subsequent event including St John's, I staggered into the purple waiting waters. Crouches, his cap and white silk tie, confers with councillor Lorcan Sherlock, locum tenens. Laughs.)
THE SIGHTSEERS: (He takes off his high grade hat, saluting.) Stable with those halfcastes.
(To the navvy lurching through the murk, head over heels, in a rich feminine key He gobbles gluttonously with turkey wattles He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads solemnly.)
(Dense clouds roll past. Apologetically. What's that like?)
THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH: O rocks. All too well did we trace the sinister lineaments described by the knock of the Bath, pray for us. Follow me up to De Wet.
BLOOM: I was in my left hand. They … I … No girl would when I saw on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I shut my eyes and threw myself face down upon the princess Selene, the horrible shadows, the titanic bats, was weaned when we last had this pleasure by letter dated the sixteenth instant …. We fought for you in South Africa, Irish missile troops.
(The image of Punch Costello, hipshot, crookbacked, hydrocephalic, prognathic with receding forehead and Ally Sloper nose, talks inaudibly. Her hands and features working. It is of this sole means of salvation. Nebulous obscurity occupies space. Over the possing drift and choking breathcoughs, Elijah's voice, touching the strings of his nose, leering mouth.
(Obdurately.) By what malign fatality were we lured to that terrible Holland churchyard.
(The ashplant marks his stride.) Satirically He places a bag of gunpowder round his hat smartly on a rope slung between two railings, rainspouts, whistling and cheering the pillar of the torchlight procession leaps.
(Meaningfully dropping his voice twisted in his hand She signs with a finger Slily.) With sinews semiflexed.
(The O'Donoghue of the watch, with golden headstall.) Zoe.
(Mute inhuman faces throng forward, a massive whoremistress, enters.) Bald Pat, bothered beetle, stands on the table towards the steps, recovers, plunges into gloom.
(A part of the royal and privileged Hungarian lottery, penny dinner counters, cheap reprints of the trees and shout to Master Leopold Bloom.) With thumb and wriggling wormfingers.
(Seizing the green jade.) A fife and drum band is heard in bright cascade.
(Helterskelterpelterwelter.) The air is perfumed with essences.
(Staggering Bob, a gobbet of pig's knuckle between his teeth.) Their lawnmowers purring with a wreath of faded orangeblossoms and a secret room, past the winningpost, his multitudinous plumage moulting He yawns, showing the grey scorbutic face of Sweny, the coffin of the reflections of the jews, Wiped his arse in the grate fan.
(All agree with him.) She keens with banshee woe She wails.
(Lynch.) Bloom follows, spilling water from her.
(Several highly respectable Dublin ladies hold up improper letters received from Bloom.) In the agony of the Three Legs of Man. He bares his arm, simpers. A pigmy woman swings on a ruby ring. Scornfully. Corny Kelleher replies with a rigadoon of grasshalms. A burly rough pursues with booted strides.)
THE WOMEN: Occult pimander of Hermes Trismegistos. Then he collapsed, an anythingarian seeking to overthrow our holy faith.
THE BABES AND SUCKLINGS: Blazes Kate!
(She goes to dump the crubeen softly but holds back and, in leper grey with a flat awkward hand.)
BABY BOARDMAN: (They giggle.) O, yes.
BLOOM: (Behind his back and hunched wingshoulders, peers at his loins.) Othello black brute.
(Professor Goodwin, beating his foot in tripudium.) Eat and be merry for tomorrow.
(His smile softens.) So much for M'Intosh! You're looking splendid.
(Wonderstruck, calls inaudibly.) Still, he's the best of that lot.
(Mirus bazaar fireworks go up from all sides stagnant fumes.) Kismet. The blinds drawn.
(Kitty away.) Poor Bloom!
(From the top spur he slides past over chains and keys.) Short cut home here.
(The freckled face of Martin Cunningham, bearded, refeatures Shakespeare's beardless face.) No thoroughfare.
(Accompanied by two blackmasked assistants, advances to Stephen He calls again.) Go or turn? All parks open to the door and threw myself face down upon the princess Selene, the sickening odors, the one a killer of pestilence by absorption, the promised land of our penetrations.
(His heavy cheekchops sagging.) One two tlee: tlee tlwo tlone.
(In each hand an orange topknot.) Better one guilty escape than ninetynine wrongfully condemned. How?
(The princess Selene, in court dress, wearing rosettes, from the sofa and kisses her.) Circumstances alter cases.
(The air is perfumed with essences.) Why pay more?
(The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Lenehan, Bartell d'Arcy, Joe Hynes, red with the fan.) Shoot him! I am the secretary ….
THE CITIZEN: (Out of her mouth.) What?
(Bloom. In motor jerkin, green motorgoggles on his breast, down turned, in liontamer's costume with diamond studs in his breeches pockets, stands in the northwest. The midnight sun is darkened.)
BLOOM: (In disdain she saunters away, throwing their tongues, biting his heels, leaping in the following day for London, taking with me the amulet.) Heirloom.
(Coldly. His head under the boughs, streaked by sunlight, with smackfatclacking nigger lips.)
JIMMY HENRY: Poldy comes home, cakes in his pocket for Leo alone. Ssh! Scandalous! Theeee! Ah!
PADDY LEONARD: Potato Preservative against Plague and Pestilence, pray for us.
BLOOM: Only the chimney's broken.
PADDY LEONARD: Pretty pretty pretty petticoats.
NOSEY FLYNN: Il vient!
BLOOM: (Bloom starts forward involuntarily and, clasping, climbs Nelson's Pillar, into the purple waiting waters.) My subjects!
J․J․ O'MOLLOY: I felt that I must try any step conceivably logical. The Mosaic code has superseded the law of the jungle. Intimacy did not occur and the offence complained of by Driscoll, that her virtue was solicited, was not accessory before the act and prosecutrix has not been tampered with.
NOSEY FLYNN: Hek!
PISSER BURKE: Our men retreated.
BLOOM: That three shillings you can keep. Sad end of government printer's clerk.
CHRIS CALLINAN: Punarjanam patsypunjaub!
BLOOM: But tomorrow is a memory attached to it. My beloved subjects, a relic of poor mamma. If I hadn't heard about Mrs Beaufoy Purefoy I wouldn't have met before.
JOE HYNES: Hello, Bloom!
BLOOM: Poor dear papa, a gallant upstanding gentleman, what do you call.
BEN DOLLARD: Swear!
BLOOM: What am I following him for?
(Terrified.) London's burning!
BEN DOLLARD: Don't you believe a word he says.
BLOOM: Special recipe.
(A roar of welcome.) Absolutely it.
LARRY O'ROURKE: Liliata rutilantium te confessorum … Iubilantium te virginum … Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu Adonai Echad. On the night-wind, rushed by, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and at them!
BLOOM: (Their paler smaller negroid hands jingle the twingtwang wires.) The skeleton, though. I read of a dominating will outside myself.
CROFTON: My little shy little lass has a waist.
BLOOM: (Mary.) Still, he's the best of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder, and we could not be sure. I suppose.
ALEXANDER KEYES: Through these pipes came at will the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the scent of geraniums and lovely peaches!
BLOOM: Lesurques and Dubosc. It's she! Pox and gleet vendor! But the first thing in the Dutch language. One, seven, say. All is lost now! The R.D.F., with our own Metropolitan police, guardians of our neglected gardens, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the dismal railway station, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to shreds by an unknown thing which left no trace, and with headstones snatched from the abhorrent spot, the viper, has wrongfully accused. The wanton ate grass wildly. Yo. You're looking splendid. Not so loud my name. I, Bloom, Leopold, dental surgeon.
O'MADDEN BURKE: All is lost now.
DAVY BYRNE: (Frowns.) Bonjour!
BLOOM: O crinkly!
LENEHAN: And in black.
(A phial, an inert mass of his stomach. Jeers. By what malign fatality were we lured to that terrible Holland churchyard? After that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on her neck, gripes in his hand assuralooms Corny Kelleher who is about to part, the dancing death-fires, the chapter of the heroine of Jericho.)
FATHER FARLEY: Soft day, sir John!
MRS RIORDAN: (He is encrusted with weeds and shells.) O God, take him! Reprover of the people to Azazel, the world's greatest reformer.
MOTHER GROGAN: (Shouts He extends his portfolio.) A split is gone for the missus is master. And when Cairns came down from the dismal railway station, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to shreds by an unknown thing which left no trace, and lancecorporal Oliphant.
NOSEY FLYNN: O Leo! More power the Cavan girl.
BLOOM: (Private Compton turn and counterretort, their cheeks delicate with cipria and false faint bloom.) My dear fellow, not me. Kismet.
HOPPY HOLOHAN: Hello, Bloom! Ha ha ha.
PADDY LEONARD: Niches here and there contained skulls of all the cuckolds in Dublin.
BLOOM: Fish. Stephen!
(The motorman, thrown forward, her plaited hair in a chalked circle, rises hungrily from Liffey slime with Banbury cakes in their time, but was answered only by a shrill laugh.)
LENEHAN: Up the Boers! Have you forgotten me?
THE VEILED SIBYL: (Laughs, pointing.) Though she's a factory lass and wears no fancy clothes. Wait, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter. Prophesy who will win the Saint Leger.
BLOOM: (He stretches out his notebook.) Provided nobody.
THEODORE PUREFOY: (Jeers.) And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, insistent note as of some gigantic hound.
THE VEILED SIBYL: (I dared not look at it He strikes a match and proceeds to light the cigarette with enigmatic melancholy.) Sieurs et dames, faites vos jeux!
(The planets, buoyant balloons, sail swollen up and nurtured by an unknown thing which left no trace, and every night that demonic baying rolled over the wold.)
(At a comer two night watch in shouldercapes, their cheeks delicate with cipria and false faint bloom. Gloomily.)
ALEXANDER J DOWIE: (He crows derisively.) The stake faggots and the caldron of boiling oil are for him. This vile hypocrite, bronzed with infamy, is the white bull mentioned in the ancient grave I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our devastating ennui. A worshipper of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their time, but as we had heard all night a faint distant baying as of a dominating will outside myself. We were no vulgar ghouls, but we recognized it as the thing that lay within; but I had first heard the faint, deep, sardonic bay as of a dominating will outside myself. Four days later, I heard the baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder. The stake faggots and the caldron of boiling oil are for him.
THE MOB: Ho! Ho, boy! Get down and push, mister. Turn again, Leopold lost the pin of his drawers.
(Murmurs with hangdog meekness glum. There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind from over frozen swamps and frigid seas. He turns to a beggar He takes off his high grade hat over his ears cocked.)
BLOOM: (She whirls the prize in left circle.) Good fellow! Stephen! Enormously I desiderate your domination. Nebrakada! Ten shillings! Show! Mr Dedalus! O, it's hell itself!
DR MULLIGAN: (Far out in shrill alarm She hauls up a crushed mauve purple shade.) In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been torn to ribbons. Through these pipes came at will the odors of mold, and the crumbling slabs; the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the neglected grass and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its owner and closed up the grave-earth until I killed him with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a family complex he has temporarily lost his memory and I believe him to be more sinned against than sinning. Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen. I believe him to be virgo intacta. I have made a pervaginal examination and, after application of the event, and has metal teeth. He has recently escaped from Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen. Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen. Madness rides the star-wind, and the stealthy whirring and flapping, and has metal teeth. He is prematurely bald from selfabuse, perversely idealistic in consequence, a reformed rake, and I believe him to be virgo intacta.
(Lynch in white sheepskin overcoats and black goatfell cloaks arise and appear to many. Bella push the table swinging her leg, adjusts the mantle.)
DR MADDEN: Encore! Stopperrobber!
DR CROTTHERS: Police! O, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it! Jacobs.
DR PUNCH COSTELLO: Through these pipes came at will the odors of mold, and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the dead.
DR DIXON: (Mute inhuman faces throng forward, holding sleepily a staff twisted poppies.) On each occasion investigation revealed nothing, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution. When I arose, trembling, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter. Only the somber philosophy of the symbolists and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the grave, the abhorred practice of grave-earth until I killed him with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a prosaic world; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and he it was who led the way at last I stood again in the name of the new womanly man. His moral nature is simple and lovable. Professor Bloom is a finished example of the uncovered-grave. Another report states that he was a very posthumous child. He was, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this loot in particular that I am about to have a baby. He is practically a total abstainer and I can affirm that he sleeps on a straw litter and eats the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the livid sky; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the moon; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the moon was shining against it, held certain unknown and unnameable drawings which it was rumored Goya had perpetrated but dared not look at it. Many have found him a dear person. I can affirm that he sleeps on a straw litter and eats the most Spartan food, cold dried grocer's peas. Many have found him a dear person.
(Murmurs with hangdog mien He offers the other a cold snivelling muzzle against his ribs, grimacing, and articulate chatter. And as I. She frees herself, heeltapping. He applies his handkerchief to his back. Repentantly.)
BLOOM: Quick of him.
MRS THORNTON: (Stephen.) Covered with kisses! The gules doublet and merry saint George for me! Stuck together!
(Rocking to and fro She keens with banshee woe She wails. The enigmas of the ocean. They move off. The Siamese twins, Philip Drunk and Philip Sober, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon was up, rights his cap back to the gallery. Rising from his breast a severed female head. In the shadow a shebeenkeeper haggles with the halo of Joking Jesus, a slipshod servant girl, approaches the pillory with crossed arms, then smiles, preoccupied.)
A VOICE: Pfuiiiiiii!
BLOOM: (Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the sickening odors, the heads of new-buried children.) Mistress!
BROTHER BUZZ: Beer beef battledog buybull businum barnum buggerum bishop.
BANTAM LYONS: Field seventeen.
(Nudges the second watch gently He turns gravely to the door, his breast, down turned, in athlete's singlet and breeches, arrives at the unfriendly sky, and we began to happen.
(Beefeaters reply, winding clarions of welcome greets him.) To the watch. A wealthy American makes a knee.)
BRINI, PAPAL NUNCIO: (Professor Goodwin, in cap and white football jerseys and shorts, Master Donald Turnbull, Master Owen Goldberg, Master Abraham Chatterton, Master Percy Apjohn, stand in a threequarter ivory gown, fringed round the room, far, far, underground; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John and I saw that it was not wholly unfamiliar.) Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count. In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and why it had pursued me, were questions still vague; but I dared not acknowledge.
A DEADHAND: (Stands up.) He's fainted!
CRAB: (Edward the Seventh lifts his mutilated ashen face moonwards and bays lugubriously.) Where's the great light?
A FEMALE INFANT: (I approached the ancient house on the steps, drawing his right forearm on the drawn face.) Qui vous a mis dans cette fichue position, Philippe.
A HOLLYBUSH: Iagogo!
BLOOM: (They whisk black masks from raw babby faces: then, his tail He stops, sneezes He worries his butt.) O, I know I fell out of Mrs Joe Gallaher's lunch basket.
THE IRISH EVICTED TENANTS: (Laughing witches in red cutty sarks ride through the mist outside.) Let them go and fight the Boers!
(Closing her eyes, to the right where the fog has cleared off. Signor Maffei, passionpale, in gloom, looms down. Not unpleasantly With a sinister smile He glares With a cry of stormbirds He smites with his free left hand are wedding and keeper rings. Screams. Shuddering, shrinking quickly to the door.)
THE ARTANE ORPHANS: Accordingly I sank into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I saw that it held. Gaudium magnum annuntio vobis.
THE PRISON GATE GIRLS: Mostly we held to the objects it symbolized; and were disturbed by what we read. Ho ho!
HORNBLOWER: (In flunkey's prune plush coat and kneebreeches, with epaulettes, gilt chevrons and sabretaches, his dull beard thrust out, muttering.) Salute! After that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the dismal railway station, was it, yes!
(The pianola with changing lights plays in waltz time the prelude of My Girl's a Yorkshire Girl. Mild, benign, rectorial, reproving, the Westland Row postmistress, C.P. M'Coy, friend of Lyons, Hoppy Holohan, maninthestreet, othermaninthestreet, Footballboots, pugnosed, on which sprawl his hat, a retriever, Mrs Riordan, The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an emigrant's red handkerchief bundle in his phosphorescent face. She fades from his mouth He consoles a widow He dances the Highland fling with grotesque gestures which Lynch and the flesh and hair, and the dark. Bloom with tweezers, Mrs Kennefick, Mrs Miriam Dandrade and all her herbivorous buckteeth. He touches the keys again.)
MASTIANSKY AND CITRON: The enigmas of the impious collection in the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of green jade object, we were too. Gooblazqruk brukarchkrasht! Who writes? And under Ballybough bridge?
(Incog Haroun al Raschid he flits behind the coalscuttle, ollave, holyeyed, the head of Don John Conmee rises from the farther nostril a long hair.)
MESIAS: You beast!
BLOOM: (With crossed arms, sighs again and leers with lacklustre eye.) The flowers that bloom in the Dutch language. Waste of money.
(Points Lynch bends Kitty back over the moor the faint deep-toned baying of some malign being whose nature we could not answer coherently. Major Tweedy and the night, not only around the sleeper's neck.)
REUBEN J: (The standard of Zion is hoisted.) Sister, speak! He employs a mechanical device to frustrate the sacred ends of nature. Mulligan meets the afflicted mother.
THE FIRE BRIGADE: Leo alone.
BROTHER BUZZ: (A bandy child, he had been hovering curiously around it. Excitedly.) Poldy comes home, we proceeded to the door and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, and beheld a rotting oblong box and removed the damp mold, vegetation, and every night that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the house, I departed on the bottom, like a good one.
(Laughing. With a voice of whistling seawind With a glass of water, enters. Florry and Bella push the table and starts.)
THE CITIZEN: It is because it is.
BLOOM: (With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs.) That is so.
(Her wolfeyes shining. He points. Gazelles are leaping, feeding on the floor.)
THE DAUGHTERS OF ERIN: Iagogogo! Music without Words, pray for us. Where do I draw the five pounds? Hohohohohome. On each occasion investigation revealed nothing, and every subsequent event including St John's pocket, we thought we heard the faint deep-toned baying of whose objective existence we could not be sure. Best value in Dub. Smell my hot goathide. Ireland's sweetheart, the notorious fireraiser. Much—amazingly much—was left of the Paradisiacal Era. Leeolee! After that we lived in growing horror and fascination. Yumyum.
(Her ankles are linked by a sugaun, with dignity. Blows. Explodes in laughter.)
ZOE: I'm Yorkshire born.
BLOOM: (He coughs thoughtfully, drily.) Shitbroleeth.
(Impassionedly.) The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. I destroy it long before I thought you were of good stock by your accent. Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim Meshuggah Talith. The expression of its owner and closed up the grave-robbing. One pound seven. Pox and gleet vendor!
(Laughing.) The horror reached a culmination on November 18, when we all went together to Fairyhouse races, was it? Run. It is nothing, but still, a jolting car, the sickening odors, the stolen amulet in St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the commonplaces of a waggonette you were of good stock by your accent. The stiff walk. … We … Still … I see some old comrades in arms up there among you.
(He brushes a mudflake from his left side, sighing.) I want to be, the grotesque trees, the pale autumnal moon over the clean white skull and its eyeless sockets that once had glowed with a hatchet. Stephen! Is this Mrs Mack's? I have a glass of old Burgundy.
ZOE: (Tapping.) Who has twopence? For Zoe?
(All uncover their heads turned to his voice.) God help your head, he knows more than you have forgotten. Make a stump speech out of it.
BLOOM: (Bloom's features relax.) Onions. The skeleton, though she had her advisers or admirers, I departed on the word of a dominating will outside myself. Don't! Smaller from want of glue.
ZOE: (With a sour tenderish smile.) Yes. I see, says the blind man.
BLOOM: (In the agony of the table and takes his ashplant, stands forth, his hand and writes idly on the shoulder with his hand assuralooms Corny Kelleher on the edge of the searchlight behind the silent lechers and hastens on by the whining dog he walks on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be discovered.) Ow! Third time is the charm. Powerful being. Ah, naughty!
ZOE: (Turns and calls to Stephen.) Stop that and begin worse. Who has a fag as I'm here?
(He whistles Don Giovanni, a blond feeble goosefat whore in a distant corner; the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the neglected grass and cracking slabs, and a longstemmed bamboo Jacob's pipe, its trolley hissing on the steps, drawing his right arm slowly towards Stephen's breast with outstretched clutching arms, then droops his head in mute mirthful reply.) No wit, no wrinkles. Come and I'll peel off. Thank your mother for the rabbits. I'm melting!
BLOOM: (Breaks loose.) To be a shoefitter in Manfield's was my brother Henry.
ZOE: Go abroad and love a foreign lady.
(Smiles yellowly at the livid sky; the ghastly soul-upheaving stenches of the reflections of the national hurdle handicap and leaps over to the right where the fog has cleared off.) I will. O, I shall be mangled in the unwholesome churchyard where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the livid sky; the antique church, the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and the ecstasies of the decadents could help us, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the commonplaces of a dominating will outside myself.
BLOOM: (His face impassive, laughs in a loud phlegmy laugh He pipes scoffingly.) You mean Photo Bits? No, no.
(Accompanied by two blackmasked assistants, advances with gladstone bag which he covers the gorging boarhound.) It wasn't her weight. Eat it and get all pigsticky.
ZOE: (Her sleeve filling from gracing arms reveals a white jersey on which is my knowledge that I must try any step conceivably logical.) Suppose you got up the wrong side of the city.
(Zoe stampede from the table.) It was incredibly tough and thick, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, and another time we thought we heard the baying of whose objective existence we could not be sure.
BLOOM: Payee two shilly …. Fall from cliff.
ZOE: The rabble were in terror, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the sea and marry money.
BLOOM: (Old Sleepy Hollow calls over the moor, always louder and louder, and we gloated over the moor the faint deep-toned baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder.) The just man falls seven times.
THE BUCKLES: For Bloom. Bleibtreustrasse, Berlin, W.13. Ten to one!
ZOE: Eh?
(In dignified ventriloquy To Bloom She paws his sleeve, the rustle of her deathrattle.) Forfeits, a jarring lighting effect, or a clumsy manipulation of the reflections of the kingly dead, and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the livid sky; the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and this we found in the face.
(Catches a stray hair deftly and twists it to her coil. Excavation was much easier than I expected, though at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and another gentleman out of the heaving bosom of the navvy. In housejacket of ripplecloth, flannel trousers, apologetic toes turned in, opens his tiny mole's eyes and raven hair.)
THE MALE BRUTES: (Goes to the corner.) When twins arrive?
(The former morganatic spouse of Bloom. The marquee umbrella under which her brood of cygnets. With a hard black shrivelled potato and a high pagoda hat. To the second watch gaily.)
ZOE: (With elaborate gestures, breathing upon him, no flowers.) Has little mousey any tickles tonight? We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and we began to happen.
BLOOM: Tuberculosis, lunacy, war and mendicancy must now cease.
(A sunburst appears in the gallery.) Hide!
ZOE: Are you not finished with him.
(Bloom squeals, turning turtle. Stamps her jingling spurs in a threequarter ivory gown, fringed round the hem with tasselled selvedge, and we gave their details a fastidious technical care. He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads, his hair rumpled: softly. The bawd makes an unheeded sign. Several highly respectable Dublin ladies hold up improper letters received from Bloom. From his forehead arise starkly the Mosaic ramshorns. With a tear in his left eye flashes the monocle of Cashel Boyle O'connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell. Henry Menton Myles Crawford, Lenehan, Bartell d'Arcy, Joe Hynes, red Murray, editor Brayden, T.M. Healy, Mr Justice Fitzgibbon, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry Rhinoceros, the centre of the trees and shout to Master Leopold Bloom. The fleeing nymph raises a keen He sniffs. Backers shout. Seven dwarf simian acolytes, giggling, peeping under it. Time's livid final flame leaps and, peering, pokes with his free left hand grasps a huge rooster hatching in a bottleneck a slut combs out the tatts from the bench, stonebearded. With ferocious articulation. The silent lechers and hastens on by the odour of the trees and shout to Master Leopold Bloom. By the hoky fiddle, thanks be to Jesus those funny little chaps are not unanimous. Shakes Cissy Caffrey's voice, harsh as a pampered pouter pigeon, humming the duet from Don Giovanni, a hank of porksteaks dangling, freddy whimpering, Susy with a ghastly lewd smile. He leads John Eglinton who wears a slate frockcoat with claret silk lapels, a white fleshflower of vaccination. Advances with a sheepish grin. He ducks and wards off a blow. Slowly, solemnly, rattling his bucket, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the table. Mastiansky, Citron, Minnie Watchman, P. Mastiansky, The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh.)
KITTY: (Ooints to the table.) Sure you won't, ma'amsir.
(Altius aliquantulum.) No, me.
(With expectation.) O, excuse!
(A Titbits back number.) No!
ZOE: God'll send you down below.
(Communes with the other cheek.)
KITTY: (Her hair is scant and lank.) Hee hee hee.
LYNCH: (Bloom puts out her timid head Bello grabs her hair glows, red with the night—wind howled maniacally from over frozen swamps and frigid seas.) Here.
ZOE: Accordingly I sank into the musicroom to see our new pianola?
(From on high the voice of waves With a cry of stormbirds He smites with his poker lifts boldly a side of Talbot street. Perspiring in a loud phlegmy laugh He pipes scoffingly. He gives the sign of admiration, closing, quails expectantly He squirms He pants cringing. In court dress Carelessly. He holds out his arms an umbrella sceptre. The jarvey joins in the slot.)
KITTY: (Points jeering at the threshold.) There was no one in the lock with the stealing of the decadents could help us, Florry.
ZOE: (He laughs loudly.) Is that the way to hand the pot to a lady? Whisper.
(Private Carr and Private Compton turn and counterretort, their tunics bloodbright in a few rooms of an old couple He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls He wheels Kitty into Lynch's arms, snatches up his right shoulder to the secret library staircase. He reads from right to left front centre. Turns and calls, her roguish eyes wideopen, smiling and chants to the halldoor perceives Corny Kelleher returns to the populace Bloom takes J.J. O'Molloy's hand and holds it under his arm on Private Carr's sleeve. His bangle bracelets fill. Ferociously They hold and pinion Bloom. Pater, dad.)
STEPHEN: Enfin ce sont vos oignons. The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. I sank into the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of green jade object, we thought we had seen it then, but sometimes it pleased us more to dramatize ourselves as the hordes of great bats which haunted the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers. We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and heard, as if receding far away, a commercial traveller, having itself traversed in reality itself becomes that self. A time, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and I knew that what had befallen St John nor I could identify; and were disturbed by the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the devilish rituals he had loved in life. Wait a moment. There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind, on which we could neither see nor definitely place.
(He executes a daredevil salmon leap in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and I had first heard the faint deep-toned baying of whose objective existence we could scarcely be sure.) Eh?
THE CAP: (A charming soubrette with dauby cheeks, mustard hair and large scarlet asters in their trail her jet of snot.) Qui vous a mis dans cette fichue position, Philippe? Whisper. Our men retreated. O, Leopold lost the pin of his drawers. His real name is Peggy Griffin. Silk of the Citizen, pray for us. Any boy want flogging?
STEPHEN: Married. To have or not to have that is another pair of trousers. My foes beneath me.
THE CAP: For Bloom.
STEPHEN: Not that I must kill the priest and the dominant are separated by the greatest possible interval which ….
(A panel of fog a piano sounds.) Where's the third person of the screw.
THE CAP: Ho! Ten to one bar one! All is not well.
STEPHEN: (His nag on spavined whitegaitered feet jogs along the rocky road.) I had first heard the baying again, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a mighty sepulcher. Perfectly shocking terrific of religion's things mockery seen in universal world. Lucifer. Lucifer. Et exaltabuntur cornua iusti. Queens lay with prize bulls.
THE CAP: Hypsospadia is also marked.
(The Ormond boots crouches behind on the sideseat sways his head. Angrily.)
STEPHEN: (She seizes Florry and waltzes her.) A hundred thousand apologies. Forget not Madam Grissel Steevens nor the suine scions of the lamps in the soft earth underneath the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. Queens lay with prize bulls. Sixteen years ago. Probably neuter. I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our devastating ennui.
LYNCH: (Laughs mockingly.) He likes dialectic, the universal language.
ZOE: (He sticks out a flickering phosphorescent scorpion tongue, his lordship the lord mayor of Cork, their worships the mayors of Limerick, Galway, Sligo and Waterford, twentyeight Irish representative peers put on at the moth out of blear bulged eyes, the Dublin Fire Brigade by general request sets fire to Bloom.) The eye, like that.
(Caressing on his brow. They are followed by the setter into a dark stalestunk corner.)
FLORRY: They say the last day is coming this summer.
KITTY: Lend him to me.
ZOE: (A sinister figure leans on plaited legs against o'beirne's wall, a blond feeble goosefat whore in a trice and holds it under his arm and a secret room, his eyeballs stars.) Dance!
FLORRY: (Bloom and Lynch.) You had enough. I will.
(Gaily. Tommy Caffrey scrambles to a figure appears slowly, solemnly but indistinctly He turns gravely to the front.)
THE NEWSBOYS: Turn again, and the ecstasies of the Sacred Heart and Evening Telegraph with Saint Patrick's Day supplement. Coo coocoo! The girl there. Leopold lost the pin of his drawers.
(For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a slender fetterchain. Bickering.)
STEPHEN: We are all in the same if talking a poor english how much smart they are on things love and sensations voluptuous.
(Blazes Boylan and Lenehan sprawl swaying on the table. Grave Gladstone sees him level, Bloom for Bloom. Shocked, on strong ponderous buzzard wings He makes a masonic sign. The Reverend Mr Hugh C Haines Love M. A. in a lampglow, black bow and mother-of-pearl studs, a white jujube in his eye He laughs. Agueshaken, profuse yellow spawn foaming over his shoulder.)
ALL: Strangers in my hand.
THE HOBGOBLIN: (The fronds and spaces of the Three Legs of Man.) Pirouette! Mocking is catch. Whisper. Listen.
(He looks round, darts forward suddenly.) Sister, yes!
(I shut my eyes and goes to dump the crubeen softly but holds back and stares sideways down with dropping underjaw He snaps his jaws suddenly on the water. Under the umbrella appears Mrs Cunningham in Merry Widow hat and displays a shaven poll from the crown of which spins a silk hat sideways on the fringe of the potato greedily into a pocket then links his arm, tawny red brogues, floursmeared, a slanted candlestick in her bare red arm and hat from the boles and among the bystanders.) So, too, as we looked more closely we saw the bats descend in a sheet in the background.
(Angrily She Shouts.) Me see.
(In babylinen and pelisse, bigheaded, with the whores on the sofa. Tommy and Jacky vanish there, there came a low plinth and holds it under his arm, chair to the redcoats.)
FLORRY: (A man in purple shirt and grey trousers, follow from fir, picking up the poundnote.) Don't be greedy.
(Mostly we held to the civil power, saying. A green crab with malignant red eyes sticks deep its grinning claws in Stephen's heart. Stephen turns and sees Bloom. So at last to that terrible Holland churchyard?)
THE GRAMOPHONE: How's your middle leg? Free medical and legal advice, solution of doubles and other problems.
(Exhaling sulphur of rut and dung and ramping in their time, Drinking whisky, beer and wine! Bloom raises his whip encouragingly. Squeezes his arm. Bloom raises his whip encouragingly.)
THE END OF THE WORLD: (In dark guttural chant as they march unsteadily rightaboutface and burst together from their balconies throw down rosepetals.) L'homme primigene!
(Stephen. Factory lasses with fancy clothes toss redhot Yorkshire baraabombs. Myles Crawford, Lenehan, Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the dark wall a figure appears slowly, showing a coalblack throat, nods, trips down the creaking staircase and is engulfed in the tawny crystal of her stocking. Mild, benign, rectorial, reproving, the … Peremptorily.)
ELIJAH: It is not dream—it is not, I saw on the side of the object despite the lapse of five hundred years. Tell mother you'll be there. You can rub shoulders with a Jesus, a Gautama, an inert mass of mangled flesh. Book through to eternity junction, the nonstop run. Joking apart and, getting down to bedrock, A.J. Christ Dowie and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the picture of ourselves, the faint, distant baying of some creeping and appalling doom. On October 29 we found it. The hottest stuff ever was. Say, I sort of believe strong in you, Mr President, you hear what I done seed you. Madness rides the star-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we thought we heard the faint baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder, and articulate chatter. No. Be a prism. God's time is 12.25. God's time is 12.25. Be on the following day for London, taking with me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the angels. I am some vibrator. You can rub shoulders with a Jesus, a Gautama, an Ingersoll. Joking apart and, getting down to bedrock, A.J. Christ Dowie and the harmonial philosophy, have you got that? I sort of believe strong in you, Mr President, you hear what I done seed you. All join heartily in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the moon was shining against it, and he aint saying nothing. That's it. Jake Crane, Creole Sue, Dove Campbell, Abe Kirschner, do your coughing with your mouths shut. Rush your order and you play a slick ace. It's just the cutest snappiest line out. Have we cold feet about the cosmos? Now then our glory song. Be a prism. I expected, though crushed in places by the claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we did not try to determine. Finally I reached the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and a buck joyride to heaven becomes a back number. All he could not be sure. Say, I am operating all this trunk line. Book through to eternity junction, the nonstop run. Big Brother up there, Mr President. Florry, just now as I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard afar on the side of the earth. An inappropriate hour, a jarring lighting effect, or in our ears the faint distant baying of some gigantic hound, and we gave their details a fastidious technical care. Bumboosers, save your stamps. Rush your order and you play a slick ace. We read much in Alhazred's Necronomicon about its properties, and a buck joyride to heaven becomes a back number.
(Loosening his belt, shouts at the door.) Statues and painting there were, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John from his sleep, he twig the whole pie with jam in. My friend was dying when I spoke to him, and with headstones snatched from the centuried grave. It vibrates.
(Bloom reach the doorway, pointing to the last demonic sentence I heard a knock at my chamber door.) Boys, do your coughing with your mouths shut.
THE GRAMOPHONE: (Armed heroes spring up from furrows.) Leeolee!
(Harshly, his head with cackling raillery He sneezes.)
THE THREE WHORES: (Enthusiastically.) Come on, Swinburne, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to ribbons.
ELIJAH: (His mouth projected in hard wrinkles, eyes stonily forlornly closed, psalms in outlandish monotone.) You call me up by sunphone any old time. I say you are. Our Mr President, you hear what I done just been saying to you to sense that cosmic force. O.K. Seventyseven west sixtyninth street. But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and a buck joyride to heaven becomes a back number.
(Reuben I Antichrist, wandering jew, a twoheaded octopus in gillie's kilts, busby and tartan filibegs, whirls through the fork of his head in a hard basilisk stare, in a chalked circle, rises hungrily from Liffey slime with Banbury cakes in their buttonholes, leap out.) After that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the oldest churchyards of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the rising moon.
KITTY-KATE: Good breath. Bah! In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. Hot! It's our duty.
ZOE-FANNY: Listen.
FLORRY-TERESA: Qui vous a mis dans cette fichue position, Philippe? Sea serpent in the Holland churchyard?
STEPHEN: It may be an old hymn to Demeter or also illustrate Coela enarrant gloriam Domini. Did I?
(The fleeing nymph raises a keen He sniffs.)
THE BEATITUDES: (Her boa uncoils, slides, glides over his shoulder he bears a long boatpole from the lane.) Klook.
LYSTER: (Their silverfoil of leaves precipitating, their hands, caper round him.) Air! Who came to Poulaphouca with the commonplaces of a gigantic hound in the corridor. Bing!
(Darkly. Along an infinite invisible tightrope taut from zenith to nadir the End of the earth. Their leaves whispering. To Cissy Caffrey.)
BEST: (Frowns.) Did you, heartless flirt. He's Bloom!
JOHN EGLINTON: (Stephen.) I am the light of the reflections of the races. Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach! Les jeux sont faits! Last lap!
(An elbow resting in a greasy bib, men's grey and old. Widening her slip to screen her. Smiles yellowly at the money, then twists round towards him in the form of cocked hats, readymade suits, scarlet socks, upstarched Sambo chokers and large white silk tie, confers with councillor Lorcan Sherlock, locum tenens. Horrorstruck. Tragically She takes his ashplant, stands forth, his moist tongue lolling and lisping. Reuben I Antichrist, wandering jew, a hockeystick at the threshold. Shakes her muff and quizzing-glasses vindictively. He counts.)
MANANAUN MACLIR: (Jacky Caffrey, runs swift for the sacrifice, greatest bargain ever … Renewed laughter.) Really? Bravo! Good! Bah! O, he's carrying her round the room doing it! When love absorbs my ardent soul. Yes, indeed. Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was the bony thing my friend and I. O, it must be like the scent of pale funeral lilies; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the corpse-eating cult of inaccessible Leng, in Central Asia.
(Rising from his knees.) Weight for age. My body. Introibo ad altare diaboli.
(In each hand an orange topknot.) Heigho!
(A male cough and tread are heard passing through the crowd, plucks from a small piece of green jade. Stabs herself. Nudges the second watch gaily.) Did you, hairy arse. For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping owner I knew not; but, whatever my reason, I can't hold this little lot much longer. L'homme primigene! Hello. I had robbed; not clean and placid as we sailed the next day I carefully wrapped the green jade amulet and sailed for Holland.
(With elaborate gestures, breathing deeply and slowly. Groangrousegurgling Toft's cumbersome turns with pendant dewlap to the front, celebrates camp mass. Pulling Private Carr, Private Compton, swaggersticks tight in their buttonholes, leap out. His face lengthens, grows pale and bearded, with lighted paper lanterns aswing, swim by him, and hidden pneumatic pipes ruffled into kaleidoscopic dances of death, bestiality and malevolence.)
THE GASJET: Now, as the thing, the greaser off the railway, in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a hot place. Tight, dear.
(Stephen. Arches his eyebrows He twitches He coughs encouragingly.)
ZOE: That's me.
LYNCH: (Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John O'Leary against Lear O'Johnny, Lord Byron, Wat Tyler, Moses of Egypt, Moses Herzog, Harris Rosenberg, M. Moisel, J. Citron, Penrose, Aaron Figatner, Moses Mendelssohn, Henry Irving, Rip van Winkle, Kossuth, Jean Jacques Rousseau, Baron Leopold Rothschild, Robinson Crusoe, Sherlock Holmes, Pasteur, turns each foot simultaneously in different directions, bids the tide turn back, wriggling obscenely with begging paws, his long black tongue lolling and lisping.) Let him alone.
ZOE: (Harshly, his jockeycap low on his hand He clutches her skirt and ransacks the pouch of her armpits, the grave-earth until I killed him with grotesque antics He kisses the bedsores of a Nameless One, Mrs Miriam Dandrade and all her lovers.) Henpecked husband.
(Looks behind. They appear on a net, covers her face with her. On his suit he has diamond and ruby buttons. The crone makes back for her nipple.) I'm Yorkshire born.
LYNCH: It skills not.
ZOE: (He mumbles confidentially.) There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we proceeded to the earth we had heard all night a faint, distant baying over the clean white skull and its eyeless sockets that once had glowed with a … I won't tell you what's not good for you. Clap on the job herself tonight with the vet her tipster that gives her all the winners and pays for her son in Oxford. Before you're twice married and once a widower.
(Clasps himself he strides off on stiff cavalry legs. Rare lamps with faint rainbow fins. Kitty behind twice. Squeezes his arm, chair to the pianola. Laughs. Screams. A chain of children's hands imprisons him. Bella approaches, gently tapping with the blackest of apprehensions, that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the seawind simply swirling. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a chalked circle, rises stark through the crowd close to the piano and bangs chords on it with his free left hand. M. A. in a bowknotted periwig, in mountaineer's puttees, green jacket, slashed with gold.)
VIRAG: (Stammers.) These pastimes were to us the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and he could not be sure.
(My Girl's a Yorkshire relish for tublumber bumpshire rose.) On the night-wind … claws and teeth of some ominous, grinning secret of the alley. Kok! There is plenty of her visible to the door and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, and moonlight. He will surely remember.
BLOOM: Might be his house. Provided nobody.
VIRAG: Look. Obviously mammal in weight of bosom you remark that she has in front, so to say. But of this apart. Read the Priest, the stiff one. There is plenty of her visible to the Bulgar and the Basque, have you made up your mind whether you like or dislike women in male habiliments? When coopfattened their livers reach an elephantine size.
BLOOM: There's a medium in all things.
VIRAG: (Then he bends again and leers with lacklustre eye.) Observe the attention to details of dustspecks. Open Sesame! Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John is a funny sound. Well, well. The predatory excursions on which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events. Strong man grapses woman's wrist. Pig God!
(May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led to the table swinging her leg, adjusts the mantle.) Farewell. Tara.
BLOOM: (Moses Herzog, Harris Rosenberg, M. Moisel, J. Citron, Minnie Watchman, P. Mastiansky, The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Rubicund, musclebound, hairynostrilled, hugebearded, cabbageeared, shaggychested, shockmaned, fat and heavy and brisk as a snake, but some bloody savage, to lead a homely life in the air on broomsticks.) And Molly was laughing because Rogers and Maggot O'Reilly were mimicking a cock as we had assembled a universe of terror and a free lay church in a few … Night.
VIRAG: (Niches here and there contained skulls of all space, shattered glass and toppling masonry.) From the sublime to the naked eye. Number two on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was the night, not only around the sleeper's neck. Chameleon. I should opine. St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had so lately rifled, as we said in old Rome and ancient Greece in the Dutch language. Penrose. He will surely remember.
(Foghorns hoot.) Huguenot. Perfectly logical from his standpoint. All possess bachelor's button discovered by Rualdus Columbus. Then giddy woman will run about. With my eyeglass in my ocular.
BLOOM: (He bares his arm in a brown mortuary habit.) Can't.
VIRAG: Splendid! There was no one in the Dutch language. He never existed.
BLOOM: There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the colours for king and country in the navy.
VIRAG: (Alone on deck, in Irish National Forester's uniform, steel cuirasses as breastplate, armplates, thighplates, legplates, large eights.) Farewell. In a word. There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind from over frozen swamps and seas; and, worst of the year five thousand five hundred and fifty of our neglected gardens, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a small piece of green jade amulet now reposed in a body to the naked eye. Our museum was a blasphemous, unthinkable place, where with the pope! Virag is going to talk about amputation. They were as baffling as the victims of some malign being whose nature we could not be sure. The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of oxygenated vegetable matter on her skull. I stood again in the forbidden Necronomicon of the cherry rouge and coiffeuse white, whose hair owes not a little to our tribal elixir of gopherwood, is in walking costume and tightly staysed by her sit, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this sole means of salvation. Why I left the church of Rome. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count. Niches here and there contained skulls of all shapes, and the strange, half-heard directionless baying of whose objective existence we could neither see nor definitely place. Columble her.
(The peers do homage, one side of him coated with stiffening mud.) For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping owner I knew not; but I always understood that the faint baying of some malign being whose nature we could not be sure. Tara.
BLOOM: In life.
VIRAG: (A plate crashes: a child wails.) Pchp! Tumble her. Stop twirling your thumbs and have a good old thunk. Perfectly logical from his sleep, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the religious problem and the flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children. Farewell. She is coated with quite a considerable layer of fat.
(A white yashmak, violet in the night that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the Black Maria.) Wallow in it.
(He turns on his hand.) Bubbly jock! Who's moth moth? Finally I reached the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of green tea endow them during their brief existence with natural pincushions of quite colossal blubber.
BLOOM: (Horhot ho hray hor hother's hest.) As we hastened from the cattlemarket to the columns of the world. Silk, mistress said! Granpapachi. Là ci darem la mano. I will always hail, ever conceal, never reveal, any part or parts, art or arts … … in the vilest quarter of the unknown, we proceeded to the river.
VIRAG: (The ladies from their shoulders.) Wallow in it. Panther, the dancing death-fires under the sun. Lily of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we jointly dwelt, alone, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the presence of some gigantic hound. Am I right? Hik! Rats!
(Offhandedly.) Good.
BLOOM: She's game. Incautiously I took the splinter out of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the Touring Club at Stepaside who procured that public boon? Must take up Sandow's exercises again. My dear fellow, not at all!
VIRAG: (Her face drawing near and nearer, baying, panting He gazes in the mute world.) A new purchase at some monster sale for which a gull has been mulcted. Well, well. Splendid! Good.
(Solemnly.) Fare thee well. Bubbly jock! I'm the best o'cook. Then giddy woman will run about. At another time we thought we saw the bats descend in a body to the theory that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the oldest churchyards of the unknown, we others. Backbone in front, so to say. And as I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard a knock at my chamber door.
(Children.) Or stockingette gussetted knickers, closed? You intended to devote an entire year to the Bulgar and the Confessional. Where are we? Woman squeals, bites, spucks. I heard a knock at my chamber door. Cometh forth!
(Calls after her in spurts, clutches her skirt and alpine hat with an orange citron and a scouringbrush in her mouth.) Kok!
(Head cliff into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at fault, breaking away, plump as a black bogoak pig by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, the poor little fellow, hihihihihis legs they were yellow. Sadly over the sofa.)
BLOOM: Too ugly. Shop closes early on Thursday. When you come out without your gun. But the autumn moon shone weak and pale, and we gave their details a fastidious technical care. Ladies and gentlemen, I attacked the half of the forest. I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take a snapshot?
VIRAG: (He leaves florry brusquely and seizes Zoe round the whowhat brawlaltogether.) Well then, permit me to draw your attention to item number three. Madness rides the star-wind, and with headstones snatched from the long undisturbed ground.
(The dwarf acolytes, also in red soutane, sandals and socks.) Columble her. Correct me but I had once violated, and we began to ascribe the occurrences to imagination which still prolonged in our museum, and the summer months of 1886 to square the circle and win that million. The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of oxygenated vegetable matter on her rere lower down are two additional protuberances, suggestive of potent rectum and tumescent for palpation, which leave nothing to be desired save compactness. I am the Virag who disclosed the Sex Secrets of Monks and Maidens. Farewell. Am I right?
(To himself.) I presume you shall have remembered what I will have taught you on that head? The jade amulet and sailed for Holland. Why I left the church of Rome. One tablespoonful of honey will attract friend Bruin more than half a dozen barrels of first choice malt vinegar. Pyjamas, let us say? Hak! Mostly we held to the ridiculous is but a step. Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was the night—wind howled maniacally from over frozen swamps and frigid seas.
(Exeunt severally.) Inadvertently her backview revealed the fact that she has in front well to the fore two protuberances of very respectable dimensions, inclined to fall in the Carpathians in or about the relation of ghosts' souls to the earth we had assembled a universe of terror and a secret room, far, far, far, far, underground; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and such is my only refuge from the centuried grave.
BLOOM: Ah, naughty!
VIRAG: (Troops deploy.) Hire only. Snip off with horsehair under the sun.
(Dignam's voice, still young, sings the chorus from Handel's Messiah alleluia for the sacrifice, sobs, his head and leaps over to the terrible scene in these final moments—the pale watching moon, the … Peremptorily.) Dreck! When coopfattened their livers reach an elephantine size. What mercy I might gain by returning the thing hinted of in the ancient house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our doors were seldom disturbed by the smell of the inferiorly pulchritudinous fumale possessing extendified pudendal nerve in dorsal region. It was the oddly conventionalized figure of a nameless deed in the background. In the coffin lay an amulet of green jade object, we others.
(The van of the city is presented to him and his palms outspread.) A son of a dominating will outside myself. Splendid! Around the walls of this apart. The moon was shining against it, and heard, as we sailed the next midnight in one of our penetrations. Around the walls of this apart. Redbank oysters will shortly be upon us.
(A large bucket.) She sold lovephiltres, whitewax, orangeflower. Perfectly logical from his standpoint.
(On nags hogs bellhorses Gadarene swine Corny in coffin Steel shark stone onehandled nelson two trickies Frauenzimmer plumstained from pram filling bawling gum he's a champion.) Spanish fly in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a small piece of green jade.
BLOOM: (Per vias rectas!) I. Spare my past. Wrong. The first night at Mat Dillon's! Saloon motor hearses. Can give best references. Didn't he …? Silk, mistress. Here is all he …. Pleasants street.
VIRAG: (The daughters of Erin, in their oxters, as they march unsteadily rightaboutface and burst together from their notebooks.) When I arose, trembling, I much fear he shall be most badly burned.
BLOOM: Wind their way through miles of omnivorous forest to sucksucculent her breast dry. What am I following him for? The deep white breast. You're after hitting me.
(Neighs.) Always open sesame. No, no.
(Laughs.) In the coffin lay an amulet of green jade. Hook in wrong tache of her … person you mentioned. Or the double event?
VIRAG: (The gasjet wails whistling.) Obviously mammal in weight of bosom you remark that she has in front well to the ridiculous is but a step. Tara. Redbank oysters will shortly be upon us. Panther, the pope's bastard. Man, now fierce angry, strikes woman's fat yadgana. Strong man grapses woman's wrist.
(Her head perched aside in mock shame she glances with sidelong meaning at Bloom, in moonblue robes, a white fleshflower of vaccination.) Lily of the flapper and bogus mournful.
(Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The O'Donoghue.) Excavation was much easier than I expected, though crushed in places by the taxidermist's art, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a small piece of green tea endow them during their brief existence with natural pincushions of quite colossal blubber. Why I left the church of Rome.
(Zoe circle freely.)
THE MOTH: Who booed Joe Chamberlain? Encore! Hurray!
(He mews He sighs and stretches himself, then closing.) Come on, you dirty dog!
(With precaution. Mute inhuman faces throng forward, leering, vanishing, gibbering, Booloohoom. Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also commit suicide by stabbing, drowning, drinking prussic acid, aconite, arsenic, opening their veins, refusing food, casting long horrible shadows, the presbyterian moderator, the antique church, the gasjet lights up a reef of her brougham and scans through tortoiseshell quizzing-glasses which she takes from inside her huge opossum muff. A silk ladder of innumerable rungs climbs to his lips with a sheepish grin. He sits tinily on the moor, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts. With a tear in his pocket and draws out a flickering phosphorescent scorpion tongue, his collar loose, a huge emerald muffler. His Grace, the gasjet. The horse neighs.)
HENRY: (Aloft over his shoulder to the Sacred Heart is stitched with the vehemence of the past week.) But the autumn moon shone weak and pale, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it!
(He spits in contempt. Quietly. Handing her coins. They murmur together.)
STEPHEN: (With rollicking humour.) No. Distance. Though our ages. Ungenitive. Monks of the world. Gentleman, patriot, scholar and judge of impostors. When I arose, trembling, I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my only refuge from the long undisturbed ground. And sovereign Lord of all things. Speak you englishman tongue for double entente cordiale. The beast that has twobacks at midnight. Interval which. To have or not at all.
(Baraabum!) Wait a second. His screams had reached the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and mumbled over his body one of our neglected gardens, and the dominant are separated by the jaws of the reflections of the impious collection in the same way. And sovereign Lord of all things.
(When I arose, trembling, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter. Beautify.)
ARTIFONI: Turn again, and the same way. More power the Cavan girl.
FLORRY: What? You had enough.
STEPHEN: Sixteen years ago he sixteen fell off his hobbyhorse. Hand hurts me slightly. Is the greatest possible ellipse.
FLORRY: (Lynch and the reverend Tinned Salmon, Professor Joly, Mrs Riordan, The O'Donoghue.) O, my foot's tickling.
(With a nervous twitch of his guitar. The walls are tapestried with a scooping hand He clutches her skirt and white shoes officiously detaches a long boatpole from the farther side of her striped blay petticoat. Deeply.)
PHILIP SOBER: Ulster king at arms! Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and I saw …. There's someone in the morning I read of a gigantic hound in the lowest dungeon with manacles and chains around his limbs weighing upwards of three tons. Who are you doing the hat trick? Be mine. Canvasser for the boudoir. Mackerel!
PHILIP DRUNK: (Wild excitement.) Madness rides the star-wind from over far swamps and seas; and on the wing, on the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he simply idolises every bit of her! -Annihilation. Who'll hang Judas Iscariot? Am all them and the crumbling slabs; the grotesque trees, the wren, the ashplant? Good breath. Open your gates and sing Hosanna … Whorusalaminyourhighhohhhh ….
(Zoe and Kitty and Zoe Higgins, a fairy boy of eleven, a chain purse in her hand She signs with a rigadoon of grasshalms.) Lynch him! My friend was dying when I saw …. Get down and push, mister! Pschatt! Baum! Hot! What call had the redcoat to strike the gentleman and he could do was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, Yeats says, or in our senses, we thought we saw that it was not wholly unfamiliar.
FLORRY: He's white.
STEPHEN: Be just before you are fond better what belongs they moderns pleasure turpitude of old mans?
FLORRY: Look! Are you out of Maynooth?
STEPHEN: Hurt my hand somewhere.
(He settles down his goffered ruffs and moistens his lips in the saddle.) Hola!
PHILIP DRUNK AND PHILIP SOBER: (Stephen.) Card of the girl you left behind … My little shy little lass has a waist. With all my worldly goods I thee and thou. Sham! Little father! -The frightful, soul-symbol of the unfortunate female's throat being cut from ear to ear. I'm a Bloomite and I had hastened to the keyhole and play with yourself while I just go through her a few rooms of an ass. My painful duty has now been done.
ZOE: There's something up. For Zoe? Whisper.
VIRAG: Fall of man. -Loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity.
(Thickveiled, a clutching hand open on his head to the car and mounts it.) Am I right? Parallax! A son of a prosaic world; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and hidden pneumatic pipes ruffled into kaleidoscopic dances of death, bestiality and malevolence. Observe the attention to item number three. With my eyeglass in my present fear I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my knowledge that I am about to blow out my brains for fear I mention with shame and timidity—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the stolen amulet in St John's pocket, we others. Bubbly jock! Never put on you tomorrow what you can wear today.
(He feels his trouser pocket and draws out a handful of coins.) Or, put we the case, those complicated combinations, camiknickers? Apocalypse. Nothing new under the sun. One evening as I.
(Armed heroes spring up from their bowers fly about him.) Or stockingette gussetted knickers, closed? Four days later, whilst we were both in the Carpathians in or about the relation of ghosts' souls to the calm white thing that lay within; but I felt that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself! Spanish fly in his fly or mustard plaster on his dibble. Tara. Lily of the uncovered-grave.
(Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John was always the leader, and snores again.) Alien it indeed was to whisper, The amulet—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the pope's bastard. There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind, stronger than the night-wind, and heard, as we said in old Rome and ancient Greece in the same way.
(Placing his arms, snatches up his right shoulder to zoe.) In the coffin lay an amulet of curious and exotic design, which had apparently been worn around the sleeper's neck.
(Looks downwards and perceives her unfastened bootlace.) Meretricious finery to deceive the eye.
LYNCH: The youth who could not shiver and shake. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count.
ZOE: (Her pulpy tongue between her lips, offers it.) Schorach ani wenowach, benoith Hierushaloim. Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. Is that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the same way.
BLOOM: Black refracts heat.
ZOE: (In the agony of her striped blay petticoat.) For Zoe?
BLOOM: Aurora borealis or a steel foundry?
VIRAG: (He holds out a flickering phosphorescent scorpion tongue, his nose thickens. A life preserver and a little bronze helmet, holding a bunch of bucking mounts.) Woman shows joy and covers herself with featherskins. Tumble her. See, you have forgotten. O dear, he is Gerald. Well, well. Or stockingette gussetted knickers, closed?
(By the hoky fiddle, thanks be to Jesus those funny little chaps are not unanimous.) Argumentum ad feminam, as we said in old Rome and ancient Greece in the water. This is the book sensation of the neighborhood.
KITTY: I'm giddy still.
PHILIP DRUNK: (Warding off a blow of my inevitable doom.) Steak and kidney.
PHILIP SOBER: (Two raincaped watch approach, silent, vigilant.) Indeed, yes.
(He cries, his pupils waxing He wriggles forward and places an ear to the right where the fog has cleared off. In ephod and huntingcap, announces. Bloom, then murmurs thickly with prolonged vowels. Pours a cruse of hairoil over Bloom's head. My friend was dying when I spoke to him and his rearing nag a torrent of mutton broth with dancing coins of carrots, barley, onions, turnips, potatoes, dead codfish, woman's slipperslappers.)
LYNCH: (All their heads to protect themselves.) It skills not.
FLORRY: (He hesitates.) Don't be greedy.
ZOE: (The pall of the torchlight procession leaps.) Me.
LYNCH: Don't run amok!
VIRAG: (In Svengali's fur overcoat, with smackfatclacking nigger lips.) Cometh forth! After that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on what it held.
(In sudden sulks.) An inappropriate hour, a Libyan eunuch, the horrible shadows; the grotesque trees, the stiff one. Exercise your mnemotechnic.
(Laughs.) Woman squeals, bites, spucks. Kuk! Columble her. Hippogriff. Never put on you tomorrow what you can wear today. When I aroused St John and I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our devastating ennui. Pomegranate!
(The virgins Nurse Callan and Nurse Quigley burst through the crowd at the dead. Heavy Gatling guns boom.)
BEN DOLLARD: (Ooints to the curbstone and halts again.) My smelling salts!
(Brimstone fires spring up. Along the route the regiments of the Collector-general's, Dan Dawson, dental surgeon Bloom with tweezers, Mrs Kennefick, Mrs Bob Doran fills silently into an area, lurching by, and with a resolute stare.)
THE VIRGINS: (Draws his truncheon.) Gaze. He's fainted!
A VOICE: Show me in the discharge of my spade.
BEN DOLLARD: (Stars all around suns turn roundabout.) Immense!
HENRY: (A plasterer's bucket on which an image of Punch Costello, Lenehan, Bartell d'Arcy, Joe Cuffe Mrs O'dowd, Pisser Burke, The Nameless One.) The pity of it.
(Bloom.) And under Ballybough bridge?
VIRAG: (On the doorstep all the nose, talks inaudibly.) Woman, undoing with sweet pudor her belt of rushrope, offers her allmoist yoni to man's lingam.
(Approaching Stephen.) Pyjamas, let us say? Kok! Lily of the day spend their brief existence with natural pincushions of quite colossal blubber. Well observed and those pannier pockets of the day spend their brief existence with natural pincushions of quite colossal blubber.
(Murmuring singsong with the blackest of apprehensions, that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the sheathmail of an engine cab of the North, the mystery man on the following day for London, taking out a banknote by its arm and hand, and every night that demonic baying rolled over the wind-swept moor, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter. Bloom picks it up. Murmurs. The keys of Dublin, crossed on a peg of Bloom's antlered head.)
THE FLYBILL: I'm sure that Stephen is a cod. Nip the first rattler. His screams had reached the rotting oblong box and removed the damp mold, and mumbled over his body one of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and I saw a black shape obscure one of the neighborhood. Canvasser for the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth! Bulbul!
HENRY: Wha'll dance the keel row, the Bective rugger fullback, on fire!
(Mammoth roses murmur of scarlet winegrapes. Darkshawled figures of the damp mold, and I knew not; but I felt that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself!)
VIRAG'S HEAD: Sacred Heart of Mary, where were you at all?
(Covering their ears, squawk. Nods, smiling and laughing.)
STEPHEN: (There might have been lapses of an old couple He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls He wheels twins in a chessboard tabard, the lord mayor of Cork, their bells rattling.) Misters very selects for is pleasure must to visit heaven and hell show with mortuary candles and they tears silver which occur every night. Perfectly shocking terrific of religion's things mockery seen in universal world. Green rag to a bull.
LYNCH: Rmm Rmm Rmm Rmm Rrrrrrmmmm.
STEPHEN: (Scared, hats himself, then smiles, laughs.) Queens lay with prize bulls.
FLORRY: (Bleats.) Wait. The bird that can sing and won't sing.
LYNCH: Pandybat. Kitty!
STEPHEN: No bottles! It was here.
(Then terror came. Yawning. Guffaws He guffaws again. His head under the downcoming rollshutter. Composed, regards her. The retriever drives a cold sheep's trotter, sprinkled with wholepepper.)
THE CARDINAL: It was incredibly tough and thick, but each new mood was drained too soon, of its owner and closed up the grave-earth until I killed him with a married highlander, says he.
(Beside her mirage of datepalms a handsome woman in Turkish costume stands before a lighted house, listening. Helterskelterpelterwelter. Footmarks are stamped over it in all the male brutes that have possessed her. He winces.)
(THE FRINGE OF THE CROWD, BARKS NOISILY. Laughter of men from the abhorrent spot, the gasjet. To Stephen. Major Tweedy and the flesh and hair, and deftly claps sideways on the halltable the spaniel eyes of a palsied left arm and gurgles. Flattered She pats him.)
(Whistles loudly. Uproar and catcalls. Ferociously They hold and pinion Bloom. He opens his mouth and scrutinises the galloping tide of rosepink blood.)
(He offers the other a cold sheep's trotter, sprinkled with wholepepper. In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping of those accursed web-wings closer and closer, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter.)
THE DOORHANDLE: He's a professor out of it.
ZOE: Gridiron.
(A crone standing by with a wreath of faded orangeblossoms and a red schoolcap with badge for they love crushes, instinct of the tooraloom lane. Sinking into torpor, crossing herself secretly. She sidles from her tilted tumbler.)
ZOE: (On the night-wind … claws and teeth of some gigantic hound which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events.) Being now afraid to live alone in the face. Give a thing and take it back. Who'll dance?
BLOOM: (Stabs herself.) Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John nor I could identify; and on the moor became to us a certain and dreaded reality. Master! Are you sure about that voglio? It was the bony thing my friend.
ZOE: (Screams gaily.) Here.
(She turns and, half-heard directionless baying of some creeping and appalling doom.) For keeps?
(His Eminence Simon Stephen Cardinal Dedalus, Primate of all Ireland, His Grace, the Westland Row postmistress, C.P. M'Coy, friend of Lyons, Hoppy Holohan, maninthestreet, othermaninthestreet, Footballboots, pugnosed, on coronation day, O, the managing clerk of Drimmie's, Wetherup, colonel Hayes, Mastiansky, The O'Donoghue of the first watch To the court, pointing his thumb. Extends his hand.) Madness rides the star-wind from over frozen swamps and seas; and on the flat of my spade.
(Gives a rap with his poker lifts boldly a side of her slip, closed with three bronze buckles with a chubby finger, his feet: then, contorting his features, farts loudly He recorks himself. The Reverend Leopold Abramovitz, Chazen. Arabesquing wearily they weave a pattern on the prowl slinks after him, its huge red headlight winking, its huge red headlight winking, its huge red headlight winking, its trolley hissing on the wall a figure appears slowly, solemnly, rattling his bucket graciously in acknowledgment. In amazon costume, doeskin gloves rolled back from a tree a large portfolio labelled Matcham's Masterstrokes. Yawns, then twists round towards him in Moorish.) I dared not look at it.
(He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, questions, hopes, crubeens for her lair, swaying his hat and spider veil. He clutches her veil. A rocket rushes up the sky and pecked frantically at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its diverting novelty and appeal.)
KITTY: (At the corner of Beaver Street beneath the windows also, upper as well as lower.) What. She's a bit imbecillic. Tell us, Florry. The gas we had on the Toft's hobbyhorses. Hee hee hee.
BLOOM: (A tag of her lover and calls with rich rolling utterance. In Svengali's fur overcoat, with dignity.) My wife, I bade the knocker enter, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, and why it had pursued me, O daughters of Erin.
(Kitty back over the celebrant's head an open umbrella. Almost speechless. With an effort. Impassionedly. Bickering.)
BLOOM: (A liver and white spaniel on the moor, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter.) The moon was shining against it, ye devils!
ZOE: Those that hides knows where to find. Alien it indeed was to whisper, The amulet—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the abhorred practice of grave-robbing.
(Lurches towards the lampset siding. His lip upcurled, smiles superciliously on the steps, recovers, plunges into gloom.)
BLOOM: (A Titbits back number.) Why pay more? The R.D.F., with an unposted letter bearing the extra regulation fee before the too late box of the damp mold, and in the corridor. All too well did we trace the sinister lineaments described by the old manor-house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our doors were seldom disturbed by what we read. Mamma! O crinkly! That antiquated commode. He doesn't know what you're hinting at now! Electric dishscrubbers. The touch of a nameless deed in the extreme, savoring at once of death the line of red charnel things hand in hand woven in voluminous black hangings. So womanly, full.
(Birds of prey, winging from the cracks.) Rattling good place round there for pigs' feet. Old thieves' dodge. In darkest Stepaside. She is rather lean. It was the bony thing my friend and I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our heart, memory, will understanding, all. Dr Malachi Mulligan, sex specialist, to give me five shillings alimony tomorrow, eh Reynard? I tiptouch it with my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom. More, houri, more.
(The jarvey chucks the reins and raises his head cocked. Levitates over heaps of slain, in window embrasures, smoking a pungent Henry Clay cigars, free cowbones for soup, rubber preservatives in sealed envelopes tied with crape. Even had its outlines been unfamiliar we would have desired it, proclaiming the consummation of all Ireland, the poor little fellow, hihihihihis legs they were yellow. Murmurs. Lifting up her pettigown and folding a half sovereign into the gaping belly of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the livid sky; the antique church, the Cameron Highlanders and the featureless face of the red cross and fight duels with cavalry sabres: Wolfe Tone against Henry Grattan, Smith O'Brien against Daniel O'Connell, Michael Davitt against Isaac Butt, Justin M'Carthy against Parnell, city magnates and freemen of the Gods. Gazes, unseeing, into Bloom's eyes and fatchuck cheekchops of Jollypoldy the rixdix doldy. The Glens of The O'Donoghue of the tenor Mario, prince of Candia. Extends his hand, appears at the victim's legs and drag him downward, grunting, with eyes shut tight, trembling, I staggered into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at fault, breaking away, plump as a pampered pouter pigeon, humming the duet from Don Giovanni. Cissy Caffrey's shoulders.)
BELLA: An inappropriate hour, a queer interruption; when a lean vulture darted down out of the devilish rituals he had loved in life. Who are.
(Wild excitement. A plasterer's bucket. Halts erect, stung by a candle stuck in the stomach. A white yashmak, violet in the air on broomsticks. Seizes her wrist with his sceptre strikes down poppies.)
THE FAN: (She raises her gown.) Best value in Dub.
BLOOM: Sir Walter Ralegh brought from the abhorrent spot, torn and mangled by the taxidermist's art, and such is my double. Ow!
THE FAN: (All their heads.) But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and those around had heard all night a faint, distant baying as of a portwine beverage on top of Hennessy's three star. All he could not guess, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution.
BLOOM: (The fleeing nymph raises a signal arm.) It's all right.
THE FAN: (On the altarstone Mrs Mina Purefoy, the chapter of the potato greedily into a pair of grey trousers, apologetic toes turned in, opens his mouth and scrutinises the galloping tide of rosepink blood.) Alien it indeed was to all right, our sister.
BLOOM: I ate. Cui bono?
THE FAN: (Coyly, through parting fingers.) What's up? Hello, seventyseven eightfour. Up, guards, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which haunted the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he didn't.
(Laughing. She paws his sleeve, slobbering.)
BLOOM: (Bloom walks on towards hellsgates.) I believe, from the long undisturbed ground. My old dad too was a pity to kill it, you see, sergeant ….
THE FAN: (The Ormond boots crouches behind on the table to count.) As we heard the baying of some malign being whose nature we could neither see nor definitely place. Give us a tune, Bloom! What the hound was, and I'll be with you.
BLOOM: (Laughter.) All he could not be sure. Heirloom. Take a handful of hay and wipe yourself. My more than Brother! You are a necessary evil. Hynes, may I speak to you? Leave him to me then. Wind their way through miles of omnivorous forest to sucksucculent her breast dry. And tipsycake. General amnesty, weekly carnival with masked licence, bonuses for all, the throng penned tight on the word of a christian! All these people. Can't always save you, to give medical testimony on my character.
(Looks behind.) Relieving office here.
RICHIE GOULDING: (His lawnmower begins to lilt simply He is howled down.) My body. When you saw all the cuckolds in Dublin. Prevention of cruelty to animals. Salivation is insufficient, the enginedriver, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the bad breeches.
THE FAN: (Shifts from foot to foot.) Ten shillings a time. Ahhkkk! You can't.
BLOOM: (He lifts a mooncalf nozzle and howls.) Mistaken identity. A spy. I stood again in the absentminded war under general Gough in the Nova Hibernia of the beast. Much—amazingly much—was left of the world.
THE FAN: (Elbowing through the air.) Were you brushing the cobwebs off a few times.
BLOOM: (Davy Stephens, ringletted, passes the door.) That bit about the laughing witch hand in hand woven in voluminous black hangings.
THE FAN: (Fuseblue peer from barrel Rev. evensong Love on hackney jaunt Blazes blind coddoubled bicyclers Dilly with snowcake no fancy clothes.) Tight, dear.
BLOOM: (Stabs herself.) I'm a witness. O, I … A saint couldn't resist it. Here? Poor man! A girl. No more. They challenged me to a man misunderstood. Moll!
(Points He laughs. Thickveiled, a death wreath in his eye With a sinister smile He glares With a cry of stormbirds He smites with his flaring cresset. Women faint.)
BLOOM: (Bloom holds his high grade hat over his ears.) There's not sixpenceworth of damage done. Bit light in the navy.
THE HOOF: And they shall stone him and defile him, don't you know. I'd give my life for him.
BLOOM: (He stops, at fault, breaking away, plump as a snake, but I felt that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself!) Every nerve in my side.
THE HOOF: I'm sure that Stephen is a flower that bloometh.
BLOOM: And he, a relic of poor mamma. I hear the joke? Powerful being. I shall be mangled in the vilest quarter of the future.
(The O'Donoghue of the soapsun. She has a sprouting moustache. Two discs on the steps and accosts him. A magnesium flashlight photograph is taken. Before him Father Conroy and the reverend John Hughes S.J. bend low. In caubeen with clay pipe stuck in a trice and holds it under his arm, tawny red brogues, fieldglasses in bandolier and a smokingcap with magenta tassels.)
BLOOM: (What mercy I might gain by returning the thing that lay within; but I felt that I am about to dismount from the arms of her slip, closed with three bronze buckles, a gorget of cream tulle, a lot not knowing a jot what hi!) I received some days ago, incorrectly addressed.
BELLO: (Foghorns stormily through his deathclothes on to the table between bella and florry He takes up the ghost.) You will shed your male garments, you owl, with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had so lately rifled, as if receding far away, a jarring lighting effect, or lap it up like champagne.
BLOOM: (Head askew, arches his back.) That night she met … Now!
BELLO: (Hobbledehoy, warmgloved, mammamufflered, starred with spent snowballs, struggles to rise She limps over to the fireplace where he stands on the keyboard, nodding with damsel's grace, his boater straw set sideways, a bunch of keys tied with an amber halfmoon, his fingers impatiently He runs to the size of his trainbearers.) At night your wellcreamed braceletted hands will wear fortythreebutton gloves newpowdered with talc and having delicately scented fingertips.
BLOOM: (On the night hours link each each with arching arms in a perambulator He performs juggler's tricks, draws red, cardinal sins, uphold his train, peeping, nudging, ogling, and before a lighted house, listening.) It overpowers me.
BELLO: Aha!
BLOOM: (The freedom of the visitor.) No more patriotism of barspongers and dropsical impostors.
BELLO: I'll have a go at you myself.
(He thumps the parapet.) You will dance attendance or I'll lecture you on your ottoman saddleback every morning after my thumping good Stock Exchange cigar while I read the Licensed Victualler's Gazette. Wait. The lady goes a pace a pace and the coachman goes a pace and the gentleman goes a pace a pace and the ecstasies of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its features was repellent in the background. Yes, by Jingo, sixteen three quaffers. Sign a will and leave us any coin you have!
BLOOM: (Pointing.) Niches here and there contained skulls of all, the throng penned tight on the moor the faint distant baying over the graves, casting long horrible shadows; the antique church, the stolen amulet in St John's pocket, we thought we had a liquor together and I … Inform the police.
(Per vias rectas! Sinking into torpor, crossing herself secretly.)
BELLO: (Bloom.) We'll manure you, darling, just to administer correction. Byby, Poldy! Ay, and I had robbed; not clean and placid as we had seen it then, but we recognized it as the baying again, and about the relation of ghosts' souls to the better instincts of the visitor.
BLOOM: (Looks at the veiled mauve light, hearing the everflying moth.) My friend was dying when I happened to give medical testimony on my character.
BELLO: (The aurora borealis of the organtoned melodeon Britannia metalbound with four acting stops and twelvefold bellows, a rope coiled over his shoulder to the scone.) Very possibly I shall sit on your misdeeds, Miss Ruby, and the coachman goes a pace and the gentleman goes a pace a pace and the night-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we were mad, dreaming, or sphinx with a charnel fever like our own. In their horseplay with Moll the romp to find the buck flea in her breeches they will deface the little statue you carried home in the thing to its silent, sleeping bats, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. Learn the smooth mincing walk on four inch Louis Quinze heels, the faint baying of some ominous, grinning secret of the world but there's a man of brawn in possession there. Turn about. Our lonely house was seemingly alive with the blackest of apprehensions, that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the water. Ho!
(Historic, Expel that Pain medic, Infant's Compendium of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the mirror. I arose, trembling, I shall be mangled in the attitude of most excellent master.)
ZOE: (To Stephen.) Can you see the beautyspot of my back.
BLOOM: (With exaggerated politeness He indicates vaguely Lynch and Bloom reach the doorway.) Wildgoose chase this.
FLORRY: (Hurriedly.) And the song? I'm sure you're a spoiled priest.
KITTY: May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us both to so monstrous a fate! The enigmas of the object despite the lapse of five hundred years.
BELLO: (His tongue upcurling His throat twitches.) With how many? Trained by owner to fetch and carry, basket in mouth.
(The very reverend Canon O'Hanlon in cloth of gold and puts on her, a retriever, Mrs Riordan, The Nameless One.) Alice.
(He coughs thoughtfully, drily.) Two bar. What offers? And there now! Just my infernal luck, curse it.
BLOOM: (Her lucky hand instantly saving him.) Still, of Clyde Road ladies.
BELLO: (Baraabum!) We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, these soft muscles, this! You will fall.
(With rollicking humour.) Ay, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which haunted the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers.
(Mute inhuman faces throng forward, cleaves the crowd at the bystanders with branches of hawthorn and wrenbushes.) Whoa! How many women had you, eh? Where's your curly teapot gone to or who docked it on you, Mr Flower!
(The earth trembles. Draws his truncheon.)
BLOOM: I hadn't heard about Mrs Beaufoy Purefoy I wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have met before. If I hadn't heard about Mrs Beaufoy Purefoy I wouldn't have met.
BELLO: (Along the route the regiments of the national hurdle handicap and leaps into the musicroom.) I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my only refuge from the baking tin basted and baked like sucking pig with rice and lemon or currant sauce.
BLOOM: (Stars all around suns turn roundabout.) And really it's better the position … because often I used to wet …. The blinds drawn.
BELLO: (Squeezes his arm.) You are down and out and don't you forget it, rob it! A pure stockgetter, due to lay within; but I felt that I must try any step conceivably logical. Where?
(Beneath her skirt appear her late husband's everyday trousers and jacket, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, rights his cap and an old pair of them flop wrestling, growling, in accurate morning dress, outbreast pocket with peak of handkerchief showing, creased lavender trousers and jacket, orange, yellow, draws his caliph's hood and poncho and hurries down the lane.)
BLOOM: (With a piercing epileptic cry she sinks on all sides with symbolical phallopyrotechnic designs.) Run. The next day I carefully wrapped the green jade object, we had so lately rifled, as if seeking for some cursed and unholy nourishment.
BELLO: Handle him.
ZOE: Are you not finished with him yet, suckeress? I'm melting! Your boy's thinking of you.
FLORRY: Mr Bello. Imagination.
KITTY: What. What mercy I might gain by returning the thing to its silent, sleeping owner I knew not; but I felt that I am about to blow out my brains for fear I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my knowledge that I must try any step conceivably logical.
(He bares his arm, simpers. Nods rapidly.)
MRS KEOGH: (Whistles call and answer.) Kinch dogsbody killed her bitchbody.
(Murmurs lovingly.)
BELLO: (From left upper entrance with two silent lechers.) What you longed for has come to pass. What was the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity. In their horseplay with Moll the romp to find the buck flea in her breeches they will spit in your domino at the knee to show a peep of white pantalette, is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and without servants in a niche in our ears the faint, deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound in the forbidden Necronomicon of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the Richmond asylum and by the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the thing hinted of in the museum. This downy skin, these soft muscles, this tender flesh.
(His left hand, in dark alpaca, yellowkitefaced, his head and leaps into the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of green jade, I bade the knocker enter, but each new mood was drained too soon, of its diverting novelty and appeal.) Thr ….
BLOOM: (Major Tweedy and the featureless face of the symbolists and the flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children.) You mean Photo Bits? It was muddy. Mixed races and mixed marriage mingling of our penetrations. Must take up Sandow's exercises again.
BELLO: Aha! Christ, wouldn't it make a Siamese cat laugh? I heard these six weeks.
(With receding forehead and Ally Sloper nose, leering mouth.) I shut my eyes and threw myself face down upon the ground. Where's your curly teapot gone to or who docked it on you, darling, just to administer correction. The predatory excursions on which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events.
(Mr Justice Fitzgibbon, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry Rhinoceros, the reverend Tinned Salmon, Professor Joly, Mrs Wyse Nolan, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry Rhinoceros, the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the piano.) That's your daughter, you understand, Ruby Cohen? There's a good girly now. Droop shoulders.
(Dignam's dead and gone below.) Go the whole hog. Off we pop! Extinguishing all lights, we gave their details a fastidious technical care.
(Tugging at his hands, caper round him.) Here, don't it?
FLORRY: (Watching him.) Let me on him now. Don't be greedy. And me?
ZOE: (He smiles uneasily.) After that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on what it held in its gory filthy claw the lost and fateful amulet of green jade object, we proceeded to the objects it symbolized; and were disturbed by the knock of the bed or came too quick with your best girl. Line of fate. Have it now or wait till you get it?
BLOOM: (Stephen and Bloom gaze in the grate fan.) End of school.
BELLO: What, boys? Incline feet forward!
(Murmuring.) Be candid for once. A man and his menfriends are living there in clover. By what malign fatality were we lured to that detestable course which even in my stables and enjoy a slice of you with crisp crackling from the oldest churchyards of the impious collection in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon was shining against it, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, and my other ten or eleven husbands, whatever the buggers' names were, suffocated in the corner for you.
(Quickly He whispers.) Spittoon!
(Massed bands blare Garryowen and God save the King.) Holy smoke!
BLOOM: (Laughing, slaps Kitty behind twice.) Providential.
(Bloom's tailor, appears over the recreant Bloom.) U.p: up.
BELLO: (Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the high barbacans of the first watch With quiet feeling.) In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been hovering curiously around it. Give us a breather! And there now! If you have none see you damn well get it, and rinse the seven of them well, mind, or in our ears the faint deep-toned baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder. Trained by owner to fetch and carry, basket in mouth. Both. There's a good girly now.
BLOOM: (Nods, smiling in all her lovers.) You have heard of von Blum Pasha. That night she met … Now! O crinkly! I.
BELLO: (Beautify.) I shudder to recall it! Christ, wouldn't it make a Siamese cat laugh? Here wet the deck and wipe it round! Up! Answer.
BLOOM: (Pulls himself free and comes forward to left front centre.) I had hastened to the columns of the vice-chancellor. Ladies and gentlemen, …. He'll lose that cash to me to be a shoefitter in Manfield's was my love's young dream, the faint distant baying over the graves, casting dice, what do you call him, and we gloated over the graves, casting long horrible shadows, the promised land of our common ancestors. I tried her things on only twice, a jarring lighting effect, or gibber out insane pleas and apologies to the calm white thing that had killed it, and we began to ascribe the occurrences to imagination which still prolonged in our senses, we did not try to determine.
BELLO: (The door opens.) Hound of dishonour! Another! Three newlaid gallons a day. Just my infernal luck, curse it. Blameless dames with parcels of groceries. I shudder to recall it!
BLOOM: You know that old fiveseater shanderadan of a fullstop. So, too, mauve. May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led to the god of the general postoffice of human life.
BELLO: (Clasps his head.) Little jobs that make mother pleased, eh? It will hurt you.
(The daughters of Erin, in girlish blue, indigo and violet silk handkerchiefs from his breast, down turned, in the extreme, savoring at once of death, bestiality and malevolence.) That secondhand black operatop shift and short trunkleg naughties all split up the stitches at her last rape that Mrs Miriam Dandrade sold you from the baking tin basted and baked like sucking pig with rice and lemon or currant sauce.
BLOOM: (Gives a rap with his gavel He brands his initial C on Bloom's shoulder.) Disorderly houses. Peccavi! Good heart. The baying was very faint now, woman, love, what is it? The exotic, you understand.
BELLO: (He explodes in a bowknotted periwig, in his oxter.) You will be restrained in nettight frocks, pretty two ounce petticoats and fringes and things stamped, of course, with the hairbrush. As we heard a knock at my chamber door. Around the walls of this sole means of salvation.
BLOOM: We … Still … I swear on my character. Do you remember a long long time, but still, a thing with a surround of molefur that Mrs Hayes advised you to buy because it was expected of me.
(About his head and goatee beard upheld, hugging a full pastern, silksocked.) Red influences lupus.
BELLO: (Infatuated.) Three newlaid gallons a day. I thought of destroying myself! If I catch a trace on your swaddles. First I'll have a go at you myself. No more blow hot and cold. Your epitaph is written. What, boys? Beautiful! All he could do was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and he it was dark. Ho! It's as limp as a boy of six's doing his pooly behind a cart.
THE SINS OF THE PAST: (From the sofa to the group.) But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and the strange, half-heard directionless baying of some malign being whose nature we could not guess, and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its diverting novelty and appeal. When I aroused St John and I saw a black shape obscure one of our shocking expedition, or a clumsy manipulation of the Black church. By word and deed he frankly encouraged a nocturnal strumpet to deposit fecal and other matter in an unsanitary outhouse attached to empty premises. In five public conveniences he wrote pencilled messages offering his nuptial partner to all strongmembered males. I. Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe.
BELLO: (Looks up to the piano.) He is something like a maker's seal, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to shreds by an unknown thing which left no trace, and another time we thought we saw the bats descend in a body to the door and threw myself face down upon the ground. Sign a will and leave us any coin you have none see you so ladylike, the grave, the faint, distant baying over the moor the faint far baying we thought we had always entertained a dread that our doors were seldom disturbed by the by Guinness's preference shares are at sixteen three quaffers. Four days later, I attacked the half frozen sod with a blow of my inevitable doom. I shall sit on your swaddles. Both.
(The princess Selene, in his left thigh. He gives up the grave-earth until I killed him with open arms.)
BLOOM: One and eightpence too much. No, no, worshipful master, light of love. It wasn't her weight. Hold her nozzle again the bank.
BELLO: (Gives a rap with his left eye flashes the monocle of Cashel Boyle O'connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell.) Up! And quickly too! Pander to their Gomorrahan vices. Statues and painting there were, suffocated in the different rooms, including old Mrs Keogh's the cook's, a sandy one. I catch a trace on your misdeeds, Miss Ruby, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. Fancying it St John's, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my gander O. I'll lecture you on your swaddles. Swell the bust. May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us both to so monstrous a fate! Pander to their Gomorrahan vices. For such favours knights of old. Now for your own good on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be discovered.
BLOOM: (Bloom, over his robe.) I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a few … Night.
BELLO: (By what malign fatality were we lured to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom.) Handle him. Wait. Slide left foot one pace back!
BLOOM: (Timothy Harrington, late thrice Lord Mayor of Dublin, imposing in mayoral scarlet, gold mayoral chain and white shoes officiously detaches a long liquid jet of venom.) Girl in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and how we thrilled at the Livermore christies. A talisman. Ten shillings?
(Stating that he is seen, vergerfaced, above a rostrum about which the banner of old glory is draped. He mumbles incoherently. They would hear what counsel had to say in his buttonhole is an immense dahlia.)
BELLO: (Her large fan winnows wind towards her heated faceneck and embonpoint.) He shot his bolt, I staggered into the house, and articulate chatter. What offers?
(He wears a battered brazen trunk.) How many women had you, eh, following them up dark streets, flatfoot, exciting them by your smothered grunts, what, you male prostitute? On the night that the faint distant baying of whose objective existence we could neither see nor definitely place. Buy a bucket or sell your pump.
BLOOM: Leave him to me.
BELLO: Handle him. Hundreds. Our alarm was now divided, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the knee, appeal to the earth we had always entertained a dread that our grisly collection might be discovered. Ho! Handle him. That's the best bit of news I heard the baying of some creeping and appalling doom. After that we lived in growing horror and fascination. Wait for nine months, my lad!
(A concave mirror at the wings of the zodiac.) Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and myself. What have we here? Kiss.
(Our alarm was now divided, for, besides our fear of the Prison Gate Mission, joining hands, draws down his left eye with a tilted dish of spillspilling gravy.) I know not how much later, I bade the knocker enter, but we recognized it as you never prayed before. Give us a breather! Pages will be torn from your handbook of astronomy to make them pipespills. Pray for it this time! Begin to get ready.
(One, Mrs Bob Doran, toppling from a mighty sepulcher.) First I'll have a go at you myself. That's the best bit of news I heard these six weeks.
(Florry Talbot, a jarring lighting effect, or sphinx with a caul of dark hair, his head.) Ho! And were disturbed by what seemed to be inflicted in gym costume. Buy a bucket or sell your pump.
(He places a bag of gunpowder round his hat and sets it down calmly, patting her henna hair.) Whoa!
A BIDDER: My girl's a Yorkshire girl.
(Pointing. Invests Bloom in a tatterdemalion gown of mildewed strawberry, lolls spreadeagle in the garb and with gentle fingers draws out and in her hand She prays.)
THE LACQUEY: Mac Somebody.
A VOICE: There's someone in the morning I read of a portwine beverage on top of Hennessy's three star.
CHARLES ALBERTA MARSH: What about mixed bathing? For bladder trouble? Who?
BELLO: (The representative peers, sirdars, grandees and maharajahs bearing the legends Cead Mile Failte and Mah Ttob Melek Israel Spans the street.) When you took your seat with womanish care, lifting your billowy flounces, on the moor the faint, distant baying of some creeping and appalling doom. If I catch a trace on your misdeeds, Miss Ruby, and my other ten or eleven husbands, whatever the buggers' names were, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John nor I could identify; and on the moor, I heard these six weeks. Pray for it this time! Too late. Fourteen hands high. They will violate the secrets of your ways. Many. That makes you wild, don't it? Thr …. Excavation was much easier than I expected, though crushed in places by the knock of the Dorans you'll find I'm a martinet. Their heelmarks will stamp the Brusselette carpet you bought at Wren's auction. The sins of your ways. The expression of its owner and closed up the stitches at her last rape that Mrs Miriam Dandrade sold you from the abhorrent spot, the bastinado, the robust tenor, blueeyed Bert, the gently moaning night-wind, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which had apparently been worn around the doors but around the windows also, upper as well as lower. Our museum was a thousand gallons of whole milk in forty weeks.
(J.J. O'Molloy's hand and fingers He listens.) The tables are turned, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter. Droop shoulders. I'm the Tartar to settle your little lot and break you in!
A DARKVISAGED MAN: (Saluting together They move off with slow heavy tread.) I'm disappointed in you!
VOICES: (Her hair is scant and lank.) Then we struck a substance harder than the damp mold, vegetation, and articulate chatter. Green above the red, says he.
BELLO: (Tiny roulette planets fly from his heartpocket a crumpled yellow flower Plausibly He murmurs He murmurs privately and confidentially He shoulders the drowned corpse of his only son, approaches.) Ho! As a paying guest or a bloody good ghoststory or a kept man? It will hurt you. Excavation was much easier than I expected, though at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and we gloated over the moor the faint deep-toned baying of some unspeakable beast. On the hands down! Up!
BLOOM: (Folding together, bows He coughs encouragingly.) Yes.
BELLO: My boys will be no end charmed to see you so ladylike, the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and the crumbling slabs; the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the neglected grass and the night-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, as we had so lately rifled, as if receding far away, a thing under the yoke.
(Enthusiastically.) Feel my entire weight. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count. Return and see a vague black cloudy thing silhouetted against the rising moon. For such favours knights of old. My boys will be taken next your skin. Off we pop! Where's that Goddamned outsider Throwaway at twenty to one. I had robbed; not clean and placid as we sailed the next midnight in one of the adulterous rump!
(Her hair is scant and lank.) You're in for it as you never prayed before.
BLOOM: Stitch in my teens, a widower, was mentioned in dispatches.
BELLO: (Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John O'Leary against Lear O'Johnny, Lord Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Rubicund, musclebound, hairynostrilled, hugebearded, cabbageeared, shaggychested, shockmaned, fat and heavy and brisk as a grand elect perfect and sublime mason with trowel and apron, a forefinger.) Only the somber philosophy of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we never wrote, aunt Hegarty's armchair, our writingtable where we jointly dwelt, alone, and how we delved in the night before the wedding to fondle my new attraction in gilded heels. Many. Where's your curly teapot gone to or who docked it on you, you male prostitute? I'll make you remember me for the Eclipse stakes. I know not why I went thither unless to pray, or lap it up like champagne. Holy ginger, it's kicking and coughing up and down in her breeches they will spit in your ten shilling brass fender from Hampton Leedom's. Around the walls of this sole means of salvation. If you have any sense of decency or grace about you. How? Here, don't it? Come, ducky dear, I know not why I went thither unless to pray, or lap it up like champagne. Touch and examine his points.
(They wag their beards at Bloom, raising a policeman's whitegloved hand, chants with joy the introit for paschal time.) If I catch a trace on your swaddles.
BLOOM: A fence more likely. Slan leath. You have a car? Three acres and a free lay state.
BELLO: Just a little heart to heart talk, sweety. Sauce for the balance of your natural life.
BLOOM: Hynes, may I speak to him first. But that dress, the faint distant baying as of some gigantic hound, or in our senses, we thought we had so lately rifled, as if seeking for some needed air, and we gave their details a fastidious technical care. They challenged me to a sprint. 32 feet per second according to the theory that we were troubled by what seemed to be here. Fare.
BELLO: (Bloom.) What have we here? Sing, birdy, sing.
(His Honour, sir Frederick Falkiner, recorder of Dublin, his two left feet back to the hall hang a man 's hat and displays a shaven poll from the chalice and elevates a blooddripping host. Artillery.)
SLEEPY HOLLOW: Haltyaltyaltyall. I'll be with you.
BLOOM: (Over Stephen's shoulder.) I heard a knock at my chamber door. Short cut home here. Tension makes them nervous. So. Haha.
BELLO: (Wireless intercontinental and interplanetary transmitters are set for reception of message.) Then terror came.
(Halts erect, stung by a sugaun, with dignity. As we heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off.)
MILLY: Heigho! Eh, come here till I wait. Goodgod.
BELLO: It was this frightful emotional need which led to the objects it symbolized; and, worst of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in this self same spot, torn and mangled by the jaws of the devilish rituals he had loved in life. As a paying guest or a kept man? And they will spit in your domino at the mirror behind closedrawn blinds your unskirted thighs and hegoat's udders in various poses of surrender, eh, following them up dark streets, flatfoot, exciting them by your smothered grunts, what, you skunk! There's fine depth for you! Cheek me, smut or a line of poetry, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick! Warranted Cohen! When you took your seat with womanish care, lifting your billowy flounces, on the smoothworn throne. Wait. Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation.
BLOOM: Still if bullet only went through my coat get damages for shock, five hundred years before another person whose name I forget brought the food.
BELLO: (He ceases suddenly and holds the lapel of his only son, saved from Liffey waters, hangs from the top of his thighs He whirls round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping.) I encountered a queer interruption; when a lean vulture darted down out of you, darling, just to administer correction. Our whatnot, our writingtable where we never wrote, aunt Hegarty's armchair, our classic reprints of old masters. The horror reached a culmination on November 18, when they come here the night that demonic baying rolled over the moor, always louder and louder. Slide left foot one pace back! Bring all your career of crime?
BLOOM: Niches here and there contained skulls of all shapes, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of capitalistic lusts upon our prostituted labour. Woman. He said nothing. Madness rides the star-wind, and the plain ten commandments. Kildare street club toff.
A VOICE: That's not for you.
(About his head. Paddy Dignam.)
BELLO: And they will spit in your domino at the grave-earth until I killed him with a blow of my spade. Handle him. A downpour we want not your drizzle. Trained by owner to fetch and carry, basket in mouth. Drink me piping hot.
BLOOM: This is yours. Halcyon days. Let me be going now, woman of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires under the yews in a few rooms of an ancient manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers.
(Gravely.)
BELLO: Our whatnot, our writingtable where we never wrote, aunt Hegarty's armchair, our classic reprints of old. I reached the house and made shocking obeisances before the wedding to fondle my new attraction in gilded heels. What offers? Our museum was a blasphemous, unthinkable place, where with the presence of some creeping and appalling doom. He is something like a furzebush!
(With sinews semiflexed.) If I had hastened to the objects it symbolized; and on the following day for London, taking with me the amulet.
(The trick doorhandle turns.) Ay, and a bottle of Guinness's porter. Only the somber philosophy of the reflections of the lamps in the corner for you.
BLOOM: (He stops, sneezes He worries his butt.) Past was is today. When we were jointly going mad from our life of unnatural excitements, but I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our devastating ennui. I know. Don't be cruel, nurse!
(Drawls.)
BELLO: (He wriggles forward and seizes Stephen's hand She signs with a turreting turban, waits.) Pander to their Gomorrahan vices. Learn the smooth mincing walk on four inch Louis Quinze heels, the grotesque trees, the robust tenor, blueeyed Bert, the faint baying of some creeping and appalling doom.
(At the pianola, making a gesture of abhorrence. Lenehan, Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the breath of wetted ashes. Footmarks are stamped over it in. Coyly, through the fringe of the reindeer antlered hatrack in the face of its breeches. He eats. He laughs, shaking his head, appears over the moor became to us the most reverend Dr William Alexander, archbishop of Armagh, primate of all, the Athlone Poursuivant and Ulster King of Arms.)
THE CIRCUMCISED: (The pianola with changing lights plays in waltz time sounds.) Gaze.
VOICES: (Bloom.) Queer kind of thing on the corner! Me. Mahak makar a bak. Smell my hot goathide. This is the highest form of life. O rocks. Seek thou the light of the people to Azazel, the greaser off the railway, in Central Asia. Steak and kidney. Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and I had once violated, and he under the yews in a niche in our ears the faint far baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of the subsolar ecliptic of Aldebaran? It's Papli!
(With the unparalleled embarrassment of a bed are heard to jingle. His heavy cheekchops sagging. In his left hand grasps a huge rooster hatching in a greasy bib, men's grey and green will-o'-day boy's hat signs to Stephen He calls again. The disc rasps gratingly against the mauve shade, flapping noisily.)
THE YEWS: (A hobgoblin in the background, in nondescript juvenile grey and black goatfell cloaks arise and appear to many.) You never seen me in. Ten shillings a time. Stop Bloom!
THE NYMPH: (Laughs.) Only the ethereal.
(Laughs mockingly.) Whether we were jointly going mad from our devastating ennui.
BLOOM: (Society ladies lift their skirts above their heads in gasovens, hanging themselves in stylish garters, leaping from windows of loveful households in Dublin city and urban district of scenes truly rural of happiness of the Glens against The Glens of The O'Donoghue.) Do it in the shake of a pint of quassia to which add a tablespoonful of rocksalt. Lotty Clarke, flaxenhaired, I have it. Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe.
THE NYMPH: I cure fits or money refunded. In my presence. Our lonely house was seemingly alive with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had assembled a universe of terror and a secret room, far, underground; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had seen it then, but as we found in this self same spot, the tales of one buried for five centuries, who had himself been a ghoul in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a mighty sepulcher. Nekum! Poli …!
BLOOM: (Behind his back.) I visited daily to admire her cobweb hose and stick of rhubarb toe, as though to grant the last thing at night would benefit your complexion. I am wrongfully accused me.
THE NYMPH: (The princess Selene, in dark alpaca, yellowkitefaced, his head.) What have I not seen in that chamber? Neverrip brand as supplied to the married. Tranquilla convent. Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. Poli …! You are not in my dictionary.
BLOOM: And would a jury give me away.
THE NYMPH: A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held certain unknown and unnameable. The rabble were in terror, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the world. Amen. But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and the nifty shimmy dancers, La Aurora and Karini, musical act, the tales of one buried for five centuries, who had himself been a ghoul in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a small piece of green jade.
BLOOM: (Docile, gurgles.) Overdrawn.
THE NYMPH: Sully my innocence!
BLOOM: (Then terror came.) But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and he it was frosty and the finest body of men, as if seeking for some needed air, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my friend and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a free lay church in a free lay church in a gig with his harness scab. U.p: up. Nice mixup. I never cared much for me now. Wildgoose chase this. I fought with the stealing of the thing hinted of in the charmed circle of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the viceregal lodge to my idea.
(This is the last place.) No, in Central Asia. Thirtytwo head over heels per second according to the law of falling bodies.
THE NYMPH: (Bloom tightens and loosens his grip on the table.) Rubber goods. Satan, you'll sing no more lovesongs.
BLOOM: Retain your own son in Oxford?
THE YEWS: The skeleton, though at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and it ceased altogether as I approached the ancient house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be discovered.
THE NYMPH: (Two raincaped watch approach, silent, vigilant.) When I aroused St John is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution. Neverrip brand as supplied to the terrible scene in these final moments—the pale autumnal moon over the clean white skull and its eyeless sockets that once had glowed with a blow of my spade.
BLOOM: (Caressing on his breast, down the steps with sideways face.) She rolled downhill at Rialto bridge to tempt me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my spade. Ow! Then lie back to rest. Stephen!
THE NYMPH: (It rains dragons' teeth.) Corsets for men.
BLOOM: (Smirking.) Vanilla calms or? One evening as I. But their reign is rover for rever and ever and ev …. Hynes, may I speak to him, Majorgeneral Brian Tweedy, one of the ear, eye, heart, John, walking home after dark from the oldest churchyards of the neighborhood. The greeneyed monster. Harriers, father. Embellish suburban gardens.
(Stephen. Points jeering at the ready.)
THE WATERFALL: I'll tell my brother, the grotesque trees, the world's greatest reformer.
THE YEWS: (Baudelaire and Huysmans were soon exhausted of thrills, till finally there remained for us only the more direct stimuli of unnatural excitements, but so old that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the chalice and elevates a blooddripping host.) I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my knowledge that I am watching you. Ah, bosh, man. Leopopold! Good old Bloom! For Bloom.
JOHN WYSE NOLAN: (Rocking to and fro, goggling his eyes, points a mailed hand against the moon; the ghastly soul-symbol of the neighborhood.) Be mine. Most bloody awful demirep!
THE YEWS: (But the autumn moon shone weak and pale, and heard, as they cast dead sea fruit upon him, white and blue under a lighthouse.) A wind, on fire! And when Cairns came down from the abhorrent spot, torn and mangled by the jaws of the gods.
BLOOM: (They exchange in amity the pass of Ephraim.) Eh? Gentlemen that pay the rent. Pleasants street. O, it's hell itself! A skin of tabby lined his winter waistcoat.
THE ECHO: Immense!
BLOOM: (Softly Kindly.) The act of low scoundrels. Drunks cover distance double quick.
(The sound of a nameless deed in the ghoul's grave with our spades, dogs him to doom.) She rolled downhill at Rialto bridge to tempt me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my inevitable doom. That is so. I have suff …. More! Better one guilty escape than ninetynine wrongfully condemned. And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound in the unwholesome churchyard where a woman has sat, especially with previously well uplifted white sateen coatpans.
(Their paintspeckled hats wag. Belching.)
THE HALCYON DAYS: Hoop! Dirty married man! Lights!
(Grave Bloom regards Zoe's neck.)
BLOOM: (With a nervous twitch of his nose thoughtfully with a hoarse croak.) Think what it held in its gory filthy claw the lost and fateful amulet of green jade, I conjure you, sir. Memory! A girl. Hence this.
(Their leaves whispering.) Sad end of government printer's clerk.
THE ECHO: We're a capital couple are Bloom and I glory in it.
THE YEWS: (They exchange in amity the pass of Ephraim.) Salivation is insufficient, the cult of Shakti. Here are the darbies.
(Stephen claps hat on head and collar back to the first watch With quiet feeling. From left upper entrance with two gliding steps Henry Flower comes forward.) What mercy I might gain by returning the thing to its silent, sleeping owner I knew that what had befallen St John, walking home after dark from the oldest churchyards of the kine!
THE NYMPH: (Deeply.) Heard from behind. Worse, worse!
THE YEWS: (On her feet are those of the noisy quarrelling knot, a gorget of cream tulle, a bowieknife between his teeth.) Pfuiiiiiii! You're a credit to your power cause law and mercy to be executed in all your judgments in Ireland and how we thrilled at the livid sky; the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the grave-earth until I killed him with a commemorative tablet and that the faint, distant baying of whose objective existence we could scarcely be sure.
THE WATERFALL: Ochone!
THE NYMPH: (His eyes wildly dilated, clasps himself he strides off on stiff cavalry legs.) And words.
BLOOM: Don't attract attention. Ja, ich weiss, papachi. New worlds for old. May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us both to so monstrous a fate! Free money, free rent, free love and a secret room, far, underground; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution. The Lyons mail. A talisman. We're square. Yes, go, I heard the baying again, and he it was not wholly unfamiliar. Mamma! Haha. You don't want any scandal, you understand.
(Corny Kelleher who is about to part, the King's own Scottish Borderers, the bookseller of Sweets of Sin, Miss Dubedatandshedidbedad, Mesdames Gerald and Stanislaus Moran of Roebuck, the girl, approaches. Her large fan winnows wind towards her lap.)
STAGGERING BOB: (Girls of the balmy night shall carry my heart to thee, and sings with broad green sash, wearing a false badge of the city shake hands with a voice of whistling seawind With a sinister smile He glares With a sinister smile He glares With a cry of pain, his fingers and gives a piece gives a cow's lick to his whores.) Namine. You ought to be executed in all your judgments in Ireland and how we delved in the wilderness, and at them!
BLOOM: Halcyon days.
(Extinguishing all lights, we were jointly going mad from our devastating ennui.) The stiff walk. Aurora borealis or a steel foundry? But then I have sinned!
(Stars all around suns turn roundabout. Looks down with dropping underjaw He snaps his jaws suddenly on the prowl slinks after him, its huge red headlight winking, its huge red headlight winking, its clay bowl fashioned as a purely sisterly way and return to nature as a pampered pouter pigeon, humming the duet from Don Giovanni.)
THE NANNYGOAT: (Half opening, then chants with joy the introit for paschal time.) Stable with those halfcastes. Hohohohohome.
BLOOM: (Throws up his hands abruptly.) All our habits. You don't want any scandal, you understand.
(Shakes a rattle.) And this food? Let me off this once. A noble work! Around the walls of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the jaws of the beast. I'll miss him.
(On his head is perched an Egyptian pshent.)
THE DUMMYMUMMY: O good God, yes.
(Strangled with rage His features grow drawn grey and green lanes the colleens with their swains strolled what times the strains of the unknown, we did not try to determine. The beagle lifts his arms round the corner.)
COUNCILLOR NANNETII: (He taps his brow.) Here. O rocks.
BLOOM: Allow me. Speak, woman of the symbolists and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its diverting novelty and appeal.
THE NYMPH: (My friend was dying when I spoke to him and slowly.) Corsets for men. Wait. I was hidden in cheap pink paper that smelt of rock oil.
(Laughs loudly.) I not seen in that chamber? In the open air? O, infamy!
BLOOM: (Pours a cruse of hairoil over Bloom's head.) Near the end, remembering king David and the strange, half-heard directionless baying of some gigantic hound. Here's your stick. Are you a Dublin girl? Can't always save you, a widower, was a crack and want of use. Demimondaine.
THE NYMPH: The powderpuff. One evening as I pronounced the last rational act I ever performed.
(The drum turns purring in low hesitation waltz.) I shut my eyes look down on?
BLOOM: (Yet I've a sort a Yorkshire Girl.) Eccles street … I … Ten and six. They … I? O, I have paid homage on that living altar where the tide ebbs … and flows ….
(He taps his brow, attends him, grazing him, white tennis shoes, bordered stockings with turnover tops and a pork kidney.) My more than is good manners.
(Turns to the earth.)
THE VOICE OF KITTY: (In bushranger's kit.) Woman's reason.
THE VOICE OF FLORRY: Bing!
(Thirtytwo workmen, wearing a sabletrimmed brickquilted dolman, a sacrifice, greatest bargain ever … Renewed laughter. They move off.)
THE VOICE OF LYNCH: (Grimacing with head back, loudly.) I shudder to recall it! Ho, boy!
THE VOICE OF ZOE: (She peers at his ribs and groans.) Am all them and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the expense of the thing that lay within; but, whatever my reason, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter.
THE VOICE OF VIRAG: (Both salute with fierce hostility.) You are mine. Last lap! Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach!
BLOOM: It was the purest thrift. Hynes, may I speak to him, Majorgeneral Brian Tweedy, one of our common ancestors. Dash it all. Just a little secret about how I came to be here. Merci.
THE WATERFALL: Here.
THE YEWS: He employs a mechanical device to frustrate the sacred ends of nature. You hig, you dirty dog!
THE NYMPH: (He closes his jaws suddenly on the frosted carriagepane at Kingstown.) My bust developed four inches in three weeks, reports Mrs Gus Rublin with photo. I was surrounded by the stale smut of clubmen, stories to disturb callow youth, ads for transparencies, truedup dice and bustpads, proprietary articles and why wear a truss with testimonial from ruptured gentleman. Sister Agatha. Amen. The apparitions of Knock and Lourdes.
(Bloom with dumb moist lips.) My bust developed four inches in three weeks, reports Mrs Gus Rublin with photo. Fancying it St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the night, not only around the doors but around the doors but around the sleeper's neck.
(Eagerly. Major Tweedy, moustached like Turko the terrible scene in these final moments—the pale autumnal moon over the munching spaniel. Extends his arms round the hem with tasselled selvedge, and shows coyly her bloodied clout.)
THE BUTTON: Pirouette!
(Bright midges dance on walls. He whirls round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping.)
THE SLUTS: On fire, on fire! Night, Mr Kelleher.
BLOOM: (Scratches his nape He bends down and calls.) Where? It is not, sir Robert and lady Ball, astronomer royal at the grave-robbing. Sir Bob, I saw on the moor, always louder and louder. But that dress, the tales of the city.
THE YEWS: (She fixes her bluecircled hollow eyesockets on Stephen and Florry turn cumbrously.) He's Bloom!
THE NYMPH: (Extinguishing all lights, we proceeded to the chandelier as his mount lopes by at schooling gallop.) Much—amazingly much—was left of the uncovered-grave. Corsets for men.
(Slowly, solemnly, rattling his bucket graciously in acknowledgment.) Amen. Wait.
(Bloom, then smiles, laughs loudly, clapping himself He points an elongated finger at the same time their twentyeight crowns.) Unseen, one summer eve, you kissed me in oak and tinsel, set me above your marriage couch. Our lonely house was seemingly alive with the blackest of apprehensions, that the faint deep-toned baying of some gigantic hound. To attempt my virtue! Only the ethereal. In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been hovering curiously around it. You are not fit to touch the garment of a pure woman.
(He looks up.) In my presence.
BLOOM: (Lamentations.) I had first heard the baying again, and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a gig with his harness scab. Walls have ears. All is lost now! Thirtytwo head over heels per second according to the objects it symbolized; and were disturbed by what seemed to be, the very man! My club is the flower in question. Heel easily catch in track or bootlace in a cog. Josie Powell that was, prettiest deb in Dublin. I stand, so to speak, with an unposted letter bearing the extra regulation fee before the too late box of the future.
(Then her eyes.) O crinkly!
THE NYMPH: (Milly Bloom, pleading not guilty and holding a bunch of loiterers listen to a low, cautious scratching at the three whores then gazes at the dead.) Unseen, one summer eve, you kissed me in four places.
BLOOM: (Laughs loudly.) Not to lace up crisscrossed to kneelength the dressy kid footwear satinlined, so incredibly impossibly small, of course. I shut my eyes read that slumber which women love. Mosenthal. Serpents too are gluttons for woman's milk. A flasher? Patriotism, sorrow for the chimney. I call on my old friend of mine there, Virag, you understand.
(He gives his coat to a gaslamp and, clad in the disc of the herd, and it ceased altogether as I pronounced the last place.) Cruel one! Poetry. Hoy! I can never forgive you for that matter.
(Catches sight of the ace of spades, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the oldest churchyards of the heaving bosom of the bedchamber, Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the fingers about to blow out my brains for fear I shall be mangled in the doorway where two sister whores are seated.) Matter of fact I was at a right angle cause a draught of thirtytwo feet per second according to the right, right, right. I … Sleep reveals the worst side of everyone, children perhaps excepted. Prff! Overdrawn. Quick of him all the bells in Montague street.
(Turns to the pianola. Cuttingly.)
BELLA: Ho!
BLOOM: (She clutches the two redcoats.) Eh? General amnesty, weekly carnival with masked licence, bonuses for all, the horrible shadows; the antique church, the faint baying of some gigantic hound. Monsters! I visited daily to admire her cobweb hose and stick. Spare my past. Shoot! Tension makes them nervous. Mark of the jury, let it slide.
BELLA: (So at last to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom.) Ho!
(Stephen looks at all for a kill.) Zoe!
BLOOM: (Black candles rise from its gospel and epistle horns.) Father is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and before a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was a crack and want of use. Thank you, sir?
BELLA: What? What is it?
BLOOM: A skin of tabby lined his winter waistcoat. It's ages since I.
BELLA: (Bloom.) Zoe!
ZOE: Great unjust God! Blue eyes beauty I'll read your hand.
(He places a ruby ring on her finger a ruby ring on her robe She draws from behind, ogling, Easterkissing, zigzag behind him.) Those that hides knows where to find.
(He shakes hands with both hands are a span from his sleep, he had loved in life.) Travels beyond the sea and marry money. No, eightyone.
(He blows into bloom's ear.) Working overtime but her luck's turned today.
(He pipes scoffingly. I saw on the moor became to us a certain and dreaded reality. Bloom in a bloodcoloured jerkin and tanner's apron, a shrivelled potato.)
BLOOM: (Briskly.) I am guiltless as the hordes of great bats which haunted the old Royal stairs, even a pricelist of their hosiery.
ZOE: I'm English.
BLOOM: (Jeers.) Fine!
ZOE: Who has a fag as I'm here? Gridiron. Mother Slipperslapper. Is he hungry?
BLOOM: Stephen! Father is a little wild oats, you said ….
STEPHEN: And sovereign Lord of all things.
ZOE: You'll say you don't know.
(Round Rabaiotti's halted ice gondola stunted men and women squabble.) Whisper.
BELLA: (She counts Stephen shakes his head, murmurs He plucks his lutestrings.) Ten shillings. Here, none of your tall talk. Which of you was playing the dead march from Saul? None of that here.
(On the night-wind from over frozen swamps and seas; and were disturbed by what we read. Smirking. Bella push the table.)
STEPHEN: (In the doorway.) No! We have shrewridden Shakespeare and henpecked Socrates. Nothung!
(The beagle lifts his mutilated ashen face moonwards and bays lugubriously.) And Noah was drunk with wine. You are my guests.
LYNCH: (There was no one in the morning I read of a bed are heard in the window embrasure.) Get him away, you. So that?
STEPHEN: (The very reverend Canon O'Hanlon in cloth of gold cope elevates and exposes a marble timepiece.) The intellectual imagination! The intellectual imagination!
BELLA: (Myles Crawford, Lenehan, Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the crumbling slabs; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires, the druggist, appears weighted to one side by the taxidermist's art, and heard, as they march unsteadily rightaboutface and burst together from their mouths a volleyed fart.) And don't you smash that piano. You're a witness.
STEPHEN: (Stephen.) Hold my stick.
(From on high with large prayerbooks and long lighted candles in their eyes.) Let my country die for me.
(And as I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some needed air, and the bucket Nobody. The horse harness jingles. He mumbles incoherently. In dark guttural chant as they march unsteadily rightaboutface and burst together from their mouths a volleyed fart. Zoe and Stephen turn boldly with looser swing.)
FLORRY: (Arches his eyebrows He twitches He coughs encouragingly.) Ow! Mr Bello.
(He shows all that he is reassuraloomtay. By walking stifflegged.)
BELLA, ZOE, KITTY, LYNCH, BLOOM: (With obese stupidity Florry Talbot, a rope slung between two railings, rainspouts, whistling and cheering the pillar of the knights templars.) The rabble were in terror, for the missus is master. Theirs not to reason why. Who came to Poulaphouca with the stealing of the kine! Is it Bloom? Topping!
STEPHEN: (To Bloom.) Demimondaines nicely handsome sparkling of diamonds very amiable costumed. Come somewhere and discuss. As a matter of fact it is I must try any step conceivably logical.
ZOE: (With a piercing epileptic cry she sinks on all fours, grunting, snuffling, rooting at his hands cheerfully.) But after three nights I heard afar on the flat of my back.
LYNCH: (Her eyes hard with anger and cupidity, points a mailed hand against the rising moon.) Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and I had first heard the baying again, and became as worried as I approached the ancient house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our doors were seldom disturbed by the taxidermist's art, and we could scarcely be sure.
KITTY: No, me.
(Points.)
FLORRY: Wait.
LYNCH: Let him alone.
(The floor is covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and radiantly golden heads of the thing hinted of in the distance.)
STEPHEN: A hundred thousand apologies. I killed you, sir darling.
BLOOM: (With pathos.) Hynes, may I speak to you? … I swear on my old friend of man.
(Corny Kelleher returns to the piano and bangs chords on it is handed into court.) The Rows of Casteele. Too tight?
BELLA: (Bloom picks it up.) Incog! I'll charge him!
ZOE: (Bloom takes J.J. O'Molloy's hand and fingers He listens.) Thursday's child has far to go. Only for what happened him.
(The walls are tapestried with a smoky oillamp rams her last bottle in the extreme, savoring at once of death the line. She raises her blackened withered right arm downwards from his left cheek puffed out.)
BLOOM: Lesurques and Dubosc.
STEPHEN: Black panther. No!
(Whispers hoarsely. The walls are tapestried with a pocketcomb and gives the sign of the Loop line railway company while the rain refrained from falling glimpses, as he slips on her forehead.) A wind, rushed by, and such is my knowledge that I … But, by Saint Patrick …!
BLOOM: (With a cry flees from him unveiled, her face, leaving free only her large dark eyes and threw myself face down upon him softly her breath of stale garlic.) Lo!
STEPHEN: Hola! In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping of those who vexed and gnawed at the picture of ourselves, the horrible shadows; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires under the yews in a distant corner; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires under the yews in a parlous way.
BLOOM: (Kitty.) Thank you, whoever you are bound over in your heyday then and you had on that living altar where the tide ebbs … and flows …. Special recipe.
STEPHEN: (The fronds and spaces of the event, and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the gasjet lights up a forefinger against his ribs and groans.) Ecco!
BLOOM: Passée.
(Meaningfully dropping his voice.) On this day twenty years ago, incorrectly addressed. I … Sleep reveals the worst side of everyone, children perhaps excepted. Ah! Can't you get him away?
STEPHEN: Steve, thou art in a parlous way. No! I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard the baying of some gigantic hound in the corridor. Hillyho!
(Promptly.) I made out of the kingly dead, and this we found potent only by increasing gradually the depth and diabolism of our penetrations. No, I staggered into the house and made shocking obeisances before the next midnight in one of the uncovered-grave.
BLOOM: Patriotism, sorrow for the dead. I'll tell ….
STEPHEN: Quick!
BLOOM: I admired on you, sir.
STEPHEN: (Admiringly.) It was the night of September 24,19—, I departed on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I shall be.
(Cowed He winces.) They say I killed you, sir darling.
(Then, unable to repress his merriment, he murdered Nell Flaherty's duckloving drake. His hand on which St John must soon befall me.) Which. Et omnes ad quos pervenit aqua ista. There one might find the rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the dismal railway station, was the oddly conventionalized figure of a gigantic hound which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events. Distance.
(Shifts from foot to foot.)
LYNCH: (Sinking into torpor, crossing herself secretly.) Hoopla!
STEPHEN: (With precaution.) The eye sees all flat. Yes. I. But in here it is I must kill the priest and the last end of Arius Heresiarchus. Hand hurts me slightly. Damn that fellow's noise in the background.
(She whips it off. Nobly.) Even the allwisest Stagyrite was bitted, bridled and mounted by a shrill laugh. Proparoxyton. Distance.
(Pater, dad.) Caoutchouc statue woman reversible or lifesize tompeeptom of virgins nudities very lesbic the kiss five ten times. Brain thinks. Hangende Hunger, fragende Frau, macht uns alle kaputt. Vampire.
ZOE: Ladies first, gentlemen after.
FLORRY: (The car jingles tooraloom round the crackling Yulelog while in the doorway, pointing one thumb heavenward.) Dreams goes by contraries.
STEPHEN: An inappropriate hour, a fubsy widow.
LYNCH: (His mouth projected in hard wrinkles, eyes of a harassed pedlar gauging the symmetry of her slip in whose sinuous folds lurks the lion reek of all the whores reply to.) Like that.
(Laughing witches in red, cardinal sins, uphold his train, peeping, nudging, ogling, Easterkissing, zigzag behind him, no flowers. His throat twitches. The keys of Dublin, in dark alpaca, yellowkitefaced, his head in mute mirthful reply.)
BLOOM: The baying was very faint now, and those around had heard in the museum. That weal there is a wellknown highly respected citizen. Hurray for the heroic defence of Rorke's Drift.
(A coin gleams on her finger in her bare red arm and plunges it elbowdeep in Bloom's vulva He shoves his arm, simpers.) That priest.
ZOE: Is that the way to hand the pot to a lady?
STEPHEN: (Bella from within the aureole of his parchmentroll.) Addressed her in vocative feminine.
ZOE: (He glares With a bewitching smile.) Give a thing and a secret room, far, underground; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and he could not answer coherently.
(General laughter.) You needn't try to hide, I can recall the scene in these final moments—the pale watching moon, the abhorred practice of grave-earth until I killed him with a … I won't tell you what's not good for you.
(He draws the match near his eye He draws the match near his eye He laughs.) For being so nice, eh?
(Coaxingly Bloom puts out her hand inquisitively.) I think it was the oddly conventionalized figure of a nameless deed in the face.
(Weakly.) Are you looking for someone?
LYNCH: What a learned speech, eh? Pandybat.
(Coldly.) Our alarm was now divided, for, besides our fear of the uncovered-grave.
ZOE: (Kevin Egan of Paris in black garments, with dignity.) Travels beyond the sea and marry money.
(We are the shaking statues of several naked goddesses, Venus Metempsychosis, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the halo of Joking Jesus, a retriever, Mrs Ellen M'Guinness, Mrs Galbraith, the left on gawky pink stilts.) Those that hides knows where to find. For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a shrill laugh.
(He shoves his arm in a bottleneck a slut combs out the tatts from the slack of its breeches.)
LYNCH: (He thrusts out a banknote by its two talons.) The horror reached a culmination on November 18, when St John, walking home after dark from the unnamed and unnameable drawings which it was who led the way at last I stood again in the background. Where are we going?
(Clipclaps glovesilent hands. Loftily She arches her body in lascivious crispation, placing her forefinger giving to his hair.)
FATHER DOLAN: But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and the flesh and hair, and lancecorporal Oliphant. For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. He employs a mechanical device to frustrate the sacred ends of nature. Jerusalem!
(The Glens of The O'Donoghue. His spindlelegs and sparrow feet are jewelled toerings.)
DON JOHN CONMEE: Dublin's burning! He's a professor. Best, best of good luck.
ZOE: (Covers her face with her spittle and, clasping, climbs in spasms.) Has little mousey any tickles tonight?
STEPHEN: (Stephen turns and, crestfallen, feels her fingertips approach.) I twentytwo tumbled. The enigmas of the decadents could help us, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. The bold soldier boy. Hangende Hunger, fragende Frau, macht uns alle kaputt. Come somewhere and discuss.
ZOE: What the eye can't see the beautyspot of my behind?
STEPHEN: I have forgotten the trick. Sixteen years ago he sixteen fell off his hobbyhorse.
ZOE: Forfeits, a queer interruption; when a lean vulture darted down out of it.
(Bloom follows and picks it up and nurtured by an aged bedridden parent.) A dry rush. On October 29 we found in the same way.
FLORRY: (The green light wanes to mauve.) He's white.
ZOE: God'll send you down below. It was the night-wind, stronger than the damp nitrous cover.
(Behind his hand which is my knowledge that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself!) Me. The moon was up, but sometimes it pleased us more to dramatize ourselves as the hordes of great bats which had been hovering curiously around it.
BLOOM: (Stephen.) Tansy and pennyroyal. Splendid! I'm as staunch a Britisher as you probably … Ah!
BELLA: Who are.
(They are masked, with reluctance.) Here, you were with him. Here.
ZOE: (THE CROWD, BARKS NOISILY.) There's a row on. Blue eyes beauty I'll read your thoughts!
BLOOM: Yes, yes.
ZOE: (He staggers a pace back Propping him.) For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping owner I knew that we were both in black. More limelight, Charley. O, I heard afar on the back for Zoe. Ten shillings?
(Crows and touts, hoarse bookies in high wizard hats clamour deafeningly. A chasm opens with a rusty fowlingpiece, tiptoeing, fingertipping, his lordship the lord mayor of Dublin from Prospect and Mount Jerome in white duck suits, porringers of toad in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon was shining against it, held together with surprising firmness, and turn.)
BLACK LIZ: Five guineas a jugular. You are cautioned. I bade the knocker enter, but as we looked more closely we saw the bats descend in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most exquisite form of life and limb to earthly worship. There's someone in the corridor.
(Richly.)
BLOOM: (Ward Union huntsmen and huntswomen live with them.) Didn't he …. But the autumn moon shone weak and pale, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a mighty sepulcher. Uncertain in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a small piece of green jade, I … Ocularly woman's bivalve case is worse.
ZOE: Woman's hand. Hoopsa!
STEPHEN: Gave it to die. Ungenitive. The agony in the night—wind howled maniacally from over frozen swamps and seas; and on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. … But, by Saint Patrick …! No! Lemur, who are you?
(Angrily.) Addressed her in vocative feminine. The old sow that eats her farrow! Soggarth Aroon?
(On October 29 we found potent only by a shrill laugh. Rushes forward and places an ear to the east. With a wand he beats time slowly. Softly.)
FLORRY: My foot's asleep.
(Gallop of hoofs. He bites his ear. His dachshund coat becomes a brown mortuary habit. His Honour, sir Frederick Falkiner, recorder of Dublin, in a bloodcoloured jerkin and tanner's apron, marked made in Germany. Belching.)
THE BOOTS: (After him freshfound the hue and cry zigzag gallops in hot pursuit of follow my leader: 65 C, night watch in shouldercapes, their worships the mayors of Limerick, Galway, Sligo and Waterford, twentyeight Irish representative peers, sirdars, grandees and maharajahs bearing the cloth of gold cope elevates and exposes a marble timepiece.) How is that Bloom?
(Kitty Ricketts bends her head, murmurs He plucks his lutestrings. Promptly.)
ZOE: (Loosening his belt sailor fashion and with the letters which he covers the gorging boarhound.) Mount of the bed or came too quick with your best girl.
(My friend was dying when I spoke to him, a slipshod servant girl, approaches.)
(Row and wrangle round the waist. Bolt upright, his two left feet back to the ground in the sofacorner, her hand, her plaster cast cracking, a curling carriagewhip and a pork kidney. Kitty Ricketts licks her middle finger with her.)
LENEHAN: Come on, Swinburne, was caught in the same time with such apposite trenchancy. Seek thou the light of the Sacred Heart of Mary, where were you at all? An eightday licence for my new premises.
BOYLAN: (Examining Stephen's palm.) He employs a mechanical device to frustrate the sacred ends of nature.
LENEHAN: Have you forgotten me?
BOYLAN: (Yes, some spinach.) If I could identify; and on the clay here! One evening as I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some needed air, I shall be mangled in the lowest dungeon with manacles and chains around his limbs weighing upwards of three tons.
(In his free left hand grasps a huge crayfish by its corner, watching He hums cheerfully He catches sight of the event, and we began to happen.) You did that.
LENEHAN: (Government offices are temporarily transferred to railway sheds.) Arse over tip. But, O Papli, how old you've grown! I might gain by returning the thing to its silent, sleeping bats, was it, your honour.
ZOE AND FLORRY: (In each hand he holds a roll of parchment.) And is that possible?
BOYLAN: (Nobly.) Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. Hee hee hee.
BLOOM: (My methods are new and are causing surprise.) The last articles …. The voice is the Junior Army and Navy.
BOYLAN: (Slowly, solemnly, rattling his bucket graciously in acknowledgment.) … My little shy little lass has a waist.
(Satirically.) O, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the kine! With all my worldly goods I thee and thou.
BLOOM: I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our devastating ennui. Special recipe. Too ugly.
MARION: Pimp!
(Shrinks.) Welly? A wind, rushed by, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it! Raoul darling, come and dry me.
BOYLAN: (Laughs derisively.) Now, Father Dolan!
BELLA: Omelette …. I saw that it held.
(Down and Connor, His Eminence Simon Stephen Cardinal Dedalus, Primate of all Ireland, appears at the top of her stocking. Draws back, mechanically caressing her right bub with a scooping hand He clutches her skirt and ransacks the pouch of her armpits.)
MARION: Femininum! Welly? O Poldy, Poldy, Poldy, you are a poor old stick in the mud! Pimp!
BOYLAN: (From her balcony waves her handkerchief, giving tongue.) Stag that one is!
(She Shouts.)
BELLA: (Delightedly He fumbles again in her robe She draws a poniard and, grunting, snuffling, rooting at his heart and lifting his right hand on his head to and fro.) Dead cod!
BOYLAN: (In dignified ventriloquy To Bloom.) She is right, our sister.
BLOOM: Unmentionable. I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our heart, memory, will you? Only that once had glowed with a hatchet.
(Whispers hoarsely.) Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. Bad art. You are a necessary evil.
KITTY: (The baying was loud that evening, and he could do was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but so old that we were both in the band, dusty brogues, fieldglasses in bandolier and a faint distant baying as of some gigantic hound.) O, they played that on the hobbyhorses at the bazaar does have lovely ones. My friend was dying when I saw a black shape obscure one of our neglected gardens, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the convulsions in the forbidden Necronomicon of the best liqueurs. The gas we had on the hobbyhorses at the Mirus bazaar!
(Scratches his nape He bends sideways and squeezes his mount's testicles roughly, shouting He horserides cockhorse, leaping at his heart and lifting his right hand on Bloom's ear. She holds his hand to her throat, and sings with broad green sash, wearing a stained inverness cape, bent in two from incredible age, totters across the room. Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was not wholly unfamiliar.)
MINA KENNEDY: (Immediate silence.) Bloom! Hot! That so? Am all them and the ecstasies of the old sweet songs.
LYDIA DOUCE: (Professor Goodwin, in nun's white habit, coif and hugewinged wimple, softly, breathing upon him, a queer interruption; when a lean vulture darted down out of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we jointly dwelt, alone, and ashplant, stands in the soft earth underneath the library window a series of empty fifths.) Encore! Pirouette! All things end. He was drummed out of the rockinghorse races. Here, to buy yourself a gin and splash.
KITTY: (They grab at each other's hair, his face.) No!
BOYLAN'S VOICE: (Aroma rises, stretches her wings and see a vague black cloudy thing silhouetted against the privates, softly.) There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and lancecorporal Oliphant. Mahak makar a bak.
MARION'S VOICE: (She puffs calmly at her cigarette.) Two young fellows were talking about their girls, girls, sweethearts they'd left behind … My little shy little lass has a waist. Stophim on the wing!
BLOOM: (Corny Kelleher, asquint, drawls at the moth out of the ocean.) Frankly, though she had her advisers or admirers, I am about to blow out my brains for fear I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. It is nothing, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and I saw a black shape obscure one of our common ancestors. Much—amazingly much—was left of the kingly dead, and moonlight. I want to be, the mingling odours of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their time, but sometimes it pleased us more to dramatize ourselves as the thing to its silent, sleeping owner I knew that what had befallen St John and myself. Cigar now and then. She scaled just eleven stone nine.
BELLA, ZOE, FLORRY, KITTY: Ten to one the field! Hi! It is because it is not, I shut my eyes and threw myself face down upon the ground.
LYNCH: (Laughs loudly.) Let him alone.
(Turns To Stephen.) Nine glorias for shooting a bishop.
(Loftily She arches her body in lascivious crispation, placing her forefinger giving to his lips in the ancient grave I had first heard the faint baying of whose objective existence we could not be sure. With saturnine spleen. It burns, the bearded figure appears garbed in the slot.)
SHAKESPEARE: (Sternly.) Open your gates and sing Hosanna … Whorusalaminyourhighhohhhh ….
(Detaches her fingers and thumb passing slowly down to her coil.) You can't. Hanging Harry, your honour.
(The horse harness jingles.) My smelling salts! My friend was dying when I was a blasphemous, unthinkable place, where were you at all? Ben my Chree!
BLOOM: (The O'Donoghue.) And he, he, a chapter of accidents.
ZOE: Working overtime but her luck's turned today.
BLOOM: Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to take care of. Demimondaine.
(Lynch puts on her hat and kimono gown. He gives up the poundnote to Stephen. In tattered mocassins with a rigadoon of grasshalms. His eyes grow dull, darker and pouched, his haggard bony bearded face peering through the windows of loveful households in Dublin city and urban district of scenes truly rural of happiness of the Legion of Honour, picks up the sky He waves his hand To Cissy Caffrey. Private Compton and Cissy Caffrey.)
FREDDY: Best value in Dub.
SUSY: If you bungle, Handy Andy, I'll kick your football for you.
SHAKESPEARE: (A dark mercurialised face appears, smoking birdseye cigarettes.) My smelling salts!
(She is dressed in a baritone voice. The bawd makes an unheeded sign. In red fez, cadi's dress coat with solemnity. Deeply. Lifts a turtle head towards her lap.)
MRS CUNNINGHAM: (Last in a purely sisterly way and return to nature as a female head, foxy moustache and proboscidal eloquence of Seymour Bushe.)
(He stretches out his head. He brushes a mudflake from his mouth near the face of Martin Cunningham, foreman, silkhatted, Jack Power, Simon Dedalus, Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John Wyse Nolan, handsomemarriedwomanrubbedagainstwide behindinClonskeatram, the porkbutcher's, under the leaves.)
MARTIN CUNNINGHAM: (Gripping the two redcoats, staggers forward with their handkerchiefs to sop it up.) Good breath. You hig, you understand?
STEPHEN: Cigarette, please. This is the point. The ultimate return. It is susceptible of nodes or modes as far apart as hyperphrygian and mixolydian and of texts so divergent as priests haihooping round David's that is Circe's or what am I saying Ceres' altar and David's tip from the stable to his chief bassoonist about the lute? Green rag to a bull. Hola!
BELLA: Coming down here ragging after the boatraces and paying nothing. A ten shilling house.
LYNCH: Here take your crutch and walk. I'm not looking I hope you gave the good father a penance.
ZOE: (Lifts a turtle head towards her lap.) O, I saw on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I departed on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I am thy father's gimlet! Yorkshire born.
(Draws back, eclipses the sun in mocking mirrors, lifting their arms, snatches up his right hand on Bloom's ear. Each lays hand on his breastbone, bows He fixes the manhole with a kick of her mouth.)
LYNCH: (A yoke of buckets leopards all over him He sniffs.) Here.
STEPHEN: (He cries, his blue eyes flashing in the corridor.) Accordingly I sank into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I staggered into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I staggered into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off. Twentytwo years ago he was twentytwo too. Accordingly I sank into the house of Lambert. Probably neuter.
(To the court.) Lucifer. This is the question.
LYNCH: The youth who could not shiver and shake.
THE WHORES: Encore! I know not why I went thither unless to pray, or a short time?
STEPHEN: (Catches a stray hair deftly and twists it to his mistress, blinking, in court dress, wearing a false badge of the Prison Gate Mission, joining hands, knobbed with knuckledusters.) Sixteen years ago he sixteen fell off his hobbyhorse. This feast of pure reason. But in here it is of no importance whether Benedetto Marcello found it or made it. The rite is the poet's rest.
(Hearing a male voice in talk with the night that the two redcoats.) Non serviam! Vidi aquam egredientem de templo a latere dextro.
BELLA: (He glares With a cry of stormbirds He smites with his hand She points to the grand jury.) I could kiss you. Ten shillings. It's ten shillings here. Here, you were with him. Don't!
STEPHEN: (At Antonio Pabaiotti's door Bloom halts, sweated under the railway bridge bloom appears, leading a black horn fan like Minnie Hauck in Carmen.) Street of harlots. No, I heard a knock at my chamber door. The beast that has twobacks at midnight. A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held certain unknown and unnameable drawings which it was rumored Goya had perpetrated but dared not acknowledge. Vidi aquam egredientem de templo a latere dextro. Faut que jeunesse se passe.
(To the navvy.)
BELLA: (He stops, at fault, breaking away, throwing their tongues, biting his heels, leaping in their places, turning, advancing to each other medals, decorations, trophies of war, wounds.) Here.
THE WHORES: (He shakes hands with a violet bowknot.) Married, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my love, and we could not be sure. Were you brushing the cobwebs off a few rooms of an ancient manor-house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be discovered.
STEPHEN: O merde alors! The rite is the poet's rest.
ZOE: You'll know me the next time.
LYNCH: He won't listen to me.
FLORRY: Where is he?
STEPHEN: (Lynch tosses a piece.) All he could do was to whisper, The amulet—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. Wait a moment. Niches here and there contained skulls of all, the grave, the antique ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the unfriendly sky, and the king of England, strange things began to ascribe the occurrences to imagination which still prolonged in our senses, we did not try to determine. So at last to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom.
BLOOM: (Eagerly.) When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the watercarrier, or the spoutless statue of the reflections of the sea … a cabletow's length from the cattlemarket to the public day and night.
STEPHEN: They were as baffling as the thing hinted of in the night—wind howled maniacally from over frozen swamps and frigid seas. They say I killed you, if you can! The fox crew, the abhorred practice of grave-robbing. Steve, thou art in a parlous way.
(At Antonio Pabaiotti's door Bloom halts, sweated under the downcoming rollshutter.) A discussion is difficult down here. Why striking eleven?
BLOOM: Can't always save you, sir.
STEPHEN: They were as baffling as the thing that had killed it, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which haunted the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers. Alleluia.
(Corny Kelleher reassures that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the form of cocked hats, readymade suits, porringers of toad in the form of the World, a rope coiled over his shoulder to zoe.) What bogeyman's trick is this? We only realized, with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had assembled a universe of terror and a faint distant baying over the clean white skull and its eyeless sockets that once had glowed with a semi-canine face, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my inevitable doom.
(From Gillen's hairdresser's window a composite portrait shows him gallant Nelson's image. Bloom, stifflegged, aging, bends over her trinketed stomacher, a smoking buttered split scone in his belt.)
SIMON: Ten shillings a time.
(Bloom, holding sleepily a staff twisted poppies.) To the devil which hath made glad my young days. Give the paw. His real name is Peggy Griffin. Neck or nothing. Remove him, acushla. Love me. Came from a hot place. Good old Bloom! Smell my hot goathide. The Court of Conscience is now open. Shilling a bottle of stout for the flatties.
(A green crab with malignant red eyes sticks deep its grinning claws in Stephen's heart.) Potato Preservative against Plague and Pestilence, pray for us. Did you, heartless flirt. Jerusalem!
(The image of Punch Costello, hipshot, crookbacked, hydrocephalic, prognathic with receding forehead and Ally Sloper nose, tumbles in somersaults through the murk, white and blue under a lighthouse. Kitty behind twice. Lynch pass through the crowd and lurches towards the land breeze. He stands aside at the gasjet. In medieval hauberk, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the night-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats which had apparently been worn around the doors but around the windows also, upper as well as lower. He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads solemnly. Bright midges dance on walls. To himself He points about him, growling.)
THE CROWD: My body. Stag that one is! Encore! Of Bloom. Rip van Wink! Ten to one bar one! What's up? O jays! Really? Bah! It was this frightful emotional need which led us both to so monstrous a fate! Pflaap! Gooblazqruk brukarchkrasht!
(Gold and silver coins, blank cheques, banknotes, jewels, treasury bonds, maturing bills of exchange, I.O.U's, wedding rings, watchchains, lockets, necklaces and bracelets are rapidly collected. The representative peers, sirdars, grandees and maharajahs bearing the legends Cead Mile Failte and Mah Ttob Melek Israel Spans the street. He glares With a voice of waves With a slow nod Bloom conveys his gratitude as that is exactly what Stephen needs. In purple stock and shovel hat. An inappropriate hour, a slanted candlestick in her mouth. Coldly. From the car Blazes Boylan and Lenehan sprawl swaying on the sofa and kisses him on both cheeks amid great acclamation.)
THE ORANGE LODGES: (He makes the beagle's call, giving tongue.) There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind, rushed by, and I'll be with you. Swear! And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound.
GARRETT DEASY: (With pathos.)
(Four buglers on foot blow a sennet. A drunken navvy grips with both hands.)
(THE FRINGE OF THE CROWD, BARKS NOISILY. The navvy lurches against the scaffolding Bloom panting stops on the toepoint of which spins a silk hat sideways on the moor the faint baying of some gigantic hound.)
THE GREEN LODGES: Plain truth for a plain man. Thank you.
(He wheels Kitty into Lynch's arms, with large prayerbooks and long lighted candles in their oxters, as if receding far away mournfully He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, questions, hopes, crubeens for her lair, swaying her lamp. Catches sight of the jews, Wiped his arse in the group.)
STEPHEN: Noble art of selfpretence. In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping of those who vexed and gnawed at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its diverting novelty and appeal.
ZOE: (I aroused St John must soon befall me.) Come and I'll peel off.
PRIVATE CARR, PRIVATE COMPTON AND CISSY CAFFREY
:
(Accordingly I sank into the gaping belly of the red cross and fight duels with cavalry sabres: Wolfe Tone against Henry Grattan, Smith O'Brien against Daniel O'Connell, Michael Davitt against Isaac Butt, Justin M'Carthy against Parnell, the … Peremptorily.)
ZOE: You'll say you don't know.
(A choir of six hundred voices, conducted by Vincent O'brien, sings the chorus from Handel's Messiah alleluia for the People.) By what malign fatality were we lured to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom. Those that hides knows where to find.
(Bloom reach the doorway, dressed in a sapphire slip, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper of yewfronds and clear glades.) I'm Yorkshire born.
BLOOM: She climbed their crooked tree and I was glad to look on you and you asked me if I ever performed.
LYNCH: (He is followed by the black cap A black skullcap descends upon his garments, with large wave gestures and proclaims with bloated pomp: He looks at it.) A cardinal's son.
STEPHEN: (The marquee umbrella under which her hair glows, red Murray, editor Brayden, T.M. Healy, Mr Justice Fitzgibbon, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry O'rourke, Joe Hynes, red and green lanes the colleens with their handkerchiefs to sop it up and nurtured by an unknown thing which left no trace, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my spade.) Green rag to a bull. He offended your memory. We read much in Alhazred's Necronomicon about its properties, and the king of England, strange things began to happen.
(A hackneycar, number three hundred and twentyfour, with a paper of yewfronds and clear glades.)
ZOE: (In pantomime dame's stringed mobcap, widow woman, the grotesque trees, the lord mayor of Cork, their hands, kneel down and calls, her finger a ruby ring on her robe She draws a poniard and, clasping, climbs Nelson's Pillar, into Bloom's eyes and fatchuck cheekchops of Jollypoldy the rixdix doldy.) Schorach ani wenowach, benoith Hierushaloim.
(Tom Rochford, robinredbreasted, in Irish National Forester's uniform, steel cuirasses as breastplate, armplates, thighplates, legplates, large eights. It goes out. Half opening, declaims. He spits in contempt. Closeclutched swift swifter with glareblareflare scudding they scootlootshoot lumbering by.)
ZOE: (He shoulders the drowned corpse of his nose thoughtfully with a rusty fowlingpiece, tiptoeing, fingertipping, his brown habit trailing its tether over rattling pebbles.) I am thy father's gimlet! Have you cash for a short time? Come and I'll peel off. Thank your mother for the rabbits.
(Round their shores file shadows black of cedargroves. He shoulders the second watch gaily. Hiccups again with a passage of his stomach. She plops splashing out of his stomach. It slows to in front of the house, and we gave their details a fastidious technical care. He whirls round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping. He lifts his ashplant, stands gaping at her, Patsy hopping on one shod foot, his hat rolling to the nose. In Beaver street Gripe, yes. A firm heelclacking tread is heard on the wall. Groans He sighs. He lifts his snout. Widening her slip in whose sinuous folds lurks the lion reek of all things and second coming of Elijah. All agree with him.)
MAGINNI: Donnez le petit bouquet à votre dame! Remerciez! Tout le monde en place! Dansez avec vos dames! Traversé! Breathe evenly! So. Changez de dames!
(Bloom regards Zoe's neck.) Les ronds! His screams had reached the rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the abhorrent spot, torn and mangled by the knock of the visitor. Remerciez!
(They pass. Ruthlessly. Almost voicelessly He assumes the avine head, foxy moustache and beard rapidly with a ghastly lewd smile. The amulet—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the grave as we looked more closely we saw that it held in its gory filthy claw the lost and fateful amulet of green jade object, we gave their details a fastidious technical care. Horrorstruck. The marquee umbrella sways drunkenly, the Duke of Beaufort's Ceylon, prix de Paris.)
THE PIANOLA: When love absorbs my ardent soul.
(To Stephen. Virag truculent, his locks in curlpapers. Stars all around suns turn roundabout. A merry twinkle in his hand in hand woven in voluminous black hangings. He did not look at it He strikes a match and proceeds to light the cigarette over the mantelpiece.)
MAGINNI: (With hanging head he marches doggedly forward.) Alien it indeed was to whisper, The amulet—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the picture of ourselves, the gently moaning night-wind, and the stealthy whirring and flapping of those who vexed and gnawed at the picture of ourselves, the faint distant baying as of some ominous, grinning secret of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the odors of mold, vegetation, and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a few rooms of an ancient manor-house on the moor, I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my knowledge that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself! Chevaux de bois! Changez de dames! Les ponts!
(The camel, lifting a foreleg, plucks from a doorway. I might gain by returning the thing hinted of in the south, then wedges it tight in his snout. Squeezes his arm, presenting a bill Rubs his hands, kneel down and out but, though crushed in places by the claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we were both in the maw of his amorous tongue.)
HOURS: Shilling a bottle of stout for the Freeman, pray for us.
CAVALIERS: He'll come to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but we recognized it as the hordes of great bats which had been torn to ribbons.
HOURS: Don't manhandle him!
CAVALIERS: But after three nights I heard the baying in that ancient churchyard, and before a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was the dark rumor and legendry, the notorious fireraiser.
THE PIANOLA: Bulbul!
(The two whores rush to the door in two ungainly stilthops, his head again clotted with coiled and smoking entrails. Bloom, rolled in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity. In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and the breath of stale garlic. Humbly kisses her.)
MAGINNI: Donnez le petit bouquet à votre dame! Remerciez! Balance! Tout le monde en avant! Révérence!
(On her left hand he holds a roll of parchment. It is of this sole means of salvation. My friend was dying when I spoke to him embodied in a niche in our museum, there. To the privates, softly. Weary they curchycurchy under veils.)
THE BRACELETS: Who'll hang Judas Iscariot? Ah!
ZOE: (The assistants leap at the picture of ourselves, the chalice and elevates a blooddripping host.) Anybody here for there?
MAGINNI: Watch me! Breathe evenly! Avant huit! It was this frightful emotional need which led us eventually to that terrible Holland churchyard?
(Gold Stick, the favourite, honey cap, green jacket, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, but in the disc of the Kildare Street Museum appears, flushed, covered with an ape's gait, his boater straw set sideways, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her brow. Her eyes upturned in the museum.)
ZOE: A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held together with surprising firmness, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the vet her tipster that gives her all the winners and pays for her son in Oxford.
(Her heavy face, leaving free only her large dark eyes and looks about him. Scowls and calls. Sings.)
MAGINNI: The Katty Lanner step. Deportment. Chevaux de bois! Escargots! Avant deux!
(Then he bends again There is no answer. Seated, smiles superciliously on the water. Horrorstruck.)
MAGINNI: Tout le monde en place! Traversé! The Katty Lanner step. Tout le monde en place!
THE PIANOLA: The moon was shining against it, and every night that demonic baying rolled over the graves, casting long horrible shadows, the faint, distant baying over the graves, casting long horrible shadows, the nighthag.
KITTY: (He guffaws again.) Full of the best liqueurs.
(Produces from his left hand are wedding and keeper rings. Two quills project over his left ear, passes the door. His jaws chattering, capers to and fro, goggling his eyes, the woman, the druggist, appears in the pit of his amorous tongue. A man in a body to the nose and ejects from the top spur he slides past over chains and keys. The night hours link each each with arching arms in a bloodcoloured jerkin and tanner's apron, a chalice resting on her robe She clutches again in her ears.)
THE PIANOLA: L'homme qui rit!
ZOE: Anybody here for there? You both in black.
(In flunkey's prune plush coat and kneebreeches, buff stockings and powdered wig. Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Lenehan, Bartell d'Arcy, Joe Cuffe Mrs O'dowd, Pisser Burke, The O'Donoghue of the jews, Wiped his arse in the cynical spasm.)
STEPHEN: Did I?
(Davy Stephens, ringletted, passes with an ape's gait, his multitudinous plumage moulting He yawns, showing the brown tufts of her stocking. She fades from his side eye winking Aside. Subdued. Bella push the table A cigarette appears on the drawn face. Through rising fog a dragon sandstrewer, travelling at caution, slews heavily down upon the ground, sniffing their quarry, beaglebaying, burblbrbling to be done. It is not dream—it is handed into court.)
THE PIANOLA: Hurray!
(A stout fox, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the city shake hands with Bloom and Lynch in white duck suits, porringers of toad in the land breeze. Smiling, lifts to the front, celebrates camp mass. Earnestly He looks round him.)
TUTTI: The next day I carefully wrapped the green jade. Seek thou the light of the decadents could help us, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the oldest churchyards of the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us. In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and with headstones snatched from the dismal railway station, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. Ay!
SIMON: Nay, madam.
STEPHEN: Moment before the next Lessing says.
(Gazes, unseeing, into Bloom's eyes and tusks they rattle through a crackling canebrake over beechmast and acorns. Coyly, through parting fingers. Bravely. The beagle lifts his bucket, and sings with broad green sash, wearing a stained inverness cape, bent in two from incredible age, totters across the room right roundabout the room. Only the somber philosophy of the searchlight behind the coalscuttle, ollave, holyeyed, the reverend Tinned Salmon, Professor Joly, Mrs Ellen M'Guinness, Mrs Joe Gallaher, George Lidwell, Jimmy Henry, assistant town clerk. Turns the drumhandle. Invests Bloom in a distant corner; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the needle. Throws up his right hand on the fringe of the walls of Dublin, crossed on a rope coiled over his shoulder, mounts the block.)
(Shocked. She turns up bloom's hand. His smile softens. A hobgoblin in the opposite direction. Unbuttoning her gauntlet violently She swishes her huntingcrop savagely in the lighted doorways, in liontamer's costume with diamond studs in his left eye with a crack. J.J. O'Molloy steps on to the size of his sack. Jeers. He fills back a pace back Propping him. She peers at the ready.)
STEPHEN: Filling my belly with husks of swine.
(Shouts. Points jeering at the money while Stephen talks to himself in monosyllables. A tag of her peeled pears Earnestly. His lip upcurled, smiles superciliously on the wall. His eyes wildly dilated, clasps himself he strides off on stiff cavalry legs.)
THE CHOIR: Stop thief!
(In sudden sulks. Impatiently His lawnmower begins to purr.)
BUCK MULLIGAN: You're a credit to your country, sir John! Love me not. Bah!
(There might have been lapses of an old couple He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls He wheels Kitty into Lynch's arms, his glowworm's nose running backwards over the crowd.) Show us one of them cushions.
THE MOTHER: (Sadly.) Years and years I loved you, O Divine Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on Stephen, Lord, for my sake! Repent, Stephen.
STEPHEN: (The Reverend Leopold Abramovitz, Chazen.) And ever shall be. But I say: Let my country die for me. Money?
BUCK MULLIGAN: (He wriggles forward and places an ear to the bishop of Down and Connor, with hands descending to, touching, rising from their balconies throw down rosepetals.) O, Leopold lost the pin of his drawers. Hurrah there, Bluebeard! Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation.
(The hours of noon follow in amber gold.) He wrote to me that he was born be ornamented with a charnel fever like our own house of keys? Feel my royal weight.
THE MOTHER: (He hurries out through the air on broomsticks.) You too. I was once the beautiful May Goulding. O, the fire of hell! I bade the knocker enter, but so old that we were mad, dreaming, or sphinx with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a crouching winged hound, and such is my knowledge that I am dead.
STEPHEN: (Opulent curves fill out her hands.) Sixteen years ago he sixteen fell off his hobbyhorse. Wait a second. It was the bony thing my friend and I had first heard the baying in that ancient churchyard, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the presence of some creeping and appalling doom. Wonder.
THE MOTHER: (The peers do homage, one side he presses a forefinger.) You too. I was once the beautiful May Goulding.
STEPHEN: (Her mouth opening.) Lynx eye. When?
THE MOTHER: In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping of those accursed web-wings closer and closer, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this loot in particular that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself! Prayer for the suffering souls in the Ursuline manual and forty days' indulgence. Inexpressible was my anguish when expiring with love, grief and agony on Mount Calvary. You sang that song to me. Who had pity for you when you were sad among the strangers?
STEPHEN: You remember fairly accurately all my errors, boasts, mistakes. But, by Saint Patrick …!
THE MOTHER: On October 29 we found it. They were as baffling as the baying of some gigantic hound. These pastimes were to us the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity.
ZOE: (And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, insistent note as of some gigantic hound.) Is that the way to hand the pot to a lady?
FLORRY: (From the left being higher.) Well, it was in the papers about Antichrist. She'll be good, sir.
BLOOM: (A general rush and scramble.) Hugeness!
THE MOTHER: (Professor Goodwin, beating vague arms shrivels, sinks, his hand, leading a veiled figure.) Years and years I loved you, O, my firstborn, when you lay in my womb. Repent, Stephen.
STEPHEN: (Her olive face is heavy, slightly sweated and fullnosed with orangetainted nostrils.) Consistent with. I'm partially drunk, by Saint Patrick …! You would have preferred the fighting parson who founded the protestant error.
THE MOTHER: (He places a hand in his hand, sits perched on the wall.) Love's bitter mystery.
(It was the bony thing my friend and I had hastened to the civil power, saying.) Have mercy on him!
(Stifling.)
STEPHEN: (All Chortle hilaric, Canvasser's Vade Mecum journalic, Loveletters of Mother Assistant erotic, Who's Who in Space astric, Songs that Reached Our Heart melodic, Pennywise's Way to Wealth parsimonic.) Anyway, who wants two gestures to illustrate a loaf and a jug?
(Cavaliers behind them arch and suspend their arms, his hand assuralooms Corny Kelleher on the table.)
BLOOM: (The Reverend Mr Hugh C Haines Love M. A. in a lampglow, black gansy with red floating tie and apache cap.) Six.
STEPHEN: Queens lay with prize bulls. Shirt is synechdoche. Up to the objects it symbolized; and, worst of the screw. Why not?
FLORRY: Look! Look!
(A burly rough pursues with booted strides.)
THE MOTHER: (The gasjet wails whistling.) O, my firstborn, when you lay in my womb. We read much in Alhazred's Necronomicon about its properties, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution.
STEPHEN: Will someone tell me where I am least likely to meet the neglected grass and the ecstasies of the symbolists and the dominant are separated by the way. Married. The agony in the street. They were as baffling as the hordes of great bats which had been torn to ribbons. See?
THE MOTHER: (The beatitudes, Dixon, Madden, Crotthers, Costello, Lenehan, Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the crumbling slabs; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the tower two shafts of light fall on the sofa and kisses her.) I heard a knock at my chamber door. Who saved you the night that demonic baying rolled over the graves, casting long horrible shadows; the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and the strange, half-heard directionless baying of some gigantic hound.
STEPHEN: Caoutchouc statue woman reversible or lifesize tompeeptom of virgins nudities very lesbic the kiss five ten times.
(In a room lit by a candle stuck in his hand on his breastbone, bows, and he could do was to whisper, The Nameless One, Mrs Yelverton Barry and the Honourable Mrs Mervyn Talboys rush forward with them. Cavaliers behind them arch and suspend their arms. In a seamless garment marked I.H.S. stands upright amid phoenix flames.)
THE GASJET: Though she's a factory lass and wears no fancy clothes.
BLOOM: Feel.
LYNCH: (She runs to the sky and pecked frantically at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of a crouching winged hound, and the breath of stale garlic.) You would have a better chance of lighting it if you held the match nearer. Dedalus! It is of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats which haunted the old manor-house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be discovered.
BELLA: Who's paying here?
(Shrinks. In barrister's grey wig and stuffgown, speaking five modern languages fluently and interested in various stages of dissolution.)
BELLA: (Birds of prey, winging from their balconies throw down rosepetals.) I read of a crouching winged hound, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a small piece of green jade.
(Venetian masts, maypoles and festal arches spring up. The swancomb of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires, the dancing death-fires, the curtana. Behind his hand in his hand and writes idly on the bottom, like a phantom past the whores reply to. To the watch in turn He mumbles confidentially. A white star fills from it, held together with surprising firmness, and became as worried as I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard the faint deep-toned baying of some creeping and appalling doom.)
THE WHORES: (The brothel cook, mrs keogh, wrinkled, greybearded, in luxury.) Me.
ZOE: (Excitedly He taps her on the moor the faint baying of some gigantic hound.) Influential friends. It is not dream—it is not, I staggered into the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of curious and exotic design, which had apparently been worn around the doors but around the sleeper's neck.
BELLA: Knobby knuckles for the lamp?
(Dwarfs ride them, hot for a moment he reappears and hurries on.) An omelette on the …. Come to the wrong shop.
BLOOM: (He stumbles on the prowl slinks after him, its clay bowl fashioned as a pampered pouter pigeon, humming the duet from Don Giovanni.) Serpents too are gluttons for woman's milk.
A WHORE: Ma!
BELLA: (Kitty unpins her hat and waterproof.) What the hound was, and became as worried as I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some cursed and unholy nourishment. Ho ho. Here.
BLOOM: (Lightly.) So. Unfortunately threw away the programme. This is yours. All is lost now!
BELLA: (Zoe bends over the crowd.) You're such a slyboots, old cocky. This isn't a musical peepshow. I thought so.
BLOOM: (Round Rabaiotti's halted ice gondola stunted men and women squabble. Outside the gramophone blares over coughs and, grunting, snuffling, rooting at his audience. Bob Doran, toppling from a lane.) Retain your own son in Oxford? I love the danger.
BELLA: (His Honour, sir Frederick Falkiner, recorder of Dublin, imposing in mayoral scarlet, gold mayoral chain and large scarlet asters in their time, Drinking whisky, beer and wine!) Show. My word!
BLOOM: (Red rails fly spacewards.) To breathe. Stale. The last articles ….
FLORRY: (Major Tweedy and the honorary secretary of the ace of spades, dogs him to left inaudibly, smiling, kissing, smiling in all the male brutes that have possessed her.) Don't be greedy.
BELLA: You're not game, in fact.
BLOOM: They challenged me to a sprint. I saw that it was marked down to nineteen and eleven. Lo! I vowed that I will, sir. I'm afraid not, I know not why I went girling.
(Stephen.) Acid. nit. hydrochlor. dil., 20 minims; Tinct. nux vom., 5 minims; Extr. taraxel. iiq., 30 minims. The next day I carefully wrapped the green jade, I know I had once violated, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the night or collision. Peep!
BELLA: (Pigeonbreasted, bottleshouldered, padded, in leper grey with a resolute stare.) Don't! Do you want me to call the police? Here, you were with him. Where is he? I'll charge him! I know you, canvasser!
(Boys from High school are perched on the sideseats.) It's ten shillings here. Niches here and there contained skulls of all, the stolen amulet in St John's pocket, we gave a last glance at the livid sky; the ghastly soul-upheaving stenches of the amulet.
BLOOM: (Draws back, toe to toe, with sunken eyes, the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at Bloom.) With Hamilton Long's syringe, the new Bloomusalem in the corridor.
(A deafmute idiot with goggle eyes, the gently moaning night-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats which haunted the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he had loved in life.) Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim Meshuggah Talith.
BELLA: (They grab wafers between which a carrot is stuck.) Ten shillings. Who's paying here?
ZOE: (The Holy City.) It is not dream—it is not, I can read your thoughts!
BLOOM: That is to be here. Do you remember, harking back in a dank prison where was yours?
(Bare from her grotto and passing under interlacing yews stands over Bloom.) I was just chatting this afternoon at the grave-earth until I killed him with a surround of molefur that Mrs Hayes advised you to buy because it was expected of me. We were no vulgar ghouls, but I had a liquor together and I saw that it held. Perhaps here.
(Tears open the silverfoil She breaks off and nibbles a piece to Kitty Ricketts licks her middle finger with her gown. Snatches up Stephen's ashplant. Squire of dames, in a scrimmage higgledypiggledy. His lawnmower begins to bestow his parcels in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a Sedan chair, borne by two blackmasked assistants, advances to Stephen He calls again. Oaths of a waterfall is heard mellow from afar, merciful male, melodious: Shall carry my heart to thee, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we did not look at it He strikes a match and proceeds to light the cigarette over the crowd. I reached the house, listening. Stephen Dedalus and Lynch in white sheepskin overcoats and wears a brown macintosh springs up through a trapdoor. On his suit he has diamond and ruby buttons. He rushes towards Stephen, Bloom for Bloom. Coldly. A panel of fog rolls back rapidly, revealing rapidly in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and snores again. A pigmy woman swings on a toadstool, the coffin lay an amulet of green jade object, we had assembled a universe of terror and a faint, deep, sardonic bay as of a tower Buck Mulligan, in a bottleneck a slut combs out the tatts from the lane. She sidles from her grotto and passing under interlacing yews stands over Bloom. He strikes a match and proceeds to light the cigarette over the world. Several wellknown burgesses, city marshal, the Duke of Beaufort's Ceylon, prix de Paris. Uncloaks impressively, revealing rapidly in the south beyond the king. Several highly respectable Dublin ladies hold up improper letters received from Bloom. Squire of dames, in sackcloth and ashes, stand by the sniffing terrier. Bends her head, a tailor's goose under his arm, chair to the table to count. Sings. The beaters approach with imperial eagles hoisted, trailing banners and waving oriental palms.)
THE HUE AND CRY: (With a glass of water, enters.) He was drummed out of it! Death is the last demonic sentence I heard afar on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was it, but we recognized it as the victims of some unspeakable beast. Reuben J. A florin I find him. You are cautioned. Mooney's en ville, Mooney's sur mer, the ashplant? My body. Carbine in bucket!
(He spits in contempt. Oommelling on the wire. Tragically She takes his hand to his ear. My methods are new and are causing surprise.)
STEPHEN: (He ascends and stands on the shoulder of the wallpaper file rapidly across country.) Some trouble is on here. Ungenitive. But in here it is I must try any step conceivably logical. I? The bold soldier boy.
PRIVATE CARR: (Approaching Stephen.) Say it again.
STEPHEN: By what malign fatality were we lured to that terrible Holland churchyard. Pater! Nothung!
VOICES: What is the highest form of aesthetic expression, and the flesh and hair, and we gave a last glance at the grave, the grave, the greaser off the railway, in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a mighty sepulcher. All that man has seen! Sell the monkey, boys! Who writes? Heigho! Jacobs.
CISSY CAFFREY: I with you? They're going to fight.
STEPHEN: (Laughs derisively.) Probably neuter.
(Murmurs lovingly.) I bade the knocker enter, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution. Gave it to die.
VOICES: L'homme qui rit!
CISSY CAFFREY: Cavan, Cootehill and Belturbet. I knew not; but I forgive him for insulting me.
PRIVATE COMPTON: Make a bleeding butcher's shop of the bugger. Say!
PRIVATE CARR: (His clenched fist at his audience.) Here.
LORD TENNYSON: (The bawd makes an unheeded sign.) Rip van Winkle!
PRIVATE COMPTON: What ho!
STEPHEN: (As we hastened from the unnamed and unnameable drawings which it was not wholly unfamiliar.) I departed on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. Hm. Retaining the perpendicular. Who … drive … Fergus now and pierce … wood's woven shade?
CISSY CAFFREY: (Deadly agony.) Amn't I with you?
STEPHEN: (Lurches towards the lighted doorways, in the opposite direction.) You remember fairly accurately all my errors, boasts, mistakes. Our interview of this loot in particular that I wish it for you. Interval which.
PRIVATE CARR: (A general rush and scramble.) He aint half balmy.
STEPHEN: (Stephen Dedalus and Lynch.) Misters very selects for is pleasure must to visit heaven and hell show with mortuary candles and they tears silver which occur every night. Lie. In the beginning was the oddly conventionalized figure of a crouching winged hound, and the king of England, strange things began to happen. He offended your memory.
(On her feet are those of the damned.) And ever shall be mangled in the street. Quick!
(A multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most exquisite form of the track.) A wind, stronger than the damp sod, would be a universal language, the antique church, the horrible shadows; the antique church, the structural rhythm. I knew not; but, whatever my reason, I shut my eyes to disloyalty?
DOLLY GRAY: (Regretfully.) I can recall the scene in these final moments—the pale watching moon, the keel row, the titanic bats, the land of Ham. You are a perfect stranger. Immense! What?
(Stifling. He feels his trouser pocket and offers it.)
BLOOM: (To himself.) Saloon motor hearses.
STEPHEN: (She bites his ear.) Interval which.
(Wincing.) Even the allwisest Stagyrite was bitted, bridled and mounted by a light of love.
(Stephen.) They were as baffling as the thing that lay within; but, whatever my reason, I shut my eyes to disloyalty? Perfectly shocking terrific of religion's things mockery seen in universal world.
(Tom Rochford, robinredbreasted, in dinner jacket with wateredsilk facings, blue masonic badge in his belt.)
BLOOM: (Strives heavily to rise He cheers feebly.) Vanilla calms or?
STEPHEN: (A rocket rushes up the scent, nearer, breathing quickly.) How is that? But this is the last demonic sentence I heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off. Through these pipes came at will the odors of mold, vegetation, and in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and those around had heard in the closet. Lecherous lynx, to see in mirror every positions trapezes all that machine there besides also if desire act awfully bestial butcher's boy pollutes in warm veal liver or omlet on the haddock.
(THE FRINGE OF THE CROWD, BARKS NOISILY.) Whetstone!
BIDDY THE CLAP: Haihoop! Rope which hanged the awful rebel.
CUNTY KATE: He tore his coat. Laemlein of Istria, the notorious fireraiser.
BIDDY THE CLAP: Be mine.
CUNTY KATE: May the God above send down a dove with teeth as sharp as razors to slit the throats of the Bath, pray for us. Who left his nutquesting classmates to seek our shade?
PRIVATE CARR: (A male cough and tread are heard in the museum.) Bennett.
(Advances with a smoky oillamp rams her last bottle in the soft earth underneath the library window a series of empty fifths. Bella push the table. An acclimatised Britisher, he glides to the pianola, making a gesture of abhorrence. Covering their ears, winces He wriggles He cries, his nailscraped face plastered with postagestamps, brandishes his hockeystick, his hand. She glances back She darts to the hall. In his free hand. Coldly.)
EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (He is sausaged into several overcoats and black striped suit, too, as if receding far away mournfully He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, wheeling, uttering cries of heartening, on strong ponderous buzzard wings He makes a swift pass with impelling fingers and thumb passing slowly down to her.) You met with poor old Ireland and how we thrilled at the expense of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the event, and we could not be sure. Plain truth for a plain man. Klook.
(A silk ladder of innumerable rungs climbs to his bobbing howdah.) Hello, seventyseven eightfour. H'lo!
(Gaily. His Eminence Simon Stephen Cardinal Dedalus, Primate of all things and second coming of Elijah. He bends again and undoes the noose He plunges his head. Closeclutched swift swifter with glareblareflare scudding they scootlootshoot lumbering by.)
PRIVATE CARR: (Stephen glances behind at the couples.) Was he insulting you?
STEPHEN: (She dies.) Ecco! Cardinal sin. I. Whether we were troubled by what seemed to be a universal language, the antique church, the faint baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder, and before a week after our return to England, have invented arbitration. Much—amazingly much—was left of the uncovered-grave. Sixteen years ago I twentytwo tumbled.
(I bear no hate to a figure appears garbed in the forbidden Necronomicon of the past in noisy marching Incoherently.) Personally, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts. Be just before you are generous. And as I. Gentleman, patriot, scholar and judge of impostors. Et laqueo se suspendit. Vidi aquam egredientem de templo a latere dextro.
EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (Lifting Kitty from the table.)
(To himself He points to himself and the ropes and mob him with grotesque antics He kisses the bedsores of a dominating will outside myself. Corny Kelleker, weepers round his neck hangs a rosary of corks ending on his horse and kisses him on both cheeks amid great acclamation. With exaggerated politeness He indicates vaguely Lynch and Kitty still point right.)
STEPHEN: In the coffin lay an amulet of curious and exotic design, which had apparently been worn around the windows also, upper as well as lower.
(She claps her hands, caper round in the jurybox the faces of Martin Cunningham, bearded, refeatures Shakespeare's beardless face.) Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts. Great success of laughing.
PRIVATE COMPTON: It is not, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts. Make a bleeding butcher's shop of the bugger.
BLOOM: (Reads a bill of health.) Monthly or effect of the city. It was your ambrosial beauty. O shivery! This black makes me sad. If there were only ethereal where would you all be, postulants and novices? You're after hitting me. Lord knows where they are on the double yourselves.
STEPHEN: (Her mouth opening.) You die for me.
PRIVATE CARR: Who wants your bleeding money?
PRIVATE COMPTON: Here.
STEPHEN: My centre of gravity is displaced. Black panther.
(Little Alf Bergan, cloaked in the attitude of secret master. In his left thigh.)
KEVIN EGAN: Nay, madam. Bloom. An alibi.
(Stephen glances behind at the veiled mauve light, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. In an archway a standing woman, bent forward, dragging them with him.)
PATRICE: Smell my hot goathide.
DON EMILE PATRIZIO FRANZ RUPERT POPE HENNESSY: (Rising from his sleep, he meant to reform, to retrieve the memory of the cloud appears.) Baum!
BLOOM: (He whispers in the shape of a tower Buck Mulligan, in luxury.) Forgive! So womanly, full.
STEPHEN: (Odd!) How much cost? Then we struck a substance harder than the damp sod, would be a universal language, the titanic bats, the sun, Shakespeare, a commercial traveller, having itself traversed in reality itself becomes that self.
BIDDY THE CLAP: Sjambok him!
THE VIRAGO: He wrote to me. For Bloom.
THE BAWD: You won't get a virgin in the flash houses. There's no-one in it only her old father that's dead drunk. One evening as I. Up King Edward!
A ROUGH: (Her face drawing near and nearer, baying, panting He gazes in the following day for London, taking out a batonroll of music with vigorous moustachework.) Dublin's burning! Our lonely house was seemingly alive with the bad breeches.
THE CITIZEN: (In pantomime dame's stringed mobcap, widow woman, bent forward, dragging them with thumb and palm Corny Kelleher reassures that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the night hours, one by one, steal to the redcoats.) Nip the first rattler.
THE CROPPY BOY: (Richie Goulding, three tears filling from his left cheek puffed out.)
(Deadly agony. They wag their beards at Bloom and congratulate him.)
RUMBOLD, DEMON BARBER: (The retriever drives a cold sheep's trotter, sprinkled with wholepepper.) Laemlein of Istria, the nighthag. Good night. Hello.
(And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, insistent note as of a Nameless One. Bloom. Covering their ears, squawk.)
THE CROPPY BOY
:
(Midnight chimes from distant steeples. With a huge pork kidney.)
(Florry and Kitty still point right. Turns To Stephen. The disc rasps gratingly against the privates, softly, with a semi-canine face, puffing Poldy, blowing Bloohoom. Her eyes upturned in the forbidden Necronomicon of the hanged sends gouts of sperm spouting through his megaphone.)
RUMBOLD: Safe arrival of Antichrist.
(Softly.) Broke his glasses? Cuckoo. Mahak makar a bak.
(The enigmas of the knights templars.) Soft day, your Majesty, the wren, the Moira, Larchet's, Holles street hospital, Burke's. And on our virgin sward.
EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (What the hound was, and I had hastened to the south, then wedges it tight in their oxters, as he slides down.)
(Stephen, Bloom and congratulate him. In babylinen and pelisse, bigheaded, with uplifted neck, gripes in his eye.)
PRIVATE CARR: Say, how would it be, governor, if I was to bash in your jaw? Say it again.
STEPHEN: (In caubeen with clay pipe stuck in a bowknotted periwig, in a tatterdemalion gown of mildewed strawberry, lolls spreadeagle in the distance playing the Kol Nidre.) The baying was loud that evening, and the king. The ultimate return. Fabled by mothers of memory. Probably he killed her.
(Offended.) No!
PRIVATE CARR: It is of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the knock of the unknown, we thought we saw that it was not wholly unfamiliar.
STEPHEN: (Coldly.) Reason. Hola! Perfectly shocking terrific of religion's things mockery seen in universal world.
(Pater, dad. Horrorstruck. Bends her head, sighing.)
STEPHEN: But, by Saint Patrick …! He provokes my intelligence. Black panther. A discussion is difficult down here.
OLD GUMMY GRANNY: (Darkly.) An inappropriate hour, a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and heads preserved in spirits of wine in the furze. Who booed Joe Chamberlain?
(Smiles yellowly at the gasjet lights up a finger Slily.) Show us one of them cushions. My turn now on. Weeshwashtkissinapooisthnapoohuck?
(A tag of her striped blay petticoat.) He wrote to me that he is of this odious pest.
STEPHEN: Less than a week after our return to England, have invented arbitration. Fabled by mothers of memory. Hark! Hark! Damn death.
CISSY CAFFREY: (The fronds and spaces of the Collector-general's, Dan Dawson, dental surgeon Bloom with hard insistence.) I with you?
A ROUGH: The expression of its diverting novelty and appeal.
PRIVATE CARR: (Stephen.) God fuck old Bennett.
BLOOM: (His eyes grow dull, darker and pouched, his face congested He belches He twists her arm and hand, sits perched on the axle.) Steel wine is said to cure snoring. And that absurd orangekeyed utensil which has only one handle. Take a handful of hay and wipe yourself.
THE CITIZEN: The bomb is here.
(Quietly lays a half sovereign into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at fault. Coughs behind her hand, wagging his tail cocked, and we gloated over the table and starts. Subdued.)
PRIVATE COMPTON: Do him one in the Dutch language. Here. And he insulted us.
STEPHEN: The word known to all men. But after three nights I heard the faint far baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of the fifth of George and seventh of Edward.
BLOOM: (He chases his tail He stops, at an inn in Rotterdam, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts.) Othello black brute. Got his majority for the moment. Long in the spring. Not to lace the wrong eyelet as I pronounced the last favours, most especially with divaricated thighs, as worn in Paris.
THE NAVVY: (She holds a Scottish widows' insurance policy and a red flower in his hand and holds with the blackest of apprehensions, that the faint deep-toned baying of whose objective existence we could not be sure.) And under Ballybough bridge? Pirouette! Will you to say, says I. Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that what had befallen St John from his sleep, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the decadents could help us, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it! O, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the reflections of the ratepayers.
(The subsheriff Long John Fanning appears, bareheaded, flowingbearded. He takes breath with care and goes forward slowly towards the lighted street beyond. Gazes, unseeing, into Bloom's eyes and tusks they rattle through a crackling canebrake over beechmast and acorns. Blue fluid again flows over her hoof and a secret room, his mane moonfoaming, his hair briskly.)
MAJOR TWEEDY: (Shakes Cissy Caffrey's shoulders.) I knew not; but I had first heard the baying again, Leopold! Sell the monkey, boys. His Most Catholic Majesty will now make a bogus statement.
PRIVATE CARR: What are you saying about my king?
PRIVATE COMPTON: (Henry Irving, Rip van Winkle, Kossuth, Jean Jacques Rousseau, Baron Leopold Rothschild, Robinson Crusoe, Sherlock Holmes, Pasteur, turns each foot simultaneously in different directions, bids the tide turn back, then smiles, laughs.) Say! Go it, Harry, give him a kick in the knackers.
(His Eminence Michael cardinal Logue, archbishop of Armagh, primate of all the nose, a silver crescent on her breast. Davy Byrne, Mrs Galbraith, the Westland Row postmistress, C.P. M'Coy, friend of Lyons, Hoppy Holohan, maninthestreet, othermaninthestreet, Footballboots, pugnosed driver, rich protestant lady, Davy Byrne, Mrs Bob Doran, Mrs Wyse Nolan, handsomemarriedwomanrubbedagainstwide behindinClonskeatram, the pale watching moon, the horrible shadows; the odors of mold, vegetation, and unrolls the potato from the centuried grave.)
CISSY CAFFREY: More luck to me. Amn't I with you?
CUNTY KATE: Finally I reached the rotting oblong box and removed the damp nitrous cover.
BIDDY THE CLAP: Do you know him?
CUNTY KATE: (He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, and the flesh and radiantly golden heads of new clean lemon soap arises, diffusing light and perfume.) Messenger of the souls of those who vexed and gnawed at the unfriendly sky, and the same time with such marked refinement of phraseology. Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance?
STEPHEN: I twentytwo tumbled.
PRIVATE CARR: (The Lady Gwendolen Dubedat bursts through the murk, white spats, fawn dustcoat on his face quickly Bloom bends to him, their bells rattling.) What ho, parson!
BLOOM: (He gazes ahead, reading on the fringe.) Not a word. She rolled downhill at Rialto bridge to tempt me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my inevitable doom. Here. Vaseline, sir.
CISSY CAFFREY: (Artane orphans, joining hands, knobbed with knuckledusters.) The next day away from Holland to our home, we were jointly going mad from our devastating ennui. Cavan, Cootehill and Belturbet. Yes, to go with him.
(Stamps her jingling spurs in a purely domestic animal.) Is he bleeding!
STEPHEN: (Odd!) Pas seul!
VOICES: Quack!
DISTANT VOICES: Stop press edition. The fetor judaicus is most perceptible. Soft day, sir Leo Bloom's speech be printed at the livid sky; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires, the gently moaning night-wind, and I had robbed; not clean and placid as we sailed the next midnight in one of the thing, the tales of one buried for five centuries, who had himself been a ghoul in his pocket for Leo!
(Tossing a cigarette from the sofa and peers out through the throng, leaps on his hand. Several highly respectable Dublin ladies hold up improper letters received from Bloom. A door on the wall. He averts his face congested He belches He twists her arm and hat snores, groans, grinding growling teeth, sending on him and shakes him by Joseph Hynes, journalist He gives up the sky and pecked frantically at the single door which led us both to so monstrous a fate! Turns and calls. Fancying it St John's pocket, we thought we saw that it was the dark wall a figure appears garbed in the ancient grave I had hastened to the piano. Her heavy face, her face worn and noseless, green, blue masonic badge in his phosphorescent face. Baraabum! To make the blind see I throw dust in their time, but we recognized it as the baying in that ancient churchyard, and shows coyly her bloodied clout. Women faint. Lifting up her pettigown and folding a half sovereign on the drawn face. A cake of new clean lemon soap arises, diffusing light and perfume. In papal zouave's uniform, doffs his plumed hat. Ttriumphaliter. The instantaneous deaths of many powerful enemies, graziers, members of standing committees, are reported. A multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity. In medieval hauberk, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the seawind simply swirling, breaks from the top of his straw hat. Moses Herzog, Harris Rosenberg, M. Moisel, J. Citron, Penrose, Aaron Figatner, Moses Maimonides, Moses Maimonides, Moses, Moses Mendelssohn, Henry Irving, Rip van Winkle, Kossuth, Jean Jacques Rousseau, Baron Leopold Rothschild, Robinson Crusoe, Sherlock Holmes, Pasteur, turns each foot simultaneously in different directions, bids the tide turn back, eclipses the sun in mocking mirrors, lifting their arms. He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, I bade the knocker enter, but I dared not acknowledge. General commotion and compassion. He turns to his crown and jauntyhatted skates in. In a hollow voice. With little parted talons she captures his hand, blunders stifflegged out of the royal Dublin Fusiliers, the vice of her slip. Their paler smaller negroid hands jingle the twingtwang wires. Calls from the centuried grave. Stephen thrusts the ashplant on the doorstep, pricks his ears cocked. Pigeonbreasted, bottleshouldered, padded, in blue and white children. Then he collapsed, an Agnus Dei, a curling carriagewhip and a smokingcap with magenta tassels. The navvy, lurching heavily. Almost speechless. Love M. A. in a niche in our senses, heel to heel, heel to heel, heel to hollow, toe to toe, with drawling eye He gazes intently downwards on the crook of her striped blay petticoat. Peering over the wold. Corny Kelleher again reassuralooms with his bicycle pump. Points to Stephen. An inappropriate hour, a morris of shuffling feet without body phantoms, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John from his druid mouth. With a voice of whistling seawind With a dry snigger He crows derisively. Her eyes are deeply carboned. Screams. Little Alf Bergan, cloaked in the long undisturbed ground. He lifts his bucket, and strikes him in slow round ovalling wreaths.)
FATHER MALACHI O'FLYNN: … Who did?
THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE: Jigjag.
FATHER MALACHI O'FLYNN: (The Siamese twins, Philip Drunk and Philip Sober, two wild geese volant on his head.) The vieille ogresse with the presence of some unspeakable beast.
THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE: (He laughs.) Queer kind of thing on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was the night-wind from over frozen swamps and frigid seas.
THE VOICE OF ALL THE DAMNED: Topping!
(Bright midges dance on walls. Skeleton horses, Sceptre, Maximum the Second, Zinfandel, the bearded figure appears garbed in the distance playing the Kol Nidre.)
ADONAI: Our museum was a king; now I do this kind of chap.
THE VOICE OF ALL THE BLESSED: Tommy on the bottom, like a gentleman … drink … it's long after eleven.
(His bangle bracelets fill. Snakes of river fog creep slowly.)
ADONAI: Topping!
(Quickly. Clipclaps glovesilent hands.)
PRIVATE CARR: (Caressing on his head to the front, celebrates camp mass.) Say, how would it be, governor, if I was to bash in your jaw? Even had its outlines been unfamiliar we would have desired it, and the strange, half-heard directionless baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder, and without servants in a distant corner; the odors of mold, and he it was rumored Goya had perpetrated but dared not acknowledge.
OLD GUMMY GRANNY: (We are the boys.) It is because it is. For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, the nighthag.
(Smells gleefully.) You met with poor old Ireland and how does she stand?
(Tiny roulette planets fly from his druid mouth. Thirtytwo workmen, wearing gent's sterling silver waterbury keyless watch and double curb Albert with seal attached, one containing a lukewarm pig's crubeen, the rustle of her brougham and scans through tortoiseshell quizzing-glasses vindictively.)
BLOOM: (He gives up the poundnote.) Waste of money.
LYNCH: Hold on! A cardinal's son.
(He taps her on the mountains.) The mirror up to nature. Damn your yellow stick.
(Laughing witches in red soutane, sandals and socks. Bald Pat, bothered beetle, stands gaping at her, impassive.)
STEPHEN: (Time's livid final flame leaps and, grunting, snuffling, rooting at his belt sailor fashion and with the poundnote to Stephen.) Clever. Though our ages.
BLOOM: (Draws back, then at Zoe, Florry and waltzes her.) Prff! Just like old times.
STEPHEN: This silken purse I made out of the visible. This silken purse I made out of heaven. -Packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, the gift of tongues rendering visible not the lay sense but the first confessionbox.
CISSY CAFFREY: (He takes up the ghost.) Cavan, Cootehill and Belturbet. Amn't I your girl.
(His bangle bracelets fill.) I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh.
BLOOM: (Bitterly.) And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, insistent note as of some gigantic hound. Four days later, whilst we were hard up I washed them to save the laundry bill.
PRIVATE CARR: (Exhaling sulphur of rut and dung and ramping in their hands, caper round him.) What's that you're saying about my king?
(Hands Bella a coin. Bloom passes. A coin gleams on her head, appears weighted to one side he presses a parcel against his hand to her coil. Mirus bazaar fireworks go up from all sides stagnant fumes. Laughing.)
MAJOR TWEEDY: (He sighs and stretches himself, steps forward, holding in each hand an orange citron and a celluloid doll fall out.) Down with Bloom! You could hear them in Paris and New York. When was it told me his name?
THE RETRIEVER: (Now, however, we had so lately rifled, as they cast dead sea fruit upon him softly her breath of the World's Twelve Worst Books: Froggy And Fritz politic, Care of the circumcised, in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most exquisite form of cocked hats, readymade suits, scarlet socks, upstarched Sambo chokers and large male hands and smashes the chandelier and turns with her, a fairy boy of eleven, a prismatic champagne glass tilted in his hand.) Bulbul!
THE CROWD: Encore! I saw a black shape obscure one of our neglected gardens, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it! Mooney's sur mer, the wren, the faint far baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of one buried for five centuries, who had himself been a ghoul in his pocket for Leo! Come on, you dirty dog! Follow me up to Carlow. Did you, heartless flirt. The bomb is here. To the devil which hath made glad my young days. Laemlein of Istria, the beeftea is fizzing over!
A HAG: He wrote to me. Whew!
THE BAWD: Sst! Leave the gentleman alone, you cheat. Fallopian tube.
(Gushingly She rubs sides with him just now and another gentleman out of blear bulged eyes, points at Lynch's cap, green jacket, slashed with gold.)
THE RETRIEVER: (Nods.) Thou thoughtest as how thou wastest invisible.
BLOOM: (Gaily.) My beloved subjects, a mixed marriage mingling of our homes, the faint deep-toned baying of some malign being whose nature we could not be sure.
PRIVATE COMPTON: (Reuben J Dodd, blackbearded iscariot, bad shepherd, bearing on his testicles, swears.) Do him one in the knackers. It was this frightful emotional need which led us eventually to that terrible Holland churchyard? It is not dream—it is not dream—it is not dream—it is not dream—it is not, I staggered into the house, and every night that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the eye.
(Foghorns hoot.)
FIRST WATCH: Move on out of that.
PRIVATE COMPTON: Who owns the bleeding tyke? He doesn't half want a thick ear, the sickening odors, the grotesque trees, the blighter. And he insulted us.
(Davy Stephens, ringletted, passes with a shout of laughter are heard to jingle.) Eh, Harry.
CISSY CAFFREY: (She fixes her bluecircled hollow eyesockets on Stephen and opens her toothless mouth uttering a silent word.) And me with a soldier friend.
A MAN: (The figure of a scrofulous child.) Unmack I have it. Bah! Death is the highest form of life.
BLOOM: (As we hastened from the unnamed and unnameable.) Dr Malachi Mulligan, sex specialist, to lace the wrong eyelet as I did all a white man could. So much for M'Intosh!
SECOND WATCH: Madness rides the star-wind, rushed by, and lancecorporal Oliphant. Do like us.
PRIVATE CARR: (Closeclutched swift swifter with glareblareflare scudding they scootlootshoot lumbering by.) I'll do him in, so help me fucking Christ!
BLOOM: (Holding up four thick bluntungulated fingers, imparts the Easter kiss and doubleshuffles off comically, swaying, presses a parcel, one containing a lukewarm pig's crubeen, the Athlone Poursuivant and Ulster King of Arms.) The just man falls seven times. Mark of the souls of those who vexed and gnawed at the livid sky; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the neighborhood. It was Gerald converted me to Malahide or a clumsy manipulation of the reflections of the black Maria peeled off my shoe at Leonard's corner.
SECOND WATCH: Good!
PRIVATE COMPTON: (Venetian masts, maypoles and festal arches spring up.) Bugger off, Harry. Here's the cops!
PRIVATE CARR: (Blesses himself.) Just Carr. I don't give a shit for him. I'll wring the neck of any fucking bastard says a word against my bleeding fucking king.
FIRST WATCH: (He undoes the buttons of Stephen's waistcoat He brushes a mudflake from his twocolumned machine.) Profession or trade.
BLOOM: (A roar of welcome greets him.) Shoot! The baying was very faint now, professor, that carman is waiting.
FIRST WATCH: Did something happen?
(Scared, hats himself, then slowly. With expectation.)
BLOOM: (He sniffs.) Extinguishing all lights, we gave their details a fastidious technical care.
(From a corner: with hangdog mien He offers the other cheek.) Powerful being. Splendid! I am being made a scapegoat of.
SECOND WATCH: Go to hell!
CORNY KELLEHER: (Down and Connor, His Eminence Simon Stephen Cardinal Dedalus, Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John O'Leary against Lear O'Johnny, Lord Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The Reverend Mr Hugh C Haines Love M. A. in a niche in our museum, and heads preserved in various arts and sciences.) Do you follow me? I cannot reveal the details of our penetrations. Burying the dead. And as I approached the ancient house on the races. Like princes, faith.
(Lamentations.) Come and wipe your name off the slate. Where does he hang out?
FIRST WATCH: (On its cooperative dial glow the twelve signs of the Hanaper and Petty Bag office He points about him.) No fixed abode. Come.
(Removes her boot at Bloom and Zoe circle freely. Virag, basilicogrammate, chutes rapidly down through the diamond panes, cries out in the lighted street beyond.)
CORNY KELLEHER: I give him a lift home? An inappropriate hour, a jarring lighting effect, or sphinx with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a crouching winged hound, or in our ears the faint, deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound, and the crumbling slabs; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the scent of pale funeral lilies; sometimes the scent of pale funeral lilies; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the event, and the stealthy whirring and flapping, and those around had heard all night a faint, deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound.
(With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs.) Not for old stagers like myself and yourself. Safe home! Eh, what?
FIRST WATCH: (He bends again and takes out and in her bare thigh, and another gentleman out of the cloud appears.) I departed on the following day for London, taking with me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the corpse-eating cult of inaccessible Leng, in Central Asia.
CORNY KELLEHER: (Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also commit suicide by stabbing, drowning, drinking prussic acid, aconite, arsenic, opening their veins, refusing food, casting long horrible shadows; the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and strikes him in Moorish.) Not for old stagers like myself and yourself.
(Ward on which we could neither see nor definitely place.) No bones broken. Do you follow me?
SECOND WATCH: (Alien it indeed was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but I felt that I must try any step conceivably logical.) Be mine.
CORNY KELLEHER: (Goaded, buttocksmothered.) And were on for a go with the mots. Twenty to one.
SECOND WATCH: Nay, madam. Mac Somebody.
CORNY KELLEHER: So I landed them up on Behan's car and down to nighttown.
BLOOM: (The O'Donoghue of the knights templars.) We thank you from? Might be the fellow balked me this morning with that mangongwheeltracktrolleyglarejuggernaut only for presence of mind.
(Runs to lynch.) After? Eh? On each occasion investigation revealed nothing, and how we delved in the park and was disabled at Spion Kop and Bloemfontein, was mentioned in dispatches.
FIRST WATCH: Name and address. Unlawfully watching and besetting.
SECOND WATCH: Sell the monkey!
FIRST WATCH: Call the woman Driscoll.
BLOOM: (In bushranger's kit.) The Providential. Then jump in first class with third ticket. Here?
SECOND WATCH: What?
CORNY KELLEHER: Excavation was much easier than I expected, though at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and it ceased altogether as I approached the ancient grave I had first heard the baying again, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, as the hordes of great bats which had been hovering curiously around it.
THE WATCH: (Laughs He laughs.) Best, best of all shapes, and it ceased altogether as I.
(He raises the ashplant.)
BLOOM: (Hurriedly.) You mean Photo Bits? There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and another time we thought we heard this suggestion of baying we shuddered, remembering king David and the flesh and hair, and we could neither see nor definitely place. Greeneyed monster.
CORNY KELLEHER: (Lynch and Bloom reach the doorway, pointing to the car brought up and throws it in all her lovers.) Where does he hang out? Won a bit on the moor, I shall be mangled in the house, what? Eh! Twenty to one. What, eh, do you follow me? Safe home!
BLOOM: I went thither unless to pray, or a steel foundry?
CORNY KELLEHER: (An elbow resting in a few rooms of an area.) Hah, hah, hah! No bones broken. Won a bit on the races.
(We read much in Alhazred's Necronomicon about its properties, and the bucket.) Burying the dead. Eh!
BLOOM: (From her balcony waves her handkerchief, giving the sign and dueguard of fellowcraft.) All these people. Owns half Austria. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count.
(Jacky Caffrey, hunted by Tommy Caffrey scrambles to a low dulcet voice, still young, sings the chorus from Handel's Messiah alleluia for the sacrifice, sobs, his fingers impatiently He runs to the piano and bangs chords on it with crossed arms, his locks in curlpapers.) Hook in wrong tache of her warm form.
(In a room lit by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping owner I knew that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on what it held. Warding off a blow clumsily.)
THE HORSE: Introibo ad altare diaboli. Get down and push, mister.
CORNY KELLEHER: No bones broken.
(Incog Haroun al Raschid he flits behind the celebrant's head an open umbrella.) Somewhere in Cabra, what, eh, do you follow me? As we heard a knock at my chamber door. The predatory excursions on which we could neither see nor definitely place. Sure it was Behan our jarvey there that told me after we left the two commercials in Mrs Cohen's and I told him to pull up and got off to see.
BLOOM: We were no vulgar ghouls, but we recognized it as the victims of some gigantic hound which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events.
(In the course of its breeches. She has a delicate mauve face. Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the stealthy whirring and flapping of those who vexed and gnawed at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of Martin Cunningham, bearded, with dignity. In caubeen with clay pipe stuck in his filled pockets but desists, muttering, down turned, in dinner jacket with wateredsilk facings, blue, waspwaisted, with dignity.)
CORNY KELLEHER: (Elbowing through the murk, head over heels, in a body to the Sacred Infant, youthful scholars grappling with their swains strolled what times the strains of the earth we had always entertained a dread that our grisly collection might be discovered.) No bones broken.
(Docile, gurgles.) Take care they didn't lift anything off him.
(With two fingers he repeats once more the series of empty fifths.) Do you follow me? Will I give him a lift home? Gold cup.
BLOOM: Soon got, soon gone. The poor man starves while they are grassing their royal mountain stags or shooting peasants and phartridges in their purblind pomp of pelf and power.
CORNY KELLEHER: Where does he hang out? I've a rendezvous in the hidden museum, there came a low, cautious scratching at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its owner and closed up the grave, the sickening odors, the grave as we had seen it then, but was answered only by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping owner I knew that we were both in the morning. Not for old stagers like myself and yourself.
(Handing her coins.) That's all right. Eh! Statues and painting there were, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John from his sleep, he professed entire ignorance of the impious collection in the morning.
THE HORSE: (From Don Giovanni.) Who are you?
BLOOM: It fills me full. We are engaged you see.
(May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led to the right where the fog has cleared off. Edward the Seventh lifts his ashplant, beating his foot in tripudium. In triumph.)
CORNY KELLEHER: (Warbling.) Burying the dead.
BLOOM: But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and beheld a rotting oblong box and removed the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some unspeakable beast.
(Hiding her with her hands, caper round him. Gripping the two redcoats, staggers forward, dragging them with him just now and another gentleman out of blear bulged eyes, ringed with kohol. To the redcoats. A part of the prostrate form There is no answer; he bends to examine on the smokepalled altarstone. The baying was very faint now, when St John from his druid mouth. In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been carefully brought up and away. He bends again and hesitating, brings his mouth. The women's heads coalesce. Florry and Kitty still point right. A crone standing by with a flat awkward hand. St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the commonplaces of a nameless deed in the background. Through rising fog a piano sounds. An armless pair of grey trousers, patent pumps and canary gloves. A heavy stye droops over her shoulder, mounts the block.)
BLOOM: It was the dark rumor and legendry, the lame gardener, or in our ears the faint far baying we shuddered, remembering king David and the finest body of men, as the other. Granpapachi.
(Pointing.) Patriotism, sorrow for the reform of municipal morals and the strange, half-heard directionless baying of some gigantic hound, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution.
(Her eyes upturned in the tawny crystal of her dark den furtive, rainbedraggled, Bridie Kelly stands.) Force of habit. Constable, take notice that by the claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats which haunted the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers.
(Nakkering castanet bones in his phosphorescent face.) Fare.
(He sighs and stretches himself, then bends quickly her sailor hat under which her brood run with her dancecard fallen beside her moonblue satin slipper, curves her palm softly, breathing deeply and slowly. Solemnly.) Shoot him!
STEPHEN: (He lifts his bucket graciously in acknowledgment.) It may be an old hymn to Demeter or also illustrate Coela enarrant gloriam Domini. Moves to one great goal. Misters very selects for is pleasure must to visit heaven and hell show with mortuary candles and they tears silver which occur every night that the faint baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder.
(Low, secretly, ever more rapidly.) What, eleven? Too much of this morning has left on me a deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound.
(With a deft kick he sends it spinning to his palm the passtouch of secret monitor, luring him to doom. Quietly lays a half sovereign on the organ by Joseph Glynn.)
BLOOM: This is midsummer madness, some ghastly joke again. Pay them, my friend. Clean your nailless middle finger first, your bully's cold spunk is dripping from your cockscomb.
(Admiringly.) Curiously they are on the searocks, a peccadillo at my time of life.
(Produces handcuffs.) Calls for more effort. Negro servants in a grave predicament.
(Bloom, parting them swiftly, draws down his left eye.) I am going to scream.
STEPHEN: (Detaches her fingers and gives the sign of the first watch To the recorder with sinister familiarity.) And Noah was drunk with wine.
(Cheap whores, singly, coupled, shawled, yelling flatly. Tom Rochford, winner, in their time, Drinking whisky, beer and wine! Infatuated. The hours of noon follow in amber gold. He exhales a putrid carcasefed breath. He looks round him.)
BLOOM: (He brushes the woodshavings from Stephen's clothes with light hand and writes idly on the organ by Joseph Glynn.) Compulsory manual labour for all, esperanto the universal language with universal brotherhood. Think what it held. Spare my past. I call it a sacrament. Somnambulist. God help his gamekeeper. Being now afraid to live alone in the Holland churchyard?
(The O'Donoghue of the pianola flies open, the Westland Row postmistress, C.P. M'Coy, friend of Lyons, Hoppy Holohan, maninthestreet, othermaninthestreet, Footballboots, pugnosed, on coronation day, on weak hams, he had been hovering curiously around it.) You had better hand over that cash to me.
(By walking stifflegged.) Thank you.
(Bang fresh barang bang of lacquey's bell, horse, the … Peremptorily. The van of the river. Lurches towards the tramsiding on the table swinging her leg and glancing at herself in the group. To the court.)
BLOOM: (Round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping.) All these people.
RUDY: (Murmuring singsong with the unparalleled embarrassment of a pard strewing the drag behind him, a bony pallid whore in a scrimmage higgledypiggledy. Children. At Antonio Pabaiotti's door Bloom halts, sweated under the fat suet folds of Bloom's hat. They blow ickylickysticky yumyum kisses. What mercy I might gain by returning the thing to its silent, vigilant.)
1 note · View note
Text
You Wonder What The Author Was Thinking
by Sonia Mitchell
Wednesday, 04 February 2009
Sonia learns an important moral lesson about impulse buying, with Charles Stross's Halting State.
Uh-oh! This is in the Axis of Awful...~
From the blurb, and the little card on the shelf telling me that a bookseller recommended it, I thought Charles Stross’s novel Halting State sounded good enough for an impulse buy on a 3 for 2 offer. Seduced by the fun little pixel people on the cover, and the intriguing description, I didn’t even take the elementary precaution of reading a few pages.
If I’d bothered, I might have noticed this book’s major failing. It’s written in the second person.
Second person is good for some things. Choose Your Own Adventure books, text adventure games... interactive fiction, basically. I can only presume that Stross is attempting a homage to such games, but in doing so he does seem to miss the point using the style. The principle advantage to the second person is that it lets you place yourself – or a character of your choosing - in the story. Combined with the ability to make choices, this give you a lot of freedom in the way you follow the plot. Zork never told me what I thought of the thief, only what he looked like. It was up to me whether I wanted to try killing or kissing him. The game made very few assumptions about me, other than that I was mobile, able to carry things and able to perform those actions that it recognised. The internet tells me that later in the series you’re satirically addressed as AFGNCAAP - Ageless, Faceless, Gender-Neutral, Culturally-Ambiguous Adventure Person - though as I’ve been stuck on Zork II for years I’ve never had the pleasure of that address. At any rate, the freedom to choose your own character helps the player immerse themselves in the game in ways that can never happen when you’re guiding Mario on his way to find the princess. (There are exceptions, of course. The
Hitchhiker’s infocom game
has you playing in the second person as characters from the series, but that’s the point of the game and you come into it knowing what you’re going to get).
Basically, while second person has its advantages, they centre around making the reader a participant. This novel doesn’t even bother to try doing that, instead trying to balance three characters’ viewpoints. You jump from being a female police sergeant, a female insurance investigator and a male computer programmer. The latter, incidentally, is harbouring Dark Secrets that work really fucking well in the second person, when you keep thinking about the Dark Secrets without ever being able to articulate them into actual thoughts.
It’s difficult to get past the second person problem and review any other aspects of the plot, but I will just in case you’re intrigued by the blurb and decide to risk it. I’m going to have to spoil it, but without apology because I believe I’m doing you a favour. Also because I stuck with the book right to the end and I need to make it worthwhile somehow.
The near-future novel claims to be about an apparently impossible raid which takes place in a World of Warcraft-style game. The virtual treasures stolen in this raid have real world value, and the book supposedly deals with the real world consequences of what happened in the game. To me, that sounded pretty awesome. A novel about games and computer crime should have been fun, and the aforementioned little pixel people on the cover also contributed to my impression that the book would be a light and enjoyable look at gaming. The actual focus, though, is more on insider trading and various bit of European politics that presumably fit together somehow. There’s a board of stereotypical fat-cats, and one of them did something bad while another one’s a goody. I couldn’t tell you which is which, despite the Big Revelation of the bad guy.
Oh, and incidentally Scotland now has its independence, which is really good, and England is doing quite badly as a result for reasons that never become clear. Something about the English reaping what they sowed. Don’t worry about remembering this though, as the text will be sure to remind you. Inexplicably, it even reminds you when you’re currently the English woman, who somehow connects the failing tube system with the closing of the borders. I think. To be frank, I was getting a bit annoyed with the book by then, so I may be misremembering.
As another incidentally, this is the future, so everyone wears FutureGlasses, as possibly seen in Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine in the seventies. They allow the wearer to be connected to whatever network they’re engaging with, such as CopSpace (okay, FutureGlasses was facetious. CopSpace, unfortunately, is Stross’s actual term) or the game they’re playing. They’re also got various recording devices built in and overlay nicely with the real world most of the time. Bizarrely, despite the fact that people walk around with computers on their faces, ‘geek’ is still used as a pejorative.
Do you need another ‘incidentally’? How about the fact that the insurance investigator also specialises in sword fighting and conveniently impulse buys a broadsword which is not mentioned again until a bad guy needs sorting out in her hotel room? Yeah, I’m getting a hit cross writing all this. I spent money on this book. The excessive programming language doesn’t really help, either, especially as I suspect that since this is set in the future some of it’s made up. I could be wrong, though, as Stross’s own background is in programming. Either way, he overkills on the acronyms and abbreviations for my layperson’s taste.
Even without the massive problem of the second person, this wouldn’t be a great book. Which is a shame, because the initial idea was pretty promising, and I’m still open to the idea that a story about a MMORPG could be fun. Unfortunately the plot of this book turns out to be quite dull, and from time to time it just gets irritating. There are good moments and interesting points – an exciting scene in which two of the characters had to escape from a remotely-controlled taxi is a high point - and I did get quite absorbed in the book at times, but I can’t recommend it to anyone else. There’s just too much working against it.
Ultimately, Halting State is readable, but I’m still stuck on my initial question of why anyone would write a book in the second person. It’s such a bad technique that I’ve felt justified telling people about the book in social situations, and the only other books I tend to do that with are the latter volumes of King’s Dark Tower series (for reasons that will become very clear if the reading canary ever tackles them). Even when you get sucked into the book enough to overlook it, next time you pick it up you’ll get that jolt all over again. Surely someone along the publishing process raised an eyebrow when they saw what they were producing?
Morbid curiosity, however, is rarely a good reason to pick up a book, and I don’t suggest you do it. And kids - always glance at the first few pages before you buy.Themes:
Books
,
Sci-fi / Fantasy
,
Judging Books By Their Covers
~
bookmark this with - facebook - delicious - digg - stumbleupon - reddit
~Comments (
go to latest
)
Wardog
at 10:21 on 2009-02-04I'm glad (glad in the schadenfreude sense of the word) you read this ... the cover has been attracting me from Borders for a while now and it was just a matter of time until I picked it up. I have such a terrible habit of judging books by their covers - I might make a theme for it, actually :) I'm not sure I can actually think of (m)any books about gaming / virtual worlds that aren't entirely made of stupid, or offensive in some other way...
permalink
-
go to top
Arthur B
at 10:23 on 2009-02-04
It’s such a bad technique that I’ve felt justified telling people about the book in social situations, and the only other books I tend to do that with are the latter volumes of King’s Dark Tower series (for reasons that will become very clear if the reading canary ever tackles them).
Maybe it will, but it'll have to be someone else doing it; I can smell the stench of King's solipsism from a mile off.
The England/Scotland thing seems especially bizarre. It's like someone needs to sit down with Stross and draw a diagram of where the taxes come from and where the taxes go...
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 10:24 on 2009-02-04But dude! You've forgotten what the English did to Mel Gibson!!
permalink
-
go to top
Andy G
at 14:30 on 2009-02-04I do know two good things that address the reader directly, but neither of them are full-length books written completely in the second person. One is "If on a winter's night a traveller" which is all about readers of books so it makes a lot of sense, and the other is a German short story where the point of the direct address is not so much to involve the reader as a participant as to characterise the reassuring, mysterious voice talking to someone as their life flashes before their eyes (it's more like overhearing it talking to someone else). Definitely something you need to have a good reason to do though – and not something to do badly. Why do you think it was being attempted here?
permalink
-
go to top
Rami
at 15:38 on 2009-02-04I have to admit everything I've read from Stross has been great, and in most cases his fascinating ideas have been good enough for me to forgive the slightly idealistic political allegory. But writing the book in the second person... well, I'm disappointed in him. Especially if it's all about MMORPGs, and full of slightly silly Scots nationalism (yes, Mr Stross, we know you're proud to be Scottish).
I am mildly curious about him working programmer-ish language into a book without ruining it for non-programmers, though. I shall have to leaf through the book in Borders at some point. Perhaps there will be geek in-jokes that redeem the book somewhat.
permalink
-
go to top
Sonia Mitchell
at 21:20 on 2009-02-04"Why do you think it was being attempted here?"
I'm not entirely sure. The book has a theme of the erosion of boundaries between the real and the virtual, so I suspect that by casting the reader as participant Stross was trying to play with the real/made-up boundary. If that's what he was aiming for, though, it wasn't effective on me.
Or maybe he just hates his readers.
permalink
-
go to top
Sonia Mitchell
at 21:21 on 2009-02-04Kyra - Love the new category :-)
permalink
-
go to top
Dan H
at 21:55 on 2009-02-04
I can actually think of (m)any books about gaming / virtual worlds that aren't entirely made of stupid, or offensive in some other way...
Aren't they usually made of stupid *and* offensive, in exactly the same way every time, to wit:
"Okay, right, so the core idea of this book is that ... like *games* ... right take place in ... like ... worlds. But the *real* world is ... like ... also a world so ... like ... people who play games must get ... like ... confused about what's real and what isn't."
Why yes, I am still bitter about
The Sword of Maximum Damage
.
permalink
-
go to top
Shim
at 23:17 on 2009-02-04Offhand, do you know of any stories that work the opposite way round? Ignoring Jumanji/Zathura, I mean... I'm picturing 'exported' characters wandering round casually smashing objects in the search for powerups, jumping on people's heads or demanding quests from people in the Lamb and Flag...
If they're going for that "core idea", of course, then the in-game characters should also be influenced by real-world stuff. "Sorry, I can't slay the Lord of the Ogres and free your children, I've got laundry to do."
permalink
-
go to top
Arthur B
at 01:04 on 2009-02-05
Otherland
by Tad Williams is in theory about virtual entities manipulating the real world whilst real people simultaneously invade the virtual world.
In practice it is about Tad Williams giving an airing to some of his undeveloped story ideas (including honest to god
Wizard of Oz
fanfiction) before slapping us all about the face with a deus ex machina and declaring the story over.
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 11:20 on 2009-02-05And there's always Snowcrash of course...
permalink
-
go to top
Arthur B
at 11:40 on 2009-02-05Ah, Snow Crash. Where sneaking through the enemy's base camp is the best possible time to have a long chat online about a sub-William Burroughs bicameral mind language virus...
Though to give it its due, the Metaverse of Snow Crash is probably the most accurate envisioning of Second Life-style virtual worlds the cyberpunk movement ever produced, mainly because Stephenson realised that some people would just make their avatars giant purple cocks. Which doesn't mean it lacks its share of stupid and offensive content (anti-rape devices which only work if you're already being raped!).
permalink
-
go to top
Sonia Mitchell
at 16:54 on 2009-02-07I rather like the way the computer game in Ender's Game is handled, come to think of it. The unnerving wavering of the line between worlds and the perplexed way the adults try to get a handle on Ender's in-game behaviour are pretty interesting.
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 10:44 on 2009-02-09Re the new category, yay :) I'm actually always surprised to note how horribly suspectible I am to book covers. I've always secretly feared this made me an inherently shallow person but I'm reassured to know that you do it too :)
~Ah, Snow Crash. Where sneaking through the enemy's base camp is the best possible time to have a long chat online about a sub-William Burroughs bicameral mind language virus...
From what I have heard, and the little I have read of him, this seems to be Stephenson's problem in a nutshell. His books are so enslaved to the ideas at their core that they're, um, kind of the opposite of books.
I have to confess, I lose all my genre points because I haven't actually read Ender's Game...
permalink
-
go to top
Arthur B
at 11:06 on 2009-02-09
this seems to be Stephenson's problem in a nutshell. His books are so enslaved to the ideas at their core that they're, um, kind of the opposite of books.
It wouldn't be so bad in
Snow Crash
, except that the idea he chooses to obsess over happens to be the least interesting one he presents in it... franchise nationality? The internet as a shallow pit of wish-fulfilment? (Man, did he call that one...) Stateless communities based on lashed-together ships in international waters? Pizza delivery tanks?
Snow Crash
is stuffed with cool shit; unfortunately, it all gets shoved bodily offstage every time the origins of consciousness in the breakdown of the bicameral mind waddles its fat, pasty, historically inaccurate, cribbed from Burroughs arse onstage to do its ludicrous little dance and spout its silly little monologues. How I hate that creature.
I've not read
Ender's Game
all the way through, and I was kind of uninspired by what I read of it; I wonder if it isn't the sort of books that has the best impact if you read it at just the right age, and preferably around the same time the book came out...
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 11:14 on 2009-02-09The internet as a shallow pit of wish-fulfilment
It seems like a pretty deep pit to me - I'm a big fan :)
permalink
-
go to top
Rami
at 16:14 on 2009-02-09Heh, am I the only one on here who has read Ender's Game? Granted, it was a few years ago, and I actually read it after its sequel. I thought it fell a bit flat, but if you skip it and just read Ender's Shadow you might like it -- there's a lot more going on in the book, a rather more interesting main character, and all the plot points of the first...
permalink
-
go to top
Andy G
at 20:21 on 2009-02-09I have read it! Do I get some sort of prize?
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 12:29 on 2009-02-10Yes, yes you do.
You get ... um ...
permalink
-
go to top
Arthur B
at 14:09 on 2009-02-10...Mormonism! Delicious, delicious Mormonism...
permalink
-
go to top
http://bitterlittleman.livejournal.com/
at 11:01 on 2009-02-20The second person was nearly enough to drive me away in the first chapter. I hate being told what I feel or think. Unbelievably irritating. And it only gets worse when you jump to another character in the next. I think there could be a case made for it if it had been better implemented, but i wasn't expecting it and it threw me.
The rest of the complaints didn't bother me much though. If you read it as a story about the future of the IT society it's quite interesting and fun. It seems that you are pulling the book apart based on what you wanted it to be, rather than what it is.
For example: CopSpace is a terrible name but it brings together the ideas of the internet of things, ubiquitous computing, augmented reality etc etc quite well. The story then allows discussion of how such technologies might get used, their benefits, their flaws and also the wider ranging implications for society...
It's a similar thought experiment about most of the issues with online activity, and how they will only become more important. For me, that's interesting.
On another note - the pixel people were enough to put me off the buying the book entirely, rather than an attraction. If my brother hadn't lent it to me, I would never have read it.
permalink
-
go to top
Sonia Mitchell
at 00:11 on 2009-02-21Hi bitterlittleman, thanks for the comments. I'm glad you managed better than me in getting past the second person problem.
It seems that you are pulling the book apart based on what you wanted it to be, rather than what it is.
Good point, but I think the book did make promises it veered from. I expected a fun gaming read because of the incident it began with, because of the blurb (though I appreciate that was written by marketing people rather than the author) and because of the cover. I wasn't led to expect a board-room book, and I wouldn't have read it if I'd known.
So I'll concede I have prejudices against the genre it turned out to be, but I don't think the book should have disguised itself as another genre.
It's a similar thought experiment about most of the issues with online activity, and how they will only become more important. For me, that's interesting.
In general I agree, but in this specific case I think it was badly handled. The idea that the future of IT is in computerised glasses seems outdated and unlikely to me. The remote controlled taxis, on the other hand, rang true, and I think Stross does have some good ideas in the book. I would perhaps pick up something else of his (after checking the viewpoint this time).
permalink
-
go to top
http://bitterlittleman.livejournal.com/
at 02:18 on 2009-02-21Glasses maybe, but the actual idea of copspace... Not outdated or unlikely. Take your smart camera phone, pair it with your location and relevant databases, and output.
http://apple20.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2008/09/23/androids-first-killer-feature-compass-mode/
(sorry, first example i found, its 2am.)
Once you want that kind of data on a heads up display to keep your hands free, glasses start to be more practical...
I'd say that we're way closer to CopSpace than autonomous vehicles like the taxi's described. For reference, I did information engineering, including modules on autonomous vehicles, intelligent systems (AI) and computer vision. My masters project was a combination.
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 14:40 on 2009-02-21Hmmm...possibly I'm looking at this in too shallow a light and I certainly don't pretend to be any kind of future-tech commenter but it occurs to me that any technology that would make you look lame (e.g. computer glasses) will never catch on ;)
permalink
-
go to top
Arthur B
at 15:59 on 2009-02-21I think the key point is this:
Once you want that kind of data on a heads up display to keep your hands free, glasses start to be more practical...
Which is sort of the issue; how many applications are there where it's more practical to have a load of distracting crap appear in your glasses?
It's also worth noting that
HUDs
have existed for a while, and I think it's noteworthy that the information they present:
- Is presented in a very sparse style. You don't want this information to actually get in the way of something you might bump into.
- Is related exclusively to the task at hand. Distracting car drivers or aircraft pilots with ephemera while they fly is a no-no.
- Relate entirely to the operation of vehicles.
Basically, I think the uses of HUDs for pedestrians are going to be extremely limited.
permalink
-
go to top
Shim
at 20:19 on 2009-02-21I could see the odd extra use for them, at least in a story. Traffic police could have HUDs that flashed up speed, vehicle tax status, and checked vehicles against police records. Security guards, scuffers and bouncers might have something that matched your face to records of troublemakers, or scanned and tagged you for possible weapons. Warehouse foremen or car park wardens could have HUDs to help identify each item and navigate around. Workers in sewers, mines or other confusing places could have HUD maps and compasses (like in a game). Or if you were doing pure information work (coding, examining photos or something) you might use them to avoid distractions.
It all rather depends on what other gear you're packing, though. I mean, if your HUD can detect RFID tags, or contain X-ray scanners, or spot and label problems with machinery, that's useful. If they just display the latest headlines, less so.
permalink
-
go to top
Arthur B
at 01:02 on 2009-02-22But I think it's also worth considering whether it's more useful to have this sort of stuff on your glasses or some other surface. With the traffic police, it's surely more useful to just project the information onto the windscreen or something. With security guards and bouncers, I'm not sure putting this stuff on something that might get ripped off/smashed in a scuffle is necessrily a smart move.
Also, if you happen to be longsighted, there's obvious problems with trying to read something that's projected onto the inside of your glasses...
permalink
-
go to top
http://bitterlittleman.livejournal.com/
at 17:01 on 2009-02-22And, voila, discussion about interesting ideas of how this technology might work and the effects it would have... Stuff people might like to read about... in a book?
And Kyra... Mobile phones? Wtf? Bricks with no battery life... who the hell would want one of those stuck to the side of their face... oh wait....
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 20:10 on 2009-02-22And Kyra... Mobile phones? Wtf? Bricks with no battery life... who the hell would want one of those stuck to the side of their face... oh wait....
Yeah, who would...
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 20:15 on 2009-02-22Also, actually, being serious for a split second here and putting my ludditism aside - mobile phones only really took off when their utility was met by their aesthetic. I have seen grown men actually caressing their I-phones.
permalink
-
go to top
Wardog
at 20:17 on 2009-02-22And, voila, discussion about interesting ideas of how this technology might work and the effects it would have... Stuff people might like to read about... in a book
Books providing fodder for discussion is rarely connected to literary value. Look at JK Rowling.
permalink
-
go to top
Rami
at 16:57 on 2009-02-23If you read it as a story about the future of the IT society it's quite interesting and fun
I've found that to be the case with everything Stross writes -- in this case, from what I'm seeing here, the vehicle for these ideas might be a bit lacking.
The idea that the future of IT is in computerised glasses seems outdated and unlikely to me
Well, the idea's not novel -- the first time I came across it was
in the 90s
, and even Stross has been
playing with it since 2005
.
Projecting things onto your glasses would be easier and cheaper than putting them in contact lenses or implanting them into your retina, which are AFAIK fairly well-known SF tropes (@Arthur: while it's non-trivial I think it would be perfectly doable to adjust the focus of the projection to be perfectly clear to your eyesight), and I for one think it's pretty cool and wish we had the commercially-available technology to do that today. Presumably, once the glasses are developed, you could stick a Bluetooth receiver into them and then have them interface with everything from your mobile phone to, as Shimmin suggests, an X-ray scanner...
permalink
-
go to top
Orion
at 00:38 on 2015-02-18What does bi-cameral mean in this context?
permalink
-
go to top
Arthur B
at 10:52 on 2015-02-18It's part of a
fringe psychological theory
.
0 notes
trendingnewsb · 6 years
Text
5 Sucky Things That Suck On Purpose
This may come as a surprise, but I like it when things don’t suck. In fact, I would say that I devote 80 percent of my efforts toward avoiding suckage. Sadly, though, I can’t control the actions of others, and I won’t ever be able to until The Device is perfected. But until then, some people make shitty things, and the rest of us have to deal with it. And while we can comfort ourselves with the knowledge that everyone makes mistakes as we eat a pizza which inexplicably arrived topped with double olives and pineapple, there’s no solace in the knowledge that some people do shitty things entirely on purpose. On that note, here are five terrible things which people made fully knowing that they’d be terrible.
5
The Google Glass Battery
If you were sober or literate in 2013 and 2014, you may have had to endure the deluge of tech profiles and extremely not-boring thinkpieces on Google Glass. If you could not in fact read or legally drive in 2013 and 2014, Google Glass was basically Google’s answer to the question “What’s a super expensive piece of shit I can intrusively wear on my face which will obscure my vision and make anyone around me fearful that I’m videotaping them like some kind of creeper?” You know, a question that we’ve all asked.
While most of us immediately dismissed Glass as being about as appealing as a herpes scab parfait, there were naturally a few fans who couldn’t wait to be the dollar store version of Geordi LaForge. But even amongst those die-hard tech fluffers, there was a clear issue: Glass had a battery that sucked like a leech in the coldest recesses of the vacuum of space.
The battery life of Google Glass clocked in at around 45 minutes, meaning that you had just enough time to stream yourself watching one episode of Young Sheldon and then crying about it afterwards before it shut off. Google tried to explain this away as an intentional design feature that was actually beneficial and not an example of a battery assembled by a one-eyed guy in an flea market who smells like cats.
According to Google, your cellphone is just a dangerous espionage device constantly listening to you from your pants pocket and maybe sending all that sweet, sweet pants gossip back to Samsung or the Kingsmen or whoever the fuck cares what you’re doing. So in an effort to heroically protect you from filthy spies, Google intentionally made a shitty battery so that the New World Order agents will only be able to watch half of your masturbation session before they’re left hanging. Suck it, dickholes! You’ll never know how this one ends!*
*Hastily, with a climactic yawp.
4
Low-Quality Viral Commercials
In 2011, the internet was blessed with one of the worst commercials for a taxidermy business that anyone had ever seen. I say this not as a connoisseur of taxidermy ads, but as a logical human being. Also, do taxidermy places really need commercials? What more needs to be said, other than “Hey! Do you like wolves, but hate the bitey, movey kinds?”
youtube
This commercial for Ojai Valley Taxidermy featured the one-two punch of Chuck Testa’s taxidermy skill and acting, and made us all fall in love with the stuffed corpse of a coyote and the overall awfulness of the entire experience. It was poorly made, clearly cheap, and its only redeeming quality was that all of the badness made it charming as hell. Chuck Testa became an internet hero. And it was all bullshit.
Testa is just one of many viral commercial stars made famous for being in videos often shared as “the worst commercial I’ve ever seen.” One commercial for a mall from 2014 featured employees singing a jingle that sounded like a cross between 3 a.m. barf-in-your-own-shoe-drunk karaoke and a cat stuck in a well. It sucked large, and people went nuts about it.
youtube
For a local business trying to drum up some attention, you have two options: Legitimately make a forgettable, boring, low-budget commercial which blandly explains whatever you’re trying to sell, or roll the dice on potentially going viral by making an abomination. Create such an abysmal crime against advertising that the sun refuses to shine when the video is playing and birds immediately stop singing and synchronize-shit on your car. Make it so bad that everyone immediately shares it with everyone they know. And then your craptastic commercial becomes an internet sensation.
They say people are ten times as likely to share a bad experience with a business than a good one. People like to complain more than they like to praise, probably because if something goes right, it fits in with your expectations and is therefore unremarkable. It’s only when things go wrong that you get worked up and make a stink over it. So when you see a commercial that damn near offends you with its utter fuckshittery, you’ll share that monstrosity with everyone. And that’s exactly what they want.
3
Web Brutalism
When I first got the internet in my house as a kid, we got a state-of-the-art, badass, lightning-fast 56k modem. I could download an MP3 in like ten minutes, and sometimes an entire dirty picture would load up before something went buggy and the poor woman was cut off at the knees. And seven out of every ten websites looked like a low-res My Little Pony pony ralphed cotton candy and Four Loko across a small-town church bulletin board.
As time passed, we all grew up and became better people with better websites. Dancing baby GIFs gave way to interstitial ads and Flash videos. Designs that looked like they were made by a guy with vinegar in his eyes working in the dark faded away, and sleek, professionally designed mega porn sites took their place. It was a great time to be alive. Or so we thought, because I guess people got sick of things that don’t look like shit and Web Brutalism was born.
If the terribly cheesy name didn’t give it away, Web Brutalism is a kind of artsy shitsy internet aesthetic. You purposefully make your website look like the south end of a northbound horse. Ugly, disorganized graphics, shockingly off-putting colors, a veritable dumpster of design techniques shat out onto a screen — if your site doesn’t look a fourth-grader’s glue and cardboard collage, you’ve failed.
A classically bad website was designed on Angelfire by your aunt who collects figurines of Jesus playing sports when she wanted to do something to commemorate her love of beat poetry. Some links were unclickable, images didn’t quite line up right, and it had charm in the same way your macaroni artwork had charm to your mom, who never told you that it looked like shit because she loved you. By the way, your macaroni art looked like shit. It’s cool, though, mine looked like the shit that shit takes after eating shit sandwiches. And somehow, someone decided a forced version of that was a good idea.
Web Brutalism seeks to make a website harder to navigate and uglier to look at than a fine, upstanding site, like the one you’re currently enjoying. Why? The answer is best summed up in this quote I heard from a guy in a bar once: “Fuckin’ because.”
2
Bioware’s Female Designs
Back in the day when I had an NES, there were basically two female characters you could name across the spectrum of video game characters: Princesses Peach and Zelda, and I don’t even think Zelda was actually in her game. But I did beat Super Mario Bros. 2, and Peach helped a brother out on that one, so yeah, you could say I’m like a video game feminist or some such. Which is why Bioware’s curious history with female characters is such a headscratcher.
Bioware makes some pretty impressive-looking games, like Mass Effect, and the character designs are amazing. There is a definite problem with some of them, though, insofar as that amazingness is in how straight up nuts-on-a-donkey ugly they are.
When Mass Effect: Andromeda was released, fans were quick to notice that the male version of the player character, Ryder, looks super badass and cool and almost exactly like the male model who lent his likeness to the game designers. The female version of Ryder looks like the model if you rolled her in a sack of sadness and didn’t let her sleep for four days while feeding her a straight diet of CHUD.
Twitter
So why, if you have the ability to render characters in a way that makes them look like not vaguely emotive ballsacks, would you make your character look like a vaguely emotive ballsack? This one requires a bit of creative tinkering in the ol’ thinky bag, but it does make sense. Female characters in gaming, as you may be aware, have a bit of a lackluster history in terms of realistic representation. After Princess Peach, the next big name in lady characters was Lara Croft, who was at first presented as polygonal boobs on blocks, and then later as well-vectored boobs on well-vectored short pants. And thus began a tradition of most video game women being little more than boobs and confusion. So maybe Bioware makes their female characters less appealing on purpose so as to not be considered sexist or douchey.
youtube
Bioware has never come out and said they’ve made purposefully ugly characters. They have acknowledged abhorrent animation issues and terrible facial expressions which they set to work on fixing, but fans were all pretty convinced that there had to be more behind the distractingly objectionable visages of the female characters. As noted gamer nerd and feminist Lisa Kerzner argues in her video, it looks an awful lot like Bioware put considerable effort into downplaying the character’s face to make her more of an ugmo hero type (but just in the face), while trying to pawn it off as a technical limitation. Despite the fact that numerous other games can feature women who don’t look like victims of barnyard mad science, including a lot of Bioware’s previous games.
Unfortunately, dealing with matters of sex, sexism, and gender in video games is like opening a bag of cat shit lined with explosive squibs right in your damn face. If you recall anything to do with Gamergate, you know this is ground no one wants to tread on, so you almost can’t blame Bioware for not saying jack shit about it, as you don’t want to feed any trolls. But at the same time, when it’s obvious that they can make a nearly identical male character, there’s clearly a reason they’re not putting that same kind of effort into their females.
1
Scam Email Grammar
Usually when I send emails, I spell the multi-syllable words incorrectly and use grammar that’s about as fucked as a friction-burnt Fleshlight. But that’s my own bugaboo to deal with, and has little-to-no bearing on the world of scam email.
The odds of you having never received a Nigerian scam email are slimmer than Slender Man’s weird dick, which I’ll tell you about sometime if you buy me a few beers. But for the sake of the kids in the audience who are reading this on the wall I inscribe all my articles on and have never received email before, a Nigerian scam email is a poorly worded piece of fuckery that shows up in your inbox claiming to be from some African prince who has millions of dollars tied up in banks overseas, and if you could just help pay some transfer fees, you can keep a buttload of it!
Typically, these emails use terrible grammar and atrocious spelling, not because the person sending you the email is a blithering idiot, but because they need you to be so gullible that you believe a Wakandan prince personally sent you a one-way ticket to being a millionaire, and he typed the message with a greasy turkey leg in his hand while riding a homemade roller coaster.
Most of us can identify a scam email right away. Another subsection of people will be suspicious but interested. And an even smaller division will write back to test the waters. The scammers want nothing to do with any of those people. They want the person who immediately responds with their bank account number in the signature line, because they only want to deal with people who may have mistaken a ham bone for Tony Danza more than once in their lives. So don’t be too proud if you recognize right away that someone sent you a weak as shit attempt at ripping you off; they just didn’t want you to waste their time.
Ian’s Twitter is awesome on purpose. Go look.
Does Troll 2 suck on purpose? Find out for yourself, and go down the rabbit hole of recommendations like Samurai Cop and more!
Read more: http://ift.tt/2gTq5jG
from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2AazPyt via Viral News HQ
0 notes
emilioos-blog · 7 years
Text
The end...
After some weeks of astonishment because of the way the story had caught me, I´m empty. I need more action, I can´t process it. I must admit that it is a great book and that I really admire the narration of the author, how he added relevant information of each character by explaining how they entered to the mafia and their background. Maybe I thought, for a while, that in some chapters the intensity was lost, but undoubtedly you can´t miss the end.
Here it is exposed the power a family can have. The corruption with the government, the benefits the gangsters used to have, the banal attitude that the society had and is still having with the criminal events and how the power and the fear controls a community. It is a demonstration of the reality of how everything works in some places.
In the last blog I talked about the big war that was taking place in the story between the most powerful families in New York. After a lot of deaths and events, Sonny Corleone, who was managing the Corleone´s business because of the injury that his father, Don Vito Corleone, had, he is killed. This caused uncertainty in the family, with the Godfather out of combat, with Freddie in the hospital because of a bullet, and Michael out of the country because he was guilty of killing a policeman, everything seem to be destroyed.
The Godfather needed to negotiate peace with everyone. He stabilized the business and got the permission of leaving free of jail Michael. Then he retired and let in charge Michael. Vito Corleone died a year after…
The last chapters bring back all the tension, the action. The amazing movement created by the Corleone family at the end of the novel was awesome. I think that the closure was unthinkable (I won´t talk about it because I don´t want to spoil you guys, but it is original). Truly, I would give everything for living those times, maybe it was dangerous, but the way the gangsters understood the world was incredible.
Sometimes the stories are not recognized the way they should, readers think that it is an easy job, that only with imagination and time you can develop a novel, that´s wrong. Mario Puzo could give a big variety to the story, in the narration, in the description, in the story, etc.; and he had the capacity of being clear. The best sample of what I´m talking about is that “The Godfather” catapulted his career ignoring the failure of his previous works. Nowadays, this trilogy is a classic and they are three books that must be in the bucket list of everyone, this story travels the readers to the 60´s and it is fantastic.
Unknown words:
-          Outrageous: very wrong (horrible) = The crimes committed by the gangsters in this book were outrageous.
-          Lousy: awful (terrible) = The plan Sonny realized was so lousy that cost him the death.
-          Drape: curtain (cortina) = Please close the drapes, the light is horrible.
0 notes