Heathers (Murder Mystery AU). The year is 1997. The class of '89 find themselves back at Sherwood, Ohio for a (lame!) highschool reunion when a series of murders suddenly start terrorizing their sleepy little town. It starts with the victim receiving muddy death threats, and then, a body is found. Veronica didn't think much of it---Sherwood was a hell hole that she planned on leaving back in the dust just as she did before.
Until, it hits way too close to home when, during the reunion, Jason Dean stumbles across the lifeless body of former jock, Kurt Kelly, sprawled across the boys bathroom floor. Jason Dean is officially declared the primary suspect. Veronica takes it upon herself to help clear her ex-boyfriend's name. And preferably solve the murder case along the way.
The only issue? The killer is now on the move, sending a new string of death threats to its next victim, the former queen bee herself, Heather Chandler.
Come to think of it... who organized the highschool reunion, anyway?
A string of murders, muddy clues, a backwater town, an innocent ex-boyfriend, trusted old friends, and the Heathers. What could possibly go wrong...
(Or the scooby doo-ish heathers murder mystery AU where veronica sawyer realizes that she isn't the only one who's done some soul searching after highschool and that, god forbid, there was something beautiful--actually beautiful--about heather chandler after all)
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Feeling inspired so if Heathers the Musical was filmed on a set.
Director: And, action!
Veronica: A future gas station attendant.
Kurt: ....
Kurt: ...You have a zit right there.
Veronica: That wasn't your line.
Kurt: I know, I forgot my line.
Director: WAIT keep that there. That is perfect!
Veronica and Kurt: What-
~~~~~
Heather: If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important.
Heather:
Heather: Pfft-
Heather: Heather!
Heather: Sorry, sorry. I can't help it because now I am imagining you holding a meat cleaver trying to measure Veronica's angles.
Director: This is the 75th take.
~~~~~
Heather: Honey whatcha waiting for-
Heather: *push* SHUT UP HEATHER!
Heather: *falls*
Heather: Ow.
Heather: Oh crap wait-
~~~~~
Everyone: Holyyyy shiiiitttt
Veronica:
Veronica: Crap, wait I forgot my que, sorry.
~~~~~
Heather: VERONICA DON'T FORGET THE CORN NUTS IT'S NOT A PARTY WITHOUT CORN NUTS!
Veronica:
Heather:
Both: Pft-
Director: Damn it you two.
~~~~~
Ram: Why do you gotta be so weird all the time-
Martha: Says the guy who wears his underwear for half the musical.
Ram: Martha please stop, we need to get through this scene.
~~~~~
Heather: My d---'s bigger than John Lennon!
Director: HEATHER STOP-
~~~~
Kurt: Veronica, please take this seriously.
Veronica: Kinda hard to when you're singing about balls and well, you two are actually gentleman in real life.
~~~~
Kurt and Ram: Big sword fight in her mouth~
Martha: How do you even fit two d!cks in one mouth?
Heather: Martha, you're not even in this scene.
~~~~
JD: We can start and finish war- *drops gun* Oh shit.
Kurt, in a spiderman position on the fence: Hah you dropped your- *falls* AH
~~~~
Veronica: Shouldn't you three be dead, why are you in this scene?
Heather: The director thought it would be funny for Kurt and Ram to attend their own funerals.
~~~~
Miss Flemming: *reading the lyrics for Shine A Light* Do...Do I have to say this?
Director: Yeah.
Miss Flemming: "I faked it" Did you forget we casted my real husband for this-
~~~~
Heather: Are you saying Westerburg is a bad place?!
Heather: No I- *starts laughing*
Heather: Heather, come on.
Heather: Sorry, it's kinda weird to see you be mean when you're the nicest person ever.
Heather: We need to get through this scene.
Heather: Okay, okay. Bully me, give me your best.
Heather: Oh my gosh Heather.
~~~~
Martha: *practicing* I took that scab and put in a loc- Okay, I don't want to say that.
Director: You have too.
Martha: My character is supposed to be an innocent bean, not a creep.
Director: Because she's not a creep.
Martha: No one fucking puts a scab in a locket!
~~~~~
Veronica: This is it! I won't cry-
JD: But I would.
Veronica: Jason stop interrupting me while I sing this song is very hard to sing.
~~~~~
Veronica: How am I supposed to take this seriously when Heather's in a kimono and Kurt and Ram are in their underwear posing like 🧍🏻♀️
~~~~~
JD: I WAS MEANT TO BE YOOOOUUUURRRSSSSS
Veronica: I'm in the closet-
JD: Veronica, stop.
~~~~~
Veronica: I wish you'd come with me!
JD: I wish I had more TNT!
Veronica:
JD:
Both: *starts laughing*
Director: Damn it! Take 67!
~~~~~
JD: Our love is Gooooooddddd
Veronica: Say hi to God.
Heather³, backstage: Kaboom~
~~~~~
All: BEAUTIFUUUUUULLLLLL
Director: CUT!
Everyone: Oh thank goodness.
Heather: That was a hard note to hold.
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Kindergarten Boyfriend from Heathers: the Musical is such a gut wrenching song not because of the contents but because in the recordings I’ve seen, the audience always laughs at the song. Like, it’s really proving the point of the character being a laughingstock because of her naïveté and childishness, being taunted by even the audience at her lowest moment as she vents her problems and decides to try to take her own life. Lifeboat is horrible in the same way because everyone laughs right before she starts when she says “Jesus I’m on the fricking bus again cause all my rides to school are dead!” AND THEN they laugh at the beginning of Shine a Light (Reprise) when she’s literally crying and trying to open a prescription bottle to kill herself. HOW is this funny?? Why is the audience laughing??? Just a thing I’ve noticed
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sfw heather chandler dating headcannons!!!!!
a/n - in my mind, these would take place out of sherwood, ohio and somewhere, like, michigan or maybe colorado? idk i don't see heather going to a city.
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- girlie was just going through comphet. that's it. no way she's not a lesbian. argue with the wall.
- i don't know why but i don't think she would ever do her skincare routine on her s/o. like, maybe she'd let you do it once to her but she certainly would not have any problem telling you if you were doing it wrong.
- clothes shopping would be fun but tedious. she'd tell you all the colors to avoid, what accessories would go well with certain shirts, and what looked straight up awful on you. she does not have a filter, she cannot be nice to save her life.
- she makes you watch a rom-com with her every friday night and critiques it throughout the entirety of the film.
- tried to cook for you one time but almost burnt the house down. she now just orders take out and pretends she cooked it. you know better though. it's the thought that counts!!
- if she's going out, you're going out. there is no excuse in the world that can save you.
- she's not good at understanding your struggles since she's had a pretty sheltered and privileged life but she shows her love and affection through other things like massages or buying something that reminds her of you. she's never been great with her words, so she tries to reciprocate in the best way she knows how.
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