#maybe they're generic enough to apply to anyone

[eloise-t-g]

long post ahead. i wanted to respond to some of the things i've seen people saying about the watcher situation. i honestly just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest lmao.

"sorry, the bridge has been burnt and i can no longer support watcher" - valid.

"i'm happy with this compromise and will continue to watch their content" - valid.

"oh so they apologise, change nothing, and now people are happy to give them money?" - things have changed. they compromised and completely changed their plan for the new website. did you not watch the update video? they're also issuing refunds to anyone who wants one.

"i bet people who over-reacted feel real stupid now!" - some people over-reacted, but a lot of people had valid criticisms and concerns. they shouldn't feel stupid if they expressed it in a non-abusive way.

"yay, we successfully bullied them into changing their minds!" - you're ... you're proud that you bullied someone? this isn't fucking elon musk or jeff bezos. these guys aren't multibillionaires exploiting their employees. these are three youtubers who want to pay themselves and their employees a living wage, while making content they're proud of, and they made a simple fucking mistake. stop throwing around the term 'eat the rich' as though it applies here.

"the apology video is clearly PR!" - yes, watcher is a business. this is how a business responds to situations like this. they had abuse hurled at them for 48 hours straight, they shouldn't feel bad for wanting to make sure everything said in the video was 100% agreed upon and analysed beforehand.

"steven was clearly the one behind this, he should be fired or step down!" - was he? do you know that for a fact? cause from what i saw, all three of them got in front of the camera and made the announcement video together. i agree that he should step down as CEO, but only because they clearly need someone who has actual business experience leading them (if you remember, ryan and shane stepped down a while ago because they didn't want to deal with that side of the company anymore - in the same video, they thanked steven for being the sole reason watcher was still going).

"they shouldn't have been silent the whole weekend" - maybe so, but it's clear they went into lockdown/crisis mode. also, businesses aren't open on weekends. i think it's fair that they waited until monday and took their time with it. maybe they should have tweeted something like "we're sorry and we're working on an explanation", but that just would have given people another place to attack them.

"you're all being parasocial" - i've seen this used against both people who are supporting/giving the team the benefit of the doubt, and people who are against everything. a lot of people (myself included) have used this experience to realise they were developing/had developed a parasocial relationship with these men. this is a good thing - it allows us to recognise these things and make changes within ourselves.

i think generally people are more parasocial towards youtubers than celebrities in films and tv shows. YT feels like there is a barrier removed between the creators and us; it makes us feel like we know these people in a way that we don't know actors who are always playing different roles. YT makes it easier to believe we're seeing the real people, when we really don't know them at all.

"why should i pay someone who owns a tesla?" - you don't have to. also, steven has been working consistently for years. it doesn't surprise me that he has enough savings for an expensive car. people are allowed to own things that you and i can't afford.

"they're embarrassed to be youtubers" - might be true, who knows. but for me it feels more like they want to be taken seriously as filmmakers/television producers, and don't feel like they can do that on YT.

"there's clearly money mismanagement going on" - i think this is likely. i personally don't know what it's like to run a business like this, which is why i've been watching videos from other youtubers who do. since they're saying they don't know where the funds are going, i'm inclined to believe watcher's budget is way off what it should be.

"why didn't they initially say they were having money troubles and might close doors?" - i can see both sides of this. i believe they should have recognised that their audience would have been more receptive to this kind of honesty. however, if you're asking people to give you money, while also saying the venture might not work out, it doesn't engender a great deal of trust. why should i pay for a 12 month sub if it's possible watcher will fold in 6? who will be around to issue me a refund then?

"we were happy with blue and yellow text on a screen!" - valid, but it's clear that they weren't. they clearly want to push themselves further creatively. on the other hand, it definitely feels like they got impatient and wanted that future creation to start now, when they don't have the funds for it. they shouldn't have tried to force their loyal audience to pay for content the audience didn't ask for.

"i don't want to fund steven, andrew, and adam flying around the world eating expensive food." - very valid. i wonder how different things would have been if this 'Worth It' revival had come around 6 months earlier. it still would have been tone deaf in a global living crisis, but i don't think people would have been this upset. what i don't understand is them doing this show if they genuinely couldn't afford it, which is the implication i got from them announcing it just before announcing the paywall.

"why don't they move their office out of LA?" - that would be incredibly expensive, especially for a company that is struggling financially. they would have to uproot their entire lives, and would probably lose a great number of their staff who don't want to/can't move. they would have to completely start over, which is something i imagine they're desperately trying to avoid.

i think the cancel culture that has grown in popularity over the internet over the last few years has led people to believe that:

they can say whatever they want online with no consequences.

people aren't allowed to make a single mistake, and should understand that when they do, it's okay to for others to spew hate and awfulness towards them.

part of me doesn't even know why i made this post, i think i just got sick of seeing the same complaints and questions lmao.

#watcher #steven lim #ryan bergara #shane madej #watcher entertainment

[submalevolentgrace]

if i say "the queer community", i am referring to the community of self identified queers. if you're not a self identified queer, then i wasn't talking about you!

"i don't like to be called queer because it hurt me!" cool, fine, whatever. the word gay hurt me, i get it. but see, i didn't actually call you queer, i was talking about, and this might be difficult to follow; people who like being queer! that's why i said "queer community", to refer to the broad community of queers.

"but i'm gay/lesbian/bi/ace/whatever and i don't like it being used as an umbrella term!" okay, cool. if someone forces you under an umbrella you don't like that sure does suck! i hate being forced under the "LBGT+" umbrella myself. i absolutely loathed "trans*", i get it, trust me. i would like to draw your attention to the fact that i just said "queer community", which explicit in text and implicit in meaning, refers to a community of people... bare with me here.... people who are queer. if you do not consider yourself queer.... then it wasn't about you. it was about me and my community.

"but i know what group you're talking about and it applies to me too!" okay but you see that, you see that you're putting yourself under the umbrella there right? and then complaining about it, right? it's not my fault you decided it was about you? you're always going "it's okay for you to use, but" and then attack us when we do use it for ourselves, by shoving yourself under an imagined umbrella of your construction, hurting us in the shove, and then screaming like you were forced in here.

"but it's a--" listen.

listen to me.

you might think i'm being obstinant and maybe i am a little! but i'm trying to illuminate a point here. you've constructed an idea in your head of "us" as a monolith, a singular group that you want covered by a singular umbrella with a singular term; and you've decided that this "us" group - including you - is who i'm talking about right now, and then you've gotten shitty at me for using a word you don't like for an idea you projected over my words.

but here's the secret: there is no singular group like that. there is no monolith. there is no singular cohesive "us". there's just people, individuals with infinite experiences and selves and sexualities and genders and loves and all these beautiful things, and sometimes when we're similar enough we band together into groups and pick labels; gay, trans, queer, rainbow, whatever. these are just names, names for imagined groups, imagined groups with fake made up boundaries! people will argue there are definitions, gay means this, lesbian means that; but people will always disagree, so the names expand and the groups get broader. msm, wlw, bi, pan, genderqueer, rainbow quiltbag alphabet soup!

and you can expand and contact and refine and broaden but you will never cover everyone. at some point, you have to just accept letting people self define, and decide if they want to be in the group. if you have a "gay" group, the socially straight msm will get shitty at being called gay and it's not the fault of either the gays or the word "gay" that they're not included! people will expand and stretch and redefine and shrink, all these groups and labels will ebb and flow as different people have different needs and want to include - and exclude!- different people for their communities.

but some of "us", many generations ago, got sick and tired of constantly redefining labels and groups and decided to pick a nice word for ourselves and welcome anyone who liked it to use it, and that's queer. maybe it was already a slur that we reclaimed, maybe it was already our word before it became a slur, maybe it was just common slang for someone a little unusual and oddball and we liked that! historians both academic and communal disagree! it doesn't even matter, it's our word; "our" being anyone who likes it. if you like "queer" and want to be queer and respect the existing queers, you're welcome. and generation after generation, we pass it on for anyone to use, to say: it's okay not to box yourself in, it's okay not to define yourself down to the molecule, it's okay to be free, to come and go, to love and be whatever. it's our sanctuary. you are queer if you want to be queer. that is the gift that was given to me by the queers that came before me, i will gift it in turn to anyone that wants to carry it forwards. not everyone has to be queer, but we chose to be.

and you motherfuckers.

you motherfuckers keep smashing through the windows of our sanctuary, declaring it to be your umbrella, scream about slurs like we've never been hurt in our lives, and then hurl violence and vitriol at us because you personally hate being inside our sanctuary and want the entire structure destroyed and rebuilt for you.

fuck you.

i suffered through years of torment and abuse being called gay and having it spat at me with hate, being berated in church for questioning love, being screamed at and beaten by family and classmates and having them spit - literally - the word gay at me. i suffered through it, i survived it, i flourished to spite it and was embraced by queers who taught me love for myself and gave me safe sanctuary in this beautiful, ambiguous word, and you don't get to take that away from me.

if i say "us queers" and you come at me about how it hurts you and start yelling about umbrellas and slurs: 1) i wasn't fucking talking about you, 2) you're not part of my community and don't get to tell me what i call it, and 3) you are the fucking problem here, you are the one doing the hurting right now.

when you come into my community of queers and tell me that our sanctuary is "a slur", you are indistinguishable to me from the people spitting "gay" as they beat me.

if you're gay as in happy, you're free to be that and i won't stop you or tell you your whole core is a slur. you pick whatever umbrella you want to imagine for yourself, and i'll probably chose not to stand under it.

because i am queer. as in fuck. you.

and you will have to kill me to stop me being queer

#sometimes anger is better out than in

[qqueenofhades]

maybe i'm misunderstanding the concept, but it lately it's felt like Online Leftists™️ have been using homonationalism as a cudgel against lgbt people wanting to go abroad and feel comfortable doing so instead of as idk a way to critique american exceptionalism or whatever

The thing about Online Leftists and American exceptionalism in any capacity is that literally all their ideas and concepts of it are a) gibberish and b) completely contradictory and hypocritical. This is because it is all based on a reactionary Vibes ideology that has to constantly change itself to oppose whatever the Democrats/the US/the West in general is doing and therefore has no actual logical guidelines or consistent internal principles. To wit:

America is the most powerful country in the world, and that influence is always and forever totally evil because (insert terrible shit America has done here, which is then generalized and applied to all time periods and places without context or nuance). Indeed, America is so powerful that no other country or government in the world has actual agency or makes real choices for which they are morally and legally responsible; they're just helpless and manipulated pawns reacting to American/Western imperialism (which is the only kind of imperialism that exists, somehow). As such, nothing they ever do is actually "bad" or worthy of condemnation, because they're just totally victimized by America and everything they do is justified as long as it is anti-America. Hence, Russia genociding the Ukrainians is actually fine and good, the Ukrainians must have deserved it somehow (witness how many of the people currently screaming about Gaza were yelling that Ukraine was totally fine to attack actually!) and America is evil for trying to intervene. Russian propaganda calls America bad, we think America is bad, and therefore Russian propaganda must be correct, we love Russian propaganda a whole lot and have no interest in examining that fact any further. Russia is actually good because it used to be the USSR! Did you know that?

However, Israel genociding Gaza is utterly unforgivable and terrible and anyone who tries to offer any kind of realistic critique or appraisal of what can or can't be done to stop it is a genocide apologist. America should in fact be intervening to the point of invading Israel and/or dismantling the Israeli state, because maximalist American military intervention is Good when we say it is (but the rest of the time it's the most awful evil thing in the world WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THE GLOBAL SOUTH). America is still the most powerful country in the world and it should be intervening at all times, but actually it shouldn't do that at all because we're totally not the right-wing America First isolationists sent through the rabbit hole. If America does not choose to exercise its almighty godlike power to stop all the evil in the world (but remember, American military intervention of any kind is obviously bad and Ukraine should definitely still be genocided), it is just proving how evil it actually is. Remember, nobody else makes real choices. They're just reacting to America. America is all-powerful and also evil but still should use this evil power for good because it's good if we decide it is.

Voting is meaningless because the parties are the same, but it's powerful enough to produce a president god-king who could just decide to snap his fingers and end all bad things in the world but just doesn't do that (at least if he's a Democrat; we don't really care what a Republican president does). We think this is a good idea, but don't worry, America is still the source of all evil in the world. America should intervene everywhere and nowhere all at once. America should do nothing because everything it does is evil and past redemption and the only solution is The Revolution which destroys society. America is evil because it was founded on the violent oppression and exploitation of minorities, and therefore the solution is to let fascists be elected to punish those minorities even more because they get in the way of our purist thought experiments and their actual lived experiences don't matter when they contradict our Ideology. BUT ACTUALLY IT STILL SHOULD MILITARILY INTERVENE EVERYWHERE WE SAY SO BUT ACTUALLY IT SHOULDN'T EVER GLOBAL SOUTH. (We don't know what the Global South is or any of its issues, politics, problems, identities, languages, postcolonial developments or so forth, but we know that the Cold War happened and it was all America's fault. Have you heard this piece of Russian propaganda about how Joe Biden is the antichrist? SILENCE IS VIOLENCE SO YOU BETTER SHARE IT.)

Likewise, we support LGBTQ rights in theory but we don't think they're ever worth actually voting to protect (remember, voting is meaningless!) if that also contradicts our aim of The Revolution. We love virulently anti-gay groups like the Houthis if they theoretically support our Anti Genocide stance (don't look at Ukraine, that doesn't count) and also hate Jews. Israel is the only country in the world that has LGBTQ rights and also does stupid or awful military things, and therefore it alone is the problem because it's just pretending to be a democracy or have LGBTQ rights (in comparison to the rest of the Middle East) because it's just cynically covering for all its sins, but those sins are actually America, because Israel is just a white settler colonialist outpost of America, so America not stopping what Israel is doing (by being Israel) is bad. Remember, America is the source of all evil in the world and all other countries are its puppets, so it is also Israel, but it should stop being Israel, because it's the only country that ever makes any choices or has agency. We are very smart.

...basically, if your head hurt trying to read that or follow the logic, that's the point. It has to change constantly and contort itself around in order to both oppose those Weak Mainstream Liberals and act like it has the perfect moral high ground in doing so, regardless of what principles it has to change or what hypocrisies it has to embrace. As such, it has been stripped of any authentic critique or ability to say anything about anything, and I suggest we generally stop letting it pretend that it does. That is the only way to rescue western leftism and make it actually 2% of use at opposing fascism, because right now? Nah. Not in the least. It's actively and gleefully enabling fascism, and after so long hearing how us normie Democratic-voting losers were going to be the ones collaborating with fascists, it makes me just a little bit crazy. Good thing we can erase that too.

#frankenshane #ask #politics for ts

[1004tyun-archive]

❥ i love you. i want us both to eat well

✶ pairing: idol!taehyun x non idol! chubby reader

✶ summary: taehyun's coming to stay with you for the week and you feel it's time for a big change. but you don't realize it's an unneeded change until it's too late

✶ genres: angst, hurt/comfort with lots of smut at the end (as a treat!)

✶ warnings: reader has a bad relationship with food, intrusive thoughts, bulimia, negative self talk, brief mention of vomiting, mentions of weight, eating disorders, negative body image, praise kink, squirting, edging, face sitting, unprotected sex

✶ word count: 4.7k words

✶ a/n: i've noticed a general lack of chubby reader fics so i thought i'd do my part and write a hurt/comfort fic involving tyun ^_^ this was very comforting for me to write personally, but if any of the aforementioned warnings are triggering to you in any way, i don't recommend reading. i don't want any of you to get hurt or apply the very harmful things the reader does in this fic to your lives.

this fic is NOT endorsing disordered eating. i do not endorse nor support thinspo, body shaming, eating disorders, or hating your body, no matter your size. as a plus size person myself, i think it's important to love your body as it is and i hope this fic provides solace and comfort to those who have a bad relationship with food or their bodies. you're beautiful the way you are and i hope you're able to love your body the way taehyun loves your body in this fic <3

love you lots 🫶🏾 if you need anyone to talk to about this subject matter, my inbox and messages are always open x

It's a slow work day; slow, boring, and tedious.

And you're starving.

You forgot to bring your lunch with you so your measly meal of a granola bar and black coffee was nothing to write home about. You can't wait to get home and eat some real food while facetiming your lovely boyfriend.

On the way to your apartment complex, you see a gift shop with a TV playing compilations of idol dance challenges from Tiktok from the display window. You decided to stop and watch for a bit once you recognized one of the Taehyun's fellow group members. Sure enough, the next video that plays is one with Taehyun in it.

Oh, he looks so good. He's doing some kind of girl group dance with a couple of the group's members. The girls are dressed so cutely with perfectly manicured hair and nails and makeup. There's a voice in the back of your head that's saying things you don't want to hear, so you ignore it.

But with every step closer to your apartment, the voice grows louder and louder.

They look so much better with him than you ever could.

They're prettier and skinnier than you. You don't think you actually deserve him, do you?

He's probably cheating on you with one of those girls. Who could blame him? He's too good for you, you both know that.

There's a bad taste in your mouth by the time you get to your front door. Despite your brain doing everything it can to ruin your day, you decide to rummage through the fridge for some food anyway.

You're pretty good at keeping the fridge stocked when Taehyun isn't around, but as soon as you start assessing your options, your appetite starts to wane. You think back to those gorgeous female idols you saw on television, with their glamorous bodies.

Slender waists, rounded hips, lithe arms and legs, dainty hands, and long, silky hair.

You don’t look like that, you know you don’t.

But maybe you could if you tried a little harder.

Your phone ringing snaps you out of your spiraling thoughts. Seeing Taehyun on your phone screen immediately eases your pain.

"I saw you on TV today," you say.

"Oh yeah? Was I cool?"

"You were the coolest," you say with a smile.

"Did you eat?" he asks and your throat goes dry.

"Yeah, I went out to get something before I got home. Did you?"

"Mhm, I just got done eating dinner."

Taehyun looks a little antsy, like he wants to say something so you call him out on it.

"Everything okay?" you ask.

"Yeah, it's- Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but I can't keep it in. I finally have a break in my schedule so I'll be home all week starting next Sunday,"

"What? Baby, that's great news! I can't wait to finally see you. It's been too long! I mean, I know it's only been a week since we saw each other, but still!"

By the time you hang up, your heart is soaring. You get to stay with your boyfriend for a whole week! What sounds basic to some sounds like paradise to others, truly. The life of dating an idol is a very different world, to say the least.

You looked down at your stomach and frowned as you squeezed its flesh. You've put on some stress weight, no doubt about it. What would Taehyun think? Yes, you were chubby when he first met you and you're chubby now, but there's no doubt he would notice the weight you've put on recently.

He's going to be home in less than a week. What if he realizes he deserves better and he's been settling for you this whole time? Taehyun is a celebrity, he could have anyone he wants. So why you, of all people? You both know he could never go public with his relationship with you for privacy reasons, but maybe it wasn't just that.

Maybe he was ashamed to be seen with you.

As you go to bed later that night with an empty stomach, you recognize that something has to change.

So when the next morning comes, you decide to start with eating less and walking to work instead of taking public transit. You learned to appreciate the four mile walk there and back every day to appreciate the morning dew and the passing scenery as you listened to your favorite songs.

But it wasn’t enough. You weren’t losing weight quickly enough and the ideal version of yourself who lived in your head wasn’t matching your reflection in the mirror.

So you start going running every day after work. You run a couple of laps on the track at the community center near your workplace. You feel energized after working out so much, but damn, you're hungry. No matter how much your stomach growls, you wave off the voice telling you to eat and drink some cold water to satiate your hunger instead.

The next thing you know, it's D-Day. Taehyun is coming home tonight and you can't wait. You don't work weekends, but you keep up with your routine regardless. You walk to your workplace and then run your several laps around the track until you've sufficiently tired yourself out.

By the time you get home, you're able to shower, clean the apartment, and relax for a few hours.

You're watching a program about weight loss on your laptop when you get a call from Taehyun and immediately pick up.

“Me and the guys were thinking about getting dinner tonight. Wanna come?”

You're glad he can't see the discomfort on your face.

“No thanks, I’m swamped with work tonight.”

“Are you sure? We’re going to your favorite chicken place.”

“I’m sure, love. Thanks.”

“Okay, let me know if you want anything.”

It hurt a part of your soul to decline going to your favorite restaurant. You swear the savory, sweet and spicy crunch of that hot honey fried chicken had healing properties. But you have bigger things to worry about. You need to stay focused.

You fall asleep on the couch and startle awake when you hear the front door of your apartment clicking open.

“I’m home,” Taehyun calls from the entryway. His voice is followed by the sound of rustling plastic bags. You slide your laptop off your lap and give your boyfriend a quick kiss on the lips.

“Welcome home,” you say, then take a look at the plastic bags Taehyun is carrying in each hand. “What’s all this?”

“Some extras from dinner. I brought some stuff back for you, too.”

Your stomach twists. “Oh, honey you didn’t need to do that.”

“I never believe you when you don’t ask for anything,” he says with a laugh. “Anything you don’t finish you can take to work tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” you smile but you feel like you’re dying inside. Why does he have to be so considerate? As nice as the gesture is, you’re not eating a single bit. You swear to yourself that you won’t.

As delicious as that food looks and smells, successfully resisting temptation feels better than that food could ever taste.

You brush off the gurgling of your stomach as you go through your nighttime ablutions.

It’s 4:00 AM when your cravings become too strong to ignore. The growling of your stomach grows louder, unbearably so.

You turn your head to check on Taehyun, he’s still fast sleep. Maybe this was the perfect time to do what you wanted to do.

You sneak off to the kitchen, grab the cold paper boxes of food and arrange them on your small dining table. Smelling and looking at the food isn’t the same as eating it, you tell yourself. There’s nothing wrong with smelling or observing the food, as long as you don’t eat it.

This should be easy…

Shouldn't it?

You black out hours later and the first thing you’re faced with is a multitude of empty takeout boxes. Two boxes of fried chicken, a box of garlic fries, steamed rice, and two apple mango hand pies. Foods that are usually your favorites yet all you could do was panic.

You start hyperventilating and your vision blurs as you stumble to the bathroom and kneel in front of the toilet, shoving your index finger down your throat and trying your hardest to remove any of the food you ate. After reaching deep enough, you gag around your finger and vomit, bile stinging your throat and tears filling your eyes. You empty your stomach and vomit until nothing but stomach acid comes up, the metallic taste coating your mouth.

"Y/N?" Taehyun asks from behind the door. "Are you okay?"

A string of drool hangs from your bottom lip and you've never felt more repulsed by yourself until now.

"I'm fine, just a little sick."

"I'm coming in—"

"—No! No, I'm okay. Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine, honey, really. I'll see you later tonight, okay?"

"Okay, see you tonight." You can hear the doubt in his voice. It pains you to lie to him like this, but you know this would upset him. You gather enough strength to drag yourself up from the bathroom floor and start getting ready for work.

That was a close call. There's no way you can let that happen again. The binging, the vomiting, having Taehyun worry about you, any of it. If you were planning on continuing this, you had to be discrete about it, even if it meant lying to your boyfriend's face.

So you decide to stop eating altogether.

And at first, you feel fine.

You're able to get through the work day by chewing gum or drinking cold water to keep yourself awake. When Taehyun comes home with food or cooks for the both of you, you lie and say you already ate at work or you're not hungry.

And you know Taehyun senses that something is wrong, but you can't tell him. You could never tell him.

This wasn't going the way you expected it to.

You wanted to enjoy coming home from work and have Taehyun play your househusband for the week, but by the time you get home every night, you're so exhausted. You fall asleep on the couch, sometimes even mid conversation, and you wake up hours later with a pounding headache and a blanket thrown over you, courtesy of your sweet boyfriend.

And by the end of the week, you hardly have the energy to even stand up in the shower.

"Have a good day at work today," Taehyun says and gives you a kiss on the forehead at the door. That on its own gives you enough energy to make it through today.

You cross the crowded street, feeling normal, albeit a bit tired.

And then, out of nowhere, you feel like someone pulled the plug on you.

The next thing you see is the blurry ceiling of a hospital room, nothing but beige and speckles. You gasp like you’ve just come up for air and look around. You're connected to an IV and a heart rate monitor and, out of the corner of your eyes, you see...

"Y/N!"

Taehyun rushes to your side, taking your hand in his. Your heart is pounding when you see him. He looks so worried. He must've been so afraid for you.

"Y/N, why? Why didn't you tell me something was wrong? Why'd you do this to yourself?" he asks, standing tears in his eyes. Your heart sinks. There's no way he doesn't know how you got here.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

He wasn't supposed to find out.

You were supposed to silently starve yourself until you became beautiful. Not worry him like this.

You failed. Your throat goes dry, rendering you unable to speak.

You just sit there silently and sob.

You’re discharged the following afternoon. Taehyun doesn’t speak to you the entire ride home and you feel like utter shit for it.

As you step into your shared apartment and kick off your shoes in the entryway, you decide to finally break the silence.

“Taehyun, I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to find out about this—“

“—Why? Why wouldn’t you want me to find out? They told me you passed out in the middle of the street! You could’ve gotten hurt! What if something serious happened to you and I never found out?”

You stand there in silence, tears filling your eyes. He’s never sounded this upset with you in the nearly two years you’ve been together. You could feel your heart shattering.

“Why’d you stop eating?”

The gravity in Taehyun’s voice makes your stomach drop. You need to sit down for this one.

You walk to the couch in the living room and Taehyun follows, sitting next to you.

“I starved myself because I wanted to be beautiful,” you say.

“You are beautiful.”

“But that’s not all. I wanted to be good enough, good enough for you.”

Taehyun looks at you, brows knit in concern. He takes your hand in his.

“What made you think that? Did someone say something to you?”

“No, no one said anything. It was all me. I kept seeing all those beautiful, successful female celebrities on TV and I-I wondered if you even felt good being seen with me, so I thought that… maybe if I stopped eating, I would be better for you.”

You feel so ashamed by even admitting this and, when you’re able to finally look at Taehyun, he looks devastated, like you admitted the greatest of sins to him.

“I never want you to say that again,” he says, sounding deeply hurt. “There’s no way you could be any more better for me. You’re perfect, Y/N. I can’t imagine being with anyone else except you. I've never been ashamed to be seen with you. You know that, don't you?"

Taehyun cups your cheek with his hand and it takes everything for you to not burst into tears.

“Don’t you?” he repeats softly and that drives you over the edge. “You know there’s nothing you could do to make me ashamed of you, right?”

You cry and he wipes your tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

“Not even now?” you ask between sniffles.

“No, honey, not even now,” he leans in and kisses your cheeks. “I don’t want to lose a single ounce of you.”

He kisses your face all over and when he kisses you on the lips, you smile into it. This is the happiest you've been all week and the most relief you've felt in a while. You feel so embarrassed for the tears that continue to slide down your cheeks, but Taehyun just wipes them away and kisses you.

It's when he kisses your ear that you feel a sudden shift in the mood. He nibbles your earlobe and his lips drag down to kiss down your jaw. Your breath hitches and you hold back a moan.

"Don't hold back," he whispers into your ear. "Let me know how good I make you feel."

You sigh as you feel his lips move to your neck and he bites and licks the flesh, leaving a few hickies in his wake. You hold onto him tighter, the fabric of his shirt balled up in your fist.

Taehyun's hands move to your hips and before you know it, you're sitting on his lap, straddling him. You're a little hesitant, not putting all of your weight on him.

Taehyun grabs your hand and places it on the center of his chest. His heart is pounding against your palm and it causes your own heartbeat to quicken.

“Feel that? Only you can do that,” he says. He takes your hand and drags his down his body, down his toned chest, past his chiseled abs, all the way down to his cock, already halfway hard in his sweatpants.

“This is all you, too,” he whispers and your breath catches in your throat when you feel his cock twitch under your fingers.

“Oh my god…” you say, shuddered and breathless.

Taehyun grips your hips hard and pulls you down so your full weight is on him and you grind on his clothed bulge. He's never been this rough with you before, and it's giving you butterflies. You roll your hips and you revel in his hands roaming your thighs, your ass, and your waist.

You return to each other's lips like a magnet to metal. You drag your tongue across Taehyun's bottom lip and he parts his lips so you can slot your tongue into his mouth.

You pull away panting, your lips shimmering with spit. You squirm, wanting to say exactly how you feel but the words are stuck in your throat as you look upon your boyfriend, his hair tousled, lips glossy, and eyes dark.

"What is it, honey? Use your words," he says, looking deep into your eyes.

"I-I need you so badly, I can’t take it."

"Then let's tend to that need right now," he says with a smirk. You head to the bedroom and you're surprised when Taehyun pushes you onto the bed and hovers over you, drinking in every inch of your body.

"God, you're so beautiful," Taehyun says. "No one else gets to see this except me."

He peels off his clothes, down to his boxers and he slowly undresses you, peppering kisses all over your body. He presses a thumb to your now dampened panties and watches with sparkling eyes as he rolls your panties off of you.

"Wait, my turn," you grab at the waistband of his boxers and the corner of his lips turn up into a smirk.

"Be my guest," he says confidently. Your hands tremble a little bit as look down at his clothed cock. You notice a damp spot and that only serves to make you wetter. You slowly pull the boxers down past his thighs and his hardened cock springs free. He kicks his boxers off and immediately comes back down to the bed to kiss you, his cock resting against your soft stomach.

He slides his thick cock against your aching pussy and you shudder when you feel a vein rub against your clit.

“You’re so wet,” he whispers sweetly. “Can’t wait to be inside of you, honey... But before that, I need you to promise me something."

"Hm?"

"Promise me that you'll eat when you're hungry and take care of yourself."

You blink, confused at the sudden 180.

"What?" you ask. Suddenly, you're jolted by Taehyun slapping his cock against your clit with a wet thwack. Your back arches off the bed and your eyes widen.

“Promise me or I won’t fuck you.”

You gulp and you can feel yourself blushing all the way to the tips of your ears.

“I-I promise,” you say before Taehyun slaps his cock against your clit repeatedly, causing you to squirm and moan.

“Promise what?”

“I-I promise I’ll eat.”

“And?”

“I promise I’ll take care of myself,” you whimper. "I promise I'll treat myself better."

Taehyun gives you a cute, boyish smile.

"Good," he leans down to rest his forehead against yours and kiss you. You feel the head of his cock poke and rub against your entrance and you whine. He pushes into you and you gasp, grabbing onto his arms to steady yourself as he slowly enters you, inch by inch. You clench around him tightly and he sighs.

"You feel amazing," he groans. "You okay?"

"Mhm, feels so **good," you moan and Taehyun leans down to kiss you again. He buries himself deeper into you until he bottoms out and you wrap your legs around his torso, shuddering at the sensation of him buried so deep inside of you. He pulls out all the way then sinks all the way back in to fuck you at a fast, even pace. Your eyes roll back in pleasure, relishing just how full he makes you feel.

"Mmm, I-I'm close, 'm so close," you mewl, clenching hard around Taehyun's cock.

“Cum for me,” he breathily demands as he reaches down to play with your clit, pleasure shooting through your body like lightning.

Your orgasm rips through you like nothing you'd ever felt before. Taehyun is relentless, continuing to fuck you as you ride the waves of your orgasm.

"That's it, that's it," he coos. "So good, baby." He swipes his thumb against your clit quickly as he thrusts into you, urging you to cum again. You feel a different kind of pressure building in your lower stomach, one that you can't stop from releasing until it's already happened. The sheets underneath you are soaked and your entire body heats up as you realized what you've done.

"Wow," Taehyun says, astonished. "I've never seen you do that before. Fuck, you're so wet."

He mercilessly pistons in and out of you, sweet moans spilling from his mouth as he cums inside of you. He buries his face in your shoulder and you can feel his lips curl into a smile.

“Hear that?” he asks.

Through the haze of your post-orgasm, you can hear the sound of wet skin slapping against skin as Taehyun lazily ruts into you, rolling his hips against yours.

“So messy… you made such a big mess all over my cock,” he babbles, breathless and impressed. You’re shocked to feel his cock twitch inside of you when he says that.

Taehyun slowly pulls out of you and you whine, already missing the presence of his cock inside of you. He rolls over next to you so that you’re laying shoulder to shoulder on the bed.

You both take a moment to catch your breath, your breathing still ragged from just moments ago.

“Come here,” he says. “I want you to do that on my face next.”

“Taehyun!” you gasp. You don’t remember him being so filthy like this before. He’s had his flirty and handsy moments in the past, but those were nothing compared to this side of him.

He motions for you to come straddle him and you’re immediately seized with nervousness.

“Don’t be shy, love,” he says. “Or do I need to get you over here myself?”

“Okay, okay,” you prop yourself up on your elbows and slowly inch yourself closer toward Taehyun until you’re straddling his waist.

“Good girl, now put your thighs on either side of my chest.”

This is the first time he’s ever called you a good girl and honestly? You want him to say it a million more times. A tingle goes down your spine as you follow his instructions, maybe he should boss you around like this more often.

You feel more exposed than ever as you just barely hover over his face. You’ve never done anything in this position before, your heart is racing out of excitement and worry.

“Are you sure you’re okay with doing this?”

“Mhm,” Taehyun says. “I’ve been dreaming of doing this for a while now, actually.”

“But what if I hurt you? I don’t wanna put too much weight on you and—“

“—Y/N, you’re thinking too hard about this.”

“I know,” you say. You squeak when you feel Taehyun press a kiss to your pussy.

“Trust me,” he says softly and your heart melts. He reaches a hand up to play with your pussy, fingers gliding around your folds. “I wish you could see this. Everything about you is so pretty, Y/N.”

You could say the same thing about him. There’s something about seeing Taehyun lie there on his back, dark brown hair sticking to his forehead and his big, brown eyes made darker by his dilated pupils that made him look angelic.

“Lower yourself down on my face, good girl.”

Again with the good girl. Does he know he can make you do anything just by calling you that?

You take a deep breath and lower yourself down onto his face and your breathing becomes ragged the moment you feel the flat of his tongue against your pussy.

His hands come up to grip your thighs and hips. You bite your bottom lip to contain your moans as Taehyun goes to work on your pussy, tongue sliding in and around your folds and the ridge of his nose bumping against your clit. It feels so good, better than you ever could have imagined.

You feel his tongue slide into your pussy and your hands fly to the headboard, gripping tightly as you gasp and moan.

“Fuck, Taehyun…!” you exclaim. He moans against your pussy and the vibrations push you closer to the edge. As he makes out with your pussy from this position, it’s so impossible to hold back. You carefully grind yourself against his tongue and before you know it, you’re seeing stars as your back arches and you cum hard, thighs trembling and hips rocking back and forth at a steady rhythm as you ride out your orgasm.

“S-Sorry!” you stammer as you lift your hips to allow Taehyun to come up for air, but you’re shocked when he pulls your hips back down and gives your core a few long licks and swirls his tongue around your clit. Your thighs clench and you whimper from the overstimulation. When he finally taps your thighs to indicate that he’s done, you pull off of him, straddling his waist.

“You taste so fucking good, my love,” he mumbles, chest heaving as he looks at you with half lidded eyes and the bottom half of his face wet and shimmering from your juices. He looks so fucked out, like he was the one who was just eaten out like a man starved. “You put every fruit on this planet to shame.”

"Stop, you're making me blush," you say with a shy chuckle.

"Don't get shy now, you were just riding my face a few second ago." You both laugh and Taehyun sits up and rests his hands on your soft waist. He gives you the softest smile and looking up at you with those beautiful brown eyes and that's when it hits you.

You love this man, much more than words could ever describe.

You wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in the crook of his neck.

"I love you," Taehyun whispers into your skin and holds you tighter. You melt into his embrace, never wanting to leave from his arms or this moment. You wish you could live in his arms.

It's not until both you and Taehyun's stomachs start growling that the moment is ruined. You pull away from the embrace and look at each other with wide eyes and erupt into laughter.

"Guess we should get something to eat, huh?" Taehyun asks.

"Yeah, I guess so," you say, still giggling.

"Why don't I go run us a bath and you order our meal for tonight?"

"Sounds good to me."

You part with a kiss and, even though he's just in the next room over, you're so overcome with love for him. You get teary eyed as you browse your go-to delivery app.

In that moment, you're so thankful for his love, thankful you have each other.

#taehyun fic #taehyun oneshot #taehyun x reader #txt smut #txt fic #crystal's fics #terry bear 🐻‍❄️❤️‍🔥

[tenabrye]

Protective Vash and Knives headcanons please? Maybe the reader accidentally hurts themselves and the boys get protective? But also general protective headcanons as well?

Tysm!

Vash

He's on you faster than you can even register that you hurt yourself. It's like he has an extra sense and knows when you get hurt, and he's always there to help you in any way that he can. The only downside is that he does fret over every little injury, no matter how small or big it is. The man just can't help it.

Is a walking medical kit. Papercut? Whips out a small bandage for it. A slightly large cut on your leg? He's taking out some gauze from his jacket. You don't know where he keeps all of this inside that coat of his, but you're thankful for him carrying it. He'll fix you right up, giving your head a little pat and telling you to be more careful.

When there's an injury that someone else caused, well, he acts very differently depending on the situation. He acknowledges if it was an accident and is quick to accept the person's apology to you, however, he's glaring at them if they don't apologize and says how they ought to considering the incident was their fault.

If someone purposely injures you, he freaks out, and it's very evident on his face how much it affects him. He's also quick to take care of the situation, disarming the enemy without killing them before rushing over to make sure you're okay. He will never leave your side as he helps you get better, and the incident definitely acts as a little wake up call, causing him to be more protective over you.

He's holding your hand or having an arm around your waist when walking the streets of a new town, or even in a crowd of people. There's less of a chance of you getting hurt if you're by his side, but he also makes sure not to suffocate you so much with it. Vash is just scared of losing you, that's all, and he'll make sure to be more aware, so nothing ever happens to you.

His cautiousness around new people is understandable, but if you tell him you trust someone, then he'll immediately tone it down and do the same. He's a pretty good judge of character anyway, so he'd most likely be able to tell if someone is trusting before you could.

Knives

He's clicking his tongue at the accidents you get yourself in, causing you to obtain new marks on your body that he knows will fade with enough time. Still, he can't get over the fact that humans are a bit weak in this aspect. Always getting hurt and having to take time to heal your body certainly causes him worry, but it's not like he'd tell you.

Will oftentimes call you clumsy if you so much as get a wee papercut or wound of similar size, maybe even slightly larger. He doesn't have anything to help protect the cuts, so he suggests to walk it off until you or himself find something suitable to wrap around it. If you get hurt and obtain a wound larger than a mere cut, he'll actually tear off a piece of cloth and take care of it himself, all while calling you a clumsy human.

If someone hurts you, he's glaring daggers at them and contemplating their downfall, however, this also depends on the situation. If it's an accident, well, he doesn't really care and will threaten the person, telling them to not let it happen again or else. He can't help but smirk when they're apologizing to you profusely all while you're telling them that it's fine.

If someone doesn't apologize, he'll demand they reconsider before openly saying how much of a waste of space they are and that he will gladly rid the world of them. If the murderous intent emanating off of him doesn't do the trick, surely the glint from the blades protruding from his arms will get the message across.

He's much worse when it comes to someone who purposely injures you. Knives has no qualms with openly murdering anyone that gets in his way, and the same would apply when he catches them hurting his human. Doing so will set him off in a way you have only seen once with an incident involving his twin.

After that, he's got you at his side at all times and refuses to let you go alone anywhere, even if it is to simply relieve yourself. You openly refer to him as your guard dog, to which he neither denies or agrees, but you already know the answer from the way the corner of his lips curl upwards into a small smirk.

#trigun #trigun stampede #trigun vash #trigun stampede vash #vash the stampede #vash x reader #vash x you #vash x y/n #trigun millions knives #trigun stampede millions knives #millions knives #millions knives x reader #millions knives x you #millions knives x y/n #trigun headcanons #trigun stampede headcanons #vash headcanons #millions knives headcanons

[pixiemage]

I deal with ADHD on a daily basis, meaning I struggle with multiple (frustrating) things. There's one in particular that's been on my mind the most as of late: it's difficult for me to complete large tasks easily. For me, motivation, mental energy, and time are limited, and those rare moments where it all lines up so I can get shit done are often few and far between. This applies to both things I don't want to do, and things I do want to do. Even writing or cosplay construction or editing videos can become daunting tasks even though they're all fun and enjoyable hobbies of mine.

Recently, I've been trying to clean my room.

As anyone in my immediate family can tell you, this has been a big problem since I was young. My room starts clean, but then I put a few pairs of shoes by my bed, then don't have the energy to deal with the growing laundry pile, then can't find a place for the new mic stand I got for my birthday, then I start dumping jewelry on my bedside table at the end of the day when I'm tired, then - then - then. And then it builds to a disastrous tipping point and it has become this massive, incomprehensible task I have to tackle, and because my brain hates me, it's a frustrating and grueling process to even figure out where to begin.

But deadlines help (pressure helps) and I have found that working on it in the wee hours of the morning (from midnight to like 5am) is somehow a way to get my brain to focus on it. For some reason I work better then. Arguably, this isn't logical or useful every day because I need sleep and I have work, but I made MASSIVE progress two days ago by staying up way too late on a night when I finally found the drive to get shit done.

That's not really the point of this post though.

The point is that I've found that a majority of society (or maybe just the NT community in general) have a hard time seeing progress as worthwhile when completion is better.

"Did you finish your room?" "Not yet, but I dealt with that massive pile of crap on my couch! It's SO much better, and I can actually see the floor in front of my dresser now, and-" "That's not what I asked. Did you finish?" "Not yet." "The answer is no, then."

It doesn't matter how much I've done. It doesn't matter how proud I am of my partial progress. It doesn't matter that I fought tooth and nail to get to the point I'm at, because unfortunately, I haven't finished it all yet, so it's not good enough.

(And I know I have a deadline, and I know we have family coming over soon, and I know that being done is the goal, but the deadline isn't here yet. Give me time. I need time.)

I think we as a society need to award and praise ourselves more for the efforts we put in, whether we reached a finish line or not. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for completion, because at the end of the day that's often the goal of any task. But we should also let ourselves be proud of how far we have come as long as we're doing our best. I don't see that often enough. I continuously struggle to reach that finish line, but hey, I came this far today! I didn't reach Toad so he could tell me my princess was in another castle (because god knows there's always another task), but I did hit that checkpoint, and since I've been struggling through this level for as long as I have, that's still worth celebrating in some small way. It's still worth all the coins I collected and the goons I defeated to get to this point.

Don't reprimand your kids because their hard work thus far doesn't quite live up to your standards. Applaud what they've done and then help them find the right next step so they're motivated to keep going.

It takes a lot of work to save a princess. The journey has a lot more monsters than just the dragon.

#ADHD #Actual ADHD #ADHD Experience #Executive Disfunction

[star-anise]

i see you have discovered history professor bret deveraux, my beloved. i highly recommend his battle of helm's deep and pelennor fields series if you want to learn about historical battlefield tactics (and operations and strategies) and his fremen mirage series if you want to learn about the facist view of history and why it's complete and utter bullshit. his series on sparta is also phenomenal

I'm having such a good time working through his back catalogue. AGreatDivorce on Youtube has recorded audio versions of many of his posts, which is a godsend for me.

The Fremen Mirage series was a balm to my soul after having to deal with SO many "military history buffs" and SFF reply guys who think that violence is the pinnacle of human achievement, and therefore acknowledging the personhood of anyone but the apex warriors is like, taking resources away from the war effort or something.

For the uninitiated, the "Fremen Mirage" is what Devereaux calls a "pop theory of history" that believes:

that a lack of wealth and sophistication leads to moral purity, which in turn leads to military prowess, which consequently produces a cycle of history wherein rich and decadent societies are forever being overthrown by poor, but hardy ‘Fremen’ who then become rich and decadent in their turn. Or, as the meme, originally coined by G. Michael Hopf puts it, “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And weak men create hard times.”

And then in his series he applies rigorous historical analysis to this idea, and takes it apart like Christmas wrapping. It's almost as fun as the Sparta series, where he demonstrates that Spartans would hate their modern fanboys, and also aren't actually as special or amazing as they're made out to be.

After a while, though, I got tired of the military side of things, and gone wandering. What I've found most refreshing this week were posts that take a step back from direct pop culture criticism and just simply lay out the material realities of life in the past. The really basic building blocks that help us get in tune with the daily life of the past. Stuff like the Lonely City series.

Or the clothing series! I said that I've been trying to figure out just how rare or common looms were, and while I've been looking at archeological evidence of loom types, he's just found the numbers that let me calculate it.

I'm using a base unit of 5 yards of cloth, which is, with a generous hand wiggle, enough to make one person's outfit, maybe two.

According to these estimates:

In the early middle ages, using a hand spindle and warp-weighted loom, that might take about 70 hours of weaving and, at a low estimate, 500 hours of spinning. If someone devoted eight hours a day to nothing but spinning yarn, it would take them over two months to have enough to weave with.

In the Late Middle Ages, with the invention of the spinning wheel and horizontal loom, that figure would go down to 180 hours of spinning and 30 hours of weaving. The change in technology reduces the time down to almost a third of what it was before!

This really settles for me the question I had about my early-medieval fantasy setting, which is that there would be a lot of looms, a loom in every household, and that it would not at all be out of place for even aristocratic women to spin and weave on a regular basis.

Which like, to be cranky about fantasy heroines who hate sewing: In that kind of world, embroidery is a luxury. Weavers and spinners have to bust their butts just to put clothes on everybody's backs. Spinning and weaving that much is gruelling work that I would absolutely understand hating. However, it is not stupid, silly, or useless. Being able to embroider—to do something primarily decorative and artistic, just because it looks good and feels nice—is likely to be more of an escape from drudgery than the drudgery itself.

It really can't be overstated, how much the Industrial Revolution was a textile revolution. Our relationship to cloth and clothing has transformed out of all recognition over the last 300 years. There are undeniable advantages to this, because it frees us to do so many other things with our time. But it also makes it tough to look back into the past clearly, because it's so easy to forget that the burdens we've shed still existed back then.

#medievalism #staranise original

[localvoidcat]

you should tell us about the character misinterpretation...

i was just thinking about. how so many character portrayals surrounding the characters in this series tend to veer towards family dynamics or extremely close friends that would do anything for each other. and im gonna go into both of these. and also the view of characters being seen as girlbosses and all that but thats been talked about a lot so ill be short with that. im putting this under the cut because its just me ranting LMAO. none of these are directed at anyone since i think most of my mutuals seem to get it but this is just in general

im gonna give a disclaimer that theres a very good chance i could be wrong about these, this is mainly based on my own view of some of the character themes/dynamics and how they're framed in-story, i haven't gone back and reviewed canon sufficently enough to be correct on this. with that said i need to be a hater for a bit 👍

i think the family thing. just does not make a lot of sense to me when it comes to like 80% of the dynamics i've seen. literally the ONLY one i understand is thatcher and adam because like. obviously an older character calling a younger character "kid" and helping them out and all that would lead to those characters being seen as having a mentor/trainee or father/son dynamic. i get that. that makes sense ALTHOUGH i will say that i don't think it's quite as simple as that but i wouldn't even know how to explain

but a lot of the time when it comes to other characters. i do not understand how they could be seen as a family dynamic with the knowledge we have of the characters now. like sarah being seen as an older sister figure to bps (which. does not make sense considering she's younger than at least one of them) or like. the mandelatech employees being seen as having any kind of family dynamic (that one just. does not make any sense to me. i feel like the only reason for that is because it's, again, an older character and a younger character that hang out but i cannot see them as uncle/niece or whatever else they are. those are coworkers to me but maybe that's just my view). there's also the idea of the remaining four survivors being seen as a general family thing and i cannot wrap my head around that at all. it makes sense for thatcher and adam as i said in the previous paragraph but it doesn't make sense for characters like sarah or evelin i cannot understand that in the slightest. again this may just be my own personal view

and then the thing with a lot of characters being close friends. this one i can kind of understand because obviously when characters are canonically friends you want to view them as being good friends. which makes sense in a lot of other things but i think with tmc in particular. a recurring theme (outside of characters like sarah and evelin or thatcher and ruth. both of those seem to be character duos that don't have issues in their relationship) is that a lot of these friendships are not good for one or both parties, whether that's a realized thing or not. again, i get how it's a lot more fun to see them as being close but i feel like viewing them as strictly close friends that only have good views on each other or as characters that would really care much about another's death in a very impactful way is kind of undermining the whole point in a lot of these dynamics.

tl;dr: while it's fun to imagine characters as having a family dynamic or as even just having a healthy friendship, as is mainly prevalent in fanon, i don't think that can be applied to canon without ignoring parts of a character/their reactions to things and their story.

final thing i'm going to touch on is something that has been talked about in SEVERAL fandoms by people that could articulate it way better than more. but i personally have a very strong vendetta about immediately labeling a female character as a girlboss or anything like that and not establishing their character beyond that. ESPECIALLY when it doesn't even line up with the character as a whole. most of the time it just feels like a binary where a girl character HAS to be labeled as a girlboss or a girlfailure or whatever other label there is regardless of whether or not they actually fit that. it's understandable to lightly joke about that (like evelin being referred to as the latter. in that case it makes sense to use that in reference to her but using that as the only defining part of her character limits her to that) but when it's used as the ONLY way those characters can be described it just becomes annoying to an extent

even for characters like ruth who we don't know a lot about, there's more to her than just. i don't know. being the singular braincell (which tends to be the view of female characters when it comes to one girl in a group of guys. which i cannot stand) or being the girlboss or being the strong one of the three and nothing else.

for the last paragraph i will admit that the majority of my talking about ruth tends to revolve around her dynamic with her friends, but there's absolutely more to her character outside of that or just being the dead character (even though her death absolutely serves as a driving factor for thatcher's character arc and other things). she does not exist solely for that group dynamic or just to be the dead character she has more depth outside of that and she has so much more depth than just being labeled as a "girlboss" and nothing else.

anyways. this was mainly just me going on a rant towards the end but i just needed to verbalize these thoughts before i exploded nothing i say is canon or the interpretation everyone else has to have this is me yelling into the void. okay goodbye 👍

#tmc #sorry i think i turned into some manner of beast halfway through this. anyways #probably got character info wrong but i hope the majority of this makes sense

[queenlucythevaliant]

Want to rant about this post, because it makes me seethe every time I come across it. Nothing against anyone who's reblogged it, just want to give my two cents.

A migraine is NOT the same as a bad headache! Migraine a specific neurological condition which is frequently (though not always) characterized by headache, as well as numerous other symptoms. They're caused by some combination of nerve inflammation and uneven vasoconstriction/dialation in the brain. As such, there's no such thing as a "sinus migraine" or a "tension migraine."

Acupressure and massage *may* help to relieve some measure of migraine pain if you can stand being touched long enough, but it won't help the underlying neurological condition, which is more similar to a slow-motion seizure than any other type of headache. I'm sure pressure helps with tension headaches and maybe other types of headaches, as described, but those are not migraines! Words have meanings, gang.

However, in calling these non-migraine headaches "migraines" and then suggesting that they are easy to treat in this manner, the post suggests that migraines are a much lighter matter than they actually are. This, and discussions like this, cause real migraine to be taken less seriously by the culture at large.

Fundamentally, the thing about the original post that irritates me so much is that basically none of the people on it seem to have any idea what migraine actually is. There's been a move in recent years to try to make people more aware that medical language is very specific and shouldn't be abused (ie OCD isn't just "having a messy room bothers me," it's a specific disorder that, if untreated, can massively harm people's lives), which I think is great. At the same time, there's a growing tendency to pathologize everything, from personality tics to low-grade headaches, often in the strongest terms possible. While I'm not for the policing of language in general, I do feel that it's at best insensitive and at worst actively harmful to use specific medical terms in situations where they simply don't apply.

Most headaches are not migraines. Speaking as though they are leads to a misinformed attitude around migraine which suggests that everybody gets them, they're easy to treat, and they're not that bad actually. This attitude has caused me material difficulty so many times over the last nine years that I couldn't even being to tally it.

#i am so sick to death of seeing that post #chronic illness is hilarious #so far it's been a hard nerve block day folks #WOULD THAT I could just press on the back of my neck instead of getting SKEWERED IN THE HEAD WITH NEEDLES #🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 #'tension migraines' gimme a break #pontifications and creations

[queerfables]

I have this thought that's simmering in the back of my head, and there's some evidence for it, but I simply can't take myself seriously on it, because the idea hits my favourite tropes way too perfectly. I'm, like, 90% sure I should admit to myself that what I actually want is to write fic about this and skip the meta entirely. But apparently this is how I process things these days, so you get my wild projections masquerading as analysis first, and maybe if you're lucky some kind of story later.

So, Nina's partner, Lindsay. Not so much a person as an analogy, right? The consensus is that this relationship is a stand in for Aziraphale's relationship with Heaven, making Heaven the toxic partner holding Aziraphale back from finding real happiness. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like we've taken that assumption and worked backwards from it to prove that Nina is really Aziraphale's mirror and Maggie is really Crowley's.

Look, I realise that drawing the line from Nina to Crowley and Maggie to Aziraphale feels obnoxiously obvious. There are superficial similarities, but does it go any deeper than their general demeanour? When we look at how Nina describes Crowley and Aziraphale - the hard-bitten one who doesn't trust, the soft one who still believes in goodness - I think there's honestly a solid argument to be made that both descriptions could apply to either one of them. I don't think that's conclusive. The thing that's really giving me pause is that Crowley's car and Nina's shop both play Queen. It seems like such a clear signal that they're foils. There's also the fact that the partition around her shop has a very snake-like pattern embedded in it, quite similar in shape to Crowley's tattoo (a detail that pairs nicely with the apple-tree motif on the French restaurant next door).

If Nina is Crowley's mirror, does that mean that Crowley is the one trapped in a toxic relationship? And here's the part where I absolutely cannot trust my brain to give me sensible feedback, because the little gremlin who lives there immediately shuts off all higher functions at the first hint a character might be unwillingly beholden to a nefarious outside force. Especially if they are keeping it a secret.

Could Crowley have been blackmailed or coerced into working for Hell again, despite nominally being estranged from it? I literally could not tell you, because my brain is too busy yelling yes yes yes please oh my god yes. I just love the idea way too much to be rational about it.

I won't insult anyone by labeling this next section "supporting evidence", but here are some ways I think it could fit into canon as it's been established:

In light of my recent meta on how to think about Good Omen's twists, I've been ruminating on some of the big questions I have about season 2. And one of the ones that keeps jostling for my attention is, why are Crowley and Aziraphale not together yet? I don't mean that flippantly, what I mean is - I believe that Crowley and Aziraphale are both aware of the way they feel about each other, and have been for some time. If that's true, what's keeping them apart? Obviously there are quite a few potential answers to this, including the possibility that I'm wrong and they're not both consciously aware of their feelings for each other. But it's an idea I find compelling. They're not together because they're not free yet. And not just in a hypothetical looming threat kind of way.

When Beelzebub summons Crowley in 2x01, Crowley says "I thought we had a generalised understanding." Beelzebub replies, "We don't. You're still a traitor," and then goes on to threaten him with a bounty. The obvious implication is that the understanding they don't have is from the end of season one, that Hell will leave Crowley and Aziraphale alone. But what if it's a different kind of understanding? What if the subtext of Beelzebub's offer for whatever he wants is that he can have enough power to be free of whatever nasty little job he's supposed to be doing on the sly? (Not enough to break free of Hell entirely, though. Never enough for that.)

On the other hand, Crowley doesn't recognise Beelzebub's new face, but they must have been wearing it for a while given all their meetings with Gabriel. Is Crowley bound to the one demon higher than Beelzebub, then? Sorry, the gleeful brain gremlin is the only one available to take questions on this. It sure would be sexy, though, if both the power difference and the secrecy involved were as extreme as possible.

This is a weird little detail that probably doesn't mean anything, but when Aziraphale gets back from Edinburgh, it's early in the morning the day of the ball. The streets are mostly empty and Nina is just arriving for work. Aziraphale helps Crowley put the plants back in the Bentley, and at some point after this, Crowley takes the car and leaves. He must do, because we see him come back. Where did he go? He can't have been gone more than a couple of hours at most, because he arrives back in time to follow Aziraphale around convincing everyone to attend his ball. Okay, fine, maybe Crowley just needed to get away, relax somewhere there's no amnesiac archangel breathing down his neck. But the timeline is so short it seems like a strange detail. It makes me think that Crowley might actually have been hiding something, here. I don't know that this theory is the most likely explanation, but it sure could be an explanation.

And finally, for maximum angst potential, imagine Aziraphale finding out that after everything Crowley said about how toxic Heaven and Hell are, after all the grief he gave Aziraphale for returning to Heaven, that Crowley had been secretly working for Hell all along? WOOF.

#good omens #i am so sorry that there are some genuinely interesting meta details hidden in this self indulgent trash fire #by rights they should belong to something more sensible #but this is the meta we have #fable talks good omens #it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late and i'm posting this without reading it over again if i've left any sentences hanging no i didn't

[kollector-of-stims]

any recommended stim toys? i need some new ones, especially ones that would be discreet at school

Glad you asked this when I was in the mood to organize my stuff! Here are some suggestions I have after careful listening as I used them!

Good fidget/stim toys for school:

1. Sugar balls

There are big, small, and average types of sugar balls. Basically, they're balls filled with clear glue/thick gel and when squished they rise slowly. Also, they're usually soft when squished slowly, and resistant when squished hard. (Definitely the case with nee doh nice cubes and gumdrops. Regular sugar balls are easier to squish in general, in my opinion.)

There can be sounds when your fingers stick to them slightly and are pulled away (honestly not noticable with the slightest background noise so not a big deal probably), but if you put one in your pocket, not only is it hidden, but it's still the same level of satisfying from squishing it!

2: small foam squishies

A classic! Squishies come in all kinds of sizes, including small enough to go on keychains and fit into a pocket with no issue! Super quiet, and if you see them in store, more than likely you can test their firmness and pick which one suits your taste the best!

3: worry stones and the like

A worry stone is basically any object with a smooth surface for sliding your thumb against. For me, a piece of jewelry I found on my grandmas floor has legit no resistance and is super calming to slide my thumb around on. Fidget cubes also have a worry stone side, and sometimes even erasers give the same effect! (To me anyway. Any surface that's calming and small and easy to feel fits, as they show)

OH and fidget cubes have two silent buttons to press, if you enjoy that!

4: silly putty/thinking putty

Depending on how its played with, putty can be super quiet and also not a big distraction as long as there isnt tons of it. (maybe more dull colors are better for class?) But, if you play with it with enough energy to cause bubbles, those bubbles will pop when its pinched or squished in a certain way. A good alternative though: KNEADED ERASERS. They're like putty but a slightly different texture and should be more fine for class.

5: hedge balls

Hedge balls (this one very firm with a good thick, solid center) when squeezed, apply pressure to your skin with their little prickles. This pressure can help people, and I do believe people can also pick at the prickles! They arent for everyone, but who knows? If someone didnt know what they were, maybe they now think they need one!

If you want me to try suggesting more, lemme know! Also, anyone can reblog this with more suggestions as well! Helping people with class stims seems IMPORTANT!!

EDIT: I LEFT OUT MARBLE MESH FIDGETS:

Small enough for most pockets, and moving the marble back and forth makes no noise!

#ask answered #stim toys #fidget toys #these are the quietest and smallest things i have but someone else may have good stuff to say about something else too #school #school stim #helpful post #helpful stuff #recommendations #sugar balls #squishies #putty #hedge ball #worry stone #class safe

[dee-the-red-witch]

The Monthly Roundup

Okay, normally, this is just a free monthly post over on my Patreon, but I figured I should push this out into the wild as well, because this kind of stuff's always needed. Want this, and a bunch of weekly readings from a cursed tarot deck, media reviews, and other content including fiction and the occasional build post? Maybe consider adding me over there as well. Anyways, like I said, it's a monthly roundup- in this case a bigass collection of links and resources for folks interested in pursuing gender transition one way or another. And while a bunch of it is transfem specific and sometimes medical transition specific, because it's stuff I dug up while hunting down things for myself, there's also things in there good for anyone of any gender, and resources for legal/social transition as well. And this is long enough to deserve a cut for once, so...

Hey! What If *I'M* trans?

The Gender Dysphoria Bible- https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en Wondering if you're experiencing Gender Dysphoria? This may be a good place to start. Realize the GDB is slanted largely towards transfem folks, so it doesn't necessarily apply evenly to everyone, but it does cover a lot of ground that folks may identify with.

Trans Medical Resources

DIY HRT- https://diyhrt.cafe/index.php/Main_Page (for legal reasons, I'm going to tell you to at least try to see a licensed physician or endocrinologist before starting to DIY your own hormones, but keep in mind, I'm not your responsible adult, and if you don't choose to listen, that's on you) This is the main, best hub for sourcing and getting info on doing your own hormone therapy. Keep in mind, it's once again slanted towards feminizing methods, because testosterone is still a controlled substance in most of the world (which is bloody fucking stupid, but that's a rant for another time).

GALAP- The Gender Affirming Letter Access Project- https://thegalap.org/ While we may have new WPATH guidelines with the Soc 8 updates that dropped a little bit ago, most providers and insurers are still on outdated requirements that insist on letters from mental health providers for transgender-related care. Which can affect access to surgeries, HRT, and more. GALAP exists to connect folks with providers who'll give those letters,m in some cases free of charge even.

Gynecologist List- https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Djia_WkrVO3S4jKn6odNwQk7pOcpcL4x00FMNekrb7Q/htmlview This one's more for uterus-owners in general and less trans-specific, but giventhe number of folks with uteri who'd can end up with a hard time finding a willing doctor for some procedures, it's important for everyone. This is a Google database of hundreds of gynecologists, listed by location, willing to perform sterilization procedures with informed consent, without secondary authorization from anyone else. The list is patient-vetted, so your mileage may vary, but for those seeking sterilization and/or hysterectomies as part of their transition it may prove to be invaluable as a resource, because doctors willing to do this work can be few and rare in some areas.

Transfeminine Science- https://transfemscience.org/ Articles, journals and all sorts of researching into, well, just what the name says, transfeminizing science. A lot of medical professionals simply don't have knowledge in the field and are acting on what they learned in med school, which may be way out of date. If they're willing to listen, there's stuff in there to help bring them up to speed. Better yet, it;'s also a great resource to educate yourself so you can advocate for your own care a bit better.

Other Transition resources (legal, social, etc)

NCTE's ID GUIDE- https://transequality.org/documents The National Transgender Center for Equality's guide to changing your legal identity, in a handy format that lets you break it down by state or territory, or even federal documents (United States only, sorry.) and links to the right paperwork to use. Rainbow Passage- https://rainbowpassage.org/ It sucks that we need organizations like this in these times, but I'm glad to see there's people already stepping up to the task. Rainbow Passage is an organization dedicated to helping trans youth get out of trans-hostile states and relocate to safer areas. And if you can, volunteering for them is a great way to help improve safety for trans folk in general.

Seattle Voice Lab- https://www.seattlevoicelab.com/ if you've seen me on social media much lately, then you've seen me talking about this place. This is who I'm (through February and March at least) taking voice lessons through to feminize my own voice more. They also have a bunch of online resources, a discord server, and other help if you need to figure your own vocal chords out a bit better.

Strands For Trans- https://strandsfortrans.org/ Need a haircut, or color or other beauty services you're using for the first time ever as an out trans person and you're not sure where's going to be safe to go? Strands For Trans is the first comprehensive database of Aesthetics businesses for hair and everything, AND THEY VET THE BUSINESSES, to ensure your safety and comfort.

TLC's Life-Planning Guide- http://transgenderlawcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/TLC_Life-Planning-Documents-Transgender.pdf The Transgender Law Center put this guide together specifically for planning end-of-life details. Yes, it's a depressing and tragic thing, but protecting and making sure our identities are still properly preserved after we die is still just as an important part of what we're fighting as anything else is. This guide will help you with establishing a Living Will, controlling hospital visits, and setting up proper Powers of Attorney, so that nothing potentially falls back into the hands of people who might refuse to recognize who you truly are. (In many states, you can designate someone other than your next of kin to take charge of your body when you die (next of kin is defined by law, not by preference). If you need to do that, go to nolo.com and look up article on "[your state] funeral law" to get a rundown on if and how to do this.

Trans Media

The Digital Transgender Archive- https://www.digitaltransgenderarchive.net "The purpose of the Digital Transgender Archive (DTA) is to increase the accessibility of transgender history by providing an online hub for digitized historical materials, born-digital materials, and information on archival holdings throughout the world." (In short, this is one of several free libraries of trans history.)

Totally Trans- https://www.patreon.com/totallytrans/posts Hey, look at that, it's another Patreon! Except, no, wait, it's a podcast! Totally Trans looks at media both historical and modern with a transgendered lens. Sometimes it's silly fun, other times, it's great insights into queer and trans history, and all around it's a great show to add on whatever service you're already getting podcasts through- or you can hit the link above to help support them at the same time for early access.

Trans News, Blogs, and Notes

Erin In The Morning: https://www.erininthemorning.com/ Erin's newsletter runs almost daily these days, mostly with updates regarding trans legislation all around the US. It's a good way to stay up to date, but it can also be a drag these days, largely because it's practically just a constantly expanding list of bad news thanks to the GOP right now.

Stained Glass Woman: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/ aka Doc Impossible/Zoe. I first discovered her work and writing when WPATH released their new SOC 8 guidelines, because she was one of the few people that could make the thing actually make sense in non-legalese. But I subscribed andkeep following here for regular updates both because she presents a trans coming out narrative that was just a joy to read, and also covers interesting  news in the field of trans medicine from time to time. Definitely worth adding to your feed.

A Self Defense Study Guide for Trans Women and Gender Non-Conforming / Nonbinary AMAB Folks: https://www.silversprocket.net/2021/09/13/a-self-defense-study-guide-for-trans-women-and-gender-non-conforming-nonbinary-amab-folks/

This is, quite honestly, one of the best self-defense guides I've seen for gender-nonconforming folks (and one of the few, to be honest), short of private defense instruction. AND it's available to read in full for free at that link, or in print for just a 5$ donation. Go check it out.

Other general roundups

Grassroots GAC Resources- https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19kSzBLo_hjpiBjHN8tvK73sVHU25NKWjMau2vNl8uuM/edit#gid=778305468 Google spreadsheet of links in general, from therapy help and hrt assistance, to all sorts of other info, some of which are repeats from here, but there's also a bunch of others I haven't had time or opportunity to vet yet.

#trans #transgender resources #link roundup #readmore #transgender

[66sharkteeth]

kind of venting here again since it's the smallest place w/ the least amount of eyes. but man it's just one of those days where i dont feel good about my work haha. well, i kinda do, but i keep getting reassurance that it's not.

like i dont know... I'm going to New York Comic Con out of my own pocket and the company I work for just...wants nothing to do with me. How insulting is that? I can only assume they're just...embarrassed of CoB for some reason, and my leading theory is they just think the art is ugly. I see them invite smaller creators to things all the time, so I know it's not a performance thing, especially with CoB regularly being one of the top scifis and I feel like NYCC is one of the few places where that's like...actually kinda relevant. To this day, it's still never been included in any kind of banner or promo either. I've been to the office and I see art of all sorts of series, bigger and smaller than CoB all over the office, but CoB's just no where to be seen.

I see all my friends getting their ANYC acceptances now too. I applied, but it's looking like I didn't get in based on my empty inbox. I dunno. Sometimes I feel good about my art. getting into NYCC was definitely a bit of a boost. But now I'm realizing I probably got in bc my art isn't...super duper anime? And now I'm not anime enough for ANYC. And that's just...the boat I always seem to fall into. Just so fucking middle ground that I fall between the cracks. My series does well enough that it's not considered a "hidden gem" but it's also not big enough to be one of the popular series everyone talks about. And thus just...nobody ends up talking about it. And the same goes for my art in general. Not quite anime enough to appease to the anime crowd, but it's also too anime to appease the more western audience. My skill level is also just...good enough that nobody tells me my art sucks, but also not amazing enough that anyone's blown away.

Though like I said, I'm pretty sure at this point it must just be...flat out bad according to...the company I work for. They act like they're embarrassed of it. Maybe the story sucks too or something according to them, but there must be a reason they're too embarrassed to put it anywhere in the office or ever include it any kind of banner or collage. They don't even want anything to do with Shnee who is just like...ripe for marketing lol. At least I think he is. I mean, his plushie did well. But they must think he's as ugly as the rest of the series.

I dunno. It feels bad. Every time I start to feel a little good about my art, Im just kind of reminded it must not be very good. Like damn it must be bad when even your mom won't put your art on the fridge huh?

#that last sentence isn't actually about my mom lol. she's very proud of my art #vent

[donnerpartyofone]

I found out pretty late in life that it is statistically unusual to think almost entirely in words like I do--unusual enough that there's a name for it. When I read fiction, reference memory, daydream, or formulate a plan or goal, it is difficult or impossible for me to develop vivid, related visual imagery. My thoughts can involve scraps of sensory information--including textures, colors, and very weak images of people/things/places--but they're not significant enough to consider; overall, my thoughts tend to be verbal and conceptual. It's basically accurate for me to say I only think in words, and I encourage you to generalize like that with your answers. (And if you feel like you can't possibly generalize, then I guess this isn't the poll for you! Sorry)

I'm interested in how you think it affects your life, too, if you have a comment to make. For instance, I have a theory that my aphantasic tendencies are part of why goal formation and pursuit is so hard for me. There's a reason you hear about visualization so often in self-help/self-improvement contexts, and I think my inability to picture what I'm after does affect my ability to get things done.

Tangentially, there's been some discussion about whether aphantasia has some correlation with neurodivergent conditions like autism and adhd. I find this discourse exciting, even though I do not at all believe there is a one-size-fits-all model for neurodivergence. It's just interesting to imagine what the subcategories of us might possibly be, and how we might relate to one another. So just for novelty's sake, I'm also curious about whether respondents have been diagnosed with particular cognitive or neurological conditions, if you feel like saying.

When I posted this question on a certain other social media site (why do I ever stray from Tumblr?), I immediately got in a confusing argument with someone about, I guess, what "thinking" actually is (like maybe they meant "reasoning" to the exclusion of all other mental events?) and whether or not aphantasia applies to "thought". So in case that bothers anyone else, I really mean all conscious mental events. I include anything that passes through your mind while you are awake that COULD have associated imagery--where if you are aphantasic, that imagery may appear blurred, distorted, fragmented, or not at all.

[jb-nonsense]

@58thfalcon

I feel like they're all pretty close in age, guessing by how he mentions parents when he wanted a kitten but then never mentions anyone but his mother afterwards. So I imagine maybe about 2 years between each sibling.

First I'm going to discuss thoughts on parents, to better explain the sibling relationships.

I feel like his father was a low born sorcerer and his mother a higher born woman, who may have met during adventuring. That's why his surname is Dekarios, as sometimes lower born people wouldn't necessarily have surnames. This may have caused his father, at times, to feel like he was not good enough for Morena.

Now, to the siblings.

I have named the older brother Taran, which means thunder. He was a gifted sorcerer who had no discipline for studies and books. This, of course, could cause great concern but that concern could be misconstrued as favoritism. Especially considering while Gale was more than likely a sorcerer as well, he had the discipline to sit down and study and apply himself. Maybe Gale's father trusted Gale to study more and focused on trying to reel Taran in. Maybe their father left with Taran to try to instruct him in a safer environment and they didn't return and that left a sore spot for Gale. The personality traits I would give Taran are impulsive, charming, and a bit roguish at times.

As for Aella, his sister, I'm still chewing on her development but I think her eventually being a bard suits my thoughts. But being the baby girl of the family, it's inevitable she was doted on and excuses made for her. She's a little spoiled but has a generally good heart and maybe her favorite thing as a child was when Gale would read her to sleep. Once both Taran and their father left, the three were close, but Morena could relate on certain matters with Aella more and Gale had to look elsewhere for guidance on matters.

This is really just word vomit and ideas swirling in my head. More development will happen in time.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #Gale Dekarios #Gale of Waterdeep #I am once again letting people know I am fine with sharing headcanons #and if you use any of my headcanons let me know I wanna see/read

[phaeton-flier]

Jiro, or the Existential Horror of Being a Self-Insert Protagonist

Jiro Foreach is depressed, and I think a lot of his worldview is tinged by that, because being depressed makes you see everything as bad and unfixable and fucked. But I think a lot of the clear problems he has are reflective of him existing as little as possible, so that the player of Love Bomb can have relationships with the girls.

Look at his design. He does, in fact, have an memorable face and emotions, but the base? His major visual qualities are "black hair", "male", "skinny", and "tired". Those first three sure look a lot like the sort of generic protagonist a Japanese teenager would find it easy to self-insert into.

His thoughts constantly reflect the frustration of feeling like people only love some weird abstract thing that he isn't. Because, well, they are.

After all, the girls dialogue isn't meant for him; It's meant for the player. Notice how all of the gift-giving scenes are from his perspective; Jiro is only there to serve as a camera and a hand puppet. He keeps seeing them (metaphorically) look through him, at someone behind him, when they talk, because they're talking to the player, not to him. He picks up on that, he can tell on some level that they're not talking to him, they're talking to some idea of who he should be.

All of that he would be enough to cause problems—he clearly finds himself lacking, compared to what he imagines they imagine him as—if he had some personality to retreat to. But underneath his shell is very little. He doesn't seem to have a him. He's mentioned as having washed up on the shores of the island and I suspect he doesn't have much episodic memory of his life beforehand. Why would he need it? He's just there to be a self-insert. So he can tell, on some level, that there isn't much there and that scares him.

All of the girls' lines are gonna be somewhat generic because they need to apply to anyone playing the game, but that means that they can't in any way connect to Jiro the character. They can only see, or only comment on, him being "nice" because that's the most generic, common thing among any member of the player base.

(To be clear, I do think he is a full person and does have a full inner life, under there, but it's hard to see that when you have no social outlets to explore it and what little time he has to himself is spent on emotional release)

So he's getting it from two ends: the vague feeling they're not talking to him so much as a through him, and clear shallowness of their answers make it seem like there would be nothing there to connect to anyways.

Jiro's actions in battle are, as far as I can tell, literally just to be there to power up the girls, who do the actual attacks. In-Universe, he's also responsible for tactics (in choosing which girls go on the mission) so maybe in longer fights he's the one supposedly calling out attacks, or whatever. But never the one attacking, never able to just do something. His choice of game being HELLFUCK is reflective of him wanting emotional release, something raw and angry he can just swear at instead of choking it down. More than just something ugly to contrast with Love Bomb saccharine nature, however, I think a fantasy full of blood and gore might be reflecting a desire to actually go out and hit things himself. I think the fact that there's a target right there he could just unload on, but for the fact that he's not strong, is affecting him.

He's unconsciously living an existential nightmare of being meant only as a window for someone else's power fantasy, and I think that's only going to get worse as he learns the true nature of his universe.

#read Foreach its so so good