Tumgik
#marvel cinematic universe angst
urdepressedslut · 9 months
Text
You’re Mine, Sunshine (masterlist) ♡
Tumblr media
♡ Pairing: Grumpy!Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x Sunshine!Fem!Reader (Mob!Au Bodyguard!Au)
♡ Series Summary: Bucky gets picked by a very rich and respected man to be his daughter’s personal bodyguard. The Father warns him that it won’t be an easy job, that she is a brat and difficult to deal with. But what happens when Bucky meets you and you’re the complete opposite?
♡ Series Warnings: mentions of amputation, dark themes, violence, death/death threats, talk of parent death, fluff, angst, stalking, daddy issues, anxiety attacks/panic attacks, abuse, depression, depressive episodes, PTSD, dry humping, hints to smut, (warnings to be added as new chapters are released)
Trope ⇢ Grumpy x Sunshine ☀️
(SERIES ONGOING)
Last Updated: 9/8/23
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | SERIES 18+
⇨ Chapter One
↳ After Pierce interviews Bucky for the job, he warns him of you. Bucky is starting to rethink his decision, but when he meets you... you're not what he expected.
⇨ Chapter Two
↳ Bucky takes you home, and later finds you in the library. You both get to know each other a little better, but Bucky is hesitant.
⇨ Chapter Three
↳ Bucky has a surprise meeting with Pierce, getting informed about your secret admire. Meanwhile, Bucky tries to keep things professional, he’s hesitant to cross the line when you need him.
⇨ Chapter Four
↳ You don’t know what to think of Bucky after he took you to bed last night. Bucky can’t continue to keep the stalking situation hidden from you. Something is found on your doorstep.
⇨ Chapter Five
↳ Getting to know each other better doesn’t go according to plan. Bucky has to comfort you and fix the mess he made. Will you forgive him?
⇨ Chapter Six
↳ Bucky receives a morning visit from Steve, with the news about what was in the box. Bucky continues to think about what he should do. Should he tell you the truth about your stalker?
⇨ Chapter Seven
↳ Bucky finds you making a mess in the kitchen, attempting to bake and offers his help. The two of you get to talking and some reveals about each other begin to come out. Will he finally tell you about your stalker?
⇨ Chapter Eight
↳ After a surprise visit from Pierce, tension arises as he threatens Bucky of his job. Pierce wants to have a talk with you and it doesn't go very well.
⇨ Chapter Nine
↳ After the events from the other day, you try and cope with the reality of what happened. The world is a lot less colorful than you remember. Bucky helps comfort you after you realize you have no one left.
⇨ Chapter Ten
↳ Someone comes knocking at your door in the morning. Bucky answers and is surprised with who he finds. Are they going to help them or hurt them?
⇨ Chapter Eleven
↳ The tension can't be ignored anymore between you and Bucky. Steve shows up and he's not alone.
⇨ Chapter Twelve
↳ Reality is hitting you as you, Bucky, Steve and his men all venture off to a secret safe house only Steve knows about. The events from the last couple of days are starting to hit you with a sickening force, leaving you weak and crippled.
⇨ Chapter Thirteen
↳ Your dreams consist of random memories of your parents, but are they really random? Despite the past days of hell—you still find it difficult to resist Bucky. You two spend a heated morning together, devouring each other while you still have these moments.
5K notes · View notes
wanda-widow · 12 days
Text
Post-Mission
Grumpy!Bucky x Reader
Tumblr media
Word Count: 832
Summary: Bucky has always been one to try and pull away from people who care about him. However, you're always one to be insistent and care for him anyways, no matter what he says.
18+ MDNI
Warnings: slight angst, implied smut if you squint your eyes, fluff
Like and reblog if you wish 💗
Hearing footsteps shuffle down the hall along with the sound of a dragging duffle was all you needed to know that Bucky was back from his week long mission. Hopping off the bed and peeking your head out of your shared bedroom, you saw Bucky scrub a weary hand down his face. You instantly frowned, worried as you hurried over to him, taking the duffle out of his hands. 
“How was the mission? Are you hurt anywhere? We should get you some food, you look exhausted” you said while rushing back to the room to unpack his gear as he let out a sigh, silently chucking off his boots before face planting on the bed. 
“Bucky?” came your worried voice after you put his boots into the closet, sitting on the bed next to him and poking his shoulder. “Bucky, get up. Shower, eat, and then rest.” you urged, poking him again when his vibranium hand shot out to grip your wrist.
“Let me sleep” he said gruffly before shifting on the bed so that his back was turned to you, leaving you rubbing your wrist softly. You knew he wasn’t too responsive after missions since it took so much out of him, not that he was one for words or self care anyways. Still, you took it upon yourself to make sure he was cared for. 
“Please? I’ll make you plum croissants tomorrow if you just shower and eat” you tried again, scooting closer to him to rest your head on his shoulder as you felt him sigh again before sitting up.
“Eat and then shower” he said, running a hand through his hair as he made his way to one of the compound communal kitchens, sitting down on one of the stools as he waited for you expectantly. 
“Grilled cheese?” you offered, slotting yourself in the opening between his thighs, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he nodded, fingers trailing down your arm as you pulled away. You could feel his gaze follow you as you bustled around the kitchen to make his food. “Go shower and then you can eat after” you said softly, turning around to look at him as he frowned, reaching out to tug you by the wrist back into his proximity.
“Thought you would shower with me” he said softly, letting his walls down while no one else was around. You felt his hands come to rest on your waist, forehead between your breasts as he pressed a kiss through your clothes. 
“Another time, I promise” you laughed softly, letting your hands run through his hand before stopping at his shoulders, letting one hand trail down his vibranium arm. He let out a quiet whine before getting off the stool, dropping a kiss to the top of your head. You watched as he went back to the room to shower before turning back to the sandwich, humming softly.
20 minutes later, Bucky was freshly showered and seated at the counter once more, gaze still fixed on you as you plated his sandwich and sat next to him. He ate in silence for a while as you observed the new wounds on his back. Finding some gauze and neosporin, you began to bandage them gently.
“They’re shallow but-” 
“They’re nothing” Bucky cut you off but made no move to stop you from patching him up. After placing the last piece of medical tape, he turned in his stool to face you, the both of you exchanging silent conversation before he got up to wash his plate. 
“If you keep going on long missions, you’re just gonna keep destroying yourself, Buck” you said quietly, swallowing the lump in your throat. It became more apparent that the past couple months, he just drew further into himself with each mission, determined to block out the pain with endless fighting. 
“I’m just helping the team” he said tersely, putting his dish in the drying rack before he walked back to the room, expecting you to follow behind him. You stood there for a moment, willing for the emotions to fade, to appreciate that he was here. 
Your legs moved in habit, walking to your shared bedroom and flicking off the light before sliding under the covers with him. You could still hear his breaths, short and controlled. He wasn’t asleep.
After a long moment of silence, he spoke up again. “I don’t mean it, doll. The rudeness, the violence. I’m trying.”
“Bucky…” you started quietly but stopped when you felt the bed shift, a heavy weight now resting across your waist, shallow puffs of breath ghosting across your collarbone. 
“I’ll take a month break, spend time with you?” he half offered, half begged, the grip on your waist tightening.
“James…” 
“Only time with you. No one else unless really needed” he whispered, his leg shifting to now rest over yours, lips gently sucking at the base of your neck, smirking when he felt you cave. 
“How does Bali sound?” 
752 notes · View notes
wannabespiderman · 2 months
Text
Starving.
Tumblr media
Thank you so much to everyone that was so nice to like and reblog my previous post <3 I really appreciate it and it gave me inspiration to write more! Fair warning that I wrote this while being a little tipsy so some typos may have occured.
Bucky Barnes x reader
Bucky completely forgot what it was like to be touched in a way that wasn't punishing. Well, until he met you.
.
.
.
Bucky Barnes was a conundrum. He was strong, stoic and had a head through the wall attitude. On the inside though…he was like a frail house of cards on a windy day. It was about a fifty-fifty chance if he turned cold or broke down. Well, actually, when he was out and about he would derealize and turn passive a hundred percent of the time. With you on the other hand, in the confinement of your own home, this massive, build man would turn into a weeping little boy. At first he didn’t know what to do with himself when his walls broke down in front of you. It was a feeling he wasn’t familiar with and the vulnerability made him feel small and weak, something he experienced regularly while he was still with hydra, something that he wasn’t allowed to show back then.
The same night he broke down in front of you for the first time you had your arms wrapped around him before his tears could even start to fall. Bucky’s mind went haywire the second your body touched his.
It was like he couldn’t comprehend how a touch could be this soft and warm, so void of anger or malicious intent.
It felt like it made him almost feel worse but at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to rip himself away from you.
And then he got hooked.
He was always flirty with you and heavy on the PDA, constantly having his hand on your waist or leg or hell, even on your ass while his face was buried in your hair. He could touch you easily, shower you in physical affection in front of anyone who was unfortunate enough to hang out with you two at the same time.
When you touched him, you had to be alone because that was the time his guard went down. Only you were allowed to hear him sniffle and whimper and see him curl into a ball on your bed while he let you run your fingers through his hair. Bucky never talked about why he cried so you could only speculate if someone said something triggering or if last night’s nightmares tortured him throughout the day but you didn’t ask him about it. All you knew was that he needed your touch and you were not only happy to give him that, you took this job very seriously.
You’d tenderly catch his tear drops with your thumb while he leaned into your touch like it was his oxygen and held him in your arms when he basically folded himself in half to fit into them. But it wasn’t only when he was sad or overwhelmed that he needed your touch, actually it was allowed any time of the day as long as you two were alone. He appreciated every small brush of your hand when you gestured too much with your hands or tried to push past him in the narrow hallway and almost every time a small sound would escape him. He was just…addicted as he’d call it. Addicted to your soft hands that fit the equally soft touch.
He'd say he’s addicted while you knew the truth. The poor man was touch starved and hell, if you weren’t gonna be the one who’d give him what he so terribly needed.
884 notes · View notes
popquizhot-shot · 3 months
Text
Magic
Moon Boys x reader&lt;3
summary: you were married to Jake and after the events of moonknight, the boys get to know of jake and of you. Steven adores you but Marc just sees you as a friend. Right?
A/N: okay the timeline is a bit wonky but here's what i thought while writing the fic. Jake dated you for a year and a half before putting a ring on it. And you've been married for three years. You met Steven and Marc a year ago and have been dating Steven for eight months. Marc became friends with you a month after meeting you. please comment and reblog if you liked it!
Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort
@jake-g-lockley
Tumblr media
Marc was a lot of things. Pig-headed, stubborn, horrible at communication, a fighter. But he wasn't arrogant He could admit it when he didn't know something.
But right now he knew one thing and one thing only, that Jake was a prime idiot.
Marc stayed in the background when Jake was fronting around you, most of the time. Not always, of course. He wasn't a perv and one to to intrude between a husband and a wife. But he knew you. So did Steven, and you knew them.
He'd considered you his friend. Maybe one of his best, just months after meeting you. You and him shared many a night after Jake's missions talking and watching movies, when your husband was knocked out. You made him fall in love with chai, something that knocked Steven's socks off and he'd taught you the basics of baseball so you weren't clueless when you watched baseball with him.
It wasn't always so nice.
"You're married?!"
"Yeah, what's your problem with that?" Jake had become defensive, he wouldn't let Marc or Steven breathe a single ill word towards you.
"No, it's no problem at all, pal." Marc seethed, outraged, "except for the fact that I was married to Layla! God what if she almost say you when we were married? No wonder it ended!"
"Fuck off, man. You know full well why your marriage didn't work out with Layla. And unlike her, I told my lady fucking everything. She knows everything, from the cave to the sarcophagus. So she knew what to do and what to be careful of, including you. So don't blame my marriage for the reason yours didn't work out."
This was when Steven had interjected, he was unsurprisingly on Jake's side.
"He's right, Marc. If his wife knows everything then you can't blame him, and it's honestly rather mean and unfair of you to be angry at someone you haven't even met."
It took a few hours for Marc to calm down, and actually, apologise to Jake.
Hesitantly, Jake offered, "Y'know, if you want you can meet her. She practically knows everything about you and uh, Steven's most probably seen her around. She goes to the museum every week."
"Wait a minute! That lady with the Van Gogh tote bag?"
"Yup."
"Oh wow! She's really sweet, and beautiful! Hell, mate. You scored."
Jake had to smile at that, he knew he scored with you. For the longest time he felt like you were too good for him and that someone as kind, clever, intelligent and beautiful as you shouldn't have had to settle for someone like him. But you'd kiss away every ill thought he had about himself and reassure him. Communication was a very, very vital and important part of the relationship and you had helped him learn that it wasn't selfish to voice his thoughts. Especially because he put everyone's needs before his for so long.
"I know, man."
Steven had readily agreed to front and meet you, and Marc was okay with being co-conscious during the interaction as well. So on one fine day, Jake had brought them to the house he considered his home. He worked to contribute to it's rent, and buy things for it and for you. It was home, after all. You were his home.
Marc didn't know what to expect but when Jake had stepped in and hung his jacket on the stand and taken his shoes off, footsteps could be heard running from the main bedroom and he saw you running straight into Jake's arms. Jake laughed wildly, picking you up and twirling you around, much to your delight as you kissed the life out of him.
When he put you down, he could get a clear glimpse of you. Your hair was messy and your t-shirt was rumpled. And when he saw you smile he knew why Jake had fallen in love with you. Why Steven thought you were beautiful and sweet. Verything about you screamed, home.
Your greeting to Jake threw both the boys off, "Who the fuck are you?"
Jake smirked, "The fuck you mean, ma?"
"I mean, who." you poked him once, "are." twice, "you?" thrice and Jake started giggling. Fucking giggling like some little schoolgirl. You laughed too, and hugged him tight.
"Hey, baby." he kissed your forehead and you smiled.
"Hi." you kissed his nose.
"I have two guys who'd like to meet you."he raised his eyebrows.
Your jaw dropped a little, "For real? Wait, you're being serious, you're not screwing with me?"
"Why would I screw with you, when I could just screw you?"
The men in his head and you all let out a simultaneous groan.
Steven met you first, and it went swell, you'd both bonded over history and literature. And a love for Taylor Swift. But that was a secret. You liked him a lot and he positively adored you.
Marc, on the other hand, was much more closed off, he'd be polite, but he'd be curt as well. A combination you didn't know was possible.
After a few weeks of trying to bond with him, resulting in almost a small meltdown. It had taken Jake being knocked out after a mission and being too tired to eat to actually get him to talk to you over a meal.
It was one of the best things he'd eaten in his goddamn life and the groan he'd let out after the first bite brought a laugh out of you.
So yes, Marc would consider you one of his best friends. Steven and you had started going out with each other a few months ago and it was going so well.
But not Marc.
Because he didn't like you like that.
Of course not, you were his friend.
You were his friend who made him laugh because you had the same dark sense of humour. You hugged him when he needed one but was too uptight to ask you. You, who googled the Cubs and learnt everything you could about them just so you could talk to him as well, the way you talked to Steven about Jane Austen and the Indus Valley.
He didn't know when it became something more to him.
And he didn't see how you'd look him at him when he laughed, or when he was focused on the TV, or when he made you tea the way you liked it, Jake had taught him how to do that.
No, to him, you were just his best friend.
And you were currently crying your eyes out because Jake and you had gotten into a huge fight. He'd missed your anniversary because of a mission and he was working with Hathor's avatar. He failed to mention the part where he was forced to pretend they were a thing to prevent being caught and you'd caught him smelling of her perfume and gotten rightfully furious.
Not because of her, but because he didn't tell you that it had been happening for a few days. That the week he'd spent away from you, he'd had to pretend he was someone else's and he was too scared to tell you. That's why you were mad, because you thought he didn't trust you.
You'd raised your voice as he turned his back on you and he turned around, face contorted in rage. Steven tried calming him down as he stalked over to you. You stood your ground, Jake would never lay a hand on you. You knew that. But it was what he said, that broke you.
"You're being a fucking nuisance. Instead of trying to understand, you're being more of a burden by finding shit to get mad at. Grow the fuck up."
That prime ass had the audacity to call you a burden. A nuisance.
And then he had the fucking nerve to leave and complete his mission and give control to Marc. Steven had chewed the fuck out of him and Marc would have loved to as well, but he needed to see you. See if you were okay.
As soon as he stepped in, he saw you on the sofa, rapidly wiping your tears away. You sagged again when you knew it was him. Somehow you always knew.
He furrowed his eyebrows at your disheveled state. Your eyes were swollen and wet with tears and you were breathing very heavily and in quick spurts.
"What do you need?" Marc asked you, sitting down beside you.
"C-can I have" you coughed, "a hug, Marc?" you said in a small voice, looking away.
Marc immediately moved to hug you close. Shushing you when you began to cry again.
What hurt was that he knew, and Jake knew, and Steven knew that you hated being a burden or an inconvenience to anyone. And today, the one man you trusted the most in this world had made you feel like that. And he couldn't even apologize.
'Jake you fucking idiot.' he rocked you a little, 'you better come out and fix this. she may be our friend but this is because of you, fix this.'
Jake remained silent in the reflection of the mirror next to the door. He looked wrecked at seeing you sob, and tears were falling down his own eyes.
'Mate.' Steven spoke up, he sounded mad, 'You made our girl cry. Stop being a fucking coward and fix this!'
When he was met with silence, Steven seethed, 'Marc, gimme the body.'
You knew exactly when it was Steven hugging you, and you kissed his cheek and breathed him in.
"Oh, love." he tried to comfort you, "I'm sorry. You're not a burden, I promise you." he kissed your forehead.
"I know that, Steven. I know I'm not a burden to you. I'm scared I'm becoming one to him. He doesn't even want to look at me!" you sniffed.
Steven glared at Jake in the mirror, who was wiping away his own tears.
Steven and Marc knew why Jake was so worked up. They knew that whoever Jake and Hathor's avatar was after called their bluff. They knew that those people had found the woman's partner and Jake was terrified for you and he couldn't even tell you because he never, ever wanted to be the reason for any feeling you had that wasn't bliss, happiness, content, or pleasure. And because he was sure he could find those assholes and beat the living shit out of them for even thinking of harming you.
But it wasn't their place to tell you, that much was apparent. Jake dug his grave, and then jumped into it. He had to crawl out of it on his own now.
"I just want to be someone he's happy to be with." you whisper and that's when Jake straightened up, heartbroken.
"Give me the body, hermano."
"All yours."
Only Jake scrunched the back of your shirts when he hugged you and you moved to hug him tightly as he whispered apologies in your ear.
"Baby, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry I made you feel like you were a burden and that I was anything but fucking delighted to be with you." he kissed your nose and then told you everything. Looking away because he was scared.
"I didn't tell you at first because I didn't want to just say that I had to pretend I was dating someone else and then fuck off for a week. I made a mistake in assuming that'd you get mad and it's because if I was in your place, I would be. But you're stronger than me, tesoro, and I failed to see that and I'm so sorry."
"Baby, I forgive you." you replied and he breathed out a sigh of relief, "But please, don't keep stuff like this in, okay? You can trust me, you know that."
He nodded fiercely and then he kissed you. Noses nudging and lips parting as he breathed you in like you were his lifeline, and he yours. He cupped your face and held you tight against him and when he pulled away you smiled at him, your eyes shining.
Steven fronted again with a little smile and you kissed him lovingly with a whispered 'i love you'. He just winked at you and kissed the back of your hand and then your forehead again before Jake took back control and carried you to the bed, kissing you deeply all the way.
----
Marc was fine, no he just needed a glass of water. He'd carefully rolled off the bed, thankful that he was at least wearing sweatpants and padded to the kitchen.
He should have known that you were a light sleeper.
"Marc." you began, your voice raspy.
He hummed in reply and held out his glass to you. You accepted it and drank your fill, giving it back to him.
After a few more moments of silence, you spoke up, "I thanked Steven for comforting me. But I didn't thank you." you cleared your throat, "Thank you, Marc." you said, sincerely, "You're one of my best friends."
Marc smiled at you. Actually smiled. And you smiled back and kept going, "And Jake and Steven know this and are okay with it so I-"
"You don't have to thank me, honey." he patted your shoulder, trying to conceal his tears as he looked away because god he was dumb. Dumb enough to realize now, that he loved you, "I'm glad I'm your friend."
To him, you were everything. You were sunrays and moonbeams and everything that he believed was magical as a boy. Everything he stopped believing in as he grew up. The first time you made him laugh and joined him he felt sure that magic existed after all, because what else could you be?
He tried walking past you but you held his hand and he froze, tears streaming down his cheeks.
You walked over to him and held his face in your hands. His eyes shut as you wipe away his tears. And he whimpered as you kissed his forehead.
"Marc. Open your eyes and look at me." you said softly.
He was terrified. That you'd seen past his mask and were going to let him down gently. Because to you, what could he be? Certainly nothing more than a friend.
"Sweetheart. Please."
When his eyes finally opened, they met yours.
"Marc. I fucking love you." you confessed and he let out a sob. Pulling you into a tight hug.
"I love you. God I love you so much, Sweetheart." he says into your hair, kissing all over your face, but not your lips.
"Can I kiss you?" you asked him, looking at him with those beautiful eyes of yours.
He nods and your hands travel to his locks and pull them lightly as you bring your lips to his own. Humming sweetly as he wraps his arm around you and licks into you.
Yes, he reasons yet again as you hold his face in your hands and smile at him, magic does exist. And it's in his arms. He loves it and so do the men in his head who cheer for him, albeit sleepily, looking at you lovingly.
And they'd never let you go.
1K notes · View notes
munariplans · 3 months
Text
the arrangement, part 2 | natasha romanoff
Tumblr media
synopsis: part 2 to the arrangement // the happy ending for those who love natasha as much as i do :)
natasha romanoff x reader
word count: 4.1k words
a/n: let me know your thoughts, and i hope this warms your heart that there are happy endings in this world too!
masterlist
a month after yelena’s wedding, natasha approached you for a talk that turned your life upside down. she explained that when you left after the slow dance and bucky found someone new to play with, a woman had approached her, and asked her to dance. one thing led to another, and she was now asking for your permission to stop whatever arrangement the both of you were having, because she had wanted to make the woman her girlfriend. 
you scoffed internally, almost. asking for permission, natasha had always been too considerate for your feelings. even when she was pursuing someone else, she had wanted to make sure that you were fine with it. 
and how could you not be? you were the one who rejected her advances, kept a safe distance, respected her rules, after all. you were the one who let her go, first. 
so you swallowed the rising bile and resentment in your throat then, gripping the rails of the emergency staircase she had chosen to speak to you in harder, until your knuckles turned white, and nodded convincingly. 
“of course,” you had said, as nonchalantly as you could. don’t make this weird. don’t make this harder for yourself than it should be. “of course, we should stop.”
“oh, thank you,” natasha said in relief, before instinctively pulling you close to kiss your cheek. it was only when her lips landed against your skin that she froze, and immediately pulled away, “i…should probably stop that now, too.” 
you smiled sadly. “yeah, you should.”
she cleared her throat. you hugged her goodbye to save her the awkwardness. then, just before she shut the door to the emergency exit, you called, “natasha?”
she left the door open, head turning back to you, almost as if giving you a second chance. almost as if letting you say what you truly wanted to say, to fight for her instead of letting her go just like that. but you could only say, “i hope she treats you well, and i hope you’re happy.” 
“i hope so too.”
– 
you first met natasha’s girlfriend at a cafe, two weeks after the staircase incident. you had returned from a run with a friend, the very same friend that you had told about your not settling down, the very same friend that you then told how much you regretted those words, a day after yelena’s wedding. 
both of you waited for your coffees by the counter, but when a voice called out your name, you could instantly recognise it even from a mile away. 
your friend tried to hide his snicker as you made eye contact with natasha, who was just leaving, with a woman behind holding her hand. then you saw the reason why he did. she looked just like you. 
you tried to hide your shock as natasha came in for a side hug, you awkwardly patting her back. “hi.”
your eyes drifted to the woman behind, and you offered her your hand, “you must be…”
“...emily,” she told you. you realised natasha hadn’t even told you her name, “and you must be natasha’s best friend.”
“oh, i wouldn’t–”
“–she speaks very highly of you, so, i know.”
you snuck a look to natasha, who shrugged unconvincingly. she looked rather uncomfortable, even though she had been the one to approach you first. she must have known you would notice, and you were sparing her the embarrassment of asking why her girlfriend looked just like you. 
instead, you muttered a thanks to the redhead, and turned your attention back to her girlfriend, “well, i’m just glad she hasn’t chosen to speak about all the embarrassing things i do, as well.”
she chuckled, and natasha smiled back at her. you tried to hide your hurt from the gesture, turning back to the barista who had prepared your drinks. it was your cue to leave first. 
“it was nice meeting you, emily,” you said, then looking at natasha again, “and i’ll see you around, natasha.”
she noticed you stopped calling her natty.
yelena invited the both of you over for lunch at her new place one day, and when you asked if natasha would be bringing her new girlfriend, yelena was kind enough to tell you she was, allowing you to mentally prepare yourself. 
“please never forget that this is all your fault,” the blonde said, shutting the oven door as she peeked over your shoulder. you were helping her prepare said lunch, arriving an hour earlier to cook the pasta that she and natasha both loved. “you fumbled my sister. i tried to help you.”
you stopped stirring the sauce for a minute, before admitting, “i am happy for her.”
“no, you’re not,” yelena quipped, and you almost threw your spatula at her, “but you try to be. because that’s the kind of person you are. and while natasha may find that terribly endearing, i find it incredibly stupid and frustrating.”
“...not anymore.” you said under your breath, but yelena caught it. 
“what was that?”
“not anymore,” you clarified, “she doesn’t find it endearing anymore.”
“like i said, your faulttt!” she trailed off, walking to retrieve more ingredients from her garden.  
but then, natasha arrived without her girlfriend, almost two hours late. you knew natasha couldn’t stand being late. 
yelena asked her about it before you did. you thanked your lucky stars the woman had such a busybody for a sister. 
the tension in her shoulders, and the slight furrow in her eyebrows gave away the lies she was saying, when all she could come up with was, “she was busy. had a last-minute thing.”
you chose to look away when she made eye contact with you, returning your attention to the other guests. 
but when the lunch stretched into the evening and the other guests had begun to leave, you noticed natasha’s sadness hadn’t dissipated, and it was only left with you, her, and yelena in the house. 
you wanted to make sure she was fine, as you accompanied her outside on the porch when she promptly got up to get “fresh air”. 
“what’s bothering you?” you kept a safe distance, leaning against the side of the front door as natasha sat on the wooden bench.
she let out a soft smile. “there’s no hiding from you, huh?”
“i’m your best friend,” you replied. she nodded, defeated.
“i was just…a little annoyed that i waited for her to pick me up for nearly two hours, but she never came. i mean, it was fine if she couldn’t give me the lift, but i would’ve appreciated her telling me earlier, rather than cancelling and leaving me stranded at the last minute. and i wanted her to meet you, and yelena, properly, too. too bad she had a work commitment.”
you unfolded your arms, moving to sit beside her then. she looked like she needed the company. but natasha was strong, and she wasn’t so ready to show herself so vulnerable so soon. “but it’s stupid, it’s just a small thing. i’m okay now, and i really liked your pasta earlier.”
“i cooked extra and packed them into leftover containers for you. there should be enough to last a few more meals.” you replied. natasha’s smile looked genuine for the first time that day, upon hearing your words. 
you brought her in to rest her head on your shoulder. she sighed at the comfort of your perfume. it was one she missed inhaling dearly. rubbing her back then, you told her, “next time, if you need a lift, anytime, anywhere, just call me. i’ll come pick you up, no matter what.”
she never had to doubt or second-guess your words. you kept your promises. 
– 
natasha’s girlfriend showed up during the friendly bowling night that steve organised, you noticed, as the pair arrived an hour later than even tony, which was a feat.
“sorry,” emily was the one who apologised, although she looked anything but apologetic, face hiding a proud grin, “we got busy in the car.”
you were the only one in the group who didn't participate in the raucous boo’s and eww’s, instead turning your attention to counting the number of balls the team needed for the game. natasha looked almost embarrassed at the confession. she never was one to enjoy making her affairs public with others. 
halfway through the night, in the lane next to yours, natasha hit a strike for the first time in her life. you knew, as you caught her jumping excitedly mid-air and pointing towards the knocked down pins to her girlfriend. however, in response, the woman only gave her a half-hearted thumbs-up and returned to scrolling on her phone. she didn’t seem to acknowledge her girlfriend’s achievement at all. 
you turned an annoyed look at her, before your eyes found natasha, and she smiled at you, shrugging sadly. you immediately went over and congratulated her. 
“that was incredible,” you said excitedly, giving natasha high five. 
she didn’t look convinced. “yeah, i think i got lucky.”
“even so, you looked so cool,” you reassured her, “i definitely was jealous.”
she let out a small chuckle at your words. 
later on in the game, where the rounds had all bled into one long match and people were growing restless, natasha’s girlfriend got up to buy them drinks upon her request. maria elbowed you to talk to natasha alone for the first time that night, but you didn’t want to start anything you weren’t sure her girlfriend was comfortable with, even though natasha was left sitting alone in her own lane, eyes trained on you to walk up to her as well. you only gave a small wave.
you watched as her girlfriend returned after a while, handing natasha a blueberry soda, and cringing at the fact that you knew natasha didn’t like blueberry. 
“can we exchange it?” you heard natasha whisper, but her girlfriend wasn’t so kind. 
“it all tastes the same anyway, why can’t you just drink it? i paid an overpriced amount for that, you know?” 
you suddenly felt the urge to punch the living lights out of the woman, hearing what she said. you wondered why, when you were never a violent person before. perhaps the resigned look on natasha’s face played a vital part in your own feelings, as she nodded numbly and sipped the soda that she oh-so-didn’t enjoy. 
when her girlfriend had returned to hitting the pins again later on, you took the opportunity to leave your own team for a moment, ordering an extra cherry coke under the guise of buying your own snacks. 
you handed it to natasha as you came back, sneakily taking her blueberry soda away from her and throwing it in the trash nearby. you gave her a small wink, but the woman looked like she was ready to risk it all for you then. 
– 
it was emily who reached out to you first, regarding a six-month anniversary gift for natasha. you hardly believed it had been six months since natasha had broken your heart with another; it felt like time hadn’t moved at all. 
you agreed to it, accompanying her to the mall to look for things to get the love of your life and “just a girlfriend” to emily.
“anything in particular you’re looking for?” you asked. emily didn’t know. it was clear she had never gotten a gift for natasha in the duration that they’ve been together. you swallowed the annoyance down; different people had different ways of showing their love, you guessed. 
she stopped outside a jewellery shop, and said, “she has this necklace she’s been wearing since before i even met her. small one, with a flower pendant on it. it looks cheap, don’t you think? i should get her a new one.”
you struggled to hide the hurt and offence you took from her comment. “well, if she likes it enough to keep wearing it, i don’t think it should be an issue.” 
“you’re right. and a necklace is too expensive, anyway. i don’t think i’m ready for that kind of commitment yet,” she joked. you wondered why she would say that, when natasha had told you she was a successful banker. 
“six months is a pretty big commitment, no?” you stayed outside the shop, when she had clearly walked a bit of a distance away. she turned, chuckling at you. 
“i don’t know. i just don’t…feel it yet, that connection. i’m pretty sure natasha hasn’t either. oh well.”
you caught up to her, sighing. “come on, emily. you need to start treating her better, because if you don’t, someone else will.”
she stopped, turning to look at you, still the amused smirk on her face. “didn’t realise you were so protective over her. if you wanted her so bad, just take her off my hands then, jeez.”
it had been a joke, but the way emily had regarded natasha as something more of a possession, an object, than an entire person who was perhaps the best thing that can happen to a person like her, had you seething in rage as you went home later that day. 
“your girlfriend’s an absent asshole.”
“come on, she’s not that bad.”
“but she is.” you sat up then, readjusting natasha’s head position on your lap, looking over her. she had been crying, mascara lines down her cheeks and dried tear stains on her face. 
emily had stood her up for the third consecutive date after their six-month anniversary, on top of the shitty grocery store box of chocolates she had given to the woman. 
you had picked her up from the restaurant she was supposed to be at for her date earlier, when natasha called you in the middle of a work meeting, crying that she was afraid she had been stood up stupidly, yet again. your hands had been shaking with fury as you drove to where she was. 
natasha rolled halfway to wrap her arms around your waist. “maybe i’m just expecting too much. maybe i was expecting from her…what i received from you, when we had that arrangement back then.”
there was a lump in your throat, as you answered, “you are not too much, and you shouldn’t be too much, for the people who love you, natty. and you know i want to so badly respect your relationship, you know i have been the most patient, out of all our friends, in giving emily a chance, but i cannot sit here in good conscience and tell you it is okay for her to keep treating you like she has been treating you.”
there were tears in the material of your shirt then. natasha had hidden her face in your comfort. “...i miss us. what we had, what we were, back then. can’t i just go back to that time, the last time i was happy?”
you continued running your fingers through her hair, staying silent. it was best to stay silent.
natasha then looked up at you. “don’t you miss it too?”
she saw you look away. you didn’t want to face her then, and it broke her heart. “...i do. but i don’t wish to go back there.”
“why?”
the fingers in her hair stopped their ministrations. your body stiffened. it was right at the tip of your tongue, what you wanted to say. natasha deserved to hear it from you first, at least. 
“because i broke our arrangement first.”
natasha had her hand holding your face now. you sighed into it, wondering if this was what friends did. “what do you mean?”
“i caught feelings for you, i’m sorry.”
the hand on your face was still there when you shut your eyes, choking down the sobs that had wanted to overflow. it was still there when natasha got up from her position in your lap, sitting on you then, it was still there when she brought her other hand onto your face, and pressed her lips against yours.
when you dared open your eyes again, she was still there. she hadn’t been a figment of your own imagination. and she was smiling at you, soft, unsure. 
“oh i had feelings for you too.” 
your first thought had been oh god, what a relief, which morphed into really? and then, we wasted so much time. 
“why didn’t you tell me?” she frowned. 
“i didn’t want to ruin what we have. i didn’t want to ruin the friendship.”
“i wish you hadn’t been so considerate.”
“i wish i hadn’t been either,” your gaze cast downwards, you were cruelly reminded that natasha wasn’t yours. not then, not now. she still had a girlfriend to return home to. “if i hadn’t…i probably would have the opportunity of loving you right now.”
natasha nodded in agreement. “you would have.”
then, you confessed, “is it bad to wish for you to not be with emily? you don’t know just how much it hurts me, seeing her treat you the way she does; not when i know i could treat you, and love you, so much better.”
you let out an uneasy smile as natasha laughed through her happy tears, “oh, i was planning to break up with her anyway! an absent lover, an even worse girlfriend.”
the shared smiles and laughter between the both of you awakened the butterflies that had long been dormant in your stomach again. “and after which, i’ll ask you, officially ask you, to be my girlfriend.”
“you better.” natasha said, nuzzling her face to your neck as she hugged you tightly.
you waited for natasha as she met up with emily one last time, and after a few tearful exchanges and goodbye hugs, the redhead was already jumping back into your car, gazing lovingly as you reached out for her hand, thumb grazing over hers while you drove away. 
it was movie night at yelena’s, and the two of you took up the last two empty seats at the far-end of her sectional sofa. you asked natasha briefly if she was feeling a little sad at the breakup, and what six months of her life with emily had been reduced to, but all she could tell you was that she felt guilty, that she had spent the past six months trying to picture someone else as you, but also thankful, that those months had been put to an end. she then draped the two of you with a blanket she stole from yelena, holding your hand underneath it. 
thor took the seat beside yours, steve took the floor, and when everyone was settled in, the movie played. 
natasha rested her head on your shoulder halfway through the movie. you guessed she didn’t really care if anyone saw it by then, perhaps everyone knew. and when her breathing slowed and the climax of the movie dwindled, you noticed she had fallen asleep, her arms now around your waist once more, cuddling into you. you readjusted the blanket to keep her warmer.
when the credits began to roll and everyone had gotten up, however, you were still frozen in place, refusing to move. at tony’s questioning look, you could only mouth “i don’t want to wake her” before you were met with eye rolls from the rest and yelena taking a photo of natasha’s drooling face. 
an hour passed and natasha still hadn’t awakened, so yelena gave in and told you the two of you could use the guest room in the house to crash for the night. you felt the need to explain to her that natasha had broken up with her girlfriend, and that you weren’t trying to take advantage of her sister, and that– 
“–i know, i know,” she cut you off, holding up a hand, “i trust you, you know my sister better than anyone else. just…take care of her, okay?”
you thanked her, and began carrying natasha up the stairs, still asleep in your arms. “and don’t let her drool on my new silk sheets, please!”
– 
you once again helped natasha remove her makeup and washed her face before bed, and when she felt the coolness of the wet washcloth on her skin, her eyes slowly opened, revealing the emerald green orbs underneath. you didn’t need to deny that the green in them always left you a little breathless any longer.
sleepily, she let out a smile, and pulled you in closer to her. “i love it when you take care of me.”
“and i would happily do it for the rest of my life.”
you snuggled in next to her when you were done, pressing a kiss to her hairline. but before you could drift off to sleep, natasha poked you in the ribs and asked, “when are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend?” 
you faked contemplating for a moment, and the poke to your ribs this time came harder. “so impatient, my love.”
“i think i’ve been very patient. i waited for you during our arrangement, waited even longer when i was with emily, i want to be with you now. i can’t stand a second longer not being yours.”
your heart could burst with just the love you had for this woman. so you held her hand, pressed it to your heart, and earnestly asked, “fine, then. natasha romanoff, would you make me the happiest woman alive, and be my girlfriend?”
she transferred your intertwined hands to her own heart. “yes, yes, yes, please.” 
the bed erupted into a fit of giggles and soft kisses as the both of you embraced each other then.
– 
natasha announced your relationship officially to the rest of the team a few days later. she claimed she hadn’t wanted to hide anymore, and that she was very lucky to have the privilege of being by your side. you supported her during her confession, holding her close and peppering her in kisses after, as the team congratulated the both of you. 
the both of you showed up together to the wedding of another friend. and this time, you slow danced with her to all the songs there were. you didn’t leave early, your body was in sync with hers the whole night, and you carried on the celebrations to the hotel room you both shared. you absolutely loved natasha romanoff, and you didn’t have to hide it anymore. you proudly told everyone you knew, you showed it to everyone who didn’t know. 
you brought natasha out on dates weekly, no matter how busy either of you were, no matter what the occasion was. some dates even included just you and her cooking in her apartment, relaxing into the night with a bottle of wine and dreamy conversations until either one of your hands travelled too far and began the initiation for making love. and when natasha suggested moving in together precisely because of those dates, you weren’t afraid, or reluctant at all. you welcomed the idea with open arms. 
the domesticity of sharing a life with natasha wasn’t boring, and the repetitiveness gave you a sense of comfort and a safe haven to come back to after long days. you would cook for her, she would clean the house, and when the both of you were tired, you would give her massages and she would wash your hair in the bath together. it was a life the both of you had dreamed of when you thought of a lovely, ideal one. 
and when there were fights, there were fights. but you were too soft-hearted for the woman you loved, and after each fight, you would crawl back into her arms and beg for her forgiveness if you were in the wrong. when she was in the wrong, you would do so regardless, with her then apologising as well for her mistakes. it was natural, and normal between the two of you. you refused to let fights simmer or last overnight, and natasha was thankful that you were so kind to her even when you were so angry. 
– 
more than a year later, the very same friend had asked you again if you had any thoughts about marriage, since you were with natasha now. 
the both of you had been looking around for an anniversary gift for natasha, and you had passed by the shop where you first bought her the necklace with the flower pendant. the very same necklace that she had never taken off ever since. 
there, lay a brand new line of engagement rings. and when you were just about to walk away and shrug and avoid his question, a particular one caught your eye. it had a jade as green as natasha’s eyes. it would fit on her finger so well. 
you looked back at him, and he was already grinning at you. he laughed, patting your back, and told you he knew you would be taking back the words you said to him that day. 
“fine, i am ready to marry her now.” 
742 notes · View notes
ultralightpoe · 4 months
Text
Chaos - Bucky Barnes
Authors Note: terribly written but I'm clearing out my drafts
Warning: mentions of abuse
Word Count: 2340
Part One Here
Tumblr media
Enjoy!
“What the hell happened?” Cho snaps, moving to the gurney being pushed in and surveying the amount of blood that was spilling. “Back up! I need room, someone page Stark immediately!”
The lights of the tower flicker under the storm, and Steve watches as Cho’s team wheels the gurney away quickly, his hand shaking heavily. Panic claws at his throat as the scene from earlier unfolds in his mind once more, turning slowly to the redhead beside him. 
“Steve-” She starts before he shakes his head. 
“Nat, this is not a conversation you want to have with me right now.” He sighs, bringing a hand up to pinch his nose before he realizes it’s coated in blood and pulls it back sharply. “I need to shower.”
He storms off, shoulders squared as he thinks about all the reports he is about to fill out. 
“We won’t have much time, in and out as fast as we can. Everyone has their tasks?” Steve asks, making sure everyone nods back to him before making eye contact with you. “Y/n, I know this will be your first mission-”
“We should go before the storm gets any worse.” You interrupt, fixing your headset and moving to the bay of the quinjet, grabbing your bag before being the first to leave the ship and rushing to leave them behind. 
“Slow down Y/n.” You hear Bucky warn in your earpiece, and normally you would turn around to wait for him. But he wasn’t your partner on the mission today, so you didn’t turn and kept the same pace. They could catch up if they wanted. 
Bucky stops in his tracks when he sees you march off, not bothering to turn to him, his heart thundering in his chest. Normally you would slow down for him, normally he would have your back during missions. 
It was a slow realization that you would be alone. 
“Maybe we should-” He starts, feeling like a fool as Sam turns to look. 
“We gotta go, come on man.” He mumbles, watching as Nat takes lead. 
It was going to be a simple mission, in and out, Bucky reminds himself. Taking a deep breath before following the rest. 
“We need a report,” Tony sighs, tracing through the footage of the mission, eyes widening at the fight. “I’ve never….”
“Tony, I’ve never seen it before. And it’s my fault.” Nat sighs, rubbing her hand across her face. “I got involved.”
“How?”
“I got in Bucky’s head a bit. I was just worried-”
“Worried about what?”  
“About Bucky and- I just remember coming out of the red room and being so attached to Clint. I had no family, no story, no morals. I was just pain. I was in pain myself and I inflicted pain onto others.”
“You went through something terrible-”
“THEY WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TERRIBLE! Bucky went through 70 years of it and the experiments they ran on Y/n….. I just wanted them to safe. I didn’t want them to get hurt.” She sighs, picking at her hair. “I love them both and I just wanted them to take a break. Maybe they would see how much they needed each other, and they would finally admit it to each other.”
“You should know by now that Barnes never thinks the way we do.”
“He thinks he is going to ruin everything he touches.”
“I know someone like that.” Clint interrupts from the door, giving Nat a small smirk. “Let’s just take a night to rest, Cho will update us if need be.”
It had turned into a mess too fast, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. The rain covered most of your vision as the walls of the compound seemed to be closing in quickly, the others screaming over the intercoms as they had been ambushed. 
You had been tasked to get the files from the lower levels of the compound, and you had planned to get it done quickly. You had not planned, however, to be locked in the basement as it began flooding. 
“GUYS!” You should, tears springing from your eyes as you cling to the door, the water reaching your ankles at the top of the stairs. 
“They blew up the dam-” Sams voice cuts through, half static half radio. “Steve, to your right-”
Gunshots could be heard in the background, Natasha cursing and you truly did not think they could hear you at all anymore. “Shit.” 
Instead of clinging to the door you turn to survey another way out of the room, eyes scanning over every inch of space to find your exit. The intercom in your hear rumbles with static before your name breaks through, Bucky’s voice sounding panicked. The next thing you know the intercoms have a sharp ringing through them that makes you gasp out and tear it from your ear quickly, dropping it in the water and diving in to find a way out. 
Bucky curses as he tears the intercom from his ear, dodging a bullet quickly and diving behind a wall as Nat stays covered by her own, making eye contact for a second as she tears her own comns out.
First the heavy explosion that shook them down, the dam breaking and water beginning to flood, Hydra soldiers attacking them and now their comns were down. Worst of all Bucky could not find you. 
Heart thundering through his ribs as he bites at his tongue to keep from grunting in pain when he realizes he had been shot, but right now that doesn't matter. He had to find you. 
“I have to find Y/n!” He shouts, watching Nat nod before he dashes to the exit that you were supposed to use. Just as he reaches the metal door something loosens in his chest, knowing you would were near and he could find you. He would never let you go he swore to god. 
He pulls the door, desperate to get to you, only to find it sealed shut. So his metal hand takes charge, bending into the metal as he grunts out, doing his best to get it off. A shout of pain fills the air as Sam comes into view, moving to help Bucky tear the door off. 
They make eye contact for a moment, the rain beating down on them before a blast of light blows them to the side, heat covering their bodies as they ram into the wall. 
Bucky’s head slams into brick, he hears Steve shout and Sam scream out in pain before it all goes blank. 
He would never see the chaos erupt. 
Steve is up the second the sun filters through the curtains, happy to finally get to leave his room and check on his friends' health. 
Nat is already waiting for him in the front hall of the med bay, a nervous look on her face as Steve walks past her to speak with Cho.”Any update?”
“He’s breathing.” She sighs. “And he was so lucky Y/n was there.”
You could hear the explosion from under the water, and in a panic you swam back up, only to find that the water had flooded to the roof and your face was pressed to the ceiling to catch your breath. 
Taking a moment to breathe as you hear Sam scream in pain, there was a pain in yoru chest that you couldn’t explain. It felt like a panic attack but worse, you couldn’t breathe and you couldn’t stop crying. 
“PLEASE!” You scream, hands pressing to the ceiling as the water gets worse. 
“Stop crying!” A voice breaks out, and you whip your head to find your old boss, the man that had thrown you into your first cell. The man that had ruined you. 
He was standing in the center of the room, and you had to blink for a moment to realize that there was no water, and you were completely dry.
“W-what?”
“Stand up!” You listen to him immediately, just as you used to, the tears still streaming down your face as you look around the room. It was different now, when you had come in it had looked like a simple office, now it was your cell. 
Or had it always been your cell?
Who was screaming?
“I SAID STAND UP!” Doctor Cornell shouts, stomping forward to drag you up himself, a slap tearing across your face as you cry out. 
“Where’s Bucky?” You gasp, the pain in your cheek fading away quickly. “I want to find Bucky.”
“You think he wants you?” Cornell laughs bitterly. “No one wants you, I’ve made you a fucking freak.”
“I want b-” Before you can finish your sentence you remember Bucky ignoring you, avoiding you….. And then you realize why. Cornell was right, he had made you a freak. You were a monster. 
A sob racks through your chest, and the painful feeling explodes. 
You try to scream out, only for your lungs to fill with water and more panic to take place. 
Steve could not believe his eyes, holding Sam's abdomen tightly in an attempt to stop the blood, watching as vines burst from the basement and travel across every surface faster then he ever thought possible. 
“Is that……” Steve starts, looking to where Nat was trying to get Bucky up.
“Y/n.”
Sam gasps out as the vines wrap around him, tightening around his wound and glowing a deep golden color as some of the blood stops, the vines traveling further and wrapping around the Hydra soldiers tightly to stop them all. 
Now that Sam's wound is being taken care of, Steve dashes to dive in the water, swimming down to try and find where you were. Only you were nowhere to be found, whatsoever. 
By the time he comes back up he is panting for air, watching as Bucky kneels by the water with blood leaking down his face and panicked eyes looking at his friend. “Where is she?”
“She’s not down there.” Steve gasps. 
“STEVE WHERE IS SHE?!” Bucky snaps, the water reaching his waist as Nat moves to snatch him back. 
“The vines are dying, Y/n can’t hold them off forever. We gotta go.” She rushes out, snatching the back of Buckys vest. 
“NOT WITHOUT Y/N-”
“Bucky. Y/n is holding them off but we have to get Sam out of here. Please.”
“Any word on Y/n?” Bruce asks, coming into the surveillance room where Clint is deep diving into the footage. 
“I can’t find her.” He admits, eyes never leaving the screen. “I would love some help.”
“You got it.”
“Lock the door before Barnes comes in and bothers me again.” He sighs, watching Bruce lock it. It was a joke, but he knew that Barnes was hurting. He could understand that. 
Bucky woke up in a startled panic, reaching to your side of the bed quickly, sitting up to find you when he doesn’t feel you. “Y/n?”
His voice is scratchy, a mix of all the screaming from yesterday, and he slowly realizes you aren’t there as the memories resurface.You weren’t here, you were gone. They weren’t able to find you yesterday. 
A knock sounds at the door and Bucky jumps up, excitement filling him as he rushes to answer, hoping to see your face on the other side of the door, only to find Steve on the other side. His heart plummets to his stomach as his friend looks at him softly. 
“You found your way to her apartments then?”
“I think I came here immediately yesterday.” He answers truthfully, letting Steve in before looking around the room, seeing all the dead plants. “How did her plants die in a day?”
“Buck…..” Steve starts, and Bucky tenses, fists clenched as he turns to his friend. “It’s been…. It’s been a week.”
“What?” Bucky laughs, flinching as Steve turns on the light. 
“It’s been a week. You came here the night we brought you back and you passed out, I think because of the head injury-”
“If it’s been a week then where is my doll?”
“We…. we can’t find her Buck.” Steve sighs, rubbing between his eyes. “I think it’s time you and I talked about some things-”
“Talk about things? I can’t talk I have to go find her Steve-” He moves to pass his friend but Steve shoots his hand out to catch him. 
“I think it’s time to admit you love her.”
Freak freak freak freak freak. 
Your mouth was dry and your feet hurt, this was the only thing you could comprehend. 
The lady in the market was staring at you wildly, looking terrified as she reached a hand towards you, concern flashing through her eyes. “Are you okay?” 
She had a heavy accent, one that reminded you of someone, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. What was it…..russian?
“Do you want me to call someone?” She asks, rubbing your shoulders. “What’s your name?”
“I…..I’m….” Who were you? You blinked slowly, trying to remember who you were. All you saw was a flash of someone with a metal arm before you were met with a bald man in a lab coat. “I… don’t…. Who am I?”
Bucky finds himself in the med bay the next morning after a long lecture from Steve, staring at Sam as his friend runs on the treadmill. 
“I… I am so confused. Steve said you were in critical condition?” 
“He was.” Cho answers in amazement, reading the stats that Sam is sending through the tech pad in her hands. “But he is completely healed.”
“How?”
“Y/n, there were traces of her vines left in the wound. It’s completely healed now.”
“Her…. she’s never done that before.” Bucky mumbles, a tight feeling in his chest. “What do you think it means?”
“I think we need to find Y/n, as fast as we can. That was way too much energy used.” Cho answers, a grim expression on her face.
Bucky could do that, he would tear apart the world to find you.
Tag List:::
@spookyparadisesheep @minaxcarter @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @whatishappeninghere81 @vicmc624 @unaxv @elite4cekalyma @scott-loki-barnes @luciaexcorvus @zephyrmonkey @littlewhiterose @classyunknownlover @cyberficlya @m00n5t0n3 @donttalktosposts @magnificentsvn @jenniferpendragon @dexter99
938 notes · View notes
widowmaxff · 3 months
Text
bad day
pairings: wanda maximoff × fem!reader
warnings: angst (with happy ending), arguing, reader crying, depressed reader — I think that's all!
Tumblr media
When you heard your front door slam shut, you knew Wanda had a bad day on work today. This was actually normal for the two of you, you talk to her and she tells you about the time at the place, having your help so she calms down and everything is okay. And that always worked, you usually ended those days eating pizza in bed while watching your favorite series on TV.
The redhead mumbles loudly as she walks with strong steps, throwing the keys on the living room table where you were, without even saying hello. You get up from the couch quickly, soon following your fiancée up the white staircase to finally reach your shared bedroom. Your gaze reaches Wanda, who was sitting on the edge of the bed with her hands on her face and her elbows resting on her knees. You calmly approach the redhead, thinking of words of comfort for her.
"Wands, are you okay?" You ask, making her laugh ironically before raising her face towards you, which was red, but you didn't know if it was from anger or from running tears.
"What do you think?" You swallow hard at the stiffness in her voice that would normally be sweet and calm. "Don't be an idiot, Y/n. Obviously I'm not okay." You contort your face at those words that came out of your bride's pink mouth. She rolls her eyes when she sees the expression on your face, getting up and going to the closet in your suite.
"Wanda, I was just trying to help you. You don't need to take out your anger on me because you have nothing nice to say to me." You follow behind the girl, who mumbles when she hears your words, but receives only silence in return. "Baby, you can talk and vent to me, you know that. We always do this when you have a bad day."
"For God, Y/n. Just leave me alone, okay?" She shouts in your direction, making you startle and take a step back. "Stop wanting to be an annoying, poor attention-seeking person all the time! Why don't you do something useful instead of getting in the way, hum?" The redhead shoots.
"What the hell! Can't I have a day where I can have a little space?" You feel your throat close as you hear all those hateful words directed at you. Your breathing became unregulated and you felt a great burning sensation in your eyes. Wanda had her fists clenched as she waited for something to come out of her mouth.
"Cat got your tongue now?" She takes a step forward, but you step back, afraid of her. Your fiancée's eyes get darker when she sees that you weren't feeling safe being around her, this wasn't normal.
Wanda knew that you were very insecure about yourself, having thoughts about always disturbing other people's lives and when she talked about you doing this and being annoying, her heart seemed to break into a thousand pieces that would take a long time to put back together. Her speech repeated in your head as you thought about what to say to your fiancée.
"I..." Your lips tremble, almost letting out a sob in the middle of his speech. "Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you." A solitary tear falls from your eyes, making Wanda feel guilty, but her jaw is still clenched. "I'll be in the guest room if you want to talk... or anything else. I will leave you alone. Sorry, Wanda." You turn on your heel as you poke your fingers to ease the nervousness.
Walking out of the room towards the other, trying to hold back the crying sobs that were coming out of your throat. You normally didn't cry in front of your fiancee, you hated doing that, but when she shot those words at you it felt like mean people had put pepper in your eyes and you were trying not to care about it.
When the door to the guest room was locked, the air you were holding in your lungs was finally released, along with the tears trapped in the corners of your eyes. You disturbed people. You were annoying. It was what was repeated in your mind by several voices, but the worst of them was Wanda's, the person who made you want to live every day, but at that moment you just wanted to die and maybe never get in anyone's way again. She never yelled at you or made you feel what you felt now, so the pain felt more unbearable than it already was.
You felt your legs go soft and fall onto the double bed. Your body came together, almost as if you were giving yourself a hug. Placing your left hand over your mouth so that the noises of your crying wouldn't be heard and wouldn't bother Wanda's bad day even more. Your eyes were so tired and red, it felt like the water hadn't stopped falling for so long that you allowed yourself to sleep without your bride's cozy arms.
When morning arrived, you thought about not leaving your room, not even getting out of bed. But despite everything that had happened, you longed to talk to the redhead again, to apologize again. So, when you heard the click of the lock, you took a deep breath and stood in the large hallway of your house. You walked down the stairs towards the kitchen, smelling your favorite breakfast. The red hair was the first thing you saw when you entered the room. Her back was turned as she prepared something on the stove.
Wanda seemed to sense you in the kitchen, quickly turning to look at your swollen face from last night's crying. She sighed deeply before walking up to you and looking into your eyes, which she adored so much. "Can I hug you?" She asks, you clearly agree.
The basis of your relationship was consent, due to some past traumas and insecurities. When she puts her arms around you you feel your body relax into her touch. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't want to say those words... I had a bad day and I know that doesn't justify anything, but I swear I regret every word I said to you."
You don't say anything, because if you said something, you would probably burst into tears again and your eyes were so sore that it was tiring to leave them open. "I know you won't forgive me right away, but know that I love you so much and I regret it so much. You're nothing like I said..." Wanda rambles. "on the contrary, you are the most amazing person to be around. The sweetest person who certainly shines with kindness wherever you go. You would never, ever get in my way, darling." She continues whispering beautiful words to you, making your heart soften at her words. "I love you, never forget that."
"I love you lots too." You finally say, with a hoarse and low voice. "I forgive you, Wanda. But promise me one thing?"
"Whatever you want, my love."
"Promise never to yell at me again? Please." Your voice falters a few times in the short sentence, making Wanda want to beat herself for making you suffer.
"Oh Love. I promise, of course I promise." She looks you in the eyes, caressing your rosy cheeks. "I swear on everything I will never do that to you again." Wanda tucks a strand of hair behind your ear before placing a small kiss on your forehead. You nod at her, faithfully believing her words.
"How about we eat your favorite breakfast now, hum? I don't want to see you with that sad face, I want to try to reward you by making your hunger go away." You laugh before firmly cupping Wanda's face and placing a smacking kiss on her pink mouth. Your day certainly got better when you felt your bride's lips and it will be much better when you enjoy every moment with the love of your life.
494 notes · View notes
frostironfudge · 1 year
Text
I Need You To Listen - Steve Rogers
Summary: For @the-slumberparty 's Week 3 Something New Challenge, I went with the medium mode - sex pollen but with exes to lovers. This took alot of work I ended up rewriting it entirely, I hope you enjoy!
Word Count: 7.4k || Dividers: @firefly-graphics
Pairing: Nomad!Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader
Warnings: 18+ minors dni, smut, angst, smut, fluff, sex pollen, p in v, fingering, dirty talk, love bites, steve rogers dirty talking (this man), swearing, nipple play, past is in italics, sort of a post civil war rewrite so we're going completely off canon
Main Masterlist || AO3
Tumblr media
Fate works in the most hilarious of ways, a stubbed toe over here and a broken heart still being nursed over there. 
Tony Stark stands in front of your cell, staring at you through the glass. You don’t hold back your tears from him. Disappointment colours his features. 
Broken pieces of trust lay scattered on the floor. The damage by him was done. Leaving you to bear the brunt. Leaving you to walk on the jagged edges of the broken family. 
A family that shared jokes, laughed, drank and protected each other. 
Won together. 
Lost together. 
In the past few days died together. 
“How are you holding up?” His arc reactor gleams as he takes a seat on the stool. Unzipping the jacket he wears his arm in a sling. You close your eyes, more tears fall at the memory of the fight. An involuntary shiver as the chiling bite of the cold manifests itself from your memory. 
The cell isn’t uncomfortable. There is a cot in the corner, the bathroom has a door. The sterile scent of the cleaning agent stopped giving you a headache hours ago. 
“Why are you asking me?” You look at him, he should be mad, he should yell, call you a traitor. 
“Contrary to what you all think and did to me, I trust you.” He shrugs, left eye twitching, he rolls his shoulder. 
“How is the arm?” Your gaze falls to it. 
“Seen better days. You know, heart troubles.” He looks at Wanda’s cell, “Kid, Vis is asking about you.” 
She looks up at him, “Is Rhodes alright?” 
Tony presses his lips into a thin line, shaking his head. 
Wanda looks down at her hands. 
“He tore us apart. That Baron Zemo. I know you have a lot to learn, alot to grieve. The accords may be dissolved. I’m working on it. At SI we’re  preparing the bail documents.” He informs you all. 
Sam scoffs, “What about Cap and Barnes?” 
“James is in recovery as per my last conversation with T’Challa. Where Cap and Nat are I do not know nor does he.” Tony gazes back at you. 
“I trusted him.” Is all you can say to him. You stare at your palms, you couldn’t get the blood off. 
“I know, I did too.” 
“Tony.” Your lips quiver another sob at the heartbreak Steve left you with to deal. All alone. 
Tumblr media
Bucky fights Tony, you don’t want to see your best friend hurt. The man who took you under his wing when you joined in, your steps halted by the blonde haired man who harbours your heart. 
“Sign the accords.” Steve orders, you gape at him. 
“Steve, do you fucking realise? We’re here because I didn’t sign them because I am siding with you?” You almost yell. The tempreture drops as the snow cascades into the facility from the now broken windows. 
Bucky lands on the floor, a pained groan, his arm blasted off. He kneels, eyes widened at the implication. At the man he hurt irreparablely being the one to take away one of the curses HYDRA bestowed upon him. 
“Shit!” Your eyes move to Tony, slowly he rises from the floor. The suit broken in several places. 
“Y/N, you need to listen. You cannot go rogue with me.” 
“Steve,” You push his arm away you had to intervene. 
“It was good while it lasted.” He says and everything turns to static. 
“Wh-what?” 
“Look, I, we had a good run but I know your stance on the accords you’re just with me for the sole reason we’re together.” Steve says to you. 
“Are you serious right now?” Anger courses through you, your grip on your pistol tightens. 
“It's not even the accords. I, I didn’t think we would make it beyond this month. Look, I have to think about Bucky. Its all of this, it doesn’t, priorities.” He lunges over to defend Bucky leaving you defenceless. Your ears ringing, you watch as they fight, you can’t hear any of the clangs the groans. 
You stand there dumbfounded. 
As Steve throws Tony down the beam reflects off of his shield and hits you on the shoulder you’re thrown against the wall. Bucky meets your eyes, at least he seems apologetic.  
Tony tries to get up to help you, “Rogers, she’s hurt—,” The shield slams against the arc reactor. 
“I don’t care.” He says so easily.
You pant as the pain increases, both the burn and sting of his words as well as the physical injuries manifesting across you. 
Steve helps Bucky up, you try to push yourself to your knees, crawling to Tony while keeping your arm close to your body. 
Bucky looks back at you, his eyes convey his remorse. Tony breathes hard, you blink back tears at the glance Steve doesn’t spare towards you. 
Tumblr media
Eight months down the drain.
The morning kisses, cuddles, the random sketches of you he left as gifts all lose their importance. Remembrance only causes pain. 
“Mr. Stark, you need to leave.” 
Tony sighs, “I’ll visit, or I’ll have you guys out before that. Work some arrangement.” 
“I’m so sorry, Tony.” You look at his arm and back at his face. 
He gives you one of those sad smiles of his, the one where he pretends it's just another day, another common thing. 
“Aren’t you foolish to trust us again?” Sam questions him as Tony passes by his cell. 
“I just have to do my job. It’s the people who have to trust us.” Tony turns to face Sam. 
“So the people trust the missile maker millionaire Stark?” Sam knows the jab is stinging, Tony hated 
that about the company’s past. 
The rift was ever present, your friend looks towards you. 
“Y/N, let him know not to insult me, I’m a billionaire.” He grabs his glasses and moves away. 
You resist the urge to laugh, everyone would resort to their coping mechanisms. You’d have to bide your time here. Usually getting black out drunk was how you solved your own problems. 
Tumblr media
True to his word Tony has you all released on various conditions. You, Scott and Wanda are released together. 
When you reach the tower it isn’t surprising that there was a break in, you’d scoff that Steve didn’t come to break you out but he made his decision in Siberia. 
The faint scent of his cologne lingers in your room. Hints of Patchouli and Bergamot. You stare at the box on your bed. 
Opening it reveals a burner phone. 
“I got a burner too, one number loaded upon it.” Tony stands at the door holding a glass of scotch for himself and your favourite Vodka in a bottle. 
“Surprised he bothered.” You open the phone and it chimes an unread text upon it. 
“I didn’t get that.” He observes, you take the bottle from him. 
Opening the text. 
SGR: I want to talk to you. Please let me explain. 
You laugh bitterly, unscrewing the cap and taking a long sip. At least you can blame these tears on the alcohol. 
“Are you going to? Call him I mean.” Tony settles on your desk chair. 
“Nope.” You set your bottle down after three more sips, grabbing the edges of the opened flip phone you press. The phone snaps from its hinges and you place it back down in the box, “Did you track it?” 
“Fake return address.” He twirls the ice in his drink. 
The two of you bask in the silence. Drinking in tandem and out of sync. 
“Were you going to sign the Accords?” You ask after a while staring at the setting sun. 
“Nope,” He reaches for your bottle, pouring himself a peg, “I was having them redrafted. Steve only had to agree for them to shut up. My draft would have gotten approved.” 
“So confident.” You raise your brows. 
“Comes with the job title.” He rolls his eyes. 
“Do you think anyone will trust anyone?” You tap the bottle neck. 
Tumblr media
Steve’s laughter reverberates against your chest. He reaches up to cup your face. 
“Why is it so amusing?” You ask, not meeting his eyes. 
“Because it is, Poppet. I wouldn’t break your heart.” He assures yet again. 
You gnaw at your bottom lip trust was difficult to come by for you. 
“You want to know why?” He whispers, making you meet his gaze. His nose brushing against your own. 
“Because I have your heart and it's what is keeping me alive.” 
You lean closer, pressing your lips to his, Steve kisses you back. Hands pulling you closer. You feel his smile between the kisses and you begin to retract knowing what he was upto but it’s too late. 
Steve tickles your sides and laughter blubbers from your chest. He grins, cheeks flushed as you press against him. The thin sheet hides nothing from the way you feel. 
“I love you.” He says, you stroke his cheek with your thumb.
Tumblr media
“I loved him with everything in me.” You blubber out, tears falling down. 
Tony sits next to you, your head rests on his good shoulder, “I know you did. It's a hard road ahead, kid. Not an undoable one.” 
“I hate him.” You declare, “I hate him, he just, how could he be so selfish?” 
“Sometimes we all are, he is in the wrong. He didn’t exactly reciprocate the trust.” Tony sighs, you look up at him. 
“I’m sorry about your parents.” You watch him give you those sad smiles, he flexes and extends the fingers of his left hand. 
“He could have told me, I trusted him enough that he could.” He whispers then shakes his head. 
“Steve Rogers is an asshole.” You declare raising your bottle to his assholery. Then you giggle. 
“You just thought of the word assholery didn’t you?” Tony giggles as well. 
Both of you burst out laughing. 
“Hey Tone?” You ask mid laughter. 
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for being here, also can I get a box?”
“Sure.” He stands, FRIDAY has the box led by one of his tinkered bots to the room. 
“I need to check on Rhodey.” He says, “I’m a call away okay?” 
You nod, he leaves. The box stays on your bed and then you stare at the sketches hung around your room. With a delicateness that Steve didn’t spare towards you, you pack up the papers. Sealing the box with plastic wrap and head down to the safety deposit lockers. 
Your steps are misjudged and you drop your box of trinkets several times. The stupid ceramic mug from that couples pottery class probably shattered. 
You giggle thinking how it resembles your heart. 
Locking the box leaves you in silence. Your room is void of all things Steve except the one shirt he gave you on your first mission together where the two of you fell into the muddled waters that left the two of you in need to change out of clothes. 
The shirt smells like him, you curl up with it on your pillow. 
“This is the last time you gave your heart away.” You tell yourself. 
“This is the last time you cry over him.” You promise yourself. 
Tumblr media
Eight months pass and you all sit in the conference room. The accords are abolished. They reinstate Natasha, Sharon, James, Sam and him. Tony holds his flip phone. Resorting to texting rather than speaking to him. 
A reply comes when you all are back at the tower. They’d be there tomorrow. Rooms are prepared with favourite foods stocked up. You had requested your room be shifted away to another level. 
Heart ache didn’t manifest beyond those few nights. 
Your walls that Steve Rogers broke down were built back stronger. Impenetrable. His shirt was placed in his room by you a month into getting over him. 
You don’t pass by the floor, you’re a level above. Thankfully the elevators divide the levels they service and you won’t ever be on the same floor as him. 
The night is restless despite your indifference to all of them. They were the family you chose and yet you were abandoned by them. 
Dreams are but a loop of memories you have buried. 
After your morning laps you head to Tony’s lab. 
“They will be dropping in at SHIELD first. Fury wants to discuss some things and then they come back here.” He stifles a yawn. 
“You need caffeine my friend.” You hold up the coffees, “Luckily I come bearing gifts.”
“I love you.” He whispers gingerly while taking the cup. 
“Are you talking to the coffee or me?” You ask, taking a sip of your own. 
“I can love both.” He defends, whispering to the coffee he loves it more. 
You throw one of his discarded paper balls on him. It doesn’t phase him. 
“Are you sure you want to come along?” He asks for the umpteenth time on the drive to SHIELD. 
“Tony, I will leave you behind if you ask me again.” You glare at him. 
“I think you will be fine.” Vision assures a gentle smile on his face and he laces his fingers with Wanda. She smiles at him, her own mind filled with thoughts. 
“See we’ll be okay.” You declare. 
Minutes later you’re seated on one side of the conference room. Tony on the first seat, you on the second. Vision opts to stand behind Wanda as she sits. 
Fury sits at the head of the table. The door opens and Natasha, Sam and Steve step into the room. A thick silence settles over. You look at each of them and then back at Fury. 
Natasha’s hair is shorter and blond, Sam seems to have gotten leaner. Steve was sporting a beard and longer hair. 
You wondered if the post break up look was something you should have gone for, maybe dyed your hair blue.
“Well, as you know you all have been reinstated. The Avengers operate without any Accords binding them but they must be mindful of their poweress and the possible damage they may cause. A country has full discretion to forbid the Avengers from subduing threats that may lead them there and you must honour that no matter the cost.” Fury gazes at you all. 
“What if they need help?” Steve questions, you scoff. 
Cold blues flash to you. You roll your eyes. 
“The dissolution of the Accords was done keeping this one rule in mind. I suggest you make peace with it. You will not be able to save everyone from damage and hurt, it is better than causing it.” Tony adds. 
Steve’s jaw tightens. He nods. 
“Now since this is done and dusted. Official missions may resume.” Fury places down a manila folder. 
“Official?” Sam questions, raising a brow. 
“Agent Y/L/N here was liasoning with us for recon purposes. Kept under wraps. We have identified HYRA bases. Once the plans are sanctioned you all will be back on duty.” Nick sighs, “I suggest you all train together to get a sense of your skill sets and moves again.” 
No one nods. 
Nick shakes his head leaving the room. 
“Your old rooms have been cleaned at the tower. Access is via FRIDAY, food is stocked. Layout’s almost the same. Few changes here and there. Oh and there are new succulents in the living room.” Tony fiddles with the folder. 
“We can conduct a meeting about these missions tonight or tomorrow. You all settle in, there is a car outside and your vehicles are in pristine condition at the garage.” He informs them further. 
“No welcome back party?” Nat muses, you laugh. 
“I drank all the liquor so unfortunately no parties.” You deadpan. 
Nat and Sam stare at you. 
“It has been a difficult few months. I understand everyone will take time to return to a semblance of previous normalcy.” Vision’s words are both reassuring but also farfetched. 
Wanda grasps his hand and gives it a squeeze. 
Steve’s brows furrow in worry. He observes you trying to find any hints but you give him none. You learned to school yourself. An agent well versed in hiding her intent, emotions and aim. Your skillset is what brought you to the team and it is what you have. It's what you could trust. 
Sam nods, “Well best we head back.” 
“Yes we could use some sleep.” Natasha says, you flash her a smile. 
“Yep, well I have a few things to discuss with Fury.” You push away from the table first. Tony follows your lead. 
“Should you not include us in the conversation?” Steve says in his authoritative baritone. 
“Unfortunately, Captain, it isn’t an Avengers matter but a personal one. Which you aren’t entitled to know.” You spit back. 
His mouth opens again to speak. 
Tony beats him to it, “Where’s our Manchurian candidate?” 
“Bucky’s in the UK for a bit, after Wakanda we were there for a while. He stayed back for personal reasons.” Steve explains and you slip out. 
Tumblr media
Steve stares at your room door, knocking on it yet again. Two weeks since his return and you had avoided him in every capacity.
He had worked up the courage to knock on your door today. But there was no response as it was over the past fifteen minutes. He requests FRIDAY to check in and all the AI says is that you’re fine.
You had gotten back from a mission yesterday morning. You had to have been resting. 
“Why won’t she open her door then?” He mutters, pressing his forehead to your door, “Poppet, I just want to speak to you. Please.”
“Captain.” Vision greets floating out of Wanda’s room.
“Vision.” He acknowledges.
“Why are you knocking on an empty room’s door?” Vision tilts his head. 
Steve blinks at him, “This is Y/N’s room.” he states as if obvious.
“It isn’t, she switched rooms about three months ago.” Vision says
Before Steve can ask anything further, Wanda opens her door, “Vis.” She gestures with her hand for him to return.
“Wanda.” He walks to her this time.
“FRIDAY, where is Y/N’s new room?” Steve questions walking to the elevators. 
“She’s on the twenty-fifth floor.” The AI responds, he switches to the other elevator. 
“Captain, you will have to go to the ground floor to switch elevators.” FRIDAY informs him. 
Steve sighs moving back in front of the original elevator. It stops at every single floor; he almost misses the elevator as you’re getting on, luckily a Stark Industries employee holds the door for him. 
You bite the inside of your cheek. Looking away. 
“I want to talk.” He says over the all too silent but crowded elevator. 
Everyone looks at him except you. They follow his gaze to you. 
“I don’t.” You answer while staring at the numbers. 
“Poppet.” He says and you shoot him a glare before looking away again. 
People trickle in and out. 
Steve’s gaze is trained upon you. He nods politely at those greeting him but his gaze nerver strays from you. 
You look into your phone pulling up a forgotten game loaded into the device. Anything. Any stupid thing to avoid him. 
Finally it's just the two of you. 
The automated air freshener hisses filling the space with the scent of lavender. 
“Poppet I just want to explain—,” Steve steps closer, his hand outstretched. 
“No. I don’t fucking want to hear a word.” You seethe, you move forward pressing the button to your floor if it makes you reach quicker. 
“Poppet.” He grabs your hand, turning you towards him. 
“Y/N. Use my damn name.” You spit out, finally meeting his eyes. 
There is a tick in his jaw, he nods, “Y/N. Just five minutes. I know I don’t deserve it—,”
“You don’t deserve to even ask for a minute of my time. You never saw us work beyond that month correct? Well guess what? We don’t.” You push at his chest, he doesn’t budge. 
“I lied. I said those things so you wouldn’t follow. I could not have you living rogue with me.” Steve admits, you stare at him. 
“You lied?” You repeat. 
“I didn’t want to break things off but that was the only way I could ensure you wouldn’t follow behind me. It was dangerous. Poppet—Y/N,” he corrects, “I told you your heart kept me alive, I love you—,” 
Steve’s head snaps to the side, cheek turning red at the impact of your slap. You breathe hard, eyes tearing up. 
“That was not for you to fucking decide, you do not get to come back here and make your sorry excuses for being a horrible human being. Betraying my trust. Leaving me and your friend injured. You picked Bucky over us. You picked Bucky over me and I understand I would pick him too if I were you. But I would not fucking lie or leave my girlfriend and best friend behind injured horribly. You’re welcome back to the compound Steve. Even back to your glorious Captain America title. However,” 
The doors open to your floor, you step out. 
“I don’t know how you say you’re alive because I took my fucking heart back from your undeserving self. I don’t care if you lied, I don’t care if it was all fun and games. I don't care about you. I don’t want to care about you. You are a teammate because I am forced to consider you one. I don’t need to listen to you to provide you closure or a second chance. You fucking liar!” 
“Poppet,” Steve reaches for you again, you take off running to your door. 
“FRIDAY, deny access. Override only with Tony.” You order, the locks on your doors bolt and Steve keeps knocking and pleading. 
He sinks to his knees outside your door apologising over and over. 
Tumblr media
Natasha is pinned to the floor by Wanda as the latter grins triumphantly. Natasha praises her and they break apart. You take Wanda’s place and Sam takes Natasha’s place. 
Mixed training was now mandatory. 
You had almost burned Nick Fury with your glare. Steve hadn’t shown up to any, in fact he hardly was in the same room as you. 
Sam goes full offence, you block the blows. Defending yourself you had worked hard over the time away from official duties. 
Minutes pass by, neither of you yields. Panting you stare at Sam waiting for an opening to take him down. 
“Come on, that's all you got, little spy?” Sam teases, you laugh. 
“You wish birdy.” You stick your tongue out childishly. Wanda and Nat laugh. 
“Come on Wilson.” Nat prompts, “We’re bored here.” 
“Alright,” Sam moves, pulling a fake. You catch it a moment too late, as he’s about to tackle you to the ground you turn. Tugging on his arm as Sam’s eyes widen. 
The momentum thrown off both of you land on your sides, recovering swiftly he’s pinned to the ground by you. 
You grin at him. 
“How's that birdy?” You laugh at his irritation. Sam rolls his eyes. 
“Y/N.” 
Everyone’s heads snap to the door, Steve and Tony stand there. 
You help Sam up. Sam keeps an arm around your shoulder. Steve’s eyes linger and his fists clench. 
Sam takes his arm away. 
You roll your eyes, they land on Tony as he bites his cheek, oh this can’t be good you deem. 
“Wheels up in an hour for Rogers and you.” He delivers the news. 
“Sam, Nat, Vis and Wanda are needed to take on a bigger base with Tony.” Steve looks at you, “Fury’s orders before you try to whine your way out if it.” 
You glare at him, “Alright.” 
An hour later you’re on the jet with Steve. He doesn’t talk. The last conversation between the two of you was enough. 
“We won’t be splitting up.” Steve informs you. You nod, studying the layout. 
You frown in recognition. 
“I was here on recon. This is supposed to be a dead base.” You look up at him. 
“Fury said they detected activity.” He looks back ahead. 
“Hopefully it's just random people looking for shelter.” You look back at the plans. 
Steve hums, observing you again. Wishing it would be like before where the two of you would be holding hands. 
Tumblr media
Cobwebs litter the walls, plaster cracked. The scent of something decaying permeates through the space. 
Walking into the HYDRA base is carefully crafted, Steve leads with his shield. You keep a double check on the back trail. Something was not sitting right with you. 
The hallway diverges, you stand next to Steve, “Left side first then we can go right.” You whisper. 
He nods, “Stay close, I don’t know why something feels wrong.”
You don’t verbalise your own feelings, following in his footsteps. 
The hallway leads to an abandoned lab, the computers torn down and broken apart. Steve relaxes his defensive stance looking around the area. 
You move carefully through the edge of the room, “Something should be of value here.” 
“I don’t think there is anything.” Steve declares, “Let's clear the other pathway.”
You give another once over and then follow him back down the path. 
Your boot catches on the uneven flooring, “Shit!” You whisper yell as you fall forward. 
Steve turns, breaking your fall. You land against his chest and his arm encircles your waist. For a moment that echoes a broken promise of eternity he holds you close to him. 
Steve sneaks a moment he lost over a stupid decision. He takes what crumbs he’s given by fate. 
Your palm is against his chest, your head tucked against the crook of his neck. 
Why can't you move away?
Why do you want more of him? 
Why do you miss him? 
He hurt you. 
He lied. 
He hurt you. 
You break the eternity Steve was living as you pull away, silence stretches between the two of you as you head down the other hallway. 
It's empty yet again, you shake your head at the waste of time. Steve steps closer to the vials on the shelf. The liquid in them gleams a certain way. 
You hear a pneumatic hiss from your left. You turn quietly making your way to the wall. 
Steve studies the shelf again. There was no dust on it. No pattern on it. These were fresh vials. Then his eyes widened, “Y/N don’t!” 
You turn to face him when the hiss is louder and the slits of the vent open. A dust like substance pours over floating around you. 
A coughing fit grips you, you place your hand against the wall to steady yourself the gun falls as you clutch your chest wheezing. 
Steve pads over to you, trying to rub your back to ease the coughing fit. He asks FRIDAY to scan the micro dust to see if it is anything dangerous. 
The coughing fit subsides over a few minutes, your breathing shallow. You look up at Steve blinking away the tears. He cups your cheek.
“Are you okay? Do you feel anything?” He questions, gaze running over every aspect of you. Glove clad large palms moving over your form. You nod, but then your stomach cramps. 
“What is it?” Steve takes not of your discomfort. 
“I, it's my stomach—,” Your words are cut off by a whimper as the cramp gains severity. You lean more against the wall as the cramp travels across. 
Steve rummages through his mind to know what this substance could be, he had been to HYDRA bases before. He spoke to Bucky all about them, their experiments which he knew. 
He watches as your skin flushes, you squirm in his grasp. He steps closer to support you. 
“Poppet?” Steve makes you look up at him, your eyes have a dazed look almost glazed over. You feel his warmth through your tactical suit. His thigh between your legs and the ache the needy ache is all you know and you need to get rid of it. 
“Please,” You plead to him gazing at his slightly blurred blue eyes, your hips moving out of their own accord against his thigh you moan as your core makes contact with him. 
Steve pushes your hips away, “Poppet what—,” 
“Steve, it hurts so badly. Please,” You cry out wiggling against his hold. His fingers dig into your hips to keep you in place. 
Your palms cover his, you look up at him. 
You lean up, he shifts back. You use the distraction to guide his palm to grind down on it. Your choked moan has his cock harden further. He can’t help but watch as you use him. 
Logic hits him then when he feels just how wet you’ve gotten, before he can pull away there is a prick in the side of his neck. You begin to blur from his view. 
“Poppet, something is wrong.” 
You look up at him, why did his words sound garbled? 
Why was he falling to his knees? 
You look behind him, people standing and watching. 
The need clouding your mind clears in the slightest, “Steve,” you kneel next to him. 
“It’s okay,” he assures you, reaching for the shield. 
The cramp hits you again harder; you cry out in pain, doubling over and sinking against the wall to curl up. 
“FRIDAY, dis-distress signal.” Steve orders as his vision begins to blacken, he reaches for you with the last of his strength covering your curled up form with his body. 
Tumblr media
Steve keeps his eyes closed. 
Enhanced hearing picking up the dripping pipes from the left. To his right he hears your pained whimpers. 
How long was he out?
Chains bind his arms above him, the uneven concrete digs into his knees and shins. He would search for the shield in the aftermath. 
He counts four people by their rhythmic footfall. They were in the same facility. It couldn’t have been easy to move them. 
Lolling his head to right he watches you through hooded eyes, chained like him kept on your knees but you’re struggling. Squirming on the ground trying to find respite and crying out of frustration. 
“Sex pollen.” Bucky spoke, with a shake of his head in disgust.
“Sex pollen?” Steve repeated as if to confirm. 
Bucky gives him a look, Steve’s eyebrows shot up higher. 
“What does that do? Did they use it on you?” Steve questioned his best friend. 
Bucky shook his head, “It basically sets the libido up to the maximum, forces the person in contact to orgasm but basically they need to have sex, self pleasure seldom works. The intensity is higher to combat the inevitable effect.” 
A dark expression crossed Bucky’s features, he sighed sadly. Looking out at the view from his home in Wakanda. The house, though borrowed, was Bucky’s own. 
Steve had placed a few sketches of Brooklyn around. The place he used to consider home now changed. Steve stares at the more recent sketch of his home city. 
Two men out of time in a place decades ahead of the world outside. 
“How long?” Steve clutches his charcoal tighter as he forms the curve of soft lips on the paper. A stray tendril of hair. 
Bucky looks down at the half done sketch of your face. His heart aches for Steve and you. 
“Two hours, it gets progressively maddening. At first one can try to speak or answer what is asked. After that it is variable how long it takes for the need to become the sole focus. If nothing is done in two hours then its too far gone and well...” 
He had limited time, he could not gamble any further. Steve opens his eyes, tugging at the restraints to catch the attention of the captors. 
You hear the rattling, you look up at Steve another pang through your core. 
“Steve—,” 
“Ah, Captain. Welcome to the land of the waking, you were out for just under an hour. Now who is this sweet little needy thing with you?” The man asks, stepping closer to you. 
Steve growls, “Stay away from her.” he warns. 
The man raises his hands in defence, “She’s a little needy Captain,” he walks back toward Steve away from you, “Why so possessive?” 
Steve bites his tongue, “She’s mine.” he grits out. 
“I see and why is she yours?” 
He can’t tell them, they would exploit you but his will is crumbling swiftly and his mind is compelling him to speak, “I love her.” 
“Hm, it seems she needs you, Captain.” The man grins, walking back to you. His palm touches your scalp as he pulls your hair back. You want to recoil but the touch is soothing some of the ache. You look at Steve, pleading.  
“I could fill in.” He says suggestively.
You try to shuffle away but the grip on your hair tightens. 
“Don’t you fucking dare touch her!” Steve bellows as his thumb approaches your lips, “What the fuck do you want?” He pulls against the restraints, almost snarling. 
“I want to know where my Soldat is, tell me.” The man demands, leaving you. The words register as does the scent of cigarettes you recoil. You feel your mind working again, clearing the need to be fucked. 
“Steve don’t,” you warn him, he couldn’t sell out Bucky whatever this was, it wasn't worth ruining his life again, “I’ll deal with this…” you bite back the pained whimper. 
Steve stares at you, eyes wide and with an emotion you can’t place. 
“Oh but you know what is wrong with her don’t you Captain?” The man demands and you look to Steve, “Tell her the truth that burns your veins, Captain.” 
Steve wants to lie, wants to cushion you, “Truth serum?” He looks at the man who nods.
“Brilliant isn’t it? You’re compelled to tell me whether or not she chooses to be saved. You’re on a time limit.” The man taps his watch. 
“It’s a sex pollen.” Steve informs you, you stare at him. 
“That, that's why I need?” Your insides churn and your clit pulses as you watch Steve lick his dry lips before he continues to speak. The small insignificant action has your body wanting to be devoured. 
“Yes, and if you don’t get release, it’s fatal.” 
Silence stretches on the footfall of the three others has stopped, they watch the show play out. The consequences and the outcomes weighed. 
“Fight it, don’t tell them. It's not worth it.” You whisper. 
“Poppet you cannot say that. I am not risking your life!” Steve yells, pulling at the restraints again. 
“You can’t have him at risk again!” 
“I won’t let you die!” 
“You already left me for the dead once! You chose him once. Just fucking do it again!” You seethe, your skin clammy and you just want this suit gone. The material irritates you. 
Steve gapes at you, “I, I didn’t—,”
“Save it.” 
“As much as I enjoy a lover’s quarrel. Where is Soldat?” The man interrupts. 
“Gone.” Steve answers, “Poppet, please,” 
“Don’t fucking tell them!” You demand, “Consider it my last wish! Fight the damn truth serum.” 
“You are not dying.” Steve grits out. 
“Where is he, where is Bucky Barnes?” The man lands a punch to Steve’s face. His hair falls forward, slowly Steve looks up at the man. Rage colouring all his features. 
“I will let you help her. Just tell me where Bucky is, Captain.” The man promises. Steve considers, you begin to yell no at him. 
“He’s in the United Kingdom.” 
“Are you insane?!” You slump to the ground, “Do you have any fucking idea what have you done?” 
The man walks over and slaps you, “Shut the fuck up! You want a cock so fucking bad you fucking bitch in heat, I’ll give you one!” 
Steve snarls, wrapping the chain around his own palm and tugging hard until it breaks away from the wall. The man turns, gun cocked and ready, it's grabbed out of his hand by Steve. He looks at the man dead in his eyes before delivering the fatal shot.
You look up at Steve, as the man drops to the floor between the two of you. 
Steve watches the other three scramble about, he quickly fires the shots, he keeps one person alive. 
He grabs the other chain, yanking it with all his strength. It gives way. 
“Where is the shield?” He walks over to the man on the ground, pleading in pain. 
A shaking hand rises, pointing to the vault. 
“Access code?” Steve picks him up and takes him to the keypad. 
The man enters it crying when Steve presses on the open wound, “Don’t fucking pull any stunts.” 
You watch as the doors part and the shield stays there as a momento. 
You blink when everything goes out of focus. You blink again. Heat spreads over your body goosebumps raise across. 
Your thighs clench and you squirm trying to get some friction to release the ache. Tugging at the restraints is maddening. They don’t relent when you try to manoeuvre but no position provides any respite and you sob out as the frustration grows. 
“Poppet.” A warm voice calls out, you whimper. The hold on your right arm loosens and your hand reaches for the tactical suit. You had to get it off. You needed to get it off. 
You blink and watch as Steve’s hand stops yours, you push at him. 
“Please,” you whimper as another cramp takes over. 
“You smell so sweet baby.” He groans, the sound urges you on, you guide his hand to where you need him. 
His warm palm cups you the fabric of your suit soaked Steve hears your sigh of relief. 
“Going to take care of you Poppet, but you need to hold on for me okay?” Steve assures, breaking out your left arm as well. 
“Steve please,” you beg again, your mind screaming at your body, your hips move making you grind onto his palm. Your smaller palm wrapped around his wrist not letting him pull away. 
“Fuck,” He groans, pushing you against the corner and undoing your suit’s zipper, you don’t face him palms braced against the wall. Steve’s warm calloused palm is as though cold respite to your heated skin. 
He doesn’t waste time, fingers running over your folds, palm pressing against your clit. Your head tilts back resting against his shoulder, mouth parted moans leaving you. 
Steve presses his fingers into you, two thick digits and your walls clench around him he almost wishes he’d fuck you right there. 
“Fuck this pussy remembers who she belongs to doesn’t she?” Fingers curve finding the spot he very well could have placed. Stars line your vision as he hits the spot over and over, fingers curving.
“Right there Steve!” You cry out your ass rocking against him, pressing onto his cock. He keeps his thrusts hard and fast, palm rubbing your clit in the most delicious of ways. His grunts fill your senses.
Pleasure thrums from his touch to your body, your back arching as his fingers drive deeper and deeper into you. Your walls are gripping them back in not wanting him to stop. 
“I know sweet Poppet. I know what makes her weep for me. I’m going to taste you. But first you’re going to make a mess on my hand alright?” He instructs filthy words offset by the sweet kisses placed against your forehead and cheek. 
His other hand cups your breast playing with your nipple. Your hands fall from the wall, gripping onto his nails leaving indents on his skin. Steve watches your chest constrict, your voice choke off, eyes rolling back as your orgasm crashes into you. 
His fingers keep moving, riding your orgasm out, your walls quivering around him the sensitivity of your clit as it pulses. Some of the haze clears but the need just returns tenfold.
“Steve, please, I can’t, can’t wait—,” 
His lips are on yours, cutting you off, your suit pushed down further without breaking away from the kiss.
The shield clatters to the floor, his suit haphazardly discarded. Steve’s hands explore your body, remembering the planes he explored before. The love he whispered across your skin. Marking you with his touch, his lips, his seed.
“Wanna see you,” You want to turn, he grabs your hands pinning them to the wall. 
“No one gets to see you this way but me.” He growls, you feel his hard cock move between your thighs. His larger body covers yours, shielding you, watching over you. 
When your thighs clench around him,  Steve hisses, “Going to fill you up, sweet girl.” he coos. 
Inch by inch Steve’s length stretches you, your back arches. The relief the stretch of his cock brings is unlike anything else you’ve felt before. 
“You can take it, made for my cock aren't you?” He stills inside you, throbbing as your walls clench around him. He moans biting down on your shoulder the feel of you decadent, unable to be given justice by his mind.
“Heaven. Pussy feels so good, baby. Missed you so much.” He grunts, you push back against him needing him to move, “hands around my neck.” He orders, leaving your hands.
You wrap them around him, holding onto his now longer hair, soft between your fingers. Your mind remains you of the soft moments when he laid in your lap and your fingers combed through these locks.
Steve pulls you out of your thoughts with the snap of his hips. His palms gripping your waist anchoring you to him. Skin slapping against skin, his cock feels so good you could sob, the need turns into embers, your thirst being quenched. 
Each delicious, deep stroke moves you towards sweet bliss. You hear your name in an echo of his name. Steve watches the wall you mould against him, as countless times before. Your heart may have put up walls but your body left no space.
The way he sees the telltale signs of your orgasm he brings his right hand towards your apex, timing his rough circles on your clit to his thrusts. The sensations blooming become too much, your body alit with flames of pleasure, Steve moans as your walls begin to milk him just as your orgasm shatters through you.
He keeps his thrusts going, pumping into you. The arousal that spills onto your thighs, the mix of you and him. 
“One more.” He demands, fingers coated with the mix of the two of you, his marked fingers brought back to your clit, you cry out in ecstasy. 
The blissful haze clears, everything returning to you. The mission, the power, you can’t, you can’t, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve–,
“Right here my sweet poppet, you will give me one more. You know I'm greedy.” He reasons, only increasing his pace, you thrash in his hold. Lips find the sweet spot of your neck.
It’s your undoing, you cum around him yet again. Crying out his name, tugging on his hair. Aftershocks moving through you. He holds you up, pressing kisses to your forehead, temple, cheek, jaw and shoulders. 
Grounding you, palms moving over you after he brings his coated fingers to taste them. Your head lols against his shoulder, you reach for his jaw, placing a soft kiss. Steve smiles at the familiar gesture. 
Helping you get dressed he follows as well. You’re lifted into his arms and carried to the quinjet.
Tumblr media
As it had turned out Bucky wasn’t in UK it was a precautionary measure they came up with to secure Bucky from any life threatening attempts. The guilt you had harboured lessened.
Steve had stayed away from you, once Tony and Bruce cleared you of any remnant pollen he took his leave. Avoiding you as he had after the elevator confrontation. It left a bitter taste in your mouth. 
As much as you felt as if you were an emotional fool for considering the thought of wanting to approach him, you missed him. Terribly. 
You knew your walls were useless against the one man who you had given your jagged heart to, the blue eyes you had drowned yourself in multiple times. Whether it was when he found your gaze across the room or when you were pressed against him.
Your feet carried you after three days to his door. Your hand shook when you knocked. Thoughts swirling through your mind insecurities gaining fleet. 
The door opens, Steve’s eyes widen then his brows furrowed with worry, then fall to the still fading love bite that  he placed on your collarbone. You shift your weight to either side. Hands fiddling with the hem of your top.
You look down at your feet, Steve’s palm cups your cheek. 
Your eyes meet their old home of blue.
“I want to listen.” You manage to say, his pink lips stretch into a familiar smile.
He steps to the side inviting you further into his room.
-x-x-x-x-
3K notes · View notes
yourmidnightlover · 3 months
Text
getting it over with - ch 2
pairing: bucky barnes x virgin fem!reader
summary: waking up after accidentally admitting a bit too much to bucky about your lack of action, you reveal that you remember everything.
warnings: kissing, fingering, cunnilingus, nervous!reader, bucky is very tender and a SMOOTH talker in this one, please let me know if i'm missing anything!
w/c: 2k+
a/n: THE LONG AWAITED!! i've been in such a rut lately and am so sorry if this doesn't meet everyone's expectations. i kinda like how it turned out and think it's definitely how classic 40s bucky barnes would treat a lady. anywho, enjoy reading my lovelies!
CHAPTER 1
Tumblr media
waking up in your jamie’s arms made you wish you were still asleep. sure, you had cuddled before on movie nights when you had to share a blanket, but this was different. this meant he had chosen to stay, of his own volition. fate didn’t need to step in for him to cuddle you. or maybe you were reading far too much into it. 
regardless, you relished in this rare moment of closeness you had with bucky. his arm was securely around your waist as your head remained on his chest. you let your chin rest on his chest in favor of looking at the face that was now free of his perpetual frown lines. you let your hands move the stray pieces of his hair from his face before he began stirring. his arm gently tightened around you before his left came to hold you as well, leaving you softly laughing at his cuddly tendencies.
“mornin’, doll,” his raspy voice scratched all the right parts of your heart. “sleep well?”
“slept like a baby,” you replied as you plopped your head back down on his chest, the rise and fall of his chest nealy lulling you back to sleep.
“so…” he trailed off. “do you…”
“i remember, jamie,” you were squeamish. he obviously kindly rejected your offer in an attempt to let you keep your dignity, but you couldn’t lie to him. “i-i’m sorry for all that. i never wanted to make you uncomfortable, and clearly, i did.”
“you didn’t make me uncomfortable,” he assured you as you quickly got out of your bed. “y/n,” he called after you as you threw a sweater over your tank top from last night. he stood to meet you, tenderly holding your shoulders so you would get still. “you didn’t make me uncomfortable. the only thing that made me uncomfortable was the fact that you were drunk when you asked me, doll,” now it was him who played with the strands of your hair that were still wild from sleeping. 
“so, if i were to ask you that now, with a sound and sober mind… what would you say?” you avoided eye contact, opting to play with the frayed ends of your sweater. 
“that depends,” he nudged your chin with a curled finger. “i’m gonna need you to ask me first,” he teased. 
you rolled your eyes, “there’s a reason they call it ‘liquid courage’, jamie. sadly, i haven’t had any today.”
“you already know what i’ll say,” he shrugged casually, as if it weren’t practically humiliating what you were asking of him. the depth of desperation you had reached to ask your best friend who you’d loved for so long to do you this ‘favor’. “you know i’d do anything for you.”
“i want you to want me,” now you couldn’t stop looking in his eyes, captivated by the pretty blues you’ve always loved. 
he chuckled, “don’t you know i always have?” 
looking into his eyes, you wanted to believe his sweet, serene words that were dripping from his lips like honey. god, how you wanted a taste of the sickly sweetness that oozed from his presence near you. the attraction that pulled you towards him like he was stronger than any magnet tony had created was somehow amplified any time he looked at you the way he was. you only hoped the attraction wasn’t one sided. sure, he was telling you he’s always wanted you, but that doesn’t mean he wanted you romantically. maybe he just meant he wanted your body. either way, you would have him any way you could. 
“say it,” he urged you. 
“will you be my first, jamie?” you swallowed and looked away from him, somehow still afraid of his answer.
“only if i can be your only, too,” he grasped your waist, pulling you against his chest. 
finally, you broke your eye contact with the floor in favor of his bright blues as he leaned in to press a searing kiss against your lips. in spite of the anticipation of what you had just asked asked him, the kiss was incredibly tender and unrushed.
your tongues danced in sync as if you had done this a million times before. his hands squeezed your waist more as you gently sucked his bottom lip into your mouth.
“you’re pretty good at this,” you giggled as you grabbed onto his forearms. 
“we haven’t even done anything, yet,” your eyes went wide at the insinutaiton. 
“are we-did you want to… now?” 
“no, of course not,” his thumbs began rubbing on your waist over your sweatshirt. “i’m gonna make your first time special, like you deserve. if you want, there are other things we can do now. again, only if you want to.”
“well-uh-what were you thinking about?” your arms rose to his neck, thrown over his shoulders as his grip tightened on your waist.
he lifted you by the waist, signalling for your legs to wrap around his own so he could usher you back to the bed. he gently laid you down, hovering over you before pressing a searing kiss to your cheek, just as gentle as when he laid you down. 
“i’m gonna eat your pretty little pussy, doll,” he gingerly kissed down your torso, making the long trail to your center. 
“you don’t have to if… if y’know, it makes you uncomfortable? i know guys aren’t really into that sometimes,” you rose to your elbows, observing him as he spread your legs further to make room for him. the way his eyes were fixated on you was as if you were the only woman he’d ever seen. 
“uncomfortable?” he scoffed at the thought. “the only thing that’s making me uncomfortable right now is how many clothes we still have on.”
“that can easily be fixed,” you swiftly tore your shirt from your body, revealing yourself to him. his eyes were immediately drawn to your bare chest. 
“fuck,” he breathed. “‘s like you’re trying to kill me, doll.” keeping his place between your legs, his arms trailed up your torso to massage your tits. “so fucking gorgeous.”
you placed your hands on his wrists, encouraging him to continue. “jamie…” you sighed as your head was thrown back. 
“has anyone ever touched you down here, doll?”
you shook your head
“only me?”
“only you,” you swear his eyes darkened by four shades, swallowing his pretty blues into the abyss of his lust.
he moved from his place between your legs to help you remove your shorts and underwear in one swift motion, quickly getting right back to business as soon as he was able to. once he was settled back between your plush thighs, you felt his hands gripping them tightly. 
“such a pretty pussy you’ve got here, baby,” his face was so close to your center you could feel his breath against your skin with every word he said. “can’t believe you’ve kept it from me for so long.” he littered your thighs with kiss after kiss, each time getting closer to your center. 
“please, jamie?” your hands made their way to his hair, gently grasping his hair and tugging to emphasize your need to him.
“please what, doll?” he mocked coyly.
“you know what,” your hips began to rise from the bed, searching for some relief.
“nuh uh,” he moved his head further from where he was, “i wanna hear you say it for me.”
“i-can you-i want you to eat me out please?” you rushed out and squeezed your eyes shut, not being able to see bucky as he finally connected his lips with your center. “o-oh my GOD!” his tongue traced your clit lightly, barely giving you much stimulation but even that was enough to make your legs begin to quivver. 
while his tongue tracing your clit felt absolutely amazing, nothing prepared you for feeling his tongue tracing along your soaking slit before delicately prodding inside of you. 
“holy shit, jamie,” his tongue trailed back to your clit before you felt his finger slowly enter your pussy. your grip in his hair tightened, pulling him even closer to your center. 
he was so passionate about pleasing you, humming into your skin as he felt you tighten around his finger the deeper he went. 
he made sure to wait for you to relax, welcoming the pleasure rather than being surprised by it, before beginning to slowly thrust the single digit in and out of your center.
you tossed your head back against the pillows at the feeling of his long fingers reaching parts of you that you could never reach yourself. 
“fuck!” his finger found the perfect spot inside of you, curling to massage it gently and bring you closer to the edge. you could hear the squelching of your pussy in rhythm with his thrusts in and out of you, and somehow you had no idea that you could be so wet and messy.
you felt him moan against you even more as he brought his metal hand up your torso and begin to squeeze your tits, pinching and pulling your nipple before switching to the neglected breast, simultaniously adding a second finger inside of you. 
he wanted to thank whatever gods existed for allowing him to be in between the safe haven of your thighs in this very moment. the soft plushness of your thighs that cradled his head as your fingers continued to tighten around his locks with every move his tongue made against your clit proved that heaven was real.
it took everything in him to stop jumping the bed like a horny teenage boy, because he knew he would’ve blown a load with how pretty your moans sounded, in spite of your thighs encasing his ears.
“ja-jamie,” you cried to him. “i’m so-so close, please don’t stop! please don’t stop!” you back began to arch off the bed as his ministrations continued, his fingers pounding into your pussy as his lips continued to suck eagerly at your clit. “oh my FUCK, JAMES, YES!” you cried as your hips continued to grind into his face, riding out your orgasm as he refused to cease his actions on your body until you couldn’t take any more and were pulling him away. 
he pressed feather-light kissed up your torso, paying special attention to your neck before he met his lips with yours once more. you sighed into his mouth as your arms were lazily thrown over his shoulders, pulling him even closer to you. 
“that was amazing, jamie,” you heaved as he rested his forehead against yours. “i had no idea i could… y’know, that hard! it was intense…”
“i just ate you out and you still don’t want to say the words?” you shook your head rapidly as you tucked your face into his neck. “you came, y/n. you can say it out loud.” you felt his smile against your skin. “now i can officially say that you’re the sweetest thing ever.”
“jamie!” you shoved his shoulder lazily.
“you’re so cute when you get all flustered,” he brushed some of your hair from your face to watch you biting back your smile. “let me take you out? on a real date. i wanna give you what all the other nimrods ‘ve been to dumb to do themselves. wanna show you what you deserve to be treated like. will you let me show ya, doll?”
“you really wanna take me out?” you furrowed your brows. “i don’t mean that in like the killing way… not that you’d do that! i know that you’d never hurt me, i just phrased it weird and then i kinda got- y’know what? i’m gonna shut myself up this time before i get too stupid to even say the word ‘yes’. so, yes, i would love to go out with you, jamie.” you looked past bucky to avoid the further embarrassment from your incessant rambling.
he chuckled at your embarrassment in spite of being the most intimate you had ever been with anyone with him, you still got tongue tied when he asked you on a date. adorable, he thought as he got up, rushing to the bathroom to grab a washcloth, getting it damp before returning and wiping the mess from between your thighs.
"thank you," you closed your thighs as he sat beside you in bed once more. he lifted your arms so he could push his long forgotten shirt over your head to cover you up.
"any time," he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "how does next friday sound for you, doll?"
tags:
@sebas-ass
@nyctophilic0vitnir
@cjand10
@stinkerbelle007
@wilsons-striped-ties
@vicmc624
@ladyfreakingda
@kandis-mom
@charmedbysarge
@raelorns21
@hhiggs
525 notes · View notes
heyitsme1040 · 4 months
Text
Don't Drown Me Out [b.b]
summary : Training in the gym, everything was going okay. Until Steve managed to knock Bucky to the floor, causing Bucky to have a flashback. His mind takes him back to what they did to him in Hydra. Slowly, reader manages to bring Bucky back to the present again, away from the painful memories that still affect Bucky. 
pairings : Bucky Barnes x Reader
warnings : PTSD flashback, discussion of torture, (if I missed anything let me know!)
word count : 800
AO3 (x)
a/n : Day twenty-eight of Comfortember is here! The prompt was ‘flashbacks’. 
Tumblr media
You were training at the gym. Natasha was guiding you through the steps to disarm someone while they have you in a choke hold. You could see across the room, on the mat, Steve and Bucky were sparring. Bucky seemed off, Steve was landing more of his hits than usual. You kept an eye on their session while focusing on what Nat was telling you to do. When Steve landed a harsher blow, Bucky stumbled. While he was regaining his footing Steve managed to swipe Bucky’s feet out from beneath him. The instant Bucky hit the map, you were walking over to them. It wasn’t the fact that Bucky fell, but the way he landed. It was like he wasn’t here in the present. 
As you stepped onto the mat, Steve held his hand out to Bucky to help him up. Except Bucky scrambled away from the offered hand. He was trying to keep as much distance between himself and Steve as possible. Steve’s brows furrowed and he took a half step closer to Bucky. At the movement, Bucky curled in on himself like he was trying to protect his vital organs. 
“I’m sorry,” Bucky’s shaking voice whimpered out. “Please, I did my best. I’ll do better next time.”
Steve squatted, not moving any closer to Bucky’s curled up form. “Bucky.”
“I can do better, let me prove it.”
You walked behind Steve, making sure to stay in Bucky’s line of sight. You slowly walked closer to him, paying attention to Bucky’s form. As you got closer Bucky stayed still, not trying to distance himself. Holding your hands up with your palms facing Bucky, you knelt on the mat by his head before sitting fully and crossing your legs. 
“Bucky,” you lowly said, keeping your voice soft. “Can you hear me baby?”
Bucky turned his face toward you, but didn’t respond. His eyes were unfocused, but moved like he was watching something far away. 
You lightly set your hand next to his, “I need you to take a deep breath. You’re okay, love, you’re safe. You’re in the gym. It’s just me, you, Steve, and Nat in here. We’re at the compound in upstate New York.”
“New York…” Bucky slurred the word. 
“Yeah baby. We’re in New York. You were sparring with Steve, remember?”
“Steve?” 
You motioned for Steve to come closer, “He’s right here. He managed to knock you off your feet, that’s all. Everything’s okay.”
Bucky uncurled himself slightly and placed his hand on top of yours. 
“Hey pal,” Steve gave a small wave. 
You lifted your other hand to cup Bucky's check. He pulled away slightly before fully leaning into your touch. You gave him a tight smile, trying to keep yourself from falling apart. You hated how much Bucky's own mind tormented him. It was bad enough he witnessed the ghosts of his past when he was asleep, but now you wondered how often they haunted him while awake.
Bucky took a deep breath and wet his lips, "When am I?”
"It's the twenty-first century.” Steve spoke up. "And you've been free for a few years now.”
You stroked Bucky's check with your thumb. His stubble scratched nicely under your touch. "Can you tell us where you were just now?”
Bucky shivered despite the sweat clinging to him. "I was in the training cage. Back in some Hydra base. They used to have their best agents fight me. I was meant to fight them to the death, and they were told to beat me until I passed out. When I'd lose, I'd wake up strapped to a metal chair. That'd shock me. Except it was different.” 
"Baby,” your voice trailed off, your heart aching for him.
“They weren't wiping me to start over. They were punishing me. They only stopped when I passed out from seizing. That's how they discovered it takes my body longer to heal my mind than it did the rest of me.”
You wrapped your arms around him. You didn't care that the two of you were laying on a sweaty mat. You didn't care that Nat and Steve could see you clearly clinging onto Bucky. All that mattered was having Bucky close to you. You clung to him, trying to protect him from monsters that were no longer around. Bucky wrapped his arms around you, pressing you as close to him as possible.
"You're safe,” you couldn't tell which one of you your words were meant to comfort.
Bucky nodded against you. The two of you stayed there, present in the moment. You heard the door to the gym close, informing you of Nat and Steve leaving.
“I'm so sorry you had to go through that,” you spoke into his neck.
Bucky squeezed you tighter, "If it means I got you, then it was worth it. Every single time.”
Tumblr media
Author's Note : Reblogs are appreciated, likes are welcome, and if you want to read more of my fics then maybe follow.
©heyitsme1040 If you find this post on any platform under a username different than heyitsme1040 it is not their work.
508 notes · View notes
dysfunctionalmaki · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
Say My Name
Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader
Chapter 03/?
Summary: You work all around at the local country club, to your advantage you flirted and used your beauty to get what you want, though with this certain woman your own way can't seem to work.
Warning: This work contains smut and foul language, minors DNI!!
A/N: This update came too long but with the holidays going on, I was occupied but I assure this work could be smooth sailing from now on.
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚.───
You were nervous, that's the simplest way you can describe what you're feeling, the table by the window was occupied by Wanda who was having her lunch alone, you were too sure that your eyes would always meet with hers whenever you'd look her way. Yelena even noticed the way you're fiddling with the pen you're holding, Bucky had to steal it away from you since he can't stand the constant clicking sound that came from the object. “Well, what the hell are you doing here? Go do your pretty girl things that you always do, Y/N.” Barnes teased and you can't help but roll your eyes.
“What? No! Y/N, you're not pulling that shit with a married woman.” Yelena retorted, trying to play with your conscience until she chuckled. “Just kidding, go do your thing, her husband's an ass.” she snorted which made you laugh nervously, looking around the room you looked eyes with the redhead once more. Slightly raising her hand to get your attention, you went to be at her service after all you’re still her waitress. “What time are you heading out?” She asked casually which made you widen your eyes a little but you looked at your watch. “In four hours… I'm sure you won't push around your salad for that long.” You say which made the older woman smile. “I have some errands to do but I think it'll be nice to tell Yelena that you won't be going home with her.” Wanda says as she took her designer handbag, taking out her purse so she could get her credit card to pay for her meal.
Doing your job, you went to take it and bring it over to the counter. You weren't sure why you're so nervous, you've done this before… you've hooked up with people way shadier than Wanda, in fact… she's probably the most normal one you're about to go after. When they're finished with her card, you went back to Wanda to return the item to her. She smiled as you returned and took back her card, placing it back in her purse before putting on her sunglasses that made her look even hotter considering how well it matched her outfit. “I’ll pick you up, make sure those two keep their mouths shut about us.” she softly says before getting up from her seat, clearly talking about Yelena and Bucky who were basically watching from their stations.
Placing a hand on your forearm, gently squeezing on it and letting go of you almost immediately, then you watched her walk out of the restaurant with such elegance and style, she didn't have to wear the most obvious designer clothing to scream out that she's loaded, the way she carries herself and her aura was enough to tell that she's that kind of person. Getting inside of her luxury car that the valet got for her, that kind of vehicle was enough to tell you that she is surely a powerful woman. Making your way back to your station, the two gave a certain look and you're immediately reminded of what Wanda told you to do. “So… I hope you two can shut your mouth about this.” You say then Bucky shrugged. “I can keep my mouth shut, I don't know about this one.” Barnes teased while using his thumb to point at Yelena who's waiting on the drink he's making. “Just be careful with what you're doing, you're playing with fire here, Y/N.” she warned you, shrugging with what your friend said, you just went on to do your job.
Hours went by and you were exhausted, you've told Yelena that Wanda’s most probably picking you up, and you think that the older woman was… well, ‘man’ of her words. Heading into the restroom so you could freshen up after your shift, finally you've let your hair down, spray on perfume that has worn off hours ago, and finally you clock out. Heading to walk outside the country club, you see the familiar car that has picked you up once. Making your way towards there, you hear someone call your name and it's coming from a car that just pulled up. “Y/N, how are you darling?” The familiar voice called to you which surprised you, Wanda was about to open the door for you from the inside but confused by what made you stop.
“Diana? Hi! How are you home so soon?” You greeted the other woman who just exited her car, Diana wrapped her arms around you the moment she got close to you, you went to look at Wanda’s car and you're sure as hell that she's watching all this happening. “The meeting went well, everything goes to my approval hence why I'm back here early, didn't tell you ‘cause I'm planning to surprise you… seems like I did.” she says as she batted an eye towards the redhead’s car. “Well, yeah- I'm actually surprised.” you say then you looked at Diana before gently pulling away from her arms. “Mhmm, are you coming with me or not?” she asked so casually. Meanwhile, Wanda can't really hear what you and this woman was talking about, though she could sense there's something between you and this stranger but she didn't want to pry much instead she just waited.
“I- I'm afraid I can't, I made a commitment and I really stick by my words… you know that.” you say which made Diana roll her eyes. “Sure, but you know where to find me and you'd have to promise that you're going to make it up to me.” She says which made you bite the inside of your cheek. “Of course, you know I always do.” You say and finally you bid your goodbyes to her, and Wanda unlocked the door for you… now, you awkwardly get inside her car. “She looks familiar.” Wanda commented the moment she finally drove off. “Oh, she's also a member of the club so you probably ran into her a couple of times if you went here back then.” you say while the redhead nod in response.
“So, I'm going to ask the same question that I asked you last night in our texts… You're aware that I am a married woman, right?” she asked then you simply answer with a yes. “You like trouble don't you? The way that woman held you? There's something there isn't it?” she softly chuckled then you took a moment to think what to answer. “Well, it's no secret that Diana and I do go out… completely casual and no strings attached.” you say causing Wanda to raise a brow. “I hope you're not expecting the same thing with me, Y/N.” the redhead softly spoke. “I don't like sharing at all.” she added with the most innocent smile that she could put on.
“But I think you and I both know what I want.” you say honestly and Maximoff looked at you for a moment. “Oh, you're getting straight to it?” she chuckled before biting her lower lip. “Well, this is how it usually is, right? The married woman goes for the girl she wants to experiment with and once it's done… it's done.” you say, causing the older woman to laugh softly. “Marrying a man is more like the experiment.” Wanda scoffed, she went to drive a little longer and finally you both arrived at some motel out of town, well, she probably chose this one so no one could recognize the both of you and especially her.
Getting out of the car, you went after her just tailing behind her, heading into the motel the older woman asked you to do most of the talking so you did, you chose a decent room for the both of you. While you two were in the elevator, you went to move a little closer to Wanda’s side. “It's Diana Prince… I think she works for Wayne's company.” Wanda says all of a sudden. “Yes, that's her. Do you know her?” She shook her head at your question then you nodded yours. “Well, it's probably just I've seen her whenever I have to do some errands when I do business meetings with their company.” she added. “And you're aware that I'm married to a man who's somehow related to Stark too, right?” you nodded your head once more.
The moment the elevator, Wanda went ahead first and you followed after her, though you had to go first eventually since you're the one holding the key card. The moment you two were inside, Wanda went to look around the room for a moment, while you placed your bag on the chair by the desk near the bed. “What do you mean you don't like to share?” you ask her and tracing back to what she said earlier. “If you want to get me and have me, I want you to have me and only me.” Wanda says and she turns to face you. “Come on, I'm sure you're aware how much of a pretty face you are.” she added which made you even more confused.
“You really want me to put it into simpler terms?” Wanda says with a sigh before composing herself, walking closer to you. “I want to be the only one kissing this lips of yours, be the only one who gets to mark you up… take you whenever I want and whenever I need.” the more the redhead talked about her whims for you, you can't help but feel your body warm up. Eventually, you felt her hand resting on your waist. “You're going to have an affair with a powerful woman, Y/N, are you sure you're ready to take the heat?” she asked as she pulled you closer to her, fingers slowly digging into your skin. “I- uh- You mean I have to drop every possible connection that I have?” That was the question you could ask, sure it does sound stupid but your mind stop working when this woman had you under her spell.
“Well, you're quite greedy if you want to keep me around and still have other people, don't you think?” she asked then finally your face was only a couple of inches apart from hers. “I mean… I know I'm a catch, sweetheart.” she confidently says. Unsure of what to say at this point, all you know is that the both of you were staring at each other's lips, you didn't know how it occurred and who made the move first all you know is that the both of you started kissing… It was needy, hot, and desperate. To your surprise, it was Wanda taking the control here, you were always the one in control… they always have the hots for you and not vice versa, but this woman certainly has her way for you.
Eventually, you found yourself going at Wanda’s flow, you could feel the warmth of her tongue against yours, her wet muscle just swirling against yours. You walked backwards, trying to get a feel whether you're near the bed or not and as the back of your leg hit it, you slowly sank to your knees and sat on the mattress. This time your hands were around the older woman's waist, you were trying to take control this time… your hand was hiking up the blouse that she was wearing, yet you were stopped when she held your wrist. “Who said that you could touch?” Wanda purred as she parted her lips from yours just so she could speak. “I've got to have you first before you get me, malysh…” she spoke in her thick sokovian accent that caused butterflies all over your stomach.
“I- uh- I'm yours…” you stuttered which made Wanda chuckle. “We both know you're not there yet, sweetheart.” she says and you know damn well that she's not wrong. “But, we'll get there.” she whispered against your lips, now she crashed her lips against yours once again. The redhead straddles your lap, her lips moving perfectly with yours, you never felt this desperate… desperate for someone's touch, lips, and warmth. “Give me a chance tonight…” you mumbled against her lips which made her smirk. “No, I want you to crave for me… to the point you'll have no choice but to submit yourself to me.” she answered.
For a couple of hours the both of you didn't do anything but make out, and you've never felt so frustrated, neither of you took your clothes off. Here you are facing the mirror by the sink at the mirror, and what's worse? You're alone, the older woman had to leave since she had to be home when her husband unexpectedly came home. Taking your phone from your bag, you went to call someone.
“Hey, I know it's late and you're probably tired but I was wondering… if you can pick me up?” you hear a soft laugh from the other end. “You didn't score? You're not in your game, darling?” Diana teased which made you chuckle. “I guess you can say that.” You went to tell her where the motel was, this woman actually drove this late so she could get to you, she asked what your room number is and not even an hour later she was knocking on your door. “Should have come with me.” she says before leaning instantly for a kiss and you made sure to give her that satisfaction.
Spending the rest of the night with Diana instead of Wanda whom you came here with, lavishing on Prince’s warmth and taste on the same bed where you made out with the redhead you had earlier. You really are playing with fire after all, it's either you burn brighter than the fire you caused or be burnt, and you know you're never one to back out from a challenge.
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚.───
Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta @reginassweetheart @lvinhs @alexawynters @mfd-101 @dorabledewdroop
285 notes · View notes
urdepressedslut · 9 months
Text
You’re Mine, Sunshine
♡ Pairing: Grumpy!Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x Sunshine!Fem!Reader
♡ Summary: Bucky gets picked by a very rich and respected man to be his daughter’s personal bodyguard. The Father warns him that it won’t be an easy job, that she is a brat and difficult to deal with. But what happens when Bucky meets you and you’re the complete opposite?
♡ Warnings: mentions of amputation, light angst, hints to violence, mentions of death, bucky being a grumpy man
Part 2
Trope ⇢ Grumpy x Sunshine | Mob!AU Bodyguard!AU
Tumblr media
“Mr. Barnes, your résumé so far is quite impressive.” Pierce acknowledged with a slow nod.
Bucky of course had a trained eye, but the glares that were not so subtly sent his way by the big boss— were intimidating. He wasn’t scared, no. He simply respected this man’s power. Bucky knew better than to get on the bad side of someone like Pierce.
“Says here you’re an amputee?” Pierce asked so bluntly, and he noticed Bucky’s eyes squint slightly. “Sorry, if I’m overstepping but nothing will be overlooked.”
“It’s not a problem, sir.” Bucky assured him. “Yes, I lost my left arm during a mission way back.”
Pierce furrowed his brows.
“Mission? I take it you used to be an agent of some sort.” He assumed.
Bucky nodded.
“Hm, very good. Continue.” He waved him on.
“I had some surgical procedures— and now I have a prosthetic.”
Bucky lifted his left arm, rolling his sleeve slightly up to expose the metal to the boss. Pierce hummed impressively, taking in the intricate designs on the metal.
“I can assure you that me having a prosthetic will not be an issue— my arm is made out of only the strongest metal. Bullet proof, in fact.” He added, hoping it would further impress the boss, proving just how perfect for the job he was.
It wasn’t his dream to be a bodyguard, actually it was quite a low in his career— if you asked him. He had fallen out of his previous steady job, due to some complications. He had the experience of being a bodyguard— just not for only one person. It would be a weird change for him, but he was willing to take on the challenge. Also, the pay was nice.
Pierce hummed again, the information that his prosthetic arm was bullet proof— only satisfying him more.
“Like I said, impressive Mr. Barnes. But this is an extremely important task. My only daughter, who must be protected at all costs.” Pierce trailed off, expression growing serious. “It’s been a hard adjustment since the passing of my wife, my daughter is all I have left.”
Bucky nodded in understanding, knowing what it was like to lose loved ones. In fact, that wound was still fresh on him.
“If I allow you to take on this role, you are to swear to yourself that you will do whatever it takes to keep her alive— no matter what.” Pierce spoke loudly, his voice orotund.
Bucky in the back of his mind thought about his choice of words. ‘If I allow you.’ Bucky respected this man, but he had to hold back the scoff that threatened to escape his lips at his statement.
“Do you think you’re ready for that?” Pierce challenged, and suddenly it wasn’t about his daughter at all. It was a man challenging another man, a task that he deemed impossible.
His metal hand behind his back whirred in annoyance. After all that fluffing his head up, complimenting his training. It was clear Pierce thought so little of him, and at that— it made Bucky wanna take the job even more. Just to prove him wrong.
“Yes sir.” Bucky promised, shaking Pierces hand in a firm— slightly aggressive shake.
Pierce smiled, dropping Bucky’s résumé on his desk. Getting himself comfortable, he sat on the edge of the front of the desk, crossing his arms.
“Now, let’s go through what is to be expected.” He started, Bucky nodded for him to continue. “You are to be with her at all times, except for when you sleep. You do sleep right?”
Bucky let the scoff escape this time, but it wasn’t as aggressive as he wanted it to be.
“I’ve got a metal arm, but I’m still human sir.”
Pierce chuckled to himself, and Bucky wanted to roll his eyes. This man thinks he’s so funny.
“Right. You must never let her leave your sight, if she wants to see her friends— you’ll be seeing them with her. Not that it’s going to be an issue, I don’t think she has many friends… or any.” The boss shrugged, seemingly unconcerned about his daughter.
Bucky nodded, taking everything in.
“You are going to be staying with her in the safe house… well— she thinks it’s just a house but the area is guarded with my men.” He shrugged again. “I’m a successful man and with that comes enemies, people who look for my weaknesses. You know that.”
Bucky gave a tight lipped smile, Pierce so far sounding like a father of the year.
“Now, about my daughter. Her name is (Y/n) (Y/L/n), and she is a handful.” Pierce stated frustratedly. “She’s rude, ungrateful, nasty— and just overall extremely difficult.”
Bucky furrowed his brows, rethinking his decision to be a bodyguard for this girl. Fucking lovely.
“You can now understand why I’m paying you the offered amount. It’s only fair to you, Mr. Barnes. Truthfully, I can’t deal with her anymore. I love her, and she’s my daughter but… It just doesn’t work out with me. I’m a busy man— I don’t have time for brats.” Pierce spat, straightening up and heading back around his desk.
Bucky had already been creating this mental image of you, so far you sounded like a witch. He was not at all ready to be dealing with you 24/7.
“Doesn’t sound like a problem boss, I’m happy to be protecting your daughter. Nobody will lay a hair on her head, I swear on my life.” Bucky promised again, bowing his head slightly.
“Oh I know. If anything happens to her and I find out you were slacking even by an inch… well you’re a smart man, I’m sure you can figure it out.” Pierce warned, and Bucky swallowed at the mere intimidation that laced his voice.
But he would not back down to this challenge, which is how he saw this— not a job.
“That will be all Mr. Barnes, (Y/n) is around here somewhere. Find her and take her home.” He told Bucky, putting on his glasses— focusing on his paperwork.
“Yes sir.”
Bucky nodded and turned to exit the room. He was so confused with the interaction. You’d think someone who hires a bodyguard for their daughter would know where their daughter is. The way he spoke about you was off putting. Bucky didn’t even know you, but it felt wrong to hear someone talk so little about you. What did he know anyway— apparently you were a monster.
He made his way through the building with a swift walk, needing to fulfill his duties and find you quickly. He was on the third floor, about to hit the button to the elevator when he saw a young lady. Despite him wanting to find you all on his own, he got her attention.
“Excuse me,” He waved to her with a fake smile, “Do you know where I can find (Y/n) (Y/L/n)?”
The lady smiled and took Bucky by surprise by laughing. His fake smile vanished immediately, his eyes squinting in a annoyed expression.
“That would be me!” You exclaimed with a warm smile.
Bucky’s eyes widened and he thought for a second he was being fucked with, but after you stayed smiling at him, being as patient as ever— he knew you weren’t joking.
“Uh right… Your dad is Pierce?” He asked hesitantly, keeping his guard up. Still thinking someone was messing with him— testing him.
You nodded slowly, giving him a curious expression. Your smile never wavering.
“Yes, and you are?” You asked so politely.
Bucky shouldn’t of been as shocked as he was but truthfully, he was expecting a demon spawn of a person. Red eyes, withered flowers left in your path, a literal storm cloud floating over you— but you looked so normal. So sweet and pretty. Your hair smelled so strongly of strawberry shampoo, he could catch the scent from his spot. Your voice was like honey, the sound soothing.
He was confused as to why your father thought so wrongly of you. He had too many questions.
He cleared his throat, straightening himself now that he believed you were who he was looking for.
“(Y/n), my name is Mr. Barnes— I’ve been hired as your personal bodyguard.” He informed you, watching the corners of your mouth falter slightly.
“Oh, did my Father hire you?” You asked politely.
“Yes ma’am.”
You nodded your head, attempting to keep a smile on your face. But you couldn’t help the distaste for being given a bodyguard. You knew it was only for the sole purpose, that your Father didn’t want to care for you anymore. He wanted nothing to do with you. That fact was enough to make your nose start to burn, but you held yourself together— not wanting to break down in front of this new guy.
Bucky watched you take in the information, the way you took a deep breath, almost controlling yourself before you spoke again.
“Nice to meet you Mr. Barnes. I’m sure we’re going to be great friends.” You told him.
Bucky shook his head, an annoyed expression etching his face.
“Ma’am, I think we should keep things professional. I have been hired as your bodyguard. Let me do my job, and you can continue with your day as usual. You won’t even know I’m here half the time.” He explained rather harshly.
You seemed taken aback, his words hurting you more than they should’ve. You were lonely, and you thought you’d be able to get a friend out of this situation. Even if he was being hired to hang around you. Luck didn’t seem to be on your side as he told you off. The burning felt stronger in your nose, and you took another deep breath.
Bucky only felt bad for a second, but he was quickly snapping back to reality. It was his life on the line to protect you, and if Bucky was anything— it was that he was good at doing his job. This was business, not playtime.
“I’m here to take you home. Are you ready?” He asked you.
You relaxed your quick beating heart, not even having time to speak with your Father. Not that he’d want to anyway. So much had changed since your Mother passed, you had yet to heal those wounds.
You nodded with a weaker smile, one that didn’t quite reach your eyes. If Bucky had noticed your sudden mood change, he didn’t mention it— instead guiding you outside.
He opened the door to the car that was waiting outside for you, climbing in himself after you were settled.
He started driving to your place, with the help of the car telling him directions.
Meanwhile you gazed out the window, watching the buildings pass by. You forced yourself to keep a small smile on your face, hoping you’d convince yourself that the gesture was genuine if you did it long enough.
Bucky glanced back at you through the rear view mirror from time to time, watching you look out the window. He was still trying to come to terms with how polite you were, how completely opposite you were to your Fathers description.
On one hand it was a relief that he didn’t have to deal with the devil. On the other hand… he was anxious to see where this job would lead him.
A/N: I don’t know what is wrong with me, but suddenly I had this urge to write a bodyguard!bucky fic. let’s be honest, we are all slut’s for bodyguard!bucky 😭 I’m also a whore for the trope grumpy x sunshine 🥰🥴 let me know what you think— this is all word vomit.
4K notes · View notes
miaisocool · 24 days
Text
Johanna
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Summary - Wanda was your best friend in college that you had feelings for... were your feelings reciprocated or not?
Warnings: Mentions of underage drinking, Angst, Fluff in a way?... YES THIS WILL HAVE A PART TWO!
Word count: 4k
Note: This is inspired by the song Johanna by suki waterhouse :) so i recommend listening to that song..
Tumblr media
Oh, my Johanna, Johanna...
There you were at a party that wanda invited you to it was just a simple college party nothing else the atmosphere felt weird... and tense your vision was hazy including nothing but people passing out, strobe lights flashing over your face red solo cups plastered all over whoevers kitchen counter.. drinks that you didn't recognize the name of assuming it was something fancy. It made sense since it was apparently some rich kid who's dad owned a big company hosting the party you didn't even recognize anyone there except wanda, clint, tony and maybe natasha?...
You and natasha never got along well due to your past with her meaningless hookups that would end up with nobody in her bed the morning after. It was a on and off thing for a while with you catching feelings for her when she didn't want you and natasha catching feelings for you when you didn't want her it was a confusing thing between you both it was on and off like that for a while during your freshman year of college but, you guys talked it out and discussed how it was better for you both to just keep the relationship between you two EXTREMELY platonic she went on a rant of multiple pros and cons about it and how it would keep your friend group together you didn't care as much as she did but you went along with it. So did she.. she soon got used to it and distanced herself from you she was tired no matter whether or not the friendship included those hookups or if it was platonic she couldn't manage to be friends with you knowing she was gonna catch feelings again. Did she have a good reason to? maybe but those were hookups that you and her both strived off of everyone moved on from it except for her it was somewhat of a cold atmosphere between you and her for a while but its okay now, which you assumed since she gave you a quick smile at this party...
"come on.. go talk to her!" clint nudged your shoulder as he nodded to the direction wanda was in she looked so beautiful.. whenever you got a glance of her the signal of butterflies would turn in your stomach and it made you somewhat smile to yourself it was common for you to do that.. smiling at the thought of wanda or smiling whenever you had a interaction with her you couldn't help it who wouldn't fall for her? he was bothering you all night to go up to wanda and dance with her or at least have a conversation with her but he knew you were too afraid to "I think i just need to sit down.. i dont know clint.. this party is just.." it was true the party was overwhelming with the music pulsating off of the walls even when you stepped outside for some "fresh air" it was nothing but the music still blasting strobe lights were even set up outside to "keep the party going" which was doing nothing but making everyones face in the crowd unrecognizable and the strong scent of weed making the air thick, the scent of sweat and alcohol mingling with the aroma of wanda in your mind wasn't doing you justice she always smelt like cherries and wine in the best way possible the only scent that you could ever get drunk off of, the only scent that ever brought comfort to you when you didn't feel safe, the only-
"Y/n! im so glad you made it!!" Wanda had the biggest smile on her face as her slender fingers caressed your shoulder bringing you the sense of home and getting rid of the overstimulated feelings you had from the party. You were caught off guard with the sight of wanda suddenly coming up to you, you didn't expect it but yes you did how couldn't you? you guys were friends and she was known for being the sweetest to you, you sometimes wonder if thats what made you catch feelings for her. You hated it but no matter how much you did it wouldn't go away.
"wanda.. hey.." it took a while for you to regain your composure as you were drunk off of literally nothing except the thought of wanda in your system well to be honest she was the only thing in your mind that night "i couldn't find you" you lied, you saw her multiple times throughout the night even when clint brought your attention to her and tried to pressure you into talking to her. You avoided her, you felt guilty about it. how could you? wanda was basically your friend that you had feelings for just a friend that you had a really good connection with, the first person to ever show you what true love was like? or was it just fully platonic you always wondered what she thought about your friendship with her..
"i was looking for you!" she giggled her laugh was like the only noise that ever brought you happiness the noises from the party fading away and the soft rustle of the cup she was holding which had a bit of what you assumed was rum her eyes glistening from the backyard lights really making the emerald green remind you of the beautiful grass that you always dreamt about laying in with her and being far away from home you stood there taking in the moment of her presence until she spoke again "let me get a drink for you!" she said loudly but quietly in your ear it was hard to speak with speakers literally making the music blast in your eardrums the music was too loud for you to understand what she said but you made it out in your mind as you nodded she took your hand gently dragging you through the big crowd of people who were all over the place dancing, drinking, smoking or just passed out all over the atmosphere was still a mess but with the sight of wanda your mind was blurred from the chaos of the party the noise quickly faded as you took in wandas features from her dark brown reddish hair to the curves on her body your mind was in awe her presence was like a aura of light in darkness
A few seconds later as your back inside of the house wanda hands you a cup of a drink you couldn't even recognize but you knew it was alcohol you weren't used to liquor but you decided to put on a front for wanda as you chugged it and had sort of a face of grimace as you put the cup back down onto the counter "i know you don't drink" you turned your gaze back to wandas as you spoke
"i know.." it was true you didn't drink but you decided to act tough for her or maybe loosen up once in a while but she knew you.. she knew that you hated parties, hated smoking, hated the thought of being peer pressured, hated alcohol. anything that was sinful for you in general you despised, but this night wanda was your heaven sent angel
"just thought i would've gave it a try you know?" you murmured into her ear the music was still too loud to have a conversation with one of you yelling or whispering into the others ear "I guess its not my thing" wanda brought her hand up to your back as she slowly caressed it up and down making a wave of comfort wash over you.
"it doesn't have to be your thing" her eyes softened as she noticed your discomfortness " Y/n.. you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with" "you don't have to pretend with me you know?" you couldn't help but feel your cheeks warming up and blushing at the sound of your name coming out her mouth and the sentence that tugged at your heart strings heer words truly resonated within you, cutting through the noise of the party and the insecurities that had you held up throughout the party. A reassurance that you didn't have to adjust to anyone else's expectations to belong.
"honestly you could just be yourself and thats all i want" her pupils dilated as she looked into your eyes this caught you off guard "nothing else?" you smiled and teased wanda seeing how far you could push her back into her regular state she quickly hit your shoulder and rolled her eyes as she giggled.
Tumblr media
A flashback to two months ago
You were invited to breakfast by wanda you weren't used to waking up as early as her. This restaurant spot was where you guys would meet up countless times to talk, study or just have a coffee you didn't like waking up early to meet up with wanda like this but you couldn't help but fiend for her presence so you pushed yourself cause it was wanda and you wanted her, you loved her, you desired her. The morning sun was glistening over your skin as you stared at your phone until wanda spoke up "The service is awfully slow today.." you weren't used to seeing wanda be impatient was she complaining too much? no she wasn't it's true the service was very slow it makes sense since it's summer there was many tourists visiting the city just for food, beaches, views and expenses it held. "I could've cooked my own food faster than this.." wanda muttered under her breath you weren't used to seeing cold attitude come from her even her voice was laced with venom but you quickly spoke up and decided to ignore it "i'm sure they're just busy.." you noticed she was biting the inside of her cheek wanda would always do this whenever she had something heavy on her mind or if she was just frustrated. It hurt you seeing her like this so you snapped her out of her thoughts "wanda our foods here" she quickly re adjusted herself straightening her posture in the seat as the server set her food down along with yours "Sorry for the wait, enjoy." the server smiled at you both as he walked away quickly attending other customers. Wanda just rolled her eyes leaving a awkward but comforting silence you weren't sure what to say to cut the tension in the air until wanda spoke up "So.. i have news" you noticed something was off her voice was a bit hesitant before speaking that wasn't normal either she was always so confident before she spoke.. you raised your eyebrow giving a signal to wanda to continue talking as you bit into your food "I've been seeing this guy.." your heart immediately stopped at the mention of a guy wanda is with, the oxygen in your lungs felt nonexistent, the butterflies in your stomach died, it felt like you were suffocating almost, your chest started to burn as you coughed on your food a bit as you tried to force a smile "That's great wanda" you spoke up trying to suppress the feelings of jealousy within you, you wanted to scream at her telling everything you ever felt for her what you loved about her and how much you longed for her but you knew you couldn't. wanda spoke up again silencing the ringing noise in your ears "We're still figuring things out you know?" "I just wanted you to be the first to know" she smiled at you how could you not love wanda? The room fell silent once again, the weight of Wanda's words heavy in the air. You glanced around the restaurant until you swallowed scrambled eggs and your feelings of jealousy "im happy for you" your voice was slightly trembled oh how you wished wanda wasn't so blind..
Tumblr media
I was drinking hard, acting tough But it was just a crush, just a crush
There you were dancing with wanda you were at least two shots in not enough to be drunk but enough to start pouring out your heart to her of how you wanted to marry her, make her yours, or be hers? your body was starting to loosen up so was the lump in your throat with every secret you held you towards her you couldn't help but notice how beautiful wanda looked even with messy hair your mind would sometimes drift off wondering if that's what she would look like if you ever had the chance to wake up next to her. You couldn't help where your mind was drifting off to but it felt strange, your mouth started to open up as if it was a feeling of vomit the music made you deaf from any words that were about to come out your mouth you tried to protest it but soon your body gave up
"Wanda.." You said her name as if it was a prayer she kept dancing as she heard you speak up the lights looked so beautiful in her eyes as it glistened over her face making wanda a bit unrecognizable and making your vision hazy mixed with the alcohol you had...
You knew she didn't want you, You knew she was with vision, she belonged with vision, She didn't even think of you that way but here you were about to dump your feelings towards her the weight on your chest was starting to feel heavier.
As Wanda danced like a angel gracefully, her laughter ringing out like in your ears, you couldn't help but feel a pang of longing deep within your chest. She was so close, yet so far away, a distant star shining brightly in a sky you could never reach.
"Wanda" You repeated once again... You leaned into her waiting for her to send or give a sign of some assurance that she knew what you were trying to do or if your feelings were reciprocated she soon leaned in and brushed her lips against yours. Your heart started to pound quickly as if it was a ticking time bomb that was about to explode. The kiss was soft, tender she tasted like cherries, rum and wine with a hint of cinnamon you were testing the waters first until she deepened the kiss making it become more passionate with a trembling touch you cupped her face into your hand you could feel how warm her cheeks were getting and the smile forming on her face as you pulled back she pulled back into the kiss making her breath warm and sweet you could tell she wanted this too with the way she pushed her body against yours the longer the kiss continued you pulled back and started kissing onto her neck as she moaned into your ear all you wanted to do in that moment was melt into her arms but it soon came to a end.
The feeling of vomit was starting to get heavier on your chest the more you stared at her figure dancing in the strobing lights
"im gonna get another drink" Your voice trembled with emotion as she nodded and smiled give you assurance that she would be right there just dancing the night away knowing she'll never walk away from you. You wished you could stay there forever with her but you walked away quickly to the bathroom making your way through the crowd getting elbowed a few times and struggling to get out of some tight spaces
You immediately shut the door once you stepped in and looked at yourself in the mirror, your hair was messy droplets of sweat were pouring down your face, watery eyes, pupils dilated. You looked completely out of it, you couldn’t tell what was real or fake, there was still adrenaline running throughout your veins from the sensation wanda had once placed on your lips and the melody she left ringing in your ear it was everything you ever wanted you soon closed your eyes turning on the sink splashing your face with water noticing the vivid image of wanda’s face and the lights you soon opened your eyes and smiled recollecting your thoughts of what just happened you were all happy and thought about how it was finally the right time to confess your feelings to wanda. You resented that vision was going to hold a spot in wanda’s heart even if you wanted to be in a relationship with her but you daydreamed about ways it could work out for the both of you.
Soon after you stopped smiling to yourself and daydreaming what you and wanda could be you soon stepped out the bathroom your eyes being greeted with the sight of clint coming up to you
“i’ve been looking for you everywhere!” He drunkenly swung his arm around you catching you off guard forcing you to regain your balance “Clint right now is not the best time…” You whispered into his ear trying to look for wanda in the crowd. It was hard to look for anyone in general even with the strobe lights flashing and fog in the air masking everyone, making it impossible to find her.
The air was choking up your throat as you tried to get a fresh breath of air from how terrible the party smelled but you had to adapt your senses to it even if it meant passing out all that mattered to you right now was getting to wanda. Your heart started to race the more you were scanning the crowd with desperation of finding wanda but you could barely recognize anyone… The feeling of clint trying to tug you back into his presence wasn’t helping you focus much either and the fact that he was yelling into your ear was just causing you more overstimulation. You bumped into a couple of people having to apologize profusely over and over your voice noticeably shaking with fear and emotion until….
You finally spotted wanda crossing out everyone in the crowd making the lights that were once flashing into your eyes causing a headache, you noticed she was dancing with a tall figure you really couldn’t make out who it was but you noticed it was some tall blond lanky man dancing and grinding against her they looked like two intertwined souls dancing with not a care in the world. You couldn’t help but feel a lump build up in your throat as you spotted the two having such a intimate dance, your throat got even tighter when you recognized it was vision the man who she would brag about all the time and how happy she was with him..
Was that why she was smiling at you all night? Was that why she didn't pull away from your kiss? Your mind drifted off to multiple scenarios maybe she was trying to get her mind off of vision. You knew he wasn't the perfect boyfriend for her well everyone had their reasonings but that's what you wanted to believe so you could swoop in and be with wanda because at the end of the day you believed that you were the one she belonged to. You remembered those nights you stayed up late just to hear her rambling about how many times she caught vision cheating on her you tried to convince her to break up with him not out of jealousy but out of how you wanted the best for her even if that meant not being with you. You didn't really have the right to be upset with her even if she was dancing with vision..
Feeling suffocated by the weight of unrequited love, you needed an escape – something to numb the ache in your chest and quiet everything that was going on in your head. So, without a second thought, you gave Clint a quick glance and pulled him into the kitchen, where all the drinks were stocked.. Your throat was tight and burning enough already, the alcohol was not going to suppress your feelings for her, it wasn't going to suppress the numbness you felt at the sight of wanda dancing with vision but you decided this is what you need to clear your head so you drank away
"Hey.. y/n lets slow down the drinks alright?" although clint was a bit drunk he still had a mind of his own. To be fair he was the only one out of the group who knew you best even since you didn't speak your feelings he could still tell what was wrong with you. You could notice that clint was very concerned and worried for you all you needed to do was to communicate with him so he could stop you for whatever disaster was about to happen.
"I'm fine."
You paused, your hand hovering over the bottle, the weight of Clint's words sinking in. In that moment, you realized that drowning your sorrows in alcohol wouldn't make the pain of seeing wanda with vision go away – it would only numb it temporarily. But either way you took a long chug of whichever alcohol you chose from the counter and how it left a sharp pain in your throat the same sharp pain wanda was leaving..
Clint watched you silently, his eyes filled with understanding and empathy. He knew all too well the pain you were having as he soon came to what made you this way the agony of watching someone he cares for slip through his fingers. "I just need a moment," you muttered, your words slurring slightly as the alcohol began to take effect. But even as you spoke, you couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that gnawed at your insides, a constant reminder that wanda would never be yours and that her happily ever after would be with vision even in every other universe..
You were already soon too deep it had been a few minutes ever since you chugged multiple cups of alcohol and clint snatched the bottle from you although you tried to fight him and protest but you knew he wasn't doing any wrong so you soon gave up after.. You noticed a few looks coming from the crowd as you started to cause a scene while all clint was trying to do was diffuse the situation as he took the bottles and cups away from you.
Your body was starting to give up as you tried to lean against the counter for support even clint was trying to help you regain your composure your muscles were slacking and the lights started to turn into a hazy vision of a kaleidoscope, the weight of the alcohol and emotions bore down on you, the world around you began to blur and spin. With each passing moment, the room seemed to tilt on its axis, the sounds and colors melding together into a haze.
You tripped over your own foot as you tried to lean against the counter again but without warning you soon saw every overwhelming sense come to a halt as the last thing and all you could perceive were scurried footsteps and Wanda's voice, a distant echo calling out your name in panic and worry. The last sensation being the vibrations of her voice coming through and her hands reaching out to catch your weak body as you felt droplets from what you assumed were tears of concern coming from wanda.. In that moment, as darkness closed in around you, you couldn't help but not have a single thought but for now, all you could do was surrender to the embrace of unconsciousness and wandas arms wrapped around you as she tried to help you.. The voices of the crowd and clint and wanda and then vision were the finally the last thing.
373 notes · View notes
Text
I loved you once B.B
Tumblr media
Bucky Barnes x Reader 
Masterlist
Summary: Loving Bucky Barnes was never easy but breaking your heart seemed to come naturally to him. A love story about your heartbreak,his betrayal and a chance at redemption.
19.1 k words
Content Warning: ANGST, heartbreak, cheating, mature themes, +18 SMUT, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (Pussy job, penetrative sex p in v, sad/angry sex? Rough sex mixed with a little pain. It will make sense once you read it) . Fluff, mentions of bad mental health from both Bucky and reader, graphic violence, character's death, mentions of women trafficking as well as assault.
A/N: Wow 19k words. Im sorry this took so long to finish but as you can tell it is super long as I promised. Buckle up y'all, this is sad. Also this is my first time writing a proper cheating fic so if you can/want let me know if you like it or not. You're welcomed to send me an ask with any comments, questions, etc., you have on this 😊
Post dividers by @firefly-graphics and @cafekitsune
Tumblr media
Now  
"Fuck you," you spat the words.    
Tears fell from your eyes as they made their way down your neck, making dark spots in the collar of your red turtleneck. Even when pain was drowning you, beauty never left you. Bucky felt as if he were watching a beautiful Renaissance painting—a tragedy of sorts.   
"Is that all? I really don’t have time for this."   
He didn’t recognize his own words or the indifference they came out with. He didn’t mean to say them, but it was as if his own body was working on autopilot, and he was only a spectator to the shitshow it was causing. He wanted to stop. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to say so many things, but the only thing he was capable of was hurting you.   
"Are you kidding me? That’s all you’re going to say?"   
"What else do you want me to say? You know what happened, you saw her with your own eyes. Anything I say is either going to make you angrier or make you cry even more. Let’s just be done with this, you’ll eventually get over it."   
The sound of your hand connecting with his face put an end to his sentence. The hit didn’t feel as such, his skin barely processed it as anything more than a simple graze, but once the initial shock wore off, the sting came along. But it didn’t compare to the pain he felt in his heart when his eyes connected with yours once again.   
"I always knew you were capable of many things, but not once did I think you would ever be this cruel."   
Your eyes drifted to your hands, your right hand playing with the ring you wore in your left. A sigh left your lips, and more tears fell before you finally slid it off your finger, placing it on the table next to you.   
A bucket of iced water. Painful, burning, scorching coldness— that’s how Bucky would describe looking at you while silently breaking your engagement. His mind was telling him to get on his knees, beg, and try to fix everything he had broken. But the darkest part of him, the one that had taken over his life was assuring him you were bluffing. You couldn’t leave, you always stayed. You always fought for him, even when he didn’t deserve it.   
"What are you doing?" he asked, his eyes rolling with the uninterested façade he had perfected.   
"I’m done, I can’t keep doing this anymore." You turned your back, strong and determined steps leading to his apartment door.  
Please, fix this.   
His trembling hands made their way to your wrist, anything that could mend the cracks in your heart that seeped with pain, the cracks he had caused with his own selfishness. Before his fingers could even graze your skin, your hand quickly swatted away his pathetic effort to stop you.  
"God, stop being so goddamed drama—"   
"Don’t fucking touch me. Don’t try to contact me ever again, I won’t answer."   
"Can you just—"   
"If I ever see you again I swear I’ll murder you. I didn’t kill you the first time we met but I swear I’ll do it if you even dare to breath in my direction."   
Your words hurt, it seemed as though each one stabbed him right through the chest in a taunting way, a reminder of how much he had screwed up. Bile rose to his throat when you recoiled at his proximity, and the hate in your eyes burned him with such force that he was sure you wouldn't wait until the next time you met.   
He deserved it either way.  
Bucky's eyes opened just as the car jolted, his heart racing against his chest, his ears buzzing. For a fraction of a second, he's confused, not remembering why he was in the car, but the fogginess of his thoughts was replaced with anxiety when he heard the tracker beeping on Sam's thigh. 
"Good, you’re awake. I think we’re almost there." Sam kept his eyes on the road, occasionally glancing down at the device that told him where to go. Judging by his demeanor, his friend didn’t seem as nervous as he did, if at all. It wasn’t like Sam had a reason to, he was the only one who had fucked up.  
He looked out at the vehicle, and the passing trees in the darkness of the night numbed his mind while he tried to forget about his dream. No, it wasn’t a dream, it was his worst memory to date. Usually, his nightmares were about the crimes he had committed while being the Winter Soldier, and he could blame them on his consciousness not being there with him. His own body didn’t belong to him, so he couldn’t keep blaming himself for the things HYDRA had forced him to do.  
With you, on the other hand, he could not blame anyone else but himself. His mind wasn’t tortured by a secret organization in hopes of ruining his relationship, nor was he forced to hurt the person about whom he cared the most to save thousands of lives. He did it all by himself, and now the nightmares have not only scared him but hurt him all over again.  
You started to show up in his dreams more frequently once Sam told him they needed your help. As expected, the super-soldier's first reaction was total and complete refusal. His friend thought it was a childish reaction the former winter soldier was having to avoid the awkwardness of meeting you again, only knowing your relationship had ended on bad terms without hearing the specifics. But the blue-eyed man wasn’t doing it for himself, he was doing it for you. The night you left, you made it clear you didn’t want anything to do with him, or even anything related to him, your resignation from the Avengers Team and subsequent evaporation from the face of the earth was a strong message to leave you alone.  
After a few hours of arguing, with both men going back and forth on why they did or didn't need you, Bucky finally agreed to go look for you. Lives were at stake, and no matter how hard he tried to look for a solution that avoided you, there seemed to be none. Before he could ask where to even start looking for you, Sam pulled out a device that seemed familiar to a phone. You had given Sam, and only Sam, a tracker that could find you anywhere in the world and could only be unlocked by a password you had whispered to him  
The depth of his tormenting cycle of thoughts didn’t let him register they weren’t on the road anymore until his partner stopped the vehicle. They were surrounded by tall, dense trees, and the crickets and cicadas that hid in the dark made an orchestra that filled the emptiness of the night. Sam grabbed his gear, the sound of a duffle bag being opened broke the rhythm of nature.  
"Why are we stopping here?" Bucky asked with a frown. His own duffle was placed across his back, the tinkering of the metal inside it annoying him slightly.  
His friend threw an annoyed look at him before rolling his eyes and scrambling through his belongings. "As I said like twenty minutes ago while you were brooding and having your own pity party, this thing shows her inside a building in the middle of the woods. I’d like to take a look around the area before going in blind."  
"Oh."  
Normally, the super soldier would’ve had a comeback for the annoying yet harmless insults his friend and partner would throw at him, even a snide comment. But this was different, no matter what Sam would say, he could only think of what was about to happen. So he let it slide, submerging himself in his own thoughts while Sam threw the little flying robot he nicknamed "Red Wing" into the air. Once it was hovering above them and Sam made sure to have full control of it, they began a walk that would last about thirty minutes before the device would find any signs of life.  
Sam and him were waiting somewhere near the alleged building, Sam's robot scanning the surroundings.The thumping in his chest returned, and his fingers became ice cold.He was so close. Close enough to see you, close enough to talk to you, and perhaps close enough to apologize. 
How would you react to seeing him? Would you be happy to see him? Probably not, considering the last thing you said to him was that you would kill him if he ever came near you. He knew he deserved it, but hopefully time changed your murderous resolution. Maybe even forgave him.  
Could you ever forgive him?  
A slight swat from Sam brought him back from his thoughts, silently letting him know they were ready to go. Bucky could sense it before the place was even visible, the vibrations of the music resonating through the ground. The smell of smoke, alcohol, and humanity reached his nostrils right as they saw the line of cars parked in a plain field next to what resembled a warehouse.  
To an untrained eye, it would look like a normal, unsanitary, and probably unsafe rave done by stupid people. But the polarized windows of the cars, the shine coming from the inside of the guards' jackets, and the lot of security cameras installed in the building told another story. Whatever or whoever was in there was dangerous, and as usual, you had gotten yourself in the middle of it.  
Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He knew you couldn’t stay away from helping people, no matter how hard you tried. He saw the breadcrumbs, microscopic, little clues that he could recognize as your style. A missing girl suddenly returning to her family, a kidnapped journalist in the middle of war returning to their respective embassy. A child trafficker falling from his hotel room in the twentieth floor. You had always been... effective when it came to missions, sometimes going overboard with your methods, but Tony, Steve, and himself had always guided you towards the good and righteous path that a person with your abilities was supposed to take. 
You lost all three of them in the span of a year.  
They were lucky that it was relatively easy to get inside, and even luckier that their clothes didn't draw too much attention to them. Sure, they seemed to be wearing more clothes than needed, as most people seemed to enjoy themselves topless and/or pantless, but with the darkness of the room barely being lit by the flashing blue and red lights, no one really noticed them.  
Guys, girls, and people he wasn’t sure how to label were grinding against each other. Hands touched him, pulling his jacket, and he had to push them all away, trying to make his way through the sea of people. The inside of the warehouse could pass for a functioning club, with couches, dance floors, and screens accommodating everyone inside.  
Bucky wasn’t sure he had ever seen anything like this; the debauchery that people showed shocked his old-fashioned ways. He was sure he had seen several people inside each other, whether it was fingers, tongues, or dicks, no one seemed to mind that everyone else could see them. How had you gotten yourself into the middle of this disguised orgy? What were you even doing here?  
Both men made their way to the front of the place, where a private section was installed looking over the dancefloor. Two large guys guarded the stairs that connected the lower and upper levels, allowing mostly attractive girls to ascend. Both men agreed that if you were to be found somewhere, it would undoubtedly be there. They scanned the room, looking for any way they could access the VIP level without having a pair of tits and long legs.  
He had never understood scenes in movies where they showed time slowing down. Every time he had been in a fight, whether it was as himself in the forties or as the winter soldier, everything seemed to happen too fast to process. Even the night you left, time had seemed to go at an abnormally fast pace, and by the time he could finally react the way he wanted, it had been too late.  
He never understood those scenes until he saw you walking to the protective railing surrounding the edge of the private section. Above the deafening music, the moans, and the music, he could hear your voice talking to someone else.  
It was as if he was seeing you for the first time. Your beauty had remained the same your hair, your eyes, and your lips all looked the same, yet his heart started racing just as it did all those years ago. You weren’t dressed like everyone else dancing around him, your black dress with a dangerous deep cleavage was sensuous, but it held a certain level of class that made you stand out from the crowd.  
Thump, thump, thump.  
Time moved at a slow pace, the slowest he had experienced. He was grateful for it, as it allowed him to appreciate every detail from you. The way your lips came close to the drink you had in your hand, the drumming your fingers did on top of the railing, the glint in your eyes—he knew it meant you were lost in your thoughts.   
Bucky had never been more grateful for the way time passed. Until he saw a pair of hands sliding across your waist, fingers gripping your hips so roughly, he was sure they would leave a mark on your skin. A semi-attractive man whispered words in your ear, his beard scruffing against your skin. You smirked, turning around to plaster your lips against his in a kiss that could make a pornstar blush.  
He knew you'd moved on; nearly a year had passed since the last time he saw you, and you'd probably found someone to sleep with, but he wasn't ready to watch you become someone else's. His mind was prepared to face your happiness, but his heart wasn’t. And even now, he was sure you were just tagging along with the man, using him for information for whatever mission you had gotten yourself into, yet he felt as if what remained of his heart had been ripped out of his chest.  
With strong, rough movements, the man turned you around, pressing your body against the railing. As his hand grabbed your neck, your hips grinded against his, your mouth open as you licked your lips. 
The super soldier couldn’t take it anymore, his heart begged him to stop the torture. He wasn’t even sure where Sam was, nor did he care. He cared about you, and he could only think about what he had lost. With the last of his dignity, he began to look away from you and your companion, who had leaned over to your ear once more. Except this time his eyes found Bucky’s, his fingers tightening around your neck.  
He knew. Somehow the man knew who he was and, most importantly, who you were.  
Your eyes widen slightly, searching through the sea of people dancing downstairs. But it didn't take you long to find those blue eyes you once adored. He was there, looking exactly the same as the night you left him, along with your heart.  
"I know who you are." The man whispered in your ear—a threat not so subtly hidden behind every word.  
But you couldn’t dwell long on his words because ice-cold eyes looked back at you. Ice cold eyes brought back the pain you thought you left behind, and the rage surfaced once more as you remembered the promises you made him.  
Cold metal was pressed against your neck, the edge of it grazing your skin. Bucky’s eyes widened in alarm, and his hands turned into fists, making him look like he cared. Like he actually had a heart.  
He barely took two steps in your direction when the wicked smile you wore stopped him. It was sinister. It was deadly. And when you turned to the man to say something, his grip faltered as one word left your lips.  
"Good"  
Your head connected against the man’s nose, a crack let you know it was most likely broken. You barely heard the man’s yells when bullets made their way to you, a couple of them grazing your skin. The room that was once filled with hips swaying, alcohol, and moans had transformed into a frenzy of screams and people running to get out of the building.  
The crowd tried to take Bucky away; their desperate attempts at escaping dragged him away as he fought his way through the sea of people. Seconds passed, and he could hear your grunts as well as more shooting coming from the upper floor, with girls running down the stairs, some of them with splashes of blood staining their clothes.  
He didn’t know whose blood it belonged to, and that frightened him.  
Sam’s voice pulled him out of his trance. "What the hell happened?"  
His friend had managed to make his way to him, both of them still getting pushed around. Bucky offered him a quick glance before resuming his previous task of making his way to the stairs.  
"Her cover is blown," was all the explanation Bucky offered, and somehow it was enough. Before any of them could add anything, screams came from the front door, three bulky men were making their way there while carrying very large and dangerous guns. "Take care of them, I’ll go help her," the super soldier said without leaving any room for discussion.  
When his fingers finally grabbed the banister of the stairs, Bucky was close to losing his mind. Climbing two steps at a time, he finally found himself a scene that froze him in the spot.  
You were there, your black dress ripped in some places, your makeup ruined by mascara running down your cheeks, and blood splashes tainted your flawless skin. Bucky had managed to get there just in time as you twisted a man's arm to an unnatural angle, the crack of his joint popping out of place was followed by his screams. You had managed to kill/knock out everyone except for the guy who had previously had a knife to your throat, and Bucky knew better than to think that was just a mere coincidence.  
After the last man fell to the ground, blood sputtering out of his neck, you lifted your gaze towards him. He couldn’t read you as easily as he had once been able to and he hated it. Before, he was sure he knew you better than you knew yourself, more than once already sure of your likes and dislikes before you asked him for an opinion. He had treasured those times in his mind, and the memories were as comforting as they were painful. A constant reminder of what he had lost.  
He was right there, right in front of you. The man you fell in love with when you still had a heart. The man who still had a tight grip on it and who would probably always own it. He could keep it for all you cared, your heart was tainted with memories you didn’t wish to keep.  
It was the first time both of you were this close, every scream gone as you were absorbed by your own bubble. He looked so familiar that your own body reacted the way it used to whenever you saw him. Your heart stammered in your chest, and even after so long, the butterflies in your stomach appeared for a millisecond. He was the man you had once loved, he was the man with whom you imagined a future together.  
Then, you remembered why all your hopes and dreams had been destroyed.  
Bucky noticed the hurt flashing through your face, your jaw tightening right before you made your way to him. For a moment, he thought you were about to hug him, your desperation to reach him in your long strides mirroring his as his body begged him to touch you. He wanted to apologize, beg for forgiveness at your feet, and profess the love that he wasn’t able to forget.  
Perhaps if his mind hadn't been plagued with all the things he wanted to do, he would’ve noticed your foot rising to give him a solid kick on the chest.  
The force and unexpectedness of your attack launched him back to the railing, throwing him over it. His back landed with a loud thud on the floor, fortunate enough for him, everyone else seemed to have dissipated and his fall wasn’t that high up. A second later, you jumped from the banister, landing on top of him with your knife in hand. Your knee found it’s place on his chest, feet pressing his hands flat on the surface. Before Bucky could even muster a word, the blade was pinned against his throat.  
"I told you if I ever saw you again, I would fucking kill you." 
Tumblr media
Then  
Steve had changed so much in the years they had spent apart. His friend, who had once been the fragile little Brooklyn boy he would protect with his life, was now a fully grown man with a strength that could crush a person if he wasn’t careful enough. He was also now his protector, not from bullies that would harass him because of his own stubbornness but from a secret organization that wanted to take over the world. That and his own fractured mind.  
He had lost control once the man had given him the commands to bring back the deadly assassin they had turned him into. He remembered it all, but it had felt as if he was under water the whole time, falling deeper and deeper the more he tried to fight against it. His own body didn’t belong to him, no matter how hard he tried to control it.  
For a year, he had thought it was possible to lead a normal life; his time spent in Romania had given him false hope that he had gotten away from his captors. How foolish he had been, thinking he could ever be far away from his grasps. He wasn’t the man he was before, just a weapon designed to hurt people.  
He supposed he was lucky Steve still saw good in him, at least enough to turn against his teammates and friends to help him clear his name. And now, as they drove to one of Steve’s friends' hideouts, he couldn’t help but feel guilty about everything that was going on. If he hadn’t lost control, Steve wouldn't be a wanted criminal. If he wasn’t captured, a shit ton of innocent, good people would still be alive. If his mind had been stronger, he could’ve broken free of HYDRA's mind control.  
Maybe it would’ve been better if he had actually died when he fell from that train.  
Steve parked outside an abandoned apartment complex, it seemed no one had lived there in years. He threw a questioning eyebrow at Sam, who just shrugged before getting out of the vehicle. Another of Steve’s friends had decided to help him out of loyalty to Steve, not because he particularly liked Bucky or entirely believed in his good side.  
All three men walked inside the building, not a sound inside other than their footsteps and heavy breathing. Steve looked around for a couple of seconds before making his way to the second floor, his intuition telling him where to go. He stood in front of a door with a big C plastered on it, his friend's hand hesitating before knocking on the wood.  
After the third knock came back without an answer, Steve decided to open the door. He had called a name while crossing the threshold, looking around for any signs of life inside the apartment. Bucky was surprised to find the apartment filled with computers, blueprints, documents, and lots of military-grade equipment. Everything gave away the signs of someone working there, yet there was no one who took ownership over them.  
It was too late when Bucky heard you standing behind him, with his feet being swept by your leg and effectively knocking him down. The wooden floor amplified the echo of his fall, catching Steve and Sam’s attention. Your frame landed on top of his, gun aimed directly between his eyes.Bucky's hand reached to grab your ankle in an effort to destabilize you, but the barrel of your weapon was pressed right on his forehead.  
"I wouldn’t do it if I were you," you said coolly. "I promise you, I’ll blow your brains out before you can even land a hit."  
After your words filled the room, Bucky’s eyes finally took their chance to look at you, actually look at you.  
God, you were beautiful.  
Maybe it was only your physical beauty that had taken him by surprise, or the fact that you had taken him down so easily with just one leg movement. Or even the fact that you seemed to have no fear towards a man who was being marketed as a "dangerous and armed terrorist." Whatever it was, Bucky couldn’t deny the fact that you were the most beautiful human being he had seen.  
After a few explanations from Steve’s part and some begging for help, you released the super soldier from your hold, weapon holstered in your back. Your hand extended to help him get off the floor, and you offered him a charming but wary smile.   
You told the three men to make themselves at home and take anything they needed. Bucky had chosen to keep guard, being by himself in the top floor while looking out through a window that hid him from everyone else. He was stewing in his own complicated thoughts when he heard a knock on the wall. You were there, standing a few feet away from him with a shy smile on your face as you extended to him a cup filled with hot coffee.  
Thump, thump, thump.  
"Sorry about the whole thing holding you hostage," you said as he welcomed the cup.  
His fingers accidentally grazed against your own, and it was as if he had touched electricity itself. Heat extended from his hands all through his body, and his ability to think was thrown out of the window. He looked at you, and he couldn’t tell if you felt the same or not, but he could feel how your eyes burned him, with a curiosity behind them that was so easy to read that he was surprised you were the black ops/spy Sam had told him.  
"It’s whatever, I would’ve done the same thing if I were you." Bucky answered after a few seconds.  
He turned to look through the window again, trying to keep his thoughts in order. You settled down next to him, the warmth of your skin reaching his own. Nothing could be heard other than your breathings, not even the cars outside or the sound of the busy city that hid you. And for the first time in a long time, Bucky felt relaxed with someone he didn’t know from the past.  
"I’m James."  
He could’ve sworn he heard you smile before you gave him your name. 
Tumblr media
Now  
"What the fuck are you doing here, Barnes?"  
The music was still on, as were the blue and red lights that lighted up the darkness in the room. Bucky could feel the breeze of your breath on his face and the smell of expensive whisky and tobacco in every word you said. He wasn’t surprised, the man that you knocked out probably tried to impress you with them.  
But behind the traces of blood, alcohol, and gunpowder, he could smell your shampoo. The same peony smell mixed with lavander filled his nostrils, and it brought him back to the many nights you had spent together. Your fingers were drawing circles on the skin of his back, and his nose was buried in your hair.  
You, on the other hand, were reminded of the suffering he caused you with every passing second.  
"I told you to stay away from me," you muttered.  
Your hand pressed the edge of the blade on his skin, and you were sure if you kept going you were going to start drawing out blood, but you couldn’t care less. Bucky Barnes had always been an expert at instilling unwanted emotions in you, and it was difficult to keep those emotions at bay right now. 
You felt anger. You felt resentment. You felt pure, long-lasting hatred.  
"Maybe I should slit your throat right now, that’ll make you stay away from me permanently."  
Your words were intimidating, filled with the same promise you had made him that fateful night. This was his chance, his chance at the apology that had died out in his throat when you closed the door behind him. This was the chance he had chased in his dreams for almost a year.  
But he couldn’t say anything.  
He loved you. God, he loved you so much. He missed seeing your face other than in the few pictures he kept or in the memories that did no justice. Because even now, as you threatened to kill him, you were a dream come true, just like the first time he saw you. 
"Say something!"  
"You’re beautiful."  
Your grip faltered on the knife, your eyebrows slightly furrowing at his words.  
No, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t come back out of nowhere, say some cheesy, basic compliment, and make the walls of hate you had built crumble. Even if he had only managed to knock down one brick, he didn't deserve it. You knew it, he knew it, and everyone else who knew what happened between you two knew it.  
Then why did your heart flutter at his words?  
"Hey," Sam said, breaking the silence, your head snapping in his direction."I know he’s an asshole, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t kill my partner."  
You look back at Bucky for a few seconds before giving up, throwing your knife to the floor. Sam leaned over, his hand extended to help Bucky get up.Your murderous eyes went from Bucky to Sams, your gaze softening at his friend.  
"I told you to only contact me in emergencies," you grumbled.  
A hiss left your lips when you touched your arm, one of the bullet wounds was still seeping blood. Bucky thought about telling you something, but this time he listened to the rational part of his brain that told him to shut the fuck up.  
"Believe me, if we had a choice, we wouldn’t have come," Sam said.  
Your eyes flickered between both men, not convinced about helping them. Well, on helping the blue eyed super soldier. A pathetic excuse for why you couldn’t help them died on your lips once you saw his blue eyes. Please, help us they begged.  
You didn’t owe him anything. You shouldn’t help him, but in the back of your head, Steve’s voice rang through. Good ol’ Steve Rogers and his everlasting moral lessons. That's what we have to do, he said. 
So you put aside your feelings because helping people mattered more than an idiot who broke your heart.  
"What do you want?" You sighed.  
"We’re looking into something... odd. A bunch of pregnant women missing, still in their early stages of pregnancy. Most of them show up dead after giving birth, but the babies are nowhere to be found."  
You shrug. "They take the kids, so?"  
It was cold, you were aware of it. But after the things you had seen, the things you had done, you were aware that people kidnapping woman for their babies wasn’t something out of the ordinary, let alone something that required Captain America to look into it. Things like that were always forgotten, pushed back into a slew of cases alongside more missing women. 
"They had traces of the super serum."  
Fuck.  
You laughed. A joyless, cynical type of laugh. Destiny, of course, had to be a jerk. 
"Well, you’re in luck. I think we’re tracking down the same people." Sam raised an eyebrow at you with a simple request for you to elaborate. "A girl showed up dead in México a couple of months ago, she’d been missing for almost a year. Autopsy showed she had a miscarriage before dying, the bleeding killed her. The remains had traces of the serum too."  
"Are you saying that—?" Sam couldn’t finish his sentence, the thought sending chills along his spine.  
"Yeah."  
The air is somber between the three of you. Sure, the flag smashers were a problem when they appeared, as you knew from all the news reports you'd seen.People with ten times the strength of a normal human being were dangerous, especially if they were associated with a terrorist organization. 
This was different, though. This was sinister.  
Groans coming from the top floor broke the eeriness that surrounded you, making you finally remember why you were here. You tore apart part of the black dress that was once pristine and wrapped it around your arm.  
"Look at this guy over there," you said, motioning behind you. "He has intel on this, he’s the one that gets the girls and delivers them."  
"Well, let’s take him in and—"  
You cut Sam off. "No. Look, you came looking for me because this is my specialty. I know how to handle guys like him, and I sure as hell know he won’t tell us shit if we take him to a precinct and threaten him with some jail time. He’s a big fish. A few phone calls and he’ll be out in no time." They knew you were right, but they didn’t like your arguments. "We do this my way, or you better pray you find them before I do."  
Sam looked hesitant. He knew what you were going to do to the man, and his good conscience chastised him for even thinking of letting you torture someone. But the rational part, the part that knew that in this case there wasn’t much of an option, knew that they needed you, and perhaps you also needed them.  
"Just, don’t kill him." Sam said before walking away.  
Compromise. You could do compromise.  
"Fine," you said, rolling your eyes. 
After Sam slammed the door shut on his way out, you were reminded of the fact that you weren't alone. Bucky’s eyes were already looking at you, the same apologetic eyes you had seen before you kicked him in the chest.  
"Thanks for helping us." He spoke, thinking it was an appropriate way to break the ice, but it only managed to make you scoff.  
"Let’s make something clear, I’m not doing this for you." you spat. "I’m doing this because Sam needs my help and so we can save those innocent girls and stop any more from being taken. This doesn’t change anything between us, as soon as this is over, you go back to leaving me the fuck alone, got it?"  
Say something. Fight for her. Explain what happened, his mind begged him.  
But he couldn’t, because even if it had been almost a year since he last saw you, he was still the same coward who let you walk away without a fight.  
So he agreed.  
"Yeah."  
"Good. I’ll meet you outside." 
Tumblr media
Then  
"Thanks for the coffee." Bucky said before taking a sip.  
Droplets of water fell from his forehead, a strand of unruly black hair was hanging on the side of his eyebrows. The towel that hung from his waist, showing his torso all the way down to that sculpted V of his abdomen, made it too difficult to concentrate on the files you were trying to organize.  
The man was hotter than the sun.  
"No problem." you smiled at him.   
You had no idea it would be the best and worst decision you'd ever made when you suggested Bucky stay with you while Steve went to rescue the others.You liked Bucky, and the few days you spent with him while Steve and the others gathered everything they needed so they could go find Zemo had been nice. Sure, he was a man of a few words, but it didn’t bother you. It was weirdly comforting to be able to enjoy someone’s company in silence. And the times he spoke, he did it out of pure curiosity, curiosity about the world, about what had happened while he was in the ice, but mostly about you.  
He asked about your cases, how you met Steve, and how you came to partner with some of the most powerful people in the world. He asked about your life, about your childhood in the orphanage, and what made you choose to help people. He asked so many questions, yet he still respected you when you didn’t want to answer some of them. He asked, not to pry, but to get to know you, and in return, when you asked him something, he was as honest as he felt comfortable being.  
And that was the problem. No matter how much you tried, you knew your days with Bucky Barnes were numbered. Ever since you were young, you knew that being in this line of work would prevent you from having a normal life. You couldn't have a normal relationship. You weren’t meant to have the love story your favorite movies portraited, the white picket fence and the family of five wasn’t in your future.  
Neither was he, maybe in the forties he would’ve came home from war and found himself a pretty girl to marry. But now, after everything he had seen and everything he had unwillingly done, he probably wouldn't want a relationship any time soon. Or maybe not at all.  
But after three weeks of being cramped up in the same little apartment, you were getting used to him. You had developed a little routine together that always ended up with a cup of coffee at the end of the day. Sometimes both of you would just sit in silence, taking in each other's company while you sipped on your cups. Other times, just like now, he would sit next to you as you watched whatever movie you had decided to put on.  
You had to cut this at the root before it became too hard to let go.  
"So, you’re going to Wakanda?"  
He sighs. "Yeah. Steve says they have someone that might be able to help with... help with my..."  
"I know." You finished for him, suddenly placing your hand on top of his. He tensed at your touch, both of you looking down at your hands before you took away yours, embarrassed at your own lack of control. "Well, if you’re not too busy there, I could go visit you sometimes."  
"You would?" he questioned.  
"If you want me, too," you shrugged, trying not to reveal your excitement. 
He looked at you, his thoughts unreadable through his face. For a moment, you thought he was going to reject your offer, but something changed in his eyes. He smiled, the faintest, littlest hint of a smile you had seen, but it was there.  
You made him smile for the first time.  
"Yeah. I’d like that."  
If someone were to ask Bucky when he first felt he could love you, it would be right now. With the dim light of the TV lighting up your face and a shy smile on your lips as you told him you were willing to travel such a long distance just to see him.  
And as you lay next to him, your head against his shoulder, you thought to yourself that maybe you could be selfish for once and allow yourself to enjoy his company a bit more. 
Tumblr media
Now  
There were drops of water leaking out of a pipe, he could hear them from the other side of the room. Everything around him was dark, it seemed the only source of light was on top of him and the woman on the floor pleading for her life.   
"Please don’t do this," she begged with a Spanish accent. "I don’t want to die, please."   
He wanted to move, he wanted to throw away the gun in his hand, but it was like he was a spectator of his own life. His body was not his, or his breathing. Not even his heartbeat listened to the inner panic attack he was having. Nothing belonged to him.   
"Kill her," a distorted voice told him. His eyes glanced at him quickly, and he noticed the man had no face. No one around them had one.   
Everything felt like it was in slow motion. His finger moved, pressing the trigger of the gun, but he refused to give up. He had to try, even if his own consciousness was trying to kick him out, sucking him into the pool of darkness he had been resting in for a long time.   
But even if he tried for years, he couldn’t win. He was powerless.   
Broken.   
He could only witness how the other "him" obeyed. The woman's eyes changed from scared to lifeless in less than a second. A splash of crimson staining his combat boots kept his attention. He couldn’t hear what the other people in the room were saying, he didn’t exist anymore, or he didn’t want to. The sound of the water leak was deafening now. Growing louder and louder until it consumed everything around him   
He didn’t want to be awake. Not like this.   
And as he felt himself disappearing, he hoped this was the last time he came back to the surface. He would rather be surrounded by emptiness.   
Yet something interrupted him, pulling him back up.   
A woman's voice, so familiar it made his heartbeat change.   
"Bucky!"  
Bucky's eyes opened wide. His head was spinning, his breathing was rapid, and his heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest. The adrenaline in his system made him dizzy, and he could feel his hands shaking. And he was feeling. A lot. Scared, angry, hopeless. So many emotions constricted his chest, burying him under their weight.  
"Bucky," you repeated. His head snapped at you, showing you a pair of wide, terrified eyes.  
Your feet almost moved. A pure protective instinct filled you with dread at the fact that you couldn’t help him anymore. Your head and your heart were in conflict. In one hand your heart begged you to go to him, stroke his back as you peppered kisses along his shoulder. Then you would lie back in bed while your hands surrounded his body, your front pressed to his back in a way to say, I’m here, I love you, and everything will be alright.  
On the other hand, your brain told you to turn in the other direction. Walk away from the night terrors that plagued his mind and let him suffer in silence. He wasn't your responsibility anymore, and you shouldn't be concerned about helping him with whatever was wrong with him. 
Was it possible to hate and care about someone at the same time?  
"Nightmares?" you couldn’t help yourself from asking. 
His left hand rubbed his eyes, a sigh leaving his lips. "Yeah. Sorry if I woke you up."  
"You didn’t."  
You sat at the table in front of the couch he was lying on, a steaming cup of lavender tea between your hands. The cling of the spoon clashing against the ceramic filled the uncomfortable silence between you.  
"Where’s Sam?" he asked, sitting straight as a couple of droplets of sweat fell down his forehead.  
"He has a contact in the city. He left to meet them."  
"Oh."  
Whatever else he was about to say died on his lips. You noticed he seemed to do that often since meeting again, his eyes speaking the words he would never say. Sometimes you would catch him looking at you, the frown on his forehead deepening with the passing of time. It made you wonder if he would now be open to answering your questions.  
"He said you’re going to therapy."  
He was taken aback by your question. It probably was the first time you said more than the necessary to him. Also, it was the first time that you showed any sort of interest in his life.  
"Uh, yeah. Court mandated."  
You hummed, sipping on your tea.  
"Does it work?"  
You saw the hesitance in his eyes. The way his jaw clenched and his grip on the couch made his knuckles white made you think he was about to change the subject with a witty, bitter, or sarcastic remark, or maybe even just ignore the question at all. You wouldn’t be surprised if he did, by the end of your relationship, he was an expert in it.  
Bucky didn’t change much after all, you thought to yourself  
But he broke the silence.  
"In some ways." he started, his gaze dropping to the floor. "The nightmares don’t come as often anymore, and I don’t feel the need to shoot every asshole that drives a shitty car with a shitty exhaust pipe." You chuckled at his confession, making a slight smirk show on his face. "But she’s too much."  
"What do you mean?"  
He sighed. "She pisses me off. I hate that she keeps trying to make me feel better by just saying my life is better now and I shouldn’t feel like shit anymore. But it’s not that easy. Just like it’s not easy to follow the stupid set of rules she gave me."  
He looked up to see your reaction to his words, expecting to see the same hardened look you’ve given him the past couple of weeks. And it was just that what greeted his eyes, your lips slightly pressed together and your eyes decorated with a slight scowl that only showed up for him.  
But behind the tough exterior, he could see your eyes had softened. For a brief second, your eyes showed care and understanding to what he siad before going back to the usual void stare you gave him.  
"She sounds like a bad therapist." He shrugged in agreement, he couldn’t say anything against the truth. "She also sounds like a bitch."  
He laughed. The type of laugh that caught him off guard and made his lungs run out of air. Granted, your joke might’ve not been as funny as his laugh was giving it credit for, but he had always been fond of your bluntness.  
You couldn’t help but laugh with him too.  
Laughing with Bucky felt foreign yet so familiar at the same time. It felt like reminiscing on a memory you didn’t remember you had, a bittersweet memory that brought back the same good feeling of the memories you built together  
But moments like that couldn’t last forever. Your heart couldn’t afford to remember.  
A text message from Sam lit up your screen, saying his contact had useful information. You stood up from the table after texting him back and drank the rest of the cup's contents. 
"You should try to get some sleep, we have a long day ahead."  
His shoulders dropped slightly.  
"Yeah, you’re right. I’ll try to."  
With nothing left to say, you walked away, leaving Bucky in the loneliness of the night.   
You didn’t go right away to the room you had adopted as your own, though. He heard you going through the kitchen, a dim sound of clinking and pouring reaching him due to his enhanced hearing. He didn't think anything of it; maybe you needed more tea before going to bed. 
Your steps brought you back to him before you placed an object on the coffee table right beside him.  
A cup of lavender tea. 
Tumblr media
Then  
"It’s kinda late to be outside, huh?"  
Bucky jolted at the sound of your voice, your presence taking him by surprise. He was completely sure that when he left a couple of hours ago his house was empty and you hadn’t sent a message of your arrival.   
Something had happened? Was someone injured? Were you in trouble?  
His questions died on his lips as you cut the space between you and him short, your arms tightly embracing him. Your head found its place in the crook of his neck, his long hair falling on your face. His hands took a second to respond, but they eventually wrapped around your waist, bringing you closer to his chest.  
You stayed like that for what felt like ages, just taking in each other's warmth. He missed you, even if he tried to deny it every time his thoughts would wander to you. He tried to convince himself that his reclusion made him miss everyone he considered a friend, and in a world where everyone seemed to want him dead, you were one of the few people he trusted.  
He had been staying in Wakanda for nearly six months, and out of those six months, you had visited him at least once every month. The duration of your trip would vary, sometimes you would stay only a few hours, with most of your time spent in his hut while sharing stories of the outside and his progress. Other times, you'd stay for days, with the longest stay being a week and a half. In those cases, he would show you the surroundings, the forest that surrounded the back of his hut or take you on a long walk alongside the river that crossed his home. Sometimes you'd sit outside and stare at the stars, your only company being the animals and the flora. 
He also came to hate every time you would leave, feeling like a part of himself was leaving with you.  
One of his hands landed on the side of your hips, the other searching for your face.Your grip on him grew tighter once his fingers brushed the skin on your face but you eventually let go, allowing his hand to guide you slightly away from him.  
"What happened?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.  
You didn’t respond, but one look into your eyes, and he knew the answer. Whatever it was, it had affected you to the core, the broken look in your eyes could only be compared to the one he saw every time he looked at his reflection in the mirror.  
His forehead rested on yours, both your eyes closing at the contact.  
"It’s ok. I got you."  
His hand found yours as he guided you toward his bed. It wasn’t until then that he noticed you still had your tactical gear on, dirt and crystals still hiding in some places. He grabbed the buckle of your vest, his eyes asking for permission to get it off. A slight nod gave him the confirmation, beginning the process of somewhat freeing you of the events you had seen. He got rid of his own garments too, leaving you both standing in front of yourselves with only underwear covering you. He dragged you into bed, your frames covered by the light white sheets on his bed. 
Not many times had he allowed himself to think of you in a sexual manner, knowing how his body would react in a lustful way. But as he found himself looking at you with barely any clothes on, the desire was left on the back burner of his brain. You needed him. You needed his comfort, and he was more than willing to give it to you.  
He would give you anything you asked for.  
His hand rested on your face, tracing circles across your cheek, your eyes closed at the soothing action.  
"I’m sorry." Your voice trembled. He could see you wanted to say more, but words failed to come out of your mouth  
Bucky’s heart ached. He had never seen you in such a vulnerable state, and his mind was going cray at the thought of not being able to do anything to help you.  
"It’s ok, sunshine. You don’t have to talk about it."  
So you lay there, head against his chest, as he kept you between his arms, with nothing other than the sound of the crickets outside his hut surrounding you. And for the first time in a long time, you felt what being loved felt like.  
That night, you kissed him for the first time. You didn’t stop, not even the next morning when he woke you up with breakfast already made and a cup of lavender tea. 
Tumblr media
 Now  
"Bring him to the table!" you yelled.  
Your hand swept across the surface, knocking over every piece of paper, pencil, and piece of equipment. The vibrations of the heavier objects on the concrete floors matched the beating of your heart.  
Bucky dropped Sam on the table. The man had gone unconscious on the ride to the safe house, the bullet wound that oozed liquid crimson was most likely the cause.The same crimson color now stains Bucky's clothes, and his leather gloves were also covered in a thin layer of it.  
You brought your knife to slash through his clothes, the sharp metal cutting through them as if they were butter. The hole on his shoulder seemed to have no exit, the bullet was still inside him. You were glad Sam wasn’t conscious for the next hour.  
The super soldier hovered over you for the entirety of the time you spent cleaning through the fragments that splintered from the bullet. Everything went relatively well until Sam started waking up, his body contorting in pain as you dug through his wound. Bucky brought him a bottle of vodka while you injected him with some local anesthesia.  
Hours later, the wounded man was now resting on the only bed the safehouse had, his breathing bringing great comfort as it meant he was still alive. After half a bottle of vodka and a some painkillers diluted on his IV, you were sure he wouldn’t wake up until tomorrow.  
The faucet sprayed cold water onto your palms. Your nails desperately tried to scrape away the traces of blood that still lingered in your skin, leaving red marks all across your knuckles. Dirt and dried blood were trapped underneath your fingernails, and no matter how much you tried to dig it out, it would stay right there.  
Bucky’s footsteps brought you out of your trance, the heavy sound of his combat boots felt deafening with each step he took. You tried to tune him out, focusing once again on the sound of water, but it seemed as if Bucky had made it his purpose to be as loud as possible. You held onto the sink so strongly that you were sure it would snap.  
A deep rage came from your stomach, spreading all over your body. The anger constricted your chest in such a way that you weren’t sure if somehow you were buried under a collapsed building, its weight invisibly crushing you.  
It was his fault. It was all his fault.  
You didn’t remember walking outside the bathroom, nor did you remember walking up to him and slapping away the cup of water his hand held.  
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" you barked at him.  
"I—"  
"I gave you one task. You had to wait until I gave you the signal so you could come in. Not guns blazing, not punching everyone that comes your way, not drawing everyone's attention to us. Your only fucking job was to wait for the distributor to show up and wait for my goddamn signal."  
"What did you want me to do? Just stand there and do nothing?" he argued.  
You were taken aback by his response. Part of you expected him to just let you scream at him and give you the same soft eyes he always gave you when you spoke to him.You weren't expecting him to snap back at you or to defend himself. 
Maybe if things hadn’t gone sour between you two, you would’ve listened to what he said, and in return, he would’ve listened to you. But the anger was too strong to be subdued.  
"I wanted you to follow the fucking plan."  
"He was about to torture you!"  
Bucky's thoughts returned to the old factory turned whorehouse.The way you had purposefully gotten caught and how they had tied you to an exposed pipe line. He could still hear the sound of the man’s hand smashing against your cheek.  
"I can handle myself! I told you guys to stay put until the distributor was there. He knows I’m after him, and this was our only chance to catch him. And now he’s god knows where and Sam got fucking shot."  
A heartbeat passed before Bucky came close to your face. His big frame towered over you, and his breathing hit your face.  
"You’re fucking delusional if you think I was just going to let anything happen to you."  
You scoffed, "Oh, so now you care?"  
"I’ve always cared."  
You pulled away from him, your eyes rolling at his pathetic words.  
"Sure."  
Perhaps it was the fact that you had been in danger no longer than a couple of hours ago, or maybe it was the heat of the fight that had left some residues on him. Whatever it was, it made Bucky courageous enough to reach for your arm.  
"Look at me."  
You swatted him away.  
"Don’t fucking touch me."  
But this time he wasn't going down without a fight.Not again.  
"I know I was an asshole at the end of our relationship, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care for you anymore."  
A bitter laugh came out of you. All of this had to be some sick joke. "When you care about someone, you don’t treat them like that. You didn’t care about me, and you sure as hell didn’t love me."  
His hand tried to touch you again, and this time you let him. You were tired. Tired of fighting with him. You closed your eyes as soon as his skin came in contact with yours, his touch consuming all of your senses.  
You opened your eyes to find him staring back at you, the blue eyes that once hurt you shining the same way they did the first time you kissed him.  
"I did love you," he whispered into your lips. "I still do."  
His words burned you like someone had branded you with hot iron in the chest.Even after all this time, he could still hurt you, Why couldn’t he just leave you alone? Why did he have to bring back the past you so fiercely tried to leave behind?  
"Don’t." Your lower lip quivered. "Y-you can't just break my heart and then come back into my life and just say you still love me."  
"I never stopped loving you."  
Those five words were all it took to tear down what little control you had over yourself. A year ago it would've broken you to hear them but now they only brought a deep sense of indignation. 
With a quick move, you pulled his hand away from you, your hands pushing against his chest until he hit the wall. You wanted him to hurt. You wanted to carve his heart out of his ribcage and throw it far away, maybe then he would understand what it felt like.  
"Where was your love when I needed it, huh? Where was your love when I had no one else? Where was your love when I reached for you every night but you were already gone? Where was your love when I begged you to love me, to be there for me?" Your hands were clutching his jacket, and your vision was blurred by tears."Where the fuck was your love when you brought that girl to your apartment?"  
Bucky never saw you like this, not even when he stomped on your heart with his indifference. Under the anger, the hate, and the surface indifference you showed him, he could see how broken you were. He could see how you were constantly struggling to put the pieces of yourself back together that he had torn apart. 
He hated himself for extinguishing parts of you. 
"I’m sorry."  
A lapse of judgment.  
That’s what you would tell anyone who asked you why you kissed Bucky that night. You would say that you had been blinded by the pure rage his mere presence would bring you. Or perhaps you would take the easy route and you would say that with everything that happened that night, almost being tortured and Sam getting hurt, you had acted in a primitive instict of searching comfort.  
The truth was different. You could lie to yourself and say that you didn’t needed Bucky, not after all the things he had done. You lied to yourself constantly when you told yourself you were over him. You also lied to yourself when you claimed that your one-night stands had fulfilled you in the same way that Bucky had. 
You couldn’t feel anything, not ever since you walked out of his apartment. You had tried different people, different cities. You had tried different alcohols and different drugs. You had tried anything that could help you fill the emptiness that had found a permanent home inside you. You felt nothing, not until you saw those cerulean eyes again.  
Your kiss was aggressive, your lips smashing against his with strength and your hands finding their place in the back of his head. It took a second for Bucky to kiss you back as he thought his mind was playing tricks with him. But after you pressed yourself against his chest, his body reacted on muscle memory alone, his arms surrounding your waist.  
It wasn’t what you expected, though. You thought that the specks of love that remained between you would be enough to bring back whatever it was that you were missing. Instead, you were met with the most intense hatred you've ever felt, mixed with the melancholy of what could've been. 
He tasted like the past, but he still hurt like the present.  
So you made a decision.If you couldn't bring yourself to love Bucky Barnes anymore, you would hate him with all that remained of your soul. You would hate him until both of you burned in the flames of your agony. You'd despise him until you'd ripped every part that matched the ones he'd so easily broken. 
"I hate you," you whispered between kisses. "I fucking hate you."  
Your words were daggers to his heart. His chest tightened, and his grip on you faltered for a second before he snapped out of it. This wasn’t about him. If you needed to tell him how much you despised him, he would gladly let you kill him with your words. It was the least you deserved.  
"I know," he mumbled against your lips.  
He felt your body guiding him through the room until the back of his legs hit against the couch where he would sleep. Your hands pushed against his chest, making him sit on the couch while you straddled his lap.  
Clothes flew across the room, and you found yourself tearing his shirt apart in two while he only pulled yours off.You'd worry about that later; right now, nothing was more important than feeling your skin against his. 
Your hands traveled over his chest, fingers grazing every part of his abdomen as you trailed down to his zipper. You palmed him over his jeans, his cock already hard, and you felt it twitch against the fabric with every touch you gave him. Groans left Bucky’s lips.  
"I hate you," you repeated as a mantra.  
He shouldn’t make you feel this way, but as you see his head going back when your hand opened his fly and found it’s place around his cock you felt your own desire pooling in your lower belly and the aching in your core became unbearable.  
With swift movements, Bucky got rid of his pants and his underwear while you remained on top of him. With your frame still covered by a black lace bra and your black tactical pants on, he couldn't help but feel exposed when he looked at you.Deciding he didn’t wanted to be the only one naked his hands went to the side of your hips in efforts to get you rid of the fabric but your hand swatted him away.  
Beg me, your eyes said.  
For a moment, he considered tearing your pants apart the same way you had done with his shirt. However, the seriousness behind your eyes warned him that he might end things too soon if his stubbornness got in the way. So he gave in.  
"Please, Sunshine." His hands gripped your waist, his hips grinding against your still-wrapped core, sending shivers down your spine."Please, let me see you."  
You relented, unbuttoning your pants and throwing them away with your panties. In what were the longest seconds of Bucky’s life, you unclasped your bra, finally getting rid of the last barrier your body held on to.  
You stood there, completely naked, staring at Bucky.He remembered the way your breasts felt when he held them. He remembered how soft your skin was. He remembered that if he bit on the skin of your neck, right where the jugular is, you would clench around him. He remembered. In the lonely nights when he needed some release, he would close his eyes and imagine your lips around his cock as he fisted himself in the solitude of his apartment. 
All those memories didn’t compare to watching you in the flesh, with hungry, hateful eyes on him as you walked back to straddle him again.  
His cock twitched once your legs fell to his sides, the heat of your body settling on his crotch. You sat on top of him, your wetness welcoming him once you lowered yourself. His length placed itself right between your lips, and a groan left him.  
"Fuck."  
Your hips began rocking in slow but sharp motions as he felt his cock coated with your slick. Slowly, you built up a rhythm that made both of you moan. His hands landed again on your hips, his fingers pressing on your skin in a way that was certain to leave bruises the next day. Your own hands gripped on Bucky’s biceps for stability, and you squeezed them every time you would feel him brushing against your clit.  
You felt amazing on top of him, but that wasn’t what made his heart pound against his chest.  
It was your eyes. Your eyes never left him, no matter how much pleasure you were pulling from both of you and how badly you wanted to roll your eyes as the coil inside of you tightened. Your eyes, which once showed him what love could look like, now looked at him with a simmering hatred he could not shake.  
His chest tightened at the thought of never seeing them again. The electricity that ran through his body was replaced by a deep sense of hopelessness, and the more he kept his gaze on you, the more it amplified. You must’ve sensed the change in him because your movements stopped.  
Broken eyes now stared at you with the ghost of tears in them. The anger that had driven your actions and your thoughts through all this had now subsided, allowing itself to mix with melancholy.   
I love you. I’m sorry. I miss you. His eyes said.  
I hate you. I’ll never forgive you. I wish I never met you. Yours answered.  
And in the middle of the lust that was taking place right on the couch, both of your hearts broke again.  
You pulled him back for a kiss that tasted of desperation and sorrow as tears fell from both your eyes. The saltiness of the tears bled into the kiss and mixed with it.Quickly, your hand guided his tip to your entrance. You needed him inside you like a person lost in the desert needs water. You craved him with every cell in your body, and it tore your heart apart.  
"So tight." He moaned in your mouth as you sank into him.  
The stretch of his length burned as you forced yourself to take him fully. It hurt, and even with your arousal completely covering him, you weren't prepared to take his thick length.You didn’t care though, you hoped it would make you forget your heartbreak. Bucky tried to stop you as he felt you struggling to take him in. His hands held your waist, but you shook your head before you started bouncing on him.  
You didn’t want love from him. You didn’t want tenderness or care. You wanted roughness. You wanted strength and aggressiveness until the only thing you could feel was the ache between your legs.  
The super soldier gave you what you wanted.  
Bucky’s pace was brutal, his cock hitting the sweet spot only he could reach. The sound of his hips colliding with yours filled the room, bouncing off the walls and echoing through the hallway outside.In the back of his mind, Bucky was thankful Sam was knocked out with meds so he could be spared from the obscene orchestra your bodies played.  
The pain quickly turned into pleasure. Your walls hugged him tightly, each thrust carried a strength that left you breathless. At some point your legs had given in, the only reason why you kept bouncing was the snap of his hips pushing you. He didn’t let go of you though, instead he pushed you against his chest in an embrace that surrounded you tightly.  
Your head rested against his while your hands stayed on his chest. The sadness that mixed with the pleasure numbed everything else except for the bubbling up of your release. It pained you to admit that no one else could make you feel like Bucky, you had tried to find someone who could replicate what his touch could do for you, but no one ever came close.  
You hated how much you missed him and how much you needed him.  
"I wish you would’ve stayed dead." you panted. The poison behind your words shredded his heart. He knew you were saying it to hurt him, he knew you didn’t mean it, but the conviction behind it felt like a kick in the chest. "I wish we never brought you back."  
"Me too." he finally admitted.  
Bucky felt your walls constrict around him, and he could tell you were close. He drew you in for one last kiss, the kind that took your breath away. The type of kiss that was a solace in a world of agony. The type of kiss that meant a promise that carried forever.  
You tightened around him as you came, and his thrusts slowed down as he rode you through your high. As you closed your eyes, more tears fell from the corners, so he reached out to wipe them away.Once you had recovered a little, his brutal pace came back, this time chasing his own release. You brought your lips to kiss his neck, feathery, soft kisses, and he felt his balls tightening. He was so close.  
He tried to pull out so he could fist himself to the end but you didn’t budge, instead whispering in his ear.  
"Inside."  
He came harder than he had done in the last year. You felt his cock twitching inside as he covered your walls with his cum, the mess between your release and his own dripping out of you. You kept bouncing on top of him, making sure to return the favor by guiding him all the way through the end.  
You stood up, the feeling of emptiness making you shudder when his cock left you, and his cum started leaking out of you. You turned to go find something to clean yourself up, but his metal hand stopped you. He guided you back to the couch before he walked towards the bathroom. A few minutes later, he came back with a towel, and he positioned himself right between your legs.  
He cleaned you up just like he had done for so many years before.His other hand caressed your thigh as he made sure to wipe everything. And just as he always did for years, once he finished, he kissed your inner thigh, a couple of inches away from your pussy.  
Bucky threw the towel to the floor, he would worry about it in the morning.As for right now, the only thing he wanted was to hold you close. So he did. He thanked the couch was big enough to fit you both as you layed together. He pulled the blanket he used to warm himself every night over you, and his arm surrounded your waist, his grip making your back settle against his front. His left hand traced lazy circles over your stomach while the other was used as your pillow.  
For a few seconds, both of you allowed yourselves to reminisce in the past. He kissed the top of your head as you snuggled against him like you usually did. And as you felt his warmth behind you and inhaled his scent, everything seemed to be alright once again.  
Except they weren’t. Bucky wasn’t the man who made you feel secure anymore, and you weren’t the woman who trusted him with all her heart. Both of them belonged to the past.  
"I don’t love you anymore. I will never love you again." you broke the silence.  
Bucky held you tighter as his heart broke once again.  
"I don’t deserve your love." He whispered. "But I’ll still love you forever." 
Tumblr media
Then  
Loving Bucky Barnes was never easy.   
It wasn’t all bad, though. For many years you had been together, three and a half to be exact, where you could imagine a life with. Three years where there was no one you trusted more or preferred to be with.Three years that were the happiest of your life.  
Those were a few of the reasons why he had asked you to marry him. And those were also a few of the reasons why you had said yes.  
You had told yourself at the beginning that you couldn’t get attached to him for the safety of your heart. It didn’t matter that his touch felt like home or that during the times you spent apart, his eyes would be the only comfort you would find in your dreams. He would bring more heartbreak than love.  
Oh, how right you had been.  
Unfortunately for you, the heartbreak would come in a way you couldn’t have prevented.  
The snap came and took him away from you. One second he was standing next to you, the next he was turning into dust that flew into the wind. The last thing he had said was your name and after that half the population was gone.  
The years went by in a blur. Between nights filled with drugs and alcohol and days spent cramped up in your apartment, you were wallowing in the type of sadness that the rest of the population could understand. You kept your ring in your finger, it reminding you that what your memories craved for were real.  
Bucky had been real.  
With his departure, he had also taken your heart. 
After a particularly bad night where you crashed your vehicle into a contention bar, Tony had taken it upon himself to help you, offering you a home close to his secluded one. You took it, not because you wanted to get better but because you wanted solitude. But if life had taught you anything about Tony Stark, it was that he was as stubborn as they come.  
Every morning he would bring you breakfast along with a visit from a certain little baby that always wanted to be held by you, and sometimes she would be able to bring a small smile to your face. With time, the little baby turned into a little girl that would ask for a sleepover every once in a while, and you would gladly accept the offer to allow Tony and Pepper a night alone.  
Things got better. You visited Steve and Natasha at the compound and even allowed yourself to go in missions of your own, as it turned out not even The Snap could make criminals take a break. You even went to one of Steve’s depressing support group meetings, never returning for the next one.  
You couldn’t be strong all the time, though. Some nights, when the pain was so strong that it drowned you and the grief was too powerful to keep at bay, you would find yourself staring at the hundreds of pictures you had taken of him. Most of them were of you together, but there were a few you took when he wasn’t looking. The sunset behind him as he breathed in the clean air of Wakanda, or the small smile on his face as he tasted the food he cooked for you both.Even when he was reading some of the books he kept under his bed and a few wrinkles would show on his forehead as his whole focus remained in the text, he always looked beautiful.  
With time, everything felt like a routine. Waking up alone, eating alone, going outside alone. Sleeping alone. Everything seemed to be stable, not good or bad, but just stable. You were sure this was the best you could do, or at least the best it could get.  
That is, until a ray of hope appeared. 
Time travel was the answer. Taken as a whole, it seemed like something out of a science fiction film, but it made sense.Bring the stones back and along with them everyone that had died. Surprisingly, it had worked, everyone that had been snapped away came back just as they had left. It should have been a moment of joy. It should've.  
The thing about hope is that it comes with a price. Natasha and Tony were the price to pay.  
Steve left shortly after.  
You understood him. You understood why he left everything and everyone behind to go live a life with the woman he had always loved. You would be a liar if you said you wouldn’t have done the same if you were in his position. You understood why he did it but it still hurt to know you weren’t enough of a reason to stay and live a life together.  
It seemed like you were on a streak of losing people. Wherever you turned, more people kept leaving your life. Wanda was gone, turned into the madness that grief could bring. Thor left to save other planets that needed him. Bruce... well, you weren’t sure where Bruce was, but he didn’t try to contact you.   
Everyone was gone but Sam and Bucky.  
Bucky. Your Bucky. The man you had spent the past five years crying for. The man who made you the happiest you'd ever felt.The man who felt like home.  
But he wasn't your Bucky any longer. 
This Bucky didn’t kiss you with the same tenderness he did so many years ago. Instead, he'd barely move his lips once yours touched his in what you'd call a mediocre peck.He also never initiated a kiss, it was you who always reached out for him.  
This Bucky didn’t held you at night. Instead, he'd turn around, his back to you, and even if you reached for him between dreams, he'd guide your hand back to your side of the bed.Some nights, he would even choose to sleep on the floor of the living room when he thought you were asleep. It was as if the thought of touching you seemed appalling to him.  
This Bucky never hugged you. 
This Bucky never talked to you with love  only with annoyance and indifference.  
This Bucky never woke you up with breakfast.  
This Bucky never tried to sleep with you.  
This Bucky never said I love you.  
Because this Bucky didn’t love you.  
But you held hope, foolishly. Every day you tried to talk to him, show him in every possible way that you were still here with him. Every day you tried to make things better between you, you poured your heart and soul to try to fix what you didn’t even know was broken.  
Things got worse a couple of months later.   
As it turned out, time had taken a toll on Steve’s body, and one night he went to bed and never woke up. You found it a bit ironic the man out of time had finally run out of time.  
His funeral was held on a sunny spring afternoon. People from all over the world showed up to say their final goodbyes to the man who had saved the world so many times. Friends, people he had saved, and heroes paid their respects to him. The first super soldier had finally been put to rest.  
After everyone had cleared out, you went back to drop one last token for his departure. It was a picture of the both of you. Steve’s arm hung over your shoulders while both of you held a couple of beers. It had been the first time you had seen Steve outside of work related situations. That was the beginning of your friendship.  
As you got back to his tombstone, you saw Bucky standing in front of it. His eyes were void of any expression, and he didn’t seem to be talking to Steve’s grave either. Bucky was just there, staring at the place where his best friend was buried.  
He didn’t seem to notice when you stood next to him, nothing in his body gave any signs of acknowledgement. You gave him a couple of minutes before you reached for his hand. You knew that, even if he didn’t show it, he was in great pain. He had lost his last connection to the life he had once lived.  
You wanted to be there to help him through his pain.  
The contact only lasted a few seconds. Your touch surprised him, as he had jolted once your skin grazed his own. He turned his head to the side to give you a glare that you’ve never seen before. His eyes had been filled with pain, as you guessed, but they also carried hatred and disdain. He must’ve seen your expression, because a second later his eyes changed to a neutral expression.  
"What are you doing here?" he muttered.  
The shock of his stare lingered in you for a moment, but you quickly returned to yourself, a friendly smile on your face."I came to leave a little parting gift."  
He hummed in acknowledgement, not sparing another glance at you as you put the photograph against the headstone, right in between the dozens of flowers that decorated it. Both of you stayed silent after that, the sounds of the birds and the faint rumbling of cars were the only sounds keeping you company. It was peaceful. It was good. Just the two of you enjoying a moment's calmness in silence. 
For a few moments, you felt comfortable next to him. The first time in months since he came back. But good moments like that never lasted long.  
Without notice, he turned around. Long, desperate strides guided him towards the exit of the graveyard. He wanted to create distance between you and him, find somewhere that was as far away from you as he could be. You felt how you were losing him.  
But you fought for him, even when he seemed to not deserve it.  
"Bucky." You called for him. He stopped in his tracks, but he didn’t turn around, so you took that as a sign to keep going. "I know you’re hurting right now, I am too, but I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you."  
He didn’t answer for a few seconds, and you thought you had made a breakthrough. Maybe this was the time when things went uphill. This was the little push he needed to start healing and perhaps to try to rebuild the bridges that had burned. This was the little thread of hope you'd hung up on.  
You were wrong.  
"You have no idea how I feel," he said before leaving.  
That night you came back to your cabin, and Bucky’s things were gone. The only thing left was a note that rested in the middle of the bed.  
I found an apartment in the city. I need space.  
You didn’t see him for a couple of months after that. You considered tracking him down but ultimately gave up as he had asked for space. He needed time on his own, and you could give it to him. You would give him anything he asked for.  
You kept your word until Strange came to visit you, announcing news about Wanda. She was dead.  
You barely remembered tracking down his address or making your way there. It wasn’t until you were facing his door that you realized what you had done. He asked for space but in that moment, you couldn’t give it to him. You needed your Bucky.  
Knock, knock, knock.  
It was late in the night, and you could hear the TV going on in the living room. He had to be home. After a few minutes without an answer, you knocked again, but the only thing that welcomed you was silence.  
"Bucky," you called. Your voice was broken, you tried to fight the tears away, but saying his name broke what little self-control you had left. "Please open the door."  
You rested your forehead against the door, finally allowing yourself to feel everything you had been pushing back ever since the fight with Thanos. Pain, grief, loneliness, hatred, sadness, despair. A cocktail of emotions ran through you in an overwhelming way and seemed to want to drown you.  
"I know you’re in there." You cried. The tears that ran down your face landed on the floor. "I just— I know I said I could be strong for the both of us, but... I need you."  
You knocked on the door again, this time with the side of your fist. The desperate sound of your knocking bounced through the walls of the deserted hallway.  
"Please Bucky, please open the door. Wanda is dead." Your own cries stopped you from talking, the hole in your chest seemed to get bigger and bigger with each passing second. "Nat, Tony, Steve, Wanda. All of them are dead, and I—I can’t. I can’t keep losing people. I can’t lose you."  
You couldn’t do this alone, not anymore. Your heart couldn’t take it anymore.  
"I love you. God, I love you so much. I know you want space, but right now I need your love, Bucky. I need you to love me like you used to. Please love me." You begged.  
And you waited. You waited for what seemed like hours, but it probably was just thirty minutes until you accepted he wasn’t coming out.  
 You left with half a heart that night.  
Two weeks later, you came back to his apartment, ready to demand an explanation. Your love for him was strong, but you needed him to talk to you. You were ready to fight for your future. You were ready to fight for your love.  
"Bucky!" you yelled as you knocked aggressively. "Bucky, open the fucking door!"  
The door didn’t take long to open. It surprised you, your confidence and anger faltered for a second. This was a sign, perhaps it was him being ready to fight for you too. This was him showing you he still loved you.  
Except the person who opened the door wasn’t Bucky.  
It was a girl. A short brunette that was covered by Bucky’s black T-shirt and nothing more.  
"Hi."  
You wanted to scream. You wanted to burst into tears. You wanted to burn the world and leave everything behind. You wanted to die. But the only thing you could do was stay there and stare at the girl.  
"Umm, Bucky is not here." She said awkwardly, your intense stared made her uncomfortable.  
"Do you know where he is?" You questioned her. The words came out rougher than you intended, but as the heartbreak and despair set in, you couldn't care less. 
"No. I, um, when I woke up he was already gone." She pulled the hem of the t-shirt down in an effort to convey her nervousness, but it only infuriated you more. "Are you a friend of his?"  
You wanted to laugh. God, this couldn’t be happening.  
"Yeah, of sorts."  
"I can let you in so we can wait for him, but I have to leave in like twenty minutes."  
"You can’t call him?" you asked, bitterly. You knew Bucky had gotten a new phone but he never gave you his number.  
Her face blushed before she answered. "No, uh. We met last night, and he didn’t give me his number.  
"Oh."  
You didn’t know what would be worse, if he had seen this girl ever since he left your cabin or the fact that he had a one night stand with a random girl. It didn’t matter, though, Bucky Barnes had crushed your heart.  
The girl, whose name was Clara, kept her word, leaving minutes later as she had to go to work. She seemed like a nice girl who had no idea the man she had slept with was engaged. And perhaps in another world you would’ve been nicer to her if your heart hadn’t collapsed in on itself when she opened the door. Maybe she was a little naïve, as she let you stay inside the apartment so you could wait on Bucky. She had also asked you to give him her number, the digits scribbled on a piece of paper.  
You broke down the moment she closed the door behind her. You thought of trashing the place, breaking every piece of furniture he owned, and burning all his clothes in a pit in the middle of his living room. You imagined yourself hurling the stupid leather jacket he seemed to be fond of lately.You also thought about settling for burning everything to the crisp, wanting to see the look on his eyes once he saw his apartment consumed by flames.  
You didn’t do any of those things, though; instead, you waited. This time, hours actually went by, the once bright morning turned into the darkness of the night, and you never moved from your spot on the couch, not even to turn on the lights.  
Bucky came back to his apartment around 11 p.m. When he noticed the apartments' lack of lightning, he felt relieved not to have to deal with the girl he had taken home the night before. By the looks of it, she left a while ago.  
He turned on the light before taking of his jacket, placing it on the coat hanger next to the door.As he walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water, he tossed his keys on the counter.He had to change the sheets on his bed and do laundry tomorrow. The glass was half full when a voice behind him spoke.  
"You have a nice place here."  
The glass dropped from his hands into the kitchen sink. His head snapped quickly towards you, finding you seated in the middle of his couch. He turned off the sink, before making his way toward you. You couldn’t be here, not today of all days.  
"How the hell did you get in here?" he barked.  
He didn’t mean it like that, not in the way it sounded. He wasn’t angry at you being inside his apartment, he was scared. Scared that you had arrived at the wrong time and seen something you weren’t meant to see.  
He finally stood in front of you and saw it. Your nose was slightly puffy and red, like you had been crying for some time. Your shoulders were slumped, defeat washing over your posture. But the thing that hurt the most to see was the pain behind your eyes. It wasn’t the normal type of pain of loss or grief as you had experienced these past months. No, it was something else.  
It was the pain of heartbreak and betrayal.  
It couldn’t be.  
You couldn't have been here when she was still in his house. There was no way, life could not hate him this way. It had to be something else that broke your heart, he had hurt you many times this past couple of months, and today was probably the day it all crashed down. It had to be that.  
"Clara let me in."  
No.  
"Nice girl, she left her number for you."  
You knew, you had seen the girl who was apparently named Clara, he didn’t really remember it. Bucky knew he had to do something, anything that could save your relationship. Perhaps if he begged you not to leave him, to let him explain everything that had been going on with him, and if he spent the rest of his days making it up to you, then you would stay. Maybe you could forgive him.  
He didn’t do any of that, though. The same thoughtless attitude washed over him like it had done ever since he came back. It was as if his brain forced him to act this way in order to protect his own heart in the long run. 
Instead of doing everything he could to fix this, he shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest.  
"How long?" you asked. Bucky could see your eyes watering as you tried to keep yourself together. He hated himself. "How long have you been cheating on me?"  
His mouth answered without his permission.  
"Does it even matter?"  
Maybe he was right. Maybe it the answer wouldn’t change the way you were feeling; if anything, it was bound to hurt you more. But a part of you wanted to know the truth, to extinguish the other half of your heart.  
You didn’t budge, so Bucky finally answered, not before rolling his eyes. "She’s the only one. I met her yesterday in a bar. "He shrugged. "It just happened."  
You knew the answer, yet it still hit you with the force of a thousand bricks. He admitted it. He fucking admitted it and he didn’t even show a single morsel of remorse. There weren't any apologies or begs, no promises, or big romantic and sorrowful speeches. You could feel your own love being smothered, the flames that had once brought so much warmth to your soul were replaced by cold and emptiness.  
Bucky Barnes didn’t love you anymore. 
Tumblr media
Now  
Bruises covered your body as well as new injuries that would probably give you more scars. Dirt and blood slid down the drain, exhaustion settling in as your muscles relaxed. The droplets of water fell against your body, washing away everything that had happened today.  
You found the intel, you knew every single name of everyone involved with the heinous experiments you were chasing.  
You had almost died, one of the guys Bucky and you had cornered, had a bomb attached to his chest. You tried to stop him, your gun pointing at his head, but you were too slow. The explosion shook the entire structure, causing a chain collapse of the floors around you. 
Bucky had jumped to protect you, his body acting as a human shield, deflecting some of the impact.His flesh arm had a large metal piece embedded in it, as well as some burns on his back. The explosion had knocked you both out of the air, and the resulting wave had thrown you both across the room. 
As you tried to shake away the confusion and the ringing from your ears, you felt his hand find its place along your face and travel to your stomach. As he scanned you, blue eyes looked at you with fogginess but also deep concern. 
"You ok?" he had whispered.  
You nodded, but your mind was still fuzzy, perhaps you had hit your head, but you couldn’t remember much.  
But you remembered the desperation. You remembered everything crumbling apart as you tried to make your way to the exit. You remembered Sam’s voice screaming through your earpieces to get the fuck out of there. You remembered Bucky's hand always keeping you safe, guiding you through the clouds of cement and smoke.  
You also remembered how Bucky’s steps faltered before collapsing. Neither of you had noticed he had a second piece of metal scrap buried between his ribs. If he had removed it, his enhanced healing would have taken care of it, but the extenuating movements had caused damage to his lungs, bleeding, and a lack of oxygen, causing him to pass out. 
You remembered screaming for Sam’s help, begging him to help you save Bucky. You remembered the tears falling from your eyes as you tried to pull Bucky to safety, begging him not to die, begging him to wake up. You remembered the fire catching up to you, it’s warmth burning your skin. You wanted to kill Bucky, you would be happy if you never seen his face again, dance on top of his grave as you celebrated the end of his existance.  
Then why were you fighting so hard to save him?  
"Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. You can’t do this to me!"  
"Bucky wake the fuck up!"  
"Please! I can’t lose you like this!"  
Fortunately, Sam came for you, him and all his Captain America glory had saved both of you, his wings protecting all three of you as you carried Bucky outside. You had barely gone a few steps ahead when the building finally set one last explosion, ending with everything on it's way.All three of you landed on the floor with a thud as the shock wave reached you.  
You focused your attention on Bucky's wound, which was already healing, but his lack of response worried you.His breathing was barely existent, and his heartbeat was decreasing. You had straddled his lap and began performing CPR on him while asking Sam to go fetch the adrenaline shot you stored in the vehicle. You had punctured Bucky's chest with it, and after a few seconds, he had woken up.  
You remembered clinging to him as he tried to sit straight, the desperation finally gone from your body.  
The body behind you wrapped his hands along your waist, pulling you out of your memories and spreading the soap he had covered you with. Bucky's fingers traced all the way down your body, removing every trace of stress. 
After everything happened, Sam told you to go back to the safehouse while he met with Joaquin to try and start locating people with the intel you had gathered. You thought about fighting him, but one look at Bucky and any fight you had left was done.  
A knowing look from Sam told you this wasn’t just to let both of you rest and get cleaned up. It was a second chance.  A second chance at the talk you had avoided to had with Bucky ever since that night you slept together.  
You drove back to the safehouse, and once you had gotten inside, everything crumbled apart inside of you. As you reached out to Bucky, your tears had fallen, your hand lingering in his fleshy arm, right where his wound was.His hand cupped your face, his thumb tracing the stream of blood that fell from your eyebrow. In the silence of the room, no words were exchanged, but both your hearts understood.  
Just for today, you would allow yourselves to comfort each other.  
His lips peppered kisses along your shoulder as he cleaned you, his lips sometimes finding your neck or your lips when you would press yourself against him. As you spread the shampoo over his head, your fingers massaged his scalp with the tenderness he had missed, his eyes closing every time you hit the right spot. 
After drying yourselves and changing into new clothes, you both layed on the bed, covered over the head with the thin white sheet you had. You faced each other, blue eyes meeting yours. Your fingers found his face as you traced along every crevice and line you hadn’t seen before. Bucky appeared to have aged years in the time you hadn't seen him, but he remained as beautiful as ever. 
Your heart ached in your chest, and you couldn’t fight it anymore. You had denied yourself the other feelings that remained inside of you other than hate and betrayal, but today, as death seemed to call for both of you, it was clear you didn’t want Bucky Barnes to die. A part of you hated him so deeply you weren’t sure you would be able to stop, but no matter how strong the hatred was, you were sure a part of you still loved him.  
However, that part of you was broken. Battered and bruised to death by his own doing but it was still there. It was locked inside the thousand-foot wall you had built around it to keep it safe. Refusing to ask questions, refusing to talk to him, and refusing to admit the pain you were in. But in doing so you hadn’t given yourself the opportunity to heal. To move on.  
So you allowed yourself to feel and to talk. For both your sake and his. 
"Why did you do it?" you broke the silence. His breathing faltered as your hand retracted back to your side. "Why did you hurt me like that?"  
Bucky struggled to find the right words. You were asking him the same question he had asked himself for many, many nights. He asked himself that question when he wouldn’t reach for you at night. He asked himself that question when he didn’t open the door for you.  
He asked himself that question when you walked out of his life.  
You deserved the truth. The whole, unapologetic, heartfelt truth. So he gave it to you.  
"The first time I came back to myself, after fighting Steve in the helicarrier, I realized the world had moved on without me. My plans, my family, and the people I knew were all left in the past. They all moved on without me, everyone was gone except for Steve. I had a plan, after the war I would go back and find myself a beautiful girl to marry." A sad smile posed on his lips as he reminisced. "I wanted the white picket fence and three kids package. Cookouts with my family and friends while I was still a war hero. But all of that was gone the moment I woke up in a time that wasn’t mine. My dreams were gone."  
He paused before reaching for your face, his eyes closing before opening again, tears streaming down his cheeks."Ever since I woke up, I was a man drifting in a time that wasn’t mine, in a life that wasn’t mine. I didn’t have any dreams, or aspirations other than to survive and perhaps discover the truth. Nothing made sense to me, not until I met you." His thumb wiped away the tears you didn’t know they were falling. "You were the very first person, aside from Steve, that was kind to me. You talked to me, listened to what I had to say. You showed me what this new world was about, how to survive in it, and above all, you never doubted my innocence. It wasn’t because you knew me like Steve did, or because he had asked you as a favor. You were my friend, the very first I made when I was lost. And along the way, you turned into more, you were my new dream. I fell in love with you, and suddenly it didn’t matter that I wasn’t supposed to be here, or what it could’ve been because with you, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere."  
A sob escaped you, his words burning your heart, branding them with the love you once felt for him. The heartbreak and the pain came once again, but it felt different. It was comforting in a way that scared you, terrified you. You knew he had loved you once, but you had stored those memories far away where they couldn’t hurt you. Because it was easier to tell yourself that Bucky had never actually loved you than to think he had loved you and had still betrayed you.  
"But no matter how much time passed or how loved or comfortable I felt, I was still scared. I was terrified. Terrified of the same thing happening again. Every day, I'd tell myself, 'Something is going to happen, something is going to take me away from you, and when I come back, another hundred years will have passed.' And it did happen. When Thanos snapped me away, I came back, and to me only seconds had passed, but for you it was five years. Everything had changed again, even you. There was this sadness that seemed to have nested behind your eyes every time you looked at me. And every time I looked at you, I could see how much you had suffered because of me, it was my fault, and I couldn’t do anything about it."  
"It wasn’t your fault." You tried to argue, but his words interrupted you.  
"I felt like it was. I felt like I must’ve had some sort of curse that would always take me away from what made me the happiest, and in return, I would hurt everyone around me with it. I had died once again and the world kept going, once again. And I tried really hard to fight those thoughts, but it was as if a cloud of darkness would whisper to me that I didn't belong here anymore.That everything had changed once again, and it would happen again and again and again until I finally died. And I didn't know what to do; it was as if this voice was drowning me, washing away every ounce of happiness I had left inside me until all that remained was anger and resentment." 
His voice had broken, as had his ability to hold back the tears.He had buried this for so long, too embarrassed to say them aloud, to admit how he had messed up everything because he was afraid.He wasn’t the man who had sworn to protect you against everything, he was a coward. A coward who had let his own fear hurt you in ways he could never fix.  
"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry." Bucky kissed your forehead. "You didn’t deserve any of what I did to you, and I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for doing that. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, I’m sorry I pushed you away when all you did was trying to help me. I’m sorry I slept with someone else. I'm sorry I messed everything up because the truth is, you have been the best thing that has ever happened to me, past and present, and if I had to go through all of the pain, torture, and heartbreak all over again just to meet you, I would." 
You stayed there in silence for minutes. Neither of you dared say anything else that would break the silence. Both your hearts had been through a lot today, from the threats of death to the realizations of love and pain that had been confessed. But amongst the suffering and the torment, both of your hearts began to heal, and the pieces that had been ripped apart came back to where they belonged.  
You took his hands into yours, your lips kissing his knuckles. "I don’t know if I could ever forgive you for what you did." Bucky’s eyes closed in ache, he knew it was a possibility, but it still hurt to know there was no hope, but your words stopped him from spiraling. "But I would like to try."  
Hope. A tiny silver of hope. 
"Do you think there is a chance for us in the future?"  
You considered it. Your mind and your heart still pulling towards different directions but none of them letting you decide. Would you be willing to risk your heart once again for Bucky Barnes, or has the damage been too great to be fixed and covered? "I don’t know."  
"That’s ok. I'm not going to ask about it again unless you want me to." 
He kissed you one last time. His lips still had a subtle taste of smoke and burned, but above it was something overpowering, something both of you felt as he deepened the kiss. You both tasted redemption and forgiveness. 
Tumblr media
Forever 
"Thanks for helping me."  
"Don’t thank me, I’m only doing it for the beer."  
Bucky and you chuckled at his poor attempt at a joke, your footsteps echoing in the half-empty apartment. A couple of seconds later, your mattress landed with a loud thud in your bedroom, making you happy to be finally done. You threw yourself on the bed, Bucky following you close behind, his heaviness bouncing you off. You turned to your side, resting your head on your hand, and he replicated your pose.  
It had been a year and a half since you decided to bring Bucky back into your life, and things had changed dramatically since then.You stopped doing solo missions and moved to New York, where you split your time between assisting Sam and Bucky with their shenanigans and volunteering at the woman's shelter Sam had connected you with. 
In the beginning, it was difficult to adapt to a tamer lifestyle than the one you had lived in the past year, but listening to all those women, the things they had been through, showed you that sometimes the thing people need to start healing is to have someone along the way.  
Bucky and you had become friends, just as you had been when you first met. It took time to get back to the beginning, but soon you found out how much you needed him as a friend, not a lover or a soulmate but just someone with whom you could talk. And, over the course of the many nights you spent talking, forgiveness found its way into your heart.You didn’t forget the past between both of you, but along the way there was understanding and care.  
"How was your date?"  
You shrug. "It was ok, not that great to be honest." 
During this time you had gone on a couple of dates, even went out with a guy for a couple of months, and since you and Bucky were ‘just friends’ you thought it would be uncomfortable to talk to him about them. But he had developed a habit of surprising you, and as it turned out, he was okay with it. When you asked why he was okay with it, his response surprised you. 
"I love you, I’ll always love you. But if you need me as a friend and nothing more, then I’ll be your friend."  
Your heart was still reluctant about him, after all, pain is a thing you can hardly forget. That had been the reason why you had tried to find someone else. Someone who could make you laugh as hard as he did, someone who could make you blush with just a cocky smile, someone who could calm you down and make everything better by simply holding you close at night.Someone who could make you happy. But all of them failed, because they weren’t Bucky Barnes.  
No one ever compared to Bucky Barnes, because after all the lies, heartbreak, and death surrounding you, he was still the only person who felt like home.  
Blue eyes stared at you and all you could feel was your heart racing. He was the man you had once loved and he had betrayed you, but time had mended your heart. The part of you that hated him was gone, and instead the love you felt for him came back, maybe not as strong as it once was but it didn’t matter. Your love was willing to build itself up, your love was willing to let him in one last time.  
"Ask me" you uttered. Your voice was so quiet that you thought he wouldn't hear you, but his puzzled expression told you otherwise. 
"What?"  
Your hand grabbed his, your thumb was drawing circles on his skin.  
"Bucky, ask me."  
Bucky’s heart stopped. A part of him had always told him that you would never want him back, and he couldn't blame you. He had hurt you in so many ways that he could never forgive himself. He had been sure the best he could have from you was friendship, and he had made his peace with it. Having you as only a friend was better than not having you at all.  
But you were giving him an opportunity, and he would be damned if he didn’t take it.  
"Would you—" he paused, clearing his throat.The nervousness inside him erased his ability to speak. "Would you like to go out for dinner? As in a date?"  
You made it seem as if you were thinking about it, but he didn’t worry about it. He knew your answer already.  
"Yeah, I guess I can make time for one date."  
You smiled. You gave him your biggest, most genuine smile in a long time.He smiled too.  
Loving Bucky Barnes hadn’t been easy. But as you both lay in your beds, his hands caressing your face and new hope brewing between you, your heart told you that this time would be different. 
He wasn't the same tormented man from another time you'd fallen in love with, and you weren't the same broken but hopeful girl he'd loved with all his heart.You both had hurt each other, but you had also grown, both of you in your own ways, and yet destiny had brought you back together.  
This time, neither of you was scared. 
This time, loving him would come as easily as breathing.
Tumblr media
If you like the story please interact: reblogs, likes and comments go a long way. Feedback is always appreciated! Feel free to message me about it.
Tag list: @wintasssoldier @fallenoutofrose @cjand10 @nouk1998 @smplymrvl @littlemiss-yeehaw @magnificentsvn @kentokaze @gostodosopa @musicgirl44 @rebloggingmyrecs @mbindzus-blog @pampeop @buckystwilight @blackhawkfanatic @miss-i-ship-it @bibliophilewednesday
979 notes · View notes
ramen-flavored · 1 year
Text
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Him
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
1K notes · View notes
luvmattmurdock · 4 months
Text
perfect sense series masterlist; pietro maximoff
Tumblr media
pietro maximoff x stark!reader
“Keep reminding me that it ain’t a race, when my invisible streak turns onto the final straight”
word count; 8.6k (not complete)
main masterlist. taglist.
part 1 You laughed at him. “You really couldn't think of any other insult than ‘silly girl’?” He stared at you. If he wasn’t so obviously mad, you would’ve thought he was checking you out. 
part 2 "What is it supposed to be? Its purpose, I mean." "Ultron will be a program to promote world peace"
part 3 “Goodbye printsessa.” And he left with his superhuman speed, leaving a blue and silver aura.
part 4 You realised his piercing blue eyes were staring straight at you, which frustrated you even more because if he wasn’t so stupid maybe you could’ve banged him.
part 5 "Incredible," you said. "You're a stalker." He smiled. His smile was very pretty, and you found it especially pretty when he wasn't making fun of you.
196 notes · View notes