#maybe ill draw something worse than this

[skitskatdacat63]

Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)

- explanation & w/o text:

Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!

First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.

Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.

Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.

Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.

About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.

I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")

I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.

#ah well this was certainly a project.... #rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse #this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :) #i think i def like the first one the best #it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days #like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing #but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it #i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well. #generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference #like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want #ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs #and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic #basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!! #there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari #but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari #and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m #a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him #so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh) #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #catie.rambling.txt #catie.art. #vettonso #bond au

[decidentia]

Just a note to say thanks for bearing with me. ♡

#this has turned into more of a hiatus than i expected #i've not been putting pressure on myself to be here #so i've just been peeking occasionally #on the other side of the screen things have been a mix of good and bad #i've been settling into my new job #throwing myself into renovations #doing all the prep for christmas #attending my pottery class #minding my neighbour's cat while she's away #trying to get into the habit of using my art tablet #( when i git gud i'll share something and maybe start drawing our blorbos ) #also just trying to be more ' present ' in the everyday #tw for medical and terminal illness but my uncle was recently diagnosed with multiple system atrophy #we thought it was parkinson's ( which is what took his father ) but it's actually so much worse than that #he was an avid cyclist just a few years ago and working as an aerospace engineer #now he's in a wheelchair and recently broke his hip for the third time #there's not much i can do but i want to be there for my family as much as i can #so thank you for your patience #rest assured i adore writing and roleplay is a very important part of my life #it is my main creative outlet and i value the friendships that spring from it #i hope to get the wheels turning again in the next couple of weeks #i'll be spring-cleaning behind the scenes #you are always welcome to reach out if you want to check the status of anything but just be aware i'll be slower than usual to reply #i hope life has been treating you all kindly – sending you my love ♡ #◈ — ooc; saddest little baby in the room

[microfeelings]

👁👄👁

#lmao... i dont want to vent especially bc its something super stupid but if i dont get it off my chest ill feel worse 😤 #so feel free to ignore ✌😊 #that feeling when youre friend got into art and she now has a better style than you :) #i love having poured 15+ years of my life into art and drawing and still not having a discernable art style :)) #AND I HATE THAT IM FEELING JEALOUS bc her art is so pretty and shes doing so well with it and im so happy for her #I also know that im actually feeling angry at myself bc the reason im not like her is bc im not trying hard enough #but god just thinking about doing a fraction of the work that she pours into her stuff makes me want to curl into a ball #and sleep until the trees are blooming again #i need to change my sleep schedule... and my diet i know im not eating properly and thats probably not helping in my low energy #or maybe my low energy is just a lie and im lazy... anyways this got too depressing

[ayakinari]

you ever just

#duck rants about something #hoooooo man. why did all my motivation and ability to create go out the window as soon as i finished that valk piece #i cant draw. i dont know what to draw i knew what i had to draw but i cant. put it on canvas #cant go in an art block now of all times theres less than one month and a half until finals and i need some sort of portfolio put together #by then and. i am Still exhausted i thought !! it was getting better but nope i am still incredibly fatigued by Everything #and to make matters worse its thursday tomorrow meaning the classes i dislike the most i just want to lie down for 10 years maybe i dont kn #maybe pursuing art as a career was a bad idea. maybe im not fit for this but im already over a year into this art school and i dont want to #waste the money my family's put into letting me go to this school #and i absolutely love it here the teachers are nice and my classmates are cool and i made friends for the first time in years #but god if i havent been in the worst headspace of my life this past year. #well this year was going a bit too well for me in terms of art i had a steady pace of imrpoving and trying out new things but now its just #i cant do anything. no matter what i doodle or sketch or just let my hand do whatever nothings coming out and it terrifies me #maybe im being dramatic! i know someone would say im being just that #god i dont want to go to class tomorrow either im not in the mood for a religious lecture but ive already skipped the past two weeks #keep it up any more than that and itll probably result in a call to my parents #my parents are probably gonna call me later tonight anyways. should get it together til then #maybe i need a nap. maybe i need to go outside and take a walk and look at a bug. maybe i just need to go out in a field and scream #auhgh but i need to draw i need to make Something i cant halfass something the way i did last semester and barely pass #and now im getting dizzy just typing this out thanks brain #ill probably delete this later i just really need to. hhghghhhgh please let me draw. please let me make something or anything at all #i dont know what id have if it isnt art. #ive always been mediocre at everything in my life the only thing giving me peace of mind is drawing #if thats all im good for then what even use am i without it #and sure! maybe im actually not that good at it! maybe my artstyle is uninspired and boring maybe im just wasting my time!!! #but i still love it immensely i love making my silly characters i love drawing out my dumb stories i love just. #making things and being okay at it. maybe. am i actually good at this probably not. maybe im also mediocre at this and just kidding myself #sorry for being emotional on a wednesday. must be the curse #anyways

[solardistress]

in one of mt old notebooks there were these two gay ocs i made (adult , in college i think?) and they had tails and ears and normal and “exotic” outfits and i genuinely want to redraw them . along with other old ocs ive found . theyre so . normal . well . normal as in not as messed up as my other main ocs ive been rotating for years .

#the ocs i have have been thru so so much worse and horrid things than . yk . college furries BDNWJNFNE #or like . cheerleaders or random demons just hanging about #i have . so mang furries in my old sketchbooks . I HAVE . omg I HAVE TO DRAW ONE OF THEM #she literally looks so freaking stupid i cant #i HAVE TOOO ohhh mygod . one day #eventually #i really wanna work tomorrow so i will . thumbs up #and then maybe ill reward myself with something #like . drawing furries LMFAOOO

[caspersickfanfics]

Sharing a Receptacle

For @monthofsick day 1

Prompt List | AO3 | Ask | Rules

Warnings: Vomiting (graphic), fever

Anon asked:

I see you've got a lot of Cyno and Tighnari lined up already, so I sincerely apologise for adding to that, haha! If this is something you'd like to write, I'd love to see the prompt "sharing a receptacle" for Cyno and Tighnari! Maybe it starts off with one of them being sick and the other coming to care for them, only soon enough they also catch whatever has been making the other sick. (I love fics with multiple sick characters at once!)

Tighnari wakes to his stomach cramping for what feels like the hundredth time in a handful of days. He’s coughing before his eyes are even open but fortunately, he’s taken to sleeping with his arms latched onto a trashcan. He curls around it, hacking. He needs to sit. With the storm that has taken residence in his abdomen refusing to ease, it’s impossible to tell when his stomach contents will make a reappearance. Tighnari feels hands on his back guiding him upright and his body relaxes minutely. He knows who that is.

“Nari,” Cyno says simply, unnecessarily but sweetly confirming his identity. If Tighnari were any bit more aware of his surroundings, he might notice a weight to his partner’s voice that isn’t normally there, pulling it into a slow drawl. But he doesn’t, because his coughs have turned into retches. His stomach clenches and his back arches, entirely out of his control. 

He mentally chastises himself for trying to fight what’s about to happen. Tighnari has seen this process enough times to know that it’s easier to simply accept it - he’s lived through it countless times within the past week. And yet, when bile inevitably rises in his throat, his breath still stutters with a series of shallow, panicked gasps. One last instinctive act of resistance before sick spills over his lips, splattering to the bottom of the trashcan.

It used to be lined with a plastic bag, and Tighnari realizes with dismay that this is no longer true. Cyno must have forgotten to put a new one in after the previous bout of puking. Now, Tighnari stares vacantly downwards, trying not to think about how much scrubbing it will take to clean this. He feels more ill all the same, and the sight of vomit congealing against the plastic… He pitches forward again and blearily watches as the contained mess rapidly grows.

“Guh,” Tighnari shudders, his head hanging low in the trashcan. His body is wracked with queasy shivers and chills. Tears of exertion drip from his lashes. He realizes that Cyno, who is normally quiet, has gone completely silent, and wonders if he’s walked away. Tighnari is hit with a pang of hurt, and then confusion, because that doesn’t seem likely, but his foggy mind can’t seem to come up with a different explanation.

For better or worse, he can’t ponder it further. His stomach spasms and Tighnari finds himself spewing another stream of vomit into the trashcan.

Finally, the nausea alleviates moderately. Though the thought of food still makes him woozy, he believes he can move without hurling. Tighnari’s head feels heavy, but he lifts it anyway. His whole body relaxes upon finding that Cyno is still sitting on the bed beside him. Relief, for a moment, and then he freezes.

Cyno looks almost worse than Tighnari feels. He’s wearing a miserable expression, and his hands repeatedly grip his thighs - squeeze and release, squeeze and release - needing something solid to cling to. There’s no point in asking if he’s alright. 

“Oh, Cyno,” Tighnari murmurs. He’s exhausted, but attentive ears still catch a hitching breath. Several gurgling burps follow, rolling steadily out of the other man, and white hair drapes forward to curtain his face as Cyno curls in on himself. Tighnari’s hand finds the matra’s shoulder, drawing him close with a sigh. “Come here.”

Cyno settles against Tighnari’s side heavily, as if unable to hold himself up.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, voice slurring under the weight of nausea. His back ripples with consecutive aborted heaves and Tighnari winces and shakes his head.

“None of that. Just let it happen.”

Cyno is panting now, mouth gasping for air beneath a shaking hand. Tighnari gently pushes it out of the way. Cyno’s eyes flicker to him briefly and then squeeze shut. A pained moan escapes him. A shudder runs through the matra and it sparks something tender and protective under Tighnari's skin. He runs fingers through sweaty hair.

“Relax,” Tighnari instructs, voice firm despite his own growing queasiness. Cyno’s body immediately softens, easing towards the offered and already used trash bin. The next time his back arches, a stream of pale yellow puke spills over his lips. Tighnari catches just a glimpse, but it’s enough to bring his own nausea back in full force. He tries to ignore it. Cyno is still being ill and Tighnari wants to be there for him. While Cyno chokes on a waterfall of thick, chunky vomit, Tighnari ignores the way his skin sparks with hot and cold flashes. Shaky hands rub circles into Cyno’s heaving back and, not for the first time, Tighnari curses his sensitive ears.

They have been helpful to him in many ways throughout the years; lifesaving, even. He wouldn’t trade them, but there are moments when Tighnari wishes he could put his heightened sense of hearing on pause. He doesn’t need to hear with crystal clarity the muffled splatter of liquid against plastic. And then, louder, a wet belch and splashing noises. He tries to take a calming breath, but it only fills his nostrils with a sour, rotting scent of sickness.

“Cyno - urp - are you almost done?” Tighnari’s strength has all but left him. The only response he receives is a whimper. Then Cyno is heaving again, soupy orange stomach contents spraying from his lips.

Tighnari is not normally squeamish. Still, even he has a breaking point on a sick day.

A gut-wrenching belch rumbles through him. Tighnari tries not to jostle the man next to him, but he has little control over his body as he lurches forward to once again be violently sick. Thanks to careful positioning, most of it makes it into the bin. Having to share such a small space has taken its toll, though, because some of the sticky substance splatters onto Cyno’s hands around the trash bin. Tighnari can't even manage an apology. His head pounds and he is wracked with dry heaves, unable to contain his nausea even now that he’s empty while Cyno continues to cough up streams of bile. When at last Cyno is able to get his stomach under control, Tighnari finally pulls back, bringing his arm up to his face to cover his nose from the vile scent filling the room.

“Are you okay?” He asks, voice all but torn to shreds. Cyno looks like a wet dog, hair drenched in sweat, eyes round and watery. He nods, but speaks waveringly.

“I– I think I should move to the bathroom.” His arms are trembling around the now nearly-full and quite heavy trash bin. Tighnari eyes it with distaste and resolves to worry about it later with a firm nod. 

He is painfully aware that he’s been sick for three days now with no real sign of improvement. If, as the case seems to be, Cyno has caught his illness, they should indeed go ahead and make themselves as comfortable as possible on the cold stone floors of the cramped hotel bathroom (regardless of how absolutely repulsive the thought of moving is at the moment).

–––

Send asks here!

#my writing #tw vomit #tw emeto #tw fever #genshin impact emeto #genshin impact #sick cyno #sick tighnari #novemetober #novemetober rescheduled #sickfic #cyno genshin impact #tighnari genshin impact #genshin sickfic #my writing: genshin

[wayfayrr]

aaaaaaahhh all i can think of is like- most isekai fics I've seen for some reason [i mean understandably] the reader is wearing their pajamas, but after visiting the modern world they can finally show the chain what they actually like wearing, [i can see this going in so many ways, depending on who is reacting, and especially depending on what aesthetic the reader likes to dress in. for the sake of the request ill keep it as dark academia, cause i love it so muchhhh [not so much in the summer, but i make it work lol] with time? [just imagining reader with a tie and just wearing business casual w a trenchcoat frrrrrrrr- might draw this kind of thing and send it to you lol]

Anon I hope you know this ask had me in an absolute chokehold. OUJDFNBJNF ✨I LIVE FOR DARK ACADEMIA AESTHETICS!!!✨ My trenchcoat is one of my favourite things I own. So I get your pain in summer as well 🥹

“Hey Time, have you seen Wild anywhere? He borrowed my laptop and I really need it back.”

“I haven’t sorry [nam]-... Is that what you wear normally? You look incredible.”

“Pretty much, yeah? Why, is there an issue with it?”

Time’s blushing. Is what I’m wearing really that impressive because I know he’s not blushing over what I’m wearing being revealing. A trenchcoat that goes down to my calves with the rest of my clothes? Does he just think I’m attractive or something? 

“No, no issue. You look good in it, it’s just very different to what you arrived in Hyrule wearing.”

“I know, like I said then those were my pyjamas. These are my casual clothes.”

Well, his blush has only gotten worse from that, so he is clearly struggling with how my clothes look on me. Dark academia doesn’t exist in Hyrule I know that, but really he’s struggling far more than anyone else has with my fashion sense. 

“Do you think you could help me choose some clothes like that? I’d like to match wit.. I think that style would suit me.”

“If you’d like, we can go shopping for you later. After I get my laptop back and finish off this report I have due.”

Laughing at how he's stumbling over himself to ask me these questions simply isn't an option, no matter how hard it is to hold myself back. He's asking so genuinely and so sweetly and who knows maybe getting some new clothes could help him adjust to this world more easily, I mean it certainly helped me when I was in Hyrule. How different could it be for time?

It didn't take too long to find wild after talking to time, and even less to finish off the work I had to do, now it’s just down to taking time shopping.

“So you want to look like you belong with a shot of espresso in an artisanal coffee shop while writing a research paper?”

“I only know what half of those words mean [name.], even less with how you’re using them.”

“Right, sorry. I’m still getting used to all of the differences in our cultures. Hopefully, you’ll get more used to the terms we use here sooner rather than later. Ready to go out though?”

“I am, it’ll be nice to get some new clothes. Not that I’m complaining about the excuse to wear yours.”

The nearest place that sells things like these isn’t exactly the closest to where I live, making it the perfect opportunity to adjust Time to my world’s transport. Well, more than he’s already seen anyway. Actually, now that I’m thinking about this, what size clothing even is he? Not that it’s an issue but not knowing a vague size is gonna mean he’s going to have to try on a lot of different fits. Then finding the right colours for him is a whole different challenge… And we’re already here… Time to find out the answers to those questions of mine.

“Where would you like to start?”

“A coat exactly like yours perhaps?”

“I don’t see why not. Any colour in mind or just the same style?”

A shrug was NOT what I wanted as an answer, but he does know what he wants which means that I’ve got somewhere to start. Trench Coats are somewhat pricey but with how some of the others are chipping in towards living costs now there’s no issue with spending out occasionally. He seems to be gravitating more towards things that are similar to mine, isn’t that charming? He sees something he likes on me then decides that’s what he wants for himself hopefully, he just stays away from the expensive ones. 

“You ready to try those on then, old man?”

“Just a moment more love, I can’t find quite the right colour yet.”

He just… How red is my face right now? It has to be crimson, doesn’t it? That’s the first time Time’s ever called me something like that naturally it’s when he’s looking at clothes like my own, is he trying to kill me with his charms?

#starting uni soon and you can guess what my aesthetic will be #It doesn't help the place I'm likely going fits it so well #links✦react #linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe #link x reader #moss✦answers #lu time

[fatuismooches]

SMOOOOCHES!!! hello sweetheart!! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

I hope you’ve been well since the last time I came on here!! (little update on my test results: everything came back clean except a few things came back indecisive but nothing to worry about! Chronic illness doesn’t seem to be getting any worse as of right now.) but asides from that here’s a little drabble as I was re-reading a few of my earlier drabbles from last year!

We know fragile!reader despises examinations and having to endure the painful injections every few weeks when Dottore batches up a new medicine. However, what if it backfires completely? Causing fragile!reader to be in an even weaker condition, barely able to move and clinging onto Dottore as tightly as they can. Perhaps running a fever, feeling miserable as they feel as if though their whole body is being pricked by thousands of needles as they shake from their fever. Dottore would try his best to not let his emotions show, but deep down he’s panicking and trying to figure out how he can cancel out the current “medicine” running through their body. To say Dottore feels guilt is an understatement, he knows that any medicine that they take can easily backfire quickly, but he never would’ve thought the symptoms would be so severe. :( once their condition stabilizes I like to think Dottore keeps them close for at least a few days, just to make sure everything is fine. Even if it means they’ll be all clingy to him, he’d rather they be safe and alive rather than induced in a coma once again.

A bit of fluff: I like to think Zandy definitely also tries to cheer you up after the whole ordeal. He’s not sure why you weren’t visiting or reading books to him anymore, other than that “you were busy with Dottore”, is what you had told him. But even the little baby knows you look more weaker (even if it’s been a few days, your condition had still worsened anyways). So perhaps he tries to draw you adorable silly drawings, and also show you his “safe” experiments. (Lest he get a scolding from Zandik or the clones again…)

‘m giving you so many chu chus n cuddles like always smooches hehe gonna make your cheeks all rosy pinky! <33 I hope you have a lovely day n spend it with a smile like always!

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon! ౨ৎ

HELLO MY DEAR 🎐 ANON!! Ahh I'm so glad your results were okay! I'm so happy for you and for getting through all of this! *hugs you* And I LOVE this brainrot! ❤️ I've always brainrotted about this idea hehe because angst of Dottore failing... teehee.

Dottore, being the skilled scholar he is, never fails to concoct new medications and treatments for you in hopes of creating something that sticks, along with the actual cure. These meds always go through a few rounds of testing, on his experiments of course (as you said before) but sometimes there is only so little that can be done. After all, your body is very different from the average person's. So, there have been times when the things he's given you didn't agree with your body very well, but they were never anything drastic. However, that was until this instance.

Dottore is a confident man. He's smart, he plans ten steps ahead, and things always go exactly as he orchestrated or predicted them to. So that's why he expected nothing different to be with this batch, maybe you'd have a few minor side effects that he'd note and so on, but he expected you to be fine, to then whine about how all of this was so much work, and he'd only hum at your complains to which you'd pout at. In the beginning, you seemed fine. Looked fine, your vitals were fine. But in a matter of minutes, when you got off the operating table, all of that changed, as dizziness and blurriness.

You tried to wave off Dottore's concern, observing your worsened state immediately, but your resistance was futile as your knees buckled, though your husband caught you before you could fall. Your skin was on fire, sapping away your strength as you couldn't even bring your hand up to stop your hacking and coughing. You try to speak but everything hurts far too much for you to muster your words, and you can barely process the muffled voices, footsteps against the floor, and hands running over your body (he must have called a few segments in too.) You pass out soon after, unable to see the blank look on Dottore's face, how his hands don't shake, how he is unfaltering and flawless in his steady work to counteract what he put in his body. Unable to see what only you can see - what he's really feeling underneath everything.

You don't wake up until a few days later, to which Dottore spent trying to figure out where he went wrong constructing this medication. If only he had been more careful, if he had run more tests, perhaps this may not have happened. Perhaps he wouldn't be the cause of your even weaker state. But even when you wake up, you just smile at him, assuring him that you're okay. You'd never blame him. Even though this was all this fault. He despises it sometimes, how you're so kind and forgiving. It's a weakness.

Sure, Dottore has a lot of work to be done, and having you around so much serves as a distraction to his work... but he'll let it slide. Just for a bit. At least it is a reminder to him that you're not permanently sleeping again.

Zandy, despite being left out of the loop many times, mostly due to your insistence that he not be burdened with your own troubles, can still sense something is wrong after a while. Yes, he's a child, but he's a rather smart one. And a very attentive one when it comes to his favorite person, you. He can see how much time you spend for "check-ups" with the segments and Prime now, far more than what it used to be... how you always look exhausted but force yourself to perk up and smile around him, assuring him you'll play with him "next time", even though numerous "next times" have passed. Zandy doesn't know the exact details, but that's okay, he can see what you're going through. So obviously he's going to try and make you smile! In the time he's not with you, he spends it doing all the things you like to do too. Drawing you two together of course, in a happy little house in Sumeru where the two of you play outside together all day with no worries! Maybe he even tried baking by himself to surprise you with something yummy (quickly stopped by a segment before he hurt himself or perhaps blew up the lab.) Maybe the child should take up sewing... maybe he can sew a little Puffttore squish ball for you! Oh, but you always told him to stay away from needles... well, it's okay if you don't find out until after the fact, right?

#smooches talks #🎐 anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #zandy bb <3 #giving you a million more chu chus!! and cuddles!! #i always luv luv ur brainrots! #only one post for tonight bc im eepy

[analoghorrorexplained]

I feel like I must do this every few months but here we are.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE CONSUMING ANALOG HORROR, UNFICTION, OR MOST TYPES OF INTERNET HORROR CONTENT IF YOU ARE A CHILD OR HAVE A MENTAL CONDITION THAT MAKES IT HARD TO DECERN REALITY FROM FICTION.

No, you are not mature for doing it.

No, you are not immune from being triggered by the content you watch, no matter how often you expose yourself to graphic, violent, or sexual material.

Yes, the content can make whatever condition you have worse and be bad for your mental health.

No, creators should not have to make their series more "minor" friendly or toned down to accomidate for people easily triggered by horror/the subject of the series.

No, minors should not be in these spaces at all.

No, I am not gatekeeping by saying this.

There is a profound difference between calling out series and their creators for their haphazard and lazy use of shocking subjects such as child abuse, sexual abuse, etc for the sake of "oooo scary" and setting the boundary that keeps mature genres for mature audiences and draws a concrete line beween fiction and reality. If you are a child (this is even more true if you are 15 or younger) you should not be regularly consuming this type of content at all. The "I turned out fine" excuse is absolutley bullshit. I know many of us older folks who were the first to grow up with the internet were also kind of left to run wild, but that does not mean we did either. This isnt some race to be mature and we do not need to keep encouraging and welcoming kids into spaces where they should not be.

The same thing goes for people who suffer from conditions that cause delusions, psychosis, hallucinations, etc.

You should generally not be consuming content that triggers your illness or that is greatly distressing to you. This isnt to say mentally ill people cant consume this content at all and enjoy it; but the defining word here is "enjoy". You are not enjoying something if it begins to consume your life and manifests as part of your condition. You are not enjoying something if you are in actual fear for your life or think things are out to get you. You are not enjoying something if it takes you back to a very dark place. Analog horror, unfiction, and other forms of horror are no different than the movies you see at the theater or TV. The thing that makes them extra "potent" is the fact that 3rd person prospective is removed. That line between viewer and character is removed. Its easy to get sucked up in that if you are already struggling.

Sometimes things are just not made for you. And thats fine. They might be for you in the future but not now. Maybe not even ever. But forcing it and warping your sense of personhood and reality isnt how you cope with that.

#analog horror

[wrathful--artist]

The Caged Bird and Chased Mouse

Chapter 2: The Mouse Rests

HOLY HECK,,, lots of people seem to like this idea, i wasn’t expecting people to like it or want to be part of a taglist no less! Im still not a writer by trade,, im an artist so maybe,,, just maybe,,, ill draw some scenes if you ask politely (they;ll be sketches but hey if it helps you visualize then I’d be happy to help!) also If you want i can answer things if something’s unclear in the story *this is just me asking for asks tbh,, i need friends haha* anyways i’ma make this one longer to compensate for the shorter one last time.

No Warnings!

You were in a void of darkness, sitting down on the non-existent floor. You look around hoping you’d see something at least vaguely familiar to latch yourself to, but it was truly empty. You started to stand up to gain some bearings on where you were.

It felt like a dream, you thought, it had the same sort of fuzzy quality you’d feel when dreaming with nothing truly concrete. Or perhaps, it’s a worse, torturous nightmare than the one you just escaped, your traitorous brain supplied. You shook your head to make sure the thought didn’t linger for too long and started to wander in the void.

After a while of walking around aimlessly you started to think of your life before this whole fiasco, your comfortable bed with plenty of blankets, pillows and plushies. Your walls decorated with assorted posters and trinkets. Your windows that gave a clear view of your yard and the bird feeder you put to watch them come and go. Your plants outside that needed water regularly, making you one of the few Genshin players that touched grass nearly everyday.

You didn’t even realize you had closed your eyes. You opened them, expecting to see the void once again but…

It was your room. Your magnificent room. You could’ve cried at such a familiar and mundane sight.

You were about to fall into your bed but you noticed it was alright occupied by someone. It was the child that was trapped in the orb thing, she was here sitting in your bed looking at you expectantly. You sat next to her in the bed (damn, it also felt the same,) and stared back.

“…” The white-haired girl kept opening and closing her mouth as if she couldn’t think of what to say to you, “You seem so… Familiar to me. Do you know why?”

You were taken aback, but worried, was she also going to accuse you of being an imposter? You spoke after a bit “uhm, no, I’m sorry.”

“Oh. I was hoping you knew, it’s frustrating to not know something when its… uhm” She puts a finger to her chin in thought

“On the tip of your tongue?” You try and supply helpfully

“Yes! Hehe, I guess that was also ‘on the tip of my tounge’!” She giggles at what she thought of, you also laugh but mostly because of her enthusiasm. You both settle back into silence but a question was still bugging you in the back of your head;

“Why were you trapped in that… Orb thing,” You gesture a circle shape with your hands ”back in what I assume is the real world.”

“Ah, well I’m the Archon of Sumeru and-“ Your eyes widen at that but you decide to stay quiet, “I’m not fit to rule Sumeru, so I let the Sages run everything and because of that I’m not really meant to be outside of the Sanctuary so I’m stuck here.” Her head sags down when she finished speaking, making her look incredibly downtrodden

You tilt your head slightly to the side at mention of ‘Sages’, but decide to just ask simple questions since, well this has been the first character that has shown you friendliness towards you and you’d like to make a friend before they turn against you. “What’s your name? I’m sorry, i know I should’ve asked earlier but, I forget i guess. I’ll tell mine in return, its only fair.”

She lifts her head back up and gives a smile “That’s okay, I also should have asked. I’m Lesser Lord Kusanali but you can called me Nahida.” You tell her your name, your real one and not the one you used in the game, which seemed to be the name given to ‘The Creator’ from what you’ve gathered in your terrifying travels across Teyvat.

You yawn and lean back into bed, “I know this is a dream and yet I still feel tired, I wonder why that is.” Nahida looks at you while you lay down, as if she wants to do something.

“Do you want to.. cuddle Nahida?” You offer, unsure

Her eyes widen and she gives a shy slow nod to you. You open your arms as you lay on your side for her to come over. She hesitantly gets closer, almost nervous about it. Once she’s close enough you wrap your arms around her and pull her closer, she’s like a plushie shes so smol squish her, you thought as you started to drift into what felt like an even deeper sleep. Nahida’ s small arms wrapped around you waist and snuggled her head into your chest as you fell unconscious.

_________________________________________________________________________________

The Traveler felt… Lost. The force that seemed to guide them throughout Teyvat seemed to disappear, they no longer felt the warmth that the being dubbed ‘The Creator’ gifted them when they led their body to new areas and helped with everything. Paimon has been asking them what’s wrong and why they haven’t been traveling (or talking for that matter) as much as of late, because Paimon didn’t seem to understand anything about The Creator at all unlike the Traveler’s other companions. “Maybe Paimon isn’t worthy enough to receive The Creator’s warmth like me” thought the Traveler as they absentmindedly pushed around the ash from the campfire they’d set up an hour earlier.

They decided to bring out their Adventure Handbook and flipped to the Map, it seemed like they was one marker left from the last time they had been controlled by The Creator. “Hey Paimon, Tomorrow we’ll be back on the road.” Traveler said to his flying friend who was currently devouring an entire Honey Roast.

“*Nom Nom* Where to? Paimon’s bones have been aching for some good adventure!” Paimon ignored that Traveler had finally spoke a full sentence to her after weeks, more focused on the idea of going somewhere new.

“Sumeru.”

_________________________________________________________________________________

So? How you like it? It’s probably not that long if im being honest ehe. So yeah Traveler is coming into the mix, which btw you guys can decide if you want the Traveler to be Lumine or Aether! (Because I can’t deal with using They for both you the reader and the traveler because i will get confused when writing) Also the whole room thing is based on what my room is like, other than the bird feeders but I’m getting those sometime this year i promise. I also had to read the lore for Nahida and it seems there was never like,,, a solid reason for why she was trapped in the orb thing other than “Sages wanted to and she did it out of her own freewill” and didnt have a larger purpose.

If your name is crossed out it means I couldn’t tag you I’m sorry :(

Taglist: @no-name-omo @moosieman123456 @tinandabin @esthelily @d0rmiens-fact0rem @lunalily19 @meerpea @justasleepyboi @lunarianillusion @cumbermovels @allblognamesaretakenlikereally @dulleyeddreamer @ello-its-me-ya-boi @jayastronomicnova

#genshin impact #au #genshin fanfic #genshin sagau #genshin impact sagau #genshin nahida #genshin kusanali #imposter sagau #sagau impostor au #sagau #its so cute #fluff #fluffy #im not a writer

[boxheadpaint]

good: have been drawing a lot in my sketchbook lately, mostly with pencil. do you know how awesome it is to have a sharpener on hand immediately too. making smooth gem-ish shading is very fun and time consuming too, so its a nice way to distract myself. i need to get back into my pixel projects as well- i forgot that aseprite is still technically a steam game so my friend asked me why i have 6000 hours in it (i keep basically all art programs open to have them on hand fast). i want to get watercolor markers or something to make funny things more. i used to draw a lot back in school of course because it was easier than doing the actual work i guess- now i have some block about drawing traditionally where i forget it for a long while and also need to be in a very specific spot for it to be enjoyable (in this case thecorner of the living room couch). ill figure out how to use the scanner by myself at some point

bad: toenail is starting to hurt again, swelling, had a rough time yesterday with my heart blasting in spite of Actually No Anxiety for once and not even having a huge meals, just snacking until dinner (by which point i had weakened considerably but even before that when i had eaten it was like techno in there.) i still have yet to get the long ecg or whatever it is, though i do have a random app with the doctor on the 27th so maybe i can ask for a referral that isnt over an hour away from where i live. the gums of a tooth in the back of my mouth was hurting for a while but seems fine now, wasnt sure what i was gonna do about that so thats good. can go back to brushing normal now. still havent gotten lab orders.

the cats were grooming eachother on the couch a second ago and now theyre getting feisty and bitey and silly so i cant really stay depressed. dreams have been weirdly vivid as of late for better and for worse, even just during naps. makes it even more exhausting. for the past 3 weeks or so ive had a consistent thought whenever ive been stressed of "i need to go curl up in a dirt hole somewhere else", which while not good isnt the worst thing to think at least

2/20/2024, you can type a lot more with an actual keyboard

#diary

[awakening5]

Babe I will give you my left lung, a king sized candy bar and a little forehead kiss for a snippy of your ghostflower college AU AND your Beyond WIP 👀

Wait a KING size candy bar???

Another college snip:

“I’m…well, I’m like you,” he tells her, out of breath. He can’t believe he finally caught up to her before she got away. Adrenaline from the chase and from the encounter he’s been spending weeks trying to have thrum through his veins. “I’m Spider-Man.” “Sure,” she says, the eyes of her mask bending in…amusement? She looks him up and down. “Love the look, ‘Spider-Man’. Don’t get yourself hurt.” Miles is about to respond, offer to prove it to her. But she merely shoots a web high above her and launches herself into the air. His shout after her is lost in the cool night. He swallows, and gives chase again. He didn’t come all this way just to lose her again. Without webs, he was at a significant disadvantage. But he had all of the other Spider powers. And maybe even some she didn’t have.

And for the left lung and forehead kiss, a piece of Beyond, my post AtSV fic!

Miles’ first instinct is to go to Alchemax. But that’s a pretty far way to go from the city, and he’s not even sure there would be buses going out that way so late at night. So instead, he hopes Kingpin had been building a collider in this universe, too. Maybe he could hitch a ride on one of Fisk’s ill-fated test runs. He swings through the city to get there, and he quickly finds that he should have realized this wasn’t his earth long before he did. The streets are filthy, and empty. His Spidey sense is at a constant low hum, like he’d be able to find danger in any direction he turned. He ought to bring J Jonah Jameson to this universe to show him proof of the good Spider-Man did for the city. He tries not to think about how it was his Spider that should have given this city a hero.  Miles finds a building near where Fisk had built the collider in his universe and perches there, observing. He’s not exactly sure what he’s looking for. Henchman going in and out, maybe. Kingpin himself, in all his hulking glory. A shaking building from tests gone wrong. Miles sighs and tries to ignore the still- and ever-present Spider Sense. What are even the odds that this universe is looking to travel to another? Still, he has to try. What other option does he have? He has days or weeks to live in this world. His dad has fewer in his. “What do you know,” a familiar voice startles him from behind. “A Spider, just like Prowler said.” Miles spins around, and his heart catches in his throat. “Gwen,” he whispers. Her hair isn’t the same here. Her energy isn’t the same. Her outfit sure isn’t the same, either. Even though his Gwen wears the form-fitting Spider-suit, there’s something infinitely more alluring about this Gwen’s skin-tight attire and little half-mask that doesn't do much to obscure her identity from him. He suspects it’s intended to draw his eye, and Miles tries not to give in. It kills him that he’s still so affected by seeing a Gwen despite her betrayal. Even worse, it’s not even his Gwen! Even so, he has to calm his beating heart when she speaks to him. “What’s the point of a costume and a secret identity if people already know my name?” she asks playfully, and steps towards him. This Gwen doesn’t move like the same kind of dancer that he’s used to his Gwen moving like. More hips in her step, a sashay more than a walk. “And what’s the secret identity called?” Miles asks through a tight throat. “Black Cat,” Gwen responds with a wink. “But I don’t mind hearing my name out of your lips.” He clears his throat. “You work for Prowler?” Miles asks. She shakes her head. “For Prowler? No.” She steps right into his space. It’s nice. He’s able to be close to Gwen without actually being close to Gwen. He hates that he still wants to be close to her despite everything. “I work with him sometimes, though. When the mood suits me.”

#ghostflower #Beyond #my writing #gwiles #college fic

[lesbiamano]

AN INTRODUCTION TO "The Loving River", AKA Nazya's story!!

this story takes place in a historic setting in iraq, no specific years (for now) so everything here is subject to some change in the future.

this post is just an introduction to the main stuff and characters in the story! (all under cut, and fair warning, its a lot)

Shanya Al-Malaika:

shanya is a 29 year old poet, going by the pen name "Ta'abata Sharan" and taking on the image of a man so she can comfortably write about her love for nazik, and to be taken more seriously in the world of poetry. she is the mortal daughter of the goddess shaahida, also referred to as "The Witness", and ill be explaining more about her and her lore later.

to make a long story short, shaahida never wanted a child, and so shanya's coming into the world was a complete accident, and to shaahida, a shameful mistake. with that, she sends off newborn shanya to live with her aunt, saabira, another goddess, this one referred to as "Patience". saabira had a mortal husband and five mortal children with him, so the choice to send shanya there was easy. shaahida was sure saabira, with all her patience and knowledge of children, would be able to take care of shanya better than shaahida ever could. but of course, if she was going to give away shanya like this, shed have to gain something out of it too. she slashed baby shanya across the mouth with her divine nails, drawing blood, and leaving a scar. a tie between them both, stronger than their familial connection. wherever shanya was, shaahida would be able to keep watch, and when the time comes, shaahida would be able to use shanya as the vessel for her plan (which i'll discuss later,, maybe.)

shanya lives with saabira's family for most of her life in dhi qar, where she meets nazik, a girl around her age, and eventually, falls for her. the two are worlds apart though, for while saabira prefers to live humble and poor despite her divinity, making shanya live as a young sheep herder, nazik came from a wealthy family. middle upper class, to be exact. one day, however, nazik leaves dhi qar suddenly, and without much explanation, leaving shanya all alone. what made it all worse was this coming directly after a major fight/argument between the two. (this is insanely simplified, for a lot of stuff happens between them here.)

shanya continues to live with saabira, until the age of 16. when one day, as she on the carriage of saabira's oldest son, shaheen, she began to tinker with the oud guitar he always had with him. she strummed a few notes and smiled to herself, preparing to play a small tune. the carriage soon hit a bump, and the oud, with all its heaviness, slipped out of shanyas hands and fell off the carriage, tumbling down into the nearby river, and breaking. shaheen went off the rails at this, screaming at shanya about how expensive the oud was, and going as far as slap her and push her out of the carriage, telling her to walk home instead. its then, when shes trying to walk home, in the most vaguest in terms, she ends up dying. very unfortunate, and a horrible look for shaheen.

shaahida oversaw all of this. she was angered, not as a mother would be for a daughter, but a creator to a vessel. she transforms her own body to shanyas likeness, and makes it, in a way, a vessel for shanyas spirit to reside in for the time being. making daughter and mother, one and the same.

after saabira realizes what had happened, shanya's death, shaahida's work, she is frightened, and she does not tell shanya of what had truly happened to her. instead she grabs her and takes her towards kirkuk, where hashim, her uncle, and saabira and shaahidas brother, resides. hashim the god, also referred to as "The Punisher". after learning of what had happened to shanya, hashim takes her in, almost like his own daughter, and he is the one who teaches her of poetry and art and whatnot.

it is also hashim who sends 29 year old shanya out of kirkuk and to baghdad, along with her cousins, the twins jamil and jameela (also saabira's children), to gain more knowledge and more inspiration after she finds herself in a writing block. and that is where shanya meets nazik again after so long, which kickstarts the main story.

Nazik Al-Khafaji:

nazik is the 30 year old eldest daughter to jasim al-khafaji and his university sweetheart, nadeen. young nazik worked in a library with her mother until she was 14, before becoming a 'healer' or a doctor later into her adulthood. she has a younger brother, azra, only 4 years younger. nazik's mother had been a worshipper of saabira, one of the saabiroon, and as such, nazik aligned herself with that sect of worship too. and when push comes to shove, as an adult, nazik realizes she had been blessed by saabira with the power of healing. specifically, healing people with her own blood, something she couldve used much, much earlier.

jasim's family was quite a rich one, and yet, he distanced himself from them and went against his own family's wishes by marrying nadeen, and as such he did not inherit much of their wealth at all, and all the wealth naziks family did have came entirely from his own hard work and businesses in gold selling and jewelry making. nazik's family was originally from baghdad, however after jasim's falling out with his family, they packed their bags and moved to dhi qar when nazik was 6 and azra was 2, which is, of course, where nazik met shanya.

nazik quickly found herself enjoying shanya's company, and even introducing shanya to her brother, for a chance to get the girl to step out of her shell and meet new people, for nazik had noticed how lonely shanya seemed to be, with how all of her cousins were decades upon decades older than her, and having no free time to spend with her at all. nazik found herself skipping many of her classes to be with shanya, almost getting caught by her father many times, but she simply could not get away from her. in her free time she brought shanya books to read with her, though most of the time she sat by and listened to shanya play the oud, yes, the one she often borrowed from shaheen. nazik hadnt realized it, but she had fallen for shanya, hard and deep. one day, after returning home later than she should, after spending a night with shanya, she came back to find her mother dead. nadeen had been sick for years now, but nobody had expected her to die so suddenly. naziks life changed overnight. in the morning, she went to visit shanya one last time, a meeting which resulted in a huge useless argument, before nazik ran off, going home to finish her packing. that night, her, her brother, and her father took a carriage all the way to baghdad. she left shanya with no last goodbye, no last hug, and that is her one regret, though she does not blame herself.

jasim never quite made up with his family, his parents however begrudgingly gave him an estate to own in baghdad, which they settled in. as an adult, nazik was practically the only one working in the house. jasim had given up on life and on fatherhood after nadeen's death, forcing nazik to mother her own brother, and to grow up faster than she shouldve. and while jasim was useless, azra picked up traveling as a hobby, untied and free of all burdens, he was almost never home, and always off doing his own thing outside of iraq, leaving nazik to labor on her own, completely oblivious to the exhaustion she was facing, for she hid it all from him.

nazik, of course, has her own set of people in baghdad, and one of them was a pen pal, jameela, who she did not recognize as shanyas cousin, and whom she had urged to come to baghdad to meet. jameela had of course come to baghdad with her twin brother jamil and her cousin shanya. however, shanya and nazik would not stumble upon eachother until much, much later after shanyas coming to baghdad.

Shaahida (Al-Malaika):

shaahida, the witness, was the second born goddess from "The Creator", coming only after her eldest sister, huda, "The Gift". sources speculate she was born from The Creator's left eye, to bear witness over humanity, and to help her brother, hashim, the punisher, who was born right behind her, in trials, so he may adequately punish both mortals and their divine siblings alike.

of course it must be explained that The Creator is the one true god of the universe, having created it all with humans and all. in their divine eternalness, they split themselves into 99 different pieces, and the one last 100th piece would be created when all 99 pieces set aside their differences and finish their business on earth, and come together to create a new "creator". which is to say, the 99 lesser gods created were much weaker in comparison to The Creator, having a limited set of skills, and being very close to human like with their feuds and problems and personalities. some say there is no way all 99 of them would ever come together to become whole again, for each of them held such wildly different ideologies, and often butted heads with eachother. sometimes mortals wonder if they truly did come from one beings.

each god has their own set of followers that follow certain rules for worship. some gods have easier rules than others, some want all the worship, some want none. while, worshipping one god means you believe in the existence of the 98 remaining, it does not necessarily mean you believe in their coming together again to be one, and it does not mean you believe in them coming from one being. those beliefs depend on the individual and the family they hail from. there is however another religion made from these using all these factors (believing in all gods, their coming from one being and their eventual unity) called "Istiqbal", in the way that its followers await the future for the 'inevitable' unity of these gods.

that being said, shaahida was never one to love her job. as the witness for the punisher, she did not last long. she kept it up merely 3 millennia before giving it up, opting to wander the world meaninglessly for a few couple of centuries, before settling in a temple and watching people worship at her feet all day. along the way, she found herself obsessing with a mortal girl, a girl named batool, and a worshipper of hers. she possessive as much as she was obsessive, and batool did not by any means hate the attention. until one day, when she revealed to shaahida that was to get married to a man soon. of course, that angered shaahida greatly, and with her anger came eyes on them, and the public soon found out about their situation. it was not homosexuality itself that was forbidden, but the act of mingling with mortals at the time was. hashim came, with his divine punishment, and stoned them, though whether he truly wanted to or not was debated. some even said he had someone else come and punish them in his stead. shaahida was hung up and stoned for a whole year, before her mortal lover which of course died before her. after her punishment, shaahidas reputation was tainted forever. humans misunderstood the punishment, thinking it for homosexuality, and quickly forbid it. which, in turn, made shaahida a symbol for homosexuality, and specifically, lesbian love. she would gain a few followers for this, though not many, and all worshipped her in secret. for the next few centuries or millennia, shaahida wandered aimlessly amongst the earth in a disguise, though she did not dare get close to any mortal during that time.

until one day, it suddenly became allowed to get with mortals. a lot of time had passed, and most of her siblings had slowly but surely been becoming more lax on many things. it was frustrating, to think that if her and batool's love was delayed a few mere centuries, it wouldve blossomed to fruition.

shaahida let herself out again, and began to mingle once more with the mortals. she met a writer one day, a man who calls himself abd al sahib. without knowing of her divinity, he spoke to her of his want to write a book about the witness. she smiled, thinking it was flattering. the two got closer, though she did not love him in the way she loved batool, nor in the way lovers loved eachother. he however, was obviously in love and head over heels. and he was not stupid, he soon learned of her divinity and her being the subject of his book, which only made him get closer to her. a series of events unfolds, many that were out of shaahidas control, and she finds herself bearing a child, a mortal child, shanya. for the first few months she had not truly processed it, until one day abd al sahib pointed it out, grinning with pride at the fact that he had impregnated her. her actions next had been a long time coming, she had enough. she killed abd al sahib, which, of course, was a sin. for gods could not murder their subjects and humans in general. it was fine however, for she hid all the clues. and when she brought shanya into the world, she was disgusted. not specifically by shanya, but the events that led up to her birth.

she sends shanya away and goes into hiding, hoping hashim would not find this out.

she loses herself completely in this loneliness and new found hopelessness she has dug herself into, and thinks the only way to get out of it and to be free is to simply become the new creator, to end the world prematurely. and maybe shanya was simply a tool given to her by the world to achieve this.

with that, her loneliness is broken only slightly, and only briefly by her meeting a new woman. nadeen. they got close over a short period of time in baghdad, before shaahida realized nadeen was already married, and already had a few month old daughter. it was shortly after this realization did nadeen leave for dhi qar with her husband and daughter, and shaahida never had much of a chance to see her again. and there she returns to solitude.

.

.

.

and thats all for now! this is barely even half of the story, but again, its just intros, and it's already so long so i dont want to add more. i know not many will read all of this anyway so ive only written this for myself so its easier for me to see the info of my own story here. anyway! heres some art for the characters mentioned!

nadeen (left) and batool (right)! this is all i have for now! if youve made it this far, tysm for reading!

#ocs #oc posting #Nazik Al-Khafaji #Shanya Al-Malaika #nazya #yes im giving them their own tags to make stuff easier for me lol #will be adding onto this post whenever i have new stuff or art #insanity #sorry for this being so long i did not mean to write this much ermmmm #if anyone even reads a quarter of this ill be impressed #if some things dont make sense srry i wrote this while sleep deprived #any asks/questions abt the story is very welcome!!!

[olivia091108]

Crimson

Summary:bam gets his heartagram tattoo done

Word count:1.8k

Pairing:bam margera x reader

I have just finished checking out my last client and it has gone quicker than I thought so maybe today I’ll actually be able to go out and meet some of my friends.

I walk into the back room to say goodbye and grab my things when I heard Holly shout my name in a hurry, I turn around and face her 

“Everything alright”

“ I’ve just thrown up in the bathroom can you take my last customer I feel awful please”

After thinking it through, I can’t really say no if she feels ill, “ alright, hope you feel better”

“Thank you so much. I totally owe you one”

From behind me I hear ruby “girl she is so faking I heard her in the bathroom, talking to one of her friends and they’re gonna go to a club because apparently some famous dudes are there”

“ You’re kidding, at least I can still hang out with you though”

“About that I did overtime yesterday, so I get to finish early today. So here’s the keys lock up as soon as you’re done and maybe you’re still have time to meet your friends.”

“Do you mean I’m here all by myself? What if there’s some creepy dude, an-“

“You’ll be fine, and if anything goes wrong, just call me love you”

“Love you too I call out to her as she leaves the shop”

I walk back over to my station and get my stuff set up and putting on another layer of my crimson lipstick and putting in my earphones, trying to pass the time

BAMS POV

Who into the tattoo parlour not seeing anyone so I ring the bell on the front desk. nothing. I try again. Nothing. maybe they’re in the back. I wander off to the back of the shop and see a girl facing away from me. 

“Hello?”she doesn’t hear me so I tap her shoulder

YOUR POV

I feel someone grab my shoulder and without hesitating i scream so high I’m surprised the glass didn’t break and swung on whoever was behind me feeling my fist connect with a face.

 As if something in my brain switched on, I realised that he is probably my client who I have now just punched in the face and his Crimson blood is dripping from his nose.

“I’m so sorry”

With the hand that isn’t holding his nose he pulls out my earphones and I realise I must’ve shouted in his face s this time I say it much quieter “I’m so sorry”

“Nah your’e fine at least you threw a good punch.” He tries to joke but I feel even worse I grab him some tissues to clean up the blood on his face, and then I realise how handsome he is with his dark, brown, almost black hair, piercing blue eyes, and has a small mole on his face.

“Umm well I’m y/n I’m gonna be doing your tattoo so if you can take a seat.”

“I’m bam”

“Have you gotten any tattoos before bam?”

“Yh a few”

“What were you thinking of getting today”

“A heartagram right here” he points to right above his dick.

The thought of being that close to his dock not just anyone’s but a VERY handsome man’s dick makes me feel a bit shy and awkward.

“Cool super cool” he laughs a bit at my awkwardness “yeah I thought so too”

He lays back on the recliner chair and pulls his top up revealing his torsos and while I was staring eh started to unbuckle his belt and pull down his jeans more showing off his prominent v line.

I quickly snap out of it and draw out a stencil and double check that he likes it. I try to get in a position where I don’t have to lay sideways to do the tattoo but no luck

“Sorry can I just”I squeeze between bams legs and he manspreads more to give me some space so now my face is inline with his dick. Usually in the position I wouldn’t be giving tattoos and he knows that as well since he has a coy smile on his face.

As I’m getting ready to tattoo him I start to make conversation to distract him from the tattoo.

“You doing anything fun this weekend”

“ Yeah actually after this meeting up with a few of my friends at a club and have some drinks but I’m only visiting for the weekend so I’m probably gonna look round and shit” I feel a tinsy bit jealous but continue with the tattoo

“What about you?”he asks staring down at me probably getting a great view down my cleavage but I’m not complaining he’s one of the hotties men I’ve ever seen.

“Well, I was planning to do the same, but the girl who was originally supposed to tattoo you felt ill, so I had to cover for her. And tomorrow, I’m meeting up with my friend bill. I haven’t seen him in awhile because his girlfriend has gotten pregnant.”

I hear my phone pain, but I’m doing a detailed part of the tattoo so I asked them to read it out. It’s not like I’ll be anything weird since I’m undeniably single

“William says sorry I can’t make it tomorrow. Chloe wants us to look for cribs and stuff maybe another time” my face does drop a bit,but just ignore it and focus on the tattoo

“So I get why bill is short for William and Bob for Robert, but how do you get dick from Richard?”He asks sound like it’s been frustrating him for awhile. And without thinking I reply “you ask him nicely”

He breaks into a fit of laughter and I quickly move the tattoo gun off him so it doesn’t mess up. “Your funny y/n”

Can you bring your jeans down a bit lower please?”I say feeling all the blood rush to my face. He shuffles them down even more almost seeing the start of his dick

“Anywhere you think I should see while visiting?”

“There’s a  fair that seems quite good  or you can go to the pier with you’re Girlfriend it might be a bit busy but there’s loads of stuff to do down there”

“I don’t have a girlfriend”

“Oh sorry, I just thought since you’re so handsome that you would have a girlfriend I’m sorry”I whip my hand over my mouth not meaning to say that

“It’s fine it ain’t a big deal”he assured me “wanna know a fun fact” “yeah sure”

“My dick was in the world book of records” my face flushed probably the same colour as my lipstick “oh wow um nice”

“Yeah but then the librarian told me to take it out” he stares down at me, watching me laugh at his joke, and when I look up, I catch him staring down my cleavage, and now he’s the one to blush 

“So, where are you visiting from anyway?”

“West Chester, Pennsylvania”

Oh wow, I have a friend who lived on there. I visited her a couple times,and she tried to teach me to skate but I wasn’t very good but she said that there’s this really annoying famous man who lives down there and destroys things and plays his music so loud till like 5am. People like that are such jackass’

“Yeahh they definitely are”

“Your all done” he stands up to look in the body length mirror and stares at the tattoo. “That’s sick thanks how much do I owe”

“$160” he grabs a wad of cash all in 100s and gives me $200 and tells me to keep the change and leaves the shop

I check the time on my watch 10:34 too late. I start clearing my stuff away and making sure everything is switched off. I look in the mirror and see my lipstick has come off so I reapply before leaving the shop and locking it

I dont get too far until I hear my name being called and I hear bam calling my name. “Did you forget something”

“No I was just gonna see if you wanted to come out for a few drinks tonight.?”

“I really would but I’m so broke right now and I’m not really dressed for a club”

“You look great and it’s all on me” I look down at my outfit my denim skirt that some people would say is too short and my deep cut red top. It will do.

“Ok yeah that would be nice” we walk to the club and when we get there there’s a huge line and a billboard above saying JACKASS APPEARANCE this is probably where holly went too she lives jackass she’s always rambling

I walk to the bcak if the line to start queuing but bam takes my hand and we walk to the first of the line “bam what are you doing we can’t cut in” the bouncer just asks “who’s she?” “She’s with me” and just like that we’re in

“What the fuck hwo did you do that?

“I’m apart of jackass” as he says that I see all his friends come over

“Y/n this is Johnny, Steve o,wee man and Ryan”

“Hi it’s nice to meet you” we chat and have some drinks for a bit before they all separate and me and bam start doing shots and me being a lightweight I’m already drunk.

Over the speakers I hear hit in here by nelly playing. “Omg I love this song come dance with me” I didn’t really give him a choice as I dragged him to the dance floor and began to grind on him. Throughout the song we have been getting closer and closer so now our lips are almost touching.

I reach up and kiss him and pull away just as quick for a second I thought you read the signals wrong until bam pulls me back into the kiss and kisses me even harder and my arms wrap round his neck and I feel his arms snake round my waist. He bites onto my bottom lip which makes a moan slip out and he starts to kiss down my neck and soon enough finds my sweet spot and he nips at it and I already know that there will be a bright hickey tomorrow morning.

I move my head down and catch his lips into a kiss again but we disconnect when we feel a bright light on us and over the speakers we here johnnys voice “there he is he was too busy trying to get laid.”everyone laughs at that including me and in the bright light I can see that my lipstick is all over his face. I grab his hand and drag him out hearing whistles coming from behind.

“You might as well prove him right”

-liv

This acc took so long but I feel like I could have done better

#liv’s writing #bam margera imagine #bam margera x reader #viva la bam #jackass imagine #jackass x reader

[snifflyjoonie]

Call Me What I Am

In which Jimin has to take an immediate leave from work.

Whump-centric featuring an injured Jimin and a stubborn Yoongi. (plus a little allergic!Yoongi as a treat)

Word count: 3032

FlowerShop!AU Part 5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

a/n: Hi, all! I’m so excited but so incredibly nervous to be back with my first full-length fic in awhile. I feel so unbelievably rusty, and I’m really hoping that doesn’t reflect too much in my writing. I’m so beyond appreciate of those of you that have been so kind to me while I took a much longer than anticipated hiatus. But I’m happy to be back! The featured flower for this installment is a black dahlia. Points if you know what types of emotions they represent! This is my first ever fic on this blog that doesn’t involve illness, and is my first injury fic period. It required me to do a bit of research, so I hope I did the story justice! Please let me know if you guys end up liking this one xx thanks for reading!

-

It had only taken Jimin a few months to realize that there truly was no-one out there quite like Min Yoongi.

Granted, he had expected so from the very beginning. There was just something about the tattoo artist that continued to draw Jimin in the more they spent their time together. Each date would seem better than the last, and Jimin found himself more times than not planning out what the two could do on their next outing before the current one had even finished. But despite the unbridled amounts of joy they would experience together, there was something about Yoongi that had been on Jimin’s mind for quite some time now.

For one reason or another, the tattooer did not want to call him his ‘boyfriend’.

The pair had been exclusively seeing each other for a while now and had mutually enjoyed every single excursion they’d been on, but yet…nothing had been made official. Jimin was more than ready, but Yoongi – despite his normal air of nonchalance – seemed oddly hesitant. The florist had tried to subtly hint at his eagerness to be partners, but whenever any kind of ‘boyfriend’ or ‘lable’ conversation began to rear its ugly head, Yoongi was always quick to change the subject. Jimin had even tried asking Namjoon about it, hopeful that maybe the man’s ex-coworker could shed some light on his uncertainty, but all the other could offer was a shake of his head and an unsure-sounding ‘Yoongi is…just like that.’

Yoongi’s unwillingness, or perhaps tentativeness, to solidify their relationship had started to fill Jimin with anxiety and self-doubt. The longer this went on, the worse the feelings would get. There were many nights he’d lie awake second guessing if he was maybe too loud on their most recent date, or possibly too giddy, or too annoying…too anything that would make Yoongi not want to see him anymore. But, Yoongi would always call him the next day, ready to plan something else, or to even just talk. It would always leave Jimin feeling more confused by the end of it. It almost felt as if he was getting pulled in two different directions — the relief of Yoongi still wanting to see him on one side and the frustration of maybe not being good enough on the other.

Finally, Jimin had had enough. He was going to get an answer out of Yoongi one way or another. He owed it to himself. He wasn’t going to get strung along like all of the other times in his life.

Yoongi was going to make a decision whether he liked it or not, no matter the outcome.

*

Jimin stares out his shop’s window with his chin resting in his palm as the fingers of his free hand drum anxious melodies against the wood of his front counter. It’s raining outside, and the florist can see the fat water droplets draw indiscernible patterns as they trickle down the window pane. It has been raining for two days straight and, according to the weather forecast, would rain for at least three more. Jimin sighs. It was almost as if the weather outside could feel his own inner turmoil, the sky crying alongside him in chaotic solidarity.

He pushes himself away from the counter and heads over to the front door, locking it and flipping his sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed’. Today had dragged on, and Jimin was both relieved and nervous when the clock had finally struck five.

He had been anxious all day, playing the conversation he wanted to have with Yoongi over and over on loop in his head. He dreaded the worst case scenario. Despite what he kept telling himself, he really wasn’t ready to possibly lose the other. He couldn’t bear the thought.

Letting out a shaky breath, Jimin pulls on his coat and slips on his shoes. He knew Yoongi would be at his tattoo parlour tonight, so that was where Jimin would head next. It was now or never.

*

As he pushes open the door and tumbles in, Jimin hears the words before he fully registers that Jungkook is resting stomach down on one of Yoongi’s tattoo beds.

“Oh shit, Yoongi — your boyfriend is here.”

He sees Yoongi glance over his shoulder towards him briefly before turning his focus back onto the half finished artwork on Jungkook’s back. If he was at all taken aback by Jungkook labelling him as “boyfriend” his face doesn’t show it.

“Hey.” He greets, and Jimin is barely able to make it out over the buzzing sound of his tattoo gun.

“Hey, sorry to bug you.” Jimin huffs as his soggy hair drips cold raindrops down his cheeks. “I knew you were working late so I thought I’d drop off some food. Hey, Gguk. There’s enough for you too, if you want.”

Jungkook makes an appreciative noise as he turns to Yoongi with mock surprise plastered on his face.

“Yoongiiiii, I would die for your boyfriend.”

There it is again, that word...boyfriend. It makes Jimin go ridgid, but why would Jungkook consider them anything else?

This time he sees Yoongi scoff slightly before deciding to speak up.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” He mumbles as he turns his attention back to Jimin, his expression unreadable. “Just put the bags on that table there.” He nods towards a small coffee table that sits in the corner of the room. “I’m a little busy right now.”

Jimin can see Jungkook’s eyes dart to him like a homing beacon. He’s waiting for a reaction, waiting to see if what Yoongi said was out of line or really the truth. Jimin doesn’t give it to him. He instead simply smiles tightly, nods, and sets the food down where Yoongi had instructed.

“It’s Chinese.” He murmurs. “Hopefully it’s okay.”

Yoongi hums instead of responding. He’s too focused on what he’s doing which Jimin finds both admirable as well as frustrating. Jungkook on the other hand seems ecstatic, which Jimin guesses he appreciates.

“You guys…almost done?” He questions as he wiggles out of his soggy jacket and kicks off his muddy shoes.

“Nearly.” Yoongi deadpans as Jimin slowly makes his way over to take a peek. From what he can see, Yoongi is etching one of his beautiful signature floral pieces into the other’s skin. The artist had already finished the line work and was now working on delicately shading each individual petal.

“Like it?” Jungkook asks, his smile growing when Jimin nods back. “I just let Yoongi do whatever he wanted this time. I’m glad he had some space for me today because I—”

The host is cut off as Yoongi suddenly sniffs sharply, lifting the tattoo gun from Jungkook’s back as he pushes himself away. Jimin can see him scrunch up his nose before he aggressively begins to rub it against his shoulder.

“All good?” Jungkook asks, glancing curiously over his shoulder to try and see why the tattoo artist has stopped.

“Ugh, yeah, just…fuck.” Yoongi suddenly snaps his attention to Jimin and the florist is surprised to see that he’s glaring. “Did you come straight from the shop?”

“I? Yes?” Jimin blinks, surprised by the sudden bite in Yoongi’s voice. “I mean I grabbed the Chinese before coming here, but I—”

He’s cut off by the artist aggressively waving him away.

“Look at you, your shirt’s covered in pollen. Ugh, you smell like a goddamn garden, Jimin, back up.”

Although taken aback by the other’s hostility, Jimin obeys without question and takes a deliberate step backward. He’s aware of Jungkook’s eyes once again locking onto him, clearly searching his face for any sign that Yoongi’s behaviour is perhaps abnormal, but again Jimin remains stoic.

“Why are you even—hh—hH’ISSHhhiuew!” Yoongi interrupts himself with a sneeze that he desperately tries to aim anywhere but towards his sanitised equipment. After the first comes a second, and then a third. Finally Yoongi swears loudly and slams his tattoo gun down onto his table, swivelling fast in his chair towards Jimin. “What are you doing here, Jimin.” His voice is like venom, but he becomes considerably less intimidating upon a gurgling sniffle. “I’m busy tonight. I told you that when you texted me yesterday.”

“I just needed to talk to you, Yoongi.” Jimin murmurs, “I knew you’d be here and I don’t mind waiting. Why don’t I just go sit in the lobby so I don’t—”

“Talk about what?” Yoongi cuts him off as he presses his nose against his tattooed forearm. “What could possibly be so urgent?”

For the first time since walking into the tattoo parlour, Jimin can feel his voice start to falter. Up until this moment Yoongi had never once before spoken to him in this tone, and frankly, the florist wasn’t sure what to make of it. He had expected Yoongi to get annoyed with him, granted, but to be annoyed even before the conversation he wanted to have began was making Jimin’s initial adrenaline start to sputter and fizzle out.

“I think I’d…rather talk in private.” He almost whispers, glancing towards Jungkook with mild embarrassment as the host looks back and forth between the two. “That’s why I don’t mind waiting. I’m sorry about this, Gguk…” he offers meekly, but the host quickly shakes his head and gestures that it’s fine. Despite this, Jimin can still tell that he feels uncomfortable — who wouldn’t?

“You came all of this way without warning, you’ve now interrupted my session, and on top of everything you’ve made my allergies flare up in the middle of a tattoo.” Yoongi scoffs, emphasising his last point with another wet sniffle as he pulls off his gloves, making Jimin wince. “So you might as well just say what you need to say so that I can blow my nose and get back to work.”

“Yoongi, I really—”

“Jimin, just get on with it.”

“But I just—”

“Listen, you’ve got about five seconds before I—”

“Yoongi, I need to talk to you about us!” Jimin blurts, instantly flushing red as he watches Yoongi’s mouth fall agape, his sentence abruptly dying on his tongue. Jungkook in turn buries his face into his hands, clearly wishing he could be anywhere else but here.

“…What?” Yoongi chokes, obviously taken aback.

“Us, Yoongi.” Jimin continues on, desperately trying to ignore the unexpected third person in the room. “I just…need to talk to you about us.”

To Jimin’s surprise, a light pink blush begins to spread across Yoongi’s cheeks.

“…What about us?”

“I just…” Jimin rakes a hand through his damp hair and allows himself a moment to search for the right words. Despite all of his attempts to prepare for this conversation he still doesn’t feel ready. “…I need you to tell me what I am to you.” He finally says, locking eyes with Yoongi as he does so. “I need to hear you say it.”

“And this couldn’t wait?”

“I’ve been waiting.” Jimin retorts, but the tone of his voice is starting to noticeably pitch up in desperation. “It’s been months, Yoongi.”

“And somehow you think the right time to bring this up to me is when I’m…when I’m in the middle of— HATSH’hhiuew!” Yoongi twists to the side and catches his sudden sneeze into cupped hands before he swears loudly once again. Jimin can see he’s getting visibly agitated at himself and the situation, but the florist isn’t ready to back down.

“I tried to tell you it could wait until you were finished, but you weren’t listening!” Jimin shouts back as thunder claps somewhere off in the distance.

“Why the hell does this matter so much to you?”

Because I’m falling in love with you!

Jimin bites down hard on his tongue and fights back the tears that are starting to well up in his eyes as his inner voice screams the words he’s too afraid to say. The silence that follows is loud and horrible, only being broken by the crashing sound of raindrops as they pelt wildly against the windows.

“Jimin,” Yoongi continues after a moment when it’s clear Jimin has nothing more to say. “I like you and I want to keep seeing you. Shouldn’t that be enough? Why do you want to label this so badly?”

The florist feels his cheeks grow hotter with a mix of rage and humiliation. The conversation was going absolutely nowhere and he nearly felt ready to rip his hair out. He opens his mouth to respond again, to maybe come up with some type of response that would somehow magically show Yoongi exactly why it felt so important to him, but instead he’s cut off by a sudden interjection from Jungkook.

“Um,” the host starts, pushing himself up onto his elbows. “I know this is probably bad timing, but…are we going to eat that Chinese food, or…?”

The other two stare blankly at him in pure dumbfoundment. Sensing this, Jungkook merely nods in understanding and resumes his futile attempt to disappear. Yoongi is the first to speak back up, but thanks to Jungkook there is considerably less tension permeating the air around them.

“Jimin,” he sighs, and Jimin can see the man’s eyes visibly darken.

The same eyes that he could see oceans in, the eyes he’d get lost in, the eyes he’s grown to love…Jimin dreads what’s to come next.

“I think you’d better leave.”

The bluntness of Yoongi’s words cut into him like a hot knife through butter. He purses his lips and nods, doing everything in his power to fight the continued urge to cry. He feels stupid, regretful, and unbelievably embarrassed. He’d really thought that Yoongi was someone special, someone different, someone he could truly see himself loving for years to come. He was devastated to realize that wasn’t the case.

Without another word Jimin heads to the door. He pulls on his now chilly, damp jacket, slips into his water-logged shoes as fast as he can, and rips open the door. The violent rain wastes no time slamming against him like a thousand tiny bee stings as the hot summer storm rages with no sign of letting up.

Blinded by an indecipherable mixture of his own tears and the pouring rain, Jimin can’t help but immediately lose his footing on the steps outside of Yoongi’s shop. He tries to catch himself, reaching out dramatically for the railing to his side, but it’s too late.

The florist tumbles to the ground and lands hard onto his right wrist with a horrifically gory sounding crunch.

Hot searing pain shoots through Jimin’s joint like lightning. The agonizing tendrils reach all the way down to his elbow and up the very tips of each of his fingers. He cries out involuntarily and the sound he makes is shrill and animalistic. He barely even recognizes it as his own voice.

It feels almost as if he's been punched in the gut; he gasps for air greedily through his now gritted teeth but it never feels like enough. He sees spots and his head swims. Any attempt he makes to move his wrist is met by unimaginable amounts of sharp, protesting pain and he knows without a doubt that he’s broken it.

The florist grits his teeth harder still, whimpers, and awkwardly tries to cradle his now broken wrist. He swallows thickly at the misshapen sight of it and starts to feel woozy. He desperately tries to will away the cloudiness that starts nipping at the edges of his consciousness — he had never been good with pain and this time was clearly no different, if not worse, and now Jimin was almost certain that he was going to pass out.

Suddenly the door of the tattoo studio flies open and out rushes Yoongi with Jungkook hot on his heels.

The men rush down the stairs carefully and are on Jimin in a second, but the florist can barely register their presence. He’s able to hear Yoongi ask him if he’s okay, but it’s muffled and low. Jimin can’t respond, he can only gasp.

“Emergency services, what’s the location of your emergency?”

Jimin blinks up at Yoongi, his eyelids starting to feel heavy. He can see Yoongi barking his shop’s address into his cellphone, but everything is starting to feel much slower than normal. He vaguely registers Jungkook trying to help him sit up as rain pours down around them.

“Alright sir, and what seems to be the problem?”

Jimin realizes that Yoongi’s phone is on speaker as the blonde quickly begins assisting Jungkook.

“Hi, yeah, we need an ambulance. Fuck. His wrist is broken really badly. I think he slipped down the stairs? Fuuuuck, how long will it take?”

Jimin can hear the rising panic in Yoongi’s voice as his vision begins to blur around the edges.

“We have paramedics on route, sir. What is your relation to the injured?”

“My boyfriend.” Yoongi chokes out. “He’s my boyfriend. Shit, please just hurry, I think he’s passing out.”

“They’re on their way, sir. I need you to stay with him until they get there, okay?”

Jimin can feel Yoongi carefully pull him into his lap as he speaks, but he can’t hear what the other is saying anymore. It sounds too muffled and too far away, almost as if he were drowning thousands of feet underwater whereas Yoongi was somewhere safe on dry land.

He blinks one more time, one last in vain effort to try and stay conscious as Yoongi leans his upper body over him, shielding him from the rain and speaking more words that Jimin just can’t make out. He wishes he could stay present, hear Yoongi, assure him that he would be fine, but it was fruitless. He knew himself, and at this point there was nothing he could do to stop the darkness from enveloping him like a wet weighted blanket.

As Jimin finally lets himself succumb to blissful unconsciousness, his mind explodes into images of intricate and colourful floral patterns before everything fades away. The last thing he registers is the feeling of a gentle kiss being placed on his forehead as the wail of a far-off siren fights to slice its way through the thick summer storm.

#AHHH IM SO SCARED TO POST LOL #I’m doing this on mobile so I am hoping and praying it posts correctly #god I hope you guys like this #I’m so worried my writing may’ve suffered in my absence and just ufgggjdjssks #but what can you do #allergic!yoongi #bts whump #mine #bts sickfic #Tw injury #yoonmin #bts au #sorry that I made them fight LOL #bts snzfic #kind of if you squint heehee #bear with me I’ll update my fic masterpost when I get on my laptop later #bts snz

[chaos-cousins]

you have always been too sharp, too strange, ill-fitting and awkward. perhaps it was a summer camp that everyone else attended and you didn't, a thousand inside jokes, a circle holding hands with you on the outside begging to join them.

you held your own hand. it was all you could do. each of them, faceless and grinning, met your eyes and said to ask someone else. maybe they pitied you. maybe they saw you as the town freak, their entertainment.

something was missing. and you just kept fucking up, didn't you? you spoke up when everyone said to sit down and shut up, you told yourself it was right, that you didn't just misunderstand and make things worse. a thousand leering faces, you were prey.

were you happy? did that moment make you long for a time before? did you tell yourself you'd been happy if you just sat down and shut up? did you fantasize about the pity in their eyes because it was better than disgust?

a thousand names, a thousand faces, you carved yourself up for all of them like a butcher. only the finest. if you did not know the purpose of something, you discarded it. you butchered yourself. you wore the apron. you lay on the table, skinless.

what were you trying to become, in that time? a taste of what it is like to be born good, to be born right, you dug your nails into your own flesh and you did not cry out. you were everything. you stared into the abyss of your own ribcage and felt hollow. there was not enough. there was never enough.

vulnerability is a tender, precious thing. you only ever allowed yourself enough to whet your own hunger before drawing back in alarm each time. you are scared of being rejected. you are scared of being loved. you are scared of being scared. can anyone love the shivering thing that still yearns to be included in the circle of shining faces and obstructing hands? no. you know they can't. mask after mask, layer after layer, you are certain the thing at the core is rotten.

do you know what it's like to be full, to be sated? would it break you? would it make you ravage the earth in anguish, if you consumed that feeling in its entirety? would it make you finally understand the depths of your hunger, to be loved, to be touched without fear?

would you finally be faced, undeniably, with the truth of the battered thing you are, that you are broken, that you are afraid the damage cannot be repaired? that you are afraid there is not enough left of you to love, but you keep up the illusion out of fear?

are you happy yet, ren amamiya? will you ever be happy?

I—

Fucn ofg! Lesvst me alonw!

(I—

Fuck off! Leave me alone!)

#pokeblogging #rotomblr #ask to tag