It’s amazing what a year of therapy with a therapist you actually click with and finally finding the right medication can do for a person. All that is to say, I think I’m on track to start living my best life.
I actually feel more positive and like I have some hope going forward. I’ve looked back on my past self and had some epiphanies about my biggest flaws and what I can do to better myself. And I’ve recognized ways I can treat the people I care about better and ways to form better habits for myself. In general I have more energy and an all-around better attitude most days.
That doesn’t negate that I still have stressors and things in my life that make me sad but now I think I’m starting to look at it as the colorful tapestry of my life. Everyone has hardships, and I don’t want to add any more negativity to the world than there already is. I don’t want my negative experiences to affect me to the point where I treat others in a negative way.
Even though I’ve never been the sort of person to really snap and yell much at other people I realize that I still managed to hurt people. Keeping things bottled up and not allowing myself to show my vulnerabilities to others, pushing people away to hide all that pain, what was the point? That only further hurt myself and hurt the people who cared about me. No matter how under control I thought I held my emotions, they would bubble over and influence my decision-making negatively.
By pushing people away so they didn’t see my pain, I wasn’t able to be there for the people I care about in their vulnerable moments. Maybe I even ended up adding to their pain when I would mentally shut down and run away. Definitely a mistake on my part. A repeating pattern of behavior I maybe sorta recognized in myself in the past but really hit me like a ton of bricks recently.
So maybe it’s a little cheesy, but I wanted to post about it here. Sharing such personal feelings and thoughts online isn’t something I normally do, but I realize maybe one of my followers out there needs to hear the message that I did.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of others is really scary, but very important to healing emotional pain and connecting with others. I was so ashamed to be struggling and didn’t want others to know about it. So I pulled away from the people I cared about whenever I didn’t want them to see that. I would fake being ok and tell myself that I had already healed from my traumas when I hadn’t actually put in enough care towards myself to do that. And pretending to myself that I was over everything that’s ever happened to me when I truly wasn’t over anything was SO much more damaging in the long run. To myself and my relationships.
At times I could manage to be supportive of other people going through hardship but I could never turn any kindness inwards toward myself. And being mean to myself always came full circle and hurt other people when I definitely never wanted that.
Anyway, if any of my followers here are going through a hard time I hope you guys manage to find the help you need in whatever way you might need it. Don’t try pushing yourself to bear all your burdens alone. Please seek out help for yourself. Even if you’re in a place where you hate yourself too much to think you deserve any sort of help I promise you that you DO deserve help
You DESERVE love and help. Seeking out the support you need will only make it so that you’re able to properly appreciate and support others in turn. And if you think there’s nobody out there who cares about you or ever will care about you, I can also promise that you’re wrong about that too. There are some truly wonderful people in this world for you to meet. It would be such a shame if you didn’t keep moving forward in order to meet the people who want to love you. And I’m also sure that there are people that you are meant to be a positive influence for as well.
So maybe take this post as a reminder to yourself to do just one thing that you think could be beneficial to you. It doesn’t matter what that is. Everyone has unique struggles and unique solutions to those struggles. Something I’m personally knowledgeable of and experienced with for example, is how the Deaf community needs different accommodations than people who are blind. Some of you might think this is obvious, but I’ve actually met someone who thought I should be able to read Braille because my parents are deaf.
Now of course this is an example of people who need different physical accommodations, but you can apply this concept of everyone needing help in different ways to mental health as well. Either way, I implore you to seek out help in whatever form you think would be most beneficial. Take care and good luck to you all!
8 notes · View notes
YOU'RE WRITING FOR TAEYONG!
God, I'm in the collab. I should know that.
And Kuntent? Yeah, we need more of that.
Honestly, I'm in several collars and I'm writing for him in like four of them and he's either a brooding badass or a snarky badass or a softie with a snarky side.
AJLAKSND it’s ok I joined REALLY early on so ppl prob just skim past my name on the post. I’m so excited tho !!
But yeah that’s very kun. He may endure so much from literally everyone but at least he has the sardonic wherewithal to deal with it. Snarky sounds right (and so does softie that boy is a sweetheart !!)
1 note · View note