#mateo's reading list

[yumkiwidelicious]

favorite book of 2022 (so far)

“...stories can make someone immortal as long as someone else is willing to listen.”

― Adam Silvera,

They Both Die at the End

#they both die at the end #Adam silvera #bookrec #booktok #reading list 2022 #sobbing #rufus emeterio #Rufus and mateo #mateo torrez

[dancingtotuyo]

Scathed 8 (Javier Peña)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: anxiety, trauma, self worth, smoking, idiot(s) in love?, curly hair care (all you curly girls with straigh hair mothers know the painnnnnnn,)

Notes: shoutout @janaispunk for beta reading and letting me yell and for being sad for these characters

Words: 3809

Series Master List | Author Master List

Journal Entry July 16, 1994

This summer has been good, surprisingly so. I went to the fair this year. Usually, the kids just go with Dad and Anna. We’ve done movies, and events downtown, and busy Saturday mornings at the hardware store. It doesn’t mean I haven’t puked afterward, but having Javier around has been nice.

Oh, and I registered for classes at the community college. I start at the end of August.

Emily sat on her bed, flipping through the photographs taken over the summer. Most of them were ones she’d taken, but every once in a while, one of the kids got a hold of it. They held evidence of the summer she’d been able to give her kids, and Javier was in almost all of them.

As she flipped through the final few of the stack, the last photo stood out. Her birthday, the one Ale had blinded her with. It turned out nicely. Her smiling at Javier, him smiling at her over the flaming candles, caught before they could react to the flash. She couldn’t pull her eyes away from it. A singular, perfect, magical moment caught on film.

She dropped the rest of them in the shoe box for safekeeping until she was ready to put the photo book together. The birthday one she slipped between the frame of her vanity mirror. She wanted a reminder of that day

“Mommm!” Miguelito called, opening her door.

Emily jumped, hand landing over her heart as she turned toward him. “How many times have I told you to knock?”

“Sorry.” He grinned. “Mateo isn’t getting ready like you said, and he’s making a mess in our room.”

She glanced over her oldest’s appearance, folding her hands over her chest. “And you’re completely ready, could hop in the car right now, I suppose?”

“I still have to brush my hair and teeth.”

“Then I suggest you go do that.”

Miguelito folded his lips in, looking to the side before he spun on his heels and walked away. Emily laughed to herself before making her way to the boys’ room to check in on her youngest. Sure enough, he sat next to the toy chest, playing contently with his new Playmobil set.

“Mateo,” she said, voice soft.

The boy’s head snapped up to her, a sheepish grin appearing.

“Are you ready to go?”

“No,” He shook his head, somehow still managing to look innocent.

“I put your clothes out on your bed an hour ago.”

“I’ll get dressed now.”

“Thank you.” She nodded, holding out her hand. “I’m going to hold onto your Playmobil until you’re ready to go, okay? So you don’t get distracted.”

Mateo looked between his new toy and his mother, not wanting to part with it. Emily waited with patience as he made his decision. “Once you’re ready, you can have it back.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Emily smiled. With the added assurance, he handed the toy to his mother and rushed over to his clothes. “Don’t forget your hair and teeth.”

“I won’t!”

Emily smiled, leaving the room as a shirt went flying. Alejandra found her seconds later, brush and hairties in hand. “Can I have two braids today?”

Emily glanced down at her watch. They were already running behind. What was a few extra minutes at this point? “Go sit at the table.”

Alejandra had a big stubborn knot at the back of her head. That was what Emily got for not brushing it out before bed last night and the night before. The detangler bottle was all but empty. Alejandra had more hair than her mother and that was saying something. Emily let out a long sigh as she soaked the knot with watered-down detangler. “You’ve got rats nest back here, Mija. I’ll do my best, but it’s probably gonna hurt.”

Alejandra only nodded. The mother and daughter duo were more than familiar with the process, both individually and together. Emily had her own memories of sitting at the kitchen table as her mother brushed through massive knots, leaving her hair massive and frizzy. There had been plenty of tears in her younger years before her scalp toughened, Her mother hadn’t known how to handle the texture or the amount of hair she had. Looking back at pictures, Emily knew exactly when she began caring for her own hair as a preteen.

It was Emily’s goal to make this time as painless as possible for her daughter. It didn’t mean there weren’t ever tears. Ale’s scalp had started out tender, but Emily was sure to be as delicate as possible, using as much detangler and conditioner as needed, being gentle with the combs, teasing the curls back to life afterward.

Emily didn’t yell or fuss when her daughter tried to get away from the pain. The mother did her best to distract from the pain with jokes or stories. Overall, she shaped the hours of hair care into quality time, something she’d always wanted her mother to do with it.

“Mami?”

“Yes, baby?” The comb caught on an extra ratty tangle. Alejandra hissed. “Sorry.”

She reached back, rubbing her scalp gently before allowing her mother to continue. “I think we need to do that conditioner treatment thing again.”

“I think you’re right.” Emily kissed her head. “I’ll put it on the list. It helped a lot.”

Ale nodded. “Do you think Mr. Javi is going to think we ditched him? We were supposed to be there already.”

“I think he’s very used to us being late.” Emily laughed, freeing the last of the tangle with a deep sigh. She sprayed the hair again, letting it curl up a little before she began to part it.

“I think we should call him.”

“He’s probably at the park already.”

“I’ll leave a message. Just so he knows I was worried when he gets home.”

Emily rolled her eyes playfully, grabbing the phone off the wall behind her. The extra long cord lay flat on the floor between the wall and table. She handed it to Alejandra. “You know the number?”

The girl gave a firm single nod as she quickly dialed the number having memorized it at the beginning of the summer. She kicked her legs back and forth, bare feet brushing the legs of her chair under the table. Emily tied half of the curls to the side. “Look up at the ceiling, Ale.”

She obeyed, pressing the phone to her ear. Emily could hear it ringing as she focused on pulling all of the baby hairs around Ale’s hairline into the tight French braid. “Boys! Time to put on your socks and shoes!”

“Hello?” Javier’s static voice came through the phone.

Ale’s eyes lit up as she sat up a little straighter. “Mr. Javi! You’re supposed to be at the park already!”

He chuckled. “So are you, Alejandrina.”

“Yeah, but we always run late. You don’t.”

Emily shook her head, trying to hold in her laughter as she efficiently twisted Ale’s hair into the braid with minimal flyaways. Nothing like being called out by your own kid.

“I was just about to leave my house. What are you doing right now?”

“Mami is braiding my hair. I had a big tangle, otherwise, we would’ve been almost on time.”

“Well, that means I need to get going if I want to beat you there.”

Emily tied off the first French braid.

“Drive fast 'cause she just finished my first braid.” Alejandra tilts her head back again so Emily can start the second.

“Do your brothers have their shoes on?”

“Nope, still in their room.”

“Boys!” Emily called again. Javier’s chuckle came through a little louder. A faint Coming echoed from their room.

“He’s laughing at you,” Ale grinned up at her mother.

“Tell him to shut up.”

Ale’s eyes grew wide. “But I’m not allowed to say that. It’s not nice.”

“One-time exception.” Emily winked.

Alejandra bit her lip. Her honey-brown eyes sparkled with brief debate. Was she really being given permission? “Mami says to shut up.” She said it quickly like the permission might expire.

Javier kept laughing, it coming from deep within his chest this time. Emily let out a groan as she scrapped the braid and started over. The second one never cooperated like the first.

“I’ll see you soon,” Javier said.

“See you soon,” Alejandra replied and the line went dead. She handed the phone back to Emily who placed it back in the cradle. “We gotta go fast so we can beat him.” She wiggled excitedly in the chair.

The braid slipped through Emily’s fingers again and she let out a frustrated groan. “I’m trying, Mija. Boys!”

Finally, two pairs of footsteps echoed down the hallway. Mateo grabbed his toy off the table with a proud grin. “Tennis shoes with the laces, Mateo.” She reminded him.

Mateo groaned, dropping his velcro shoes where he stood. He was about to start kindergarten in the fall and she was desperate to get him ahead on the shoelace tying assignment. She’d learned her lesson from Alejandra’s kindergarten year. She’d essentially homeschooled Miguelito through Kindergarten in Mexico and managed to skip that assignment.

“I’ll help you,” Miguelito said.

Despite having to start Alejandra’s braid over for a fourth time, Emily found herself smiling as she listened to Miguelito’s patient and encouraging exchange with his younger brother over the tying of laces.

The flyaways weren’t as wrangled in the second braid, but finally, Emily tied it off. The Texas heat and sweat would pull them out soon enough. “Alright, shoes my dear.” She kissed Alejandra’s head

She popped out of the chair, pulling her shoes on as quick as possible. Matoe kicked his feet back and forth on the couch wearing a huge grin. “Done!”

“He did the second one all by himself!” Miguelito exclaimed, looking proud.

“That’s amazing,” Emily smiled brightly, smushing Mateo’s cheek with a kiss. “I’m very proud of you.”

“Thank you, Mommy.”

“Okay! Let’s go!” Alejandra said, panting as if she’d used all her energy to pull on her shoes. “We have to beat Mr. Javi!”

The family of four bustled out of the house, with only one person having to run back in for a forgotten item. Alejandra was certain they would beat Javier to the park until they pulled in next to his faded red pickup. He leaned against it, arms crossed, sunglasses on the tip of his nose, and shirt half unbuttoned as usual.

Alejandra sighed exasperatedly with a loud huff. Javier smiled, waving to her through the window as she glared at him. “He definitely speeded.”

“Sped,” Miguelito corrected.

Javier stuck his tongue out at Alejandra from the other side of the glass. She mimicked him. Emily bit back a laugh.

They set up their picnic under the shade of a large oak tree set off the playground. The park was relatively quiet for a Saturday with only one other family nearby, but they knew it likely would be. That’s why they picked it. Set outside the city limits, it was a longer drive for the Kuykendall crew, but closer to Javier.

After lunch, Emily and Javier were pulled into a game of Blind Man’s Bluff which ended when a blinded Javier knocked his head against the monkey bars. Luckily for the adults, the children from the other family asked to join.

“How’s your head?” Emily laughed, falling to the picnic blanket, laughter still lacing her voice.

Javier rubbed it, easing down with a soft groan. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to get off the ground between his aging bones and the hot summer day. “Been better but I’ll live.” He eased onto his back, letting the faint breeze ease over him.

Emily grabbed a water bottle from the cooler. handing it back to him. Cool droplets splashed over his chest and head. Javier placed it against his carotid artery, humming with contentment. “It’s hotter than I realized today.”

Emily nodded, pulling her hair out of the loose ponytail. “Should probably make the kids come cool down before too long.” She dug into the cooler again, searching for her own water bottle.

Javier’s eyes followed the sway of her curls. His hand floated up of its own accord, letting one twist gently around his finger. Emily didn’t even notice. He sighed softly. He needed to tell her. The thought passed as his heat-soaked brain caught up and he let it drop. The feel of her soft hair against his skin stayed.

“They should sleep good tonight.”

“We all should,” Emily sighed, pressing the water bottle to her neck.

“Nightmares been keeping you up?” Javier asked, easing into a sitting position.

“Not as often as they had. You?” She glanced at him, pulling her hair over one shoulder.

Javier bit his lip, arms slung over his knees. A pit formed in his stomach. He knew he had to tell her. He couldn’t put it off any longer, not when he had a date circled on the calendar. “A little more the past week.”

“Something happen?” Javier looked away, a newfound interest in the tree to their left. His brow creased, frown lines appearing around his mouth. Emily felt the air shift. She fought the fight or flight response itching to life inside her. “Javier?”

He swallowed, pulling his attention back to her. “The DEA offered me a position,” he huffed, pulling up some of the grass beside him. “Hell, it’s a promotion really, back in Colombia. They want me to help take down Cali.”

Emily’s heart dropped. She tried to hide the dread that filled her, but he could see it. “When do you leave?”

“Never said I was going.”

“Didn’t have to. You wouldn’t be actin like someone died if you weren’t.”

Javier finally met her eyes through the light tint of his sunglasses. She chewed on her lip, eyes glistening even in the shade. “I’m sorry,” he said. His arm settled across her leg, hand hanging on her calf. Their thighs pressed against each other. Even in the scorching heat, neither minded.

“When do you leave?”

“August 5th”

Emily looked away, eyes tracking each of her children on the playground. They still played happily with the other children, having moved to a regular game of tag. “How long?”

“Contract’s for a year. Could be longer though. Just depends.”

Her gut twisted in a million tiny knots. She had so many questions. Some for him, and some for herself. Would she still be able to do all these things without him?

“You didn’t tell me they’d offered you a position.”

It was a silly thing to say. He didn’t owe her anything, but she felt a little hurt he hadn’t told her he was even considering it. “I didn’t think I would at first, but they kept calling and I-” Javier took a deep breath.

“You realized you had unfinished business.” She met his eyes again.

Javier sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah…”

She nodded, leaning into him slightly so their shoulders touched. He squeezed her calf softly as she wove her arms through his. The breeze picked up a little, providing some relief. Slowly, her body leaned into him more. Emily hesitated only slightly before letting her head drop to his shoulder.

Javier looked at it, almost in disbelief as the faint smell of her shampoo drifted his way. His heart pounded in his chest as his brain ran wild, setting off all the signals like he was a teenager asking his crush to homecoming. He hadn’t felt this way in years.

He wanted to press a kiss to her forehead. He wanted to do more than that, but the better-behaved part of his brain warned against it. One day, maybe he could kiss her head like well-meaning friends do, but not now. He wasn’t in the position to be a well-meaning friend today, and she had still hesitated to fully relax into him. Instead, he settled on resting his head against hers.

She kept her eyes focused on the kids. He kept his on her.

“Don’t forget about us, Okay?” She said.

Javier nudged against her softly, a soft smile ghosting over his lips. “Never. Couldn’t break Alejandra’s heart like that.”

She laughed and his heart lifted. “She’s grown quite fond of Mr. Javi.” She nudged him back, looking his way again. The whole world melted away when she looked at him like that.

Javier chuckled. He tucked a runaway curl behind Emily’s ear, careful not to linger. “Hope she’s not the only one.”

“I mean I think the boys will miss you too, but they don’t seem to have the same… affinity for you,” Emily winked at him. “that Ale does.”

“And my best friend?” Javier said. It was the first time the words felt painful to say like they didn’t cover the full scope of what Emily was to him.

“Will miss you greatly.” She squeezed his arm. “Not sure how I’m gonna function without you really.” She said it with an air of humor, but they both knew there was a real question buried under it.

He searched her eyes, racking his brain for something to say, but nothing came.

The kids came running back, Alejandra running through their bubble first followed by Miguelito, and then Mateo lagging behind on his shorter legs.

“Everyone needs to sit and drink some water,” Emily instructed.

Javier thought she might pull away, switch instantly into mom mode as he’d seen her do so many times, but she stayed against him as the kids followed her instructions with heavy panting.

Javier smiled taking in the scene. It made him wonder if he was doing the right thing. He had doubts about going back to Colombia, but the pull to finish it once and for all had outweighed them all. This right here, balanced the scales, tipping them in the other direction even.

Without warning, Alejandra gasped looking directly at the adults. “Don’t move.”

She dug around in Emily’s bag, pulling out the Polaroid camera Emily toted everywhere. Ale had as big of an affinity for taking pictures as her mother.

“Ale, I’m all sweaty,” Emily said as her daughter held it up.

“No mami, you look beautiful,” She chastised. “Now smile.”

“Do as the lady says.” Javier chuckled, shifting so his arm was behind Emily’s back as he let a genuine smile overtake his face. Emily’s hand fell to his knee. She sighed, but obeyed, smiling at the camera.

Ale shifted around, making sure to get the correct angle until finally the camera flashed. She announced it was “perfect” before the photo had fully spit out of the camera and placed it carefully in the case Emily kept for developing photos.

Javier chuckled next to her as he slowly pulled away from her. Even in the sweltering Texas heat, Emily missed him next to her.

Emily lay in bed that night, sheets kicked to her feet. She couldn’t get it out of her mind. Javier was leaving. Leaving Texas, leaving her, and he didn’t know when he was going to be back. What if he didn’t come back? The thought turned her blood to ice, sparking the flame of anxiety. She shot up, sweat gathering across her skin as she struggled to catch her breath. She couldn’t go there, couldn’t let the thoughts consume her, but they already had. Try as she might, none of her usual tools worked to combat it as images of Javier lying in the street with a bullet hole filled her brain.

Finally, she pulled herself out of bed on shaky feet. She grabbed a stray pack of cigarettes and a lighter off the table on her way to the backyard, barely keeping it together long enough to flick the lighter to life and inhale the smoke. Her shaking steadied with the first hit of nicotine. The rhythm of it gave her mind a distraction, pressing the butt to her lips, the orange glow at the tip, smoke filling her lungs and then releasing into the air. She hadn’t smoked in months, deciding to stop when Javier did, but tonight none of that mattered. He was leaving her.

The door opened behind her. She spun around to find her father, looking disheveled in his boxers and opened robe with his hair sticking up. He lifted an eyebrow. He returned the gesture, holding out his hand for the pack of cigarettes. She handed it over with the lighter.

Jaime methodically pulled one out, flicking the lighter with more ease and steady hand than Emily had moments before. The father and daughter stood next to each other, their silhouettes copies of the other in the moonlight.

“Haven’t caught you out here in a while.”

“Was I loud?”

“Rattled the whole house when you slammed the door.”

Emily cringed, taking another drag from the cigarette. “Sorry.”

“What’s wrong?”

She waited a second, flicking the ash. “I’m guessing you already know.”

Jaime sighed. “I knew he was offered it. Just found out he accepted last evenin.” Emily bristled slightly. “It’s just a year, Sweetheart.”

“No, the contract is for a year.”

Jaime turned toward his daughter. She looked like the Emily he’d known before the spring, the one who was scared and jumpy all the time, not the blooming flower he’d come to know in the past few months. The difference was night and day. He didn’t want to see her go back to that place.

“Em…”

“What if he doesn’t make it back?” Emily interrupted him, letting the internal thoughts become external. “What if he gets shot or worse, and I never see him again?”

He reached out, putting an arm around his daughter. He kissed her head, rubbing soothing circles against her back. Tears gathered in Emily’s eyes.

“He’s good at what he does.”

“Even the best agents get killed.”

Jaime nodded. He’d know some of those. He kept his mouth shut and let Emily talk. That was what she needed anyway. She talked through all of it until she started leaning into him more, words slurring with sleep until she all but fell asleep standing against him.

He smiled, guiding his grown, sleepwalking daughter through the house. He tucked her into bed, all the nights he missed when she was little flickering through his mind. It was these nights when it hit the most. The what ifs. What if he’d pursued more legal action against her mother? What if he hadn’t let the DEA whisk him off to Guadalajara without a custody agreement? The guilt of it all never left him.

He pushed the hair out of her face, setting one last kiss on her forehead. As he closed the door behind him, he heard her soft, slurred words. “Goodnight, Dad.”

He smiled to himself. “Goodnight, Sweetheart.”

#javier peña x ofc #javier peña fanfiction #Javier peña #Javier peña narcos #scathed (javier peña) #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro stories #pedrostories #Javier peña series

[mrwavellswaps]

The Chronological Timeline of Mr Wavell So Far!

As the title says, this is a chronological timeline of Mr Wavell stories. Going from top to bottom we have every story where Wavell has been involved in the plot in some way or another. Some of his appearances in these stories may be brief while in other stories he will front and centre of whatever chaos is going down.

I made this as an easy way for those that are interested in the character follow his story easily as some of the posts were made out of order. For example one story, though I might’ve posted it later on, may be set prior to a story that came out before it. You get the idea. So here I’ve put everything in order to prevent any confusion and to create a better reading experience!

I’ll be updating this list whenever a new story involving Wavell is released!

Descending Order

Mr Wavell - Origin

Toby Wished

Uncle’s Sleepover

Adam And Mr Wavell

Getting A Promotion

Sam’s Choice: Prologue - Blue Box - Red Box - Yellow Box

Transformation Swappery At The Gym

Perfect Takeover

Wearing His Suit: Pt 1 - Pt 2

Rejuvenation

A Mix Up Of Souls: Pt 1 - Pt 2 (Collab with @verus-veritas)

Gym Exchange: Pt 1 - Pt 2

Wavell’s Vacation: Pt 1 - Pt 2 - Pt 3

Transforming The Teacher: Pt 1 - Pt 2 - Pt 3 (Collab with @tf-lover)

Wavell’s Birthday Surprise (Collab with @tf-lover)

A Worthy Replacement: Pt 1 - Pt 2

A Warlock’s Duality: Main Story - Epilogue

A Worthy Replacement: Pt 3

Maybe It Was Fate

Gooey Thief

The Principal’s Solution

The Homo Bomb: Prologue - Jack - Theo - Lewis - Andrew & Mateo - Trevor - Conclusion

Power And Authority

Go Bananas!

Daddy’s Home

The Best Punishment

Kiss In Time: Main Story - Extra (By @tf-lover)

Love & Lust (Valentines Special)

#mr wavell #adventures with dane #tf lover #male body swap #male body theft #identity theft #male transformation #jock #hairy #magic #permanent #male possession #muscle theft #age progression #male muscle growth #male merge #female to male #musclegrowth #female to male tf #straight to gay #dad #male hypnosis #male hypno #male body suit #male tf #man smells #man musk

[chicgeekgirl89]

Rating: T Words: 6,934 Summary: In the hours after their wedding Carlos struggles to balance his joy with his grief. A/N: Please accept this in lieu of Seven Sentence Sunday! Thanks for the tags @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @kiwichaeng, @carlos-in-glasses, and @strandnreyes! Read on AO3

The reception has been in full swing for three hours.

Carlos smiles softly as he watches Ana swing his nephew around on the dance floor to Kanye West’s “Gold Digger;” a song that he’d definitely put on the no-play list and apparently T.K. had taken right back off again. 

In the end, the hours they spent agonizing over the playlist for the DJ, the color of the napkins, and the font for the invitations don’t even matter. They’re not what he’ll remember from tonight.

When he thinks of this night for the rest of his life he’ll remember the tears in T.K.’s eyes as he said his vows, the way it felt to hold him during their first dance, and the joy on their friends’ faces as they smeared cake all over each other. He’ll feel the ache in his heart over the way his mother’s eyes had gone glassy while she pinned on his boutonniere, the way Luisa had clung just a little tighter than normal to her husband’s hand, the way he kept looking for his father in the crowd only to remember that he’ll never see him again.

The joy and the grief are twined together in his soul in a way that he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to separate. And he can only hope that one day they bloom into something that feels like peace.

The day hasn’t been perfect; he’s not sure anything is ever going to feel perfect again. But it has been good. Their family, their friends, their love, it’s all so, incredibly good.

What’s not good is that he hasn’t laid eyes on his husband in nearly thirty minutes. Having T.K. by his side is the only thing that has made today bearable, and now that he’s not here Carlos feels adrift and exhausted.

His eyes search the crowd, taking in Nancy and Mateo who are slow dancing and both more than a little tipsy, his mom talking with one of the caterers about what to do with the leftover cake, Owen chatting with his brother and their family. But T.K.’s sweet face still eludes him. 

He’s about to get up and go conduct a physical search of the premises, but then a hand, its weight familiar even if the gold band on the third finger is still slightly foreign, squeezes his shoulder and T.K. drops into the seat next to him, a plate in his hands. 

His jacket and tie are gone, the top few buttons of his shirt open so that Carlos can see his medallion gleaming in the soft lights that illuminate the dance floor. His hair is a wreck, sweaty and all over the place, and there’s this glow about him, like the joy of the day has lit up his body from the inside out. 

He’s never looked more beautiful. 

“How many pieces of cake have you had?” Carlos asks, a fond smile on his lips.

“Three? Four? No idea babe,” T.K. says spearing another forkful. “It’s our wedding day, the calories don’t count. Want a bite?”

He extends his hand, but Carlos shakes his head. “I’m good thanks.”

Instead of eating it T.K. sets the plate and fork on the table then leans forward and puts a hand on Carlos’ knee, studying his face. “You’re tired,” he says softly.

“I’m okay,” Carlos assures him. “I’m—I’m so happy T.K.”

“I know you are. But you’ve barely slept this week,” T.K. says. “It’s okay to be happy and want today to be over.”

Leave it to T.K. to put what he’s feeling into words. He doesn’t want this day to end; he wants to stay here and dance and laugh and feel the sparkling joy of forever with those he loves. But he also wants to curl up in bed with T.K., wrapped in the quiet softness of his arms, and be alone together. 

Sometimes his husband knows him better than he knows himself. 

He must stay quiet for too long, because T.K. squeezes his knee. “Let’s leave.”

“We can’t leave,” Carlos tells him, checking his watch. “We still have another hour of the reception.”

“Is there a rule that says we have to stay for the whole thing?”

“Well we paid for the whole thing, so we probably should.” He looks out at the crowd again. Paul and Marjan are yucking it up on the dance floor while Asha laughs, Judd and Grace cheering them on. His mom is bringing drinks to his sisters who are watching the kids play with a bunch of glow sticks the staff just provided. It’s beautiful and bright and there’s no way they can leave it behind.

“It’s our wedding,” T.K. says. “We can do whatever we want.”

Carlos hesitates. It’s so tempting. It’s what he really wants. But T.K. is here, eating cake, and clearly having the time of his life. He can’t pull his new husband away just because he’s tired. “I’m really okay,” he says again. “Go back out there and dance.”

T.K. stands, but he doesn’t head back toward their family and friends. Instead he holds out a hand. “Come on.”

Carlos takes it and T.K. pulls him to his feet and then toward the building, away from where the party is. “T.K. where are we going?” he asks.

“We’re leaving,” T.K. says. “And before you say anything,” he continues, cutting off Carlos’ protest, “this is what I want. This day has been…it has been everything I dreamed it would be and more Carlos. But our marriage isn’t about today, it’s about the rest of our lives. And taking care of you is the most important thing I’ll ever do. So we’re leaving. Okay?”

He gives Carlos’ hand a squeeze and tugs him along down the hallway toward the rooms where they’d gotten ready this morning. It takes only minutes for Carlos to pack up his things. Everything is neat and tidy, just the way he left it. T.K.’s room on the other hand is a bit of a wreck and Carlos would tease him about it if he wasn’t so ready to get out of here. 

Instead he helps T.K. hunt for a missing sneaker, fetches his toiletry kit from the bathroom, and waits patiently as T.K. stuffs the clothes he came in into a duffel bag. 

He’s zipping it closed when the door opens and Ana walks in. She immediately yelps and claps a hand over her eyes, then drops it just as suddenly. “Sorry, sorry! I saw you two and assumed I was walking in on reception sex, but you’re both fully clothed so, obviously not. Or you were about to have reception sex and I interrupted. In which case sorry again.” 

“Ana what are you doing down here?” Carlos asks.

“The kids and I are playing hide and seek. So far I’m winning,” she says. “Why are you fully clothed? And packing a duffel bag? Are you about to make an Irish exit from your own wedding?”

Carlos looks at T.K. then back at his sister. “Yes,” he says.

Her eyes go soft with understanding. “Good. I’ll cover for you with Mom, okay?”

He opens his arms and she walks into them. She’s his big sister, but he’s been taller than her for years and he easily envelopes her in a hug. “Love you,” he mumbles into her hair.

“Love you too Carlitos,” she says, her voice a little rough, like she’s holding back tears. “And you T.K.,” she says when they pull apart, going in to hug him too. “Now go. Get out of here. Go start your life together.”

The Camaro is still where he parked it twelve hours ago and just remembering how long the day has been has Carlos sagging a little with fatigue. “I’ll drive,” T.K. offers, and Carlos hands over the keys without resistance.

They’re married now, the Camaro is half his anyway.

Funny how he thinks of everything they own as half T.K.’s except for his heart. That’s belonged to him fully since day one.

“Are you hungry?” T.K. asks as he starts the car. “We can stop and pick something up.”

“Not really,” Carlos says. “We can always order room service at the hotel when we get there.”

Owen booked them a room at some swanky place in downtown Austin where they’re staying for a couple nights before they leave for their honeymoon. They have the honeymoon suite which boasts a jacuzzi, a balcony, a king size bed, access to the hotel’s spa, and a butler. It’s incredibly generous of his father-in-law, and if it were any other time, Carlos would be looking forward to all the things they’re about to do in that hotel room. But tonight? He’s just so. damn. tired.

He must fall asleep on the drive because the next thing he knows T.K. is squeezing his bicep gently and he’s blinking gritty eyes open. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or the emotions of the day, but he doesn’t recognize where they are until he stumbles blearily out of the car. He turns and looks at T.K. in confusion over the Camaro’s hood.

“My dad called the hotel and asked them to push the reservation to tomorrow,” T.K. says. “After he explained, they were more than willing to accommodate us. I thought tonight—“ He looks up at the brick building in front of them, “—it felt like you might just want to be home.”

This is what finally breaks him.

It’s as if the center of his chest rips open and he caves inward, wrapping his arms around his ribs to try and hold himself together. How is it possible to feel so elated and so anguished at the same time?

T.K. is there, his hands coming up to cradle Carlos’ face. “It’s okay baby,” he says. “You’re okay.”

“Thank you,” Carlos manages, his voice cracking over the words. “T.K. I—“

“Shh,” T.K. soothes. He presses a kiss to Carlos’ forehead. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

Carlos leans heavily against T.K. in the elevator. They’re halfway up before he realizes they didn’t bring in their bags and says as much to T.K. “We’ll get them tomorrow,” T.K. tells him gently. “There’s nothing in there that can’t wait until morning.”

Carlos clings to him like a child, tears still streaming freely as T.K. rubs his arm and murmurs sweet things into is curls while they wait for the elevator to reach their floor.

“Why don’t you go take a shower?” T.K. suggests once they’re inside the loft. “I’ll make us some tea.”

It’s ridiculous, but the thought of being separated from T.K. for even as long as cleaning himself up feels impossible to bear. “Come with me?” Carlos asks. “Please?”

“Yeah, baby. Of course.” T.K. brings Carlos’ knuckles to his lips for a kiss and then guides him toward the bathroom.

Carlos doesn’t realize his hands are shaking until he starts trying to undo the buttons on his shirt. He only manages a few before T.K. takes over, strong, capable, and steady. When he finishes Carlos slides it off, letting it drop to the floor without caring that it’s not anywhere close to their laundry basket. His undershirt, pants, boxer briefs, and socks join it as T.K. turns on the spray of the shower. 

Carlos steps in, the water hitting him in the face, not fully warm yet. He closes his eyes and lets it pour down, holding his breath until his lungs feel like they might burst. He only releases it when he feels T.K. step in behind him, his husband’s hand finding the small of his back. Carlos leans into him as T.K. presses a soft kiss into the skin of his shoulder before reaching around Carlos for the shampoo. 

“I can do it,” Carlos tells him. 

“It’s okay,” T.K. says softly. “I got it.”

T.K.’s hands work through his curls first, soft and gentle, and then down the rest of his body. The water washes away the sweat and the tears, but not the ache that now lives permanently between Carlos’ ribs. It hurts more with every breath and he struggles to try and push past it. He doesn’t want to feel this. Not tonight. 

“Go dry off,” T.K. says when all the suds have been rinsed away. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Carlos towels off, pulling on a pair of sweatpants before sinking down on the edge of their bed. He should do something. It’s their wedding night. He should pour sparkling cider or sprinkle rose petals or find the leftover chocolate covered strawberries his sisters brought to their family dinner that are somewhere in the back of the fridge. But he can’t make himself move. All he can do is sit and try to remind himself how to breathe. In, out. In, out. In…

T.K. steps out of the bathroom in a clean pair of boxer briefs, the scent of their shower swirling around him. He’s gathered up their soiled clothes from the bathroom floor and Carlos watches as he sorts them out according to their laundry system. It’s this small act of love that causes tears to well and begin falling silently all over again. He’s married someone so good, so tender hearted. A man who takes the time to care for the pieces that Carlos can’t right now. 

“I love you,” Carlos says, the words somewhere between a croak and whisper. He wishes for all the world that there were better words. Love is not strong enough for the feeling that lives inside him because T.K. Strand is his. 

T.K. closes up the hamper and comes to him, his hands cupping Carlos’ face and wiping the tears away. “I love you too.” He looks into Carlos’ eyes, searching for something, though Carlos doesn’t know what. “Do you want tea?”

Carlos shakes his head and tilts his chin up. T.K. understands his wordless request and meets him, their lips coming together in a brief kiss. “Let’s go to bed,” T.K. says softly, brushing his thumb over Carlos’ cheek one more time before leaving him to slide beneath the covers on his own side of the bed.

Carlos joins him in the middle of the mattress, hands reaching to pull T.K.’s body into his. He’s desperate to close his eyes and succumb to the oblivion of sleep, but his husband deserves something more. Something better.

He kisses T.K. once, then again, trying to say without words what he’s feeling, like maybe if T.K. can feel it too he’ll be able to help Carlos make some sense of the tangled emotions knotting themselves around his heart. 

T.K. kisses him back, his hand coming up to rest on Carlos’ side, unusually still, just his thumb moving back and forth in a soothing motion. Carlos takes a breath and pulls him closer, deepening the kiss, the warmth of T.K.’s mouth a familiar comfort against his own. 

He finds the waistband of T.K.’s briefs and begins to slide them down his hip, but T.K. covers Carlos’ hand with his own breaking their kiss. “Baby no, not tonight,” he says quietly.

Carlos feels like he’s grasping at straws. There’s a script for how a wedding day is supposed to go, and T.K. has been nothing but gracious as they’ve improvised the whole thing instead. But there are expectations about how the night is supposed to end and Carlos can’t stand the thought of T.K. being disappointed if it doesn’t. “But it’s our wedding night. It should be special. You deserve to feel special.”

His voice breaks as he says it, the words coming out almost like a whimper.

“Oh Carlos. You are in the midst of unspeakable grief and you chose me anyway. That is,” T.K. swallows hard, his eyes growing bright with tears, “that is more than I could ever have asked for. I don’t need your body to make me feel special tonight.”

Carlos inhales a shaky, uncertain breath. “Are you sure?”

“You’re exhausted and grieving. This isn’t the moment. It will be. But not tonight. Tonight we both need to rest.” He gives Carlos a watery smile. “I’m not exactly in the right headspace either.”

Carlos’ heart squeezes in his chest. He’s spent the last few hours so overwhelmed with his own pain that he hasn’t thought of T.K.’s. “Your mom?” he asks.

T.K. nods, his mouth twisting a little, like he’s trying not to cry. “I miss her.”

“I miss her too,” Carlos tells him. “I wish she could see you. She’d be so proud.”

“I thinks she can,” T.K. says. “I hope she knows that I chose right. That you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope she knows how incredibly happy you make me.”

Carlos absorbs his words and feels them touch on a something he’s been feeling for the last week but hasn’t quite had the words for. “I’m sorry,” he says.

T.K. furrows his brow and brushes a hand through Carlos’ damp curls. “For what?”

“When your mom died, I thought…I thought I understood. I thought I knew how deep your pain was and that I could be a part of fixing it for you. I didn’t know,” he swallows down a sob that gets stuck in his chest where it aches and aches, “I didn’t know that it’s unfixable. I didn’t know how deeply losing someone breaks you. I wasn’t enough for you then. I didn’t do the right things or say the right things and I—“

“Carlos, Carlos stop,” T.K. soothes. “You were enough. You were everything I needed, even though you couldn’t understand.” He bites his lip, his soft gaze full of compassion and sorrow. “And I’m sorry that you do now.”

“It’s too much,” he says, his voice cracking. “I don’t know—god everything hurts. I don’t know how I can hurt so badly and feel so much love for you at the same time.”

“It’s okay,” T.K. tells him. “Don’t try to figure it out. It will ease.”

“It doesn’t feel like it will,” Carlos tells him, giving voice to the fear that’s eating inside him. He doesn’t want to be like this forever and he’s terrified that he’s just forced T.K. into marriage with a grief stricken monster.

“It will,” T.K. says. “You can trust me, it will.” He kisses Carlos’ knuckles. “Turn over. Let me rub your back.”

He’s too tired and sad to protest, so he does as his husband asks. T.K. moves his fingers slowly up and down Carlos’ spine. Carlos turns his head so he can see him, focusing on the feel of T.K.’s fingers against his skin and his eyes immediately begin to slide shut. “I love you,” T.K. tells him again and again and again, the only weapon he has to wield against Carlos’ exhausted grief. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Carlos says, his words slurring with sleep. “I love you.”

When Carlos wakes in the morning he feels rested for the first time in days. His head aches, his eyes feel gritty, and his face is stinging and raw from the salt of last night’s tears, but he doesn’t have that spinning, dizziness that comes with lack of sleep or the immediate feeling his gut that something is wrong. He remembers within seconds, he always does, that his father is gone. But it’s immediately followed by a second, much more welcome thought; he has a husband.

He shifts a little and reaches out blindly, his hand landing on T.K.’s thigh. When he manages to blink his eyes open he finds T.K. sitting up against the headboard, smiling fondly down at him. “Good morning husband,” he says softly, brushing his fingers through Carlos’ curls.

“Good morning,” Carlos says, smiling back. He rolls onto his back and captures T.K.’s hand, staring at the gold band encircling his finger. “You’re happy?” he asks, looking up to meet T.K.’s eyes.

“So happy,” T.K. assures him. “So, blissfully happy.”

“Me too,” Carlos says. He shifts a little, brow furrowing when he sees what’s in T.K.’s lap. “Are you reading my book?”

“I am,” T.K. says. 

Carlos furrows his brow. “You don’t read. And you definitely don’t read my smutty romance novels.”

“That’s true. But you’ve been asleep for a long time and I needed a way to entertain myself because you seemed very reluctant to let me go last night. I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”

It’s crazy how T.K.’s words can light him up from the inside out. The level of care T.K. lavishes on him is unparalleled. “Thank you,” Carlos says softly. “What time is it?”

T.K. glances at the clock. “A little after eleven.”

“Eleven!” Carlos startles. “I slept for twelve hours?!”

“It’s good babe. You’ve barely gotten any sleep this week. You needed the rest.”

Carlos is still shocked. “How long have you been awake?”

“Since like eight.”

“You sat here with me for three hours?”

“I did get up and go to the bathroom,” T.K. admits. “But I was very quick. I wanted to get back and find out why Alex hates Henry so much.”

Carlos snorts. “He doesn’t hate him.”

“Oh I got that,” T.K. says. “The blatant horniness practically leaps off the page.”

“Don’t make fun of my book.”

“I’m not! I’m not!” T.K. chuckles. “It’s sweet the way they want each other.”

“That’s why I picked it,” Carlos says. “It felt like it might be fun to read before our wedding. Two young men falling desperately in love.”

“Just like us,” T.K. says, locking their fingers together. “I am desperately, desperately in love with you Carlos Reyes. Always have been. Always will be.”

“Soulmates,” Carlos says softly.

T.K. nods. “Soulmates.”

He pushes himself up so they can kiss, long and sweet. When he pulls back he grimaces. “Sorry. Morning breath. I didn’t brush my teeth last night.”

“Yeah I knew you were out of it because you skipped that and the seven step skincare routine,” T.K. teases lightly.

“Is this what marriage is going to be? You making fun of my books and my self care routine?”

“Absolutely,” T.K. says immediately. “It was a footnote in my vows. I vow to take care and nurture you heart for the rest of my life and also mock you mercilessly as is my right as your husband.”

“Damn,” Carlos snaps his fingers. “I knew I should have read the fine print.”

“Too late. You’re stuck with me,” T.K. says. 

“Stuck with someone who puts off our hotel reservation and stays with me in bed all morning. Not a bad way to be stuck,” Carlos says, partly to T.K. and partly to himself.

“How do you feel this morning?” T.K. asks.

Carlos considers this. “Better,” he says. “Lighter.”

“We don’t have to go to the hotel,” T.K. tells him. “We don’t even have to go on our honeymoon if you’re not feeling up to it. We can cancel the whole thing and just stay here.”

It feels overwhelming to try and make that decision. He feels okay now, in control of the grief instead of letting it consume him the way it had last night. But his hold on it feels tentative and he’s not sure what tomorrow or even the next few hours will bring.

T.K. seems to sense this. “One thing at a time,” he says. “Do you want to go to the hotel?”

“Yes.” Carlos is a little surprised by how quickly the answer comes, but the thought of spending time with T.K. in such an incredible space feels safe enough. They’ll be close to home, they can always come back if he falls apart. “Yes I want to.”

T.K. beams at him. “Me too. Let’s go.”

Their bags are still packed and in the car, they hadn’t planned on coming back home after the wedding at all, so they’re ready to go in a matter of hours.

Carlos drives this time, T.K.’s hand tucked into his most of the way. He keeps rubbing his fingers over the cool metal of T.K.’s wedding band. In so many ways it feels like they’ve been married since the day T.K. came home to the loft, but having this tangible, visible reminder of their love feels so incredibly special.

They pull up to the valet and Carlos brings T.K.’s hand up to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “All right, save it for the jacuzzi,” T.K. teases, making him smile. 

The joy he’d felt yesterday during the ceremony and the beginning of the reception feels like it’s rekindling in his chest. He’s married. For real this time. To a man who holds his heart and his body with care and love. It’s more than he ever could have dreamed of.

They check in and are immediately swept into five diamond luxury. Their bags are whisked away and they’re given fresh, fruit flavored water before being ushered upstairs by their personal butler Victor. It feels slightly ridiculous, they’re a paramedic and a police officer, not the Kardashians, and he catches T.K.’s eye more than once in the elevator, his husband looking like he’s about to burst into laughter at the poshness of it all. This absolutely feels like something Owen Strand would enjoy and is far too rich for the two of them.

“Mr. and Mr. Strand-Reyes,” Victor says as they reach the penthouse floor and Carlos bites back a laugh because of course Owen made sure the reservation went his way on the hyphenation, “welcome to your suite.”

The door slides open and they walk into a room so big the loft could fit in it three times over. There are floor to ceiling windows that highlight the downtown world of Austin, along with a king size bed covered in rose petals, a freaking chandelier hanging from the ceiling, a bottle of sparkling cider on ice, and a tray of handcrafted pastry treats. They can’t see the bathroom from where they’re standing, but Carlos has a feeling it’s equally as grand as the rest of the room.

Victor explains the call button to them and gives them a tour of the space (the bathroom is indeed huge and Carlos feels T.K. squeeze his hand when Vincenzo shows them how to work the jacuzzi), while a second hotel employee delivers their bags and begins to unpack for them.

It’s everything last night should have been and Carlos resolves to make up for ending their wedding night in tears. Tonight? Tonight things are going to be perfect.

“Well, your dad really outdid himself,” Carlos says when Victor takes his leave. “If Owen Strand was a hotel room, this is what he’d be.”

“My dad does enjoy going overboard,” T.K. says, hopping up onto the bed and bouncing a little. “How much do you think it’s going to cost if we break that chair over there?”

“More money than we’ll ever make in our lifetime,” Carlos says.

“That’s what I thought.” T.K. flops all the way down onto the comforter, rose petals fluttering around him. “Oh my god this bed is amazing. Babe, come here.”

He wiggles a hand and Carlos huffs a fond chuckle as he walks over to join him. They lie flat on their backs staring up at the crystals of the chandelier, sparkling with tiny rainbows as they catch the light of the late afternoon Austin sunlight. “We’re married,” T.K. says softly. He turns his head and looks at Carlos. “You kissed me in a honky tonk bathroom and then you married me.”

That night seems like a million years ago and yet Carlos can still feel every second of it in his bones. The instant he’d looked into those green eyes he should have known this was where they’d end up. It was inevitable. “This is a little nicer than that bathroom,” he says, his eyes dropping to T.K.’s lips. 

“It is,” T.K. agrees, leaning closer, that half lidded, wanting look on his face.

The kiss is soft, the perfume of the rose petals filling the air as they’re crushed beneath their bodies. Carlos doesn’t wait long before rolling so that he’s hovering over T.K. There’s an urgency thrumming through his veins, but he refuses to give into it. He doesn’t want to rush this moment. He wants it to be like that first night, so bright and sharp that it writes itself on his very soul so he can relive it over and over again in the years to come. 

“Let’s get this off,” Carlos murmurs, sitting back so that T.K. can push himself upward. They work together to remove his shirt and then he lays back down again while Carlos makes quick work of his sneakers and then undoes the button on his pants, slowly sliding them down his legs.

T.K. puts his hands behind his head, his eyes following Carlos’ every move. “Yours too,” he says when Carlos goes to rejoin him, still fully clothed.

Carlos shakes his head. “Let me take care of you first.”

But T.K. sits up again, his hands coming to rest on Carlos’ hips. “If you’re taking care of me, then you should give me what I want,” he says, tilting his head to the side and looking up at Carlos from underneath his lashes. When Carlos doesn’t move T.K. lifts the hem of his shirt with one hand and presses a kiss into the softness below his navel, causing the muscles in Carlos’ stomach to clench with want. He drops one hand into T.K.’s hair, tightening it when T.K.’s teeth scrape gently across his skin. “Okay,” he breathes. “You win.”

T.K. smirks up at him. “I usually do.”

Bastard. He always does. 

Carlos pulls off his shirt and throws it somewhere to be found later and then lets his pants join it. “Better,” T.K. says as he reclines once more, his eyes going dark as he drinks in the miles of bare skin Carlos has exposed. 

Carlos presses his knees into the mattress, straddling T.K.’s hips. He gazes down, memorizing the sight of him with a halo of rose petals scattered around his head. T.K.’s lips are already pink from their kisses, his cheeks flushed with desire even though they’ve barely started. He’s so achingly gorgeous that it takes Carlos’ breath away. 

T.K. reaches up to cradle his face. “You’re my husband,” he says. “We take care of each other.”

Husband. Carlos lowers his head and kisses T.K. once, then again. He breathes the word into his mouth, marks it into his skin with his teeth, paints it with his tongue into the lines of his stomach and hips until not a single part of him is unclaimed. Nothing about them has changed physically, but those two syllables make everything feel different. His mind knows and he ensures T.K.’s body does too. 

It’s soft and slow, the minutes melting into hours as they take their time finding their way through this new level of intimacy.

In between, when they’re catching their breath, they drink the sparkling cider and feed each other pastries in a tangle of bedsheets before falling back into each other’s arms again. By the time the sky turns pink with dusk Carlos feels boneless with pleasure. He never wants to leave this bed. He never wants to be separated from T.K. again. 

“I’m hungry,” T.K. says from where his head is pillowed on Carlos’ chest. He’s stroking his fingers slowly up and down in the space between Carlos’ hip and his ribs. “Let’s order room service.”

Carlos’ stomach rumbles in agreement, putting an end to his plans to stay in this bed forever. “Good idea,” he says, pressing a kiss to T.K.’s hair. “Go ahead and grab the menu.”

T.K. props himself up so he can look at Carlos. “Oh I have to be the one to leave the bed?”

“Well you’re on top right now,” Carlos reminds him. “And you did say you wanted to take care of me.”

“I believe I said we take care of each other,” T.K. reminds him, poking a finger into his stomach. 

“Well if you get up I promise I will take care of you any way you want when you get back,” Carlos says with a grin.

T.K. huffs but rolls off the bed, walking across the room without bothering to put any clothes on. Carlos sits up against the pillows, watching as his husband walks across the room and grabs the menu off the table. He smirks when he turns around and catches Carlos staring. “Like what you see?”

“Always,” Carlos says.

T.K. plops back onto the bed, turning the menu over and reading through it. “How do we feel about duck confit tacos? Or strawberry goat cheese crostini?” He looks up at Carlos. “Let’s get both. It is on my dad after all.”

“Whatever you want,” Carlos says and means it. God he would do anything for this man, his heart is so full he feels like he could burst.

T.K. orders half the menu in the end and insists on a glass of wine for Carlos even though he says he doesn’t need it. “We’re celebrating,” T.K. says firmly. “You should drink the fancy wine.”

“Okay,” Carlos agrees. “If it will make you happy I will drink the wine.”

“Good,” T.K. says. He sits back and looks at Carlos. “How are you feeling?”

Carlos’ heart twinges and he tries to push it away. He doesn’t want anything to poke at their little bubble of happiness. “I’m fine,” he says, smiling and settling back beneath the sheets. “I’m happy T.K. Really. I’m not…last night won’t happen again.”

“It would be okay,” T.K. says softly, “if it did.”

Carlos swallows hard. “I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”

“I know,” T.K. says, his face compassionate. He squeezes Carlos’ knee through the sheets. “I wish I could tell you that you won’t. That the worst of it is over.”

“I know you can’t,” Carlos says. “I know it’s…I know it’s going to take time.”

T.K. nods and then leans over and reaches into his suitcase. “I got you something.”

Carlos holds out his hand and T.K. drops a silver chain into it. It coils in his palm and Carlos looks up at him questioningly. “When I’m on shift,” T.K. says, “I’m going to wear my ring on the chain with my medallion. I thought you might want a way to keep our ring and your dad’s ring close too.”

Carlos looks down to where both rings rest on his fingers, one of them a blessing, the other a reminder of his loss. Tears clog his throat at the thoughtfulness of his husband. “Thank you,” he says. “God, I love you so much, you know that?”

Instead of answering T.K. leans forward and kisses him. “I know,” he murmurs against Carlos’ lips. “Always and forever I know.”

The warmth and weight of their bodies pressing together makes Carlos thrum with want all over again and he pulls back reluctantly. “We should wait,” he says. “Victor will be here soon and we don’t want to give him a show.”

“Are you sure?” T.K. asks, ever the bad influence in their relationship.

“Later,” Carlos says, giving him another firm peck on the lips to finish it. 

“Fine,” T.K. says with a roll of his eyes as he slides off the bed. “I have to go to the bathroom. Don’t do anything fun without me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Carlos says as he disappears behind the bathroom door.

His phone chirps and he picks it up, his heart immediately squeezing with a lightning flash of pain. It’s a reminder about their flights tomorrow. They’re supposed to be on a two fifteen flight to Mexico. And they still haven’t decided if they’re going.

A second reminder pings onto the screen about their hotel reservation. He taps it and watches as it opens up to the hotel’s home page. His eyes drink in the sight of blue water, white sand, gorgeous pools, and stunning sunsets. It’s beautiful. The stuff honeymoon dreams are made of. 

He hears the toilet flush and the water run in the sink before T.K. reappears, now dressed in a massively fluffy white robe with the hotel’s logo embroidered over his heart. “I’m never taking this off,” T.K. says, holding out his arms so Carlos can get the full effect. “This is the softest thing I’ve ever put on. I feel like a WASPy woman from New England.”

He catches sight of Carlos’ face and cocks his head. “You okay?”

“Will you be disappointed if we don’t go to Mexico?”

“No,” he says immediately. “We can do it another time. Or never. It doesn’t matter to me. All that I care about is you feeling safe. If that means staying home then that’s what we’ll do.”

“T.K. the entire last week has been about me and what I need,” Carlos says softly. “What do you need? What do you want?”

“I want to do what’s best for you.”

“T.K.”

T.K. shakes his head and sits down on the edge of the bed. “Sorry babe. It’s all about you this time.” He flashes a smile. “Don’t worry, it will be all about me again someday.”

Carlos snorts. “I’m sure it will.”

“But for now you have to make the call. And if you can’t, then I’ll just tell you, we’re not going. I’m not taking you out of the country when you’re uncertain about it. If you barely made it through a vacation with your family out of state, we’re definitely not going somewhere that requires a passport to get back.”

Carlos’ heart tears a little bit. Hearing T.K. talk about them not going hurts. They’ve both used up so much vacation time, there’s no chance they’ll be able to go again in the next calendar year. “I think we should go,” he says, testing the words out to see how they feel.

T.K. looks at him intently. “Are you sure?”

Carlos glances down at the pictures again. “So much about the last few months has been us trying to scramble and fix things. We had to rush to plan the wedding and then we barely made it to the altar at all. This is one thing we can do that fits the script of getting married. I think it might feel good to do something normal. We need a break. We need time and space. I think,” he swallows, “I think that’s what my dad would want for us.”

“I think so too,” T.K. says.

It feels right. “Then we’re going.”

T.K.’s face breaks into that sunshine filled, elated grin that took Carlos’ breath away on that honky tonk dance floor three years ago. “Baby! We’re going to Mexico!”

He launches himself at Carlos, tackling him into the mattress and kissing whatever part of him is closest to his mouth. Carlos laughs and pushes him off. “Stop! Victor’s going to be here any minute.” He looks around and winces. “Maybe we should clean up a little.”

The room looks like they’ve been having a sex marathon. Their clothes are everywhere, the sheets and duvet are practically on the floor, and somehow they’ve knocked over the fake potted plant in the corner. 

T.K. rolls his eyes. “I’m pretty sure Victor knows what people get up to in here. It’s fine.”

Carlos starts to get up. “I’m just going to move—“

T.K. grabs his hand and forces him to stay. “Do not get out of this bed. We only have so many hours left and we are not wasting time cleaning up.”

Carlos gives him a look. “Fine then. What do you want to do while we wait that doesn’t involve sex or cleaning?”

T.K. flops onto his side of the bed. “Read me some more of your smutty book.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes seriously. I want to know what happens on New Year’s Eve.”

Carlos laughs as he reaches down beside the bed and retrieves the book from his bag. “I’ll make a romance reader out of you yet,” he says as T.K. snuggles into his side.

“One book,” T.K. says. “I’m not committing to liking an entire genre. Don’t invite me to your book club.”

“That’s how it starts. One book and then another and then another…”

“Not happening babe.”

Carlos smiles fondly. “Good thing I have the rest of our lives to try and convince you.”

#Crowd Me With Love #Tarlos #Post Wedding Fic #Husband Era #Tarlos Husbands #Tarlos Wedding #911 Lone Star #911lsfic #911 Lone Star Fic #Tarlos Fic

[wtfuckevenknows]

Tarlos rec list (or a whole lot of my favorite fics (because I'm sure I missed some))

Because I can't do anything half assed this has taken me forever AND you're getting it in categories, in no particular order 🙃🤷🏻‍♀️😬 If you find yourself on here and you don't want to be for whatever reason, let me know! Also if you're on here and I didn't @ you it's because I couldn't find you at first glance, but if you want me to @ you also let me know!

Codas/Tags/Specs/Canon Compliant/Canon Divergence/Post Canon:

Out of the Woods (series) by @liminalmemories21 words are all we have, we'll be talking, we'll be talking (series) by inconocible Season 3 Codas (series) by @marjansmarwani Seven Ways (Back to You) (series) by @welcometololaland "You have one new message ..." by @paper-storm get it right, to get around me by welcometololaland Missing Moments (series) by paper-storm Coming Back by @doublel27 Season 3 Codas (series) by @strandnreyes Knight in Shining Armor by doublel27 not lost (not lost) but found by doublel27 More Cow-Eyes (series) doublel27 An Easy Dare by @noxsoulmate Blood on the tracks, fire in the hills by thenorthface Starting Out by sapphireej tout l'univers by @kiras-sunshine In sickness and in health, in speeding and in no speeding by @good-ways all I know since yesterday (is everything has changed) by strandnreyes Precious Love by @rmd-writes

AUs:

Dr Reyes/Paramedic Strand series by marjansmarwani a flower a day by novaksline Detective AU by strandnreyes what if we could risk everything we have by dazedastrophile as if you were a mythical thing by strandnreyes Begged And Borrowed Time by @iboatedhere on a wednesday in a café i watched it begin again by falloutmars The tender things are those we fold away by @beautifulhigh Home is Found series by alipea Safe Space series by xtinyteenyx The knave of Hearts, he stole the tarts by liminalmemories21 The Flying Sparks 'Verse (series) by @the-communist-unicorn i know now i found (the one i love) by ksmalltalk Welcome to the Neighborhood by courtinator Fireproof by Mari_Marie remind me to forget by orphan_account Yours To Keep, Yours To Lose by iboatedhere one single thread by strandnreyes After all of the years, all of the tears, you are here somehow. by lydiamxrtin to live for the hope of it all by strandnreyes

Sports AUs (my beloved):

Swing For The Fences, Run To The Line by iboatedhere Magnetic North by paper-storm Game, Set, Match (series) by welcometololaland Curveball by @bellakitse

One Shot Collections:

Plaid Shirt Days by iboatedhere Tewnty Five Hundred by iboatedhere tangled in the willows by stormss Silence and Patience, Pining in Anticipation by iboatedhere Prompt Fills by strandnreyes All the ways to love you by bellakitse

Sexy Times ❤️‍🔥:

Educating Mateo by @thebumblecee Mark Me Up by brouiller (the whole series is so fucking good) Skin by paper-storm (we're not talking about the amount of times I've read this one in particular) Do you even lift, bro? by rmd-writes Through the Looking Glass by rmd-writes Love this journey for them by rmd-writes Waterproof by welcometololaland The Devil Works Hard (But Mesh Shirts Work Harder) by welcometololaland Seven Days of Sin by welcometololaland

Pride ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜:

rejoice your truth by doublel27 What’s Lost Can Always Be Found by noxsoulmate Let's Talk About that Thong by Sivan325 This Love is Ours, it’s Everything by noxsoulmate Pride 2022 by maddiee96

Fluff 💝 (there’s a whole lot of fluff hiding in the other categories):

What A Weekend by @sapphireej PS: I still love you, too by noxsoulmate with all the sorrow and the joy by @lire-casander love me as if I were forever by rmd-writes (my beloved) A Love Like Theirs by noxsoulmate

Kid Fic (my other beloved):

Austin Series by AliceSchuyler don't go blindly into the dark by kiras-sunshine Falling Like Raindrops by Monstrous_Moonshine Surrender (series) by aleia Strands of Time (series) by alilypea Luca Strand-Reyes (series) by bellakitse SRK❤ Sofia Kennedy Reyes❤ (series) by mtnofgrace Family For Christmas by graspingforwords how did we get here? by @detective-giggles you're tethered to another (and you're worried all the time) by doublel27 Tradition (In the Key of Cookies) by Reese_Taylor27 love like this (the isla strand-reyes verse) (series) by Krissyloowhoo Let Your Heart Find a Home by tkstrands like daylight by @ravens-words Eight Now by darkangelgirl13 oh look, it’s my future by thatnerdmryn all I see is you by ravens-words Do We Want This? by @djdangerloverlove Let's Go to the Mall by bellakitse Of little girls and their cats by bellakitse Lyla by Mangacat Self control? I don't know her (series) by welcometololaland

I was gonna rec some Christmas fics too, but Tumblr is being a bitch and I might just save those for before Christmas!

I'm sure there's more, and most of the most recent ones haven't made it on here but whatever.

#tarlos fic #tarlos #911 lone star fic #fic rec #911 ls fic #911 ls fic rec #tarlos fic rec

[chilly-me-softly]

Hey can I request a fic with Jack Grealish? Where Jack and the reader are married and expecting a baby boy. They are thinking about names and she suggests Finley after the little boy Jack met. I think it would be so cute!

You and Jack couldn't have been happier when you found out that you were soon to be parents. Before the wedding it had been something you had talked about a lot and after putting the ring on your fingers you had started to make that thought a little more real until the good news came.

You had found out you were expecting a boy at the check-up, the baby on full display had you joking that it was indeed his father's child. And then your friends had wanted to throw you a baby shower anyway, so you could share the news with all your friends and families.

It had been a unique thrill, somehow it had also made it more real to know the sex and to be able to choose something different that wasn't neutral and good for both cases. You had done it with everything: clothes, teddy bears, even the name.

And speaking of that, it was time to choose one. You had this idea of wanting to paint the name on a wall in the nursery but you still had to decide on the shape, the font, the colour. And you didn't want to try on a random name so the sooner you chose it the sooner you could get to work and the sooner everything would be done.

"How about Mateo?"

"Babe stick to english" Jack doesn't even give you a look as he continues scrolling through the list of names on his phone. 

"Oh so no Mufasa?!" you tease him earning an amused look as you pinch his arm.

"How about Finley?" that name clearly catches his attention, it must be because of the meeting he had just a while ago and the personal reasons surrounding it. It's always a pleasure to meet little fans, to see how with a small gesture he can make their day unforgettable and to see their eyes open wide and sparkle with joy just like when he too was a child and was in the same situation.

So when they had asked him to meet this kid he had not hesitated to accept, finding the most congenial time with the commitments he had. And then this most of all would have been a special meeting, because of his family background and the story of someone he loved with all his heart.

And that kid, Finley, had been a pleasure to meet after reading his letter and making him that surprise. He had done his best not to give in to his emotions when he had reminded him of how good of a brother he was and how his eyes had sparkled when he had agreed to have that celebration once he had scored his next goal. He had done his best to give him an unforgettable couple of hours knowing how important that could be to him.

"Finley?"

"Yeah, I mean do you like it?"

"Finley" Jack took some time to think about it, whispering that name and rehearsing over and over how it sounded to his ears.

"I might have had a little help coming up with the name but I like it" you admit as he turns back to look at you.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to make a decision because of what I told you"

"Jack we are talking about my son's name. I'm not so easy to influence"

"You wanted to call him Timon"

"I. was. joking" you start hitting him with a pillow gasping as he laughs.

"But it crossed your mind!"

Jack lets you give him a couple more hits before taking possession of that pillow, settling it behind his back and looking at you triumphantly.

"Listen, I won't hide the fact I cried watching that video of the two of you together - Jack reaches out a hand caressing your back with one of his thumbs gently - and I don't know how to explain it properly... okay I'll try, it's more the way he spoke to you and his life and the constant smile on his face despite everything. I want that for my baby, not to be named after a person but what that person can represent. For it to mean something"

Jack smiles reaching out to you to leave a gentle kiss on your lips, and then on one cheek. "Besides, it was on our list of neutral names"

"No it wasn't" Jack looks at you with an arched eyebrow, confident but careful not to slip up. The pregnant brain can play tricks on you and he has already experienced several breakdowns for that reason. 

"Yes it is - you lean over to your nightstand to pick up the papers where you've noted down the names as Jack follows you with his eyes, vigilant that you don't hurt yourself - look" you point your finger at the name you're discussing once you've had a quick look at the list and found it, smiling.

"Nah look at that! Poor Finley squashed in here... and even written with a different pen"

"That's not true!" you try to argue back but a laugh escapes you, Jack shaking his head in amusement before letting go of the papers and slowly positioning himself over you being careful of your belly.

"I'll think about it, but in the meantime let's not close the door on more names okay?"

"Yeah"

#jack grealish #jack grealish imagine #jack grealish imagines #jack grealish one shot #football imagine #football imagines

[ntzsche9]

So, hi! I'm Verne (they/them), practically a queer elder in my 30s, brand new to tumblr (dunno how I ever missed the boat), and I only ever seem to write in the 20 minutes or so between pulling up to work and clocking in, or when I'm putting my toddlers down for a nap but don't want to crawl out of their beds and address the chores I gotta do while they're out of the way. I've written poetry, prose, and roleplayed in the past but got away from it for years and years, and only recently started writing again. I have notebooks and lists of story ideas but the few things I have fleshed out are mostly silly character-based "what if?" scenarios, because those are the most fun to me. Too many of my stories are me simply wanting to write a scene, developing a bit of a world around it, then losing interest entirely. I hope this blog can change that a bit, help me focus on following through or figuring out how to better develop small ideas into something longer.

Interests:

Post-apocalyptic

Near-future dystopias

Scifi/Fantasy (urban) with magical realism

History/AltHistory (especially lesser-known and marginalized stories)

Horror, dark, violent, and mature themes

Queer everything. I can't write heteros to save my life and I'm not all that sorry about it.

Sexy melodrama and smut with too much plot

Fanfiction (I could read/write Fallout stuff all day)

Some Favorite Authors:

Octavia Butler

Nnedi Okorafor

VE Schwab

Starhawk

Madeline Miller

Ta-nehisi Coates

Becky Chambers

Emma Donoghue

Looking for:

Community, inspiration, other writers to follow, and problem-solving tips in storytelling and sticking to stories when things get tough. I really just need some folks to talk to when working through all the things in my head. Open to the occasional tag but I'm not great at responding.

I have plenty more little bits of nonsense in various states of readability, like character backgrounds, alt-ending scenes, slice-of-life banter between characters, etc. These will be posted under the tag #ntzsche misc

Noteworthy WIPs:

Bad Blood - A Fallout Nuka-World fanfic (#ntzsche Nuka-World)

My longest story is a fanfic, but with a cast of characters largely not in the Fallout 4 DLC. I intend to eventually write this in a way that someone who hasn't played the game would be able to easily read.

Lafayette, the son of a 'retired' raider, left his abusive father to find his place in the world and was taken in by an eclectic trauma-bonded found family that inspires him to be a better person and shows him love he is certain he doesn't deserve. When his father comes across them in a raid, Lafayette is given the offer to join him, and he agrees in order to save the settlement and his little brother. Lafayette finds that being with his dad again, and being the son he always wanted him to be, isn't nearly as difficult as he thought it would be. He struggles to maintain the person he wants to be with the person he suspects he is, all while a cast of scheming raiders, wastelanders, and slaves vie for power in the raider city built within the rusted remains of an amusement park.

Salem's Child (#ntzsche Salem)

A background on one of the lesser Nuka-World characters that I got carried away with.

Andrew Rook doesn't look like his parents. He looks like someone they are desperate to forget. Growing up in post-apocalyptic Salem, Massachusetts has it's perks, though. In a fading settlement run by incompetent men who would rather blame the population of feral black cats for their problems than try to solve them, Andrew and his two best friends build a world in their imagination that shields them from the wretchedness of the wasteland and the people they have to rely on to survive.

Hechizo

Another character background that I would love to expand into a few short stories around.

Mateo Zavala was born in the vibrant and tight-knit community of Navarro. His great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother, a pre-war ghoul, is still the ruling matriarch, and it's hard for her not to play favorites when she has over 300 living descendants.

The Crash (#ntzsche Crash)

A what-if real-world rewrite of an event from another story. I just really enjoy writing these two.

Gabe always knew his functional alcoholic roomie would get into a terrible car wreck some day, but he never thought he would be dumb enough to be in the car with him. When the consequences of the wreck threaten to destroy Dave's life, Gabe finds himself doing everything he can to hold those pieces together. The love he harbors for his straight, polyamorous best friend runs deeper than either of them are ready to face, and find that Dave's injury turns their relationship completely on end.

#writeblr introduction #writeblr #writeblr intro #queer writers #lgbtq writer #ao3 #wip #creative writing #writing #new writeblr #ntzsche misc #ntzsche nuka-world #ntzsche Salem #ntzsche Crash

[lwfics]

Bailando (Javier Peña x Female reader)

Summary: You have to deliver a speech tomorrow and you are nervous. Javi comforts you.

Word count: 1623.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Tags: Emotional hurt/comfort, Sweet, First Kiss.

--------------------------------

I learned about this challenge a few days ago, but I read I could submit a story by the end of the month, so here it is my fic for the Pickled Peña Writing Challenge @pickled-pena

I hope you enjoy it! :-)

English is not my first language (it's Spanish) so I apologize for any mistakes. I've included some verses from the song Maníaca by Abraham Mateo. The original song is Maniac by Michael Sembello.

Bailando

You were more nervous than you wanted to admit.

Tomorrow you would be attending the annual general meeting. You didn’t like being the center of attention, and it was the first time you would deliver a speech in the presence of The Chief Executive Officer, who had a reputation for making people cry.

The tension level was higher every time the CEO was around. It was easier to make careless mistakes when people couldn’t keep a level head. Some employees took it out on others, saying things like:

"You stand there and accuse me, but where were you at the time?"

But you didn’t need to worry. You had made a to-do list to make sure you had everything under control:

Memorizing the speech   ✔

Making sure the USB drive works and the PowerPoint slides are readable from the last row   ✔

Making a list of likely questions you might be asked after the speech  ✔

Writing well-thought answers to those questions  ✔

Learning how to look relaxed and confident ✔

Your list was flawless, or so you hoped.

Perhaps I should read the speech once more, you thought.

Your phone buzzled before you could grab your notes.

A message from Javi:

Ready for the party? ;)

A friend of him was throwing a huge party tonight. You didn’t know his friend, but Javi told you that his friend wanted his guests to bring their own friends. “The more people, the better.”

You’d told Javi that you’d go to the party with him. You wanted to be like your female friends, who were eager to put on a dress and dance until their legs felt like jelly.

Going to a party with Javi had always been a pleasant experience. He was playful and sweet, and he always got you on the dance floor. You wished you could forget about the annual general meeting, if only for a couple of hours. Seize the moment. Have some fun.

It wasn’t that easy.

You tried to picture yourself dancing with Javi. You hadn’t seen him since last weekend. You exchanged text messages almost every day, but nothing could beat the face-to-face conversation. You missed the way his eyes light up whenever he said or hear something amusing, and the warmth of his smiles, and his touch. A hand on your back, on your arm, on the crown of your head. A hug every time he greeted you. He had never gone any further, but you’d imagined several times how it would feel to kiss him. You had never kissed anyone. You had never felt the desire to do so until you grew closer to Javi.

He didn’t know you were in love with him. What if you told him and he didn’t feel the same and became distant from you? What if he stopped being friends with you?

Your phone buzzled again:

“Something wrong?”

He could see that you’ve read his message. He must be wondering what it was taking you so long to reply.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can attend the party. Tomorrow is the annual general meeting.”

You had told him about the business meeting. You had admitted it made you a little anxious, and he’d told you there was nothing to worry about and you would leave everyone impressed with your speech.

He replied right away:

“I know < 3 That’s why you need to take your mind off it. I promise I’ll drive you home early. You won’t miss out on sleep.”

You smiled.

“You’re very sweet, but I don’t think I can have fun tonight.”

“Tell me what’s troubling you,” he typed out.

You trusted him. He would never mock you. He also told you the things that made him afraid or sad or angry. He told you when he had a bad day at work or when he’d had trouble sleeping.

You typed out:

“What if I forget my speech or the file becomes corrupted?”

His answer was short and quick:

“I’m on my way to your house.”

That meant he wouldn’t arrive on time for the party.

“No, please, I’m alright <3  I’ll watch a sitcom episode, eat something light and go to bed. We shall hung out tomorrow if you’re not too tired after the party : )”

“Too late. I’m coming.”

Your phone buzzled again, and a second message showed up on your screen:

“That sounded creepy. Sorry.”

He hadadded a sheepish grin emoticon.You couldn’t help but giggle:

“Don’t apologize. I appreciate what you’re doing.”

“Is it working?”

Now you were smiling like and idiot. “Yes.”

“Good. Don’t eat anything. We’ll have our own party.”

*

Javi showed up at your door shortly after your text conversation. He was wearing a dark grey suit and a tie. His smile was so warm. He didn’t look disappointed in the slightest.

Your heart quickened. “Hi.”

Your hands touched when you took the cool bag. You placed it on a table and looked back at him. The smile was still on his face. He took a step forward and held you in a warm embrace.

“Hi,” he murmured against your heart.

The hug slowed down your heart rate and quelled your mind. Was it selfish to be glad that he was here?

Sometimes his kindness made your heart ache in a way that scared you. You shouldn’t hope for things that weren’t likely to happen.

“You look very elegant,” you told him after he pulled away.

Javi let out a small laugh. Suddenly he looked a little shy. “I wanted to look good for our private party,” he confessed. He stroked your arm. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. I’m glad you are here, but I’m sorry I cancelled the plan at the last minute.”

“Don’t be sorry. There will be other huge parties waiting for us, and if I’m being totally honest, I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.”

You smiled. “Okay.”

“But I stand by my words. You need to take your mind off the business meeting, and dancing is a great way to relieve stress. Besides, I think I have just found out the perfect cover song.”

Your heart fluttered in anticipation. “Which one?”

He winked at you. “First, help me set the table.”

*

He had brought a jar of pickles, a fruit salad and smoked salmon and sandwiches.

“You said you wanted a light dinner,” he said.

“It’s perfect. Thank you.” You were going to say something else, but you finally decided against it.

Javi noticed your hesitation. He grinned. “You were going to ask me to play the song, but you didn’t want to sound impatient.”

“Yes,” you admitted, giggling a little.

“I know you well. And I’m not going to say no. I cannot wait to dance with you.”

You smiled. Your cheeks felt warm, but you didn’t try to hide your face. “I cannot wait to dance with you too, Javi.”

As soon as the music started playing, you recognized the song, although you had never danced to it.

“Maniac. I love this song! It’s so upbeat and catchy!”

He grinned. “This is a Spanish version. The lyrics are a little different, but I shall translate it for you later.”

“I’d like that.”

“Great. Now, show me how you move.” He came to you and started singing the lyrics.

Salió descontrolada.

Llegó.

Quemó la sala.

La vi

con la mirada

de una loca enamorada.

Javi nudged you. His face was so bright, and there were crinkles around his eyes. He loosened his tie and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

You giggled and threw your arms over his shoulders. You shook your hips, and he nodded with enthusiasm.

“That’s my girl.”

Fue inevitable acercarme

Y le tuve que decir

Es que me mata todo de ti

Maníaca

Maníaca bailando.

Y lo baila como nunca antes bailó.

Your chest brushed against his. He stopped singing for a moment, and the way he looked at you took your breath away.

Y aunque no quiera siento que me domina.

Cada paso es mi dosis de dopamina.

“Lower your pelvis closer to the floor,” he said suddenly. The intensity in his gaze was gone, and now there was a hint of mischief.

“What?”

“Let’s see who gets closer to the floor without falling on their ass.”

“Oh my.” You laughed.

Adicta al dembow.

También reggaeton.

La tengo bailando en el suelo.

Neither of you could maintain your balance. Thankfully, you didn’t injury yourselves.

You lay on the floor, bursting into laughter, and you continued laughing until the song ended.

Later, when you both caught your breath, Javi propped himself on one elbow and smiled at you.

You returned his smile, resisting the urge to stroke his hair. He looked so handsome like this. You wished he hadn’t agreed that you shouldn’t miss out on sleep.  

He reached forward and touched your cheek. “Feeling better?”

“Yes. Thank you for everything.”

His eyes fell upon your lips. Was he thinking the same?

He met your gaze, letting you see the repressed hunger in his eyes, the same hunger you’d been trying to hide for months now.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

He pressed his mouth to yours. His hand moved to your hip, and he kept it there as his lips moved against yours. His touch was familiar and comforting, making it easier to get lost in the kiss. His tongue touched yours, igniting something in you.

You weren’t afraid of your feelings for him anymore.

It was liberating to give in. It was wonderful to see that he wanted this.

He had asked for permission to kiss you. Maybe now it was your turn to ask for more.  

#PickleTrickle #Pickled Peña Writing Challenge

[blackbird-brewster]

CM Fanfiction on AO3

I'm a bit of a stats nerd, and I've been wanting to put this together for ages. The following are some statistics regarding Criminal Minds fanfiction of AO3. Do with this what you will, but if ever someone tries to tell me this fandom isn't misogynistic -- I will just point to this post.

I spent an abhorrent amount of time putting this together, hope it's interesting to other people. Please don't send me hate mail for my opinions.

Base Statistics

Total Fics Tagged Criminal Minds: 34,561

These stats were compiled by me on 20/06/23 via AO3's filtering system.

Note: These were taken at face value, meaning these numbers may not be exact. In order to get exact statistics, I'd have to stringently filter out things like mislabelled fics, spam, fics with multiple categories (to find pure slash, femslash fics), etc.

Tumblr will destroy the resolution of the graphs, just click to see full res :)

Fanfic statistics gathered from AO3, episode totals gathered from IMDB.

CM Fanfiction by Category

Most Popular Category: F/M (26.2%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic: 34,561

These totals weren't all that surprising, in a fandom that is largely obsessed with two men and no one else, I sort of expected this.

The only reason F/M has the largest amount of fics (vs M/M) is because 37% of all F/M fics are "Spencer/Reader". (More about pairings below)

If 'x reader' fics were excluded from the data, then the distribution would skew to: 34% M/M vs 24% F/M

Sorry, I just saw the 'other' category is the same colour as F/M on the graph. Other accounts for 2.3% of all fic categories

CM Fanfiction by Rating

Most Popular Rating: Teen and Up (30.3%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic: 34,561

I think it's interesting that the most popular ratings are Teen and General -- even though a huge portion of readers only read Mature/Explicit. There are absolutely incredible works that are rated Teen and General, and it's just a shame people don't read them as much as smut. That's probably the same in most fandoms though.

Top Relationships for Each Rating: General Audience: Spencer/Reader Teen and Up: Morgan/Reid Mature: Hotch/Reid Explicit: Hotch/Reid Not Rated: Spencer/Reader

It's no secret that this fandom worships Hotch and Reid above all other characters, but I think there's something to be said that a M/M ship dominates the Mature and Explicit ratings. Slash fic (M/M) has always been more popular than femslash (F/F) in pretty much any fandom, and the history of fetishization of mlm relationships in fanfiction (the fetishisation usually being written by cishet women, not talking about queer people writing queer fic) is always worth discussing.

CM Fanfiction - Top 10 Characters

Most Popular Character: Spencer Reid (19.9%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic:*indeterminate due to crossover (multiple characters per each fic)

No surprises here with the top three being the men who make up some of the most popular ships.

Notice how Jack Hotchner, a CHILD who was in 22 eps out of 300+ -- is featured in MORE fics than main characters (who were in multiple season) like: Luke, Matt, Tara.

CM Fanfiction - Top 10 (BAU) Characters

Most Popular Character: Spencer Reid (20.5%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic: *indeterminate due to crossover (multiple characters per each fic)

This one is filtered by BAU members only. Sorry, 'reader', this is about main characters only.

Notice how Gideon (45 total episodes, 2015 fics) and Elle (27 total episodes, 1371 fics) made the top 10 list even though characters who were on the show for YEARS missed out.

Main Characters not in the Top 10: (* denotes section chiefs. Bold denotes characters who appeared in more episodes than Gideon) *Erin Strauss (24 total episodes, 1361 fics) Alex Blake (48 episodes, 1190 fics) Tara Lewis (97 episodes, 1108 fics) Matt Simmons (49 episodes, 642 fics) Ashley Seaver (13 episodes, 279 fics) Kate Callihan (23 episodes, 247 fics) Jordan Todd (8 episodes, 130 fics) *Mateo Cruz (6 epsiodes, 88 fics) Stephan Walker (15 episodes, 66 fics)

All three men who didn't make the Top 10 are men of colour. Which is worth pointing out because the main reason Derek and Luke both made Top 10 is because they are popularly shipped with Reid. Outside of Morgan/Reid and Reid/Alvez -- I doubt they would have been tagged as much as they are.

Also worth nothing that Tara Lewis who appeared in 97 episodes, which makes her the EIGHTH highest billed character (above Luke, Gideon and Elle) -- doesn't even make the Top 10 most written about characters. She also happens to be the ONLY Woman of Colour on this list. Coincidence? Doubtful. She's also the ONLY canonically QUEER character -- and yet....even in the F/F tag she doesn't make top 5 (more about ships below)

CM Fanfiction - Top 10 Relationships

Most Popular Pairing: Reid/Reader (24.5%)

Most Popular Character Ship: Hotch/Reid (18%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic: 20,873 out of 34,561 (*includes fics with multiple pairings tagged)

This was WILD to me. I knew that 'Spencer x Reader' fics (I grouped ones tagged 'reader' and ones tagged 'you' together for this graph) were popular but I wasn't prepared for how skewed this data was. I don't have much to say about it anything involving Reid tbrh

Only three out of ten top relationships DO NOT involve Spencer Reid.

For people who don't know: using a slash ( / ) to denote a pairing means the pairing is romantic, using the ampersand (&) to denote a pairing generally indicates a non-romantic relationship.

Notice the ONLY F/F pairing that made Top 10 was JJ/Emily (with only 10%)

CM Fanfiction - Top 5 M/F Relationships

Most Popular Relationship: Spencer/Reader (52%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic: 9741 (72% of the total F/M fics on AO3)

Look, I don't know what to say about this. It speaks for itself. This show had an incredible ensemble cast who were all integral to the show's success -- yet, the only character anyone cares about in the fandom is the generic white dudes. Misogyny at it's best.

CM Fanfiction - Top 5 M/M Relationships

Most Popular Relationship: Hotch/Reid (45%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic: 7870 (75% of the total M/M fics on AO3)

Again, no comment about the most popular ships

I was, however, surprised that Hotch/Rossi made Top 5

CM Fanfiction - Top 5 F/F Relationships

Most Popular Relationship: JJ/Emily (71%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic: 2927 (65% of the total F/F fics on AO3)

For people who don't know: using a slash ( / ) to denote a pairing means the pairing is romantic, using the ampersand (&) to denote a pairing generally indicates a non-romantic relationship.

It's not surprising that JJ/Emily dominate the femslash category. They have always been the main femslash pair in this fandom. However, they only make up 49% of all F/F pairings!

I was surprised to see that 'x reader' fics took 2 out of 5 slots on this one. And I was especially surprised that Emily/Penelope made top 5. (I mean it's only 148 fics, but there they are)

Again, note how Tara Lewis (a canonically sapphic character) isn't a part of ANY of the top 5 pairings, even though she was in 98 episodes. That's a travesty imo. Tara/Emily trails at about the 7th most popular F/F ship with a mere 115 fics

In Conclusion...

Most of this was to be expected. This fandom has always praised the male characters while pushing the women aside, so the amount of works focusing on Reid and Hotch wasn't that surprising.

I think it's interesting how people tend to throw Jemily shippers under the bus (broad statement made via my 18 years in this fandom), because Femslash is by far the smallest portion of the shippers in the entire fandom. People just hate women

Do with this information what you will. This was mostly compiled because I've always been curious, and also I think it serves as an important archival tool for the fandom.

Please don't send me hate mail for my opinions.

Word Count & Additional Tags Information Below Cut

CM Fanfiction by Word Count

About 52% of all CM fics (34,561) are under 5,000 words

This was a really fun one to do, and was mostly included because I was curious. I think it'd be worth getting even more specific by trying to work out the average word count for all fics under 5,000 words.

Hey, if you're a marathon author with long works -- look at YOU!! You're a very small percentage in this fandom, and as someone who prefers long-form fic -- I am personally thanking you for your dedication.

CM Fanfiction - Top 10 Addition Tags

Most Popular Tag: Fluff (21.7%)

Fics Counted in This Statistic: *indeterminate due to crossover (multiple tags per each fic)

I honestly expected angst/whump/hurt/comfort to be first on this. I guess if you add up all the variations of those type of fics, they'd be top tag.

Obviously this one isn't ever going to be perfect, because tons of people either don't tag their fics, or they don't use the prescribed tags above. Still, I thought this was worth adding to the post.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #emily prenitss #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #luke alvez #tara lewis #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction #cm fanfiction #cm reference #master post #ao3 stats #cm commentary #cm meta

[llonelygoddess]

I'm almost finished with my oc's ref to share with you! ^^ in the meantime... How about the almighty quest of finding the perfect birthday gift for darling? What lengths will they go to figure it out/get it?

Expect me again VERY soon!

Thank you so much for the request! It's helped majorly with my writers block, and I love your OC! Very adorable!!

With Dawn, it’ll be as simple as showing you a cute TikTok that has something she thinks you might like or pointing out things in magazines ( she’s a magazine girly, loves ordering stuff from random ‘zines). Though, if she sees you’re stressed out she fully abandons her gift idea for the moment. She knows how crazy it can be living with the family and in this small town so she asks the family if she can take you away for a weekend to give you a break from the chaos that is your life. Once you’re relaxed and enjoying some rest time she gives you a self care kit stocked with bath supplies, dvds you love, smelly candles, fidgets, a new journal and something from your favorite hobby. 

For some reason, Ricky just KNOWS what you want. It would be weird if he didn’t get literally the PERFECT gift. His gift comes in three parts: a letter, the gift, and a commemorative bear. He gets you one every year from Build a Bear so you both can go through the whole process of picking it out, putting a heart in with scents or a voice box, and getting a certificate (He keeps the certificate as his own little memory keepsake). 

Maeve will spend hours reading all the books she can borrow from the bookstore to find the perfect one for you. She scours the genres from romance and adventure to the scary stuff like Splatter punk. ( Don’t look it up, trust me it gets fucked up lol) When it comes time to give you the gift she’ll set up a cute moonlit dinner at a nearby creek (she’s witchy so of course lol). And by dinner I mean tea time food cause this girl cannot cook for shit. She puts together a bunch of finger foods and drinks with the hopes you’ll spend a few hours just enjoying the atomosphere. 

I think we can guess what Eddie does to find you the perfect gift lol From scouring your Amazon history/wish lists to just stalking you whenever you go out, Eddie is basically in a competition with himself to get you the best gift ever. He’s so indecisive though so gift giving for him looks like receiving multiple amazon packages a day for a week.  

You’d think with all the weed Dakota’s brain would be too mush to think of giving a gift, but no. This man starts planning your gift a year in advance EVERY year. After dragging you around with him everywhere, he’d settle on buying you an experience. Something out of town that you all could go to as a family, like one of those immersive movies where you eat what they show on screen. Or a “potion” making class where you mix drinks together and use wands.  

Literally the only one who just asks you what you want lol I mean, Mateo intends to give you more than what you tell him but he’s too worried he’ll get you something you won’t like. So along with what you ask for, he’ll most likely get you something like a necklace with both of your initials engraved in it. A black diamond in the shape of a heart.

#yandere oc #female yandere #soft yandere #yandere x reader #male yandere #worshipper yandere #yandere #yandere ocs #yandere headcanons #yandere oc x reader #Yandere family #yandere male #male yandere x reader #stoner yandere

[aliesafenlock]

Found a programme for the London production of Rebecca das Musical on ebay, so I got it scanned in case someone would like to see. All 30 pages are attached below. It doesn't have a lot of photos, but it has full cast and song lists which I haven't seen anywhere else. Feel free to inbox me for a PDF copy that's easier to read. Enjoy!

Ich/I - Lauren Jones

Maxim de Winter - Richard Carson

Mrs. Danvers - Kara Lane

Mrs. van Hopper - Shirley Jameson

Beatrice - Sarah Harlington

Giles - Neil Moors

Frank Crawley - Piers Bate

Clarice - Emily Apps

Frith - Nigel-Joseph Francis

Jack Favell - Alex James-Ward

Ben - David Breeds

Colonel Julyan - Nicholas Lumley

Ensemble: Melanie Bright (u/s Mrs. Danvers), Rosie Glossop, Gail Mackinnon, James Mateo-Salt, Scott McClure, Tarisha Rommick, Elliot Swann

Directed by Alejandro Bonatto

Conducted by Robert Scott

Choreography by Ron Howell

#rebecca #rebecca london #rebecca musical london #rebecca das musical #rebecca levay kunze #daphne du maurier #a manderley ház asszonya #kara lane #lauren jones #richard carson #charing cross theatre #musical theatre #european musicals

[dancingtotuyo]

Scathed (Javier Peña) Chapter 6

Rating: Mature

Warnings: discussions and illusions to noncon, grooming, child bride, and teenage pregnancy, truama, anxiety. This fic deals with alot of delicate topics, please let me know if I missed anything.

Notes: shoutout to my not on tumblr friend Ashley for beta reading! I love you so much!

Words: 5016

Series Master List | Author Master List

Journal Entry May 2, 1994

We’re celebrating Birthdays this year. Big ones with balloons and music and people- whoever the kids want to invite…

I can do this.

Javier felt like a teenager picking a girl up for a date every time he tapped on the front door. He wasn’t sure why exactly, Jaime and Anna never seemed surprised to see him, nor did they question his repeated appearances in their home and around their dinner table. In fact, each time he knocked, it came with the reminder that he didn’t need to do so. He could just walk in willy nilly any time he pleased. He still knocked.

He and Emily spent a couple nights a week in one another’s company between Alejandra’s riding lessons and his visits to their house. Their budding friendship was something he treasured. He still didn’t understand why she picked him to trust, but he understood the weight of that trust. He wanted to be worthy of it, and slowly, he was starting to believe he might be. 

Mostly, it felt good to have a friend. Javier wasn’t sure he’d had one in a long time. There was Steve he supposed, but he was back in Miami now. He called once a month to talk. Steve usually ended up talking about Olivia for 15 minutes, dancing around his continued employment with the DEA while Javier gave him one-word responses. He refused Steve’s invitation to visit each time. 

He knocked a second time. Still no answer. He could hear music thrumming inside. Javier sighed, squaring his shoulders as he twisted the door knob. It gave way. 

Music played loudly throughout the house. Alejandra squealed, rushing by Javier in a fit of screams and wet curls. Jaime chased after her. Miguelito jumped on the couch shirtless and dancing. Mateo rushed out of the bathroom bare as the day he was born and down the hall, as Emily emerged holding a towel. Water soaked her front. He chuckled to himself, toeing his shoes off. No one seemed to take notice of his presence yet, too engrossed in their own activities. Javi had heard of the chaos of bath night, the event the family had turned it into, but had yet to witness it until tonight. 

“Mami! Look!” Miguelito called. She turned to catch sight of her oldest child jumping into the air, hitting a pose as he did before landing on his feet rocking a little to catch his balance. 

“Bravo!” Emily said, shouting over the music and Alejandra continued squeals. “9/10. You gotta stick the landing, mijo.” 

“I’ll keep practicing.” 

Emily gave him a thumbs up. Javier chuckled as her eyes finally reached him. Surprise flashed across her features before a soft smile overtook it. She held up a hand, fingers wiggling in hello. 

Javier raised his own hand with a grin. Emily held up a single finger as if to say give me a minute then followed Mateo down the hall. 

By the time Emily made her resurgence, Javier had been pulled into Ale and Jaime’s intense game of cat and mouse. Miguelito joined in, wrapping his limbs around his grandpa’s leg to slow him down as Alejandra climbed up Javier’s back for safety as she shouted out directions on how to avoid her Abuelo. It was utter chaos and confusion and Javier enjoyed every second being let into the family’s little tradition. 

There was a certain intimacy to these moments. He didn’t just have access, but open access, an invitation to open the door anytime he desired and be welcomed into their home and whatever was happening. 

“Alright, you two, time to get your teeth brushed!” Emily said. 

A chorus of groans rose between the two. Javier swung around to face her, a pout forming on his lips as if he was going to join in with the children’s protest. Emily’s eyes narrowed at him as if to say don’t you dare.

Before he had the chance, Jaime interrupted it. “Come on you two. If we get this done quick, I bet I can fish up an old story for y’all. How does that sound?”

“Sweet!” Miguelito hopped up, giving Javier a high-five, and crashing into his mother with his arms stretched wide. 

Emily let out a grunt, lips pressing to her eldest child’s forehead as she tousselled his freshly dried curls. “You’re gonna knock me over one of these days, Kiddo. Te amo.”

He grinned back in response, kissing her cheek. “Te amo, Mami.” He said, flying toward his room. 

Alejandra wrapped her arms tighter around Javier's neck, cutting off his airflow for a second. “Not so tight, Alejandrina.” He said in Spanish without a second thought. 

She instantly loosened her grip, responding in the same language. “I’m sorry!”

Something tugged at Emily’s heart at the quick exchange. Spanish and English were used interchangeably within their home. She knew it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, but having another person come into their home and speak it felt intimate, like he was acclimating into their family, and she liked it. Something bloomed in her chest, but she tucked it away to discover another day. 

“Buenas noches, Mr. Javi.” Alejandra said, kissing his cheek before she slid down his back. 

“Buenas noches.” He smiled, watching her run toward her mother. 

“Mami, I want you to tuck me in. Not Abuelo.” 

“I suppose I can manage that.” Emily winked at her, ushering the girl down the hall. 

She looked back at Javier who motioned toward the back door, letting her know that’s where he would be. She nodded before following Ale. 

Alejandra only required a few minutes of her mother’s time which Emily was more than happy to give. The bedtime routine was something she’d always treasured, drawing it out when they were in Mexico. It was one of the few things she had almost always been able to do-  get it together enough to wish her kids goodnight, ensuring her face was the last they saw before shutting their eyes. She stopped in the boys’ room next to grant final sweet dreams and kisses. 

When the kids were settled, Emily followed Javier’s steps outside. She settled next to him on her swing. Their shoulders brushed and thighs pressed against each other. It came almost as second nature to her now. There were no jumps or anxiety when they touched. In fact, she found slices of comfort in it. Yet, Javier hadn’t tried to hold her hand or touch her knee since December even as their friendship progressed. 

“Your shirt is wet.” 

Emily looked down at the damp mass of fabric sticking to her stomach. “Yeah…Mateo still enjoys surprise splash attacks, and Alejandra can’t hold still when I wash her hair. I really should start doing that in the sink.”

Javier chuckled. “Let me know if you get cold. We can go inside.”

She shrugged. “It’s warm tonight.” 

He nodded, head falling back with a sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What I wouldn’t give for a cigarette, right now.” He’d stopped smoking two weeks ago. The longest two weeks of his life. 

“Long day?”

“Fence got washed out with the storm again. I spent all day fixing it.” 

“Watching the boats,” she finished. 

Javier opened an eye almost in annoyance. He wanted them to not annoy him. He wanted to forget all about the drug war and the cocaine coming across the border in waves, but he couldn’t. It was like an obsession. Escobar was dead, but he knew if he looked it up, he’d find that just as much, if not more, cocaine was still smuggled into the US. 

“You don’t have to act like it doesn’t bother you, Javier.”

“Why doesn’t it bother you?”

She takes a deep breath, rolling the thought over in her mind. There are a lot of things that bother her, a lot of things that trigger her, but seeing those boats wasn’t one of them. “I don’t know.” Emily shrugs. “Maybe because I was so far removed from that aspect of things. Because maybe they’re just pawns in the grand scheme of things… like I was.” 

Javier picks his head back up, looking at her straight on. He’d seen many people taken advantage of in the drug war, seen people killed. He used to think that everyone involved had a choice, but the longer the war raged on, the more people he met, and the more people who died, he started to think differently. Even the people who “had a choice” didn’t really, not the lowest on the totem pole or their bosses even, and not those struggling in the communas. Despite all this, the boats still bothered him. 

“Why does it bother you?”

Javier swallowed, contemplating it. He wasn’t sure he had an answer, at least not one he was proud of or willing to admit to, not even to himself. Then, there was the offer from the DEA to go back. The offer came in a week ago. They wanted him to take down The Cali Cartel, even offered him a bigger salary with a fancier title. More important to Javier, it was a do-over, a chance to do things the right away. He hadn’t told anyone about the offer yet.

“Next topic,” he shot her a grin, but Emily saw through it. She found the flashes of pain in his big brown eyes, and she let it go. Far be it for her to force someone to talk about a painful time in their life. 

“You’re not as fun since you quit smoking.” Emily rolled her eyes. 

“Withdrawl’s a bitch.”Javier chuckled, bouncing his shoulder against hers. 

She huffed out a laugh, shaking her head. “Hey, you’re coming to Miguelito’s birthday party on Saturday, right?” 

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Javier gazed at the stars above. “He’s turning 10, right?”

“Yeah,” Emily said, wrapping her arms around herself. “A whole decade.”

Javier caught the trail of her voice. She wasn’t distracted by the details of balloons and cake and presents. No, this was something else. Javier wished he was insightful enough to guess what exactly she was thinking of, but he didn’t know enough. She’d only scratched the surface of the nightmares of her life. He knew she was back in Mexico. He saw it in the rigidness of her shoulders and the distance in her eyes in the fading dusk. 

He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees in an attempt to catch her eyes. He eased his thigh away from her cautious of potential triggers. 

“Don’t.” Her hand shot out, landing inside his knee. 

Javier furrowed his brow as she turned to meet his eyes. He still saw the glazed-over look in her eyes like she wasn’t seeing him, but pictures from her past. Her nails raked nervously against his denim jeans, against his thigh. She chewed her lip, balancing the precarious line between worlds. 

His thigh eased back against hers slowly- delicately. As the warmth seeped back in, some of the tension released from her rigid frame, but her hand stayed glued to his thigh. 

“Each year, I realize a little more how young I actually was.” 

“You were 16?”

“Not even.” 

Javier’s eyes widened. Emily managed to catch it through the fog. Tears shone in her eyes. Javier fought the urge to wipe them away. He forgot how young she was when it started- how young she still was. 

“I got pregnant so fast. He was born a couple weeks before my 16th birthday.” 

Emily nails caught on the seam of denim, but Javier paid it no mind. He only focused on her. “Seems like it makes birthdays a lot harder.”

She nodded. “I hope they don’t see it. I never want them to see it.”

Javier held out his hand in a gentle offering. She took it. He smiled and squeezed her hand trying to push out the way he missed her touch on his thigh. Her eyes cleared a bit. His thumb ran back and forth over her knuckle. “All I see when you look at those kids is how much you adore them.”

Emily's lips tipped up in a soft smile. “Thank you, Javi.”

“Anything you need this weekend, just tell me. I’m all yours.” 

Something squeezed at his heart as he spoke the words. Hers. While he didn’t understand it, she liked having him around, and he would stay around as long as she allowed. If he ever were to atone for his sins, maybe here was where he started. 

“I’m not sure you know what you’re signing up for. This is a birthday. It’s a big deal.” Emily laughed. Her hand slipped from his. “And it’s a 10th birthday party. It’s an especially big deal.”

“I am at your disposal, Darlin.” 

Emily bit her lip. She knew what she wanted, but could she really ask for it? Was she really truly bringing another person into her safety net? It felt almost like a dream. 

“There is one thing- it might sound strange.”

“You may have more to tell me that might be strange, but I promise, Musteña. This probably isn’t it.”

Emily’s brows furrowed at the new nickname, but she managed to stay on task. “Come early? Stay close to me the whole time?” She took a deep breath. It felt weird to ask him for help, but good. “Miguelito invited his whole class and then some. There’s going to be a lot of people and-”

“Done.” He answered without hesitation.

“Really?”

“It’s not a strange request at all, Musteña.”

Emily cocked her head to the side. “You’re making me feel like I haven’t spoken Spanish most of my life, Javier.”

Javier shrugged, a smile playing off his lips. “It’s an older word, not used very often, but ranchers and cowboys used to use it to describe a wild horse.”

“So a mustanga?”

“No- not exactly. Musteña is a horse who was tamed and branded.” The breeze caught one of her curls. Javier’s fingers itched to tuck it back, but he resisted. “But broke free and became wild again.” 

Emily would be lying if she said it didn’t send an unfamiliar thrill through her veins. She’d noticed these moments here and there where it felt like the air between her and Javier shifted. Where a tug pulled her toward him a little more, they were brief and fleeting, never lasting long enough for her to think more of them. 

Javier, however, hung on each of those moments. Those moments made him feel truly alive, like he only existed in their shared spaces, waiting on the edge of his seat for it to happen again. He did his best to shove those moments into the recesses of his brain. He chose not to dwell on them when he could help it, but he’d noticed himself pulling them up more and more frequently as he and Emily learned more about each other. She made him want to be better, not only for her but for himself. 

“That is very profound, Peña.” Emily smiled, her head leaning toward him. “Flattering even.”

“Don’t sound so surprised.” His lips tipped up. “I’m capable of deep thoughts from time to time.”

“I know you are.” Emily winked, easing back against the swing, breaking eye contact. She expected the tension to break then, but it lingered under the surface this time, spiking her heart rate. She wasn’t sure if it was excitement or anxiety or the fine line between them. 

“What are your plans for your birthday then?” Javier said. 

“What?”

“You said your birthday is coming up. What are your plans?”

“I don’t celebrate my birthday.”

“You just said birthdays are a big deal.”

“Yeah, except mine-”

“Not this year.”

“Javier-”

“Nope- We’re going out. We’re going to celebrate.”

“Oh yes, because taking me to be around a lot of strangers sounds like a fantastic idea.” 

“I never said I was going to do that to you.” Javier winks, big brown eyes shimmering with mischief. “You know I wouldn’t.”

“But you’re up to something.”

“Doesn’t matter what I’m up to ‘cause you trust me.”

Emily narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m beginning to regret that decision.” 

Javier laughed. “There’s no going back now.

On Saturday, Javier arrived at the Kuykendall residence two hours before the party was set to begin. He picked up the helium balloons on his way into town and an extra gallon of ice cream at Emily’s request. 

Javier didn’t bother with the front door when he arrived, following the many voices of the Kuykendall brood through the back gate. Jaime had all three children helping him carry cups and plates and utensils to the folding tables. Blue table clothes flapped in the wind. Streamers adorned the fence that enclosed the yard. 

“Mr. Javi!” Alejandra squealed, rushing toward him the moment she laid eyes on him, her stack of party plates haphazardly tossed on the table. 

“Good morning.” 

“Look at all those balloons!” 

“Enough to make you fly away, Alejandrina..” He chuckled, tying the bundle securely around her wrist. 

“And enough chocolate ice cream for all of us!” Miguelito yelled, eagerly taking the large container. 

“Straight to your Abuela,” Jaime instructed, bringing up the rear. “No pit stops.” He stared down his grandson who laughed mischievously. 

Javier locked eyes with Jaime, “I’m guessing a pit stop is the reason for the ice cream?”

Jaime nodded. “Yesterday was quite the day in the Kuykendall household.”

“Em?”

Jaime pointed to the far comer of the backyard where his daughter kneeled next to the flower beds, hands buried in the dirt. “Helps calm her.”

Javier nodded, taking her in. 

“But so do you.”

Javier’s eyes snapped to his friend’s. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but was unable to find anything of value across Jaime’s face. 

Anna called out for her husband, pulling Jaime away. Javier took a steading breath. Walking over, he kneeled next to her picking up on her quiet mumbles. She wasn’t saying anything coherent, a jumbled mix of English and Spanish, but he heard it in her voice, the anxiety raging inside. 

“Hey.”

Emily’s head snapped toward him. “I think this is a mistake. I’m not ready for all these people.”

Javier’s head cocked to the side. He held out his hand. She stared at it before placing her dirt-covered hand in his. 

Javie’s face crinkled, fingers beginning to work into her palms. “You couldn’t wear gloves.”

“I like feeling the dirt under my hands. It’s cool.” She said, “It calms me.”

Javier’s hands continued, moving up and down her fingers. Javier watched as her shoulders began to drop. “I’ve got you, Em. The whole day.”

“Promise?” She let out a deep breath.

“Promise.” Javier winked, pulling a smile to her lips. 

“Okay,” Emily said, rising to her feet. “This doesn’t need to be done right now.”

“Looks beautiful.” Javier’s eyes never traveled to the flower bed. 

Emily’s brow pinched together for a brief second. Javier swallowed, not sure where the words came from. Hands brushed against his jeans, dirt spilling back to the earth. 

“I should go get changed,” Emily said, glancing down at her clothes. 

“Want me to stand outside the door?”

She laughed, head falling back. It made Javier smile. “I think I’ll be okay, but I appreciate the offer.” 

Emily and Javier stood in the backyard as people filed in. People Emily recognized from parent pick-ups and other school events, but didn’t know. She seldom talked to other parents. There were two she could say she knew. The mother of Miguelito’s best friend and the mother of Ale & Mateo’s best friends.  

“Mami!” Alejandra called. “When’s Jackie getting here?”

“Any minute, Mija.”

“I’m here, Alejandrina. You can play with me.” Javier said with a teasing lilt.

Alejandra rolled her eyes. “But you’re not Jackie.” She crossed her arms, hip jutted out.

Javier mimicked her stance, which wasn’t that different from his usual one. “But I’m just as cool.”

“Nu-uh.”

“Yu-huh,” Javier shot back. Emily stifled a laugh. 

“Nu-uh.” Ale upped the sass, nearly breaking Javier’s straight face. 

“I thought we were-”

“Jackie!” Alejandra gasped, cutting him off as she darted toward the gate in pursuit of her best friend. 

“Well, I feel like chopped liver.” Javier said, smoothing down his mustache as he watched Ale embrace a little girl about her height. 

“Don’t take it personally, No one can compare with Jackie.” Emily laughed, nudging his arm. “Not even you.”

“And here I thought I was her favorite person.”

Emily laughed.“I’m gonna go say hi to her parents.”

“Oh, so you actually know this kid’s parents?” 

Emily rolled her eyes, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Javier smiled back. She looked the most at ease he’d seen her all day. “Believe it or not, I know more people than just you.”

“But I’m still your only friend right?”

“You jealous, Javier?”

Javier rolled his eyes, sipping on the beer in his hand, hanging back to watch her cross the lawn. Emily raised a hand in greeting as an adult emerged through the gate, but his focus stayed on her watching for any signs of discomfort in the sea of people surrounding them.

“Lorraine!” Emily called. 

Javier held the beer in his mouth, shifting his eyes to the newcomers. In the milliseconds it took his brain to process the scene, he tried to convince himself it wasn’t possible, that he was jumping to conclusions. Yet he didn’t even need to see her face to know it was her, HIS Lorraine. His heart rate kicked up a gear. It wasn’t that he still had feelings for her. Those were long gone. It was that she represented everything he’d walked away from 10 years ago and now, she smiled at Emily with familiarity. 

Without thought, his feet carried him toward them. Lorraine greeted Emily with a smile and wave and nothing more. So they knew each other well enough that Lorraine knew not to offer physical touch. Despite the obvious comfort Emily displayed with his ex-fiance, he couldn’t help but join her side like a guard dog protecting what belonged to him. 

Randy held out his hand, appearing harmless enough, but Javier caught the tension cut through her like a knife. Javier joined Emily’s side just in time to intercept the gesture. He plastered an obnoxious grin on his face, taking Randy’s hand with more force than necessary. “Randy, it’s good to see you again.”

Emily startled at the unusual pitch of his voice. Lorraine’s eyes widened. 

“Javi,” Lorraine said in shock. 

Randy’s brow furrowed as he let the man shake his hand. “Javier.”

He turned to Lorraine, nodding his head in acknowledgment. “Lorraine.”

Emily glanced between them. She suddenly felt out of the loop, a stranger in her own backyard. “Y’all know each other?” 

Randy’s arm slid around his wife’s waist staring Javier down. His demeanor changed instantly. Emily sensed the tension seeping in, picking up on the pissing match going on between the men.

“Something like that.” Lorraine gave Javier a once-over. He still wore that animated grin that looked alien to Emily. “How do the two of you know each other?”

“We’re friends,” Javier said.

A loud snort left Lorraine’s body. Javier’s eyes snapped to her, dropping his facade. She tried to cover it with a cough, but only left Emily more confused as Lorraine refused to look her way. 

“There’s plenty of food on the tables over there. Feel free to help yourselves.” Emily forced a smile, tucking her hands into her front pockets. 

“Thanks,” Lorraine said, beginning to pull Randy away with her. “We’ll talk later.”

Randy’s eyes stayed locked on Javier until he was forced to look away. Emily glanced between the two men before squaring up with Javier. “What the fuck was that?” She smacked his shoulder, catching Javier off guard. 

“Huh?”

“How do you know Lorraine?”

Javier sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Emily folded her arms across her chest. “It’s a long story-”

“A long story or one you don’t want to tell? Cause Randy looked at you like he wanted you six feet under.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I may or may not have left Lorraine on our wedding day.”

“You had a fiance?” Emily’s jaw dropped. “And you left her at the fucking alter?” 

“Well, I never made it to the church-”

“How have you never told me about this?”

“It never really came up.”

Emily looked up at him as if to say really? 

Javier felt his defenses rise slightly. “Not really the proudest moment of my life.”

“Yes, because that’s the worst thing you’ve ever done.” Emily fought back the teasing grin emerging on her face. “You had a whole ass fiance and didn’t tell me.”

“You didn’t tell me you knew her.”

“How was I supposed to tell you I knew your ex-fiance when you didn’t tell me you had one?”

Javier brushed it off. “You didn’t tell me you had other friends.”

“You are jealous!”

“I’m sorry if I don’t like that my best friend is friends with my ex-fiance.”

“Best friend?” Emily’s eyes went wide as she succumbed to the smile. 

Javier swallowed as if he realized what he actually said. He hadn’t really come up with the thought before, but looking over their relationship, he knew it was the truth. Other than his father, there was no one he spent more time with. His friends from before had moved on with life. Most of them were married now as he lived the life as an eternal bachelor. A reputation he’d owned since he left Lorraine at the wedding chapel. 

He rolled his eyes, shaking it off. He needed to spend the night at a bar with some buddies. Maybe some from his days on the force. “Don’t let it go to your head now.”

“Too late. I know about your ex-fiance now. You can’t get rid of me.”

��You still gonna be friends with her?”

“Only to bother you.” Emily teased. “And because our kids are best friends.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to talk to Ale about that one.” 

“Oh, don’t be a grump.” Emily bumped her shoulder against his. 

Javier narrowed his eyes at her, but he couldn’t keep it up. She was enjoying this. She looked relaxed and comfortable, and she was standing closer than normal. Close enough he caught a whiff of her perfume, a scent he typically only caught when they sat shoulder to shoulder in the backyard. He wanted to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her flush against him like they were a couple or something. He wanted Lorraine to know that Emily was his. 

“Javier?”

“What?” He snapped from his thoughts. 

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Emily’s eyes had softened from their teasing gleam to one of empathy. “If you don’t want to be around Lorraine and Randy- I understand.”

“No,” It rushed from his mouth before he could think of something better to say. “No, we’re all adults. That was 10 years ago. I want to be here.”

Emily smiled. “Good.” 

Lorraine kept her distance from Emily throughout the afternoon, mostly to avoid Javier. However, Emily caught Lorraine’s eye on them more than once. 

It wasn’t until Emily slipped inside that Lorraine approached him, the same subtle smirk painted on her lip that he always remembered. “How is it you always seem to show up, Javi?”

His hand fell to his hip, the other one reaching for the pack of cigarettes that no longer sat in his shirt pocket. He wanted to bang his head against the wall. “I was here first.”

Lorraine flipped her own pack open. “Want one?”

“I quit a few weeks ago.” Javi pulled the Nicorette gum from his shirt pocket, holding it up for her to see.

Lorraine’s eyebrows popped up. “Well, miracles do exist. Guess that makes you better than me now.” She lit her cigarette. “But really.. What are you doing here?”

“I’m a friend of the family.”

“And that’s why you’ve been glued to Emily’s side the whole morning.”

“She asked me to keep close.”

“Emily who jumps every time a man comes near her? Asked you? To keep close?”

Javier bristled. Lorraine’s tone bothered him. Like she thought he wasn’t worthy of Emily’s time, or was playing some kind of game with her. “Does it shock you that much to know I have friends?”

She took a pull from her cigarette, letting it billow over her head. “Let’s be real, Javi. You don’t have the reputation for being friends with women.”

“It’s been a long time since I was here. Things change.” It was bullshit. Javier had built himself the same legend back in Colombia, but Lorraine didn’t know that. Loredo didn’t know that. 

Lorraine quirked an eyebrow, suspicion reading in her face. “That’s what they say.” 

Javier clenched his fists, looking for a way out of the conversation. Jackie called out for her mom, pulling the woman’s attention away for a brief moment. Before Lorraine left, she left him with final words. “Just don’t hurt her.”

Javier sipped his beer, knuckles white around the bottle. The snide comments hurt, but the woman he left at the chapel voicing his biggest fears pierced through all his defenses. It was a targeted assault at the only chink in his armor. 

The back door slid open. “Hey,” Emily’s smiling face peaked out “Can you help me with the cake?”

He didn’t respond, finishing off his beer as he looked out across the yard. He took in the festivities, feeling oddly removed from them.

“Javier?” Emily cocked her head to the side. He spun around wearing a look of disinvolvement. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Emily didn’t believe him, concern lacing her brow.

“I’m good.” He tossed the empty beer bottle, clapping his hands together with a forced smile. “Let’s get this cake out.”

He brushed past her, leaving Emily to wonder how he ever survived Colombia with such a shit poker face. 

#pedro pascal #pedrostories #javier peña fanfiction #javier peña x ofc #javier peña #Javier peña fanfiction #Scathed #narcos #narcos fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro boys #pedge boys #pedro pascal fanfiction

[freneticfloetry]

tarlos top five

@rmd-writes asked for my top five tarlos scenes, and after some soul searching (because season four shook some shit up), my list is as follows:

4x16 | “Hi. You’re TK, I’m Carlos, and we’re soulmates.”

GAMECHANGER. Yes, it confirmed what most of us already knew: Carlos was gone from the first second. But the execution is so beautiful, from the impetus to the ease and certainty of Carlos’ declaration to TK’s confession in turn (“why do you think I ran?” is the most TK Strand way ever to do this, and oddly enough, the easiest to believe). My favorite thing, though, will forever be the exact way this was worded and performed — that “Hi,” which is unrivaled levels of perfection (seriously, it sits somewhere between addressing a lost child and a spooked puppy, which is just brilliant as a line read, and every time I hear it I want to toss flowers at Rafa’s feet), but more than that, the fact that he says “you’re TK” before introducing himself, because the most important thing to Carlos is that TK know who he is first. True love at its finest.

3x04 | “Hey, baby. Breathe. Breathe, breathe.”

This was, up until the season three finale, the most fanfic shit I have ever seen aired on national television. Seriously, this is straight out of somebody’s multi-chapter slow burn whump fic wet dream, and watching it live, I was living. His raspy voice. Those hands clenched into terrified little fists. That breathing. The script said “he takes a deep breath” and Rafa was like “BET.” But beyond that, we had that whole bedside missive with Carlos lamenting about consent — that he couldn’t hold TK’s hand, run his fingers through his hair, kiss his head. And the fact that coma TK heard all this, woke up and reached out his hand as permission, and then Carlos did all those things, in that order… Deceased. It still gives me fits. (I am also counting the Tarloft reveal as part of this favorite moment, because I can’t not. “Push” is just perfection.)

4x18 | “We both ended our vows with ‘heart.’”

The vows. The dancing. The Sondheim serenade. The cake cutting (which I’m counting as aired-in-canon, dammit, because it is beyond precious). The honeymoon hand holding. Just, the wedding. All of it.

3x13 l “I love you.” “I know.”

They went Han and Leia on me and it wasn’t even cheesy. Honestly, this whole episode was so important to their growth — their sense of security, their confidence and understanding in each other — to their story, that it couldn’t be left out. Carlos realizes that the best way to help TK is to let him get help where he needs it, even if it leaves him feeling a little helpless, and TK realizes that he still has someone in his corner who’s invested in him, his sobriety, and his happiness, even with his mom gone. The fact that that “I know” holds so much meaning (all while “Transatlanticism” plays on)… Gah. Just beautiful. And on top of all that, Carlos got to be funny!

3x18 | “Marry me.”

“For the first time in my life, the love that I feel is infinitely more powerful than the fear of losing it.” Yep, that’s where I lost it. Because I thought back to baby TK in 1x08, who was being a dick to a cancer dog because he couldn’t fall in love with one more thing that he could lose. The growth. The maturity. The love. 3:18 am, y’all. (The engagement reveal counts as an extension of this as well, because that entire adorable “yes way” exchange between Team Tarloft, with Carlos grinning and TK bouncing and everybody figuring it out from context clues but Mateo is officially the most fanfic thing I’ve ever seen aired on national television, and I love it beyond reason and measure.)

Honorable mention shoutouts to the police station and the airport tarmac, which were knocked down the list by season four things. I still love you!

Tagging @ambiguouspenny, @hoko-onchi-writes, and @mixtapestar, because I know they haven’t been yet.

#tarlos top five #meme #tarlos #911 lone star

[nekoannie-chan]

Week 28 Reblog Masterlist

Welcome to Week 28 2023 or Week 184, as always, fics would be listed in the order I read them.

I hope you enjoy it!

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

♥ You can check my reading guidelines here.

♥ You can check my masterlist here.

♥ You can check my main reblog masterlist 2023 here.

♥ You can check my July reblog masterlist 2023 here.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

𝙺𝚎𝚢𝚜: 💛 ᵒʳᶤᵍᶤᶰᵃˡ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

💜 ʰᵒʳʳᵒʳ

🖤 ᵈᵃʳᵏ

❤️ ˢᵐᵘᵗ

💚 ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ

💙 ᵃᶰᵍˢᵗ

🧡 ᶜᵒᵐᵉᵈʸ

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

This is the list of the fics I read and recommend in Week 28 2023:

 His inheritance chapter 30: Illusions (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @jtargaryen18​ 💚💙❤️🖤

Big girls don’t cry prologue (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @holylulusworld​ 💚💙

And mine you shall be (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @wint3r-h3art​ ❤️🖤

Dark red (Jean Grey X Reader) by @micheleamidalajedi​ 💚💙

Visiting you injured (Spiderverse characters X Reader) by @angelltheninth​ 💚💙

Breaking the ice (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @golden-grapes​ 💚💙❤️

Trust me (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @there-goes-thefighter​ 💚💙

You better run (Sergei Kravinoff X Reader) by @cockslutpadalecki​❤️

It’s your Captain’s birthday (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @witchywithwhiskey​❤️

Shattered heart (Clint Barton X Reader) by @there-goes-thefighter​ 💚💙❤️

Wonderstruck chapter 2 (Wanda Maximoff X Reader) by @messedupfan​ 💚💙

Home Sweet Home Chapter 7: What are you waiting for? (Brock Rumlow X Reader) by @talia-rumlow​ 💚💙❤️

Spiderverse Characters Save You But You Don’t Know Their Identity (Spiderverse Characters X Reader) by @angelltheninth​💚

Little bubbles (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @nicoline1998enilocin​❤️

Time to leave (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @holacia3​ 💙

Angels (don’t always have wings) (Mateo Guevara X Reader) by @there-goes-thefighter​ 💚

Learn to live with the consequences (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @nicoline1998enilocin​ 💚💙

Bring brute back (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @biteofcherry​ 💚💙❤️

Marry me part 3 (Jack Rollins X Reader) by @there-goes-thefighter​💚💙

Escort to the multiverse chapter 13: Now, clean it up! (Brock Rumlow X Reader X Jack Rollins) by  @talia-rumlow​ 💙❤️🖤

Steve Rogers fic (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @ronearoundblindly​ 💚

Fade to black chapter 1 (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @caplanbuckybarnes​ 💚💙

Nice to be kneaded chapter 10: The Snap (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @rogersideup​ 💚💙❤️

Sick: End (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @kaunis-sielu​ 💚💙

One inch at a time (Miguel O’Hara X Reader) by @angelltheninth​ ❤️

Solace (Ransom Drysdale X Reader) by @dungeonpuppykai​ 💙❤️

Nice to be kneaded chapter 11: Doomsday (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @rogersideup​ 💚💙❤️

Fade to black chapter 2 (Steve Rogers X Reader) by @caplanbuckybarnes​ 💚💙

#Annie recommends #stardust reblog challenge

[hearts4namra]

okay this is more recent but i wrote it pre-gekko release based off leaks because i was excited to write a spanish speaking reader :3 don’t mind if it seems rushed or if gekko is a bit ooc. i only went back in to fill in the names of wingman and mateo.

fluff/minor character death (they’re watching all of us are dead)

SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO ADD A CONTINUE READING BAR 😭😭

there wasn’t much to do around the headquarters today.

usually you spent your time helping the tinkerers with their inventions, slaving away over killjoys lab table or convincing cypher to let you into his own so you could get a peek at his tech. today was a break day, however, and while you doubted it stopped anyone from working, you were pretty down to sit in your room and chill the whole day.

you blew up neons phone for a bit but came to the conclusion she was sleeping in, and eventually settled for watching youtube on your phone until you got the energy to get up and queue some league with the girls. (kj and raze, of course.) however your lazy plans were thwarted by a knock at your door, you groaned at the prospect of putting on pants and called to the door, praying it was someone you could remain indecent in-front of.

“who is it?”

“delivery-man!”

you smiled softly at the sound of mateos voice, beckoning him into the room.

“come in, then! why’d you even knock?” he opened the door and raised a teasing eyebrow at you. “you got something going on with the delivery man?” he closed it behind wings, who waddled in with a few quacks as he carried two takeout trays above his head. “how can i not? i mean, look at you.” you squeezed his cheeks and he chuckled, pulling your hands away and dragging you into sitting up. “come on, let’s eat.” you yawned and stood, ignoring the tint of his face as he realized you had no pants on. you dragged him over to the couch with you and wingman hopped onto the arm of it, planting the takeout into your lap and leaning against you in favor of his owner. he received a glare in response, to which you snickered and pat wings on the head.

you passed the box on top to mateo and put yours down in your lap, sitting criss cross as he searched around for the remote. you reached in-between the couch cushions and passed it to him before patting the open space between you two. “you know i don’t bite~” he scooted closer and turned on the tv. “mentirosilla..” you snickered and popped the styrofoam box open. gasping in excitement. “empanadas! thank you, teo.” you turned to face him and he met your eyes, planting a peck on your lips as he grinned. “of course, hermosa. they’re from that chilean place you liked.” you leaned against him and pulled the empanada apart to start eating. “you’re the best.. what are we gonna watch? you brought the food, so you pick.” he leaned his head on top of yours and opened netflix.

“what about that k-drama you wanted to watch?”

“well, then it doesn’t count as you picking.”

he pinched your thigh and you swatted his hand.

“burro.. fine.”

he laughed softly and rubbed the place he pinched.

“don’t be like that, i want to watch it because you suggested it. what was it called?”

“it’s in my list, there.”

you pointed and he played the show as you finally started eating. a few episodes passed and you nearly cried only two episodes in, then a particularly sad scene played where one of your favorites died. he avoided looking at you as he felt his nose grow stuffy, tears welling in his eyes.

don’t cry in front of her, that’s embarrassing..

but when he finally spared you a glance, he noticed your hand pressed against your lips as tears streamed down your face. the main character led his infected friend out the window and you blinked, more tears falling.

“duuuddee, what the fuck??”

you complained, clearly unashamed of your tears. the episode ended and you stared at the screen astonished before looking up at him. “did you cry? this shit has me fucked up, no way you’re this stone cold.” he shook his head, smiling softly at your demeanor. it was a stupid thought, to think you’d find him uncool for crying. he should remember how cool you actually are. “yeah, i cried.” you shook your head and faced the screen as the next episode began.

“he was literally just like you i’m so pissed. he should’ve been endgame, fuck this show.” he smirked and pointed at a girl in the show crying, who had been particularly useless the entire time. “she reminds me of you.” you smacked his arm and pushed off of him, waking up poor wingman who cuddled into your side. “mentiroso! that’s not even funny, fuck you!” he laughed and rubbed his arm dramatically. “i’m kidding, i’m kidding. you’re more like the class prez.”

“i am not that cool, but yeah i see it.” you nudged his arm with a teasing look. “hey, she’s hot right?” he blushed and pushed you playfully. “don’t ask me that!” you snickered and grabbed his arm, holding it in yours. “hey man, it’s fiiine, no harm in calling a pretty girl pretty.” he rolled his eyes. “she’s.. come se dice, bonita. not hermosa, though.” you turned to look up at him. “i think she’s hermosa.”

he shook his head, looking back at you.

“no, that’s you.” you blushed and pinched his arm softly. “ay! jesus..” you pecked his lips and turned to face the tv again.

“hey, i think we need to go back.”

he turned to face the tv as well, noticing now that two of the cast members were completely missing from the room and people were crying again.

“oh shit, we talked through like ten minutes of that..”

#gekko x reader #gekko valorant #valorant x you #valorant x reader #valorant fic

[superlinguo]

Superlinguo 2023 in review

I spent 2023 on leave to hang out with a new tiny human. I still found time for some linguistics, including regular Lingthusiasm episodes and even some intermittent blogging. I also got to reuse all my linguist pregnancy announcement jokes.

Lingthusiasm

Lingthusiasm turned 7 this year! We celebrated with a dozen main episodes as well as our monthly bonus episodes for patrons. We had some help to get through the year while I was on leave with interviews with linguists from around the world, including Lingthusiasm team members Martha Tsutsi-Billins and Sara Dopierela.

We released our new Etymology isn't Destiny merch, which is available alongside merch for all kinds of linguists and language fans.

Main episodes

Where language names come from and why they change (transcript)

How kids learn language in Singapore - Interview with Woon Fei Ting (transcript)

Bringing stories to life in Auslan - Interview with Gabrielle Hodge (transcript)

Tone and Intonation? Tone and Intonation! (transcript)

Word Magic (transcript)

The verbs had been being helped by auxiliaries (transcript)

Frogs, pears, and more staples from linguistics example sentences (transcript)

How kids learn Q’anjob’al and other Mayan languages - Interview with Pedro Mateo Pedro (transcript)

Look, it’s deixis, a word for linguistic pointing! (transcript)

Ergativity delights us (transcript)

Revival, reggaeton, and rejecting unicorns - Basque interview with Itxaso Rodríguez-Ordóñez (transcript)

If I were an irrealis episode (transcript)

Bonus episodes

Parrots, art and what even is a word - deleted scenes from Kat Gupta, Lucy Maddox and Randall Munroe interviews

Singapore, New Zealand, and a favourite linguistics paper - 2023 Year Ahead Chat

When books speculate on the future of English

Neopronouns, gender-neutral vocab, and why linguistic gender even exists - Liveshow Q&A with Kirby Conrod

2022 Survey Results - kiki/bouba, synesthesia fomo, and pluralizing emoji

Linguistic jobs beyond academia

LingthusiASMR - The Harvard Sentences

How we make Lingthusiasm transcripts - Interview with Sarah Dopierala

Field Notes on linguistic fieldwork - Interview with Martha Tsutsui Billins

Postcards from linguistics summer camp

Linguistic Advice - Challenging grammar snobs, finding linguistic community, accents in singing, and more

Frak, smeg, and more swearing in fiction - Ex Urbe Ad Astra interview with Jo Walton and Ada Palmer

LingComm: 2023 conference

The 2023 LingComm conference happened in February, and was once again in the LingComm conference space in Gather Town. I enjoyed being on the planning committee that put together an amazing event that built on the inaugural conference in 2021. Stay tuned for 2024 lingcomm updates!

Top Superlinguo posts in 2022

This year was a chance to reflect on the decade since I graduated, and to articulate the important role my main supervisor had in shaping my career.

After wrapping up the linguistics jobs interview series last year, this year was a chance to share some aggregated resources from 8 years and 80 interviews.

I also got to read a couple of great linguistics books for kids, keep up to date with linguistics podcasts, share some of my favourite linguistics books and check in on some things happening online.

General posts and reviews

10 years of a PhD

Barb Kelly

Gender Variations for Person in Suit Levitating Emoji - Emoji Proposal

Linguistics and Language Podcasts (2023 update)

Language Books for Kids: Highly Irregular, Arika Okrent & Sean O'Neill

Linguistics books for kids: Once Upon a Word - a Word-origin Dictionary, Jess Zafarris

Linguistics Jobs resources

Linguistics Jobs Interviews - directory of posts and resources

Linguistics Jobs resource set

Superlinguo Linguist Job Interviews full list

Linguistics education and its application in the workplace: An analysis of interviews with linguistics graduates (new publication in Language)

Information and advice

hapax legomenon and automated email replies

Lingthusiasm guide to pop linguistics books

Hello Grambank! A new typological database of 2,467 language varieties

What we can accomplish in 30 years of lingcomm: Opening keynote of #LingComm23

Australian Linguistic Society’s Accredited Linguist program

Academic articles in 2023

Although I was on leave, things that I was working on earlier made it through to publication. I like that there was one paper on lingcomm, one on gesture (including emoji!) and one on the linguistics job interviews, it feels like a nice mix of some of my current interests. Just a pity there wasn't a Tibeto-Burman paper in there!

Gawne, L. & A. Cabraal. 2023. Linguistics education and its application in the workplace: an analysis of interviews with linguistics graduates. Language, 99(1), e35-e57. [doi][Superlinguo post]

Freestone, P., J. Kruk & L. Gawne. forthcoming. From Star Trek to The Hunger Games: emblem gestures in science fiction and their uptake in popular culture. Linguistic Vanguard, 9(3), 257-266. [doi][Superlinguo post]

Gawne, L., & McCulloch, G. (2023). ‘Communicating about linguistics using lingcomm-driven evidence: Lingthusiasm podcast as a case study’, Language and Linguistics Compass, 17/5: e12499. DOI: 10.1111/lnc3.12499 [doi][Superlinguo post]

The year ahead

I'll be back to work full time. I've found the low-key level of blogging I managed this year to be sustainable, so expect it to be business-as-usual here. Lingthusiasm will also continue with monthly main and bonus episodes, thanks to the patrons who support the show and ensure we have a team that can keep everything rolling while begin to take on more administrative responsibilities in my job.

I'm looking forward to sharing some things that are in the final stages of peer-review and copy editing, and I'm excited to be spinning up some new projects.

Browsing old Superlinguo content?

I have a welcome page on the blog that points you to aggregate posts, and series of posts I've done over the years, as well as themed collections of posts that have appeared on the blog in the last twelve years.

Previous years

Superlinguo 2022 in review

Superlinguo 2021 in review

Superlinguo 2020 in review

Superlinguo 2020 (2019 in review)

Superlinguo 2019 (2018 in review)

Superlinguo 2018 (2017 in review)

Superlinguo 2017 (2016 in review)

Superlinguo 2015 highlights

#linguistics #language #superlinguo #2023 #review