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#massive gelatinous cube
dailyadventureprompts · 2 months
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Dungeon: The Seeping Tombs
The learned and pious council of the king's advisors concluded that if sickness was a sign of moral failing, that medicine was a form of ennoblement allowing the sinner to bypass suffering without repentance. By royal decree the healers were thrown in along with their patients, the gates sealed behind them.
Constructed during an age of ignorance, these now innocuous ruins were used as a prison for those who had committed no crime besides falling ill. Pestilence ravaged the land, and after years of failing or outright refusing to control its spread the old king and his pious inner circle began to resent the masses who suffered under under their misrule.
The building that became the tombs was already under construction, intended as the foundations for a great temple dedicated to the king's imperious patron deity. When the work crews grew sick their bodies were passed into the lowest reaches to prevent the spread of miasma, joined soon after by dead from the local villages, and eventually those afflicted but still living.
It was not long after the gates were sealed that something otherworldly come to dwell within the tomb, suborning the natural process of decay causing those interred within to rot into a sickening and malevolent sludge.
Adventure Hook: A new magical malady besets those descended form the king and his pious council, and though some have inherited their forebearers' zeal and callousness many others are quite innocent. When traditional cures fail, The party are hired to seek an answer, and whether through research or the consultation of oracles find themselves pointed towards the seeping tombs. Irony of ironies, this exact sickness was being looked into by talented physician condemned by the king's order, consigned along with her research to a squalid death among those she tried to save.
Whatever the source of the present malady, it has a sense of cruel justice that the party should be wary of.
Challenges & Complications:
Summoned by the prolonged fear, suffering, and affliction of those trapped within the tombs, Juiblex, demon sovereign of ooze, has consecrated the tombs as an altar to despair and wretchedness. The tunnels are overrun with its spawn, along with undead who's spirits cannot rest for all the cruelty that was done to them in life.
The longer and deeper the party explore, the more sick they're likely to get.
Early chambers of this dungeon are a great excuse to use the classic "what looks like a skeletal warrior approaching slowly down a corridor is actually a gelatinous cube & its last meal" encounter, which is a treat in and of itself.
The upper reaches of the tomb are controlled by a nest of ghoulish knights and footmen, who were originally tasked with driving droves of the sick into the dungeon, only to find themselves sealed inside along with the afflicted. As fearful and proud as their departed liege, they play at piety and honour willing to lend aid to the party for a chance to escape the tombs and run rampant on the surface.
The middle reaches of the tomb see the party exploring twisting, sticky corridors, their progress fenced in by portcullises and other defences that need to be opened remotely. These hurdles do not stop the level's guardian, a massive and inexorable ooze that will chase the party with relentless slowness once alerted. Expect an oddly paced chase scene as the party works on opening a path forward while trying not to get trapped in a room by the sludgy green tide.
The cure to the magical malady lays with it's source: the ghost of the masterful physician who's long simmering resentment has manifested as a curse. Having been denied the chance to save her patients, she must be convinced why she should allow her research to be used to save the realm's ungrateful rulers while the victims of their callousness go unmourned. Her counter-offer is as brutal as it is poetic: Let the sickness at the heart of the kingdom devour those who benefit from it, and let the future come as it may.
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rpgsandbox · 10 days
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Official photos of the upcoming LEGO Dungeons and Dragons Red Dragon’s Tale set (21348) are officially here! Stacking up to nearly 3,800 pieces, the upcoming set celebrates the RPG’s 50th anniversay with six all-new minifigures, a giant Cinderhowl red dragon, and tons of other fiends.
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The set has officially been named LEGO Ideas 21348 Dungeons and Dragons Red Dragon’s Tale – a departure from the fan-submitted model, which was called Dragon’s Keep: Journey’s End by original builder Lucas Bolt (known as BoltBuilds). The differences between the model that’s actually hitting store shelves and the original creation aren’t all that noticeable, but there are some adjustments!
LEGO’s first Dungeons and Dragons kit celebrates 50 years of the role-playing game from Wizards of the Coast and Hasbro. It stacks up to 3,745 pieces and assembles a fantasy scene. There’s a medieval building on the left, which is integrated into the stone of a dilapidated castle. There’s an extra 700 bricks from the original version. That increase goes towards a more detailed model, as well as giving some more love to the side build.
We’ve covered the Dungeon, but what about the Dragon? The LEGO set includes a massive giant Cinderhowl red dragon. It can perch on the castle tower, or just fly around in your own little adventure.
Alongside the actual model, the new LEGO Dungeons and Dragons set includes a handful of minifigures, as well as creatures for them to do battle with. There are six adventurer minifigures, including an Orc Rogue, Gnome Fighter, Elf Wizard, Dwarf Cleric, a Bard, and more. You also get three LEGO skeletons, too. The kit also includes a Beholder, as well as the Displacer Beast. We also get a small glimpse of a brick-built Gelatinous cube and the Owlbear. It’s a really solid mix of figures and beats for them to do battle with.
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In true Dungeons and Dragons fashion, the LEGO set also includes a digital download for an adventure to recreate with the included figures.
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You’ll be able to buy the LEGO Dungeons and Dragons Red Dragon’s Tale set (21348) starting next month. It officially goes on sale to the public on April 3, but LEGO Insiders will be able to get this one early – as per usual. It’ll drop at midnight on April 1 for those with a free account. It debuts at $359.99. The LEGO storefront page is at this link.
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Plus, a Collectible Minifigure Series on the way
Alongside the main LEGO Ideas set, the collaboration will be continuing over to a Collectible Minifigure Series based around Dungeons and Dragons. The lineup will debut later this fall as a second installment of the 50th anniversary action and will include 12 different characters from the role-playing game. That includes Tieflings, druids, bars, and even the Mindflayer. The LEGO Group has now confirmed that it will launch in September.
Here’s a full breakdown of the Dungeons and Dragons Collectible Minifigure Series. Each of the blind box LEGO figures will sell for $4.99, and includes a minifigure alongside a fittingly-themed accessory. 
Tiefling Sorcerer with Red Baby Dragon
Golden Dragonborn Paladin with Shield
Tasha the With Queen with Cauldron
White Aarakocra Ranger with Dog
Mindflayer with Intellect Devourer
Dwarf Barbarian with Axe
Strahd von Zarovich with Sword
Githyanki Warlock with Knife
Halfling Druid with Bird
Halfling Bard with Lute
Lady of Pain with Cube
Szass Tam with Skull
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eggedbellies · 11 months
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Getting caught in a gelatinous cube partially submerged within its jiggly embrace. It's acid eat away at your clothes but not at your flesh. Positioning you until your lower half is well inside it begins to squelch its way into your cunt. More and more of the cube disappears into you. Your cervix is no match at keeping it out of your womb as it's jelly like mass just slides right through it with no resistance. Pooling it's jiggling mass right into your womb. Ballooning it outward as more and more squelches into you. Eventually your left lying on the ground the entire cube having squeezed up into you. Your massively expanded womb now pillows your form like a giant waterbed. Skin taught and appearing green from the gelatinous cube within. Every now and then the cube inside you shifts or quivers which does nothing to relieve your horniness.
God I love womb slimes. Barely able to move with the weight, panting and squirming, used as fodder for any creature that comes by. And when it's gathered enough cum it finally starts to ooze out, turning my very brain to jelly with how good it feels, but it barely changes the size of my belly as it leaves - packed with thick jelly eggs, it's young.
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brickcentral · 4 days
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Review: LEGO Ideas 21348 Dungeons & Dragons
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After many Lego Ideas attempts and a massively successful Ideas challenge campaign, Lego is finally releasing a set to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Dungeons and Dragons. The winner of the challenge, Dragon's Keep: Journey's End, designed by BoltBuilds, was selected through an exciting fan vote. Although the set is not an exact copy of the submission, which is to be expected, it delivers an incredible experience.
The sets presents itself like a One-Shot Adventure. There is a QR code with a link in the build instructions to download the adventure, with pre-designed characters and a few scenarios to feed the adventure. There is a brief description on the monsters and the characters and some intro to the Dungeons & Dragons history. Full disclaimer, I haven't had my hands on the actual adventure that comes with the set (the code does not work yet), so this is mostly based on intuition and guesses. I will try my best to avoid any spoilers.
If you are a DnD player, or even more a dungeon master, building the set itself is pure joy. As you go along creating the parts of the set, you also go along building secrets, treasures, traps, monster hideouts... No brick is placed randomly and there is a purpose for even the smaller space. You feel like you are preparing the stage for your players.
The heroes and the NPCs
The adventure comes with four pre-designed heroes: A Dwarf Cleric, a Gnome Fighter, and Orc Rogue and an Elf Wizard. All three come with two different heads, male and female, with the exception of the orc that just has two different expressions. They are customizable up to a degree, including weapons and spells.
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Besides the heroes, we have two NPCs: the innkeeper (also two heads for male/female) and a green dragonborn, which uses the head mould from the Vidiyo series.
The monsters
There is a surprisingly large selection of monsters in the set. A gelatinous cube (which was teased on social media), a beholder, an owlbear, a mimic (or two?), a displacer beast, a treant, two Myconid? (I'm not sure if that's what they are meant to be), several skeletons and a large red dragon.
The smaller monsters are all brick-built and very well made, in perfect proportion for the heroes and to fit inside the scenarios. The owlbear and the beholder however might be too big to put inside the buildings or ruins though, so maybe they will just appear in specific places, but both of them are gorgeous builds.
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The dragon itself is huge and beautiful, but delicate. I keep having to reattach the legs often when trying to pose it. The head also keeps looking down, since there is not much friction on the ball joint and the head is too big and heavy for it. And yes, there are printed tiles for the eyes! They are just almost impossible to see behind the horns.
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The scenarios
The set is divided into four different builds with their respective books of instructions: the inn, the forest/dungeons, the tower, and the dragon. All three have different styles and building techniques, so it makes the building experience entertaining. I'm not a fan of the blue/purple roof of the inn, but I agree that it needed a color pop to separate it from the rest of the build and the dragon.
All three are open in the back, to allow the players to move around. For a toy photographer, this gives the chance to shoot many different scenes. They are also modular and can be easily separated, I'm assuming to allow players to go around discovering each one individually as they explore the environment. On their own, the scenarios are small, so I'm guessing movement will have to be limited or counted by studs.
Everyone knows a good adventure starts and ends on an inn. Our heroes need a place to rest and prepare for the coming adventure, so I'm guessing this is where the adventure will begin.
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Some details will have to be described by the Dungeon Masters, otherwise I don't see how four players's heads can look into the tiny inn and say: "Hey, I want to investigate the chest, it looks interesting" or "That brick has a different color, I want to know if I can move it". It will also look very cramped if all four minifigures try to be in the same room investigating or fighting a monster.
There are already a few secrets on the inn for the more curious adventurers, and food and drinks for the more relaxed ones.
As they leave the inn they will most likely step into the forest, and from there, several paths can be followed. One could go through the ruins, or the dungeons, explore both, or find a completely new path to the tower (which I assume is the final destination).
On the way, there will be treasure to be found, weapons and spells, some potions... These are things to prepare for the upcoming final battle. But to get to those there will be monsters and traps and mysteries to be solved.
As with the inn, the space is very small to see and put all the players in, so the Dungeon Master must be very involved in describing and hinting so the players can be more successful at finding these secrets.
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Eventually, they would reach the tower where there is a climb up to the adventure finale. I don't want to show much there to avoid spoilers, but the same applies here. Secrets to be found and possibly the story will unfold into an unexpected conclusion.
Verdict
With a high price of 359,99€/$359.99 and 3745 pieces, it is a large and expensive set. But for both LEGO and Dungeons & Dragons fans, if you can afford it, this one is worth it. The joy of physically building the adventure and being able to play with the characters and monsters is for me what makes it so great.
I also believe that most of the scenes are rather a visual reference than a playing grid, it does feel small for four players to move around and still be able to see the surroundings, let alone have full battles in a few squared studs. But I'm more than happy to try!
I would also say that fans of medieval fantasy would probably enjoy the set, but perhaps some of the lore will pass unnoticed. However, for those who are not DnD or Medieval theme fans, it might not be worth it at all.
As a toy photographer, heavily invested in fantasy themes, I love all the different backgrounds and characters that come with the set. It feels like there are so many storytelling possibilities, so many moments to capture, and it has so much potential for modifications. You could add your own characters for the story, add a few more treasures and traps, or create your own adventure.
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dungeonclan · 6 months
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DungeonClan: What it is and Why it is
Part One: How it Started
DungeonClan is a warrior cats oc story (story? narrative? campaign? idk.) that I’m working on! It is set in a dnd universe with all the standard fantasy trappings like magic, monsters, dungeons, dragons, gelatinous cubes, whatever! Before I explain more specifics about what “dnd warrior cats” will mean I want to give some background on what inspired me to write this story in the first place.
It didn’t start with dnd or even warrior cats. What inspired it was 2010 deviantart oc nostalgia. Back when I was younger I used to collect ocs from those massive adoptable sheets you’d see on deviantart. Random sparkle dogs and cats that were sold for pennies. I would collect a bunch of these characters and come up with little stories for them. I didn’t care if the designs looked good together or followed any particular theme. I would just choose a pink heart wolf and a green acid one and go “Yep, these two are dating now.”
That’s the sort of energy I’m trying to rekindle with this project. I just wanted to collect a bunch of random, discordant designs and make a story for them. I did decide early on to limit it to cat designs because a warriors story was what I was most interested in making. I thought it would be fun to stick them all together and go “This is a clan now.” 
I considered buying a bunch of adoptables to populate the characters for this project like I did in the past. Thankfully though people have gotten a lot smarter about pricing their work since I was a kid. Now on average adoptables sell for an actual tangible amount of money as opposed to the lint at the bottom of someone’s pocket they sold for back then on deviantart. I’m happy about this development but at the same time, I can’t justify dropping hundreds of dollars buying tons of designs all at once. Besides, hand-picking the designs I wanted to buy might give me too much creative control. So instead I turned to art trades. I would go to my twitter followers and offer my art in exchange for some random warrior cats designs. 
This was when I had to sit down and come up with a few guidelines for what kind of kitty designs I wanted people to give me. I wanted to give them creative control but I didn’t want to leave them with absolutely nothing to go off of. Warrior cats traditionally have more natural-looking characters, but since the original inspiration for this project was literal sparkle cats I really didn’t want to limit it to just normal cats. If I was going to allow fantasy elements in the character designs, it wasn’t a far leap for me to decide to make this a dnd world. Dnd is already something I’m interested in and it’s also the perfect format to use if you’re trying to bring random oddball characters into one unified story. (Isn’t that what most dnd parties are anyway?) It also allows for weird magical fur colors and perhaps some fantasy dna to be added to the cats. 
I ultimately decided that I still wanted magic and unnatural features to be rare in my characters. At least at first,  so I could start with a more standard-feeling warriors world and then ease into the fantasy stuff. The instructions I gave my art trade victims were to “lean on the side of making a normal-looking warrior cat, but you can also add some weird and fantasy elements”. I still gave them creative freedom though and it was possible that everyone would give me a bright neon green fire breathing angel cat. I would have rolled with it if that had happened, but this would’ve turned into a different kind of story if so. Thankfully though my instructions worked as I intended and I ended up with a ratio of fantasy to non-fantasy elements that I’m super happy with. 
I did ten art trades to start with. The designs I received from these trades would play a significant role in shaping the story that was forming in my mind. With each character I received I began to think of new ideas and things I wanted to add to my world. It began going from a basic “dnd + warrior cats” idea to a real story. These are those first ten designs:
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Designer credits are on my toyhouse
And here is a lineup of all of them I drew in my style:
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Havendown, Sunsong, Magnus, Wildthorn, Dragonflytail, Orioleflight, Willowmist, Pinepaw, Poppypaw, Batpaw
I’ll do a proper introduction to all these characters later. By the way, If the concept of designing a character for this project intrigues you then fear not! I will need more characters as the story goes on. Some I might need sooner rather than later because though I’ve already started fleshing out the story I’ve been thinking I need more background characters to work with before I start writing. So stay tuned and I’ll be opening up more art trades to add more characters, and maybe other things as well such as designs for monsters and non-cat creatures.
This has been part one, in part two of this introduction I’ll go a bit deeper into explaining my world and exactly what I mean by “dnd warrior cats”.
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fiftheditionflipkicks · 7 months
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Fun fact: RAW, Gelatinous Cubes actually aren't immune to Grappled. They don't have amazing Str either; a barbarian could easily just run up and... grab it. You take no damage for it. It just works.
It gets worse; their signature ability is Engulf, where they just roll over someone and start digesting them to the tune of massive acid damage. But when they're Grappled, they literally can't move - so they can't Engulf anyone. They're reduced to making pathetic basic attacks; essentially completely neutralised.
This one is completely stupid and your DM should probably just say you can't grapple them, or at least take some damage for doing it.
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(back to index)
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memesnotwelcome · 2 years
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So I'm a cheap bastard when it comes to potting soil. I ask around and this person has a massive terracotta pot that she had problems growing anything substantial in. If nothing grew I would have hesitated, but it was mostly nice looking vines.
I start digging, skepticism assuaged, happy with my free dirt - when I start to wonder about why this soil has gelatin-like qualities. Like, ass-smacking jiggle, but a fistful of plant food. A quick google search gives me DIY forum answers that were old enough to drink, but essentially my dirt donor went a bit heavy on water retention treatments which can form interesting gel cubes.
Ok - maybe why the plants were iffy in here. No.
It was probably due to the whiffle ball sized wasp nest buried inside.
Inactive, thankfully. Possibly due to an inhospitable jell-o prison.
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cognitosclowns · 2 years
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Ok ok sooo i have a quick request
Since thanksgiving is this thursday, imagine the crew + reader spending thanksgiving together and it’s pretty well known that the reader is like a great cook, so obviously they’ll be the one cooking for thanksgiving dinner, and the crew is blown away by how good the food tastes?? like they knew we were a good cook but not this good??
lol sorry if this is dumb this idea just popped out of no where
SHIT MY ASS IN THE ASS I FORGOT THE US HAS THANKSGIVING IN NOVEMBER-
ALL SFW, JUST SOME CUTENESS
(tw : food, cooking)
LISTEN,, ALMOST NONE OF THESE MFS CAN COOK - AND THE ONES WHO CAN (Glenn, Gigi, Brett vaguely) JUST,, DON'T WANT TO DO THE ENTIRETY OF THANKSGIVING. Too Much To Make No Thank you Not At All
EVERYONE IS RELIEVED WHEN YOU AGREE TO COOK SMTH UP <33 only rule is No Sneak Peaks. No Motherbastards In The Kitchen While You're Working Your Magic.
(... Myc sneaks his tentacles in to thieve a tourtiere and a few lemon tarts. You notice but,, you allow it)
the kitchen, of course, being at Brett's place!! He has his own house a little ways outta the city. its,, pretty big,, considering hes extremely rich, but not excessive?
Perfect Cooking Space <33 the cupboards are jam packed with anything you could need
LISTEN THE MEAL ITSELF <333 OHOHO THEY AREN'T EVEN READY
YOU EXPRESSLY ASK THEM THEIR FAVORITES <333 you wanna make sure everyone's got Their Things
it's,, fairly standard stuff? Gigi insists on cranberry sauce even if she’s the only one who uses it, Glenn requests Candied Yams which are a sin against nature, everyone collectively Pleads for both pumpkin and pecan pie bc nobody can choose, etc
needless to say, you has your work cut out for you
ANDRE AND GLENN ARE HAVING THE TIMES OF THEIR FUCKING LIIIIIIVES. The fucking,, delight on their faces when they see the Spread of Foods you've got laid out??
Glenn is used to,, Yummy Southern Cooking (tm). Thanksgiving was always a massive celebration back home <3 it definitely brings him back to his childhood, him and his brothers running around to finish chores as fast as possible so that they could eat dinner early!!
He doesn’t really see his family anymore so <333333 yeah he feels pretty cozy inside.
ANDRE JUST FUCKIN LOVES FOOD. GOD HE'S HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. There will not be leftovers. Not a single one. Guarantee he's gonna be one of the last ones at the table.
I am unsure of the mechanics of how Myc eats,,,, I'm thinking kinda like a Gelatinous Cube?? Like he shoves shit into that little orb and it disintegrates?? THIS BASICALLY MEANS HE CAN EAT A METRIC FUCK TON.
What i mean to say is,, Glenn, Andre, and Myc are Inhaling it at the speed of light.
'I was gonna say something shitty but this is the best fucking food I've had in my life. I hate you so much. fuck.' aka myc is having a blast
Brett, Gigi and Reagan are eating Politely but also,, Very Fast smnds.
both to keep up with The Trio Of Vaccum Cleaners in the corner, and bc it’s GOOD. AND THEY’RE HUNGRY DAMMIT <3 they had to sit downstairs patiently and smell all the lovely food being made </3
GIGI IS SO ';;;;MAD'’’’’ THAT YOU DIDN'T TELL HER YOU COULD COOK THIS GOOD <///3 
WHAT THE HELL SHE COULD HAVE BEEN PAYING YOU TO MAKE HER LUNCH THIS WHOLE TIME </3???? ultimate betrayal. She’s stealing some of the tarts off your plate for this </3 the only compensation she’ll accept
BRETT GETS SO,, HAPPY AND MUSHY INSIDE <333 WHEN HE SEES YOU MADE THE CASSEROLE HE MENTIONED. His grandma used to make this,, Very Specific Casserole with string beans and yams and,, this mess of spices and a lil maple syrup and??? You replicated it perfectly?? Oh <333
Reagan has this Happy Tired Placated look?? Just half slumped in her seat, tiredly munching down on Massive Forkfuls of Turkey. You will get a very dazed thumbs up. please god give this woman a break <333 let her sleep let her rest she deserves it
ALSO,,, Sadly,, My Boy A.B Can't Have Any. Theoretically he can eat - he has a tank that he swaps out if he has to eat anything To Keep Up Appearances but... Now he doesn't have to pretend he's human, and therefore has no reason to eat. Even if he was permitted out of his tube, he doesn't have taste buds to appreciate it.
OH EVERYONE IS SO <333 FUCKIN TIRED AFTER. 
The chances of everyone collapsing into the nearest couches for,, Movies and Pies and Ice cream before passing out dead is SO VERY HIGH <3
Its okay the couch is plenty big for everyone <333
needless to say you're ABSOLUTELY THE DEFAULT COOK <333 YOU DON'T GET A CHOICE NOW, YOU'RE COOKING FOR EVERY CELEBRATION NOW. EVERY OCCASION. THEY WILL INVENT NEW HOLIDAYS AND FORCE YOU TO COOK FOR THOSE TOO. THERE IS NO ESCAPE.
UHHH LMK IF YOU HAD SMTH ELSE IN MIND??? SMDNSMD THIS WAS CUTE IN ANY CASE
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job-the-prosperous · 2 years
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yeah after you go through the second floor of the Depths all the monsters hit harder :( you'll have to be twice as careful!
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Been getting along well enough for now but I haven't seen a single boss from this floor yet. No idea what to expect of them. It would sure be nice if its all the same bosses... doubt it though. Maybe it won't be so bad? Either way the boss room is pretty close by, might as well try.
(story progression undercut)
The skull decorated door was only a few rooms away from where he was. His heart thumbed in his chest furiously. It had been awhile since he had been in a new environment. At first he thought that the changed would bring more vigor to his life. As it turns out the exact opposite was true. Job peered into the boss room. More of the same flesh walls he'd been walking around in for what felt like ages. Nervously, he stepped in and the door slammed shut behind him.
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What he saw inside was nothing he had ever seen before. A large, gelatinous figure with legs and arms that must of been too deformed to move with. It simply sat at the back of the room and stared him down.
Couldn't be to difficult. Don't have to worry about dodging its own movements. The floating eyes may be of concern though.
The staring contest lasted for a few agonizing moments. Eventually the monster had started to shake. It's eye sockets growing larger while it uselessly flailed its "arms and legs" around.
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In a mere second a huge brimstone beam blasted from the creature's face, nailing Job. He was flung to the wall only to be hit by yet another beam when trying to roll away from the first. He got out of the boss's line of sight as yet another beam was fired. There was barely any time to even predict when they would fire another. At first he tired to focus his attack on the eyes that where slowly bouncing around the room. They weren't phased by any of his tears. Must of been immune to his attacks.
His focus returned to the boss, firing as many tears as he could to charge up his own revelations beam. Now that Job was not in it's immediate line of sight it was no longer using brimstone. The ring of tears they shot out where much easier to avoid with the occasional help of his meat cube and blocking tears. The damage output Job was dealing was slow but notable. The eyes had been attempting to coral Job back in front of the boss, but Job's flight made them trivial matters.
Once his revelation beam was ready, he flew over to the monster's right side and released the stored light. As soon as Job went over, the monster fired its own brimstone which pushed Job back into the wall. Thankfully for Job, his attack had sliced through the blood shot and landed its mark. The boss was slowing down, it had of been close to dying. Job was prepared to fire the finishing tears but was caught off guard by the boss jumping high into the air. It landed directly onto of Job's right wing. Pinning it to the ground underneath its massive weight. Job struggled to free himself as the creep the monster spawned burned his crushed wing. He was to close to the monster for the brimstone to be aimed at him, which was the only upside to his predicament.
He felt an agonizing sting throughout his body as his last bone heart was shattered. In a final act of desperation he continuously fired tears at the monster, praying it would die soon. His arms grew tired only barely being held up with his running adrenaline. A pained feeling rose in his chest as reality set in. Job mentally braced himself to forget this all and wake up on the first floor, the monster toppled over and finally let go. He had completely looked over his small meat cube friend, who had been ramming into the boss to deal just enough damage to kill it.
Job laid on the ground for a bit, amazed he had gotten out of that alive. Earning a loving nuzzle from his companion. The familiar warmth of white light washed over him, an angel room laid before him. What a miracle this fight was. Touching his right wing sent shivers up his spine. It was still mangled and singed from the fight. He got himself off the ground with a bit of stumbling. The reward for his troubles was the midnight snack. He scarfed the moldy bread down. Not his best idea, nearly throwing up what he had eaten. But he kept it down, filling up the little health he had.
The angel room was warm and inviting. He paid no mind to the item pedestal in front of the angel statue. Job fell face first onto the floor. A good place for a quick nap. The familiar that was on the pedestal rushed over to Job's side. A smaller version of the angel statue that was in the room with them named Seraphim.
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I just, need a little rest is all. Make sure my wing is okay for later
Job elected to take a quick break in the angel room before heading to the next floor.
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ar1sc0rn3r · 3 years
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Time Can’t Measure My Love for You{Gloxinia x Fairy! Sin! Reader
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Chapter 3
Synopsis: Gloxinia and Y/N have been together long  before the Holy War 3000 years ago. When Rou attacks Gloxinia turns to the 10 Commandments believing his sister and beloved are dead. What happens when they meet again and on different sides of the battle field?
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Your POV
The rumbling stopped and your stomach dropped. You and Meliodas exchanged looks, completely understanding what one another where thinking. You felt a wave emotions crash over you at the realization.
The Ten Commandments are coming back.
You felt like you couldn’t breathe and your stomach was heavy. Spreading your wings, you flew off quickly. You heard your friends calling for you, but their calls were ignored as your speed increased. You stopped when you were sure you found a dark corner to be by yourself, you brought your knees to your chest.  Tears of anguish, regret, betrayal flowed down your cheeks and hit the ground in small, silent splashes. The feeling of meeting him again made you scared. 
Scared that you would be blinded by your love for him and betray your comrades. Scared that he probably has forgotten you and moved on. You cried and you held your knees closer to yourself and rested your forehead on it. For what seemed like hours, you were finally able to calm yourself down. Your eyes were puffy and red and your nose felt stuffy. 
You looked around to see where you were. You didn’t recognize this part of town. Suddenly, there was a loud crash. The sound made the ground shake and you flew above the houses to get a better view. The sight made your heart drop to your toes and your breath catch in your throat.
Galand
His towering form made him easy to spot out but then you saw flashes of yellow. Your eyes went wide and your wings moved before you could form a solid plan. The rest of the Sins were fighting Galand when you arrived and landed near a Perfect Cube.
When did Merlin get here?
Elizabeth was speaking frantically but you were able to make out what she was saying. You decided to stay put until you were noticed, not wanting to get in anyone’s way. It wasn’t long before you were noticed. Galand cackled and stopped fighting with the others.
“Well, this is a pleasant surprise isn’t it, Y/N?”
You swallowed as all attention was on you. The eyes of you’re friends were confused and some of them knew how the Commandment of Truth knew your name.
“I would rather we didn’t meet, but it seems as if it’s inevitable.”
He chuckles at your statement and pulls his weapon from the ground. He stalks towards you and you float towards him. You stop when he’s about three feet away from you. The ominous aura from him makes you weary of his intentions.
“So, answer me something, pixie. You’ve been running around with these people while Gloxinia has been sitting in darkness moping because he thinks you’re dead?”
“What do you mean?”
He doesn’t say anything and he head tilts slightly to the side. He clears his throat and attempts to speak before cackling again.
“You both are lovesick idiots. You’ll find out soon enough.”
He was off, leaving you more confused than ever. 
What did he mean by dead? 
You couldn’t focus on this when King was shaking you and blurting out question after question. You put your hand over his and stopped him from shaking you.
“It’s a long story. So pay attention, so pay attention.”
3000 year ago
You and Gloxinia had been rulers of the Fairy Realm at the time. With you being the first and presumably last Queen, you had both joined Stigma in representation of the Fairy Race. Meliodas and Elizabeth had been close friends of yours and you got along well with Drole. However, you were very protective of Gerheade and immediately sought her out when the battle got intense.
You flew through the trees and saw Rou standing over her bloodied body. Your nerves were on fire with only one intention.
Kill him.
Your magic wasn’t as strong as it could’ve been as you were caught up in your own fight before finding her. You were almost spent but you were intent on saving her.
“Poison Flower: Sinister Sundew.”
The ground rumbled and a long, veiny plant with red branch-like spores coming off of it appeared. Rou looked at the monstrous creation and back at you. Your hair was matted with sweat and it stuck to your forehead giving you an eerie appearance. The flower heaved and huge glob of clear gelatin-like material was flown from it. Rou was able to dodge it but they kept coming. Somehow, he was able to dodge them all leaving you to use your last resort.
Before you could muster up any magic, you were grabbed by the neck and his sword glinted. You thought he would cut your wings, but he began with your clothing.
“You will die a shameful death for trying to poison me, you bitch.”
Mustering up strength to lift your head in his death grasp, you spat in his eye. He loosened his grip making you fall onto the ground with a thud. You hit the ground and groaned. Your vision was fuzzy, but you were able to smell ginger and saw his massive wings and red hair. 
You assumed Rou was dead and he made his way to your vision. His eyes were cloudy so you assumed he was crying. You couldn’t make out much, but the last thing he said to you before you blacked out was,
“Goodbye, my camellia.”
King and the others who you assumed heard the story were appalled, The looks they gave you varied from shock, sadness, and a small twinge of pity.
“So what do you think will happen when you see him again?” Diane asks.
You shrug and look to the sky.
“I don’t know. But what I do know is it won’t be nice.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n: sorry this took so long to come out. school is super hard especially since it’s online. i’ll try for a new chapter to come out at least once or twice a week.
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neuronary · 3 years
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a collection of my dnd hot takes because i’m bored and procrastinating studying chemistry:
you should add your constitution modifier to death saving throws
the poisoned condition should give disadvantage on death saving throws
tasha’s cauldron of everything is The Best Sourcebook and if you talk shit about it within a ten mile radius of me i’ll appear magically and cast blade of disasters on you
all the wizard subclasses that aren’t from the phb are dumb because wizards had a good theme going with the schools of magic specialism thing
order of scribes gets some rights because it’s from tasha’s though, but i do think it should be part of the pact of the tome pact boon for warlocks
bladesinger should be a bard subclass if you disagree pls block me yes i’m being serious you just have vibes i don’t want in my life
i actually liked the super complicated combat encounters from 4e - it was a good strategy game
gelatinous cube my beloved (not really a hot take but Important To Note)
DMing isn’t as hard as people make it out to be, it just takes a long time
more people should DM so that i can play as my various bugbear PCs
bugbears should have four arms and antennae. basically they look like alien!stitch from lilo and stitch but massive. why are they called BUGbears if they aren’t somewhat bug-like??
no more dwarves/elves/etc. that just like humans but short/thin/whatever. i want to see some real Creatures. some truly fucked up little guys.
if you main as a tiefling sorcerer i just want you to know that no one cares as much as you think they do. also you’re not the main character.
if you main as a Ranger i just want you to know that ily i would die for u u deserve the world
on that note: rangers get way too much shit that should also be applied to a lot of other classes and i think they’re cool >:(
people who main as human fighters are actually some of the most creative people i’ve ever met idk why people think they’re boring their characters usually have super interesting motivations and backstories
the best thing you can do for your players as their DM is provide them with situations to use their class features in a way that gives them the upper hand
the best thing you can do for your DM as a player is communicate what you like and don’t like in a game
sometimes parties break apart because the members just have different ways of playing and no one is the bad guy in that situation, you just weren’t suited to each other
there are two kinds of rules lawyers and one kind is the best people you’ll ever meet and the other kind deserve to rot in hell
ochre jellies should be called Big Yellow Boyz (the z is the most important part)
charisma-based spellcaster mains,,, you’re so cool but i don’t trust you in the slightest
wisdom-based spellcaster mains,,, pls have a self-care day within the next day i promise u u deserve it
intelligence-based spellcaster mains,,, i’d recommend seeking psychiatric assistance at your earliest convenience
martial mains you have my heart do actually be proud of your math skills
rogue mains are excluded ily but you are also so unbearable
literally nothing i’ve said applies to emily axford ever ily ms axford please have a lovely day :)
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Things I Love: My Massive Gelatinous Cube Dice/Mini from Severed Books 💀
Die is 51mm and I ordered it un-inked so I could do custom colours. The skulls on each face are the pips/numbers.
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volley-ball-101 · 3 years
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I think Disney should make an upfront and important queer character already. like just rip the band off y'all. And not some random side character mention. Straight up dive into that shit. I mean what are y'all afraid of? Haters? HA. Y'all literally consume and digest companies like some kind of super massive gelatinous cube without batting an eye. Give us what we want bitch.
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sourbat · 3 years
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hmmm let’s go hammertooth, either first time making them cry or first time making them laugh :3c
“The first time making them cry.”
This was a daunting task, but I think I made the message clear without going overboard with the details. Nevertheless, I will give a fair warning here. Although not graphic, the ficlet does contain a disturbing scene. Please read with caution. 
Here’s Magnus making Toki cry, and Toki making Magnus cry for the first time.
“Did you know dog food is safe for human consumption?”
The words echoed in the room long after Magnus had uttered the cursed sentence, wafting in the difficult, heavy air already weighted with the putrid stench of canned meat byproducts. It clung to the walls, suffocating in the claustrophobic setting made worse from the recent memory of the off-putting, wet concoction of blended duck, peas and chicken liver hitting the bowl with a wet smack. The bowl was tossed on the floor, spilling some of its gritty contents across the concrete, alerting its intended consumer of what was in store. Still, it was the words that brought out the red already adorning the corners of Toki’s sunken eyes, lips curling from the smell and repulsion despite the hunger.
“After the war,” Magnus added, admittedly pleased that, after some days of mostly silence and empty stares, he was finally garnering a satisfying reaction. “Government learned people were starving and living off the stuff. Had to regulate it, make it safe for people to eat…”
He hadn’t the pleasure to witness the strained face Toki made to accompany his whines, fidgets and heaves from last night’s stitching, all of which felt unusually refined, almost controlled. The cheap vodka barely managed a stifled hiss, a meager cry that was promptly snuffed in favor of words. Quite the accomplishment, given the skin had turned rosy and puffy, the earliest signs of an infection. Perhaps that was why Toki had thanked him for closing him back up, and why Magnus was left frustrated, plagued with a constant dissatisfaction towards his hostage’s compliance.  
“Whats?”
He took a step forward, though, in Toki’s eyes, might as well appeared as a massive leap forward with how he trembled. He stumbled back, nearly slipping over his palm. Magnus wondered if the reaction was strictly out of fear, or from a lack of proper meals. He hoped for the former, but knew the later could still work in his favor. After all, Toki needed something to keep his body regulated, and after having his wound treated and stitched, required the additional calories. How else would he get better? He needed the energy.
Very calmly, Magnus told Toki this, and watched as the man’s befuddled demeanor turned mortified over the knowledge that he, from here henceforth, would be dining on canned dog food.
“It’s safe to eat,” Magnus stated flatly. “So…eat.”
Pale, and shaking from lowering blood sugar, Toki shook his head at Magnus. Tears started to fall down his ghostly white face, and Magnus took it all in, grinning.
Toki sniffled beneath him. “I…don’ts understands…”
“I don’t understand.”
A white sting shot across Magnus’ chest as he struggled through the words. His wetted, stained eyes filled as the memory played once more, ending right as Toki from months before started to break into pleas, to now, at his own miserable, murky reflection shaking as a spoon carrying gelatin gravitated closer to his chapped mouth.
Since waking up in the hospital, it’s been nonstop agony. Whatever pain medication the whitecoats offered him wasn’t nearly enough to keep the perpetual ache at bay, the horrid backdrop of pangs and muted prickles–like a million needles lacing his heart–that serenaded his every waking moment. Every breath felt like a personal attack against himself, heart expanding and giving way to the unique, but threatening feel of his lungs grazing his ribcage, his sternum held together with frail wires. Finally, there was Toki, at his bedside, almost daily, insisting on offering him a straw for water, a spoonful of broth, a moment of time…
The spoon holding the green gelatin neared. The smell of sugar filled Magnus dry mouth with saliva, but he turned nauseas once he saw the shade of green, his stomach knotting with acid from the continued memory of what occurred in the basement. He saw the small morsel, and he shook his head at it.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked through the pangs now pulsing across his brow.
Toki shrugged. His small, but expanding pout only gave the subtlest hint as to how offended he was from the question, and the irony behind it all.
“Them doctors says you ams not eatings,” he answered, giving Magnus what he had failed to supply all those pleas ago.
Afraid of worsening his migraine any further, Magnus only bore a miserable frown. “I’m not.”
“Buts you gotta, Magnus,” Toki implored, bringing the spoon up against Magnus trembling lips.  “Here, tries this jellies.”
He turned his head away from the food. “…Toki, I–”
The exhale he performed from talking rattled up his throat, stopping him from going any further, or risk coughing and sending another unbearable stab across his healing chest. Sickened, Magnus sank into the pillows keeping him upright while Toki let the large gelatin cube fall back into a bright, plastic bowl.
Determined, he brought the spoon down. “I cuts it in halves.”
“Just…just stop…”
Toki blurred as Magnus’ eyes filled with tears. He could no longer make out the man–the god–whatever he was…standing before him. Why him, of all people? How, after all of this?
After everything he did?
The smell of sugar and tangy, artificial lime flavoring filled Magnus’ nostrils. Magnus opened his eyes, allowing his guilt-ridden tears to fall and flow down his face, all before the man he had tortured. Tears that were laden and heavy from the medication, the constant loopiness, spinning and dull stab across his head, his beck and chest. And his heart…his heart…
Magnus sniffed, pressed half his face into a stiff pillow as he exhaled a pained cry. A large hand pressed against his back, holding him in place as he coughed and writhed. Once it was over, Magnus fell back, exhausted beyond comprehension. Toki remained standing beside him, smiling despite the tears and antics, and still carrying that blasted spoonful of gelatin in his hands.
“Gots to try Magnus,” he said, lifting the spoon. “Ams not going to gets any better if you don’ts eats.”
The words struck him harder than any cough, cry or palpitation. Though it hurt, he agreed with a nod, and after some work, managed a small bite of the treat. Magnus sniffed again, fighting through tears and half chews as the food disintegrated in his mouth, making him want nothing more than to recoil. Beside him, Toki cheered him on, rubbing his back and telling him to keep going, to not give up, to swallow it all down. Despite the haunting memory, Magnus obeyed, lips turning inward from the odd textures, but stomach coming alive from the sweet impact developing across his taste buds. As he forced down the first of many swallows, Magnus gagged, and while Toki congratulated him on a job well done, he wondered what in the hell he did to deserve all of this?
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grigori77 · 3 years
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2020 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 2)
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20.  ONWARD – Disney and Pixar’s best digitally animated family feature of 2020 (beating the admittedly impressive Soul to the punch) clearly has a love of fantasy roleplay games like Dungeons & Dragons, its quirky modern-day AU take populated by fantastical races and creatures seemingly tailor-made for the geek crowd … needless to say, me and many of my friends absolutely loved it.  That doesn’t mean that the classic Disney ideals of love, family and believing in yourself have been side-lined in favour of fan-service – this is as heartfelt, affecting and tearful as their previous standouts, albeit with plenty of literal magic added to the metaphorical kind.  The central premise is a clever one – once upon a time, magic was commonplace, but over the years technology came along to make life easier, so that in the present day the various races (elves, centaurs, fauns, pixies, goblins and trolls among others) get along fine without it. Then timid elf Ian Lightfoot (Tom Holland) receives a wizard’s staff for his sixteenth birthday, a bequeathed gift from his father, who died before he was born, with instructions for a spell that could bring him back to life for one whole day.  Encouraged by his brash, over-confident wannabe adventurer elder brother Barley (Chris Pratt), Ian tries it out, only for the spell to backfire, leaving them with the animated bottom half of their father and just 24 hours to find a means to restore the rest of him before time runs out.  Cue an “epic quest” … needless to say, this is another top-notch offering from the original masters of the craft, a fun, affecting and thoroughly infectious family-friendly romp with a winning sense of humour and inspired, flawless world-building.  Holland and Pratt are both fantastic, their instantly believable, ill-at-ease little/big brother chemistry effortlessly driving the story through its ingenious paces, and the ensuing emotional fireworks are hilarious and heart-breaking in equal measure, while there’s typically excellent support from Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Elaine from Seinfeld) as Ian and Barley’s put-upon but supportive mum, Laurel, Octavia Spencer as once-mighty adventurer-turned-restaurateur “Corey” the Manticore and Mel Rodriguez (Getting On, The Last Man On Earth) as overbearing centaur cop (and Laurel’s new boyfriend) Colt Bronco.  The film marks the sophomore feature gig for Dan Scanlon, who debuted with 2013’s sequel Monsters University, and while that was enjoyable enough I ultimately found it non-essential – no such verdict can be levelled against THIS film, the writer-director delivering magnificently in all categories, while the animation team have outdone themselves in every scene, from the exquisite environments and character/creature designs to some fantastic (and frequently delightfully bonkers) set-pieces, while there’s a veritable riot of brilliant RPG in-jokes to delight geekier viewers (gelatinous cube! XD).  Massive, unadulterated fun, frequently hilarious and absolutely BURSTING with Disney’s trademark heart, this was ALMOST my animated feature of the year.  More on that later …
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19.  THE GENTLEMEN – Guy Ritchie’s been having a rough time with his last few movies (The Man From UNCLE didn’t do too bad but it wasn’t exactly a hit and was largely overlooked or simply ignored, while intended franchise-starter King Arthur: Legend of the Sword was largely derided and suffered badly on release, dying a quick death financially – it’s a shame on both counts, because I really liked them), so it’s nice to see him having some proper success with his latest, even if he has basically reverted to type to do it.  Still, when his newest London gangster flick is THIS GOOD it seems churlish to quibble – this really is what he does best, bringing together a collection of colourful geezers and shaking up their status quo, then standing back and letting us enjoy the bloody, expletive-riddled results. This particularly motley crew is another winning selection, led by Matthew McConaughey as ruthlessly successful cannabis baron Mickey Pearson, who’s looking to retire from the game by selling off his massive and highly lucrative enterprise for a most tidy sum (some $400,000,000 to be precise) to up-and-coming fellow American ex-pat Matthew Berger (Succession’s Jeremy Strong, oozing sleazy charm), only for local Chinese triad Dry Eye (Crazy Rich Asians’ Henry Golding, chewing the scenery with enthusiasm) to start throwing spanners into the works with the intention of nabbing the deal for himself for a significant discount.  Needless to say Mickey’s not about to let that happen … McConaughey is ON FIRE here, the best he’s been since Dallas Buyers Club in my opinion, clearly having great fun sinking his teeth into this rich character and Ritchie’s typically sparkling, razor-witted dialogue, and he’s ably supported by a quality ensemble cast, particularly co-star Charlie Hunnam as Mickey’s ice-cold, steel-nerved right-hand-man Raymond Smith, Downton Abbey’s Michelle Dockery as his classy, strong-willed wife Rosalind, Colin Farrell as a wise-cracking, quietly exasperated MMA trainer and small-time hood simply known as the Coach (who gets many of the film’s best lines), and, most notably, Hugh Grant as the film’s nominal narrator, thoroughly morally bankrupt private investigator Fletcher, who consistently steals the film.  This is Guy Ritchie at his very best – a twisty rug-puller of a plot that constantly leaves you guessing, brilliantly observed and richly drawn characters you can’t help loving in spite of the fact there’s not a single hero among them, a deliciously unapologetic, politically incorrect sense of humour and a killer soundtrack.  Getting the cinematic year off to a phenomenal start, it’s EASILY Ritchie’s best film since Sherlock Holmes, and a strong call-back to the heady days of Snatch (STILL my favourite) and Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels.  Here’s hoping he’s on a roll again, eh?
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18.  SPONTANEOUS – one of the year’s biggest under-the-radar surprise hits for me was one which I actually might not have caught if things had been a little more normal and ordered.  Thankfully with all the lockdown and cinematic shutdown bollocks going on, this fantastically subversive and deeply satirical indie teen comedy horror came along at the perfect time, and I completely flipped out over it.  Now those who know me know I don’t tend to gravitate towards teen cinema, but like all those other exceptions I’ve loved over the years, this one had a brilliantly compulsive hook I just couldn’t turn down – small-town high-schooler Mara (Knives Out and Netflix’ Cursed’s Katherine Langford) is your typical cool outsider kid, smart, snarky and just putting up with the scene until she can graduate and get as far away as possible … until one day in her senior year one of her classmates just inexplicably explodes. Like her peers, she’s shocked and she mourns, then starts to move on … until it happens again.  As the death toll among the senior class begins to mount, it becomes clear something weird is going on, but Mara has other things on her mind because the crisis has, for her, had an unexpected benefit – without it she wouldn’t have fallen in love with like-minded oddball new kid Dylan (Lean On Pete and Words On Bathroom Walls’ Charlie Plummer). The future’s looking bright, but only if they can both live to see it … this is a wickedly intelligent film, powered by a skilfully executed script and a wonderfully likeable young cast who consistently steer their characters around the potential cliched pitfalls of this kind of cinema, while debuting writer-director Brian Duffield (already a rising star thanks to scripts for Underwater, The Babysitter and blacklist darling Jane Got a Gun among others) show he’s got as much talent and flair for crafting truly inspired cinema as he has for thinking it up in the first place, delivering some impressively offbeat set-pieces and several neat twists you frequently don’t see coming ahead of time.  Langford and Plummer as a sassy, spicy pair who are easy to root for without ever getting cloying or sweet, while there’s glowing support from the likes of Hayley Law (Rioverdale, Altered Carbon, The New Romantic) as Mara’s best friend Tess, Piper Perabo and Transparent’s Rob Huebel as her increasingly concerned parents, and Insecure’s Yvonne Orji as Agent Rosetti, the beleaguered government employee sent to spearhead the investigation into exactly what’s happening to these kids.  Quirky, offbeat and endlessly inventive, this is one of those interesting instances where I’m glad they pushed the horror elements into the background so we could concentrate on the comedy, but more importantly these wonderfully well-realised and vital characters – there are some skilfully executed shocks, but far more deep belly laughs, and there’s bucketloads of heart to eclipse the gore.  Another winning debut from a talent I intend to watch with great interest in the future.
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17.  HAMILTON – arriving just as Black Lives Matter reached fever-pitch levels, this feature presentation of the runaway Broadway musical smash-hit could not have been better timed. Shot over three nights during the show’s 2016 run with the original cast and cut together with specially created “setup shots”, it’s an immersive experience that at once puts you right in amongst the audience (at times almost a character themselves, never seen but DEFINITELY heard) but also lets you experience the action up close.  And what action – it’s an incredible show, a thoroughly fascinating piece of work that reads like something very staid and proper on paper (an all-encompassing biographical account of the life and times of American Founding Father Alexander Hamilton) but, in execution, becomes something very different and EXTREMELY vital.  The execution certainly couldn’t be further from the usual period biopic fare this kind of historical subject matter usually gets (although in the face of recent high quality revisionist takes like Marie Antoinette, The Great and Tesla it’s not SO surprising), while the cast is not at all what you’d expect – with very few notable exceptions the cast is almost entirely people of colour, despite the fact that the real life individuals they’re playing were all very white indeed.  Every single one of them is also an absolute revelation – the show’s writer-composer Lin-Manuel Miranda (already riding high on the success of In the Heights) carries the central role of Hamilton with effortless charm and raw star power, Leslie Odom Jr. (Smash, Murder On the Orient Express) is duplicitously complex as his constant nemesis Aaron Burr, Christopher Jackson (In the Heights, Moana, Bull) oozes integrity and nobility as his mentor and friend George Washington, Phillipa Soo is sweet and classy as his wife Eliza while Renée Elise Goldsberry (The Immortal Life of Henrietta Jacks, Altered Carbon) is fiery and statuesque as her sister Angelica Schuyler (the one who got away), and Jonathan Groff (Mindhunter) consistently steals every scene he’s in as fiendish yet childish fan favourite King George III, but the show (and the film) ultimately belongs to veritable powerhouse Daveed Diggs (Blindspotting, The Good Lord Bird) in a spectacular duel role, starting subtly but gaining scene-stealing momentum as French Revolutionary Gilbert du Motier, the Marquis de Lafayette, before EXPLODING onto the stage in the second half as indomitable third American President Thomas Jefferson.  Not having seen the stage show, I was taken completely by surprise by this, revelling in its revisionist genius and offbeat, quirky hip-hop charm, spellbound by the skilful ease with which is takes the sometimes quite dull historical fact and skews it into something consistently entertaining and absorbing, transported by the catchy earworm musical numbers and thoroughly tickled by the delightfully cheeky sense of humour strung throughout (at least when I wasn’t having my heart broken by moments of raw dramatic power). Altogether it’s a pretty unique cinematic experience I wish I could have actually gotten to see on the big screen, and one I’ve consistently recommended to all my friends, even the ones who don’t usually like musicals.  As far as I’m concerned it doesn’t need a proper Les Misérables style screen adaptation – this is about as perfect a presentation as the show could possibly hope for.
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16.  SPUTNIK – summer’s horror highlight (despite SERIOUSLY tough competition) was a guaranteed sleeper hit that I almost missed entirely, stumbling across the trailer one day on YouTube and getting bowled over by its potential, prompting me to hunt it down by any means necessary.  The feature debut of Russian director Egor Abramenko, this first contact sci-fi chiller is about as far from E.T. as it’s possible to get, sharing some of the same DNA as Carpenter’s The Thing but proudly carving its own path with consummate skill and definitely signalling great things to come from its brand new helmer and relative unknown screenwriters Oleg Malovichko and Andrei Zolotarev.  Oksana Akinshina (probably best known in the West for her powerful climactic cameo in The Bourne Supremacy) is the beating heart of the film as neurophysiologist Tatyana Yuryevna Klimova, brought in to aid in the investigation in the Russian wilderness circa 1983 after an orbital research mission goes horribly wrong.  One of the cosmonauts dies horribly, while the other, Konstantin (The Duelist’s Pyotr Fyodorov) seems unharmed, but it quickly becomes clear that he’s now the host for something decidedly extraterrestrial and potentially terrifying, and as Tatyana becomes more deeply embroiled in her assignment she comes to realise that her superiors, particularly mysterious Red Army project leader Colonel Semiradov (The PyraMMMid’s Fyodor Bondarchuk), have far more insidious plans for Konstantin and his new “friend” than she could ever imagine. This is about as dark, intense and nightmarish as this particular sub-genre gets, a magnificently icky body horror that slowly builds its tension as we’re gradually exposed to the various truths and the awful gravity of the situation slowly reveals itself, punctuated by skilfully executed shocks and some particularly horrifying moments when the evils inflicted by the humans in charge prove far worse than anything the alien can do, while the ridiculously talented writers have a field day pulling the rug out from under us again and again, never going for the obvious twist and keeping us guessing right to the devastating ending, while the beautifully crafted digital creature effects are nothing short of astonishing and thoroughly creepy.  Akinshina dominates the film with her unbridled grace, vulnerability and integrity, the relationship that develops between Tatyana and Konstantin (Fyodorov delivering a beautifully understated turn belying deep inner turmoil) feeling realistically earned as it goes from tentatively wary to tragically bittersweet, while Bondarchuk invests the Colonel with a nuanced air of tarnished authority and restrained brutality that made him one of my top screen villains for the year.  One of 2020’s great sleeper hits, I can’t speak of this film highly enough – it’s a genuine revelation, an instant classic for whom I’ll sing its praises for years to come, and I wish enormous future success to all the creative talents involved.
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15.  THE INVISIBLE MAN – looks like third time’s a charm for Leigh Whannell, writer-director of my ALMOST horror movie of the year (more on that later) – while he’s had immense success as a horror writer over the years (co-creator of both the Saw and Insidious franchises), as a director his first two features haven’t exactly set the world alight, with debut Insidious: Chapter III garnering similar takes to the rest of the series but ultimately turning out to be a bit of a damp squib quality-wise, while his second feature Upgrade was a stone-cold masterpiece that was (rightly) EXTREMELY well received critically, but ultimately snuck in under the radar and has remained a stubbornly hidden gem since. No such problems with his third feature, though – his latest collaboration with producer Jason Blum and the insanely lucrative Blumhouse Pictures has proven a massive hit both financially AND with reviewers, and deservedly so.  Having given up on trying to create a shared cinematic universe inhabited by their classic monsters, Universal resolved to concentrate on standalones to showcase their elite properties, and their first try is a rousing success, Whannell bringing HG Wells’ dark and devious human monster smack into the 21st Century as only he can.  The result is a surprisingly subtle piece of work, much more a lethally precise exercise in cinematic sleight of hand and extraordinary acting than flashy visual effects, strictly adhering to the Blumhouse credo of maximum returns for minimum bucks as the story is stripped down to its bare essentials and allowed to play out without any unnecessary weight.  The Handmaid’s Tale’s Elizabeth Moss once again confirms what a masterful actress she is as she brings all her performing weapons to bear in the role of Cecelia “Cee” Kass, the cloistered wife of affluent but monstrously abusive optics pioneer Aidan Griffin (Netflix’ The Haunting of Hill House’s Oliver Jackson-Cohen), who escapes his clutches in the furiously tense opening sequence and goes to ground with the help of her closest childhood friend, San Francisco cop James Lanier (Leverage’s Aldis Hodge) and his teenage daughter Sydney (A Wrinkle in Time’s Storm Reid).  Two weeks later, Aidan commits suicide, leaving Cee with a fortune to start her life over (with the proviso that she’s never ruled mentally incompetent), but as she tries to find her way in the world again little things start going wrong for her, and she begins to question if there might be something insidious going on.  As her nerves start to unravel, she begins to suspect that Aidan is still alive, still very much in her life, fiendishly toying with her and her friends, but no-one can see him.  Whannell plays her paranoia up for all it’s worth, skilfully teasing out the scares so that, just like her friends, we begin to wonder if it might all be in her head after all, before a spectacular mid-movie reveal throws the switch into high gear and the true threat becomes clear.  The lion’s share of the film’s immense success must of course go to Moss – her performance is BEYOND a revelation, a blistering career best that totally powers the whole enterprise, and it goes without saying that she’s the best thing in this.  Even so, she has sterling support from Hodge and Reid, as well as Love Child’s Harriet Dyer as Cee’s estranged big sister Emily and Wonderland’s Michael Dorman as Adrian’s slimy, spineless lawyer brother Tom, and, while he doesn’t have much actual (ahem) “screen time”, Jackson-Cohen delivers a fantastically icy, subtly malevolent turn which casts a large “shadow” over the film.  This is one of my very favourite Blumhouse films, a pitch-perfect psychological chiller that keeps the tension cranked up unbearably tight and never lets go, Whannell once again displaying uncanny skill with expert jump-scares, knuckle-whitening chills and a truly astounding standout set-piece that easily goes down as one of the top action sequences of 2020. Undoubtedly the best version of Wells’ story to date, this goes a long way in repairing the damage of Universal’s abortive “Dark Universe” efforts, as well as showcasing a filmmaking master at the very height of his talents.
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14.  EXTRACTION – the Coronavirus certainly has threw a massive spanner in the works of the year’s cinematic calendar – among many other casualties to the blockbuster shunt, the latest (and most long-awaited) MCU movie, Black Widow, should have opened to further record-breaking box office success at the end of spring, but instead the theatres were all closed and virtually all the heavyweights were pushed back or shelved indefinitely.  Thank God, then, for the streaming services, particularly Hulu, Amazon and Netflix, the latter of which provided a perfect movie for us to see through the key transition into the summer blockbuster season, an explosively flashy big budget action thriller ushered in by MCU alumni the Russo Brothers (who produced and co-wrote this adaptation of Ciudad, a graphic novel that Joe Russo co-created with Ande Parks and Fernando Leon Gonzalez) and barely able to contain the sheer star-power wattage of its lead, Thor himself.  Chris Hemsworth plays Tyler Rake, a former Australian SAS operative who hires out his services to an extraction operation under the command of mercenary Nik Khan (The Patience Stone’s Golshifteh Farahani), brought in to liberate Ovi Mahajan (Rudhraksh Jaiswal in his first major role), the pre-teen son of incarcerated Indian crime lord Ovi Sr. (Pankaj Tripathi), who has been abducted by Bangladeshi rival Amir Asif (Priyanshu Painyuli).  The rescue itself goes perfectly, but when the time comes for the hand-off the team is double-crossed and Tyler is left stranded in the middle of Dhaka with no choice but to keep Ovi alive as every corrupt cop and street gang in the city closes in around them.  This is the feature debut of Sam Hargrave, the latest stuntman to try his hand at directing, so he certainly knows his way around an action set-piece, and the result is a thoroughly breathless adrenaline rush of a film, bursting at the seams with spectacular fights, gun battles and car chases, dominated by a stunning sustained sequence that plays out in one long shot, guaranteed to leave jaws lying on the floor.  Not that there should be any surprise – Hargrave cut his teeth as a stunt coordinator for the Russos on Captain America: Civil War and their Avengers films.  That said, he displays strong talent for the quieter disciplines of filmmaking too, delivering quality character development and drawing out consistently noteworthy performances from his cast.  Of course, Hemsworth can do the action stuff in his sleep, but there’s a lot more to Tyler than just his muscle, the MCU veteran investing him with real wounded vulnerability and a tragic fatalism which colours every scene, while Jaiswal is exceptional throughout, showing plenty of promise for the future, and there’s strong support from Farahani and Painyuli, as well as Stranger Things’ David Harbour as world-weary retired merc Gaspard, and a particularly impressive, muscular turn from Randeep Hooda (Once Upon a Time in Mumbai) as Saju, a former Para and Ovi’s bodyguard, who’s determined to take possession of the boy himself, even if he has to go through Tyler to get him.  This is action cinema that really deserves to be seen on the big screen – I watched it twice in a week and would happily have paid for two trips to the cinema for it if I could have.  As we looked down the barrel of a summer season largely devoid of blockbuster fare, I couldn’t recommend this enough.  Thank the gods for Netflix …
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13.  THE TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7 – although it’s definitely a film that really benefitted enormously from releasing on Netflix during the various lockdowns, this was one of the blessed few I actually got to see during one of the UK’s frustratingly rare lulls when cinemas were actually OPEN.  Rather perversely it therefore became one of my favourite cinematic experiences of 2020, but then I’m just as much a fan of well-made cerebral films as I am of the big, immersive blockbuster EXPERIENCES, so this probably still would have been a standout in a normal year. Certainly if this was a purely CRITICAL list for the year this probably would have placed high in the Top Ten … Aaron Sorkin is a writer whose work I have ardently admired ever since he went from esteemed playwright to in-demand talent for both the big screen AND the small with A Few Good Men, and TTOTC7 is just another in a long line of consistently impressive, flawlessly written works rife with addictive quickfire dialogue, beautifully observed characters and rewardingly propulsive narrative storytelling (therefore resting comfortably amongst the well-respected likes of The West Wing, Charlie Wilson’s War, Moneyball and The Social Network).  It also marks his second feature as a director (after fascinating and incendiary debut Molly’s Game), and once again he’s gone for true story over fiction, tackling the still controversial subject of the infamous 1968 trial of the “ringleaders” of the infamous riots which marred Chicago’s Diplomatic National Convention five months earlier, in which thousands of hippies and college students protesting the Vietnam War clashed with police.  Spurred on by the newly-instated Presidential Administration of Richard Nixon to make some examples, hungry up-and-coming prosecutor Richard Schultz (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is confident in his case, while the Seven – who include respected and astute student activist Tom Hayden (Eddie Redmayne) and confrontational counterculture firebrands Abbie Hoffman (Sacha Baron Cohen) and Jerry Rubin (Succession’s Jeremy Strong) – are the clear underdogs.  They’re a divided bunch (particularly Hayden and Hoffman, who never mince their words about what little regard they hold for each other), and they’re up against the combined might of the U.S. Government, while all they have on their side is pro-bono lawyer and civil rights activist William Kunstler (Mark Rylance), who’s sharp, driven and thoroughly committed to the cause but clearly massively outmatched … not to mention the fact that the judge presiding over the case is Julius Hoffman (Frank Langella), a fierce and uncompromising conservative who’s clearly 100% on the Administration’s side, and who might in fact be stark raving mad (he also frequently goes to great lengths to make it clear to all concerned that he is NOT related to Abbie).  Much as we’ve come to expect from Sorkin, this is cinema of grand ideals and strong characters, not big spectacle and hard action, and all the better for it – he’s proved time and again that he’s one of the very best creative minds in Hollywood when it comes to intelligent, thought-provoking and engrossing thinking-man’s entertainment, and this is pure par for the course, keeping us glued to the screen from the skilfully-executed whirlwind introductory montage to the powerfully cathartic climax, and every varied and brilliant scene in-between.  This is heady stuff, focusing on what’s still an extremely thorny issue made all the more urgently relevant and timely given what was (and still is) going on in American politics at the time, and everyone involved here was clearly fully committed to making the film as palpable, powerful and resonant as possible for the viewer, no matter their nationality or political inclination.  Also typical for a Sorkin film, the cast are exceptional, everyone clearly having the wildest time getting their teeth into their finely-drawn characters and that magnificent dialogue – Redmayne and Baron Cohen are compellingly complimentary intellectual antagonists given their radically different approaches and their roles’ polar opposite energies, while Rylance delivers another pitch-perfect, simply ASTOUNDING performance that once again marks him as one of the very best actors of his generation, and there are particularly meaty turns from Strong, Langella, Aquaman’s Yahya Abdul-Mateen II (as besieged Black Panther Bobby Seale) and a potent late appearance from Michael Keaton that sear themselves into the memory long after viewing. Altogether then, this is a phenomenal film which deserves to be seen no matter the format, a thought-provoking and undeniably IMPORTANT masterwork from a master cinematic storyteller that says as much about the world we live in now as the decidedly turbulent times it portrays …
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12.  GREYHOUND – when the cinemas closed back in March, the fate of many of the major summer blockbusters we’d been looking forward to was thrown into terrible doubt. Some were pushed back to more amenable dates in the autumn or winter (which even then ultimately proved frustratingly ambitious), others knocked back a whole year to fill summer slots for 2021, but more than a few simply dropped off the radar entirely with the terrible words “postponed until further notice” stamped on them, and I lamented them all, this one in particular.  It hung in there longer than some, stubbornly holding onto its June release slot for as long as possible, but eventually it gave up the ghost too … but thanks to Apple TV+, not for long, ultimately releasing less than a month later than intended.  Thankfully the film itself was worth the fuss, a taut World War II suspense thriller that’s all killer, no filler – set during the infamous Battle of the Atlantic, it portrays the constant life-or-death struggle faced by the Allied warships assigned to escort the transport convoys as they crossed the ocean, defending their charges from German U-boats.  Adapted from C.S. Forester’s famous 1955 novel The Good Shepherd by Tom Hanks and directed by Aaron Schneider (Get Low), the narrative focuses on the crew of the escort leader, American destroyer USS Fletcher, codenamed “Greyhound”, and in particular its captain, Commander Ernest Krause (Hanks), a career sailor serving his first command.  As they cross “the Pit”, the most dangerous middle stretch of the journey where they spend days without air-cover, they find themselves shadowed by “the Wolf Pack”, a particularly cunning group of German submarines that begin to pick away at the convoy’s stragglers.  Faced with daunting odds, a dwindling supply of vital depth-charges and a ruthless, persistent enemy, Krause must make hard choices to bring his ships home safe … jumping into the thick of the action within the first ten minutes and maintaining its tension for the remainder of the trim 90-minute run, this is screen suspense par excellence, a sleek textbook example of how to craft a compelling big screen knuckle-whitener with zero fat and maximum reward, delivering a series of desperate naval scraps packed with hide-and-seek intensity, heart-in-mouth near-misses and fist-in-air cathartic payoffs by the bucket-load.  Hanks is subtly magnificent, the calm centre of the narrative storm as a supposed newcomer to this battle arena who could have been BORN for it, bringing to mind his similarly unflappable in Captain Phillips and certainly not suffering by comparison; by and large he’s the focus point, but other crew members make strong (if sometimes quite brief) impressions, particularly Stephen Graham as Krause’s reliably seasoned XO, Lt. Commander Charlie Cole, The Magnificent Seven’s Manuel Garcia-Rulfo and Just Mercy’s Rob Morgan, while Elisabeth Shue does a lot with a very small part in brief flashbacks as Krause’s fiancée Evelyn. Relentless, exhilarating and thoroughly unforgettable, this was one of the true action highlights of the summer, and one hell of a war flick.  I’m so glad it made the cut for the summer …
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11.  PROJECT POWER – with Marvel and DC pushing their tent-pole titles back in the face of COVID, the usual superhero antics we’ve come to expect for the summer were pretty thin on the ground in 2020, leading us to find our geeky fan thrills elsewhere. Unfortunately, pickings were frustratingly slim – Korean comic book actioner Gundala was entertaining but workmanlike, while Thor AU Mortal was underwhelming despite strong direction from Troll Hunter’s André Øvredal, and The New Mutants just got shat on by the studio and its distributors and no mistake – thank the Gods, then, for Netflix, once again riding to the rescue with this enjoyably offbeat super-thriller, which takes an intriguing central premise and really runs with it.  New designer drug Power has hit the streets of New Orleans, able to give anyone who takes it a superpower for five minutes … the only problem is, until you try it, you don’t know what your own unique talent is – for some, it could mean five minutes of invisibility, or insane levels of super-strength, but other powers can be potentially lethal, the really unlucky buggers just blowing up on the spot.  Robin (The Hate U Give’s Dominique Fishback) is a teenage Power-pusher with dreams of becoming a rap star, dealing the pills so she can help her diabetic mum; Frank Shaver (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is one of her customers, a police detective who uses his power of near invulnerability to even the playing field when supercharged crims cause a disturbance.  Their lives are turned upside down when Art (Jamie Foxx) arrives in town – he’s a seriously badass ex-soldier determined to hunt down the source of Power by any means necessary, and he’s not above tearing the Big Easy apart to do it. This is a fun, gleefully infectious rollercoaster that doesn’t take itself too seriously, revelling in the anarchic potential of its premise and crafting some suitably OTT effects-driven chaos brought to pleasingly visceral fruition by its skilfully inventive director, Ariel Schulman (Catfish, Nerve, Viral), while Mattson Tomlin (the screenwriter of the DCEU’s oft-delayed, incendiary headline act The Batman) takes the story in some very interesting directions and poses fascinating questions about what Power’s TRULY capable of.  Gordon-Levitt and Fishback are both brilliant, the latter particularly impressing in what’s sure to be a major breakthrough role for her, and the friendship their characters share is pretty adorable, while Foxx really is a force to be reckoned with, pretty chill even when he’s in deep shit but fully capable of turning into a bona fide killing machine at the flip of a switch, and there’s strong support from Westworld’s Rodrigo Santoro as Biggie, Power’s delightfully oily kingpin, Courtney B. Vance as Frank’s by-the-book superior, Captain Crane, Amy Landecker as Gardner, the morally bankrupt CIA spook responsible for the drug’s production, and Machine Gun Kelly as Newt, a Power dealer whose pyrotechnic “gift” really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Exciting, inventive, frequently amusing and infectiously likeable, this was some of the most uncomplicated cinematic fun I had all summer.  Not bad for something which I’m sure was originally destined to become one of the season’s B-list features …
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doomedandstoned · 3 years
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Bog Wizard & Dust Lord Split The Difference on ‘Four Tales of the Strange’
~By Tom Hanno~
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Album art by Marinko Milosevski
Here we are, ready to talk about one of my personal favorite underground groups, BOG WIZARD. However, we also get the opportunity to talk about DUST LORD, a band that I was previously unaware of, that changed for the better with the split album, 'Four Tales of the Strange' (2021).
Harlen, the drummer of Bog Wizard, sent me a Bandcamp code for this album back in December, so I have had plenty of time to digest these four tracks; all of which are excellent examples of the talents of each group. I was taken aback immediately upon hearing the full record, and it has quickly become one of my favorite releases from March 2021.
Dust Lord opens this up with two crushingly heavy tracks, "Not Men, Not Women, Not Beats," and "Career Opportunities," while Bog Wizard closes the album with an equally devastating sound via "Paladin of Death" and "Gelatinous Cube."
Dust Lord's "Career Opportunities" is one of my two favorite tracks on this split, and it is an extension of their debut album, "Machine Cult." I'll let their singer, Spike Whirley, explain, "Machine Cult was the name of our debut. It was like an apocalyptic cult themed, and "Career Opportunities" is about a cultist that finds a junk starship and leaves earth to be a scavenger but is killed immediately by something."
This one bad mother of a track, and while it doesn't get too quick in terms of tempo, it is still very heavy. The sludge filled guitar riffs trudge along like a brontosaurus meandering its way through a landscape of death, and that's exactly why I love this song.
"Career Opportunities" does gain a bit of momentum as it proceeds, which is noticeable after the bass gets a short spotlight; and even more so just before the vocals enter. This section is also where I detect the obligatory Black Sabbath influence, but it's still obviously Dust Lord applying everything they love to their songwriting.
The lyrical content is also amusing to me; I mean, can you imagine going out to get rich only to die shortly after attaining said riches? I especially enjoy the second verse, which may not be exactly as heard on the recording, but from what Spike shared with me, is the final draft for the track anyway:
Breathing in the dark, the thing sounds like the end All out of range, coms silent and dead Look at all that loot, all that could be mine If only those boneheads from the machine cult could save me right now.
I'm a bit of a space nerd, so these lyrics help me envision a space cruiser with cargo space, not unlike Han Solo's fabled Millennium Falcon; did you know that ship made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs? Anyway, in the cargo hold my mind's eye creates a scared man, hiding from his certain death, softly repeating those words over and over again while waiting to die.
Next up is "Paladin of Death" and "Gelatinous Cube" from Bog Wizard, a group that uses Dungeons and Dragons mythology to fuel their lyrical content. They are also responsible for this writer not retiring from reviewing, their From the Mire album inspired me to review it, and many more afterwards.
As with Dust Lord's contributions, Bog Wizard brings the heavy sludge in a big way, and offers up a bit of diversity as well. The dynamic shift that is created when they head into the clean section is incredible, and really adds a respite from the heaviness before sliding effortlessly back into distorted, sludgy guitars.
Sadly, I'm not up on Dungeon and Dragons as I've never played the game, but I do enjoy the lyrics to this song without that knowledge. This is the last couple of verses:
Sightless terror Sensing prey Wordless hunger Devour life
Left unblemished Sword and shield Nutritious flesh From bones be peeled
This track gives me visions of some kind of nameless creature, complete with massive fangs, claws designed for rending the flesh from its prey with speed and brute force, and an unending hunger for flesh.
Four Tales of the Strange is a journey into the imaginations of both bands, and, at least in my case, will inspire the imaginations of the listener, as well. Enjoy now the entire album as Doomed & Stoned brings you its worldwide debut, ahead of the general release on March 5th (pre-order here)!
Four Tales of the Strange by Bog Wizard, Dust Lord
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