today i am thinking about the entire mayor of hypixel skyblock incident with technoblade because i still like to imagine, since it happened during one of the big dsmp story gaps, that he was like "oh i'm going to head off for a bit phil don't worry about it" and phil's like "bye mate" and ranboo is like "i wonder what he's doing. probably intense training or something. he's so cool."
meanwhile techno is yelling at an entirely unruly crowd about anarchy and being made mayor while beating up like, it was a weird giant slime if i remember right? and he has a whole "bond of rivals" moment with squidkid, like, they have this whole "there's no one i could trust to have my back more... than you... my most favored enemy" thing going on in that video it's SO funny.
all of this with the world's most absurd numbers outputs because hypixel skyblock is an endgame mmo. just COMICAL levels of firepower. like, everyone is an end-of-series shonen character. this place is like the naruto world was after it had jumped the shark a bit and there was a moon goddess attacking. about like that.
and then he's like. my work here is done. thanks for electing me mayor. i don't see this is contradictory to my anarchy at all btw it's like, a symbolic thing, on account of me beating up the old dictator mayor. and just dips again, presumably to be forever seen as a weird potato-themed legend around those parts.
i like to imagine he gets home and phil is like "hi mate" and techno's like "sorry i had things to handle at home" and ranboo is imagining like, WILD battles and what technoblade's home must even be like. and whatever he's imagining doesn't really compare to "technoblade's home is an end-game mmo no wonder he constantly assumes he's weak here he can only do earlygame levels of damage, forever".
and technoblade, being technoblade, says nothing about being mayor of hypixel now, until like, after the finale or something when squidkid just sort of swings by to ask how they're all doing after that nuke thing, huh. and everyone loses their shit.
and this is one of my favorite stupid technoblade headcanons thank you for coming to my ted talk.
OKAY okay so. AU where Linda Monroe becomes the Prophet for Nibbly instead of Wiggly
The "Snackolyte" (get it because. Snack + Acolyte. Anyways.) or "Nibbly's Prophet" AU is an AU in which the events of Black Friday and Honey Queen are merged. It begins after the events of Black Friday, and the citizens of Hatchetfield- those still alive, anyway- shelter in Hatchetfield Mall after the retaliation of Russia (Hatchetfield was deemed not large/important enough to nuke, but was still bombed). Linda Monroe survives in this AU as Becky shot the portal for Wiggly instead of Linda.
The destruction of the portal seems to snap everyone in the cult out of it, and the portal pieces, along with every Wiggly doll, are burned. Morale is extremely low, and so Mayor Lauter announces they will be hosting an early Honey Queen pagent to boost everyone's spirits and have some semblance of normalcy.
Things from here go pretty much identically to Honey Queen- Linda uses her power and influence, even though Hatchetfield is in shambles, to ward off most competition. She still ends up fighting with Zoey, who's more of a threat in this competition as she couldn't find a way to wear down her voice, though it ends in the same result: Linda kills Zoey for the crown.
After her crowning, Linda is taken to a large abandoned store in the mall where the Church of the Starry Children have gathered the deceased from Black Friday for Nibbly to inhabit. Linda is intended as a sacrifice, but once Nibbly takes form, he devours her father instead and faces her.
Nibbly admires Linda's ruthlessness and passion, and cuts her a deal. He knows either an evacuation or fighting over supplies will inevitably kill most of the people in Hatchetfield, leaving him with very little to consume and perhaps no one to worship him the following year, and he refuses to eat anything that isn't fresh.
His offer to Linda is that if she lends him her body for him to roam and feast in, he will protect her husband and sons. She accepts, and becomes the new Prophet of Nibbly and defacto "leader" of the Church of the Starry Children.
That's the basic gist of it, so technically Linda kinda was a prophet for Wiggly for a little bit but now she's one for Nibbly instead! I do plan on adding more detail to this very soon so anything I add onto this will be tagged "snackolyte au" if you wanna follow along!
I'd love to hear some Hancock headcanons if you have any!
ANON. I AM SO SORRY FOR PULLING A CENTRELINK ON YOU. THIS WAS SENT TO ME IN FUCKING JANUARY 20TH IT'S NOW MARCH IM SO SORRY. HERE THEY ARE. I DON'T HAVE A LOT BUT HERE MY ANON, TAKE THEM.
John Hancock
Definitely believes in your family is the friends you make not the one you’re born with.
Definitely had chem problems as a teenager, they put him into rehab and it sort of worked
Knew Nick Valentine even as a kid. They’re pretty solid friends, but sees Nick as a father figure.
Deep down always respected ghouls, especially pre-war ghouls. To survive one of the most horrific events in history, loose all your skin (or hair), still live but be in immense pain. Live with the knowledge that all your loved ones are dead, all the pre-war comforts gone with them. Then to be hunted and persecuted by a few groups just for simply existing. Awful. And did I *mention the long ass life?* His respect for them only skyrocketed after the anti-ghoul law was implemented.
Has an intense fascination and interest in pre-war artifacts and culture, but, doesn’t care about history, being drawn to John Hancock was just a random fluke. He often hangs around pre-war ghouls in hopes they’d tell him a story or two.
He’s always been incredibly rowdy, and the parties he’d throw in diamond city? Absolutely insane and wild. They even got wilder once he became Mayor of Goodneighbor.
Genuinely did not care for history sober, but on mentats? oh boy…. He took some mentats before he took that radiation chem hence his John Hancock persona.
Here’s a particular headcanon about the drug he took: it was produced by West-tek was trialled as a chemo drug, however, it was actually a drug to learn more about ghoulification. As we already know, there were two instances of people going ghoul pre-war, and I’d assume that there were many more (notably the nuclear summer of New York, the nuking of the Middle East and even as far back as Hiroshima and Nagasaki. If i’ve made a mistake or forgot to mention any particular pieces of lore let me know) People definitely knew about ghoulification, or- the government and corporations, but they managed to keep it hush hush and convinced people that they were rumours. Anyway, this drug was trialled on stage 4 and 5 cancer patients to see if ghoulification could reverse cancer or pre-existing illness.
• “There aren’t many spare parts for you Nick” why can’t you use gen 2 synth parts?
• Goodneighbor? THIS EARLY? MY BITCH IS BACK?!
• HANCOCK HANCOCK HAN- Hancock? HANCOCK!?
• THEY HIT THE FUCKING PENTAGON THIRD RAIL
• HANCOCK!!!!!
• wait why would Nick order a drink
• KENT KENT KENT KENT KENT KENT KENT-
• KENT NO-
• omg canon Nora real???
• Nick stop encouraging Hancock’s chem use
• how the hell are they gonna get Hancock into Diamond City
• cram! It’s meat… mostly!
• DID THEY KILL ELLIE
• thank GOD ellie is safe
• “drab upstairs apartment” lmao they said your interior decorating skills suck nick
• Nick “The Dick” Valentine
• Okay WHO is charlie????
• damn what did the Minutemen do to y’all
• Nick 4 Mayor
• who even is the mayor of Diamond City now
• John “Hold Me Back Nicky!” Valentine Hancock
• that was supposed to say Hancock, but Valentine was accidentally typed and that’s funnier.
• 3/4 families are missing their daily intake of processed powder cheddar? Believable.
• ayo time skip?
• lmao Seth Patrick Day
• OMG REMINISCING ABOUT THE PREWAR GOD I LOVE THIS OLD MAN SO MUCH
• D I M A ! ?
• omg Nick and Nora are besties <3
• OMG ALL THE COMPANIONS HANG OUT!?
• Hancock you’re already back <3
• oh Moe,,,, never stop lying babe
• his source is “i made it the fuck up”
• The Mechanist is back????? Hello???
• salty bitch. can you leave Sole and Co alone like goddamn
• Is the Mechanist a Synth now?
• THE CHILDREN OF ATOM?????
• wait no
• NO
• YOU CANT DO AN AD NOW WHAT
• WHAT ABOUT PIPER??? CAIT???
• I don’t care who Nick Valentine sends, I am NOT eating sugar bombs
• did they fucking nuke Piper
• THEY FUCKING NUKED THEM!?
• NORA!!!!!
• omg Shaun :)
• omg Nick :(
• omg Danse???? Why are you here what
• hdjdjdjd say hi to your big brother Nick, Danse
• “don’t touch me” lmao
• oh FUCK MACCREADY
• oh no. strong left. that’s… so sad…
• Protective mom Nora!
• NORA AND HANCOCK NORA AND HANCOCK
• I love them all so much oh my god
• this is a fucked up family reunion
• ugh FUCK maxson all my homies hate maxson
• “An old flame” “Seriously? I wanna see how that works” Hancock is asking what we’re all thinking
• bro can Nora have anything
• I can not believe that Hancock and Danse are friends now lol
• lmao don’t rob the vault tec rep
• wait. why didn’t Nora invite him to Sanctuary :(
• HIS NAME IS MACK!?
• god I love you so much Mack
• omg this trio can NOT be good lol (Nora, Hancock, Danse)
• Nora how the fuck is Hancock lifting Danse
• “Danse, scan the building, use infrared vision to pick up vitals” “I don’t have infrared vision” “Really? So much for human 2.0” he’s such a smart ass I love him
• FEV conjoined twins???? Omg that’s so fucking cool
• Hancock, stealing is bad
• Hancock, Florida is bad
• lmao Danse is bitter about Nora taking Nick instead of him haha
• Oh shit they got Lorenzo’s crown? Nora you can’t leave this shit laying around girl
• OMG PSYKERS
• Nora really. You freed Lorenzo??? You dummy
• okay so Hancock and Danse aren’t really friends now lol, they just kinda tolerate each other. Real.
• “No, are you nuts? He’s armored, dual wielding, and you’re wearing a 16th century nightgown!” “You unpatriotic son of a-” “Hush, damn it!” these three are so important to me
• UNITY???? UNITY!? no way they’re doing a Master plot right?
• so is this the same mechanist as in the automatron DLC?
• damn these 3 are agile
• omg not Hancock’s coat!!!!
• oh fuck the silver shroud and mechanist fused
• can we please discuss how fucking disgusting yum yum deviled eggs sound. How the fuck were they preserving eggs. Why would you make prepackaged deviled eggs??? I always thought that was such a weird pick for a food lol
• YO WHY ARE WE AT SANCTUARY
• uh oh. UH OH.
• WHERE IS SHAUN.
• can y’all let Nora have ONE THING god DAMN
• OH THANK GOD CODSWORTH
• I cant believe they canoned Nora and Danse being together,,,, damn
• omg Hancock please don’t traumatize Shaun
• Hancock do NOT give Shaun alcohol oh my god
• THEY KILLED MAMA MURPHY :(
• can they stop killing my favorite old people
• omg I forgot about you Nick lol
• hey Charlie? What the fuck
• DONT FUCKING HUMAN NICK-
• do NOT kill Mack PLEASE
• KELLOGG!???? WHY ARE YOU HERE
• bro can Nora have ANYTHING damn-
• can’t have shit in the commonwealth fr
• AMARI WHAT THE FUCK
• OMG KELLOGG NICK THING IS TIED UP!?
• Mack you are fucking useless (I still love you though)
• why are we talking about puppies what
• oh my god :(
• OH FUCK A BOMB?
• Nick… you fucking plug yourself into computers???? hacker supreme
• omg he’s so robot
• omg Mack you are so papaw
• it’s cre-shendo not cre-sendo
• Nick you are NOT captain america omg
• shit I guess he is captain America
• poor papaw has had such a day let him go home Nick
• “I’m not asking!” DAMN nick
• WHAT. HOW DID HE CALL A CAB.
• HOW DOES HE HAVE A PHONE???? WHAT JUST HAPPENED???? WHAT
• this is so funny what the fuck is happening
• WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING LIKE THIS IS NORMAL WHAT
• YOU CANT CUT TO A VIM AD NOW HUH
• ok it is kinda funny to imagine a salesman in power armor lol
• Huh. Cannibals will eat ghouls. Interesting.
• learn to drive? How? What driving schools are there???
• okay the idea of a cab driver in the commonwealth is so funny. But how the fuck did Jefferson come into existence-
• NICK CAN WALK UNDERWATER????
• WHAT. IS NICK A TIME LORD!?
• WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT. NICK. NICK WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
• WAIT IS 47 THE UNDERWATER VAULT!?
• Mack is so real lol
• HIS NAME IS DAVID DWECKER!? I THOUGHT IT WAS MACK
• omg David my beloved peepaw
• 747683 is not 5 digits Nick
• Champion of Justice???? What?
• WHY WOULD THE CODE BE SHROUD?????
• maybe I’m missing something?????? It is 6 am lol
• I’m sorry, did Nick magic a fucking vault into existence
• CRYOPOD!!!!!! TWO YEARS AGO???? WHAT.
• time to wake up bitch
• NICK STOP MAGICING
• … what? THE SILVER SHROUD!?
• WHAT IS HAPPENING
• but… the shroud… isn’t real… did Nick just create the fucking Silver Shroud?
• it should be 2289, not 2287
• “Same words Hancock uttered after smoking a tire that one time…” huh???? Nick and Hancock hang out lol
• EMOJI???? HOW DO THEY KNOW WHAT EMOJI’S ARE!????
• I’m sorry, I can’t get over Nick Valentine accidentally bringing fucking Batman into existence simply for the drama of it all
• Poor David lol
• How The fuck is Nick gonna explain all this to Nora, Danse, and Hancock
• HOW DOES THE SHROUD KNOW JEFFERSON????
• oh. Ok. That makes sense.
• this is like the world’s strangest fanfiction
• NICK. STOP DOING MAGIC. OH MY GOD.
• WHY ARE NORA AND DANSE HERE. WHO IS DEAD. WHAT.
• WHERE IS HANCOCK!?
• WHY IS THE SHROUD CASUALLY A PART OF THEIR GROUP NOW
• MACCREADY IS DEAD!? WHY IS HE HERE. WHERE DID HE COME FROM.
• Okay, I’m starting to think that Nick managed to get high off Jet or smth
• who is the duke????
• “sociopath science daddy in slacks” What the hell maccready
• “just one more job” thanks. Gonna go sob now
• omg fancy lad snack cakes my beloved
• omg Hancock is in his Robin era
• wow. Just remembered Kent is dead. Devastating
• pay your employees Shroud.
• An old lady, the Silver Shroud, and Hancock get into a cab…
• why is no one questioning this cab
• honestly though. I understand why Hancock isn’t. He probably just thinks he’s hallucinating lol.
• “Fish Lips Malone!” what. is happening. I’m as confused as Hancock is…
• “activate passive aggressive restraint!” What is that????
• Hancock why do you know every criminal.
• “yes indeed my flesh peeling friend!”
• “man I have never seen anyone who needs to be laid more than you do” “finally someone else says it” oh my GOD I love Hancock so much (and Jefferson. Man, do I love Jefferson.)
• “omg Hancock we’ve been waiting for you! Oh… and the shroud’s here, too…” just like me fr
• Is the Silver Shroud an incel…
• THEY MEDUSA’D MAGNOLIA!?
• lmao everyone else hates Johnny Guitar?
• KELLOGG GET THE FUCK OUT.
• Hancock you are REMARKABLY casual about the dead man in your booth
• The Silver Shroud is a short king lol
• why is Kellogg the only one who thinks the shroud being here is weird
• Nora is an “uppity broad” lol
• why are y’all dissing Hancock, leave my man alone-
• Just gotta say… it’s a great day to be a Hancock stan
• THE DUKE IS THE MECHANIST!?
• what. A literal rat faced man? Why does he have 3 arms?
• Hm. They still do beehive hair, huh? I’m kinda impressed
• what do you mean they turned Louie into a mole rat using the creation engine
• “stay low to the ground, my crusty companion!”
• THEY TURNED THE SILVER SHROUD’S GUN INTO A DOG????
• THEY TURNED HANCOCK INTO A STATUE NO-
• how could they do this to me.
• the Silver Shroud can say fuck. Nice
• omg wait
• Hancock is… Hancock’s… he’s…
• he’s stoned
• ba-dum-tsh
• Travis, please don’t sexually harass all of Diamond City
• I’m more than half way through this and I genuinely have no clue what’s going on lol
• omg they legit are using the creation engine huh
• HANCOCK???? YOURE BACK??? WHY DID YOU DRINK GASOLINE!???
• I wanna have tea with god…
• Dr… Satan?
• HAROLD!? WHY ARE YOU HERE????
• Nora 🤝 Harold
never getting to rest
• I think it’s very funny that Hancock is just… back.
• damn they all got stoned
• and the stone is gone again
• what even is the point of the stone lol
• THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER!?
• OH MY GOD
• OH MY GOD
• OH MY GOD
• THEY KILLED THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER!?
• who is… showing up…
• WHO IS OBEDIAH BLACKHALL
• Damn. Bye bye Obediah.
• I genuinely can’t remember what started this lmao
• Oh fuck, Kellogg is back…
• omg they broke the scarab!!!
• what do you mean by too many voices
• too many characters??????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT
• WHY IS IT JUST NICK AND THE SHROUD VS REALITY
• they are SO remarkably calm
• “see if you can… blind him with some… bullets to the face” yeah that should do it Nick
• “my speed should give me the upper hand” your what Nick
• WHY IS NICK SUPER FAST WHAT
• … they’re summoning bitches now? A Grognak bitch? WHY ARE YOU HERE?
• wait. Nora is the one magicing?
• oh wait. You mean that Nora was the silver shroud for a while. Right? What is happening.
• The Silver Shroud is really good at sticking to his bit lol
• OMG NORA BECAME THE SILVER SHROUD AND CHANGED REALITY?????
• Silver Shroud speed runs an existential crisis
• uh oh
• uh oh
• uh oh
• reality is literally crumbling
• SHEOGORATH!?
• oh fuck Bethesda is crumbling
• GLADOS!?
• THE JOKER!!!!!???
• CLAPTRAP!!!!!!!????
• Poor Nick…
• can you guys stop having relationship issues when I’m on the phone with my dentist
• SNIPER?????
• GLADOS is hitting on Nick Valentine. Yeah. Okay.
• “Thank you, intelligent sociopathic blender!”
• at no point could I have predicted this.
• they gave Nick a portal gun.
• he is opening a portal on the moon.
• they are essentially creating a black hole.
• How The FUCK is Nick supposed to mentally handle all of this
[this will be edited as things progress and the au gets more fleshed out]
less of a timeline and more the a brainstorm chart for the plotbeats i have so far
Prince > Little Sage > Pilgrim > Immortal
ACT 1, PRINCE: 2 years, S1 plus some of S2
ep0 special, MK becomes Monkie Kid
Fated Feast (tm) and dealing with it
MK learning how to use his powers
pretty much all the episodes of S1
Beijing Opera sideplot
first New Years is a Lion Dancing competition special
Macaque introduces himself
Spider Queens get exorcised, LBD reveal
Nezha and Muzha introduction
some more filler episodes of Monkie gang dealing with small easy stuff
MK gets invited to meet Guanyin
MK learning the Dao and Dharma, starts cultivation
Macaque causes trouble (basically Shadow Play ep but not), Wukong finds out
spicynoodles start becoming a thing late in the arc
S1 finale special, except it's LBD and some henchmen
Celestial Realm sightseeing moment, introduction to several immortals and gods
ACT 2, LITTLE SAGE: about half a year, part of S2 and a lot of changes
Red Son's investigation gets serious, Nezha is helping
Wukong gets more present to teach MK
most of what's left of S2, with some changes
Yingge and Longnü intro
Tang starts helping MK and Mei with magic
Mei starts training her dragon powers in FFM
Guanyin meets the Monkien gang, reveal of Tang's past reincarnations
MK gets deeper on training with his monkey form and powers
"recollections of red and blue" is set in this arc
DBK and PIF start making amends with Red Son
qpr chimera fully established, Red Son and MK get serious enough to tell their parents about it
more LBD shenanigans
S2 season finale, except not
LBD tries to trap him in a pagoda, everyone joins the fray, MK escapes because Macaque underestimates him, Wukong gets kebabed, Megapolis is lost and the gang flees for their lives
ACT 3, PILGRIM: about half a year, S3 in spirit but almost every plot gets scrapped cus its just filler anyway
they aren't on a ""journey to the west"", they are gathering allies and tools to use against LBD and Macaque
plan is, burn the motherfuckers with the Samadhi fire with the help of the four dragon king's armies to spread the fire with rain, and use some artifacts to then control the fire and put it out
drastic measure but it do be drastic times
LBD used the skeleton key to open the gates of the Diyu, so the world is slowly getting overrun by runaway spirits, as well as channeling the waters from it to freeze the land
apparently Macaque wants to consume every living thing he's trapped to fuel something, and nobody is sure what
anyway it's crisis politics time, nobody is having fun, everything sucks
time to check in with the past pilgrims for advice and some tricks they know, Monkie gang power up time
the dragon king of the north and his family are missing, time to find them
Shen Gongbao intro, he's involved but they figure it out
it's also time to draft some immortals, we love owing favors to people in this house amiright??
Mayor starts to think the henchman career isn't for him, time to dip
he fucks a plan cus he uses a pill of immortality to heal himself but oops the gang needed that
Mayor spills the beans on Macaque's plan, MK gets impulsive and runs off to face LBD
S3 special time except not
MK exchanges himself for the girl LBD got possessed, which builds the group time to wrap up lose ends
final battle time, hoards of the underworld versus whatever immortals got convinced to help despite going against the Jade Emperor's decree
MK sends a clone with his staff before he loses control back to the gang
Mei in dragon form fighting possessed MK, so that Red Son and Nezha can take a shot at MK to exorcise LBD out of him, Erlang and Muzha helping to hold Macaque back
MK gets shot with the Samadhi Fire, to explosive results
MK vs Macaque kaiju monkey battle time
Macaque gets nuked, LBD gets carbonized, Mayor dies saving people from the city before the fires get to them
everything is put back where it belongs, but there's a lot of loose ends to wrap up, ends in a bittersweet note
ACT 4, IMMORTAL: two years, S4 solely in name, basically a full overhaul lmao
oh man oh man shits gonna hit the fan lmao
the city is saved and the bad guys are gone; time for Consequences
Jade Emperor isnt very happy with the amount of unauthorized actions taken just now
MK goes to fucking trial for the crime of saving the world, it goes as well as one would think
luckily Guanyin comes in clutch and gets his sentence lightened to "community service"
there is an absurd amount of undead still walking around, which means MK has to get on that
also yknow. the devastating amount of damage in the mortal AND celestial realm
MK is given an assignment in the heavenly bureocracy, to help keep him in check and accountable to stuff. is great innit.
another part of his job is, dealing with Wukong's past sworn brotherhood cus they've been uppity since Macaque's attack and threatening to break the human-demon truce
Qi "two dads nuclear family" Xiaotian learns to deal with distant extended family relations with very specific social cues. again, goes as well as expected
under all that, Red Son still hasn't been able to get the missing memories situation fixed
also turns out even Wukong doesn't remember who MK was but he used to know. he doesn't anymore. and he doesn't know what happened. Red Son did not like learning that.
the celebration of Ulhambana in the Celestial Realm is approaching, and Red Son thinks he can get himself and MK invited to it so they can yknow, ask Buddha wtf is going on
so yknow, time to earn the trust of the Celestial Realm again, in a year. that's doable right? ahahah
and because he doesn't have enough on his plate, MK traded off a lot of his merits in exchange for LBD and Mayor speedrunning their time in hell so they can be reborn under his care
MK becomes An Uncle, what could possibly go wrong!
oh, jumpscare, Macaque is still around but Different
took a break from cult of the lamb to play through fallout 4 so I can motivate myself some more. have some highlights. I wrote down all my thoughts while playing! ofc spoilers for fallout 4.
"if I don't answer the door, we won't be bombed, surely"
-----
"I love codsworth but I went to retrieve nick valentine and codsworth kept getting stuck. he's too bulky to fit through some of the spaces in there so I was basically on my own until he decided to teleport 😭"
-----
""it had been filled with fish-? or monsters? or- monster fish?? maybe, I don't know- i- we- da- not relevant! the minutemen are there now! thats good! for them. and I guess... everyone else too."
I love listening to Travis over the radio talk in between songs he's so amusing-"
-----
"just got a fat man and some ammo and stimpacks
should I be scared for what's coming-"
"Kellogg kept killing me so I delivered him a mini nuke to the face and got him right off the bat."
-----
"nick we just got here [goodneighbor] what the fuck are you drinking and where did you get it"
-----
"dogmeat uses the doghouse 😭💖 omg"
-----
"I GOT A VIDEO GAME IN THE VIDEO GAME!! Hold on, Nick. my son can wait. I have to game."
-----
"I got in my power armor and nick went "always wondered what you'd look like as a robot... not too shabby."
bRO. i love this man"
-----
"me: you took down 4 guys by yourself?
nick:"
-----
"I got to sanctuary and I couldn't find ANYONE even though I checked all the houses. nobody was asleep even tho it was the middle of the night. and so I was checking the house where nick likes to hammer the walls for some reason and I looked out the window. outside I saw jun and 2 settlers standing in the middle of the farm for no reason
...
I went outside to look and marcy, Preston, and mama Murphy were also outside in the farm standing in a line against the wall where I couldn't see them.
what. the fuck."
-----
"oh my goddddd I went and met the radio man in diamond city and he is so pathetic
I love him so much.
the big Russian bartender guy in the city and his brother asked me to help them raise his confidence
this is such a sweet questline
casually putting off getting Hancock for this-"
-----
"THERES A GHOUL IN THE BAR
WHAT
civilian: I think the mayor's okay, he's kept the ghouls out hasn't he?
the ghoul RIGHT BEHIND THEM:"
-----
"I got this off. a legendary radroach. imagine me charging through the commonwealth wielding a rolling pin.
ah... nice. I'll hold on to it."
-----
"YAY new friend ! Deacon can come follow me around now!!
I'm still gonna keep valentine around though."
-----
"it's perfect."
-----
"oh
oh god
I just realized it's called "Swan's Pond"
not "Swan Pond"
and when I initially passed it. Codsworth made note that "There's still a Swan boat here"
..........I hate everything. I have to go deal with this now. I can't not." (me who's actually never dealt with swan before)
-----
"mwah"
(I'll have to reblog cause I'm out of images to post LMAO)
at my gf’s request, i’m putting my Deadloch Killer Manifesto out there into the world just so i’ll stop giving her impromptu tedtalks about it in our kitchen. and so i can say “told u so.” written after episode 6 of 8 has aired. i came to my conclusion after watching episode 5, then turning around and rewatching all 5 episodes again to confirm. episode 6 then further confirmed by hitting me in the face with the story’s theme with no subtlety.
deadloch is a good show, with good writing, and good writing leaves breadcrumbs. not necessarily clue breadcrumbs, but theme and style breadcrumbs. pulling any ol’ person out at the end as the murderer is shitty, you’ve got to make it a satisfying realization.
so to start with, other than murder, what is our story actually about?
obviously major spoilers and the potential to ruin your viewing experience by taking away your own “aha” moment when IF i am correct:
what is deadloch about? certainly social strife, all the (misogyny, classism, racism, homophobia, colonialism) -isms that make people hate and resent each other, but the reason these characters are so interesting put together in the small town is because they are each two people at once, the person they were and the person they are or are in the process of becoming. they are haunted by the shadows of their former selves in deadloch, a town too small to properly hide in.
if you remember the very, very first seconds of the pilot we see a sign on a road at dawn: Deadloch. Population 2406. Home of the Winter Feastival. Reinvent Yourself.
REINVENT YOURSELF. The key to the entire story right at the start.
the dynasty women of deadloch who reinvented themselves are all the big players in town, the successful residents. margaret reinvented herself as a business woman and artisan after her husband’s death freed her from just being a wealthy wife going along with his plans. skye reinvented herself by escaping deadloch, being out as a lesbian, and gaining culinary skills that made her valuable to blossoming business in deadloch. vic started her bakery after her husband’s death, no longer just a publican’s wife, she’s got her own business. mayor rahme, clearly an overachiever, decided being a doctor wasn’t enough so she’s run for office and spearheaded local development herself. cath retrained from a lawyer to vet. dulcie nuked her career to get over her cheating past. dulcie is now in the process of reinventing herself again as the woman who needs to be a leader and can’t deny she’s not satisfied anymore. abby redirected her life to suit her terrible boyfriend and is now seeing that she’s worth more. eddie is becoming another person, letting herself let go of her own anger at herself. fuck, even ray pies reinvented himself from try-hard to sincere.
most of the deadloch men, however, are not reinventing themselves even a little bit. no improvement, just endless bitterness at the women who are surpassing them. no class betrayal or individualism from the boy’s club.
so who among our leading suspect ladies did not explicitly reinvent herself onscreen or is not in the process of doing so?
sharelle and vanessa
sharelle is immediately discounted because, quite simply, she can’t be fucked to do much of anything that she doesn’t have to do to survive, much less dramatic murder. she’s a stressed, low-wage mom with little support system and she’s not amused by the theatrics of everyone else.
that leaves vanessa, who the story made you discount immediately as an air-headed idiot.
vanessa, dismissed by the police as a mess too dumb to pull off the murders.
vanessa, who’s been completely unsupervised and free to do as she pleases since trent died.
vanessa, who’s been present for almost every body discovery with her hysterical screaming.
vanessa, who’s been with all recent victims the nights before their deaths.
vanessa, who lied about the tuna mornay.
vanessa, who’s inserted herself in the narrative again and again.
vanessa, who LOVES a big dramatic moment and being the center of attention.
vanessa, a good christian woman.
vanessa, who i bet anything, as a good deadloch dynasty girl, knows the tides and boats and clearly has the physical strength to move bodies.
vanessa, trapped as her high school beauty queen self forever to the other residents of deadloch.
vanessa, not truly accepted by the boy’s club, not given recognition by her female peers.
vanessa, repressed and full of rage.
no job, no real identity, no accomplishments.
god, she must have been just dying to self-actualize. reinvent herself. take control, prove she’s smart and sneaky and powerful. serial killers want everyone to know how smart they are, don’t they?
if you’d spent decades with the boy’s club, playing along, listening to what they said to you, you’d cut out their tongues too. she has plenty motive.
she’s lived for decades as the good feminine girl gravitating to “strong” masculine men. but she’s got a goddess complex and takes out men who break the contract, ruin the fucked-up gender role dance with their boorishness. punishes men who fail to give her what she wants from them (they never will).
i said earlier that i loved this show because only lesbians could write something that appealed to fellow lesbians so much. “dumb” small town beauty queen snaps and murders all the men that have been disgusting to her, casting final judgement on them, reinvents herself as a goddess of death? fuck, i’d write that story myself.
what did eddie say in the first episode? “you obviously need a refresher in homicide, mate, it’s always the family.”
deadloch’s misogynistic pressure cooker created a monster, and that monster is nessie.
(now, there could be a ladies gang doing murders but i think it’s going to play out like this: margaret is doing something stupid and racist for the sake of her money and land but she definitely not a team player so she’s out of any potential murder club. for skye and vic: i think eddie was right in the beginning, there’s a drug ring in deadloch....run by vic and skye. but they’re not murdering. nobody else is doing crime. yet.)
After revisiting Gravity Falls, I'm probably the most angry about The Owl House's cancellation than ever before.
Gravity Falls was able to develop the plot and conflicts but also have time for silly episodes. On the other hand, past the first half of Thanks to Them, The Owl House practically becomes fully no-nonsense. We don't get see the new relationships in the show change, dive into characters' backstories, or have time for silly side plots (like that beach episode that was stolen from us).
Then my anger grows even further the more I think about Weirdmageddon. The Weirdmageddon episodes were able to be spread out through four episodes while the entirety of season three for The Owl House only got three episodes. To really put that into perspective, the episodes dedicated to Weirdmageddon was 100 minutes while the entirety of season three for The Owl House only got 150 minutes (that's not even three hours). The time difference between just the Weirdmageddon episodes and The Owl House's third season isn't even a full hour.
Let's keep in mind everything that happened in season 2 of Gravity Falls: Dipper found out that the journals had extra notes written in invisible ink, Mabel and Pacifica had their golf war, Dipper was possessed by Bill, Dipper and Mabel participated in Globnar, the gang found out about the Society of the Blind Eye, Stan brought Ford back to Earth (in a two-part episode might I add), Stan ran for mayor, Mabel and the rest of the girls fought a unicorn.
Now imagine trying to condense all of that into just the Weirdmageddon episodes. I didn't include everything that happened in season two of Gravity Falls but all these plot points mentioned would be cut short or wouldn't even have existed to begin with had it been cancelled. Yet this happened to The Owl House. The Owl House had to cram so much of the show into 150 minutes (the crew even needed to add The Collector last minute just so the show could end).
Keep in mind, I really love the finale for The Owl House. It's one of my favorite finales of all time and I wouldn't change a single thing about it. Also, as Dana said, I don't look at season three with a defeatist attitude. Season three was an absolutely amazing season with great sound design, characterization, animation, tone, and so much more.
My anger about the finale is towards Disney and Disney only. Disney nuked their best performing show since Gravity Falls all because they couldn't stand the idea of kids seeing two girls kissing. They try so hard to pride themselves on being inclusive to all types of people yet they cancelled a show that represented a lot of that inclusiveness. Also, don't even try and give me that "🤓☝️Disney actually said they cancelled The Owl House because it was too serialized/dark/didn't fit Disney's brand/etc" BS, not even Dana says this anymore.