I’m gonna throw this out there.
For years, Tony’s done holidays with the Rhodes family. Rhodey grabbed him by the scruff and yanked him out of the dorm the moment he realized Tony wasn’t going to his own home for Christmas, and he’s just... shown up at their house ever since. He’s always welcomed, always feels loved maybe even more than at his own home during the holidays, but he knows it’s temporary. Someday, Rhodey’s going to have someone special to bring home, and Tony will have to bow out. Still, until that point in time, he’s going to hold onto the holidays he has with them as tightly as he can.
Of course, it happens eventually. Rhodey meets Carol, and he’s smitten instantly. Tony likes her, too. She’s tough and snarky and gives as good as she gets, and she’s the only girlfriend he’s had that wasn’t put off by Tony and Rhodey basically lying on top of each other or Tony wandering into Rhodey’s room every morning and pestering whether they wanted to go out for brunch. But Christmas is coming. Rhodey and Carol have been dating for seven months. It was time to meet the family. Rhodey went to meet her friend Maria and daughter Monica for Thanksgiving, and Carol was going to the Rhodes’ for Christmas.
Tony had spent Thanksgiving with his maybe-boyfriend and his friends (he doesn’t know if they’re dating and at this point he’s too scared to ask). Normally he’d go to the Rhodes’. But. That’s for Carol now. She’s Rhodey’s partner. Maybe, after she’s more settled into their relationship, Tony could come back. As it stands, he’s always been sort of the spare piece. He’s used to it. Maybe he can spend Christmas with his maybe-boyfriend again. Or... maybe not. Steve probably had plans with his own family. Friends. Friend-family. Whatever. He doesn’t really want to ask. Thanksgiving was... friend-friendly. He knew Christmas was more family-oriented. He doesn’t know what to do. He feels sort of paralyzed. He hasn’t had to choose what to do for the holidays for fifteen years. Maybe he should just... work? That way he won’t be putting anybody out. He’d been invited to Steve’s NYE party. He just had to spend a few days alone beforehand. It would be fine.
“Tony, we’re ready,” Rhodey says after coming in from one last trip to Carol’s car.
“Okay,” Tony answers, wondering if it would be too weird to smile as he waves them off.
Rhodey stares at him for a moment, then asks, “When’s your boyfriend getting here?”
Tony blinks. “...Um?”
“...He’s driving up with you, right?” Rhodey prods. When Tony just stares at him, too confused to speak, he adds, “Mama said she wanted to meet our beaus. You remember that, right? You have to. You made a face when she said ‘beaus’ and then had to sit through a lecture on how it was gender inclusive specifically for you. It was when we told her we’d be going somewhere else for Thanksgiving.” When Tony only continued to blink, he said, “Tony. You’re coming to our house for Christmas.”
“I am?” Tony asks hopefully.
“Tony,” Rhodey begins, and then sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah, Tony, of course you are. I’m sorry I didn’t make it clear. I know how you are.”
Tony stares at him for a moment, then asks, “Can I still come, even if my maybe-boyfriend isn’t going?”
“Why isn’t your boyfriend coming? Why are you calling him your maybe-boyfriend,” Rhodey adds sternly. “Steve sleeps over three nights a week. Sometimes four.”
“And you still come in and bother us about brunch,” Carol adds, stepping inside as well.
Tony just blinks at her. “Everyone likes brunch.”
“I like sleep,” Carol says, at the same time Rhodey bursts out, “Does he know you don’t know you’re dating?!”
“...I obviously did not,” Steve says, standing in the doorway.
“Eep,” Tony says, and then flees to the bathroom under everyone’s incredulous stares.
Steve packs Tony a bag while Rhodey tries to cajole him out, but in the end, Carol gets nervous about being late impatient and rams her shoulder into the door so it breaks off its hinges, then carries Tony out while he, Rhodey, and Steve are too stunned to say anything about it.
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Pairing: Platonic and EXTREMELY codependent Rhodey/Tony (can involve others?)
Title: A Trashcan Fire in a Prison Cell
Neither Carol nor Steve get paid enough to deal with this shit.
A Trashcan Fire in a Prison Cell
“This is your fault!” Tony shouted as they ran down the hall.
Rhodey was only one step behind him. “I did not get us kidnapped by aliens! If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s yours!”
Tony turned to glare at him as they rounded a corner to dodge some of the lasers being shot at them. “My boyfriend isn’t wanted by intergalactic fascists!”
“Oh, so it’s Carol’s fault she got kidnapped and brainwashed and had to escape or die, is that what you’re saying?!” Rhodey snapped back.
Steve had literally never been more tired in his life. He wanted to sleep for seventy more years. “Can we just focus on fleeing and not whose fault this is, please?!”
“Mind your own business, Steve,” they both snapped at him.
“Oh my God,” Steve muttered, but wisely shut his mouth.
They turned another corner, and Tony yelped, and Rhodey and Steve both skidded to a stop as they watched Tony get yanked back by some sort of... laser whip that had been snapped around his neck. He hit the ground on his back hard enough that his breath left him in a sickening ‘whuff,’ and then laid there, unmoving.
“I am so fucking tired of people hurting Tony,” Rhodey ground out, and that was all the warning Steve got before the other man just... fucking launched himself at the aliens rounding the corner.
“Oh my God,” Steve said again, with more horror this time. Luckily, though, the aliens seemed unprepared by the might of Rhodey’s fury, so he tended to Tony while Rhodey plowed through them. The whip stung his fingers enough to make him wince, which explained why Tony hadn’t moved yet, so he rushed to unwrap it and toss it away.
“Ow,” Tony said.
Steve opened his mouth to ask if he was okay, but all that came out was a startled yelp as he was socked in the jaw so hard he fell to his side. “What the fuck I’m on your side!” he shouted when he saw Rhodey fussing over Tony.
“Adrenaline, sorry,” Rhodey replied, not sounding sorry at all as he helped Tony to his feet.
Tony blinked, surprised, then looked up at Rhodey, beaming. “My hero!”
Steve, not for the first time, wanted to know why they were like this. His fingers still hurt, though, and he could see electrical burn marks around Tony’s neck, so he wisely kept quiet about it, because Tony deserved the comfort from his friend.
“Okay, I found us some escape pods. What the fuck is this,” Carol said, flying up beside them. Tony and Rhodey ignored her. She looked to Steve, took in his exhausted expression, and decided not to question him on it. “I was coming to rescue you guys. How did you get out?”
“They started talking about how a fire would make all the doors unlock because fire in space is bad and the next thing I know they’ve lit a trashcan on fire,” Steve sighed, then paused. “...Or what I assume is a trashcan.”
“How’d they set the fire,” Carol began.
“I don’t know,” Steve huffed. “And Jim punched me so I just kinda wanna go home.”
“What the fuck,” Carol muttered, then grabbed Tony and Rhodey for lack of anything else, throwing them over her shoulders so she could fly them toward the docked escape pods.
“Carol!” Tony said happily. “Hi. I’ve decided this is all your fault.”
“You are causing me actual, physical pain,” Carol said, at the same time Rhodey shouted, “You’re the one who had to play around with alien technology, Tony!”
Carol thought that she and Steve might get some cuddle time on the spaceship she stole, but instead, Rhodey and Tony curled up together in a chair (it looked very uncomfortable, these seats were clearly only designed to hold one butt) and immediately fell asleep. “I want to file a complaint,” she groused as she steered the ship away from the burning wreckage of the ship they’d escaped. “I’m the one who blew up the spaceship. What the fuck.”
“You get used to it,” Steve replied tiredly, crossing his arms over his chest a he settled in for a nap, not noticing as she whipped around to stare at him in horror.
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