#me: god i hate this depressing horse show | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

free-for-all-fics · 7 months

Text

Phantom of the Opera and Beauty and the Beast Crossover AU Prompt! This was going to be a much, much, much shorter prompt, but then inspiration hit me very hard and it got very long, but it still doesn’t feel quite right for me to call this a full fic or oneshot. If you’re inspired by any ideas presented here, pls tag me and I’d love to read it! 🌹❤️🥀

The faerie hesitated. She knew tradition demanded that she curse the newborn prince for not being invited to the christening, but it wasn't his fault the messenger fell off his horse. She decided to get creative with the wording. Thus, instead of being cursed to die, Erik, the firstborn son to the king of France, was cursed with a deformed face. The prince would become more beautiful with every awful deed he committed, but the curse wouldn’t be broken until he found someone who could love him for his heart and marry him. He was disowned from the royal family and disinherited from the throne, decried as a “demon” or “living corpse”. He grew up with no knowledge of his true lineage and was instead raised by the servants and kept in the walls. The queen was fed lies that Erik died shortly after the christening, and she mourned for her baby boy. She never fully recovered from what she believed to be her firstborn son’s death, but later gave birth to another son, Prince Adam.

The king was known for ruling his kingdom with a cruel iron fist and raised the young prince to be selfish and arrogant, even forbidding the servants from ever questioning or objecting to his ways of raising his son. The prince used to live in the castle with his beloved mother as a sweet child until she died from an illness, which gave his cruel father the opportunity to harden his heart to become a more arrogant but effective ruler of the kingdom. He showed no concern over the loss of the queen, and led his son away from his wife's deathbed without any emotion. Erik became the court composer and exhibited a megalomaniacal personality, convinced he was a genius of music. He considered himself to be great and was never stingy with a compliment for himself. He was lugubrious and had not seemed to share the joys of the castellans and other courtesans. Erik spent much of his time isolating himself in the dark, too busy with concertos and operas of his own composition that he claimed would bring the house down.

“Bravo, bravo! Encore!”

“You approve?”

“Oh, maestro, it's magnificent!”

“Oh, come along. It's merely an opera...to bring the house down! Yes, I know...now, in the midst of my crescendo, I thought I heard merriment outside the window. Have a look see, will you?”

He had a deep hatred towards happiness or, at the very least, happy songs, as he preferred sad, depressing, mournful music. He was extremely superior, cunning, powerful, intelligent, and a bit misanthropic, as he considered humanity to be overrated. Though he was dashingly handsome with a debonair smile on the outside, he considered himself not only an Angel of Music, but a God of Deformity. Despite his face being perfect, he always wore a mask of impassivity when playing music for the public. He was surrounded by beautiful and wealthy women who vied for his attentions, but they were often incredibly shallow or boring, only looking to get into his bed for the night. He longed for more stimulating conversation, full of passion and intellect. The only way to keep himself sane while suffering through idle chat and pleasantries was to escape through his life’s work, treating his music as incomplete masterpieces he was eager to finish.

Following the king’s death, Erik learned of his lineage and the conditions of his curse, but never revealed these truths to Prince Adam. It was better for him to be a best friend and advisor to the prince, rather than a brother and prince himself. He blamed his father for his disfigurement, but he was secretly scared of his corpse and had refused to attend the funeral. As much as he hated the man, maybe his father was right when he used to say that ignorance is bliss.

In another kingdom, the prince fell ill. The widowed king dearly loved his last surviving son and heir, and doctors tried everything but he grew weaker and weaker. They told the king about a mythical rose that witches were rumored to use to cure any illness. The king searched the whole kingdom for the rose to no avail, and his campaign soon became a gruesome witch hunt. His path was lined with the witches he had slain, but the rose was nowhere to be found. Exhausted, bloody, and at his wit's end, the king came to a witch's house on the outskirts of his kingdom. He fell to his knees, begging the witch to help cure his son, and she agreed. The witch explained that the rose held tremendous power that could only very carefully be used for good, and instructed he only use a single petal. Using the whole bloom would only invite death. The prince began to recover, but discontent at the royal line had grown in the kingdom following the king’s bloody campaign. The next day, the king found his son murdered in his bed, and the last light holding his darkness at bay was snuffed out.

Heartbroken, the king turned to the bloom which had promised life, and instead saw it as an escape from his suffering. Lonely and depressed, he felt that all hope was lost after so much tragedy. He was too old to remarry and believed himself to have been cursed. He left his castle with nothing but the rose in hand, and wandered off into the icy wastes of a cruel and bitter winter, hoping to die somewhere his body could never be found and thus end the curse he believed he was put under. Instead, he came across the corpse of a woman who had frozen to death underneath a dead man hanging from a noose. In her arms, he found you, a still living baby girl who became blind due to being out in the elements. In his madness, you bore a remarkable resemblance to his late queen. He believed you to be his daughter and of his blood, so he took you in. The witch, having come to visit the king and the prince, looked at the nightmarish scene in despair. She raised a mountain on top of the king, erecting a dome of rock around the castle to imprison him and prevent him from wreaking further havoc across the land.

You grew up to be a virtuous, graceful beauty, but since you’d been blind since birth, no one had ever told you nor did you know that you were a princess. You lived in a beautiful enclosed garden within the king's castle, secluded from the world, in the care of loyal servants. The king feared you’d be targeted and killed if you were to ever learn you were the princess, so you never learned the truth until you came of age and were betrothed to marry Prince Adam of France. You were raised unaware of the circumstances surrounding the tragedies the king suffered or of his madness. You knew nothing of the witch. As far as you knew, as the daughter of the king, you never expected to inherit anything until a tragic accident caused the deaths of all your brothers and made you his sole legitimate heir. Now he expected you to act as a proper princess after being absent from your whole life.

You were a bright spot of happiness within the castle. You had a lovely singing voice and cared about everyone, living or dead, and everyone loved you in return. Your attendants would bring flowers and sing with you. Your garden was beautiful and full of a wide variety of blossoming wildflowers, except for roses. No matter what color roses were planted in your garden, they all turned out black in the end and smelled like death. Roses had become so rare that they were the most sought after flower in your kingdom, sold at high prices in black markets, under guard in national museums, etc.

You often declared your sadness, and your vague sense that you were missing something important that other people could experience. Your father insisted that you mustn’t discover your blindness and that your betrothed wasn’t to find out about this until after you were married. Your father had you and Prince Adam married by proxy before you had even met. A further ceremonial wedding and festivities followed by the ritual bedding would come later.

Your family had passed down a heirloom for generations: A hand mirror of medium size, framed in pure silver with ornate vine scrollwork. It was tradition that, upon their wedding day, each inheritor must look into the mirror at least once. It was said to be an enchanted mirror that could show you your soulmate, but your reflection never changed when it was your turn to look. However, ever since you’d looked into the mirror, you’d been haunted by a pale and faceless man that only you could see when you closed your eyes. He was there, behind your eyelids and inside your mind. The man moved in slow motion and, when you slept at night, you didn’t dream.

Your new husband, Prince Adam, arrived at the court with his best friend, Erik. The prince and Erik were warned by your loyal servants not to speak of light, colors, or anything of the sort with you. Wanting to bring you a wedding gift, the king arrived with a famed Persian physician who stated that you could be cured, but the physical cure would only work if you were psychologically prepared by being made aware of your own blindness. You appreciated the thought, but you had no will to see as others did and refused your father’s gift. You were born this way and loved yourself as you were. You believed you could see, you just saw things differently or saw so much more. The king supported your decision and refused the treatment, fearing for your happiness if the cure should fail after you’d learned what you were missing.

Erik found the entrance to your secret garden, ignoring the sign which threatened death to anyone who entered. He stumbled upon you singing without realizing who you were and instantly fell in love. Prince Adam, astounded by his friend’s behavior, was convinced you were a sorceress who had bewitched Erik. Prince Adam ordered him to leave but Erik was too entranced, so he departed with the promise he’d be back to save him.

“I am Maestro Erik, court composer and your most humble servant.”

You sang a magnificent duet together. Erik, who asked you to give him a certain flower as a keepsake, realized you were blind when you twice offered him different flowers with similar scents. You wished more than anything for a rose, but only black roses grew here and you didn’t know why. You had no concept of light, vision, or blindness. You fell in love with Erik after he explained light and color to you, believing him to be the faceless man from the mirror and your soulmate. When Prince Adam returned with your father, Erik admitted to seeing the warning sign at the garden entrance. The furious king threatened to execute Erik for revealing the truth to you, but spared him after Prince Adam realized you were his wife. He spoke for Erik, vouching for his character. The king relented, and let Erik return to France with you and your new husband.

Though Erik reciprocated your love, he felt conflicted and unworthy of you because of his curse and his deformities. He exclusively wore masks that covered his entire face. He only told you the color of his eyes, but nothing more. You loved him anyway, but you were born to privilege and with that came specific obligations. You were forced by your father to marry Prince Adam and, although you were spared the brunt of his cruelty, you still had to live year after year witnessing how monstrous your new husband was. From mistreating the castle servants to taxing the townspeople too high while doing nothing to help ease their hardships and burdens, you regretted your arranged marriage.

Despite being a princess, you were still a woman in a man’s world and could do nothing to free yourself from this loveless and miserable union. You and Prince Adam may have consummated your marriage out of duty, but you never shared his bed after that night and kept to separate rooms. If you had to keep Erik in secret and only love him in the dark, then that was enough for you. It had to be enough for you. Even if you longed for more. A life without love was no life at all, so you and Erik had no other choice. No matter how much you loved Erik, you could only love him at night and he had to depart before the lark sang. Every morning you’d have your kitchen maid procure a special tea for you to ensure you didn’t come to be with child. This was your fate and you’d accepted it, but Erik hadn’t. He’d brought up fantastical ideas of running away and eloping, but you wouldn’t hear of it.

“My father forbids me to end my marriage to the prince, Erik. Doing so, especially for a man like you, an untitled bachelor without family who hides his face behind a mask and accrues his wealth from dubious means, would ruin me. It’d cause a scandal so great I could never recover from it. I had to marry a man of substance, father said. A certain wealthy prince. In the eyes of the royal court, you won’t amount to anything but, in my eyes, you’re worth the whole lot of them put together. I fear I would’ve killed myself by now, were it not for the unbearable thought of leaving you behind. My heart can’t bear to inflict such cruelty onto you. You don’t deserve that. But I can’t run away with you, no matter how much I may want to. The wants and desires of a woman, even a princess, are irrelevant.”

As much as he hated it, he understood and reluctantly respected your decision. You and Erik were so in love. You saved him from his solitude, you were the light in the darkness of his existence, but you seemed to be kept apart by forces beyond your control. Still, the maestro gave you, his Angel of Music, a bundle of red roses with a fake one nestled inside, and told you that you'd be with him until the last one withered.

One winter’s night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. You, the mistress of the castle, showed kindness to the old woman as she let you feel the petals. They were so soft, softer than any flower you held before, and it smelled sweet, far sweeter than any other rose. You simply asked what color the rose was since you couldn’t see. When she told you it was red, you were amazed. Erik had told you about red when he gave you your first bouquet of roses, how it symbolized love and passion. He described it as the color of the sun or fire, bringing warmth to the hearts of men. Your kingdom had been cursed to only grow black roses that reeked of death, so to have a rose of such a vibrant color in full bloom, especially in the depths of this freezing winter, seemed like magic. You were about to let her inside and have a servant show her to a spare bedroom for the night so she could warm up and settle in, but your husband stopped you, cruelly snatching the rose from your hand and pulling you away from the old woman.

Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart, and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle, and all who lived there - even you, the princess who showed her compassion. She spared you as much as she could, not wanting your kindness to go unrewarded, but the prince and everyone else in the castle had to learn a lesson. She let you keep your human form, but erased your and Prince Adam’s memories of each other after your marriage so that you’d both have the chance to find true love in the future. However, by doing this, she inadvertently erased your memories of Erik since you only met and started your love affair after you and the prince were married. The enchantress had good intentions and thought she was doing you a great kindness, but her gift was a curse.

After the enchantress placed her curse upon the castle, turning Prince Adam into a beast and everyone else into household objects, he thought that you'd learn to love him since you were still blind and couldn’t see him. He thought you were disgusted with him because of his beastly appearance. In turn, you called him out on this, saying the real reason had to do with his arrogance and cruelty. You still despised him anyway because he was cruel, selfish, and unkind, with no love in his heart. Ever since then, the Beast showed nothing but shame for his actions and hated his cruel father for raising him to be a tyrant, even tearing up a portrait of himself out of anger. Even the servants themselves were in full regret of their reluctance to speak out against the king, implying that they truly despised him for his cruel nature. To you and Beast, you had never married and were only betrothed. Your fathers were both dead by this point, so you didn’t see any reason to go through with the wedding. You left him, claiming that people don't hate him because of his appearance, but because of how he acts, and that he's not some terrifying beast or powerful prince, but a pathetic human named Adam.

After you left, enchantment was the only good thing that happened to Erik. He was turned into a pipe organ and could use music to move nearby objects, but couldn’t move himself, as his new form was far too large and bolted to the wall. But he found himself more useful to his master as a composer and was willing to do everything in his power to stay in that new form. He developed powerful abilities, which he could release through his own music, and became obsessed with it. He wanted more. To possess this forbidden magic, Erik had to sacrifice a memory of equal value. His thoughts about you might’ve given him pause in the past, but you were gone and it didn’t seem like you were ever coming back. He no longer cared about losing his memories for a spell. Falling in love with you while you were married to his brother was painful enough, but his nights with you offered him some respite. He took solace in knowing neither you nor Adam were aware of this family secret, though this comfort was cold and tainted with bitterness. Your miserable marriage to his brother combined with your memory erasure and leaving was too much for Erik to bear, so he erased all his memories of you in exchange for these dark powers. His father was right after all! Ignorance was bliss.

The Beast considered him much more valuable as an advisor and confidant, and found his depressing arrangements of notable classical music somehow made him feel better. It was said that music soothes the savage beast, and they couldn't be more correct. Erik kept the Beast isolated from everyone else in the castle, and close to himself in order to prevent the spell from breaking, which had remained for 10 long years. Erik was a good talker, as he was able to captivate the spirits, to insinuate his hypnotic music, to convince everybody with honeyed words and a soft voice. He appeared to the Beast as his "best friend", but he was actually manipulating him because he wanted to remain as a pipe organ forever and sought some attention. However, this attitude was only displayed because he was quite afraid to fade in the background, afraid that he’d be forgotten. He wasn’t appreciated by anyone as the inhabitants of the castle seemed to ignore him at the least, except for the Beast. The Beast came to him often to hear his soothing music, which would ease his tormented soul.

“Your music is the only thing that helps me forget.”

“Don't worry, old friend. I'm here for you, just as I have been, just as I always will be.”

The more magic Erik used, the more he deviated from being human, not just in body but in mind as well. Moreover, the type of magic he used influenced the changes that occurred within him. He slowly became corrupted by his own desperate desire to be loved. Without you by his side, Erik became arrogant, evil, sarcastic, manipulative, acrimonious, obstreperous, and somewhat paranoid. Under the curse, he composed tirelessly his next opera, “Don Juan Triumphant”, whose sole purpose was to make the castle collapse.

“Erik! Stop the noise!”

“Noise? Noise?! This is my masterpiece.”

You’d lived in castles and palaces among the richest people of any age. But never, never had you stood in greater luxury than when you moved into this quaint little town and lived the life of a simple peasant, surrounded by townspeople who didn’t know who you once were. You loved the hustle and bustle of running errands and doing daily chores, you loved being part of a community and helping others, you loved wearing much simpler dresses, you loved getting dirty and feeling tired in a good way from a hard day’s work. You befriended a lovely woman named Belle, who was about your age, and her father, Maurice. Though they both seemed to be the talk of the town and considered “odd”, you came to love them like family.

Maurice was a musician who was traveling to a music festival to perform. But since the curse, the world had lost its music and melody. All composers in town became superstitious, believing in a “Curse of the 9th Symphony”, its origins unknown. Maurice was a skeptic and, having premiered his 8th symphony last night on stage, a mysterious hooded figure handed him a letter after the performance. “After your 9th,” it said, “I will return. He has a job for you.” Maurice then went missing while on his way home, shortly after his 9th symphony. Philippe returned alone. When Belle went in search of her missing father, you insisted on going with her, not wanting her to get lost in the woods like Maurice might’ve. These woods were dangerous, especially at night when the wolves came out. When you came up to the tall iron gates and Belle found Maurice’s hat, you cursed to yourself. Of course you’d be brought back here. Escape was an illusion, it seemed. Oh, cruel fate, would this nightmare ever end?

While in the castle, Maurice had come across a silver music box. The music box was empty, the cords cut yet, somehow, a song started playing when he opened it. How was this accomplished? He fiddled with the music box and wound it up, making the princess figurine spin in a dance. Unbeknownst to him, it was something never seen in at least a decade. It had been a wedding present for you but, after the curse was cast, the Beast’s heart stayed dark from that moment on. Its melody brought back the Beast’s bad memories; all his mistakes, all his regrets, and all his pain. For the master of the castle, it was a Pandora’s Box that contained many horrors. Each note of that lovely melody seemed to deepen the Beast’s anguish. He couldn't bear to hear it. When Maurice opened it, the Beast could hear it from the West Wing and flew into a rage. He picked up Maurice, carried him out of the room and slammed the door, plunging the den into darkness. For daring to trespass and open your music box, Maurice was Beast’s prisoner, sentenced to rot in the dungeons forever.

When Belle took her father’s place as the Beast’s prisoner, you insisted on staying with her and the Beast let you, giving you your old room back. While the Beast had destroyed his own room, yours remained untouched and was just as you left it 10 years ago. You didn’t tell Belle about the curse nor your complicated history with the Beast because, as much as you may not have seen eye to eye in your past turbulent relationship, you still believed he could change. He deserved that chance to love and be loved in return. You worried that Beast's psychological state would become increasingly feral the longer he was under the curse, such that he would eventually lose his last vestiges of humanity and become completely wild if the spell couldn’t be broken. You wanted the spell to be broken, if not for his sake, then for everyone else in the castle. Everyone, even you, played against Erik, trying to provoke love between Belle and the Beast to break the spell. But Erik wouldn’t be deterred so easily, and continued plotting and scheming in the shadows of the West Wing.

“Trust me. Humanity is entirely overrated. Before the enchantment, there was no need for my particular brand of genius. But now, the master needs my melodies to feed his tormented soul. I am his confidant and his best friend...and I won't let some peasant girl ruin it for me! I will see to it that this blossoming love withers on the vine.”

Neither you nor Erik could remember each other, but you both had this indescribable feeling that wouldn’t go away. You weren’t sure what it was exactly. Even before you officially met again, it almost felt like a pull, a thought trying to break out from the back of your minds, or a strange sense of Deja Vu. Erik hated it with a passion and played his music loudly to drown it out, while you were just confused. While exploring the castle and reacquainting yourself with everything, You could’ve sworn you heard a man’s voice hypnotizing you, seducing you, urging you to enter the West Wing. The Beast’s room. But you couldn’t possibly! It was forbidden! The Beast had warned both you and Belle! And yet…

“Yes, my dear. Come to me.”

You felt like you’d been in this room before. A strange sense of familiarity washed over you as you felt around the walls to guide yourself, but for some indiscernible reason, you hated this room and everything in it. Avoiding broken furniture and other obstacles in your way, you felt fresh air coming from an open window and approached the balcony. You felt around a small table until your hand brushed against something cold and made of glass. A bell jar. When you touched it, you felt warmth and light emanating from underneath it. Next to it, you picked up something cold and heavy. You felt the engravings and markings decorating the frame and handle, and your fingers tapped against the glass of its face. Your handheld mirror that your father once gave you. But it was glowing just like the bell jar and you could hear strange crackling noises coming from it, almost like lightning. What had the enchantress done to it?

You were about to inspect it further, but you could hear music coming from an adjacent room. The door was left ajar and, when Erik noticed you were looking at him, he immediately doused his candles and fell silent. Wandering over to the organ, you spotted a half-finished set of sheet music set aside, complete with inkwell and quill. Curious, you sat down at the organ and began reading it.

“Don’t touch that!” Erik’s voice snapped, seemingly coming from nowhere and scaring you half to death as you were chased away from the organ. You looked around frantically and reached out your hands, confused when you felt no one around you. You thought maybe it was a ghost or ventriloquism, until you realized it was the pipe organ itself that was talking to you, towering over you with a scrutinizing glare that you couldn’t see but could feel. Right. Enchanted castle. You’d never gotten used to it back then, and you still wouldn’t. Not now, not ever. But you felt a strange sense of longing when you heard his voice. He scoffed in disgust whenever you mentioned love or breaking the spell.

“A daring woman, cursed with such beauty but never able to see it, a pity even. A beauty such as yourself, meets beasts in dark hallways and forbidden rooms? An act of love or lust, so you say? Beasts know nothing of the sort. Empty your heart, cast it aside, I say. Dreadful beasts we are, no less? Beauty may fool a blind man, but no beast!”

Months passed. The enchanted rose continued to wilt. Christmas was coming. The Beast, wanting to get a present for Belle, ordered Erik to compose a song for her, much to Erik’s disgust. The girl was evil. She held the master from Erik’s grasp. She filled his head with dreams of love and hope! Yech!

“I want you to compose a song. It's a present…for Belle. And make it happy!”

“Oh, but happiness is so depressing! What's next? Love songs?! Wedding marches?! It's all that girl's fault.”

He had fabricated another curse, a false one to orchestrate distrust within the nearby villages so that the townspeople would either ban music and/or turn on each other. If he instilled fear and superstition so there was no competition, then he’d definitely be the best musician in the world! His plot to get Maurice killed had failed, but he could still go after his daughter. She was a threat to his plans. He twisted Belle’s words and emotionally manipulated her so she’d want to get a Christmas tree in the Black Forest beyond a frozen lake. He lured her away from the castle, and did everything in his power so she’d never come back. While she was away, Erik told the Beast that Belle had abandoned him, thus stoking Beast's anger. He then tried to goad the Beast into destroying the enchanted rose, the symbol of the curse, but the Beast ultimately decided not to when a rose petal landed on the storybook from Belle, thus allowing him to regain his senses. Erik’s plan to drive Belle and the Beast apart almost worked, but was ultimately foiled by the Beast.

“So, Beast gets girl, and it's a happy ending for everyone. Enchantment lifted...and Erik fades into the background. No longer important...no longer needed…I THINK NOT!”

Enraged at the failure of his plan to break up Belle and the Beast's relationship, Erik lost what was left of his sanity and gave into his destructive and suicidal thoughts that had plagued his mind for years. He had no regard for his own life as he was willing to take everyone's lives in the castle along with his own to ensure that the spell remained intact. With the Beast having broken free of his hypnotic control, Erik believed he had nothing else to live for and attempted to bring the castle down with his loud music, playing “Don Juan Triumphant” more intensely to rupture the walls and shatter the windows. He shook the walls to pieces, debris fell, the floors began to separate and created perilous chasms.

“Maestro, stop! What do you think you're doing?”

“Don't you see? They can't fall in love if they're DEAD! You could've joined me, but I see my triumph is a solo act! We can remain as we are, FOREVER AND EVER!”

“ERIK! ENOUGH!”

Erik was finally defeated when the Beast ripped out his keyboard from him, which ceased his contact with his pipes. In a blind rage, Erik tore himself free of the wall and began to collapse, effectively killing himself as he crashed to the ground, destroyed. Despite Erik’s true colors being exposed and his diabolical plans foiled, the Beast mourned Erik’s demise, as he still considered him to be his closest friend.

After the curse was broken, everyone was turned back into humans, and yours and Prince Adam’s memories were restored. You both remembered that you were technically still married and thus had extramarital affairs - you before the curse, and he during the curse. But this realization wasn’t awkward. What was there to forgive? You and Adam were forced into marriage by your fathers and each fell in love with another, it happens. You just considered yourselves even. It took lots of paperwork, but with his signature here, and your signature there, you and Prince Adam officially dissolved your marriage, much to both yours and his relief. You let bygones be bygones after your divorce and considered yourselves friends, no hard feelings. The prince assured you that you’d always be welcome here in his castle, and it was your choice whether you wanted to stay, return to your kingdom, or go elsewhere.

While everyone was downstairs celebrating in the ballroom, you went back to the West Wing, to the prince’s room where Erik was. You remembered him. Oh, your poor darling! Your dear Erik had suffered so much sadness and so much pain, surrounded by people yet completely alone in the castle for all those years. He was human again but he laid deathly still, face down on the floor. You took out the music box and it played that familiar melody, your song. The enchantress appeared one last time and used her magic to resurrect Erik. She couldn’t condone his abuse of forbidden and evil magic, but she’d seen for herself he’d been punished enough. She asked for your forgiveness. She only ever wanted to give you a chance to find true love and happiness, but she didn’t realize you already had it. Consider this parting gift from her her repentance for inadvertently cursing you. She wouldn’t bend or break the laws of life and death for just anyone, but true love was the most magical gift of all, so she did it once for Belle and Adam, and again for you and Erik. She would no longer interfere with either yours and Erik’s or Belle and Adam’s happy endings. You needn’t do anything to repay her, just go on and live happily ever after.

When Erik woke up, his memories of you were restored. You were discovered by the prince, and he was so relieved and ecstatic to see his best friend alive. Erik finally pledged his love for you in front of the prince, not caring that you were blind and married, unaware you had already ended your marriage contract moments before. The prince gave you to Erik with his blessing, not that you ever needed it, but you and Erik appreciated it. Erik moved into your bedchamber where he would often awaken to the sun streaming through the curtains and the lark singing, just like he had always dreamed. No more hiding under the cloak of night, no more sneaking through secret passageways. He relished in finally sharing your bed, but he had a difficult time adjusting to being human again. He still experienced trauma from the curse, and was plagued by nightmares at night. He confided in you his guilt and regrets, his fears and anxieties, and all his insecurities while you gently rubbed his back, drew patterns on his chest, or held his hand. He felt like he maybe didn’t deserve to be this happy after all he had done.

“It's just...it was different when we were all cursed objects. When we could move around freely and act however we wanted to. When I could just play my music. When I knew exactly how to get the master to smile and relax with my music. Even if it meant we'd be cursed forever, I was happier as a pipe organ."

“And it’s going to take time, my love, but we can learn to be happy again, as humans. As husband and wife, if you’ll still have me. I’m sorry for all that I’ve put you through. I’m sorry for making you wait so long.”

“Now that I finally have you in my arms again, ten years didn’t feel long at all. I would wait a thousand years more and still take you to be my bride.”

The four of you eventually held a double wedding in the castle. As soon as the rings were exchanged and Erik kissed his bride, the curse placed upon him at birth was finally broken. But when the bright light encompassing him had dissipated, instead of a handsome man, his face was still that of a living corpse. His eyes were so deep that one could hardly see the fixed pupils, just two big black holes, as in a dead man's skull. His skin, which was stretched across his bones like a drumhead, wasn’t white, but a nasty yellow. His nose was so little worth talking about that one couldn’t see it side-face; and the absence of that nose was a horrible thing to look at. All the hair he had was three or four long dark locks on his forehead and behind his ears. But you saw nothing ugly in your husband at all, he was absolutely perfect. He was beauty itself, and you didn’t need your eyesight to see that.

“My love, are you okay?”

“Well, yes. But I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.”

“Oh, Erik, but you are beautiful.”

The double wedding was a grander celebration than the one that was held after the curse was lifted. The festivities lasted an entire week, and you all sang together of the magical new world now visible to you as the court and townspeople rejoiced.

#phantom of the opera x reader #erik x reader #prince adam x reader #prince Adam x Belle #beast x belle #beauty and the beast #phantom of the opera #beauty and the beast AU #phantom of the opera AU #crossover au #crossover #crossover fic #arranged marriage #took inspiration from Iolanta and Bramble: The Mountain King too #also a tiny bit of inspiration from The Man Who Laughs #random fic idea #random prompt #pls tag me if you’re inspired by this #I’d love to read it

45 notes · View notes

wandaluvstacos · 4 months

Text

THE ONLY SECONDS THAT MATTER

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN IS UP!

Genre: Contemporary Romance Rating: 18+

Includes: Extensive horse nerdery + cowboys, mxm romance (1 trans + 1 cis), some discussion child abuse, some instances of trans/homophobia (it is rural Oklahoma, y'all), depression, occasional sex scene (but it’s a slow burn for sure)

Victor Ortiz-Bennett had some reservations about moving to Oklahoma, but his late aunt willed him a 70-acre horse farm, and he decides to fulfill his dream of running and operating his own training facility. Victor’s been around the reining horse show circuit for a while, and he’s ready to settle down, travel less, and spend more time with the horses he loves and away from the people he can do without. That is, until he picks up a horse at an auction with a bucking problem he can’t fix, and he has to take her to the one guy who can ride anything– Johnny Stearns, a retired professional rodeo rider.

Johnny Stearns is loud, chatty, eccentric, and fears nothing, exactly Victor’s opposite. However, Victor finds himself sinking into an odd friendship with this new foul-mouthed cowboy without a filter, diving deeper into the mess that is Johnny’s life until there’s no way to extract himself from it. Johnny may talk a tough game, but there’s more to him than he’ll let most people see. Victor knows getting in too deep will mean a rough ride, but if there’s anything Johnny’s taught him, it’s how to stay in the saddle.

Excerpt:

“I presented as female, but I wasn’t a woman. Listen, I know it’s confusing and again I know you’ll never really get it because you’re cis and all that—”

“Sis?”

“Cis. Cisgender. It just means your gender assigned at birth matches your biological sex.”

“My gender… assigned at birth matches my… biological sex,” Johnny repeated in utter confusion. God, he was so clueless. Why did Victor find that comforting? “This feels like bein’ in biology class. Learning what the fuck parts are in a cell or whatever.”

Victor had to laugh. “What?”

“I mean, it’s like bein’ in class when the kid next to me knows what the fuck is happenin’ and I do not. You know all about this, and I don’t.”

“That’s fine. Like I said, I don’t need you to know the specifics, I just… I just want you to know about who I am and not hate me for it.”

“Oh, Vic.” Johnny clicked his tongue and shook his head. “I couldn’t hate you even if I wanted to.”

Victor’s throat tightened, and he swallowed several times as he fought the sudden urge to cry. Maybe this showed in his face, because Johnny reached out and dropped a heavy hand on top of his head.

“And whatever hot girl you mighta been ten years ago, you’ll only ever be a hot man to me.”

Victor sniffed and laughed, nodding his head with a wobbly smile. “Thank you.”

Johnny’s hand remained on his head a few seconds longer than necessary before he ruffled Victor’s hair and pulled away, slumping back onto the bed and stretching his legs forward. “Don’t get all weepy on me now.”

“I’m not weepy,” Victor muttered, pushing the knuckles of his thumb into his tear duct to prevent any leakage. “I just—I’m just happy you’re cool with it.”

“I told you I sucked guys’ dicks for money. I can’t lecture nobody about nothin’.”

“My thing and your thing are very different.”

#The Only Seconds that Matter #update #my writing #excerpt #patreon #johnny's kinda stupid lol

5 notes · View notes

eclecticcfangirll · 1 year

Text

my favorite things/moments from red white and royal blue

so basically like the whole book but bear with me

“they’re saying you got your asshole bleached” “that one is true” “i thought so”

the fact that june and nora are so clearly fucking but we have the most unreliable, oblivious, self-centered narrator ever (affectionate) so its never actually put into the books

“a strawberry-blond, whip-smart democrat with high heels, an unapologetic drawl, and a little biracial family”

june’s plane reading material like what is she on

nora calling alex out for crushing on henry right off the bat. literally on page 10. sis knows whats up lmao

“maybe it is technically a rivalry. whatever.” enemies to lovers is winning

the ENTIRE viscount convo at the wedding please😭😭

“its cute how you think everything is about you” “it should be honestly” “thats the spirit”

the double meaning when alex is thinking about how his fingernails were too stubby to pick out the staples in the pic of henry because his hands weren’t “like a girl’s”

“he’s too perfect. alex wants to poke it.”

“sorry i’m not obsessed with you like everyone else. that must be confusing for you” “you know what? i think you are” iconic

ellen reading the word “cake-tastrophy” with audible distain

alex seeing the paper that says “agreement of terms” and being like “um”

“so you can hate the heir to the throne all you want, write mean poems about him in your diary, but the minute you see a camera, you act like the sun shines out of his dick, and you make it convincing” (ive had this memorized since the first time i read it lmaoo its ingrained in my brain forever)

“have you met henry? how am i supposed to do that? he has the personality of a cabbage”

what the fuck is competitive yachting

“does he get one of these for me?” “yep. and for the record, making it was one of the most depressing moments of my career”

“okay. ill do it. but i wont have any fun” “ god i hope not”

alex thinking his type of love story is more shakespearean and then june saying his and henrys situation is shakespearean

“who does that? who names a dog david? he sounds like a tax attorney. like a dog tax attorney. drink.”

the image of baby alex trying to force an orca wrangler into early retirement because of “inhumane whale practices”

alex’s internal dialogue about shaan (and luna for that matter. god hes so bisexual)

i know henry planned that riding practice so he could come around the corner all bathed in the sunset on a white horse in perfect riding clothes

“haven’t decided yet, but astonishingly, it will not be based on you. remember how we sometimes talk about things that are not about you?” “yeah, weirdly”

“’sorry. er. i was just. cornettos.’ he gestures vaguely toward the refrigerator, as if hes just said something of any meaning”

every time alex refers to henry with any sort of royal title

alex almost missing the question when on a literal talk show bc hes too busy admiring how hot henry is in his sweater and button down (relatable)

alex always describing henry and his eyes with words like fresh and soft and blue

alex being into politics because he genuinely cares about people 🥺 it really is the better timeline

“you know, we have got to stop ending up like this”

“you’re not the prince of me?” “bloody hell”

alex bucking his hips up into henrys 😭 i just know henry almost blacked out lmao

“i cannot believe even mortal peril will not prevent you from being the way you are” yeah

the way they know each other so well without even knowing each other (henrys above comment^, alex calling him out for not being who he is, the entire closet convo and them both just instinctively getting things once they actually stop and breathe for a second)

“wow, youre wrong” the most alex thing ever

i need to be inside cash’s brain to see what he sees when he opens the closet door and they’re just laying side by side on the floor, blinded by the sudden light

“no booty calls” *literally uses it for booty calls*

bitch mcconnell

the way alex describes every attractive man he encounters in vivid detail, practically drooling over all these men, and thinks hes straight

luna immediately trying to get alex to admit hes gay for henry lmao

“you wound me” “you exhaust me” “i enchant you” “ill call security”

all the random emotions alex finds to explain the hot flashes from hot guys doing hot things

“alex you need other friends. friends who arent in congress” “i have friends! i have june and nora” “yes, your sister and a girl who is also a supercomputer”

“but we were ever so careful, dear”

alex being comfortable around henry not caring what henry thinks and being “as weird and manic as he wants”

“i dont know who you think you’re kidding, you hufflepuff-ass bitch”

shaan has a “motorbike”

“like a dickensian street urchin” pls

henry describing like everything about sailing and alex saying “cool” eight hours later 😭😭

everything about pez

alex canonically watches videos of justin trudeau speaking french and thinks hes straight

“he would really appreciate it if henry would stop proving him wrong”

“you are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life” “thanks!”

“tell shaan i say hi and i miss that sweet sweet ass xoxoxo” “i will not”

the entire part of the Great Turkey Calamity. im not even gonna be specific with this one. the whole part. from the part with alex and ellen talking all the way to the texts aboout henrys dad being a babe. everything in between those. its too good to even make a list. how does she come up with this shit. its so good.

“henry’s got his candy cane jim jams on”

“he just doesnt often get told hes good enough” THE SIGNIFICANCE

junes reaction to finding out alex was talking to henry about family shit and then comparing it to a love story

alex freaking out about henry being on the guest list and nora going “this is interesting” i love her

alex with his lowercase letters and henry with his perfect grammar

them going from texting every couple of days to answering each other within seconds

alex saying henrys voice is “like very expensive velvet, something moneyed and lush and fluid all at once”

alex throwing his head back and laughing and henry grinning at him is just so them

the hips convo and “watch me” *gulps down champagne* “i am”

the whole get low scene oh my god the imagery is so good

“you absolutely must know i did not” and alex and nora being horrified henry hasnt experienced this specific experience

forever obsessed with nora and alex being ridiculously smart little nerds but both still being absolutely chaotic young adults who grind up on each other and kiss for fun and start rumors that theyre fucking. the character depth is delicious

“are they too drunk to communicate in english?”

“one, henrys lips are soft”

their first kiss is the equivalent of literal butterflies and cartoon hearts fluttering around and their second kiss is like the height of passion. we love it

“but he thinks about henry, and, oh” asjhkdfbdkbfkjsdfb

alex and nora are the exact people who would have a marriage of convenience planned out

the entire nora/alex bisexual talk lmaooo

“still waters, deep dicking”

“you’ve been, like, draco malfoy obsessed with henry for years-do not interrupt me-”

nora knowing henry is gay but in that way that gays just know and alex being like what???? because somehow this never clicked for him

nora and alex both being bi but reacting to it in exact opposite ways

“the class is ethical issues in international relations. he really has got to stop taking classes so painfully relevant to his life”

alex seeing henry on a date in the magazine and spending a very short time being angry before his common sense and trust for henry and noras words all work together and then his realization and then him immediately being sad for them instead. and then him being like lmao im not straight

imagine youre liam and youre on a date with your bf and the guy you did gay stuff with in high school who is now the fsotus calls you out of the blue and asks about said gay stuff because hes having a sexuality crisis and then he apologizes 😭😭😭 liam is so funny too

“its alex. yeah, him”

alex seeing henry in his suit and his immediate thought is how much he wants to rip it off

“oh,” henry says, like an idiot.

“looking like the goddamn james bond offspring that he is”

“shut up, shut all the way up, oh my god”

i mean, the red room. dinner, hamilton, hot and heavy, god save the queen, yk

all of the inner dialogue from this entire scene lmao so aggressive

“he wants to follow the sound down his throat”

“hes unsure of the dress code for inviting your sworn-enemy-turned-fake-best-friend to your room to have sex with you, especially when that room is in the white house, and especially when that person is a guy, and especially when that guy is a prince of england” this sentence should just be the entire blurb honestly. hidden gem.

“hes done research. he has diagrams. he can do this.”

“his stomach does some embarrassing acrobatics he plans to never tell anyone about ever”

“henry is tall and gorgeous, half royalty, half movie star, red wine lingering on his lips”

im sorry but if someone took my elbow and kissed me while smiling and simultaneously shut and locked my bedroom door i would simply pass out

“he can practically feel the wind in his hair. its ridiculous.”

“so, like, fuck the moors”

alex “we’re still whatever we were before just, you know, with blowjobs” claremont-diaz being all “you went out with a girl” right off the bat lmao

“alex’s frenetic energy and henrys aching sureness”

the descriptions

alex being obsessed with the little curve of henrys waist and his hand being there and that being his proper “god i love men” moment

“devastating”

when alex says wait and henry immediately stops and alex like reassures him oh my god

“hi” “hello” “im gonna take your pants off now” “yes, good, carry on”

im laughing so hard at henry being in love with him for so long and he finally kisses him and alex hurtles through a sexuality crisis and then is like “alright lets go fuck”

“fucking eyelashes”

“alex is living for it, watching henry come undone, letting him be whatever he needs to be while alone with alex behind a locked door”

the part about the fruit basket like 1) lmao fruit and 2) i love that hes not weird about henry having experience like yes

imagining henry copying alex saying “freaking out” aghh

“for fuck’s sake man, you just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me good night”

alex is so in love lmao

henry laughing <3

“it should not provoke anything visceral, carnal, or bodice-ripping in nature in him at all”

“you look...sweaty” “im gonna go uh. say hi to henry”

“enjoy your summit with the english delegation”

“fifteen days removed from henry swearing at the ceiling of alex’s bedroom and unsure of how to proceed”

“what in the rich-white-people-sex-dungeon-hell?”

“he whips a thick leather strap off a hook on the wall and alex almost blacks out”

alex’s verbal reaction to the polo attire and henry trying to keep up

“henry is swearing up a storm, which is still disarmingly sexy”

“that shithole? not if i can help it” “oi! thats disrespect of the crown, that is. insubordination. ive thrown men in the dungeons for less” “hey, dont threaten me with a good time” ok london boy

the way henrys name in all the emails is different words that fit hrh

actually all the different names they use in all the emails overall

“and its all so fucking french”

“alex has to admit: henry really has a solid handle on his personal brand”

“but perfect stoic prince charming laughs when he comes, and texts alex at weird hours of the night: youre a mad, spiteful, unmitigated demon, and im gonna kiss you until you forget how to talk. and alex is kind of obsessed with it.”

“and alex is drunk and fucking transported, feeling every moment of twenty-two years and not a single day older, some kind of hedonistic youth of history. birthday head from another country’s prince will do that”

“and alex’s heart goes so fucking weird that he has to put his head in his hands for a full minute. (but, like, its fine. its not a whole thing)”

“for the record, i agree with you, but also, tell me more”

never seen a book bring up such a natural build up to a love of gay history and how important it is

“hes starting to understand what swelled in his chest when he reads about stonewall, why he ached over..” YES. THATS IT. THATS THE FEELING!!!!!!!

“i will chop my own tit off”

“i will staple your dick to the inside of your leg if it keeps it in your pants”

alex knowing when henry is in his moods and wanting to help

“baby”

the phone call where henry spills about his family and then alex spills about his past and then about both of their previous dating experience and mental health and gahhh

“two parentheses enclosing 3700 miles”

“i miss you” “i miss you too”

the way it ropes in how alex missing dinner with june brought up past shit for her

june finally snapping and them talking about henry

“you have so much in you, its almost impossible to match it. but hes your match, dumbass” ahhHHHHHHHHHH

“hes like some kind of billionaire, genius, manic-pixie-dream philanthropist.” yep thats pez

the facetime when pez and henry are in the car and alex feeling better because henry looks well rested and the goofy banter

llwynywermod does NOT sound like it should. idk what it should sound like but not like it does.

henry using his royal accounts money for specifically charity yes

“hes always wanted to be a person with a legacy in this world. henry is undoubtably, determinedly that. its a little intoxicating.”

“yall do school weird”

june and nora drooling over pez LMAO “i want to put my fingers in his mouth”

cash wearing a feather boa yes

dont stop me now. all of it.

bea and alex and knowing how rare it is

god i can feel the joy

“bisexuality is truly a rich and complex tapestry” *june shoves napkin in his mouth*

“o captain my captain” “have you got talking points”

alex is literally drunk but he sees henry get nervous and immediately switches into Concerned Boyfriend Mode

travel size lube

f i n g e r s

so much love

i know henry saw his love mirrored right back at him in alex’s eyes and knew he had to make a joke

“theres something so incredibly intimate about sitting on the bed they wrecked the night before, the only one who watches him create Prince Henry of Wales for the day.”

“hes got a suspicion all these feelings are why he held off on fucking henry for so long”

“so this is the gang now, huh?”

“how is a man to get anything done knowing alex claremont-diaz is out there on the loose? i am driven to distraction.”

“o fathers of my bloodline. o ye kings of olde. take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. if only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when american boys with chin dimples are mean to him” please

i love alex going back to henrys emails when he is upset

“utah ugly, christian ugly, ugliness couched in dog whistles and toothy white smiles”

“not every white supremacist is a meth head in bumfuck mississippi- there are plenty of them at duke or upenn on daddys money” BLESS

“as if alex, first son of the united states, is unfamiliar with how campaigns work”

the text thread with henry alex june and nora lmao so chaotic

“1. tf is this? arent there poor people in your country? 2. ive already been in the royal box” “you are a delinquent and a plague. please come?”

“don’t worry, i dont think they can detect the thick air of horn-town betwixt you two from the lawn”

“all mischievous smiles and swooping cheekbones”

henry touching two fingers to the back of alex’s elbow mm

philip and henry are the equivalent of a strict parent and rebellious child. “oh you hate alex being in the box? we’re gonna go fuck in a supply closet then. fuck you”

the way henry got right up in his space but didnt kiss him im-

“just so we’re clear, im about to have sex with you in this storage closet to spite your family. like, thats whats happening?” “right” “awesome, fuckin love doing things out of spite”

“and it should be- it should be funny. it should be hot, stupid, ridiculous, obscene, another wild sexual adventure to add to the list. and it is but...it shouldn’t also feel like last time, like alex might die if it ever stops”

“you’re brave. i could use some of that”

woman at her toilet

obsessed with alex and henry both having so much knowledge to share with each other

“and alex’s heart doesn’t spread itself out in his chest, and he doesn’t have to grip the edge of the settee to steady himself. because thats what he would do if he were here in this palace to fall in love with henry”

“i see you more than i see clean underwear”

“if shes not giving it to you, im not giving it to you. shes much nicer than me”

“there’s this way henry has of listening to the erratic stream of consciousness that pours out of alex’s mouth and answering with the clearest, crystallized truth that alex has been trying to arrive at all along”

“oh fuck me” “blurgh” “fucking shit. goddammit ass fucker” “what” “jesus tits”

the mental image of this entire scene but especially “henry flies out of bed too. he truly is a picture, wearing an expression of bewildered panic and absolutely nothing else”

“get in there” “quite” “yes we can unpack the ironic symbolism later”

“zahra is standing there with her thermos and a look on her face that says she did not get a masters degree to babysit a fully grown adult”

“it is, alex thinks half hysterically, a very solid visual pun”

“do i even wants you to explain what the fuck is happening here? literally how is he even here, like, physically or geographically, and why- no nope.”

“oh my god i thought you were getting into international relations or something” “i mean technically-” “if you finish that sentence, im gonna spend tonight in jail”

“youre literally putting your dick in the leader of a foreign state, who is a man, at the biggest political event before the election, in a hotel full of reporters, in a city full of cameras, in a race close enough to fucking hinge on some bullshit like this, like a manifestation of my fucking stress dreams, and youre asking me not to tell the president about it?” “um. yeah?”

“would it make any difference if i told you not to see him again” “no”

“ask me if im afraid of the crown”

“exploring your sexuality: healthy, but does it have to be with the prince of england?”

“history huh? bet we could make some”

“the phrase ‘see attached bibliography’ is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me”

“should i tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? that when i sleep, i see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when i wake up in the morning, it feels like ive just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? that i can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? that, for a few moments, i can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?

“ill let you look at one boob. the good one” “theyre both good”

“theres a combination of girl sounds from the back seat”

“hi love’ he hears henry say quietly, privately, right into the hair above his ear, and alex’s breath forgets how to do anything but laugh helplessly”

imagining henry grinning in the passenger seat and bopping his head to the music aghhgndksk

“lbj was obsessed with his own dick. he called it jumbo and would whip it out all the time. like in front of colleagues, reporters, anybody” “american politics. truly fascinating” “you wanna talk, henry the VIII?”

“a little appreciation for the patron saint of gender-neutral bathrooms in california? little shit”

“and alex is. well, alex is so in love he could die”

“-maybe even with the apron still on-”

“i didnt realize this was a jazz brunch”

the skinny dipping is so cute before it goes wrong

“hes spent too much of his life talking, talking, talking to not know the signs when someone doesnt want to hear him anymore”

“henry you motherfucker! henry, you piece of shit, get your ass down here”

“alex’s heart is going to fall out of his ass. henry looks unimpressed”

“really nice. fucking ghost me for a week, make me stand in the rain like a brown john cusack, and now you wont even talk to me. im really just having a great fucking time here. i can see why all yall had to marry your fucking cousins”

“seriously’ he says, helpless and indignant”

obtuse fucking asshole

“i fucking love you, okay?”

“i never imagined you would love me back”

“what do you want? “i want you-” “then fucking have me”

THE LIVES WE WANT-- THEYRE NOT THAT DIFFERENT. NOT IN THE WAYS THAT MATTER. YOU WANT TO TAKE WHAT YOU WERE GIVEN AND LEAVE THE WORLD BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT. SO DO I. WE CAN FIGURE OUT A WAY TO DO THAT TOGETHER”

“tell me youre done with me. ill get back on the plane. thats it. and you can live here in your tower and be miserable forever, write a whole book of sad fucking poems about it. whatever. just say it” “fuck you”

“hes in stupid, unbearable love, and henry loves him too, and at least for one night it matters, even if they both have to pretend to forget in the morning”

“dont miss it this time. hes too important”

the copy of le monde

“thats not good enough for me”

“i honestly have never thought i deserved to choose. but you treat me like i do”

“what about you’ he says, as if he doesnt know-”

“diaz, you insane, hopeless, romantic little shit. it had better be forever. be safe”

prince consort road

i need someone to love my rambling like alex loves henrys rambling

everything about james I because i was obsessed before this book but now i really really am

“oh yeah. the top list of reasons to love you goes brain, then dick, then imminent status as a revolutionary gay icon” “you are quite literally queen victorias worst nightmare”

bringing up david and jonathan yes ma’am

can i please slow dance in this room please its all im asking

“two homes side by side”

“hey, have i told you lately that youre brave” afTER HENRY SAYING HE COULD USE SOME OF HIS BRAVERY AGHHHHH

“it is, indeed, bullshit”

“what is it american politicians say?- thoughts and prayers”

“and im there, using up your shampoo and making you come to the grocery store with me”

“here lies prince henry of wales. he died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock”

“because im not like the rest of the men in this family, beginning with the fact that i am very deeply gay, philip”

the rooms the rooms henry putting the bad memories in the rooms and then the vase THE WATERLOO VASE BECAUSE ITS TOO BIG FOR THE PALACE AND NOWHERE IN THE PALACE COULD HOLD HIS FEELINGS FOR ALEX AHHHHH

“happy and animated and so alive, a person living in dimensions i couldnt access”

“i thought, this is the most incredible thing i have ever seen and i better keep it a safe distance away from me. i thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire”

“and then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. can you believe it?”

“you love so much bigger than yourself”

henry being a beautiful writer and alex being a list maker is everything. play to your strengths i guess

speaking of lists: THE LIST THE LIST THE LIST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alex realizing how he brushed him off in attempts to make him feel better and how he accidentally hurt him too and acknowledging that and apologizing. we love a healthy relationship

“im calling you as soon as i send this, but i know you like to have these things written down” yes

“did you get engaged?” “*shrugs* i had the weekend off”

zahra calling alex princess 😭😭

“oh fuck my ass” more great zahra content

alex being strong for henry in the car and calming him down instead of making it about himself when hes freaked and disgusted (and kinda violent) too 🥺

“you’re it okay? im never gonna love anybody else in the world like i love you. so, i promise you, one day we’ll be able to just be, and fuck everyone else”

“you do realize youre talking to a united states senator” “yeah, big fucking man”

the way alex tells raf is so intense and so them

“topography on the map of you, a world im still charting”

“your spine’s a ridge id die climbing”

“give yourself away sometimes sweetheart. theres so much of you”

“ik this is a sad part but “you horny little miscreant”

“what did you do?” what did he do?

“gay defcon five”

alex reacting to the leak decimates me every time its so heartbreaking but its written so well

“do you feel forever about him?” “yeah, i do” “then fuck it”

zahra pulls through frfr with the plan to go to london

“listen up you fuck” so affectionate

“i will personally make your balls into fucking earrings. i will scorched earth your entire motherfucking life”

“she pauses, presumably to listen to him agree because alex cant imagine him doing anything else”

“sweet and posh and shaky and confused”

“sweetheart”

actually just the entire phone call. the whole thing. true love

zahra and alex have such a fantastic dynamic

bea was fr finna hit philip with a guitar

when they see each other after the leak😭 dont talk to me

the description of grief when youre young and how it changes you is so perfect and concise and beautifully worded and it makes me cry

“i love him, with all that, because of all that. on purpose. i love him on purpose”

“six feet of boy curled around kicked in ribs and a recalcitrant heart”

“alex’s ears are ringing”

the way she pointed out that philip said “if youre gay” i never even noticed this but people do this!! all the time!! irl! its so demeaning

“fuck off, philip, i love him” w his chin stuck out <3

“we’ll take the raping and the pillaging and the colonizing, we’ll scrub it up nice and neat in a museum, but oh, no, youre a bloody poof? thats beyond our sense of decorum” get his ass!!!!

“you can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse, philip. im done” GET HIS ASS!!!!!!

*buttons jacket* “for what its worth, that is the bravest son of a bitch ive ever met”

“we banged it out last night”

gotta hand it to catherine, she chose a hell of a time to come back to life

“the princess who ran away with james bond”

“ive been gay as a maypole since the day i came out of mum, philip”

“in the silence that follows, alex has to bite down very hard on his tongue to suppress the urge to laugh hysterically”

alex “we could still do that” claremont-diaz

“i dont care for that tone at all” put him in his place catherine!

page 354= the page i finally started sobbing the first time i read it

seriously how is everyone in the better timeline not sobbing into their hands seeing these rallies

“wouldn’t i mum? wouldn’t you like to find out” ajshdjfbshjbfskbf

“ya know, i think all that cocaine i did must have really done a number in my reflexes” LMAO

never tell me the odds

“dc dykes on bikes chase protestors” yes ma’am

to be continued

12 notes · View notes

theosb0rnway · 1 year

Text

Highlights of my ZeroZeroZero Reactions

So over my break, I got to watch all 8 episodes of 000 quite a lot and it's definitely becoming my new obsession. I thought I could take a minute to go over my highlights that I can remember from watching every episode, including when I got drunk on New Year's Eve/Day and watched most of the series.

Disclaimer: I only watch the scenes that feature Chris Lynwood (because he's hot) or the Lynwood family, so my views of the show are valid, but incomplete.

Regular Watches

Episode 1: So I watched this with my mother once because she likes watching Dane with me and she HATED it. I however, loved it.

Edward gives me a very strange feeling and I felt very wary of him in this episode, I couldn't really pinpoint my opinions about him beyond that.

As someone who has gone to my local casino many times when I was younger and bet like... 5 dollars on horses, it's SUPER cool to see that in a show! I know exactly how Edward and Chris felt, but I usually made my own bets and never bet on the same horse as my parents unless it was the main favorite to win.

I love the use of Chris's hearing aid and his ability to lip read. SO cool.

CHRIS SMOKING WEED IN THE CHAIR WITH HIS BOXERS ON SHOWING OFF HIS LEGS HAD ME DEAD. I actually took SO many pictures of that moment-

Chris and Emma are the sweetest siblings and I know it's an opinion, but I think people who say they have no chemistry are DEAD wrong. I love Emma pranking Chris with his hearing aid, that moment is probably my favorite in the entire series and they deserved more happy moments together.

What Emma says to Edward in the car is exactly how I feel, and it starts the terrible chain of lies Emma gets involved with about Chris being with the shipment. This scene made me solidify my more negative feelings towards Edward. His death caught me completely off guard.

Episode 2:

The 5 seconds that they show ladybugs resting in flowers makes me laugh every time.

Y'all, Emma Lynwood gets VERY comfortable laying with corpses in this show. It's crazy. I love that they both lay there and talk though, it's a very bittersweet moment. Especially Chris putting on the watch, that always makes me tear up.

So does his funeral speech, I cry every time. That speech is so depressing but it really makes me think and tune in to my own emotions as well.

Stefano hitting Emma actually makes me scream. I hate that Italian bitch so much you all have no idea.

Emma turning the tables on him made me clap the first time I watched, I love that scene in Da Mimmo's.

I WANT MORE SCENES OF CHRIS GARDENING

Chris's music taste is... interesting, and his clothing taste is immaculate. I love his outfits.

Episode 3:

I only watched this once, a long time ago, so I'm going to skip this one for now.

Episode 4:

Chris looks so hot in that vest I'm DYING

It's interesting to me to see that angry side of Chris because 4 was actually the last episode I ever watched- it was fascinating to see how he was slowly losing control and how his disease kinda started making decisions for him.

The poolside scene makes me smile every time and I can now fully quote Emma quoting Edward-

But it also makes me cry because of Mother Lynwood and how relatable the experience the kids had was. Knowing it might be the last time you ever see a beloved relative.

....... I actually couldn't speak after Chris slapped Emma, I was angry for the entire day after that argument. I'm okay now, but still mildly angry at both of them, Emma for lying and Chris for slapping her.

Episode 5:

God this episode was LONG.

LIZARD, THERE WAS A LIZARD

Chris definitely uses his hearing aid to his advantage and I know he used to take it out all the time if he got tired of listening to Emma or Edward.

It's so sad hearing Chris talk about not wanting to have kids and it really made me think about how many people have to think the same things to themselves, not wanting their kids to suffer or see them suffer.

Poor Omar, man.

Episode 6: Barely any Lynwood scenes, so I'm skipping again.

Episode 7:

This episode is a fucking roller coaster.

I ship Chris and Amina SO HARD it's not even funny. They're so cute together and they need way more screen time.

Chris's man bun is see-through. That is all.

Emma's party/dinner outfit actually terrifies me for no reason.

I LOVE CHRIS AND AMINA DANCING THEY'RE SO CUTE AHHHHHHHHHHH

Reporter: "Oz, what are your thoughts on the last 10 minutes of Episode 7?"

Me: "..... NO COMMENT- *goes and cries myself to sleep with my Dane DeHaan pillow*

Episode 8:

DING DONG THE BITCH IS DEAD, THANK YOU DON MINU

DEAD STEFANO

But also, Emma Lynwood just not dropping her business facade. That's impressive.

Drunk Watch

Episode 1:

...... I called Edward a pussy-

I also called him a horse boy because there's so many horse things in his room.

I kept staring at Chris in boxers and bad jokes ensued.

I laughed extra hard at my favorite scene between Chris and Emma

I found some symbolism in Emma's outfits because of course I did.

I watched the last scene between Emma and Edward and I had completely forgot about it so it was just me going "Yes, Emma!" for 3 minutes-

Episode 4:

I watched Chris in his vest and ranted about how many freckles he has.

I had to watch Chris asking for weed because of course I did.

I pretended to be Edward when Emma was quoting him and I cried again during the poolside scene

That is all-

Episode 7:

This was my best one because I watched the most scenes from it.

I called Chris a stalker for watching Amina through the window-

I corrected Emma's pronunciation of "Thanksgiving"

THE EMPHASIS IS ON THE "GIVING"

Chris's man bun had all my attention that night

Emma still scares me, but drunk, she terrified me in her dress

"Oh my God IS THAT GUY NEXT TO HER ON THE COUCH STEFANO- oh, nevermind."

I danced in my livingroom as Chris and Amina danced and I had so much fun

I criticized Chris's choice of footwear AGAIN

My little sibling @collector-of-muses-and-others knows how much I hate Chris's sandals

"YOU'RE ON A DATE AND YOU FUCKING WEAR THOSE- OH MY GOD"

I took a 5 minute break to eat 2 spoonfuls of pomegranates because yeah I drank coffee and had pomegranates as a 1 am snack.

Then I watched Chris and Amina kiss and went to bed shortly after-

Oh and let us not forget

MY WIFI CUT OUT AT ONE POINT TOO so I had to fix it drunk.

Fun times!!

#Zerozerozero #Chris Lynwood #Emma Lynwood #Edward Lynwood #Dane DeHaan #andrea riseborough #Oz Watches - ZeroZeroZero

8 notes · View notes

blackllghtburns · 1 year

Text

Sorry to come on here and complain literally for the 5,000th time but. I just hate the holidays. These bad feelings have been kinda brewing since Thursday but they’re just bubbling over now. And ultimately I know it’s my fault for letting the thoughts get to me. But the holidays just suck when you’re alone. Not even just romantically but irl friend-wise too. and it’s all left me just kinda feeling real pathetic

There’s just something weirdly alienating about seeing everyone with their families and the lives they’ve built for themselves and meanwhile I’m just like. Here. My sister made an offhanded comment at our christmas eve party about how she met her husband right after she bought her first house at 24 and how they’re about to celebrate their 10 year anniversary and like. That was Not directed at me and not trying to make anyone feel bad whatsoever, she was just talking. And being happy about her life. Which is great! But it made me feel so damn bad. Like not to beat a dead fucking horse but it really does feel so bad to be 25 and just have nothing to show for it. And then the goddamn guilt that comes WITH feeling bad. Because I don’t want to tear down anyone else’s accomplishments or anything but just. Idk. (Not that I said anything out loud because that would be shitty, but even having these thoughts comes with its own special brand of guilt ngl.)

I just want to not feel so damn worthless. And I do. Because it all just circles back to the fact that deep down I feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me. Maybe there is or maybe there isn’t, but it’s how I feel. And idk man but I just want to be loved. Or if not loved? To at least have some kind of fulfilment in my life instead of this big pit of emptiness that follows me around 24/7. And I’m well aware this is so whiny but it’s how I feel. I know epiphanies don’t just happen where suddenly your life has meaning or whatever but I just hate feeling like a waste of space.

All of this was just kinda exacerbated by the fun holiday edition of Misgendering and I kind of just want to crawl into bed and not move for years. And the fact that I go back to work on Tuesday isn’t helping me any either. Like even as depressed as I’ve been since Thursday it’s at least been solace that I didn’t have to work and now that’s coming to an end. Which I guess is ultimately whatever because - it was to be expected. But I’m just bummed out. And ultimately all of this is fine - I’m Fine just needed to write stuff out. But good god I wish brains had off switches.

#i'm fine. just venting #anyway.#gonna go lay down.#don't mind me i'm just a lonely scrooge as always

7 notes · View notes

bates--boy · 11 months

Text

5 Pieces of Fiction that Influenced You as a Writer and Why?

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin Really, anything written by Jemisin, but particularly this book because its plot sort of resembles Hetalia -- avatars of lands (major cities and boroughs in this case) who develop immortality and coming together in a war. However, there is just soooo much going into this story, like an alien creature who uses white supremacy and gentrification to try to defeat the heroes, awesome superpowers, and tiny elements of hip-hop sprinkled in. Overall, there's this magical realism to this story and a lot of Jemisin's works because of her incredible worldbuilding.

Bojack Horseman Yeah, this show fucked me up, so much so that I'm almost too afraid to give it a rewatch despite really wanting to. It's such a silly premise -- a (literal) one-trick pony becomes a miserable has-been celebrity drowning in booze -- but somewhere along the way, the writers thought, "This show could be so much more" and never looked back. It went from funny horse puns, slapstick comedy, and really uncomfortable bestiality scenes (does it count if the animals are anthropomorphized?) to realistic and even controversial topics like the heartbreak of being infertile, of the public opinion about abortions, and living with depression and other mental illnesses. Then the show dove even darker: generational trauma, the results of untreated disorders, childhood sexual abuse, and drug overdoses.

(So many people failed Sarah Lynn for her entire life! So. Many. People!! And I don't care that they're fictional, I will never forgive any of them!!)

God, did this show hurt, but it showed that people's tics and flaws came from somewhere, and it made me ask myself: so, what made Peter tic? Before this blog's remake, Peter was just a weirdo guy who got into bad moods and wasn't the type of muse to jump into bed with anyone. At first, it was just funny, having this sex-shy but foul-mouthed guy, but then I realized that this had to have come from somewhere. So, I had to look at some of the canon stuff with a new eye, seeing how would being semi-abandoned in a fort miles away from land for most of his childhood affect him as an adult. Why would a person who grew up in a religious setting choose to not only turn away from religion, but hate religion as a concept vehemently? What are the things that happened in the decades that Peter grew up in that broke him and shaped his worldview? The show made me think: which parts of Peter are his eccentric self, and which parts are a cry for help?

Most of all, this show raised the question: what are you going to do about that? Some people delve deeper into addictions, some give up, some find healthier ways to move on from the hurt and start their lives over.

The Invisibles by Grant Morrison It's more like bits and pieces of this series had influenced my writing, rather than the whole story. I mainly borrowed from Lord Fanny (her unabashed love for wild styles and femininity) and Jack Frost (wild child with a love of hip-hop and many other American-centric media). But mostly from Jack Frost, because I love the idea that Peter, who is this personification of rebellion, an underdog, would absolutely love the most counterculture thing in Western society: anti-government, anti-white supremacy rap that makes the upper echelons clutch their pearls. This music that speaks of The Struggle that punk rock simply can't (which, I imagine, is why Jack Frost, a "chav" street punk from a fatherless home who is introduced to readers while he's being arrested and charged, is drawn to the likes of N.W.A).

There's also the fact that, in some way, this series "gave" me permission to go absolutely bonkers with my writing as I want to or see fit. If a guy can write a story about a government/church/alien conspiracy villains poisoning the globe, and the too-cool-for-school counterculture freedom fighters, which includes a genderqueer witch and the reincarnation of Buddha, fighting them, why can't I write something just as off-the-walls wild?

Dessa's discography I'm cheating by saying that, technically, there are stories being told in Dessa's songs. Some of the songs are based on her real life, like "Call Off Your Ghost" and "The Lamb", and others seem to be fictional, like "No Talking Business" and "Sound the Bells". But no matter what, I always come back to her songs when I need inspiration or emotional fuel while writing. Honestly, Dessa's songs had partly inspired The MizFists arc, because I wanted to know what happens if Peter stops self-destructing and uses his love of hip-hop for good? Apparently, a lot happens.

Hetalia by Hidekaz Himaruya At first, I had debated adding this onto the list at all; sure, it's the canon source for the very blog's existence, and one of the reasons I had made an adult!Sealand muse was because I was fascinated by all the potential there could be from the snippets of aged up Sealand Himaruya gave us, but a lot of the time, I feel like my character's deviated from his canon characterization (both his normal age and the bits of his adult portrayal) so much that sometimes, he feels like a whole new character. I had still added it because sometimes, I still draw from the canon to write him as I do now. His canon love for Broadway is why my muse is a performer; his canonical strength of steel is why Peter is able to "tether" to his fort and draw power from it for himself and his daughter. And the way Arthur keeps turning him away and "shooting him down" in canon is why my muse had decided to completely step away from the Kirkland family and lean into the Nordic family even more.

tagged by: @nezumivc103221 Say, thanks!

tagging: @paralianprince @cryingyetcourageous @the-expatriate

#o rly? ( meme )#nothin’ but static ( ooc )#can you tell how much I love bojack horseman?

3 notes · View notes

willowandthesagaofgayyearning · 2 years

Text

My thoughts on Endeavour ep. 3

I really love how Bright is just short and uptight and constantly a little pissed off. Like a big (hah) mood

Why do i feel like Morse is gonna royally fuck something up just bcuz of that monologue

Why is Jakes so pissy all the time are u jealous or sth????

Love how much sass Morse has up his sleeve it’s probably all the self hate and trauma or sth it’s not like i do the same…

Oh god there’s a missile

This family business seems like a dumpster fire and i feel it in my soul

Love how Bright is bragging about meeting the queen and the thing going off without a hitch and then morse sorta smugly just drops ”there’s been a murder🙃”

Bright is way too pissed about it like yeah someone died but take a breath man ik you like solid plans but chiiiillll

Damn Morse really just likes to rub his brains under Bright’s nose

Ok w h y is that worker meeting with the arab prince?? Some important person i forget but why

Morse should just stop talking to women it’s so awkward

Love how Jakes being like get u a girl *hint hint* and Morse is just so confused like that shit never occured to him love that little queer disaster

I feel like Jakes has potential to be a character i like but for now he’s just a bitch for no reason

This annoyed German scientist is a wholeass mood tho

Strange is such a good friend i love him actually

Ugh i hate this beaurocratic arms factory i genuinely couldn’t care less about your business or your disfunctional ass family

Fuck anyone who touched Brenda fuck you

I don’t even know Brenda but SA at work is not ok my brosky

SA anywhere isn’t ok for that matter

Love how nosey Morse is and the fact that it actually helps his investigations

”The union is always threatening action” good, fuck capitalism, unionize

Bright deserves a break too, he’s so responsible and works hard even if he can be a bit of a stickler

But still i want everything for him to be good

I never noticed Morse’s adorable sideburns before but i am now in love with them 🥰

He also looks like a weird mix of David Tennant and Colin Morgan

Also love the subtle ramping up of Morse’s alcoholism, you can just see him having drinks more often than the previous episodes

This post is getting way too long already

You know i really hate that mother, her energy is just so foul… but maybe it’s just my mommy issues speaking.. she reminds me of my mother waaayyy too much

God Morse is just way too awkward around people from his past

Love how Morse’s type is just someone with questionable character and a tragic backstory

That horse is so pretty i’m genuinely so jealous

Ooo damn she’s got some claws i think she’s the only one of the family i don’t despise

Poor Bright, he’s under way too much pressure

Also can i just point out i love how this show frames Morse always slightly to the side and separated to really emphasise how he doesn’t fit in or at least feels he doesn’t

Love the responsible work force manager that stopped the production immediately when there was an accident, still hate the board tho fuck em.

”You deserve more”

”Doubt that”

WHAT’S THAT MORSE?? I CAN’T HEAR YOUR DEPRESSION OVER YOUR SELF-HATE

Damn Thursday’s German is flawless

Also His history shining through the writing so effortlessly like give me that yummy yummy tragic background

Bright please lower your voice my ears can’t take it this late at night 😭

Morse please i beg of you, sort your shit out. This isn’t about anything specific just a general statement about him

God damn these powerful people and covering up the shit they create

There is criminally little interactions between Morse and Strange this episode

Morse literally just got told to sort his shit out before getting in a relationship like that’s what i said too

And he went to the pictures on his own which is just a tiny bit sad but why waste a ticket eh?

Oooo the plot thickens

Awww is Bright warming up to Morse

Then he can have two dads who constantly worry about him

He probably would need at least 3 tho

#morseverse #endeavour morse #endeavour #fred thursday #jim strange #reginald bright #max debryn #peter jakes

12 notes · View notes

thetrashbagswasteland · 2 years

Text

tag 10 people you want to know better

tagged by @korblez, thank you my fellow feral animal

relationship status: single as the last pringle in a box lost down the back of the sofa

favourite colour: Purple! Though I'm partial to a good variety of blues too!!

favourite food: Lasagna! It's all in the meat-pasta-tomato-cheese combo

song stuck in your head: Feed the Machine by Poor Man's Poison - It just won't leave me tf alone

last thing you googled: [horse show ground venue] timetable and travel directions

time: CEST (central european summer time)/GMT+2

dream trip: Ranching holiday in the USA or, failing that, horseback big game safari

last book you read: Sagas of the Icelanders - which are so much fun when you get your head into them (and my head was not in them lmao)

last book you enjoyed reading: Hmmm almost certainly Claude Gueux by Victor Hugo ( part 4 of my annual re-read of my favourite depressed french novels)

last book you hated reading: The third Witcher novel, just exhausting and not my thing as much as I wanted it to be!

Bonus:

favourite thing to cook/bake: I'm pancake god at home but I also do excellent maple spice-cinnamon cake!

favourite craft to do in your spare time: Leatherwork, currently!

most niche dislike: Mint toothpaste. Fucking hate the stuff

opinion on circus(es) now and in history: Circus' existed as a way to allow ppl to see and interact with exotic animals over here - now we have zoos that do a far better job and are more suitable but like, domestic animals doing tricks and people showing off talents is super fun

do you have a sense of direction and if not what is the worst way you ever got lost: I once navigated home at night, in a thunderstorm, down roads I'd never been down before - basically, yes, my sense of direction is my only real talent 😂

People I'd like to get to know better: Anyone who hasn't yet been tagged, see yourselves in this, I'm a nosy bastard!

#ask meme

4 notes · View notes

lythea-creation · 2 years

Text

Always By Your Side - Mikasa Ackerman x fem reader

summary: Mikasa always runs off to protect Eren. Little does she know that you're actually doing the same for her.

warnings: injuries, death of soldiers, just aot

word count: 2.108

Author's note: Feel free to check out my Masterlists and make requests. No reposting please! Reblogging, comments and requests are always appreciated <3 If you like the story/my writing, please don't be shy to say it via comments or asks! It takes you a few seconds and might make my day. It's the best appreciation you can show to a writer you like.

----------

Eren Yeager. This was the name of the person I despised the most. Pretty ironic as his two best friends were also mine, although I considered one of them more than just a friend.

I did not just hate him because he was usually screaming around and behaving like the king of our god forsaken world.

Of course it was annoying, but I could have lived with that if he actually was that strong. In reality his child play was nothing but an illusion. Deep down he knew that he was not almighty and despite having the guts to follow his ideals, he easily drowned in self-pity when he realized that his will and his power did not overlap enough to success.

The problem with that was that he carelessly jumped into every dangerous situation which led Armin and Mikasa and in the end also me to follow him into misery.

Mikasa was the one who used to save Eren's ass whenever he failed. That was the true reason I despised him. If Mikasa might not be able to save him one day it would kill her, either physically or mentally and I could not bear that. So I gave my best to help and support her.

Frustratingly my strength was not sufficient to protect her completely. Today had proven that once again.

“How's Mikasa doing?”, Hannes' voice ripped me out of my depressing thoughts.

“Her injuries aren't severe, although I fear a concussion”, Armin declared.

I was sitting beside him and holding his hand as our eyes were fixated on the unconscious Mikasa.

Only a few minutes ago Reiner and Berthold had turned out to be the Armored and Colossal Titan and captured Eren and Ymir. In the fight many of us had been injured.

I had some burn wounds myself, but nothing that limited me much.

What bothered me more was the overwhelming guilt inside of me. I had not been able to reach Mikasa in time.

“You two didn't eat anything yet, did you?”, Hannes addressed Armin and me. “I'll get you something.”

We shook our heads.

“You should eat something”, he insisted and placed his hands on our heads.

After he had left, my gaze wandered over to the other badly injured.

What were we supposed to do now?

Hanji was unconscious, unable to give us any orders.

The horses were trapped on the other side of the walls.

I knew that Mikasa would be furious when she found out that nobody was following the titan shifters. But it was pointless. Right now there was nothing we could do but wait.

When I woke up Mikasa was sitting at the edge of the wall hugging her knees. Apparently I had been more exhausted than I had wanted to admit.

“Oh, (f/n)! You're awake”, Armin greeted me relieved.

I sent him a small smile before moving over to Mikasa. I saw tears in the corner of her eyes.

“Mikasa? I'm sorry”, I whispered getting her attention.

Her eyes locked on mine for a moment before looking ahead again. “It wasn't your fault. I wasn't able to protect him and now over five hours have passed”, she mumbled.

I inched closer to her and hugged her arm to comfort her and probably also myself.

I hated seeing her like this. If Eren was the one making her happy, I had to get him back no matter what.

“Ah, Mikasa, you're awake”, Hannes' noticed as he approached us and threw something toward us: field rations.

He started talking about the old times and reminded us that Eren would resist and wait for us to help him. His words seemed to work as Armin and Mikasa appeared confident instead of depressed now.

After eating we stood up and waited for the horse elevators to arrive.

Soon later we were on the way toward the forest where Hanji had assumed the titan shifters to rest until night.

I was behind Mikasa together with Jean and Hannes, Armin beside her.

After a while we had to give up on the Long-Distance Enemy Scouting Formation and gather.

The forest was right in front of us, but we were surrounded by titans. Especially the military police had difficulties with that as they was not used to move outside the walls.

We split into two groups evading the titans in front of us and switched over to our ODM Gears as soon as we reached the trees.

Our group also split up to increase our chance of finding Eren and the others. But just as we moved into different directions a scream of a titan erupted.

Without hesitation we approached the source of the scream discovering that it had come from the titan form of Ymir.

We thought that she had escaped Reiner and Berthold until Christa ended up in her mouth.

Unfortunately she was faster than our ODM Gear and as soon as the forest ended she jumped onto the transformed Reiner.

How were we supposed to catch up with them now?

We jumped back onto our horses and quickly rode ahead.

I watched Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie and Sasha move up to Reiner, Ymir, Berthold and Eren, but Hannes stopped me from doing the same. “There's more than one way to protect and support them!”, he shouted.

Far ahead I spotted something that made me anxious. If I could detect them from my spot, they had to be titans.

They were approaching us at a rapid pace and were led by Commandant Erwin. What was he thinking?

After a while Hannes instructed the others to jump down, what they did as soon as they evaluated the situation.

Last second we managed to evade the titans, but the titan shifters were not that lucky and soon surrounded.

But we scouts were not made to stand by and watch. Hesitation was not an option, when our Commandant ordered us to attack.

Reiner had to take his hands away from Berthold and Eren to save them. This was our chance to get him back, but no matter where my eyes were locked on, there was always a titan.

Commandant Erwin instructed us to move forward and use our chance motivating us to continue, although his arm was trapped between the teeth of a titan.

One soldier switched over to his ODMG to save Erwin while we rode into the direction of countless titans.

I heard many around us die, but forced myself to concentrate on my goal of somehow following Mikasa who was evading one titan after another.

When I arrived I saw Berthold dodging her attack.

To my horror Mikasa fell right into the hand of a titan earning a scream of pain from her.

Everything faded from my perception as my body moved on its own and killed the titan.

I caught Mikasa mid-air and landed with her on my horse. “Are you alright?”, I worried.

“Thanks. It's nothing”, she claimed, though I heard the pain in her voice.

Before I could do anything, she jumped off the horse again to catch the falling Eren.

I would never stand a chance against him. I had known that from the beginning, but being confronted with it again and again, hurt.

The titans did not stop attacking me of course. So I was not able to focus on Mikasa.

Reiner had started throwing titans meaning Mikasa and Eren had to be behind us. Otherwise he would not be trying to stop us.

But was it not too risky to throw them at us? After all Eren could get eaten as well.

Here and there I was able to save the life of a military police soldier. Ironic that they had been the best of their year only to die in a real situation while I was still alive and even saved some of them without being under the top ten.

“Eren! Mikasa!” Armin's scream distracted me almost at the risk of my life as I barely dodged the attack of a titan.

As much as I wanted to help Mikasa. I could not do that if I was dead.

When the titan in front of me dropped to the ground I saw Hannes flying over to Eren and Mikasa.

I heard Armin screaming and holding an unconscious Jean. They were defenseless. I had to trust Hannes and help my best friend.

Eren's scream startled me and made me miss my target.

I cut off the titan's hand right before he could get a grip of Armin.

In the distance I saw that no one was flying around the titan in front of Eren and Mikasa anymore. Another titan was approaching them as well. Was it all over now?

It would be pointless to persuade myself that I could reach them in time when I knew painfully well that it was impossible. And even if I could … would I be willing to let Armin and Jean die to save Eren and Mikasa? Why did I even have to think about such cruel decisions?

Suddenly another scream of Eren erupted.

The titan in front of me stopped moving before running toward the source of the noise like all the other titans.

Had Eren just saved us? Dammit! How had the situation escalated like that?

“Armin? Are you alright?” I concentrated back on what was important right now.

“Yeah. Thanks to you. But Jean ...”

“Is he ...?” I did not dare to finish my sentence.

“He's alive”, Armin assured me.

I nodded and whistled hoping to get one or more horses.

To my relief it worked.

I took Jean from Armin's arms and helped him to get Jean with him onto the horse.

Then I got onto one myself and took another one with me for Eren.

When I arrived next to the duo, Eren was carrying Mikasa on his back.

“Eren!”, I made him aware of me and extended my hand to get Mikasa on my horse.

When Eren simply stared at me I requested him to hurry. After all we did not know how long the titans would concentrate on Reiner and Berthold.

Eren put Mikasa behind me and got onto the other horse.

I moved Mikasa's hands to my waist and reminded her to hold on.

She rested her head on my back and embraced me tightly making me blush.

Luckily no one paid attention to it as they were too busy with escaping.

Back inside the walls Eren took Mikasa off my horse.

I followed them silently to the infirmary.

As soon as Mikasa's wounds had been treated Armin joined us. “Eren. Commandant Erwin wants to see you.”

The two boys left Mikasa and me alone as I promised them to watch over her.

Mikasa's hand gently touched my burned cheek. “You should get a treatment yourself.”

“I'm fine”, I assured her with a smile and placed my hand over hers. “I'm sorry that I wasn't fast and strong enough. I failed you two times in one day”, I recalled disappointed.

Her face displayed confusion as her hand left my face. “What do you mean? You saved my life.”

“And let you get hurt”, I reminded her.

“When did saving me become your job?”, she questioned with a soft scowl.

I averted her eyes. “It's not your job to protect Eren either, is it? But you still do it because you love him”, I stated.

My gaze moved over to her for a second and I immediately noticed her blush.

She hid her face in her scarf. “I just don't want to lose him. He's the only family I've left”, she admitted.

“I know.” I sighed. “Just don't forget that I'm here, okay? I promise you that I won't run away or leave you behind. No matter what it is, if it makes you happy, I'll help you with it”, I swore to both of us.

“Eren always rushes away from me and I can do nothing but follow if I don't want to give him up. It hurt me and still does. I never realized I did the same with you”, Mikasa proclaimed and took my hand.

That made me face her again giving me the possibility to adore her smile.

“Thank you, (f/n). For not giving up on me.”

Before I could overthink it I kissed her.

Countless emotions exploded inside of me when she actually kissed me back.

After a while she pulled back with soft eyes and a loving smile. “Please never stop staying by my side.”