#math is very difficult when i cant be alone

[gg-selvish]

sapnap/unresolved georgenap in rules

someone on retrospring asked me for sapnap's perspective in rules because it's pretty underdevlopped in the fic so here's my answer so i have it saved because it was fun to talk about

ok i. ran out of time for sapnap in rules and i will be the first to admit that. sapnaps arc isnt very as satisfyingly resolved as dreams and thats because the dnf damage was just so intense and so fresh it took priority over longterm hurt but. theres a lot there that he went through thats implied and also in my personal headcanons of unwritten lore that implications stem from that i dont describe well or explore enough in the actual fic (sorry self burn booooooo)

rules is sapnap fell first george fell harder. 100%. its established in chapter 1 that sapnap had a crush on george since they were young and it was implied that george knew about it for most of the time of their friendship because it would be brought up casually/jokingly and while george thought it was lighthearted (and, once they got together, irrelevant) it was pure torture for sapnap.

loving both of your best friends is very difficult, if you could imagine. in my head dreamnap eased into each other better than georgenap did (emotionally) but... thats not really hard to do. dream and him established probably pretty similarly to treacherous in that it didnt take too long for them to realize their feelings for each other, but in rules george is more present so they get together faster because as we all know dreamnap are kind of scared of each other while george is the worlds biggest instigator. dnn complete each other yadda yadda im getting sidetracked

so they establish that they want each other and start this relationship but we're gonna math it out. sapnap isnt getting words of affirmation (outside of e-sex like praise no i love yous) or physical touch from george. he's getting words of affirmation from dream but limited physical touch due to The Rules (wooooooo). another thing thats quick in the fic is that dreamnap kinda lock away from each other because they Want to be together and theyre Not Allowed To so u can imagine the strain that would put on all of their dynamics. theyre so close but limited to compromise with someone who cant even say i love you or touch them like its Hard bro and theres resentment that comes from that piled atop the years of teasing for feelings that sapnap can never even be sure are reciprocated are u kidding????

so not only is there this prodding and underlying making fun of sapnaps feelings at regular interverals and overall memeing on him for YEARS theres george putting him in a painful position in the relationship too. more resentment. the piles getting pretty high, huh? and then they meet. theyre together. and its george but its also someone completely different. suddenly he's being worshipped and touched like gold with the kindest words whispered and he slips into subspace and feels so safe and he loves george so much why does it have to be so hard?

so he settles for when it's not hard.

he consents to cosigning the breaking of dreams heart and lets george sleep with him alone because for just a few minutes or hours he can pretend he means something to george. because he has doubts. maybe id go so far as to say theres times where he really doesnt believe him at all. but he does believe him when he's combing fingers through his hair and letting him taste love on his tongue

i think a lot about dreamnap in oklahoma. how sapnap felt to sleep in the same bed as dream and want to be with him alone the way they were when george was on call but he cant. all the while knowing if george was in his place he could do whatever he wants because hes on another wavelength

more resentment. george always wins, isn't that so unfair?

and when sapnap comes back different. that line is important and holds a lot of weight. thats when he got tired of george being unfair and dragging him through the mud and he wanted to be strong against someone who makes him weak so he tries so hard even though hes being torn in two and he's so tired, can you imagine? so he stops the unsafe scene. more resentment builds. he's done with george. he cant take this anymore. hes ruining everything and so he pulls away from him even more

and then he gets drunk and george crawls under his skin and he fails and can you imagine how much he was beating himself in the head for that? after being so strong and maybe he felt excluded a little because of it but he wasnt being weak and then george fucking makes him weak again and dream catches him and it all blows up because he was weak

and still. even with sapnap and him on the chopping block. george does not say i love you.

sapnap defends him in the fight. and george still doesnt say it.

it takes dream taking him apart and nearly forcing vulnerability. and sure sapnap is told first but was it because of him? do you think he'll always wonder if it was always going to be dream fixing george and never him? do you think he would feel resentful about that as well?

there's a lot of negativity in him. he's been really dragged through it and treated like shit and theres a part of me who has this perspective and sees rules!george apologists and wonders if theyre thinking about any of this. if any of it is even detectable in the tiny one liners i slipped in because i was going too fast

rules is about george at face value, but it's also kind of about dream, and it's definitely about sapnap.

#suggestive text // #txt #thonking

[assghost]

i am weird...

i was always told to go play outside, but i was afraid bc i hated loud sounds. so when my sisters got new phones i asked my mom for one, so i could play and text her if something bad happens.

i was 8 then.

i didnt call my mom for 6 years bc i hated the sound. i only texted her. i was the silent youngest child that got everything i wanted but i never wanted too much. and while my sisters stole some money from mom, i asked her whenever i needed some to a point that she put a jar with money for me to take whenever i needed, but even then big numbers scared me.

i was 12 then...

and now i see children... 4 years old... with a phone, a tablet and still wanting more. 8 year olds never letting go of their phones and walking from the bus to school with their noses in their phones, phones cracked as hell...

...and i have only broken my phone once...

My sisters had broken their phones many times, but i only broke it from a small fall...

my sisters are 8 years older than me, they finished school when i had just started, they tought me math before everyone so it would be easy...

why arent other kids like me... why are they so loud and annoying, why cant they just enjoy the sun and the quiet breeze... it hurts...

My ears and head hurts.

So i play the guitar my sister taught me and sing songs from many languages that i learnt from the internet thinking that would help me feel better and find how i should feel. But it only made me lost... so i went to art school, finished it and went a few extra years just to learn watercolors and try something else. But did it help?

I always talk too quiet, nobody hears me fully... if i speak im misunderstood, ignored or just not noticed... so i try to have good grades, go to contests to show something... but i still don't know how to learn... Maybe someone might hear this plea...

Everything rises, sounds all rise, pain rises, prices rise, temperature differences rise... and i feel cold so i lie down... my numbers are doing great, but everything else is too difficult to understand... i feel blind... my mind is only of shadows and midnight darkness, i can't see without my glass... es... so i let time go, let others choose what to do, because i can't see any options without you showing them to me...

Im an useless child... why am i different...

My sister had a baby, never let him get out of her sight, never left him with our mom for longer that 15 seconds. All guests were told to wash their hands as soon as they came in to their house, so the house could be kept clean. All walls white, cabinets white. Clothes of the parents were dark, bed and sofa were dark, the child was kept light.

My sister sent her 2 year old to kindergarden... she always kept his away from screens, bright lights and such so he would not be overstimulated. He only gets music from phones and toys... his parent never sing or hum to him... his father acts more like a child than him and his mother always hides under her impression of the father... the child doesn't like to be alone...

Oh what will become of him...

my mom sung to me whenever she hugged me and i loved going to her every single day just to hug her and hear her voice...

my oldest sister ran away from home a few times before i was born...

the other sister liked sleeping over at her friends so mom drove her all those 34 kilometers to her friend whenever she asked...

i always hated the thought of sleepovers because whenever sisters brought their friends to our house it was very loud... i feared i wouldn't know how to act in a friends house...

why am i different...

#rant #idk

[urdadthinksimfine]

Day 3

Im mad at me how healing wounds is my priority again, a major focus for my attention, when it was healed just before my last relapse. What wouldve been my focus now, that I have acceptable skin?

Probably enduring how my skin is still breaking out, and being clean doesnt look clean or feel clean at all for me, how everything makes me cravy and destroyi and everything is destroyable and my perfectionism gets lit when there are no wounds, but just outbreaks.

.

Im going to sports courses, though, trying to give me a different body feel. I cant be a dainty cute girl, maybe ill look less dirty, if my body was more defined, even though its boxy and boyish.

.

I want to have a good and working skin care routine, nice products that work and a lush looking and smooth skin because of it. I want to know what my skin and body needs.

Skin care routine wise,

nutrition wise with antioxidants and shit, making my outbreaks less and making me more energetic,

exercise and body wise, what my body and mind and skin needs for getting its juices flowing, blood circulation and reducing stress and stuff,

media wise, what does it give me to share and write down, presenting myself officially, even though no one needs to read or react, with ranty-tumblr, aesthetic-tumblr, longing-tumblr..

.

If been looking up nutrition for people with athritis, how to reduce inflammation and stuff.. im very cravy right now, with everything that i want but dont do or am, i know, i just wonder what it takes from me to be able to do all that..

Eating the right stuff,

cooking with herbs that do stuff,

making things pretty,

knowing what to heat and what not.

How can i act different than i do.. i dont do stuff, that i want to, because im too scared to commit to one decision. in every way. but in this case it prevents me from putting shelves on the walls, purchasing real furniture, making places for things, like tupper for herbs and racks for dishes or flatware. even more difficult, putting color onto my walls, getting decoration of any kind, blenders for the windows.

.

At least Im doing my resolutions:

not destroying!

only 1 sweet snack per day (like 1 can of sugary drink, 1 piece of pie, 1 sugared coffee..)

at least 1 urban sports course per day

Other things with a little less priority:

meditating

inquiry and sitting a table

handle things on my own, instead of discussing it with my inner circle

I need to get some kind of clearity, of what I want and what is just a reaction to stress (like wanting to move cities, going to Japan or staying for a job), what do I want to do in the future (what would i like to study and/ or work later), what are my interests (maths, social problems, biologic matters, music, organizing and planning stuff, what is hobby-worthy and what would i wanna do for a job) and what and who do i wanna be, like someone completely different and try very new new things or should i pay more attention to what i think are my limits, to what is stressing me out?

"Who am I when I dont destroy myself" kinda thing.. Right now I really, really, wanna leave, the city or the country and get away, because I feel constricted. What if thats just me, with my own limitation from my addiction?

I miss the sentou and its meditative atmosphere. I miss how alone i was with my thoughts, feelings and time back there. I want that. I feel like I cant think around my people, like I cant find out what I really want.

when I came back from Japan I was so sure that I dont want to and I shouldnt stay in Berlin. I knew, I needed to change cities. and then.. I dont want to blame it on other pleople, but then she got so suicidal that I thought, whats worse, living here, giving what I can, or leaving and living with the guilt? I know and I was told that this was the wrong motive to stay, but I did and I got comfortable here.

The question is, is leaving just running away? or is leaving the healthy thing to do for me, with my way of being and with my circle being a bit.. co-dependent. どうするの？

[nationalharryleague]

Valentine’s Day

Summary: Y/N receives a special candy gram on Valentine’s Day. 

Genre: Valentine’s Day Fluff with Middle School Band Teacher!Harry 

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Hi my valentines!!! There’s about 30 minutes left of Valentine’s Day for me and I finished this piece right in time!! Thank you to the angel herself @tbslenthusiast​ for beta reading this for me and I cant wait to hear what you all think!! More of my writing can be found in my Masterlist and I would love to hear some feedback! 

***

Valentine’s Day was never fun for you. You dreaded this day every year.

Valentine's Day in a middle school was full of teddy bears and flowers purchased by someone’s mom and having to tell 12 year olds to stop kissing in the hallway. You also knew that you would be inevitably interrogated by your students about your love life before getting any of them to listen to your lesson about the industrial revolution.

And every year, your answer stayed the same.

“It is none of your business,” you would begin with a teasing sigh. “But if you all have to know, I am happily single.”

And every year, you were met with a chorus of disappointed whines.

Your students were always desperate to wiggle their way into your personal life, a side-effect of being one of the youngest teachers in the school. You were closer in age to them than to some of your coworkers and they took advantage of that fact constantly, creating an open and honest dialogue with their favorite history teacher.

“But do you have a crush, Miss Y/L/N?” Jenna, one of your favorite students, piped up this Valentine’s Day from the front row. You couldn’t help but laugh at the way she raised her eyebrow at you from her desk, inquisitive and adorably curious.

“How about this?” you started, raising your own eyebrow to match her’s. “I’ll tell you if I have a crush, if you can tell me why the printing press was so important to the industrial revolution.”

Your heart started to drop as you watched the massive smile stretch across her face, exposing a mouth full of braces with pink rubber bands. They weren't supposed to learn about the printing press for another week.

“It made information more affordable and easier to access which bridged the information gap between the rich and the poor,” she answered like she had the textbook right in front of her. She crossed her arms triumphantly and leaned back into her seat while the class oohed and ahhed around her, knowing she had kept up her end of their deal.

You felt your cheeks heat as your classroom descended into giggles as your flustered face. “Nice job, smarty pants,” you let out with a nervous giggle.

“Remember, honesty is the best policy,” another student shouted out, pointing towards the poster on the wall of your classroom next to the world map that read the same saying.

“Okay, okay, okay,” you conceded, raising your hands in surrender to the classroom full of seventh graders. “I do have a crush.”

Your students erupted at your admission. Whos, whats, wheres, whens, and whys were thrown out by the class, but only a gentle smirk rested on your features, refusing to relinquish any more information to the children demanding it.

“You aren’t getting anything else than that!” you raised your voice to settle the rowdy classroom with a laugh. You moved from the front of the class back to your desk, listening to the gentle click of your heels on the white tile and gathering the stack of worksheets for that day’s lesson. “Now, pass these around and stop asking questions,” you playfully scolded.

“That’s not what your poster says, Miss Y/L/N,” Jenna spoke up again, pointing out another poster on your wall.

Never stop asking questions! was written in bold rainbow colors on the wall and it was now staring back at you.

You let out a chuckle and shook your head at the floor, knowing they had caught you once again. “I’m going to take down all my posters and you’re going to have to learn in a boring classroom soon.”

“We are just looking out for your love life!”

“You deserve a boyfriend!”

“Or a girlfriend!”

“Just someone who loves you!”

You smiled wide at the class full of endearing faces in front of you. They had nothing but good intentions and were sweeter than Valentine’s Day candy. You loved these kids like they were your own.

“Guys, I appreciate your concern,” you confessed. “But I promise I have it under control.”

After that, they began to settle down, eventually letting you give your lesson on the industrial revolution and scientific advancements of the period.

But you knew you had told them a lie.

You did not have it under control, at all. You were hopelessly in love with the kind man with curly hair and green eyes down the hallway in the band room and had no idea what to do about it.

Harry was one of your first friends when you were hired last year, volunteering to show you around the school and fill you in on all the workplace gossip. He had flecks of cheeky mischief in his eyes as he told you about the gym and spanish teachers’ affair and how the coffee machine was broken by one of the math teachers after a bad administrative evaluation. You had listened adoringly, like he was explaining the meaning of life, and you hadn’t been able to shake your crush since.

You brought each other coffees on the daily and were always in and out of each other’s classrooms. He always made sure you were a chaperone on his field trips and you always made sure he was one on yours. He had even convinced you to let your classes come to band practice once a month so they could play music from the time period your classes were currently studying.

He was endearing and kind and charming and so so good with all the kids. He was also incredibly sexy, which made it even more difficult to control yourself around him. You had the fattest and most uncontrollable crush on him, but he was your friend and you didn’t want to ruin that.

The ring of the bell that signified the end of the class period brought you out of your Harry induced haze, waving goodbye to your students and shouting after them to do their homework and to stop kissing in the hallways. You stood against the door frame of your classroom and watched their little awkward bodies skurry towards their next class, but your attention was soon caught by the tall man who’s chocolate curls stuck out high above the sea of middle schoolers that surrounded him.

“Good morning, love. Happy Valentine’s Day,” he smiled wide, dimples appearing like they were inviting you to poke them, as he reached your classroom and your heart fluttered at his affectionate pet name.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Harry,” you beamed back at him, hoping he and the passing students didn’t pick up on the adoration that was becoming very hard for you to hide.

“Oi, stop that,” he called over your shoulder, slight disgust showing on his face. You turned around and were met by two kids sucking face behind you. “Guys, just go to class,” he exasperatedly sighed when he was met by their shocked and embarrassed faces. Once they were gone, the two of you descended into a fit of giggles.

“They have no shame!” you laughed.

“Absolutely none!”

“Why are you over here? Not that you aren't welcome, but don’t you have a class to teach?” you teased gently as students began to gradually fill up your own classroom.

“I thought I would stop by and wish you a happy love day.” He smiled wide at you and spoke sweetly. If you weren’t reading into it too closely, you thought he might even be blushing a bit. “And it’s okay,” he waved off his class, clearing his throat and his voice returning to normal. “They’ll survive a few minutes alone. I trust them.”

“You shouldn’t,” you giggled again.

“Yeah,” he nodded with a chuckle. “I probably should get back, but I wanted to invite you to come to my classroom and get some cookies whenever you get a chance today.”

You felt your heart soar at his invitation, no matter how friendly the proposal. “I am free next period.”

“I know,” he winked, and your heart nearly jumped out of your chest. “I will see you then,” he grinned as he began to walk backwards down the hallway, maintaining eye contact for as long as he could, before spinning down the hall just as the bell rang to start the next period.

You tried your best to focus on your lesson about the renaissance with your sixth graders, but your mind kept floating back to the delightful man who had invited you for cookies. 

Had he invited all of the teachers for cookies? Or did he ask just you? Was he just being nice? Or did he actually want to see you? Had he been flirting with you?

The lesson was interrupted when there was a knock on your classroom door. You opened it up to find one of your students, Matt, dressed in a giant heart costume holding baskets full of labelled chocolate bars.

“I’m here to give out Valentine’s Day candy grams, Miss Y/L/N!” Matt exclaimed, his face barely fitting into the far too large hole cut out for his face. Every year the student council set up a candy gram fundraiser and the kid in the suit never got any less cute. You let out a chuckle as you looked down at him, opening the door further and letting him into the room.

You watched with a smile as he called out students’ names and the genuine surprise and flattery that passed over their features. Cheeks turned red and shy smiles played on their lips as they made their way to the front of the room and retrieved their candy from the giant pink heart.

You were caught off guard when you heard your own name be called. Matt held out the meticulously wrapped pink candy bar out to you as the class let out an “ooh” and your cheeks heated with embarrassment. Your cheeks heated even further as you read the label.

To: Miss Y/L/N

From: Mr. Styles

Will you be my valentine?

Your heart fluttered in your chest and you had a very hard time holding back the large and toothy grin that wanted to appear in front of your students.

“Who is it from?” one of your students asked excitedly.

“I don’t ask who your Valentines are, do I?” you teased, but held the candy bar close to your chest over your heart. You could feel your heart racing underneath your hands.

The giant pink heart standing at the front of the classroom finished distributing his candy and your class led a chorus of goodbyes as he left the room, onto the next classroom to spread some more innocent young love. You impatiently watched the clock tick down the seconds until the bell rang and released both you and your students out into the school.

And just when it felt like it might never come, the bell rang through the school and your students were off into the chaos of a passing period. You followed closely behind after you gathered your things, the candy bar slid carefully into your bag. You flowed along with the flow of children that carried you down the hallway, heart racing as Harry’s classroom came into view, your feet quickly matching it’s tempo.

Your footsteps echoed on the tile in the acoustics of the large room, your voice bouncing off the walls as you said hello. He had been tuning a guitar when you came in, his attention flashing up from the instrument in his hands to you.

“I was promised cookies,” you teased him. “They better be good.”

“I promise they are. They’re my nan’s recipe.”

“Of course they’re your nan’s recipe,” you sighed with a chuckle.

“What’s so bad about using my nan’s recipe?” he asked incredulously, grinning as he settled the guitar back into its stand and moved towards you.

“Absolutely nothing,” you sighed adoringly. “I just think it’s very sweet.”

“You haven’t even tried them yet! You can’t say they’re too sweet.”

You couldn’t hold back the giant smile that was so wide it made your cheeks hurt, chuckling at his cheesy joke. He made you feel warm when he moved closer to you, like someone had just turned up the heat in the large room.

“I meant that you were sweet, silly,” you tried to joke, but it came out genuine and soft. You bit on your lip nervously, replaying the affectionate tone in your head over and over.

“Thank you, sweetie,” he smirked softly at the pet name and you felt like you were soaring.

He was close to you now, having crossed the room and standing only a few feet away from your body. You wanted to close the space between you two, to kiss him with all your might, to tell him you would love to be his valentine. But just as you built up the courage, he stepped away towards his desk, retrieving a cookie for both of you.

The cookies were shaped into small perfect hearts with a coarse pink sugar pressed into the soft biscuit. The cookie melted in your mouth and the sugar granules crunched between your teeth. You had to hold yourself back from releasing a moan at the taste. They were dainty and delicate and you could only imagine how much time he had put into them.

But you weren’t shocked. Harry was like that. He was gentle, taking care and measured precision with everything he did. He spoke to the kids with tender care, making them feel talented and successful, and was always there to lend a helping hand whenever one of them needed it. And he spoke to you the same way.

“Harry-” you began softly, but he cut you off before you could finish.

“-Yes, I would love to.”

“What?”

“I would love to be your valentine.”

Your heart jumped in your chest, flattered heat rushing to the surface of your cheeks, but you also looked at him with a slight confusion. He had asked you to be his valentine, hadn’t he?

As you looked at him in slight shock, you noticed the small and meticulously wrapped pink candy bar that sat on his desk. Oh my god, they didn’t, you thought.

You could only imagine the confusion that fell onto Harry’s features as you moved away from him and towards his desk, picking up the candy bar and reading the writing on the wrapper.

To: Mr. Styles

From: Miss Y/L/N

Will you be my valentine?

Oh my god, they did.

“Harry,” you chuckled, looking back towards him and holding the chocolate bar up. “When did you get this?”

“I got it this morning when the kids delivered it,” he said dumbfounded. “Why?”

“Because I didn’t send this.” You walked over to your bag that you had left near the door and retrieved your own matching candy bar. “And I’m assuming you didn’t send this either?”

You handed the pink package to him and he read the label closely, eyebrows furrowing even further, then relaxing as you watched the puzzle fall together in his head as it had in yours.

“The kids sent these to us from each other, didn’t they?”

“I believe they did, Mr. Styles,” you nodded.

His cheeks turned a bright red, embarrassment flooding his features. “I’m sorry about before then,” he stammered out. You watched the panic on his face as he searched for something to say that would cover his tracks, but you cut it off when you connected your lips to his.

His lips were soft and velvety and he tasted exactly like the sweet sugar cookie he had gifted you. Your lips moved gently over each other and you slid your hands up to play with the curls that rested at the back of his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to you as his hands found their spot on your hips. You couldn’t help the smiles that fought their way into the kiss and you broke apart moments later, both flushed and flustered, small giggles leaving both of you.

“I would love to be your valentine if you would have me,” you said breathlessly as you looked up to him.

“It’s all I could ask for.”

“This is the best Valentine’s Day ever,” you said softly against his lips, already pulling him back in for more.

“We’re just like the kids in the hallway.”

“They’re not too bad. I understand it now.”

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!! REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK MEAN THE WORLD!!! :)

#Harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles drabble #harry styles x reader #harry styles reader insert #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #teacher harry #harry styles au #harry styles fic #nationalharryleague #mine

[wizkiddx]

heyheyhey idk if u do req but love your dad tom stuff! PLZ PLZ do tom helping his kids with homework but cant do it and reader has to help and its all fluffy 😩💕

ye im down to do req and this had me going completely ott cos its v cute (and a lot less angsty than what ive written recently aha) so apologies for my ramblings:

Summary: tom has the kids for a day and maths homework throws a spanner in the works - tomhollandxreader

implied smut + v slight reference to porn but basically just fluff I promise xox

\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////

Tom had dealt with a lot of whining today. Nova and Leo were the absolute joys of his life, there was no doubt about it. Of course, he also loved you a hell of a lot too - sometimes to his detriment though, hence the position he was in now. 

You’d had a busy week at work and he had been away for the first half of it - leaving you as an almost single mother to a 5 and a 7 year old. So completely fairly, you’d asked if he wouldn’t mind watching the kids for a the day on Sunday, allowing you to go to a friends baby shower. There was no answer but to agree, Tom loved quality time with the kids and he wanted you to kick back and relax with you friends too. 

However the afternoon had not been nearly as idealistic as it were supposed to be in his head. You had left him only one real job (apart from the unavoidable essentials of keeping the kids alive with food and water, something you’d hope he need not be reminded about now). Really it shouldn’t of been that hard, it was just each kid had two pieces of homework. After convincing and cajoling the kids into sitting at the table which he’d already set up with Nova’s ‘Liverpool FC’ and Leo’s ‘captain marvels’ pencil case, the English was easy. 

In fact 5 year old Leo took great joy out of writing a poem with his Dad, which basically involved trying to rhyme any word with another - especially when he tried to convince Tom that all his completely fictitious words were real and worked together. A personal favourite had been ‘snakes’ and ‘palakes’ which Leo was convinced meant pancakes - arguing so vehemently Tom almost started to doubt himself on basic English. 

Thankfully though his eldest and most sensibly child eventually took him out his misery. If anyone had any control over the Holland boys, Leo and Tom - it was the Holland girls. You and Nova had both boys completely under you spell, often taking advantage of the fact too. It was only when Nova got bored of hearing Tom and Leo mock arguing, interspersed with the little boys giggles that Tom tried his absolute hardest to keep a straight face at, that she swooped in.

“Stop being silly Leo, mummy told you he’s not good at school!” She looked oh so innocent, eyes immediately flicking down to continue the little short story she was happily going on with. In response  Tom scowled, knowing your highly curious and intelligent daughter had asked you (for one reason or another) why he was not so academic. Yet instead of Leo bursting out laughing, instead he just nodded and accepted it too - making Tom scowl even more. Not even Leo thought it was a joke. 

So apart from his children apparently taking pity on his simple mind, it was all going smoothly. Perhaps, due to the thankful fact your children had inherited their brains from their mother - something Tom was forever thankful for, until he was shamed for his substandard intellect in the family. Then again though, he was Spiderman. So take that. 

Until Nova brought out her maths sheet. Then the afternoon quickly descended into chaos. It was fractions, something she hadn’t quite grasped from school yet - a concept that still hurt her head somewhat. Normally though it’d be fine, she’d bring the sheet to you and the two of you used ‘ girl power’ to figure it out… you prior experience as a tutor while in uni helping you know how to break through to her. 

Unfortunately Tom didn’t share this same experience. Nor did Tom share a maths qualification… something that had evaded him completely during his schooling career. Of course, it had never been a particular issue, acting didn’t require the use of maths and algebra and Tom was in a very lucky position of being able to pay someone to manage his finances from a very young age. So no, dividing 2/3 and 3/7 didn’t come the most naturally to him. Or at all to be quite honest. 

“I CANT DO IT AND GRACE IN MY CLASS COULD!” For context, Grace was one of her school friends, who forever liked to compare herself to the young Holland - especially because she was normally ahead. Nova had gone from quiet frustration, staring at the questions with her tongue sticking out slightly, to one of pure rage - yelling at her dad with tears in her eyes. Nova was normally incredibly intuitive, she always found it difficult when she couldn’t do something. Now, with a ‘teacher’ who was more useless than her - the frustrations inevitably bubbled over. 

“Hey, we can work it out, just calm-“

“YOU CANT DO IT EITHER YOUR STUPID “ She was just young and frustrated, Tom tried not to take it personally but … it wasn’t always easy. Chiefly because this was the height of offensive statement Nova knew - this was her version of adult explicit language. 

“Nova you can’t be rude.” He used his stern voice, something Tom very rarely used with his little girl. Though he never wanted to upset her, neither did he want her to think it was ever okay to be so rude to anyone like that- no matter how crappy at maths they were. It hurt him to do so but it was necessary - life lessons about the importance of being kind needed to be learnt. And it worked… if what Tom was aiming for was his beautiful baby girl’s eyes to brim with sparkling tears, her bottom lip quivering slightly. 

Instantly Tom’s eyebrows drooped, trying to fight his natural reaction to scoop her onto his knee and reassure her everything was okay. But as you had lectured him many a time before, he had to put his foot down once in a while. So instead, the father and daughter were locked in a silence and intense eye contact, until Nova hesitantly began to speak. 

“I’m sorry Daddy.” During which, Nova shoved her chair back, making it screech against the tiled floors uglily before running off up the stairs. Tom knew she was crying a lot. Knew this was going to take a bit of fixing. 

With a sigh of his daughters name, Tom popped his head into the living to check on Leo who had already finished all his stuff. Seeing him completely zombified in front of ‘paw patrol’ on TV, Tom trudged up the stairs. He knew where she was, when Nova was upset she always hid in the corner of her wardrobe and cried in the darkness. So after steadying himself with a little internal monologue of how to approach the situation Tom walked in and sat down beside the wardrobe - knocking on the door slightly. 

“Nova… can we talk please?” All he heard was sniffing echoing from the wooden chamber until she tried to shout through the door.

“Go-go… go away daddy.” It broke his heart, the way her voice wavered, making Tom pout - gently letting his head fall against the wardrobe doors. 

“I don’t want you to be upset beautiful…. And you did apologise which I appreciate. You know why Daddy got angry right?” Her sniffles heightened before she muttered a quiet ‘yes’. “And you are sorry? Because that might’ve made me really sad too.”

“I’m s-s-sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Then that’s good and we don’t need to cry. You want a cuddle little one?” Before Tom could even properly get up the door was being pushed open by her little hands, revealing a tear stained face and big glassy eyes looking up at her Dad. Swiftly Tom scooped her up and out of the cupboard, whispering to her while she buried her face in his chest. 

“Oh come here my little bean.”

//////////////////////

When you came home late that evening, only mildly exhausted from spending the whole day gossiping with your girls, it was weirdly quiet. All the lights were out in the front room, which made you close the door gently, thinking Tom had managed to exhaust the kids - and himself in the process. With a relieved sigh at the peace you pattered into the kitchen to get yourself a drink (it had been a little concern that Tom would’ve worked the kids into a hyperactive and delerious state that kept them up long past bedtime - which ultimately you’d have to deal with). The house was remarkably silent and though it was clear from the littered toys everywhere that it had indeed been Tom alone in charge, everything seemed pretty okay. 

It was only as you were about to head upstairs to join your hubby in bed that you realised the study light was still on, streaming through the small crack in the doorframe. Assuming Tom had just neglected to turn it off, in otherwords Tom being Tom, you nudged it open with your hand. Surprisingly though, there was your husband, hunched over the desk, looking almost angrily focused - between the computer screen and a piece of paper below him. Normally you would’ve just assumed it was another script sent over or an edit Harry had sent of another screenplay they were writing together. 

But no, the blatant red flag was the screen that you could see. A screen on YouTube, of a man pointing at a whiteboard of fractions. 

So with a soft wrist you wrapped your knuckled on the side of the door, even if you had technically already entered the room. The reaction had you stifling a laugh, it was as if you’d caught him watching something *less PG* the way he jumped out his seat, closing the browser immediately. 

“Love!! I -er … didn’t know you’d got back?”

“I just did.” You smiled gently, while walking into stand behind his chair, wrapping your arms round his neck and pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Soooo…. what’ca doingggg” The glee in your voice was evident, making Tom groan and shut his eyes. 

“I hate you, you know that right?” 

“No you don’t… but you were watching a primary school video on fractions, if I’m not so mistaken?” He sighed deeply, making a point of turning the paper with his scribbles over to obscure it. 

“Nova’s homework.. she couldn’t do it and neither could I, so then she basically screamed at me for being thick and udseless and then had a breakdown.” 

Now you felt guilty. This was a bit of a sore spot with Tom, he always for some reason felt inferior because of his academic ability. Which was stupid- mainly because he was the most clever and talented man you’d ever met. Just…. Just not at fraction. 

“Oh T… you could’ve just left it for me to do with her, I don’t mind.”

“That’s not the point Y/n.” He snapped a little, shrugging your arms off him and spinning in the chair so he could face you. “She’s my daughter and I should be able to help her! It’s not like it’s that hard, it’s just I’m unbelievable thick.”

“Tom stop. Look - you can do this I assure you, it’s just been a long old time ‘kay? Your rusty and that’s only natural.”

“I really don’t think I could ev-“

“Can I teach you? It’s just the method and then I promise you’ll get it.”

It took a bit of persuasion but eventually Tom agreed, letting you pull the corner chair forward to beside his desk so you could demonstrate it to him. To be fair, he really could do it- just a bit of familiarising on the ‘stick-change-flip’ method. The way the lightbulb moment literally caused his face to light up; scurrying to do the question for himself, tongue sticking out in the process; then presenting it to you proudly - well it had you melting in your seat. 

“See! That took all of 5 minutes and you got it.” You elbowed  his side by leaning forward in the chair, which instead of letting go, Tom reached and caught, before pulling you up and round. You landed with you bum perched on the edge of the mahogany desk, Tom now stood up- his legs in-between your parted thighs - your feet hooking round the back of knees. 

“It’s all down to my incredibly talented teacher.”

“No…. No I really don’t think it is” You mused with a soft voice, fingers instinctively going to the nape of his neck - twirling the little curls round your fingertips. 

“Well even so… I think I could teach you a thing or two too.” Never one to mull on anything, Tom’s tone had immediately switched to something a lot more… mischievous. 

“Not even going to ask about my day? Wheres the chat mr smooth?” He had to repress the grin at your smirk because as much as you infuriated the hell out of him - you also had this weird ability of making him feel so entranced and helpless. He relented with a sarcastic chime.

“Fine, how was your day love.”

“Good…. but I have a feeling you’re about to make it a whole lot better.”

That was all the signals he needed to lean forward, in doing so forcing you back until your back landed completely on the cool wood. His lips feathered yours, both hands pinned either side of your head.

“Oh darling… you have no idea.”

#tom holland #tomholland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #fluff #Tom Holland angst

[nopeferatu]

Nopeferatu's Top 11 (ish) Favorite Fics of All Time

because....i cant sleep, and i wanted to keep this sorted out for my reference as well as for anyone else who may want a fic recc or two (or 11 1/2)

11. American in America by Ferrero13

America, being America, says something he should've known better than to say in his own airport, whereupon he is taken in for questioning and finds it very difficult to explain why this particular nineteen-year-old seems to be as politically active as the President himself.

Starting this list off with a silly canonverse oneshot. What more can I say about it? Its got Alfred at an aiport dealing with TSA and reminiscing on his life with Arthur Kirkland. What more can you want?

10. Lovely as You Are by SadLesbianPrincess...

Alfred 'The Hero' Jones is a young American MMA fighter who has his sights set on the UFC championship. But when he challenges the current champion, Ivan Braginsky, a Russian fighter who goes by the title Ivan the Terrible, things don't go quite as planned, and he finds himself in the hospital. After a few weeks alone in his hospital room, another patient is brought in to Alfred's room: a British model named Arthur Kirkland, whose bad habits have caught up with him. In that room, broken together, they learn their little secrets, see their little beauties, and put each other back together again. Running from the past as it tries to catch up with them.

“You’re like a painting,” Alfred whispered against his lips. “You move like watercolor. You breathe out colors of the sunset, you blink in shades of grass and emerald green. You touch me the way an artist touches brush to canvas, you mark my skin and bleed your paint onto me. Sometimes you’re saturated and bright, sometimes you speak in gray and black hues. Everything about you is beautiful.”

This one is ouchies. Very ouchies. Lucky for me, I love angst! I read this at the beginning of quarantine when it seemed like every usuk fan on IG was reading it alongside me and man. We all had very public emotional reactions to it.

10. ...And Hidden Verse, Hidden Heart by ChampagneSly

University AU with Alfred and Arthur as professors. In which Arthur woos a man who doesn’t know any better with poetry.

Poetry, mathematics, and star crossed lovers? Who knows—a school year holds many possibilities….

Who doesn't love a good professor au?? Plus Arthur being a lit geek and Alfred being a math nerd is always so fun to read!

9. We'll Meet Again by George deVailer

Londoner Arthur Kirkland’s pub, the Emerald Lion, is overrun by American servicemen on leave. One in particular is driving him to distraction - loud, brash fighter pilot Alfred Jones. Unable to stop it, Arthur finds himself falling for Alfred’s charms - just as the pilot is preparing to leave for war.

I know the fandom at large doesn't like George, but I hold this fic near and dear to my heart since it was one of the first pieces of transformative Heta fic that I remember ever reading when I first entered the fandom. For all the Versaverse's faults, I still find this one stands up to the test of time.

8. Pointblank by worldaccordingtofangirls

Arthur is a gifted volunteer doctor. Alfred is a bomber pilot. Love strikes us pointblank, right between the eyes, in the most inconvenient of places. The battlefield is no exception.

I finished this one recently and while it hits a lot of the same plot beats as We'll Meet Again does (even down to some small details like Alfred giving Arthur some chocolate in the midst of Britain's rationing), its definitely its own story, and a fantastic one at that. I loved it all so much.

7. Am I the Best You've Ever Had by dozefallsdownthestairs

Arthur Kirkland was a menace to society by all appearances. Even the McDonalds uniform could do nothing to soften him up. Alfred knew he shouldn't care, but he did anyway. [Unfinished]

I haven't read this since 2018 so I don't remember all of it too clearly, but I will definitely say that even tho I haven't reread it in so long, Arthur's characterization has really stuck with me all this time. I really hate reading abandoned fics...but I think I'll give this another read sometime soon because I remember it being so deliciously angsty and enjoyable that I don't mind the heartbreak that will inevitably come when I get to the last, cliffhanging chapter again.

6. Breathless by OrangePlum

Arthur Kirkland never thought that golden boy Alfred Jones would ever have a reason to attempt suicide. Then again, how much did he really know about the oh so popular blonde? The rumor mill would surely chew him up and spit him out.

This isn't necessarily romantic USUK, but if you want to read its definitely-romantic USUK sequel below, then you have to read this one first. Trigger warning for some pretty heavy topics. Like AItBYEH, I havent read this one in awhile but I really like more unconventional ways of portraying Alfred, and I found that OrangePlum managed to do that really well in a lot of their old writings and heta fancontent.

5. Static by OrangePlum

Arthur always thought that the incident with Alfred's arms would forever be the biggest hurdle their friendship would face. But as the looks change and the touches linger, it becomes frightfully clear that he was dead wrong about that. [Unfinished]

Again I REALLY HATE reading unfinished fics, but man I'm planning on rereading this series again soon, just to get to the last installment of this sequel fic. The build up is just SO SO good.

4. In Loving Memory by a_forgotten_note

Arthur Kirkland is a successful author living happily with his husband, Alfred Jones. The couple has endured many hardships throughout their relationship, but now that they're settled and comfortable, they assume those hardships are over.

That is... until Arthur and his brother are in a car accident.

Now Arthur is lost in his own life, trying to remember who he is and why he's with Alfred.

The race is on for Arthur to regain his memory, but when he can't even remember why he loved his own husband, how can he be expected to trust him?

Okay here we go, getting into top 4 territory. So I just finished this fic maybe four or five days ago and man I gotta tell you...so, I put reading this fic off since I got back into the fandom in 2018. Themes revolving around memory loss and car crashes really strike an uncomfortable chord with me due to some personal events in my life, so when I first tried picking it up two years ago, I couldn't make it past the first chapter. During quaratine a few friends ranted and raved about it at me and so I decided to try and cowboy up and get through it. Best decision I've made all quarantine. What started as a fic that I didn't even read the entirety of the first chapter of has become one of my TOP FOUR FAVORITE FICS OF ALL TIME. I really, truly got absolutely lost in their world and was so sucked in by the nature of getting to discover the story of Arthur's life alongside Arthur that I lost all sense of time when I was reading the fic. Plus, this has got to be one of, if not then it is, my favorite portrayals of Arthur in a fanfic EVER. He's witty and sarcastic but not in that way that makes him seem cold and like he hates Alfred, and he's so loving and pensive and so deeply, deeply insecure. My God. I could rave about this fic forever. TLDR; I love it. Go read it if you haven't yet.

3. He's a Keeper by Zo One

Alfred's had his pen pal, Arthur, since the second grade. But now he's becoming a man and he wants to meet his best friend, hidden behind paper and emails. What he didn't expect was the longing long distance brought.

Ahhh. He's a Keeper. Listen folks, my fic tastes are really basic. I like angsty, believable slice-of-life type fics and this is exactly that. When I first read it back in 2018, I knew I loved it a ton, but when I picked it up again back in June/July I think thats when it was really cemented as one of my top 3 faves. This year I was supposed to hop on a plane and meet my best friend (who shall remain untagged but if you know me then you likely already know who it is) for the first time IRL since we first met back in 2018, but ofc 2020 had entirely DIFFERENT plans for us. Well, long story short, rereading it again under these circumstances hit really close to home to say the least. It deals in depth with the trials and tribulations of maintaining very close long distance relationships, something I have a LOT of experience with, and it also just...generally provided a really nice mental escape for me as I got to imagine leaving quarantine and getting on a plane alongside Alfred and Arthur to begin an adventure in an unfamiliar, refreshing new territory. If you love country boy x city boy dynamics and the drama that comes from ldrs, give this fic a read!

2. Scarecrow's Lullaby by OrangePlum

His name is Arthur Kirkland, and he is in love with his best friend.

This fic. Man...don't even get me started on this fic. Despite the fact that its a one shot, this definitely is one of my favorite fictional works I have ever read, period. I have a super longstanding attatchment to this fic because I actually read it back in 2013 or so, and I still remember how much it broke me that night when I was laying under the covers at 2am and trying to stifle my crying, because I couldn't let my mom know that I was still awake when I had to get ready for middle school just a few hours after that. I have since probably reread this fic about like. I dunno, maybe a quarter of a million times? Theres just...something so achingly lonely about this fic. The prose is so good its almost poetic, and because its written in second person perspective, there is no way to escape the fact that you really are forced to sit and feel every. single. wonderful, fantastic, awful, heart-wrenching, gut-churning thing that Arthur is going through throughout the story. Really what I'm trying to say is that I've read it a million times before and I'll read it a million more. If you've ever loved and lost in any capacity and you just want to ~feel something again~, then this is the fic for you. Make sure to have a box of tissues at your side and good luck diving into the sad, sad life of the man who's in love with his best friend.

1. American Dreams in an English Village by Butterfish

Alfred and his family move to an English village and become neighbours to Arthur and his family. Arthur doesn't like the American, but they befriend each other, and slowly friendship becomes love. But that's not good in a little township!

So we're at my number one favorite fic of all time. God...where do I even begin. I started this back in 2012/2013, before I left the fandom for the duration of my hs life, however I don't remember ever actually finishing it back then. When I came back to the fandom in 2018, it was the first fic I decided to reread because I remember how much of an impact it had had on me when I was just a middle schooler. In doing that, I kinda mamaged to grow up alongside the characters, as I had greeted them when they were both just young middle schoolers like me and I finished the story when they were finishing high school like I had just done. It holds a very special place in my heart for that reason, but also just...the journey that they both go through is so, so compelling. You see as Arthur and Alfred have to navigate what it means to fall in love w your same-gendered best friend in a very closed-minded, pre-internet world. Its just...a classic queer coming of age story, so good that to me it could stand to be its own novel and get a movie adaptation, to boot.

#fic #fic ref #fic rec #ref shit #hetalia #hetalia world stars #hetalia world series #hetalia world twinkle #hetalia the beautiful world #usuk #ukus #usukus #beiei #hetalia usuk #hetalia america #hetalia england #usuk fic reccomendation

[innittowinit]

SBI headcanons awooga

Some headcanons and things for my sbi fd! Abandoned amusement park fic lol 

Here's the link if you haven't read it btw 

SBI last name is Reid, DT last name is Jackson btw lmao, i probably won't mention it much though unless it's like Mrs Reid for the sbi mom y'know

This has Tommy, Techno, Wilbur and Phil included; lmk if a dt post would be a good idea too 

Tommy

The youngest brother, he’s seven lmao what a child

Even though he’s the youngest, he’s also the most confrontational and will gladly ‘fight’ anyone who talks bad about his brothers 

He can’t fight

He’s very tall for his age but is also extremely light since he’s always running around 

Phil tries to get him to try new foods a lot but Tommy’s a really picky eater

...Tantrums.. Every time he doesn’t get his way

This lead to his brothers spoiling him quite a bit, he’s still sweet enough though since Phil has had many stern conversations with him about being nice to people 

Has a toy music boy, with collectable discs

Wilbur got his first disc for him, it’s his most prised possession 

Every time he does all of his chores (which are really just small things like clean up after himself and keep his room tidy) someone, whether its his Mum, Wilbur or someone else, gets him a new disc 

Techno got him ‘Pig step’ for his seventh birthday and he listens to it every night before bed 

One time he snuck downstairs while Techno and Wilbur were having a sleepover and watched the horror movie they were watching without them realising it. Techno and Wil were the ones to get into trouble since Tommy wouldn’t sleep for a week afterwards. 

Techno had to read him a story every night until he stopped thinking he was going to be eaten by a demon in the middle of the night 

Drinks way too much caffeine for a kid, someone take this boys coke away

He’s got a habit of biting his nails, which has left him with some pretty crooked teeth, which will probably need to be fixed with braces when he’s older. 

It’s also gross because he climbs so much there’s almost always dirt under his nails 

Hasn’t really grasped the whole concept of not saying everything he thinks yet

Oh my god someone shut this boy up

He still believes in Santa and The easter bunny too

One time Techno told him Oogie Boogie from the nightmare before christmas was real and he cried

He talks a lot in school because he finds it boring but he’s also very good at maths and English for his age

Wilbur 

Middle child, Wil is 13. Techno’s twin 

He’s pretty insecure about his music even though he’s been playing his whole life

That’s why he likes being able to practice in L’manburg, there’s no pressure to be perfect when he’s alone with his brothers 

Super extroverted and confident in everything else though, Since Techno can’t talk to most people, he usually tries to speak for both of them

After realising that Techno didn’t really like it when he said ‘Techno thinks’ a lot, back in primary school, he adapted to trying to speak for what Techno wants without making Techno’s issues obvious

They tell people who need to know, but for people they’ll only talk to a few times they usually just get away with Wilbur acting super obnoxious and loud so it seems like Techno just doesn’t have room to talk, rather than that he can't 

It’s easier than getting into it since they don’t feel like most people will understand

has separation Anxiety, when he’s not with his brother he doesn’t relax/ feel safe at all. If it happens at school he won't do his work at all/ Will probably just leave the room and try to find Techno

Everyone kinda knows this and they try to suit things around it without saying it outright 

He’s kinda embarrassed, he likes to think he’s the one protecting Techno but really they need each other the same amount 

Techno gets this though, He doesn’t mind if wilbur has a bit of a saviour complex, he’ll play along if it makes him happy 

They’re working on it with their Therapist though so don’t worry, he won't grow up to be an ass

Interests (besides music) include: 

Watching obscure documentaries 

Disney movies, favourite is peter pan 

  Skating 

He and Techno got Picked on in primary school for being so close, he learnt kickboxing so he could defend himself if things ever got physical. Luckily they didn’t but he still knows how to kickbox so watch out

Almost always turning in homework late, he’s good at talking his way out of Detentions though. 

And when he cant talk his way out, Techno finds a way to get detention too

He’s VERY protective of his younger brother(s(he was born first so he likes to insist that Techno is his little brother)) 

That’s good for the most part but he can be a little overbearing sometimes, he’s got detention many many times for cussing out people who so much as looked at Techno wrong 

When he’s feeling guilty he mumbles a lot 

Techno 

Middle child, 13. Wilbur’s twin

Has selective Mutism, completely fine talking to Wilbur, Only talks to Tommy and Phil if Wil is there too but other than that he’s completely fine talking to them as well. He speaks to his parents but not as openly as he does with his brothers, with them its usually very quiet, one word sentences 

Like Wilbur, separation Anxiety also, It’s not as bad as Wilbur’s is though, Wil just makes him comfortable enough to talk with his brothers, he can deal with being without Wilbur but he absolutely doesn’t want to

He can be a bit arrogant and possessive of his brothers at times, he’s a bit scared of them leaving him because he can be so difficult so he has a tendency to be cold to any new people they bring home 

Interests include: Pvp games, ancient china, farming

He was hyper-fixated on a cartoon when he was younger and now he has multiple cosplays from it that he’ll probably never wear again

His hair is LONG and pink, they never figured out why it grew so fast or why it was pink but it is lmao 

When he was born his parents were terrified, they thought he had some kind of rare condition that was going to hurt him but the doctors eventually came to the conclusion that he just had healthy hair that grew fast and the pinkness was due to an abnormality in the melanin in his system or something idk fellas im failing science pls pretend this part makes sense 

Being silent with long pink hair as a kid, he got picked on a lot. There were many instances where he just pushed kids over or hit them because they were being mean 

Since he’s the quiet one, teachers usually trust him a lot so he and wilbur used to skip class a lot, back when they got picked on, by saying they had to help another teacher do something

In an attempt to get him to be more social, his parents signed him up for violin lessons aged 8, he really liked his teacher and had even managed to speak a little to her over the past 4 years he took lessons 

Spaces out a lot 

He watches a lot of conspiracy theory videos but he doesn’t actually believe any of them, he just finds them interesting

One time he convinced Tommy they were living in a simulation and Tommy hit a kid to see if his hand would pass through

He’s spoken a few words to squidkid too since they’re childhood friends and he’s very comfortable with him. Ironically all he seems to say to him is ‘bozo’ to tease the other for saying it so often, instead of literally any other insult

Phil 

Oldest brother, 16 

Cares about his brothers so so so so so much like he will do anything to keep them happy and safe

One time he missed an exam because Tommy was sick and he wanted to take him to the doctor before anything else

Tommy was fine btw, just one of those bugs you get when you're little

Their parents are pretty distant so Phil has been pretty much raising them since he was little, he doesn’t mind though

Their parents aren’t bad people or anything, they just get called out a lot for work and can’t be at home a whole bunch, it’s a big part of the reason why Techno never got comfortable talking a lot around them

He works at a Nearby florist to get extra cash to buy his brothers things when his parents arent home

When their mum is home, he brings her flower arrangements home from work because he is sweet <3

He’s really into mythology and Folklore as well as drawing, when he was younger he had multiple sketchbooks filled up with different creatures that he had drawn 

When he, techno and wilbur were all little, he used to play a game with them where they’d describe a monster off the tops of their heads and he’d draw it for them 

Techno and Wilbur loved this and always put up Phil’s drawings on their bedroom walls 

When he was 13 he used to write angsty poetry, He told wilbur about it one day and that's when wilbur first started adding lyrics to his songs 

He can be pretty gullible, he likes to believe that people mean good no matter how hard it might be to see it that way 

He can hold grudges for a pretty long time, he’s quick to forgive when it’s himself that’s been hurt but it’s very very hard to get on his good side again if you hurt his brothers 

Watches Alien theories with techno, unlike techno he actually believes in them

Has the ‘i believe in aliens’ poster 

When they were little, he used to grow strawberry plants with techno and Wilbur, this is what prompted techno to start growing other vegetables in their garden himself

#sleepyblr #sleepy bois inc #sbi #fanfic #mcyt #mineblr

[leonaluv]

So for my feedback "water sign" I do have cancer sun sign/aries moon/ virgo rising.

For my looks, I cant say I look fit but I workout a lot, I am very pale and asian/middle eastern. I am not tall :') 157cm I have a round face. I am indeed younger than 25.

Initials starts with J

"You can be indecisive and spend money quick" this is very accurate lol! Personality trait perfectionist is true too! You got the personality more accurate than the phsycial appearance. And for the si I have the same hair length but darker color. (Brown)

For you: (idk what you use astrology wise but I'll put both vedic and western)

Maybe Leo moon or sun. You might have a Gemini placement in big 6, 8th house saggitaurs/libra

Maybe you are tall or have long legs, bodyshape rectangle/spoon

Are you good at math? I am getting tha you are. Maybe you have obvious viens somewhere on your body/feet.

Personality traits: mysterious, brave, quiet, funny, smart, clever, sharp. Please tell me if anything resonated jsjdjsjmw

I dont have sims hehe. You said after feedback I can ask question so my q is how is my career going to be like? If I shouldnt ask pls ignore lol sjndjsjsj

Okay the cancer!!! Energy got that part right 😄. Well I would say Asian still similar as your not white . Round face okay okay . Oh so you are younger 😀!!!!

Yes, since picking up the physical traits is difficult with just tarot. Thank you for adding Vedic . So no air sign 😥 that was a miss.

I gave up math when I was in middle school . 🤓 I am short 5'3 . I do have Leo rising sign and Gemini is in 11th house for tropical .. Vedic

Sagttuirus - 5th house and Libra tropical .

Personality yes to everything.

I saw your other ask when you mention that you have longer hair . 😅I was thinking medium length but not to long .

Tarot Reading

An ending can happen that will lead you to new opportunities in your life .💓 For October many new career opportunities.

It can be rough as you won't get to have much alone time . You could have to travel and be on the go many times. Not having enough time to yourself. It can be hard to adapt as things always transform into something new . ( The hanged man reverse , the world reverse , and the hermit reverse , the emperor)

Your relationship with your boss / CEO will he great and stable.

Coworkers it just normal relationship nothing special or bad .

Maybe you meet a doctor in your career and begin a relationship .

Connected with fertility or having baby while your in your career .

It can be a birth to a new idea that helps you heal . Open yourself up better to love because of it.

Have interruption during your career and because you may want to put your family above it. Especially if you have kids.

#guess game

[gayregis]

angouleme can have little a avuncular guidance. as a treat ... heres some semblance of a compilation of regis being a guardian to angouleme, things i think about . both funnie and sad moments included i think

angouleme sneaks out at night to get into trouble / does other questionable things around the palace nocturnally, regis always catches her and it’s always on accident since they just have very similar time schedules. angouleme stares at him intensely in “oh fuck i just got caught” like O_O for a good 30 seconds EVERY time this happens but regis is just like :| and shrugs saying “i didn’t see anything, i’m a human, i can’t see at night or whatever” and walks off. also the next morning geralt always questions him as to what angouleme was doing, if he saw her when he was coming home, and regis always denies knowledge or says smth along the lines of “i’m not a narc, geralt :/”

angouleme yelling/losing her shit/saying wildly inappropriate things ... regis produces a ye olde granola bar from his bag and gives it to her and she quiets down immediately and is like :) content eating the granola bar. you can also substitute the granola bar with a bag of baby carrots.

similarly angouleme saying crazy shit and geralt telling her to be quiet and asking regis to recount this instead and regis says something incredibly similar/the exact same

that one time that milva was teaching angouleme to shoot and angouleme clear missed the target and got regis instead and actually for the first time was incredibly upset and regretful and guilty that she had inflicted pain and potentially death upon someone and was very worried and apologetic and ashamed ... but also when regis inevitably just plucks out the arrow and hands it back to her and says “oh i think this is yours” angouleme is like wait so he litcherally cant be killed... this is epic

basically angouleme who’s been abandoned having an immortal protector and mentor. peace

as i said in the tags of this post here: regis comes of as so peaceful as an individual that at first angouleme resents him a little, because she associates peace with arrogance... like, oh youre content with your life and dont hate yourself? so you think youre better than me? fucker. and she’s so used to asshole men being creeps in her life that this company still seems really bizarre in the regard that none of these men are dangerous. but then she learns about what ... who ... regis was in the past and she realizes that they’re similar, and then does the math and realizes that maybe one day she’ll also find this inner peace and can stop hating herself so much for the things she’s done and the things that have happened to her. angouleme not feeling as though she's so alone and such a fuckup that only she could ever get into such a mess like this... i feel like she has an unhealthy amount of survivor’s guilt, as in she blames herself for not dying while everyone else in her band did, and she also feels like what the world has given her she deserved because she was a fundamentally bad person from birth bc of her status, and that she will be stuck in this violent hellscape of a life forever and thats just how it is and she has to continue violence... but i think when she meets regis (and also milva) she realizes that violence does not need to be a cycle and change is possible.

also in the tags of that post: i think... regis developing more understanding/empathy and putting ethical philosophy into actual practice where it actually has stakes (haha haha haha stakes haha haha haha haha haha). i think in the hansa he learns what humanity actually means

also bc vampires just... do not parent, it’s not in their culture to, regis learning what guardianship actually means and growing into this position where he protects this child and begins to understand humanity on this deeper level of the feeling of protecting a child, because that’s very human, valuing and protecting the progenity for a new generation is incredibly human

also geralt arguing with regis that “humans don’t regrow their heads” so he can’t just be supporting her doing all sorts of dumb shit just bc he did it and he turned out alright... they kind of have to argue on how to parent i’m saying bc again vampire parenting is not much parenting at all. just let them go wild what’s the worst that could happen... they’ll learn sort of thing. so regis has to confront the idea of human fragility and mortality

i think regis also learns from angouleme in that it’s very easy to hate and loathe your past self and curse your past self, asking “what could i have possibly been thinking, what an idiotic thing to do...” when your past self was not actually devoid of any redeemable qualities and was actually just misguided and without hope... regis condemns his past self quite harshly but because he would never admonish angouleme in such a way i think he realizes that the self-loathing is excessive and unproductive and potentially harmful

i said this in a post already, but geralt is overflowing with fatherly vibes and milva is also stern so i think there is a lot of value in regis to angouleme , in that she can tell him practically anything and he won’t get on her case for it . she finds this kind of amnesty in him whereas with the other members of the hansa they’d freak and start asking her all these questions. regis is just like “hm ok” and maybe discusses a little but doesn’t give her shit for it. this allows angouleme to confide a lot of stuff that she wouldn’t normally feel safe to tell someone else, and also probably gets her out of a lot of trouble bc someone (a very powerful someone) will know where she is and what she’s doing... so if she gets into trouble, she has a lifeline

this also means she can tell him a lot of funnie stories that she doesn’t have to stop herself with because “was gonna say smth funny and then remembered it involved murder.” also regis has like a thousand stories too obviously so he counters her wild tales with smth even crazier and then they’ll try to compete for a bit like “well ONE TIME i...” but angouleme actually always wins and neither knows how she does

surgery lessons, or basically regis was sewing someone up and angouleme invaded the scene going “can i watch can i watch”

also alchemy lessons, which turns into basically “so that’s how you make fisstech... interesting”

i think also in these mentorships regis quizzes her lightly like “and what reactions does this species of plant produce in the human body...?” and angouleme says the right answer, “oh they drop dead” and regis is like “very good!” and angouleme kind of goes insane with happiness a little at being called ‘good’ / being praised by a parental figure for maybe like one of the first times in her life. similarly, i think regis would attest to angouleme’s character at the breakfast table in discussions, and say things like “well our angouleme is very smart” and she’d be like >:3!!!

as in canon, adopting each other’s speech mannerisms... not just regis adopting angouleme’s unique phrases, but i would also like to think abt angouleme saying smth pseudo-philosophical to throw someone off of her tracks... like “so, i owe you money... but what is the concept of debt and ownership, anyways? isn’t it all just a construct by society? by humanity?” and then she bolts and evades her creditors

regis trying to teach angouleme stuff and then being like “oh wait i forgot you can’t fly, hmm... ” “oh wait i forgot you can’t hypnotize people, hmm....... that complicates things...” ... jokes on regis though bc apparently angouleme can scale buildings and talk her way out of a lot of situations, so that’s almost as good as flight and hypnosis

im trying to not be sad rn but i think regis would be a very good person to cry on. like his cloak is very soft. and he smells like herbs. so there you go. but i think also angouleme having a breakdown would be cathartic for both of them because angouleme realizes that she’s being vulnerable around an adult and she isn’t afraid of them and regis realizes that he has a responsibility to not treat physical wounds, but rather to treat emotional ones and that’s infinitely more difficult

i think angouleme would have breakdowns to regis about: her family/her mother, geralt taking her into the hansa but she feels like he probably just sees her as a replacement daughter, i think also she gets into too much trouble one night and regis has to get her out of trouble and she kind of just breaks down because her life is crazy and has always been crazy and there’s no way out because this is all she has

i think angouleme also gets pretty upset at seeing children/teens with “perfect lives,” like she just gets crazy bitter about it... and there’s no shortage of nobility around the palace, so she’s constantly reminded of her background. i think regis’s not-being-a-human-isms and philosophy that stems from an immortal perspective that all humans are equal in life and death can help with this. but also he kind of has to learn that you can’t just talk about smth abt society or the past that is fucked up and solve it by having had said it... it will always remain an issue...

i also think that regis has his ravens scout around for angouleme’s lost pendant with a sea-cat on it, but when she gets it back she gets mad and says that she doesn’t want it because she doesn’t want to be reminded of her mother, regis is like “ok” but angouleme is still mad, she realizes she’s mad because she doesn;t think that regis realizes that he’s actually become more of a guardian to her than her biological mother was, and tries to provoke him but regis is unprovokable ofc so he’s like hm explain that and angouleme just spills her emotions

to bring this back to happy i think they could also prank geralt pretty hard. and or eavesdrop. plus there will be times like where angouleme is waiting by a door trying to listen in and straining and regis stands like 3 feet from the door and hears everything perfectly, just recites it all aloud and she’s like oh this is so much easier. 

also once angouleme was eavesdropping on geralt and dandelion arguing and regis approached and was like “angouleme :/” and angouleme was like >:/ “get out of here i’m tryna eavesdrop” and regis was like “there’s a more professional way to do this” and disappears through the door, angouleme is like “showoff!” ... geralt smells sage and throws a moon dust bomb at him and regis coughs up silver shards for the rest of the day. also when angouleme hears the explosion she jumps in, so this was a failed attempt all around

#angouleme #regis #the witcher #sorry for longpost.........

[mahalkosikimtaehyungxd]

It’s just another one of those weeks.

As usual, this week is another week full of stress and anxiousness. The MST was still ongoing so I had to review all of the subjects and the topics discussed. I will say it was actually pretty difficult to focus since the test was done online and not answered on actual paper. It was a new experience for a lot of us. I myself was really anxious because thats the kind of person I am. I overthink a lot and I worry about the smallest things. Thats why I was nervous about the MST.

I was really stressed out. I had to go through all the lessons and topics on each subjects before I compile them and make a proper reviewer for each subjects so that I could use them as reference. I was also having difficulty in most subjects like math, because to be honest I am not the best at this subject and I dont think I ever will be. But i tried my best to understand the topics even though they gave me serious headaches. 

Ever since this new normal for us students came up, It was not easy to adjust at all. I was very nervous of how things were gonna go especially during exams and quizzes. It wont be the same as going to actual school and getting the real life experience of senior highschool. Its so sad that i get to spend my first year of being a senior like this. I wish things weren’t like this. This kind of situation isn’t good for my mental health either. Like I said I’ve gotten very anxious and had an amount for anxiety attacks. Surprisingly I got through those. Shocking. But its so hard, its not easy being the eldest child. They think everything about you is wrong. That really triggered me and made me really upset and cried every night with a head full of thoughts I choose to let out when I am alone. The pandemic really hit me in a way where I realized certain things and where I felt more not myself.

Now back to this week, I guess its just another one of those weeks I just have to get through with because I have no other choice but to keep going. This is the path I wanted to take so why not just lead it and see where it takes me. Days like these are maybe just signs that God is trying to test us into wether we are capable of controlling our own monsters and inner self and as well as if we can fight our own battles without his help. But we know He is up there watching us cheering us on and telling us to keep going. 

A week of typical problems that can easily be fixed but also become worse. These are the kinds that I come across, I pray to be strong enough to handle. This isnt the end yet, there are still many thing I still want to accomplish. I may have fallen a couple times, but I will always pick myself up and stand up and be stronger. This was just another week, it wasnt even a year yet but well, we are close to the year ending. I may sound dramatic but its worth saying. Everyday I remind myself to stop overthinking, I cant control everything, just let it be. These 7 boys have done a great impact in my life, Im glad they helped get through this week and the rest of my days where I was at my lowest. They serve as my daily reminder to, keep going. 

[ff-imagines]

General headcanons: salty tofu

I saw a man so beautiful I started crying?

• baby boy.... baby boy....

• salty having a crush on you is... gonna make things difficult for both of you

• he’d rather walk a mile barefoot over legos that are actively on fire than admit he has feelings for anyone

• so as a result he’s... very defensive and quick to end your conversations

• he’s essentially the third grader who’s mean to you cause they have a crush on you lol

• honestly it doesn’t take much to break down that wall though

• even the most basic kindness has him looking at you differently

• but he’s still gonna be high and mighty about it lol

• “don’t you have other duties? Or is this you submitting to being my toy?”

• “I don’t need your attention. Go find someone else to dote on.”

• proceeds to get sad cause you’re not paying attention to him

• you’re gonna have to make the first move, baby boy is a lil bit oblivious when it comes to romance

• and general social interaction

• the second you do, his walls come completely down and he’s a big ol’ cuddly softie

• he also drops the whole toy thing pretty quickly when he sees you’re not happy with it

• “Oh? Do you want to be my toy forever? ... Eh? Why is your expression so unsightly? ... Darn it, okay I was wrong, I won't call you a toy again... So... smile.”

• gets frustrated super easily over small stuff

• most of the time it has to do with people making him feel uncomfortable, or hurt

• he likes to pretend words don’t hurt him, but they really do.

• sometimes if he’s hurt enough, he’ll tear up

• he’s got a sorta hiccup-y cry, his throat locks up making it hard to talk, and he hugs himself tightly. Sometimes he’ll wipe at his face to get rid of the tears.

• if you tease him or poke fun at him for crying he’ll loose his shit

• he can dish out teasing, but he cant really take it in return, especially when he’s vulnerable like that

• but he’d also never tease you for crying either, he mostly just starts feeling angry at whatever made you cry

• “salty you can’t fight a tv screen” “W A T C H M E“

• the best way to cheer him up when’s he’s sad/grumpy?

• be needy

• he likes that you rely on him, even for small things like a hug

• another quick way to get him in a good mood?

• spa day!

• face masks, bath bombs, cucumbers on your eyes, diy manicures, he loves it all!

• his favorite bath bomb is black with just enough glitter that it’s not excessive, and it smells like apricots

• he can’t really relax unless he has some kind of white noise, so you both take turns picking a music playlist

• on days where you just can’t come to an agreement on what to play or who’s turn it is, you both just settle on the 24 hour lo-fi stream.

• likes the water skin boilingly hot, so good luck lmao

• sometimes sits across from you in the tub and just chills, but mostly prefers to have you back against him as to two lean back and enjoy the smells and feeling of the water.

• likes manicures, but can’t paint his nails well himself without making a mess on his fingers

• his hands are just a little shaky as a default, so hes gonna appreciate any help he can get

• won’t admit it tho so you’ve gotta being it up

• “hey maybe we should do each other’s nails!” And run before he does yours

• he also loves getting his hair played with

• there have been times where he’s actually fallen alseep while you messed with his hair because of how relaxed it made him

• he doesn’t like messing with makeup as much

• don’t get me wrong, on himself he wings eyeliner so sharp it can stab someone

• but on someone else? His hands are twitchy as ever and he’s too worried about stabbing you in the eye

• he just sticks to styling your hair

• he’s not absolutely phenomenal with hair, but it doesn’t look bad either, and he tries his best.

• as time goes on he’ll get better with it, and his styles will slowly get more and more impressive.

• chews on his tongue piercing somtimes when idleing

• also he talks a lot, that causes the metal to knock against his teeth somtimes

• because of that his teeth are a little sensitive, so he doesn’t like ice cream or any cold food that much cause like.... ouch

• prefers marzipan and punishingly dark chocolate

• plays his guitar often, would love if you did too!

• if you don’t know how to play very well, for your sake and his, don’t ask for lessons from him.

• he won’t be mean to you, just light teasing

• but his patience level is -18393024 so uhm

• he’s not a very good teacher :(

• he’ll try!

• he can help you with a few chords, but frankly?

• he’s not only been doing this for a long ass time, he’s also just naturally gifted when it comes to music and pitch recognition

• so if you take a while to get it he’s just gonna be “????? Why confusion this easy ?????”

• he tries his best but eventually just sighs and pulls out his phone to play a YouTube tutorial lol

• if you’ve not already got piercings, he’d love to see you with some!

• if you asked about getting them he’d at first tease a little about you wanting to be like him

• then he’d tell you basic care etc cause he’s not a healer, he can’t really help you if you get infected

• he gets really upset to see you in pain so he kinda dotes on you a lot, getting a piercing does nothing but encourage him to make sure you’re doing ok.

• honestly he’s cool with whatever you wanna do, don’t want piercings? “That’s fine, now listen to three days grace with me I’m bored”

• honestly is very laid back when it comes to hanging out with you alone.

• he trusts you with everything he has, why have worries when you’re right here?

• he likes to talk, but he enjoys just sitting in comfortable silence with some kinda white noise just as much.

• literally anything you want to do, he’ll go with you

• not without complaints, but he’ll go

• you don’t even really have to warn him either

• “ I wanna go hiking up an active volcano” “aight lemme grab some snacks and some bug spray”

• normally doesn’t really have a ‘schedule’, just kinda goes wherever. He lives day by day, making time for his basic needs.

• on rare days he’ll drag you around town looking for something to do

• but for the most part he looks to you for plans and schedules because he legit can’t be assed what you two do as long as he’s doing it with you.

• he kinda has this weird thing with math

• that being that he’s freakishly good at it

• it’s just another thing that he just gets

• he also knows that he’s good at it and he’s pretty proud of that

• will be beaming if you ask for help with any kind of math

• will also be proud if you ask him for help with really anything

• gives the classic “ what, can’t handle it yourself?” line and then immediately gets whatever you need done

• very much likes to hug you

• very very much likes to hug you

• his fav is wrapping his arms around you from behind, and if you’re short enough, placing his head on the top of yours. If you’re a bit on the taller side, he settles for your shoulder.

• but there is one thing he likes more than hugs

• cuddling!!!!

• “tonight, I want to hold you as you fall asleep~”

• and he definitely means that.

• he sleeps on his side, only on his back if he’s tired enough to pass out immediately, never on his stomach as it makes him feel weirdly queasy.

• he loves when you’re on your side facing him, and he’s got you in an arm prison.

• tuck your head under his chin and he’ll actually melt into a puddle

• he’s always very warm but he has this weird tick where no matter how hot a room is, he thinks it’s cold

• “cold...” “salty it’s 94 degrees” “c o l d . . . ”

• cuddling with him is pretty pleasant as long as you don’t get hot to easy, cause he piles on the blankets and curls into you like you’re a fire on a -27 degree night.

• honestly when it comes to you, sweet tofu is obsession, salty tofu is possession.

• don’t get me wrong, he’s not keeping you on lockdown

• but he gets jealous very easy lol

• of course more reasonably, he’s not gonna be crying while holding up your phone going “WhO tHe FuCk iS mOm??”

• it’s more that if you’re in public and someone’s gaze lingers just a little to long

• he’s got an arm around you pulling you closer to his side and he’s glaring

• he might be your living teddy bear, but he knows how to make himself look very menacing

• he doesn’t like random strangers talking to you, mainly because he doesn’t know them and therefore does not trust that they don’t have bad intentions

• “He was asking for directions to the chip isle salty” “didn’t like the look in his eye” “he was 15” “and”

• he finds the stories you bring home of being hit on or asked out off putting, but he mostly laughs, saying “did they really think they had a chance with what’s mine?”

• he feels safer knowing that not only will you turn down others flirting, but you’ll openly laugh with him at that person for even trying.

• it’s an ego boost, but it also makes him proud of you for being able to stand your ground.

• but... if someone ever makes advancements toward you on front of him?

• oh no.

• The fool. The buffoon. They have no idea the absolute hell they’ve just unleashed upon themselves.

• he has no qualms defending you with actual violence

• if the time ever comes where he turns his back for a few minutes and comes back to see you looking uncomfortable while some person is trying a little too obviously to flirt with you?

• beat someone’s ass mode: engaged

• he’d come up beside the person and just grab onto their forearm with one hand, the other hand is at his side in such a firm fist that his palms are turning white

• he’s squeezing them punishingly tight as he leans close to their face and asks what the fuck they think they are doing

• safe to say the creep is no longer bothering you.

• poor baby kinda stands for a bit and just pulls you tight into his side, shaking his head and muttering about how shameless some people are

• call him your knight while he’s muttering, it’ll catch him off guard and you’ll get a rare blush from him

• just take him home and cuddle the teddy bear. His poor heart can’t take the thought of some gross stranger taking you away from him.

• the only reason for his jealously is because of his insecurities.

• “what if one day I’m not enough?”

• those thoughts happen less and less as he spends more and more time with you.

• you’ve only proven that you’ll stick with him till the bitter end.

• with your love, and his rock playlist at full blast, can’t really ask for anything else.

#food fantasy #food fantasy x reader #ff salty tofu #salty tofu #ff salty tofu x reader #salty tofu x reader

[jxpper]

there’s this homework assignment I’ve been trying to get graded because it’s the last assignment I need to graduate. I asked my professor to fail it because I didn’t understand it. it was a college-level economics course for my high school diploma. so because he had refused to give me a zero, my mom called and talked to him. he explained that he couldn’t give me the zero because he knew I would fail the course altogether. so, he tried to explain the assignment to her and eventually she got frustrated and just told him to dumb it down for her. he couldn’t understand why I didn’t understand it. he’s like ‘it's so simple’

and she said to him. “I don’t think you get this. my daughter nearly died from a brain infection. she had to learn how to walk again, talk again, she had to learn how to write her own name again and how to do math again. things that seem so simple to you and me can be more complex to her.”

and I cried. I cried because like???? thank you for validating this, mom?? it wasn’t the sympathy card, it was the realism card. teachers are so used to seeing the same course every day that they don’t understand why new students don’t understand it. and this whole time I felt so stupid because I didn’t understand college-level macroeconomics when really, how could I? Despite the brain infection, despite all of that. I wasn’t a high school student who took economics for two years. I wasn’t any of that. but that's what he thought I was, and he realized just how difficult this assignment would be for anybody who hadn’t done economics before, let alone someone who’s brain cant process and understand math at all due to the chewed up wires in my brain. I even told my mom, I said “I barely remember the recovery I had to make from the first infection in my brain, so when things seem hard to me, it makes me feel stupid because I literally forget the fact that I’m still recovering.”

and the better part was, he acknowledged it. instantly, he dropped the professor attitude and spoke as human to human. I’ve lived my whole life being someone’s number. their patient number, their hospital room number, their student number. it loses so much humanity and to finally be understood as an actual human being, it makes me feel so fucking valid like??

I went from crying tears of frustration to crying tears of happiness because for once, for once in a very long time, I wasn’t a number anymore. I was a person who he then wanted to help. so, he changed the assignment a little bit for me. he explained it to my mom in terms that she would understand, and then she explained it to me in terms that I would understand and that is the first time any teacher has actually offered to help me in a way that could accommodate my brain because the other 116 assignments I’ve done, I’ve done them without any accommodation. Without any extra help. College-level courses completed by a brain that sometimes functions at the level of a kindergartener and sometimes functions at the level of a 39-year-old.

fuck man, I'm emotional

#so yeah #im feeling valid tonight #and fucking thankful

[heroesmusings]

FULL NAME: Thor Odinson

MEANING: Thunder

NICKNAME: Pointbreak

MEANING: It’s what Tony calls him

AGE APPEARANCE: Appears 36, actually over 1000

BIRTHDAY: Unknown

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Unknown

SPECIES: Asgardian God

GENDER: Cis male

ALLERGIES: None

SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Pansexual 

THEME SONG(S): Thunder by Imagine Dragons, Sunlight by Hozier, Lover of the Light by Mumford and Sons, Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy

APPEARANCE

HAIR COLOR:  Dark Blonde

HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: At times it can be long to shoulder length but also can be buzzed on the side with a little more on top 

EYES COLOR: Blue

EYESIGHT: 20/20 he’s a gOD

HEIGHT: 6″6′

WEIGHT: 235 lbs

OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: Usually he wears his Asgardian get up but when he dresses down he wears jeans and a hoodie

ABNORMALITIES: Missing an eye

DISTINGUISHING MARKS(SCARS,MOLES): Many battle scars cover his body

SELF CARE(MAKE UP): Sometimes sports a beard

FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: He looks big and intimidating but he’s actually super friendly once spoken to  

SKIN COLOR: White to tan

BODY TYPE/BUILD: He’s built like a goddamn GOD, there is no way to explain it.. He’s big and made of pure muscle 

DEFAULT EXPRESSION: He tends to look serious just because he was raised a prince 

POSTURE: Thor has perfect posture he was PRINCE OKAY 

PIERCINGS: None 

DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: Thor’s voice is deep, with a bit of a forgien accent and when angry his voice carries like thunder 

RELATIONS:

MOM: Frigga

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Thor was so close to his mother, he adored her with all his heart and misses her every day

DAD: Odin

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Thor has mixed feelings when it comes to his father. He used to think of him as a good man but as things came to light and realized some things Thor has slowly come to realize that Odin was never a good father 

SIBLINGS: Hela, Loki

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Thor loves his brother, sees the good in him but Loki doesn’t like him and neither did Hela…. So not well. 

CHILDREN: N/A

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A

OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS: N/A

PAST LOVER(S): Many one night stands, Jane Foster (ex-girlfriend)

CURRENT LOVER: Bruce Banner

REACTION TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: He likes making friends he’s really a sweet guy

ABILITY TO WORK WITH OTHERS: Thor is very easy to work with and loves to work with people 

HOW SOCIABLE(LONER,ETC): Thor is vERY sociable he loves going out and being around people 

FRIENDS: Hemidall, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Carol Danvers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton and literally anyone else

PETS: None

LEAST FAVORITE TYPE OF PERSON: Anyone who thinks they can take advantage of meeker people 

PARENTAL TYPE(PROTECTIVE,ETC): Playful and Protective 

FAVORITE PEOPLE: Bruce, Steve, Bucky and Hemidall 

LEAST FAVORITE PEOPLE: The Dark Elves, Thaons, 

PERSONALITY:

..WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM: He looks regal from a distance but he’s very warm and friendly 

..AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY LIKE YOU): Teasing, Excitable, Gentle

..AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY DISLIKE YOU): Gruff, Cold, Confrontational 

FAVORITE COLOR: Silver 

FAVORITE FOOD: a stew his mother would make

FAVORITE ANIMAL: ALL ANIMALS, but he’s partial to snakes

FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: ALL OF THEM?

FAVORITE ELEMENT: Fire

LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: White

LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Weird midgard foods

LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: NONE HE LOVES THEM ALL 

LEAST FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: None?

LEAST FAVORITE ELEMENT: Water

HOBBIES: training, video games, learning anything he can about earth

USUAL MOOD: Usually in a good mood

DRINK/SMOKE/DRUGS: Drinks socially

DARK VERSION OF SELF: Thor would be the perfect weapon, powerful and unforgiving, the realms would tremble at his feet

LIGHT VERSION OF SELF: close to what he is now, happy and unworried 

HOW SERIOUS ARE THEY: IF the situation is a tense one he’s very serious but other than that he’s rather joyful

BELIEVE IN GHOSTS: Yes and no?? He can connect to the allfather but that’s it

(IN)DEPENDANT: Thor thinks himself rather independent but he’s not. He’s very connected to everyone he loves

SOFT SPOT/VULNERABILITY: Talking about any of his family, when people try to threaten the avengers, people hating Hulk

OPINION ON SWEARING: He’s rather clean spoken just because he's a prince

DAREDEVIL VS CAUTIOUS: oooh daredevil

MUSIC TYPE: he leans towards what Steve tends to play, he also loves classical music and typical asgardian music 

MOVIE TYPE: Anything ANYTHING 

BOOK TYPE: Again Thor loves to learn so anything 

GAME TYPE: If it’s Asgardian games, it’s anything that has to do with brute strength or drinking -- human ones he doesn’t really care about

COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE: Thor likes it a little on the cooler side

SLEEPING PATTERN: When Thor is out HE’S FUCKING OUT, he’s a rock its impossible to move him. 

CLEANLINESS/NEATNESS: Thor is used to being cleaned up after but he is polite so he keeps it as clean as he can

DESIRED PET: ALL PETS EVER

HOW DO THEY PASS TIME: Helping rebuild Asgard

BIGGEST SECRET: I don’t know if Thor really has any secrets? He’s an open book anyone can ask him anything

HERO/WHO THEY LOOK UP TO: His mother, Frigga

WHAT ANIMAL WOULD THEY BE: the biggest puppy dog on eaRTH

FEARS: Bruce getting hurt, anything happening to the avengers, and losing Asgard again

COMFORTS: Being around the avengers, spending alone time with Bruce and training

HOW DO THEY ACT WHEN THEY ARE:

SAD: Thor is a prince, he has always been told to hide negative emotions, so Thor bottles it up, he puts on a brave face because he is a warrior and royal. So for a long time no one knows he’s sad until he starts pulling away and secluding himself 

HAPPY: Thor is like a ray of sunshine, he talks fast, and tends to just want to touch and laugh

ANGRY: ……………………...AN ANGRY GOD IS NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT. It’s pure rage, the sky turns black -- a storm swirls above him and he’s lit up with lightning. He’s brutal and will not show mercy 

AFRAID: Thor doesn’t really fear? He’s never been allowed to fear. He’s a god and he knows his powers but when he is he tries to face it head on, take it by the horns and conquer it. 

LOVE SOMEONE: Gentle, and understanding -- he cares deeply about them and checks up on them often. He’s always around and is expressing his admiration for them 

HATE SOMEONE: He’s cold, which is a VERY rare thing for thor. He doesn’t hate many but its an angry hate, so if he hates you, then you’ve done something so wrong

WANT SOMETHING: He asks permission.. That is what he was taught to do, so he’s polite as he requests whatever it is.

CONFUSED: He wants it explained to him he loves learning okay 

HOW DO THEY REACT TO:

DANGER: THOR LOVES DANGER, but he’s protective if it involves people he loves

SOMEONE THEY HATE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THEM: I’m sorry if but Thor hate you you are dead no way around it so YOU CANT HAVE A CRUSH 

PROPOSAL TO MARRY: Thor would be ????? so confused. He would have not expected such a thing but he’d of course say yes and would want a human and an asgardian wedding 

DEATH OF LOVED ONE: He interlizes it, he hasn’t ever had a proper way to express his mourning.. He’s still recovering from the death of his family. 

DIFFICULT GAME/MATH/ETC: He’d try the best he can, and usually he figures it out

INJURY: ...he’s a god so he’d just take it as a badge of honor

SOMETHING IRRESISTABLY CUTE: He would want to squish thank you

LOSS OF HOURS OF WORK: Thor doesn’t LOSE hours of work okay he’s always wanted on missions 

KNOWLEDGE:

LANGUAGES: Thor has allspeak so literally everything

SCHOOLING LEVEL: Graduated from formal Asgardian education and warrior school 

FAVORITE SUBJECT (S): Ya know… fighting 

INTERESTED CAREERS: Valkyrie until he realized it was for women only 

EXPERTISE: asgardian physiology, weather manipulation, flight, electric manipulation, combat

PUZZLES: Thor would rather hand them off to someone else so he can do other things

CHEMISTRY: for human, not so great at that because he’s not from earth but asgardian chemistry he excelled in it

MATH: Again, human math? Not so great but Asgard? Expert 

ENGLISH: HE didn’t HAVE ENGLISH 

GEOGRAPHY: he knows how to get to realm to realm 

POLITICS/LAW: Given he’s a prince he had to be very involved in all of it

ECONOMY/ACCOUNTING: Again a prince so its his job

COOKING: Nope not at all, he’s always had things cooked for him

SEWING: Medical sewing he’s okay at

MECHANICS: This is just way over Thor’s head all of it

BOTANY (FLOWERS): Not really interested in all of that 

MYTHOLOGY: HE IS THE MYTH

DRAMATICS(ACTING,SINGING): Not for him, for Loki maybe

READING LEVEL: Proficient in all languages 

HOW GOOD ARE THEY AT PLANNING AHEAD: somewhat? He did have to do battle strategies 

ROMANCE:

DO THEY TAKE INITIATIVE: Yes ALL THE TIME, he’s so touch

HOW DO THEY ACT(SHY,ETC): He’s fairly forward honestly 

GENTLEMAN/LADYLIKE VS KLUTZY: A GENTLEMAN HE’S PRINCE

GO SLOW VS JUMP INTO: With people before Bruce? He usually just jumped right in but he likes taking it slow with Bruce 

PROTECTIVE: uh hell yeah

ACT LIKE FRIENDS OR LOVERS: Both 

WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO THEY BUY: Thor likes bringing Bruce all sorts of things from Asgard honestly, anything that he thinks Bruce will like he brings

TYPE OF KISSER: Surprisingly, Thor is a very soft and gentle lover. So his kisses are the same, gentle but VERY through

DO THEY WANT KIDS: i don’t…. Know. i actually don’t think it’s crossed his mind?

DO THEY WANT TO MARRY: YES YES 

MAKE GOOD OR BAD DECISIONS: Uh both, but he likes to think he’s got good intentions 

ARE THEY ROMANTIC: yes OF COURSE

HOW ARE THEY IN BED: Thor’s a god.. And he’s very well versed so sleeping with Thor is truly otherworldly

GET JEALOUS EASY: Actually no, not really

WIFE/HUBBY BEATER: NEVER

MARRY FOR MONEY: LMAO NO NOT AT ALL

FAVORITE POSITION: oh my god.. he for sure likes to top.. Really any position he just likes intimacy 

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ON THEIR DREAM DATE: DATE ON ASGARD, he wants to treat Bruce to a perfect evening on asgard filled with food and magic and science and watch the sunset over the water

OPINION ON SEX: Sex is almost a ritual to him? It’s a very important and meaningful thing..  He never takes having sex lightly. Its meant to be a celebration of intimacy.

#thor ;; bio

[captain-azoren]

Something Different

As Soren lays dying, Azula angrily asks him “How could anyone be so stupid?! Were you trying to act the hero who saves the princess?! Were you expecting me to thank you, to kiss you, to fall in love with you?!” Azula starts to choke up, and her anger rises. “You know I’m a monster! You’ve killed yourself for nothing! It doesn’t make sense!”

“You said no one could love a monster,” Soren replies weakly, eyes closed. “I love you, so, I guess that means you’re not a monster,” Soren manages to open his eyes and gives Azula a smile. “That makes sense, doesn’t it? You...do the math. And you’re not nothing neither...nope.......nada..............~” 

Felt like doing something...heavy. A little analysis on Soren and why I think a relationship with Azula (or someone like her) is fun and interesting to write about;

I’ve been thinking about why Soren chose to stay with his father Viren when his parents split. The most obvious answer would be that Soren, at that age, wanted Viren’s approval, so staying with his father would make sense, even if going with his mother might have made him happier. From the way Soren and Claudia interact, perhaps they get their childish sense of humor from their mom, since they definitely don’t get it from their dad.

However, I do have another theory as to why Soren chose his father instead; Soren might have known that Claudia would go wherever he did. He might have thought that his mother didn’t need him since she was the one leaving. Most importantly though, maybe Soren didn’t want his father to end up alone. Alone like Azula.

((Some spoilers under the cut for TDP S2.))

Soren knows his dad is intense and serious, but also that he’s a very troubled person deep down, even if Soren doesn’t fully understand everything. I think Soren chose to stay with Viren because he thought that if his dad was alone, he would keep getting worse. Soren and Claudia have so far helped keep Viren from completely falling to darkness, but as we’ve seen, even they can’t make him a good person, and he’s still willing to sacrifice Soren to reach his goals.

How does this relate to Azula? Well here goes; I would love to believe that, if Soren “befriended” Azula, and learned how lonely and messed up she really is, he would still stay with her, even if she ended up hurting him because on some level he would want to try and make her happy, in a similar manner to trying to make Viren happy. 

Soren’s flaw though is that his lack of a strong moral conviction means he wouldn’t necessarily try to stand against Viren (or Azula) when they start doing bad things. He’ll be hesitant to carry out their wishes, but might still do them because making someone else happy is worth losing his integrity, though he still tries to find the most “honorable” way to technically do what he’s told. He jumps at the chance to be a leader, but easily becomes of a follower of someone with a strong will of their own; he wants to play the part, but doesn’t really have a real goal of his own, for now.

The Dragon Prince hasn’t had a lot of episodes yet, and as of now Soren is the least developed main character, so I’m really kind of reaching here. Still, I like to think that Soren does have some depth. He tends to look for an easy out to a tough moral dilemma; he’d rather fight Rayla and potentially lose than guarantee a win by killing her in her sleep. He’d rather set up an accident and leave it to fate than just kill the princes. He’s glad he’s paralyzed because it gives him an excuse to never have to make these kinds of decisions.

I think going forward, Soren’s development is probably going to have him gaining more conviction in his decisions, rather than trying to eat his cake and have it too. Someone like Azula is just the opposite, someone who is totally practical and does not hesitate to get things done. 

I’m of the belief that a good partner is someone who balances you out, someone whose strengths help you with what you’re lacking. People can be broken, but sometimes those broken pieces can create a better whole. It’s very easy for Azula to corrupt someone like Soren and make him follow her, but I think it’s possible if they had a real relationship not necessarily based on fear that she would push him to be less wishy-washy and more decisive. 

I don’t know how well Soren could balance out Azula though, she’s a much tougher nut to crack. I feel like Ty Lee could have been the one to help Azula with her problems, and Zuko certainly tries to in the comics, but I feel like Azula’s relationships to everyone she’s known is too troubled and soured for them to really do much to get her to listen to them.

Again, I’m reaching and inferring a lot about Soren, but after being raised by Viren and also having his mother leave, he might feel enough sympathy towards Azula to put up with whatever abuse she throws at him to keep her from losing it. Azula’s tragedy is that, in order for her to heal, she needs someone to love her unconditionally, but Ozai has warped her into a monster that scares and pushes everyone else away, including the people who were once her friends. Zuko in the comics is trying, but there’s so much bad blood between them that it is very difficult.

Azula having someone show her true, genuine loyalty born not out of fear but from, in her eyes, something as stupid as friendship, risking their lives for her benefit with no ulterior motives or strings attached, might be the thing that finally puts her on the path to finding balance. 

Azula believes she’s a monster, she can’t imagine anyone could ever really love her, she hates that her brother has people who love him and she can’t, she can’t understand that she needs to change if she wants to be loved. Azula was raised to believe that love and trust are foolish lies by her father, but she desperately craves them and she breaksdown when confronted with the truth that her worldview is wrong, that she needs love as much as anyone and she can’t be as cruel and ruthless as Ozai unless she stops caring about having relationships with others. Fear is not a substitute for love, and it won’t make her happy.

Only a fool would stay with someone as emotionally messed up and abusive as Azula, believing they could help save her somehow, but I think Soren (or someone like him) might be that kind of fool. If he has at least one genuine virtue, it is loyalty. While blind loyalty is a flaw, like his loyalty to Viren, it can also be his strength as it means he won’t chicken out when someone he cares about really needs him, as painful as it might be.  “I know you’re a bad person, I know that if I stay with you, I’m going to get hurt, but I care about you, you need someone, and if I don’t try to help you, no one else will. I can’t stand the thought of you suffering alone.”

I realize that this does sound like a really toxic relationship, and it is. Any relationship with Azula as she is would be, but she can’t get better on her own. Azula needed guidance the same way Zuko did, but all she had was Ozai after Ursa left her. Even with what I described, changing Azula would be the hardest struggle. As of Smoke and Shadows I think she’s in the same sort of denial phase that Zuko was in Book 1, she’s clinging to the idea that she can make things go back to the way they were and is working toward turning Zuko’s rule into what Ozai’s was, she just has to work hard and be patient, but cant see that things will never be the same. LOK proved as much.

What I imagine is that the thing that finally reaches Azula’s heart is someone just flat out sacrificing their life for her, something so far far from being logical in her mind that it finally convinces her of the truth; real, true, unconditional love does exist, it motivates others to do great things. The world isn’t always run on lies and deception. Not everyone is out for themselves, and even a so called monster like you deserves to be loved, even if you don’t think you deserve it. 

Soren (supposedly) gives up his life and Azula can’t come up with a practical reason why. Up until now she always assumed every action was just a way to gain something, that anyone who tried courting her was out to gain status or to use her power. But Soren gives up everything for her, without even expecting so much as a thank you from her, because as much as a fool as he is, as much doubt as he’s had, he’s still holding onto the ideals he had as a kid, to grow to to be a crownguard, a warrior who protects others, especially the people he cares for.

Azula isn’t witnessing Zuko put himself in harms way to save Katara, a result of Azula exploiting his “foolish” sense of honor and comradery. She isn’t seeing someone just putting on a fake show of bravado or passion to win her over so he can use her later. She’s seeing someone be heroic and courageous and making the ultimate sacrifice for her, a MONSTER, something her brother or mother have yet to do.

The only motive Soren could have in this speculative scenario would be to prove, once and for all to Azula, that he is the real deal, that his feelings for her are real. When weighing the cost and benefits, Soren decides that his life without Azula in it, despite ALL that she has done to him and others, is worse than death.

As Soren lays dying, Azula angrily asks him “How could anyone be so stupid?! Were you trying to act the hero who saves the princess?! Were you expecting me to thank you, to kiss you, to fall in love with you?!” Azula starts to choke up, and her anger rises. “You know I’m a monster! You’ve killed yourself for nothing! It doesn’t make sense!”

“You said no one could love a monster,” Soren replies weakly, eyes closed. “I love you, so, I guess that means you’re not a monster,” Soren manages to open his eyes and gives Azula a small smile. “That makes sense, doesn’t it? You...do the math. And you’re not nothing neither...nope.......nada..............~” 

This destroys the last big lie Azula still believed, that no one could love her. It finally convinces her she’s wrong, and she had to lose a loved one to learn the truth. Double irony if she caused his death. But I like happy endings, so let’s have Katara heal Soren for extra warm feels. It’ll give a reason for Azula to finally open up to the Gaang.

I’m fully prepared to admit that all this might be terribly cliche fanfic garbage and I might just be an Azula apologist, that I’m giving Soren far too much credit and making him wildly out of character especially if TDP takes him in a very different direction. Still, this was rather enjoyable for me, and I hope you got a kick out of it.

#Azula #Soren #avatar the last airbender #the dragon prince

[tylerwritez]

I’m back again

hey. here i am, ready to become Jude again,,, ready to spill my heart out. “Jude” isn’t my name. i feel that must be said. my name’s actually Ian. “Jude” is,,, Jude is who I was in a dream I had once, one brother of many living in an old sunny wooden house by a forest and a creek with miles of greenery out far as eyes could see.... Jude is a boy much younger than me, who turned into a deer and crossed from the dream world into my reality,,, who was reborn as me. I did however still get to see everyone’s reactions after I died: how they saved my spot at the dinner table, how they mourned me, how they prayed, how much pain Jesse specifically felt, how Father cursed out the cops when they couldn’t bring me, his son, back home.

It was just a dream,,, Father isn’t real, my brothers don’t exist, the wooden farmhouse aint real,, and Jesse is a man I met once as a kid and never again. i fell in love with the idea of an older brother figure like him,,, and he’s been in my imagination ever since. 

And even though none of this ever happened,,, i grew attached to this dream, i tried to dream the same dream again, i tried to go BACK,,, because even now i struggle with this simple idea. I am much too old now (16) to cry about feeling unloved as a child. notice i even say FEELING unloved. I WAS still loved. i’m just a piece of shit ngl. I constantly let my parents down, lie to them, tell them im okay on the same day i get scammed out of 100 dollars, or had some questionable sexual encounter with a man twice my age just to hear him say he loved me, or on the same day i cut down to fat, the same day i trip balls, the same day i get  a 40 percent in math, the same day i smoke cigs and cry cos my friend left me... i LIE because even after so many years nothing can fix this completely. a tragedy occurred. a young boy DIED. and now i have to, somehow, reanimate his corpse into a strong man.

yeah, did i mention my friend left me? I smoked that night. I wish i could dislike her but i cant find hate in my heart for her,,, she’s clearly blinded by society and she has been so indoctrinated that she takes a 4 year (ish) strong friendship for granted,, no, I dont hate her. she hates me, accuses me of wanting to harm or even KILL people, but i dont hate her,,, I prayed for her that night. I smoked and cried and prayed and put on some music and in the morning my mom smelt the smoke. and in the morning i was faced with the shame of what id just done.

somehow i feel like im back where i started. somehow i feel like im MEANT to be sad and cut myself and smoke the days away,,, it feels like i cant go any amount of time without the void becoming excruciatingly painful, even as i try to fill it. This void can never be filled. it was painted black a long time ago, and all the white paint in the world couldn’t make it look less dark. It festers and rots. i feel like ill NEVER be okay. I’m 16. How am i supposed to become a man like this?

do you ever feel like you’re walking in circles?

I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING. I AM IN ABSOLUTE PAIN VERY OFTEN, LIKE NOW, AND LOTS OF THE TIME I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY

this is torture. I wonder, sometimes,  if im just not meant to be good. what if im not meant to do anything with my life... what if im meant to do something horrible. i wouldnt... i cant cos of my religion anyways,, but sometimes i wonder if God saved the wrong dude.

why do i even write? i try to explain my feelings to myself in a way that makes sense, to figure out what to do, but in the end im just self-soothing. 

dreams can tell you things, but its mostly things you already knew and were trying to ignore. In the bible, God communicated through dreams sometimes.

im so alone. so isolated. no matter what i do i am always alone, an outcast. when people pay attention to me, say my drawings or outfit is nice, I remember and i play the moment over and over in my head. i wish i felt like i belonged. why is it so difficult?

why does the EVIL keep CONTAMINATING me???? 

I have lost everything. all i have now is Jesus Christ. let Him guide me. I am a sick man in a sick society, cure me.  Save me.

[harlecorn]

I’m in a ward (been in hospital since November 12 for various reasons) with several senior people. Two of them are fine- one just makes some noises randomly (he’s like 90 with a broken and operated on hip), and the other is quiet except for his oxygen mask which is always running and the occasional cough (I think he has cancer but I’m not sure). The other two, though. One is an 80 year older professor who had two broken hips, and the other is a woman who broke her hip last week and got a hip replacement done. Now…. it’s just them.

Between the last two, I rarely get sleep and am often dealt with last in the ward because I don’t fucking ignore the doctors and need to have a whole team of people tell them to stop doing something so the nurses can do their jobs.

The woman in question, is racist and mean. Constantly belittling the coloured nurses. She probably has said other things I couldn’t hear because she’s across the room, but there plenty I have. Including threatening to call the police and tell them the black nurse who was minding the one night room was choking her.

The last old man isn’t as bad, he mostly just mumbles old lectures (he used to be a professor at San Diego university, taught math I think,).

ANYWAYS, the big thing that’s annoying about them is the constant stream of nurses telling them both the same. Damn. Thing. Every. Few. Minutes.

The big one:::::::::: Leave. The fucking. Catheter. Alone!!!! You do not need to take it out to go to the bathroom. Stop messing with the tube and your urethra won’t hurt!!! Shocking! You don’t need to go anywhere to pee, the tube automatically takes it from your bladder, see? *points at tube with very yellow liquid because the man specifically is refusing to drink anything in protest*

The other repeats. STOP TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE BED. You have a broken hip! You can’t walk. You don’t need to go anywhere. You’re in a hospital. Stop pulling on the catheter.

So what do they do? They wait until the nurses leave the room for a minute, literally to grab something from a cart outside, usually our meds, and then they start pulling on the catheters and trying to get out of bed. Nurses come back in, and start scolding and checking the tubes for blood, and repeating the same mantra (cuz it’s a mantra at this point) to them both.

Just now, nurse stepped out to grab a chart and ask the dr on call a quick question, she was in the doorway of the room, but facing away, and prof starts yanking on his tube and trying to climb out of bed and I can see blood going down the tube cuz he’s causing active damage. Nurse comes in and he’s almost pulled it entirely out, to the point where she tried to reseat it but it’s too far out and he’s torn too much tissue. So they have to get a new one when he’s healed a bit. NOW, he has to wear a diaper. Cuz he still CANT WALK. He CANT GO TO THE TOILET. He ripped it out for nothing because he’s a stubborn dumbass and now when he complains about needing to pee, they can’t just point to the fluid in the tube, they have to tell him he’s got a diaper on and he has to use that. Which is going to burn. Cuz torn urethra.

Jesus Christ. I’m so tired of being in hospital and so tired of the broken record the poor nurses have to use.

*Steps off soapbox* my rants over, I’m just cranky and tired of being isolated cuz covid lockdown and being stuck with people who are going out of their way to be as difficult as possible.