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#maybe i should just make an appointment tho
opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months
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#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful#like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched.#im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting#i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now#bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened#would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence#that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we#last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul#ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code#i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open#the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was#bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is#ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt#unrelated
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gilfrespecter · 9 months
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Me when being on an antidepressant makes me less depressed
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if the scales I just used were accurate I'd be on the floor already lol I have not lost nine kilograms in the two weeks since I went to the doctor
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theantiproduct · 1 year
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#everytime i open this app it looks completely different#anyways heres a lil update rant tired blabbering tags post cause why nottttt#so my health is shit and i have about 300 test to get done and i honestly am so stressed out over this that i cant even function#and u know whats funny about it all is i originally went to the doc to maybe get diagnosed with adhd and i was which duh but thennnn#the funniest thing happened#took the meds and i was actually feeling a lot better and more productive! who knew thats an option but then my dic was like#we should do an ekg just to make sure youre good to take these#so obviously my hr was super high which let to more tests and more experts and haha i cant do this anymore its exhausting#so i cant take my adhd meds and i have an appointment every other day for the next month#oh and btw when i was feeling better for like a week or two i started dating again cause why not! do not have enough going on atm#met this guy been on a few dates but its nothing really i guess right cause i cant get myself to kiss him even tho i want to#cause im so scared of intimacy and so scared of being vulnerable so he's probably gonna ditch soon cause why wouldn't he and#what am i doing trying to date when i have these issues#i just want something good yknow im so tired and i just need like a good cuddle#im gonna be visiting my brother in January after 3 years of not seeing him and the kids but thats obviously stressing me out too#cause covid and planes and big sad but idk we'll see if it wont get cancelled like my last trip did#good rant ty tumblr for not shutting down yet#personal#update i have an autoimmune disease and 300 more tests to do and pills to take#fun to be me
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b0chelly · 2 years
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I think my problem is I find it hard to stay satisfied for long. When I was fit, I was not fit enough. I have cool bones and pelts, but it’s not enough. When I’m doing good, I’m the back of my head it’s not good enough. My apartment is very cool and I love it and am comfortably living alone, but it’s not enough. When I was stealing, I could not have enough things. I am successfully not stealing, that is also not enough, I am getting help, but it’s not enough. Luckily I’m content with the amount of pets I have, but get short bursts of getting resentful that I must live for them. I don’t want to want to die, it is very very annoying that I do right now because logically I am FINE and I feel like an asshole when people are out there with terrible situations like my coworker with her struggles with getting childcare. Most of my coworkers are living paycheck to paycheck, I am not. Now THAT is a legitimate problem, not like my inability to be grateful for what I have. I can’t blame it on any mental illness, I just honestly suck. I hate being a Debbie downer right now, I am very annoyed all around. This is all tiring and silly and I know better, I don’t understand why I can’t convince myself when all the good things are right in front of my face.
I did force myself to do dishes and clean up the kitchen a bit and brushed my teeth, really didn’t want to but I do feel a bit better having done that. Cleaning does help, even if I don’t enjoy it. Having a less dirty surroundings makes me feel less crazy.
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#its 6am and im awake!! (not good)#ive kind of shifted my sleep schedule to be the worst it could possibly be#yesterday i slept from 8-9am and then 11am-5pm#and thats kind of where it's settled. whoch is not good#my roommate who is a sleep scientist says thats going to kill me and i believe that because i already feel like im dying#its just so nice to be awake for sunrise tho! and i couldnt wake up this early so my only option is to stay awake to see it#i think ive seen the sunrise more in the past two weeks than ever before in my life#on a note that feels related but probably isnt- im moving in may. in two months#'but austyn i remember you moved this time last year' youre right! im bad at staying in one place!!#im moving back in with my parents because this city is expensive and i need a year to figure my life out#i didnt think i was going to make it to 18 and thats now fucking up my life#how is it fucking up my life? because i made no plans for anything past high school and instead have just been bouncing from thing to thing#trying to make a life when i thought i would be dead. so i moved and moved and moved again and now i have no money no prospects#no drive no plan no ideas no future etc#so thats all catching up to me and im gonna take a year to save up and get on my feet and reconnect with my psychiatrist and restart therapy#my psychiatrist is gonna be mad that i just went a year with no meds but its fine. just remembered i should try to set up an appointment now#okay gonna set up an appointment at 8 when they open. shes a very in demand psychiatrist. and idk if i can go back to her after a year#theyre very nice there so im sure theyll help me figure it out. so im gonna get my mental health bsck on track#eventually fix my sleep schedule maybe. idk its just a year to figure everything out but its difficult to move again#i hate moving. ive said it once ill say it again. moving kills a part of your soul. especially moving back in with your parents#just gonna be venting about this for awhile actually#maybe ill go for a walk at like 7am cuz the weather has been so nice lately i love it#ive been walking part of the way home from work because its so nice#i truly just dont want to sleep. i want to do things but i dont have the energy to do them. yknow. this sucks#anyway. gonna tey to get my life together but so far im doing pretty bad
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dokyeomini · 11 months
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i do often forget i have pcos.......
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miggiisdumb · 5 months
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Loosely related to this post
My mom came to visit me during September and she was surprised at how much people stared at me wherever we went bcs I’m goth. She was worried about me obv (bless her lovely heart) and I told her that I don’t mind it. Barely even notice it most times.
The self appointed scary dog privilege isn’t enough sometimes tho because I get made fun of every now and then. Made me think of Pro Hero Bakugou, taking time out of his (boring) patrol route to walk with you for awhile. Any mockery or whispers directed at you are little to none with him around- no one was stupid enough to run their mouth with mr short fuse a hair away from blowing their faces off.
Doesn’t mean some people aren’t nearly breaking their necks trying to get a good look at your peculiar appearance.
“Watch it, extra.” Bakugou growls at a person that nearly ran into him, the low and threatening drawl enough to snap them out of their stupor and walk off to the other side of the sidewalk, hurried and embarrassed.
“Don’t be mean.” You tell him. “You’re still on patrol. What if it ruins your rep?”
Bakugou’s nose scrunches and he clicks his tongue. “I don’t give a crap about people pleasing ‘n’ all that. Besides, wouldn’t be mean if they weren’t so busy staring at you to see where they’re going.”
You shrug lightheartedly. “They stare all the time. I mean, can you really blame them? I stand out whether I like it or not.”
“They should still mind their fucking business.”
You look at the display of a street store and the glass windows give back your passing reflection of a patchwork jacket with your favorite bands, belts and buckles and silver jewelry, ghastly and cat like makeup in black and white. Your platforms make you just shy under an inch or two from the same height as the explosive pro hero.
You can’t help but smile as you look back at Bakugou, who seemed to have been observing you intently. “I don’t mind it. All this is part of who I am. It’s kinda validating that they notice, in a way,” you say the last part as if it was a funny little secret, giggling.
Bakugou’s eyes narrow just a bit before he huffs and stare straight ahead, somewhat appeased despite still looking upset. “Whatever, so long as nobody messes with you.”
“Nah, I’m untouchable when I’m with you.”
“Good.” His nose upturns high and proud and you openly laugh into the cooling autumn air, leaning on his arm and slidding your hand into his gloved up hand. Bakugou holds it, firm and tender.
“What about you?” You muse. “What do you thinking of my “getup?””
He looks at you for a thoughtful second. “It’s interesting to look at.”
“Interesting?”
“Yeah,” Bakugou nods as if his self assuring his own answer. “It’s very you. I can tell it’s you from a mile away.”
“You’re not just saying that to get on my good side, are you?” You poke.
“Maybe. It is pretty hot that you’re scary looking.”
“Freak!” You slap his arm with another laugh. “You better not start with that “I heart goth girls” fetish crap.”
“I’m not fucking 14.” Bakugou rolls his eyes. “Shallow shit like that is for losers that never talked to a girl.”
You hum and the two of you just walked in a quaint silence for a bit. Other bystanders and pedestrians eyeing the seemingly unusual couple match but walk far enough away that it gives this intimate moment made for you and Bakugou. Not a pro hero, not a supposed “devil worshipper”, just a man and a woman like every other person out and about.
And after awhile of crunching leaves under footsteps, Bakugou speaks up in a tone so low and surprisingly soft as if he saved it up for you then. “You look happy when you talk about your interests. I like that the most.”
You’re smiling so wide it hurts your cheeks. You’re giddy and a little to flustered to look at Bakugou right away, and you figured he felt the same when he looks a little off to the side, the tips of his ears burning- so you settle for just leaning your head on his shoulder, and his response is squeezing your hand tighter, dearly.
Bakugou buys you a coffee before going back to work. Call him, he tells you, if a creep gives you any trouble. He’ll come running.
The fact that there was a lot of truth to that joke meant a lot for you all week long.
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october-nightt · 8 months
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spoiled (x black reader)
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warnings: cussing, mentions of sex at the end, angst but then fluff, hatin' ass ex.
you and jack have been together for almost 6 months now, but it only took him 6 seconds to realize how high maintenance you were.
you loved designer brands and you always kept you hair and nails done so when it was time for you to walk down the red carpet with jack next to you, he knew you wanted to show off.
he was ready to announce yall's relationship and tonight was the big night.
"jack! I need help with my hair, I don't know what to choose" you whined.
jack leaned over your shoulder to look at the options you selected.
" baby you know I love you with your braids, or shit a 30 inch buss down would look good too" she smiled wide.
you frowned.
"fuck you know 'bout a 30 inch buss down?? that wasn't one of the options."
jack laughed and kissed you on your forehead.
"don't get fucked up jack" you said jokingly before booking an appointment to get the wig installed.
"you know I'm fucking with you baby, but it would look great. even tho yo natural hair is my favorite"
he said as he looked in the full body mirror sitting in the corner of the room you and jack shared.
after booking your appointment you slowly walked over to jack and put on your best begging face.
"you know what would go good with my hair?" you asked
"what?
'a new dress and nails, maybe some jewelry and shoes and new makeup!!"
jack turned to look at you.
" you was gon get that anyways mama" he responded.
you hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.
"thank you baby"
after that yall finished getting ready in silence.
once you both were ready jack took you shopping. he wasn't worried about the price, he just wanted you to be happy.
but he also secretly wanted everyone to know how fucking fine his girl was.
you starting looking for shoes first, then your dress, and make up, and jewelry.
after shopping it was time for your appointment. jack didn't stay because he had to take care of something but you knew it would take a little while for your hair to get done so you didn't mind.
that was until his ex-girlfriend walked in.
she didn't see you at first but you damn sure seen her.
jack had told you stories about his ex. about how she only cared for herself and money.
you loved nice things but you weren't money hungry.
you decided to mind your business but she finally noticed you and had to start some bs.
" oh my god Y/N. you look beautiful" she leaned in for a hug but you moved away
"aww dont be like that, what? mad because jack was with me last night?"
you didn't believe her, you knew she would lie about anything to start some drama
"bitch please, my man left yo nasty ass long ago" you rolled your eyes.
you didn't have time for this hoe and her bullshit.
but then she pulled out her phone and showed you a picture of jack sitting at her house, and sure enough the time stamp proved it was from yesterday night.
you heart dropped
"just thought you should know" that bitch.. his ex said before walking away.
after your hair was done you immediately called jack
"hey baby, I'm right around the corner ill be there soo-"
"what the fuck were you doing with your ex last night?" you cut him off.
you heard his sigh
"y/n listen I was just over there because she needed me to help move her furniture into her new house"
you let out a spiteful laugh
"oh so when she calls, you go running huh? she's not your girlfriend jackman. I don't give a damn if she needed help she should've called someone else! and the fact that you answered when she calle-..."
you took a deep breath
"I don't wanna talk to you right now, ill find a ride. don't bother picking me up."
and with that you hung up. you felt like jack had you looking dumb. your own boyfriend was with his ex and now she's bragging in your face.
you called your best friend to pick you up and take you back to her house, you didn't wanna see jack.
you get ready at her house. even though you were mad at jack, you refused to let him show up to the red carpet alone.
you took an uber which arrived at the same time as jacks.
"Y/N?" he called out to you.
"can we talk?"
you simply nodded and you both walked somewhere more private.
"look I'm so sorry y/n. you're right, she's not my girlfriend and I shouldn't have picked up her call..shit I should've blocked her the day we got together but baby I cant be without you. she's blocked now and I know that doesn't mean much but I'm begging you to forgive me baby."
you looked up at jack.
"I forgive you jackman."
jack pulled you into a kiss and smiled as his arms wrap tightly around your waist
"now lets go mama, cus you look good as hell and once this is over I'm ripping that expensive ass dress off."
authors note: this is my firs time writing so please be nice! also feel free to leave suggestions on how I can write better or request for what I should write next. I'm not on here all day but I will eventually get back to yall. I will post everyone that I write for soon thank you so much for reading!! <3
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genericpuff · 23 days
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in reference to the have you read LO poll by god have I tried but god. God...
A vicious cycle. I go okay I really do need to plow through more of it if I'm gonna hang around the ULO reddit, and then I step on the comically placed rake. I can't do a complete skip thing bc I'll be too disorientated on where I'm at in the plot but my brain only tolerates it up until she declares she's missing her dick appointment and like, girl. Please. You committed mass murder (if not genocide) and this is a slap on the wrist considering, let alone that your moms got the worse end of the deal.
Why it's that specific moment idk but the bottom just drops out for me and it's soooo fucking stupid because like, she couldn't have just... bitched about being stuck with hard labor? That's the bitchy shit I'd sort of expect from a privileged nepo baby and even barring the twue wuv story going on it's her actual biggest issue going on right then. What she's presently living out. But yeah no, horny, we gotta establish that she's horny. Okay.
Sorry about the borderline vent over it there's just enough really interesting thoughts mixed up in the pile of flaming garbage to make one go rabid if they stew on it, and you clearly get that given the rewrite. Have a good day.
omg i've had that exact sort of thing happen with me before too tho, not in quite the exact same sense of like, "wanting to take part in a community but struggling to get through the source material it's based on", but there are like, so many webtoons and manga and stories I've tried to read - after being urged to by pals and people who read them - that I've dropped after multiple attempts of trying to read them. And they're not necessarily dumpster fires like LO (though some of them definitely aren't great) it's more like I'm sitting there wondering "when's this gonna get good? when's this gonna be worth all the hype?" Tower of God is the biggest one that comes to mind, I have tried to read that webtoon on SEVERAL occasions and I just can't justify trudging through all those early episodes for it to maybe "get good". And that's not even me saying it's bad, it's just not interesting to me in the slightest. No hate to anyone who likes ToG, I think I've also sorta drifted away from shonen over the years so that's definitely not helping, but I just can't be bothered to try and read that webtoon anymore, I've given it so many attempts and I'm doing lmao Kudos to the creator though because it's a LOT of work to make a webtoon of that length and they should be proud of that.
Back on the topic of LO though, yeah, I was following the comic when that episode was still brand new and it really made us all go 🤨 because of how out-of-pocket it was. And then like an episode (or two?) later she bullied a former classmate of hers from 10 years ago at his job. That was the precedent for Persephone's character that was set for the third season of LO and it's just gotten worse as it's gone on.
Either way, if I'm being honest, you're really not missing much by skipping over the majority of S3 (like, if you made it to the dick appointment episode before giving up then you're already pretty close to the current point in the story). Like I'm not gonna lie, you could easily skip up to the midseason cutoff point because everything leading up to that is just a bunch of nothing. Hades and Persephone get married and it's the most underwhelming scene ever despite it being the moment people had been waiting years for, also they 'adopt' Dionysus but he's barely in the comic except for when Rachel remembers he's a character so you could also get by on minimal details. Oh yeah, and it turns out Demeter had a kid during the 10 year time skip who we see in like two episodes and then proceeds to get fridged forever.
So yeah, as much as I'd recommend people read LO as a sort of "entry ticket" into the crit community surrounding it, S3 is a lot of nothing and you would frankly not miss out on a thing if you skimmed it or skipped the middle portion of it entirely lmao
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I hope it's not inappropriate to ask but how did you know that you are trans?
That's never an inappropriate question, hun. In fact, it's one I wish i had been asking for like ten fucking years :C
For me it was a combination of a few cute things and a few cringe things. So i guess it maybe started on a *chan site like 13 years ago, when Bailey Jay was just starting to make her debut and I realized I could *maybe* also do that, but 13 years ago the community was nowhere near where it is now and the overwhelming hatred on those sites combined with a best friend who was less than supportive scared me off and I just thought I was a cross dresser for a while. Fast forward to two years ago and the deep existential questions that come from being quarantined had worn my brain the fuck down until one morning when I was doing my daily staring at my reflection in the mirror being sad because I felt ugly and like...why don't I look like the other guys? I never have, something has always looked...off...but I can't tell what it is. And as I picked apart my looks, my hand came up to my face and my wrists caught my attention and for some fucking reason, my next thoughts were "those don't look like guy wrists, actually they look more like...." and then I kinda paused, because finally....FINALLY...something was starting to click. My wrists are fucking twigs, absolutely not the wrists of a 'proper' man....but for a girl tho...
And then I went into the other room and cried for a while. I started watching contrapoints cuz I didn't know what else to do and it seemed like the most accessible trans media I could find, and that went on for a couple weeks, with me still questioning my gender cuz i was fucking 32 and feeling like it was too late for me, until there was a night out where I ended up at a bar with three of my exs friends, all of whom are like some of the most drop dead gorgeous trans women I've ever met, and the more I sat there nursing my beer listening to them talk about trans stuff the more it started my head thinking until I just fucking....snapped. I asked them how to get hormones that night and made my appointments at planned parenthood within the week and like 1 to 3 months later....I fucking transitioned. I should have done it sooner, CIS people do not ask themselves questions like 'what if I was a girl' more than once, over and over, usually said while staring at your reflection. Also you don't have to be a boy OR a girl, the spectrum allows for so many different levels of this...find where you belong and fucking own that, I've never felt more confident in who I am as a person and I can't ever go back
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Rant about my health and life coming it's alot so only do it if you're interested and also very important TW mention of end of life.
I am going to the hospital again tomorrow.
I had a break down last night. Saying I can't do it anymore.
If it wasn't for my cats, I would end it all.
Being in pain 24/7 drives you crazy.
I've been in survival mode so much that even certain organs don't function the way they should.
For people who maybe don't know. Our instincts come from back in the days where we had to maybe flee from a big animal for example. And when you have to survive, you can't get tired, because you need to run. You can't get hungry, cause you need to run. You can't feel happy or anything, because you can only think of survival.
I started to notice my morphine didn't do anything, neither did anything I took after. One day I took morphine, muscle relaxer, sleeping pills, and I felt NOTHING. No pain relief, not feeling high.
I also had my chronic migraines again, my period again. (I take meds for the chronic migraine and have to take the pill for my endometriosis)
Turns out I have gastric paralysis from the situation I'm in. So my meds didn't go in my blood etc, just straight through the body. Which is why nothing worked. I now need medication to to make my stomach work to.. Take my medication..
I have a depression again. I am $uicidal.
I won't hurt myself don't worry, I wouldn't leave my cats. My partner, best friends, my mom are also all suffering from my condition. As in it pains them to see this all and they care.
A condition doesn't only affect the person who feels it. But also the environment.
I went in this procedure with pain on 26th of September, and because it went wrong, I also came out of it with pain.
In total now when it comes to my face, I've been in pain and surviving for 6months now.
I am done. I need either a period that they say okay we'll give it 2 more months and then we really need to take steps, or give me pain relief NOW.
But just hearing '' it can take up to months until the nerves fix themselves, it could be okay '' doesn't cut it. Because sure they can heal in their own time, but I cannot be in pain for all those months? This isn't humane.
And then the doctor of the hospital called this morning after my mom reached out to them saying it can't continue like this. And we said specifically let the doctor call my mom. But then my phone rings, they called me. And I hear
'' - what do you want me to do..''
'' - I think it's important just to get you calm right now. ''
But I can come by tomorrow. With my mom because the issue is I am scared to stand up for myself and will say to quickly '' it's okay''. And it's not. Which is why we wanted them to talk to my mother.
After that call, I called my mom crying that they are pushing these meds on me that have a shit ton of side effects, I already take 7 pills a day (now even 10). And they wanna add more.
I don't wanna become a '' junkie'' depending on the morphine. Because i' m scared I often just sit through the agonizing pain. But if I don't get decent pain relief, I will have to dependant on it. Because if I have to do this for more months.. I am scared I will do something stupid eventually that will be unreturnable.
My best friend told me yesterday '' you have no quality of life. ''
And it's true. And he hates it, and I hate it aswell.
My mom then called to my doctors office (GP) the secretary picked up. She told me afterwards that she was crying to her that it's an emergency to please let her talk to my doctor. And they did. My mom also cried during that conversation. And my doctor agreed, it's going to far, someone needs to help. So he moved heaven and earth to say it like that and got me an appointment with another neurologist in another hospital, the 15th of January. It normally takes months. But he made it happen. And I swear.. This man.. Saved my life more times then he knows.
I am very nervous for tomorrow tho and if they will do something or just tell me again '' sorry it happened I wish I could do something but most likely after months it will heal. '' I feel rage, cause it's easy to say that when you aren't feeling it.
Today I also broke down at my chiropractor.
She said I looked pale. I said I had been crying for 2 days now. And when I told her that I felt suicidal, she said '' no no no, if you ever feel like you're gonna do something, you call me okay?? " and I cried and she hugged me. And then sat with me to talk. And she wants to take me out on walks in her private time.
I also have my psychologist tomorrow, she is also fighting to help me. Last time she literally took me in on the weekend in her private time.
I am glad for my support. But I just can't anymore.. The pain is driving me crazy. Which is also scientifically proven. Your brain changes.
So again, the fact that my content has changed so much is because of that.
Because I am not me.. Not anymore.
But hopefully I will find a way. Even just a little.
If you read all this, wow. You're a star. And thank you ❤️
And eventho I prefer not to let people see me this way. It's the truth, it's how bad it is, it's not pretty, I don't sleep, barely eat, don't feel feelings of fun, my skin is bad,.. But it's me. And because I love you guys, most of you are so lovely so it's only fair to share.
Love you.
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daughterofthequeen · 6 months
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Big Baby
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Pairings: Poe Dameron x reader
Request: can you maybe do poe dameron with a reader who just had to get incredibly painful shots and he goes to the appointment with them and just comforts and takes care of them during and after? im goin thru it rn LOL. totally okay if not tho!! <3 /gen
Requested by: @slide-the-ferret
Warnings: Needles(a personal fear of mine as well), it’s just a fluffy little one-shot nothing major, crying?, use of (y/n) a few times.
A/N: Yesss anon I 100% get what you mean. Now excuse me I gotta go water my grass with my tears because I don’t have a Poe Dameron to comfort me, in my times of pain and need😭 and the scenario of why they had to take shots I just pulled that out my tushy, meaning quarantine shots are not canon. I hope you enjoy.
Quarantine physicals are the worst! Why do I keep putting myself in these positions. It’s an easy mission, they said. You’re only scouting, they said. We’re relying on you, they said. The resistance has been looking for a new base and it’s proving pretty difficult. Every available fighter is constantly on the go, checking out any leads, back to back. I try to stay away from those types of missions though, all because of one thing. The quarantine physicals. After coming back from an exploration of an unknown planet, said pilots are required to be quarantined until they are cleared of their physical. It’s to make sure no undiscovered illnesses or anything of that nature came back with the pilot. And I’m pretty sure you can guess what happens if a unknown illness does come back, the planet is marked off the list of “maybe” planets and put on the “stay clear” list. And hopefully one of the known cures the doctors have work on said illness, but people coming back sick is rare, basically nonexistent. Recently, a well hidden planet actually came up on our scopes and guess who had to check it out? That’s right. Me!
All other pilots were out on their own missions, when I had just landed from a previous one with the rest of black squadron. Lucky me. I mean don’t get me wrong I would give my life for the resistance, but if medical shots are involved, it’s a hard “no” for me. It’s bad enough we have to get them every time we have an regular annual physical so, why would I add more to the list willingly.
Anyway, I’m currently sitting in the waiting area of the doctors office, waiting for my name to be called for my own quarantine physical. Normally, Poe would be in here with me. Yes it is against the rules but Poe and I are a special case, he helps the doctors by keeping me calm enough to take the injections. Wait a minute. Where is Poe?! He should be here by now! I quickly turned on my wrist comm preparing to tell him to get his butt down here but just as I was about to, he comes running through the door out of breath.
“Right on time.”
“Sorry I’m late.” He said as he takes a seat next to me.
“You forgot didn’t you?
“No. No, I didn’t forget. I just-“
“You forgot.”
“Yeah. Yeah I forgot.” He said lowly and we began laughing. It doesn’t take much for Poe to make my worries go away. It’s part of the reason why he’s my best friend. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“It’s ok, you made it, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Just as I said that my name was called, and my anxiety went through the roof. Walking into the medical room, me sitting on the bed and Poe sitting in one of the guest chairs.
“Let’s see, (Y/n) (L/n), born on (P/n), occupation-pilot, what’s the last 4 digits of your chain code?”
“7980”
“I see that you’re here for your vaccine shots?” The nurse asked sitting down my medical folder.
“Yes.”
“Ok just sit back and relax, I’ll be back soon.”
I sat back, but I could not relax. How could I relax, I’m about to get stuck with painful needles. How do people find this easy? I didn’t even notice my leg bouncing until I felt Poe lay his hand on my knee.
“Relax.”
“Why do people keep telling me that?” And for some reason he found that funny.
“Because your stressing yourself out, and because the more tense you are the more it’s going to hurt. So you might wanna take the doctors advice on this one.”
“I don’t understand how people are able to relax during these things. The size of the needle doesn’t matter, they all feel the same. Painful.”
“Because of how quick the process is, the only reason it takes so long for you is because you fight the nurses. I’m pretty sure they know you by name, and the only reason they ask is because of protocol.” He laughs.
“Oh shut up, Poe.” I said while folding my arms as the nurse walks back into the room. Poe took this as his queue to stand and grab ahold of my hand, to comfort me and just in case he had to pin me down I suspect.
“Okay. I seen that you have a physical coming up. Would you like to get the shots for that out of the way now or wait?”
“I’ll wait” I said nervously
“Well in that case you only have two injections today.”
“Only?” I mumbled.
“You ready?”
“I guess.”
“Here is number one” I always feel bad for Poe, with how tight I squeeze his hands through these appointments, I’m pretty sure they become sore after. But he never complains so I don’t know for sure. Then I feel the needle piercing each layer of my skin agonizingly slow, and the pressure of the liquid being push into my arm.
“And number two.” This time I pressed my face into Poe’s torso, which he welcomed. And the same painful sensations went through my arm again. And soon the aching will begin throughout my arm, keeping me from being able to use it.
“All done, let me type up your papers then you are free to go.” The nurse said while walking back out to her computer.
“See? It wasn’t so bad.”
“We go through this every time Dameron. Yes, it was that bad. I just held my breath this time.”
“Did it work?”
“Barely.”
“Well I say that’s a win either way.”
“Alright you’re free to go.”
“Thank you.” Poe helped me down of the medical table and we walked to my room. I knew the pain was on its way, my arm was already starting to ache.
We made it inside my room and I sat down on my bed as Poe started the same routine that always follows after any appointment that includes me getting stuck with metal sticks. It’s the same every time, he starts my shower, while I’m in the shower he goes to the dining hall to get us both a meal, by the time he makes it back I’m already under my blankets, he joins me, we eat, and I end up falling asleep. It’s a very relaxing process and very sweet. I hear the shower start and I immediately stand and grab some clean pajamas and head to the bathroom seeing Poe checking the temperature.
“Remember to the warm water run in your arm to help ease the pain.”
“Yeah I know.”
“Okay, I will be right back and don’t wait til’ you get sleepy to get out the shower. You got lucky last time.”
“I was fine.”
“If you call falling asleep and almost falling in the shower fine. You’re lucky I forgot to ask what kind of juice you wanted. Speaking of which, what’s your choice for today?”
“Surprise me. And I had it under control.”
“You keep telling yourself that. Hurry and get in before the effects start kicking in, I’ll be right back.” I listened and got in the shower, making sure to let the warm water hit my arm. The steam from the shower, being freshly clean, and the side effects of the medicine was all starting to kick in. My arm was now aching and I was get sleepy. I got out the shower put my pajamas on and made my way to my bed. All of a sudden I felt my bed dip which woke me up from a slumber I didn’t know I was in.
“Wake up sweetheart it’s time to eat.”
I grumbled as Poe helped me sit up and once he made sure I was awake enough to eat he sat down my plate on my lap. He then got situated beside me and we started eating. Out of nowhere a sharp pain went through my arm causing me to let out a groan.
“Medicine starting to kick in?” To which I replied with a nod. I handed him my plate and he sat both to the side. He stripped off his tops layer of clothing so he was comfortable and got the both of us under the blankets. I made my place on top of his chest as sleep was calling me, and he was not helping as his hand was gently scratching my scalp.
“Thank you for always being there for me Poe.”
“Always. You mean more to me than all the stars in the galaxy. And whatever you need no matter how big or small, I’ll be there to help as much as I can.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“We’ll in that case there is one thing you can do.”
“And what’s that sweetheart?”
“Find a way to keep those evil people away from me.”
“What evil people sweetheart?”
“The doctors and nurses. They’re always trying to stick me with something, I’m starting to think they’re enjoying it.”
“Baby it’s their jobs and it’s only to keep you and everyone else safe. I mean you gotta admit needles aren’t that bad, the only thing painful about it are the side effects.”
“Excuse me, I have you know that needles are not as painless as you think, I swear I can feel every single layer of skin that the needle goes through.”
“I have to get shots too you know and they’re not bad.”
“To you.”
“You’re just a big baby.”
“Whatever.”
“But you’re my big baby.”
“Go to sleep Poe.”
And we did, enjoying the peace that being in each other’s arms brought, until the next morning when we are woken up by the alarm that lets everyone know, it’s time to get the day started.
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dabwax · 5 months
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@oxidization: they had me take a month long weed break before my top surgery, so you should definitely let them know ahead of time so they can account for it
edit: just saw your second comment and that sorta makes sense but sorta doesn't still
A month?? That's so wild. I've seen people on reddit say a week, and the preop person I spoke to only cared about alcohol and during my appointment two months ago warned about not taking LSD too soon before the appointment but overall they really don't seem worried about THC interactions. I even asked on the phone yesterday and the lady was just like uhhh?? idk we don't usually worry about it but maybe 24 hours??
idk if it's because I live in a legal state or because of the specific doctors I'm dealing with. Cuz I did have a psych here in January try to say bluntsmoken is why I have ADHD even tho the bluntsmoken started in my late 20s dfgsdf
But EITHER WAY. Always tell your doctor and anesthesiologist specifically that you smoke weed. Or any other substances. Waking up during surgery is fucked up lmao
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youuuimeanmee · 5 months
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RWTGI 35.1 - 35.2 Thoughts
I forgot chapter 35.2 is already out WAAAHH
I say Kirishima's name a lot this time, maybe I should call him Kiri.
Okay, this chapter confirms my suspicion. So his family really did neglect him.
Uhh I don't think the diary is meant to prove himself as a victim. I bet it's to keep record of what makes him happy 😅
BAHHAHAH Gaddamit.
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I thought he was mourning, or at least self-reflecting. Who knew he was playing soccer 🤣 (where is your sympathy kid, tf) At least he knew not to play in the middle of people mourning, lol
Oh yeah, I just remember, Sumire (Kiri's great-aunt) did say his parents tried to get him to talk after that incident, but no matter how much they tried, he never answered them. Maybe it's because he's aware he's too different from them, they wouldn't understand him anyway? If that's the case, that's kinda amazing of Kiri for being able to (kinda) open up to Gaku even though he never met him, because just from a short meeting he knows his great-uncle is not normal like himself.
(If Kiri is your average kid, even if Sumire dropped some hints that Gaku is similar to him, he wouldn't be able to take the hint because he's too clouded with "no one understands me" prejudice. But no. Our Kiri here uses his brainn, bro)
Aww baby 🥺
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Turns out his "friend" is more normal than he thought, his plan failed, he got into trouble. He did so much, yet, didn't get anything in the end lolol
I'm surprised Kiri is the first one who asked to be adopted. I don't think Sumire or his parents ever told him that the man in front of him is a yakuza. He must've put two & two together and concluded it himself.
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If I could guess why Gaku accepted a brat like Kiri, it's may be because he saw his potential. I'm sure he never heard about Kiri until his sister introduced him, but the fact that she asked for his help is enough prove that his family couldn't handle him anymore. He never introduced himself as a yakuza but Kiri, with limited informations and short time, knew right away. He's not scared or nervous like normal people. In fact, he just focus on getting what he wants, and willing to do anything to get what he wants. Talented. Abnormal. Obsessed. Unhinged. Gaku could really use those traits. Even if he couldn't become his grandchild, at least he could become a reliable subordinate. Maybe that's why he accepted him so quick 😂
(Turns out there's another reason in the next chapter tho, so I'll save my thoughts for later.)
This is just a reminder to myself: Gaku barely provided Kiri with the neccessity needed, probably because he needs to test his worth if he wants to earn that "yakuza's grandchild" title. Or at least that's my theory. Maybe Gaku is just naturally apathetic. Maybe both.
Kiri might've liked Gaku to a certain degree because he's one of his few family who accepts him as who he is, but I'm pretty sure growing up with a man like him in a yakuza household has worsen his mental condition, until he meet Yoshino.
Wow. Turns out it's not the first time he waits for hours in the rain 🤣
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AUGH. beautiful. Beautiful. I'm crying 😭😭😭
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That's smart of the author. We wouldn't know if he really blushed because of her or if it's just the rain, lol
Yoshino saw a wolf. Renji saw a a guard dog 🤣
I don't like how Aoi kicked my son, but I have to agree with him here. Don't lick your blood on the floor, yuck.
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Daww look at his happy lil feet seeing his obsession crush 🥺🤭
We know that Kiri used to date older women to leech, but seeing it with my own eyes disgust me. Not just Kirishima, but that grown-ass woman too; having sex with a minor, what the fuck. That's what I like from the author tho, just bc the ML did it, it doesn't mean it's romanticized.
OOHHH the day when Kirishima is appointed to be Yoshino's guard dog. Never thought I'd see this day come so fast, I thought we gonna have to wait for ch 80 or smth.
Hmm? The guy who killed Kyousuke? Do we know him? Is it Suo Azami? Nah, if he's around the same age as Kiri, he's practically a baby at that time. Wait, didn't he change his face tho? How old is he again? Or myb it's not Azami at all, myb it's his boss, Akime Hishibe? Oh I forgot Shouma said he's already dead, but I highly doubt it. Maybe the mastermind is still alive.
Um, if Kirishima is owned by Gaku, and Gaku leaves him under Renji's care, does it mean he's now owned by Renji? He doesn't have to obey Gaku anymore?
I'm confused with this whole ownership thing now.
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Wait. A month? You gotta go big??
Wait wait wait.
Wow, oh wow. I need to recalibrate everything.
This panel gives chapter 2 a whole new layer. Wow.
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So like. He told her to sell her body not only because he was tired of her, but also because Renji told him he could make Yoshino go back to Osaka if he didn't feel like up to the task?
Though I don't think Kiri did that because he values his life; he did that merely because he thought she's boring and not worth his time. But then everything change 😂
Yo Renji. You're the one who said it's okay for Kiri to make Yoshino go back to Osaka. You said you'd take care of the rest, you even said he can be creative. He was doing such a great job at making her feel like she wanna leave, yet, you won't let him have his way?
Was Renji intentionlly flaming them both? Is this his plan all along; to have both children go screw each other in Tokyo and forget about Osaka for a year?
(Istg Renji's death flag has been up for a while now, I'm scared for Yoshino)
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Oh wow, Kiri really did not lie. Their interest really do align perfectly.
To continue my point above about why would Gaku accept Kiri into his house, it seems like he wanted to use Kiri's talent and obsessiveness towards Yoshino to make him protect her, because he feel indebted/guilty towards Renji? Was he feeling responsible for what happen to Kyousuke? If that's the case, this makes Akime seem even more sus bc he used to be Gaku and Renji's close friend.
Seeing Kirishima's reminiscence sure brings tears to my eyes. From obsession to genuine love and affection. He really does come a loong, long way, huh. Maybe I should make a meta about this particular scene but idk, let's see if I feel like it.
But I don't think he would've feel this way if Yoshino didn't acknowledge his quirks and treat him "normally." She really is amazing.
The way he's so scared when Yoshino didn't move for literally 1 second he decided to check her pulse, like she could just drop dead in a blink. Even though he has seen how strong she is up until now. That irrational fear of losing someone, he finally understand 🥺🥺
I'm really REALLY surprised Yoshino relented and agreed to eat parfait 🤣 Kirishima you always win huh 🤣
Aww, he returned to the same place when he first entered the yakuza household, eat the same parfait he used to eat, but now he's together with a friend/lover he treasures for life, enjoying the life he found boring at the beginning 🥺😭💞
These past chapters have been a treat. Even after he declares he loves Yoshino multiple times, we never stop doubting him because the fear he instilled at the beginning is too strong to dismiss. Just like Yoshino, we have this lingering doubt that he doesn't really love her, he's just obsessed. These flashbacks managed to shed some lights into his character, making him seem even more human. Kiri really HAS been trying to show how genuine he is -- in his own awkward way -- and it shows 🥹
Just 2 more chapters until we catch up to the raws, I can't wait. I've seen it, and all I can say is, it's beautiful. And Kirishima says some crazy stuff while sober. I just can't with him. I love him, I hate it.
See you next time 👋
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smalleymcsmall · 2 years
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My favourite Maze Runner fics
Ye have more than likely read them all but sure here we go anyway.
Mostly Newtmas but some Thominho thrown in there too. Some of these fics may be triggering to some of you so please check the tags before reading!
These are in no particular order btw.
the scar i can't reverse (the more it heals, the worse it hurts)
wip and very plotty with plenty of ivy trio love and Newt crushing on Thomas and Thomas clearly in love with Newt. It has multiple timelines and it's so damn good? The author updates monthly and the new chapter never disappoints. I'm really excited to see where this story goes and if you haven't started reading it yet you should
Single All The Way
Newtmas at Christmas. What more can I say? This is a perfect holiday story but if you just want to read something that will warm your soul and bring happiness into your life then this is a great great pick. It has everything. Cuteness, very funny, mutual pining and all the holiday fluff.
pouring out my heart to a stranger
I'm a sucker for asexual Thomas and this is a gem. It starts with Thomas and Newt following each other on Twitter and it's just so so well done. The way they transition from friends to more is just so wholesome and both Thomas and Newt are adorable. The other gladers make and appearance as well and they are fantastic. I also love Jorge in this story.
keep it simple, stupid
Thominho. Thominho. THOMINHO. I'm obsessed with this fic. It's the highlight of every Sunday for me. Thomas is in his late 20s and floating through life and wondering what exactly happened from being popular in high school to sitting in an office looking at excel sheets all day. He starts a purely sexual relationship with his boss, Minho, but as with everything in Thomas's life things aren't quite that simple and they start to maybe develop feelings for each other. It's so so funny, so heartwarming and has absolutely god tier Nalby rep.
the hope of it all
Incredibly underrated fic. I genuienly don't understand why this doesn't have more kudos because it deserves at least five times the kudos it has. This fic has the purest most sunshine golden retriever Thomas you ever did see and a grumpy Newt that Thomas slowly wears down as they become closer. It also has the absolutely best first date I've ever read and I don't mean in just fic I mean read anywhere. It's perfect. I love the inclusion of the other gladers here and the sibling relationship between Newt and Sonya is so well written. Also asexual Thomas which I adore with my whole heart.
Wingman
Potentially my favourite ever fic. Thomas is worried about losing Newt so appoints himself as Newt's wingman to make sure he never loses him but is pretty slow on the up take to realise Newt falling for someone else means he will lose him. There isn't enough words in the English language to describe how much I love this fic. In fact stop reading this list right now and go and read it. And if you've already read it go and read it again.
No Better Version of Me Than When I'm With You
Thomas and Newt have been best friends for years and decide to get married so Newt can continue living in the US and Thomas can pay less tax. Cute, funny and the boys being oblivious about just how much they love each other. A shining gem of a fic.
kismet.
Another underrated fic. Thomas is recently divorced and raising his daughter alone. He's content and happy to live his life working his little job and raising his kid but when he drops her off to her first day of school he is in awe of her teacher, Newt. Beautifully written, very cute and the way they become closer and closer is just so wholesome. Also love seeing Thomas as a dad and Minho as a godfather.
across the universe
Thomas and Newt have a big fight and Thomas tells Newt that if the multiverse concept is true then that means there's only one universe they don't end up together in and he thinks it may be this one. Absolute cracker of a fic.
Of Liars and Lap Dances
Thomas gets invited to the wedding of two of his exes and being the adorable idiot that he is panics and asks Newt to pretend to be his boyfriend and go as his +1. I fecking love this fic. It's so sweet and funny and Thomas is a complete dork and watching him in cringe worthy scenarios brightens up my life.
Envoi
In my head this is absolutely canon. The story of Thomas and Minho and their life in the Safe Haven after The Death Cure. Absolute little gem of a story that will convert you to shipping Thominho
let my heart be your shelter
Newt has just started college and is putting his life back together after being incredibly hurt. He's not too optimistic about college and meeting new people but then he meets Thomas and maybe just maybe there's some good out there after all. Fantastic fic that deals with some heavy topics but treats them with great care and sensitivity. Also Thomas in this fic is PERFECT
right here beside you
Newt is crushing on the cute barista who works in his favourite coffee shop on campus. Thomas is funny and smart and adorable and Newt loves spending time with him and convinces himself that Thomas only wants to be friends because of course he only wants to be friends, right? Right? THE PINING IN THIS FIC AND THEY ARE BOTH OBLIVIOUS IT'S PERFECT. Also... Taylor Swift.
falling out of love is hard (falling for betrayal is worse)
The Gladers are rescued by the Right Arm after Chuck is sent up into the maze meaning Thomas is never sent up. Jump forward 6 months and Newt and the gang are on the mission to take down WCKD with the Right Arm when they meet their informant who is breaking down WCKD from the inside... Enter Thomas.
An Unsinkable Love
Newtmas Titanic au. Thomas is an upper class rich kid struggling to fit into a world he feels he doesn't belong to and Newt is a third class artist who shows Thomas there is far more to life than money and class. Beautifully written and includes lots of facts about the Titanic.
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