yamaguchi is straight.
the bible says that homosexuality is bad and he completely agrees, he thinks. he hopes. he prays.
because sure girls were nice and pretty and he's had crushes on a few, but there's just something about boys that made yamaguchi feel giddy and warm.
he tells himself that he just appreciates them, even when holding hands with a boy gives him the same swooping feeling of thrill in his stomach he gets from doing the same with girls. no, he just appreciated boys, and it was totally different from the way he appreciated girls.
i'm straight i'm straight i'm straight
he sighs in relief when the girl holding his hand has him feeling giddy. i'm straight, he celebrates when she leans in for a kiss and he finds himself eagerly kissing back.
yamaguchi introduces her to his family as his girlfriend, his heart immediately dropping to his stomach when his mother mentions marriage. no, he's still too young for that, he tells himself. they're still too young, he convinces himself that that was the reason.
one day his girlfriend is the one to bring up marriage and he breaks up with her.
no. no marriage. 'i don't want to get married, ever' he thinks, trying to erase the image of him at the altar with a boy.
i'm straight i'm straight i'm straight
a boy smiles at him from across the room and yamaguchi desperately tries to push down the blush that threatened to creep up his neck.
i'm straight i'm straight i'm straight, yamaguchi tells himself repeatedly as the boy kisses him, the two of them hidden in an empty room in the small chapel.
matsukawa's lips were soft against him, his tongue warm as it invades his mouth, and he ignores the strain in his pants when matsukawa's body completely envelopes him as he's pushed against the wall.
he goes home that night and get off to the thought of what else matsukawa could do to him, of what else he wanted matsukawa to do to him. his room fills with needy moans and quiet pants of matsukawa's name. he cums and suddenly he gets a bitter taste in his mouth.
i'm straight i'm straight i'm straight
he's devastated, he's disgusted. he wants to claw his insides, to remove the butterflies going wild in his stomach. he chokes back his sobs as he cleans up the evidence of his sin. he gets dressed and drops to use his knees, spending the rest of the night praying, begging god to forgive him.
yamaguchi ignores matsukawa the next day, and the day after that, and the week after that. the hurt overrides the relief he feels when matsukawa finally gets the message and leaves him alone.
yamaguchi is straight.
yamaguchi is straight.
yamaguchi is straight.
yamaguchi wishes he was straight.
but he wasn't, yamaguchi was never straight to begin with.
because sure girls were nice and pretty and he's had crushes on a few, but there's just something about matsukawa that had him feeling giddy and warm.
i'm not straight i'm not straight i'm not straight
he tells his parents and immediately feels the sting of a slap, his father's eyes wide in anger and his mother's in shock. he's no longer welcome and yamaguchi feels the betrayal tear him apart. the entire house is quiet when he leaves.
yamaguchi is on his knees, crying and begging for forgiveness, but not to god.
matsukawa pulls him up, wiping away the tears from yamaguchi's face before their lips meet in a heated kiss. yamaguchi flinches, his brain screaming at him to pull away. but he doesn't, he pulls matsukawa closer and that night he let's him take him.
yamaguchi wakes up to matsukawa's warmth the next day and feels nothing but relief. he sobs and matsukawa wakes up to sound of his cries and the feeling of his shaking body against him. he let's matsukawa hold him as he cries. because he's not straight, he's not straight, he's not straight, and yamaguchi is finally starting to accept that.
yamaguchi is not straight.
the bible says homosexuality is bad but he completely disagrees.
because sure girls were nice and pretty and he's had crushes on a few, but there's just something about watching his husband make him breakfast that has yamaguchi feeling warm and giddy.
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(late news)
Kosen 鼓千 from Dogo onsen (Matsuyama kenban) debuted on 16th May 2023, allegedly the first Geisha to debut in Matsuyama kenban in 17 years (probably since Yachiyoro and Chiyoro, who debuted around 2005/06, and not counting Kimichiyo, who debuted around 2011 as Hangyoku).
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yawning
matsukawa always knew that there was something off about his boyfriend. he couldn't help but feel a weird twist in his gut whenever yamaguchi smiled a bit too widely or when his eyes would reflect light back to him, flashing in the darkness before it reverts back fast enough for matsukawa to question if he had actually seen it happen in first place. it was a feeling he couldn't quite shake off, despite the fact that he had no solid proof.
but then yamaguchi yawns and matsukawa feels his entire world turn on its axis.
yamaguchi yawning wasn't exactly new to him. he's seen yamaguchi yawn multiple times, to the point where the two of them had formed a near pavlovian response to the action; yamaguchi yawns and matsukawa would open up his arms and pull him into a quick nap.
but then yamaguchi yawns and matsukawa feels his heart lurch as he watches his jaw unhinge. his skin pulls back, stretching taut against his muscles as his mouth opens to reveal rows and rows of sharp teeth hidden behind regular ones— matsukawa swears he could easily see down yamaguchi's throat. the sound that rips through yamaguchi is gutteral, wet, and animalistic, a stark contrast to the quiet rumbles matsukawa had grown so accustomed to.
yamaguchi's face returns back to normal (as normal as matsukawa had always known). he blinks sleepily, lips smacking as he instinctively turns to matsukawa. but matsukawa's arms stay rooted by his sides, his eyes wide as he meets yamaguchi's confused gaze. the boy pouts at him, as if he hadn't just given matsukawa a glimpse of the lovecraftian being he had mistaken for a human boyfriend.
"issei..?" yamaguchi calls out, voice soft and tired as he shifts closer, and matsukawa finally snaps out of his shocked stupor.
his body works on autopilot, his arms opening to gather yamaguchi in his arms as the younger boy curls up into his touch. the weight that settles on matsukawa's chest makes him shudder and he suddenly becomes aware of how cold yamaguchi is.
has he always been this way? the question plagues matsukawa, his mind spinning as yamaguchi naps soundly in his arms, blissfully unaware of his boyfriend's downward spiral.
what has he gotten himself into?
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