#me: *waxes poetic about adoribull*

[tonyglowheart]

Dorian and Bull truly Just Make Sense bc Bull has his whole thing about being what other people need (making himself what other people need) and he's adaptable, but the flip side of that is he is SO adaptable and like ready to mold his very sense of self down to a core level to what he perceives of as "needed" from him. He's very good, to a fault I'd even dare say, at perceiving and then, like... reflecting that back. It's what makes him moldable, it's what makes him personable, it's what makes him a good spy, it's what makes re-education work on him.

Which isn't to say he ISN'T without a sense of self - when one puts oneself in a single shape for very long, even the most "reshapeable" thing will find that it's started taking on and internalizing that familiar shape. But it's something that he, necessarily, tells himself he's not susceptible to, that he still remains moldable and biding as the Qun demands.

But anyway, on the flip side, Dorian left Tevinter because he so very much could not help but be himself, be true to himself, on such a deep and therefore outwardly-projected level, that he couldn't tolerate the concept of compromising his sense of self. He's obviously still flexible and open to learning and changing, as well as to insecurities and doubts, but he has a rock-solid foundation of self to both stand on and fall back on.

Like Bull as a love interest could possibly fall into his same patterns, of where he's trying to be what he thinks the other person needs, which I think also often ends up being not just a complement of the person, but also in some ways a mirror of the person. Depending on the person, this might even be to Bull's detriment as he could let the person's needs subsume his own. Which isn't to say it would all be fake/wouldn't be "real"; just that... maybe like oobleck, without an application of some sort of external force, The Iron Bull might too easily let the strands of his internal sense of self melt away like the tides through one's fingers.

But for Dorian, he has no need of someone who will just tell him what he wants to hear, or is primarily interested in someone who will be/become what they think he wants; he probably could have gotten plenty of that back home, and it probably would have been a main strategy of getting close to him, even.

I feel like a love interest to Dorian almost demands a strong sense of self in return, who will challenge him and complement him in a more active way than a particularly flattering mirror would. This after all is the man who refused to do what was expected of him because it wouldn't be true to his Self. I feel like it's almost a sort of gotcha moment for Bull, because what Dorian both wants and needs, is something and someone absolutely indisputably *real* and solid, and it's like, in perhaps subconsciously or habitually adapting himself to what he thinks the other person needs, he would actually have to solidify his own sense of self to meet Dorian's needs.

And the crazy thing about it to me is like, it's not even something Dorian would ask of Bull, I don't think. It may not even be something they would be actively aware of or point out of each other or to each other. It's like, a function of who they are as people, which so happens to complement each other in such a profound way that both works for each others' core character on such a fundamental level and also like speaks to their character journeys so perfectly. Wild.

Anyway, lol, this shit's crazy lmao, and drives me crazy and lovesick.

#the iron bull #dorian pavus #adoribull #dragon age #me: *waxes poetic about adoribull* #also me: damn this shit crazy. are the rest of yall seein this?? #this is about bull ofc but like on the flip side Dorian has had a lot of learned... maybe not shame but like... that his relations are to be #kept under wraps. for self preservation if nothing else. even if it rankles #and like for all that Dorian is very self assured and outward projecting he DOES use it to like lock down and project his inner self #it's the fish comment you know. like a true showman he knows how to deflect and redirect. put on a show. give the people what they want in > #his own way. Contrast that with how open - to a fault - Bull is. and how that like... openness rubs off on Dorian too and like coaxes him to #be more open with himself and without his own form of dissembling of the self #yeah.... yeah