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#maybe this is the reason of catharsis

plasmodiumpyrexia · 11 months

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A few more crying tropes (first post here):

While in [B]'s arms. [A] shifts to hold them tighter, a shaky breath and the tears start, falling slowly at first; B feels it on their skin

Soft whimpers and quiet weeping

Covering their face/mouth, shaking with barely contained sobs and all the effort not to make a sound

A forced smile on an overall troubled, pained expression

Late at night their thoughts run wild and buried emotions surface; it feels like they're drowning as they cry themself to sleep

Self-soothing (hugging themself, holding a comfort item, etc.)

On the verge of tears but still trying to put on their usual cheer until the moment it crumbles

The lip/chin quiver (!)

"Just let it out..."

A couldn't register what they were feeling until the adrenaline faded - then it hit them all at once

Making an excuse to leave the group or waiting until they're alone before letting themself cry

When A tries to hide that they've been crying but B notices and asks them about it

Strained laughter that tapers off into a sob

Tears of relief when the worst is over, things are improving and A (or someone they care about) is finally safe

In frustration, struggling to do something that was easy before

Breaking down while insisting they're ok

Or, A wants to tell B what's going on and instantly breaks down when admitting that they're not ok

#whump prompts #emotional whump #crying #angst #writing prompts #feel free to add #comfort #just wanted to continue the last one #maybe I have a problem lol #so much of what I love in these scenarios boils down to #''[A] thinks they shouldn't cry for some reason #feels like like they need to hide their struggles #eventually they can't #and when it boils over [B] is there for them holding space #no judgment; B doesn't tell them to stop (they even encourage A to feel and let everything out)#and A gets to have the epic cry they need''#its all about the release/catharsis #and the support

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actualbird · 5 months

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other life things: so shocker, i actually havent been doing well this entire month of november. it's rather bad (intersection of unfortunate personal life occurrences + my bipolar throwing me into Quite the depressive episode + those two things happening at the same time = jesus fucking christ) but on the bright side ive been reading a bunch of shoujo manga which has been good for my heart and on the cathartic side im going to a rage room soon which will be good (hopefully) for my brain. rage room, yknow, a place i can smash and destroy shit. im hoping that that helps dispel uhhhhhh roughly 24 years of pent up anger that has never had an outlet. related to that, i made a short playlist full of my fave screaming music (many of them cliche, sorry not sorry for liking linkin park JSKJFH) to play during my session there so i can yell at whatever poor appliance im gonna smash with metal pipe

i might take luke plush with me to take a before and after picture of the aforementioned poor appliance

#im just trying to give myself more things to look forward to.#im also gonna go to a con this weekend to by tot stuff from a friend whos boothing there #and tonight i'll have a nice dinner. and it's almost christmas and people are gonna have lights everywhere #maybe at some point i can set something on fire and return to my college (mild harmless) burning of shit for more catharsis #i have to put (mild harmless) because uh nobody get scared of me i just like setting small things on fire when im not well sjfhdkjhs #anyway. just gotta keep going. thats all life is. just gotta keep going and going and giving yourself reasons to keep going and going #[ina garten voice] if you dont have inherent will to live then manufactured ones is fine #dootdootdoot

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miwtual · 10 months

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me: hm. having a horrible day in my brain today.

the evil me, in the back of my head: let's watch the bear s2

#kai.txt #so anyway gonna watch the bear s2 #maybe get some catharsis. or find a reason to cry. either option's okay

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musical-chick-13 · 1 month

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That post is VILE holy shit. People write fic for free. You can exit out of it any time and bitch in private if you really, really have to. And write your own goddamn fic based on the same concept if you really think you could do better. It's fucking vile. I've been in writing workshop classes with some truly bitchy, cutthroat people who were threatened by other people getting praise too, and they were STILL nicer than anyone reblogging that post with examples. Holy hell. Vile!

VILE!!!!!

Like. Friends. Romans. Countrymen. Whom-the-fuck ever. Art being "good" or "bad" (which!! there is no truly objective evaluation of art or creativity!!!! it cannot exist!!!!!!) is not inherently moral or immoral. Good people can create art that doesn't work for you. Bad people can create art that does. Someone not executing a concept well (in your opinion) doesn't mean that they have no redeeming qualities and that they are...worthless or inane or something?

WE ARE ALL HERE TO HAVE FUN. TO CELEBRATE A THING WE LIKE.

FOR FREE. JUST. BECAUSE. WE LIKE IT.

So many people genuinely need to calm the fuck down, and you KNOW it's bad if I'M saying that.

(Also, I'm so sorry that workshop experience had such rancid people in it, artists of any kind already have it tough, we don't need to intentionally make it worse for each other.)

#like. also. maybe some people write for engagement or to Be Good but...in my experience a lot of people write #(and write fanfic ESPECIALLY) just to like. parse shit out. or to experience catharsis or express love for something important to them.#the function ISN'T and has NEVER been to meet some arbitrary measure of 'quality'#it's not hard to just hit the back button! it's right there!! it's one click!!!#multi t(ASK)ing #ANYWAY. thank you for being reasonable anon. breath of fresh air for real

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riverswater · 5 months

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call me crazy but i want to read, fic or ficlet, about manipulator/villain louis

Kghskf SORRY ^

but it's true! You're not crazy, there's nothing crazy in that! It's the reason why we as people have always loved tragedy: we love the misery of it, the devastation, the pain it causes us. Because we need that sweet sweet catharsis. That's not something that is readily available everywhere at anytime. So we need to create these stories.

And in this specific case I think it's compelling to read something that is so far from reality but maybe (maybe, if I get it right) close enough that it may feel like you're peering into an alternative universe. Also. It's very flattering to be told this <3333 so, thank you!! And smack 🥺💘✨

#I can't promise anything because in THEORY I should work on my thesis #(if my professor ever replies to me. Anyway. You don't care about that)#But one day I'll graduate and I'll have so much less stuff to do (this is never going to happen) so maybe. Maybe I'll write more of this #Because I do think about this au quite often #I have a vague plot. I have the characters the motivations the friendships and I have the moment of catastrophe that always happens 80%#Through a story. So there's some substance to it. And I really hope I'll get to write more again because it felt so good to write that smal #Little thing. So. :)) thank you again and may the catharsis and Aristotle be with you #Asks #Anon #I just realized this has a very mansplaining vibe I swear I didn't mean to sound like this 😭#Anyway!!!! It's because all stories I think about now are so stupidly dark. No one's happy. I love it #<- actually I think the reason is because I live too much inside my head sorry see I talk too much!!!!

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bg-brainrot · 2 months

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One thing I, personally, can't relate to when discussing BG3 companions: not loving each and every single one of these little weirdos.

Obviously, Astarion's my favorite (gestures at, well, everything on my blog), but I love all of the companions SO much. They're each so unique, so flawed, so painfully relatable.

Now, a quick disclaimer: by all means, these aren't the only or even the best reasons to appreciate these characters, but they're some of my personal favorites!

Some reasons to love them...

Astarion, even against two centuries of torture and trauma, for breaking that cycle of abuse and learning to become his own man.

Gale, despite her reigns on his past, on his power, for going against his goddess's wishes and living on to rectify his mistakes, rather than dying for them.

Karlach, even after everything she's ever done, after finding no catharsis in the act of revenge, for keeping her head, her ax, and her hopes high.

Lae'zel, despite realizing that her entire reason for living is a lie, for fighting on to find new meaning and build a world she'd be proud to fight for.

Shadowheart, even after finding out that her very existence is a lie, for stumbling forth into a new world, one where her devotion is hers to share.

Wyll, despite his deep, undying love for his father, for learning that he needn't sacrifice everything for the ones he loves, he has those who love him in turn.

Halsin, who for all intents and purposes doesn't need to bother with all of this, for caring enough about people, about you, to do whatever he can to help.

Minthara, after being brainwashed, betrayed, destroyed, for ultimately rising from the ashes of herself to follow and support you in anything and everything.

Jaheira, who had all but given up on passing the torch, who after love and loss decided to go out fighting, for trusting you, a kindred spirit to let her rest.

Minsc, with not a single thought behind those eyes, for understanding friendship and loyalty so deeply, that he joins your crew faithfully on Jaheira's words.

It's been a long time since I loved every single one of my companions in a game like this (maybe DA2?), and I'm so weirdly grateful to them for helping me understand myself better.

Anyway, I just think they're all super neat, interesting characters. You definitely don't need to love them all, but I certainly think it's a blast!

#listen im a sap #and i have plenty of love to go around #(not all romantic love though sorry to the rest but astarion and karlach have my heart)#bg3 #Astarion #gale #karlach #lae'zel #shadowheart #wyll #halsin #minthara #jaheira #minsc

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villainsandvictimsalliance · 28 days

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The appeal of a villain friend in fiction is more often than not the thought that someone out there would choose you over the entire world.

The members of the League of Villains were anyone's priority. They felt replaceable or even worse, they knew they were replaceable. They weren't pretty enough, strong enough, normal enough, cool enough. They were wrong in the head, were too violent, too weird, too creepy.

All the rage? The hurt? They were told to swallow it because it was making people uncomfortable.

Stain was their inspiration, but he wasn't the one to pick them. He wasn't the one who looked at them and told them "you have a place". That was Giran. The manga tells us that Giran was putting together a sort of friendship group for violent outcasts like them. That he formed the League for them to have company, a reason to fight for, to exist.

There's a sort of catharsis that fictional villain friendships give that you can't find somewhere else. A sort of short-lived relief that comes when someone sees you being mistreated and decides retribution is needed. Wouldn't it be wonderful if revenge had no consequences and the damage it caused was at once lasting and non-existent?

That's what fiction is for. You put all your feelings there and create scenarios where you purge those feelings. No one gets harmed and you come out of it cleaned, renewed, with a clear head.

So when Tomura Shigaraki creates the League of Villains, it is an instant click for people who had been wronged and are seeking catharsis of their negative experiences and feelings.

The League of Villains punishes someone with torture and failure for misgendering and hurting their trans friend. A shonen manga does that, a gender where nonconforming people are a joke by tradition. Do you get what that means to some readers out there?

Tomura claims to hate everything and everyone, but when Toga asks him, he admits that they are his exception. He wouldn't destroy something they loved. His prioritizing their wishes and their likings. There was no one else above them for him and no one was as important to him as they were.

Suddenly, they are someone's number one people and not out of manipulation. They recognize in Tomura a man who really cares.

Tomura was shown to live in total neglect. He had poor hygiene, was isolated almost completely from the outside world, talked with maybe three or four people tops, ate whatever, liver whatever. He didn't care about his living conditions. It was only when the League asked for clothing and food and other stuff that he began to care. For them.

He wants them to live, to succeed, he wants to hurt anyone who hurts them, to protect what is precious to them.

And now we got confirmation that they matter more to him than his own past.

Tomura would destroy the world simply because they asked him to, because they promised to. He would destroy himself trying because he must be their hero. Remember how every time a villain would question him about his motivation or his ideals, he would talk about his hatred or his need to destroy. We've gone past it and at his very core we found that the thing that truly fuels him is the desire to be a hero.

For them.

It's really something to see people wondering why a reader would be fond of Tomura Shigaraki or the LOV in general. Is it that hard to understand?

Again, that's the appeal of a fictional villain's friendship to real life victims:

To be important, to be picked, to be prioritized, to be felt, to be seen, to be understood, to belong to and be considered, to be irreplaceable. To be all those things to the point the weight of it shatters the universe.

So much love outplacement in someone's love— to matter so much to someone —that to see you hurt would make them want to destroy the world.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #league of villains #lov #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha 418 #mha 418 #bnha leaks #mha leaks #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura

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neoyi · 9 months

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Okay, cool. I can finally talk about the absolute catharsis I felt after fifteen years hoping - dreaming - of this moment because holy SHIT, they did it. They goddamn DID IT.

VLAD GOT HIS REDEMPTION ARC.

Let's talk about it...

By the end of the third season, Vlad Masters had ostracized the entire planet by exposing his true self (why), demanding money and total command of Earth, and completely wailing on Jack Fenton, driving away the only member of that family who unequivocally adored the man where every other Fenton knew him for who he truly was: utterly despicable and incapable of seeing the bigger picture.

Because, after all, he is a villain and that's just what villains do. Villains want power. Villains want to rule the world. There need not be more than that, and in another show, there wouldn't have to be. As far as Hartman was concerned, there is only a binary Good vs. Evil.

You would be hard-pressed to view the Vlad in "Phantom Planet" as the same man who anguished in desperate madness when his perfect clone son died in his arms. That was a Vlad who, by that point, had taken his biggest gamble and lost. I guess one could see his reasoning in season three as a "fuck it all, what even is the point" mode. But while "Eye For an Eye" (tellingly, the last major script helm by former main story writer Steve Marmel... just saying) promised a personal conflict, by the end of the show, he's made it much more external, far greater than what he and Danny's interwoven plot originally started off as.

Vlad is pathetic. Vlad is narcissistic. He is egotistical, entitled; a bitter, arrogant man who lives in his dream castle with all the money and privilege in the world that would leave him content a hundred times over, and it's still not enough.

Money is not Maddie Fenton, the woman he loves. Money is not Jazz, a child that should have been his. Money is not Jack's friendship whom he denies severely, the only part of his life who willingly embraces him. And money is not Danny, who is a half-ghost like him, and by all rights, should have been his son.

No one else could ever understand to the fullest extent of their uniqueness than Vlad and Danny would to each other, and the latter, for the longest time, hated that. Hated the way Vlad talked down to him and manipulated him, hated the whispers into his ears with promises of grand power if he just joined the billionaire's side and become his ward, hated when he caved in just once in front of Vlad's eyes who responded with a smug "See, I know you" reaction. Danny was fortunate to have good moral compasses from his family and friends, but the thing is, though, it's not about the healthy support structure he had, because Vlad had the chance to get some, too. Jack and Maddie loved Danny no matter what he was, and dollars to donuts, they would have for Vlad if the latter had approached them with his problems.

But he chose instead to be bitter and miserable, taking it out on everyone and expecting them to fall into his train of thought. The show knew what he did was wrong, but until season three, never stopped repeating his truest desire: to find love and squash his crushing loneliness.

Hartman couldn't provide a damn on what exactly was Vlad's "destiny" in "Infinite Realm"; it was vague gesturing to excuse his villainy. He was more than happy to abandon the life he's made for himself and the woman he loved in spite of two decades of planning, all on a whim for whatever time period the Infi-map was willing to take him, hoping maybe this one will give him the unconditional worship that he thinks he's deserved (by force, of course.)

Because he's the villain.

And for the longest time, the show ended with the idea that Vlad deserved to be stranded, away from people, because he simply could not help himself. To be fair, there is a lesson in that - some people genuinely DO go so far that there really is nothing more we can do other than stop the problem before they cause any further harm. I'm not denouncing that.

What I AM denouncing is the the narrative plant that's dug its way into the greater plot where an older Vlad in "The Ultimate Enemy", realized what a fool he had been. What he wouldn't give to start all over and be a better person. You don't just give someone a sympathetic goal like "looking for love", constantly provide the necessary stepping stones, and not have it set up for something far more substantial than what we got.

And even then, even if it still ended with Vlad being too far gone, I wonder, should the supposedly original plot arc for season three had been made, would Vlad's fate there been far more appropriate than whatever cartoonish supervillainy he ended up as by the time "Phantom Planet" ended?

I cannot speak for Gabriela Epstein. I cannot say how much Nickelodeon allowed her to tinker with the DP world. All of this is presumptuous speculation on my part, but this entire comic feels like they looked at season three, particularly "Phantom Planet", realized what a travesty that was, had their work cut out for it, and went about to make a post-series finale story that still paid tribute to its ending while wiping it off the map.

Vlad's redemption is the crux.

Within just a few panels, Gabriela Epstein provided an explanation on the why of Vlad's actions circa-season three. The Infi-Map was aimless because Vlad's purpose was aimless. And Vlad's purpose was aimless because his need to be in control was a manifestation of his greatest fear: being alone.

"A Glitch in Time" recontexualizes why Vlad traveled across time in "Infinite Realm." It wasn't a generic bad-guy-wants-to-rule-the-world-through-latest-plot-claptrap, but an act of utter desperation from a man who had since lost the biggest connection to his very being: Danny.

It started with Maddie (someone whom Vlad only interacts once in the comic, but is an acknowledgement of his villainous origin, nonetheless), and it may still end with Danny.

Never, in a million, billion years, have I even thought about another redemption arc... for Dark Danny.

And I am kicking myself for not even considering such an option. I had pegged him so far gone, so far past the breaking point to think otherwise. Dark Danny was suppose to be the outcome of a Danny at his literal worst: a too-late, too-little scenario. Back then, it was a symbol of Danny's rejection of what Vlad expected and desired of him.

But the comic made me sit down and think about the implication of Dark Danny's very existence, that of a man who lost his family and friends ten years ago as a child. Like Vlad, he, too was alone, and had carried a tremendous amount of pain and anguish that his human half just could not bear.

Yeah, they died because of a time loop HE created, but that doesn't erase that he was born from a horrible trauma that he could not properly cope with. And Vlad, try as he might, did not fix it. All he ended up doing was separate a ghost - infamous for their obsessions, and now, as the comic established, a carrier of human emotions - to exist. And Dark Danny carried so much raw emotion that he retaliated very, very violently.

Everyone's respond at that time was to fight him and stuff him in a Fenton Thermos for eternity. I am not saying Danny wasn't justified in fighting his darker self because the dude legitimately caused massive damage and likely murdered a hell of a lot of people, I am just saying Dark Danny is the byproduct of a scared, lonely, traumatized child.

And what does he do? He tries to take what he thinks is his by any means necessary. Vlad got his wish, he got the son he wanted.

And he's facing him now.

And he gets it.

He finally fucking GETS IT.

Which shouldn't have been a surprise because his "The Ultimate Enemy" counterpart got it. He looked at the devil that he created and lingered as a hermit in regret. And now Vlad - Vlad Prime - reacted the same.

Only this time, he can fix it.

I did not anticipate that Vlad's redemption would happen at the same time as Dark Danny's. I didn't expect the two of them to link other than the latter being another number in Vlad's bullshit entitlement count.

I love that it isn't Danny who heals him, but Vlad. It had to be Vlad. In order to own up to his actions, Vlad had to look at the eyes of the boy he was entrusted and corrupted beforehand and apologize for what he put him through. And I don't mean just "The Ultimate Enemy", Vlad is apologizing for everything he's done up to this point.

He (temporarily) sacrifices his body to stabilize Dark Danny who has fucked up the time stream so much that he wouldn't be able to exist otherwise. And only then do the two of them get what they've longed for.

Vlad gets a son.

Dark Danny gets a family.

Holy forking shirt balls.

I have a lot of problems with alternate counterparts sticking around longer than they should in the "main" setting of a show. Usually I'm fine when it's an alternate counterpart demonstrated as someone the hero is trying so hard not to be, because it's compelling to see what could have been under different circumstances. It's another thing when you have another version of the main character running around doing their own thing. Multiverse characters are inherently messy just by existing, but it gets worse when they take away from the uniqueness of the central protagonist.

There's something awkward about two Danny Phantoms living in the same world, and in any other scenario, I would have hated it. But Dark Danny is of a vastly different background brought forth from a long, nuanced, engaging history between him and Vlad.

Danny's central journey - the cusp of the show - has always been the Spider-Man mantra, "great powers = great responsibilities." You are in charge of how you carry the burden of your powers. Vlad has been the one constant always challenging and belittling his selflessness. "A Glitch in Time" had Danny asking himself, what is his purpose? Who is he now that everything has been neatly wrapped up?

Writing anything about who Danny is means Vlad is presented in some way, shape, or form. They are so thoroughly linked to each other, and it's that link that simultaneously serve to push their own individual character arc, and their relationship with each other.

So, Vlad gets a son. Dark Danny gets a family. They get a second chance, and it is up to them to work it out. I have no idea if Vlad got his wealth back. Everything is restored as is, except Danny's secret identity is secured again (which I am 100% fine with except for one notable exception, but that's another topic for another day) and implication that Vlad was just a crummy mayor with no indication the greater public is also aware of his Plasimus mode (which I am also fine with.)

There's a part of me who thinks he should have lost the money and power he's accumulated because he gained them through his vice, but if he's back in his Wisconsin cheese castle, then he can damn well use the money he has to not only benefit the world (charities, improving human lives, funding Fenton Works ;D...), but to raise his son.

Dark Danny is going to have to adjust to the idea that his father is Vlad, something he was already expected to do so when he orphaned himself and moved in with him. But it's Vlad who has to work the most out of the two: as a parental figure - as an adult - he's always had a power over Danny regardless of what timeline they're in. Most of the time, he's abused it heavily.

The second chance Vlad has been given here means he has the ability to provide a safe, healthy environment. It's more than he deserves. He failed with Danny and he absolutely failed with Dani (another can of worms in itself; she's not mentioned in the comic, and I imagine it's because her story would need a comic of her own), he cannot fail with this Danny.

Vlad shouldn't have been given a child at all until there was a guarantee that he could work through his bullshit, but Dark Danny is a special case. He is a kid who needs a home and someone to love him unconditionally, and Vlad needs to learn boundaries while giving selfless love in order to be loved himself.

Clockwork gave Vlad a test, so get studying, dude.

This does not erase how Danny Prime feels about him. He may never want to forgive Vlad, and that's his right. He can acknowledge however, that, in order to help those in need of healing, a door can be opened, even if slightly ajar.

For Vlad, that may just take a bit longer and that's completely understandable.

Vlad can't have the kind of relationship he wants with this Danny, but maybe one day, they can be equals - friends.

Like christ, I think this is the first time Vlad has actually, genuinely asked if Danny was alright.

The comic was already good prior to this, but just knowing - understanding that Vlad was more than "a villain" - meant after fifteen looooong years, we finally see the promises of a brighter future for a man with shitty priorities, but a sympathetic goal.

"It's over, isn't it? It's over, isn't it? It's over, isn't it..."

#danny phantom #vlad masters #neoyi talks #comics #a glitch in time #a glitch in time spoilers #yeah this one im tagging #this essay is over a 1000 words it's pathetic

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whetstonefires · 1 year

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So like, I'm pretty darn sure Mo Xuanyu did not actually make a pass at Jin Guangyao.

For several reasons, like for one thing hitting on your own actual brother who is also your boss is genuinely insane behavior, in a way nothing else we know about the guy actually matches, other than his reputation for being crazy which mostly seems to originate from the same point as the sexual harassment allegations. which tracks because even with rampant societal homophobia, that's such a crazy thing to do people would question it if it didn't come paired with the information that he's insane.

Then there's the fact that if that had actually happened, there's basically no way master spin artist jgy would have let it get out, because actually experiencing that would trigger his sense-of-uncleanliness issues so hard.

But what we see is that somehow Everyone Knows that it happened, but also that Jin Guangyao totally didn't tell anyone, because he's too merciful and kind and respectable. It just mysteriously leaked somehow that this private scandal happened.

(Also, to step up a meta level, the gay goth kid who was never quite accepted into his own family and wound up self-destructing was in fact guilty of the homophobic allegations spread by the powerful man who manipulates reputation for personal advantage? This is not the kind of story where that would be true. The thematic dissonance is too much.)

The only way it's believable that mxy made a move on jgy is if jgy spent a long time maneuvering him into it, hinting and deniably flirting and just generally being maximum skeeze, just a huge elaborate incestuous honeypot, just to bait a 'ruined reputation' trap. Which makes no sense at all.

I don't think jgy is necessarily above that kind of creepy grooming behavior but I do think he would hate it, and definitely wouldn't resort to it when sowing rumors would work just as well. and expose him to less risk.

So Mo Xuanyu didn't do it.

So what we've got is that Jin Guangyao systematically obliterated this kid's credibility.

No one would listen to anything he said after being expelled in that sort of context, especially anything against Jin Guangyao, whom he now has obvious motive to smear. This was a preemptive strike against some kind of leak.

It's exactly the kind of thing jgy would do--it targets individual vulnerability, leverages the weak points in Mo Xuanyu's reputation into gaping chasms, in a way that associates jgy with scandal but makes him personally look better. also shows signs of jgy projecting his own issues onto others. The MO fits.

And his motive is easy to construct: Mo Xuanyu had had access to his secrets, such as Wei Wuxian's manuscripts and probably a lot of the other ugly shit. And Jin Guangyao needed him silenced, due to some thing or other, but as with SiSi didn't want to have to kill him.

(A fascinating thing about jgy as a villain is the moments where he yields to sentiment pretty consistently contribute to his destruction.)

But then we come around to: so why didn't Mo Xuanyu sic Wei Wuxian on Jin Guangyao, then?

In cql wwx does have a curse cut for jgy, to keep him in the plot and create an additional open storyline to resolve, since viewers are gonna be denied romantic catharsis, but in cql the homophobia plotline isn't there because all the gay is censored, and mxy allegedly hit on qin su instead. which is less utterly unhinged to do though still big wtf.

In the book, mxy summoned the Yiling Patriarch just to kill the Mos. (Which he didn't even do lmao.)

So I've always been sort of poking at that, like if you're destroying your own soul to get revenge, why spare the person who deliberately ruined your life?

Even if he had done the thing, it was weird! Maybe even weirder; if you're in a headspace where making sexual advances anyone should be able to predict are unwelcome seems like a good idea in the first place, there's a pretty good chance getting punished for them isn't going to make you think you were in the wrong. Otoh there is a zone where he could have done it, gotten the backlash, cleared his head a bit, realized it was fucked up to do, and therefore not held a grudge in that particular direction, but it's still weird. (And also he definitely didn't do the thing.)

But if he was so angry, why was he not angry at Jin Guangyao? Who definitely kicked him out of the Sect, all else aside?

And then I looked at the passage in Jin sect where we swap to Jin Ling's pov and he tells us one of the few first-hand things we hear about Mo Xuanyu: He thought Jin Guangyao was the most amazing person in the whole world. He adored him.

And being betrayed and rejected by him didn't turn that into resentment. Even though he resented the other side of his family enough to want them gratuitously murdered.

So you know what I think happened?

I think Mo Xuanyu thinks it was an honest misunderstanding. That Jin Guangyao, his idol, falsely concluded that his gay little brother was creeping on him based on a misinterpretation of his admiring behavior, and was appropriately revolted. And that Mo Xuanyu doesn't blame him for it. He blames himself.

He went back to his mother's family to rot genuinely feeling like the ruination of his life was his own fault for being creepy. And died like that.

Because of that, to a considerable extent. How can you bend any of your will to saving yourself, to getting out of an abusive situation and seeking a better one, when you don't think you deserve to be saved?

Fucks me up.

#hoc est meum #mdzs #mo xuanyu #meta #internalized homophobia #homophobia #suicide #abuse #gaslighting #the untamed #cql

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