Pairing:Mobster!Bucky x Reader
Warnings:soft, protective!Bucky because that is a warning!
Author’s Note: and we’re back so sorry for the wait on this one, it seems I’ve become more critical of my work, and i find myself erasing my work more and more. There are only two more chapters left to this series before it wraps up and i’ll venture into newer things. I hope you’ll enjoy this one, thank you for reading!
Another sleepless night; you tossed and turned, but you couldn’t find the right position. It wasn’t that you weren’t tired, the lingering haze of sleep that sat at the back of your mind was proof enough, it was the pool of memories that your lingering sleep sat in that kept you awake at night. You wish you could shake it, shake the sight of her, the sight of her in a pool of her own blood. The guilt that lingered from that night had loomed over you like a dark and rainy cloud, it had been a week and you couldn’t shake it. Bucky had tried to talk to you, get you to listen to reason, but you knew if you let him in you would only break further. You had killed the person he loved the most, you knew he said he would have done it had he been given the chance, but there was a part of you that wasn’t believing that to be true.
A shaky breath left your lips as you kicked off the cooled sheets from your pajama clad body, the silence around you is teasing; the world around you sleeps yet here you are awake. Your body felt tight, constricted, your mind screaming at you to run and continue to run till you couldn’t anymore. Your numb feet carried you to the room, the walls around you warping ever so slightly as you continued to push yourself forward. Your hands gripped the stair railing as you ran down the stairs your breath coming out shaky as you made your way through the kitchen and out the back door.
You try to focus on your breathing as you continue to stumble further down the yard, your sight set on the withering bench. Anxiety bubbles deep within you, making you sick. You grip the back of the bench making your way around it as you fall onto it.
The world around you is no longer silent, a buzzing sounds from you ear, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. A choked sob falls from your lips, why did this life have to be so cruel? A choked gasp falls from your lips as you struggle to ground yourself. Your head falls to your hands where they rest on your knees, you wish you could just wake up from this nightmare, because that’s what it felt like now, one big nightmare.
A hand fell to your shoulder, and from where your head was cast down a pair of legs appeared in your sight.
“Y/n sweetheart, look at me,” you shook your head, you couldn’t meet his eyes, you’d only break further. Bucky’s hands are finding their way to your face, pulling, pulling, till he can get you to look him in the eyes.
“y/n,” he coos, “c’mere sweetheart,” he murmurs pulling you into his arms.
“I just want this feeling to go away,” you cried, “I just want it to go away, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
Bucky pulled you in closer embracing the best he could with his position, “why haven’t you come to me y/n, I’ve been trying for a week to get you to talk to me, look at you sweetheart,” he voiced fingers running over your wet cheeks, “you’ve reached your end, you need to let me in, let me help you y/n.”
Your shaking your head again, “it’s too much Bucky, I can’t get the image of her out of my head, and seeing you just makes it worse, I-”
Bucky’s getting in your space, hands gripping your face a little firmer, “y/n, doll I don’t blame you for what happened that night, I told you had it been me I would have done the same, y/n what dot did I wouldn’t have hesitated to put a bullet through her and you know that,, as horrible as this might sound, she did more than just betray my trust, she abused my love, and what happened to her that night we can call it karma.”
His eyes are searching your watery ones, “y/n is that why you locked yourself away in the room when we came home that night, do you think I blame you for what happened to dot?”
Your eyes water more, your voice a broken whisper, “I’m sorry,” you choke out.
Bucky’s standing then his hands wrapping around your arms as he pulls you up bringing you into a tight embrace, “y/n I don’t blame you, could never blame you for what happened to dot, everyone gets what’s coming to them in this life, and dot was no exception.”
You move your head from where it had been pressed against his shoulder to look into his eyes, “but you thought she was the one, she had changed you so much, you wanted to be better for her, to go against all you knew to make her happy.”
A lopsided smile is pulling at Bucky’s lips, his hand cupping your tear stricken cheek, “y/n were you that out of it that night that you can’t recall anything I said,” he questions, you shake your head, “you know you all get after me when I’ve spent a week with someone and you all think I’ve changed, but look at what happens to you a week without me,” he teases.
A teary chuckle escapes your lips, your head leaning into his hand, “don’t get to ahead of yourself there Barnes, and excuse me for not focusing on anything you said that night I killed another person in the span of a month, don’t think I’ve gotten to your level yet.”
Bucky laughs, “there’s my cheeky girl,” he grins, “y/n I don’t blame you for any of what happened to dot, because she didn’t matter,” your brows furrow, “sweetheart the week I spent with her really wasn’t what anyone was thinking, but I couldn’t let any of you know what it was that I was doing, if I wanted my plan to work,”
You sniffle rubbing under your eyes, “plan,” you questioned, “w-what do you mean, what plan, you had a plan aside from the one we put together, the one you messed up by going in alone?” You questioned.