Loki tricked me into a relationship with you and I. Hmm… 🤔
Loki tricked me into a relationship with you and I. Hmm… 🤔
“Loki decided to watch Scout today since Thor left with Mr. Stark, me & Peter for some supply run for HQ, but when we got back, Loki said he was too much for him because he ruined a supply of Tesseract… Slobbered Tesseract.”-✨
Loki Odinson © American comic books, Marvel Comics, Stan Lee, Larry Lieber & Jack Kirby
Scout Blue © as my dog 💕
Hi everyone! It’s Lee (previously known at Marcella Agness), and I decided I’m gonna open my requests again (mainly because I’m struggling to rewrite some of the series I started using female reader characters, because I want to change them to be afab they/them reader characters instead)!
Please SEND ME AN ASK with your request idea! I will answer the ask with whether or not I will write the Fic for you! I reserve the right to deny any request I either don’t feel comfortable writing (look at my pinned post to get a better idea of what I’ll most likely write) or if I simply don’t vibe with the idea and think I won’t do it justice! Thank you for understanding!!
Marvel Studios presents: Loki of Asgard as pictures i’ve tagged as “mood”
life’s great lie; a Loki Laufeyson playlist (spotify link)
o death- kate mann // mama- my chemical romance // arsonist’s lullaby- hozier // broken crown- mumford and sons // gollum’s song- emiliana torrini // hey you- pink floyd // down in a hole- alice in chains // sound the bugle- bryan adams // + more
Loki x trans!Reader
Summary: The Reader comes out as transgender to Loki, who comes out to the Reader as well.
Warnings: major fluff, slight anxiety before coming out, LGBT+ content, they/them Reader
Word Count: 989
Author’s Note: Hey y’all! This is my first fic I’m writing under my new name (I went from Marcella Agness to Lee Rose because I came out as trans, specifically non-binary/genderfluid)! I hope some of you can connect with this fic and feel some comfort from it! Feel free comment what you think of my writing! Any feedback helps (especially since I’m a little rusty atm)! Thanks :^)
D/n = Deadname (just means your old name that you no longer wish to go by)
Y/n = Your (new) name
Shit… This sucks, I really don’t want to do this… I wish everyone knew already, most of all him. I mean, I do want to do this, but I wish I knew his reaction already… We’ve never talked about this kinda thing before, so I have no idea what I’m getting into… What if he rejects me? What if he thinks I’m lying or faking it or doesn’t think this kinda thing is real or… or…
“D/n…? Are you alright, darling?” Shit, he’s here early…
“H-hi, Loki…” I peep out sheepishly, looking everywhere except towards him.
“That’s not answering my question, dear… You look rather nervous, is there anything on your mind?” Why does he have to be so damn sweet? He wasn’t always this way… No, there was a time when Loki was sassy even towards me. I saw through it all, though. I saw how kind he was on the inside, and when I showed him enough of my own kindness his truly shined through.
“D/n?” God, I hate my name… I just want to be called Y/n. How can I tell him that? What if he finds it silly?
“Fuck it…” I whisper to myself, causing Loki’s eyebrows to be raised. He chuckles handsomely, showing me his cheeky grin.
“My, my, someone’s in a mood, hmm?” Loki, thinking the wrong thing, leans into me. Oh how I’d love to accept and lean into him as well, but this is more important.
“Ah, no… There’s, um… something I need to talk to you about…” I put my hands up on his chest to stop him. Loki’s eyes go wide with embarrassment.
“Oh, um… sure, what is it?” He asks politely.
“Heh, sorry… I’ll take you up on that kiss afterward… Depending on your reaction, that is…” I giggle awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck to try to calm myself.
“Depending on my reaction…?” Loki visibly sweats.
“I… I’m trans…” I blurt out without any further explanation.
“You’re… Trans?” Loki repeats, obviously confused.
“Yeah, um… Like… I was born female, but my mind isn’t exactly female… specifically, I feel more in between being female and male than either on its own… I feel more like a mixture of being female and male, some days more male, other days more female, etc. Does… that make any sense?” I try my best to explain, but his expression doesn’t waver.
“So you’re… like me?” Loki finally answers.
“Like you?” I ask seriously confused.
“Well, yeah… I’m able to change my gender at will, depending on my need or mood. I like to think of myself as a mixture of male and female, too. I just didn’t know there was a word for it!” Loki explains his experiences.
“You… are? How come I didn’t know that?” I ask shocked, not realizing the irony behind my statement.
“Heh, well if I didn’t know your secret, why should you know mine?” He snickers.
“True, true… Well, I would’ve never guessed about you! You’re usually so… macho man, especially around me… I thought you wouldn’t accept me, honestly…” I admit.
“Well, the reason I try to act all ‘macho man’ around you is because I thought that’s what you’d prefer… Especially with all the other more ‘macho’ men around here, I thought I needed to keep up…” Loki looks worried.
“Of course not, Loki! I want you to feel comfortable to be who you are around me! I’m so sorry I made you think that way!” I apologize.
“And I’m sorry I was performing an act around you, making you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me, either.” Loki follows with a smile.
“Okay, let’s make a pinky promise to always be ourselves from now on… so there’s no more confusion,” I suggest, holding out my right pinky finger.
“Agreed,” Loki swears on his, and we give each other a slight, loving squeeze.
“So, explain more about you being transgender to me, I’m intrigued.” Loki continues.
“Well, I know you’ve only known me as D/n, but I’ve been thinking… and I think the name Y/n would suit me better…” I look up to him with shy eyes.
“Y/n… Y/n… Hmm, yes… I can see it! The name Y/n definitely fits you more than D/n! I’ll refer to you as such from now on,” Loki agrees.
“Hehe, thanks! Is there another name you’d prefer me to call you?” I ask politely.
“Not really… Loki, love, dear, babe, darling… any of those work,” Loki answers with his infamous smirk.
“Haha smooth, babe, smooth…” We laugh together.
“Is there anything I can do to help you feel more comfortable, by the way?” Loki asks sweetly.
“Hmm, well… I’ve been wearing these girly clothes all my life… maybe you can help me find some more gender-neutral or masculine clothing to add to my wardrobe?” I ask.
“Of course, darling. Your wish is my command,” He extends his arm for me to hold onto before we head toward the elevator.
“Thanks, love,” I reach up, grab his face, and kiss him softly. This definitely went way better than I expected…
So…I think I ship Geralt of Rivia and Loki Odinson.
But hear me out: what if Loki was exiled from Asgard to another world, stripped of his powers? And he accidentally scares some folk from a nearby village? And Geralt, when passing through the town, hears tell of a big blue giant living in the mountains? Of course, by the time Geralt comes to town, the simple story of some hunters spotting a tall, lithe blue man in the mountains has grown into an exaggerated account of a gigantic, bloodthirsty ogre of a giant who prowls the pine trees searching for unsuspecting humans to eat for supper. And of course, Geralt takes the contract and heads to the mountains. What he finds, however, is not a monstrous creature waiting to turn him into stew. What he finds is Loki–morose, lonely, androgynously beautiful Loki. Someone who is just as much of an outcast as he is, and who understands magic just as well, if not more.
Geralt, once he learns of Loki’s plight, offers to help Loki find someone who can help him figure out how to restore his powers. Loki tentatively agrees, and they set out on the road together, a Witcher and a giant. Loki, initially distrustful and cold, slowly warms to him. Before long Loki and Geralt are snarking at each other like an old married couple. They can also soundly kick the asses of anyone–or anything–who dares to challenge them.
Some Loki wallpapers! If you’re wondering, I used Varpogram to edit these pictures. Feel free to use them! If you’re going to repost, please give a credit! ^^
Just a few of Loki wallpapers I made. If you want, you can use them! But if you’re going to repost, please credit me!
I woke up at 2am in a cold sweat and I spent more time than I’m willing to admit making this:
No, I don’t have an explanation.
frostiron is a dangerous ship because hot damn that’s a lot of daddy issues in one place
still love it tho
Part 3 of ?
Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Mental Illnesses, Agoraphobia, Transphobia/Internalized Transphobia, Angst, Eating Disorder, Swearing, Abuse Mentions, Rape/Noncon, Sexual Assault Mentions, Virginity, Smut, and Fluff
Loki retreated back into his chambers and sank down onto his bed, staring up at his teammates. “Y/N?” he echoed. “What about her?”
Bucky and Natasha sat down on the little, plush black sofa in the corner of the room. Well, Bucky sat – Nat sprawled out across the couch with her feet in her boyfriend’s lap. Bucky leaned forward, his gaze meeting that of the God’s. “Why did you hurt her?” he asked. “It seemed like you really cared about her.”
“I do care about her,” Loki told him. His thoughts drifted back to your chambers where you had told Loki you loved him, no matter what mistakes he made. Because you didn’t want or need him to be perfect. “Y/N is unlike anyone I’ve ever encountered.”
Nat exchanged a glance with Bucky. “That still doesn’t the question,” she reminded Loki.
Loki sighed and raked his hands through his raven tendrils. “I-I was afraid of the secrets she was keeping,” he admitted. “I thought I couldn’t trust her because of them. That she would use me and I would end up…..” His voice trailed off, not wanting to say the word aloud.
“So you’ve been burned in the past?” Bucky asked.
“Yes,” Loki said, nodding. “By my lover on Asgard. We were to be married, but alas, it was all a plot.”
“A plot?” Natasha echoed.
“Hmm, that’s right.” Loki laid down and stared up at his canopy. “I was but a pawn in her scheme to usurp the throne of Asgard.”
“Did you tell Y/N any of this?” Natasha asked him. “Because you might want to.”
Loki turned to her, his eyes narrowing. “Why?” he asked. “She said –”
“It doesn’t matter what she said, you jackass,” Bucky cut him off. “If this is part of the reason why you hurt her, then she deserves to know.”
“And it would help her make the right decision,” Natasha added.
“Decision?” Loki echoed. “But we were – mere hours ago, she –”
“Y/N is in love with you, Loki,” Natasha told him. “But she’s afraid to let you in again. I can tell how much she wants to forgive you, but she’s fragile and I’m not sure if her feelings for you are enough.”
A mischievous smirk tugged up at the corners of Loki’s lips. “I could always persuade her to forgive me.”
Bucky quirked an eyebrow at this and even though he was almost afraid of the answer he asked, “And how would you go about doing that exactly?”
“By reminding her how much she enjoyed –” Loki said.
“Nope!” Natasha said, cutting him off. “Not gonna happen. Trust me, that’s not how you wanna do this.”
“And why is that?” Loki asked.
“Christ, Loki, have you not seen Y/N?” Bucky shot at him. “She was hanging on by a thread before you got involved, and now she’s so hurt and confused. And you want to coerce her into sleeping with you on the off chance the sex will be good enough to make her forgive you?”
“You would be taking advantage of her all over again,” Nat added before Loki could respond. “Is that really the way you want to win her back?”
“No, I want to do something that will make her happy and prove my love to her,” Loki groaned, throwing his hands up in frustration.
“There are other ways to do that than just having sex with her,” Bucky told him. “And, honestly, I think you two might wanna cool it with that shit for a while. Relationships don’t tend to work out too well when you rush into things.”
Loki scowled at the Winter Soldier. Loki was a God. He would not have his love life dictated by a mortal – unless that mortal were you, of course. “Barnes, I believe you were one of men who told me to go after Y/N because she ‘wanted’ me.” He made air quotes around the word. Then he turned to Nat. “And weren’t you the one who gave Y/N the idea of – what did Wilson call it – experimenting to get my attention?”
Nat looked down, shame gracing her features. “Okay, that probably wasn’t the best idea.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that you fucked up!” Bucky spat at Loki. “I told you to go after her – not to fuck her and dump her. This whole situation could have been avoided if you hadn’t been comparing Y/N to your evil ex the whole time.”
Loki covered his face with hands and let out a frustrated growl. “So how do I prove to Y/N that I won’t hurt her again?”
“First of all,” Nat said. “Don’t ever tell her you won’t hurt her. You guys are gonna get into fights and say shit you don’t mean, and someone is gonna end up hurt. It’s inevitable. You don’t want to make promises you can’t keep.”
“Alright,” Loki said, nodding. “What else?”
“Tell her about the issues you have because of your ex,” Bucky told him. “But make sure you tell Y/N that you understand she and your ex are nothing alike, and that you’re sorry you ever thought they were.”
“And you should buy her something,” Natasha added.
Loki and Bucky both frowned at her. “Why do women always insist on gifts?” Bucky asked.
Nat scowled at him. “Seriously, after a fuck up this big?”
“The Widow is right,” Loki said. “Y/N deserves it after the treatment I’ve subjected her to.”
“Well, what are you gonna buy her then?” Bucky asked him. “I mean, Y/N doesn’t exactly seem like the type of girl who wants to be dripping in diamonds.”
“Yes,” Loki agreed. “And jewelry is better suited to holidays or anniversaries – times of celebration.”
“Well, maybe she might like some new clothes,” Natasha said, shrugging. “You could take her shopping.”
“If by new I hope you aren’t implying better,” Loki told her. “Y/N has never expressed the desire to dress like royalty. She might take offense to new clothing.”
Nat leaned back in her seat, scowling and crossed her arms. “Okay, so what’s your big idea then?”
Loki grinned. “We’re going to need the Parker child.”
That night, after you finally managed to pull yourself out of the shower your phone started vibrating out of control on your bedside table. Curiously, you reached out and grabbed the phone. Loki’s name flashed across the screen. He had sent you like twenty text messages.
You stared at the phone, trying to decide if you actually wanted to read them. A part of you wanted to delete them and forget the Asgardian prince ever existed. But it was Loki and you loved him and you wanted to forgive him. The two of you had fun together – you made each other happy.And when he kissed you today, you had been afraid he was going to try to convince you to sleep with him, but he didn’t. He just kissed you over and over again with so much tenderness and love. As if each kiss pressed upon you was a prayer in your name.
You opened the text messages and skimmed through them. Then you sat up, your eyes wide – it was everything. Literally everything about him.
It talked about how Loki had felt rejected by his father because he was not as strong a warrior as Thor, and how he had always found solace in books and his mother’s seidr work lessons. Lessons his father disapproved of. How he played pranks on his family to gain his parents’ attention.
It went on about how girls had thrown themselves at Loki constantly in hope of gaining favor from his royal status. About how Loki was constantly hanging on the edges of Thor’s friend group, never fully accepted. Merely tolerated because Thor loved him. It launched into a story about how Thor and his friends had gotten drunk off mead at a feast, and ended up bringing girls back to their chambers. How Loki had caught Thor throwing the girls out of his room the very next morning, and how Thor and his friends began to tease Loki because he had never had a serious relationship. How Loki’s most intimate relationships began and ended with stolen kisses that led to nothing because, in the end, the girl had nothing in common with him or the feelings simply were not there. After being teased mercilessly for weeks about being a virgin even though he was well into his adolescence, Loki finally broke down and got drunk one night. Then he had called for a maid with golden hair called Sigyn to be brought to his chambers. Loki had noticed the way she constantly watched him and he wanted his first time to be with someone, who at least, found him attractive.
Loki described the ordeal as awkward and clumsy, and though he had found Sigyn lovely he had not enjoyed himself as much he thought he would. He had apologized to her profusely afterwards because he didn’t want her to feel rejected. He allowed her to spend the night in his chambers to make up for it, and in the morning he saw to it that she had a luxurious bath in his own bathroom and ordered a freshly laundered dress be brought back to his room for her. Sigyn thanked him for the experience, and though Loki saw her occasionally about the palace, he never spoke to her again.
Thor had been so proud of Loki when he learned Loki had taken the initiative to bed a maid and lose his virginity. Even Loki’s father had taken him aside, and told him lovingly that he should be proud of himself because Loki was now a man. Loki never had the heart to tell either of them that he regretted the entire ordeal. Occasionally, a girl would catch Loki’s attention at a feast and if he found he liked her well enough and they had anything in common, he would bring her back to his chambers. These new attempts at love making were not nearly as awkward as his first time with Sigyn had been and he eventually grew confident in his skills as a lover. Loki had hoped, however, that these encounters would grow into something more – blossom into love. Most often he would wake the next morning and find the girl had disappeared, leaving behind a note of gratitude. However, on several occasions Loki had woken to find the girl he had brought back chatting with maids or friends she had invited into his chambers without his permission. And these women would be bragging about how they had succeeded in bedding him and they would be congratulated as if it were a game and she now had the highest score. Was that all Loki was to these women – a game or a tale to brag about?
This had resulted in some of Loki’s least proud moments. He would fly into a rage and order the women removed from his room. Then stories began to spread about how poorly he treated his lovers and he gained a reputation for having a terrible temper. Thor had tried to explained to Loki that the women had been paying him a compliment, but Loki always felt humiliated whenever a story spread that a young maiden had managed to seduce the young Prince Loki. Odin eventually took Loki aside and explained to him that at Loki’s age, these girls he took interest in were only interested in a good time and that was all Loki should worry about as well. Odin told Loki to stop being such a romantic because as king it was up to Odin to select a maiden for Loki to wed, and he would make sure to pick someone good for his son.
Loki was so upset at the prospect of an arranged marriage that he used his seidr work to transform himself and spent the next few years in a female body. Loki’s mother was extremely supportive of her transition, and ordered the finest dresses be made for her daughter. Thor became extremely protective of Loki, and any man who dared to look at the princess was beaten to within an inch of his life. Odin began to ignore Loki completely because, he said, Loki had been raised to be a king and anything else was less than. This caused problems in her parents’ marriage, and Loki took to hiding away in the palace library. When she wasn’t in library, Loki began to grow wary of the eyes of men on her and more than once, when Thor wasn’t around, she would find herself cornered by strange men who tried to take her back to their chambers. This is what led to Loki carrying a knife at all times. Despite the fact that Loki was curious to experience sex in this new female form, she didn’t want to make the same mistakes she had made the first time around. She wanted it to be meaningful. But she never got to experience that because, one night, after a particularly bad fight with her father Loki’s mother came to her in tears, begging for her son back. So Loki granted her wish and shed the spell.
Things were quiet for a few years after that. Loki stopped bringing girls back to his chambers and abandoned Thor’s friend group. He had given up on the idea of love, and the time Loki spent in a woman’s body was never mentioned again. All of the dresses and any remaining evidence that a “Lady Loki” had ever existed were destroyed, per his father’s request. The idea that Loki had taken the shape of a young woman became idle gossip, and if anyone ever asked Loki about it himself he would neither confirm nor deny his time spent in that form. It wasn’t that he was ashamed. It’s just that his family wanted to forget the ordeal, and they expected Loki to do the same. So he did.
Loki became known as a recluse – a foul tempered, reclusive prince who enjoyed performing cruelties on his lovers. It was not a reputation that Loki enjoyed, but he was grateful for it because it made the young women of the palace nervous to approach him. It did nothing to stop the stares or the muttering, however. It was at that time that Odin announced he had arranged a courtship for Loki.
The woman Loki was meant to court was called Lorelei. She was beautiful, but Loki had low expectations for her. She surprised him, though. Lorelei seemed to take a genuine interest in Loki and his life – she was even interested in his books. She paid little attention to Thor, which was unusual because everyone always preferred Thor, and when they attended feasts together she did not parade about with Loki on her arm as if he were a prize. Instead, they would sit alone together and talk for hours about everything and nothing until some odd aristocrat approached them in demand of conversation. Loki began to realize he was falling in love with Lorelei, and when he invited her to his chambers for the first time he found himself afraid to make love to her. He didn’t want to disappoint her – or worse, for her to leave like all the others. But when Loki did eventually make love to her, Lorelei lay with him for hours and when he woke up the next morning, she was still there in his arms. And it was the same the day after and the day after that. He knew then, for certain, that he loved her.
After that, Loki proposed to Lorelei and she accepted. Then a month before the wedding was to take place, everything fell apart. It was revealed that Lorelei was not actually called Lorelei at all and she certainly did not love Loki. She was a princess from some far off realm Loki had never known existed and her father, her only family, was actually her royal guard. They had infiltrated Asgard, pretending to be local aristocrats and had used Loki as a pawn to get close Odin. Their plan had been to murder Odin to usurp the throne. Loki and Thor managed to defeat Lorelei and her guard, putting an end to their plan.
But Loki found, he was not eager at all to fall in love ever again after that. He built walls up around his heart and retreated even further into himself. Then when he found out he was adopted – and a Jotun, no less, who he had been raised to hate and despise – Loki learned that he could truly trust no one. Not even his own family.
The rest of the text message went on about how much Loki loved you and how sorry he was for not trusting you, even though you had done nothing to deceive him. You sat on your bed for what felt like hours, reading and rereading the text messages with tears in your eyes. Then you jumped up from your bed and ran from the room.
You had never been to Thor’s room before, but you knew where it was and you were certain that Loki would be furious if he knew you here. But you had to know. You had to.
You raised your fist and pounded on the door, panting because you had ran all the way there. You had no idea what time it was or if it was late at night, but eventually Thor answered the door. He was shirtless and dressed in sweatpants and looked as though he had just woken up. He stared down at you. “What can I do for you, Y/N?” he asked you groggily.
You held the phone out to him, opened to the text messages Loki had sent you. “Is this true?” you demanded. “Any of it?”
Thor took the phone, scrubbing sleep out of his eyes. Then he began to read and as he continued to read, he frowned. “You should probably come in,” he said, looking up at you.
You followed him inside the room, which was surprisingly normal for the chambers of a Godlike prince. It was messy with clothes and magazines strewn everywhere. A painting of what you recognized as Yggdrasil, the Tree of Life, hung on the wall above his bed which was covered in a fur blanket. There was a bookcase lined with photos of Thor and the Avengers, his ex-girlfriend, fans, drawings that children must have sent him and the hammer Mjolnir and the axe Stormbreaker. Along the back wall was a hulking desk with a delicate laptop on it that you were surprised Thor would know how to use.
“Sit,” Thor said, sitting down on his bed and indicating the chair in front of his desk. You did as you were told and sat down. Thor turned his attention back to the phone and sighed. “It is true, Y/N. All of it, although I had no idea Loki felt this way about most of these things. He’s always been a very private person.”
“He was just afraid of getting hurt again,” you breathed out quietly.
“Aye,” Thor agreed. “And as a result he hurt you instead.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Norns, this is a mess – I never knew he felt this way. It explains a lot.”
“What do you mean?” you asked him.
Thor looked up at you. “Surely, you are aware of Loki’s status as the God of mischief?”
“Of course.” You nodded. It had been one of the first things you had learned about him.
“Well,” Thor said, clearing his throat. “Whenever a new rumor about Loki started to spread, he would pull some sort of elaborate prank to distract people. When the pranks didn’t get enough attention, he would lash out and pull some other prank or stunt. Sometimes he would turn violent, but really he was just upset.” He looked back down at the phone and scrolled back up to the very first text message. “Our father, Odin, loved Loki very dearly. But Loki was always convinced that our father favored me over him.”
“Did he?” you asked.
Thor frowned, considering. “It seemed like it sometimes, but I think our father was very worried about Loki. He was worried about what would happen when Loki found out he was adopted and worried because Loki was so very different from everyone else on Asgard. I think he was afraid that Loki wouldn’t have a happy life if he didn’t try harder to fit in.”
But that only made Loki more miserable, you thought and had to bite your tongue from saying it out loud. “Why did your father ignore him then when Loki was…..?” Your voice trailed off as you tried to imagine a female version of Loki inside your head. Your heart began to pound when you imagined how very beautiful Loki must be in that form.
“Lady Loki,” Thor supplied for you. “That was what we called our princess. To be honest, I never understood why our father reacted that way to Loki’s transition, but I think it may have had something to do with our sister, Hela.”
You looked up at him, frowning. “You have a sister?”
Thor nodded. “Yes, actually. Loki and I never even knew she existed until our father passed. She was extremely dangerous and extremely powerful. An absolute sociopath – she makes anything Loki ever did wrong seem innocent. She is the reason Asgard was destroyed.”
“So Loki in his female form probably reminded your father of her?” you guessed.
“It would seem as such, yes,” Thor said. He reached out and handed your phone back to you.
“Thank you,” you said, getting to your feet.
“Y/N?” Thor asked you.
You turned to look at him. “Yes, Thor?”
Thor looked down at his hands. “Will you give my brother another chance?” he said. “After reading that, it’s clear to see how very hurt and scared he was inside. I don’t think he meant to hurt you on purpose. I think he may actually love you very much, and I owe him an apology.”
“I want to, Thor,” you told him. “Because I love him, too.”
Thor nodded, sniffling. “Good. He seems happy when he’s with you.” He looked up at you. “Y/N, I want you to know that because Loki loves you I do as well. You’re like family to me, and I will defend you and my brother to the death in every battle we enter into if I have to.”
You crossed the room and went over to the bed where he was sitting. Then you bent down and hugged him tightly. He stiffened for a moment before he hugged you back, crushing you against him. “Thank you, Thor,” you said, smiling. Then you pulled away from him.
He smiled back at you. “Thank you for not giving up on him.”
When you woke up the next morning, you couldn’t stop beaming. You weren’t afraid to love Loki anymore. You certainly weren’t happy that he thought he couldn’t trust you, but Loki had issues just like everyone else and you understood why he had been so afraid now. You loved him and you forgave him.
“Why do you look so happy?” Tony asked as you entered the kitchen. “I mean, yesterday I thought you were never going to get out of bed again, and now you’re all sunshine and rainbows. What happened?”
Natasha was grinning at you from her place on the counter top, and suddenly you knew she must have had something to do with Loki’s text messages. She must have convinced him to tell you everything, you realized.
Bruce gestured between the two of you as you pulled the milk out of the fridge. “Something’s going on – Nat, what did you…..?” He turned to face you. “You’re not – tell me you’re not! Seriously, Y/N, why?”
You sat down at the island and poured yourself a bowl of cereal silently.
Tony sat down across from, scowling and crossed his arms. “You forgave reindeer games for what he did to you?” he demanded. “Why, do you want him to hurt you again?”
“Tony,” Nat intervened. “She doesn’t have to explain herself to you.”
“Seriously, Nat?” Bruce asked, turning to her. “Loki is not exactly a good person. He’s gonna be terrible for her – you saw what she was like yesterday.”
“He is not terrible for me,” you said, quietly, grabbing your bottle of vitamins and wrenching the top off. “He just did something stupid. It’s not like any of you can say you haven’t made mistakes.”
“So you are just gonna let him take advantage of you?” Tony asked. “Don’t you think you should have some more self-respect than that – you’re an Avenger. You’re supposed to be a role model.”
“Hey, Tony,” Nat said, hopping off the counter and walking to the island. She pulled out a stool and sat down. Tony scowled at her. “How many girls, exactly, did you fuck and kick out of your hotel room during your playboy days?”
“I – that –” Tony stammered, clearly shocked at being called out. “I did not kick them out, and how exactly did this become about me?”
“Because you fucked them and dumped them,” Natasha told him. “Just like Loki did to Y/N, and that makes you a hypocrite.”
“Uh, no,” Bruce said, leaning across the island and coming to his friend’s defense. “Those girls he slept with knew that it was a one time thing. He never tricked any of them into sleeping with him.”
Natasha smirked at him knowingly. “Really, Tony?” she said, turning back to the billionaire. “None of them because I could always pull some old stories from the internet and –”
“Okay, alright, I was an asshole, too,” Tony spat at her. “But that was a long time ago, and none of those girls would have ever given me a second chance. So why are you giving Loki one?” He looked at you.
“Because he explained things, and I understand why he did it,” you told him. “And because I love him.”
Bruce scoffed. “You don’t love him – you barely know him.”
You poked your cereal with your spoon, feeling the blood rush to your face. “I’ve kinda been like in love with him and following him in the media, for like, a while.”
“Wait, what?” Tony asked you, frowning. “You’re apart of his twisted little fan club – is that why you joined the Avengers?”
“No, actually,” you sighed. “I never planned on joining the Avengers. I was actually against the idea when Fury tried to recruit me at first, but he said I would be overqualified as a SHIELD agent. It is, however, part of the reason why I took the job at SHIELD.” You shrugged. “I mean, I didn’t expect it to go anywhere or to actually get to meet him. I just thought if I could get a look at him in person, I’d be happy.”
“Y/N, that’s not love,” Bruce tried to reason with you. “That is a crush on a celebrity. You’re not in love with Loki – you’re in love with this idea of him that you’ve built up of him inside your head.”
“That might have been true before,” you allowed. “But now Loki and I live in the same building together and we work together, and I’ve only started to love him even more. So I think you’re wrong.”
Bruce merely sighed and shook his head.
“Okay, so,” Tony said, clearly amused by this new tidbit of information. “How long is a while?”
You exchanged a glance with Natasha. “Since 2012,” you muttered, hoping they wouldn’t hear you.
Bruce frowned. “2012?” he echoed. “You don’t mean –”
“Since the invasion?!” Tony spat in disbelief. “What could you have found possibly found attractive about him back then – he was literally an evil alien overlord!”
“His hair looked like an evil Christmas tree,” Bruce added.
“Seriously, what’s your excuse?” Tony asked. “Do you just have a really bad leather Daddy kink?”
You stared down at the island table top, your face furiously red. You had never said of any of this to anyone. “I mean, at first, I was just kind of fascinated by him. Because, you know, he was this alien God and the prince of another planet. And because he was, like, really hot.”
Tony scoffed. “Debatable.”
Nat swatted him in the shoulder.
You ignored him and went on, “Then Thor started doing all these interviews and since Loki is his brother, the reporters wanted to know about him, too. And in the interviews Thor talked about how Loki had always issues their dad and about how Loki was adopted and in a lot of pain because of it.” You shrugged. “He reminded me of me.”
“You related to him,” Nat said, smiling at you.
“Okay,” Tony said. “I guess I can see how that could make you like him. But what about this explanation he gave you – what is it?”
“Oh,” you said, shrugging. “Basically, he text messaged me his entire life story and he’s just been hurt a lot. Like a lot a lot. And he has major trust issues because of it.”
“Wait a minute,” Bruce said. “What do you mean he was hurt – Loki is probably the most arrogant son of a bitch I’ve ever met. He was a prince – royalty. How bad could it have been?”
You bit your lip. “I mean, I could show you the messages, but I’m not sure if he’d be okay with you knowing. They’re really personal.”
“What if we promise not to say anything?” Tony offered.
“Tony,” Natasha scoffed. “You couldn’t even keep your secret identity as Iron Man a secret.”
“None of us have secret identities, though,” Bruce countered.
“Except Peter,” Tony added.
“It’s not a secret identity if he introduces himself to every new superhero he meets,” you muttered.
“Y/N, seriously, though,” Tony said. “The things that Loki told you could really help us with his psychological profile and help us try to get some help for him.”
“That is true,” Nat said. “Every single one of us in this tower needs some sort of help, and the fact that Loki hurt you the way he did proves he has issues.”
“Anger management couldn’t hurt,” Bruce added under his breath.
“Please, Y/N,” Tony said. “We only wanna help.”
“Fine,” you sighed, knowing – hoping – that they only wanted what was best for Loki. You pulled your phone out and unlocked it. “Just promise me you won’t make fun of him.”
“We won’t,” Tony promised you.
“Absolutely not,” Nat assured you.
You opened the text messages and passed the phone across the table. Tony took it from you, and Natasha and Bruce quickly stood up to read over his shoulder.
“So dad’s a douche,” Nat said quietly. “That could explain a lot.”
“My dad was a douche,” Tony reminded her. “I didn’t become a super villain.”
“Cycle of abuse, Tones,” Bruce muttered. “Besides, he’s an Avenger now.”
You sat silently as Tony scrolled through the messages.
“Jesus, this just keeps getting worse and worse,” Nat said. “He had a horrible childhood.”
“Peer pressure,” Bruce said, pointing to a line on the screen. “And bullying.”
“Typical virginity story,” Tony muttered, scrolling further. “Everyone’s first time sucks.”
“Yeah but his family made such a big deal out of it,” Natasha said.
Bruce pointed out another line. “Look, here – he wanted, like, a girlfriend, but he was rejected every time.”
“And ridiculed,” Natasha added. “God, they were objectifying him. These girls sound like bitches.”
“And dad wanted an arranged marriage,” Tony read aloud. “That’s gotta be soul crushing for any kid, but it seems like Loki really just wanted someone to accept him.”
“Oh, my god,” Nat gasped. “Look at this. He used seidr – that’s like magic, right –”
“Into a girl?” Bruce burst out. “He can do that?”
“Normal people can do that,” Tony said. “Just not with magic. Ugh, I’m never gonna get that imagery out of my head.”
“Tony, this is serious,” Natasha scolded him. “He’s like transgender and it clearly wasn’t handled well.”
“Well, if he goes back and forth that would make him – like gender fluid, right?” Bruce asked.
“That’s still trans,” Tony told him. “It’s an umbrella thing.”
“And this is about his ex,” Natasha said, clearly they were getting to the end of the messages. “She was totally using him.”
“Shit like this would give anyone trust issues,” Bruce muttered.
“And then look here,” Natasha said, tapping at the screen. “About when he was adopted. It says he found out he was actually a Jotun.”
“And he had been raised to fear and despise the Jotuns,” Tony said, reading aloud. “Why in the hell would they do that if – that’s just….” He sighed and his voice trailed off.
“So do you think he has issues with like racism, maybe?” Bruce asked the other two.
“Like internalized racism?” Nat asked with raised eyebrows. “Probably. His parents taught him to hate his own people.”
Tony looked up at you. “Is all of this true?”
You nodded. “According to Thor it is. He said that Loki just likes to bottle things up, and when he gets upset pulls pranks and acts out.”
“Okay, look, Y/N,” Tony said. “I’m gonna need you to come with me to my office. We need to print these out, so I can show Steve.”
You frowned. “But if Steve finds out –”
“There’s no reason the rest of the team has to know,” Tony assured you hurriedly. “These are Loki’s problems and, like you said, they’re very personal. But we might need to call a sensitivity meeting because with Peter and Loki, that makes two LGBT people on the team.”
Well, three actually, you thought quietly, but you rarely acknowledged that part of yourself. You didn’t even bother with labels.
“Yeah,” Nat added. “And what if Loki wakes up one morning and decides he feels better being a woman that day – we need to reassure him that he has the right to present that way within the confines of the tower.”
“And what about you, Y/N?” Tony asked you.
You stared at him blankly. “What about me?”
“Well, I mean,” Tony said, obviously trying to choose his words carefully. “If you and Loki are going to be together, is that going to make you confused about your sexuality? We can get you some literature on LGBT identities.”
“Loki is Loki,” you told him simply. “I love him, no matter what form he takes.”
“So you’re pansexual?” Nat asked you.
You frowned at her, never having heard the term before. “What is that?”
Tony exchanged a glance with Natasha. “Maybe this is something you and Loki should talk over,” Tony suggested.
“Probably,” you agreed, thinking to yourself secretly how the idea of Lady Loki made the God seem even more attractive to you.
“Alright,” Tony said, getting to his feet with a sigh. “Let’s go print this stuff out.”
Peter was hanging upside down from his bedroom ceiling, pacing, while Bucky and Loki stared up at him from the floor. Loki had waited until you were out of your chambers this morning before he went in to retrieve the aged photograph of what he assumed was you and your family. Suddenly, Peter dropped down onto the floor pulling out of a flip and landing in front of the two Avengers.
He scowled up at Loki. “Tell me why, exactly, I should help you?”
“Parker, I only seek to make things right with Y/N,” Loki told him.
Peter considered this for a moment. “Are you doing this to try to get back with her?”
Loki sighed and shook his head. Never had he imagined having to justify himself to an adolescent mortal. “I love her, Parker, and I want to be with her. Frankly, however, whether or not we end up together is not for me to decide. It is Y/N’s decision whether she wants to be with me or not.”
Peter groaned, clearly torn between your happiness and his own anger at Loki for hurting you. “Did you apologize?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“Profusely,” Loki assured him, nodding.
Peter crossed his arm across his chest. “I want proof.”
“Proof?” Loki echoed, outraged at the demand. “And how in the nine realms I am to – would you like me to gather Y/N and –”
Bucky cut off his rant. “Show him,” he growled at Loki.
Loki frowned at the soldier. “Show him?” he repeated. “Show him wha – no, no. Absolutely not. Those letters were meant for Y/N and –”
“You showed me, didn’t you?” Bucky reminded him. Which was true. Loki had shown him the messages, but only because Buck insisted on proofreading them to make sure Loki said nothing to insult you further. “You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Peter won’t judge you, will you, kid?” He nodded at Peter.
Peter looked from Avenger to the other and back again. “How can I judge him when I have no idea what you’re talking?” He shook his head and sighed. “Look, Loki, I try to be as tolerant and accepting as possible. I don’t care about anyone’s race or gender or sexuality or whatever, but if you want my help then I need some sort of proof that you actually apologized to Y/N and aren’t just trying to buy her affection.”
“Oh, for norns sake,” Loki muttered, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He pulled up the string text messages he had sent to you. He offered the phone to Peter and said, “Please, just –”
“I’ll keep it to myself,” Peter assured him. Then he wandered over to his twin bed and sat down to start reading. Loki avoided his gaze as the teen began to scroll through the message. “Holy crap,” Peter said, his eyes growing wider with each new line of text. “This is – this is awful. More than awful.” He looked up at Loki. “You actually went through all of this?”
“What reason have I to lie about any of this?” Loki spat, offended at the implications. Then he sighed and begrudgingly added, “My brother can confirm it for you if you like, though we usually avoid discussing any of it.”
“That’s a healthy way of dealing with things,” Bucky muttered quietly. He had been shocked after Loki showed him the text messages last night, but after he read them a lot of things started to fall into place. If Loki had lived his entire life feeling completely rejected, it was no wonder he was such a miserable cynic. The only good that had seemed to come from his life on Asgard was that Loki had gained a certain amount confidence from being constantly fawned over, which seemed to have been both a blessing and a curse.
“Yeah, alright, I’ll help you out,” Peter said, getting to his feet with a smile. He gave Loki his phone. “Can I see the picture you want touched up?”
Loki handed him the picture of you and your family. “I was hoping you might be able to fix the damage around the edges and also make the color less….Yellow.”
Peter examined the picture. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound too hard,” he said, wandering over to the desk where his computer sat. “I’ll even blow it up for you.”
“He’s gonna enlarge it,” Bucky said when he saw Loki’s inquiring face. “And I think we should hold onto the original.”
“Oh, yeah,” Peter said as he began to take apart the ancient picture frame. “A picture this old definitely has sentimental value to it. It probably means a lot to Y/N.”
“I would imagine so, yes,” Loki said, wandering over to the bed and sitting down. “It must be important to her if its the only thing she bothered to display in her room.”
“Don’t worry, Mr. Loki,” Peter told him, pulling the picture out of the frame. “I won’t hurt it.” He opened the lid of his scanner and put the picture inside.
The room was silent while Peter worked on the photograph. Loki scrolled through the messages on his phone. You had never responded. What if he had told you too much – what if you didn’t want to be with him after you found out about his…..Feminine side? It wasn’t something many people knew about him – only Thor and whoever was left of the Asgardians in New Asgard. They had all heard the stories. But Odin had reacted to Loki’s female form as badly as he would have if Loki had been a Dark Elf or some other enemy of Asgard. Thor and Frigga had done their best to accept and defend Loki – especially Frigga – but Loki’s transition had taken a tole on his whole family. What if it did the same to you – what if you thought he expected you to attracted to his female form? Or worse what if you stopped seeing him as a man altogether?
He never should told you, Loki thought, running his hands through his hair. This was going to change how you saw him completely – he had ruined everything when all he wanted to do was fix things.
“Alright, it’s all done,” Peter said, pulling Loki from his reverie. Peter rose from his swivel chair and pulled a sheet of paper out of the printer.
Bucky and Loki walked over to him to see the finished product. Loki took the photograph in his hands. It was beautiful – an eight by ten with most of the background cut out, so that the focus was on your family. The paper was sturdy and felt like an actual photo, and the coloring was no longer yellow or faded. It had been restored to it’s former glory.
“It’s wonderful, Parker,” Loki beamed up at the teen. “Absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much. You have to let me repay you somehow.”
Peter scoffed. “Its no big deal. We’re friends – I would have done it for anyone. But, um, maybe next time I bring MJ over you could show her some of your illusions or something. She would really like that.”
“It would be an honor,” Loki told him as Peter handed him back the original picture already in it’s frame.
“So, uh, what are you gonna do about a frame?” Bucky asked. “We could always go to Tiffany’s and spring for something nice.”
“Tiffany’s, really?” Loki scoffed. “Barnes, you underestimate me.” He walked back over to the bed and set the new photograph down on the comforter. He made a delicate motion with his hands and the air began to shimmer green. A sheet of glass covered the photo, then a delicate gold frame surrounded the edges, and from the frame blossomed golden vines and flowers. The flowers were dotted with tiny diamond studs and the way the flowers surrounded framed picture made it look as though it had been nestled among a field of wildflowers.
Bucky gaped down at the intricate picture frame the God had created. “Or you could always do that,” he said, trying to sound unimpressed. Though secretly he was thinking he should come to Loki the next time he needed a gift for Nat.
Loki picked up the framed picture. “I hope she likes it.”
Peter clapped a hand on Loki’s shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. “She’ll love it, Mr. Loki.”
Tony’s office was surprisingly understated for that of a billionaire. It was a perfect rectangle with the entire back wall made of glass, giving him an excellent view of New York. A sleek, modern desk made of eco-friendly bamboo stood in the middle of the room. The computer that stood upon it was really just for appearance’s sake since Tony had holographic Stark tech built into everything from his watch to the arch reactor on his chest that housed millions of nanobots. A custom painting of the Iron Man suit hung in the middle of one wall because, eh, he was a little of an egomaniac. And poised on the very corner of his desk was a photograph of Tony, Pepper, Morgan, Peter, and May Parker encased in a silver frame.
Tony sat seated behind his desk while Steve stood behind him, facing the window and reading the printed out text messages Loki had sent you. Or, at least, he was pretending to read them. Steve had been scowling at the messages for a solid ten minutes, trying to decide how much of these text messages was just pure bullshit Loki spewed out in order to win you back.
“Steve?” Tony prompted the super soldier, breaking the silence at last.
Steve sighed and spun around, throwing the print outs on the desk. “You actually believe all of this?” he spat in disbelief.
Tony sighed and gazed up at his friend over steepled fingers. “I already talked to Thor about it,” he said in a measured voice. “He confirmed all of it – apparently, Odin wasn’t exactly dad of the year.”
Steve planted his palms on the desk, staring down at its bamboo surface. “Son of a bitch,” he said, scowling. “Now, we have to pay to put his ass through therapy –”
“Oh, c’mon, Steve,” Tony cut him off. “There isn’t a single person in this tower who hasn’t had a therapy session – your best friend is still having biweekly sessions for his problems.”
Steve scowled at him from across the desk. “Bucky was used as a freaking lab experiment – they tore him apart and brainwashed him until he couldn’t even remember his own fucking name. Loki –”
“Was clearly the victim of a cruel, conformist society and an emotionally abusive father,” Tony spat back. “Being an outcast – being bullied and singled out because you’re different – that can really fuck with a person, Steve. Then on top of that, Odin hid his heritage from him and taught him to hate his own race. That’s what pushed him over the edge – Thor said so himself. Loki tried to commit suicide over it. For years, they thought Loki was dead, but it turns out that Thanos had actually gotten his hooks into him.”
“Oh, so all of a sudden you believe that story?” Steve shot at him.
“There wasn’t enough evidence to support that theory before,” Tony said. “This is what was missing – his motive behind everything. Thousands of years of bullying, abuse, neglect, and now internalized racism – that’s a pretty damn good motive. That kind of shit would break anyone, and that’s without even getting into the gender issues.”
“Gender issues,” Steve scoffed in disbelief. He scowled up at Tony. “You know what, do you know what we would have done to a guy like him?”
“A guy like him?” Tony echoed, nodding. “Transphobia, that’s nice. That’s a real good look on you, Steve. It’ll do wonders for our image.”
“I’m talking about guys who don’t treat women with respect!” Steve shouted, prodding a finger at the billionaire.
“Oh, respect, right,” Tony said. “Respect was a big thing back in your day – the Greatest Generation. When schools were still segregated and it was legal to beat and rape your wife and sexual abuse was just a dirty family secret. That all sounds very respectful.”
“Fuck you,” Steve spat. “Y/N shouldn’t be in a relationship, especially not with him. She’s not stable enough.”
Tony began to rub at his temples in furious disbelief. “You don’t get to determine that, Steve,” he sighed. “Y/N is a grown fucking woman, and so far she’s proved that she’s willing to do whatever it takes to recover from her issues. And Loki is a couple hundred centuries past being an adult, and this proves –” He snatched the print outs off the table and threw them in the super soldier’s face. “ – That he has some fucking serious issues that need to be dealt with. He’s not perfect. He fucked up and he hurt Y/N, and he regrets it. But even if he didn’t, at the end of the day, we can’t stop those two from being together. They like each other and, despite Loki’s enormous fuck up yesterday, they actually seem to really make each other happy. And if he’s as bad for her as you seem to think he is, Y/N will figure it out and do you really think there is a single person in this tower that wouldn’t hesitate to beat the living shit out of him if he tried to lay a finger on her?”
Steve spun in a slow circle, scrubbing at his forehead furiously. “Goddamnit!” he shouted, his voice echoing off the walls. He turned to Tony, pointing. “I’ve had it. This is his last chance – I fucking mean it, Tony – I’ve had enough. Either Loki agrees to get help or else he’s no longer an Avenger.” He turned and stormed out of the office.
Tony sat at his desk and sighed quietly. “That went well.”
You were sprawled out on the couch in the living room, freshly showered from your workout. You had gotten off to a late start this morning because of the business with the text messages, and it was now well past noon. You couldn’t stop reading the messages Loki had sent you, especially the ones where he gushed about how much he loved you. You were terrified, though, of how he would react when he found out Tony, Nat, and Bruce had seen the messages.
You looked up at the sound of Loki’s voice. You sat up, beaming at him. He had pulled his long raven hair into a loose bun at the nape of his neck and you were surprised at how much you liked the look on him. You’d only ever seen him with his hair down. He was a carrying white box, which he kept shifting from one hand to the other.
“Loki,” you greeted him, tucking your legs beneath you so there was room for him on the couch.
“You certainly seem happy today,” he said, sitting down beside you. He couldn’t help but wonder if this meant you had forgiven him – truly forgiven him. And what it meant for your future together. If you even had one.
“Well, why wouldn’t I be?” you asked him. It was taking all your energy to keep from launching yourself at him and taking him in your arms.
Loki opened his mouth to speak, but found he could only stare in awe of you. The way you looked at him like he was the center of your universe. Was it possible you loved him despite….Everything?
“Hey, you two!”
The both of you turned to see Tony, Nat, and Steve standing at the edge of the room. “C’mon, we need to speak to you,” Tony said, beckoning for the two of you to follow them.
You looked pleadingly at Loki as you both got to your feet. “Please, don’t be mad.”
“Mad?” Loki repeated. “Why would I be mad?”
You said nothing as the two of you followed the three senior Avengers into the formal dining room.
“Sit,” Nat instructed as Steve closed the doors behind you.
You sat down and Loki took the seat right beside yours, looking utterly clueless as to what was going on.
Steve rounded the table, which was a monstrously-sized live-edge wood creation Tony had had commissioned by a famous woodworker. Tony was holding a manila folder, and you immediately lowered your eyes as he took out the papers inside. Steve was seated in between Tony and Nat with an extremely wary expression on his face – as if he were poised for an explosion.
Tony passed the papers silently down the table to Loki.
Loki took the papers in his hands staring down at them dumbstruck. Then he looked up at you, his eyes wide with sheer panic. “You – you showed them,” he stammered. “Why – why would you –?”
“Loki, it’s not her fault,” Nat said quickly. “She didn’t want us to see them.”
“We made her show us the text messages,” Tony added, nodding. “Talked her into it.”
Loki stared at them, uncertain whether he should feel more humiliated or furious. “Why?”
“Loki,” Tony sighed. “It’s been pretty clear to everyone that you have some issues that need to be dealt with since you came here. But we’ve never been able to help you the way we wanted to because you refused to tell us what was wrong. That’s why we made Y/N show us the messages.”
“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, burying your face in your hands.
Loki stared at you for a moment and found he couldn’t bring himself to be angry with you. You really did seem sorry, and it was hardly your fault you had been coerced into this ordeal. You had had his best interests at heart. He turned back to the others. “What makes you think you could possibly help me?” he sneered, not even bothering to hide the betrayal he felt.
“Loki,” Nat said. “Asgardians may be stronger and live much longer than humans, but psychologically speaking we’re the same. You process trauma the same way as anyone else. Studies have proven that therapy –”
“Therapy?” Loki echoed. “You mean you expect me to go and talk about my feelings, and that will make things all better?”
Natasha frowned at him. “Well, have you ever tried it?”
“Loki,” you said, looking up at him. “Don’t you feel better when you talk to me – it’s the same thing.”
Loki opened his mouth as if to speak, but found his voice caught in his throat. He certainly couldn’t deny that he did feel better when he talked to you.
“Loki,” Steve said, speaking for the first time. Loki turned to face him. “You have to go to therapy. It’s mandatory. No questions asked. If you don’t go, you’ll be expelled from the Avengers and there’s a good chance you’ll wind up inside a jail cell, which would be a hell of a lot worse than this tower.”
“What?” you said, gaping at Steve. He couldn’t be serious.
Steve merely scowled back at you. He had never looked so angry with you before.
“I see,” Loki said, scowling at the super soldier.
“You don’t have to attend the therapy sessions alone,” Tony told him. “You can bring Thor or even Y/N with you, if it will make things easier for you. Right now, we’re looking into finding an LGBT therapist to work with you because that seemed like an extremely traumatic experience for you to go through and we want you –”
Loki frowned at him, his rage replaced by confusion. “LGBT?” he echoed. He had heard of the acronym, but he had no idea what it meant.
“For your gender fluidity,” Natasha tried to clarify.
“Your female form,” Tony added when Loki continued to look clueless. “Lady Loki.”
“Ugh, norns,” Loki groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Does the whole tower know about that?”
“Would it really be so bad if they did?” Natasha asked him. “Loki, the way your father reacted to your transition was unfair and, frankly, abusive. He had no right to treat you that way, even if he was your dad. If you feel comfortable presenting as a woman, then you should never have to hide that part of yourself.”
“Exactly,” Tony said, nodding in agreement. “And we just want you to know that you are free to present yourself however you choose while here in the tower.”
“Why, so I can be subjected to yet more ridicule?” Loki said, shaking his head. “Or worse.”
“Loki, really,” Tony scoffed. “We’re all very accepting, tolerant people here – do you really think we would allow our teammates to harass you because of how you choose to identify or present yourself?”
“Loki, I would be right there with you the whole time,” you promised, reaching and taking his hand in yours. “I will support you, no matter what form you take, and I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Loki stared down at his fingers intertwined with yours, smiling at the idea of you attempting to protect him. Even in his female form, Loki would still be infinitely more powerful than you. He did appreciate the thought, though.
“So what do you think so far?” Natasha asked.
“Hmm,” Loki hummed, swallowing his annoyance. “It doesn’t seem as though I have a choice, but while annoying I’ve been subjected to much worse.”
Nat grinned at him. “Good, see, that’s the right attitude.”
“There is one other thing,” Tony said. “We’re going to arrange for you to start seeing the psychiatrist we have on call because we believe you may have depression.”
Loki snorted. “That’s one for word it. You don’t suppose those pills they give out will work on me?”
“Bruce has been doing a lot of research on Asgardian DNA and brain development,” Natasha told him. “Using the blood samples and scans that you and Thor have provided him with. We talked to him, and he seems confident that he can create an antidepressant medication that may be able to help you.”
“Help me in what way, exactly?” Loki asked her, frowning.
“It would make you happier, help to stabilize your mood, and keep you from dwelling on the past so much,” Nat explained. “Does that sound like something you’d be willing to try?”
“As opposed to spending the other five thousand years of my life in abject misery?” Loki said with a shrug. “It couldn’t hurt, I suppose.”
“Good,” Tony said, smiling. “Very good. We appreciate your cooperation, reindeer games. We’ll let you know when your first appointment is.”
“You can go,” Steve said, dismissing the pair of you with a wave of his hand.
You stared at him as you followed Loki out of the dining room. Steve wasn’t acting at all like himself today. Once you were out in the hallway, you followed after Loki through the living and it wasn’t until you realized you had no idea where you were going that you thought to stop him. He seemed irritated.
“Loki,” you said, reaching out and grabbing him by wrist.
Loki looked down at you, his eyes glossy and distant. There was no hope in them. “Yes, little one?” he asked you.
“Are you mad at me?” you asked, your voice suddenly mouse-like and timid like it was with everyone else.
Loki frowned at you – was that how you saw him now? Just the same as any of the others? But before you had seemed so pleased to see him. He turned to you and reached out, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His annoyance with the whole therapy ordeal melted at your sudden nervousness around him. He didn’t want you to feel that way with him. “I’m not mad at you, little one, for doing what you thought was best for me,” he told you gently. “My only concern is the remarks some of our more dimwitted teammates might make once word gets around.”
You frowned up at him, your eyes full of regret. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s quite alright,” Loki assured you. “Will you accompany me to my chambers, little one? I feel there are things for us to discuss.” On any other occasion, Loki would have been grinning like a devil as he led you to his chambers to have his way with you. But this was not one of those occasions – in fact, he was certain that the revelation about his feminine form had altered your feelings for him completely. He was truly grateful, however, that you still seemed willing to support him platonically.
You followed Loki silently down the long winding hallways that led to his chambers and once you were inside, you paused. It was the polar opposite of Thor’s room. The walls had been papered with a black-and-grey wallpaper, decorated with a classic fleur de lis design. In the center of the room was a four poster bed with a forest green canopy and curtains for privacy. There were shelves upon shelves in books, some written in what you recognized as Norse runes and others in English and on the floor there were yet more books in piles. A small yet elegant black sofa had been squeezed into the corner of the room, and both the floors and the bed were decorated in what seemed to be fur.
“Loki,” you breathed out. “This is beautiful.”
Loki closed the door behind him and frowned down at you. “You like this?” he said. “Hmm. It doesn’t seem at all your taste. Come, and sit with me.” He went over to bed and sat down.
It was then that you noticed he seemed on edge for some reason, which was odd because he was always so confident. Bordering on arrogance sometimes. You went over to the bed and sat down beside him.
“This is for you,” Loki said, handing you the white box he had been carrying. You had completely forgotten he even had it with him.
You took the box silently, and stared at it for a moment. Then you looked back up at him and said, “You didn’t need to get me anything.”
“Yes, I did,” Loki said sternly. “Besides, I wanted to.” He looked away from you, shame clouding his features. “I hurt you very much, little one, and you did not deserve that. This is my way of apologizing.”
“But you already apologized,” you reminded him.
Loki looked up, meeting your gaze with his emerald eyes. “Not nearly enough. Open it.”
You nodded and began to take the lid off the box. Then you pushed aside a lot of tissue paper and gasped when you saw what was inside. It was the picture of you and your family – the only one you had – enlarged with the colors enhanced, so that it looked new again. The frame that wrapped around it was a beautiful gilt frame made of winding vines and blossoming flowers with tiny diamond studs in the centers. You didn’t even want to think of much this must have cost him. You turned to him, awestruck, and said breathlessly, “Loki, this is….”
But your voice trailed off because there were no words for it. It was beautiful and thoughtful and, by far, the most wonderful gift anyone had given you in a very long time. Instead of trying to put your feelings into words, you set down the photograph and flung your arms around Loki, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
Loki took you into his arms, smiling sadly, and kissed the crown of your head. Then he pulled away from you and asked, “You like it then?”
“I love it,” you assured him. Then you frowned. “But the original –”
“Oh, it’s here,” Loki said hurriedly. He grabbed the box and brushed aside more tissue paper to reveal the original crinkled and yellowed photograph in its ancient frame. “I kept it safe. I know how much it must mean to you.”
“Thank you,” you told him, smiling. “Thank you so much.”
Loki smiled back at you. “You are quite welcome, little one.”
You set the picture back in its box and set the box down the floor. “So what did you want to talk about?” you asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“Ah, that,” Loki said, his smile fading. He cleared his throat and looked down at the floor. “It’s just that I don’t particularly like to talk or think about the time I spent in my female form. It made my father dislike me even more than he already did, and it very nearly tore my family apart. But when I was writing to you last night, I made myself tell you because I love and care about you so very much.” He looked up at you. “You are the first mortal I’ve ever told about my time spent in that form, but I understand if it changes the way you feel about me and if you’ve decided you would rather not be with me anymore.”
You gaped at him in disbelief. “That’s what this was about?” you asked him. “What are you talking about – why would you ever think that?”
“Well, surely, you must not see me as a –” Loki started.
You didn’t let him finish. Instead you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips.
Loki stared at you in stunned disbelief. “Y/N?” he said as you got up and crawled into his lap, straddling him with your legs. A disbelieving smile spread across his lips as his hands found their way to your hips. “What are you –?”
You cut him off again, mid-sentence, capturing his lips in a deeper, more passionate kiss and slipped your tongue into his mouth.
Loki pulled away from you as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Are you doing this out of pity?” he asked you.
You shook your head. “I don’t pity you, Loki.” you told him. “I think you’re a magnificent God, whose lived a very hard and complicated life. But I still love you, Loki Odinson.” You kissed him. “All of you.” Then you kissed him again. “In whatever form you choose – male, female, Jotun. I love all parts of you, Loki.”
Loki stared at you, a whisper of a smile tugging at his lips. “You’re not lying.”
“No, I’m not,” you assured him. “In fact, I think Lady Loki sounds kind of hot – I’d like to meet her.”
Loki was so stunned by your words, he couldn’t help but laugh. “You are full of surprises, aren’t you?” he asked, smirking. “You like girls?”
“I do,” you said with a giggle.
“Hmm.” Loki hummed, both shocked and thrilled at you revelation. “We can have some fun with that then,” he promised. Then he leaned forward and kissed you deeply, burying his hands in your hair and nipping teasingly at your lower lip before slipping his tongue in your mouth.
You tugged off the hair tie that had been holding his bun in place and moaned into the kiss when you felt his erection pressing against you. In one swift movement, Loki flipped you onto your back and he hovered you, grinning before he captured your lips again. He straddled you and ground his hips against your pelvis. Then he pulled away from you.
“Loki!” you whined up at him, wanting him. Needing him.
“May I ask you something, little one?” he asked you.
“Anything,” you said simply.
“Is it true that you are, in fact, untouched?” Loki asked you. “A virgin,” he clarified when he saw your confused expression.
You nodded, blushing a bit. It was considered unusual for a woman of your age to be a virgin. “I am.”
Loki grinned at your answer. “Were you, perhaps, saving yourself for me?”
“Hmm, okay,” you said. “You’re gonna have to get off of me if you wanna have this conversation.”
Loki rolled his eyes, but climbed off you nonetheless. He went to go sit with his back pressed against the wall and then pulled you into him, wrapping his arms you. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. He was so glad he had made it his mission to find out your secrets – he loved every new piece of the puzzle that he managed to uncover. Well, most of them.
“Okay, so,” you said, leaning into him. “I’ve been in love you for a long time, mostly from afar. But I wouldn’t say I was saving myself for you. I mean, I fantasized about it and it definitely would have been my dream come true. But I just never thought I would get the chance to actually meet you.”
Loki smiled understandingly, pleased with your answers. Then he asked, “So why did you never….?”
“Well, I dated people in high school,” you told him. “But it never lasted very long because I was always being moved from home to home. Then after I graduated, I went straight into the military and you don’t exactly have time to date during basic training. I had offers from guys in my spec op unit, but I’ve never really been into the whole casual sex thing. I want my first time to be with someone I love. So I tried online dating when I started working for SHIELD, but I just never really clicked with any of the guys in DC. And it turns out, a lot of women don’t like to date girls like me.”
“What do you mean, girls like you?” Loki asked, frowning.
You shrugged. “Girls who like men and women. Sometimes the guys aren’t even into it, and the ones who are usually end up wanting to use you for a threesome. I’ve never really bothered with labels.”
“I see,” Loki said. Then a smirk spread across his face as he bent down and began to press kisses to your neck. “You are aware, aren’t you, that I can quite literally make all your dreams and fantasies come true – and makeup for unfinished business.”
You grinned up at him. “I am very much aware of that.”
Loki kissed you deeply. Then pulled away frowning, his mind going back to something Bucky had said the night before. “Little one,” Loki said. “Is this – are things moving too fast for you? I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything.”
“Now, you’re worried about that, are you?” you laughed. “You didn’t seem to care about that when you were dry fucking me in your underwear.”
Loki couldn’t help but laugh at being called out. “In my defense, you had been driving me mad for days,” he told you. “Then you came downstairs in your little outfit, showing off your perfect little body in front of everyone, which I did not care for, by the way.”
“Is that so?” you asked with a smirk.
“I’m very greedy,” Loki informed you. “I don’t like to share. Then when I got to your room and you were wearing, somehow, even less clothing than before and – you know what – I don’t recall you trying to stop me at all.”
“Uh, except for the part where I said you shouldn’t fuck me if you don’t love me?” you reminded him.
Loki scoffed and squeezed you tightly. “After that – but really, though, do you think we’re going too fast?”
You sighed. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a relationship that lasted longer than a month and it’s not exactly easy for me to make good judgement calls since you’re the object of my every fantasy and whenever we’re together, you end up on top of me with a raging boner.”
“Norns, little one!” Loki laughed. “What a mouth you have.”
You looked up at him. “Is it too fast for you?”
Loki frowned. “I, honestly, do not know. I’ve never courted a mortal before. We could always go for an outing – on a date, I believe its called.”
You stiffened immediately at the suggested. “Can the date be inside the tower?”
“Little one, really,” Loki said, looking down at you. “You have got to come outside – this behavior is not healthy. And, really, who do you think is going to bother you when you’re out with me – I did lead an alien invasion against the city, if you recall.”
“Are people really afraid of you?” you asked him, frowning.
Loki shrugged. “Not all of them, but most of them do seem nervous around me. It’s hardly a change from the way things were back on Asgard, though, and it does have perks. No one has ever attempted to mug me, for one.”
You burst out laughing. “I have actually never seen you get shot on any of our missions. You’re so fast and you’re always amazing with your daggers and the way you use your powers.”
“Yes,” Loki said, smirking happily at your appraisal of him. “It also helps that Midgardian guns are like toys compared to the weapons the rest of the universe are using.”
You stared up at him, smiling, awestruck. “How is it you manage to get more interesting with everything that you say?”
“Have you considered that it only seems interesting because you’re absolutely mad about me?” Loki teased. He bent forward and placed a kiss on the tip of your nose. “Will you tell me about your family, little one, since I have told you of mine?”
“Yeah, of course,” you said, though Loki thought he saw your smile falter. You bent down picked up the photograph he had given you. “So this is my mom Mercedes and that’s my little sister Mira.”
“But you grew up in foster homes?” Loki asked. “Stark mentioned it,” he added it when he saw your inquiring gaze,
“Yeah, I did,” you told him. “It wasn’t very much fun.”
“And what of your sister, Mira?” Loki asked, growing more curious by the second.
This time you didn’t even pretend to smile. “Uh, yeah, she got placed in a home, too, but she ended up having it easier than me.”
Loki frowned at you. “Easier?”
“Yeah,” you said, nodding. “She ended up being adopted by the family she was placed with.”
Loki stared at you, struggling to understand. “Did the family not you want as well?”
“Oh, well,” you said, lowering your gaze to fingers. “She was put in a different home than me –”
“They separated you?” Loki said with raised eyebrows. He sounded horrified by the prospect. “From your own kin?”
You nodded. “They did.”
“Well, why?” Loki asked, trying desperately to understand how something like this could be allowed to happen.
You stared down at your hands for a long time, struggling to push away the early memories of your childhood. Finally you took a deep, shuddering breath and said, “Siblings get separated in the foster care system all the time. Sometimes because the family refuses to take more than one kid. Sometimes for no reason at all. But for us….” You looked up at the canopy and willed yourself to continue speaking. “Protective services had already opened a case against my mother and her boyfriend. I was in the hospital at the time, and I guess the case worker stopped by for an unscheduled visit. They pulled Mira out of the house that day because her pediatrician – her doctor – had found evidence that she was being sexually abused. My mom’s boyfriend had raping her. Mira was only four.”
Loki gaped at you in unabashed horror. Eventually he managed, “Did your mother know he was doing this?”
You shook your head. “No, I don’t think so. I don’t really know.”
And even though he was afraid of what the answer might be, Loki asked, “Why were you in the hospital?”
By now, your voice had begun to shake and a tear streaked down your cheek as you spoke. “It was my fault that protective services opened a case against us. My mom – when we were bad she would hit us with belts and stilettos. Whatever she could find, really, and she didn’t mean to but sometimes she would end up leaving marks. The teachers at my school started to notice the bruises, and they took me aside one day and asked me what happened. I didn’t mean to say it – it just slipped out.” You sniffled loudly as Loki pulled you into the crook of his neck, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “I told them my mom hit us at home, so they sent a social worker to our house. At first, my mom didn’t think it was a big deal because lots of people get protective services called on them and nothing happens. But the social worker ended up finding out all this bad stuff – they said my mom was neglectful and we were living in squalor. They kept giving her deadlines to get the house cleaned up and stuff, but when nothing changed they started pulling me and my sister out of school to see how bad it was. When the social worker told my mom that she was in danger of having us taken away – um my mom……She blamed me and smashed my face through a glass fish tank. I ended up with a cracked skull and some of the glace was embedded so deep in my skin, they had basically had to give me surgery to get it out. But it was such a long time ago that you can’t see the scars anymore.”
Loki grabbed you by the shoulders and spun you around to face him. His expression was a mixture of horror, rage, and sympathy. He grabbed you gently by the chin and tilted your face upwards, so that you were looking directly at him. “Listen to me, Y/N,” he said, reaching out and brushing the tears off your face with his thumb. “Listen to me and I mean it – none of that that happened to you or your sister was your fault. What your mother did to you was horrible. You are her child. It was her job to take care of you and she didn’t. It isn’t your fault that she hurt you. Do you understand?” He shook you gently by your shoulders.
You stared at him and nodded silently with tears in your eyes.
Loki pulled you into his arms, crushing you to his chest. His fingers tangled in your hair as your tears soaked his shirt and he hushed you quietly. “It’s alright,” he told you over and over again, rocking you gently back and forth. He did this until you eventually cried yourself to sleep in his arms. Then he lay down, holding you tighter than ever, and promised he would never bring up the subject again.
A few hours later, there was a knock on Loki’s door. He set down the book he had started reading while you slept and stood up carefully, so as not to wake you. When he opened the door, Thor was staring down at him.
“Stark sent me to fetch you and Y/N,” Thor explained. “You’re missing dinner.” He peered over Loki’s shoulder at your sleeping form. “Is she alright?”
“Norns, I hope so,” Loki muttered, shaking his head. “She became very upset and cried herself to sleep.”
“What, why?” Thor asked. “Loki, you didn’t –”
“No, I didn’t do anything to hurt her,” Loki assured him. “At least, not on purpose. I asked her about her family, and it’s just awful the things she’s been through. Her mother was a really horrible person.”
“I see,” Thor said, nodding. “Well, that is unfortunate Would you like me to bring you some food back here then, so she can eat when she wakes?”
Loki sighed. “No, I’ll wake her and bring her out. It’s important that she eats, and she could probably do with the distraction.”
“Alright,” Thor said. “I’ll let Stark know.”
Loki closed the door, leaning against it and let out a deep breath. Then he walked over to the bed where you lay curled up in a ball, and began to shake you gently by the shoulder. “Little one,” he cooed at you. “It’s time to get up, darling.”
After a few more gentle shakes, your eyes began to flutter open and you blinked up at him. “Loki?” you murmured groggily.
“Yes, it is me, little one,” Loki smiled at you.
You stared at him as if in a daze and he realized you must still be partially asleep. “You’re real,” you whispered, a small smile spreading across your lips.
“Of course I’m real,” Loki assured you. “Now, you really must get up. We need to get some food in you.”
“Okay,” you said, finally pulling yourself into a sitting position and yawning hugely.
Loki offered you his hand and pulled you to your feet. The two of you walked back to the common area hand-in-hand, and when you got to living room, he sat you down on one of the couches where some of the others were eating and watching a movie of some sort. He hoped the television would be enough to distract you from your earlier conversation. Then he wandered into the kitchen and began putting a plate together for you.
“Hey,” Tony said, walking over to Loki as he ladened your plate with chicken, rice, and vegetables. “Thor mentioned you asked Y/N about her family.”
Loki scowled over his shoulder at his brother, who was chatting and eating at the island. Loki sighed, shaking his head and began to fix his own plate. “Yes, I did,” he said. “And I will never mention it to her again. Her mother sounds to be an absolutely vile woman.”
Tony frowned. “That bad, huh?”
Loki scowled at him. “She put Y/N’s head through a glass fish tank and gave her a cracked skull. I’d say that’s bad, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh, my god,” Tony groaned sympathetically. “Christ, some people shouldn’t be allowed to breed.”
Loki nodded. “And Y/N blames herself for the whole ordeal. She was extremely upset over it. I won’t ever bring it up to her again. She doesn’t need to relive that. Unless she wants to talk about it, of course.”
“Good plan,” Tony said, patting him on back.
“Indeed,” Loki said, grabbing a pair of forks off the counter. He brought the plates out to where you were sitting in the living room.
“Oh, thank you,” you said, accepting the plate he offered you.
“You’re very welcome,” Loki said, sitting down beside you.
The two of you ate in silence, and Loki tried not to focus on the way Sam or Wanda was staring at the pair of you in silent judgement. Thankfully, you were too absorbed in the movie to notice. It was a Disney movie of some sort, which Loki was infinitely grateful for, because it seemed to cheer you up immensely. When the two of you were finished eating, you followed Loki out into the kitchen.
“Loki?” you said quietly, your voice hesitant as he rinsed off the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
“Yes, darling?” he asked, closing the dishwasher and straightening.
You stared down at the floor tiles, blushing profusely. “Um, would it be alright if I stayed with you tonight?”
Loki looked at you with raised eyebrows. “In my chambers, you mean?” he asked for clarification. “Would you really like that?”
You nodded. “I just don’t feel like being alone tonight. Unless you don’t want me to,” you added hurriedly.
“Little one,” Loki smirked at you. “If I had my way, you would be tied to my bed and never be allowed to leave.” He took you by the hand and led out you of the kitchen.
When the two of you got back to Loki’s chambers, there was a small package on the floor by the door. He picked it up to examine it and realized it was a mostly new package of Trojan condoms. There was a post-it attached to it signed from Bucky.
“For norns sake,” Loki scoffed, opening the door and throwing the box of condoms onto his sofa while you burst into giggles behind him. “Well, I’m glad you’re entertained by the idea.”
You pressed the door shut and spun around to face him. When he was standing, Loki was so tall you had to stand on your tiptoes to wrap your arms his neck. “Thank you for taking care of me tonight,” you smiled up at him.
“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Loki told you. “I am courting you now. It’s my job to take care of you.”
“Oh,” you said. “Does that make you my boyfriend?”
“If that is how you prefer to refer to me,” Loki said. He bent down and kissed you softly. “Although I would not object to king or liege, either, keep that in mind.”
“And what would that make me?” you asked, grinning. “A princess?”
“Oh, no, hardly,” Loki told you. “You are a Goddess and you are mine.” He kissed you again, wrapping his arms around your waist. Then he pulled away frowning. “You have no night clothes.”
“I could run up and go get some,” you offered.
“Oh, I don’t think so,” Loki chuckled. “You asked to be here and now I’m not letting you out of my sight. You’ll just have to wear something of mine.” Begrudgingly, he released you and walked over to the dresser beside his door. He pulled out a dark-colored T-shirt and a pair of clean boxers, and handed them to you. “Go get changed,” he instructed, pointing to the door that led to his bathroom. Though, secretly, he had no idea why – you had been practically naked beneath him not even two days ago.
Sighing, he turned back to the dresser and pulled out another T-shirt and some sweatpants. He was tempted to torture you by going shirtless, remembering the way you had admired his abs, but he didn’t want to pressure you into anything. He changed quickly into the night clothes and deposited the dirty ones in his hamper. Then he sat down on his bed with his back to the wall and went back to the book he been reading earlier.
A few minutes later, Loki glanced up when you stepped out of the bathroom and had to try very hard to keep from gaping. The shirt he had loaned you hung off you like a tent because he was so much taller than you. It stopped just above your knees, leaving the rest of your bare legs perfectly exposed and the fact that you had his boxers on underneath it was doing positively sinful things to him. He bit his tongue to keep from commenting as you crawled across the bed towards him – whether you purposely trying to seduce him again, he had no idea.
“What are you reading?” you asked, coming to sit by him and tangling your legs with his own. You noticed the book was written in runes.
“Hmm, it is an Asgardian romance,” Loki told you.
“Do you think you could teach me to read the runes?” you asked him, hoping it wasn’t too big of a request.
Loki frowned at you. “Is that something you really want to learn?”
“Of course,” you told him. “I want to know about where you come from.”
“You really do want to know everything about me, don’t you?” Loki asked you.
You frowned, blushing. “Is that bad?”
“Hardly,” Loki said, laughing. “I find it lovely you’ve taken such an interest in Asgardian culture. Thor will be pleased as well. I will teach you to read and write in runes, alright, and once you’ve learned those, I shall begin to teach you Old Norse. How does that sound?”
“Like you’re too good for me,” you said in a much quieter, timider voice. You sighed, trying to keep the shame off your face. “I’m sorry,” you sighed.
“What could you possibly have to be sorry for, little one?” Loki asked you cluelessly. You had nothing to be sorry for – it wasn’t as though you had hurt or offended him in some way.
You stared down at your hands, fidgeting silently. Finally you said, “Its bad to ask for things, and I’ve already asked you for two things night. I shouldn’t have.”
Loki stared down at you, struggling to figure out how you had ever come to such a ludicrous conclusion. While he certainly would not be pleased if you took to endlessly asking for material items – he had more than enough money to shower you with gifts if he wanted to, but he’d also like to think his lover would care for him rather than just his bank account. But you had only asked for something as simple as reading lessons – it was hardly as though he would have a difficult time instructing you, and besides, he thought it would be something fun for the two of you to do together. He had offered to teach you all the rest. In fact, now that he thought about it, you rarely asked him questions at all unless it was to get his attention. You hadn’t asked for any of the details of his life he had told you in his messages, and you hadn’t asked him to rinse the dinner dishes tonight, either.
Not only that, but Loki knew for a fact that Tony had offered you the usage of his credit card if only to show off his extreme wealth and you had never accepted. You never asked anyone for so much as a cup of coffee. When you had first joined the Avengers, Tony had requested if you’d like your combat suit stylized at all – everyone had their own thing. And Loki recalled perfectly that you had merely shrugged and asked for something simple. Now, on your missions together you wore a tactical catsuit similar to Natasha’s only with less flair and you had a gun strapped to your back.
No, no, no, Loki thought as an idea crept inside his head. He was all for independence, but you had to learn to come to ask people for things – little things. Even if it was just for help. It was no wonder everyone thought you so cold – you barely spoke at all unless spoken to and now this nasty little habit. No, Loki was going to break you of this.
“Hmm,” Loki said, closing his book with a snap. He let it drop to the floor with a dull thump. “Is that so?”
You nodded silently. Then cried out in surprised when Loki pulled you into his lap, began papering your face with soft kisses. Your temple, your cheeks, your jawline. “Loki,” you breathed out. “I really love you a lot.”
Loki smiled down at you because every time you spoke those words, his heart swelled. But he was on a mission – this particular puzzle piece just did not fit. He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to your mouth. “And I love you, my little one.” You began to get up and try to turn because it was awkward kissing at this angle, but Loki grabbed you firmly by the hips and pulled you back down on top of him. “No, I want you exactly like this,” he whispered, drumming his fingers along your outer thighs.
He bent down and kissed you again, gently but more deeply. His tongue traced the outline of your lips and you allowed him entrance. The two of you kissed like this for several minutes, and you moaned softly when you felt him harden beneath you. He pulled away and began pressing kisses against the soft skin of your neck. The whole time, you were oblivious to his long fingers creeping closer to the space between your legs until you felt his hand resting there. Just beneath the hem of the shirt he had loaned you.
Loki slipped his free hand down the neck of your shirt, pleased to find you were not wearing a brassiere. He trailed his fingers across your chest and began to pinch gently at your hardened nipple, twirling it between his fingertips. He grinned when you cried out at the sensation. “So sensitive you are,” he breathed into your ear. “Are you enjoying yourself, little one?”
When you didn’t respond right away, he pinched just the tiniest bit harder. “Yes,” you said at last in an almost whimpering moan.
“Is it too soon, perhaps?” Loki asked you. He wanted to offer you an out, even though you clearly seemed to want him. “Shall I stop?”
Your gaze immediately snapped up to meet his. “No,” you said, pleadingly. You wanted him. You had dreamed of this for so long. “Please, no.”
Loki grinned even wider and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, while moving his hand to your other breast. “Have you ever been touched like this, little one?” he asked you as he resumed pinching you gently. Meanwhile, his other hand made its way between your legs, his fingertips barely touching the soft fabric of the underwear.
“No,” you moaned quietly.
“Really,” Loki said. “How about like this then?” He pressed two fingers against the boxers’ fabric in the spot where he knew your clit to be and began massaging it gently, rubbing smooth circles against the fabric.
“Loki!” you gasped out at the feel of this new sensation. Your whole body felt stiff and on edge as if waiting for something to happen.
“Well?” Loki said, intensifying the motions, rubbing ever so harder. “Have you?”
“No,” you whined when he pinched you harder to get a reaction out of you. “No, Loki, I haven’t,” you swore to him.
“Hmm,” Loki hummed, very pleased indeed with your answers. He slipped his hand inside the boxers, sighing at the feel of you, and continued to massage you with his fingers. He felt you grow ever stiffer against him, your body so taught you seemed as though you might break. “Have you ever used your fingers, little one, to fuck yourself?”
You were so caught off guard by the question that you stared up at him blankly. “What?” you asked. At this, he took your clit between his fingers and pressed his erection against you between your legs to remind you of the subject at hand. “No,” you said, grabbing fistfuls of the fur blanket to keep from writhing against him. “No, I haven’t.”
“No?” Loki echoed, pleased to see that you were telling the truth. “How about a toy then – have you ever used a toy to penetrate yourself?”
“No,” you said, and this time you couldn’t stop yourself from arching your back against him, lowering your pelvis onto his erection.
“Oh, my, my,” Loki said, thrilled to learn that you were truly in fact untouched. Though he did not understand the strange obsession mortal men seemed to have with virginal women, he enjoy the idea of being your first a rather lot. Sex was just another way of expressing your love to someone on Asgard. Unless you were a man, no one cared if you were a virgin or not. Or when or how you had come to stop being one. But for men, the loss of virginity had been a rite of passage of on Asgard – to manhood.“You must have a lot of willpower, little one. Tell me, how do you feel right now?”
“Good,” you told him, your face reddening with embarrassment.
“Oooohhh, good,” Loki said. “I’m glad, but you seem so on edge.” He began to rub at your clit a little harder. “You’re so taut, little one – an absolute mess. But I can fix that,” he said in a teasing singsong voice.
“Loki,” you cried, turning your head to try and hide your needy, embarrassing, longing from him with your long curtain of hair.
“Hmm, little one?” Loki said, his breath warm against your neck. “Would you like that – for me to help relieve you?”
You chewed your lower lip to keep from crying out, and when he saw that he pressed lips to the delicate skin of your neck. He bit down just ever so slightly and you cried, “Yes, Loki – please, yes!”
“Then ask for it,” Loki commanded you.
You gaped up at him. “What?”
“I want you to ask for it,” Loki repeated again.
You stared up at him, your eyes blown wide with lust. You squeezed them shut, chewing on your lip. You weren’t supposed to ask for things.
Sensing what you were thinking, Loki lowered his head down beside your ear and said, “It’s okay. You won’t get in trouble, little one. It is good to ask for things – I want you to.” He pressed delicate kisses along your jaw and thrust his erection up against the thin cotton boxers you wearing.
“Loki!” you gasped out breathlessly. You felt confused and cheated, but he had given you permission. He wanted you to ask.
“Yes, little one?” Loki prompted, removing his fingers from you clit and placing them right atop your entrance. He loved knowing how mad he was making you.
“Loki,” you whined out in defeat. “Will you please help me?”
“Good girl,” Loki grinned at you. Then he slid his fingers inside of you, causing you to cry out. You were so wet – positively drenched. “Are you alright?” he asked, pumping his fingers in and out of you slowly. Virgins were so very sensitive. He didn’t want to cause you any harm. “Are you hurt at all?”
“A little,” you said but the relief overwhelmed the pain.
“Do you like it, though, hmm?” Loki asked as he continued to work you. “Does it feel pleasant at all?”
“Yes,” you told him.
“Very good,” Loki said, curling his fingers inside of you. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
You merely whimpered, shuddering on top of him as he began to pump his fingers slightly faster in and out of you. Loki removed his other hand from your shirt and tilted your chin up gently. He pressed his lips against yours and slipped his tongue inside your both. Then he pressed his fingers against that spot and you could see fireworks.
You moaned into the kiss as something – a strangely pleasant warm sensation – began to build inside of you. Loki could tell you were getting close, by the way you twisted yourself and began clawing at his shirt, defying his earlier orders. He began to pump harder and faster, always careful to hit that spot that made you moan so sweetly. Then he stopped.
You stared up at him as he pulled his fingers out of you. They were slick with your fluids and a bit of blood, but Loki didn’t seem bothered by it. In fact, he seem pleased at the sight. He grabbed a tissue out of the box on his night side table and wiped the juices from his fingers.
“You are such a good girl,” Loki beamed down at you. He pressed a kiss against your lips, pulling away before you had a chance to deepen it. He loved the look on your face – the frustration and the need and the desperation. You were even more wound up than you’d been before thanks to him. “Do you feel better now – would you like to go to bed?”
You stared at him in disbelief. “Bed?”
“Yes, isn’t that why you’re here?” Loki asked, squeezing you playfully. “For our little slumber party. You must be tired from all the fun we’ve just had, and it is getting late. You wouldn’t like for me to keep you all night, would you?” He voice took a slightly suggestive edge and he twitched his hardened cock beneath you. He knew full well that sleep was the last thing you wanted, especially after that nap you had had earlier – you had slept nearly four hours.
You pressed your hands against his rock solid pecks and whined pleadingly, “Loki.”
“Oh, come now, little one,” Loki grinned at you. “We’ve had our fun. What were you expecting?” He wrapped his arm around you waist and pulled you impossibly closer to him. “Did you think I’d bring you in here, and make all your dreams and fantasies about me come true?” He repositioned you in his lap so you were sitting right atop his raging erection. “Did you expect to feel the full length of me inside of you, while I held your writhing body and made you see stars – is that what you expected?” He removed his hands from your hips and dragged them slowly along the length your body before he leaned down to kiss you so gently and so chastely it was barely a kiss at all. He almost felt guilty and saw the obvious longing in your eyes. “Is that you want, darling?”
You felt so desperate for him. To have him – all of him on top of you and inside of you. You wanted him so badly you thought might cry. “I want you,” you admitted in a whining plea.
“Do you now?” Loki asked with a smirk. “Not quite finished, are you – you want me to fuck you, is that it?”
You stared at him, nodding silently.
“Then ask me for it,” Loki ordered you sternly. “You hear me – I want to hear you to ask me to fuck you. Do you know why, little one – because it is good to ask for things.”
You knew you had to, even though you weren’t supposed to. He made it clear you would get no where without asking for it. “L-Loki,” you stammered. “Will you fuck me, please?”
Loki grinned at you. “I thought you’d never ask.” He rolled over so that he was on top of you. He captured your lips in his own and kissed you so fiercely, it left you dizzy. Then he sat up and looked down at you because he wanted to you to be one-hundred percent certain. “You’re sure now, little one – it’s not too soon, is it?”
“No,” you told him, shaking your head.
“Wonderful,” he said, and resumed kissing you. He slide his beneath your shirt, wrapping his arms around you, and then pulled you into a sitting position. He yanked the shirt off over your head. He wanted to see you – all of you. And he knew you wanted the same from the way you were fumbling with the hem of his own shirt. He tugged the shirt off and threw it on the floor. “Are you impressed?” he asked you, watching as you ran your hands down his hardened abs. “Does this form excite you?”
You smiled up at him. “Everything about you excites me.”
“I like that answer,” Loki said, pushing you back down against the mattress.
He wound his fingers in your hair as he slipped his tongue in your mouth. Then he lowered his free hand beneath the boxers you wore and began to finger you again. You were so timid and inexperience. He could feel you trembling beneath him. He knew you had no idea what to do even as you started to get brave and slipped on your hands beneath his pants to stroke his shaft.
Loki began pressing kisses against your neck, your collar bone, the valley between your breasts, grunting with pleasure as you pumped your hand clumsily. Oh, the things he could teach you, he thought as he began to kiss your breast. He bit the nipple gently, causing you to pause and cry out. He loved that sound and he was going to make sure you made all kinds of sounds for him tonight.
Apparently, you liked what he was doing because as you kissed his shoulders, his chest, his abdomen you began to tug at his sweatpants. You couldn’t believe this was happening – it had to be a dream, but if it was it was a beautiful dream. Eventually, Loki got the message and kicked the sweatpants off onto the floor.
He sat up and stared down at you. “Do you want me, Y/N?” he asked as he started to slip out of his boxers. You nodded silently. “Say it – tell me what you want.”
“I want you to fuck me,” you told him obediently.
“Good girl,” Loki grinned at you. Then his boxers were off and nerves flooded you at the size of his cock. He reached out and tore the boxers you were wearing clear off of you. “I am going to ruin you for mortal men,” he promised you.
You pushed your nerves away and responded, “I have no interest in mortal men.”
He grinned even wider at your response and spread your legs apart. How very beautiful you were. He lined up the head of his cock with the entrance to your cunt, and slowly so as not to hurt you too badly, he slid inside of you. You gasped out, clinging to him as you felt the familiar sensation of pain and pleasure.
Loki hovered over you, supporting his weight on his hands and knees. “Don’t worry,” he told, peppering you with kisses. “I will take good care of my little one.”
He began to move, thrusting himself sharply in and out of you. He had to be careful not to go too hard or too fast, so that you would still be able to walk afterwards. He lowered himself atop of you, burying his fingers your hair and kissing your neck, marking you. You were his now – his for sure.
You were so very delicate that you were clinging to Loki for support, your nails digging into his shoulders. Then he managed to hit your sweet spot and you cried out, his name tumbling from your lips and he swore it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Who would have thought he would love that sound so much coming from a mortal virgin. Loki began to thrust just a bit harder, so you would cry out, speaking his name again and again.
Oh, how he loved you.
You kissed Loki everywhere as he pumped in and out of you, his raven tendrils tickling your bare skin. The pain had begun to melt away into pleasure and you knew you never wanted to do this with anyone else. Only Loki. Always Loki. Then you began to feel that warm pleasure building in the pit of your stomach. Then Loki thrusted into you hard and you felt yourself going over the edge.
Loki felt your walls clench around him and feeling your juices spill over him sent him into his own orgasm. He continue to ride you, gasping your name, as his seed spilled inside of you. Then he thrust into you one last time before he pulled out of you.
He crawled to the head of the bed atop the pillows and pulled you into his arms, spooning you while you were gasping and still trying to recover. He kissed you over and over again, unable to wipe the grin off his face. “I love you,” he told you over and over again. “Do you hear me, little one – I love you.” Once your breathing had slowed down enough for you to speak he asked, “How are you – did you enjoy yourself?”
You turned to face him and kissed him deeply in response. “I love you,” you told him when you pulled away. You had to bite your tongue to keep from gushing about how you couldn’t believe this had just happened – that it wasn’t a dream. “You’re amazing, and that bullshit you were spouting earlier – you are definitely not less of a man.”
“Hmm, but that is where you are wrong, little one,” Loki smirked at you. “I am not a man – I am a God.” He pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose. “How do you feel – are you hurt at all?”
You shrugged. “Maybe a little.” There was a soreness radiating from your core, but it was bearable. You had been through worse.
“Not surprising,” Loki said. “Your body isn’t used to being penetrated yet, and I may have gotten a little too excited, hearing you scream my name so sweetly.”
You blushed and buried your face in his chest. “I was not screaming.”
Loki burst out laughing at your reaction. “The good news is, you’ll enjoy it even more after a bit more practice and practice we shall, little one. There are many things I wish for you to learn.” You looked up at him curiously, but before you could respond he took you into his arms and climbed out of bed, carrying you bridal style into the bathroom. “We have to get cleaned up before we can go to bed,” he explained, setting you down on the toilet.
“Okay.” You watched him turn on the shower and adjust the water temperature, trying to keep your eyes off his naked form. Though you had no idea why.
Loki grabbed you by the hand and pulled you into the glass-enclosed shower. You were surprised by the number of hair and bath products he had, but it made sense in a way. He was a prince – he must have been accustomed to a certain amount of personal grooming.
He grabbed his bath sponge and selected a rose-scented body wash, making a note to purchase a lavender body wash at some point. That had been the scent you wore on the day he’d made such a dreadful ass of himself, so you must have liked it. He handed the sponge to you and then grabbed his back scrubber, and was not at all surprised when you took the initiative to begin scrubbing his back. He smiled at the feeling of just how thoughtful you were – no one had ever been so eager to take care of him before. He turned to face you and began to wash you with the back scrubber, making sure to leave no traces of fluids between your legs while you scrubbed at his chest and abs.
Once the both of you had rinsed away the body wash, Loki selected a generic but expensive shampoo – generic because it was intended for all hair types. While you were stunningly beautiful, you seemed to have rather fine hair, but that just meant he had one more thing to pick up. He massaged the shampoo into your scalp, while stared you up at him. You were too short to wash his hair for him, and he could tell you wanted to. He hoped you did not feel indebted to him because he had made love to you. He didn’t want you to get the idea that he had done so to feed his ego. You weren’t just any other fan of his off streets, even if you had been one at one point. You had worked to get here and he admired that and the strength you must have had to overcome your hardships, even if you had come out a bit battered. More than that, you were his now – an ethereal Goddess and he would worship you as such.
After the shampoo and conditioner had been washed out your and his hair, Loki turned off the shower, trying to ignore the fact that he had grown hard again. One of the blessings of being a literal God was endless stamina, but as much as he wanted to press you against the shower tiles and make you scream for him, he would not. He had brought you in here to get cleaned up, after all, and you were probably quite sensitive from your first time. If he had too much fun with you, he might hurt you and end up carrying you about the tower in the morning. He could only imagine the things the others would have to say about that. Judging from the looks the two of you had received earlier, it was obvious not everyone approved of your relationship with him. And while Loki had never given a damn what any of the others had to say about him, he was worried about the effect it might have on you.
You were so timid, Loki thought as he grabbed a pair of towels out of the cabinet by the toilet, that you might not even respond if Sam or Wanda were to scold or lecture you. Or worse. In a way, you were like him – you internalized things and did not seem to like to talk about your feelings or desires. It was one of the less attractive traits you both shared. Pushing these thoughts aside, Loki draped his towel around his neck and turned to you. He began to dry your hair, grinning affectionately, and then he left the towel dangling from your head. “You can do the rest,” he told you. He loved the idea of taking care of you, but he didn’t want you to feel as though he was treating you like a child.
The two of you dried off and then Loki led you back into his bed chambers. He deposited the towels in his hamper and turned to find you gathering what was left of your earlier bed clothes off the floor. He walked over to you and took you in his arms. “Darling, must you wear that tonight?” he asked you.
You blinked at him. “You don’t want me to?”
“I would rather you didn’t,” Loki admitted. “It is our first night together. We have just made love for the first time. I want to be able to hold you with nothing between us. Is that alright?”
You smiled up at him. “Yeah, of course.”
Loki frowned, though, taking note of the hesitation in your voice. “You are comfortable with that?” he asked, not wanting to push you outside your comfort zone.
“Yes,” you said simply.
Loki sighed and pushed past you, walking over to the bed and pulling back the fur blankets. It seemed he needed to have a discussion with you. He climbed into bed and held his arms open, waiting for you to crawl over to him. Then he covered you both up, hugging you to him. “Little one,” he said. “Are you intimidated by me – and do not lie. There is no point to it, as you should well know.”
“Oh, um,” you said, frowning at the disappointment in his voice. “Maybe a little.”
“Hmm,” Loki hummed, knowing very well it was a lot more than just a little. “Why, though – you never seemed this way around me before.”
“Um….” You began to pick at the blanket, blushing deeply, and Loki linked his fingers with your own to stop your fidgeting. “It’s just that you’ve been with so many other people – literal Goddesses. And you’re so strong and powerful and so much more than I ever could have imagined. And I’m just stupid mortal girl with a crush – how am I ever going to please you?”
Loki grabbed you by the chin and tilted your head to face him, his expression now stern. “Little one, let me reveal a secret to you – I have been watching you since the day you got here. Because you are mysterious, captivating, majestically beautiful, and fierce – you’d have to be to beat Barnes in a fight. I may not have realized it right away, but I wanted you right from the very start. That makes you much more than some stupid mortal girl, which I never want to hear you refer to yourself as ever again. Those Goddesses you speak of – they were merely passing fancies. Hopeful maybes. And they never gave a damn about my thoughts or feelings. You, however, told me that you did not care that I committed a heinous crime against your people and planet. Because to you, it was just a mistake like anyone else’s. You do not expect perfection from me – if you did, I highly doubt you would have even granted me this second chance. Which, honestly, I don’t even think I deserve. And you support me – parts of me that I have to keep to hidden, and you accept those parts of me. That is much more than a crush, little one – that is an emotion I thought was long ago lost to me. That is love and knowing that you are capable of loving and accepting all parts of me makes me beyond happy. Do you understand?” He smiled down at you.
“Yes,” you said, nodding, feeling positively overwhelmed by the emotion than shone in his eyes. At the idea that those emotions were for you. “I love you,” you smiled up at him.
“Yes, I know,” Loki told you. “And I love you so much because of that – so much it surprises me. I have not been so completely enthralled by someone in – norns, centuries. And I want you to be happy, little one. That is why I do not ever want you to do something you are uncomfortable with to please me. I will not have it – do you understand?”
“So,” you said, frowning. “I don’t have to do everything you say?”
“What?” Loki spat in disbelief. “No, of course not – norns, girl, where have you been getting these dreadful ideas? You are my lover – my partner. Not a servant or a maid.If I do something or ask you to do something, that makes you uncomfortable then, for norns sake, tell me. I’m not going to force you to do something that makes you unhappy. If you’re afraid to try something with me, then tell me. We can talk about it and I am more than willing to wait until you feel ready, alright?” He was pleading with you, you realized and you began to wonder if everything that had been instilled in you was somehow wrong.
“Yes, Loki,” you said, nodding.
“Promise me,” Loki said pleadingly.
“I promise,” you assured him.
“Good girl,” Loki said, hugging you to him because he knew you were being honest. He sighed. “We need to get some sleep. It’s very late.” He rolled over onto his side, spooning you. He pressed a kiss to the top of you head, and rested his chin in your hair. “Friday, turn out the lights, please,” he addressed the AI. He squeezed you to him tightly as the lights began to flicker into darkness. “I love you, little one.”
You smiled, curling into his warm embrace, feeling exhausted, achy, and satisfied. “I love you, too, Loki.”
When you woke up the next morning, you found that you had rolled over at some point during the night, curling yourself into a ball. You looked up when you felt someone gently petting your hair and found Loki smiling at you, his emerald eyes shining brilliantly. It was at that moment that everything from last night came flooding back to you.
“Loki,” you asked, looking away timidly. “Did we really…..?”
“We did, yes,” he told you. “Why do you not look at me, little one – are you embarrassed or……?” He didn’t want to speak the other word he was thinking. What if you had changed your mind about his female form – what if you did see him differently? Or what if you simply did not love the God of mischief as much as you thought did?
You seemed to catch his line of thinking and looked up at him and spat, “No! Absolutely no. I don’t regret any of it.”
Loki smiled in relief. “What is it then?”
Your face burned bright red as you chewed your lip. You looked down at the delicate furs and asked, “Did you, um, like it?”
Loki was so surprised by the question he couldn’t help but laugh. He pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly. “I positively, absolutely loved it,” he assured you, his eyes sparking mischievously. “Your tight little cunt dripping wet for me and the way you clung onto me, screaming my name. The very thought of it fills me with sinful ideas for next time.” It was then that you became aware of the fact that not only were both of you naked, but he was sporting a hard-on pressing against your stomach. If he had not been very much aware of how sensitive you were from the night before, he would have rolled you over and fucked you then and there.
Instead, Loki threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. He walked over to the dresser and began to pull out clothes, which he tossed to you before beginning to pick out an outfit for himself. You stared down at the hoody he had given you and out of curiosity brought it to your face to breathe in his scent. It smelled of cinnamon, cloves, expensive cologne, and some sort of foreign, delicious scent that you could never put into words.
Loki burst out laughing when he turned, buttoning up his jeans, and saw what you were doing. “Why do I have the feeling I may not get that back?” You lowered the hoody and blushed deeply, ashamed at having been caught. Seeing how dejected you looked, Loki walked over to you and tilted your chin towards him. “You may keep it if you like. I have others like it and can certainly buy more. Now, come along and get dressed – its important we feed you.” He pressed a kiss to your lips, smiling gently at the way your face lit up at his words.
It only took the both of you a few minutes to get dressed. Loki refused to let you leave until you had both brushed your hair out. The clothes he had loaned you were huge on you, but the sweatpants tied in the front, so they weren’t too baggy and you already loved the hoody more than you should.
Loki was pleased to see there weren’t many people in the kitchen – Tony, Bruce, and Wanda. Peter, who usually followed Tony around everywhere, must have been sleeping in. No one seemed surprised that the two of you were together, he noticed, as he crossed the room and grabbed the tea kettle off the stove. He went over to the sink and began to fill it with water.
“Tell me, Y/N,” Wanda said quietly in a slightly venomous voice. “Are you, by chance, a masochist?”
Loki turned off the water. He closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose, biting his tongue to keep from lashing out.
“Easy, Maximoff,” Tony said teasingly, trying to play off the tension in the room. “Play nice, why don’t you?”
Ignoring Tony, you grabbed a coffee mug out of the cupboard. “Well, Wanda,” you said, your voice sickly sweet. “I do enjoy being dominated.”
Bruce let out a shocked gasp of laughter, while Tony who had noticed that you seemed to gain a fierce sense of confidence when it came to defending Loki merely shook his head and smiled over his shoulder at the God. Loki was staring at you with a shocked yet pleased – impressed even – smile on his face. He would have never thought you had it in you. He set the kettle on the stove, shaking his head.
Wanda merely brought her coffee cup to her lips with raised eyebrows. “Hmm.”
Just as you had approached the ludicrously expensive coffee maker, Loki darted across the room and snatched your mug out of your hand. You stared up at him irritably as he held mug high out of your reach. The others were watching you with expressions of mixed curiosity and amusement.
“What are you doing?” you asked, crossing your arms.
“Would you like it back, little one?” Loki grinned down at you.
“Well, obviously,” you said with an eye roll.
“Then ask for it,” Loki ordered.
You sighed irritably. “What?”
“Ask for it,” Loki said again in a singsong voice.
You turned and started back for the cupboard for a new mug. But Loki was much taller and much faster than you. He beat you to it and slammed the cupboard shut, holding it closed with his free hand.
“Loki,” you said, beyond tired of this game already.
“Whining will get you nowhere, little one,” Loki told you sternly.
You chewed your lip for a moment. Then finally said, “Can I, please, have the cup back?”
Loki handed the mug back to you, grinning like the devil. “Here you go,” he said as the tea kettle started to whistle in the background.
“Uh, what was that?” Bruce asked unable to keep the amused expression off his face.
“Yeah, reindeer games,” Tony said, turning to watch the trickster grab his own mug and walk over to the stove. “Please, explain to us why you were just torturing this poor girl.”
“Torturing her?” Loki scoffed, assembling his cup of chamomile. “I was not torturing her. I am attempting to break Y/N of a nasty little habit of hers.”
Everyone’s eyes were on you as you sat down at the island. You stared down into your coffee mug silently.
“Which is?” Tony prompted.
Loki sat down beside you at island. “Tell them, little one,” he said when you did not speak right away. “Tell Stark about that ridiculous idea you told me about last night.”
Everyone stared at you expectantly. “It’s bad to ask for things,” you muttered under your breath.
“Whaa–?” Bruce said, exchanging a confused glance with Tony.
“I’m sorry,” Tony said. “What was that – I can always ask Friday to magnify the speakers if you don’t feel like speaking up.”
You scowled at Loki. “It’s bad to ask for things,” you repeated loud enough for everyone to hear.
Bruce gaped at you. “What?”
“You have problems,” Wanda muttered, causing Loki to shoot her a deadly look.
Tony held his hand up to silence the table. “What kinds of things, exactly, Y/N?”
You shrugged. “Everything,” you said as though this were supposed to be obvious.
“Who the hell told you that?” Bruce demanded.
“Everyone,” you said simply, taking a sip of your coffee.
Loki shook his head and tsked softly.
“Oh, dear lord,” Tony said, running his hand through his hair. “You know what, I’m actually with reindeer games on this one – we need to break this habit like yesterday.” He sighed and smiled up at Loki. “Keep up the good work, Loki.”
“I shall,” Loki assured him, trying not to sound surprised that Stark was siding with him for once.
You finished two cups of coffee and took your morning vitamins. Then when you saw Steve, Nat, Bucky, and Sam returning from their morning work out you jumped up from your seat and rinsed your cup quickly before putting it in the dishwasher. Everyone was silent as they watched you practically run from the room.
“Morning, Y/N,” Nat said as your brushed past her.
“Morning,” you said quietly as you bolted for the elevator.
Steve scowled at your retreating form. He waited until you were inside the elevator before he rounded on Loki, pointing at him. “If you hurt her –”
“I can assure you, Rogers,” Loki began cutting him off, “I intend to do my very best to never intentionally hurt Y/N again. I care very deeply for her.”
Sam snorted as he took a swig of his water bottle.
Bruce who had begun to feel sympathetic towards Loki since reading his messages to you – like Nat and Tony – said, “You guys, he’s telling the truth. He’s actually trying to help her with some of her problems.”
“Surprisingly,” Wanda chimed in reluctantly.
“Besides,” Natasha added. “It’s not any of our business who decides to date anyone inside or outside of this tower.”
“Exactly,” Tony agreed. “So no more of this damn bickering about OTPs and whoever your favorite ships are. If you can’t stand to see two people happy together, look the other way, but you should all be mature enough to know to keep negative comments to yourself.”
“Thank you,” Loki said gratefully to his teammates.
“OTPs?” Bruce asked Tony with raised eyebrows.
“I’ve been spending too much time with Peter,” Tony groaned.
“Just know, Loki,” Sam said. “You will have every damn one of us coming after you if you hurt that girl again. I was trying to stop Steve last time – next time I’ll be fighting with him.”
“And I won’t even fight back,” Loki assured him with a grin. Then his eyes fell on Bucky and he added, “Thank you for the lovely gift you left for me last night, Barnes, by the way.”
Bucky chuckled into his coffee cup. “No problem, man.”
Both Steve and Natasha shot Bucky confused looks.
“What is he talking about?” Natasha asked her boyfriend.
Bucky merely smirked at her and said, “I’ll explain later.”
Nat rolled her eyes and muttered something in Russian, already able to tell that it was something inappropriate.
Your mid-morning workout was a little more exhausting than usual because of the soreness between your legs. You forced yourself to work through it anyway. Then when you got up to your room, you peeled off your workout clothes and went to go take a shower. You leaned against the tiled walls as the warm water washed over you.
Everyone talked about their first time being magical and life changing. While last night had definitely been amazing – you’d slept with the God of Mischief! – you didn’t feel or seem any different. You felt tired from staying up late and from your workout, achy, but mostly you just felt happy. For the first time in a long time, there was this bubbly sensation of joy and affection bursting inside your chest. You didn’t feel like a silly fangirl anymore. You felt like an adult – an actual human woman suddenly with a sex life and a boyfriend.
You frowned at the word, remembering how Loki had referred you to as his lover and partner the night before. You wondered if he wouldn’t prefer one of those terms since they were more neutral, and if you should ask him about his pronouns. He definitely seemed comfortable and confident in his male form. When Tony and Natasha had brought up Loki’s female form yesterday, he had seemed embarrassed. Humiliated almost. But the way his eyes lit up when you told him you found girls attractive probably meant that the years he’d spent in his female form was much more than a passing phase. He must have been struggling with internalized transphobia for a long time.
You stepped out of the shower and got dressed, pulling on Loki’s hoody which he was most definitely never getting back. Then you went over to your bed and lay down on it, pulling out your phone. It was almost that time of the month again, so you knew she would be calling you soon – Mercedes, your mother. You dropped the phone on your bedside table, pushing the thoughts out of your head. More than anything you wanted to go find Loki and spend the day with him. But you didn’t want to seem clingy or needy. It was important that he had his own space, too.
You closed your eyes, trying to will away the insomnia and force yourself to sleep.
While you were in the gym, Loki wandered down to the towers library. It took him a bit to find the section on gender and sexuality since he had never actually sought it before. Since you honestly seemed willing to accept his female form, he wanted to do some research on those terms Tony and Nat had mentioned in their meeting with the both of you yesterday – LGBT and gender fluidity.
He pulled a book down off the shelf and began to skim through it. There had been loads of people who preferred to court or marry partners of the same sex on Asgard. But they didn’t come with labels like the mortals here on Midgard seemed to. They were not referred to as lesbians or homosexuals, but simply as lovers or partners – husband and husband or wife and wife. It had been perfectly normal. Yet according to the book in Loki’s hands, the mortals who loved that way here had been deemed abnormal for a very long time and had only just started being accepted by modern societies as “normal”. How very sad.
Loki had been considered a rarity on Asgard, even though his mother had assured him there were other seidr workers like him who altered their forms. Shapeshifters, he supposed they would be called here. But how many of them had used their seidr to alter their gender like he had?
Aside from the fact that he was not as strong a warrior as Thor, that he vastly preferred books to people, and that he practiced seidr work which was a traditionally female art, Loki had never felt exactly….Normal. He did not see himself as either male or female. He simply was. He knew his mother must have seen this in him at early age – the way he loved their seidr lessons together or when he begged for her to brush his hair or when she found him at her wardrobe, admiring a dress. He did not think he was in the wrong body and he did not wish to spend the rest of his life as a girl. Loki only wished that he could wake up and spell himself into Lady Loki if he felt like it, put on a lovely dress or a sexy outfit, and simply exist.
Loki froze when he got to the portion of the book about mortals known as transgender. They were mortal beings who wished to alter their gender like he had. Or simply wished to look more androgynous, which was a term that meant both male and female. It reminded Loki a little of himself, appearance-wise. But there was no mention of anything called gender fluidity.
Loki pulled out his phone and quickly ran a search for books on further LGBT identities, as they were called. A list of them immediately popped up. He searched the shelves for the title with the best reviews. Then he pulled it down off the shelf and sat down in one of the many armchairs. He flipped through the book until he reached the part about gender identities. He read through it. All of it – about intersex mortals who had had their identity decided for them at birth only to realize this was not who were meant to be at all. About cross dressers and performers who dressed in drag, although he was not sure what the exact difference was. About people who took pills and injected themselves with potions if only to feel comfortable in their own body and take on attributes of the opposite gender. Many of these people, he learned, were plagued by a feeling called dysphoria – a general discomfort or unhappiness with their body and gender. Was that what Loki had been feeling for all these thousands of years?
And, yet, there was still even more. People who felt they had no gender at all or related partially to the opposite gender somehow. Two-spirit people who had been considered sacred by Indigenous peoples and femboys who looked like exactly ordinary men, but dressed in female clothes and painted their faces with beautiful makeup. Then he found it – gender fluid. At least, that was one name for it – there was also androgyne, dual gender, and bigender and many more. They were mortals who existed as both male and female or whose gender identities shifted from male to female or male to nonbinary or female to nonbinary or any other number of combinations throughout their lives.
Loki stared down at the page silently, shocked. They were mortals, but they were like him. Not exactly the same because they could not use seidr to altar their psychical body. But in all other aspects, they were the same. How very strange that the beings he most related to would be found in a realm as uninteresting as Midgard.
Loki looked up at the sound of Thor’s voice and saw him standing in the doorway of the library. “Thor,” Loki greeted him simply.
Thor crossed the room and sat down in the armchair opposite of his. “I thought I might find you here,” he said. “You weren’t with Y/N.”
“I think she might tire of me if we spent every minute of the day together,” Loki sighed, closing the book with a snap.
“Are you sure about that?” Thor said, laughing. “I would not be surprised if she came to worship you as you might like.”
Loki scowled at his older brother. “Hmm.”
Sensing he may have gone too far, Thor cleared his throat and attempted to change the subject. “What book is that you’ve got there?”
“Nothing particularly special,” Loki said, moving his hand to obscure the title. “Just doing some reading about mortal cultures.”
Thor frowned at him. “Mortal cultures?”
“They don’t all live exactly the same way, Thor,” Loki said, rising to his feet and crossing the room to the shelf where he had found the book. “Surely, you must know that.”
“Ah, yes,” Thor said. “Right.” Though he didn’t know. Not really.
Loki turned to face him, leaning against the bookshelf and crossing his arms. “Brother, why have you sought me out – I know it cannot be because you wish to discuss my taste in literature.”
Thor sighed and rose to his feet. “Loki, I owe you an apology,” he said, guilt flooding his features. “I realize now that you truly did not mean to hurt Y/N purposefully. I know things haven’t always been easy for you – that you felt left out and after Lorelie, I know you must have been deeply hurt. And I have not always been the best brother I could be to you, Loki, and I am sorry for that.”
Loki stared at him, his arms dropping down to his sides. “Thor,” he said. “Much of what you say is in the past. We have moved beyond it –”
“Then why does it still seem to pain you?” Thor asked him.
Loki frowned and was silent for a moment. Then finally he said, “You are forgiven.” Then he started to leave the library.
“So,” Thor said, following after him. “Have you managed to bed Y/N yet?”
Loki merely laughed and rolled his eyes at the question.
Over the next few days, you and Loki fell into a comfortable routine. You ate breakfast together every morning, and then while you were working out Loki spent some hours reading. He had borrowed more books on the subject of gender identities from the Tower’s library. He wanted to know every on the subject of these mortals who were so similar and yet so different from him, even if much of what he learned was horrific. Before dinner, one of you two always sought the other out. Because Loki was afraid you might begin to think he wanted only sex from you, he made sure the two of the you stayed in living room. Most of the others said nothing about seeing the two of you together – there were no more nasty scowls or foul remarks. Since several members of the team had ended up reading his messages to you, most them were supportive and understanding of your relationship. Steve, Sam, and Wanda were the only ones that did not seem to agree with the fact that you had forgiven Loki so readily.
When the two of you were together, you would watch movies together while Loki held you in his arms, pressing his chin to your hair. Or if there weren’t many people around, he would read to you from a book of Asgardian fables pointing out each rune for you to help you learn what they translated to in English. You always insisted that he skip over the stories that featured Jotnar as the antagonist, and though he never said so, Loki was always glad when you did. Because neither of you were particularly fond of public displays of affection, things rarely got heated between the two of you in front of the others which they seemed grateful for. It was always a chaste kiss on the mouth or a peck on the cheek good night after dinner, and endless hand-holding and cuddling. He could hold you forever.
Though Loki could tell you longed to spend another evening with him, he was hesitant to invite you back to his chambers least he give you the wrong impression of your courtship. He had nearly ruined things between the two of you once because he had been stupid and selfish enough to take advantage of you. He would not make the same mistake again. And you never invited Loki back to your chambers, which was beginning to make him think that perhaps you didn’t like them very much or you were embarrassed by them. It made him wonder why you did not decorate with more than the two pictures of your family. The only thing he could thing think of was that you could not choose one particular style or maybe you were actually a messy person and didn’t want anyone to know.
Then one night while he was up late reading, Loki was startled by the sound of someone knocking on his door. There was no clock in his room, but he was certain it was very late and what anyone could possibly want from him at this hour, he did not know. He was quite tempted to ignore whoever it was. Then the knocking started up again, louder this time.
“For norns sake,” Loki muttered, closing his book and climbing out of bed.
He crossed the room and opened the door. It was you – your hair bedraggled and your eyes puffy and red rimmed, glimmering with tears.
“Oh, little one,” Loki said quickly, taking you by the arm and pulling you into the chamber. “Little one, what is wrong?” he asked, closing the door gently.
You merely stared up at him, sniffling. “Loki,” you sobbed quietly, throwing your arms around his waist because you did not have the strength just then to reach for his neck.
“Oh, it’s alright,” Loki said, lifting you up and carrying you to the bed. He sat you down and pulled you to him. “Whatever it is, it will be alright.” He looked down at you and though he wanted to ask you what was wrong, you were in such a dreadful state already – he didn’t you to feel as though he was prying. Judging from your appearance, he could only assume you had had a very horrible dream which would make sense given what he knew of your past – the soldiers and your mother. He took you in his arms and pressed kisses to the crown your head, while you sobbed into his shirt.
After you cried for what must have been hours, you pulled away to stare up at him. “I love you,” you told him in a trembling voice.
Loki reached out and caressing your cheek, running his thumb over your lips. “And I love you, little one.”
“Promise?” you begged him.
“Yes, of course I do,” Loki assured you. Then he frowned. “Why would you ask such a thing of me?”
Then before you could stop it, it all came gushing out. How could you not sleep that night and had started to wander the Tower. And you turned the corner of an unfamiliar hall and had heard voices. Voices talking about you and Loki. Then you froze when you realized it was Wanda and Steve. They were talking about how they were worried for you because of how gullible you were because you had believed all of Loki’s lies. That they were certain he was just using you as an experiment to sample mortal girls and would get bored and dump you in a week. You swore to Loki over and over again that you knew none of it was true, and he knew you weren’t lying. You told him how you had ran back to your room, crying because why did they have say such horrible things – why couldn’t they just try to understand? Why couldn’t they see how happy you both were, and then you started to wonder if Loki really was happy with you because you never invited him to your chambers and maybe he wanted you to or maybe he –
At that moment, Loki leaned forward and kissed you, deeply, ferociously. Not angry at you, but at the ones who made you think and feel so insecurely about yourself. Then he pulled away from you and said, “Do you remember I told you make me happy?”
You stared up at him and nodded.
“I meant it,” Loki told you sternly. “I would love if you were to ask me back to your chambers with you one night. The only reason I have not asked you here is because I never want you to feel taken advantage of by me again. I want you – do not ever doubt that. I want you and you are mine and you are not an experiment. I love you, Y/N.”
You reached out and began to trace the sharp line of his jaw. “I’m sorry,” you whispered to him tearfully.
“It’s alright, little one,” Loki assured you. “It’s fine. As much as I wish it weren’t true, it’s normal to have moments of doubt.”
You leaned forward and kissed him, tangling your fingers in his hair. Then you pulled away from him and whispered timidly, “I love you. I want you.”
That was all Loki needed to hear. He cupped your face in his hands and kissed you hungrily because as much as he had been afraid to ask, he had wanting this – waiting for it for days. Not simply because he was some hormone-crazed beast, but because he longed to feel that closeness between the two of you again, your cries of ecstasy a testimony of your love for him. He pushed you down onto the bed and began undressing you.
The two of you made love for the second time that night. It was much different from the first time. You seemed ready now, no longer trembling in his arms.You were excited rather than scared. And Loki held your hands in his, pinning you to the bed, kissing you endlessly and whispering how much he loved you into between kisses.
When the two of you were finished, there was no talking this time. Loki simply collapsed atop of you, eager to hear the sound your heartbeat. You raked your fingers gently through his hair while he wrapped his arms around you, clinging to you greedily. Then your breathing evened out and he knew you had gone off to sleep. It suddenly occurred to him that this meant you felt safe enough – secure enough – to revert to your most vulnerable state with him. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
Loki pressed one last kiss to your chest before asking Friday to turn out the lights, and letting himself drift off into dreams of you.
When the two of you woke up the next morning, the first Loki did was make sure both of you took showers. He should have done it last night, but you had seemed so exhausted from the drama and the tears and the sex. He knew you needed the rest.
“Are you alright?” Loki asked you as you pulled on your night clothes from the night before. Luckily, it was nothing risque or else he would have asked to you borrow his clothes. “I didn’t hurt you, did I – last night, I mean?”
“Oh, no,” you assured him with a smile. “It felt a lot better than last time. There was only a little pain.”
“Hmm,” Loki said. “Well, that’s good. Your body is adjusting.” He grinned down at you. “Soon we shall be able to have even more fun together.”
“What’s that mean?” you asked, watching him pull his shirt on over his head. Secretly wishing he would go shirtless around the Tower, though you had the feeling he never would. Not because he was embarrassed, but because of the comments the others would be sure to make. You tried to push the thoughts of Steve and Wanda’s conversation out of your mind.
Loki turned to you, clearly amused by your inexperience. “Have you forgotten, little one, that you are courting a God?” he asked you. “As if mortals aren’t delicate enough, you also came to me as a virgin.”
You stared at him cluelessly. “So?”
“So I have had to hold back so as not to harm you,” Loki said in a bark of laughter.
“Y-you’ve been holding back?” you asked him, blushing deeply at the concept.
“Very much so, yes,” Loki told you. He grabbed by you the hand and led you from the room.
You stared down at the carpeted floors of the twisting hallways. “Should I be scared?”
“Hardly,” Loki laughed. Then he turned you and placed his hand against the smooth skin of your neck. He leaned down to whisper in your ear. “The only thing you shall have to worry about are your screams, echoing throughout the tower.” Then as if to tease you, he pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek – a promise of what was yet to come.
When the two of you got to the kitchen Tony, Peter, and Thor greeted you both. Just like the last time no one seemed surprised that the two of you were together, but Thor could not stop beaming at Loki like an idiot. Tony pressed his hand against his forehead and sighed, shaking his head in disapproval while you sat quietly drinking your coffee and blushing furiously the whole time.
When you finally placed your dishes in the dishwasher and disappeared to change for your workout, Thor grabbed Loki excitedly by the shoulders and burst out, shaking him gently, “Aha! Well done, brother – and a virgin, too. How was it?”
“Thor,” Tony sighed irritably. “Really, do you mind – there are children present.”
Peter shot his mentor an annoyed look. Then he turned to the other two and said, “Seriously, though, you guys shouldn’t have been so obvious. Poor Y/N was clearly embarrassed. Normally, she never shuts up around Loki, but this morning she barely said a word. Though I guess that means you’re doing something right, Mr. Loki.”
Loki could not help but smirk at the teen’s words.
Tony, however, scowled at the boy. “Hey, don’t talk like that,” he said sternly. “You’re too young to know what they’re talking about.”
“Keep telling yourself that, Mr. Stark,” Peter sassed, getting to his feet to rinse out his cereal bowl.
“Should I be checking your browser history more often, Pete?” Tony said, turning around on his stool to face him. “Or, hey, maybe I should have a conversation with May.”
Peter’s face immediately paled, his smile vanishing. “No, no, no. That’s alright – I mean, really, what do I know? I’m still a virgin.” He cleared his throat as his mentor’s scowl continued to deepen. “Shutting up now. Just, please, don’t tell May.”
Thor and Loki exchanged amused glances, while Tony began muttering to himself about condoms and contraceptives.
When you finished showering after your workout, you went down to living room to find Loki sitting on the couch immersed in a book. “What’s that?” you asked, sitting down beside him.
“A book about transgender identities,” he told you without looking up from the book.
“Is that how you identify?” you asked him curiously. Then you clarified when he cast you a confused look, “Do you think of yourself as transgender – some people relate to the opposite gender, but don’t think of themselves as trans.”
“I see,” Loki said, admittedly impressed with your knowledge on the subject, but then you had lived on Midgard longer than he had. “Well, I suppose I would consider myself transgender in the loosest sense of the word. I have no desire to live out the entirety of my life in my female form. Especially considering all the fun I can have with you in this one.” He smiled suggestively at you before he went on. “I think I relate mostly to the terms gender fluid or bigender. I’m not entirely sure what the difference is. Some mortals on the interweb seem to use them interchangeably.”
“Are you happy now that you know about these things?” you asked, smiling.
“It does make me feel a bit less abnormal to have a label of some sort,” Loki sighed. “But mostly I just feel better because I know I’m not…..” He shrugged, searching for the right word. “Alone. I mean, it’s not exactly the same thing what these mortals go through, but its the concept and thought process and I feel I am the same as them. And, yes, that does make me happy, little one.”
You stared at him for a moment, shaking your head. “There’s nothing abnormal about you, Loki. There never was and you have a whole community of people behind you to prove it.”
Loki smiled at you. Then he lunged at you suddenly, throwing his arms your waist, and pulling into his lap while his book clattered to the floor. He began peppering you with kisses all over your face and head. Then he just stared down in pure awe of you said, “I love you, my little one.”
“I love you.”
He kissed you once more on the mouth and then pulled away before things could get heated. He grabbed the controller to the television box and flicked it on, not bothering to change the channel. It was the History Channel.
“Oh, this is garbage,” you groaned as an old episode of Ancient Aliens.
“Why do say that?” Loki said, smiling down at you.
You looked up at him in disbelief. “Loki, seriously, aliens did not build the pyramids. People did. I mean, the Nazca Lines are weird, but those were built by humans, too.”
Loki stifled a laugh. “Whatever you say.”
“It’s been disproven, Loki,” you told him, frowning at his refusal to take the subject. “Literally all it. It’s been disproven. None of it is true.”
“Little one,” Loki said with a grin. “Must I remind you that at one point in time my very existence was thought to be disproven?”
You gaped up at him, speechless. How were you supposed to argue with that?
“Yes,” Loki said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “That’s what I thought. Now, watch the show.”
You turned your attention back to the show and watched in silence. Loki went back to his reading. After two more episodes of Ancient Aliens, an episode of Vikings began to play. Halfway through the episode you asked quietly, “Hey, Loki?”
“Yes, darling?” he responded, sounding almost bored. Maybe he should find another topic to read about for a while – he was beginning to feel there wasn’t much else to learn about this one.
“Did – did people on Asgard ever actually look like that?” you asked, lowering you gaze to the expensive plush sofa.
“What – like what?” Loki said, looking up at the screen. Then he saw that the mortal woman on the screen had her hair arranged in a wild yet delicate style with one side covered in braids. He closed his book and set it on the end table. “On the floor,” he ordered you.
“What?” you said, unable to hide your grin. “What for?”
“You know exactly what for,” Loki told you, trying to sound stern but unable to hide the playfulness in his voice. “Don’t pretend – sit on the floor.” You did as you were told and climbed down off the couch to sit between his between legs, staring. “You are a needy one today, aren’t you?” Loki said, perfectly aware of your teasing. “Now, as much as I appreciate the offer, little one, I’m afraid you need to facing the other way in order for this to work.”
You burst into uncontrollable giggles as spun around, so that your back was to him.
Loki conjured up some hair ties and a brush, using his seidr. “Yes, I’m glad you find yourself amusing, little one,” he said, running the brush through your hair. “And next time you’d like for me to do something for you, ask me, or shall I be giving you more lessons instead?” Though he had a feeling you had actually enjoyed his lesson from your first night together.
“I did ask,” you said, feigning innocence.
“Hinting is not at all the same as asking,” Loki told you. “And even though I am certain that it may be easier for you, I would rather not be forced to endure. Despite the fact that I may be several thousand years older than you we are both grown adults, are we not?” He paused, waiting for you to respond.
“Yes, we are,” you said, feeling very much like a scolded child.
“Indeed,” Loki agreed, tilting your head slightly so that you were facing front and resumed his brushing. “And as adults, our courtship need not involve guessing games. I will not have it, understand?”
You sighed, knowing that he was right and more than that, he was being kind by doing your hair even after you pulled this little stunt. “Yes, Loki.”
“Good girl,” Loki said. “So what you shall the next you want something?”
“Ask for it,” you said obediently.
“Very good,” Loki said, pleased that you seemed to have learned your lesson. “Now, try and sit still. This takes a particular amount of skill.”
You did as he said and sat still. Loki was silent as he worked, glancing up at the television every now and then, muttering about the ridiculous tales mortals had written about the Asgardians. You bit your tongue to keep from mentioning the tale of Sleipnir, not wanting to get scolded a second time today.
Just as Loki was tying the end off of your last braid, the doors of the elevator opened. The both of you looked up to see Tony’s wife Pepper and their daughter, Morgan. As soon as Morgan spotted Loki, she let go of her mother’s hand and ran right over to him screaming, “Woki!”
Loki stood up off the couch, stepping over you, and caught the girl as she ran straight into his arms. “Hello, little Morguna,” he said, lifting her up and balancing her on his hip. “Did you enjoy yourself while you were away?”
You stood up watching them, beaming happily. Something about seeing Loki interact with Morgan in such a gentle way made your heart swell. “Hey, Pepper,” you said, turning away from the two of them.
Pepper gaped at you, smiling. “Oh, my god, Y/N,” she said after a beat of silence. “You actually spoke – good for you.” She gestured between you and Loki. “You guys must be good friends, now, right?”
Loki actually exchanged a glance with you. “Actually, Y/N and I have begun to court each other.”
“Yeah, we’re partners,” you said, taking his free hand in your own.
Pepper clapped her hands together in front of her face. “You mean like romantically?” she gushed.
“Well, yes –” Loki started to say.
He was cut off when Pepper ran up and threw her arms around all three of you – you, Loki, and Morgan.
“Oh, Loki, I’m so happy for you,” Pepper beamed at him, pulling away. “You’ve come so far and you’ve been doing so much good. You deserve to be happy.”
Loki smiled at her appreciatively. “Thank you, Pepper.”
“Hey, reindeer games!” the three of you turned at the sound of Tony’s voice as he approached all of you. “Paws off the family.” He held his hands out and took his daughter from the God. “Morgan,” he cooed, sounding wounded. “You just get home and he’s the first person you go to instead of Daddy?”
“But Woki is magic,” Morgan reminded her father.
“Magic – magic?” Tony echoed, kissing her cheek. “But I’m Iron Man. Doesn’t that make me magical, too?”
Morgan shook her head, grinning. “No!”
“Hey, Tony,” Pepper greeted her husband, smiling.
“Hey, Pep,” Tony said, turning to her and kissing her lightly on the mouth. Then he turned back to you and Loki. “Are you going with Y/N to her therapy session?”
“Well, I had assumed so, yes,” Loki said.
“Then you need to get going,” Tony told him. “The both of you – Happy is waiting outside right now.”
“Outside?” you echoed, your eyes widening. You felt your heart begin to pick up speed and your breathing suddenly felt constricted.
Loki, noticing your change in demeanor immediately, turned to you and began to caress your cheek gently. “No, no, no,” he told you soothingly, while tugging you slowly towards to the elevator. “It’s alright – you are going to be perfectly fine, little one. I will be there with you, and its merely a simple car ride. It’s nothing. You will be okay, I promise you.”
You nodded up at him but couldn’t help the tears that filled your eyes, trying not to freak out and start hyperventilating in front of everyone.
“It’s alright,” Loki echoed as the elevator doors opened and he pulled you inside. He stood behind you, wrapping his arms around you tightly after pressing the button for the lobby. He whispered soothing things to you on the way down, unable to ignore the way you had gone ram-rod stiff with tension. Then you reached the lobby.
As soon as the elevator doors opened and you saw the glass door leading outside, you began to shake your head holding onto the doorway of the elevator. “No,” you said, you looking at Loki pleadingly, your voice shaking. “No, please –”
“Little one, it’s alright,” Loki said, taking your face in his hands. “See, there – that car there?” He pointed to the black hummer parked just outside the building. “That’s all you need to go. That’s it. You can do that, can’t you?”
You looked from the car to Loki and back again, still trying desperately to control your breathing.
“Little one, can you do that?” Loki asked again when you did not respond. “For me, darling, please – you need help. You know that. I know you do. Please?” His emerald eyes were huge and pleading.
You didn’t respond. You simply offered him your hand.
“Good girl,” Loki said, taking your hand and leading you through the lobby and out the doors as quickly as possibly.
You were immediately overpowered by the noises and the smells and the people.Your breath was coming out in short, jagged gasps now. Your heart was hammering so hard in your chest, you thought it might explode and your cheeks were wet with tears. But you just kept your eyes on your hand, your fingers intertwined with Loki’s. Loki – Loki who had picked you. Who loved you.
The two of you reached the hummer in a matter of seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Loki flung the door of the vehicle open, ushering you inside, before getting in himself and closing the door. He pulled you into him, allowing you to place your head in his lap. He tried very hard not to be nervous about the fact that you were breathing so heavily. This truly was not going to be an easy venture, was it?
“Hey,” Happy asked, looking at the God in the mirror. “Is she alright?”
“Y/N will be fine,” Loki said, mostly to reassure himself. “She is only frightened.”
Happy raised his eyebrows at him. “Of you?”
“No, not of me!” Loki spat offended. “Of the city.” He shook his head, trying to shake away the nerves and the stress that were starting to build at seeing you like this. “Please, just drive, will you?”
The drive to the psychiatrists’ office took only thirty minutes. He stroked your hair, playing with your braids, and spoke in the most calming and soothing he could manage to you the whole way. Eventually your breathing evened out and returned to normal, much to his relief. When Happy parked outside the office, Loki was relieved to see that it was in a much calmer area of the city. It was all brownstones and sidewalks for miles, and there was nearly no one around. Maybe this would be easier for you.
“Little one,” Loki said, rolling down the car’s tinted window. “Look just there,” he said and you sat up in your seat. He pointed to the building directly in front of you, which was labeled with a plaque that read Norwood Psych. “We’re going just there and then you won’t even be outside anymore. You will indoors away from everything that scares you, alright – can you handle that for me?” He tacked on the last bit at the end because he was certain he would have had to carry you to the vehicle, kicking and screaming, were it not for your feelings for him.
You stared at him for a moment and nodded. He was not oblivious to the fact that you were shaking like a leaf.
“Very good,” Loki encouraged you. “Very good.” He opened the car door and climbed out. Then he stood and beckoned to you. You were hesitating, your mouth open in silent scream, and he knew this was the very last thing you ever wanted to do. But finally you crawled out of the car, and he lifted you by the waist before setting you down on the sidewalk.
He slammed the car door shut and took you by the hand, the two of you fast-walking to the door of the building. As he had predicated, this did seem to be easier for you. You shaking and crying, certainly, but you weren’t breathing nearly as hard as you had been before. Soon enough, you reached the door and Loki opened it for you, watching you nearly run inside. He led you over to the glass door beside the front staircase, which seemed to lead to the lobby. A bell rang as he pulled the door open and he steered you towards the reception desk.
It took a minute for the receptionist to notice the two of you. She seemed to be doing some type of paperwork. Then she turned and gasped when she saw the two of you, her hand going immediately to her chest. Loki could not tell if the woman was starstruck or simply terrified of him. “Y-yes.” the receptionist said timidly. She cleared her throat. “How can I help you?”
Definitely terrified, Loki thought as he petted your head as if to sooth you and he had to refrain from rolling his eyes. If ever there was a time for him to control his temper, it was now – lashing out at this woman would certainly only upset you further. It wasn’t exactly easy, however, with you in the state you were in – it scared him. It was already hard enough to deal with nervous or irate mortals, who seemed to think he was a terrorist of some sort without worrying about you. “Yes,” Loki said, his voice full of forced calmness. “We have an appointment today at four-fifteen, I believe, with Dr. Norwood.”
The receptionist sat down at her computer, trying to keep her gaze anywhere but on the two of you. “Patient’s name?” she asked, clearly trying to hide the nerves in her voice. It was not working.
“Y/N Y/L/N,” Loki told her, even though he was quite sure she knew who the both of you were. “Our insurance should be on file under Mr. Tony Stark’s name.”
The receptionist nodded. “Date of birth?”
“Little one,” Loki said, looking down at you. “When is your birthday?”
“MM/DD/YYYY,” you told him quietly.
He repeated this back to the receptionist, pleased to see that you had at least stopped crying.
“Place of address?” the receptionist asked.
“Place of –” Loki spat, his frayed nerves finally causing him to snap. They were the Avengers – everyone in the damn city knew where they lived. They could take a paid tour if they wanted to. “Seriously?” he demanded with raised eyebrows. “I mean, really –”
“I’m sorry, sir,” the receptionist said, shrinking back in chair in fear as though she thought Loki might jump over the desk and throttle her. He was considering it, honestly. “We have to ask.”
“Ugh!” Loki groaned loudly. Then he suddenly remembered why exactly he was here and looked down at you. You were still shaking rather badly, but you seemed more confused than upset by his sudden outburst. Loki exhaled loudly, turning back to the receptionist. “Avengers Tower,” he told her, and then proceeded to rattle off the Manhattan address.
The receptionist turned and grabbed a clipboard out of a pile. She attached a pen and some paperwork to it then offered it to Loki. “This is for her to fill out.”
Loki snatched the clipboard from her and then guided you over to a pair of empty chairs. He was so irritated by that dreaded woman, he had to remind himself to actually not throw the clipboard at you. He merely held out for you silently, and you took it from him without a word.
He draped his arm across your shoulders, holding you to him protectively. Then he noticed you had paused in you writing and were staring up at him. Loki sighed quietly. “I’m alright, little one,” he said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. “Just – just finish that up, okay?”
You said nothing and obediently went back to filling out the forms, sniffling quietly. Your heart had stopped pounding and you no longer felt like you were trying to breathe through a plastic bag. Being back indoors with Loki at your side, you made you feel a lot more comfortable already.
A lot of the questions were hard to answer because you didn’t actually know anything about your parents medical history. You had been placed in foster care when you were seven. Your father had left before your sister had born. You didn’t know if anyone had diabetes or any form of mental illness. The rest of questions seemed intrusive and unnecessary. They asked if you were sexually active and how many partners you had, and if you smoked or did any type of drugs which seemed a stupid thing to ask, given your profession. Then it asked about your menstrual cycle and whether you had STDs, but seeing as you only had ever been with Loki that seemed impossible.
When you finished the paperwork, you surprised Loki by getting slowly to your feet and returning it to the receptionist. He had no doubt that you had only done so in order help avoid him having to interact with her again. Then you returned to your seat silently and nestled your face into his chest.
Loki stared down at you as he began to stroke your arm lovingly. You were no longer crying or shaking, but you had reverted back to your previously mute state. The way you had been when you had first arrived at the Tower. “Hey,” Loki said, causing you to look up at him. “You are doing so good, little one, and I am so, so proud of you for coming here. I love you, alright?” You nodded and he pressed a kiss against your forehead.
Just then, a door on the opposite side of the room opened and a blond woman with thick glasses called out, “Y/N!”
“Come along,” Loki said, taking your hand and pulling you to your feet.
The woman frowned when she saw the two of you. “Oh, um, Mr. Odinson,” she said, and Loki flinched at the name – he hated being called that. “We usually do the first few sessions one-on-one.”
Loki frowned down at you – were all the mortals in this building determined to infuriate him? He looked back up at the woman, who he supposed must be Dr. Norwood. “May I speak with you for a moment?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady for your sake. “In private?”
“Oh, um, yes,” Dr. Norwood said. “I suppose.”
Loki beckoned for her to follow him to a deserted corner of the waiting room, leaving you confused by the door. “Now, look,” he said to the doctor. “Y/N, unfortunately, does have a lot of problems. She is not by any means insane as you mortals –”
“We don’t use that word here,” Dr. Norwood said, cutting him off. “Insane,” she clarified while he scowled at her. “It’s offensive, Mr. Odinson.”
“Loki,” Loki corrected her immediately, pinching the bridge of his nose irritably. “Loki, if you please. Now, may I finish?” She nodded. “She needs help, that’s why we brought her to you. But I am telling you if you bring her in there one-on-one, you are not going to get a single word out of her. She and I lived in the Tower for three months together before she even spoke to me or anyone else.The whole time the only people she responded to were Stark and Rogers, and that was because they are the leaders of the Avengers. She felt she had no choice. She was too afraid to even look at me until recently, and the only reason why she is here today is because I asked her.”
Dr. Norwood glanced over at you and then turned back to Loki. “So she’ll talk if you’re with her?” she asked to which Loki nodded. “Well, alright, I’ll allow it.”
“Thank you,” Loki said, relief seeping into his voice. He followed her back over to where you stood. “Thank you. Mr. Stark will greatly appreciate it.”
“Hello, Y/N,” Dr. Norwood greeted you, holding the door open for you and Loki. “I am Dr. Norwood. Come along.” She led you down a long hallway lined with offices, where voices could be heard from inside. Her office was a shoebox of a space with plants on nearly surface, a pyramid-shaped gem stone that Loki did not know the name of, and a poster on the wall behind her desk about something called chakras.
You and Loki sat down in the two hardback, rather uncomfortable chairs situated in front of the doctor’s desk. The chairs were too far apart for him to hold you, so Loki settled for merely holding your hand.
Dr. Norwood wandered around to the front of her desk and sat down in her swivel chair. “So, Y/N,” she said. “What seems to be the problem?”
Loki from you to the doctor and back again. “Would it be alright if I –?” he started, silently praying for this mortal to cooperate.
“Loki,” Dr. Norwood said, frowning at him. “It’s important that Y/N tells me what’s wrong in her own words.”
Loki nodded, his scowl deepening, before he turned to face you in his chair. “Little one,” he said, trying to force some measure of gentleness into his voice. You turned to look at him. “Listen to me, little one, I know how hard it is for you to speak to new people. But it is very, very important that you tell the doctor what is wrong or you may not be able to get you the help you need. And I need you to get help, so that you can be happy. I can’t be happy unless you are happy, do you understand?”
You stared up at miserably as if he had just asked you to do something horrible and turned back to face the doctor. “I – I don’t like to go outside,” you said, and your voice came out timid, choked, and nearly robotic. It was not a voice Loki had ever heard you use before.
“You don’t?” Dr. Norwood asked.
“No, she doesn’t,” Loki chimed in, not giving a damn about this supposed doctor’s rules anymore. “I walked with her from the lobby of Avengers Tower to a car parked directly outside the entrance. By the time, we were in the care she crying and shaking and hyperventilating. She is terrified – absolutely terrified of going outside.”
Dr. Norwood frowned, typing away at her computer. “That sounds bad,” she admitted, and it took every last bit of his strength not to jump from the chair and scream at her that of course it was bad. “So, Y/N, what don’t you like about going outside?”
“People,” you said simply in the same choked, robotic voice.
“People,” Dr. Norwood echoed. “But before you were an Avenger, weren’t you in the army?”
“And weren’t you around a lot people then?” Dr. Norwood asked.
You shook head. “No, there were only twenty other people in my spec op unit.”
Dr. Norwood looked up at you from her computer with raised eyebrows. “What about basic training?”
You looked down, your arms falling limply at your sides, your fingers disentangling with Loki’s. “It wasn’t so bad back then,” you said in a hushed tone. “I thought….That I would be safe there. B-but then –” you broke off, taking a deep rasping breath, trying to block out the old memories.
“Yes?” Norwood prompted you.
You buried your face in your hands, shaking your head. You wanted to cry but it felt like all of your tears had dried up. You didn’t want to be here – why did they make you come here?
Loki exchanged a glance with the doctor. Then he reached out, grabbing you gently by the shoulder. His temper had lessened a bit, replaced by the sympathy he felt at forcing you to relive these memories. “Little one,” he said, his voice barely even a whisper. “You need to tell her, little one – you need to her about the soldiers. About what they did to you, so she can make you feel better.” You peeked up at him inquiringly over your fingers, and he moved his hand to your hair, tangling his fingers in your braids. “Yes, I know about that – I have known about for a bit now. But don’t worry – its not your fault. I still love you, and I would never think less of you because of it.”
You nodded silently and pulled your phone out. Sometimes having something to fidget with made you feel calmer. You stared down at the screen while you spoke. “There were these – these guys. One of them was named Marcus. We were at a party together. He offered to walk me back to the barracks. Then we got there he just forced himself inside the building – there weren’t many people around. I was a drunk and little confused. I didn’t know what was happening. Then he grabbing me by my hair and pulled into a corner. When I tried to yell, he punched me and he was a lot bigger than me. He just knocked the wind out of me. He threw me into the wall and pushed me down on my knees. Then he started to unbutton his pants and he….” Your voice trailed off into a strangled sob.
Loki stared at you, his heart breaking inside his chest for you the more he heard. He wanted to go to you and take you in his arms, but he knew the insipid doctor would find it inappropriate.Instead he reached out, and took your hand. You never looked up at him. Your gaze remained on your phone in your opposite hand, your features decorated with shame.
Dr. Norwood cleared her throat. “Y/N, I know this is hard for you to talk about,” she said. “But I need to know – did this man rape you?”
You shook your head. “I forced him off me. Fought him off.”
Loki grimaced at the thought of how strong you were. How strong you had had to be. He wondered just how many more tragedies like this you had faced in your life. The puzzle pieces he pried away from you seemed to come in the form of extremes – either extreme happiness or extreme pain. Was he wrong for wanting to know all of your secrets – he felt like he was. While he had been watching you lie to Stark and Rogers, tucking your secrets away in the dark recesses of your mind Loki had thought of it as a game. Getting you to reveal to yourself to him. And he just wished that he could end the game – rewrite it with a happier ending. Fix the pieces of the puzzle and arrange them into some form of a better life for you.
“You said there were multiple men?” Norwood asked, pulling him from his reverie.
He bit his lip to keep from yelling at her. How dare she ask you to continue with this conversation. Couldn’t she see how hurt you were?
You nodded. “This guy Rodger – I didn’t know him very. I had just seen him around base a few times. I went to bed one night after taking a shower. Then I woke up because there was this pressure on my chest and he was on top of me. He was trying to unbutton my pants and put his hand inside.” You blushed, looking more ashamed than ever, and began to scrub at tears that weren’t actually there.
Something clicked into place as Loki listened to your story – you had never experimented before at all. Sexually. You had never even touched yourself, but you said you had gone into the army directly after high school – that would have meant you were still quite young. A teenager. If a mortal’s adolescence was anything like Loki’s had been, then that would have been around the time your sexuality peaked. It would have been normal for you to experiment with your body. But you hadn’t, and Loki was beginning to see why. Yet you had let him – he began to wonder if on your first night together, your first cries had been cries of fear. Not excitement. Not ecstasy. The way you had been so scared and timid, trembling beneath him. After all that you been through, you had put your trust in Loki – you had trusted him from the very beginning, even though he had given you no reason to. You had insisted he was a good person.
And he had hurt you, Loki thought immediately flooded with guilt and shame as his mind drifted back to that dreadful morning. Your wayward experiment at trying to get his attention – his inability to control his most basis needs.
“Okay,” Dr. Norwood said, reaching in her desk and pulling out a prescription pad. “Y/N, you seem to be suffering from some rather extreme anxiety – that’s where the agoraphobia is coming from. I’m going to write you a prescription for Klonopin, which is an anti-anxiety medication, as well as a prescription for Wellbutrin which is an antidepressant. Now, the Klonopin is a controlled substance, so I will have to write you a new prescription every month. But other than that you should have no trouble getting your medications.”
“And these medications,” Loki said, trying sound hopeful rather than guilty. “Will they make her feel better – happier?”
Norwood leaned back in her chair with a sigh. “They should, yes, but psychiatry isn’t a very precise science, I’m afraid. Sometimes we need to experiment with different medications before we find the right combination for the patient. But with you, Loki, and all the other Avengers watching over her, I think you’ll be able to notice if the medications seem to have a negative effect on her.” She turned to look at you. “Y/N, I’m going to need you to promise me that if you start to feel worse on your new meds you’re going to tell Loki here, okay – I can see how much he cares about you. Can you do that?”
“Yes,” you said simply.
“And what should I do afterwards?” Loki asked.
“Have her call me,” Norwood told him. “If she doesn’t, then you can call and tell me about your concerns, but its very important that I’m notified of any negative changes right away. You can get my number from Tony.”
Loki nodded, feeling even more protective of you than he had been before. “Alright.”
“Good.” Norwood leaned across her desk and handed you the prescriptions. “You two are good to go.”
“Thank you,” you said, your voice robotic and sorrowful. You got to your feet and started to leave, your phone tumbling out of your lap as you stood up.
Loki grabbed your phone off the floor and followed you back out into the waiting room. Once you were out in the front hall, Loki glanced down at your phone screen and froze. He hadn’t meant to invade your privacy, but the app was already open on the screen – a banking app. He stared down at it silently. If he was reading it correctly, you had only two dollars in your checking account and no money at all in savings. But that didn’t make any sense – you were an Avenger. The government paid every one of the Avengers a little over a million dollars a year. Not at all once. It came in monthly installments, but you should still have had thousands of dollars – thousands and thousands of dollars. Since you had been an Avenger for three – going on four months now – you should have had at least, seventy-five-thousand dollars Loki calculated in his head.
And yet you had nothing – how?
“Loki,” you said quietly.
His head snapped up at you and he shoved the phone inside his pocket. You were clearly in no state to discuss finances now. It would have to wait. He would show it to Tony tomorrow – Loki refused to wait any longer than that. He walked over to you, plastering a smile on his face. “Come along, little one,” he said, taking you by the hand and pulling you outside.
To his immense surprise, you seemed so dejected from the therapy session Loki had to practically drag you down the sidewalk. You got into the car on your own this time, clearly to preoccupied with your own sorrow to be scared. Loki climbed in after you.
Once he was inside the car, Loki reached across the seat and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you into his lap. You looked up at him, your eyes void of all emotion. “You did very well today, little one,” Loki told you. “I’m very proud of you. Thank you for doing this for me.”
You stared at him for a moment before you asked, “Do I have to come back?”
Loki sighed, not wanting to disappoint you. “Yes,” he said. “I’m afraid you must, darling. It’s the only way for you to get the help you need and we’ll both be a lot happier once you’re a bit better. That’s what you want, isn’t it – for us to be happy together?”
“Yes,” you huffed dejectedly.
“Good girl,” Loki smiled down at you, hugging you tightly. “I love you.”
A ghost of a smile passed across your lips and a bit of light returned to your eyes. “I love you, Loki.”
Loki leaned down and kissed you –
“Hey, hey, hey!” Happy shouted from the drivers’ seat. “No sex in the car!”
Loki beamed down at you, and you smiled albeit sadly back up at him. Then you turned your attention to the window. You were silent the rest of the way back to the Tower.