#may we all come into miracles and life changing blessings!
thepoetryofascension · a year ago
miracles in february. wealth in february. love in february. comfort in february. laughter in february. bliss in february. success in february. friendship in february. beauty in february. joy in february. harmony in february. blessings in february. balance in february. soul in february.
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spiritualawakening37 · a year ago
Soul Manifestation
The money I spend will always be replaced with more
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writingforatwistedworld · 3 months ago
Dear Rook, I admire you for your world view, the positive way you see, the way you admire beauty and make sure others know about it, the way you are quite observant and the way you can also give honest feedback. May you find many new beautiful things to see in the future, many hats and quality custom made bows and arrows for you. (Reader inside the world)
If someone speaks French and asks themselves why some of the words are weird: ask Google (Pls correct me if I wrote something wrong!!!)
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Self-aware au
I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!
WARNINGS: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, stalking, murder, animal fur (so animal death?), burning people
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Rook Hunt-Admiration
After getting ready one morning for the coming day you saw something strange in the corner of your mirror. Turning around you saw a letter on your desk. Strange... You didn't remember putting it there. When you opened it you immediately knew from who it was and how they were able to get it in your room without your permission.
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Mon amour,
your words have made this hunter happier than he ever was in his life. I cried tears of happiness! Not only have I gotten such a heartfelt letter but it is also from you! Has the goddes of fate finally smiled upon me?
But this isn't about me. Non! You, my dear shining star, have told me something absolutely wonderful and I need to reply!
Your admiration for me is something I treasure dearly. Yet you sadly fail to see the bigger picture! Every time I observe you, every time I siot in that tree I cannot understand how such a perfect being could ever exist. Absolument magnifique! What am I talking about! There is no boundary to your perfection! Calling you simply beautiful would be a crime without a fair punishment!
Your eyes never fail to amaze me. They are as innocent like that as a deer yet at the same time just the smallest bit of danger has to present itself and you turn into a greater one than Roi des Lions! Quel miracle! My eyes have been blessed! You are perfection itself! I doubt I can ever see something as truly beautiful after laying sight on you!
Mon pauvre coeur! I have to confess a sin! My soul has been trapped by your captivating self. It has gotten that bad that I catch myself following you. Roi des Poisons beauty turns into ugliness whenever I see him with you in the same room. He is truly dust! Dust upon your perfect visage! Non! Poison to you! Never even believe for a second that he could best you! He might have a following but there is no need to believe that this is excusing him from saying that he is more perfect than you are! A bas le roi! Brûlez le tyran! How dare he?
But let's start with a more pleasant topic. Did you like my presents? I never got any kind of reaction from you. Could it be that you dislike them? Or are you afraid that they might have been too expensive? Please do not worry. Every single one of those furs has been shot by myself. How else could I make sure that you get the best of the best? That one day during winter you looked absolutely dashing! Back then you wore the scarf I made for you. You must have been surprised to see something knitted for a change, right? The sight made me want to scoop you up right there and then and lock you up in a cabin in the middle of the woods. Just we two. All alone. Quelle merveilleuse pensée! The sight of others close to you tests me. Or mon amour, are you the one testing me? Them being so close to you makes me wish that I could just shoot them with my bow. But I wouldn't do that. Not yet.
Always yours,
Rook Hunt
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captaincryolicious · a year ago
There And Back Again
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➳ Kazuha x gn!reader
➳ Oneshot ; 3.8k
➳ Fluff ; No warnings
For the longest time you've been waiting without much hope, but one day you find your light on the horizon - literally so. [3O.O6.2O21]
Zep's note ; To celebrate Kazuha's release on NA server!! May all Kazuha wanters become Kazuha havers 💞
content under the cut | masterlist
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It wasn't the first time you found yourself roaming around the docks of Liyue Harbor, not doing anything in particular. You were there just for the sake of being there, eyes wandering to the sea occasionally more out of habit than with the expectation of finding what you were hoping to find on the horizon. 
The harbor was as bustling as always, every nook and cranny filled with people. Some were there merey for their day of labor, each fulfilling their own role to keep the cycle of boats coming and going rolling smoothly. Others were there to relax, to enjoy the livelihood of the port with their friends or family or on their own. And then there were the ones like you, those with longing gazes of melancholy solely on the sea. 
The cheerful buzz in the air didn't reach you, its excitement wasn't contagious. Rather, you felt sort of empty. There were days where you found it hard to enjoy life, now that the space between the fingers of your right hand was always empty, missing the person whose fingers fit between yours so perfectly. 
Solitude had never been much of a problem to you. Peace and quiet was a blessing, and you felt at ease in the tranquil silence that came with being on your own. Yet, all of that changed when you met a ronin on the run, a fleeting presence that moved on after merely spending a moment's worth of time in your vicinity. Your encounters had always been brief, and it was a miracle how a mutual love had grown between you two so fast. It was bliss, but the way you used to love solitude had changed forever. Being alone now only reminded you how empty and quiet the spot next to you was, how Kazuha was out on the far and wide seas, how you had no idea when you would be reunited with your beloved. 
You felt lonely when your eyes were glued to the horizon, not with hope and expectations, just for the sake of seeing the horizon. Watching the stripe where the sky kissed the ocean was the closest you could get to your samurai. He was there, somewhere behind that line, painfully unreachable.
And that's why you stood there in solitude. Day after day.
     "Hey, you there," a voice called out from behind you, and despite not even knowing whether or not it was directed at you, you spun around to face the person curiously.
Surprisingly, you found one of the men who worked at the docks daily looking at you directly, and your eyebrows jumped when you pressed your index finger against your chest. 
     "Me?" you asked, even though it was pretty obvious the man had indeed called for your attention specifically.
     "Yeah, you, the one always waiting for Beidou's fleet," e clarified, and for a moment you wondered how he even got to know that.
But what he said after caught your attention.
     "According to my log," he began, stealing a quick glance at the documents in his hand for reference. "Yeah, the Alcor is expected to briefly moor later today for maintenance."
You stared at the man in shock, momentarily too awestruck to respond properly as you tried to process what he had just told you. The Alcor was coming back to Liyue Harbor? Today? You could barely believe your ears. For the past few weeks, your daily visits to the docks had become more of a habit rather than that you actually expected anything related to the Crux to arrive, and now it was actually happening?
The employee seemed a bit uncomfortable under your surprised gaze, and he cleared his throat to get your attention.
     "I don't know who or what you're waiting for, but don't get your hopes up too high," he warned you. "All we know is that the Alcor will dock here for a bit, we don't know who tagged along with Beidou this time – if she's even there." 
But you didn't care. Over time you grew quite fond of every member of Beidou's crew and you were more than happy to say hi and catch up with any of the members who alighted from the ship. As long as at least one of them could give you a little update on Kaedehara Kazuha, you were satisfied. 
Kazuha had asked you to make a promise. He had asked you to promise him not to wait, not to hope, for he could never foresee when he would return – if he would return. The ronin trusted fate to keep you together, to let your paths intertwine again no matter how far apart they strayed, and asked for you to do the same.
You two were meant to be, after all. He firmly believed that. Why else would two individuals with lives as different as day and night keep finding each other in the vast world of Teyvat? 
Yet, you still silently wished for him to be there, to ascend the gangway and engulf you in a warm hug that would mend the hole in your heart that perpetually yearned for him when he was seaborne. You tried your hardest to keep your promise, you really did. But it was hard to look at the horizon without longing for his presence, and now that you got the news of the Alcor arriving soon, the tiny spark of hope you felt was impossible to extinguish. 
     "Thank you, sir," you politely said. "Is it okay for me to wait around the docks? I won't be in the way of work, I promise." 
     "You do you," the male shrugged. "Let me warn you, though. It might be a couple of hours until the ship arrives. Their request for permission to enter the harbor didn't specify a time."
But that was alright with you. A couple of hours was nothing compared to the amount of time you had spent without hearing anything related to Kazuha, and there was no way you could possibly leave the docks now that you knew the flagship would moor soon. Your mood was elated and a few hours of waiting wouldn't change that. For no amount of mora in the world were you going to miss the sight of the Alcor appearing on the horizon for the first time in a couple of months. 
Minutes later, you sat yourself down on a stack of wooden crates that likely weren't needed for the rest of the day. It wasn't the most comfortable spot, but after shrugging off your coat and draping it over the wooden surface, it was good enough for you to endure it for quite a while. This particular spot offered you a broad view on the horizon and a perfect lookout over the docks that were kept free for arriving ships in need of maintenance, and you knew you would be one of the first to witness the Alcor's arrival. 
And then the waiting began. You witnessed the sun traverse the blue sky, watched how the clouds drifted and shifted in shape, you saw how people came and left. Boats arrived and departed, cargo was being loaded and unloaded continuously. You sat still among the liveliness, waiting patiently with your eyes on the glistening surface of the sea. 
Your heart jumped in your chest every time a new vessel appeared upon the faraway horizon, only to sink in disappointment right after you realized it was a ship completely unfamiliar to you. It was a game of nervousness you merely called over yourself, and you knew it, but seeking any form of distraction would be futile. 
You sat like a statue, only moving when the employees that worked around the docks brought you some food or drinks – a gesture you truly appreciated. Long hours passed by, and all you could do was wait, while trying not to succumb to the everlasting and tempting call of hope. 
Hope could be such a painful thing when it fell all empty, something you had experienced many, many times before.
But hope was a capricious matter, one with a will of its own, and it crashed down upon you like a tidal wave when you found a familiar newcomer on the horizon. 
You jumped up from your position on the wooden crates, limbs stiff from sitting still for so long. Vaguely, you realized that it might be annoying for the dock's employees if you brought your nervous presence over to their workplace, but the surge of excitement that racked your consciousness was quick to dispose of that thought. 
How long had it been since you last saw the Alcor? You didn't know anymore. All you could remember was the hollow feeling in your chest when you watched the ship set sail on the wide sea, taking your beloved along. The clear image you used to have of the Crux's flagship had started to fade over time, but memories flooded your mind as you witnessed the ship closing in on the harbor. 
     "You've got a keen eye," the man who had spoken to you earlier this day commented as you arrived at the maintenance dock, hoisting a bundle of thick jute ropes over his shoulder. "Looks like you've beaten my men when it comes to seeing it first." 
     "Really?" you absentmindedly responded, all your attention directed at the sailboat as it came closer. Your heart was hammering in your chest at this point, and your hands were fidgety and your feet restless. 
     "Yep," the employee nodded. "Well, I dunno who you're waiting for, but I hope you'll be reunited with them today." 
Yeah, you hoped so, too. 
After quietly thanking the man, you moved further towards where the other dock workers were preparing for the ship's arrival. Men were shouting orders at each other, dragging ropes and carrying wooden boards and various tools around in a hurry. It was rush hour on the maintenance dock, and you were preparing as much as they were – albeit mentally and emotionally. 
You were restless, a mixture of excitement and anxiety surging through your body at high velocity. You had no idea what to expect; no one knew who came along this time, you had no clue regarding the situation of your beloved. What if the Alcor's crew brought you bad news? No, no, you should not let thoughts like that roam your mind. Surely, if Kazuha would have fallen into harm's embrace, Beidou would have let you know in one way or another, right? 
No matter who ascended the ship, they would tell you he was fine, that he was alive and safe and healthy and all. 
Truly, you felt like you were about to lose it, your mouth dry as you watched the flagship slowly maneuver itself between the harbor's repair constructions. It was unreal to have the ship this close, so close you could almost touch it if you were to reach out your arm. To say that you were happy would be an understatement, and you wanted nothing but to skip all the formalities and greet the crewmates aboard. 
Ropes were tossed over the Alcor's bulwark as soon as the ship came to a halt and the men around you instantly got to work as they securely tied them to the cleats attached to the wharf. In the name of all Archons, why was it taking so long? 
There were voices coming from the deck – oh, was that Beidou you just heard? You were sure, but you also weren't. After all, mortals had mastered the art of perceiving what they wished to perceive to perfection. Maybe her voice was merely there because you wished for it to be there. 
     "Relax a little, wouldn't want ya to pass out now, do we?" a man next to you joked, neatly folding the documents in his hands and shoving them into his pocket. "Let me guess, waiting for a loved one?" 
     "Is it that obvious?" you muttered, to which the man answered with a short laugh.
     "Number one scenario here on the wharf." 
Yeah, that made sense.
     "Now then, they are about to ascend the ship," he pointed out, just when you heard the sound of the gangway being lowered and attached to the dock. "I'd say, give a warm welcome to whoever you have been waiting for." 
He didn't have to tell you twice; you had already darted towards the ladder before the man could even finish his sentence, your mood elated more than it had been in the weeks prior combined, and all that while you didn't even know whether or not Kazuha would be there. 
Four men of the crew were the first to leave the ship, all carrying a bunch of supplies that had no purpose on board any longer. They all greeted you with grins of recognition as they saw you standing on the wharf, but that was as much as they could do with their hands full like that. 
Then the captain appeared, and you smiled widely when the woman approached you, ignoring the men who were about to welcome her in their harbor. 
     "Can't say I'm surprised to see you here, Y/N," Beidou greeted you, amusement written on her features as she came to a halt in front of you. "I'd say we catch up later, though. I have some formalities to deal with first, and besides, I think someone else wants your attention first." 
You blinked. Of course you instantly knew who she was talking about, and your heart was suddenly performing somersaults in your chest. Kazuha.. was here? Maybe it was because you wanted to protect yourself from heartbreak, but you found yourself hesitating to believe what the captain had just told you. 
     "Kazuha?" you meekly asked, and Beidou grinned. 
     "Who else?" She lightly ruffled your hair, and in your little daze you let her. "Go find him, kiddo. He's been awfully quiet lately, and I was starting to miss his late-night musings." 
     "Really? I must say that quite surprises me, Beidou," a familiar voice sounded from behind the captain, and the woman's smile grew even more as she stepped aside, revealing he who your heart had yearned for for so long. 
The emotion that came over you was one you couldn't really decipher, but was strong enough for your surroundings to become a blur as you stared at your beloved ronin, breath caught in your throat. You were overwhelmed in many ways, heart and mind filled with warmth and happiness, yet you were too stupefied to move as it all flooded over you at once. Even the ruckus of the men around you getting ready to do their job barely got through.
You barely noticed how Beidou lightly gave Kazuha's shoulder a little push towards you before she walked off with a light chuckle, and you came back to your senses only when the male shot you a warm smile as he whispered your name. 
Your name fell off his lips as if it were his favorite word to exist, and his arms were around you barely a moment later, warm and gentle, safe and comforting. You breathed in his scent, one of autumn and the ocean breeze. God, you had missed him so much.
But he was here now, and all was suddenly good.
Kazuha spoke your name again, holding you a little closer, as if he was struggling to believe that you were really in his arms, as if he was afraid that you were gonna disappear if he didn't hold on tightly enough. So you did the same, your arms around him in a hug so secure, as if you wanted to show the Archons that you weren't planning to let him slip away again. 
     "Kazu, you're–" you began, distancing yourself a little with great aversion – only because you longed to see his soft smile and his beautiful gentle ruby eyes. 
And smiling he did, almost mischievously so as he put a finger against your lips to keep you from speaking up. 
     "I'm here, Y/N," he said softly, removing his finger from your lips. He couldn't keep himself from leaning in and capturing your lips in a chaste kiss, but it only lasted for but a second before be pulled back and taking your hand. "But I personally prefer our reunion to be without the presence of these employees, and I can feel Beidou's gaze upon us without much discretion." 
You let out a short laugh because of course, what else would you expect from your biggest hype woman? However, you totally understood Kazuha's wish for some more privacy, and you gladly let him lead you away from the maintenance docks. 
The ronin led you to the empty wharf behind the repair station, which was nothing more than an array of narrow wooden boardwalks looking out over the wide ocean from a quiet corner of the port. Never did someone really bother to go there, and it was just the two of you.
     "See? I would say this is much better," he spoke, his solemn eyes not leaving you – not even for a mere fragment of a second. 
It was unreal, to witness the vast expanse of ocean blue, for once not filled with the lingering melancholy as you yearned for your lover's presence, but with your lover right next to you. His bandaged hand was warm in yours, and you truly enjoyed the moment. This was the last thing you expected when you woke up this morning and set out to wander around the harbor, but this was the best possible outcome you couldn't even have hoped for. 
     "It is," you agreed, tearing your gaze away from the sea and turning to look at the samurai at your side. "I still can't believe you're here, Kazu. It's… a huge surprise." 
     "I have been anticipating it for a couple of days now," the male replied, gently tugging you along as he walked towards the edge of the wharf. "Beidou was quick to ask me to come with as soon as the Alcor would moor in Liyue Harbor, and who was I to let this opportunity go to waste?"
     "I'm really happy," you told him, still feeling quite overwhelmed by the ronin's presence and all that had unexpectedly happened today. "It was empty without you." 
     "The wind has guided us to each other once more," Kazuha smiled, averting his gaze to watch how the glistening waves got stirred by the ocean breeze calmly. "Just like it always will." 
His eyes remained on the sea after he had spoken, and his expression gradually turned more serious, until he heaved out a small sigh. 
     "I won't stay here for long, Y/N," he said, and despite the softness of his tone, his voice was saddened just as much. "I'm leaving as soon as the Alcor is ready for departure again. It's still unsafe for me to be here, and my presence will only put you in jeopardy and I will never forgive myself if harm were to find you. But I have fared on the unknown winds for long enough, and this time I want to promise you forever."
     "Forever?" you echoed, peering at the male curiously. 
Kazuha turned to face you, smiling almost shyly. Your hand was still securely in his, and he folded your fingers open to reveal your palm. He held his free hand above yours, hiding something from your sight in his gloved fist. 
With a gesture most gentle, he dropped a small item in your open hand, carefully folding your fingers over it before you could catch a glimpse of what it was. 
     "It's not much, Y/N," he said, modest as always. "But it's a token of the promise I'll make to you today. I hope you like it regardless." 
With those words, he let go of your hand, allowing you to take a look of what the samurai had just gifted you. It was small and slightly pointy and it felt cool against your skin, but that was as far as the blind clues went. Encouraged by his smile, you opened your hand. 
Lying on your palm, you found a small maple leaf made of metal, attached to a thin silver chain necklace. The leaf was uneven, a bit rough and sharp at the edges and had some minor burn marks here and there, but it was all those little imperfections that told you that it was handmade especially for you, inlaid with the love and care Kazuha felt for you.
     "Kazu, it's beautiful," you uttered out, and your heart swelled with warmth when you looked at him with a broad smile. 
     "I know I've always been quite wary when it comes to talking about my return, but I want to do that no longer," the pale-haired male spoke resolutely. "You are my home, and to my home I shall always return." 
He gently took the necklace from your palm, taking both ends to place it around your neck. He leaned in and kissed you softly as he connected the silver chain behind you. After that he pulled back, but didn't bother to distance himself from you in the slightest.
     "It might not be this time, it might not be in the near future, but there will be a day where we will be separated no longer," he whispered against your lips, his hot breath a bit ticklish. "The little leaf might not be much, but it's a token of a promise I will keep no matter what comes upon my path. Think of me when I'm out of sight, okay?" 
You were unable to reply using words due to the lump that had formed in your throat because of the sheer emotions you felt at the moment, so you leaned in and kissed the ronin instead. It was a kiss that spoke now that words had failed you, and you hoped to transfer everything you felt. 
     "I'll wait for you as long as I have to," you quietly told him, not too eager to separate your lips from his for too long. He was here for now, and you wanted to make the most of it before the sea called him again. 
But he would return to you. He promised. 
You were his home, his place to return to when the storm around him had settled down, no matter how long it would take. A small maple leaf around your neck was the prove, his promise. Kaedehara Kazuha was forever by your side.
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BTS Scenario: An omega arrives in your pack (Hyungline x alpha/beta fem!reader)
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Summary:  An omega joining a pack is a blessing - an unmated one is a miracle. So when the village elder came to you not with authority in her eyes but pity and pleading for understanding, you had no choice but to let him go.
Or, an omega joins the pack and you’re an alpha/beta in a relationship with another alpha. The community asks for your sacrifice. Warnings/Notes: Implied Smut, slight ass play, Angst, Drabble (no resolution... yet) I wanted to explore a different dynamic in the ABO Universe, since it’s usually Alpha BTS x Omega Reader but how about the Beta or even the Alpha reader? Hope you enjoy!  Word Count: 2k+ (500 per drabble) 
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(after he’s called to participate in the matching, and Jungkook is an unmated male omega who’s always had a crush on you) (though crush is a understatement)
He’s here for a final goodbye, you think as you allow him to push you back against the wall.
He kisses you with desperation, all teeth and tongue, as if he wants to devour you whole. He reeks of her but you push it at the back of your mind, together with your instinct to gain the upper hand.
If this is goodbye, let it be as soft as you two could be.
You close your eyes to blink back the tears and wrap your arms around his neck. You match his passion kiss after kiss until you both are panting, breathing in each other.
Seokjin slows it down and pulls at your shirt, slipping it off your head. His eyes are wan, and he hasn’t met your gaze the whole time. It feels wrong, but then again, everything is.
So you try to bring back some normalcy and let the urgency in your touch show. Your arms slid down his shoulder, pushing him back into your room, your strength easily matching his.
In the dark of the room, you tug at his shirt but Seokjin grasps your hand away from his chest. You thought he’s going to lead you to his cock just as he did many times before, but he pulls you closer until there’s no more space between your chest and his and leads your hand to his hole.
He’s dry as the dessert but her pushes your hand closer, until your fingers tap his puckered hole.
You can feel him force himself not to tense up, breathing deeply and dropping his head to your shoulder. His back is caved over you, like a tall child and he turns to graze his lips against your ear.
“I’ll let you fuck me too, if that’s what you want, jagi.”
Your eyes widen and you try to pull your hand away but he holds it still. Your other hand tries to push his chest away but his other arm wraps around your shoulder blades, unwilling to let go.
He keeps still in the crook of your neck, murmuring words you never imagined you’ll hear from the alpha, “I’ll moan like he did. Beg like he did.” His voice shakes, and you startle at the tears wetting your skin. It doesn’t even occur to you to wonder how he knew about Jungkook, and what had transpired the night before because here he is.
He’s crying. Your alpha is crying.
“Just please don’t leave me.”
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(Your love for Yoongi knows no bounds, you can give him this. In which your arranged marriage is thwarted.)
“It’s a good thing we’re not bonded yet, huh?”
You try not to wince at the relief in his voice and instead you laugh, hoping that the dark is enough to conceal the wobble on your lip.
You are both lying on your bed, exhausted by your hours long of… what do you call it again? Ah, he did call it his favorite recreational activity. He figured sexual compatibility is an important factor in arrange marriages earlier on your engagement.
And you, in love with him for more than half your life, said yes.
His fingers are playing with your hair, while his other hand lifts a lit cigarette to his lips. He glances down at you, his cat-like eyes half-lidded.
“You want a smoke?”
Pulling the blanket higher to your chest, relishing in the slight flicker of interest in his eyes, you shake your head. “Actually, can you not smoke on my bed tonight?”
Yoongi raises an eyebrow but says nothing and puts out his cigarette against the ash tray on your bedside table. Usually, you take up on his offer, and he’s not gonna lie and say that the image of your lips around a cigarette doesn’t stir his cock alive.
“Not feeling well?” He asks, the only time you refused his offer was whenever you’re feeling the drop after your activities. But usually, you’ll tell him outright, communication being as open as you both could.
You let a small smile touch your lips at his tone. He cares for you, you know, maybe not as much as you want him to, but it’s enough.
Or it used to be enough.
“Just a mild migraine,” you lie before pressing a kiss against his shoulder.
Yoongi smiles and kisses the crown of your head, “You know what cures migraines?”
Your smile grows wider as you look up to his grin, his hand already sliding down the small of your back under your blankets. “I think I have an idea.”
By the time he’s pulled out 3 more orgasms from you, the moon has started fading from the night sky. The brisk winter air entering your room by the open window, drawing goosebumps on your skin.
Beside you, Yoongi sits up and pulls his shirt over his head.
“You’re not staying the night?”
Yoongi shakes his head, “The trials start the day after tomorrow, I’ve got to get a head start.”
Your press your lips together, your hand sneaking down your belly. You imagine your child, the size of a pea, hoping they do not hear your breaking heart. “I thought you didn’t like being choices taken away from you.”
That was one of the major points of discussion when your parents arranged your marriage. It’s also a source of your many arguments at the start, before slowly becoming some sort of unwanted roommate in your makeshift relationship.
Yoongi pauses, there’s something in your voice that he can’t pinpoint. He turns to you, for once, you are unreadable. “This is different.”
“Oh,” you breathe. How so, you want to ask. How come a choice robbed by our secondary natures so much different than the ones robbed by our parents? How come it’s the lesser evil in your eyes?
How come I was never a palatable choice in the first place?
But you don’t. Instead, Yoongi presses on. “At least now, you know, if it turns out that it’s me, you’re free. You can go to university just like you want.”
“Yeah…” you chuckle dryly, “Well, good luck then.”
You don’t beg him to stay, you’re an alpha too and an alpha protects their pack. As your hand travels down to your belly again, you remember - you have your own to protect now too.
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(You’re just his best friend. What can you say?)
“She smells like lilacs! No, wait, honey! Honey and cream.” Hoseok sighs, all lovestruck on your couch over the new omega girl in town.
As part of the search party that found her, he hasn’t stopped talking about her for weeks. Giving you updates on her recovery in the beginning, and then her smile, her eyes, and the way she laughs as time went by.
At first, you didn’t mind. An omega joining the pack is a blessing, given their rarity. They symbolize fertility and bounty, and you are nothing if not loyal to the community. You foster the village children as their teacher, you teach them the ropes of the land - how to feed the cows, how to plant the seeds, and how to prepare for harvest - after all.
But as time went by, as Hoseok’s visits to her home frequent and his visits to yours lessen, it’s become harder and harder to keep the bitter thoughts away. Hoseok may still visit you, but when was the last time you two talked about anything other than her?
“The trials for her mate starts next week,” Hoseok starts, almost as if waiting for you to say something, “I’m thinking of participating.”
From the kitchen, you tighten your hold on the tray balancing your tea and snacks. Without a wobble, you inquire as you step back into your living room, “Oh?”
“Yeah,” he picks up one of your cookies, suddenly looking all bashful, “I’m unmated and I’m not getting younger so, might as well give it a shot you know?”
You frown behind your tea cup, “We’re barely past our mid-20s, Seok-ie, that hardly qualifies as old.”
Hoseok leans back and tilts his head on the back of your couch until it hangs in relaxation. “It’s different between you and I.”
It’s true, betas are not so pressured to reproduce early. After all, there’s nothing special to be had in your genes, you think bitterly.
“Besides,” he continues, “I think I like her. You know, maybe we should invite her next time we hang out! You can get to know her too!”
“I’d rather not.” It spills over your lips before you could control it, and Hoseok stiffens before turning his gaze to you.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re jealous.” Hoseok teases, unaware at how his words hit home.
You stiffen, biting your lip before the dam breaks. “Maybe I am.” you whisper.
He blinks in surprise at the feebleness of your tone, “B-but… you’re a beta.”
You know. You know your place, in this village and in his life but somehow it’s different hearing it from him. Standing, you  turn away to step back into your kitchen when a hand grasps your wrist.
“I don’t understand.” Hoseok whispers, trying to look up to your face but thwarted by your hair. He doesn’t need to see your watering eyes to know there are tears in them. He’s reeling from the sudden change of atmosphere, smelling your distress in the air.
Suddenly, you’re overwhelmed by the sense of inferiority and your heart caves into itself. With the last of your strength, you shake off his hold, pointing to the door.
“I think it’s best you leave.”
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(Namjoon has always been a man of duty, and though you are tough and strong, there are limits to what you can and will endure)
You pride yourself to be level-headed, calm, and objective unlike many of the alphas in the pack. You’ve never lost your control, or flown into fury even during your youth but at this very moment, you summon all your discipline to keep your lips from pulling back and snarling at the older alpha in front of you.
How dare she?
How dare they ask this of you?
“It is his duty.” She repeats and beside you, Namjoon is silent. Eyes straight ahead, back as rigid as the trees outside your home. The home that you two built for your children that will come after your wedding.
The wedding that’s supposed to be in a month.
But the longer Namjoon stays silent, the farther that future seems to be. By the time the elder leaves your home, you don’t even see a speck of it in your mind’s eye.
The silence continue as you clean up the cups and uneaten rice cakes. The silent clink of the utensils echoing in your quaint home.
As you wash the dishes, you feel like an outsider watching your body go through the motions. Scrubbing the plate clockwise, once, twice, three times, before running it under the faucet. Next, you pick up the cups, here, clockwise, once, twice —
“It is my duty,” you hear Namjoon, and oh, he’s beside you, hand on your wrist, pulling your hands away from the frigid waters, “you know that, right?”
As one of the strongest and wisest alphas this pack has ever seen in generations, your betrothal to Namjoon was tolerated at best. Alpha bondings are common nowadays, with the scarcity of omegas. So yes, your betrothal was tolerated - just tolerated, even with you being as strong and as wise as your betrothed - but now?
With that young omega in the picture?
They are making you feel as if you’ve committed a grave sin against the community, as if it’s not within your rights to rage against the unfairness of it all.
They’re asking you for your love.
And he’s so willing to be taken away. Your heart breaks but you nod quietly, “I know. I understand.”
Namjoon stupidly thought that was the end of it. That you knew he’ll always come back to you, omega or not.
Maybe he was naive, or he truly was selfish to ask it of you but when he gets home the week after the trials to a dark cold house the surprise knocks him to his knees and drops his heart to his stomach.
You left the kitchen untouched, his mug still next to yours but, Namjoon pauses at the threshold of your room. There, glinting under the moonlight, sits your ring and the last of your scent wafts away.
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END NOTES:  Hearts are appreciated but comments are gold. Let me know if this should have a second (or even third) part! :) 
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sortasirius · a year ago
“Inherit the Earth” and the Fakeout
Absolutely genius.  Amazing, iconic, legendary, something only our showrunner Andrew Dabb can pull off.
"But Lilly, the episode was so bad!  It was just the brothers, they didn’t look for Cas and Eileen!”
Let’s get into it.
An empty world.  No one left but Sam, Dean, and Jack.
So Dean ran, he somehow managed to pick himself up off the floor of the dungeon and meet up with Sam and Jack.  That jacket was this silent reminder.  Remember what I’ve been saying, Cas has occupied the negative space all season, this is no exception.
Dean can’t look either of them in the face, he’s doing that thing, where his eyes move everywhere BUT where he should look. 
“I couldn’t save anybody.”
Sam couldn’t save the world and Dean couldn’t save the one person that means the world to him.
“Where’s Cas?”
I think it’s there, in that pause where Dean tries to push down the emotions, continue the fight, not think about the memories he left in the bunker, that Jack realizes what must have happened. Jack is the only one that knows about the deal, he has to know what Cas not being there must mean.
“He saved me.  Billie was coming after us.  Cas summoned the Empty.  It took her...and took him.  Cas is gone.”
This may shock you, but I am GLAD they didn’t talk about Cas, especially with what happens at the end of the episode.  Cas is allowed to just take up unsaid space.  It’s obvious he’s missing with the way they blocked things, obvious he’s missing here.  This whole “oh well they don’t care about Cas because they didn’t talk about him”?  Malarkey.
“Jack I’m sorry.”
Guilt.  Regret.  Pain.  Dean will carry this with him for the rest of his life.  Not only that he lost Cas, but that Sam lost Cas, that Jack lost Cas.
That SHOT, with the distance between Jack and Sam where Cas is SUPPOSED TO BE, and then a zoom out to...THE WORLD.
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Okay, as usual, Bucklemming has the subtlety of a sledgehammer lmao.
Jack crying???  Praying to Cas????  Bruh?????
Also it’s just straight-up frightening for everything around my boy to die he is my baby son.
Also not to point out the incredibly obvious, but Dean starts drinking immediately, and continues drinking throughout the whole episode.  Grief arc 2.0 babey.
“We can what, Dean?  There’s no one left to save!  Everybody’s gone!”
“You can’t just give up.”
“What other choice do we have!”
Idk why, but for Sam, who’s the constant, the one who’s always had hope, through everything, through all these years, when he finally says this, when he finally loses his hope?  It hits the hardest.  Sam is the leader, so not only is he grieving the loss of Eileen, he is a general grieving the loss of his soldiers, his friends, the world that he feels the duty to save.
When they go to meet Chuck, I just can’t get that image of Dean, leaning against the car, handprint still on his jacket, staring at the ground out of my head.  It takes him a few seconds to catch up to Sam, like he’s pulled out of thoughts like deep dark water.  Remember friends, it doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful.
Chuck wearing BLACK?  FEAR.
“That’s right, the whole Cain and Abel thing.  Us dead, whatever.  I’ll kill Sam, Sam’ll kill me, we’ll kill each other.  Okay, you pick.  But first?  You gotta put everything back the way it was.  The people, the birds...Cas.  You gotta bring him back.”
Willing to kill his brother.  Willing to die.  Tears in his eyes, begging God to bring Cas back.
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And Chuck?  Chuck doesn’t care about their surrender, he knows he’s already got them beaten.  He cares about their pain, he cares about them suffering, because to him?  That’s the entertainment.  He’s not entertained by their found family, by their happiness, by their joy.  He wants them to suffer, all of them.
“Eternal shame.  Suffering.  And loneliness.”
And he leaves them with just that.  No hope, no family, just the three of them, broken, alone.  Jack locked in his bedroom, Sam trying desperately to make life “normal” again.  And Dean.  Dean who drank so much he passed out on the floor.
He doesn’t feel terrific, he feels like shit, because not only is he dealing with the shame of an empty planet, he’s dealing with the guilt of being back in the place where the Empty took Cas.
This whole thing with the dog was just absolutely heartwrenching shit and if I didn’t hate Chuck before, him snapping Miracle right in front of an already fragile Dean would seal that deal.
I just want everyone to know that this is a Jake Abel stan account.
“Daddy’s boy” is a big insult for my boy Dean to use considering his own past with his trash abusive father but I’ll allow it.
I do think it’s interesting, ending of his arc aside, that Michael is willing to help them now.  What changed?  Sure, he ended up trying to help Chuck, running back to his father, but why get back in the game?  I wonder if it has anything to do with the loss of Adam.  It’s an interesting parallel, a man loses his angel while an angel loses his human.
Everything is so DARK in the Bunker now too, even the lighting is loud.
When I tell you I lost my shit when I saw Cas was calling Dean, when I heard Misha’s voice??  I knew it didn’t make any sense but I didn’t care, I would’ve been one step behind Dean as he sprinted towards the door.
Fuck you, Eugenie.
I mean it’s torture not only to Dean, who looks beyond fucking crushed when it’s damn Lucifer at the door, but for us too.  Who the FUCK wanted Lucifer back?  And to tease Cas???  Garbage.
I mean...fam.  Listen, we know who’s writing this episode, this whole Betty thing is just like blatantly unnecessary but again, Eugenie loves Lucifer, gotta distract her with a shiny toy lmao.
It was cool to see Michael and Lucifer onscreen together.  It was a cool dynamic that we rarely got to see.
The whole episode is just twist after twist.  Listen, it’s their last episode so I guess they needed to fit in a season worth of twists in one episode.
Bye Lucifer.  We know Eugenie can’t bring him back.  Blessings to all.
This scene with Adam is the FOURTH scene where Dean is drinking...big yikes to my guy’s liver.
Here’s the thing about Michael.  He’s a mirror for Dean in season 5.  Loyal to an absent father.  He has never changed, but Dean has.  Dean is able to acknowledge now, the trauma that his father put him through, he was able to move past the need for pleasing him at any cost.  Michael and Chuck?  Are John and Dean, if Dean had never been allowed to grow.  And Chuck proves, like John did, that he would always put his wants (in John’s case “the mission”) over his children.
Also not to beat a dead horse but Michael’s death was also peak Eugenie.
Sam getting to punch Chuck in the face?  Thank you, he deserves that.
Obviously I don’t love any scene of my boys getting brutally beaten.  But what I love, what I will always love about them, is what Chuck hates about them:  they won’t ever give up.  They know they won’t win against him, they don’t even land any hits, but that’s not what matters.  What matters is their controller doesn’t control them anymore, that they really are free.  No matter how hard they get hit, the get back up.  It is their choice to stand up to him, no matter the cost.
The moment where Sam and Dean are supporting each other, covered in blood, and they look God in the face, and they laugh.  That is why I will love them unconditionally for the rest of my life.  That is who they are, they will never cow to the villain, whether that’s Azazel or Alastair or Zachariah or Lucifer or Amara or Death or Metatron or Cain or God.  They will always choose to stand up.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Because.  You lose.”
Chills.  What a line.
And Chuck is left, small, human, no longer a villain, no longer anything.
Gotta be real, woulda been nice to, idk, not see all this essential plot in a flashback, but I know I can only ask so much of Bucklemming.
For Dean to walk away from killing Chuck, right after he’s called him “the ultimate killer” is quite simply the most beautifully heartwrenching thing I could ever ask for.  Because that’s who Dean was under Chuck, that’s who Chuck wanted him to be.
And he would have before:
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But he’s heard some things since then, heard some things about how others see him.  Not as the killer, not as a monster, not as angry and broken or his daddy’s blunt instrument:
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I’m not saying that Dean doesn’t kill Chuck for Cas.  He doesn’t kill Chuck because he doesn’t think he has to anymore, he doesn’t kill Chuck because he listened to Cas, he took Cas’ words to heart.  He made the choice not to be the killer.
“See that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are.”
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And Chuck is angry, because he thought, after everything, even after losing, that he would still know Dean well enough to know that he would kill him.  But Chuck has never really known Dean, he has never understood where he’s really come from.  Cas understood, Sam and Jack understand, but Chuck never did, and writing off Dean as angry and broken is his biggest mistake, because that’s never been Dean.
“It’s not his power anymore.”
And it’s not just his physical power, it’s his power over the story, over the boys that’s the real power taken from him.
For Jack to be the one to bring everyone back, for him to be the hero of the story?  That’s poetic right there.  Now, I will say, I don’t think this story ends with him as God, because for him, the child, to take on this burden, it doesn’t make a ton of sense to me for his arc, but we shall see next week.  It felt pretty tied up, but there’s one major loose end: and that’s Jack seeing Cas again.
“Just you and me, going wherever the story takes us.  Just us.”
“Finally free.”
This doesn’t feel triumphant to me, it doesn’t feel like relief.  It feels like they’ve settled, like this is the best they’re going to get, so they might as well make the best of it, at least they have each other.
For Cas and Jack to be carved into the table?  I cry.
And for the montage, very similar to “Swan Song” to be set to “Runnin on Empty”?  Sorry but that’s just too sus to be ignored.
They packaged this episode as an ending, because for many, it might be.  The season’s story, the season about fighting Chuck is over.  So, you might be asking (or, well, screaming, judging by my replies lol), what’s left?  And that’s a good question, Chuck has been defeated, so what is left?  What’s left is what’s really mattered all season: the relationships that have been crafted over the years.  Dean and Sam’s unhappiness at the end of the episode, where “just you and me” sounded more of a grudging acceptance than anything else, is one of the clues that has to be looked at.  Why didn’t Sam find Eileen, why didn’t Jack bring back Cas?  Those two characters specifically are the ones we need to watch out for.  As I’ve said over and over again, peace, contentment, satisfaction, those don’t come from Sam and Dean on the open road together anymore.  They have a family, more of a family than they did when they started hunting together all those years ago, and that family is what holds them together.  They need each other, of course, but each other isn’t enough anymore.  Sam needs Eileen, Dean needs Cas.  That is where they will find their peace.
This episode, as many written by Bucklemming was sloppy, rushed, packed full of shit, and had little gems that we can talk about forever, but that was the end of the season, and next week?  Andrew Dabb brings us home, where Dean and Sam will finally be able to choose what they want for themselves, and that, my friends, is Eileen and Cas.
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angeltreasure · 11 months ago
Hello friend, sorry if this is a silly question but could you explain what the Eucharist is and why it is important? I’m in the beginning of my journey and feel so overwhelmed by google. Have a beautiful day 😊💛
I’ve been saving this ask for a while so this is so exciting! I apologize for my lateness. I usually answer right away but we have had trouble with the WiFi setting up. Anyway! Welcome Anon!!! I am so excited for your faith journey!! Welcome. 😊🙏🏻
Don’t worry, this isn’t a silly question at all. No, it’s a very good question! I am a Catholic, so I will be explaining my Christian denomination believes what the Eucharist is. In fact, this is a VERY important topic to learn about. I will give you my answer then give you some quotes and videos. Hope you enjoy.
The Eucharist IS Jesus Christ. You know how traffic lights are different colors? Red for stop, yellow to caution; slow down, and green for go? Well, you must understand if you choose to join the Catholic Church that the Eucharist is not a symbol. Although the appearance is a wafer bread and tastes like one, it is not plain like a traffic signal. When a priest blesses the host at a Catholic mass, the host transforms into the body of Jesus Christ. You will not see Jesus appear in the priest hand when he raises the host up for that blessing, and you will not taste human flesh when you eat of it. The veil between this world we live in and the afterlife block us so the appearance and taste remain as a wafer host but the substance has really changed into the body of Jesus Christ. Eating the bread means Christ becomes a part of us and makes us stronger in faith! ♥️
Here’s what the Bible says about the Eucharist, taken from my favorite New Testament book called Matthew. I will color the specific verse in the story as red to help you understand what we believe. In the story, Jesus and His disciples were preparing to find a place for Passover. There is a lot to unpack since you are very new to the faith, so I will skip right to the verses of what Jesus spoke. [Passover: “Passover is a Jewish holiday that honors the freedom and exodus of the Israelites (Jewish slaves) from Egypt during the reign of the Pharaoh Ramses II. Before the ancient Jews fled Egypt, their firstborn children were "passed over" and spared from death, thus dubbing the holiday "Passover."”]
….. “While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.” Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.” - Matthew 26:26-29
You see, at this point in time, His disciples did not fully understand the mystery surrounding what was to come. After this night, Jesus was betrayed by Judas (one of His followers) gave His life to die on the cross. In doing so, He saved us from the punishment of all of our sins and opened the gates to Heaven. Back in the past, animals were often given up a sacrifice. Jesus Himself was the perfect sacrificial lamb for slaughter in order to save us from death. This image is the very best that I love that describes the Eucharist Transubstantiation.
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I love this one too…
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So when you eat the blessed Eucharist and drink the blessed wine done by a Catholic priest, you really do consume the substance that is Jesus’s body, blood, soul, and divinity. Ever hear that phrase, “you are what you eat”? When we consume Jesus, that doesn’t mean we are cannibals, become God, or re-sacrifice Jesus. It means we become a better reflection of Jesus.
Catholics believe in the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist because Jesus tells us this is true in the Bible: ““No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day. It is written in the Prophets: ‘They will all be taught by God.’ Everyone who has heard the Father and learned from him comes to me. Very truly I tell you, the one who believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, yet they died. But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which anyone may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.” Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, ��How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum. On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.” From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” John 6:44-66
Fun facts!!!:
Eucharist: “is a transliteration of the Greek word eucharistia, which is itself a translation of the Hebrew word berekah. All three words have the meaning of thanksgiving, or praise for the wonderful works of God.”
Bethlehem: the city where Jesus was born means “House of Bread”!
Transubstantiation: “the conversion of the substance of the Eucharistic elements into the body and blood of Christ at consecration, only the appearances of bread and wine still remaining.”
I saw a poll that only one third of Catholics really believe in Transubstantiation. If you decide in your journey to become part of the Catholic Church, please do not ever forget the words Jesus spoke about Himself to His people and those who read today. He truly is present as the Eucharist and wine.
Did you know there is evidence that the Eucharist is truly Jesus?! They are called Eucharistic Miracles. There are sooo many stories from around the world of bleeding Eucharists that scientists and such have actually tested in their labs to find real they had human blood down to a specific blood type AND material evidence of finding human heart tissue not healthy and strong but distressed! Blessed Carlo Acutis (a young man that passed away that is currently in the process of sainthood here on Earth) created an amazing website that collected examples of Eucharistic Miracles. (See link below.) This subject itself is just extra icing on the cake but don’t fall down the rabbit hole so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
Bishop Barron on the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist
Explaining the Faith - The Eucharist In Scripture
Explaining the Faith - Eucharistic Miracles: Scientific Proof
The Veil Removed, what really happens during a Catholic Mass
I could give you so much more but this was just so wonderful to be able to teach you. Know that it’s ok to feel overwhelmed. The topic of what the Eucharist really is and why it is so important is so rich in history and traditions. I hope I was able to satisfy your curiosity. If you ever have any more questions about it, I highly recommend reading sections about it in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (revised edition) but more importantly, reach out to a Catholic priest or bishop by calling them, e-mailing, or even dropping by in person. I am not part of the clergy at all, so talking to a Catholic priest or bishop, you will be able to answer any more questions you have to the Eucharist and they will explain it so well. If you are interested in wanting to know more about the Catholic Faith, I strongly suggest asking about the RCIA, free classes offered by your nearest Catholic Church which will allow you to explore what the Catholic Faith is and answer any questions you have. No pressure though, but just know we are here for you. I am so happy you were chosen as well by God! I will pray that you have a wonderful, exciting journey! God bless and you have a wonderful day/night as well.
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sluttyten · a year ago
Coming Home
Poly Orgy Series: Part 8
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Poly Series Chapter Index
summary: when you found out you were pregnant, you worried you’d have to go it alone, but instead you find that you have quite a lot of support, several boyfriends that love you wholeheartedly, and a place to call home.
length: 21,227
tags: pregnancy!!, smut, polyamory, multiple partners, unprotected sex, the usual poly orgy series type of tags
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“Baby, I don’t want to have to worry about anything in the future. I don’t want you to have to worry either. I love you so much, and the other night I was thinking about the future, about you, about the baby, and really it seemed to me that there’s only one true next step for me to take.” Mark takes a deep breath.
Your world freezes.
“Baby, will you marry me?” Mark asks even as he’s sinking down on one knee.
“Mark!” You cry out, slapping him on the arm hard enough that the sound echoes around your living room.
“Fuck!” Mark straightens up with a whine, his hand immediately flying up to cover the burning imprint of your hand on his arm. “What the fuck?”
Tears burst to your eyes, though you're not sure exactly why. “Mark, why would you ask me... ask me to marry you?” Your voice pitches up at the end, a surprised and somewhat almost frightened squeal.
Mark looks at you then, all wide-eyed seriousness. “I just thought it’s the right thing to do. If you’re pregnant, then shouldn’t you have something stable? A husband? Someone who can help you out and take care of you and the baby? And with the way our lives are, it’s a miracle that no rumor has gotten out to the fans about you at all yet, but now if it does, if they find out about you being pregnant, well, then everyone’s going to want to know which of us you’re with and the answer can only be one, and it’ll just make sense for us to get married, right?”
“And you think that should be you?”
“Well, why not?” His tone is slightly angry, defensive and hurt.
You sigh and turn your back to him so you can wipe at these tears without him watching you. 
“Mark.” Your voice breaks and you clear your throat before turning around and addressing him again. “Mark, I appreciate it and I get where you’re coming from, but I’m going to say no. I love you, and I love that you want to do the right thing by marrying me, but it’s simply not fair to all the others. It’s not fair to you if you’re not the--”
“I don’t care about who the dad is.” Mark straightens up, determination burning in his gaze. “I know the odds of it being mine are slim. I would love if it is mine, like, the idea of being a dad is scary, but no matter what happens, who turns out to be the father, I figure I’m still going to be involved, right?”
You open your mouth, but you can’t find any words to comfort him, to give him a satisfying answer. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Of course, you’ve always known that this whole polyamorous relationship couldn’t be sustainable, though you’ve all tried your best. This news, the little life growing inside of you, might just be that last little chip to shatter the relationship to bits. How can you hope to stay in a relationship with them all when you’ve got a baby? How could you raise a child with fourteen possible fathers?
“Maybe I’ll just Mamma Mia the whole situation,” you mumble. 
Mark snorts. “You gonna run away to a Greek island and raise this baby on your own? And in twenty something years when we’re all doing our own things, we’ll get an invite to a wedding, and only then will we unravel the mystery?” He smiles and steps up, wrapping his arms around you, one hand gently cradling the back of your neck. “Baby, you don’t have to do any of that. We’ll all figure this out. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done this tonight. I just.... I’m a traditional kind of guy, I guess. Baby, marriage, moving in together. Those are all things I’ve wanted for a long time, and we’ve already got two of those things in the works. But it’s okay, I understand.” 
You sink into his hug. Mark’s so warm and soft and with his arms wrapped around you, you feel even more sleepy than you had before. You breathe in, just taking in the smell of his soap and laundry detergent, and you breathe out.
“This feels nice,” you mumble, your words muffled against his shoulder. 
Mark’s hum of agreement vibrates through his chest, and a moment later it turns into a laugh.
Without breaking the hug, you ask him, “Why are you laughing?”
“I don’t even have a ring or anything.” Mark’s voice bounces happily, and he hides his face in your shoulder. “Probably a good thing you shot me down, honestly.”
A while later when you’re in bed, Mark yawning now too as he settles into your bed, you sit up and reach over to rummage through the drawer of your bedside table. 
When you turn back around, Mark’s watching you curiously, and he wordlessly gives you his hand when you gesture for him to give it to you. He watches as you uncap a Sharpie marker, and then you separate his ring finger from the others, as you draw a fine black line around the base of his finger. When you’ve completed the ink band you hold his fingers in yours.
“This is a promise,” you tell him, “that we do have a future together, no matter what. That we’ll always be in each other’s lives as lovers or friends or whatever it may be, you’ll always be special to me, Mark Lee.” 
You turn his hand over, and bringing his palm to your lips, you kiss right beneath the black band that you just drew on him.
Mark lunges up, wrapping his arms around you, dragging you down against his chest, and he kisses you, kisses your cheeks and nose and chin, and you’re laughing with your hands braced against his chest, kissing him when you can too.
And the next morning when you wake up, you find that some time in the night, Mark had picked up your abandoned Sharpie, and drawn a matching black ink band on your ring finger.
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Things are a bit weird for a while after that while everyone adjusts to the awareness that you’re pregnant. And after your first prenatal appointment, some of the boys start acting even more differently.
For one thing, the appointment confirms that you are indeed pregnant, and about eight to nine weeks along by the looks of things. Which, as you listen to your doctor, makes a lot of sense given the symptoms you’ve been experiencing. And that news of you being approximately eight weeks along, and therefore bringing a baby into the world in about 32 weeks, definitely changes how some of your boyfriends start behaving.
Especially after you show them the ultrasound picture.
It’s just a little gray, blurry blob, but there’s a heat in your chest that’s not caused by the heartburn you’ve begun to feel 
For a few of the boys, this means that they get protective over you. Taeil and WinWin, for example, both offer to do pretty much everything for you, from opening doors to running upstairs to grab something. Anything that actually might be in any possible way considered “overexerting yourself” they argue with you to let them do. 
Johnny, Jaehyun, and to your surprise, Jungwoo, all get much more touchy, wanting to be around you as much as possible. And Jungwoo is just a horny boy all the time, to the point that one evening after you get home from a date with him, as you’re sitting on his lap on the sofa in the otherwise empty house, Jungwoo just starts touching you, and you can tell that he’s already half-hard.
“What is with you lately?” You ask with a laugh, letting Jungwoo pull your shirt over your head. “You’ve been so horny. Is it something I’m doing different?” You perch yourself on his knees, bat your eyelashes at him, and push your chest forward, smiling as his eyes slide down to the curves of your breasts.
“Oh my god... Yeah, angel. Just thinking about you pregnant is actually really sexy.” Jungwoo’s hands settle on your hips. “You’re gonna look even sexier, and your boobs are going to get bigger and, uh, it’s not something I’ve really talked about before, because I was afraid the others would make fun of me or you’d think it’s really weird, but the idea of, like, nursing?” Jungwoo averts his eyes from you, his face going a pale shade of embarrassed. “I think it’s pretty hot.”
You smile and pat his head. “You’ve always had a thing for my boobs, you know, so honestly, I’m not too surprised.” Jungwoo leans into your touch, smiling all sweetly even as his hands knead at your ass roughly. “But you really think me being pregnant is sexy?”
Jungwoo nods. “Definitely. Plus,” he shrugs and says, “I don’t know, there’s just something about you right now that is very, very attractive. Jaehyun says so too.”
“I’m sure he does. Especially since he’s been hot for the idea of knocking me up since the first time we all had sex.” You drape your arms around Jungwoo’s neck. “You, him, Johnny, all three of you are acting so clingy and affectionate lately, meanwhile most of the others wouldn’t dare to try to have sex.” 
Just the day before you’d tried to initiate something with Hendery. He went along with it while you were just making out, but as soon as you slid your hand into his pants to rub his erection to full hardness, he’d backed away, making excuses. Taeyong had done the same a few days before that.
“I’ll dare to do it.” Jungwoo leans his head down, mouths at your breasts, as he murmurs, “I want you to ride me, right here. But turn around.”
Reluctantly you climb off his lap, and as you’re facing away from him, Jungwoo pulls your pants and panties down. You step out of them, look back over your shoulder at him, and see Jungwoo watching you with a look of pure awe on his face. 
“You’re always so beautiful.” Jungwoo slides a hand down your side, over your hip, curving around to your butt. He leans in and drops just a tiny kiss right at the small of your back. “What did we do to deserve you and everything you’ve blessed us with.”
Your face heats up with a blush. 
When he pulls you back onto his lap, his hands settle on your hips, guiding you all the way back until your back is pressed to his chest, his cheek touches yours, and your ass is right over his bulging erection. His fingers flutter for a moment, and then he brushes his hands up to your belly, gentle and light, and then he touches one warm palm flat against your skin, the soothing heat of skin on skin sinks down into you. 
Jungwoo’s lips rest against your cheek as you sigh, relaxing back against him.
His other hand wanders lower, fingertips dipping into the crack between your thighs, and obediently you part them for him, letting your legs fall off to either side of his, giving him access to your wet heat.
“Look at you, already soaking wet, spreading your legs so easily for me.” Jungwoo murmurs. “You really do want it badly, don’t you? How long has it been since one of us touched you?”
Truly not that long. That evening with Taeil, Johnny, Taeyong, Kun, Doyoung, and Ten was the last time, and that was just a little over two weeks ago. But compared to just a couple months ago, a week could be considered a dreadfully long time to go untouched by any of them.
You whine when Jungwoo only strokes his finger teasingly over your entrance, avoiding your clit, hardly giving you anything.
“Too long, Jungwoo. I want you.”
“Me? But I’m sure you went to others first. Lucas? I know you love how big and broad he is, making you feel all small. Or Kun hyung? Remember when he and Ten were hogging you all to themselves; you couldn’t get enough of them then.” Jungwoo teases. “You want me? Why do you want me so badly?”
You squirm, wiggling down against his erection. “Because I love you, Jungwoo. I want you.” 
He tuts, his lips trailing down now from your cheek to your neck, brushing over sensitive skin, his nose bumps against your jaw. “But why though? What exactly do you want about me?”
His teeth meet the skin of your shoulder just barely, and you whine. “I want you to have me all to yourself, Jungwoo. You can make me feel small too. You’re so big and broad and long.” You rub your ass down against his erection, your head dropping back against his shoulder. “I want you to make me feel small, like your little angel doll.”
Jungwoo smiles where his lips are against the top of your shoulder. 
You can feel yourself dripping wet, the slick arousal gathered on his finger that just keeps up its petting of your pussy lips. 
His mouth moves, teeth pricking your skin occasionally, and then you feel the moment that he catches your bra strap between his teeth, dragging it along to the curve of your shoulder. When he releases it, the band tickles down your upper arm, and Jungwoo shifts, focusing his nipping kisses on your other shoulder until he against takes that bra strap between he teeth and drags it over the curve of your shoulder. 
“Sit up, angel.” Jungwoo murmurs, and you do just that, feeling excited but also disappointed when his hands disappear from your skin, only to return a moment later. His slick finger touches against your back along with several non-slicked fingers, and a second later the clasp of your bra comes apart. You let it drop from your arms, leaving you fully exposed in the room, sitting in a fully-clothed Jungwoo’s lap.
He spreads his legs apart, and you lean back against him once more as his spreading legs push yours farther apart as well.
“Sexy.” Jungwoo kisses your cheek again.
He scoots your forward just a little, just enough that he can fit his hand between you both, and unfasten his zipper to get his cock out. You feel him hot and hard against your tailbone, and your core throbs. It’s been too long since you last had one of them inside you, and now....
You moan from the satisfaction of lifting yourself up and sitting down on Jungwoo’s cock. 
“Perfect.” Jungwoo murmurs, his lips against your bare shoulder once more. “Love the feel of you when it’s been a while. The way you react.” His hands circle around to the front of your body, one hand lifted to gentle cup your breast. You groan, leaning back against his chest, sinking down the last inch around him, and Jungwoo’s other hand strokes lightly at your clit. “You’re so beautiful.”
With his arms wrapped around you, his hands caressing your body, his cock filling you up, you feel so perfectly small and safe in his arms, even with you being so exposed out in the room.
Jungwoo smiles as you start to squirm, needing to move to get more than just feeling full and having his teasing touches on your clit. But as you move away, pushing up onto your feet, pulling off his cock, you turn to see Jungwoo frowning slightly. Until you sit back down on his lap facing him. 
“I want to see you.” You push his cock back inside you, nice and snug, and then plant your hands on either side of his face, lower your mouth toward his, and start riding him.
Jungwoo’s hands fall to your hips, keeping your rhythm steady as you bounce in his lap. The sound of your gasping breaths and breathy moans echoes all around the space, and you’re grateful that tonight it’s only the two of you here. You feel the sparks of pleasure buzzing and zipping around under your skin; Jungwoo’s hands grope at your ass, his lips burn along your jaw, and you needed this, you really did. 
The orgasm comes over you before you expected it, suddenly crashing through you--walls clenching around Jungwoo’s dick, thighs twitching, unable to hold you up any longer, but that’s when Jungwoo just holds you up by your hips and keeps fucking you through it, his thrusts rocking through your body, elongating your orgasm.
Jungwoo grunts as he approaches his orgasm, low moans under his breath and swearing, and you just twist your fingers in his hair, dragging his lips to yours as he cums.
He pulls out of you as he does, cumming half inside you and half against your thigh, but you don’t mind. You sink down, feeling the mess as you sit against the front of his jeans, the denim rough against your sensitive clit, but at the moment you’re a glutton for that kind of oversensitivity. 
With Jungwoo’s softening erection still wet and the rough denim of his jeans, you start humping against him, desperate for another orgasm to keep this warm buzzy glow inside of you going. 
“Fuck,” Jungwoo groans. “Gonna cum again, princess? You’re making quite the mess of my jeans, look at you.” You do duck your head, looking down at the front of Jungwoo’s jeans where his own cum is smeared along with your wetness and more of his cum as it leaks out of you while you wantonly rub yourself against the denim, making a larger and larger wet patch, grinding forward against his cock, back along the denim.
His hands circle around your back, broad hands covering the expanse of your back, and you arch backwards a bit, leaning into his touch, keeping the movement of your hips against his pants. Jungwoo dips his head forward, his tongue swipes a circle around one of your nipples, his lips then skirt around kissing your breasts. They hurt but right now it doesn’t feel so bad, not with everything else you have going on.
“Cum again for me. I’ve got you.” Jungwoo murmurs, and he sucks gently on your nipple. Your mind falls straight to what you’d been talking about with him earlier, and you picture Jungwoo sucking on your breasts like this, breastmilk on his tongue, and somehow you find that to be a stimulating thought. 
This orgasm writhes through you, and your hips twitch erratically over his jeans, your body falling into the overwhelming pleasure of it, and you can feel the heat squirting out of you, and Jungwoo’s moans of surprise mix with yours. And all through it, the heat of his hands holding you safely remains, and then he pull your forward against his chest, those same hands rubbing soothingly up and down your back. 
“I’m sorry about your jeans,” you whisper to him after a little while when you’ve come back to yourself. “We should probably throw them in the wash before they’re permanently ruined.”
“No,” Jungwoo hums. “It’s fine. We can just stay like this for a bit longer.”
But you feel like your pussy is drying to the leg of Jungwoo’s pants, and that idea is certainly not pleasant, so when you peel yourself away from him, you wrinkle your nose a bit in disgust and Jungwoo groans at the loss of contact. “Let’s go shower and throw the clothes in the laundry. Plus, we shouldn’t stay here like this much longer. Who knows who will come home and find us like this?”
“I guess you’re right.” Jungwoo stands up suddenly, and it’s then that you really get a look at his pants. The whole crotch of them is dark from you squirting and from his cum. He quickly stuffs his cock away again, wipes his fingers along the front of his pants, and then you watch, bemused, as he lifts his fingers to his face and sniffs.
“You’re gross.” You laugh, taking his hand, and grabbing up your clothes before heading for the stairs.
“What? You smell good.” Jungwoo reaches up to touch your butt as you climb the stairs, and you stop so that you can spin around and look at him, and Jungwoo just grins. “Come on, thought we were going to shower?”
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Moving day comes quickly, and the move is easy when you’ve got a whole moving crew at your disposal, every one of them more than happy to move things for you so you don’t strain yourself at all. Especially since they’ve all had multiple chances to look at that little blur that was the beginning of a baby in your ultrasound picture. You first showed off that picture two weeks ago, and now ten weeks along, you’re really starting to feel the pregnancy.
You’re exhausted, wanting to just nap all the time. And then, on top of the morning sickness, you’re dealing with heartburn too, plus just the day before the move, you stood up too quickly and felt dizzy, so now the boys are being very protective over you.
“Don’t lift that!” WinWin cried out in frustration as you bent over to lift a box from the floor. His hand rested on your back as you straightened up. “I’ve got it. Don’t worry about it, what do you think we’re all here for?”
He quickly stooped to lift the box for you. As soon as he was out the door, you looked for anything else that you could do. You hated being unable to help yourself move out. Ten had refused to even let you try to wrangle your cat Miso into the carrier since he seemed to be uneager to leave the apartment and move into his new home. So far most of your stuff had already been taken out before you could lift a finger to help, but now you saw a few boxes left, and just as you moved toward them, Xiaojun came through the door and caught your eye.
Xiaojun shook his head. “Don’t. We’ve got this.”
When you fold your arms across your chest and pout at him, Xiaojun smiles and walks over to you. 
“Don’t be like this.” He laughs. “We’re just looking out for you and the baby.” Xiaojun lifts a hand to your cheek, his thumb touching the corner of your lips tenderly. “Just think, all it takes is one day to move out, and then you’re living with us, baby. No worries about getting home late at night to your empty place.” 
You glance around at your startlingly empty apartment. This little place you’d made into a home, but it had grown less homelike over the last few months as you spent more time with your boyfriends. 
Home was them, the comfort of their kitchen filled with spices and warmth of whatever was cooking up, the sleepiness of sinking into the sofa with a few of them after a long day at work. 
Home was Taeil cuddling up behind you, his nose chilly on the side of your neck, but the rest of him so warm. It was Johnny kissing you hello every time either of you walked into the house after not having seen each other all day. It was quiet chats with Taeyong with your limbs tangled together, Yuta’s little moments of caring for you through words and touches and gifts. Home was Kun and Ten bickering with each other and turning to you to point out that they’re both fools, hearing them murmur ‘I love yous’ with Ten’s chilly fingers intertwining with yours, Kun’s contrastingly warm lips on your skin. Home was the smell of Doyoung and the sound of his voice singing so smooth and beautiful, his laugh, his gentle touches and bright smile when he saw you. It was Jaehyun sleepily slipping into the shower with you, just wanting to be close to you, WinWin silently taking care of you and quietly showing affection through light touches and surprise moments of intimacy. 
You could find home in Jungwoo’s playful, needy rambunctiousness and in his quieter heartfelt moments. Home was in Lucas confiding to you worries and secrets that he feared would make him look weak; it was in Lucas gathering you into his arms and bracing you against his chest, easily making you forget that the rest of the world was out there. Home was Xiaojun holding your face in his hands like the most precious treasure in the world; it was him laughing with his whole chest and spending hours curled together without sleeping, just having the quiet time together on your phones or listening to music or whispering to each other or gazing up at the stars. It was Hendery always being able to make you laugh, knowing the right things to say, caring and worrying and loving you. 
Home was Mark playing his guitar and singing under his breath, smiling out at you from beneath a hoodie, holding your hand as if he worried you might fly away, and most importantly home with Mark was found in him always being the first to invite you into their company, into their hearts and homes.
“Let’s go home,” Xiaojun tells you.
You nod, take his hand, and walk with him out of your apartment for the last time. 
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Miso doesn’t like living in the house, not right away. He hisses at the boys, always bolting from room to room, trying to hide from anyone that’s not you. It’s only after Ten accidentally shuts Miso in his room with him and you that Miso finally mellows out just a little bit. After that he likes Ten. Only you and Ten. But that doesn’t keep Taeyong, Taeil, Jeno, YangYang, Renjun, and Jaehyun from trying to befriend him. 
Even when you’re napping on the sofa and Miso curls up on your chest, as soon as Jaehyun and Ten come downstairs, Miso stands up, flicking his tail angrily, and jumping off your chest, which wakes you up. You just catch sight of Miso’s tail disappearing from your line of sight, and then you look around.
It’s dusk outside, the sky a pretty pale blue with hints of pink and periwinkle clouds, and through the door in the kitchen you can hear laughter from outside. Johnny and a few of the others are out there grilling dinner, some others are in the kitchen. Jaehyun sits down across the room from you, but Ten slides onto the sofa with you.
“I’m sorry Miso doesn’t like you, Jaehyun.” You stretch your arms over your head, savoring the feel of your sleepy muscles stretching. You shiver at the feel of your shirt skimming up your stomach, a slight tickle. 
“Yeah,” Ten laughs. “He only likes me. Let’s hope that the baby’s the same way.”
Ten’s chilly hands slip under your shirt and you whine, smacking his hands away. “God, Ten! Stop that!” 
But he laughs and pulls his hands out, only to bring them to his face, puffing some warm breath into them before he does it again. It’s slightly better, though not by much. You pout at him. 
“I just want to feel.”
“Feel what? The baby’s not big enough to kick yet. I don’t think it even has proper legs. It might still have a tail.” You roll your eyes, looking across the room to where Jaehyun is watching all of this with a light smile on his lips. “And I’m not even showing yet, so you’re literally just feeling up my belly. I have much less to show under here than you do.”
And you dive for his shirt, trying to pull it up to expose his toned abs, even higher so that you see the black tip of his chest tattoo. Ten laughs and wrestles his shirt out of your grip carefully. He drops a kiss on your lips, and dances away before you can protest. He vanishes out the back door of the house, into the cooling afternoon where Johnny and Hendery are grilling dinner. 
You sigh and sink lower into the cushions. Jaehyun’s looking back down at his phone now, but you watch him anyway. 
Ever since all of this with you announcing your pregnancy, showing off the first ultrasound of Little Blobby (as you and a few of the others, including Jisung and Haechan, have begun calling it), and since moving in, you haven’t really had many opportunities to speak one-on-one with Jaehyun. He’s been busy MCing, taking on an acting role, fulfilling other idol duties. 
“Jaehyun?” You call. He looks up at you, and when you hold out your hand to him even though there’s still quite a few feet of empty space between you and him, he raises his eyebrows. “Come here?”
Jaehyun slides smoothly onto his feet, and you scoot into more of an upright position, making room for him to join you in the oversized armchair that you’ve been reclining in. He plops right into the spot with you, and you shift around, getting comfortable, which ends up meaning that you’re tucked against his side, one leg thrown over his. Jaehyun takes your hand, lifts it to his lips, and then brings your intertwined hands back down to rest atop the leg you have thrown over his.
“Yes, my love?” His voice is low, soft, and a bit scratchy as you know he’s at the tail end of a cold.
“I just wanted to be close to you,” you tell him. “And I feel like we haven’t really talked much recently. I miss you. Have you been sleeping enough? Eating enough?”
Jaehyun’s nose crinkles as he laughs. “Mom instincts already kicking in? Yes, I’m getting plenty of those things. I’ve been busy, but I’m managing. What about you? I heard you’ve been having trouble sleeping the past few nights. Taeil hyung said that you toss and turn. Mark said that you were sleep talking about some weird shit last night.”
You snort. “Yeah, last night I had a dream that we were all out eating at a restaurant, like one of those weird ones you’ll find sometimes in America with the fresh seafood tanks? With lobsters and stuff in them? And we were waiting for our food to be served, and it was taking forever, so Doyoung asked the waiter how much longer it would be, and the waiter pointed at me then at the fish tank and said, looks like you’re almost done. And there, in the giant tank, was me, looking like one of the people from Avatar in that big tank, my belly all big. It was fucking weird, that’s for sure.”
Jaehyun gives you a weird look, but laughs. “Your imagination is something else. But other than that weird dream, you’re doing well? Morning sickness still bad?”
You nod. “I walked past Jisung and Chenle earlier after they got home from practice, and they were eating like spicy teokbokki and all those smells combined, I couldn’t take it. Also, I guess my weird food cravings are starting too, because I really wanted crunchy peanut butter and watermelon earlier? I have no idea where that craving came from.” You shrug, and look at Jaehyun’s face again. “But I think morning sickness might be going away soon, that’s what the blogs I’ve looked at say. That the sickness starts to wane at the end of the first trimester and goes away for most women. Hopefully I’m not one of the ones that it continues for, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that.”
He’s looking down at your belly, and you bite your lip. Was he even listening while were talking? He looks miles away. 
You bump him with your shoulder. “Jae? What are you thinking about?”
Jaehyun blows out a heavy breath. “You’re really pregnant, huh?”
You sit up a bit more, lean away from him so you can look at him more straight on. “Yeah? Duh. Thought we went over this like four weeks ago? Confirmed by an ultrasound and everything. And even before that you were totally on board when all I had was one positive cheap pregnancy test from a convenience store. Why the tone of, like, surprise?”
Jaehyun shakes his head. “No, it’s not-- I’m just still thinking about it a lot. Like, it’s amazing, honestly. Thinking that one of us is a dad, and we don’t really know it. I know,” he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face as he says, “That I’ve been a bit of a jealous asshole in the past. And I’ve tried working on that, right? I love you and of course I want this baby to be mine, like, fuck, how many times have I talked about that. But I want you to know that, uh, even if it’s not mine, I’m just excited and amazed that in a few months you’re going to have a baby. When do you get to find out the sex?”
“I think about at 20-ish weeks.”
“And have you started thinking about names yet?” Jaehyun strokes his thumb over your knuckles. 
Before you can answer him, Yuta appears, perching himself on the arm of the chair beside Jaehyun. “What are we talking about?”
“The baby,” Jaehyun answers, “and if she has any names that she’s thinking about.”
“You should definitely give the baby a Japanese name,” Yuta teases. “Since I’m probably the father.”
Jaehyun’s head turns so fast that you’re surprised you don’t hear his neck crack.  “Why do you think that?” The look he gives Yuta is so sharp, the glare so powerful, you just hide your face against Jaehyun’s neck, trying to soothe him with some physical attention. So much for working on his jealousy. It looks could kill, Yuta would be six feet under. 
“I’m just joking, Jaehyunnie.” Yuta pats the younger man’s hair. “But one of the fourteen of us is the father, and considering how often you sit out and just watch the rest of us fuck her, I’d say your odds are pretty low.” Yuta says that with a smile on his face, but Jaehyun frowns and slaps Yuta’s hand away.
“Oh, knock it off, both of you.” You place a kiss lightly on Jaehyun’s neck, and put your hand on his head, comb your fingers soothingly through his hair. “I literally slept with every single one of you right around the time that this Little Blob was made, so therefore, it really could be any of you. And, about names, I don’t think I’m really going to choose until after the baby is born. It’ll be my choice.”
“How are you going to choose which of us goes with you to have the baby?” Yuta asks.
“Maybe I won’t take any of you along.” You tease. “Maybe it’ll just be me and my mother. Speaking of which, I still haven’t told them.”
Jaehyun freezes then turns to look at you slowly. “What do you mean you haven’t told them yet? Aren’t you, like, twelve weeks along? Babe, you need to tell your parents.”
You know that, you completely agree that you need to tell them. But you know they’re going to ask who the father is, that they’ll definitely judge you harshly when you tell them that you don’t know who the father is, and they won’t understand if you attempt to reassure them that it’s okay that you don’t know who the father is because you know that it’s for sure one of your fourteen boyfriends, because your parents likely will disapprove of that too.
“You can tell them I’m the father, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jaehyun says softly, tipping his head gently against yours. 
You bite your lip. “Thank you. That would help, for sure, but also, like you said, I’m twelve weeks along. My mother will be pissed that I waited so long to tell her.”
Yuta shrugs. “Tell her that you just found out. It’s not like you’re showing. So you say that you’ve been feeling weird, and you finally went to the doctor to get checked out, and found out you’re pregnant.”
“Just text her, tell her you’re pregnant, and that you don’t want to answer a lot of questions.” WinWin appears behind the chair, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hands. “At least you can tell your parents that you’re adding a grandchild to the family now. One of us is going to have to wait to tell our family about the baby until after it’s born when we find out who the father is.”
You hadn’t thought about that either. 
“I’m sorry,” you apologize, resting your head again on Jaehyun’s shoulder.
“Don’t apologize for that.” Yuta stands up. “It’s not like it’s your fault.”
“Time to eat!” Johnny shouts as he comes through the door, carrying a platter piled with grilled meat. You catch a whiff of it.
Covering your nose, you shake your head. “I can’t deal with that.” Johnny catches sight of your face and whisks the plate back outside, not that it takes the smell with it, and your stomach rolls. “I’m going upstairs. I’m not hungry.” You pull yourself out of the chair and hurry up the stairs, gladly breathing the air up on the top floor that’s untainted by the smell of meat.
You shut yourself in the room you share with Taeil, and as you sit in the bed, your back to the headboard, you stare nervously down at the phone in your hand. 
It takes a few moments to build up your courage to finally press the contact for your mother, and you hold your phone up to your ear.
When she answers, you take a deep breath. “Hi, what are you up to?”
“Oh, nothing. Just watching your father try not to burn our meal.” She laughs, and you can hear your dad laughing in the background too. “What are you up to? Dinner plans tonight?”
Your heart pounds in your chest. “Um, no. Actually there’s something I want to talk to you and dad about.”
“Are you okay?” Your mother’s voice suddenly grows sharp, concerned.
“I’m fine. Definitely. Can you put me on speaker?” You wait a moment until your mother gives you a confirmation that she’s done just that. Your dad’s speaking over your mother, both of them with concerned tones that you finally silence by speaking over them even louder. “Do you remember me saying I’m seeing someone?”
You had, several months ago, told your parents that you were seeing someone after your mother had repeatedly tried setting you up with a young man that owned her favorite bakery. Up to that point you didn’t want to even tell them that you were seeing someone so they wouldn’t ask too many questions. You’d not given them many details, and they didn’t push. 
“Yes, we remember.” Your mother says.
“So, things have gotten pretty serious with him. Especially recently.” You can hear your voice shaking with nerves. This is not how you ever imagined telling your parents you were pregnant. You’d always thought that cute reveals to new grandparents were very entertaining videos to watch online, but now that you’re in this situation, you don’t think you could do it, not given the circumstances.
“Serious?” You father repeats. “How serious?”
You’re quiet for a few moments as you try to think of the best way to phrase it, but you wait so long that you mom says your name, checking to make sure that you’re still on the line.
“Um, so, I’m pregnant. About twelve weeks along, according to the doctor.”
“Twelve weeks?!” Your mother gasps. “Oh my! You’re pregnant! Honey, she’s having a baby! And your boyfriend... he knows? Is he excited also?”
“Do we finally get to meet the boy?” Your dad asks. “Now that he’s got a baby in you?”
Your mother hisses your dad’s name, and you hear her slap his arm. “But really, do we get to meet our future son-in-law?”
“Well, that’s another thing. Don’t.... I don’t want you to think that he and I are getting married now because of this.” You cradle the phone in your hands. “Nothing like that is set in stone. Right now, we’re just focusing on having the baby. And I suppose you should meet him.” But you’re not sure about that. It doesn’t seem fair for you to choose one of your boyfriends, one who may not be the father, and have him be the only man in this relationship that gets to meet your parents. 
“Oh, well, I suppose you’ve never been so much of a traditionalist, have you? So, it’s not terribly much of a surprise that you’re not necessarily going to marry him. But a baby! Our baby’s having a baby!” Your mother cries out in excitement. 
You spend the next half an hour to forty-five minutes talking with your parents, catching them up on moments in your life, talking about your pregnancy, dipping into details of how your mother’s pregnancy with you had gone. By the time you end the call, you feel much better, much lighter.
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You feel as if the transformation happens suddenly. One day you look just as you have usually done, and then the next.... you’ve popped, the bump evident when you look in the half-fogged mirror of the bathroom.
You can’t help touching your belly, feeling the mound that certainly wasn’t there just weeks before.
“What are you doing?” Johnny asks, coming up behind you. He wraps his arms around you, hands covering yours on your belly. His skin is still wet and warm from the shower that’s still running in the background for you to step into. His hand is such a welcome presence, the heat of him against your bare skin. “You’re starting to show.”
You’re about fifteen weeks at this point, right in the timeline your doctor had told you that you might start showing. After that moment in the bathroom, you start wearing looser clothing, and just find it increasingly difficult to hide your pregnancy from anyone that you’d still been trying to keep it from, and your body is changing in a way that other people certainly take notice of.
“Shit, look at you, baby.” Mark whistles when he walks into the kitchen late one night, and he finds you standing beside the refrigerator with a midnight snack. You’re just wearing a pair of shorts and a low-cut camisole. Your belly standing out in evidence of the life inside of you, but you’re quickly made aware that that’s not exactly what Mark is pointing out.
He steps closer to you, and instead of touching your belly (as all the others have done as soon as they realized you were starting to show), Mark cups your tits.
“They’re bigger now.” His eyes are wide glued to your chest.
“Of course they’re bigger. Once this little blob comes out I’m going to have to feed it with these.” You nudge his hands away. “They’re not just toys for you all to play with, you know. They serve a purpose.”
Mark smiles at you and kisses your cheek. “I know, baby.” He tucks his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants, and he stands there watching you eat, apparently entirely forgetting the reason that he entered the room himself. It’s quiet for a moment before Mark finally asks, “When’s your next appointment? Don’t you get to learn the sex of the baby soon?”
You nod. “Soon. I’m not sure if I actually want to know what we’re having though.” You drop a hand down to touch your little barely-there bump. “I might want it to be a surprise.”
Mark steps closer again, and this time he touches your belly too. “This little angel’s going to be full of surprises for us, isn’t it?”
You push your fingers into Mark’s hair, enjoying having him so close to you and the way he melts into your touch. Mark’s eyes flutter shut as you comb your fingers through his hair, he leans his forehead down against yours.
“Mark?” Your voice is very quiet even in the silence of the kitchen. “Mark, what do you want from this?”
“What do you mean?” He murmurs, not pulling back from you at all, but staying right there with his eyes closed and his forehead against yours. 
“I mean, do you want to be the dad? Or are you secretly hoping it’s one of the others? Do you want it to be a boy or a girl? Do you think this is going to really fuck up this relationship?”
“I think if it was going to mess this up, it would’ve already done so, right?” He stands up straight again, putting a few inches of space between you. “We’re all still here, excited about the baby. Hell, even the others are excited and they’ve not got any DNA in the game.”
You know he’s talking about the younger members, the ones not in this relationship. They’ve all been excited and supportive too. You’d taken several exhaustion naps on the sofa between Renjun and Jeno; just the other morning as you’d been looking at a pregnancy book at the kitchen table, YangYang had sat down beside you and started asking you questions about it. Haechan swore that he’d be glad to help babysit in the future. You’d heard Chenle and Jaemin offering to take bets on the paternity of the baby.
“And I don’t know about being the dad,” Mark says, “I don’t think it matters too much to me one way of the other. I don’t mean that in a bad way! I feel like that sounded kinda bad, but like, if I am the dad then that’s awesome and I’m going to try my hardest to be the best dad I can be, but even if I’m not, I’ll still try my best to be here. But I guess it also depends how you want to raise the kid, like, fourteen dads? Or are those who aren’t the dad just going to be Uncles who occasionally share mommy’s bed?”
You wrinkle your nose at that. “That’s exactly what I mean, Mark. This relationship is going to change, and that’s scary. I don’t want this to change, I love how we all are together, but after this, then what?”
“Hey.” Mark cups your face between his hands. He tilts your face up toward his, and when he kisses you softly, almost chastely, for just that moment in time you forget your worries. “That’s a problem for when we get to it, but it’s miles and miles away in the future. You don’t need to worry about that now, okay?” He kisses you again, and this time the kiss isn’t so sweet or tender. 
Your midnight snack is entirely forgotten on the counter beside you. Mark envelops you--his smell and his taste, the heat of his skin against yours-- and you lift your hands to his arms, first touching his wrists up near your face, and then your fingertips dance down his forearms, resting for a moment against his elbows as Mark twists his fingers into your hair, tilting your head to a better angle as your mouth opens to his, and you gasp quietly. 
His tongue touches yours, springing another moan from you, and Mark smiles, his fingers tightening in your hair. 
It doesn’t take much more kissing than that to have you craving a midnight snack of a different sort. The hunger grows inside you, the heat building, and soon you can feel your shorts are damp with arousal and your fingertips itch to undress Mark, your body aching with the need to have him inside you.
“Mark,” you mumble, planning to ask him to fuck you, but your hands are already moving. Your hands drop from where you’ve been holding onto his arms, instead gripping the bottom hem of his shirt which you tug at until your fingertips find skin instead. 
Mark groans, feeling your cool skin against his. And when your fingertips move across his abdomen, quickly dipping inside the waistband of his sweatpants, Mark inhales sharply, breaking the kiss for a moment, just to ask, “Here?”
You nod. “Yeah, why not?”
That’s good enough for him.
Mark dives back into the kiss, making little noises of contentment as you push his sweatpants lower, as you dip your hand inside his boxers, wrapping your hand around his cock. It doesn’t take long for him to start chubbing up in your hand.
“Mm, baby,” Mark pulls out of the kiss, his hands shaking to detangle his fingers from your hair, and his hands fall to your hips instead. Mark lifts you carefully up to sit on the edge of the countertop you’ve been leaning against, and now you’re at the perfect height to spread your legs and pull his cock free of his boxers to rub at the already damp fabric over your pussy. 
You remember the time you almost did this with Kun in here. Things got hot and heavy with him, but the younger boys were just in the other room, so you moved things upstairs instead. But tonight there’s no one around. Everyone’s either out or upstairs in their rooms. There’s nothing to stop you from having sex with Mark right here in the kitchen with the lights on and everything.
Mark thumbs the middle of your shorts out of the way as you keep jerking him off, rubbing the tip against the material, which he’s tired of, craving the direct wet heat of you on him.
“Fuck, baby, why aren’t you wearing any panties?” He almost whines. His thumb glides along your slit, and you shift forward, wanting to have him just slip his thumb inside you, but he pulls it away, putting his hand back to the safe distance of your thigh. “That’s dirty. Looking so sexy already with your belly growing and your tits too, then no panties either. Shit, it’s like you knew this was going to happen.”
“Maybe I’ve just been hoping.” You lean in, capture his lips in a brief kiss, and then say, “You’ve all been so careful with me. I don’t get fucked nearly as much as before, and while this pregnancy has messed with my sex drive a bit, I do still want to have sex, I just think you all should know that.”
“So no panties because you’re horny, hoping to entice one of us into fucking you?” Mark grins crookedly, looking down at your pussy, which you finally bring his cock closer to, and you dip his tip against your clit, moving it in circles.
You smile and try to stifle a moan.
“Do you want it?” Mark asks you.
“Yes, Mark,” you sigh, and you guide his cock to where you need him most, and Mark lifts a hand to tilt your mouth up to meet his once more. 
Mark enters you smoothly, slowly, in one thrust. Your toes curl at the slow feeling, the stretch and glide, the way that you’ve barely had anyone touch you in weeks, since Jungwoo, probably. You don’t think you’ve been with another one of them since him, not having one of them inside you like this--just you helping them out with a blowjob maybe and then possibly a bit of fingering, but most of them were still treating you like some fragile porcelain doll--and that was probably a month and a half ago when you were with Jungwoo, the last time you’d had one of their dicks inside your vagina.
“Oh, fuck,” Mark groans. “I swear you’re tighter than normal.”
“Shh,” you shush him, laughing as you try to kiss him quiet. “It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve had more than a finger or two inside me.” 
Mark moans, deepening the kiss, silencing you as he thrusts slowly, each push of his cock deeper inside you feels incredible. 
You both take it slow, in no rush to get off right now, it’s just good enough to have him inside you, to kiss him, and Mark seems to feel the same. Kissing and hands slipping under clothes, just touching, hips rolling, everything slow and warm and you feel so wet, growing wetter with each glide of Mark’s cock inside your pussy, pants and moans rising in frequency. 
Your goal isn’t to cum, just to have Mark so close to you, but soon there’s no denying that you’re both getting close. It’s been too long since either of you had this kind of sexual release. Mark’s thrusts start to grow faster, sloppier, and he pants against your lips, “Can I cum inside you? What about---?”
“It’s fine, Mark.” You gasp, dropping your head back. “Please, I want to feel it.”
Happy to oblige you, Mark ducks his head to kiss at your neck. His hand sinks to the apex of your thighs, his thumb tracing quick, careful circles on your clit as he thrusts into you, chasing his quickly rising high. The sound of your breathy sighs and moans, soft whimpers of his name, all seem to drive him on, and you cum just moments before him.
“Mark, fuck!” You gasp. You clutch at his shoulders, holding yourself close to him as the sensation pulses through your body, dragging Mark into his orgasm as well. He bites down on the juncture of your neck and shoulder, muffling his moans as he spills inside you, his cum making you feel warm and full, and you don’t want to move from right here like this, just want to stay here with Mark inside you, close as he can be to you, his body pressed fully against yours, your baby bump against his belly.
You don’t want to move, and you probably wouldn’t have for quite some time, but suddenly there’s the tapping sound of someone jogging down the stairs. 
Mark pulls away from you, stuffing his cock back inside his sweatpants, and he reaches out to tug your shorts back into place. He even rearranges your hair so it falls over your shoulders, hiding the mark he’d just sucked on your throat. And then he steps away, leaning against the stove and pretending to study a box of cereal someone had left out.
WinWin walks into the room, his eyes puffy from sleep. He yawns as he looks between the two of you, walking across the room toward you to reach the sink. 
“Were you just messing around in here?” He asks, opening a cabinet door to pick out a glass. “Because that’s gross. We all eat in here.”
He looks away as he fills the glass with water. Mark’s eyes go faux-innocently wide, and he opens his mouth, prepared to give some excuse.
You cut him off. “You’re one to talk, Dong Sicheng. Are you forgetting the time I rode you right over there at the kitchen table? You weren’t so concerned about this being a place where we eat then. I’m pretty sure I remember you specifically pulling me into your lap and telling you that this is where we eat, so you wanted to eat me.”
WinWin coughs, almost choking on the water. Mark laughs loudly.
You smile at them both, and then push off the counter, landing on your feet, and you wrinkle your nose at the feeling as a bit of Mark’s cum begins to trickle down your thigh. WinWin reaches out to you, as if worried that the look on your face is due to some discomfort of the baby.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” You walk the few feet over to Mark, kiss him, and then you turn to WinWin, kiss him as well, and turn to walk away, calling back over your shoulder, “Good night!”
Their returned well-wishes of sweet dreams follow you upstairs as you crawl into Hendery’s bed. 
He stirs a bit when you slide in beside him. He fell asleep watching videos on his phone, and the phone’s laying facedown on his chest, the edge of it still outlined from the light of the screen, so you move it off, rolling back to the side of the small bed to plug his phone in before you re-situate yourself on your side, and Hendery moves up to spoon you from behind.
He murmurs your name sleepily and drapes his arm over you, nuzzling his nose against your neck before he falls immediately back to sleep. And you soak in the warmth of his bed, his body curled against yours, wishing you could fall asleep, but somehow you just can’t.
You stay awake, staring at the shadows in the room, praying for sleep to claim you as it’s claimed Hendery behind you, Xiaojun across the room. 
You hear footsteps climbing the stairs up to the floor above, hear the creak of movement, and then the closing of a door. A few moments later, the door to this room opens as well. The dim glow of a nightlight in the bathroom down the hall casts a streak across the room, right over you in Hendery’s bed.
“Sorry,” WinWin whispers as he comes inside, tiptoeing. “Did I wake you up?”
“I wasn’t sleeping. I can’t sleep.” 
WinWin sits on his bed, and in the darkness, you can just barely make out the shape of his shadow patting his bed. “You can come over here. I can help you fall asleep.”
You don’t see what he’s going to do to help with that, but you carefully extract yourself from Hendery, tiptoe across to WinWin’s bed, and slide in with him.
He props himself up against the headboard with a few pillows, and then you feel him draw you in, resting your head on his chest, leaned back against him. His cheek rests against your head, an arm casually curled around your waist, his hand touching your belly, and he whispers, “I think we just need to tire out that busy mind of yours. What is it that you’re thinking about? Tell me?”
So you start talking, telling WinWin in whispers all of these worries and wonders in your head. Concerns for the future, for the state of this relationship, how they’ll all react when the day comes that you do find out which of them is the father because you’ve long since accepted that you have to find that out, though you had briefly entertained the idea of just not doing any paternity test at all. You talk to WinWin until you’re certainly tired out, or at least your voice is.
“I’m sorry,” you apologize then. “You’re probably tired, aren’t you? But I just keep talking.”
WinWin mumbles something that never quite makes its way to words. Then, “It’s fine. You need to sleep too, though. Aren’t you tired yet?”
Not quite.
“Alright then.” WinWin sighs and shifts his head, his lips right beside your ear, and he starts singing to you quietly in Chinese. The song is familiar, but you can’t place it; it’s a relaxing tune, and WinWin’s deep voice works wonders, lulling you into such a state that you don’t even notice when exactly you fall asleep.
One moment you’re awake in his arms, and then you’re dreaming.
You’re walking down the hallway, passing by the door to Lucas, Ten, and Kun’s room, climbing the stairs, you walk along until you reach a door just beyond Taeil’s room. A faint golden light outlines the door which looks shiny and new, recently installed, and from behind the door you hear the cries of a baby.
Your heart leaps in your chest.
Just a touch of your fingertips, and the door opens on a nicely decorated nursery -- creamy white walls and gauzy curtains decorated in stars and moons, a crib is tucked in the corner under a gently spinning mobile, and that’s the source of the crying. 
The baby’s crying. Your baby. You walk closer, and making shushing noises as you approach, you look down into the crib and see your baby.
But it’s not only one baby. There are multiple babies, a whole row of them side-by-side, waving angry fists up at you. A baby wrapped in blue with Johnny’s face. Another that looks like Yuta. A little girl who has Hendery’s big brown eyes, one that looks exactly like Taeyong.
You blink.
There’s only one baby, cooing up at you happily with an undeniable resemblance to ---
You wake with a jolt. WinWin, still curled there together with you, strokes his fingers over the back of your hand, mumbling something in his sleep to comfort you. In the dark, you stare at his face in front of you, but all you can see are the faces of the little babies in your dream.
You shift closer, pressing your face against WinWin’s chest.
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At work, you try to avoid talking about your pregnancy. Not an easy thing to do when many of your coworkers are women, including older women who just want to offer up advice based on their own pregnancies. And they’ve all got so many questions: how far along you are, who’s the father, are you still dating that guy who came to briefly visit you once so many months ago, are you learning the gender, and many more questions.
You can’t help thinking about that dream again and again.
Previously, you didn’t think you really wanted to know the sex of the baby until the birth. But after that dream, you can’t stop thinking about it. 
Sometimes you’ll find your mind wandering back to that dream or mulling over what you think you’re going to have. And after your coworkers repeatedly asking you who the father is, you keep thinking about that too, trying to run through your mind the encounters you’d had with your boyfriends around that exact time that this Little Blob was conceived. The younger boys are actually taking bets on which of your boyfriends is the father, whether it’s going to be a boy or girl, and all sorts of silly bets.
And it’s not only them; the last time you spoke to your mother she was making guesses on gender based on family history and invasive questions into your sex life, which she’d followed up with an inquiry about meeting the father-to-be that you’d edged out of by feigning an incoming call from your doctor.
But you know you can’t put it off forever. At some point your parents are going to want to meet the man who impregnated their daughter. You just have to choose one of the possible men to introduce to them. 
“I wouldn’t mind, I don’t think.” Xiaojun tells you late one morning.
The house is quiet. When you left Taeil’s room this morning as he woke to go to Inkigayo, you sat downstairs in the kitchen, drinking a morning glass of water and taking a handful of recommended prenatal vitamins, watching as half of the house cleared out, your boys going off to work. 
You were excited, getting to see them work in different combinations than normal. 
After they’d all left, piling into multiple vans, it’d just been you, Xiaojun, Jisung, Haechan, YangYang, and Taeyong left in the house. Haechan and Jisung were firmly shut inside their room, probably not likely to wake until at least the afternoon, and YangYang was similarly probably sleeping. Not that any of them would give you the company you wanted. 
Sure, you enjoyed hanging out with the younger members, playing games and watching movies, and teasing them endlessly. But you didn’t want to just be entertained, you didn’t want to just go back to sleep now that you were awake. 
You were horny.
You’d been dreaming nicely up until the moment that Taeil jerked awake at the sound of their manager’s voice calling from the doorway. It was a rude awakening, considering how just a second before you’d been in the midst of sucking off Doyoung while sitting on Jaehyun’s face, having the absolute time of your life. But the dream had faded in moments, leaving you with only the ache between your thighs, the heat that needed to be quenched. 
So now, with all of the others gone, you were left with three choices. One, you could just take care of it yourself, which is the least fun option. Your second option was Taeyong, but you knew he had only dragged himself home from the studio a couple hours ago because he’d climbed into bed with you and Taeil, snuffling and clingy, just wanting a cuddle. A third option was Xiaojun, an eager, always good option.
So you went to Xiaojun’s room.
He was awake on his phone, and the sight of you in his doorway brought a smile to his face. You stepping inside and closing the door behind you made him smile brighter and start to sit up in bed. And when you reached down and pulled the long shirt of Lucas’s you’d stolen to sleep in over your head, Xiaojun’s smile melted into liquid desire pooling in his eyes. 
“I’m horny, Dejun. Please help me.” You drop the shirt on the floor, and in seconds you’re on your back in Xiaojun’s bed, his mouth hot on your skin, lips on your breasts then your stomach, taking his time trailing slow kisses over your increasingly noticeable bump. And then he’s on your thighs, kissing, nipping, and when he licks at your pussy, your body glows with lust and pleasure.
Xiaojun performs oral sex right then like he’s going to be graded on it. Soon you’re shaking in his bed, thighs closing around his head, hips rocking against his face, and Xiaojun just keeps licking until you whine and whimper his name, knotting your fingers in his hair. He moves quickly up to kiss you.
You stay like that, kissing as the morning passes by outside, soft kisses that turn hot and passionate with your hand down the back of Xiaojun’s sweatpants as he grinds against your thigh, kisses getting softer as you spread your legs for him to fit between them and push his sweatpants down just enough that he can thrust into you. And it’s slow, soft and lazy sex in the haze of the golden rays of sunlight shifting across his sheets from the window above his bed. 
Xiaojun cums and uses his fingers to get you off, and then keeps kissing you even as he rolls off to the side, holding you there in his bed even though you both feel gross and sticky sweaty. 
The kissing tapers off eventually. He holds one of your hands, and your other hand absentmindedly goes down to your belly, and you start talking about the appointment you have in next week where you can finally find out the sex of the baby, and how your mother wants to come, and she wants you to bring your boyfriend.
“I’m serious,” Xiaojun says. “I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to introduce me as the representative for all of us. Your singular boyfriend, father of your baby.”
You look at him out of the corner of your eye.
Xiaojun smiles and hides half of his face in his pillow. “I think I’m probably not the dad, like, it’s just a feeling I have, but who’d be better to meet your parents than me? I’m nice, polite, handsome, funny, smart. Not to mention modest.”
You laugh and push at his shoulder, and Xiaojun dramatically rolls away and then stands up off the bed. 
He looks down at you, still smiling. “And also, I think one of us should be there with you at that appointment. I think one of us should always go with you, because you need the support, it’ll be nice, right?”
“I don’t know. I cried when I first heard the heartbeat.” You sit up and look down at your belly. “Pretty sure several of you would have teased me about that.”
“Pretty sure several of us would have cried right along side you. You played us that recording of the heartbeat.” Xiaojun shakes his head. “Maybe you weren’t paying attention, but there was quite a bit of excitement and emotion that day among all of us.” He reaches down and strokes his thumb along your cheek. “Just think about it. I’m gonna go eat, do you want some?”
You don’t, so you stay there wrapped only in Xiaojun’s sheets and mentally draft up a conversation to have with your boys.
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You put it up to the boys to decide which of them would accompany you to your next appointment at eighteen weeks, and who will also be the one to meet your parents. 
“Whether you vote or play rock paper scissors or draw straws or something, I don’t care, as long as you’re all aware that it’s perfectly fair no matter who wins. I don’t want any of you feeling jealous, like I’m playing favorites or anything ridiculous like that.” You gave them this task right before you walked out the door to go grab dinner with some friends, hoping that by the time you arrived home later, they would have the answer.
Dinner was great. Since starting the relationship with the guys, you’d seen less and less of your friends just because it was a full-time kind of thing being with multiple boyfriends, plus it was difficult having this love life and not being able to openly talk about it with friends for various reasons such as being in a fifteen-person relationship was not at all common and also because your fourteen boyfriends were idols who could have their careers damaged if word of your relationship with any one of them got out.
Your friends were excited to see you and your not-so-little-anymore baby bump. They’d seen what you’d posted on social media -- the sonogram photo when you decided to finally post about the pregnancy, Snapchats and Instagram stories complaining about the woes of morning sickness and other symptoms -- and it was really great to catch up with your friends, and by the end of the night they were already telling you that they couldn’t wait for the baby shower.
“And we can’t wait to meet your baby daddy!” One of them cries, flinging her arm around your shoulder in a one-armed hug. “Like, you’re dating him right? You’re always so secretive with your love life; I can’t remember if you were dating someone, or was this just like a fling kind of thing?”
“Yeah, who is he? When can we meet him?” Another says.
You look around at your friends. “He’s just really private. But, yes, we’ve been dating for several months. But it’s also kind of complicated.”
“Complicated? Does he not want the baby?”
“Complicated and he’s private? What, is he an idol or something?” One laughs, and everyone bursts into laughter. You try to laugh along, but then you catch the eye of one of the girls and quickly look away. She’s been with you the time that you ran into Taeyong in public while you were broken up; you wonder if she’s thinking of him.
Another friend gasps, “Oh my god. Bitch, he better not be married!”
You try not to look like you’re caught in the spotlight, but you definitely are. “He’s not married!” Is the first answer you can think to give them. “And, no, it’s not that he doesn’t want the baby. He’s very excited, I mean, like, they’re excited.”
That raises several eyebrows. One of your friends nearly chokes on her drink.
“They? Like personal pronoun they or they, as in like, multiple people they?” One friends seeks clarification, and you take a deep breath and stare down into your water glass at the ice cubes clinking together before you give her the quiet confirmation of “multiple people.”
There’s giggles and teasing catcalls from around the table. You feel on fire, like you’re being roasted alive, and even gulping down the cold water doesn’t really help. There’s a fluttery feeling in your belly, so you lay a hand over it and just swallow down another mouthful of water, hoping to quell the nerves of having all of their attention on you after admitting this.
The friend beside you who’d been hugging you, squeezes your shoulders in what is probably meant to be a comforting motion. “So do you know which one of them is the dad?”
You shake your head. “No, but it doesn’t really matter. Like, they’re all excited and this relationship has been going on for a while. It’s serious, and I do love them, and it’s very unconventional, like super unconventional, but I’m happy.”
“That’s all that matters, isn’t it?” One of them says. “You’re happy and in love and having a baby! Damn, I wish I could be so blessed.”
After that the topic turns away from you and your love life for a bit, and you’re glad for that, but you’re also glad to have opened up just a tiny bit about the relationship. To have finally told someone that you’re in an unconventional relationship that includes more than two people, though you’re sure your friends think that it’s probably just you and two boyfriends, and you truly don’t feel like enlightening them any more. But it’s nice to have put it out there.
And when you do get home later, with a box of dessert that Ten had texted you begging you to bring home about halfway through your dinner, you find that half of the boys are still sitting around the table in the kitchen debating, but a handful of them are sitting in the living room.
Mark is sitting on the sofa with his laptop, Chenle leaning his head on Mark’s shoulder. Ten is in the armchair with Miso tucked in the nest of his legs. Hendery laying on the floor, his chin propped up on his hands, and Yuta’s sitting right beside him, watching a soccer match on the TV. Haechan, Jisung, and Jeno are also sitting on the second sofa, slouching down on the cushions, either on their phones or also watching the game.
You look around at them, before you glance toward the doorway into the kitchen.
“We lost,” Ten explains to you. “They’re still deciding.” He strokes Miso’s head, and then looks up at you, squinting in faux-anger, “You know, it was pretty rude of you to put us at odds with each other like that, and then you dip out to a fancy fun dinner with your friends. And did you even bring us anything tasty to eat?” 
You stick out your tongue at him and pull the box out from behind your back. 
“Do you think I don’t love you or something?”
When you hold it out to him, Ten eagerly reaches for it, but you pull it back quickly. 
“You have to share it, you know.”
Ten whines, but nods, and as you start to hand it over again, Kun sweeps in out of nowhere, and takes the cake, then brushes a kiss on your cheek. Chenle laughs loudly, watching all of this, especially when Ten snatches the back of Kun’s shirt and jerks him back, nearly tumbling him into Ten’s lap on top of your poor cat.
Miso bristles and flees Ten’s lap to the comparative safety of the stairs where he begins grooming himself and glaring at the ruckus below. 
You end up with Kun and Ten squeezed together in the chair, you perched on Kun’s lap with the box of dessert open in your lap, the three of you taking turns with a single fork. Your feet rest in Yuta’s lap on the floor, and after a bit, he leans over and rests his head against your knee, his actions sleepy but his eyes are wide awake following the moves of the players on the screen. 
You can’t seem to relax, nervously glancing toward the kitchen doorway every few minutes. And thinking about who it’s going to be, which of them is going to be the one to meet your parents, to come to your appointments with you, it makes you nervous. While you sit there you feel flutters in your belly multiple times, and that just makes you feel even more nervous.
When the other boys finally come out of the kitchen, Taeyong whines, seeing the nearly finished dessert in your lap, and he comes over to beg a bite.
“What did you decide?” You ask him as Taeyong takes the box from you and settles on the arm of the chair. “Which of you is it? Whose egos do I need to soothe?”
“Probably Jaehyun,” Taeyong mumbles around the cake. “He’s pouting.” He jerks his head toward the other side of the room, and you follow the move just to see Jaehyun standing behind the sofa where Mark and Chenle are sitting. Jaehyun’s got his arms folded across his chest, his jaw tense, his eyes deadset on the TV, though you can tell he’s not actually watching the game. 
Taeyong clears his throat and whispers, “Johnny won; we figured he’d be the best in these situations. He’ll charm your parents for sure, and he’ll be good at the appointment too.”
You catch Johnny’s eye as he comes around the sofa to sit down beside Chenle. He immediately starts tickling Chenle’s sides until he’s squirming and making loud squawking laughs while Johnny just laughs at him and calls him cute.
Eventually Yuta lifts his head from your knee to shush them, his eyes still glued to the screen as one of the teams makes a goal. You look over at Johnny again as he’s petting Chenle’s hair while the younger settles back down. And then you look up at Jaehyun. WinWin’s now standing beside him, his arm slung around Jaehyun’s shoulders, and they whisper to each other, but after a moment Jaehyun seems to feel you watching them, and he catches your eye with a sweet smile.
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“How do I look?” Johnny asks, nervously tugging at the collar of his shirt. You’re about to leave for the appointment, and as you sit on Johnny’s bed watching him get ready, you fight down your own nerves. 
“Handsome. As usual.” You sigh, fluttering your hands over your belly. “What about me?”
You push up to your feet, standing right before Johnny. He smiles warmly, a hand sneaking around to the small of your back, and you step just a bit closer to him. 
“Sexy as always,” Johnny says with a grin. “Pretty and cute and beautiful too. If your mother looks anything like you, I can’t wait to meet her.”
Yes, the source of all your nerves. Johnny meeting your mother. Your mother coming to your appointment with you both. And then there’s the late lunch you’re having afterwards with Johnny, your mother, and your father. 
“Hey, don’t be so nervous, sweetheart.” Johnny cups your face in his hands. “I’m great with parents. By the time we come home later, they’re going to absolutely love me, we’re going to know if you’re having a girl or a boy, plus we have a little surprise the others should have ready for you by the time we’re home.”
Now, that makes you more suspicious than nervous.
Typically you don’t have a good history of your boyfriends trying to surprise you with things. Seven times out of ten the surprise ends up being an orgy, and the other three times out of ten are just a failure on their part. So as you and Johnny walk out of the house, you watch the others suspiciously, such as when Taeil kisses you on the cheek as you pass him on the stairs, when Renjun pipes up from the sofa to tell you that they’ll all be anxiously waiting to see who has won the first of their series of bets, and when Doyoung hurries up from behind you to give you a few words of luck and calming for the appointment and for introducing Johnny to your parents.
“Thank you, Doyoung.” You press up on your toes to meet him for a brief kiss. “See you later!”
As you turn to follow Johnny, Doyoung’s hand falls reluctantly from your arm, and you look back at him to offer him a reassuring smile because he’s pouting.
“Doyoung also really wanted to come with you today,” Johnny tells you a few minutes later. “Him and Jaehyun were really duking it out there toward the end of our debate. Both of them were pretty pissed when I was the one who was decided on.” 
You don’t know what to say to that. If it were possible, you would happily bring every single one of your boyfriends, but that is neither practical nor realistically something that your parents would ever possibly approve of. Your parents are not like your friends; your friends think it’s different and sexy that you’re in a relationship with more than one man, but your parents would think that something like that is disgusting and wrong and would certainly try to influence you to choose just one of them.
So you fall into this rabbit hole of thinking, and it’s not until Johnny puts his hand on your thigh, squeezing slightly as he says, “We’re here,” that you snap out of your thoughts.
You’re at the doctor’s office, and when you look up through the windshield of the car, you can see your mother standing beside the door into the office, somewhat awkwardly smiling at passersby, looking nervous as well.
“This will be wonderful, okay?” Johnny reassures you. “Are you ready?”
You nod, and then push the car door open.
The moment that your mother sees you, her face lights up, and then her eyes fall down to your belly, the definite mound of your belly, and she breaks into a smile so wide that you think she also might start crying.
“Oh, my baby!” She pulls you into a hug. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m good, Mom. Taking good care of myself and the baby, with some help of course.” You pull out of the hug and turn to Johnny. He’s standing a few feet back, not wanting to intrude on the moment with your mother, but when you hold out a hand to him, he steps forward. 
The second his fingers interlace with yours, you feel confident and happy, and you turn back to your mother. “Mom, this is Johnny. My boyfriend.”
She looks at him. Looks him up. Looks him down. You can tell she’s analyzing everything about him, filing away little details that you’re sure she’ll want to discuss with you later. 
And then Johnny holds his hand out to her. “Johnny Suh, ma’am. It’s great to finally meet you. I was just telling her this morning that --” You elbow him sharply in the side and glare at him, not wanting him to finish that sentence calling your mother hot. He laughs, and holds his hand out to your mother again. She shakes his hand, still watching him appraisingly.
“It’s nice to meet you too, finally. She’s always been secretive about relationships, but I think this is the longest we’ve ever had to wait to meet someone she’s dating.” Your mother glances at you. “Why’ve you kept this one a secret?”
“He’s too charming for his own good sometimes. Come on, let’s get inside.”
As you sit in the waiting room, nervously tapping your foot as you wait, you look around at the other women in the room. There are some whose bellies are huge, looking ready to pop at any moment. Some who aren’t showing at all. There’s one woman wrangling two toddlers along with her big pregnant belly, looking increasingly frustrated at the two children climbing over her and over and under the chairs. 
You don’t even notice that you’re shaking your leg so much until Johnny’s hand comes to rest on your knee. His voice is low, soft so no one else can hear it when he asks, “You okay?” 
“Fine. Just ready to find out.” You place your hand on his, and that’s when you notice your mother watching you very observantly. 
The three of you chat a little bit, and she tells you that your father is all ready to interrogate your boyfriend, especially since you’d given them no information about him. “She wouldn’t even tell us your name.”
“I can’t talk too much about us, you know. We’ve got to keep it a little bit of a secret.” You whisper to her. “Maybe you don’t recognize him, but he is an idol. Other people might recognize him, and we can’t let word get out.” 
Johnny’s wearing a mask and a hat now that you’re in the doctor’s office together, keeping his head down somewhat just on the off-chance that someone could recognize him. But now, with the way your mother is staring at him in surprise, you think it might draw some attention.
When you go to the restroom a few minutes later, leaving the two of them alone, you worry that you’ll come back to find things in a disastrous state, but to your surprise, after an extended bathroom break due to the number of others trying to use the single restroom available off the waiting room, you return to see them laughing and talking more comfortably with each other, and just a few minutes after that you’re called back to meet with your doctor.
Now, it’s not like the appointment jumps straight into finding out the gender of the baby, but that’s all the matters, all that you can focus on while you and your doctor talk, while she examines you, while your mother and Johnny sit nearby, but then it’s time and you’re on your back with your shirt pulled up over your belly and a technician spreading the cool gel over your belly.
You don’t remember reaching for Johnny’s hand, but suddenly you’re holding onto it while you look at the screen. Your mother’s leaning forward eagerly too, all three of you plus the doctor staring at the screen at the inside of your body, searching for your Little Blobby. 
“Ah, here we are.” The technician pauses for a moment, and you can hear the heartbeat inside you--not the one that belongs to you, but the second smaller one, the faster tiny one--and you can see it on the screen. 
“That’s the baby?” Johnny squeezes your hand and leans closer to see the screen more clearly. “That’s our baby?”
“It sure is.” The technician moves the device a bit more, trying to get a better view. “Is this daddy and grandma’s first time seeing the baby?”
“It is!” Your mother says excitedly. Her hand briefly touches your leg as she shifts closer to see as well. “It’s just too exciting to learn the baby’s gender, don’t you think? How could we miss the appointment for this?”
She’s right, you realize. It’s very important for the father of the baby to be there when you find out the baby’s sex. And as much as you love Johnny, you look back up at him right then, and you realize that he very well may not be the father of this baby. There are thirteen other men who it could be, and it’s not fair to rob them of this experience.
“Wait,” you say. The technician stops, and when she looks at you, you clear your throat. “I don’t think I want to know today. If you can just, like, write it down and put it in an envelope?
“Honey, what?” Your mother picks up your hand from where Johnny’s just dropped it. “You don’t want to know today?”
You shake your head. One look at Johnny shows you that he’s a little bit hurt, but that he understands the thought process behind this decision. He wanted to be the special one here with you for this momentous step in your pregnancy. But worse than Johnny is your mother. She wants to be here for this. 
“We can have a reveal party, Mom. I thought I wanted to know today, but I just think it’ll be more exciting to be surrounded by family and friends, you know?” Well, by that you mostly mean with all of the potential fathers there as well.  “So, can you do that?” 
The technician happily agrees. “Of course, once I verify the sex of the baby, I’ll be glad to do that for you! Your little one isn’t exactly in the right position for this, but let me try to move around, see if I can get a better angle.”
Your mother sits back in her seat, folding her arms across her chest, seeming very disappointed, but Johnny stands right at your side and puts his hand on your shoulder. You meet his gaze, and Johnny smiles.
“What are you hoping for?” You whisper. “When you’ve thought before about having kids, what were you deep down hoping to have?”
“Honestly?” Johnny turns his attention back to the screen, though at the moment there’s truly not much to see. “Growing up, I was an only child, you know. I always wanted a little brother, and then when I moved here I found my little brothers. Mark and Haechan, Chenle, Jisung, the other kids. And I realized that boys are such a mess, such a chaotic hassle, but that’s easy for me to understand and handle.” Johnny’s voice dips lower as he says, “A boy. I hope you’re having a boy.”
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Later that day as you and Johnny return home with a sealed envelope tucked safely in your purse, still filled with happiness from the success of the long lunch with your mother and father (who in the end both loved Johnny entirely and were very charmed by him), you just want to tear open the envelope and share the news with all of the boys inside. It’s been hours since the appointment, Johnny had kept up conversation with your parents, and then he’d insisted on stopping to grab some stuff from the store on the way home. 
By the time you walk through the door of the house, you’re buzzing with nervous excitement. You want to tear open that envelope to find out the sex of the baby, dive into the bags of candy you’d begged Johnny to buy for you, and be with the men you love. But as soon as you’ve stepped out of your shoes and tucked them away in the entryway of the house, Johnny reminds you that the boys all have a surprise for you.
“We’re back!” He calls, taking you by the hand and leading you into the living room.
You leave the grocery bags sitting beside the sofa. The house is suspiciously quiet and still. You frown.
A voice calls down from somewhere high above. “Just a moment!”
“Johnny... What is the surprise? You know usually, it’s...”
“It’s not a sex thing, don’t worry.” Johnny places a soothing hand on your head. “A good surprise.”
“You can come up!” Another voice calls down, and Johnny leads you by the hand up the stairs. By the time you reach the top floor, you can hear that all of the boys are up here, not just your boyfriends but the younger boys too. And once you’ve climbed the last step, you can see them all gathered around in the hallway.
“Okay, seriously, what’s going on?”
“We have a surprise for you.” Taeil says, stepping out of his room and joining the others right in front of him. “Come here.”
Johnny lets go of your hand, and you walk forward slowly. You know that there’s no need to be suspicious of your boyfriends or the others, yet you can’t help it with them all being so mysterious. 
“We all worked really hard today,” Jaehyun explains to you. “We honestly weren’t sure that we’d have it ready by the time you got home, so we had Johnny distract you a bit longer.” You frown back over your shoulder at Johnny, but he’s smiling down at Ten who’s whispering something to him. Jaehyun continues, “But we did finish. And it’s for you.”
He steps forward and lays his hand on the door to Taeil’s room.
“What did you do?” You look around at all of them assembled around you. 
Tired of waiting, Yuta steps forward and pushes the door open. It’s not what you expected.
In place of the usual massive bed that occupied the space just earlier that morning is a more normal-sized bed. And, on top of that, it’s pretty, prettier than any boys room. 
You take a step inside and look around a bit more. The walls have been repainted--three of the walls in cream, one in a dark shade of green. The room’s been redecorated entirely, and then as you turn and take a look in the corner of the room you see a crib and an armchair, a dresser with a stuffed polar bear toy that you recognize from Doyoung’s bed sitting on top of it. 
“What is this?” You ask, then to Taeil, “Where will you sleep?”
“I moved down the hall.” Taeil grins. “We just thought that you need a space. For just you, for the baby.”
“You guys...”
You don’t know the exact moment when you start crying, but then you’re just suddenly in tears, bawling into the shoulder of whichever boy sweeps you first into a hug. They wrap around you, trying to comfort you, but you don’t exactly need comfort, you just need to outpour all of these emotions. 
“It’s lovely, thank you all.” You eventually manage to get the waterworks under control, and as you wipe at your tears, you lift your head, catch sight of the crib again, and you remember. “Oh, I forgot! Johnny and I, at the appointment, I decided I didn’t want to find out right away, not then. I felt like you should all be there when I find out. My mother wasn’t too thrilled with that, but we can have, like, a gender reveal party, with my parents, some friends.”
“A party? Here?” Doyoung asks, ruffling his hand through his hair. “When? It’s almost Christmas.”
“Next weekend? Do you think that’s too soon?” You look around at all of them. Ten and Taeyong glance at each other, looking doubtful. “It is too soon, isn’t it. What about the following weekend? The, what would that be, the thirteenth?” 
There’s murmurs around the room, the boys talking over their schedules, and after a few moments the general agreement is that they do have that day, for the most part, free for a party. 
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“I’m hungry.” You groan, sinking down onto the edge of Kun’s bed.
He looks up from his phone, frowning in confusion. “Why did you come in here instead of just going to the kitchen?”
“Because I don’t want to go all the way downstairs.” You shift, trying to get more comfortable, but that’s easier said than done. 
“Oh, I get it.” Kun laughs. “You want me to go down there, make you something, and bring it back up here for you to enjoy?” 
“I wouldn’t say no to that.” You finally lay down on your back, pillowing your head on Kun’s arm. “But, mostly I came in here because I know you have snacks. And snacks, plus cuddling in your bed is always going to be much, much better than walking downstairs to the kitchen.”
Kun rolls his eyes playfully and sits up, moving around you and bending over the edge of his bed to get at his snacks. You shift around, getting comfy, and tell him “I’ve been craving something salty. This baby just wants salty food.”
“Well, this baby convinced you to come to the right place.” Kun sits up again, dropping a bag of perfectly salty snacks into your lap. He settles back into place beside you, and after a few moments filled only with the sound of you crunching on your snacks, Kun asks, “Do you really not know what the baby is? Boy or girl?”
You shrug. “We really didn’t find out at the appointment, if that’s what you mean.”
“No, I believe you. But what do you think it is? Or what are you hoping for?” Kun steals his hand into the bag in your lap. 
You shrug, stuff your mouth full so you can buy yourself some time to think.  
“I don’t think I really know. I had a dream a while ago, though, with a baby boy. But I think a girl would be good too. Little girls always have such cute clothes, and I know more about girls than boys. ”
“That’s what we’re here for, though. Me and the guys.” Kun puts a hand on your belly. “I want the baby to be a girl. I think raising a daughter, getting to spoil her, treat her like a little princess, that would be great.”
You snort. “No matter if this baby’s a boy or a girl, I’m sure it’ll be spoiled rotten by all of you. Chenle’s already bought a few things, he told me, and then I’ll never want for babysitters, with all of you around. But I don’t think I’ll be disappointed either way, boy or girl.”
“And what about names? Have you seriously thought about that yet?” Kun asks, once again dipping his hand into the bag, stealing away a handful of the snack. And because he’s Kun and avidly listening to you as you both relax and snack in his bed, you tell him all of the names you’ve been considering, he makes suggestions, you both fall off in a tangent about naming your child after characters from movies or dramas or books.
You’re still talking about it when Jaehyun peeks his head through the door. “There you are.” 
“Here I am.” You sit up a little in Kun’s arms. “Were you looking for me?” 
Jaehyun glances around the room before his narrowing eyes fall to Kun’s hand on your belly. “Yeah. I mean, no, not really. I was just... missing you. I didn’t need anything.” His hand flexes around the edge of the door.
“We were just talking about baby names,” Kun says. “And talking about what she wants the baby to be. Boy or girl.”
Jaehyun steps inside the room then, closing the door back behind him as he comes over to sit on the floor beside the bed. “Definitely a boy. An athlete.”
“You just want a mini-you.” You reach into the bag (which has drastically lost most of its contents since Kun first gave it to you) and toss a few pieces in Jaehyun’s direction. 
“No, I just want a sweet baby with you.” Jaehyun tosses it right back at you, then lunges up to kiss you briefly. You twist your fingers in the front of his shirt, holding on even as he backs away. “Yeah, I hope you’re having a boy, but I bet you’re hoping for a girl, aren’t you? Taeyong told me he’s hoping for a girl because he’s already watched a boy be raised with his nephew, and he just thinks a girl will be easier.”
He’s probably not wrong. You often hear about the hijinks and mischief of little boys, and you imagine any son of yours, raised in a house like this, would definitely be chaotic, an uncontrollable whirlwind. Though, you’re sure that due to the influence of all of these men, a daughter might turn out equally as mischievous.
Kun and Jaehyun begin playfully bickering back and forth about names, and you zone out a bit, only snapping back to reality when Jaehyun puts a gentle hand on your knee. 
“Sorry, I’m feeling tired.” You shake your head, and move, trying to push yourself to sit up. “I should get to bed. Growing a baby is tiring, and I have to work tomorrow.”
Kun reluctantly watches you leave his bed, but you kiss him before you go. Jaehyun walks with you upstairs to your door, and he leans against the doorway as you go inside, his hand quickly snatching yours to keep you there a moment longer. 
“Goodnight.” He smiles, a loose, easy, happy expression. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” You drape your arms over his shoulders, your hands tangle behind his neck, and you lean up to kiss him. Jaehyun smiles into the kiss, pushing it to be more than just a goodnight kiss, which you entertain for a moment longer. But you truly just want to sleep tonight, so you slide your arms from his shoulders, pressing your palm against his chest as you pull away.
“No,” Jaehyun moans greedily, giving you one, two, three more little kisses.
You bite your bottom lip and hold his gaze. Jaehyun’s warm eyes soak through you, heating you with a gentle radiant glow. Your stomach flutters, like the giddy butterflies you’d felt early on in this relationship.
“Goodnight, Jaehyun.” You pat his chest over his heart. “Love you, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
Jaehyun’s hand clings to yours, only slowly letting up his hold so your hand can slip out of his.  
“Go to bed,” you whisper at last, stepping inside and beginning to draw the door shut. “Go to sleep and dream about the baby. About me.”
Jaehyun laughs, steps close just one last time to kiss you, and then, as he pulls away, he murmurs, “You know I always dream about you.”
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It doesn’t feel practical to be having a threesome when you’re twenty weeks pregnant, with a big round belly, yet that’s exactly what you find yourself doing.
Jungwoo and Hendery are goofing around together while the three of you are shopping together. Laughing, pushing each other, being loud enough that they draw attention to the three of you, but the weather’s recently turned very cold as the winter season truly takes hold in these days leading up to Christmas, so they’re covered up with hats and scarves, and Hendery’s wearing a mask as well as glasses. You find it unlikely that anyone could recognize them, but you continuously try to calm them down just in case.
You’re shopping for a few things to decorate your nursery, for some last minute Christmas presents,  and originally you’d intended to come alone or to ask your mother or some of your friends if they wanted to come along, but at the last minute, Jungwoo volunteered and Hendery said he also had a need to go shopping.
You’d done Hendery’s shopping first, which had perhaps been a mistake as he was now weighed down with his own bags of new clothes. The emptying of his wallet had been encouraged by Jungwoo who was in a very bright mood, and suggest that Hendery buy everything he tried on, from a large fuzzy Nike jacket to a beanie that had cat ears, and even an umbrella that Hendery commented was pretty as the three of you passed by the store selling it. And now that he had all of these things, Hendery was distracted, and neither of them were helping you find the store you were looking for while you walked.
“Jungwoo!” You whine, clutching his arm and clinging to him when you have to turn around because the two of them stopped to play-fight right in the middle of this shopping mall.
An older man sitting on a bench a few feet away watches them somewhat fearfully, but a small group of young girls who are clustered together in front of a makeup store are hiding their giggles behind their hands.
“Sorry,” Jungwoo laughs. “Hendery’s just so cute, I can’t help but play with him today.” He reaches over as if to pinch Hendery’s cheek, and that just starts them off again.
“Ya!” You cry out, slapping at whichever of them is nearest you. “Focus!”
This time it��s Hendery’s turn to apologize. “Sorry, sorry.” He dramatically moves about six feet away from Jungwoo, well out of arm’s reach. “I promise to be good for the rest of this shopping trip.”
“Please. I just want to finish up and then go home.” You curl a hand over your belly as you feel something like bubbles, almost like you’re feeling gassy. And you know the sooner you get home the better if that’s the case. You refuse to use a public restroom just because you truly can’t be sure of how clean it is, and the risk of infections freaks you out, especially now that you’re pregnant and have another being's health to worry about.
“Are you okay?” Jungwoo asks, stepping closer, the light mood gone in an instant, replaced with concern as he notices you touching your belly. 
“I’m fine, let’s just go so we can head home.”
After that, they’re both still somewhat goofy, but they stop messing around so much. Even as you’re in the baby store so you can find some cute decorations, Hendery sticks close to you, smiling awkwardly when another pregnant customer starts chatting with you about some things he’d rather not hear about.
But at some point in the chat she asks you, “How far along are you?”
“Twenty weeks.” You place your hand on your bump. “It’s crazy when I think about it, like, it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long since I found out.”
She smiles. “Yes, but you should definitely enjoy it while you can. I remember my first one. Experiencing everything for the first time. Feeling my son kick for the first time was the strangest but most wonderful experience. Have you felt your little one yet?”
“Oh, I’m not really sure.” You look down at your belly while Hendery and Jungwoo whisper to each other a few feet away, looking at a selection of baby shoes. “I definitely haven’t felt like a kick.”
The woman laughs. “I don’t expect you would at only twenty weeks. The baby’s probably still too small for you to feel a big kick yet. For me it felt like butterflies in my tummy at first. Just little movements, kind of like gas sometimes, honestly.”
“Really?” You rub your hand over your round belly, thinking back to that feeling just earlier, thinking back further a few weeks, feeling random bouts of what you’d thought were nervous flutters. But maybe they were more. “Then I think I have.”
Almost as if it knows you’re talking about it, you feel it again. That little ripple of movement inside you that could almost be mistaken as something else. You look up at the woman in front of you, probably wide-eyed with surprise, and a smile breaks across your lips. 
“Did you feel it?” She asks, her own smile rising to her lips.
“Yeah.” Quickly, you turn to your boyfriends. “Guys, I felt the baby move!”
They both reach for you at the same time, hands on your belly. The woman laughs, “They probably won’t be able to feel it yet. But soon. My husband first felt our son kicking through my belly when I was about twenty-five, twenty-six weeks.”
You hurry to finish up in the store, but you can’t stop touching your belly, can’t stop trying to feel the baby moving. By the time you’re back at the house, you can think of nothing else.
You take your purchases up to your room, and Jungwoo follows you.
“What does it feel like?” He asks, trying to put his hands on your belly again as soon as you’ve laid the bags down in the corner by the crib. 
“Just a little flutter.” You tell him, moving to lay down on your bed. You pull your shirt up, exposing your belly to the room. Jungwoo comes closer, sitting on the edge of the bed. There’s a soft knock on the door, and then it cracks open, Hendery comes inside, his eyes eagerly falling on your belly. “I agree with that woman earlier. You probably won’t be able to feel it yet. When I feel it, it’s not that strong yet.” You move your hand over your belly, thinking, this is so weird.
You knew that there was a baby inside you. Obviously. You’ve dealt with the morning sickness and the sore tits and everything else. You’ve watched and felt your body changing to accommodate this new life. You’ve heard the heartbeat and seen the sonogram.
But now you’d felt that life moving within you. And that was the realist thing yet.
“That’s amazing.” Jungwoo caresses your belly, leaning in to drop a kiss right below your belly button. “Do you remember what I told you that night, when we were in the living room after our date?”
“Hmm?” You sink back fully into the pillows and glance over at Hendery as he comes closer. 
“About finding you pregnant very, very sexy.” Jungwoo kisses your belly again. “Your belly, your boobs. This glow.” His hands slide along your thighs and you shiver. He turns his head to the side, looking up at Hendery then back at you as he says, “I just want to make you feel good, princess. You’re doing so much, you deserve to feel good.”
“I do, don’t I?” You smile, lifting your hips a bit to encourage him.
Another kiss to your belly. His fingers at the waistband of your pants. 
“What about me?” Hendery asks. “I want in, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t hurt her.” Jungwoo tugs your pants down from your hips, bringing your panties down too. “She’s not made of glass, and it’s not like she’s been abstinent since the baby was made. The baby’s going to be fine, she’ll be fine. Want me to show you how, Hendery?”
Hendery makes a face. “I know how to--”
“Then kiss her or something.” Jungwoo watches hungrily as you sit up just enough to pull your top over your head, then you reach back and unfasten your bra, and once that’s fallen away, you’re bare in front of the two of them.
“Your boobs.” Hendery groans lustfully. 
You feel Jungwoo’s lips hot on your belly, moving higher to the top of your bump. His hips drop against your leg, and you feel his erection, and when you reach for Hendery, wanting to drag him into a kiss, your fingers brush against the front of his pants, and he makes such a desperate sound, pushing his hips forward into your touch. 
Jungwoo nuzzles against your breasts, breath tickling along your skin. 
Hendery pulls his shirt over his head, sinking down to the bed with you, and his lips connect with yours in a messy, uncoordinated kiss as you plunge your hand down the front of his pants to touch him.
Hendery’s always easy like this, so easy to work up, to touch him and get him going quickly. 
You moan when Jungwoo touches you, slicking a finger between your folds, teasing. Hendery hurries to wiggle out of his pants, and his hand takes over from yours as he kneels up on the edge of the bed as soon as he’s free of the pants. Jungwoo flicks his tongue over one of your nipples and then sits up, kneeling back between your legs and looking at Hendery, then at you, then back at Hendery.
“Wanna suck you, Hendery,” you mumble, stroking down his thigh. His hand squeezes around his cock. “Please, you know I’ve missed your dick, the taste of you.”
“Fuck, princess, you’re wet.” Jungwoo enters you with two fingers, the glide easy because you truly are so wet right now. “Give it to her, Hendery. She’s clearly drooling for it.”
Hendery shifts forward on the bed, and you open your mouth for him. His eyes all but roll back in his head with pleasure as he sinks his dick between your lips. And while you’re distracted in getting Hendery’s dick wet, Jungwoo’s fat tip presses against your pussy, and with just a push, you stretch open around him, taking him in just as well as Hendery.
It feels so good to have them both inside you. It’s been months since you last got double-teamed; the boys are scared enough when having sex with you one-on-one, but doing it like this, the closest you’ve had to this was when rolling around with Xiaojun he’d given you his fingertips to suck on while he was inside you. 
“Oh, god.” Hendery moans.
You wrap your hand around him, and bobbing your head on him, focusing on just the tip, it’s easy to get him close. Hendery’s been without any action except for himself for so long, since at least a couple weeks before you realized you were pregnant. 
You drag his cock between your lips, push down once on him, taking him deep. You hungrily lick and suck, working your very best to get Hendery off while Jungwoo thrusts into you. 
Hendery’s cock falls from your lips, and his breath comes out raggedly as his hand jerks over his length, carrying him to his orgasm. You feel it splash warm across your chest and your chin, striped across your breasts. You moan, stretching up to wrap your lips around his tip again, licking, lightly sucking, and you snake a hand down your body to touch yourself, fingers on your clit as Jungwoo pulls out, running his hand over himself.
And when you feel his cock rub against your belly, you get what he’s doing. His kink for your pregnant body doesn’t end with just fucking you, he wants to cum on you, mark up your pregnant belly with his semen. 
“Jungwoo, Jungwoo, please!” You pant, sliding your own fingers inside yourself, trying to reach your orgasm. “Wanna cum!”
“Ah, baby.” Hendery pets your hair. “Want me to help you?”
You nod, already grabbing his hand, bringing it down your body, but his hand slows as it passes your belly, and before he can even touch you, Jungwoo swats his hand away. 
Jungwoo fucks back into you, his hands touching your belly, driving into you again and again. 
The orgasm shudders through you, powerful and good, and Jungwoo pulls out a second later, and his cum stripes across your swollen belly. Carefully, so as to avoid landing on you, Jungwoo drops off to your side and pushes his face into your pillow with a satisfied sigh.
Hendery disappears into the ensuite bathroom, emerging a few moments later with a damp cloth which he uses to wipe the drying cum from your chest, chin, and belly. He gently wipes between your legs, and then runs it once more over your belly. 
“That was the first time I’ve had sex in this bed.” You sigh, wiping your hand across your forehead, brushing away some hair. “Thanks.”
Hendery laughs. “Oh, anytime.” 
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It feels very strange having your parents there in the house along with all of your boyfriends and the younger boys. If your parents think this is an odd location for your sex reveal party, they don’t comment on it. They don’t ask you why Johnny’s parents aren’t there. They certainly don’t ask why all of the older boys are eagerly introducing themselves to your parents, or question why your mother walks in on you holding Kun’s hand in the kitchen. 
If your parents find any or all of this strange, they don’t say a word, and for that you’re very grateful.
Because the day has finally come to learn the sex of your baby.
It’s been two weeks since the appointment, and Johnny has sworn up and down that he hasn’t looked at the envelope. He hid it away where no one would find it, so no one else would be tempted to open it until the party.
As you’d begun setting things up for the party the day before, cleaning the house, organizing, you’d entrusted one of the boys’ managers with picking up a gender reveal cake for you. She’d been supportive of your pregnancy since the boys had told their managers about it, so you trusted her to do it well.
And then there’s your friends. Your close group of friends who already had suspected your baby daddy to be an idol after that last dinner. It had started out as a joke, obviously, but as you wanted to invite them to the party, and after talking with the boys, you’d texted your group chat with your friends and told them that the father actually is an idol, you can’t say who, just that he is.
So naturally, after telling them and inviting them to the party, they were all asking you all over again who the father was, and you refused to tell them, just made them promise that if they came to the party, they wouldn’t talk about it. You didn’t want to ruin any careers over this pregnancy. And you trusted them a lot.
Having all of them here--you parents, your friends, your hoard of boyfriends, and the other members--was very odd.
Especially when you overheard Mark and Ten and YangYang giggling together about you inviting your parents to a sex party. “Sex reveal party! A reveal! Not a sex party.” You’d cried out in exasperation. 
 As everyone showed up to the party, they were dressed in either pink or blue, depending on whether they thought you were having a boy or a girl. It was interesting to finally see what each of your boyfriends thought as they emerged from their rooms wearing either color. 
“I just don’t own anything pink,” Taeyong tells you, tugging at the strings of his blue hoodie. “But I think it’s a girl.”
Your friends arrive in their various shades, the majority of them wearing blue. As soon as their eyes land on Mark, you hear gasps. 
“What the fuck, I knew it!” The friend that had been with you when you ran into Taeyong during your break wraps her arm through yours. 
“NCT?” Another of your friends cries, pulling you even closer into the midst of them. “The father of your baby is a member of NCT? How the fuck did you manage that? Why have you kept this a secret for so long?”
The hungry eyes and titters among a few of the girls is reason enough, you think. There’s a jealous flare in your belly as one of them tries to catch Lucas’s eye as he passes by wearing a gaudy pink sweater.
“It wasn’t easy, I promise you. Just, don’t flirt with them, okay?” You try to slip away, wanting to go hide in the balloon bouquet of blue, purple, and pink that someone had placed in the corner by the stairs. 
“What? You want to keep them all for yourself? Babe, that’s just not practical.” One of your friends laughs, and the others laugh too. You feel warm now because that’s exactly what you want; all of them for yourself. It might not be practical, but it is reality. “So which one of them is it? Which one are you dating?”
You praise the universe in the next moment when your mother comes over, all smiles and her second mimosa in her hand. “That Doyoung is so polite. Girls! You’ve made it! Goodness, when was the last time I saw you?” She pulls your friends into hugs, and in that time, you escape.
You sit down beside Jisung (in blue) and Ten (in pink) at the kitchen table where they’re picking through the snacks, nibbling and now watching your friends warily.
“How much do they know again?” Ten asks you.
You reach for his glass of water, gulping it down to calm yourself. “They know that one of you is the father, I haven’t given them any name or anything. I did, however, make them promise not to talk about being here today. God, I’m nervous.”
Ten covers your hand with his, squeezing gently, and says, “Don’t be” at the same time as Jisung asks, “About what you’re having or your friends finding out that you don’t even know who the dad is?”
You just groan and drop your face into your arms. Ten laughs but puts a soothing hand on your back. “It’s okay. You know it’ll be fine.”
Your nerves just continue to increase as you notice your father trying to chat with Johnny (in blue) even as Mark (also in blue) keeps trying to get your father to talk with him, and your mother is simply being charmed by Kun (wearing both pink and blue, unable to decide) and Jaemin (wearing an unhelpful shade of pale purple that could almost be pink) and Taeyong. And then there’s your friends, dispersing among the boys, sometimes huddling together in pairs to whisper, sometimes they’re all over the place-- one talking to Lucas, while another blushes as she asks Taeil to hand her a napkin to wipe up the drink she spilled, while another stands beside Ten and Yuta to admire Ten’s tattoos.
“Relax.” Jaehyun comes up behind you, startling you. His hands settle on your shoulders. “You’re so tense, I feel like you need some cake. Then for this party to end, then maybe a nap or at least a footrub, right? Nice bubblebath?” His hands massage your shoulders, thumbs digging in wonderfully to the tense muscles. 
You drop your head back with a groan. “That sounds great.”
“I’ll go get the cake,” he whispers. His lips just barely brush against your cheek in a kiss, and then he’s gone, disappearing into the kitchen to fetch the cake from where their manager left it chilling in the fridge. 
“Everyone!” You call, but your voice shakes and gets lost in the din of other voices. Doyoung notices you though, so he shouts instead, “Everyone!”
The attention in the room shifts to Doyoung beside you until he waves at you, passing all of the attention right onto you. Nervously you rest your hands on your belly. 
“We’re going to cut the cake now.” You move over toward a small table that had been moved into the living room, in front of a wall of blue and pink streamers and balloons and golden string lights that Ten and WinWin had hung up earlier that morning. 
Jaehyun emerges from the kitchen, carrying the cake in front of him. Renjun’s right behind him with a knife and a stack of plates.
As soon as Jaehyun sets the cake down and Renjun’s handed you the knife, you stand alone up there. 
You’d decided it was best if you stood up there alone. Yes, as far as your parents are aware Johnny’s the father, but you don’t really want your friends to think that because it’s simply not a certainty. So all of the boys stand back, and you clear your throat. 
If your parents and friends can feel the pure excitement and anticipation radiating off of most of the young men in the room, they don’t seem to think twice about it. But every eye is on you as you lift up the knife Renjun handed you, as you make your first slice into the cake. An excited ripple moves through the room as you make the second cut. And then you slip the knife under the slice and carefully bring the slice out of the cake, revealing the color inside.
Cheers around the room.
Pink! Pink! The cake is pink!
You throw yourself into the arms of the first boy who approaches you. Jungwoo, Johnny, Lucas, Jaehyun, Kun, they all pile in.
“Careful! Careful!” You hear your mother crying. “Be careful with her!”
The boys all back away, giving you just enough space, and Johnny’s hands fall to your round belly. Doyoung touches the back of your head, his fingers wandering down through your hair, settling on the back of your neck. WinWin stands right beside you, nearly bouncing in his excitement.
Your mother rushes forward and your friends, all gathering around you to touch your belly. Already your mother’s suggesting names to you. One of your friends, who’s already had a daughter, is offering you hand-me-downs. With everyone around you like this, the heat of everybody surrounding you, your head begins to buzz, and you look around, searching for anything to steady you.
“Cake? Who wants cake?” Mark asks, and you turn to see him right beside you, a slice of cake on a plate in his hand. He starts slicing and handing them out, getting people to move away from you, offering you more space to breathe. 
You sit down at an empty spot on the sofa. Johnny sits down beside you, grinning, handing a delightfully pink slice of cake to you. He bumps his shoulder against yours. 
“A girl. A baby girl. What do you think about that?” He asks.
You put a gentle hand on your belly, feeling the baby--your baby girl--stir inside you. Lately you’re more in-tune to those movements. You can tell the difference between butterflies and gassiness and her moving inside you. 
“Eat up, baby. Let this little girl taste her celebratory cake.” Johnny taps the plate, and then stands up, clearing the space beside you for your closest friend to slip into. Johnny goes over to Jaehyun and Hendery, throwing his arms over their shoulders, all three of them cheering. 
“Congratulations!” She folds one leg over the other. “A sweet baby girl. And with a daddy like this, she’ll have life made.” She grins and looks around the room, scanning over all of the boys, your other friends, your parents. “But really, which one of them is it? I’ve been watching you, trying to figure it out, but I can’t tell. You seem really close with all of them.”
You push a forkful of cake between your lips. “I am close with all of them.”
“Right, but which of them got you pregnant?” And then her voice drops lower. “And at dinner you said they, so like, is that they two of them that you’re with, or one of them with someone else?”
“I can’t tell you that.” You reply, keeping your voice low so no one else hears. “I can’t risk it getting out.”
She smiles again, amused and victorious even though you didn’t really tell her anything. “I’ll take that as you’re having sex with two of them. You don’t have to tell me, but I just hope that you’re happy with them.” 
“I really am. Happy.” You lean back, stroking your bump. “They make me so happy, how could they not when because of them I have this to look forward to.” You feel like you’re probably smiling like a fool, looking down at your belly, unable to block out the daydreams that pour through your mind. A life with your daughter. You feel that little now-familiar flutter. “I’m having a girl. A daughter.”
You look up from your belly, catching Yuta’s eye from across the room. He winks at you, and you can’t help the giddy feeling that rises up in you, so you just laugh, sinking back in your seat, feeling more relaxed, lighter, happier.
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Good Thing <- Previous || Next -> gimme that: a drabble
a/n: oof this was a long one, now I hope y’all see why I split the last one and this one into two parts instead of keeping it as one long one. I’m not really sure when the next part is going to be posted, but I do have a drabble to post probably a week from now. I hope you enjoyed this part, like that resolution to Mark proposing, I really enjoyed seeing everyone’s reactions to that ending of Good Things. Please let me know what you thought, as usual, reblogs, comments, likes are super appreciated! 
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pickacardreading · a year ago
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Choose the pile that sparks a memory for you. It has your answers
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The cause of your career or school anxiety is that you feel that you are now not in control of your career or school field. Perhaps you haven't got the job that you want or you don't know if you can keep up with your school in terms of academic score. In this time, you feel like somehow you can't rely on yourself fully like you prefer yourself to be that for this reason you kinda feel a little shaken. As you try so much to get away from this by seeking any instant way or even desperate way to do that, you feel that somehow you still can't get away from this issue as you feel that you are now being controlled by something else. Perhaps that you feel that other people may favor someone else over you or you feel that somehow life doesn't really side you
The key to solve this issue is to remember anything that has made you feel satisfied. Remember all the achievements that you have in work or school. Also remember achievements that you thought you wouldn't get but actually get it. Anything that makes you feel satisfied and good about yourself. This is going to boost your self-confidence. This is talking about how you should assure yourself that things are going to be good at the end. It's about seeing much further perspective that in no way you can get out of the situation if you still feel somehow stuck in there. A lot of times, issues especially on school or career are solved when we motivate ourselves to feel good and satisfied with ourselves that the issues somehow clear by themselves or reduce one by one. For example, when you haven't found the job that you want, you remember all the achievements that you have that you now feel that you know your worth and you are going to apply in companies that beforehand, you feel that you kinda haven't met the criterias. It's about keep trying to know that things are gonna end well while also setting your emotional state in a more confident state as that's gonna help you get out of your rut in your mind. It's about having faith in yourself.
How to soothe the anxiety regarding school or career for now on is by trying to plant in your mind that everything is going to be okay. There's always hope that things are gonna be solved, no matter how hard the situation may seem. There are blessings in the future that may very well help you to solve the issues and thus reduce your anxiety. This is also about going with the flow. Try to not let the panic make more mess in your situations. Try to do things that you can do, not the things that you think you should do when you are having anxiety. By that, you are going to feel a little better and get your anxiety more manageable
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There are two things that cause you to have anxiety regarding school or career. First, you are running out of your patience as you feel that you haven't made the progress regarding school or career. Perhaps you want to apply for an internship in a much better company but haven't had the chance to do that or you want to perform better in school by having higher GPA or accolades but you still haven't had the chance to do that. The second thing is that this causes you to try to get away from feeling so much dissatisfaction and losing confidence over yourself. You no longer feel good about yourself and this causes you to have anxiety over your school or career as you feel that you haven't made the progress that you want and that you no longer feel proud of yourself.
How to solve the issue in this case is that you need to be active. There's no way you can just wait until the issues are solved by themselves. No, in this case you have to actively try to solve the issues. There are two people you should approach. First, approach someone who's the closest to you and with whom you trust the most. They could be your bf/gf, best friend, cousin, or anyone that you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with. Tell them about the issues that cause you to have anxiety and ask for the way to solve this from them. For example, if this is about you haven't made noticeable improvement in your school, ask them if they have more tips to make you be able to improve your score. Ask them if they have been in a situation similar to you or witnessing other people that have undergone similar issues with you. By that, you can get inspiration on how to solve this issue regarding school or career. It's gonna help you so much in planning your way to solve the issues. The second person you need to approach regarding this is someone that's older than you that you are not close with but you know they have been successful in the area that's similar or even same with you. This is talking about seniors in your school or uni or even your alumnis. This could also be your teacher or uncles/aunts. Ask them if they may have suggestions, recommendations, or even help regarding this. They may give you suggestions to apply to a good company that you haven't known before if in this case you are seeking an internship or job. They are going to help you so much in terms of practicality and your closest people before gonna help you more in an emotional way. For the closest people, seek for someone who has Cancer placements, especially Mercury in Cancer and for older and more authoritative people, seek for someone who has Taurus placements, especially Moon in Taurus
How to soothe the anxiety regarding school or career for now is to be assured in yourself that there's going to be a good thing, even a miracle that will happen to you. Plant in your mind that in the future, you are going to get the company that you want or have your academic record improved. For that to happen, you have to assure yourself that sometimes it's necessary to ask for help from others even if you prefer to keep it by yourself. Other people may hold the solutions that can be so useful for us but we won't get into those solutions if we don't ask them and there's no way they're gonna give you solutions if somehow you don't try to ask them first since they don't know about the issue you are going through. Don't forget to still use your discernment as you can ask people but still you have to decide which way ot solution fit the best for you. Good luck and have faith in yourself!
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The cause of your anxiety regarding school or career is that you feel that you are still competing with other people or you still are struggling. You see that there are people who are already secured in a position that they want, there are also other people who have figured out way to get that, meanwhile you are still competing with other people. For example, if you are already graduated from your school, you see that there are people that you know already got the job or working in the company that their father or family have. Then you see your other class has been in the selection process in the company. Meanwhile you are still struggling with job seeking with other job seekers too applying to many companies waiting for them to hold the selection process for you. This is of course frustrating for you.
This is how you are going to solve the issue: slow but steady. You know that phrase that is always said by people that you need to do something one by one but constantly do that until it brings you a result? Exactly like that in your situation. Up to this point, you are still in an anxious and hurrying state. For example, you apply abruptly to many companies to the point that you don't even see if you know the company well or even want the positions that are offered there. In your mind, you just apply and apply to the point you reach 200 companies you apply for example as long as you keep applying and applying again. To solve this issue, you need to change your strategy. Go for things you want the most and wait for that until it come to you meanwhile you do something else to improve yourself or maintain what you have. For example, if this is about job application, then go apply to companies that you really know and want too plus for a position that you really want to with conditions that you already read for the job description. So if this is about applying for a job again for example, go with a job that matches your skills, majors, and experiences. Which means, apply for one or two positions in companies that you want instead of applying to 4-5 different positions to various companies that you just even heard of for the first time. While you're waiting for the selection process, to enhance your skills regarding that position, you can learn from the courses regarding the position that you want to apply or learning about the psychology tests. By that, you are able to sort the positions that match your skills and experience plus you are able to elevate your skills to the point it's easier for you to be accepted in the company and position that you want rather than applying to many different positions and companies that you even forget the position, company, or time you apply the job. By that, it's aging like wine. Mature slowly but steady that it bring great assuring result in the end
How you soothe your anxiety regarding your school or career is that you need to be patient with this. Good things come in later time and that phrase is correct for you. Especially phrases like beautiful things are already saved for you and you just need to be patient navigating the life that you have now. Do what you can do now, not out of hurry or panic but out of action that has been planned so perfectly. See the good and bad sides of the things and choose the one that's more beneficial for you. It's about deciding which one suits you the best. Meanwhile you do this, relax yourself by releasing the burden of having to find the one career or thing that you want right now instead of waiting the right and suitable career or thing for you to come in your lap
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medusasmaddness8 · 8 months ago
🌞New moon solar eclipse🌛
Do not steal, copy, reword, or repost my work, for each letter I type is divinely protected⚔️
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This new moon solar eclipse happening in the sign of Sagittarius will shine a light on the things we have kept buried in our subconscious. Feelings that have been ignored will come up to the surface but it must be dealt with properly. New knowledge is presented, something that hasn’t been noticed before.
Blind optimism without a clear plan might only further push you into confusion about what you’re feeling. However, optimism with a clear plan will serve as a beacon of hope, like a flashlight through fog.
What’s happening in the sky
☉ ☌ ☽ | sun conjunct moon in sagittarius
This aspect happens every time there’s a new moon, since they’re exactly conjunct they will make the same aspects to other planets. New moons mark a period of new beginnings as well as solar eclipses.
☉/☽ ☌ ☿ | sun and moon conjunct mercury in sagittarius
During this time, words carry a greater impact. Be careful not to blow things out of proportion.
☉/☽ ꘎ ♄ | sun and moon sextile saturn in aquarius
The urge to be free from restrictions in all ways possible, especially emotionally, may come up.
☉/☽ □ ♆ | sun and moon square neptune in pisces
A risk for overindulging in escapism, substances, and possibly misinterpreting your feelings. Psychic powers are likely to increase and dreams will carry important messages.
-acquire advice from people you believe are wise (professors, motivational speakers, people who have knowledge of a subject you’re interested in, etc.)
-see things from a bigger perspective but don’t get lost in the big picture
-think logically, avoid drama as it may block blessings and cause unneeded confusion
-show gratitude to the universe
-be aware of your limits
-accept change, miracles can happen
-be ready for big life changes
Things to do
-use art as a method for emotional expression (painting, poetry, dancing, etc.)
-create a vision board to see each of your goals clearly and then make a plan to complete them
-try therapy, counseling, journaling, or other methods to get to the root of trauma
-explore new hobbies, places, ideas, etc
-allow yourself to have faith in the unknown
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luna--reading · a year ago
Hello lovelies~ ♡
This is a pick a card reading for “what is their thoughts, feelings and intentions towards you”. Think of a person and note that this is a timeless reading and you’re meant to see this right now! Please do find peace if it doesn’t resonate with you~ ♡
So take a few minutes to mediate on these 4 piles:
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Left to right: 1 - 4
Once you’re ready, just scroll below to find the reading that you have chosen!
You can always leave a comment or simply like the post if it resonates with you, thank you so much~ ♡♡♡
Pile 1:
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Tarot: The Star, 6 of Pentacles, 10 of Wands
Emotions are a natural and necessary part of life, but they can also distort your perception and cloud your vision. In order to see things clearly, you must let go of resentment.
HEALING – Imagine yourself and your beloved surrounded by light. Feel your relationship being healed this very moment.
You may not always understand why certain things happen, however there is always a higher purpose to the events in your life. Through turmoil, a blessing will soon be revealed.
Deep in your heart, you already know the answer. DO what feels right.
Okay, darling, I feel like your person thinks very highly of you. I feel like there is this sense of seeing you as someone who is very popular, very well-known, someone who is like the shining bright star in the night sky. They definitely think very highly of you and in fact, I feel like they see you as a very healing energy. I do feel that this person might have some heavy burdens on them, be it if it’s within this connection or outside of this connection, and that your connection with him has definitely helped them to heal past traumas and hurt. It’s like upon interaction with you, they are kind of forced to see their shadow side which they have been avoiding for so long. Or that previously they would have avoided, but now, it’s like your energy has allowed them to face this shadow side and to start healing from their past. I do feel that they definitely see you as someone who is very generous. And that they are feeling apologetic for how they have treated you in the past. They want to make it up to you. They understand that it was their problem in the past and that they want to make up all of the hurts that they have caused upon you. It’s like maybe this person has ran away or pulled out of this connection, ghosted or blocked you and it kind of make you question yourself what is it that you’ve done wrong. But darling, it wasn’t you, it was them. And they now know that they were the issue. I feel like maybe deep down you’ve understood this point as well, but you’ve been so understanding of their circumstances and continuously being that supportive and healing energy around them. I’m sorry is what I’m hearing and I feel like they do have some inner work that they have to do first. But I definitely do see them coming in again, darling, and I feel like they would apologise for whatever wrongs that they have done to you in the past. It’s honestly up to you if you want to take them back into your life, but darling, there will be a peaceful resolution for this connection eventually. And if this is someone that you are currently with, they want you to give them a bit more time, they will soon open up why they’ve been acting this way. They have some inner work and inner healing to do first, but they truly hope that you will continue to be the supportive and caring energy around them for now, till they are ready to come in. And like I’ve mentioned, it’s truly up to you darling, but this peaceful resolution will help you to restore certain balance in your life. Whatever wrong will be corrected, and this person will come forward and offer this apology to you.
Pile 2:
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Tarot: Queen of Swords, Page of Swords, Justice
Look deep within your heart and you will feel my love. My love for you is as deep as the ocean.
Let there be closeness between you but always give each other space. Love never claims, it simply allows and gives.
SURRENDER – At times we must surrender the old before something new can enter our lives. Let go and all will work out.
Give thanks for the blessings of love soon to come your way. Know that you deserve to be and have all that your heart truly desires.
Now, darling, there is a lot of air energies here, so either you or your person has strong air in your charts. Else, I’m also getting the message that this person thinks of you a lot. And I do feel that they will never admit it but they definitely think of you a lot. I feel like they definitely see you as someone who knows what you want. You are intelligent, smart, and you set those healthy boundaries. You don’t let others take advantage of you, as naïve or as pure you might seem to be on the outside. They definitely do feel that below that pure and innocent image, you are someone who is very strong and tough and you know what exactly you want so you don’t let others get the best of you. This person, if it’s a romantic interest, does have interest in you but they don’t seem to express it. Or they might be afraid to express it because they are afraid that you don’t feel the same way for them or that they feel like they might get hurt while expressing themselves on a very emotional level. If this is the case, note that this is someone who might have been hurt previously or they might feel inferior towards you and that they feel like they can’t express themselves on a very emotional level towards you. And if this is a platonic connection, I do feel that they find you to be very intriguing. It’s like how can someone who just seems so nice, but deep down, you just don’t tolerate bullshit. And you know what is it that you want. They want to learn from you, especially in regards to your attitude and they are very amazed at your own standards and how you set those standards not just for the people around you, but for yourself as well. I feel like in regards to their intentions, this honestly can be a 50 – 50. I do feel for those who are asking about a romantic interest, this person is more so trying to leave it to the divine. I feel like as much as they do have feelings for you (and honestly, I’m seeing deep feelings here, but maybe they themselves don’t really understand them right now), they are just going to surrender and leave it to the divine. I do feel that they might feel that they are not worthy of you, or that they might not be your cup of tea as well. I also do feel that another group of them, is more so waiting for a sign from the Universe, or maybe it’s from you as well. I feel like they want to know how you feel and that they are trusting in the Universe that if this is really meant to be, there will be a sign from the Universe. So, I do feel that they are going to let go of control issues and trust the signs that are coming in for them. Regardless, this person’s intentions are very much focus on the divine. It’s like if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. And I feel like if this is a friend that you are asking for, they definitely do feel that this connection is going to be long-term. And I feel like they definitely see you in their life in the long run. If there has been a falling out with this friend, they are currently trying to release certain past karmas, and in the near future, things are going to come together. I do feel that the Universe is also asking you to have faith and trust in this connection that it is going to withstand the obstacle of time, darling!
Pile 3:
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Tarot: 8 of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles, 6 of Wands
MANIFESTING MIRACLES – Your dream is soon to become reality. Trust your heart and continue to follow its guidance.
WAIT! – Don’t rush into it. Allow nature to take its course.
FORGIVENESS – Stop focusing your energy on past events, for life is too precious to waste. You create your reality by what you think, dream and imagine.
TRUST – Transformation occurs through acceptance. Once you accept the current situation, it will automatically transform.
Okay, darling, there is a lot of pentacles energy here, so maybe work is significant for you and this person, or that maybe both of you met at work. But the overall idea I’m getting is that this connection has been very slow-moving but very stable as well. I feel like it just feels like nothing much has changed within this connection on the surface, but actually a lot of things have changed deep down, in a good way. Because only by doing so, can you then build things on a more solid and stable ground. I do feel that this person definitely sees you as someone who is very hardworking. So, especially if both of you work in the same place, they definitely admire and appreciate the hard work that you put into your work and your job. I do feel that if this is a romantic interest, this person’s feelings are growing in a very slow but steady manner for you. And it’s so slow to the point that I honestly don’t feel like they actually understand how much you mean to them. I feel like they might have been pretty used to having you around. I do feel that these feelings are constantly growing and that maybe you’ve been manifesting this person as well. And if you’ve been trying to manifest this person, the angels want you to know that your dream is soon to become a reality but you have to trust this process and that everything is going to unfold itself. And I’m seeing it happening within the next 6 – 8 weeks, honestly. I feel like things are going to progress quicker as time goes by as well. And if this is a friend you’re asking about, I feel like they definitely feel that this connection is worth the investment and that they are seeing this connection going to continue in the long run as well. I do feel that they see you as a miracle in their life and they are very grateful and thankful to have you in their lives. I do feel that for most of you, things are really going to start to progress and improve within the next few weeks, 4 weeks, I am hearing. Else, it could be within the next 6 – 8 weeks. Summer seems to be a very significant season here as well. I just feel that for those who are asking for a romantic interest, this person is going to come forward. And I feel like they want to bring forth certain success and victory into this connection. I feel like if this person hasn’t been very balance in their energies with you in this connection, they would want to make that compromise with you. I do feel that they are pretty sorry for not treating you right in the past, and that they want to make it up to you. If this is the case, forgive them if you want to and honestly, it’s up to you if you want them back into your life. But remember, forgiveness is always for yourself and not for the other party. I do feel that a compromise has to be made here because balance and harmony is definitely needed within this connection, be it if it’s a romantic interest or a platonic connection. I do feel that things weren’t very balanced in the past, and what is to come within the next 4 – 8 weeks is the achievement of balance and harmony. I feel like things are going to transform slowly but steadily and you are asked to trust in this process, darling. Things are really going to be aligned in your favour, and this is something that you’ve been manifesting for a long time, so please don’t give up now, darling, trust!
Pile 4:
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Tarot: The High Priestess, 8 of Cups, 9 of Pentacles
Life is a series of constantly shifting cycles. When we resist change, we resist the natural flow of life and create unnecessary stress. Go with the flow – you will be surprised where it leads.
LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF – Examine what is causing you to feel this way.
A MESSAGE FOR YOU – I’m thinking of you this very moment. Your love fills me with light. I love you.
Now, darling, for most of you, I’m getting a no-contact or separation situation. And if you don’t resonate with this, maybe you can try a different pile because this pile just may not be for you. I feel like this person on your mind sees you as someone who is very highly intuitive and that you are someone who is in your power. But more often than not, this person sees you as someone who is very secretive. And it’s not in a very bad way, in fact it is very alluring and charming to your person but I feel like sometimes you might have kept things to yourself too much that it makes it difficult for this person to truly communicate their needs and wants to you. I feel like this person does love you, be it if it’s a romantic interest or a platonic connection, but I’m hearing disappointment. I feel like this person might have felt that you were never ready to open up to them, or that they can never get you to open up to them and that there are feelings of sadness, of disappointment when they are being reminded of you. I feel like this person feels that this connection is constantly in some sort of cycle and it’s just hard to simply break free from it, because there are no changes on either side. Honestly, I feel like it’s not just you, I feel like they do have their own problems but they are not seeing it clearly either. I do feel that while they do have feelings (and I’m feeling that they currently still have feelings), they aren’t going to act on it for now. I feel like they are more so going to focus more on themselves. In this sense, I feel like they are intending to just put in the work and focus on themselves and leave this situation behind. I do feel that they feel that if this connection is meant to be, both of you would eventually come back together again, but of course, this is only due in time. I do feel that they are currently trying to put in the focus on their career and finances and just trying to leave this situation behind. And darling, I’m hearing that if you’ve been confused about this situation on whether if you should stay and move on, this is a sign that you should move on and work on yourself as well. It’s not entirely your fault that this connection didn’t work out. It honestly takes two hands to clap in any forms of connections, and while it’s not entirely your fault, it’s important for you to examine the part that you’ve played in this connection. Learn and grow from these lessons, darling, and again, if this connection is meant to be, it will eventually happen in the future. You’ve just got to be patient and in the meantime, work and focus on yourself first, darling!
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thepoetryofascension · a year ago
my energy is divine and protected. i am safe to pursue my dreams and desires. i move with intention, purpose and soul, attracting opportunities that exceed my expectations.
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bitsandbobsofwriting · a year ago
The aftermath of Merlin snapping, and yelling at Arthur in the middle of the forest;
Arthur pushes for change, the gang takes bets on when Merthur will happen, and someone, somewhere, is grumpy.
Part 2 of Merlin’s Angry Outburst. 
Part 1   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5
Once Arthur has a first draft of the repeal, the first people he brings in on it (with Merlin’s approval, of course) are the 5 knights, Gwen, Gaius, and Morgana.
(Morgana, who later that evening comes back to Arthur's chamber in tears (Merlin is also there) to reveal her magic, and thank him for not being Uther.) 
All of them enthusiastically agree, after only a little conversation.
Elyan and Leon are the most... dubious, but only because of the practical factor, they don't disagree with the actual repeal.
After months of the gang working in secret, they reveal their best draft to the council. At least half the council are new members that Arthur appointed, the rest are left over from Uther’s time.
They argue back and forth for a while, half vs half. A few of the older members, who were around before the purge, slowly start changing their minds.
In the end, it takes them maybe a month to get a majority, and Arthur overrules the remaining opposition. He is King after all, technically, he doesn’t even have to have a council.
Days after the agreement is reached, Arthur goes out personally to collect a few specific Druids, who had been waiting just outside the border for the go ahead.
It takes maybe another month to go through all the laws thoroughly, changing and editing and altering what needs to be altered. With the help of Arthur's close advisors on the political aspects, and the help of the Druids, Merlin, and Gaius, on the magical aspects (what should be allowed freely, what should be monitored, and what should remain fully banned).
The city celebrates when the announcement is made, they all loved the new King anyway, and had been overjoyed with the drop in executions, and deliberate ignoring of small instances of magic.
After a feast to celebrate the new found freedom among the people, the gang gathers once more, in private, and Merlin tells a shortened version of the story he'd told Arthur all those months ago.
None of them are that surprised (Gaius, Morgana, and Lancelot already knew, of course).
If they hadn't suspected Merlin of being a sorcerer before this whole thing started (Leon, Gwaine, and Gwen definitely suspected) , then they had certainly begun to in the last few months. They cheer when Merlin finishes telling them "just how often I've saved your oblivious arses" .
They cheer even louder when Arthur announces that he would be made court sorcerer, and it would be made official in a ceremony before the week ended.
There are no cheers when Morgana stands.
Curious eyes land on her, probably due to how terrified she looks, but the small encouraging nods and little smiles she gets from her brother (her Brother), Merlin, and Gwen, give her the strength she needs to tell everyone of her magic as well.
They see she is frightened, they imagine how difficult it must have been, being at first Uther’s ward, and then his daughter. They smile gently, and she receives hugs a plenty. Once all the congratulations are out of the way, she sits back down next to Gwen, still shaky and full of adrenaline, but happy.
She spends the remainder of the group’s quiet celebrations with her hand gripped in Gwen's under the table.
(Read this how you want, I personally envision it as the start of something)
So the days draw on, Merlin is announced Court Sorcerer, Arthur hires another manservant and gives Merlin a large set of chambers in the same hallways as Arthur's, complete with all the books on magic Arthur can find, and several of the magical artefacts that had previously been kept locked away (Merlin and Arthur are the only ones who are able to gain access to the room, something magicky I guess).
(No one mentions that that corridor is supposed to be for royalty only. Leon figures they're bound to realise that they're in love with each other any day now, and then Merlin will practically be royalty anyway so... might as well cut out the middle bit of having to shuffle chambers again later on).
The kingdom is prospering, and for months after the initial announcement, and implementations of the new laws, sorcerers and nobles from all over Albion, visit Camelot, to give congratulations to the King.
They give gifts and provide knowledge.
The Druids, however, are a slightly different story.
The ones who had been helping with the paperwork, had been... odd(?) around Merlin. But they respected his wish to keep all of that under wraps, or at least until it was announced publicly.
Arthur and Gaius know the whole Emrys story. Lancelot and Morgana know bits of it... but other than that... as far as anyone is concerned, the newly promoted Court Sorcerer is just another wizard.
The new Druids entering the kingdom are paying brief respects to the Forever King (I mean... at this point, he's still only King of Camelot... which is what he was before the magic ban repeal), before staring in reverence at the Court Sorcerer stood by his side.
They respect his wishes to keep the worshipping and gift giving to a minimum, though they still come to him for requests of miracles and ask him to perform druid ceremonies (blessings and name-givings and weddings and funerals (though they prefer to call them celebrations of life, rather than commiserations of death) and such).
Merlin can only brush off so many displays of such awe before the rest of The Gang demands to know what’s up, at which point he has to come clean about the whole... “Most Powerful Warlock To Ever Walk The Earth” thing.
Much to Merlin’s chagrin (and everyone else's amusement) the Druids still insist on calling him Emrys. The stubborn ones sometimes even go for "My Lord Emrys", which gets them a scowl from Merlin (and barely concealed laughter from everyone else).
Maybe... later on... when Morgana is more comfortable with her magic, after a few months practicing with Merlin (with a supportive Gwen Always at her side) , she is announced as the Court Seer.
Merlin had never had much luck with prophetic visions, but once Morgana’s fear died down, once she learned to let it flow, and breathe through it, the visions come easier, and kinder.
She stops seeing only visions of doom, and worst case scenarios, instead she has dreams of the many paths the future may take.
She does not panic when a path seems grim and dark, for she has a King and a Warlock and Gwen, by her side. Always. And they work through the future together.
So the ban has been repealed officially for around 6 months.
Arthur is a couple months away from completing his second year as King. And he and Merlin are still beating around the bush.
The betting pool for when they’ll finally get together has been growing bigger and bigger. Practically the whole castle is in on it now, with Gwen and Morgana as the ring leaders. Whoever wins... will be very lucky.
(It's Leon in the end, he pays attention, and he know what his boys are like. But he's a noble and has no need for the money, he pays for a few rounds of drinks and donates the rest to one of children's homes in the lower town).
But the war comes first.
Camelot has been prospering, and has many supporters throughout Albion, but one of the kingdoms, it doesn't matter which, you decide, does NOT like this.
Scouts and small patrols have been needling Camelot’s borders for months now, and Arthur and his Council (and Inner Council) have been making quiet preparations. They know that some sort of... something, is coming soon.
Especially when Morgana begins to dream of battles and blood and lightening.
They prepare for, and expect, a full scale war, but they hope for some negotiations and a peace treaty with the opposition.
Their hopes are dashed, when a messenger is escorted into the throne room, wearing The Opposition’s colours, with a letter.
Said letter is an angry rebuttal of everything Camelot stands for, full of accusations of abandoning tradition, and spitting in the face of great leaders, of which this soft boy-king should NOT be counted as. 
At the end, there was an official declaration of war.
The messenger boy was obviously scared to death, and once Arthur read the P.S, which invited Arthur to torture and/or execute him to the whatever extent he wants, he understood why. Without any hesitation, he offers the boy a job in the stables, a new wardrobe of clothes, and a servant’s bed in the castle.
After the official council meeting on the matter, setting up war committees, laying out contingency plans, organising the distribution of emergency evacuation plans, and discussing potential aid that could be requested from allies, Arthur pulls the gang together, for their own meeting.
“We knew this was coming, and there is no need to panic yet. Our outer borders are well patrolled, and we’re still getting up to date reports. The city walls hold strong, but I want to send out patrols to warn the villages of what’s coming. Start closer to the border, and work our way in. Leon?”
“My Lord, I have teams prepared for exactly that already, I just need to give the word and they’ll go.”
“Good. Morgana, I need you to try and keep focusing your visions, if we have even a small idea of how they might try to initiate the first battle, it’ll be a huge advantage.”
“Me and Merlin have been practising some new techniques to control where and when I can see, we’ll write everything down, and ask the Druids if they’ve seen anything as well.”
Arthur holds in a smile at the confidence in her voice. He is unendingly proud of how far his sister had come, and made a mental note to tell her that when all this was over.
“Brilliant, keep me in the loop. Gwen, when we’re done here, go and let the forgery know, the Royal Household will pay them extra to push out as much long range ammunition as they can. Arrows and crossbow bolts, we need as many as they can produce.” Gwen nods, and Arthur finally looks towards Merlin:
“And Merlin, I need you to be ready. Don’t wear yourself out too much in the next few weeks, I need you in good condition, if we’re to win this with minimal casualties-”
He glances over at Morgana before he continues:
“If the two of you could also ask the Druids if they have any volunteer healers. Make sure they know they aren’t obligated to come, but any help in the infirmaries would be greatly appreciated.” Morgana nods once more, as does Merlin, before he speaks:
“There’s a camp a couple hours ride outside the city at the moment, we’ll head out at first light-” He pauses and closes his eyes for a second, tilting his head, before looking to Morgana:
“They’re expecting us.”
Arthur addresses the room again:
“Right. I think that’s all for now, anyone have anything to add?”
Gaius responds after a moment:
“My Lord, if I could make a request for a few servants to help me set up supplies for the infirmary? Extensive preparations will need to be made to ensure that I have all I’ll need. Preferably people with rough herbal knowledge, if at all possible.”
Arthur nods straight away, responding:
“Yes, of course, I’ll ask the Housekeeper and the Steward who they can spare this evening, and they’ll be ready for you in the morning. Anything else?” At the silence in the room, Arthur tells everyone to get to work.
Leon marches straight down to the training grounds (Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan following him) to ring the summoning bell and inform the knights of the developments, and their tasks.
Gwen heads straight to the forgery (her and Elyan still oversee work there, but they have employees (and a few trainees) to run it) to give the Kings order.
Gaius shuffles out, and makes his way back to his quarters, already making mental lists of ingredients needed, and work to be done.
Arthur, Morgana, and Merlin are left, the royal siblings thinking to themselves, and Merlin thinking to someone else. Arthur contemplates that the whole mental link thing he had going on with the Druids was extremely useful.
Both his and Morgana’s thoughts were interrupted by Merlin huffing, and clenching his fists as he opens his eyes, obviously unhappy with whatever was said:
“Merlin?” From Morgana has the Court Sorcerer looking up from scowling at the table. He replies after wiping the frown off his face:
“Oh, it’s fine. They just made a... stupid suggestion is all. Don’t worry about it.”
“Stupid? Doesn’t sound like the Druids. What was it?”
Merlin looks mildly uncomfortable at that, and replies slowly:
“It... doesn’t matter. I’ll tell you another time. It’s late, you should practice some meditation and head to sleep, no potions tonight. And remember to keep some parchment and a quill by your bed, so you can scribble down anything you see-”
Merlin stands abruptly and heads towards the door:
“-I’m going to check the wards on the outer wall, and push a little more energy into the wells. I’ll see you both bright an early.” With that, Merlin heads out the room swiftly.
Arthur looks to his sister questioningly, but she shrugs as she responds:
“Who knows. “I’ll tell you later” means he doesn’t want you to know, OR he’s hoping I’ll forget because he doesn’t want either of us to know. He’s right though, I should meditate for a while-”
Morgana stands at this:
“- hopefully I’ll see you before we head off, if not, I suppose it’ll be dinner in the evening. Good night, brother.” Morgana leaves the room gracefully, heading in the direction of her chambers.
Arthur thinks for only a moment, before rushing off, catching up with Merlin as he readied his horse, preparing for the journey to the outer walls:
“I’ll come with you. I find I quite enjoy watching you do magic, and to be perfectly honest, I could do with some fresh air to help me think.”
Arthur pretends to ignore the slight blush that dusts Merlin’s cheeks, and readies his own horse. The two of them ride out of the stables and make the journey down the cobbled roads in comfortable silence, side by side.
They take their time on the journey, and the 15 minutes of companionable silence is finally broken by Arthur, who looks at Merlin curiously, as he says:
“So what did they suggest?”
Merlin looks up sharply at that, broken from his deep train of thought as he dumbly replies “What?”
“The Druids. What was the stupid suggestion?” Merlin’s eyes widen at that, and he blushes once more as he looks determinedly forward:
“Oh. That. I told you, it doesn’t-”
“Oh fine! They suggested that I... that I forge a mental link with you. Like the one I have with them.” The sorcerer purses his lips at that, and continues to avoid Arthur’s gaze:
“You can do that? Well... would it be such a bad idea? I mean we aren’t going to be able to meet and discuss things as often as I’d like through this whole ordeal. AND you’re basically the Kingdom’s powerhouse, I’m sort of relying on your magical know-how here. Surely it wouldn’t be a bad thing? For us to be able to converse across the battle fields?” 
Arthur, in an effort to not be hurt, reminds himself that he doesn’t know all that much about magic, and it very well could be a stupid suggestion, instead of one that Merlin is just personally opposed to.
Merlin, in response, looks to Arthur in great shock, before sighing and looking down to his horses mane:
“It.... is possible. And fairly easy, technically. But it would be painful, AND permanent. I wouldn’t be able to undo it after we won. And a temporary connection takes far too much energy to maintain, even for a short time. I just figured you wouldn’t want me in your head for the rest of our lives.” He tries to inject a little humour into his words, but it falls flat, and he just seems sad.
Arthur pretends he doesn’t notice however, and responds quickly:
“How painful are we talking? I mean I’ve been hurt pretty badly before. And... how exactly does it work? Would we be able to read each other’s mind constantly, without the other knowing? Or what?”
Merlin raises his eyebrows in shock at that, and his answer comes out slowly as he looks at Arthur:
“Like... a really bad headache? Imagine the hardest you’ve ever been hit, without passing out. It would last for a few minutes after the connection is initially forged, but would fade slowly over the next day or so. And no. Once the connection is established we wouldn’t be in each other’s head all the time, we would just be able to sort of... project our voices to one another. Other thoughts would be safe, even if you were thinking about me, I wouldn’t hear it unless you were thinking to me... if that makes sense.” 
By the end of his explanation, he’s looking nervously at the King, who is deep in thought:
“Hmm. Ok. I... only if you agree but... it might not be a bad idea. Even after the war is over. There have definitely been times where I’ve needed your opinion on something but you’ve been elsewhere, or we’ve been in the presence of someone else. Of course we’ve been fine so far, if you don’t want to, but-”
Merlin interrupts him, speaking quickly:
“I’m fine with it. I agree, it would be useful. So... I can bring what we need back from the camp tomorrow?”
Arthur nods firmly:
“Yes. The sooner the better, we can do it tomorrow evening, if that’s enough time for you?” Merlin once again looks shocked at this, as Arthur stares at him:
“Oh! Yeah, Yes. That’s fine. Like I said, it’s not particularly difficult, and I can ask Gaius to prepare us something for the pain during the day. Are you... are you sure? It is Permanent.”
Arthur rolls his eyes and huffs:
“Yes, you said that already Merlin. Are you sure?”
Merlin nodded his head decidedly, and spoke confidently:
“Yes. You’re right, it’s not a bad idea. Come on, if we hurry, we’ll make it to the walls, and then to the main well, and then back to the castle, before dark.”
The pair of them hurry their horses, and after another 10 minutes of comfortable silence, they finally reach the City Gates.
The guards give a quick bow, and The King and The Court Sorcerer jump off their horses before handing the reigns to one of the Gate stablehands.
Arthur (and the guards) watch in barely concealed wonder as Merlin presses his hands against the rock of the wall, and closes his eyes.
The golden glow can still be seen from below his eyelids, and he hums slightly as he frowns in concentration, seeming to push into the wall.
Arthur sees a short of... sheen, ripple across the rock, and extend into the sky. Merlin steps back and nods, admiring his handy work:
“They’re holding strong, I’ve extended the height as well. Kilgharrah and Aithusa should be the only ones able to get over it without alerting me now, from the air at least-”
Merlin heads to retake his horse, Arthur following him, before he continues:
“Though I still want to check the tunnels again at some point in the next few days.”
“Of course. Relax Merlin, it’s barely begun, and the borders still hold strong. We’ve plenty of time before things kick off in any way.” He makes sure to speak quietly. A public announcement hasn’t been made yet, and it would be bad if rumours started spreading before The King had time to put together a proper disclosure.
Merlin nods distractedly, and urges his horse to go faster as he heads towards the main well, in the town square. It’s late, not long until sunset, so there shouldn’t be many, if any, people there. Arthur speaks again:
“Why are we visiting the well? I wasn’t aware of any problems?”
“There aren’t any, but once the announcement is made, and once the outer villages are told what’s happening, we’ll have hundreds, probably thousands, of people flock to the city for safety. I just want to make sure we’re prepared for such an influx, and boost our water levels a little.”
Arthur nods at his response, but doesn’t say anything. He chooses instead to admire the man Merlin had become. He held himself differently, more strong, confident in who he was. Just like he had back when he was still a manservant, he served Arthur, and his people, above and beyond his job description. Merlin took upon himself, not only the politics he was supposed to oversee, but the personal safety of both the King, and every Camelot citizen, and he did it all with an alarming amount of grace.
Arthur sometimes catches himself thinking that it was almost as if Merlin was built to be a king. He may not like the spotlight, but he was a protector, and leader, unlike anything Arthur had ever seen before.
“I don’t think I ever thanked you, Merlin. It feels like years ago now, that you yelled at me in a forest.” He says it with a grin, but Merlin flinches. He continues before The Sorcerer interrupts him though:
“Really Merlin. Thank you. You were right, I would’ve got there in the end, but it wasn’t fair for people to suffer in the mean time, and you took the fall in their place. You’re a hero to your people... and to me. You should be proud of your accomplishments, I know I am.” 
Arthur resists the urge to duck his head as Merlin looks at him in bewilderment, a definite flush on his cheeks as he replies:
“I... thank you, Arthur. I always had faith in you-” Merlin begins to grin before he continues:
“-and besides, someone had to knock you down a peg. Perhaps you should hire someone to take you into the forest and yell at you every once in a while.”
Arthur laughs at that, and Merlin tries to push down the blush as Arthur responds:
“Now Merlin, why on earth would I hire someone for such a job, when I already have you?”
Merlin chuckles as he answers:
“Yeah, and don’t you forget it, My Lord. Hold the horses, I’ll just be a minute.” With that, Arthur realises they’ve made it to the well, and dismounts as Merlin has, holding both of the horses reigns as he watches Merlin approach the well.
The Sorcerer crouches down, and once again closes his eyes in concentration as he presses his hands into the stone of the well. The glow is a little less bright this time, but Arthur admires it nonetheless.
Merlin finishes quickly, and gathers his horse from Arthur once more, nodding towards the castle.
Arthur follows as Merlin hurries towards the looming building. He wasn’t sure why he was in such a rush, but he only begins questions it when Merlin hurriedly hands the horses of to a stablehand, and continues to run up the castle steps.
Arthur can only just keep up with Merlin, not having the breath to ask him what’s wrong, before Merlin suddenly comes to a stop, catching his breath for a moment to go through a door leading to the highest balcony on the West of the castle:
“Merlin... what.... what are you-”
Merlin wordlessly interrupts The King as he points to the skyline, the sun only a few minutes away from touching the horizon.
There’s not a cloud in sight, and the sky is painted in oranges and pinks in front of them, bleeding into deep purples and blues behind the castle.
Merlin finally mutters, not looking away from the sunset:
“Call me a girl all you want Arthur, but nothing compares to this. It’s beautiful, I come to watch it whenever I’ve got the time.”
Arthur had only glanced briefly at the sunset before looking back at Merlin in wonder, a fond smile on his face (not that Merlin would notice).
He stares at the side of Merlin’s face, the orange sky making the gold in his eyes look even brighter, and the glare of the fading sun making his hair shine. A gentle breeze has Merlin shiver slightly, and Arthur’s smile widens as he responds, so quietly he’s not even sure if Merlin hears him:
“Hmm. Beautiful.” He doesn’t look away.
THIS IS COMPLETED! All 5 parts have been posted:)
If y’all want my thoughts on anything specific let me know✌️
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nightkitchentarot · a year ago
Stages of the Zodiac Signs
STAGES OF ZODIAC SIGNS – a Lifespan’s Evolution The common symbols of the Zodiac Signs, actually describe the first step, the first stage of your evolution. What few know is that this is only the beginning. You evolve. As life goes on, these stages change. Although you still keep your former stage in your heart, you progressively lose touch from it. Hence, as inevitably you attract new stimuli, you change. The only question is towards what? These are the Stages of Zodiac Signs. This is what you should expect.
Stages of Aries: Ram, Shephard, Reborn Sun The Ram. This is the symbol everyone knows about this zodiac sign. People born under its influence are passionate, conquerors and natural fighters. The Ram is a sacred symbol of many Solar Deities. It shows the potential. A hidden fire within, ever-burning. However, as they grow up, they realize that they engage in too many fights. And worse, not all fights are victorious. They have many casualties and they’ve been reckless and irresponsible. Hence, at some point of their lives, they see the loss. This is why they become… The Shephard. Grasping the Truth for the first time, they see how pointless it is to engage in rageful quarrels. Their awareness expands. They see what a Shephard sees. A never ending battle which is called life. This is when they turn into themselves. A turning point of their lives. However, it’s not an easy one. You see, a Shephard is lonely, isolated. He is a hermit. At this point, Aries needs time. Time to realise their true potential lies in their passion and not rage. This is when they turn their fire into… Reborn Sun. Aries is the first symbol of the Zodiac Circle. Why? Because that is when Nature resurrects from the Death of Winter. In Ancient Egypt, this is the symbol of Aries. The Reborn Sun, symbolizing the Death(s) an individual has to go through, in order to realise his/her true potential. Once you let go of pain, sorrow and rage, you will be reborn with this Ultimate Stage of Aries.
Stages of Taurus: Bull, Minotaur, Demigod Bull. Taurus, is symbolized by a Bull. But what is the occult meaning of this symbol? The Bull is a sacred animal in many ancient religions (Egyptian, Indian, Greek). Hence, the Bull symbolized the potentials of Nature. Spring is there and its fierce. Nothing can stop it. There is only one way and this is forward; exactly how a Bull sees its world. However, quite often, due to their lack of ability to see other options, they crash on walls. Those are the obstacles a Taurus is programmed to break and not to surpass. Gradually, they see that they cannot assert their dominance to other people. This is when they become… Minotaur. This legendary beast, half human with the head of a Bull, is a personification of our instinctive passions which, some times, we think are incompatible with human nature. Shame is a deadly foe. Hence, the Minotaur, haunted by shame and regrets is more stubborn. This is when they are lost in the Labyrinth. Let me remind you that this legendary creature was lying in the dark chambers of a Labyrinth, guarding it. Hence, at this point of their lives, they are enraged, more stubborn than ever, but lost in the dark. This is when Taurus loses hope until they realize, that they’re lost in the Darkness because they chose to! This is when all this power enlightens their spirit, break down the labyrinth and become… Demigod. This is no sugar-coating it. They truly become divine. Once they sense how powerful their spirit is, they channel it and create miracles. At this point of their lives Taurus perceives his/her power and liberates himself/herself from the boundaries of the physical Realm. However, they still cast miracles on Earth, enjoying satisfaction and beauty, guilt-free.
Stages of Gemini: Twins, Ship, Stars Twins. The first step of Gemini’s life is drenched with curiosity and love for new experiences. Hence, they seek new stimuli and, as they grow up, they (often successfully) engage in different activities, adopt diverse theories and work in many fields, as if they sense that time is not enough. However, at some point, they realise that there is an empty space in their heart. This comes after a loss, at young age. Hence, they become… Ship. As the Myth of Gemini tells us, the twin brothers joined the magical quest to find an amazing treasure. Hence, this symbolizes the stage of Gemini when they are bored from their way of living and seek the bigger truth. This quest, however, may be lonely and disappointing, at some point. Hence, most Geminis return to phase one – Twins. However, if they let go of this disappointment, they become… Stars. This is the final stage of the Zodiac Sign. Once they realise that their inner curiosity for knowledge is simply lust for life, they accept failures and disappointments, they let go of pain and they move forward, expanding their awareness and become a true source of Light. They become Stars!
Stages of Cancer: Crab, Hydra, Peacock Crab. This is the symbol everyone knows. A creature of the Sea, symbolizing the ‘watery’ nature of this zodiac sign. Due to their rich emotions, they do not always ‘move’ in a logical way, just like the crab doesn’t move in a straight line. Hence, as the sea is never the same, Cancer’s heart changes according to their stimuli around them. However, there are times when the crab’s strong exterior (devotion and loyalty) is crashed by cruelty and betrayal. This is when they become… Hydra. Hydras are creatures of the sea, symbolizing (sea’s and) Cancer’s blind rage. When you cut the head of hydra, two more sprout out. Unfortunately, this shows that when they feel broken they can do terrible things. Trying to stop them is like trying to stop a huge wave of the ocean. It’s pointless. This is a very common stage of Cancer. They change, once they realise that as the Sea is vast, so are the people. Some are mean and hurtful, some are true and loyal. This is when their faith is restored and they become… Peacock. This is the sacred symbol of Great Mother, Hera, Queen of the Gods. At this stage everyone adores them. Although they don’t intentionally show off, their actions speak for themselves. They are Grace and Blessings impersonated.
Stages of Leo: Lion, Warrior, King Lion. At first, a typical Leo is born to feel like being the king of the jungle. As if their world belongs to them, inherited by the divine forces. Leo is strong, faithful and passionate. However, at some point in their lives, their authority is questioned and this is when things turn wrong. Rage fills their heart, when they sense that someone can out-throne them. This is when they become… Warrior. At this point, all their energy is focused to prove themselves worthy. But worthy of what? What are they fighting for? For many years of their lives they are noble fighters in a war they did not choose. They are lost in elusive goals and spend their energy for silly tasks and quarrels. In truth, they fear time. Time is a threat to them because their beauty and splendour might fade. They become prideful and vain. But when they realise that the power comes from their bright spirit, they become… King. At this point they know that being a lion is being a king in a jungle. But they are so much more. This is when they realize their royal self. An ageless spirit, a never ending reign of their light. At this point they are full of love and understanding.
Stages of Virgo: Maiden, Dark Maiden, Queen Maiden. During their very first step in life, Virgo is the young Persephone, a young maiden goddess playing and experiencing her potential. Innocent, brilliant and graceful, the Maiden seeks the truth, while discovering herself on this Realm. However, at some point of their lives, as Persephone was kidnapped, Virgo is forced to travel to the Underworld. Dark Maiden. At this point Virgo is scared and sad. Although it might not show, they hide a huge sorrow in their hearts. But what is this all about? Most of the times, their sadness is rationalized by their need to put their minds in order. At this time of their lives, they are lost in the darkness of their Underworld. Many Virgos pass a long time suffering from depression. However, if they manage to forgive and accept the world as it is, just like Persephone, she marries the God of Underworld, Hades, and she become… Queen. At this stage, Virgo is capable of anything. They accept the truth of the world, that there is both Light and Darkness and they rule on both because of their crystal spirit. Hence, they are whole.
States of Libra: Scale, Blindfold, Sword Scales. The first step of Libra is being the Scales of Themis, goddess of Justice. Always trying to see all options, hear all opinions and take all possible advices. This is why they seem dependent on others and indecisive. What others see as lack of guts, is actually a very powerful procedure when they try to scale all options and be fair and just. However, as they cannot easily proceed in their lives this way, they become… Blindfold. Enraged and disappointed, they no longer wish to be just, because their energy is depleted. Hence, they make unnatural choices. This makes them feel bad for themselves. Hence, the Blindfold (of Themis). Virtue is no longer their guide. Once they understand that everyone makes mistakes, but it’s important to follow their instincts and heart, regardless, they become… Sword. The Sword (of Themis) is the personification of right decisions and power. At this point, nothing can stop them and their spirit is aligned with their will. What they think of, becomes reality!
Stages of Scorpio: Scorpion, Eagle, Phoenix Scorpion. The first step of their lives are Scorpions. Born survivors, they integrate their instincts and passions, in a fervid way, to achieve what they want. Seeking success and satisfaction, they often succeed, but, sometimes, they don’t. When this happens they descend in darkness, as scorpions hide under stones. At this point, some of them might stay forever. Others, they realise their pointless pursuits and they become… Eagle. When this happens, Scorpions realise that they no longer need to hide, but they need to see the bigger picture and seek different types of success and satisfaction. Hence, at this point of their lives, they realise that they can seek both satisfaction and success elsewhere in life. As eagles, they fly higher and higher. Do you know who flies as high as an eagle does? No-one! This is when they realise how lonely they become. Failure is part of being human, and neglecting their human nature is not a wise choice. Hence, they become… Phoenix. At this point of their lives, their Spirit shines like never before. Accepting and letting go of hurtful memories, they realise their true potential. The Phoenix is eternal and made of the material the Gods are created from. Hence, they realise how powerful they truly are. Nothing can stop them now!
Stages of Sagittarius: Archer, Arrow, Centaur Archer. The first step in their lives, they feel that sky is the Limit. Sons and Daughters of Jupiter, they sense that a divine hand is guiding them. As archers, they aim and keep on aiming, again and again. They are optimistic. However, when eventually failure comes, they sometimes lose their sense of balance. They can become hurtful as an… Arrow. Although they still aim, they have focused so much to their goal they neglect to see the bigger picture. What they need to understand is that succeeding is not always winning. Hence, what once they thought they can conquer, now can be useless. This is when they need to expand their awareness and review their goals. As they thirst for freedom, they realise that they have imprisoned themselves! If they bravely see the truth, they can become… Centaur. This legendary creature is the personification of freedom, will, wisdom and human strength. Hence, at this point, a Sagittarius becomes a truly wise and successful person, a teacher for all of us. Transcending the human capabilities, the Centaur conquers his/her goals with ease and style!
Stages of Capricorn: Goat, Cave, Horn of Plenty Goat. The first and most known symbol is the Goat. A earthly creature which might not be as magnificent as the Lion, yet people depend on them for many, many reason. This is exactly like a typical Capricorn. People depend on them, and they are trustworthy and hard-workers. However, as they grow up, they feel that people might use and abuse them. This is when they turn to their… Cave. At this point of their live, they try to isolate themselves from toxic people and relationships. However, they cut off not only baneful relationships, but, also, healthy ones. As Amalthia, the Goat-nymph who nurtured Zeus in a cave, Capricorns usually seek this isolation as they feel endangered. On their way to the top, they lose touch with people whom once they loved. Thankfully, some of them realise that, and they become… Horn of Plenty. The symbol of the Amalthia is the Cornucopia, the Horn of Plenty. At this point of their lives, they realize that true riches come from abundance as a state of mind. Hence, they become truly rich in all possible ways, enjoying both material and spiritual goods!
Stages of Aquarius: Cupbearer, Eagle, Angel Cupbearer. The first step of their lives is when they feel alienated from other, because of their true self. Hence, they become eccentric, trying to communicate their differences in a plain, sad and boring world. The Cupbearer is dragged on Mount Olympus, stranger to all. However, once an Aquarius accepts the World, becomes the symbol of Zeus… Eagle. At this point of their lives they need to experience the whole world. Hence, they (want to) travel everywhere, see more, feel more, understand more. As this is noble, yet also, at some point, impossible, they might feel lonely and separated from all. A lonely eagle flying high. This is when they need to realize that they cannot feel the same way others do, because they are indeed an… Angel. Some of them realize their true Angelic nature and embrace it. These are the enlightened creatures who walk amongst us, shedding light in to the darkest places of Earth. Healers, helpers, divine instruments. They are both successful and truly happy, having found their rightful place on Earth.
Stages of Pisces: Fish, Darkness, Ocean Fish. The first step of their lives they feel like a fish in the vast ocean. Affected by the ever moving waves, they live in their matrix of emotions (sea) and energies around them. As true empaths, they are influenced by enlightened souls, but also by evil entities. Hence, they sometimes get lost into disappointing thoughts, and sadness kicks in. This is when they become… Darkness. Pisces often feel betrayed and lost, and they don’t know what to do. In order to not hurt others, they seek to forget, so they won’t feel pain anymore. As the fish descends to the darkest depths of the sea, they wait there for a miracle to happen. Then, sometimes, they realise that the miracle is already there. As their Spirit is otherworldly bright, they gracefully accept their true nature and become… Ocean. This when they embrace the matrix as part of themselves and become the primordial god of Ocean. Hence, at this point, they know that power comes from their heart, and what they want can instantly happen, as they are part of something greater and wiser. They are the vast and rich ocean! Blessed be.
Originally shared on Facebook by Violet Goddess
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mystic-shadows42 · a year ago
A/N: Just wanted to have a little fun writing this one. Let me know if I missed anyone in the tags. Enjoy.
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Being the younger sister of Björn was a blessing and a nuisance at times. You were the miracle baby of Lagertha, although she would never tell you who your father was, she was adamant it wasn’t Ragnar. 
Although, Ragnar himself doted on you. He treated you as if you were his daughter.
It was Björn himself that gave you a name, Kalf. You had heard of the man’s name before. He had taken your mother’s title from her as Earl. It was from that moment of deceit that she planned to kill him in due time to reclaim what was lost.
Nevertheless, you were the daughter the gods had blessed Lagertha with. She was no doubt protective of you.
It was said once you were born and brought to Kattegat, Aslaug couldn’t keep her eyes off of you. She had an inkling to hold you in her arms to which she knew Lagertha would never allow.
When she found the opportunity to approach Lagertha, she did.
“I have foreseen you’re daughter’s life. I will admit her’s was a lot clearer than most.”
“If you’re here to tell me bad news then I don’t want to know.”
Aslaug smiled but continued on.
“I feel as if you’re daughter was born under the care of the gods themselves. She has an allure to her that’ll attract a great many. Especially my boys.” Aslaug looked towards her sons to see all of them surrounding you as Bjorn held your small body in his arms. “Even now it’s starting to take effect.”
“What are you trying to say?” Lagertha asked impatiently.
“I’m trying to say that your daughter is the gift you’ve been waiting for. She’ll be strong, smart, and beautiful. My boys will be at her mercy. She could betray them and they’d forgive her. They’ll love her more than their wives. It’s all rather ironic really. I took your husband away from you, therefore, she’ll take my boys from me.”
“I don’t see how she’ll be able to do that when she won’t even be raised here. Are your visions ever true?”
“They come in few, but nevertheless true.”
Over the years, while living under a bubble of protection, Lagertha had noticed just how much Aslaug was right. 
As Ragnar’s sons grew older, they asked for your presence more and more. Sometimes they’d even drop by Hedeby unannounced much to Lagertha’s displeasure.
That day of Aslaug’s prophecy of you, Björn had overheard and has never forgotten. He didn’t like the idea of his brothers fawning over you.
That’s why in this very moment he gathered his brothers around to question them. He wanted to know just how close they were to you.
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“Ubbe tell me, what’s been happening to you and my sister?”
“What does it matter Björn? Your sister is a grown woman.”
“It matters to me because she is my little sister. It’s my job to worry and look after her.”
Ubbe nodded in understanding. When you were little he too thought of you as a little sister, but ever since you blossomed into the woman you now were, he looked at you differently.
Ubbe sighed and threw his hands in the air. “We kissed.....a few times.”
Björn sighed loudly and looked at Ubbe. “How many are a few times?”
Ubbe broke eye contact and found that he couldn’t lie to his brother but decided to wrap this up quickly.
“Perhaps it’s best we not waste a good meal.” Ubbe tried to change the subject quickly before Björn loses his temper. His quick subject change was clear to Björn that perhaps these ‘kisses’ may have never stopped.
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“What about you, Hvitserk? Anything I should know about?”
Hvitserk was the only one eating at the table but he stopped once the attention was turned on him. He was entertained by Ubbe squirming in his seat while being questioned, but he didn’t think Björn would suspect and question them one by one.
“Purely platonic. Nothing to worry about.” He answered as he kept on chewing his food.
“I know you lie Hvitserk. You always look away when you’re lying.”
Hvitserk swallowed hard then shrugged his shoulders. “You don’t have to worry about me. She’s your sister. I would never touch her.”
“That’s what worries me Hvitserk. Your inability of self-control makes me think that you have touched my sister in a more...intimate way.”
Hvitserk looked away again under Björn’s scrutinizing eyes. When Björn tilted his head at him, Hvitserk gestured towards his youngest brother. “I was looking at Ivar.”
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Ivar couldn’t contain his laughter at the way his brothers would cower from Björn.
“How about you Ivar? Anything to say?”
“Yes, I have something to say.” Ivar interlaced his hands together and placed them on the table while leaning forward. “I’ve felt up your sister, kissed her, and if it helps ease your conscious, I am in love with her.” Ivar took a deep breath then sat back in his seat. “There, satisfied?”
All the brothers silently looked at one another as they just took in what Ivar had admitted. They felt a little uneasy in their seats when Björn was silent. 
Ivar kept staring his eldest brother down while Björn was deep in thought, examining the ax in his hands.
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“What about you Sigurd? You’ve been awfully quiet. Anything to declare?”
“I think Ivar’s said enough for one evening.”
Sigurd didn’t want to say more than he had to. This had made Ivar narrow his eyes at his brother and sneer at him. 
It was obvious amongst the brothers that they had all shared experiences with you but as far as Björn knew, you had them all wrapped around your finger. 
You were a fascination to them all that most of them would try to cover it up so they wouldn’t have to face Björn’s wrath. 
“Just let it be known that if you weren’t my brothers then you’d be dead.”
Tagged: @lol-haha-joke​ @geekandbooknerd​ @belovedcherry​ @soleil-dor​ @lordsexmachine​ @mariaenchanted​ @ethereallysimple​
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rogueonestan · a year ago
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shereshoy - wanting to live everyday to its fullest and more
word count: 2.3k
pairing: the mandalorian (din djarin) x reader
summary: din reveals his true feelings for you through an anecdote from his childhood.
Faint laughter and the sound of the soft splashes of the nearby lake are what calls Din’s name.
So when he returns back to the Crest after a quick supply run to find you and the kid enjoying yourselves, he can’t help but smile underneath his helmet. 
The sight isn’t much to see. You’re laying down on the grassy floor as the green little baby is currently running around as he’s trying to catch something. The baby will leap towards his prey, only for the prey to run away, resulting in the baby giggling as you follow suit. To others, it may not be much, but to Din, it’s everything. It’s been such a long time since he’s experienced this kind of feeling before. He can’t exactly put his feelings into words, but it’s a feeling that he never wants to go away. It’s a feeling that he used to feel all the time with his family back on Aq Vetina before he was taken in by the Mandalorians. It’s a feeling he's associated with the life that was stripped from him. A life that he always dreamt that he would be able to get back someday. 
The closer he gets to where you and the baby are, the more his heart soars. The baby continually is running around, enjoying himself, as your eyes remain close as you take everything in. You don’t even notice his return until he makes himself known. 
“Enjoying ourselves?” 
You didn’t realize that you were in such a trance until you’re greeted with the familiar ‘T’ visor that you’ve familiarized yourself with over the past few months. The tranquility of your surroundings are what made you first lose yourself in the moment. From the baby’s giggles to hearing the birds sing to the soft waves hitting against the rocks in the nearby lake, it was easy to lose track of time. 
“You’re back.” A soft hum comes from Din in response as you continue, “how was your trip?”
“Good. There’s a local town that’s a few miles up north and I was able to stock up on a few things that we were running low on.” Now it’s your return to mimic your partner and hum in response, “it’s a nice little town, you would enjoy it. Maybe all three of us could go there tomorrow.”
“I would like that. Were you looking for anything in particular while you were there?”
“No.” Yes, but it’s not like he would tell you that- not yet, anyways. 
“Do you want lunch? I was just thinking of making some.”
“You stay- I’ll go make it.” 
A few rebuttals leave your lips, saying that you can do it and pointing out that he just returned, but Din ignores your pleas, insisting that you continue resting and watch over the kid.
As Din leaves to go back inside the Crest to put his purchases away, what makes him walk a little bit faster is the laughter that comes from both you and the baby. How in the galaxy he was able to be blessed with a life as good as his, Din will never know. After all of the ugly decisions he’s made in the past, he’s one of the last people who deserves a life as great as his. To be able to wake up every single day and know that he has a new family that will support him through anything. To have someone as devoted and generous, traits that his own mother had, is something that he thinks about as he makes the three of you lunch.
The lunch that Din ends up making is something that you’ve had on multiple occasions before, just a stew made out of the items that he picked up from market earlier, but it’s the company of Din and the soft breeze brushing against your cheek that makes it so much better. When Din comes out with the two bowls of food, a smile immediately appears on your face as the spices from food linger in the air. The feeling of fresh air that you got used to now is mixed with the scent of Din’s cooking. It’s not often that you get to eat home cooked meals, let alone meals made by Din, but it’s a welcome rarity. Din’s cooking isn’t the best that you’ve ever had, but his skills improve each time he prepares food for you.
The spices in the stew are a bit intense at first. You nearly choked on the pure flavor of peppers that surprised you at first, but the more you eat, more like devour, your food, the more you enjoy it.
“How is it?” He asks. 
When you look over at him, you notice that he doesn’t have a bowl of food in front of him, giving the baby the other bowl, as he studies your actions. Nearly half of the food is already gone. 
“It’s really good, Din.” With a smile on your face, you cover one of your hands as you take another bite.
You nod your head at him. The food that’s in your mouth is a little bit more difficult to chew as you try to fight the smile that’s threatening to appear on your face. The idea of not only him making lunch for you, but also wanting to know your thoughts on it as well is what makes you smile.
The hand that covered your mouth a moment ago covers your partner’s hand. 
The warmth that radiates from the palm of your hand is the same warmth that fills Din’s body. The transition of your relationship going from friendly to romantic is a recent change, so the feeling of your skin touching his is a new one. Foreign but welcomed. 
“It’s much better than the last meal you made for us.” A chuckle leaves his modulator.
The last time Din cooked a meal for the three of you was only a few weeks ago, but it was so disastrous. After seeing how tired you were by watching the baby for a few days, Din offered to keep an eye on him as you used the refresher. Once you finished, the sight you returned to was not what you expected. Din wanted to surprise you with a warm meal, but instead of spices from the food lingering in the air, the smell of smoke welcomed you once you finished what you were doing in the refresher. As you rushed out, you saw that Din was struggling to look over the baby and cook simultaneously. In summary, you ended up eating dinner from the local town that night. 
“That wasn’t my fault.”
“I never said it was. I’m just saying that you’re getting better. Who knows, maybe next time you’ll be able to cook a meal that doesn’t have anything to do with burning.”
“I didn’t burn this one.”
“Tell that to my mouth.”
“It’s still good though!” You reassure him, interlacing your fingers with him as you give his hand a soft squeeze, “just, don’t go as heavy with the pepper next time, my love.” 
The baby feels the same way of Din’s cooking as you do because half of his meal is on his face as he takes gigantic mouthfuls. How he hasn’t choked on his food yet is a miracle. 
“Aren’t you going to eat?”
“I promise, ner cyare, I’ll eat later.”
As much as you hate to scold him, you drop the subject. Din isn’t the best when it comes to looking after himself, but he’s getting better at it thanks to you. You know that he would never break a promise he’s made to you. 
“Well, then I guess we should start heading back inside.” You say as you lay your free hand behind you to support yourself, but before you’re able to, Din’s hand squeezes yours.
“Cyar’ika, if it’s alright with you, I would like to stay out here for a little bit longer.”
You nod your head as your body goes back into its relaxed position. You’re not one to say no to spend a little more time with him, but you really want to make sure that he, too, is able to enjoy the food that he worked so hard on.
“Whatever you want, Din.”
Giving your hand one final squeeze, he tries to force out the words that have been stuck in his throat ever since he returned, but he still doesn’t have enough courage to say them.
“I lied earlier, well, kind of.” 
“What do you mean?”
“When I left earlier, I wasn’t looking for anything in particular when I was in town, but supplies weren't the only thing that I got.”
There’s more that he wants to say, but he doesn’t know how to say it. He knows exactly what he wants to say, but he doesn’t know how to say it.
“When I was younger, my mother, she-“ Din cuts himself off. The right words just can't seem to leave his mouth. But that’s okay because you’re more than patient as you wait for him to continue on. Being so open and vulnerable about his feelings and thoughts is very new for Din, but you would wait for an eternity just to hear what he has to say. 
The soft yet reassuring squeeze of your hand is what makes him continue, “Something that my father used to do to show his love for my mother was to surprise her with gifts when he got home from work. We didn’t have much money to live off of so he didn’t do it that often, but it always brought a smile to my mother’s face whenever he did. 
And my mother did the same. I remember helping her pick out a gift for my dad. It was something that we would always look forward to and it was a tradition between the two of them. Once a month they would surprise each other with a gift, the other not knowing when it would happen, and it’s something that I would like to do as well, with you.” 
The last of his words barely managed to come through his modulator. Just thinking about his parents brings tears to his eyes, let alone telling a story about them. It’s been such a long time since he’s revealed something as special as a memory of his parents that he reflects on a lot. Every time he’s thought of them lately, it’s always been of the last day that he got to spend with them. But maybe now, he’ll be able commemorate them by carrying on one of their traditions with you. 
Like Din, tears brim your eyes. Not only is this the first time Din revealed his true feelings to you by saying the word ‘love’, but he also revealed something to you that no one else in the entire galaxy knows. You knew that he harbored the same feelings as you do (he never spoke them outright), but revealing such an intimate thing from his childhood just shows how much he loves you.
Not only did he share a story from his childhood, but he wants to entwine it with your lives.
“I would love that.”
“You would?”
“More than anything.”
Suddenly, Din reaches in one of his many pockets to fish something out. Within a matter of seconds, a small mesh bag is in his free hand. The white color of the bag stands out by the contrast of Din’s dark glove.
When you take the small bag from his hand, you can feel your heartbeat in your throat. In all of the time you’ve spent with him, you don’t think you’ve ever been this nervous around Din.
Gently pulling on the strings that have secured the gift inside, you let go of Din’s hand to take a peek of what’s inside.
A small gasp leaves your lips as you look inside. With one of your hands out, his gift to you lays in the middle of your palm. 
“I know it’s not much, but it reminded me of you.” Your focus is entirely on what he has given you. What lays in your palm is a simple gold ring. Not much can be said about it: it has a simple band, no jewels or anything, but it has a textured feeling to it by the years it’s lived. 
“It’s perfect.”
“So you like it?”
“I love it, thank you.” You say as you admire the way the ring reflects off of sunlight. When it’s on your finger, it may not look like much, but you’ll be able to remember this afternoon because of the ring. You’ll be able to remember the way you’re feeling, how much you love your partner, and how he shared such a big part of himself with a simple ring.
“If I had known, I would’ve gotten you something as well.”
“Getting to wake up by your side and call you mine is the best gift I could ever want.”
His name leaves your lips as you groan at his cheesiness. 
Din’s hand tugs on yours to pull you closer to him, but before you’re able to, the baby that’s been almost radio silent this entire time finally decides to make his appearance as his hand pulls at Din’s sleeve. 
“We’ll continue this later.” He says as he scoops up the little baby and makes his way back to the ship.
You can’t hear what he’s saying to the baby, but your heart soars at the sight of your partner shifting from his romantic confession to his role as a father-like figure to the little one. Just thinking about what your partner meant is what makes you quickly pick up the bowls you used for lunch and follow your partner inside.
taglist (i don’t have one yet but let me know if you want to be added):
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brcha · a month ago
v: princess of alderaan ( please picture me in the trees ) v: before the wars ( now come the days of queen breha; may they be blessed ) v: the clone wars ( i will not change our traditions for a repellent regime ) v: an imperial galaxy ( we can outlast the empire ) v: imperial occupation ( i was a queen and you took away my crown ) v: surviving alderaan ( is a queen still a queen with no planet and no people )
: bail organa ( i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover ) : leia organa ( she will be loved with us ) : winter retrac ( little golden moon and stars ) : fess ilee ( if anything ever happens to me and you’re in trouble go to fess ) : ferus olin ( only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany ) : deara antilles ( when the words of a sister come back in whispers ) : padmé amidala ( i wish more than anything that you could see her grow ) : alderaan ( alderaan is peaceful; we have no weapons ) : visage ( gleaming twinkling eyes like sinking ships on waters ) : canon quotes ( the stuff of legends )
: aesthetics & wardrobe ( with beauty or the appreciation of beauty) : art ( some people are so talented ) : my edits ( liesl makes things ) : musings ( take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die ) : headcanons ( my mind turns your life into folklore ) : wishlist ( first star i see tonight ) : imagery ( slow motion double vision in rose blush )
r: family ( loving someone deeply gives you courage ) r: breha organa & leia organa ( my daughter is a miracle who never ceases to be miraculous ) r: breha organa & bail organa ( life was a willow and it bent right to your wind )
#v: princess of alderaan ( please picture me in the trees )#v: before the wars ( now come the days of queen breha; may they be blessed )#v: the clone wars ( i will not change our traditions for a repellent regime )#v: an imperial galaxy ( we can outlast the empire )#v: imperial occupation ( i was a queen and you took away my crown )#v: surviving alderaan ( is a queen still a queen with no planet and no people )#: bail organa ( i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover )#: leia organa ( she will be loved with us )#: winter retrac ( little golden moon and stars )#: deara antilles ( when the words of a sister come back in whispers )#: fess ilee ( if anything ever happens to me and you’re in trouble go to fess )#: ferus olin ( only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany )#: padmé amidala ( i wish more than anything that you could see her grow )#: alderaan ( alderaan is peaceful; we have no weapons )#: visage ( gleaming twinkling eyes like sinking ships on waters )#: canon quotes ( the stuff of legends )#: aesthetics & wardrobe ( with beauty or the appreciation of beauty)#: art ( some people are so talented )#: musings ( take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die )#: headcanons ( my mind turns your life into folklore )#r: family ( loving someone deeply gives you courage )#r: breha organa & bail organa ( life was a willow and it bent right to your wind )#: imagery ( slow motion double vision in rose blush )#: wishlist ( first star i see tonight )#tagdrop#r: breha organa & leia organa ( my daughter is a miracle who never ceases to be miraculous )#: my edits ( liesl makes things )
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