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rafeandonlyrafe · 22 days

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arsonist's lullaby

words: 3.3k

warnings: 18+ only, smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex, female receiving oral pregnancy, proposal <3, established relationship, arson, lots of talk about fire lol, camping, mentions of rafes bad childhood

you watch as rafe strikes the match. he prefers it over a lighter, holding it between his finger as the flame inches lower, lower, until it gets too hot and he's tossing it into the fire pit, right on the bushel of kindling that instantly takes light.

rafe looks up at you, the fire sparking in the reflection of his eyes as you make your way towards him. he doesn't have to say a word, the way he sits back in the camping chair, silently telling you to take a seat.

you slide onto his lap, placing yourself sideways with your bum on his thigh. you look at rafe for a minute, just admiring his illuminated features as the orange flame flares up and down with the wind. you listen to the sound of rustling leaves, the distant lapping of waves on the nearby lake.

“are you having fun?” you ask rafe. he may be your boyfriend of two years, but it can still sometimes be hard to tell.

rafe nods, before grinning and leaning forward to press a kiss towards your lips. “i always have fun with you.”

you weren't sure that he would enjoy camping, especially tent camping it, but you always used to go every summer with your parents, and when you asked if he would be down to go, he didn't think twice before saying yes.

“you're sweet.” you giggle, leaning in to press the side of your head against his shoulder, tucking your nose into his neck, inhaling his scent after a long day of relaxing on the beach and taking strolls through the well trodden paths through the woods.

“you're probably the only person alive who would call me sweet.” rafe places his hand on your hip, squeezing it gently.

it's not that rafe puts on a scary demeanor with everyone else, it's more like that's his natural state and you bring out a side meant just for you.

you kiss his neck, it's not enough, but it's a thank you for his vulnerability, his willingness to please you.

you both sit in comfortable silence, your eyes closed as you recover from the day while rafe stares at the fire, the flames calling to him. he holds you tight to his side as he reaches and tosses another log into the fire, a spit of sparks shooting up.

“who taught you how to build fires?” you ask rafe, looking at the now smashed teepee of sticks he had built up.

“i guess i taught myself.” rafe shrugs. “i always used to build them in the fire pit in the backyard whenever my dad would take sarah to softball practice.

“mmm.” you hum, pressing another kiss to his neck, before moving to his jaw. “we should go into the tent.”

“yeah.” rafe nods, picking you up effortlessly, his pants already beginning to swell just from having your lips on him. he walks quickly to the tent, having to duck down to fit inside, placing you on the inflatable mattress.

you let out a giggle as rafe zips the tent closed before tugging his shirt off, opening your arms up as he sets himself over your body, one hand sneaking beneath your shirt to your waist while his other hand cups your jaw, holding you in place as he kisses you.

“i love you.” you whisper to rafe before picking your shoulders up off the bed, letting him pull your shirt off.

the windows of the tent are zipped mostly shut to protect your privacy from those camping nearby, but you left the top open to just a screen after double checking there was no rain forecasted.

you look up at the stars, your soft moans and rafes low grunts lost to the music of the forest as the wind moves through the trees.

“here, baby.” you hand a crumpled up newspaper to rafe. “we need it hot to roast our marshmallows.”

“mhm.” rafe finished building the fire, the embers still slightly warm from your fire last night before he places the newspaper at the center to get the fire going quicker.

“gosh, i can't wait.” you pat your stomach. “it's been so long since ive made s'mores.”

“i don't think ive had them in… ten years.” it may even be more than that. rafe hates the way it makes you pout. his lonely childhood hurts you as much as it hurts him. he fears sometimes even more from your reactions.

“come on.” rafe taps his knee. you really should have just packed one camping chair, it's not like you're sitting on your own as he pulls you into his lap, pressing kisses to your cheeks and jaw as you wait for the fire to grow.

“mmm, the s'mores…” you blink your eyes open, not even realizimg that you've relaxed so completely against rafe that you were almost asleep.

“ill make one for you.” rafe grabs the stick from the nearby table. “how burnt do you like your marshmallow?”

“just a bit.” you smile as rafe rolls his eyes.

“i like mine burnt.”

“oh im sooo surprised.” you joke as rafe sticks the marshmallow into the flames, just until it gets gooey before making your smore for you, adding extra chocolate for your sweet tooth.

“so good.” you moan when you take a bite, making rafe shift you slightly on his lap.

you eat s'mores as the moon rises, minutes ticking by until all of your graham crackers are used up.

you let out a yawn, eyes blinking the smoke out of your eyes as the wind momentarily shifts before blowing back in the same direction.

“gonna go put pajamas on.” you press a kiss to rafes forehead before moving to the tent, glad you went for a bigger size with enough room for you to get dressed and undressed. you sigh as you sit down to change your socks before laying back on the bed, not even realizing how exhausted you truly were as sleep takes you.

rafe checks on you after a few minutes, smiling when he realizes you're absolutely fine, just already in a deep sleep. he zips the tent back shut, keeping one eye on it as he goes back to the fire, building it up bigger and bigger as the flames grow, watching with excitement until he runs out of logs to add.

rafes fingers twitch. you've been home for two weeks from the camping trip. he wonders when is it an appropriate time to suggest going again. he longs to feel the heat of a blaze against his skin, to feel the ultimate power of building a fire to his will.

“hey.” your soft voice interrupts his thoughts, his face easily shifting from one of intensity to soft love.

“hi baby.” rafe presses his lips against yours in a greeting.

“missed you today.” you hum. you work two days a week at a local animal shelter, mainly just to keep busy and do something to feel accomplished, and they almost always coincide with rafes work, but today was a rare occasion where he was off and you were busy, leaving rafe to roam the house in boredom until you get home.

“missed you more.” he says, placing a hand on your waist to pull you into a more intense kiss, his lips smashing against yours. “how's casper?”

you blink, it takes you a second for your mind to start working after the passionate kiss before the corners of your lips turn down. “still no one wants to adopt him.”

you couldn't believe it at first when the adorable little white puppy came into the shelter, you thought for sure someone would snatch him up instantly, until you saw that he's missing his two hind legs. clearly people in the area don't want to take the initiative to have a dog with only two front legs.

“im sorry.” rafe sighs. he kisses you again, this time soft and comforting. “it's best he waits for the right family though, yeah?”

rafe echos the words you always say when a dog takes a little longer to get adopted. better to wait for a forever family than to wind up back in the shelter after a few weeks.

“yeah.” you nod. “so, what'd you get up to today?”

“nothing.” rafe says honestly.

“nothing?” you raise your eyebrow. “what are you gonna do when im gone next weekend?”

rafe let's out a curse. he forgot you were going on a girls trip. out of town to some spa that he has the address and phone number, along with any other information he might need to know, typed out in his notes when you first told him about it. just in case.

“shit, i was trying so hard not to think about it that i pushed it out of my mind completely.” he says with a light chuckle, but his face isn't one of happiness.

you swipe your hand through his hair, combing back the dark blond strands. “maybe we need to get you a hobby. you can build a lego set or do a paint by numbers.”

it's mostly a joke, but you do want rafe to enjoy himself while you're away. you make a mental note to yourself as you go into the kitchen to make dinner to find something to keep his mind occupied while you're separated for the first time for longer than a day since you began dating.

rafe looks at your contact on his phone. his finger twitches over the call button, despite you just getting off the phone after talking for an hour, skipping out on drinks with the girls to chat, but you didn't tell rafe that, telling him everyone was in their rooms and that you had plenty of free time to keep him occupied.

he sighs, clicking on your contact picture. you set it at the beginning of your relationship, a kissy face selfie and rafe hasn't changed it since.

“fuck.” he groans, heartbeat starting to rise as a bead of sweat forms on his forehead, anxiety building.

he walks out of the house, no set route in mind. rafe tells himself the walk will clear his head, but what he put in his pocket before leaving says different. he needs to get the feeling out somehow.

he walks and walks until it's dark outside, moving towards the run down side of town until he comes to a small shack, purposely taking mostly abandoned roads. rafe scopes out the area quickly, looking around to see if theres anyone nearby, close enough to see him.

when the coast is clear, rafe lets out a sigh of relief as he pulls the matchbox out of his pocket, a fresh one, having to repurchase after using an entire box camping.

rafe isn’t sure how easily the place will light up. the shed looks dry and old, and when he looks inside, its empty other than some old long forgotten gardening equipment. rafe strikes a match and sets it on the wooden window sill, watching as it burns out. rafe continues striking the matches and tossing them at the shack as sparks ignite the scraps of wood.

rafe steps back when he throws the last one, tossing the empty cardboard box into the flames as they slowly take over the structure. rafe smiles, the anxiety that was building up inside him blowing away with the smoke.

the flames eagerly ate up the wood, spreading quickly and before rafe knew it, the already unsturdy roof was collapsing in on itself, sparks adding to the stars in the sky.

he stands for a moment longer, the warm orange glow causing an odd comfort. rafe knows its wrong, but he can’t help that he feels better after setting the fire, walking away as the wood turns to ash, the shack long forgotten and reduced to nothing.

rafe paces, strikes a match and lets it burn to his fingertips before blowing it out, paces some more, then pulls out another match. he’s not anxious this time, doesn’t feel the itch to set a place ablaze as he did two nights ago, having to shower three times before he finally got the smell of smoke out of his hair.

now, he’s just impatient. the front door is open, letting in a cool breeze and giving him a view of the driveway as he walks around the foyer, waiting for your car to pull in, for you to finally return home.

rafe blows out a match right when he sees your car turn down the street, his eyes widening as he tosses the matchbox onto the hallway table, stepping out onto the porch, unable to keep himself farther away, moving down the steps as you pull into the driveway.

you barely put the car in park before you’re flying out the door, jumping into rafes arms as he spins you around.

“oh my god, ive missed you so fucking much.” rafes arms are wrapped firmly around your waist, not letting your feet touch the ground as he walks towards the door.

“wait, rafe-” you giggle.

“we can bring your bags in later.” rafe says. he has other priorities.

“no, the car is still on!” rafe sighs and sets you down. you quickly run to pull the keys out of the car and lock it, rushing inside with rafe quick behind you. you toss the keys on the table, noting the matchbox but you're too busy being swept off your feet and carried up the stairs by rafe.

he lays you on the bed, only now pausing to take a minute. you may have only been gone for three nights in total, but it felt like a lifetime to rafe. he leans forward, pressing your lips together before continuing to just stare at you.

“stop looking.” you tug at rafes collar. “do something.”

rafe listens to your command, moving quickly to sink down the bed, tossing the hem of your dress up, not even bothering to take your underwear all the way off, simply sliding them to the side and burying his tongue in your cunt.

“did you see a second shack burned down?” you look up from where you were mindlessly scrolling on social media.

of course rafe knows. but he certainly isn’t going to just admit that to you. he can’t have you leaving him, he’d probably burn the whole town down if that happened.

“oh really?” rafe says, keeping his voice level, disinterested.

“yeah.” you zoom in closer on the picture, nothing more than a pile of ashes and dust. “damn, i wish i could have seen it on fire.”

the fire department didn’t even get to it until it was completely burned to the ground with how isolated it was. just as rafe planned it.

“really?” his eyebrows raise.

“yeah.” you nod. “i love fire.” you give him a mischievous smile. you surely don’t mean it in the same way as rafe does, but he feels a little more at peace. if you somehow found out, maybe you wouldn’t leave him because of it, or at least hear him out.

“hmm.” rafe just hums.

“we should build a firepit in the backyard.” you mumble the suggestion, but rafe quickly nods. “yes.”

you giggle, setting your phone down to move off the armchair and onto the couch next to rafe. “you wanna keep practicing your fire setup for the next time we go camping?”

rafe smiles, leaning in to press a kiss to your lips. “maybe.”

rafe tosses another log onto the flame, smiling at you as you rock gently in the hammock, set up precariously close to the fire so you can feel its warmth as you relax, the summer coming to an end.

“you look beautiful.” rafe says. the orange light illuminates your features, along with the twinkling fairy lights strung up along the back porch.

you just smile at him. you don’t need words, not anymore.

rafe pokes at the fire with a stick, opening up the center to allow more airflow into the bottom as the flame grows larger, but not too large, never when you’re around.

“come lay with me.” you open your arms to rafe, who moves with ease onto the hammock next to you, the fabric pushing you both close to each other, glad you opted for the larger size so you could sit together. “i love you, baby.” rafe kisses your head, looking around the yard, at the fire, then up at the stars. “i love this life.”

“i love this life too.” you press your hand to your stomach. there’s a surprise you’ve yet to tell rafe. its only a suspicion, partially confirmed by a stick test, but you want the doctors confirmation to be sure before you tell rafe. you look up at him, tilting your head to the side so you can see his face. “you’re happy?” “yes.” he says honestly. “when im with you, i am.”

“ill always be with you.” you grip rafes hand. you turned down opportunities for trips with your girlfriends. if they didn’t want rafe to come along, it was a no. you can’t blame them, but you refuse to leave him alone after putting the pieces together.

the first arson could have been a coincidence. but the second, on a night you were also away from rafe? you know its him. it’s why you suggested the fire pit in the backyard. why you won’t force him to spend another night without you, alone and anxious, having to face the demons of his past, his childhood. you know he’s not a bad man, not at heart, not deep inside.

you turn to rafe, tears brimming in your eyes, overwhelmed with your feelings for him. “i love you so much.”

“baby.” rafe coos, bringing a hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. your hands run all over each others bodies, the moon and fire illuminating you as you work bits of clothes off, just enough for you to sink down onto rafes cock, more grinding together than thrusting at risk of spilling out of the hammock.

“god, you feel so good.” rafe groans, hands gripping your waist as he pushes in before making a miniscule movement back.

“filling me up perfectly.” you undulate your hips. sex with rafe is often wild and intense, but moments like this, where you’re just indulging in each others bodies, relaxing and slow, just like the swinging of the hammock.

“yeah, gonna fill you up real good.” rafe smirks, the corner of his lip twerking up.

the words spill out of you. “i think im pregnant.” you immediately want to take them back when rafes eyes widen.

“rafe-” you lean back, a look of regret on your face, but rafe just pulls you back in, slamming his lips against yours, hips moving faster, hand gripping your ass, pulling you against him as he cums, cock swelling inside of you before releasing.

“if you're not pregnant, im gonna make sure you are.” he gasps out, chest rising and falling, keeping his cock pushed inside of you.

“you’re not worried?” you ask. clearly the couple glasses of wine you had at dinner are giving you a loose tongue.

“no.” rafe says honestly, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “i would be if this was anyone else. you know…” he swallows thickly. “you know how messed up my childhood was. how hard my dad was on me… i feel like this is a chance to heal that, to treat my kid better than i was ever treated. and i want this with you.”

“i want it too.” you coo, kissing him softly.

“oh, and i guess there’s no better time for this.” rafe chuckles, his softening cock still inside of you, fire dying to just embers as he reaches to his shorts, halfway down his thighs and pulled a small black velvet box out of his pocket, flipping it open with one skilled hand, turning the ring to glint in the orange light.

“will you marry me?”

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @rafeyslove @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart @pradabambie @tobesolovelysstuff @alexiskirkland @rafestar @brioffthegrid @juniebugg @magicalyoura @cokepewpsii @mysillycomics @luvdella @aerangi @vogueprincess @auryyz @mayhem-72 @thestarlithideout @marvelfanfics1recs @rafesgiirl @ditzyzombiesblog @chiaraanatra @tobiaslut

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si--ko · 7 months

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more stuff from twt :p (pit belongs to @arvoze)

#pokemon #pmd #pokemon oc #pokemon mystery dungeon #pmd oc #smeargle #tinkaton #sochi #pomegranate iced tea #pit #siko's art #rainbow marshmallow twist #marshmallow #the 2nd image was from decorating my artfight page hehe...#anyways i love pokemon yuri #sochipit #i miiiiiiight start crossposting to tumblr who tf knowz :p

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atompalace-official · 11 months

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Heartmallow 🩷💛🩵 MLP fan design based on a conversation with a friend 🫶✨

#mlp #my little pony #marshmallow #mlp oc #pastel #sweets #sugar #illustration #cute #atompalace art #we were talkin abt heart shaped marshmallows and called them Heartmallow n decided that sounded like a my little pony name #so I had to draw her!

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koritea · 29 days

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Hollow Knight ocs and Tiso we are so back

#//scribbles #hollow knight #oc #tiso #tin #ghost #the knight #truffle #zephros #crest #pip #raeven #maivy #marshmallow #hollow knight fanart #little ghost #hk #hk ghost

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sammywolfgirl · 3 months

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the part where he kills you!

#my art #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #cookie run au #cookie run oc #shadow milk cookie #pure vanilla cookie #white lily cookie #spider lily cookie #marshmallow fluff cookie #blue lily cookie #gingerbrave #wizard cookie #strawberry cookie #silverbell cookie

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winguontheweb · 6 months

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The newest member of the band, the enigmatic and mischievous rhythm guitarist of Marshmallow Fluff - Clover Flock! Originally from Oregon, she joined to fill in their sound and subsequently made their band's logo and is slowly trying to move them towards a more thrash metal vibe

#wingu #winguthings #meadow #clover #clover flock #marshmallow fluff #rhythm guitarist #guitarist #band #sheep #anthro #furry #oc

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ghouljams · 10 months

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This time of year is prime time for bonfires in the south!! Just had one the other night and tried to scare some of my friends with some spooky stories and can’t stop thinking about trying (and failing) to do this to cowboy ghost hahahaha

Bonfires are my favorite! My family is full of pyromaniacs and our bonfires have gotten the fire department called numerous times. Once someone thought a house was on fire, very fun. Let's do more drunk cowboy fun, pre-"I want you to have my babies".

Birdie swings you around in front of the bonfire, the tiny tinny speaker playing some swinging murder ballad you think would really be more appropriate without your boyfriends around. You giggle as she holds her arm up to spin you before pulling you in close again.

“Wait, wait,” You laugh as you stumble, “Bird, I’m in deep I can’t-” You laugh more feeling her let you go to wiggle her shoulders at you. She turns to hold her hands out to Gaz.

“Come on quiet boy, you don’t got the spins, do ya?” She wiggles her fingers, pulling Gaz up out of his folding chair to dance. You take the opportunity to join Simon over by the folding table turned makeshift bar.

“Made that happen once,” Simon is telling Moon, he holds his thumbs out and turns them with a pop noise, “blind, easy as you like.”

“Gross,” Moon says, without a hint of disgust. You reach between them to pour two shots of crystal moonshine, and slide one to Simon. You position yourself so Moon can’t see him tug his mask down and take the shot with you. The burn of it makes your throat itch something fierce, you can’t imagine it’s any better for him.

“You know you don’t have to keep up with me,” You tell him. Simon reaches for the canned peaches and spears one with the provided fork.

“You think I can’t?” He asks, popping the golden fruit in his mouth as a chaser before pulling his mask back into position.

“Didn’t say that.” Truth be told, the only reason you’re drinking so much is because he’s following you. Because every time you pour a shot you get to see his face again. Simon’s hands grip your thighs, pulling you between his legs. The heat of the bonfire on your back doesn’t have anything on the heat from Simon’s eyes as he looks up at you from his seat. “You having fun, Cowboy?” You ask, cupping his cheek.

“I’m having fun,” He hums.

“You gonna throw up?” Simon snorts, batting your hand away.

“I haven’t thrown up since I was 19, Moon’s shite liquor isn’t about to change that.”

“You don’t have to drink it,” Moon gripes from the other side of the table, “Ungrateful bastard.”

Simon rolls his eyes, you smile a little to yourself. It’s nice seeing him out of his shell. The fire flares loudly behind you. The rush of heat making Simon lean to peak around you at the blaze.

“Where the fuck did he get that?”

You turn to look and- You think maybe you shouldn't have told Soap to "go wild" with the bonfire. He's got a super soaker full of something, smells like lighter fluid, that he’s spraying on the fire to coax it bigger. As if he hadn’t loaded the thing with enough pallets and kindling to melt glass. All in all, very impressive, you think. You wonder how long it'll be 'til someone reports it.

“Get that away from him before he sets himself on fire.” You tell Simon, who’s already standing up to do just that.

You steal his seat, watching with Moon as your two professional killers wrestle for the rainbow water gun. Soap’s indignant shouts are almost as funny as watching Gaz jump on his back to try and give Simon the upperhand. They fight like kids, you hope it’s the alcohol that’s making them uncoordinated. You're not sure Gaz even knows what they're supposed to be fighting over, rolling in the grass and trying to grapple Soap as Simon looks for an angle to grab the soaker. Birdie cheers excitedly from the sidelines as Simon finally yanks the gun from Soap’s hands and is almost immediately tackled by both sergeants.

"Bunch of idiots," Moon mumbles, but you can see her smile.

"Your idiot started it," You tell her, watching Simon push at Soap's grinning face as Gaz tries to put him in a headlock.

"You think Birdie's gonna jump in?" You both watch her bouncing too close to the struggle, too excited to be just cheering it on.

"Probably."

#oc: Goose #oc: Moon #oc: Birdie #cowboy!Ghost #cowboy!Soap #cowboy!Gaz #x reader #god I love bonfires #Soap's bonfire and super soaker are directly taken from lived experiences #the sort of bonfire you gotta stand 6 ft away from #toasting marshmallows on just the heat it's putting off #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #johnny soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #cod fic #ghost x reader #simon ghost x reader

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mmalakite · 1 year

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Me after finding out that Grillby's flames canonically go uncontrolled when he's flustered, and that he can toast marshmallows with his hands. (shout-out to Bunny, cause I also would have asked Grillby to toast me a marshmallow in his mouth 😇)

#I'm gonna be real here I was also remembering that one scene in Ocean On Fire by theninjamouse where Grillby kissed y/n with a marshmallow #In his mouth #Aheem #Grillby #undertale newsletter #grillby x oc #undertale x reader #self insert #malakite roses #my art #Undertale

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jtl-fics · 8 months

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Fluent Freshman - Part 36

The Smiths had been a happy family.

A happy couple and three happy healthy children. Their first born son 2 years into a blissful marriage, a second born son 4 years in and the third, a first born daughter 7 years in.

They spent most holidays with his Mother’s large rambunctious family but his grandma on his father’s side and her mother were always invited to any family event.

“The more the merrier.” He had heard more than one aunt or uncle say. “We know that Gavin is an only child, we don’t want to leave you alone.” They would say to his Gran. Cousins playing, laughing, rough housing, and screaming. Family friends with their own kids stopping in. The adults who could cook cranking food out happy to feed people.

The more the merrier is something FF believed with all his heart.

FF loved being an older brother.

He loved them from the moment he knew they existed. Had wanted to meet them instantly. Waiting to meet Jay and then Robin had been the longest time of his life. Meeting both of them were two of the happiest moments in FF’s entire life.

Robin had loved to reach up and pinch at his face.

Nose, ears, or even cheeks his little sister had loved to clamp her fingers around it. He used to talk when she’d do it on his nose, purposefully sounding more nasally as he talked to her as she giggled wildly. It was her favorite game in the entire world and FF had always been willing to play it with her.

Jay fell asleep against his shoulders without fail on every single car ride.

Slight weight, drool, and tiny hands that always wanted to hold his arm like a pillow. He was getting big had denied that he did that with pure horror every time FF would ask him if he was going to take a nap. Yet FF very rarely made it to a far off destination without a little bit of drool on an outfit. FF had never cared, trying not to laugh too hard with Robin as she giggled so that he wouldn’t dislodge Jay.

His gran would pinch his cheek and tell him how good he was.

A good older brother.

The happy couple wanted more kids. Wanted a bigger and bigger family. His mom wanted what she knew, his dad wanted what he never had, FF wanted more siblings.

He always felt like he had gotten his wish, but only in the worst way he could have.

His mom and dad were fighting. They were driving home from the supermarket; he vaguely remembers that. He doesn’t remember what started the fight but he remembers how Jay and Robin moved in close to him. She was pointing at him and FF doesn’t remember what she said but he remembers her hands reaching and then-

His face hurt, his ear hurt, he looked over and Jay was asleep just like he always was but he doesn’t look right. He looks and Robin is there reaching for him but she can’t reach him. “I’m scared.” She had said his name, pleading and terrified. Her face was bruised, cut, and she had a burn that looked painful.

He lied to her.

He didn’t know it at the time, but he did.

He reached out and he couldn’t touch her face, but he held her tiny hand in his own, looked her in the eyes, and lied.

“It’s going to be okay; I promise.”

Then he woke up and that hand wasn’t the one in his anymore. The world is muted but somehow his grandma’s red eyes and pale skin stand out to him. He asks what happened and she tells him.

Things don’t get better.

His mom swears his dad tried to kill them all that he swerved so they’d all die together. He can’t corroborate that story; he just remembers her hand reaching and-

How do you ask your mom if she tried to kill you?

She must see the question in his eyes regardless. Must figure that if he can’t feel anything, can’t cry, can’t emote, can’t go and lay between his sibling’s graves in the middle of the night then maybe he’ll never ask the question and she’ll never have to answer.

He learned to live not knowing and maybe his mom learned that he was a coward.

His mom’s family don’t treat him the same. He won’t denounce his father and they look at him with pity and Daniel whispers poison into his cousins’ ears until they act like he killed Robin and Jay personally.

He can’t react.

Can’t plead with his cousins to understand.

Daniel would spin it and FF would find himself on the meds again. So, he got good at pretending. He got good at faking. He got good at everything that was needed to pretend like he didn’t have a care.

Then Coach Wymack and Captain Dan Wilds were there.

He’d been getting better.

Now Daniel was here.

Nicky tucked him into bed and he tried to sleep. Even feigned it well enough for Nicky to leave and to get startled by the shouting that shortly followed.

Daniel was going to stay.

Daniel was going to try to be on the same team.

Daniel was smart, strong, and very athletic.

Daniel was going to be on the same team.

He hears when Abby and his Gran come back, and someone must have mentioned that Daniel was there to his Grandma because she comes in and tells him that it will be okay. He puts on a brave face for her, and she kisses his cheek.

He lays there in bed and stares at the ceiling feel flushed and hot with anxiety.

He gets up and walks to the fridge and finds himself frozen there.

“Smith,” Bee’s voice rings in his ears as he had tried to keep pushing everything down. “Smith, there is only so much you can bottle up and repress.” She reached out and held his hand comfortingly because touch always made him feel like he was on earth.

“What am I supposed to do with it?” he had asked, ashamed.

“Smith, you’ll have to process it. Feel what you repressed and then after you’ve felt it maybe you can let it go.” Bee had said.

He had avoided taking her advice so far, it hadn’t felt safe, and it had been too much, too scary.

Nicky’s face comes into his vision, “Smithy?” he asks and there is concern that FF hadn’t felt worthy of. “C’mon bud. Let’s get you under the covers.” His friend says.

They get to the guest room and FF crumbles. His face in Nicky’s shoulder and when Nicky asks if he can hold him while he sleeps FF nods and holds on as tight as he can. Nicky’s hand finds his back, “It’s okay Smithy, I’m right here. We won’t let that asshole mess with you. You’re safe.” Nicky had promised and-

and it’s enough.

He relaxes against Nicky and he feels safe.

So, he decides to process it.

“Dig in!” Abby said not bothering with grace. It was good. FF still missed his grandma’s cooking. It was nice to have this loud Thanksgiving like he used to get but there was something special about helping his grandma in the kitchen and the two of them sitting down to eat. He missed events with his mom’s family. Loud and boisterous and his Gran welcomed and loved by everyone there. It was special to have his time with his grandma, but he wishes it could be with his cousins and his siblings still.

It’s okay to be nostalgic.

He lets himself process it.

Captain Neil was up front and had started to play some music. Nicky and Aaron were conked out before they had even reached the entrance to the interstate. They had also slumped onto FF with Aaron asleep on his shoulder as Nicky drooled into his hair. “You can just shove them off.” Andrew said. “It’s fine.” FF said and had reminisced about the last time he’d had something like this. How maybe Jay would be this big, would he be tall like Nicky or shorter like Aaron? Would Robin be big? Would she still want to squeeze his nose and ask him to talk?

It wasn’t a bad thought, just one that hurt to consider.

He lets himself process it.

Aaron looked at him with a twisted mouth for a while before he relented, “Fine they’re not that bad. It’s a big brother thing.” Aaron rolled his eyes. FF swallowed down some acid in his throat and had pushed the smiling eggs and bacon over to Aaron who smiled back at the breakfast and proceeded to eat it. A big brother thing. FF used to be one of those but, unlike Aaron, he hadn’t managed to protect his siblings. Aaron was a good big brother and FF only had the memory of being one.

It hurt and maybe it wasn’t just his great grandma he had reached out to when he had baked those brownies. They had always always been Jay’s favorite.

Two kids hadn’t moved as the rest of the world continued to. He watched as they clung to one another, and no one seemed to take notice of them. He didn’t understand how anyone could mess them with the bright orange children’s jerseys they had on. One sporting 01 – Josten and the other 10 – Josten on the backs. He had said something to Nicky and then he was squatted down in front of them. A big brother and a little sister with a burn. He’s glad to see them off safely. Glad they’re safe and that Millie is smiling at him like he hung the stars because he got her an autograph from Captain Neil. Glad to watch Brandon be lifted up by his father. He hopes they get home safe.

They didn’t even look that much like Jay and Robin but it had made him happy.

There were other moments, small moments that had hurt that he bottled up but those didn’t take much time to process though.

He finishes processing and lets himself come back to the present.

Something tastes good in his mouth.

“…put the knife away!!” he hears Nicky yelling and looks up to find that Nicky is hiding behind Matt Boyd in Abby’s backyard.

“Just tell me where my car is Nicholas!” Andrew says advancing on Nicky with a knife drawn.

“Can we not do this with me in the middle?” Matt pleads.

“He won’t stab you so you’re the safest thing to hide behind!” Nicky exclaims.

“Where. Is. My. Car?” Andrew hisses.

“Look, I’m just saying that until that asshole is off the campus….maybe it’s for the best that you don’t have access to your car?” Nicky asks pleadingly.

“What the fuck is he drinking?!” He turns as he hears Kevin nearby.

“Milkshake, it’s fine. Doesn’t Smiths deserve something that is not one of your dogshit smoothies?” Aaron asks and he’s standing between Kevin and FF. He sees one of Kevin’s smoothies in the starting striker’s hands.

“It’s not fine!” Kevin hisses. “I didn’t approve of it!” he flails one arm.

“Kevin, you’re not actually his doctor.” Captain Neil says, “Andrew, maybe put the knife away before people call the cops on you?” Captain Neil asks pleadingly.

“I’ll put it away once Nicky tells me where he put my car.” Andrew demands.

“We just barely avoided you going to jail a couple weeks ago Andrew. I just don’t want you to do something that would result in you being there on vehicular manslaughter charges!” Nicky pled from behind Matt.

“I wouldn’t crash the Maserati just to kill him.” Andrew is facing towards them, and FF can see him roll his eyes.

“I think they’re more worried that you’ll just run him over if you see him dude.” Matt says.

FF realizes belatedly that he’s sucking on a straw to an empty milkshake only when a wrinkled hand takes it from him and puts a hot drink in his hands instead. He looks and sees his grandma smiling at him.

He looks down and-

Oh, hot chocolate. This is nice.

He takes a sip.

Oh, his grandma’s hot chocolate.

Delightful.

He watches as his Grandma makes her way towards where Andrew and Nicky were continuing to run around a resigned looking Matt.

Andrew is stopped as his Grandma hands him a cup of hot chocolate filled to the brim with marshmallows. He blinks at the offering but takes it stopping his hot pursuit of Nicky.

“Jesteś moim ulubieńcem” she says. (“You’re my favorite now.”)

Nicky makes a noise like he’s dying. “Aras!” he cries dramatically.

“Got something to say about the drink from his Gran?” Aaron asks.

“No…” Kevin says petulantly. “…but he should leave room. I formulated a new healthier smoothie that tastes good.” Kevin says holding up his smoothie.

“Doesn’t taste like ass is more accurate.” Matt says walking over now that Nicky was immobilized by his despair and Andrew was enjoying hot chocolate. “Sorry Smithster, we’re still working on getting it up to ‘tastes good’.” He says apologetically clapping FF on the shoulder.

“Fat chance of that with Kevin’s sensibilities with flavor.” Aaron says rolling his eyes. “More accurate to say lack of sensibility.” He adds after a second.

“Don’t be rude, you ran off without even warning me.” Matt points at Aaron.

"You ran off?!" Kevin demands.

FF can’t help it.

He laughs.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

#Fluent Freshman AU #AFTG AU #AFTG OC #FF - 36 #Wop wop it's late #That Tornado really threw everything off with my timing #I would also like to thank ca-van for helping me on the Polish for this chap #If you're wondering #Yes Aaron was in on the car removal #but has no idea where Nicky put it #Hence why Andrew wasn't chasing his brother around #Matt tried to step in to help #But just became the beautiful tree that Andrew and Nicky were running around #GS heard Andrew was interested in possibly killing Daniel with his car #he has now become a favorite #She makes hot chocolate for the rest too but Andrew gets the extra marshmallows #Andreil #AFTG

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