#maybe i'm overreacting this time i don't know

[occudo]

I hate that we still need to say this, but if an artist makes art, and you like it one of the biggest insults (not to mention a crime) is to steal it from them. I'm not a big artist, and until now I didn't feel the need to say this, because it's just human decency to not repost your fellow fan's fanarts.

It's free. It's here. You can look at it as long as you want.

I don't want to make a big deal out of it, I know other artists have way bigger problems with this but I'm angry.

Do not repost my art. Not even to Pinterest. Just stop.

#somebody reposted a bunch of my fanarts to pinterest #i know this happens all the time #but like why #they didn't even credited #i wrote to them #but don't think they going to put them down #maybe I'm overreacting #sorry for the rant

[sysig]

Okay honestly I might have to take a break from posting with the lack of legacy editor, the new system is fucked in so many ways

#I literally can't with the window pop up just to add a caption to each picture??? What is this Patreon???? #It's so bad like I feel like I'm overreacting but this makes me so fucking itchy #I only had one new set prepped but like - the new editor is completely turning me off doing Anything with it #You can't drag and drop you can't just click and type the caption while looking at the picture which is like?? #You're literally blocking what I'm trying to make words about wtf why it was perfect before I literally can't see any improvement #Maybe the character limit but I never hit mine so idk #And then HTML editing turns /everything/ into HTML including the pictures???? Leave it alone! #I don't know what up but it is Super turning me off #Only positive is it gets me chomping at the bit to make my own site again :/ Not exactle a big plus #Hoping and praying those things are all glitches but they look so implemented ://// #Literally just give us the options Pls #The site's already broken let me break it how I want #Oh fucking good! The '''''''caption'''''''' is actually just alt text so that's just gone??? Yeah fuck that #/And/ autotags don't work #Yeah I actually can't post anymore if those things aren't features :) #Anybody remember the five+ weeks of counting up until they fixed their shit a few years ago? #Yeah. Might be sequel time fellas

[new-lorien-artist]

.

#i don't like how this past year has been me getting really anxious because of my health #because it really put me on edge deciding whether i want to draw and finish my projects #or do my schoolwork and finish college #because i haven't been able to imagine myself anywhere past graduation and my health situation hasn't helped matters #i could be overreacting and i'm actually fine and this is a temporary pain issue #because i'm continuously denied getting my pain checked out due to expenses and the like #everything is too expensive #who knows maybe i'll live past graduation and i can continue my art as usual #but i'm panicking more over the pain daily and feel like stopping my classes and just draw draw draw #i'm more concerned about making fanart tbh because i have so many ll wips #and i sincerely want to give back to the fandom more than ever #but a dead artist can't contribute #neither can a living artist who is in too much pain to work #still thinking about posting my wips and ideas and maybe they'll inspire some other people here #ideas and concepts will get lost in translation but it's better than nothing #... i wish we had more artists here #maybe i won't feel this way if that was the case #ernest talks #i really don't meant to death scare anyone reading this i could be overreacting over my own health #it just ties real closely to how worried i get about the fandom in general and how much time i dedicate making projects for the community #so i'm just.. scared i guess #how would people know when a blog largely on hiatus is permanently inactive? will i let people know in time if something happens to me?

[running-in-the-dark]

oh, yeah - we found a storage unit place (it wasn't that easy, those aren't common here - or at least not where I live). it's actually an old barn that's been converted lol. anyway, so we've rented that for three months (the shortest period they allow), which is perfect. then we don't have to move everything out of there immediately when we can move into the new place in April.

I think I've got enough boxes. I've got a spreadsheet that I'm putting all the information in about what's in which box. I've planned where everything will go and when. I think it's going to work out fine. the last time we moved was so stressful (because I was pretty sick and that made everything really hard), I really want it to go better this time.

#I'm not stressed about it which worries me a bit #I'm always stressed about everything #and everyone but me is stressed about this apparently. like my family and my husband's (I don't get it. it's not their problem???) #and I'm just like 🤷 what are you talking about. it's fine. there's no rush. I'm gonna pack everything and there's enough time for that. and #everything else will work out 🤷 like it did last time 🤷 (it was stressful and not good for me but it worked out the way I planned it 🤷) #like I take care of all the logistics and assigning specific tasks and stuff. no one but me has to think about any of this at all #and yet they all try to make me nervous about it? it's weird. like. it's just a thing? that we will do? it's gonna be annoying and stuff bu #so what? I don't understand. #maybe my anxiety meds are too good at their job and there's something I'm not understanding but damn it just feels like they're all #overreacting #I think maybe it's because moving is kinda fun? it's a project. I like projects. it makes everything else unimportant for a while. there's #job to do. something to plan and coordinate. that part is easy and I know how to do that #so 🤷 yeah man it'll be stressful but like. I will be the one doing the annoying things? so just don't worry about it 🤷 #personal

[that-was-anticlimactic]

actually, no. you know what? i am so sick of this “marinette is just a friend” bs. okay. cool. adrien said she was just a friend a few times. whatever. it’s not that big of a deal and everyone in the mlb fandom like. hyperfixates on that??? idc if it’s a “just a joke” because it’s utterly ridiculous at this point. i have literally seen people go on heated rants about how stupid or clueless adrien was during the umbrella scene because he called mari just a friend. are you kidding me??? y’all are really going to take away that moment for him? he just made like his first ever friend in nino and when he called her a friend, he looked so excited because this boy has only ever had one friend before. of course he’s going to call mari just a friend because he just met her and the only time she’s actually spoken to him outside of the suit at this point is to yell at him like... y’all...

and this is not me hating on mari because i love her so so so much. i just hate how passionate and heated fans get about this. i mean... y’all... adrien didn’t even think mari liked him??? like, in puppeteer two, he is literally upset because he came to the conclusion that mari hates him. also, of course he’s not like in love with or crushing on her when she’s barely spoken actual sentences to him! again, not me hating on mari and her nerves because like i get it, it’s hard. and also this is like adrien’s first time interacting with people as peers, so 1. of course romance is not his main priority 2. he doesn’t understand social cues or situations very well At All which is made abundantly clear in the show 3. i don’t... i don’t think adrien knows what affection is??? i mean, he’s definitely learned some over the course of the show, but he’s used to a neglectful / abusive father, his stoic assistant, his bodyguard who doesn’t really talk like at all, chloé being chloé, and hoards of fans declaring that they’re in love with him, hanging all over him, acting like he’s a shiny thing rather than a person, etc... so like. how is adrien supposed to actually comprehend that mari likes him???

and okay no my last point: so so so sick of the double standard. i have seen countless people rant and rave and scream and shout about how stupid adrien is for not returning mari’s feelings or knowing he has a crush on her and then these same people will turn around and berate chat noir and say things like “gosh ladybug isn’t obligated to return his feelings:/” like... hELLO??? why is ladybug not obligated while adrien is??? it’s ridiculous and disgusting and i’m so so so tired of “just a friend” jokes on tumblr, in art, in fics, in youtube compilations... like... can’t we be normal about this? and i don’t mean normal as in “casually enjoy” i mean normal as in can we stop being so aggressive and harsh and hostile towards literal fourteen year olds my God they’re children they’re allowed to make mistakes and mess up and my God the way y’all talk about lila is disgusting, too like i hate her but i don’t want her tortured and killed??? and the way people characterize the classmates as physically and verbally assaulting mari because of lila??? like... my God they would never??? they would all honestly side with mari chameleon is a bad episode and is poorly written and everyone is out of character please use your critical thinking skills and understand that chat noir is not harassing ladybug anymore than mari may be harassing adrien (aka they are not harassing each other at all my God) and stop insulting and demonizing fourteen year olds so your otp can get together thanks

#i have. feelings. #sorry y'all #this may be harsh but i am so beyond sick of it #i've been going through the classmates tag on ao3 and filtered out all the s.alt fics for all the characters and the majority of the fics #i'm seeing are aggressive lila takedown fics or like unproperly tagged s.alt fics #where the classmates are still rude and aggressive and bully mari when even lila doesn't really bully mari that badly??? like yes it is #awful that she tried to get her expelled and lied a bit about her but lila has never been physical nor tried to kill mari and nor would any #of the classmates actually turn against her like. they may disagree with her or think she may be acting on her crush and yes lila did #threaten mari in the bathroom but like... what has she done since then? try to get her expelled and then... nothing. like. this is Not me #saying not to take bullying seriously but people take it to the extreme with lila and how she treats mari in fics and i am so so so sick of #it!!! i just want to read mlb classmate fics where they're all silly and being teenagers without mari being unreasonably and uncanonically #bullied and without the tags 'alya/adrien/classmate redemption' HELLO??? WHY DO THEY NEED TO BE REDEEMED??? THEY AREN'T VILLAINS??? THEY ARE #FOURTEEN??? as a rule of thumb i refuse to read fics with those tags like sorry but if you tag fics like that then you obviously don't know #the characters. i'm sorry if this sounds mean or harsh it's just exhausting trying to find fun or sweet or found family mlb fics because so #many of them are so negative and ooc and involve like extreme hatred towards fourteen year old fictional children... like... how do we not #see the problem with that??? like... am i overreacting??? please someone tell me they agree with me!!! i've been working on this really #stressful assignment that determines whether i graduate my future career and also costs three hundred dollars to take so i've been really #stressed and every time i try and take an mb fic break i end up more stressed because the fandom is so cruel to children ahhhhhhhh #okay i am. done. maybe i'll delete this later... i just need to see if someone agrees with me because i am. :))) on the verge of losing it #lol #mlb

[salenrooz]

Oh the indescribable feeling of dread after you get exactly what you're asked for

#story time #so a month ago I picked a pencil again after a looong time and swiftly after that decided #“maybe I should go to an art school like I wanted and almost got accepted into 4 years ago?” #and now after submitting my works and being told that they are “weak” I've kinda lost interest #Idk if I should follow through with this cause I hate drawing when I'm told that I need to and I hate when I waking up early #and although I can afford this education (I was planning to choose graphic design) I feel doubtful and don't know what to do #what I really want to do is travel I don't really dream of labor or career #but it is important if I want to earn a bit more than a minimum wage ig #I have only a few days to submit my works and documents then there will be exams etc. but I just woke up today and felt #what I've thought was a long forgotten sense dread and all consuming sadness and hopelessness #I just really hate waking up early and I would need to wake up at 5:30 AGAIN and I don't know if I could handle it AGAIN #Idk how I did it back in hs and college (well I kinda do since I was skipping a lot just to sleep) #and I would have just the most horrible ptsd whenever I would wake up and hear my alarm clock (like my heart would start beating so hard #I could hear my heartbeat) #Ik I'm probably overreacting but I just idk what to feel and do #moodboard

[lfcrobbo]

x

#maybe i'm old. maybe i'm overreacting! #but i do think f/1blr need to do some soul searching/reflection on how they deal with. certain situations? #and that's not saying that some of the shit that's been happening lately isn't fucked up and that people have a right to be upset #*and that people don't have a right to be upset. is what i meant #bc it IS and people SHOULD be upset but like #okay so this wattpad thing: shitty. but we don't know anything about this person. i'm sure most people were polite but? #idk i saw someone say 'cyberbullying works!' and i'm SURE it was a joke but. think about that!!! think about. what message that sends? #even if it is a joke? #and ESP with the insta stuff a few weeks ago like. did the reaction to that help AT ALL? or did it make things worse? #i try my best to stay out of things like this bc TRULY. i don't want to be part of it #this time i was bc my fic was posted which is probably why i'm. being preachy in the tags #uhh idk. as always this is just me. talking. no points are being made really i'm just VENTING #but yeah. maybe we should stop fighting hate with hate. just a thought. #also STOP giving attentions to people that are clearly trolls lol #okay! sorry for ranting! will probably maybe delete this idk!

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

i don't know what to do

#doll #do i leave? do i try to fix it even if it means startin over again? am i overreacting? #i'm just avoiding him n i should probably take some space but #i'm......scared. #i thought i wasn't scared of him anymore #if he lied about this what else was just him tellin me what i wanna hear #when he said he wouldn't stop me from leavin? #(physically. at least he was honest enough to admit he'd probably try everything in his power to make me change my mind) #n i mean i don't even wanna break up for good. i don't wanna give up on him. i love him. #maybe i'm just stupid but i really think he loves me too. at this point it's the only thing he's said i'm not questioning #it's just that for the first time in my life i'm not sure it's enough #n he just....doesn't know how to. n i'm gettin so tired of tryin to show him when he's fightin it all the way #i'm just. so sad. it's hard to breathe. i wanna be angry w/ him but maybe i was just stupid to trust him like that #i know by now i can live without him even if he'll always be the only one for me (cause he is n i'll always love him) #but i don't wanna face a world where it's not enough that you just love each other. where it breaks anyway. #spdrvent

[mishkakagehishka]

Yknow i let my brother's uniform stink up in that pail instead of putting it to dry in my anger, and i went to put it to dry now, and. Realising it did, in fact, get dewy, i'm wondering if i did the right thing

#well you know. i told him i'm in too much pain to get up. i told him i do laundry over the weekend bc i have no time for house chores over #the week. i told him i expect him to put clothes to dry. he also once told me ''well i didn't see it'' when i left clothes in a pail in the #living room expecting him to hang it to dry. really. this one's on him . maybe i didn't see it either until i was looking for the pail to #do laundry. you know? it's on him (even tho i did it on purpose) #am i an asshole for resorting to passive aggression? absolutely. but if he won't listen to my words then he'll listen to #having to stink in uniform. i've also left his washed and dried clothes unfolded (but lain straight so they don't wrinkle) in his room #bc i'm sick of being treated like my time isn't worth anything when unlike him i also work on weekends #i feel like i sound immature and spiteful bc he's family etc etc but. i feel like i should expect him to pull his own weight #like just bc we're family doesn't mean he can expect me to do ALL the work #on the plus side i did tell my mom in the end and she actually agreed with me so i'm taking it as a sign that i'm not just overreacting #but still. i wonder if i went too far #it's not mouldy but. there's a faint Smell #altho who knows if he'll even notice i'm the one with a sensitive nose #but well. i'm the one who pays for the laundry detergent anyway so beyond being mildly inconvenienced it's literally no skin off his back

[wearenotjustnumbers2]

Hello, a little rant here. I don't know whether people are becoming insensitive or I'm just taking things very seriously these times, but I beg of you, when I post about an update on the situation in Gaza, or about a lost life or any piece of news that is most likely horrifying and heartbreaking, do not repost or reblog with "yikes" or "real bullshit" or whatever goes in the same line. It just makes it seem so trivial when in fact it's world-shattering. Not to mention the horrible edits I see on Instagram/tiktok.

I literally came across an "Instagram reel" of my friend's UNCLE (who lost three of his kids, and was saying his goodbyes while they were in body bags), it was edited into a reel, with the effects and changing colors and the trending sound of the song "daylight by David kushner". I was speechless.

I know people show their solidarity differently, I know this. Especially through music, I've literally been listening to Samer songs as well as "Telk Qadieah", etc. But the edit I saw was way too much. I don't know how to explain it, because I've seen many reels of Palestinians in Gaza grieving and I thought it's important to share them but this one is different. It was like the edits you'd make for characters from a TV show or movie that died or had a sad storyline.

I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting but I genuinely feel like I'm going crazy. With everything going on and how it seems like some people are living in a parallel world rn.

I hope I don't get misunderstood, I'm not talking about the general clips with sometimes sad songs on them, I'm talking about certain edits the people started to make that are so weird and insensitive. Like the people they're editing aren't real, like they're some entertainment material.

#I'm not good with words honestly i just am tired #i might even delete this later bc i never share personal stuff here but still #text post #gaza #palestine

[ishizizzle]

Accidentally started thinking about my life and my anxiety popped up out of nowhere hey girl its been so long

#work problems #social anxiety #it me #its because i have to assert boundaries at work and am scared i wont do it or I'll fuck up idk #work is starting to make me uncomfortable but at the same time I'm overreacting #ppl like me and I'm not used to that like they keep getting crushes on me... #and I'm not trying to be vain i know what i look like i think they all just aren't used to my type of nice at work... #which is fine but i dont like that hahaaah i dont like being liked like that its not necessary #i feel like i can't make a friend without it turning into a misunderstanding #but at the same time maybe I'm imagining things and need to check myself I'm not pretty and i wear a lot to cover my face and hair so #I'm not sure what their attracted to. Maybe its the niceness but I'm not a nice person #like my work persona is just work im just trying to be a good coworker but if everybody thinks I'm doing it because i like them #it confuses me... #maybe I'll read this next year and laugh #its so weird to be wired in a way that even thinking of any little assertion of boundary makes my handsshake and makes my voice weird #its weird to me to have such a strong physical reaction to something i don't understand. like if i could just feel one emotion it would #be easier but i feel several at once

[scare-ard--sleigh]

why are you coming into my (slack) dms complaining at me that you don't think you're a strong writer and then get snippy with me when i (nicely!) give you the answers to the questions you're asking and tell you that you're fine if you don't plagiarize. why do you say to me "well it's kind of hard not to sound like i'm ripping off research copy as there's only so many ways certain things can be said" when i TOLD you about the plagiarism issue we've been having with this one other writer. why are you complaining to me!! about assignments that you agreed to do!! why can't you just say fucking "thank you!" or "I'll keep that in mind!" why why whyyyyyyyyyyy

#work stuff #silver jelly #i am very very bad at being in a management position bc my patience drops to zero when i think you're acting stupid and should know better #and it's my time being wasted bc of it #that's not what leadership is about and i understand that and to my work's credit; i am not a full-on manager #i have absolutely no desire to ~lead~ in any professional capacity because i know that i'm like this and it's not fair to anyone #so i do understand that i am maybe; probably; overreacting. but y'all have to understand that every single fucking conversation i've had #with this guy for the last two and a half !!!! Years !!!!! has been This !!!!! #if you're that unhappy make a move !!! i've given him a million suggestions on moves he can make including leaving !!!! #the fucking self-pity the fucking wallowing. every time we talk it's 'i've wasted the last three years of my life here' it's #so fucking EXHAUSTING like i understand life is fucking hard right now i hold empathy for that but there is ONLY so much i can TAKE #from someone who isn't paying me; smoking me up; or fucking me like christ's sakeeeeeeeeeeeee #i will put up with a lot of shit if you're kind to me you don't even have to be that pleasant but it's like talking to a brick wall #GAH ! Anyway ! thank you for listening !!

[itgoeso]

personally i think hozier went off when he said imagine being loved by me because yeah, exactly, imagine being loved me. must be awesome

#i mean it's also awful i guess considering people's reaction to me and all #but like consider i was not me and then someone else was me and that person loved me #dude i WOULD LIKE to be loved by someone who would want to be like around me all the time and we would be everything to each other #a lot of codependency yeah but... idgaf i want that i want someone to depend on me and to depend on someone #without feeling i'm committing the worst crime ever #my crime is feeling too much and saying too much and overreacting and being childish but you know #like i said i know i'm not a good person okay it's just i think i deserve to be loved even if pretty much suck much more than most people #idk i just want to be needed and not feel like the way i feel things and react towards things makes me for someone who's deeply damaged #that's why i mostly don't feel like a person because... most times i'm not allowed to be a person as soon as i show myself #as a human being people are like OH NO THIS IS AWFUL YOU'RE IMMATURE EW #but idk i'm in the mood of being like you don't want to be around me i will allow and even give you what you want #just go if you can't stand me maybe someday someone will #ramblings #huge rambling

[itmightneverbetherighttime]

...

#there are so many things i wish i could explain #but i'm just physically unable to do it #the slightest things bother me to the point of legit wanting to quit everything #and maybe others don't notice or find those things unimportant #and that's why i feel like i'm overreacting all the time #and maybe sometimes i am because of anxiety #but a lot of those stupid little things are important to me #and i hate myself for it most of the time #i hate how much i overthink every single human interaction i have #i hate how i remember every little detail when i know other (whether they want it or not) don't #and it all just goes back to the point of how i've always felt so fucking lonely #and nothing anyone can say will make me change my mind #i can be surrounded by people very nice people and still feel like i don't belong anywhere #and i'm so scared to be vulnerable that i'd rather push everyone away once they get too close #i'd rather have people hate just so i don't have to admit what i actually feel #because i don't know how to deal with my emotions in a way that doesn't destroy everything #and i always do that #i can't seem to find anything else to do #but i'm trapped inside my own mind with no way out #and all i wanted was time... time i was never given... chances that are always taken away from me #because i don't deserve anything nice maybe... maybe... maybe... #maybe it's my destiny to destroy everything and i don't know the way out #talking to the wall

[weird-and-unwell]

“Autism isn’t a disability”, “it’s just a difference”.

I am of lower support needs. I hold down a (part time) job. I have travelled around my home country. I live alone.

At work they complain about my speech. I’m too quiet, they say, “barely audible” is the words used at my autism assessment. My voice is all monotone, and it needs to be more expressive. I get this complaint every week for a year straight, until my manager gives up. I don’t attend trainings because I forget and find it overwhelming anyways. My coworkers form friendships, and I watch them talk, wondering how they make it look so easy. I get a new manager, I tell her I find the work socials too overwhelming to attend. She tells me I can just say I don’t want to come. I don’t know how to tell her that I desperately want to, to be like the rest of my coworkers, instead of constantly being the one sat on the sidelines.

I come home, and I can hear my neighbours again. The niggling background noise messes with my head, and I meltdown; I throw myself on the floor, I hit my head on the ground repeatedly as I scream and cry, tear out my hair and scratch my arms and face. When I complain, people tell me that I just have to accept that neighbours make noise, that I should just ignore it, or block it out. I am the problem, the one overreacting. I put in earplugs and it hurts and I'm crying again. I wear headphones but I can't handle the noise for that long.

I have reminders set for everything. Every chore, no matter how big or small. My phone beeps at me, reminding me that I need to wash the dishes. If I don't go now, then tick the little box on my phone to say I did it, it won't get done. My home is almost always a mess despite this. It's not just chores either. I won't think to wash, dress myself, brush my teeth or hair, without those reminders. And unless someone actively prompts me to do so, I will do those tasks "wrong". I haven't changed my underwear in a month, and I'm currently aware that's a problem, but within the hour I'm going to forget all over again until I'm next prompted.

I can't sleep without medication - it's not unusual for autistic people to have messed up circadian rhythms. Without my medication it's hard to even tell when I'm awake and when I'm asleep. When I was younger and at school I slept through so many lessons, and when I have my mandatory breaks from my sleep meds I sleep through every alarm I set. I want to work full time some day, and I'm terrified of what my sleep issue will mean for me then.

I don't travel independently. I don't travel anywhere alone, always with someone or to someone. If to someone, I have assistance the whole way. I find it embarrassing sometimes. Yes, I have a job that requires a certain level of intelligence. No, I cannot get on a train by myself. If I am not shown To The Train, To My Seat, I will be unable to travel.

Last time I travelled, I was left alone at the station for ten minutes. I stayed rigid and sobbed the whole time. I was overwhelmed. It was too loud, I didn't know where I was or where I was meant to be going, and until the assistance person came back I couldn't do anything because for some reason I cannot understand it.

I spend a lot of time trying to explain to people that despite my relative competence, I am unable to do many things. Why can I understand high level maths but not how to get on a damn train? No fucking idea.

"Autism isn't a disability" most severely affects those with higher support needs, and this is absolutely not to take away from them. But for fucks sake, autism is disabling.

Maybe you personally are extremely lucky and just find you're a little "socially awkward", or just find some textures painful or nauseating. Maybe you would be fine with just a couple of adjustments.

But for a lot of us, even lower support needs autistics, it doesn't work like that. I will never sleep properly without medication. I still have the self-harming type of meltdowns as an adult, over things that are deemed as being "just part of life". I live alone but have daily visits from family - if I'm left fully alone I forget all the little daily things one is "meant" to do. I had speech therapy as a child to get me to the "barely audible" "mostly correct" speech. I don't mask, I'm not really sure how I would to begin with.

I'm not unhappy with being autistic. It's just who I am. Life would be easier if I were neurotypical, but I also wouldn't be me. I just wish those luckier than me could...stop saying it's all chill and not at all a disability.

Because yes, socially, I am "awkward". I obviously don't make eye contact - I stare down and to the side of whoever I speak to. People think it's weird or creepy or a sign of disinterest. My autism assessor wrote down about how I often use words and phrases that don't make sense to others, even though they make perfect sense to me. In my daily life this means I'm frequently misunderstood, and have to try explain what I mean, when what I mean is exactly what I said, and the true issue is that what I mean just doesn't make sense to others. I gesture, at times, but again, my gestures apparently don't make sense in relation to what I'm saying. I take things literally, I have almost no filter, and I can't explain how I go from topic to topic.

And yes, I do have sensory problems. Sometimes people, including others with sensory problems, tell me that "sometimes sensory issues have to be tolerated", and I wonder what they think of as being sensory issues. I'm sure they do struggle, but if I say I can't handle a touch, I mean you will need to forcefully hold it against me for me to touch it more than a second and it will make me meltdown. If I say "I can't eat that", I mean that I am unable to swallow it, that I will gag and choke and inevitably spit it back out, as much as I try. If I say I can't handle a noise, I mean I'm so close to a meltdown and my meltdowns are a problem for everyone around me.

But yes. Autism. Not a disability. Just a fun quirky difference.

#actually autistic #autistic #long post #autism

[lunarmoves]

"can i have a kiss?"

you abruptly choke on the sip of water you'd been taking, your free hand coming up to cover your mouth as you cough roughly and loudly into your palm. it's enough to make your throat ache, and you barely register a large hand patting you on your back as you do your best to clear your windpipe.

"pardon?" you eventually force out, voice scratchy as you look up at sun through watering eyes. "what did you say?"

sun's head tilts to the side slightly. it's difficult to parse out what he's thinking with those blank eyes of his. "can i have a kiss?" he repeats for you in the same tone and inflection—light and casual like he's simply asking about the weather.

you blink owlishly at him, then glance around the empty daycare. maybe as an excuse to not look at him. everything was cleaned swiftly today, leaving you with some free time before you had to clock out. you just hadn't expected it to be spent like this, however. you clear your throat and look back at sun. his fingers curl and uncurl at his sides, barely noticeable had he not been standing stock still.

"...what's brought this on?" you ask after a short moment of silence. you're stalling, you know, but you're genuinely curious.

his head tilts the other way, a quiet click coming from his face plate. and then—like he hadn't just been standing before you, still as a statue—he jolts back into an amiable sway.

"oh, you know!" he gushes out, clasping his hands together and making the bells attached to his ribbons jingle with the motion. "we just see the way parents kiss their children at the door! and, well, those kids love to play house a lot too, you see. it's difficult not to notice it when it happens all the time! we are simply..." he trails off, as though searching for the right word. "...intrigued."

"right..." you're not quite buying what he's trying to say. hell, your ears are likely still tinged red from the initial embarrassment of his question. "you give kisses to the kids all the time, though," you point out. they aren't kisses so much as they are little taps of his static smile to their boo-boos or foreheads when they ask. you only know they're intended as kisses because sun lets out an exaggerated mwah every time.

sun only looks at you, something tense along the line of his thin shoulders. you wait, in the silence of the too large daycare, as he seems to ruminate upon something. and when he speaks, it makes something curl tightly in the deepest pit of your stomach.

"that's different," he replies quietly. a pin drops in the far distance.

your tongue suddenly feels too thick for your mouth and you swallow before you reply. "how so?" you find yourself asking. you... you don't quite understand. or maybe you don't want to. maybe you're looking for an answer you're not quite prepared to hear yet. maybe you are ready and you just don't realize it yet.

"they're not you." it's said simply—like saying the sky is blue or grass is green. your lips purse together. you refuse to admit how that makes you feel—how it makes something hot flood throughout your body.

"...there are cameras," you say weakly, trying to fight down the flush crawling up your neck and into your cheeks. was this really happening? was he really asking you this? it's just a kiss, you scold yourself. you're overreacting. he's a robot—it's not like it means anything to him. right? "i'm on shift. i could get fired." it doesn't matter if it's a friendly little peck—anything seen like that with a robot on cameras after the daycare has closed will be detrimental to your career.

"don't you worry your silly little head about that!" sun waves a hand in dismissal, his eyes upturned slightly into white crescents. there's a curve to his smile that you're only minutely wary of. "we've taken care of it!" ...whatever that means. you eye one of the cameras positioned near the ceiling of the daycare, the small red light on it frozen. you... aren't going to question that. you internally sigh.

sun's always curious—always pushing boundaries. always seeing how far he can go with you before you take a step back.

it seems like you'd taken too long to respond. sun closes the small distance between the two of you with a single, long stride, standing before you in a way that makes you crane your head up. your personal space is wiped out in an instant. he bends down until his face is mere inches above yours. and then he waits.

"don't be shy!" he tells you brightly, fingers flexing by his sides. one of his rays twitches atomically. "put 'er right here!" his face plate spins slightly as an indicator.

he's really not leaving you much room for choice here. you huff at his persistence, giving him a small roll of your eyes. and with a deep breath to help ground yourself—keep your head clear and look at this all from an objective standpoint (robot, he's a robot, he's curious, it doesn't mean anything)—you eventually raise yourself up on your tippy toes.

a kiss—as small and feathery as a wisp of wind on a cool, fall day—is pressed delicately to the plating of his forehead. the metal is cool under your touch, a contrast against the warmth of your skin. you don't let yourself linger, dropping back down onto your heels as you clear your throat and force yourself to look at him. he's still watching you—with that too large smile and too squinted eyes.

"there you go," you force out as casually as you can. there's something swarming in your gut and you're not sure if it's a good thing or not. "happy?"

sun's rays spin around once, but he doesn't move away. his smile stretches wider—thinner like a blade. and when he speaks, there's a faint depth to his voice that makes you think of the way moon speaks.

"you missed." he bends down closer to you, the shadows of his lithe form casting themselves across your face. he lifts a hand to tap once against the metal of his smile and the sound seems to echo through the daycare. you stare up at him with wide eyes, a cool prickle making its way down your spine. sun's face plate makes another sharp click. "do it again."

you mouth opens, then closes, until you finally muster up the will to let out a little laugh—albeit a slightly shaky one.

"c'mon, dude, i gave you a kiss." you let out another chuckle and find yourself leaning back just a tad. "i should head out now anyways, it's getting lat—"

before you can even finish your sentence, sun's hands dart out to grip you tightly on your upper arms. trapping you within his hold as he draws you closer. you're forced to look up at him, all tense lines and twitching metallic parts.

"you misunderstand, friend." sun grins wider, the gleam of his teeth sharp in the daycare's lighting. you take the smallest step back. "i wasn't asking."

moon

#u best BELIEVE moon's in there fuming sun got a kiss before he did LMFAOOO #...to be continued ?? #dca x reader #dca x y/n #dca x self insert #fnaf dca x reader #daycare attendant x reader #daycare attendant x y/n #daycare attendant x self insert #sun x you #sun x reader #sun x y/n #sun x self insert #fnaf sun x reader #fnaf sun x y/n #sundrop x reader #sundrop x y/n #bit of #moon x reader #if u squint #shay scribbles daydreams