#me rn like god i just want to be happy is this too much to ask for ill kill u

[pookietv]

small pause | arthurtv

requested!! an arthurtv x reader social media break up, but with a happy ending :)

hope u guys enjoyed and i loved doing this so if you have anymore requests please send them in!!

liked by arthurtv, freyanightingale and 5,278 more tagged bambinobecky

yourusername: forcing becky to take me on museum dates that she doesn't care about

bambinobecky: you stared at the paintings and i stared at your arse

↳ yourusername: sounds like a good trade tbh x

gkbarry: your haiiiiir i would kill for mine to be that thick

↳ yourusername: love you endlessly girl

sabinablair: looking gorgeous

↳ yourusername: need to see you soon! missed u like crazy x

liked by georgeclarkeey, chrismd10 and 6,839 others

arthurtv: went back to jersey for a while, sorry for the lack in uploads! wanted some time at home and with family for a bit, will be back and uploading next week :)

georgeclarkeey: come back i miss our cuddles

↳ arthurtv: you weren't supposed to tell anyone about that

arthurnfhill: looking good!

↳ arthurtv: are you flirting with me??

user1: omg him going home to feel better after the breakup, arthurxy/n heart is breaking

liked by yourusername, arthurtv and 7,208 more. tagged arthurtv

theuselesshotlinepod: had the lovely @/arthurtv on with us this week to talk UK youtube, dating, and growing up with chris md!

arthurtv: is george allowed to touch everyone like that in the workplace??

↳ maxbalegde: well we tell him not to due to HR but he just couldn't keep his hands off you x

liked by faithlouisak, taliamar and 6,302 more

yourusername: dragging the girls to come out for cocktails has become a too often occurrence (not that i'm complaining)

taliamar: ugh was so good to see you

↳ yourusername: ditto, literally have been rotting in bed so the girls was exactly what i needed

faithlouisak: ur so hot

↳ yourusername: coming from my favourite milf x

bambinobecky: what is there on this earth that cocktails can't fix?

↳ yourusername: i'll not go too deep on the main insta x

yourusername has posted on their story!

liked by yourusername, georgeclarkeey and 6,893 more

arthurtv: a silly little last min trip to greece :)

georgeclarkeey: any excuse for you to take your top off

↳ arthurtv: your mum wasn't complaining last night

arthurnfhill: literally didn't even realise you had left the flat, you're in greece?

↳ arthurtv: glad to know i'm appreciated

liked by arthurtv, bambinobecky and 6,390 others

yourusername: i went away for the weekend and thought i'd share some of the cute photos (ps: there were so many cats i loved it so much)

taliamar: literally the prettiest!! i didn't even know you were going on holiday

↳ yourusername: was a last min long weekend thing, i didn't even know i was going away until the day before lmao

username3: anyone think it looks really similar to where arthur is rn???

gkbarry: you're so hot oml

↳ yourusername: no u

bambinobecky: could have at least taken me with u

↳ yourusername: next time next time x

username1: y/n's single hot girl summer era is gonna go so hard

↳ yourusername: about that ...

↳ username2: what the fuck does she mean 'about that'????

↳ yourusername: hehe

liked by arthurtv, bambinobecky and 6,389 others tagged arthurtv

yourusername: okay so i may not have been on holiday alone

user1: oh my FUCKING god i called it

user2: mrs television is back i been waiting for thissss

georgeclarkeey: we all called it, knew it wouldn't be off for long

↳ yourusername: get lost loser

↳ georgeclarkeey: you mock but living with him in his mopey missing y/n era was no fun

arthurtv: you did me dirty with that second photo of my entire plate of beans

↳ yourusername: i mean what are you gonna do, break up with me again?

↳ arthurtv: way to kick a guy when feels guilty

↳ yourusername: being guilty is a small price to pay if it means you'll take me on holidays again :)

↳ arthurtv: i think i owe you a million holidays

↳ yourusername: i can live with that x

maxbalegde: possibly the shortest breakup i've ever seen (but i knew it wouldn't last long, arthur literally looks lost when ur not in a room let alone not in his life)

↳ yourusername: just means i'm stuck with him for good

liked by yourusername, arthurnfhill and 7,839 others

arthurtv: she only got back with me to make me take nice photos of her

yourusername: absolutely not!!! (it's also for the banging cuppas you make)

↳ arthurtv: ah, makes sense

user1: favourite couple are officially back together

#arthur frederick #arthurtv #arthur frederick x reader #arthurtv x reader #chaos crew

[fanvoidkeith]

sooooo i may have. spent my day binge watching dungeon meshi and here are my Opinions, having never read the manga ever (very MINOR ANIME SPOILERS ahead! nothing too in-depth but, y'know, for laughs):

laios is my autistic blorbo son boy and i love him and i want him to be happy. go find your sister, dude, but also eat monsters for fun and research reasons. this is the one context where i would say "eat monsters" like... ever

laios is also 1,000 percent a freak for wanting to eat monsters and study them the way he does. absolutely insane man. stop trying to be a martyr, you dumbass, and also stop poisoning yourself. both of these opinions coexist at the same time and i don't know how to feel about it because feelings (and social cues) are difficult

marcille is a lady who is so so SO smart and cool, but has absolutely ZERO street smarts. (babygirl you are JUST like me, except for the whole "being a woman" thing.) she's a "gifted" kid who now has burnout and needs to feel useful or else she feels like a failure constantly kinda girlie. she doesn't want to be abandoned. relatable. i'm concerned at how much i relate to her. stop being so relatable, dammit!!

chilchuck is INCREDIBLY emotionally constipated. lmao. he also has chronic young-forever face, which means he probably gets mistaken for a twelve-to-sixteen-year-old constantly, which... same, dude, same. i've heard (from the manga readers) that he's divorced with several children, but i don't know if that's true. i hope it is. i really want that to be where part of his issues come from. i want more angsty moments with his character. he'll be my new emotional punching bag when i finish all those other unrelated one-shots i'm planning on writing :)

senshi is a sweet man who just wants to feed and protect his new friends. i think food and acts of service are his love languages. he has a really fuckin' strong pot and knife for some reason lmao

i love falin. she's kind of a freak too, but she knows social cues better than her brother from what i can tell. sure hope nothing bad happens to her- oh gods. well, i sure hope nothing ELSE bad happens to her- OH GODS OH FUCK-

uhhhh. i like that the kobolds in this anime are dog-people. i love dogs. dogs are cool. very cute. 12/10 decision honestly

this anime made me so hungry but i still forgot to eat for most of today. rip. the food in dungeon meshi looks goddamn delicious though, so it's fine

sometimes these characters act just like a D&D party would. like. damn. this is just like that ONE TIME in dungeons and dragons when our party did [X action] and then [Y consequences] happened-

oh my goddddddssss there's ECOSYSTEMS IN THE DUNGEONS??? DUDE I LOVE THAT. CRAZY CONCEPT. FUCKING LOVE THAT. ADVENTURERS AND MONSTERS AND CREATURES (and senshi, who is his own category) ARE PART OF AN ECOSYSTEM. I'M CLIMBING UP THE WALLS AND GOING INSANE RN

oooohhhh shit politics. oh shit background politics that our main characters ignored. no wonder they focused on this other party lol

OH SHIT OTHER CHARACTERS FROM THEIR BACKSTORIES RRRRRAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

oh yeah i guess this is about whoever gets the big treasure at the bottom of the dungeon or whatever if they defeat the Big Bad or something? okay dude. it's only relevant to me when it's relevant to my New Blorbos honestly. but i WILL jot that down though :eyes emoji:

look. i am NOT calling it "delicious in dungeon". i KNOW that's the creator's intended english translation, but personally i think that title sucks. so DUNGEON MESHI it is, for me personally

PLEASE give me the second season right now i need MORE. i'm slurping up this show like soup and i'm fucking HOMGRY!!!

okay that's it that you for comjng to my ted talk

#void keith talks #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi anime #delicious in dungeon anime #late night thoughts #late night rambling #void keith rambles #anime stuff #show stuff #tv show stuff

[themagical1sa]

"i like you and i blame you for making me feel this way" he said

i still think about it

#isa and the y/n experience #isa go to sleep challenge #except i Can't because i am going through a story arc for real right now #his squish for me evolved into a crush i think #like. romantic interest and alladat jazz. the whole shebang #i feel like this has been a long time coming and whatever happened last sunday was just his tipping point #i didn't want to assume anything (God. me and this specific sentence. I think we've found the theme for the story /j) so i just #let things happen first because i needed to be Certain (this mfing word too. guys I've figured out the plot theme /j) #im ngl i had an anxious voice in my brain going 'don't fall in love with me' for the past several months #but now that i'm dissecting it... there's a lot going on with why i had that string of thought #i'm very hyperaware of the dynamics shifting over time (especoally rn when i'm not enrolled for this semester) #not to mention my thing for crushie which has added conflict on top of the dynamics shift #we haven't interacted very much but i still have affection for him... yet on the other hand squishie's squishing me so hard i'm a crush now #the dynamics have changed #and then there's squishie's backstory that i will never detail so long story short: he's been on the receiving end of toxic relationships #and i've managed to become a major turning point that made him realize that he can be happy again #i've got a lot on my mind can u tell HAHA #i'm thinkin' abt alladis on top of wanting to be more objectively productive with my time off college AAAAAAAA #this wattpad fanfic shoujo manga webtoon morning romcom disney aitcom is getting too real @_@ #shoutout to my besties especially seraph who contributed to that label #my life has never been the same since the moment classmate bestie clocked me as a living wattpad fanfic back in january 24 #augh #anyway. i'm gonna... try to brainrot abt something else HAHA #shoutout to hug anon #if u're still here: bestie a lot of things have happened since u were last here #they were one of the og crushie/isa supporters from tumblr HAHA

[flowers-and-literature]

My life would have been soooo much easier as a cis guy I'm actually so mad

#vent again wahoo #but no genuinely i could have been living my best life but god's a little bitch he doesn't want me having fun & frolicking n the likes #like i wanna be a guy soooo so bad so bad #but the only way to do that is transitioning and call me lazy (i am) but that's just too much work imp #I'm a lazy bitch okay i don't have the time to run around convincing doctors to give me the boy serum. too much effort just give it to me rn #like if i actually wanna be happy I'll have to come out to my family and then come out to my extended family and my school and my job #and then i gotta step into the whole medical aspect of transitioning which is just a whole different Thing #i hate being trans there's too many Tasks can the Tasks stop for once please god #so yeah until i figure out what to do I'll just be miserable for now i guess #trans #transmasc

[fuckrealityfictionisbetter]

I wish I was a tv executive so I could make a British Criminal minds - mainly just so I could make a televised fan fic without people being mad it’s just a televised fan fic

#criminal minds #for starters reid would keep all his background but he actually has a drug problem for more then 5 eps and we see him struggling at crime #scenes that involve drugs #move up the dating his therapist but make it so people in his life are actually concerned that he’s dating his therapist when they find out! #either make it the same but he tries to help her or make is so she never dumped her Fiancé and he kidnaps abs kills her for the affair #move prison to like s7 and have it planned by scratch but when cat finds out she orchestrates it so that some of the womens prison has #to be moved to a unused wing of the mens and makes a riot so that her and spencer meet up and she gets actual preggas #I do want him to date a women who also has a kid from a serial killer yes I want that to be Ainsley from prodigal son but I’ll his that rip #off #next to Morgan my love #have him show more emotions in child related cases #he’s a player who falls in love with a women even though he’s not ready for commitment and when he finally gets his shit together it’s too #late/the job/timing just made them incompatible for rn #thinking a Buck 911 growth kinda thing though I know dereks nothing like buck1.0 #keep a similar SL to the one with that little girl but make her not so… defo gonna grow up to be an unsub u know #he feels he needs to protect the kid maybe they went through something like he did but he knows to save them he needs to let them go to a #good home because he’s on the road so much but he still visits and the kid wants to be an FBI agent because of him #Emily is a Lesbian so help me god #she adopts a little girl with her wife!!!! #she is happy and doesn’t have relationship drama just oops so I have to fake my own death now drama #more practicality added to that SL as well no grenades in cars #and more visits from the other agents she knows from previous jobs #I think hotch having more too do with his own divorce would be good #like it kinda seemed like it had nothing to do with him and it was just a work problem but like idk I’d probabs change that #I like everyone else’s story’s basically just a little change her and there #I wouldn’t wanna make it just a character drama these SL’s are already in the show or would replace others #like the ooo reid had a ✨vision✨ SL will go #oh wait I want reid to be a women #2 Reid’s!!! #or if double lesbian related pregnancy is viable by this poin 1 reid!

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the corpse of king minos is very fucking big and Scary but you can parry his punches pretty easily and thats the easiest way i can explain how good ultrakill feels

#but even when the game is actually hard and kills me several times i dont feel like quitting? #i turn it off after 2 - 3 missions because thats the amount of time it takes for my body so get so Over Excited it stops aiming right #but i havent actually felt like ragequitti g #because the game just feels so good #i can ramble about how good ultrakill feels for HOURS bro #ramblings #switching between guns. the variants. coin tossing never gets old. accidentally exploding yourself with your own shotgun #fucking. SOUND EFFECTS #that too like when you parry. that sound?? makes my autism happy #THE SLIDING SOUND AOUGH #the fact that it does sound like ur made of metal but not in a bad screechy way that makes me want to cry #in a world where realistic movement physics are the norm having this much control. god #the witcher 3 is one of my favorite games ever. just as an example. but i DREAD playing that again knowing how walking around feels #yes sometimes in ultrakill you overshoot something because youre Fast but thats also just me needing to stand perfectly right for terminals #'look we have realistic physics' ok COOL BUT ARE THEY ACTUALLY FUN TO PLAY WITH #hyperrealism is impressive in videogaming YES but its also led to this monolith. in triple a #i do want to give credit where its due once i got used to the destiny warlock jumps (blink especially) that game felt really good too #but ultrakill doesnt force me to socialize and has a much more pleasant community so im fine where i am rn. actually #ive done all totk dungeons (I THINK) except for the final chasm and let me tell you. i dont want to fight any of those bosses ever again #why js that relevant? ive already beaten 1-4 twice and will probably go for my second 3-2 run tomorrow. THIS GAME. BOSSES. AAAAAAA #i love totk but those bosses were a fucking nightmare #thats gonna be a separate post

[welcometogrouchland]

animatic is killing me stabbing me a thousand times and I love it

#ramblings of a lunatic #I'm ngl everything is makin me Kinda Anxious rn so i think I'm gonna watch something silly and take a break frim Everything #toh fandom is makin me feel Weird to interact w/ rn (i think I'm due for a rewatch in the same vein as that post abt mischaracterization- #-and how rewatching the source material produces the reaction of ''thank god! twas all a bad dream!'') #but I'm really really enjoying putting this animatic together so far #tempted to post a wip but also i want to really surprise ppl n put my best foot forward w/ the finished product so. idk! #anyway when I'm like. 90% done with this I'll post the rest of the watching and dreaming reqs #i mean fingers crossed for getting it finished and everything (i got a lot done in 2 days tho!) #(i still don't have all the thumbbails done but it shouldn't impact me too much? hopefully) #anyway i feel another bout of brain troubles slowly rising and i kinda wanna take a shower but also I've washed my hair. twice recently #(it was my regular shower day and then i got my hair cut/coloured. looks real good btw! very happy w/ it) #so idk i think i just gotta settle for changing my clothes n getting cosy #anyway I'm banishing the dark thoughts from my brain. begone! begone! begone fowl fiend!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bo0zey]

everyday i wake up against my will n im lettin y’all know now that i’m abt 1 more waking up against my will day away from somehow someway making it god’s personal problem

#blueface baby ayyy #i love my cat but sometimes i am annoyed bc if it wasn’t for his existence i would said sayanora Long ago lmao #i wanna d word i was not supposed to make it past 18 i’m so fucking angry #im not gonna amt to anything in life i’m so scared of it all so pathetic and weak #i’m too weak for this world someone else can have my place i was never supposed to be here anyways hahah i’m not good at anything #i have zero talents ive wasted 10 years of my life writing books and publishing nothing i live in my stupid dreamworld #i don’t know how to hold a conversation i don’t want to go outside i want to rot in my bed i am so sick of myself #also don’t come in my ask box on some wahwahwah stop self pitying crybaby grow up ok bc i’ve literally been telling myself that for years #if someone walked up to me rn n was like here have this euthanasia pill and i knew my cat would #be safe and happy w someone else then yes i would take it in a heartbeat lmao no water necessary !! #im a burden to my family a financial burden all i’m good for is putting more debt unto others how USELESS!!!!!!!! #i have no friends but it’s my fault bc i don’t talk to anyone back i just i can’t #i think subconsciously i’m trying to push everyone further and further away so when i die they aren’t hurt #i don’t want a funeral i don’t want anyone to grieve me i feel like a narcissist even assuming someone would grieve over me lol #i just want to be forgotten about i want everyone to keep living and doing well without me to get in their way #i’m just an obstacle in other ppls lives a hindrance a fucking troll without a riddle just hurtful mean words #i’ll write everyone apology notes #i have so much guilt inside me it’s filled my lungs and heart sometimes i can’t breathe if i think abt all the ppl i’ve hurt by being alive #god put me on this earth to teach ppl lessons abt avoiding ppl like me #fuck god i’m done being his puppet i’m done hurting ppl i’m gonna go away someday and no one will ever hurt again #why do i want to cry i’m so fucking self absorbed why the fuck am i sad abt myself #i think subconsciously there’s something in me that wishes to stay alive and be the positive impact on ppls lives like i always wanted #i always wanted to help ppl and make friends and include everyone and now i’m just so toxic i let younger me and everyone else down so bad #i feel like my mom hated me too right now i feel like she deserved a better prettier smarter funnier more selfless daughter #im ok everyone btw im just being dramatic n venting lol dw i’ll start writing in a journal instead of tags soon #shut up cianna

[noxtivagus]

Final. Fantasy.

#🌙.rambles #oh no. i accidentally ended up rambling so much on my priv twt bcs of drk. again 😭😭 #i think that's uhm enough for tonight though bcs i shld srs sleep soon (will definitely not but Still) #looking at old notes i have other ff quotes here n. vivi. sob. i rlly. rlly. want to replay ffix soon #this is embarrassing reading these n i srs see how much ff has influenced me. it's actually. really really embarrassing #my attention span help #ffxiv eden's promise. specifically promises to keep oh my god it's so. perfect. it's. heaven. to my ears. #i miss raiding T_T #NOOOOO SORRY MY ATTENTION SPAN JUST CHECKED MY SWITCH RQ #my aunt indeed has chrono cross the radical dreamers edition & girl oh my god that 225 hours on octopath #i. am just listening to music rn i cannot write i'll just do more later yeah FR THIS TIME #fr though just. i miss raiding so much. i rmb me n apollo being so woah bcs like. our static back on twintania had ppl from over europe ofc #from uk to france to germany. n some had turkish blood too iirc. damn i still rmb the accents oh my god. #apollo n i were like around 14 when we were raiding. which is pretty impressive oh my god we cleared the whole of eden's promise #i rmb how they'd ask how school was 🥺 n our fc/static lead was so kind i rmb how he'd check up on us too #I STILL RMB LIKE. smth like 'you two have been sick a lot lately' & 'you good? :c' or smth. #n then awww the way they'd say gn bcs we used to raid till 12 am n apollo n i had school yeah #i'm. really happy w my improvement. from sprout drk me i was so anxious to tank n now look i've cleared uwu <3 #i miss the old twintania static. honestly i still wish that. i cld've unmuted even once yk? but. anxiety. #my social anxiety was really so bad back in 2021 but i guess i had to manage yk. ffxiv rlly helped a lot goddamn #i miss those days a lot. but i'll cry if i think more on that n of other stuff too so i'll just sleep soon #i. genuinely do know that i ramble too much but. actually nvm i'll ramble even more if i say that #i'll just. leave this at here. i'm really going to organize myself this week #sigh i wanted to do. more before i slept. like work on smth rq or. idk. but nah. anxiety. i'm tired. nah. gn #my playlists r a mess my notes r a mess heck even my room is a mess n i look like a mess n my mind is. even more of a mess #but being self-deprecating isn't.. really me but. oh no if i go on i'll ramble to myself abt my dilemmas again fuck this i need to shut up #rn at least i just need my mind to shut up. n oh in the end i guess tonight i won't rlly be able to do anything again but #nooo fuck it i'll just end it at that. so much to do.. so much to think about. but. nah sorry tonight i think i'm too tired. sorry #tbd

[miutonium]

Things that made me go feral this morning:

#PLEASE ALAKSKQLA HE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND CONTENTED 😭😭😭 #putting my brain rot aside iM SO MAD THAT THIS ISNT CANON 😩😩😩 #likeeee please this man went through a lot he just needs someone to love him back #the amount of times CN did him dirty and took away any of his romantic interest in just one episode makes me want to go full karen and- #talk to Craig's manager #okay now put back my brain rot into the equation #oh god I want to make this man the happiest man alive you dont understand #im going to make it my personal business to draw to him kissy and lovey dovey with Chloe #like idc this man deserves so much my chest h u r t s #he's perfect how come nobody wants him 😭😭😭 #like he's funny sweet polite and nerdy that just hits everything that I want to have as a husband #he is shaped like a husband too i want him to ring me tf up rn 😭😭😭 #asuka speaks

[exopelagic]

bittersweet sequel to ice hockey is great post <3

#man. I love my hockey friends #next week will be our last sessions running the club. which is so messed up how has it been a year #and we all got pizza tonight and turns out a bunch of them got together to get the three of us flowers and chocolate which was so sweet #I love them all so much I’m so happy I did this #but god idk #rn is a flux period. in more and more ways now we found out tonight the future of the club is Very very uncertain on basically all sides #so it’s not like I’m gonna stop being involved in running it bc one of my best friends is now president so like. I’m being there for him #and I gotta sort a bunch of shit anyway bc it’s gonna be a rough few months #but also in that like. i will FINALLY get told my masters supervisor in the next few days. #and which one I get WILL change the course of my life in a big way like I’m not being dramatic saying that #so it’s been hard to think abt what the future will look like and that’s been on my mind #and also god I just love my friends so much and I am Scared of the future. I probably shouldn’t be. probably. but everything feels weird #me and closest friend here Will be living on opposite sides of the city again next year and she won’t be doing ice hockey as much #so we’ll see each other maybe less unless we make more effort. and we do already we see each other a bunch and we text #god I’m bad at endings. I’m way too sentimental and the flux periods are so good for low level anxiety like this #I’m also worried for her bc her boyfriend graduates this year and is gonna do a masters in Australia. which is insane. #and I think they both know they can’t do long distance like that and he’ll be there for two? years? maybe one? but like. shit. #they just Know this is coming and I am terrified for them both. in the way that tonight I recorded them skate-dancing together bc I knew #they’d both want that memory #I’m just having a hard time thinking abt what my future is gonna look like and that’s kinda hard on me bc so many things are changing #simultaneously. like I have my last lectures ever on Monday bc my course finishes teaching early. like that’s insane #I’ve done almost a whole degree. and I’ve been running this club for a year. and I’m abt to start a whole new thing and I don’t know what #idk. I’ll find out what the future looks like I just gotta take it a day at a time but that’s Hard. which is how it works I think #point is I love my friends and I think I’m going to miss this time a lot #even if a lot of things have sucked very bad this past year. a lot haven’t and this has also changed my life. which is messed up to think #and I do know a good chunk of things!! like two of my friends are sticking around another 2 years here which I didn’t expect and I know #where + who I’m living with. and I know vaguely what the Shape of the next maybe 4ish years are. bc I know I’m taking a year out to work #and then doing a phd. I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m doing and if not I have time to adjust to that too #I know that I’ll be studying smth I rlly like no matter what happens. and I know I’ll be able to see a lot of my friends a lot more #luke.txt

[milo-is-rambling]

I LOVE YOU PAST MILO -current Milo nauseas head in a sparkling clean toilet I cleaned literally a half hour ago and then got too high while celebrating how clean it looked and feel sick now😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#but yipppee sparkly clean. gonna put a little sticky toilet gel thing on the inside while I’m in here #maybe throw up if another nausea wave comes before I can stand up 😭 #I had too much cereal and a lot of water at once and like. yuck yuck yuck I feel yucky high on the floor yucky I wish I was normal I need to #back off of weed a little to become a real person but also. I’d rather dig my own grave and bury myself in it alive than work a real job #like. fuckkkkkk I want to cry. fuck retail fuck fuck fuck I’m a failure wahhhhhhh I cant even handle beginner jobs #rattling the bars of my cage screaming crying throwing up why am I alive waahhhhhh okay nvm that’s too far it’s not that bad I’m chilling #the toilet is clean! look at the bright side. my therapist when I talked about like my mom maybe wanting to set a goal for working like a #certain amount of doordash hours and my therapists number she came up with was three hours and I was so happy like. she gets it. I am #exhausted just existing and she was like hmm you should work three hours a week. like. at most. #love her so much. it was probably a mistake but also. keeping it in my brain forever #imagine a three hour work week being backed up by my therapist to my mom like haha my therapist said I only HAVE to do three hours #god three hours still feels like a lot rn #like two weeks ago I dropped a salad in a tight packed restaurant and everyone watched me drop it and then walk back to the kitchen and wait #for them to make a salad so I could leave and fucking deliver the food and it was so embarassing and I haven’t done a single order since #then bc I get so anxious that I just exit the app if I don’t get an order like immediately which I haven’t yet so no orders. #I just get high. too high. and admire my cleaning work. it’s nice. I have to do the bathroom floor still. dog hair. dust. brother beard hair #my hair and bleach specks. I need to clean the bathroom fr. I’m excited I’m redecorating the bathroom in my mind and it’s giving me #motivation to clean it and I want to work more dooordash shifts (when I’m not this high) to save moneys to update my room and the bathroom #a little before the summer. just. replace air matress bc it’s low key a trigger now. so that’s fun. so buy a futon or smthing. and update #the bathroom into a thing that I like in my extra Milo type way. while making room for three ppl to share one bathroom. bc. it’s small #small bathroom for sure. but I’ll get it lookin good. add some cute decorations. maybe a candle or two. an incense thing for when I tak bath #slay. slay. building my dream bathroom in my mind and also. my Amazon wishlist land. and Pinterest land. I love making lists of things.

[bellflower-goat]

anyways fucking. fucking hell

#Dear fuck why is this shit so hard #Who cares if I say it once in the notes of a post noone will read anyways #just. fucking hell people aren't lying when they say that this age is the fucking worst to live in #I just wanna hope that things will get better I am gripping that promise so so hard rn #I'm just so goddamn tired and. just. #At least when I'm older I'll have the possibility to dissappear and never hear or talk or deal with these people ever again #Just. fucking god this is hard #and everyone says to keep going caus things will get better. I don't have any hope anymore but I guess I just gotta keep going #And I wanna make a big deal out of everything and make so many people hurt with that one permanent desition but I know it aint #worth it and stuff. just fucking hell. #was it so hard to ask to live somewhere safe. I just want to worry abt normal things #I dont wnat to have to do things that don't suit me I shouldn't be doing any of this I should just worry abt. #who fucking knows. I should be able to just worry about dumb internet drama and using soci.al media too much or whatever #But I can't worry about that that's just not how it works #And I remember that maybe I could have a nice life where. where I get to breathe for once and I get to be happy and taken care of #And then I get hope and I tjink things can change and then i am forced to remember what happens when I dare to think such dumb shit #things won't change. at least not now. no hope just gotta endure this shit and wait till I am old enough to just. get out of here and never #Look back and stuff. #maybe I'll get to do that.and I'll be happy and everything will be alright #It's hard to imagine that will happen. Most likely won't. but I dont know #And here I am. I should be saying this to my the.rapist or some shit but instead I'm venting on a tumblr blog just. #I should probably go to sleep #just. How naive of me to think that things would have gotten better. #And a part of me thinks it's stupid to say this shit here like it feels like I'm just doing this for attention or some shit and I dunno #Maybe I am doing it for attention. hoping that someone will read this dumb little cry for help and at least tell me that I'll be alright #but I know that won't happen but still I do this. just in case

[sanchoyo]

ik i said i wanted to do at least 2-3 personal solo zines this year aside from the one i already put out but im having such a hard time deciding on a topic?? 'random art zine' or 'sketchbook zine' feel too random kadhfkj. and the only thing ive been MEGA into lately have been my own ocs but making a zine with them would feel weird..also very niche lmao

#also i really dont like the idea of putting my silly oc stuff behind paywalls if im being real ajsdkf theyre goobers free to the world #if i didnt need money i wouldnt even consider any of the zines being paid zines #id just make em all free forever bc i rly do just enjoy sharing stuff like that #but alas...the horrors (being poor + severely mentally ill so i need money sometimes for things) agh... #everytime i sell stuff or make some money with comms something happens like i need to buy pet stuff (food or litter or my dogs expensive #flea pills but they NEED those bc ticks and fleas here in the summer are actually SO bad he needs the vet grade tablets to handle them) #so basically my debt isnt necessary getting too much worse which is good! but its also not..improving bc i keep havin to buy necessities #im not buying anything crazy or nyhting just absolute must haves yk..and yet #oh well at least ppl buying the clothes means ill free up a lort of space if nothing else like even if theres no actual..profit HSDKF #theres two boxes worth of clothes haha...it makes me happy to think ppl will wear them tho since im not anymore #ive been very unhappy w my own clothes augh :( i want to be happy wearing things but idk. idk. nothing i have is sparking enough joy lately #ive bene living in pjs...going to public places in pjs... #very out of character for me but god lol my brain lately #i got some more books at the libraby today when i was picking my nephew up tho :) so that made me happy #theyre all art related !! so mostly pictures + artists talking abt their techniques #all landscape related bc i wanna do more complex painted bgs this year and dip my toes into traditional art a lot more. my sister is #actually a great painter so maybe ill ask her for pointers. but then again thats kinda embarrassing so maybe not #sanchoyorambles #BASICALLY YES MORE ZINES ARE MTH I WANT TO DO BUT IDEAS. NOT WORKING RN

[cryolyst]

~

#my parents need to fucking leave me alone!!! i know what the fuck im doing!!! can't i have a single second of peace and quiet around here. #im doing so bad in the head rn #and ofc H is ignoring me now. so fun. i guess i asked for it but it still hurts. #like i don't want to be bitter i really don't. i want to let them be who they are. if they choose to stop prioritizing me it's their choice #it just sucks. i feel like everything is in such an unpleasant place #i want to be grateful that it's in a better place than it was before but i just don't feel happy. i feel like garbage most of the time tbh. #and im holding out until i can see E again but it feels so unfair to put this burden on her #god i miss her so much. i miss so many people so very much. there are so many lives i held dear and can't loosen my hold on #and i fear that H will always be one of them. i fear i will always one to H too. if i knew them at all. #or have i simply projected onto them all along? it feels like sometimes that might be all we do to each other. mirror and project. #without ever truly looking at the original. without trying to see the source. #um. lol. anyways. hope ur all having a good night. ty for reading my vague ramblings #they speak! #ignore this