#matsukawa angst

[etherrreal]

“spare me the details”

Pairing: matsukawa x fem!reader Genre: angst with a happy ending (i promise lmao), friends to lovers Summary: matsukawa is a good friend, which is why when you ask for his help figuring out what to wear for your date, he agrees without thinking much of it. but the longer he spends watching you get ready, the more he realizes how much he doesn’t want you to go. WC: 10,446 Warnings: brief mentions of alcohol, lots of suggestive lines, and on top of it all they were roommates (oh my god they were roommates) A/N: this fic happened because i wanted to write literally one scene of mattsun zipping up reader’s dress and now, 10k+ words later, we’re here :) also shoutout to luna for coming up with the fic title! <3 -Dawn

When you text Matsukawa right after his shift with a series of panicked voice notes and a string of siren emojis to match, he expects nothing short of a bug armageddon. He comes home fully prepared to find you standing on the kitchen counter, broom in hand as you frantically shout for him to get rid of whatever creepy crawling thing has invaded your home, the way he has on three separate occasions since the two of you moved in together.

Instead, when he arrives at your shared apartment, he finds you standing in the middle of your bedroom, heaps of fabric scattered across your mattress and pouring out from your closet. Thankfully, there’s no bug in sight, but you still look far from pleased, scowling at the floral-printed dress you’re holding as if it’s personally offended you.

You perk up when you spot him standing in your doorway, sleeves rolled up around his elbows and tie still half-hanging off his neck. You greet him with a welcome smile and a relieved “oh thank god” before letting go of the dress you’re holding, latching your hand around his wrist and tugging him inside.

That’s about all the warning he gets before he finds himself shoved into the comfort of your desk chair, watching as you turn this way and that in front of your mirror, trying on dress after dress in preparation for your date tonight. Apparently, the cute IT guy you met at your job’s last happy hour asked you out, and you need Mattsun’s help deciding what to wear.

Normally, this is your friend Aina’s job. It used to be Mattsun’s too, once upon a time, but that was before everything that happened your senior year of college, before things changed between you in a way that, for a while, neither of you were sure you’d be able to come back from.

Thankfully, the two of you managed to fix things in the end, but that particular part of your friendship, the part that made you comfortable enough to talk freely about things like romance and dating, was never quite the same. It still isn’t, if he’s being honest, despite the fact that the two of you live together now, despite the fact that it’s been a year since everything happened.

It’s why he never lets his hookups stay the night, why you never say anything about the extra pair of heels you see on the shoe rack that are always gone by morning. It’s why you only ever mention your dates in passing, why he never asks for details.

He’s honestly shocked you’ve asked for his help at all, but with Aina busy visiting her family in Tokyo, Makki off with his new girlfriend, and the rest of your friends stuck at work, he figures he’s all you have left. And because he’s a good roommate and an even better friend, he agrees to help, even though the idea of you going on a date with someone else –cute IT background or not– kind of makes him want to throw up, for reasons he’s not quite ready to explore just yet.

So instead of lingering on the thought, Mattsun decides to focus on something a little easier for him to admit to himself, like the fact that you look really good tonight. Then again, you always look good to him, which he supposes is another problem entirely. He likes to think he’s gotten better at ignoring it over the years, only allowing his gaze to linger when he’s sure your attention is occupied elsewhere, but the way you look tonight has him wondering how much longer he’ll be able to keep it up.

Most of your hair has been pinned up and away from your face –he figures you’re waiting to let it down until right before you leave– and there’s something gold and shimmery on your eyelids and cheekbones that catches the light whenever you move, highlighting your features. Your lashes are long and dark, a deep shade of red staining your lips that the more indecent part of him is tempted to smudge.

And if all of that isn’t already bad enough, you’ve also spent the past ten minutes strutting back and forth in every pretty dress you own. You turn back to him after slipping into each one to ask which looks best, hair all mussed up and fabric clinging to your hips, and all he can think about is how much more useful he’d be in helping you out of them.

But the two of you are best friends, have been since you met during your first year of university, when you ended up sitting next to each other at a bonfire neither of you really wanted to attend and bonded over smores and cheap beer. And last time he checked, you aren’t supposed to have these kinds of thoughts about your best friend, no matter how pretty their eyes are or how tempting they look in a little satin dress. Which is why, for the sake of your friendship –and, he thinks, for the sake of his own sanity– he keeps them to himself.

He likes to think he’s doing a pretty good job of it, too, allowing himself only a quick once-over whenever you step out in a new dress before averting his gaze and giving his opinion, determined not to appear too interested or eager. It helps that he has his phone to distract him, along with a bag of pretzels you left open on your desk that he keeps stealing from every now and then.

It works for the first few minutes, at least, until you’re walking out of your closet wearing what feels like your twentieth option of the night, and all he has to say, after barely sparing a glance at you, is that he likes the color. Never one to be ignored for long, you snatch up the closest projectile –in this case, your stuffed koala– and launch it straight at him, determined to get his attention by any means necessary.

Unsurprisingly, the plushie hits him square in the chest –he and Makki always like to joke you’d make a terrifying wing spiker– and he looks up to find you standing in front of him again, pretty red lips pulled into a frustrated frown.

“Ouch,” he says, feigning hurt as he picks the stuffed koala up and sets it back on your desk, though you both know he hardly felt it. Years of athleticism and routine gym workouts have left him with an impressive wall of muscle, if the appreciative glances you send him whenever he leaves the shower shirtless are any indication. “What was that for?”

“You know exactly what that was for.” You shoot him a flat look, hands resting on either side of your hips. The dress you’re wearing now is made of a red velvety material, with long sleeves and a sloping neckline revealing a generous amount of cleavage that has him nearly choking on his pretzels. “You’re supposed to be helping me through a crisis here, not eating all my food.”

“Hey, you’re the one who decided to have a fashion emergency during my dinner time. Excuse me for not wanting to starve.” He scoops up another handful of pretzels as if to prove his point, tossing them into his mouth while you roll your eyes. “And besides, I have been helping you. Didn’t I tell you the green one you tried on was cute?”

“I’m a grown ass woman. I don’t have time for cute.” You give a little huff of indignation when you say it, which, in retrospect, just makes you look cuter, though Mattsun is wise enough not to bring that up now. “I have time for beautiful, maybe even time for pretty, but definitely not for cute, which means I need you to stop being charming and start project makeover-ing my ass.”

“Ah, so you think I’m charming?”

“I’m walking away now.”

“I’m kidding! Hey, come on, I was just messing with you. I’ll help now, for real.” He’s still grinning when he says it, but he locks his phone to show you that he’s serious, putting it down on your desk and wiping his hands free of any crumbs. “I promise.”

And for what it’s worth, he means it. He knows it’ll be quite the slippery slope, giving his honest opinion about how you look without also giving away the attraction he’s usually a lot better at pretending he doesn’t feel for you, all in the service of helping you get ready for the date he’s still kind of bummed you’re going on. But you’re his best friend, and you asked for his help. And while the thought of you and your IT guy still makes him queasy, he wants to help you, and that’s precisely what he resolves to do.

You’re wearing a different dress now, something soft and smooth made of purple satin that cinches at the waist and clings to your curves in a way that has his mouth feeling dry and his face feeling a little warmer than usual. He watches you fiddle with the straps, snapping them into place against your shoulders.

He imagines his hands replacing yours, fingertips grazing the slope of your collarbone and brushing over your shoulders, sliding down to your sides. He wonders what the satin would feel like against his palms, how the fabric would give beneath his fingertips, shifting as he pushes it up and over your hips–

“Well?” The sound of your voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and immediately he tears his gaze away from where it’s drifted rather unhelpfully down to your ass. He does it just in time, too, because all of the sudden you’re turning around to face him, an eyebrow raised expectantly. “What do you think of this one?”

“...I like it,” Mattsun says evenly, after taking a moment to compose himself, though the sudden dryness in his mouth makes the words come out a little strained. He only hopes you don’t notice it, hopes his voice sounds steadier than the rest of him feels. “It looks nice on you.”

Any other time, you might’ve smiled at the compliment, maybe even poked fun at him for going soft on you, but now you just groan in annoyance, planting your hands on your hips and fixing him with an unimpressed stare. “You’ve said that about the last three dresses, Issei.”

“I meant it,” he tells you, because he did. “You look really nice in all of them.”

“But I don’t want to look just nice.” You’re pouting now, brows furrowing as you smooth your hands over the skirt of your dress. “I want to look hot. Like having him drooling as soon as he sees me kind of hot.”

“Drooling, huh? That’s a pretty tall order.” He raises an eyebrow at you, ignoring the way his stomach starts to twist at the reminder of your impending date in favor of flashing you a teasing smirk. “You sure your IT nerd’s gonna be able to handle that?”

You start to smile, but it only lasts for a few moments before you’re remembering your current predicament and letting out a tired, frustrated sigh.

“I’m being serious, Issei. This is really important to me. It’s my first date in a while, and I want to make a good impression.” You tug at the straps of your dress and tilt your head at him, eyes soft and pleading. “Please help me?”

And though Matsukawa is still far from being a fan of you going off with someone else looking as lovely as you do –though he’s just starting to realize how much he wants to be the one you dress up for instead– in all the time he’s known you, he’s never really been able to deny you of anything, and he’s certainly not going to start now.

It doesn’t take him long to come up with his suggestion. He shifts in his seat, lifting a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “What about the one you wore for New Year’s?”

“The black one?” you ask, perking up with interest.

When he nods, you turn to the mountain of clothes on your bed and begin rummaging through the pounds of fabric, pulling out the exact dress he was thinking of with surprising ease. He tries not to look too eager as you do, even though the memory of you in it is a sight permanently seared into his brain.

“Here it is. I almost forgot I had this one.” You hold the dress up to your body and tilt your head, questioning gaze searching for his. “You don’t think it’s too boring?”

“Not even close,” Mattsun replies, completely sure of it. You looked absolutely stunning that night, all bright smiles and silver-framed eyes, and he was far from the only one who noticed it. Looking back, it was probably the closest he’s ever come to telling you the truth about how he feels.

“Don’t you remember on New Year’s, when you walked over to us and Iwaizumi got all flustered and started choking on his champagne, but wouldn’t tell you why?” It takes a moment for you to recall the memory, but when he sees you nod, he continues, “it was because he saw you in that dress.”

You’re quick to wave it off, laughing like you don’t really believe him. “Yeah, right.”

“It’s true,” he insists. “It might not be as intense as full-on drooling, but I’d say it’s pretty close, all things considered.”

“You know what? I’ll take it.” You drape the dress over one of your arms and turn towards your closet, though not before pausing to send him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Issei. I’m gonna go try it on!”

With that, you’re off, disappearing back into your closet to change. It isn’t long after you’ve left that he hears your voice again, the sounds of your frustrated swearing only partially muffled by the door.

He calls out to you, asking if everything is all right, and that’s when the door creaks back open, your head poking out into view. Some of your hair has fallen down and over your shoulders, and you’re using both hands to keep the front of the dress pressed firmly against your body, pretty lips pulled into a frown.

“The stupid zipper is stuck,” you grumble, features scrunched up in annoyance, and somehow it’s both the best and the worst thing you could’ve told him at the same time. “I can’t reach it. Can you help zip me up?”

It takes him a moment to respond, his brain all but short-circuiting at the thought of having you so close to him, at the idea of his skin brushing yours, but eventually he manages a nod, muttering out a “sure” that sounds a bit too strained for his liking and wiping his palms against his pants as he stands to join you.

You step out and walk until you’re facing the floor-length mirror, and he follows until he’s standing right behind you, just a few short inches of space between you that suddenly feel a lot smaller now that he’s caught your gaze in the glass.

He knows the smart thing –the right thing, for both of you and for the sake of your friendship– would be to look away. To pretend it means nothing, even as he feels his pulse pick up beneath his skin, even as his entire body warms at the proximity, but he doesn’t. He can’t, not when you’re finally here in front of him, all bright-eyed and gorgeous, and certainly not when he’s this close to you in the way he’s tired of pretending he doesn’t want to be.

And maybe he’s just imagining it, but right now you’re looking at him like you’re thinking the same thing, like you’re just waiting to see what he’ll do next.

He watches the way you watch him as he gathers and moves the parts of your hair that have come loose, sweeping them away to the front of your shoulder and ignoring the feel of them as they brush against his fingers. He looks away only to locate the zipper of your dress and immediately regrets it, the smooth skin of your back and shoulders on full display making the dryness in his throat from before return with a vengeance.

He takes his time, savoring the moment despite knowing how selfish it is of him, as he begins to zip the dress the rest of the way shut. It catches again somewhere in the middle, his knuckles grazing your skin as a result. You let out a little gasp when it happens, a tiny, breathless sound that makes his skin feel like it’s on fire, one he would’ve missed if he wasn’t standing as close to you as he is now.

Immediately, his gaze snaps up to meet yours in the mirror. You look as surprised as he feels, eyes wide and mouth slightly open, like you can’t believe the sound came from you. The moment is ephemeral, your gaze darting away from his after only a few seconds, but it feels like a lifetime. He knows it’s all he’ll be able to think about for days to come, long after you’ve left for the date he really wishes you weren’t going on anymore.

He zips the rest of the dress up without any further incident, though the tension between you is still there, despite both of your valiant attempts to ignore it. He knows the smart thing –the right thing– to do right now would be to move his hands, to let you go and step away so that you can finish getting ready. He has to, because the two of you are just friends, and he has no right to feel the way he does about any of this, especially after everything that’s happened between you.

But Matsukawa’s always been a little bit selfish when it comes to you, and tonight is no different, especially when he remembers that little gasp you gave earlier, the heated look in your eyes as your gaze met his. So instead of moving away, he lets his knuckles graze your skin again, lets his fingertips trace down the outline of the zipper until his hands are resting on your waist.

And instead of stopping him, instead of pushing him away, you sink into his touch, allowing yourself to lean back just enough that your back can rest against his front. You settle against him like you belong there, so close that he catches the scent of your perfume, the same heat he feels spreading across his skin burning into yours.

It’s easy to forgive himself after that, to bring his mouth to your ear as his eyes meet yours in the mirror.

“There.” He’s so close to you now that his lips graze your ear as he speaks. It makes you shiver, just noticeably enough that he considers forgetting all about preserving your friendship and kissing you senseless right then and there. Against all odds, he manages to resist the urge, settling for giving your hips a light squeeze instead. “All done.”

“...Thanks,” you murmur, sounding as dazed as he feels. “What…what do you think?”

He moves his gaze away from yours long enough to take in the sight of you all dressed up, unsurprised to discover you look just as, if not even more so, beautiful as you did on New Year’s. The black dress is long and form-fitting, with a square neckline and ruched fabric that cinches at your waist and eases over your hips nicely. There’s a slit on the left of it that exposes a bit of your thigh, two thin straps against your shoulders holding it all up. And with your hair swept over your shoulder and that bold look in your gold-framed eyes, you are both breathtaking and completely devastating, the longer he stares at you knowing he can’t have you.

I think you’re the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen, is what he wants to tell you. I think I want you to stay home because I hate the idea of you going out with anyone else who isn’t me. But mostly I think I’m a coward and an idiot for having you right here in front of me all this time and not doing anything about it.

But he can’t say any of that now, because it’s late and selfish and not at all what you deserve, so he doesn’t.

“You look amazing,” is what he says instead, and as he meets your gaze again in the mirror, he can only hope you see how much he means it. “Your IT nerd won’t be able to keep his eyes off you.”

And he knows he should just leave it at that, knows it isn’t fair to take it any further, but still he tells you anyway, consequences be damned, “...I know I wouldn’t.”

Another murmur of thanks leaves your lips, an uncharacteristic shakiness lingering in your voice that he wonders might mean something more.

You still haven’t looked away. He knows now he doesn’t want you to. And he wonders, not for the first time, if maybe the risk to your friendship is worth it, if he should stop all this waiting and longing and just do something about it–

The blaring of an alarm cuts him off before he can get any further, one he’s sure the more practical part of you set on your phone well in advance to ensure you wouldn’t be late for your date. It shatters the moment almost instantly, leaving you wide-eyed as you finally seem to notice how close the two of you are, how long you’ve been staring at each other.

You swear and move away from him, slipping out of his grasp as you scramble across the room in search of your phone. You find it resting face-down on your desk and silence it with a swipe of your thumb.

You don’t turn back to look at him right away, almost like you’re taking the extra time to steady yourself before you face him again. He’s tempted to laugh, mainly because he’s pretty much doing the exact same thing right now.

When you do finally turn back to him, you find him standing with his hands shoved into his pockets, an attempt at appearing casual, despite the sinking feeling in his chest.

“Guess you should probably finish getting ready, huh?” Mattsun’s chest tightens as the words leave his mouth, lips curving into a smile he can only hope reaches his eyes. “Wouldn’t want to keep your IT nerd waiting.”

“Yeah.” It takes you a moment, but soon you return the gesture with a hesitant smile of your own. “Thanks again for all your help, Issei. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

He manages to choke out a strained “anytime” that he’s sure sounds unfairly bitter. Thankfully, you don’t seem to notice it, excusing yourself to touch up your makeup before you go, and because he’s a masochist, Mattsun follows, hovering just outside of the doorway to keep you company.

And as he watches you apply the finishing touches to your look, letting down the rest of your hair and touching up your lipstick, that sinking feeling in his chest grows and grows until he can’t ignore it any longer. Until it makes him ask a question he very well knows he shouldn’t.

“So, how’d you meet this guy again?”

You don’t answer right away, the question giving you pause as you spare him an odd look from the corner of your eye. You know as well as he does that the two of you don’t talk about things like this, at least not anymore. You’ve both learned it’s easier for everyone if you just spare each other the details about the people you’re seeing, and though you never agreed to it outright, it’s a rule you’ve both followed faithfully ever since. He’s not sure your friendship would’ve survived without it.

You seem surprised he’s willing to break it now, and honestly, so is he. Still, you decide to answer him anyway, though the guarded look in your eye makes him think you’d prefer not to.

“I told you, I met him at a happy hour. One of my co-workers introduced us. We talked, danced for a bit, and then he asked me out.”

“Right.” He crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the doorframe, hoping he sounds casual and disinterested, even though he feels anything but. “And was this before or after your fourth margarita of the night?”

You start to laugh, until you realize he’s being serious. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it does. Three-drink you is fun and likes to dance. Four-drink you, however, has poor judgment skills. Remember Aina’s birthday, when you, non-existent upper body strength and all, tried to do a handstand and nearly gave yourself a concussion?”

“Key word being nearly.” You grin, a mischievous glint in your eye nearly identical to the one you’d had on the night in question, and when all Mattsun can think is how endearing it makes you look, he knows he’s in trouble. “Besides, you’re one to talk. The last time you got drunk, I had to stop you from jumping the gate at Aina’s place, and that was only two drinks in.”

“In my defense, I was being chased–”

“By what, her six pound toy poodle?”

“Whatever. That’s not my point.”

“And what, pray tell, is your point, Issei?”

“My point is, what if you don’t actually like your IT guy as much as you think? What if he’s actually a huge creep and four-drink you just didn’t notice it because you had your margarita blinders on?”

He keeps his tone light and easy, hoping he sounds more concerned than jealous, because while he definitely doesn’t love the idea of you going out with someone else, he doesn’t actually want to make you think he’s questioning your judgment. He just wants to get you to reconsider things a bit without actually revealing how much he wants you to stay, how much he wants you.

“He is not a creep,” you say easily, in a firm voice that leaves little room for argument, and Matsukawa does his best to ignore how your words make him feel like he’s being punched in the ribs, how that feeling only worsens when he realizes this guy might actually be good for you. “He’s a sweet, cute, thoughtful guy who wants to get to know me better. He even left me a note on my desk this morning saying how excited he is to see me tonight.”

“So he broke into your office instead of just texting you about it?” He shakes his head, clicking his tongue. “I don’t know. Sounds like a creep to me. I wouldn’t blame you if you texted him right now saying you have to cancel on him. In fact, I’d even let you use my phone.”

“He didn’t break into anything, you weirdo. He was trying to be romantic, and it worked.” You cap your lipstick and set it on the counter, using a tissue to blot away any excess as you quirk an eyebrow at him in the mirror. “Why are you being so weird about this, anyway?”

“What? I’m not being weird about anything,” he denies quickly, though it’s hardly believable. You cast another odd look in his direction as you toss the tissue away, but still, you don’t call him out on it. And while part of him is grateful for that, there’s another part of him that almost wishes you would. “All I’m doing is expressing my concern for my best friend before she goes out with a man who may or may not have a history of breaking and entering.”

“Yeah, well, lucky for him, I don’t plan on pressing any charges.” You give your reflection one last look and smile, satisfied with your work. That’s when you turn to face him, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze as you pass him in the doorway. “So stop worrying so much, okay? I’ll be fine, I promise. Now come lock the door for me. I’ve gotta leave now if I want to get there in time.”

You head back into the hallway, and Mattsun, not having much of a choice, follows, though he’s not exactly happy about it. In fact, he finds himself dreading every step, knowing each one takes you further away from where he wants you to be, further away from him.

You’re by the front door now, dressed in your long coat with your purse thrown over your shoulder. You’re still talking as you remove your heels from the shoe rack and slip your feet inside. You mention something about there still being leftover stir fry in the fridge and how he shouldn’t wait up for you, but he can hardly register it over the sheer longing seizing his chest, worsening with every step you take towards the door.

And Matsukawa knows, long before he even says anything, that what he’s about to do is quite possibly the most selfish thing he’ll ever do in his life. But then he thinks about everything that’s happened between you two up until this point –about the fact that he has a playlist with all your favorite songs on it, about all the times he’s tucked you in after you’ve fallen asleep on his shoulder, about the way seeing you smile feels like home– and he figures it’s worth it.

Because the only thing worse than telling you the truth about how he feels and being rejected, he decides, would be keeping it to himself and regretting it later, the same way he’s been regretting it every day this past year.

“Hey.”

He says it so quietly that at first, you don’t hear him. It’s only when he calls your name that you stop, pausing in what you’re doing long enough to flash him a curious look.

And he knows he probably shouldn’t, knows it isn’t fair, but he braces himself and says it anyway, in the softest and most sincere voice you’ve ever heard him use.

“Don’t go.”

You blink, eyes wide as your body stills in the entryway. “...What?”

“Don’t go out with him tonight,” he repeats, stronger this time, firm. “Just stay here.” With me, he wants to add, but doesn’t, at least not yet. But then he watches the look in your eyes change, the confusion giving way to understanding, to shock, and he realizes he doesn’t need to. “Please. Just stay.”

For a long moment, you don’t say anything at all. You just stare at him, stunned, silent, a million emotions passing over your face in the span of a few seconds. There’s definitely anger, along with complete and utter disbelief, like you can’t even begin to fathom the fact that he’s doing this right now. If he’s being honest with himself, neither can he.

All he knows is that watching you walk out that door and smiling like he’s okay with it would’ve been another lie, and he’s so tired of lying to you, to himself. He’s tired of pretending that all the stolen glances and lingering touches you’ve exchanged over the years mean nothing, tired of pretending that he wants you any less than he actually does. He can only hope that you feel the same.

You have to know exactly what he’s trying to tell you, why he wants so badly for you to stay. You’re too smart not to. Still, you refuse to acknowledge it, eyes narrowing and expression hardening as you cross your arms over your chest.

Your reply is terse, stubborn, a question that sounds more like a warning. “And why should I do that?”

“You know why.”

“No, actually, I don’t–”

“Yes,” he interrupts you, quietly, knowingly, because you do. You do know. It’s written all over your face. You just don’t want to admit it, the same way he didn’t want to admit it when you found yourselves in this exact same situation last year. “Yes, you do.”

“No.” Your voice is low and sharp as you speak, the harshest he’s ever heard it, even as your eyes begin to water, even as your lip trembles. “No, I don’t– you can’t– you can’t do this to me, Issei. It isn’t fair. You can’t, not after everything, not when you’re the one who–”

“I know.” And the worst part is that he does. He knows you don’t deserve this, knows that he has the shittiest timing ever, but he can’t help it. He can’t let you slip through his fingers again, not after learning what it’s like to be so close to you, not after seeing the way your eyes met his in the mirror, like you could feel it, too. Like you could want him, like you could still want him, despite all the ways he knows he’s disappointed you. “I know that, okay? I know it’s not fair–”

“Do you? Do you, really? Because if you did, you wouldn’t be doing this to me right now.”

There’s anguish in your voice, thick enough to coat every word you say, a hurt so deep that he hates himself for not noticing it sooner. Even now, you try to hold it back, determined to keep him from seeing it and finding out how strong it is, how long you’ve held onto it, though whether it’s for your own sake or his, he can’t really tell. All he knows is that watching it happen makes him hate himself even more for doing this to you. Guilt coils around him and nestles somewhere deep inside his bones, tightening like a hand around his throat.

“This shouldn’t even be a conversation. Not again. Not now.” You shake your head and blink back tears, the grip you have on your keys tight and unforgiving. “You’re the one who rejected me, remember?”

It’s enough to make Mattsun wince, even more so because it’s true. “It wasn’t like– I didn’t mean to–”

“But you did, Issei! You did. Last year, when I told you I had feelings for you, you let me. You let me pour my heart out, let me kiss you– hell, you even kissed me back, and then? Then you told me it was a mistake, that it couldn’t happen, that you didn’t see me that way and that we were just friends–”

“I know what I said!”

He doesn’t mean to shout –it’s actually the last thing he wants to do, especially when he’s the one who screwed things up in the first place– but that’s what comes out. It stuns you both into silence, though it’s nothing like the comfortable ones you usually share. This one is heavy and tense, weighed down by the gravity of all that’s happened between you, by all the things you’ve left unsaid.

He shuts his eyes, pausing to take a deep breath as he rakes a hand through his hair. When he opens them and starts to speak again, his voice is much softer, though the tension between you is still there, like a fever you can’t seem to shake, a chain that binds you to each other, for better or worse.

“I know what I said, okay? And I lied. I lied about everything. Back then, what I told you, it wasn’t because I didn’t have feelings for you, because I did. I do.”

The confession leaves you both floored, though for very different reasons. Him because of how easily it fell out of his mouth, how right it felt to say it, and you because you can’t believe it, because it’s the last thing you expected to hear.

“You what?” Your eyes are wide, lips parted as you gape at him. “But you told me– when did you– how could you even–”

“How could I not? You’re smart as hell, not to mention confident and unfairly funny. You’re impossibly stubborn, too, especially if it’s something you’re passionate about, and so much kinder than you give yourself credit for. And god, when I look at you? I can’t– I can’t stop looking at you.”

He takes a step forward, bridging the distance between you, and you’re so stunned that you let him. It makes him brave enough to reach out a hand to you, cupping your face in his palm. Your eyes widen at the contact, but you don’t push him away.

“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted,” he says, quieter now but still so sincere, as he brushes your cheek gently with his thumb. “So I need you to know, all of those things I said back then– they had nothing to do with my feelings for you.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me that?” Your voice cracks, a tear escaping your eye and rolling down your cheek, and it does something awful to his heart, knowing he’s the reason for it. “Why did you lie and say that you only saw me as a friend?”

And though the memory of what he’s done and of all the ways he’s hurt you still fills him with shame and regret, Mattsun knows that he owes it to you to tell the truth, so that’s exactly what he does.

“Because I was scared. We were friends for so long, and the way I felt about you –the way I still feel about you– I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. And all I could think about was if we decided to be something more, and things went wrong, then I’d lose you. And I didn’t– I couldn't risk that.”

The laugh that leaves your throat is bitter and humorless, even as another tear falls from your eye. He’s quick to wipe it away, though part of him knows even before he does it that it’s nowhere near enough to make up for everything he’s put you through. “So you decided to lie to me about it instead?”

He looks down, ashamed. “I’m sorry. I know it was shitty–”

“It wasn’t just shitty, Issei, it was fucking heartbreaking. You broke my fucking heart.”

You reach for his wrist and tug, removing his hand from your face and stepping away from him. The distance hurts you both more than you know, but you’re too upset to think about that right now, voice raw as you snap at him.

“When you let me kiss you –when you chose to kiss me back– you made me think that it was worth it, that you might actually feel the same way, only to take it back and tell me that you didn’t, that you wanted us to just stay friends.”

You’re practically shaking now, all that pain and heartache you’ve tried so hard to bury clawing their way back up to the surface, tumbling out of you before you can stop them.

“And hearing that fucking sucked, of course it did, but I accepted it because it’s what I thought you wanted, because our friendship meant more to me than my own feelings did. And now that I am finally making my peace with it, now that I’m actually trying to move on, you turn around and tell me that it was all a lie? That you actually have feelings for me?”

You shake your head, reeling and incredulous. Your eyes fill with tears while his heart aches to hold you, and it’s like you’re both reliving that night all over again.

Mattsun remembers it all too well, that night your senior year of college, when you, him, and the rest of your friends packed into Aina’s apartment for one of her notorious parties. The two of you stood together on the balcony, nursing lukewarm beers and lamenting your upcoming final exams. Neither of you were entirely sure what your plans were for after graduation, but what you did know was that you didn’t want to end the year with any regrets.

He thinks that’s what brought it out of you back then, what made you turn to him, nervous but brave, and say you had something you needed to tell him. He never would’ve guessed that you’d say you had feelings for him, or that you’d curl your fist into his shirt and press your lips to his only a few moments after.

And you’re right. He did kiss you back. He let you run your fingers through his hair and tug him closer, let his tongue dip into your mouth and his lips trail down your jaw and neck as he wrapped his arms around your waist. He would’ve kept kissing you, too, would’ve kept you breathless and whispered that he felt the same against your lips, the way he’d been feeling for so long, if it weren’t for the fear that planted itself into his head immediately after.

Because Matsukawa’s been in relationships before. They hadn’t all ended terribly, of course –he’s not that much of an asshole– but no matter what terms he and his previous partners had ended on, the truth of the matter was that they never spoke again.

And the thought of that happening with you –the thought of never speaking to you again, of losing you forever– terrified him, leaving him panicked and afraid enough to decide, right then and there, that no matter how much he wanted it –no matter how much he wanted you– this would be a road the two of you couldn’t go down.

So he pulled away. He lied, feeding you some bullshit line about not feeling the same and about the two of you being better off as friends, even though it broke his heart to do so, even though every fiber of his being ached to pull you back to him. Your lip trembled and your eyes watered, but you didn’t cry. You just nodded and accepted it, told him that you understood, that it was fine.

You didn’t see each other for the rest of the weekend. When you did finally meet up, it was for lunch at the campus cafe, a tradition between classes you’d established your freshman year. You agreed to stay friends, and then you never talked about it again.

Until tonight, of course, when he asked you to stay. Until right now.

It hits him, then, how selfish he’s been, how thoughtless. Before, Mattsun told himself that lying to you about his feelings was the best thing for both of you, the only way to ensure that your friendship would remain intact and to keep you from losing each other. Not once did he stop to consider whether or not that was something you actually wanted, and it’s only now that he’s realizing how deeply unfair that was of him.

Even now, he’s still being selfish with you, confessing his feelings an entire year later, as if that makes it better, as if he still has the right. And sure, you leaned into his touch earlier; sure, you let him run his fingers up your back and hold your waist, but that doesn’t mean you still want him that way. It doesn’t mean that you have to forgive him, either, not when he doesn’t deserve it.

Earlier, he thought being honest with you about his feelings was the right thing to do. Now he’s not so sure. All he knows is that he’s really, really sorry. That he hates himself for hurting you, and that if he ever really plans on doing right by you, then the first thing he needs to do is apologize.

So he does.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you, soft, sincere, and you know how much he means it. You see it in the way his shoulders slump, in the sad, regretful way he looks at you. “I’m sorry for lying to you and for making you believe I didn’t have feelings for you, even though I did. I’m sorry for hurting you. And I’m sorry for waiting to tell you all of this now, even though I should’ve said something sooner. I’m just– I’m really, really sorry. For everything.”

You don’t accept his apology, but you don’t tell him to go fuck himself, either, which is honestly more than he deserves. Instead, you take a tentative step towards him, folding your arms over your chest. Your eyes are still a little watery, but you’re not actively crying anymore, though a few tears linger on the curve of your cheeks. He wants to wipe them away again, but he thinks better of it and keeps his hands at his sides, unsure of how you’d react if he did.

“Why didn’t you?” you ask, and it’s not angry or sad anymore, just curious, confused. “Say something sooner, I mean.”

“Because it was too late. Because you were dating again, and it would’ve been wrong of me to get in the way of you being happy.” He shifts on his feet, guilty and apologetic, as he averts his gaze to the floor. “I figured you’d moved on. And even if you hadn’t, part of me was still scared of saying something and losing you anyway.”

“Then why risk it now?” You take another step, and his eyes jump back to your face, watching as you tilt your head at him, soft and seeking. “Why is tonight any different?”

“I didn’t think it would be,” he admits, because honestly, it shouldn’t have been. It wasn’t supposed to be, at least, until you gasped when his fingers brushed your skin, the sound embedding itself somewhere deep inside his brain. It did something to him, that sound, woke something up he had almost forgotten about.

“When you told me about your date, I thought I could pretend to be okay with it, that I could ignore it the way I’ve done before. And I was going to, I was trying to, but then…” He lets his voice trail off, lets his gaze lock onto yours the way it did before, warm and wanting. “Then I saw the way you looked at me in the mirror.”

Your eyes widen a fraction, lips parting. Your gaze jumps down to his hands, then back up to his face, and you swallow like you’re remembering it, too.

“I held you, and you let me. And I know it was only for a minute, but it just– I don’t know, it gave me hope, I guess? That it wasn’t too late. That what I was feeling wasn’t one-sided.” He shakes his head and lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck, a small, sad smile curving its way onto his lips. “I know it sounds stupid–”

“It’s not.” You take his free hand into your own, and he watches, stunned, as you lift it towards you, letting his palm rest against the side of your face. He wonders if you notice his pulse pounding in his ears, how fast his heart is racing. “It’s not stupid.”

Slowly, tentatively, he wipes away what’s left of your tears, and to his surprise, you let him. You even go as far as leaning into his touch, cheek pressing gently into the curve of his hand. You open your mouth to speak again, a breathless little sigh of his name he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of.

“Issei, I–”

The rest of your sentence is cut off by the sound of your phone ringing. It’s a proper ring this time, too, not an alarm like before. And Mattsun knows, even before you look at it, that it’s your date who’s calling, just like he knows, even before you turn to him with that apologetic look of yours, what you’re going to do next.

Because Mattsun knows you, which means he knows that you’re the kind of person who always keeps her word, who makes plans and sticks to them. And like it or not, you made plans to meet with your IT guy tonight, plans he knows you’re not going to cancel on, no matter how much he wants you to.

His only consolation is that you look really conflicted about it, eyes flickering down to your phone in your hand, then back up to his face. It’s still ringing, but you’ve made no move to answer it. He almost starts to doubt that you will. Almost.

You don’t bother to say who’s calling, because both of you already know. Instead, you take a deep breath, voice heavy with uncertainty as you stare down at your phone. “I…I told him I was on my way. I didn’t think–”

“That I’d be selfish enough to ambush you with all of my repressed feelings before you could make it through the door? Yeah, me neither.” He tries to laugh about it, but it’s forced, hollow. It sounds nothing like him. “And again, I’m really sorry for that. The point is, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. All of this is my fault, anyway, remember?”

You frown at him, looking very badly like you want to argue, but something in his expression must stop you, because you don’t. Still, there’s guilt in your eyes when you meet his gaze again, and though it should make him feel better, he thinks it just makes him feel worse. “I have to go.”

“I know.” He brushes his thumb against your cheek once more before letting his hand fall back to his side. The smile he gives you is pained, sad. It doesn’t meet his eyes. “Be safe, all right?”

He takes a step back, letting you go for the second time in the past year. It feels just as awful and heartbreaking as it did the first, but he refuses to feel sorry for himself. He’s already been selfish enough with you tonight by confessing to you when you were halfway out the door. The least he can do for you after all that is to give you the space to move on.

The steps you take towards the door now are hesitant, unsure, so different from the way you felt only moments ago. It hurts, watching you walking away from him, but this time, he knows better than to stop you.

“Issei?” The sound of your voice draws his attention back to you, as you turn from the now open door to look at him from over your shoulder. “We’ll talk when I get back, okay?”

He doesn’t trust himself enough to speak, so he settles for just nodding. Just like before, you spend longer than you need to just looking at each other, gazes locked, a million things left unsaid between you.

And just like before, you’re the first to turn away, the door shutting quietly behind you.

The sound of your key turning in the lock makes Mattsun jolt up from the couch. He’s been laying there sulking ever since you left, a bowl of popcorn resting on his chest and a lukewarm beer in his hand.

He scrambles to sit himself up into a slightly less pathetic position, discarding the bowl of popcorn onto the coffee table. He considers putting the beer there, too, but ultimately decides against it, knowing you’d chew him out for not using a coaster. He ends up putting it on the floor instead and forces himself to stare at the tv in front of him, an old movie playing on the screen that he’s hardly paid any attention to, too busy stressing out over how your date was going and what the future of your relationship will be after all of this.

A quick glance at his phone confirms that it’s been less than an hour since you left. Forty minutes, at most. He wonders if that’s a good thing or a bad one. Don’t successful dates usually last longer? Or are you back now to tell him that things went so well that you have no interest in talking to him ever again? He isn’t sure, and the uncertainty makes him want to throw up.

The door opens and shuts, and he hears the usual sounds of you settling back into your apartment, the jingle of your keys in the bowl, the click of your heels on the shoe rack. Your feet pad across the floor, and then you appear at the foot of the couch, wearing the dress he picked out.

You look lovely. You always do. You’re a little nervous, too, standing with your hands clasped behind your back, a hesitant look in your eyes as you greet him. “Hi.”

“Hey,” he replies, for lack of anything else to offer. He gives a little wave, too, though it hardly does anything to ease the tension between you.

You nod at the couch. “Do you mind if I—?”

“Yeah, sure— I mean, no, of course I don’t mind. Go for it.” He shifts to give you a little more space, and you settle into the spot next to him, bringing your legs up to your chest. It’s tense and awkward, the complete opposite of how things usually are when you’re with each other. He doesn’t look at you when he clears his throat and speaks again. “You’re home early.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be,” is your quick reply. It’s blunt and honest enough to make him smile, despite how weighted things are between you now. “Earlier today, I was planning on spending the whole night enjoying my date, until this guy I know ruined it all by confessing his feelings for me right before I left.”

“That guy sounds like an asshole,” he says, only half-joking, and when he turns back to you and sees the way you start to smile, he figures it’s worth it. He leans back against the couch, running a hand through his hair. “You must really hate him, huh?”

“That’s the thing.” You reach out and take one of his hands, sliding your fingers through his own. It’s something you’ve done a million times before, but it feels different now, warm and deliberate in a way that has his heart racing. “I don’t.”

It surprises the hell out of him, hearing you say that –because honestly, after everything he’s done, you should hate him– but it also fills him with relief, makes him let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Still, it isn’t long before guilt starts to wash over him again, an awful, ugly thing that makes him want to draw into himself, if only you weren’t still holding onto him.

Mattsun looks down at your linked hands. Your grip is firm and tender, your skin warm and welcome against his, and all he can think is that he doesn’t deserve it. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. After everything I put you through, you should hate me.”

“But I don’t. It’s true, what you did was stupid and selfish. You never should’ve lied to me in the first place, but it’s not like you did it to hurt me on purpose. You actually thought you were doing what was best for me, in your own weird way. And yeah, it was dumb as hell, but it’s not enough to make me hate you.”

You hold his hand a little tighter, squeezing your fingers around his. He wonders if you know how much it means to him now, how terrified he was at the thought of losing you.

“I could never hate you, Issei,” you say, and the honest, earnest way you meet his gaze makes him believe you. “I just wish you would’ve told me the truth sooner.”

“I should’ve been honest with you from the beginning. I’m sorry that I wasn’t.” He reaches out to you with a free hand, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear. “But mostly I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“I know. I forgive you.” You give his hand another gentle squeeze, brushing your thumb along the back of his skin. “Which is why I never actually made it to the restaurant for my date.”

He blinks, eyes widening. The shock is almost enough to make him drop your hand, but he holds fast, even as his gaze turns incredulous. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, really. I tried to forget about everything that happened before I left, but all I could think about was you. I was halfway to the restaurant when I realized I couldn’t go through with it. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of us, but mostly to him. So I called him and told him I couldn’t do it, and then I came back here.”

Mattsun tries very hard to hide his grin, but when you nudge at his thigh and flick his forehead with your free hand, an unamused expression on your face, he realizes he’s probably doing a shitty job at it.

“You could at least pretend to feel a little bad, you know,” you scold him, though there’s no real bite to it. “He’s a good guy.”

“Hey, I do feel bad.” The doubtful look you give him makes him reconsider his answer. “Sort of. Not really.”

You roll your eyes, muttering something about him being too smug for his own good, but you don’t stop him when he wraps his free arm around your shoulders, letting him pull you into his side.

“Honestly, I’m just happy you came back,” he says, soft and vulnerable, the way you always seem to make him. “I was really scared that you wouldn’t.”

You rest your head against his shoulder and shrug in a noncommittal fashion, though the way you nuzzle into him and squeeze his hand is nothing short of comforting. “Yeah, well, it was either that or find a new roommate, and honestly, in this economy, it just wasn’t worth the trouble.”

Now it’s Mattsun’s turn to roll his eyes, pretending to be annoyed, even as his lips curl into a smile. “Yeah, yeah, we get it, you’re hilarious.”

“Damn right I am. What was it you said again?” You lower your voice, teasing and playful, delivering an impression of him that’s not even slightly accurate but still makes you throw your head back and cackle like you’re the funniest person in the world. “Oh, baby, you’re so smart and confident and unfairly funny, I can’t stop looking at you–”

Mattsun’s entire face goes red, and he has no choice but to tackle you, the rest of your sentence fading into a gasp which is quickly followed up by a protest as he wrestles you on the couch. All of a sudden, you’re on your back, body pressed between him and the cushions as he hovers over you.

Then his hands are at your sides, tickling you into submission. You gasp and laugh as you try to roll your way out of his grasp and into freedom, and pretty soon he’s laughing, too, and all that tension and anxiety from before disappears, leaving behind the comfort and familiarity you’re used to, the one that feels like home.

Eventually, he takes pity on you, and your wrestling match turned tickle war ends, allowing you both to catch your breath. Still, he doesn’t let you go, easing himself up on his forearms to keep his weight off you, face hovering only inches above your own.

“I meant what I said before, you know. I really am sorry. For everything.”

“I know.” You brush your thumb along his jaw, eyes tracing the movement before flickering back up to meet his own. “So where does this leave us?”

“Wherever you want. I never should’ve lied to you, no matter what my reasons were. And I definitely shouldn’t have waited so long to tell you the truth. It was unfair of me to make that decision for the both of us in the first place. So whatever happens next, wherever we go from here, it’ll be up to you.”

He pauses for a moment, letting his words sink in. You seem satisfied by his response, if the way your eyes soften is any indication, and nod for him to continue.

“If you want me to walk away, then I will.” It’ll break his heart and hurt like hell, of course, but he’ll do it, if that’s what you want, because he meant what he said. What happens from here on out will be on your terms, not just his. “If you want to stay friends, then we will. And if you want us to try dating, I’ll be outside your room door at 7 tomorrow night to pick you up.”

You pause to consider it for a moment, tilting your head, and then the bright look in your eyes, the one he’s always loved, darkens just a bit, turning into something wanting, something deliberate. Something that looks like desire.

“And what if I want you to kiss me?” you ask, in that bold and daring way of yours, the one that drew him to you in the first place.

Mattsun’s eyes widen, heart nearly careening out of his chest at your words. Every bone in his body urges him to lean down, to close the distance between you and press his lips to yours in the way he’s been wanting to all night.

Still, he finds it in himself to pause, drawing back enough to meet your gaze and ask, “Are you sure?”

You end up closing the distance for him, teeth grazing his bottom lip and making him groan. “Very sure.”

He doesn’t hesitate anymore after that. He tilts his head and presses his lips to yours in a way that has you both sighing, mouth moving in tandem against your own. Your hands tangle in his hair while he uses one of his to grip at your thigh, fingers pressing into your skin as he lifts your leg and guides it to wrap around his waist.

You’re both breathless when you pull away, lips smudged with red, pupils blown wide. Matsukawa thinks you’ve never looked more beautiful. Your hands move from his hair to cup his face, thumbs brushing against his jaw.

“You gonna run away this time?” you ask.

“Never again,” he swears, turning his head just enough to press his lips to the inside of your palm. “I promise.”

And it’s a promise, you’re pleased to note, that he never fails to keep.

Written by: Dawn

#matsukawa x reader #mattsun x reader #matsukawa issei x reader #haikyuu x reader #matsukawa imagines #haikyuu imagines #matsukawa x y/n #matsukawa x you #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #hq x reader #our writing #matsukawa angst #haikyuu angst #dawn writes

[atsumwah]

after breaking up with them because they're too busy....part 2

featuring : daichi, sakusa, matsukawa, oikawa

includes : angst

notes : made this at 1 am bcs angst puts me to sleep (?) and im also gonna clear my drafts tomorrow let's hope so 🤞🏻 reblogs are appreciated!!

daichi starts to miss his meals. he keeps being reminded of how you would come during his lunch hours with his forgotten lunch at home and how he always waves you off to do more work. he's reminded of the number of times he's stood you up for dinner and leaves before breakfast even comes around the next day. he's reminded of how hurt you looked when he pushes you away, until you eventually do go away. 

sakusa starts to drink. the thought of the arguments he's had with you starts to fill his mind after you left and he can't seem to stop thinking those— so he tries to forget. he tries to forget the unbearable pain he feels when he remembers the horrible things he's said about you being needy, clingy and ruining his schedule. he tries to forget the hurt on your face the more he talked, tries to forget how done you were with him and tries to forget how you threw your engagement ring right at his face the night you left and never came back again.

matsukawa starts to drive around your neighbourhood. he's not obsessive or anything— its just become a habit the time you've been together. he thinks if he drives down your doorstep, you'll come running down and make up like you always do. that doesn't happen though. he thinks you need time, but days turn into weeks until he realizes you're not even looking for him anymore and that you were serious about breaking up. what hurts the most is when he finally sees your silhouette at the balcony, you're already with someone new.

oikawa starts to miss your notifications. if he could take back one thing, it would be calling your presence a nuisance. he wished he could've seen that you checking up on him when he hasn't come home was you caring for him. that when you called him up to ask what he was doing, it was you trying to spend more time with him and when you brought up how he was neglecting you, it was a way to tell him how you were feeling and trying to communicate with him. he hates when his phone rings, he's hoping it’s you. hoping it's one of your texts reminding him to have a good day, or telling him about what you did today. he hates that there's not even one notification from you now and he hates how empty he feels without you.

#—hcs. #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu angst #hq headcanons #hq angst #daichi x reader #daichi angst #sakusa x reader #sakusa angst #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa angst #oikawa x reader #oikawa angst #haikyuu x reader

[admiringlove]

[16:53] . . .

fuck, fuck, fuck.

mattsukawa hates hanamaki with everything in his being at this moment. he should have never trusted him with the information in the first place, but he did anyway. he could strangle makki right about now. if murder was legal, he'd be punching his own childhood friend to death.

last week, when he went out drinking late, mattsukawa issei told his best friend that he was irrevocably in love with you. that he had loved you ever since senior year of high school, and you were the reason why all his relationships kept failing.

"dude, what the fuck?" hiro had asked, putting his drink down, "you're telling me that you've been in love with them all this time and that's why your relationships don't work out? what about nami? i thought you genuinely liked her."

"there's a difference between like and love, you know," issei had replied, sipping his beer. he now wishes he hadn't. because after he entrusted that information to hiro—that scheming conniving absolute rat bastard had gone and told you everything. every single thing mattsukawa had said in drunken stupor but also in complete confidence was revealed to you.

you, his other best friend that couldn't make it to the bar that night because of some emergency at work. you, the best friend that he's been in love with for the last five years, and hasn't said a word about it because of how scared his own feelings make him.

he saw you just now. and you spotted him too. he was at the mall, and coincidentally, there you were. with makki by your side.

god, how issei wanted to punch that idiot. he could see hanamaki's lips turn into a smirk as he pointed him out to you. and you waved, smiling.

now, what could poor old issei do? the only thing that came into his mind was to run. and so that's what he did. he turned, and he kept walking. he didn't stop until he's in the parking lot, unlocking his car and forgetting about the shoes he wanted to buy today. he's opening the door as he hears your voice, "issei, wait!"

he doesn't want to listen. he really doesn't. but his stupid heart stops him from getting in his car and driving away. his heart stops him from cutting you out of his life entirely, and he's way too scared of what's about to happen.

you walk faster. and faster. and faster, until you're basically running. as soon as you reach him, you're jumping into his arms. wrapping yourself around his torso, as you bury your face into his shirt, you mumble, "i missed you, dumbass."

he chuckles lightly, because that's all he can muster right now. his leather jacket feels heavy on him all of a sudden, and unexpectedly, there's dark splotches of tears where your face had been moments ago. you're looking up at him now, and he can see the stains on his own shirt.

"you're... crying," he says, "what happened? are you okay?"

"are you?" you raise an eyebrow up at him. you pull yourself away from him, before shoving him, "what gave you the right to ignore me, huh?"

"hey, slow down-"

you shove him again. and again. and you continue pushing at his chest, "do you know how worried i was? do you have no concern for people that love you? for people that care about you more than anything else in the world? huh? are you that stupid? you idiot, do you know how scared i was that i had done something wrong?"

"wait, slow down for a second-"

"you hate hiro right now, but do you even know why he told me?" you slow down now, looking down at your shoes, "i've liked you since freshman year, a-and hiro was the only person that knew. well, oikawa found out after senior year ended but then he left the country so i wasn't really worried that he'd tell someone—pfft, like anyone would believe that idiot, anyway. but the point is, i like you. wait no, i love you. i really, really, love you. and, yeah. that's it."

mattsukawa blinks slowly, as if processing the information like an old machine from the seventies. you look up now, your eyes slightly glossy. your voice croaks as you point back with your thumb, "y'know what, i'm gonna head back now- mmph!"

issei does it. he kisses you. he cups your cheek, dips his head and kisses you with so much passion that he feels like he's grown wings. he feels like he's going to fly around; all the excitement, all the pining has led to this moment and he's never felt this way before. kissing someone had always felt like a chore to him—until today. your lips taste different, almost dreamlike. he can taste the coconut lipbalm you use. he smiles into the kiss as his back hits his car, and he pulls you in tightly.

"holy shit, i've been waiting to do that for five years," he grins, pulling away. you smirk at him, "i win. seven years."

"are you sure you didn't lose? loving me longer means you lost, you're a simp," he says, sarcasm laced with his tone.

you're about to reply with your own snarky comment, but just then, the two of you are interrupted by a familiar voice, "oh my god, it worked!"

takahiro stands at the parking lot entrance, his hands up in excitement as he first bumps the air. he whoops, before yelling, "i finally don't have to listen to the two of you simp for each other anymore!"

issei looks back at you, meeting your gaze, "you think he still deserves to be beat up?"

"i mean," you grin like the cheshire cat, "why not?"

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

#haikyuu angst #mattsukawa issei #matsukawa issei x reader #mattsukawa issei x reader #mattsun x reader #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa headcanons #mattsukawa x reader #haikyuu matsukawa #mattsukawa angst #matsukawa angst #matsukawa drabble #hq matsukawa #haikyuu fluff

[zmbiesuga]

I'VE LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU THAT HURTS

matsukawa issei x m!reader (pronouns aren't mentioned but the intention is still there), established relationship

warnings: angst, really poor body image on mattsuns part including negative mentions of weight, hurt/comfort, cussing, use of pet names (baby, honey, pretty boy), matsukawa is referred to as mattsun and issei, the friends mentioned are not the seijoh four

notes: i projected a bit oops

mattsun had lost track of time. all he knew was that the light illuminating from his laptop hurt his bloodshot eyes, and if the soft sounds from it weren't the only thing keeping him sane, he would slam it shut in a heartbeat.

he doesn't know how he ended up in this position, really. he's not typically a sensitive guy, he's normally nonchalant, laid back. he walks the world like nothing can hurt him.

but then he thinks about what his friends said.

it was playful, at first. little jabs at his personality that he could rebuttal with ease. teasing them about their flaws, adamant on avoiding striking any nerves.

he just wished they would be as careful as him.

what got to him first, was the mention of his eyebrows. how they were too thick, that they didn't match his face.

which then led to the conversation about his jawline, how it was too triangular, too uneven.

and even though those comments hurt, he took them and bit his tongue. for his own sake. just shake it off, he thought, they're just joking stop being such a fucking baby

it was fine, really.

until they started talking about his weight. how he was too skinny, too tall, too boney. how almost nauseating it was that they could see how his ribs poked through his skin.

yeah, that's what got him.

from practice to home was a blur to him, but he remembers how he stormed to his room. how he sat in his own silence for a moment or so, before his body racked with violent sobs.

he cried. he cried until there was no more air in his lungs, until the sobs got caught in his throat. he gripped his hair and broke down for what felt like an eternity.

and even now, hours later, the thought of everything that happened makes him want to start sobbing again.

but he can't. the lump in his throat sticks there, not daring to move.

he really thinks he's fucking pathetic. to let such words get to him, he knows he shouldn't care. he knows they meant no harm. he knows they were just jokes. he knows he's not that bad looking.

right?

well, he guesses there must be some truth to their words if they poked and prodded at it. he guesses there's some truth if he's allowing himself to be this affected by it.

he doesn't hear you softly open the door to his bedroom.

you had grown worried, you tried to contact him over dozens of times within the past few hours, only to be left on delivered.

at first you were mad, you figured he was just ignoring you for makki or something unimportant, but once oikawa had told you that issei had left the gym in a sulk, you had just grown to be worried.

you slowly made your way towards him, the soft blue glow of his laptop being the only source of light in the room.

when you tripped over his sneakers is when he finally noticed you.

slowly, he turned from his laptop to face you. the cacoon of his blanket covering most of him. that's when you finally got a good look at his face.

his eyes were bloodshot, and his tears from earlier left stains of trails down his cheeks. the dried snot under his nose, his tussled hair and cracked lips showing his distress.

god, you swear, even like this he looks so beautiful.

"issei, baby, what's wrong?" you question, crouching down next to his bed. you reach your hand out, lightly stroking his face.

tears slowly begin to fall from his eyes again. you wipe them away gently with his thumbs.

the gesture alone sends him into another fit of sobs, you wrap your arms around him, rubbing circles on his back as you let him weep into the crook of your neck.

"i can't fucking . . . i'm so pathetic i'm sorry . . ." he blubbers, god he can't believe himself right now.

"nonono baby you aren't pathetic, you're allowed to cry. you're allowed to be upset," you reassure him, "take your time. i'm not going anywhere."

you two stay like that for a few minutes, issei composes himself the best to his ability, before sitting up and letting what happened fall from his lips in a hurry.

your face contorts in anger as he continues, not with him, of course. you couldn't believe what he was saying, what kind of friends were these people?

once he finished, you allowed yourself to speak.

"issei," you began, "what they said about you was absolutely ridiculous."

at first he's taken aback by your words, but then you continue,

"you are one of the most gorgeous boys i have ever laid my eyes on," you said, "your eyebrows aren't too thick, they fit your face perfectly. your jawline is perfect too, and even if it is asymmetrical, most peoples are. it's not uncommon and it certainly does not make you ugly."

you take a deep breath, cupping his hands in yours. giving him a reassuring squeeze before picking up again once more,

"and as for your weight," you began, "i just . . . the fact that they even felt the need to comment on that disgusts me. there is nothing wrong with your weight, as long as you are healthy that's all that matters. whether you be on the bigger or smaller side, as long as you are healthy that's all that should matter. ever. don't listen to the utter bullshit they spew because it's not true. you're a beautiful boy, you're my beautiful boy."

he starts crying again, but this time out of a warm feeling bursting in his chest. he pulls you in for a tight embrace, and you squeeze him just as hard.

"i love you so much." are the only words he's able to mutter before he falls asleep on your shoulders.

you then softly close the lid to his laptop, crawling under the covers with him and placing a kiss on his forehead.

sleep well, pretty boy. is all you can think before drifting off yourself

a/n: i just want to remind you guys that you are beautiful no matter what and you deserve good things. likes, reblogs & comments are appreciated!

#haikyuu #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa x male reader #haikyuu x male reader #mattsun x reader #mattsun x male reader #matsukawa angst #matsukawa hurt/comfort #haikyuu x reader #matsukawa issei x reader #matsukawa x you #matsukawa imagines #matsukawa oneshot #love letters from leo #my dearest haikyuu

[kita-shinsuke-whore]

"I Didn't Lowered My Standard To Be Disrespected"

Characters: Sugawara Koushi, Atsumu Miya, Bokuto Koutarou and Mattsun Issei.

TW: Angst, Insecurities.

Sugawara.

- He is your twin brother's friend and both of you fall for each other during a prom night at school.

- He is a loving boyfriend that provides lot of attention and loves for you.

- But for some reason, he is too controlling because he only wants you to be by his side.

"Koushi! You can't expect me to come home right on time. I might have to stuck at the subway or the bad weather that is happening now", you said to him after you arrived home. He is very upset with you for being only 10 minutes late to the dinner. "Y/N, you could've done better. I am tired of waiting when you actually not stuck at the rush hour but actually you walk way too S-L-0-W", he said and he even spelled out the slow word.

"Sugawara, I am sorry for being late but you can't blame me when I have to wait another subway to come because the first one was too compact and crowded. I am sorry, okay!", you stand up, going to the bathroom to take a shower. You wanted to make up for upsetting him. Not gonna lie, sometimes his behaviour stings your brain that can make your head explodes.

"I didn't lowered my standard for someone who breaks promises every single times, Y/N. At least, Haruhi can fulfilled the promises she made!", Sugawara yelled at you from the living room. You dropped your towel and earrings on the floor, and approached him.

"What did you say, Sugawara Koushi?", you asked him. He kinda don't want to repeat it but the way you glared at him was forcing him to say it. "I said at least Haruhi can fulfilled the promises she made", he said but in a lower tone this time.

"Ohh, I see, love. While she was fulfilling the promises she made for you, she even fulfilled Daichi's pleasure and lust.", you said.

"Fine, go back to your Haruhi then. I am going back to Kageyama who can understand me better because he is much matured", you said, slamming the door behind. Well, that's just how the relationship ended. He regretted it.

Atsumu.

- Oh no, this guy! He is giving Sangwoo vibe when he actually doesn't want you to have any guy friends.

- But you, have a guy best friend from your high school and he is also your colleague now... let's just say it is Akaashi.

One day, you arrived home with Akaashi because he needed to pick up something from your house which was his trench coat that he lent to you during a snowy day.

Atsumu who was home early that day watched how you treat Akaashi so nicely until an uneasy feeling grew inside his heart.

Once you send Akaashi to the door and say goodbye (+close the door as well), you see Atsumu was actually staring at the TV with black screen.

"Is the antenna having troubles, darling?", you asked him.

"No, I just love to watch black screen. It's funny", he said while laughing. But you know, he was being sarcastic. He did witnessed your platonic interaction with Akaashi right?

"Do you want to eat anything? I can make dinner now. I'm planning to do onigiri and also miso soup", you said to him as you are walking towards the kitchen.

"Y/N, how do you feel when my female fans swarm over me and give me a hug?", he asked. "Well, I don't mind but I hope they're giving you space to breath", you said. You are a very chill person about hug or handshakes but a big no for kisses or touching any inappropriate parts.

"What if you see me having a very special interaction with my fan that I'm interested in?",he asked but his reflection in the black screen...he was smirking like insane.

You put down your knife and put your hands on your waist. "What are you talking about, Miya?", you asked.

"I swear to God, if you are going to make this into an argument, let's stop. I don't want to fight. I've been telling you that I have nothing special towards Akaashi. I treated him like my friend and I know my boundary in any interaction because you are the only one that I love.", you said. "Oh? I haven't said anything about you and Akaashi? Are you trying to be in denial?", he asked you.

"What the hell, Atsumu?", you said.

"Fine, I'm going to be honest. Yes, Y/N L/N. I hate to see him being the 'boyfriend' to you when I can't be there for you 24/7. But you shouldn't treat me like I'm actually not present.", he shut you down. Then he continued, "To my dearest love y/n, I didn't lowered my standard to date someone who actually think she deserves more when she is a 0. Tsubaki is better because she knows her limit around guys!", he said. He goes out and slammed the door hard.

After three hours, he was home again but he didn't see your silhouette around the house. Maybe you're sleeping. But he was wrong until he saw and picked up a note on the kitchen tabletop.

"Hi, my love Miya Atsumu. I love you so much but you know, maybe we are not meant for each other. I am tired with the usual argument that always happens and the fact you even mentioned above Tsubaki who cheated on you and she even humiliated you infront of Inarizaki and Nekoma teams, I can't believe it. Maybe your feelings to me were dead. Thank you for being a good yet a jerk boyfriend", the voice in his head read out the contents of the letter. He got panicked and quickly took out his phone out from his pocket.

He tried to call you but it seems like you have blocked him. He hates the fact you never even scolded him for letting his fans kissing him, touching him or when you once saw him kissing with his manager.

After 4 years of moving on from your relationship, you married Akaashi who proposed to you and at least, Atsumu was there to witness the happy day for you and the groom. Well, always the groomsman, never the groom.

Bokuto.

Bokuto is a very clingy man who loves you so much.

But one day, you are not feelings well so you don't want him to get near you to avoid him catching the cold as well. But he misinterpreted it as you doesn't love him. So he use your bestfriend who doesn't know what he wants.

"Rikaaa, don't leabe meew!", he said.

You watched both of them but you can see how Rika is running away from him. Rika? She is not good in receiving physical affection and she actually has a crush on Akaashi though. "Kou-chan, don't hug her. She doesn't like physical affection", you laughed with your snotty nose.

You love how your boyfriend and Rika are like siblings but you do noticed Bokuto's behaviour is changing. When you finally recovered, you wanted to hug him but he dodged you. "Can't you see I'm busy, Y/N? I don't want you to interrupt me", he said. This thing has been going on for two weeks until you can't take it anymore.

"Kou chan, have I done something wrong?", you asked him during you are accompanying him doing his work at his house. "No, why, darling?", he asked but he won't even looked at you. "You do realised you have been avoiding me nor giving me physical affection like before, right?", you asked him. "Well, if you didn't rejected it before, I might giving it now.", he said.

"When did i rejected, love? I never-"

"You did. Three weeks ago. Y/N, I didn't lowered my standard for someone to hate the attention I'm trying to give"

"But-, oh...I was sick though. I don't want you to catch the cold...", you said.

"Oh... really?", he was surprised to hear that.

"Yes.... wait, so you've been holding grudge of me rejecting your hug...", you said.

He ignored your statement and went straight to hug you! <3

Mattsun.

- Date you because of a dare-

- He is not into you really....he is not serious about relationships.

-Two types of things he would say. Sometimes you don't know if you are dating him because you love each other or you are being used by him.

"Y/N, can you help me to do this?" or "Y/N, do this for me!".

"Issei, I am busy today so I can't do your homework for you! Sorry", you said to him.

"Oh, so you don't love me.", he replied to you.

"Huh? Who says. I love you, Issei but I'm a bit busy because my little sister asked me to go out with her", you said.

"You refused to do my homework because you wanted to have fun with your sister. Is that right? So you don't love me", you watched how his jaw clenched. You were so confused with what was happening so you decided to ask him but then he cuts you.

"I didn't lowered my standard for someone who can't obey me. At least, Ai chan can do better", he said while drinking the orange juice that he was holding in his hand. You suddenly realised all those months you've been dating him was just him using you. Oh no, how naive you are... You slapped him hard with the notebook.

"You're a jerk. A freaking jerk. That's why Ai broke up with you. You just using your girlfriends to do your homework when you are with your own fun", you said.

"Screw you, Y/N",he said. You leave him and went home. You don't need to cry over him because you deserve better.

Let's say, you're dating Ai now. For 5 months now.

#haikyuu angst #sugawara angst #bokuto angst #atsumu angst #matsukawa angst #haikyuu x reader

[rishiguro]

HAIKYUU BOYS WHEN YOU CATCH THEM CHEATING ON YOU

ft. sakusa; osamu; sugawara; matsukawa; yamaguchi

a/n: i want more angst

warnings: cheating, obviously

sighing he sat down beside you on the couch, not even frowning when you moved away. “i’m sorry you found out like this,” SAKUSA said curtly. “but not sorry that you’ve done it in the first place, huh?” he clenched his jaw, staring at the clean floor between his naked feet. his silence told you everything you needed to know. he was always aware of what he was doing every time he was with someone, aware of the possible consequences and he never really cared enough to stop. but as he saw you leave him behind, a bag over your shoulder and not even looking back at him, the guilt started to sink in, finally realizing what he had given up on for a couple nights of fun.

OSAMU ran his hand through his hair as he groaned in frustration. “i’m sorry!” he yelled out again, “i don’t know what else you want me to say! tell me and i will, i will do fucking everything okay?” you couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes at him. “maybe you shouldn’t have gone out to fuck someone, did you think about that?” you yelled back angrily. “i know i shouldn’t have! i should’ve just broken up with you, i know! you were never here, i didn’t even know what else to do!” you didn’t say anything after, instead effective ending the conversation by slamming the door behind you. and every night he thought back to this conversation, replaying what he said over and over in his head, he didn’t know why he blamed you for what he did.

SUGAWARA wished he had an answer for you. you, the person he claimed to love the most, only to betray them in the worst way possible. he couldn’t even look you in the eyes as you kept pleading, almost begging for an answer, only wanting to know why he did what he did. after long minutes of you asking over and over with tears welling up in your eyes, he broke, yelling whatever came to his mind. “they were different! just… just different” he turned away as he continued. “they make me feel so wanted, they give me everything i want, no matter what” he could only hear you chuckling sadly. “i gave you everything i had, but that wasn’t enough?”

MATSUKAWA knew that he couldn’t fool you forever, it was only a matter of time until this blew up in his face. you noticed how he suddenly became clingier again, louder, and seemingly happier. you hadn’t expected that it was because of somebody else though. “i didn’t know how to tell you,” was all that he could say with his lips pressed into a thin line, “i still love you it’s just—“ he took a deep breath, turning around, not wanting to see the look on your face. “i’m not in love with you. i don’t want to be with you anymore” he kept telling himself that it was alright, that he did what he had to just to be happy. but after seeing your facial expression, so full of hurt, he wasn’t sure anymore.

you couldn’t stand being in the same room as YAMAGUCHI anymore, constantly telling him to get out and leave you alone, but he wouldn’t listen. instead he trailed behind you like a lost puppy or a duckling behind his mother, fingers itching to hold on to you by the hem of your top like he has done countless times when he got overwhelmed. he kept apologizing, always repeating the same few words over and over, whimpering when you ripped yourself away from him. he didn’t care about what you would say or do to him, telling himself that he would endure everything just to keep you by his side, praying that you would forgive him his one mistake. he swears that this was all that it was, a mistake — but the chats in his phone say differently.

reblog to take revenge on them

#₊❏❜ ⋮haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu angst #hq x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu scenarios #osamu x reader #sakusa x reader #sugawara x reader #matsukawa x reader #yamaguchi x reader #hq angst #haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #hq x you #hq headcanons #hq hcs

[rintarousgirl]

dating matsukawa issei is like...

a/n: please enjoy the headcanons! off topic but i have like 60 followers rn and i just want to say thank you very much and please send in requests!! beware of the smut below the cut (all smut is post timeskip)

★ - before dating matsukawa, you'd been crushing on him. and you'd been crushing on him for a while. ever since your first year of high school you'd found yourself growing incredibly fond of the heavy-lidded boy in your mathematics class.

★ - three years later, halfway through your third year, you confess to him on Valentine's Day. he's amused by your confession, watching you stare at your feet as you hold out a small box of chocolates and pink letter with neat handwriting out to him.

★ - it's more surprising to you when he accepts, curious and teasing the shy girl who'd confessed to the closed off matsukawa issei.

★ - he's very comfortable with you right off the bat, and there's no special milestones for things. he sits with you at lunch, or well, he drags you over to his table and introduces you to his volleyball friends.

★ - he always has an arm around your shoulders or waist. he likes holding you close to his side, enjoying how small you felt next to how tall he was. you certainly weren't complaining.

★ - loves hugging you from behind, resting his chin on your head and his hands dangling off your shoulders. also a big ego boost for him about his height.

★ - loves lazy cuddling in his bed. holds you close as the two of you watch a movie at his house. you groan when he falls asleep, but he grumbles and says, "how can I help it when you're so soft?"

★ - holds your chin when you kiss, so you can't get embarrassed and pull away. of course, if you want to stop, he will, but he won't let you hide. not from him.

★ - carries your bags and books for you in the school hallway.

★ - you have a box in his closet with all your belongings for when you're over there. sweatshirts, underwear, etc...

★ - handholding is a must. he's a surprisingly affectionate guy for seemingly being so lazy.

★ - buys your favorite flavor of chapstick so he always tastes good for you when you kiss. it's small, but it's sweet and thoughtful.

★ - always is sharing clothes with you. sometimes he'll purposefully leave his sweatshirts at your house in hopes you'll show up to school the next day.

★ - always buys you your favorite chocolates before dates. he'll stop by the store and grab them, even if you guys are just going to a picnic in the park or something.

★ - loves swimming. he loves to drag you and the other third-years to go swimming with him. is constantly pushing you off the dock and then jumping in after to you and pretending he didn't.

★ - is always willing to give piggyback rides when your feet/legs hurt. volleyball has built up a lot of muscle for him, and lifting you is no harder than lifting his baby brother.

★ - petnames include "baby, sugar, and sweetheart." along with multiple silly nicknames based on your name.

★ - dating matsukawa issei feels like summer all over again, even in the deep frostbite of japan's winter season. he's warm and soft and cuddly. he feels like late mornings in bed, sheets tangled and the sun peering in through the windows. it feels like freshly washed linen and blooming gardens. matsukawa issei feels like a breath of fresh air.

★ - matsukawa pins your wrists above you as you fuck, watching you gasp and squirm and be completely unable to do something about it as he overstimulates you.

★ - matsukawa can't keep his mouth off you. he's kissing your lips, your breasts, sucking deep marks into your neck, biting at your hips.

★ - matsukawa pounds into you until the sheets beneath you both are soaked with your fluids and the only noise leaving you are soft little "ah-ah-ah"'s.

★ - matsukawa loves to brush your hair from you eyes and watch as they cloud over with lust and want.

★ - matsukawa can't help but smirk and grow a bit hard when he sees you in your bathing suit.

★ - he loves sweet dirty talk.

★ - "can't help but touch you when you look so pretty just for me, baby."

★ - doesn't let you hide your face. "c'mon baby, let me see your face when you cum."

★ - is obsessed with eating you out. he loves the way you taste, and feels intoxicated when he's between your thighs. matsukawa issei is totally pussy drunk off you.

★ - he absolutely adores teasing you in public, watching you blush and bite your lip as your thighs rub together. you try so hard to maintain conversation with oikawa, iwaizumi, and hanamaki but you can't help the way you stutter and squirm as his hand brushes your clit, fingers touching you through your soaked panties.

★ - he loves it when you whine and cry for him.

★ "please," you gasp, reaching for him. he pins your hands above your head with one hand of his own, and your hips buck lightly. "i need you, issei."

★ - "shh, don't cry baby," he'll coo as he kisses your wet cheeks, "i'll touch you baby, i promise."

★ - he begs for just the tip after a stressful day at work, and he keeps his promise to go no further but you can't help the way you twitch and squirm. he'll hide his face in your neck, his hand firmly planted on your hip as he tries so hard not to bottom-out in you.

★ - laughs as your hands fumble with his belt, shaking and desperate for his cock.

★ - covers his mouth and hopes his groans are relatively quiet when you sneak under his desk while on a video call with his clients at the funeral home. tries his hardest to stay focused as you lick along his length and pop his tip into your mouth.

★ - loves semi-public sex. he'll fuck you in a closet at a family gathering, tease you under the table, grind against you behind the kitchen counter while everyone else is in the kitchen.

★ - has very high stamina and can easily go a handful of rounds. your pleasure always comes before his anyway.

#rintarousgirl #fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #sfw #haikyuu #angst #haikyuu smau #matsukawa issei #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa smut #hanamaki #oikawa #iwaizumi #seijoh #hq #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyu smut #smut #imagine #headcanon #matsukawa headcanons

[aftersamu]

LABYRINTH PAIRING: suna rintarou x gn!reader ( + issei matsukawa) GENRE: angst PART ONE: WE DIDN'T EVEN DATE

it's been three months since you last saw suna, your best friend. you two haven't spoken, texted, and for the slim chance you catch him in public – you turn the other way.

you never got back to him on his offer, the one and only time he tried to reach out. you couldn't face him, or your feelings.

but as bad as it sounds, things have been okay.

it's a new chapter, one without suna, and surprisingly, one that you're happy to be living. sometimes the grey aura that dims the world and vision of your eyes appears at the memory and photo's of him. though, over the last few weeks, the grey disappears.

because of him.

he who swooped in like prince charming. the boy who let you cry in his arms and never expected anything in return. the boy who waited days, months, years for you.

the boy who slowly bandaged up your heart, held your hand, and listened to you as a friend. the boy that teased you, made you cry of laughter, and blew away that grey cloud.

you're happy.

happy with a boy that throws flour in your face, burns your eggs, and infuriates you. happy with a boy that lets you steal the covers, always pays for you, always makes you smile and feel seen.

things are good. he's good.

"hey."

the voice stops you in your tracks, your hand freezing in front of the packet of chips. you slowly shift your gaze, meeting those familiar green eyes that you haven't seen in three months.

"hi," you choke out.

"where have you been?" suna asks, "haven't heard from you in a while."

"uh, yeah, i've been busy lately."

"i've missed having you around," he says, "no one to beat at mario cart." he jokes, trying to reduce the tension.

"oh." you nod, glancing around the aisle hoping that he will magically appear around the corner and save you from this metaphorical hell. it sucks. the feeling of being here with him as a wave of nostalgia crashes over you, pushing you to run back to him.

"how come you, uh, never called?"

"i didn't think i needed to," you say. "and i needed some space, sometimes to think."

"so... what did you think about?" he asks, standing in front of you with his hands shoved into the pocket of his hoodie. "please be honest with me."

"i thought about how i'm going to spend my whole life loving you, even if you'll never love me back." you say, fighting back the lump in your throat, "and i thought about how i'd curse you for the longest time, and haunt my mind about everything that we could've been."

it's embarrassing and dramatic, to dump all of this on him now. but there's a voice in your mind saying that this is the last time you're ever going to see him.

"i thought that maybe i could call you and change everything, that we could go back to normal."

"do you still think that?" he mumbles.

"no. not really," you sigh. "i managed to get over it."

"there you are!" matsukawa smiles, strolling over with a basket in hand filled with junk food for your movie night. "okay, so get this i found sour patch kids! last one!"

if he had noticed suna standing there, he pretended he didn't. but the second you saw him, suna noticed that glimmer in your eyes, the growing grin on lips, and the way you relaxed around him.

you're falling in love.

in love with someone that's not him.

and you got over suna fast.

it says a lot about how right a person is treating you, doesn't it?

#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu angst #hq #hq fanfic #hq x reader #hq suna #hq x y/n #suna #suna angst #suna x reader #suna rintaro #haikyuu suna #suna rintarou #suna rintaro x reader #matsukawa issei #matsukawa #haikyuu matsukawa

[infi8ity]

HE WAS AN INEBRIATED HOPELESS MESS.

you could tell as much from the phone call. barely could you make out a sentence through his slurred words and the loud music, but you had picked up on several, i miss you’s and you were my everything’s. 

a small part of you wanted to hang up on him and go back to sleep-- if one could call being wide awake, tossing and turning-- but you were still friends. good friends. it had been a few months but a three year relationship ended through mutual decision didn’t erase a decade’s long friendship. 

and even if the breakup had been messy, you knew that he’d come to you in a heartbeat. 

you found him perched against the wall of the bar, lost in a drunken thought when you drove up. perhaps the thought somewhere along the lines of, why the fuck did i ask my ex to come pick my drunk ass up at 3 in the morning?, was running through his head. because the exact opposite thought was sure running through yours. 

you park the car across the street and can’t help the loud sigh that escapes you. a million different scenarios of how the rest of your night could go, plays through your head and each of them ends with even more heartache on your behalf.

you rest your head against the steering wheel, and mutter to yourself, “grow a pair y/n.” 

exiting the car, you shiver and pull your coat tighter around you, the chilling night’s wind a harsh reminder that he was standing outside shaking like a leaf from his lack of a jacket. it was the middle of winter. how messed up did he get?

you coolly make your way towards him. in utter awe at the sight of you, he leans his head against the brick wall, grinning lazily. that goddamn smile. the lamppost behind you illuminates his features. allowing you to give in to the temptations and admire him once more. his cheeks are dusted pink and his lips are slightly chapped from the cold. his eyes are glossed over and his pupils dilated. 

“hi beautiful,” he says. his voice raspy and hoarse. 

you could say the same to him. but you only narrow your eyes. a silent warning. you knew his tricks and games. “don’t hi beautiful me. It's three in the morning. i have to get up for work in a few hours. you know this.”

he sighs regretfully and slides against the wall to the snow littered concrete. “i do, i know. i’m sorry y/n.” he replies, his head in his hands. 

“and it’s freezing out. where’s your jacket?” 

no response. you lightly toe his shoe with your boot. 

“hey. where’s your jacket? and where are your keys?” 

he looks up at you beneath his lashes and huffs a laugh, void of any humor. “i’ve got no fucking clue y/n. not the slightest. i don’t even know what i’m doing here. i don’t even know why i wasted your time calling you here.” 

“are you okay?” you inquire, voice laced with concern. 

“are you? we haven’t spoken in a while. and i miss you.”

“so you’ve said.” he quirks an eyebrow. “over the phone. among other things.”

“oh,” he groans melodramatically. “how bad?”

“terrible. pretty sure you said something about me having a killer body-,”

“jackass.” 

you shrug and lean against the wall next to him. “hey, you know you can talk to me if something’s going on.”

he nods, acknowledging you. “i know. i know.” he stands, albeit disjointedly and stepping on your toe in the process. “i’m sorry for waking you. i’ll just walk home.” he says to no one in particular, making his way across the street. 

you smack your teeth and reach out for his arm. stubbornly, he pulls against you and you latch on to his fingers, holding tightly. “jesus you’re freezing,” you whisper, your breath forming in the air. “and you’re going the wrong way genius. you live the other way. you’re so fucked up right now you can’t even tell. i don’t want to argue with you. just get in the car.”

he doesn’t bother to reply, he simply opts to stare into your eyes. searching. hoping. and for a second you forget its cold as hell. for a second, you forget that he’s no longer yours. you feel his thumb brush against the back of your hand and you flinch. there it is. that trap. 

you snatch your hand back. nope.

“y/n...” he groans strangely.

“don’t say another word. just get in the-,”

and the motherfucker retches into the snow and on to your boots. 

∞

the car ride to your apartment was silent. thank god. mostly because he’d fallen asleep sometime during the fifteen minute drive. but still, thank everything holy. the silence gave you time to think about whatever the fuck that was and confront the horrifying fact that he still had a choke hold on you. 

you shudder at the thought, all the way from the car to your front door. the shudder stays even as you slip out of your boots marked with bodily fluid and into your house slippers. you toss his dead weight to the sofa collapsing to the floor, breathless, you nearly fall with him. 

you fix a glass of iced water and grab two pain killers and a stomach soothing pill from the kitchen. when you make your way back to the living room, he’s moved from the sofa to the rug. you kick at his unconscious form, startling him

“sorry. take this. wash it down and drink all of it.” you hand him the pills and water, standing directly over him to watch him carefully as he follows your directions. “i’m going to run the shower for you. okay?”

he mutters something incoherent, pulling a pillow from the sofa and flopping on his side comfortably. 

“and take your goddamn shoes off in my house,” you call over your shoulder. “caveman.”

he grunts a caveman-like response.

you snort and shuffle to your bedroom to rummage through the drawers for some of his clothes that you never thought to return. strangely enough most of his shirts and joggers sat in your laundry basket... as if ... a certain someone had been wearing them to bed or late night trips to the store...

the steam from the hot shower engulfs the room whilst you lay out clothing, body wash, an unopened toothbrush, mouthwash, and-- towels. shoot. you open the closet and fish for towels when he stumbles in. 

“oh hey, i was just about to come get you and ohmygodwhatareyoudoing?”

you lift the towels to your eyes to obstruct the view of him pulling his pants down to take a piss. he’s so fucking out of it. you’re sure he hasn’t even noticed your presence. 

“jesus!”

you hurriedly rush out of the bathroom, throwing the towels behind you and running to your room which happened to be void of half naked exes. it was going to be a long night. 

an hour later, you’d nearly drifted back off into sleep when there’s a knock at your door. 

“come in.” you croak, switching on your bedside lamp.

he opens the door, peaking in, fully dressed, hair damp. “you don’t happen to have a blanket or something do you? i was half tempted to use your rug for warmth.” 

you press your palm to your head and curse. “no, i’m sorry, a friend stole my only one because she liked the designs.”

“oh,”

“yeah.”

“that’s fine. goodnight y/n. thank you anyways.” he starts to close the door.

“wait,” you’re going to regret this so much. “honestly you’re plenty familiar with this bed.” he clears his throat at the sudden rush of memories. “just sleep in here. i can make a pillow wall or something.”

the room stands so still and silent it almost makes you want to scream. was that weird to offer? did you overstep? 

“are you sure?” he asks, slowly making his way in. 

no! “yeah, pfft i don’t care.”

“cause i was fine with using your dish towel. really.” you giggle at the smart remark.

a familiar sensation one could only describe as nostalgia fills you when you feel the bed dip in as he crawls in beside you. you’d lived through this night routine countless times. some part of you half hoped that he’d lean over to give you a goodnight’s kiss and tell you he loved you. like he used to. like he did hundreds of times before.

but he doesn’t. 

he simply places a pillow in between you two and you turn out the light. you both had more to say to each other. but in your hearts they were best left as words unspoken.

“goodnight y/n.” i still love you.

“goodnight.” i still love you too.

#infi8ity∞ #infi8ity∞sfw #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #is this angst...? #haikyuu scenarios #hq #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #kuroo testuro #kuroo x reader #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou #atsumu x reader #osamu x reader #atsumu miya #issei matsukawa #matsukawa x reader #oikawa tooru #osamu miya #oikawa x reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #attack on titan fluff #aot #eren yeager #eren x reader #reiner braun x y/n

[atsumwah]

#13— intrusion

masterlist • previous • next

notes

....hi......

also seijoh 4 supremacy they are truly ur ride and die, bodyguards literally will treat you right than actual men

also...hint hint cough cough AGRRESIVE COUGH

taglist : closed

🎀 : @iwaizoomiess @babiemay @navymacaroons @savantsoulfinder @mirakeul @alienvarmint @myasaaaam @sunas-chuupets @beans-and-jeanes @rntrsuna @koutsukki @somniari-94 @a-little-pebbl @yoasobiis @k0dzuk3nn @lavender-mint-tea @ri-days @i-want-some-dam-fries @temariskadi @passionateuchiha @newsieunion @fxckingshame @bloombb @notdrunkbutdazed @rinslutz @awkwardaardvarkforever @kozu-chan @doggonudezz @namyari @anejuuuuoy @gyyzr @themuzelistener @highhjime @bakugouswh0r3 @bah1e @sugaslilsugabby @akaashis-wife @iwaizumis-bitch @bokubooo @vent9s @harmonics0537 @johnnysactualgf @confusion-lord @kaleshima @missymysa @rin-priv @revrse @winunk

#haikyuu smau #—all i want #matsukawa smau #haikyuu fluff #matsukawa fluff #haikyuu angst #matsukawa angst #matsukawa x y/n #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x reader #matsukawa x reader #mattsun #mattsun smau #hq matsukawa #hq mattsun #matsukawa imagines #matsukawa headcanons #haikyuu imagines

[nishisun]

DOCTOR’S PET — MATSUKAWA ISSEI.

paring: optometrist!issei x reader

summery: you should’ve known something was up when you stumbled across that sketchy advertisement... dr. matsukawa is a fucking nut job.

warnings: nsfw, dub-con, fingering, vaginal penetration, manipulation, uses of vibrator, he’s like in his 40’s, reader is in her 20s. PLEASE READ AUTHORS NOTE BELOW.

a/n: suprise! i am not back, but i realized that i had 14 drafts so i am queuing them because i will soon deactivating this blog, but i’m not sure yet. i’m not sure if this work is finished, so i apologize for any cliff hangers my works have! this was originally written back in late 2020, so excuse the writing if it’s horrible. thank you for the support i received in this blog! i do plan on creating a new blog so this work may be transported to that one if it seems familiar, but i will also make note of that to avoid confusion.

It should not have gotten to this.

Seriously. You’d think that as medical school enrollments expanded the system would do the best they could and resolve the physician shortage by adding more residency slots in the Miyagi Prefecture. That wasn’t the case at all.

In fact, all the residencies and medical internships you’ve applied for haven’t gotten back to you. It’s been over a month now, and the only emails you’ve received from them are ‘I’m sorry to inform you’ letters and ‘waitlisted’. Not even one acceptance letter. It sucked.

Just when you lost hope, you stumbled across an article for one that was unrealistically near you.

‘Medical Internships Available for Upcoming Optometrist! Miyagi’s Hospital Center: Medical Training Program ran by Dr. Matsukawa Issei, MD. Location: Dr. Matsukawa’s Office.’

It sounded way too good to be true... and it was only a 15-minute drive from your place..? Out of mere curiosity, you clicked on the advertisement without a second thought and ah — there it was; a catch.

Only one person could be accepted.

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, so you filled the application anyways and hoped for the best.

And for some odd reason, you were actually selected.

You don’t know how, but you actually got chosen. Now here you are, in front of his office in your car. You take one last anxious look in your rear-view mirror, reassuring yourself that you looked somewhat presentable before gathering your belongings and heading to the entrance.

“Here goes nothing.”

Once you push past the doors, you couldn’t help but notice how empty the lobby was. There weren’t any patients waiting, and the T.V used for entertainment purposes was off. Maybe the office was closed? You brush these thoughts off before turning your head to be greeted by a lady. She seemed young, about the same age as you or a little bit older.

“Hello?” she calls, she doesn’t bother looking up at you as she continues to type away on the computer. You turn your head around swiftly to face her, offering an awkward smile.

“Oh! Uh, Hi! I came for Dr. Matsukawa’s internship program?” The woman makes a face that you can’t read — confusion, you might say? Either way, she does an excellent job concealing it as she rolls a pen and a few papers your way.

“Fill these forms out for me and I’ll tell Dr. Matsukawa that you’re ready for him.” she explains, giving you a tight lipped smile.

You take the papers and pen, taking a seat on one of the many comfortable chairs in the room. You finished filling out the form rather quickly, getting up to return the papers back to the front desk, until you suddenly hear bickering. It sounds like the lady that was at the front desk not too long ago and oh, a male voice too. Although you shouldn’t, you let your curiosity get the best of you.

“Hey, is everything okay here — oh.”

It’s the doctor himself. He raises an eyebrow at you, his attention that was once on the lady was now at you, then looking down at the folders he was currently holding, rummaging through them. He looks back at you, using his pointer finger to gently lift up his glasses. 

“You must be L/N?” he clears his voice, as if he wasn’t just arguing with the lady next to him seconds ago, waiting for you to reply.

Dr. Matsukawa is extremely attractive.

The hell? Since when did you have a thing for older men? Is that wrong to say? He looks like a very busy man, even though there were no patients currently in the office. There’s a huge height difference between him and the lady and the way he has to look down at you leaves you with no choice but to close bite on your bottom lip.

Your eyes wander down to his lower body, meeting the dress shoes he was currently wearing, and from there, your eyes take in the tight black pants and the way his fitted navy blue shirt outlined his abs slightly, his white lab coat topping the outfit.

“Ms. L/N?” The man calls out again, his fingers gripping the stacks of files in his hand a bit tighter as he gave you a concerned look. Your head jerks up immediately to face Dr. Matsukawa, your stomach doing flips when you make eye contact with him. “Ms. L/N Y/N is your name. Am I correct?”

You gulp, eagerly nodding your head. “Uh, Yeah — Yes. Yes, that’s my name.” You stammered. You break eye contact with the doctor, eyes drifting to the lady standing next to him.

Dr. Matsukawa flashes you a bright smile before giving you a firm nod, lifting his arm to direct you to another room. “You can follow me — Is everything alright, miss?”

“Y-Yes!” You mindlessly shake your head, struggling to move your feet from where they’re planting. You’ve suddenly realized how unprofessional you’ve been acting and it’s because of the extremely hot doctor in front of you.

“Please, take a seat.”

He’s taken you to a.. patients room..? You were expecting an office. You’re assuming this is where he’ll be discussing the activities you’ll be doing today. You take a seat in the medical recliner, examining the room as he brings out your information in a folder. “Your files show that you’re a really good student, who has a great amount of experience on leadership skills and opportunities,” he affirmed. He looks up at you, shifting in his seat as he continues to look over your papers.

“Uh, Yes, that’s true. I can name some—“

“Let’s get straight to the objective for today, shall we?” The way he suddenly interrupted you by slamming the folder together causes you to flinch, there’s a sudden mischief in his eyes that cause your throat to dry up, and now he’s staring at you. Like boring his eyes on you waiting for a response. You swallow hardly before nodding, causing him to grin. “I’ve already reviewed everything I need to know about you. I don’t want to waste another minute.”

He’s nice. Weird, but nice. Which doesn’t help because his odd (yes, odd) behavior was turning you to someone who you weren’t, which was shy. You’d like to say you’re a pretty confident and outgoing person who’s able to maintain eye contact and keep a conversation going with others, but for some reason, this man in front of you was different.

“I’m going to be running some test. I hope that’s fine with you?” He announced, leaning foward while adjusting the nobs on the lamp. You should be asking questions, you should, because you didn’t know this interview would require “tests”. You don’t even care to at this point, you’re just grateful you got selected, so you nod your head. “Perfect. I’ll start by checking your eyesight.”

“Uh, Dr. Matsukawa, forgive me for overstepping , but what do these test have to do with the internship?” The doctor hums in acknowledgment, leaning down so he can get a good look at your eyes through the lens.

“Can you see the dot?”

You squint your eyes so you can see the so called ‘dot’ he’s talking about more clearly “Yes, I can, but—“

“This was mentioned and is definitely part of the internship Ms. L/N. Did you not read the form?” He sighs, writing some notes down in his paper and you can’t even feel guilty because you’re too distracted at how big his hands are, huge knuckles and veiny. How can someone’s hand be so attractive?

“Well, I did but I just didn’t really see where it said that on the form, so I didn’t think that you’d be running some ‘tests’.” You quote his words from earlier, nervously chuckling. He sighs again.

“I’m going to test your eye pressure.” He stands up, holding an object similar to a pointer. He moves towards you, pointing to the red dot on the wall across the room.

“Keep your eyes focused on the dot and try not to blink. This won’t hurt, but it may feel uncomfortable.” You nod once again, resting your hands on your lap as Dr. Matsukawa squats in front of you so he’s eye-level with you. He gently places his hand in your knee, causing you to flinch.

Seriously, get your shit together.

“Are you alright? He basically snickered, you’re pretty sure he can feel the warmth radiating at your core.

You nod your head, eyes locking into the dot, cheeks heating up and turning into a bright pink shade. Dr. Matsukawa positions the equipment right in front of your eye before pressing a button that activated the device to blow a puff of air into your eye, causing you to blink.

“We’ll try again.” He maintains eye contact, refocusing the device on the center of your eye as his hand that was on your thigh slight reaches higher, going under your pencil skirt causing you to flinch again.

“I’m sorry,” you breathe, letting out an extremely nervous sigh.

“I’m going to hold your head so you don’t pull away. Is that alright with you?” He explains, giving you so soft smile.

You nod your head rather keenly. Your heart flutters at the contact, the grip on the back of your neck not too tight but strong enough to prevent your head from moving.

He starts the device again, watching you fight the urge to blink. He smiles when you don’t blink, removing his hand from the back of your neck.

“Good girl. You just need someone to keep you in place, yeah?” his other hand rubs your thigh and you couldn’t help the whimper slips out your mouth at the nickname.

Dear God help you. It’s like this man knows that you find him attractive.

“Yeah..” you answer, he stands up with the equipment, writing some notes down on his note book before closing it.

“We have one more test and that’ll be all for today.” He leaves the room for a short period of time and comes back with the other lady from before, she’s carrying a box and places it right next to you.

Dr. Matsukawa follows behind the lady, taking a seat across from you. Why the hell did they look like they were about to dissect your body?

“Do you know what’s inside that box?” he beamed, you turned your head to look at the box the lady had placed next to you, tilting your head and slightly squinting your eyes so you could get a better look at the text.

‘Magic Wand — Vibrator Sex Toy.’

What. The. Fuck.

Dr. Matsukawa grins when he watches the harsh breath you take, the lady next to him staring to the side with a bored look.

“W...What’s that for?” You eyes remain staring at the box.

He grins, “You do know what this is used for, right Ms. L/N?” You stare back up at him, swallowing hard.

“Is... Is this why you put these restraints on me?” Your eyes are filled with pure terror, your breathing becoming uneven when Dr. Matsukawa chuckles darkly. What was going on in your head when you willingly let him tie your hands up?

“No need to fret,” He attempts to touch you and you only flinch in response. “What, you can’t handle getting touched by a vibrator?”

You cringe at his word choice, shaking your head when he takes a closer step at you.

“Also,” He’s hot in your face, your breath hitches when you remember that you two aren’t the only ones in the room. You look over to the lady with a pleading look, but she only looks away. “I’ve noticed the way you’ve been looking at my most naughtiest places, Ms. L/N.”

“No... No! It’s not like that I swear!—“

He swiftly faces away from you and you bite your bottom lip. “But of course, if you’re not comfortable with this, I won’t force you. I’m not into stuff like that anyways.”

It’s only then you finally remember to breathe, you shift uncomfortably when he places a hand in your thigh.

“But you’re a good girl, right? You know how to follow directions.” It takes a while to register his words, you’re too busy in your own world, wondering how the hell you got yourself in this position. You don’t even notice his hand was cupping your cheek.

“You see,” he starts, “I don’t want to hurt you.. I just want to study you. That’s all.” He assured with that charming smile that could get you to obey his every order.

So you nod.

“Perfect!” he gleams, “Nina, would you mind stepping to the side for me?”

She follows his request, clipboard in her hand. You give her an unsure look and she looks like she’d rather be anywhere else but here. You don’t blame her.

“Nina over here took her test 3 years ago,” He announces, “Took it like a pro, isn’t that right, Nina?”

She glared at Dr. Matsukawa, before nodding, “Yeah.”

“She’s a very hard working doctor and very successful, too. You should see her when the office is open! Handles the patients so well.”

He continues to ramble and proceeds to remove the object from out of the box, placing a battery and flicking the switch on.

“Wait!” you yelp, he switches off the vibrator and gives you a confused look. “What— what does this have to do with the internship? And what were the eye test for?”

“I’m going to review your vision before and after you achieve an orgasm.” he deadpans.

Your head cocks to the side, in fact, you feel light headed and you wonder how he said something like that so casually.

“You see, I’ve noticed that you’ve been holding your breath quite a lot every since you’ve gotten here, and I can’t help but wonder if you’ll do the same while your vagina is being stimulated.” you blankly stare, waiting for him to continue. “If this is true, and you do hold your breath while you orgasm, you could temporarily lose eye sight, or receive blurred vision due to the pressure that would be building up in your eyes.”

Help. Someone help. This man has lost his fucking mind. And the lady, Nina, why the hell is she not saying anything? Did she seriously go through this too?

Your jaw gapes as well as your eyes, staring at Dr. Matsukawa with a frightened look. Maybe you shouldn’t have applied for this internship. And then the dam finally breaks.

Honestly, you’re surprised you didn’t start crying when he restrained you. You’re absolutely too frightened to even fight back at this point, and even though he said you didn’t have to, you’re too afraid to speak at the moment. If you knew you’d meet crazy doctors like this, you would’ve quit med school.

“This causes your blood vessels in your eye to burst and trigger a small hemorrhage and temporary vision loss.” You let out a sob, “But don’t worry, it’s temporary.”

Like that was supposed to help.

He gently pats your head before placing a strand of hair behind your ear. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do it, baby.”

You face the floor as he rubs his thumb softly over your cheek. You find comfort as he cups your cheek, it’s almost as if it’s only the two of you there.

“I’m sorry if I frightened you, dear. I’m just so very excited because I’ve never met someone so... Inspiring,” You lift your head up to face him, and he lets out a soft chuckle. “With such leadership skills you have, I’m truly greatful you accepted this internship. I honestly find a strong interest in you, too.” His hand travels down your sides, pushing you closer to him.

“Really?” it’s barely above a whisper, breath hitching when his lips softly brush against yours. He nods against your lips, just about to bring them in before he hears a soft ‘tch’ coming from Nina.

“Ah, no need to be jealous, Nina. You’re still in my top 3.” He pulls away from you to grin at Nina, who doesn’t respond. She’s awfully quiet. You don’t know why, but those words sent a pang to your heart. Top 3? Does he have affairs with all his co-workers? Just how many girls has he done this to?

He turns back to gave you once again, delicately trailing his fingers on your sides. “You think you can be a good girl for me?”

You bite your lip, looking up at him and it’s the way he’s staring at you with such adoration — like he’s the only person you can count on.. You just want to make him proud. So you nod.

“Yes.”

You can see the way his eyes light up, and you can’t help he smile to yourself. It finally feels like you’re being useful for once.

“If you ever need me to stop, call out ‘strawberries’”

“Okay.”

Dr. Matsukawa grabs the small vibrator once again, turning it on to the lowest setting, testing the power of it in his finger before lifting your skirt up and placing it against your panties.

“Hah!” you gasp out, your hands pull hard against the restraint, causing Dr. Matsukawa to grin.

“Subject 5 has been restricted for a approximately 10 minutes now. An increased blood flow towards her genital has been detected after realizing what was about to happen to her.” Nina speaks into the recorder.

Subject 5, really?

He moves the wand from your clit, down to your folds, as he watched you writhe underneath the restraints.

“Poor baby,” he pretends to pout, “I don’t think you’ll be able to fully enjoy yourself being l restrained like this. You need to comforting, isn’t that right?”

“Mmm! Mhm.”

He chuckled to himself, before helping you remove all of your clothing, discarding your panties as well as your bra. Your nipples began to harden as the cool air got in contact with them. As he was pulling down your panties, he kneeled down and inspected the slick covering your pussy.

“Subject 5 has increased vaginal discharge, signifying that her body is preparing itself for sexual intercourse.” Dr. Matsukawa calls out before licking a long stripe on your pussy. Your hips buck, causing Dr. Matsukawa to chuckle as he rubbed the side of your thigh.

You weren’t one to get embarrassed easily, but it’s not everyday a hot doctor almost 2x your age sees you naked.

Your head bolts up when you realize Dr. Matsukawa was doing the same, removing his lab coat as well as his right-fitted navy blue shirt, to reveal nibs insanely fit body.

“You’re drooling, Ms. L/N.”

#matsukawa smut #matsukawa issei #issei smut #matsukawa x reader #issei x reader #haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu x reader smau #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #matsukawa x y/n #matsukawa x you #matsukawa hcs #issei matsukawa #matsukawa headcanons #haikyuu series #atsumu x reader #sakusa x reader #sakusa scenarios #atsumu headcanons #atsumu miya

[touyazbbygirl]

you take the man out of the-

Warning! Bittersweet, angsty but fluff. this was written at the time of posting so 3am. Its not proof read nor super amazing I was half asleep. so bad writing has its own warning <3

And when Im back in Miyagi.. I feel it.  Tooru had left for Argentina not long after high school, breaking contact with the one he had loved. He wanted you to come with, but you had things you needed to accomplish first. Finishing school, you had friends and family in Miyagi. You couldnt just leave that behind like he wanted to. Like he could. 

When Tooru had returned to Miyagi for a visit, he saw you. You seemed happy. Lively. The winter air made your cheeks flushed, the heat from your breath creating small clouds as you spoke so kindly to the elderly lady you were helping. He couldnt help it. His feet moved faster than he could listen to his brain telling him to stop. The moonlight and the signs reflection creating colors against your skin. Pants fell from his lips, the air cooled his nerves, enough.  He stood there, looking at you with pleading eyes, begging you not to run off, not to tell him to leave you alone. Begging you to stay, just for a moment. He loved you, he hated being away from you. He hated being in Argentina without you.  “Y/n..” Tooru started as he felt his breath hitch in his throat. Seeing your expression. He knew, knew you felt the same as he did. Knew that the longing feeling of each other was so deeply embedded in your veins.  “Ya know, ive been waiting for a long time for you shittykawa” You spoke with a watery tone, eyes matching as they filled with tears. Just being able to see him, just to be able to hear his voice caused everything around you to stand still. To stop, to just be him. In this moment, not a single thing else mattered. Reaching out to reach for him, grasping his hand in his. “I love you.” the three words rolled off your tongue just as pretty as they used too.  “Im sick of waiting. You better be here to take me with you” Tooru felt his heart stop, the genuine smile tugging at the corners of his chapped lips. He did the only logical thing in that moment as the snow started falling, as delicate as the heart he held in his hands. He stepped closer, cupping your cheeks that warmed his icy fingertips, thumbs caressing the apples that became more prominent as you returned the smile he was giving.  Tooru rested his forehead against yours as he let out a sigh of relief. His heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. He leaned down pressing a kiss against your lips, feeling the lip balm against his own. “I missed you” He whispered after he broke the kiss. “So much. Im not leaving without you. I dont care what id have to do. Im not.. Im not going home without you.” Tooru could careless about his pride. It seemed meaningless. Having you standing in from of him. His stupid senseless pride meant nothing to him. He would get on his knees and begged if it meant you would go with him.  You were home, his home. It had nothing to do with Miyagi.. You were the city lights. You were the moon tonight. You were the stars in the sky. You were cherry blossoms in early spring. You were all he ever needed. You were everything. Nothing else mattered to him. Not volleyball, hell not even his milk bread could compare to you.  He was glad he went home, just to visit family. He got his world back, and that was the one thing he was missing back in Argentina. 

#oikawa tōru #oikawa x reader #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa tooru #hq oikawa #oikawa fluff #oikawa toru #oikawa x reader angst #tooru oikawa #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #tooru oikawa x reader #toru oikawa #hq x reader #hq photos #hq smut #hq fanart #sakusa kiyoomi #kagehina #hinata shouyou #hq fluff #haikyuu smut #atsumu miya #kuroo testuro #hinata shoyo #iwaizumi #ushijima #kuroo #matsukawa issei #iwaizumi hajime

[cottonlemonade]

Masterlist

art: Studio Ghibli

🌟 Note, all works are x chubby!Reader 🌟

🌷 currently uploading on Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays 🌷

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Bokuto Koutarou

🫧 How You Met (Falling In Love) word count: 2145, post-time skip

🪭 Well, happy Valentine's... word count: 860, established relationship, post-time skip

🪭 [2.38am] [drabble]

🪭 Pay Attention To Me word count: 819, established relationship, University!AU

🫧 Souvenir [drabble]

🫧 Getting Heavy word count: 519, not quite post-time skip

🫧 When You’re On Your Period [drabble]

🫧 When He Is Jealous [drabble] 🍋

🫧 Distracted [drabble]

🫧 Sneaky word count: 348, friends to lovers, University!AU

🫧 When You’re Being Shipped With Another Player [drabble]

Akaashi Keiji

🫧 How You Met word count: 950, post-time skip

🍡 A Perfect Picture of Innocence word count: 475, established relationship, post-time skip

🫧 When You Nod Off At The Library [drabble]

🫧 Laying Awake [drabble]

🫧 Recon word count: 442, pining

🪭 Recreational Reading [drabble] 🍋

Oikawa Tooru

🌧️ Not Enough word count: 2537

🪭🌧️ If He Could word count: 937, pining, University!AU

🌧️ He Misses You When He Travels [drabble]

🪭 Stuck At The Aiport word count: 1057, established relationship, post-time skip

🌧️ All That Matters word count: 1812, pining, fake dating kinda, University!AU

🌧️ Scattered Belongings word count: 769, implied pining, University!AU

🫧 Studying With Oikawa [drabble]

🌧️ Making Up After A Fight word count: 756, established relationship, post-time skip

🫧 Take Out and Make Out word count: 850, new relationship, University!AU

🫧 Protecting Your Rival 🍋 word count: 1074, rivals to lovers-implied

Kuroo Tetsurou

🪭 Behind Dusty Shelves word count: 450, established relationship, University!AU

🪭 Stuck At The Airport word count: 757, established relationship, post-time skip

🫧 A Chaotic Confession word count: 917, friends to lovers, University!AU

🫧 Sunbeam [drabble]

🫧🍡 Overprepared word count: 947, established relationship, University!AU

🫧 Jealous At Training Camp [drabble] 🍋 [part 2]

🫧 When He Is Jealous (but make it boyfriend) [drabble] 🍋

🫧 Plan B [part 2] word count: 1015, pining, post-time skip

Sawamura Daichi

🪭🌧️ How You Met (and other stuff) word count: 1430, post-time skip

🪭 Actions Have Consequences word count: 729, established relationship, post-time skip

🌱 To Protect word count: 791, pining, not quite time-skip

🌱 Waking Up From A Nightmare [drabble]

Tendou Satori

🫧 Just Crazy Enough word count: 2124, friends to lovers

🪭 After A Long Day [drabble]

🌧️ Just Use Me word count: 649, unrequited love

Iwaizumi Hajime

🪭 POV: you wake up from a naughty dream [drabble] smau, established relationship, aged up

🪭 I Missed You

word count: 1340, married, post-time skip

Suna Rintarou

🪭 Keeping Quiet word count: 864, established relationship, post-time skip

🪭 Six And A Half Minutes [part 2] [part 3] word count: 1608, friends to lovers, University!AU

Semi Eita

🪭 Change Of Plans word count: 735, established relationship, University!AU

🍡 Cleaning Day [drabble]

Tsukishima Akiteru

🫧 Confessions After Hours word count: 1124, friends to lovers

Tsukishima Kei

🌧️ 🫧 How To Comfort People by Tsukishima Kei 🍋 word count: 961, rivals to a little less rivals

🫧 He Takes Care Of You [drabble] 🍋

🪭 Camping In A Storm [drabble] 🍋

🫧🪭 Just A Dream 🍋 word count: 806, married, post-time skip

🫧 And Another Thing [drabble]

Kozume Kenma

🫧 How You Met word count: 832, post-time skip

Koganegawa Kanji

🍡 A Clumsy Couple Makes Out word count: 747, new established relationship, University!AU

Kita Shinsuke

🫧 How You Met word count: 927, post-time skip

🪭 Insatiable [drabble]

🫧 Ideal [drabble]

🌱 Breathe word count: 461, established relationship, post-time skip

Sugawara Koushi

🪭 Sunday Morning With Your Husband [drabble] 🍋

Miya Osamu

🌧️🫧 Archnemesis 🍋 word count: 1066, rivalry, pining, 3rd year twins

🍡🫧 Strawberry Lotion word count: 546, established relationship, aged up

Miya Atsumu

🫧 How You Met word count: 1062, post-time skip

🫧 That Time I Made My Brother Hide In The Bathroom To Talk To A Girl word count: 876, post-time skip

🫧 All Is Fair In Love And War [drabble] 🍋

🫧 Call Me Baby 🍋 word count: 723, friends to lovers

🫧🪭 Sunday Morning With Your Husband 🍋

Matsukawa Issei

🪭 The Coziness Of Storagerooms 🍋 word count: 882, established relationship, post-time skip

🫧 500 yen [drabble]

🪭 Noisy Neighbors word count: 603, married, post-time skip

Ennoshita Chikara

🫧 Period Relief Plan [drabble] 🍋

Hinata Shoyo

🫧 Chicken Soup 🍋

Various

🫧 When He Realizes You Are The One (Bokuto, Kuroo, Tendou, your fave) [drabble]

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🫧 Fluff // 🌱 comfort // 🍡 suggestive // 🪭 spice // 🌧️ angst/hurt // 🍋 request

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01 The Lemonade Stand (100 follower milestone) [closed]

02 The Lemonade Stand (spring) [closed]

#haikyuu x chubby reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu smut #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #chubby reader #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu x curvy reader #haikyuu x plus size reader #oikawa x chubby reader #kuroo x chubby reader #bokuto x chubby reader #akiteru x chubby reader #akaashi x chubby reader #semi x chubby reader #tendou x chubby reader #suna x chubby reader #daichi x chubby reader #iwaizumi x chubby reader #kita x chubby reader #kenma x chubby reader #osamu x chubby reader #matsukawa issei x chubby reader #sugawara x chubby reader #koganegawa x chubby reader #tsukishima x chubby reader

[ilylovelyz]

haikyuu as dog/cat breeds (prt 2.)

prt 2 lets gooooo - i really like pondering 🤔 about their breeds (includes aobajohsai and shiratorizawa) - c prt 1.

aobajohsai

oikawa - he's such a ragdoll. pretty and nice coat, not too long/fluffy or thin/short. won many cat competitions. he's real sweet and friendly with your guests but once they leave he'll attack your leg for treats. he's manipulative? really smart too. a very loud cat and loves to play. can be a total brat and knock your shit over just to fuck with you. absolutely traumatizes your dogs if you have any, gets really pissed off if you smell like another cat and almost borderline bullying if you do get another cat.

iwaizumi - either a tosa or dutch shepard. he's really energetic and you thought he would calm down as he grows but nope! he's still dragging you out of bed for walks lol. somehow gentle and rough while playing with you. doesnt really bite you, only nibbles. not rlly protective of you but wary of strangers, not really hostile and open to guests. barks a lot, but will quiet down if you shush him cuz hes a good boy. def has a silver chain for a collar cuz hes cool like that 😈 really good with kids, never runs away because he's content with the life he has.

akira - a really lazy snowshoe cat. can be really mean but sweet afterwards cuz he feels bad. the type to run away if you start to cry. sleeps majority of the time and usually only eats when hes awake. really curious but doesnt like it when you have guests. likes to sleep in the middle of your bed and will fight back if you try to move him. doesn't like being picked up. at first he wasnt really cuddly but now he'll be all up in your business if you lay down.

kentaro - boerboel. he's super aggressive and protective of you, barks at everyone who isnt you. he's super rough when playing and has given you a few scars. really heavy but i can see him being kinda cuddly. he'll sit at your side, ears perked up and doing that half bark thing dogs do when something catches their eye. definitely has a chain and you have to use it a few times cuz he doesn't listen that well. fights with any dog, but does have this specific friend thats not even a dog, but a cat 😭 loves to play fetch. doesnt run away because his instincts to protect the house are too strong. not the best with kids 😬

mattsun - simple black cat that is really chill. not necessarily friendly but doesnt run away from strangers. super sleepy and his meows are really deep for some reason. not super vocal but will occasionally meow for your attention. not too cuddly but sweet. when he cleans himself it's super loud and almost obnoxious and always at night when ur trying to sleep. not very fond of dogs. doesn't necessarily get scared of anything unless he's being toyed with.

hanamaki - a simple labrador. not necessarily full of energy and lays around, not even sleeping, just watching you. kinda judgy of you for some reason and always side eyes you. not really cuddly either and just overall just exists. occasionally howls tho. sometimes he'll have the urge to play, but it's not really playing but rather straight bullying cuz he's a jerk 😒 was a really cute puppy and you miss those days a lot

shiratorizawa

ushijima - please i was so excited for this one, he's a saint bernard. a really big and heavy one too. was even big as a puppy. doesnt bark often but when he does it's loud, only really barking for your attention. he's really good with commands. likes walks and occasionally plays. he doesn't get along too well with other dogs, just because he just stands there and watches. gives the sweetest puppy eyes ever. again, really heavy, and growls when someone gets into his personal space. but he is really patient, but will run away from little kids. has teeth, but doesnt know how to use them 😕

tendo - a greyhound. a really silly one that is so cuddly, he's practically glued to you. hes so energetic and always slipping. real vocal but not too loud. gets really sad if someone doesnt wanna play with him ☹️ really great with kids and really protective of them. not necessarily protective of you. chases after cars 100%. HE HAS A FAVORITE TOY. has kinda severe separation anxiety 💔

semi - hes a beautiful grey tonkinese cat. his personality is really dependable whether he slept well. moderately playful and just really nice. hes really chill, but can get a little annoyed if someone is bothering him. not scared of fireworks or loud noises, moderately vocal. he can be a bit of an asshole tho 💔 but its okay cuz hes pretty 🫶🏼

shirabu - obviously the biggest asshole so hes a chausie. you got him cuz he was really beautiful and calm as a baby, but you woke up the same night you got him to him clawing at your toe that was poking out of your blanket. bites hard and makes you bleed. gives many battle scars 😒 surprisingly very vocal and has screaming matches with you. not necessarily very playful but he does chase you from time to time. bro he has such a mean face 😭 not fond of people or other animals. sometimes cuddles, sometimes.

goshiki - a jack russel terrier 😭 please he's all bark no bite 🤦🏽‍♀️ tries to act tough and menacing but the only thing thats menacing is the way hes a squeaker 🌚 real playful and kinda protective, but theres not much he can rlly do cuz hes a small dog. cant even fight off a cat (shirabu), and will cry out if something bigger than him goes after him. hes a real good boy tho, absolutely smitten for you and has separation anxiety if ur gone for a little too long.

#haikyuu!! smut #haikyū!! #haikyuu #haikyu smut #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu yandere #haikyuu pregnant #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyu x reader #haikyuu texts #haikyuu angst #haikyuu breeding #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #akira kunimi #matsukawa issei #hanamaki takahiro #ushijima wakatoshi #tendou satori #shirabu kenjirō #semi eita #goshiki tsutomu #kyoutani kentarou

[starrbright]

Wade The Gallows

December 14. I was going through a lot this day and I had the beginning written down almost immediately. So, bear with me. Two cups of tall coffees for this, damn 🏃🏽‍♀️

800 words. angst. mentions of suicide. all my y/n are fat and of color.

passage above is from Morgan Matson's Amy and Roger's Epic Detour

mdni banner by @cafekitsune

"Hey." The softest of word one could merely utter gently to me and I'd be on my knees. A tug at my heart. I always believed that word is so gentle, well, mostly because I think it's a call for attention, but out of benignity. To pull you out of whatever you may be in but tenderly.

Whenever he says it, I melt. The word alone and from the man I let wield the power over me. I'm nothing. A breath of fresh air to me the second I feel I'm not of this world. That I live when I don't exist for a moment as I'm in his hold.

Such a word.

And the second he utters it twice, finally takes me back to present. The heaviness of his presence surrounds me. I wish it could always blanket me. Forever wash away what bites my being. Yet all is fleeting.

All the more reason for me to feel the shudder that crawls through my skin as his breath blows behind me, with his hands holding me close. To cherish the comfort of his concern through knowing silence before all is said.

"Speak to me." He says. Any other time, I would have been in his grasp to easily command, but of course--this is different. Still and always, with his hold on me, is what grounds me. "Please."

How could I have ever been so lucky?

How did it come to this anyways.

Suppose I have been too far in my head that I hadn't seen him seeing me, even as I stitch myself presentably, he can see all the threads behind in such a tangled and unfathomable mess.

I'm afraid there's nothing I could hide from him even if I want to.

And if there's anything I know truly, is that such blessings we could see surround us, must be honoured.

As his warmth surrounds me more, closing the distance behind us, coldness running over my body for a second from the sensation of being engulfed by his warmth. His arm squeezing me tightly against his chest as he feels it.

His face nestled in my neck, I welcome myself in his embrace, basking in the nothingness for what time could let me have, for as long as he let me.

And as I got myself out again, "Hey." He whispered, and I almost smiled and laughed.

I twined my hand on his where it lays on my stomach as I nuzzle my head against his chest. "Hi." Barely a whisper.

He squeezed my hand, holding me even more on him. "Hi." His hot breath almost could sedate me.

I don't speak after that but just remained loose in his grasp.

He keeps me together.

"Can I carry you to bed?" He asked. I wouldn't even have to answer.

There he kneels before me as I sit on the edge of his bed.

God, he has my heart.

"Forgive me..." I merely spoke, not meeting his eyes. Would it be bad if I hope he'd be angry? "Don't be mad." What a lie.

I'm not ready to see the hurt in his eyes. "I..I've been...thinking of killing myself lately a lot."

His hands holding mine turns tighter, I feel his gaze on me not breaking, nor even falter. "Will you look at me?"

It only takes once for me to listen to his.....plea.

It's not long to see the pain underneath him. How cruel do I have to be to feel solace in them.

Too much a human I have become.

It's only inevitable for him to blame himself but he figures maybe that would be selfish if he thought of himself first before you when it is you who has been hurting all along.

So he does what he think is best--to be there with you. As he always has been.

He doesn't speak, instead graced you with his lips on your knuckles, making each tender kiss last, never letting his eyes stray as he does.

There's something so to behold in the comfort we can offer with silence, taking a part of what breaks us, almost giving us a clean slate.

And I want to kill myself. I do. But I want to hear my brother's laugh more. I want to see my nephew and niece grow up. I want to see my friends more.

And I want to feel him more everyday. To hear my heart bang so loud in my chest as he slowly kiss all of my fingertips, each kiss so soft yet unyielding.

We're only human after all.

"Let me bathe you." He spoke after kissing your knuckles once again.

And there you were in the bathroom as he strips you off just after he drew you a bath.

There you were both under the water, laying against his chest as he's sitting back on the bathhub.

What more could I ask for as he hold my hands, flowing our fingers gently above the water, his face resting softly upon mine, with his heart beating against me, reminding me of my own.

A blessing of the many from being a human in this land.

"Will you let me?" He asks as he slowly free your hands to run them up slowly your arms. And you let out only the faintest of 'yes'.

I want to kill myself.

But I want to feel this more as he gives himself to me as I for him, each time.

#starr's creations 🌟🍭 #haikyuu x reader #jjk x reader #mha x reader #csm x reader #specifically: #kuroo tetsurou #miya osamu #iwaizumi hajime #matsukawa issei #geto suguru #fushiguro megumi #nanami kento #angst #fluff #sighhhhhhhh #special mention of satoru 😒 #plus size reader #AND #sakusa kiyoomi #chubby!reader #chubby reader