steve: how was training today?

y/n: it was good but nat shot clint

steve: and where were you?

y/n: i was over on the bench

steve: and what did you do?

y/n: nothing. i was over on the bench

steve: but you saw what happened?

y/n: yeah, 'cause i was over on the bench

steve: so you saw what happened and you did nothing?

y/n: yeah, ’cause i was sitting over on the bench

steve: let me ask you this. in nazi germany, when people saw what the nazis were doing and did nothing, were those good people?

y/n: no, those are bad people. you gotta stop the nazis

steve: but you saw what she did to clint and you did nothing!

y/n: BECAUSE I WAS OVER ON THE BENCH!

Nat: Why did you knock out Y/N?

Yelena: Well... she was telling me a ‘joke’ and I didn’t get it. Until she said, “Yelena, that’s the punch line!” So I punched her.

shang-chi: ooh, somebody has a crush katy: pfft, i don’t have a crush on xialing i just think she's cool, it’s not like i stay up at night thinking about her. *Later that night* katy, very much awake: Uh oh.

Natasha: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Yelena: Weak. I sleep with two.

Y/n: Your both pathetic.

Natasha: Oh yeah? And what do you sleep with?

Y/n: Wanda-

Natasha:

Yelena: Why am I not really surprised?

Peter : thor is so ho-fine-te

Tony : thor is what?

Peter : ho-fine-te, hot,fine and cute.

Steve : kids these days

Clint : bro for real

Steve : don't "bro" me

Tony : yeah bro I agree

Steve : not funny

Clint : yeah bro not funny

Steve :

Steve : it should have been Clint.

Bucky *screeching*: YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME!

Y/N: wh-

Bucky: YOU’RE ESSENTIAL TO MY EXISTENCE!

Y/N:why are you screaming??

Bucky: BECAUSE I HAVE TROUBLE EXPRESSING MYSELF! IT HELPS TO YELL SENTIMENTAL THINGS IN AN AGRESSIVE TONE!

Y/N: I-

Bucky: I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

Bonus:

Thor, post-coronation: heimdall you have committed treason quite frequently

Heimdall: yes, my king

Thor: can I trust you to commit treason against me should it become necessary?

Heimdall: of course, my king

Thor: you’re already planning treason, aren’t you

Heimdall: it’s how our government stays functioning

Thor: good, good. Well, don’t let me stop you, just make sure to surprise me when it happens

Bucky: WHO ATE MY PLUMS?

Steve: Don’t look at me.

Bucky: SAM, WAS IT YOU?

Sam: *Looks at Y/N*

Y/N:

Sam: It was Y/N.

Y/N: SAM YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN´T TELL!

Bucky: Oh, it was you, baby? Were they good? Want some more?

Sam: This motherf-

Bucky: I'm asking for your permission to date your brother

Sarah: what is this? the dark ages? you know what, since you asked, no, you can't. beat me in a duel

Dr Strange, meditating: Finally, let me just relax and—

Wong: hey look, that Spider-Kid is a criminal, Maximoff girl held an entire town hostage and tried to change reality, there’s also an alternate branch in time back in 2012 where Loki escaped with the Tesseract.

Dr. Strange:...

Wong: Look at the bright side, I found some money to buy us TWO Tuna Melt :)

yes im pretty sure peter parker once drank so much coffee that he couldn't tell the difference between the floor and the ceiling and everyone freaked out you cannot change my mind

Bruce: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?

Peter, staring into space with glazed over eyes: Pi

Peter: Low scale but never ending

Bruce:

Tony : Pete do we need to have a talk

insp

Steve: You know Buck, not every problem can be solved with a gun.

Bucky: That's why I carry two guns.

Sam: You ever wanna talk about your emotions, Bucky?

Bucky: No.

Zemo: I do!

Sam: We know Zemo.

Zemo: I’m sad.

Bucky and Sam: Shut the hell up Zemo.

Sam: What’s your blood type?

Bucky, bleeding out: How would I know?

Sam: How would you not?

Bucky: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups?

Sam: You don’t know your own blood type but you know who discovered them?!?!

[ sam and bucky are sitting on a bench ]

steve: why do you guys look so sad?

sam: sit down and we'll tell you

steve: *sits down*

bucky: the bench is freshly painted

steve: sh-

Loki + Incorrect Quotes pt 2/? (x)

Thor: Handcuffs?? Who do we know that has handcuffs?

Loki: Well Y/N and I-

Y/N: *elbows Loki*

Loki: ...wouldn't know.