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narcpocalypse · 2 months

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Speaking of that post I hope it's ok for me to send this ask in!

I have some OCs myself that also have NPD(+other PDs as well, like ASPD AND BPD for example) and I was wondering how to realistically portray NPD without unintentionally stigmatizing/demonizing it?

*also some are also POC as well and are my Elder Scrolls OCs also, if this helps.*

Feel free to delete this ask, if you don't feel like answering!

AGHHH MY FIRST ASK!!!!!!!!/pos

Fair warning, this is going to be a LONGGGG ass post and it will mention ableism towards NPDers. I want to make sure I cover as much as possible. If you have NPD and want to add anything, pls do so in a reblog or the comments! I am also super delirious so if what I say makes no sense I'm so sorry 😭

I think a full, completely in depth understanding is the key to not writing something stigmatizing/demonizing. It sounds obvious, but in the case of NPD, there's so much misinformation so I am hoping this post can guide you in the writing process. You never know what little thing can cause accidental mischaracterization.

This is a super important topic for me because honestly, I'm trying to figure out the same as someone with NPD myself, even with all the info available. I feel like there's so much grey area because so much is still unknown about the disorder (fuck the psych system/narc abuse believers). A lot of us have to go from our personal experiences and figure things out on our own, which brings me to my first topic:

Self Diagnosis And The Criteria!!!!!!!!

A LOT of us are self diagnosed, including myself. Whether you're officially diagnosed or not, most of us can agree the DSM5 is booty ass. I bring up self diagnosis specifically because due to the DSM5 being shitty, it's suuuper difficult to get diagnosed or even want a diagnosis. I personally don't want one.

If that's a theme you want to bring up in your work, I would definitely follow blogs here that break down the diagnostic criteria and re-define it in a realistic way. Having this is super important because the DSM5 is MADDD confusing even if it wasn't ableist.

Your characters might resonate with that confusion and even anger. Rage is such a prominent emotion with us narcissists, so its highly encouraged you tap into that. The stigma is so impactful to most of us and personally keeps me hidden.

If you went off the official criteria, you could innocently and accidentally write an ableist trope based off the DSM5. For example, the DSM5 has a very vague and "I do this just because I can blah blah blah and there's a name for it" narrative of narcissists. There's no nuance. They state accurate symptoms but don't accurately explain why we have them. Without context, it makes our intentions ultimately one size fits awful.

Here are some resources that have been super helpful to me!

Some extra specific things I keep in mind when writing my narcissistic characters:

-“Bad behavior” is such an important phrase to emphasize when writing narcissists negative symptoms and being mindful on how you approach the impact. Make sure that phrase is clear, even if they will not redeem themselves and are a piece of garbage. They did xyz because of bad behavior due to symptoms, they hurt john doe because of bad behavior due to symptoms. They make the conscious choice not to change their bad behavior because abc or they make the conscious choice to do better because blah blah blah.

-Depending on what communication style you want two or more characters to have, make sure the outcomes are accurate based off of symptoms. My examples don't explain narcissists as a whole, but they are based off of my symptoms:

Lack of Communication: Increase in superiority symptoms, increase in rage, increase in invalidation and inferiority feelings. Other parties, specifically egotypicals may have a misconception of the narcissist and believe their symptoms are how they really are and can't be redeemed due to stigma. In the situation involving a narcissist however, in my experience when this happens I'm always so confused. Nothing makes sense and nobody is explaining anything to me. I need outside perspective as to why my actions are wrong and lack of communication will sink me deeper into my delusions. Communication is so important coming from the outside perspective to snap me out of my spiral. Lack of communication on my end will cause me to bottle up my feelings, convinced I’m better alone. Not explaining my intentions (or lack there of, to be completely blunt and vulnerable.) to someone I hurt can cause them so much more pain too. I don't want to hurt anyone, and even if I don't FEEL sorry, I can acknowledge I don't want the people I care for to be hurt by my bad actions.

Proper Communication: Honestly in my case, usually the damage I caused isn’t forgiven however rebuilding that trust becomes so much easier accepting that and opening up to the person/people I hurt. The narcissist usually knows they can prevent xyz going forward, and the other party is prepared on how to handle the situation in case it happens again. In my experience, communication is super beneficial in terms of receiving supply too. ESPECIALLY when the other person involved is also a narcissist, they know that pain of not receiving praise/admiration and we can understand each other moving forward.

Other narcissists I encourage you give your experience w this too bc I have seen very diff ones!

-If you want to implement characters who are ableist towards the narcissist, some things I would do are:

Show the narcissists internal monologue after the trauma and put your main focus on their emotions, the ableist person’s actions second. The weight of their words will be shown more in the trauma response, less in the moment (although super important). Focus the context on the narc crash, anxiousness, surprise, grandiosity overcompensation, etc.

Have other characters defend the narcissist, preferably being other narcissists because we are the ones who understand each other the most and back each other up no matter what

Show the importance of proper education and lack of education

Ask yourself how this is relevant to the plot and your character/characters

-Ask yourself, why does/doesn't my character want to be redeemed? Is it a symptom or is it genuine? Do they want to do better but don't recognize it? Why don't they recognize it? What symptoms are holding them back from xyz (social connections, self care etc.).?

Examples of answers to these questions:

My character doesn't want to be redeemed because they are convinced they are justified in their actions. They genuinely believe they did the right thing and need time to get out of that mindset. What's stopping them from getting out of that mindset is the delusion they are stuck in. Working on their trauma triggers can help lessen the blow and onset of psychosis. If they recognize they are wrong, my character is the type of person to crash and have suicidal urges. There is a slow build up before the crash that spirals into madness. What may help is getting supply from their friends/partners reassuring them that recognizing their bad actions are a first step followed by praise for things outside of the situation to bring them back to a solid baseline or narc high.

My character has a hard time socializing because when having an episode of grandiosity, they feel like they are better than everyone and no one is at their level. In episodes of insecurity, they feel like they don't deserve friends because they feel worthless. This is followed by perfectionism and seeking unwanted friendships, only to self-destruct and hurt those around them. Their ego impacts everything they do.

-SHAMEEEE is one of the most important emotions (in my experience) to write about so pls make that an important part of how your character views themselves!

-I know I have been only focusing on negative aspects, but also do highlight the positive aspects. For me, NPD has motivated me to work on myself. It isn’t the healthiest way, but given my circumstance, it is the healthiest I can do right now. Even my most wild and delusional thoughts can lead to great opportunities for self improvement. Thinking I’ll become famous? Gave myself tools to work on my executive dysfunction and be consistent with a project I love. Narc highs are also absolutely incredible. Finding folks who understand me and receiving praise has kept me going. I genuinely feel listened to. Narcissists are some of the nicest people you will ever meet because they know what it feels like to hate themselves. No matter how little empathy some of us have, that doesn’t mean we can’t acknowledge one another (even if my symptoms make me feel so singular in my experiences/contradict the point of acknowledging others).

More info to represent different kinds of NPDers:

Some common comorbidities are:

Autism Spectrum

Bipolar Disorder

Schizophrenia Spectrum

DID/OSDD

All Cluster B Disorders

Eating Disorders and Addictions

So many of us are autistic. SO MANY. This small survey statistic doesn’t scratch the surface but it’s important to look at!

As an autistic person myself, I feel like a lot of the trauma I faced growing up highly contributed to the development of NPD. I was othered, shunned, invalidated and shamed for just existing. Still am. That made me overcompensate with erratic attempts to be wanted and loved and just acknowledged in any way possible. I want to be SEEN.

If anyone wants an in depth post sharing my experiences with bipolar disorder and NPD I will absolutely do so if asked too!

How NPD affects my gender itself, dysphoria and sexuality:

In my experience as a fat trans man, a lot of my dysphoria is rooted in narcissism, internalized fatphobia and internalized toxic masculinity. I want to be the ideal boyfriend that is praised for existing. My male privilege definitely contributes to that want and I can acknowledge and dislike that part of myself. I expect this certain level of respect for being a man without realizing it sometimes and make sure to hold myself accountable when doing so. My dysphoria makes me feel inferior to other men because I don't "pass" and I feel the need to compete against them. The insecurity is consuming me and I do my best to be aware if I cross any lines.

What I have noticed about gender and sexuality in NPDers is that a lot yall are aroace and nonbinary! Like based off of my survey alone and people I know!

I asked one of my mutuals if it wanted to share his experiences of being a POC with NPD and it agreed!! He wanted to stay anonymous (aka super duper awesomely cool and mysterious) so I’ll just be posting the ss of what he said!

I do not have much to say on the response from my mutual because I feel like what it said speaks for itself and because we've spoken in private about the topic already! If you want to write an Asian character with NPD, this is really useful information!!!! One day I will make a post elaborating on being a POC with NPD myself. But, for now, this will help you understand an experience from an Asian perspective.

I hope this post wasn't all over the place and makes sense, if you have any more questions please ask away!

#npd awareness #writing tips #writing characters with npd #writing npd #npd solidarity #ask giles #narcposting #narcissistic personality disorder #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #actually cluster b #npd safe #cluster b #cluster b safe #narc

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never-ending-fanfic · 3 months

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For the WIP Ask Game anything to share on ‘Five things the Spectres found out about Kallus and one he told them himself’? I’m always obsessed with Kallus slowly opening up the Ghost crew

Oh thanks for asking! 🩷 And yes, I absolutely do have stuff to share about that! And I agree, Kallus slowly getting closer with the Ghost Crew is something so dear

With this one, it's a 5+1 fic and the main theme is- as the title says- things about Kallus that he keeps to himself and the Ghost Crew uncovers. I have a list of things abut Kallus attached to the crew members

Past- Ezra (it's mostly connected to his backstory as a Sewer Rat/Street Kid in the lower levels on Coruscant- my favourite trope ever)

Guilt- Sabine (I like to think about Sabine and Kallus Being Besties™- and there's such a huge potential too. Kallus and Sabine both being defectors and having similar pasts- at least about academy and the Empire- us just so much to work with! So here Sabine catches Kallus having a quiet panic attack ambecause he spiralled himself down to it with overthinking- she helps him calm down and they talk about defecting from the Empire and the guilt that comes with changing sides)

Overworking- Rex (the clone captain wanders around the base because he can't sleep, he figures he might take a calm, quiet walk at night- and then he sees Kallus sitting on the floor outside of the Intelligence HQ with a datapad and a few pages of reports on flimsi- he asks what he's doing there, since it's already around midnight and he looks like he needs sleep. Kallus says that he needs to work and that Draven literally pushed him out of the room when he was closing it for the night so Kallus just stayed and worked here- Rex rightfully calls it stupid and forces Kallus to have a walk with him- they take a break around the temple and as they sit and watch the base and the nature and the stars Kallus falls asleep on Rex's shoulder- this is also a friendship I cherish in fics, okay? 🩵)

Food- Kanan (when they eat in the mess or on the Ghost and Kallus is with them, Kanan notices something- he might be blind but he's the first one to realise that Kallus barely eats. And so he carries on with an idea already forming in his head and alongside that he realises Kallus never asks for medical help either or any help for that matter. Like he's trying to make himself as little liability as possible. He corners Kallus about that and after a lot of pushing, Kqllus finally breaks out a "I don't want you to waste resources on me". Oh believe me, they're gonna have a long talk)

Birthday- Hera (it's a foreign thing for Kallus to celebrate one's birthday- because the Empire sucks- and so after seeing how strange and out of place he looked when the crew threw a party for Sabine, Hera made a point to look through his file and throw him a party when it's his birthday 💚)

+1 Name- Kallus shares with Zeb (I just NEED Zeb to be the one to hear that, okay? A name is something so important about one's identity amd person and Zeb having shared his name of Bahryn with Kallus is just gonna make a full circle when Kallus shares his name with Zeb)

I love this wip dearly and I might work on it soon, since you already reminded me of its existence 🩷💕🩷

#star wars #star wars rebels #star wars fanfiction #alexsandr kallus #kallus #agent kallus #garazeb orrelios #zeb orrelios #sabine wren #hera syndulla #ezra bridger #kanan jarrus #captain rex

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folkwhorerain · 1 year

Text

I wish I knew you wanted me.

tess servopoulos x gn!reader.

gif not mine.

Summary: you have always liked Tess, but you were certain she liked Joel so you never made a move. When the lunch with two new people she's been talking to lead to a sensitive topic, your crush for the woman might get exposed.

Warnings: language (?), angst but with a fluffy end.

Author's note: I only wrote 3 fanfictions in my entire life so I'm sorry if this is lame or the writing isn't as good as you expected, but I promise I tried hard to at least make you enjoy an idea that's been in my head since I saw episode three. This was requested by me in a post I made a few days ago but then I pulled a Thanos and said "fine, I'll do it myself".

One last thing, English is not my first language so I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes. I tried my best to fix any error I could find.

Enjoy!!

You and Tess didn't have friends… or rather, you didn't have friends beside Joel. So when you heard her say she was talking to a man over the radio you couldn't believe your ears.

"Him and his partner seem nice." Tess informed you, cleaning the counter next to the one you were sitting on. "If this goes well they could be a really good resource for us."

Us. Obviously she was talking about her and Joel, but you got a sparkle of hope she meant you as well, if just as a friend you didn't mind kinda.

”I thought we couldn't trust anyone." You told her the same words she told you not a long time a ago, wiggling your feet nervously.

She laughed. "Joel said the same." And with that she placed the rag into the sink. "He's not too please with this situation either, but I made up my mind."

Tess was the one who often made decisions for both you and Joel. Since you met her a few years ago, when you finally found the QZ, you can't recall the times when she really gave the opportunity for Joel to change plans when smuggling shit… or just in general. She liked to boss him around and, since you became her friend, she did the same with you. Not that you cared, though. She was better than you at making tough decision and you were better than her at getting her out of her shell when she needed it.

That's why your duo worked and you were great together. It would be amazing if you didn't have that stupid crush on her. It would've been even more fantastic if she didn't have a crush on Joel, or so you thought.

You sighed, licking your lips. You were tapping nervously the marble you were sitting on with your index finger, thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong. "We're not fucking going, Tess."

•••

That conversation was a few days ago, but giving the fact that she can be very convincing and you can't say no to her, there you were: sitting at the table with Joel and Tess and two people who you learnt were Bill and Frank.

You had to admit the place was nice and well taken care of. Frank was a sweet person with so much love for the little things, Bill was quite the opposite with a paranoid nature, but cooked a meal that made your mouth water just by the sight.

Overall, you felt comfortable with them. Mostly Frank because Bill hasn't stopped staring at you, Tess and Joel like he wanted to shoot you for the entire time, and the gun he kept on the table like he was the hunter and you were the preys didn't really help either.

"Thank you for inviting us" said Tess, taking a sip of the wine Frank just poured in her glass a few moments before. "I gotta say that, gun aside, which I get by the way," she stopped to look at Bill, hoping all her gratitude could be felt by the most cynic one of the couple. "How nice it is to have a civilized meal in such a beautiful place."

Seeing how much Tess was relaxed with the presence of the men, you smiled a little. "Yeah, thank you for the warmth you showed us, too. We really needed that." You said, which was gladly appreciated by Tess, knowing that it has been hard for you agreeing to this meeting.

Joel, on the other hand, remained silent, looking at Bill the entire time. The whole situation started to look more like a staring competition.

Bill just put the gun off the table, not letting his walls down that easily just for a speech that, if you didn't know Tess enough to tell she was serious, could fairly enough pass for a fake praise.

"Well…" Frank smiled, taking Bill's hand who just side eyed him. "It's nice to see there's still decent people willing to work peacefully and help others. Help that will be returned, of course."

You let out a small thank you, not really being the talkative one of the group. Then Frank added something that made you almost choke on your food and your heart drop to your stomach.

"It's also nice to see a great couple like you and Joel try to fight for love in a shitty situation like the one we're living in."

You could've noticed Tess cringe slightly at that if your eyes didn't start watering.

If only he knew how her walls only crumbled down when she was with you. How she muttered an "I love you" whenever you passed out after a drinking competition with Joel or how she would steal your shirts because "mine are all stained with the blood of some motherfucker I hit during smuggling" when, in reality, she felt safe whenever she worn anything yours.

"Excuse me." You let out a shaky breath before getting up and fast walking to the back of the house.

Joel glanced at Tess and nodded to the brunette to check on you. She sighed quitely before smiling politely and excusing herself.

You were about to crumble when you felt a firm hand grab your arm, making you turn around.

"Hey, what has gotten into you?" Tess asked you with a concerned look.

You didn't answer. You couldn't or else you would've had to tell her why your heart ached everytime someone thought her and Joel were together and how you wished she never realises they might be right.

"What? Cat got your tongue or there's a fucking clicker around?” she whispered the last part, teasing you like she always did, a fake worry on her face to disguise the real concern she felt for you.

"Ah-ah! Very funny, Theresa!" You turned around again, not having the strength to look at her when your tears were urging to come out.

"Uh-oh!" she said, her teasing nature never leaving her. "You only call me by my full name when you're angry."

When she saw you weren't giving her an answer anytime soon, she frowned. She knew you could be as secretive as her, therefore she never forced you to talk about whatever was bothering you, but now it was different; as much as she didn't want to admit it, not knowing what was bothering you was killing her.

"Look, I know something's bothering you and I need to know, 'cause the silent treatment is getting fucking annoying." Her tone was firm and calm, but you could hear that hint of annoyance that was haunting her. "If I did something wrong—"

"You didn't do anything." You sighed, running a hand through your hair. The pressure you felt become unbearable when you closed your eyes to try and ease your headache that, of course, become persistent like the brunette who was waiting for some sort of explanation.

"Well, okay. Then what is it?" She placed both her hands on her hips, staring at you with so much force you thought you could turn into pudding in that very moment. You hated the effect she had on you. It was worse than the symptoms cordyceps caused. She was the reason you could lose your mind at any moment, the only reason you could really get violent if any motherfucker even tried to hurt her.

"Y/N."

"You and Joel are so cute together!" You mocked what Frank said minutes before, the thought making you groan in frustration.

She looked at you with a puzzled expression, not understanding where the conversation was going. "What are you—"

Then it hit her. There was a deeper meaning to the harsh glances you always gave Joel whenever he would look at Tess much more for your liking. Now she understood why you never wanted her to go smuggling with him alone and she understood the reason of your overprotective nature anytime she was in trouble.

"Oh, I see…"

The frown on your face was inevitable when she stepped so close to you that you had to take a few steps back. Her stare was now holding a new light you didn't know the meaning of yet. "You're jealous."

The stupid smile adorning her face was infuriating. She was pleased by your jealousy? And for what? So she could tease you everyday for not feeling the same? So she could get even more clingy to Joel just to hurt you?

Her face softened when she saw your eyes were glossy, placing her hands on both your cheeks when you tried to hide your face.

"I wish I knew…" she breathed out, placing a strain of hair behind your ear. The sudden serious expression and the sweetness in her gestures surprised you.

Your head immediately snapped at her. "Why? So you and Joel can throw your relationship in my face?!"

She was a little taken aback by the hint of bitterness in your words, incredolus you would actually think she'd play you like that.

"You really think I would do that?" The hurt on her voice was evident, even though she tried to hide it with a harsh glance.

You shrugged your shoulder. You knew you weren't thinking clearly. Tess, your Tess, the one who has always been there for you through thick and thin, who helped you process your loved one's deaths, the one who almost killed a civilian who tried to rob you of your ration cards, she would never hurt you like that.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to ease the tension you felt on your shoulders. Angry at yourself for how your irrationality was getting the best of you. "No, you wouldn't."

"Good." She smiled briefly at your words. "There's nothing between me and Joel, Y/N. Quite the opposite… he's been fucking teasing me for months about my stupid crush on you."

You widened your eyes, not believing what she just confessed. You tried to process her words as fast as possible, then a smirk crossed your face. "So you like me, ms. Servopoulos?"

She rolled her eyes at you and took you by the collar of your shirt. "Fuck you."

You laughed at that, feeling like the weight of the world got off of you.

"You really never noticed?" She had this incredulous expression in her face and you suddenly felt dumb. Did you really never notice? Did that mean that the times she would touch your hand for a time too long to be considered just an affectionate gesture hid something deeper? That the steady looks she gave people in the streets who looked at you too much for her liking were just a consequence of her jealousy and not her just being the wary woman she has always been?

"No? I mean, you've always been so secretive with… basically everything!" You tried to defend yourself.

She laughed like you said the funniest joke she ever heard. "Y/N, you're so fucking oblivious!"

Now you were embarrassed as fuck. How could you be so stupid?

"But it's cute." She was quick to add when she noticed how mortified you looked.

You watched her carefully with a slight pink covering your cheeks and noticed her eyes shifted briefly to your lips, so you took the opportunity to ask something you wanted to ask for a really long time.

"Can I kiss—"

"Shut the fuck up." And with that she kissed you.

Suddenly the world went quiet and the hole you felt right in your chest was fullfilled by a feeling you have been chasing since you heard of it, but never had the pleasure to experience. All your life you've been seeking for survival, you thought the only thing that mattered was going on and not getting killed, but you were wrong. Oh boy, you were so wrong. You didn't seek for survival, you seeked for Tess' left hand on your neck when she deepened the kiss, you seeked for the wine hanging on her tongue when she explored the insides of your mouth, you seeked for her other hand grabbing your hips in a way that took your breath away. You seeked for the gasps only her she could let you out from now on. You seeked to live for her and with her for as long as the fate would allow the both of you.

When you broke the kiss and opened your eyes, you felt stupid for not realising the love and admiration she felt for you. It was all there, you could see it in her eyes how she craved you like a starving woman. How she wanted to get into you, to be all over your body and grow into your lungs, brain and heart, not leaving room for any other person who could have your smiles and good days alongside your bad ones. You saw how she wanted to claim you and cherish you. How she wanted to worship you like a believer does with God.

You gave her one last kiss and then hugged her, placing both your hands on her hips like the clingy person you could be around her.

"You already want to get into my pants?" She teased you, raising an eyebrow. "Geez Y/N. Take me to a fucking date first or shits like that."

"You idiot." You shook your head, giving her a peck on the lips. "Shall we go back to the table?"

She nodded, kissing the back of your hand. "We shall."

When you got back to where three men where waiting, Joel gave you and the brunette a knowing look and you slightly nodded at him.

"You okay, Y/N?" Frank asked you with a genuine concern you appreciated.

You just looked at Tess with a stare that said more than words could ever do.

"I'm more than okay."

Frank looked at the two of you and grinned, taking a bite of his steak, realising the mistake he made before you left the table.

"Well, I guess I got the person wrong."

Tess briefly chuckled at that, giving you one last look that held all the love she never knew she could feel again towards someone.

"You did."

Well, that was it. I hope it satisfied your expectations!

#the last of us #tlou fanfiction #tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos #tess tlou #tess x reader #anna torv #tlou hbo

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librarycards · 11 months

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hey there cav. this is sort of a fraught question but. how do I engage with psychiatry when I'm antipsych? I need treatment but I have so much distrust and I feel like it's all bullshit. I don't really have a support system and there's few peer support resources in my area. I can't do this myself but I cant trust this system. soooo... tips for finding therapists that don't suck & getting the most of it? really appreciate your blog and posts, thanks

thank you for entrusting this message to me, I appreciate it! I have answered questions like this a few times before (they're buried somewhere, if you can't find them in my "ask" tag, lmk and i'll try to dig them up!). it's definitely fraught inasmuch as we're never (as people who hate psych but need specific, urgent support that communities aren't by default set up to provide) going to get an answer that we 100% want, but also very not-fraught inasmuch as most of us agree that surviving in this sea of partiality is something we can do together, with love and nonjudgement.

so, for context: i was in therapy - first behaviorist OT as a toddler and elementary school child, and, beginning at 7, talk therapy - nonconsensually basically from the time I could remember until adulthood. i likely would never have tried it again, except for the small hiccup of needing letters for Transing Genders. so, this was when i first sought out "trans affirming care," as it were, and i didn't expect much. i went to my college's health center and got a list of possible providers, and ended up getting an excellent PCP, as well as a therapist who was a genuine cis accomplice: she wrote letters for Mad/psych disabled clients whose genders wouldn't typically qualify us for surgery/hormones in the eyes of the M/PsyIC. i did not share with her the things i "ought" to have shared, but she knew I had survived abusive therapy / forced institutionalization, and accepted that, and accepted my cynicism along with it. i was also first genuinely understanding foucault at this time, so rest assured i was quite a little shit (affectionate).

when she left to practice elsewhere, i went to a therapist at the same practice she recommended. she was fine, but not what i needed. by this time, I'd gotten the requisite procedures, so my therapy attendance wasn't required. i basically just ghosted this new therapist around the time covid hit.

when i came to grad school, i initially wasn't looking for therapy, though i had idly considered something for OCD, which I was (and am) managing in part through medication. after getting outright rejected for, essentially, being too crazy for normie OCD therapy, i directed my search specifically for Mad/abolitionist providers. i began by going through some of the archives of places like the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network, and some people who have posted guest articles on Mad in America / The Fireweed Collective -- many are providers seeking to disrupt/abolish the system. That provided some leads, though no openings (there are very few of them, and they are, understandably, in high demand).

I then turned to my community connections: over the years, I've amassed a large number of Mad colleagues in various fields. Many are a half-step from radical/antipsych circles, so I asked them. This time, I asked specifically about a possible therapist who was interested in critiques of "eating disorders" as a category, who had an abolitionist, harm-reductionist, and anti-"health" approach to care, and who, accordingly, refused to cooperate with institutions of psychiatric confinement. I was directed to a list of people, of whom my current and beloved therapist / colleague / comrade was the first to respond.

my trajectory with her has been a steady building of trust through a shared ebbing and flowing of closeness, frustration, enlightenment, and curiosity. it has been close to a year and a half now, and we only began speaking frankly about more "dangerous"/"risky" topics a few months ago. early in our relationship, i did a great deal of boundary-testing, and reacted with anger and shutdown the first time she asked a question that proved risky/activating for me. my biggest recommendation when engaging with ANY provider is to ask them explicitly, repeatedly, and critically about their relationships with your own risk/harm level, their ongoing history wrt patient institutionalization / "referrals" to "higher levels of care". take note about the way they reference past patient situations, as well as their own past experience. take note of how they respond when you choose not to provide the information they seek.

also take note of what info they're willing to provide upfront, including at a consult: what methodologies do they work with, what was their training, how do they feel about said training? what are their politics? ask whoever recommended them to you, too. look at reviews. this is obvious -- what might not be is looking up their work on google scholar. who do they cite? what do they advocate, who do they associate themself with?

i think that it's also a good idea to ask them explicitly about their experience in other/"higher" levels of care - most therapists have done some kind of rotation during their education, often in a hospital, group home, halfway house, similar. if you have ever been institutionalized, you may have even spotted / been abused by some! observe how they discuss these experiences. take note.

if and when you've established this person as someone you want to continue working with, trust notwithstanding, think personally about what you are actually looking for. they will ask you about your goals, surely, but it's a good idea first to think about your own personal goals outside of the verbalized relationship between you two. do you need a confidante, and of what kind? what sort of accountability do you need, and what are you willing to try to figure that out? *what are you paying this person for that you feel others cannot or will not do*? what part of this person's expertise can be of use to you, and for how long?

i think one interesting approach to therapy is to regard the provider as a teacher - they're there to share knowledge with you, and you're free to accept or reject it. they have some kind of training/experience you don't have, and you seek them out because you think it may be of use in your own life, and perhaps even to redistribute that knowledge if and when you gain it. at the same time, you also have knowledge to share with them - not to be extracted, but to be incorporated in their own work and practice. the biggest insight on the practice of good therapy i've gleaned is that, ideally, you're both teaching and learning forever. this is true of all good relationships. there is an exchange of knowledge based on shared trust - values - priorities. once you are in a space where you know that this person shares your general relational orientation (aka, doesn't want to institutionalize, etc. you and people like you) it's possible to begin sharing knowledge in a way that benefits from this imposed structure. the benefit, imo, is that it's okay that you "monopolize" the convo and direct the knowledge-production toward your needs, because that's the service you're paying for!

i guess, to close, i'll return to the classic Mad Pride framing of us as "psych users/consumers." this isn't the perfect term, but i think it's enlightening, as we can and should be able to seek out services that work for us. just like i go to a person who knows wtf they're doing when, say, i need my nails done or my car fixed, so too do i go to an expert interlocutor when i am interested in developing my self-/relational knowledge and/or am seeking support in times of emotional tumult. this doesn't confer them a status as superior to me, just like someone isn't superior to someone else by being a nail tech or mechanic. it simply means that we are entering into a relationship where my needs and their expertise meet. seek a therapist who understands this, and understands themself as someone who can learn from you, too. this approach to therapy, and to care, mean that you can't just throw someone away or lock them up when they say things you don't like. it means that, even in those moments, there is something to be learned, and that the relationship will grow in that process of edification.

#i...this was a Big Boy essay. prepare yourself #antipsychiatry #madness #ask #anonymous #world healing #also i have therapy friday if you want me to ask mine about her connections to ppl #most of which arein California but not exclusively

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slotmachines-fearofgod · 5 months

Text

the second chapter of my ahsoka and cody thing should be coming out soon but i wanted to give the crowd a lil sneak peek! shorter than last time, but it’s under the cut for whoever’s interested :)

Ahsoka nodded respectfully before asking, “What is it you needed?”

“Ah,” Cody straightened further, something Ahsoka hadn’t realized was possible until he did it, “I just wanted to offer any sort of advice to you for your stay with us. I recognize you and Captain Rex are close, and he asked that I keep an eye on you. So I suppose... let me know if you need anything.”

Huh.

Okay.

That was unexpected, but she could roll with it.

“You mean like we become friends?” She teased a little bit, smiling with just a little more teeth than normal, “And here I thought you hated friends.”

Cody huffed in mild amusement, “I have friends.”

“You have subordinates,” Ahsoka pushed, testing the waters, “But friends...”

Cody shot her a glare before seeming to remember that he was trying to be professional, “The general and I are good friends. And I’ve made a few on our travels here and there.”

Ahsoka laughed brightly, giving up her facade, “Well in that case, I’m honored to be a part of that circle.”

She felt the Force twitch around Cody again, but it felt less stilted than last time. More natural, less like he was trying to hold back. She’d have to figure out how he did that.

“You had Rex’s vote of confidence,” Cody said, “That’s good enough for me.” Ahsoka’s smile turned a little softer, “He’s a good man.”

“One of the best,” Cody agreed quietly.

Ahsoka was worried about him. And everyone else, of course, but Rex was...well he was Rex. Before even Anakin came around to the idea of having a padawan on board, Rex was laughing at her jokes and showing her the basis of command.

“How did you two meet?” Ahsoka asked. She’d never heard the story from Rex, had never really thought to ask to be honest, but she knew it was long before Rex had ever heard her name.

Cody was still for a moment, likely debating his choices, before saying, “That’s a story for another time. Preferably one when he’s here with us.”

Right. Not exactly friends yet.

Ahsoka dropped it as her comm chimed with a reminder that she needed to head out soon.

“Shall we walk to the meeting together?” Cody offered, holding out an arm like she was some sort of princess. It made her laugh though, and even with his helmet on she could see the tension slowly bleeding out of his frame.

“Of course,” Ahsoka pretended to curtsy before hopping over to where Cody stood and looping their arms together, “Thank you Commander.”

“Of course Commander.”

The air between them was lighter as they walked to the board room. Ahsoka knew that even for her teasing, being friends wasn’t exactly what Cody had offered. It was a start, though she wondered if it was of his own volition or if he truly was only doing it because Rex asked.

She hoped it was the former.

Cody was a good enough resource on his own, but with the added bonus of respect from someone that her men widely regarded as one of the toughest vode out there, getting close to him certainly had its perks. Plus, she felt...safe with him. Not necessarily secure, since he was virtually unreadable both emotionally and in the Force, but she knew that for as long as she was with the 212th, he’d look out for her if nothing else than for Rex’s sake.

She just wished she knew what was going on inside his head.

#cody and ahsoka bonding #commander cody #the clone wars #ahsoka tano #my fic #my writing #on ao3

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viviennelamb · 5 months

Text

Hi Vivienne, do you have any more thoughts on Autonomous living/self sufficient people? I was amazed that there are people out there that can sustain themselves on such little food and water, or even nothing at all. I am skeptical of some peoples claims but I do believe it is possible. Its very hard to find information on this subject and i remember you mentioning Anastaysiya Zilevich, I listened to what she was saying and it sounds very liberating. I totally agree that the reason we over indulge in food is because we are lacking genuine connection with each other. Though she does promote sexuality and romance as a means of gaining energy and im doubtful about that. She also advises to get away from cities and tech use which i wouldn't be willing to do. Does meditation and connecting with God result in you naturally consuming less or is it something you consciously work on? Thanks! - autonomousgirl

Hello,

Isn't it interesting? Although many people believe physical perfection adhering to ever-changing beauty standards, it is really Self-mastery. Most people would rather engage in mindless work that they hate to satisfy their senses (and then complain about it) rather than attempt to overcome them. I understand that most people genuinely believe we need to eat, but at one point I was around drug addicts and they ate a few times a week because their senses were being satisfied by drug abuse so they forgot about food.

If one can overcome their desire to satisfy their senses, they are truly liberated from having to make money, needing shelter because the body doesn't get cold in when it's not spending its resources to digest food therefore reaching immaculate equanimity. The state of mind of an individual who isn't subject to senses is an amazing one as one is in a constant state of knowing they are in God's Dream. Ego Consciousness is the belief that we are the body and that what we do to the body (eating, sleeping, s*x) sustains or is the point of life. How we came to this point was through lust, the original sin.

Most of my blog is about autonomy! The autonomous lifestyle is synonymous with Self-mastery which can only be obtained through God Consciousness. So autonomy falls under the umbrella of attaining God Consciousness though autonomous people are more focused on the food and sleep aspect. People who can stop eating in this lifetime were on a spiritual journey previously or food caused them so much suffering they decided to stop eating or they have purified their minds to detach from the limiting ideas imposed on them since birth.

Recognizing how the Ego places us in a state of total ignorance is an important part of the autonomous lifestyle because one has to remove the belief that we have to eat to live. I don't talk about food anymore because a lot of people are getting triggered, due to their past eating disorders and projecting that onto me, so this aspect of the journey is what I've decided to keep to myself. Even thinking about true non-consumption is too advanced for everybody. Starting at the 1st and 2nd chakra and then moving on to the 3rd would be the individual's natural progression to reaching perfection. Overcoming lust is more feasible even though that is also advanced.

Not eating food is possible, everything is possible within Infinite Consciousness, but the path of liberating the soul from the body requires discipline. People who enjoy eating, which is everybody, have no reason to stop if they are okay with the suffering food brings them in exchange for the temporary sense of gratification from taste. However, there are people who genuinely suffer from consuming food and do not find a single food item enjoyable to eat, including the "healthiest" food one can think of. They do not have eating disorders nor are they mentally ill, unrealistic or making things up. Yes, most people are within the bell curve of living relatively well on some type of diet, but there are people outside of that bell curve who can eat literal garbage and live well as well as people who eat nothing and live well. It all depends on the individual's consciousness and one should eat for their constitution. An individual who thinks about lust all day, does drugs, spends 15+ hours a day on the internet, lives in filth has no business eating fresh fruits and vegetables - that would kill them. They need to eat cheetos, cake and only drink red bull to keep their bodies alive because that is their vibration.

The more you fast, the more you get used to not eating for longer stretches of time, but if one genuinely no longer wishes to eat, there will be a point where she just stops and it won't be difficult - same with lust.

Anastasiya still eats about 1-3 times a week and said it was not due to hunger, but an insatiable desire to satisfy the body. She said that her desire to eat is because the planet's vibration is low, but it's not the planet, it's her. Since she's engaging in the lust act, her nature demanding food is likely her issue as lust weakens one’s will (she sounded like she engages in sex a lot) and she doesn’t like meditation so she's not working on her control. She's keeping her food, drink and sleep down to a minimum because it brings her health issues.

Those who engage in lust can appear to have deluded forms of autonomy (lust positivity, working from home, communism, walking in nature, equality) but will never attain true liberation.

There were videos where she was attempting to describe God Consciousness from a worldly scientific perspective because she is highly educated and used to work in the sciences if I'm not mistaken. Swami Sri Yuteskwar explained the Holy Science of Evolution (and devolution). Humanity is currently in a devolved state where both which they desire and avoid brings them suffering because they don't want to reach a state of equanimity of the senses yet. The world will get to a point where the gratification of the senses will be seen as primitive, but that's during the Golden Age. The thing is the Dark Age and Golden Age can be achieved on an individual level. Anybody who is trying to achieve it through activism on a mass scale during this point in time is completely delusional. Those who have no interest in controlling their bodies have no hope of ending their suffering and are born slaves.

You do have to be with other people but in the way of being of service because we get energy from that from assisting humanity's evolution towards the Golden Age. If you restore another person's hope in humanity, that person is more likely to become good and that butterfly effect ripples into every lifetime ahead. Being selfish holds back the evolution of humanity - small acts of kindness go a long way. I hear the phrase "genuine connections" a lot and I'm not sure what people mean when we're already in a state of oneness, but Egos cannot connect which is why there's a loneliness epidemic. We're also never alone, but the individual in the Dark Ages believes they are.

Autonomous people emphasize that helping others is a requirement and one will gravitate towards that anyways if they're not eating and sleeping which takes up 70% of their time. Every "day" becomes immortalized.

When one has s*x, their energy is taken away and their mind isn't aligned with God, but with the senses which brings the individual down to Body Consciousness. You don't have to move from the city, refrain from using technology or move around constantly. Anastasiya is unable to remain still and needs to move from country to country because when she stays in one area for too long it becomes "stagnant." Her actions are a reflection of her state of mind - somebody who is pure will purify the area around them. Life will never become stagnant and the pure individual will never get bored. Even though the control of her food intake is impressive, it's better to eat and become calm than foodless and restless. If somebody wants to be nomadic, that's fine, but it appeared that she was still being controlled by something not of her own will which is not autonomous. Being around people who are on the same journey as you and at the very least having a Guru obviously helps, but the point of being autonomous is that you can maintain the lifestyle on your own.

Personally, I’m at the point where I only believe the claims of people who are God-Realized or have reached Samadhi and, surprise, it's easy to know who that is if they only talk about God. When I speak to a worldly person, I know they’re lying about whatever they’re talking about.

Meditating on not eating and being conscious about it are both required for liberation. SRF lessons teach everything you need to know about autonomy and you can use it for anything else you want to obtain. Everything you want is about learning how to control your consciousness so that you can lead your life in a particular direction. In your situation, you want to learn how to energize the body naturally requiring you to eat less food.

I recommend reading The Yoga Sutras of Pantajali. Pantanjali explains that concentrating one's energy on the pit of the throat will keep one's hunger satisfied, but to maintain this state of satiety, you will have to meditate to raise your consciousness. Non-eating is such a small part of Cosmic Consciousness but the autonomous' focus on food is a good thing to let people know that this lifestyle is possible. And it's helpful to people who find food detrimental to their health. If you still wish to eat, a Sattvic diet is ideal which is mainly plain raw foods that don't excite one's senses and to not eat too much. Your body will slowly become neutral to foods in this way along with eating the right amount because the body begins to like how a stretched stomach feels which is what most people are addicted to (as well as highly palatable food).

In the Autobiography of a Yogi, Paramahansa Yogananda talks about the time he visited Therese Neumann and Giri Bala, two women who did not eat.

Those who work towards God Consciousness obtain Omniscience, Omnipresence and, Omnipotence, so they can do anything and create anything out of nothing and are actually living in non-duality. For an individual to become God-Realized, they must devote their lives to God. If they can’t do that, then they can’t reach the highest state of consciousness which means they’re still subject to duality and therefore suffering.

#ask #yoga #spirituality #meditation #god consciousness #cosmic consciousness #autonomy

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gemini-sensei · 2 days

Text

Angsty poly!Hawk x Reader x Robby thought:

Miguel and Sam just had their son and they're so happy and excited. It's the first kid of their friend group so the little guy is just so loved and everyone makes a fuss over him. Hawk is so happy to be an uncle, whenever they go over to Miguel and Sam's place, he always wants to hangout with the infant even if it's just holding him while he naps. It isn't all that surprising since Hawk spends his days at the dojo teaching kids the basics of karate, which he secretly calls the secrets of badassery. Hawk loves kids, so this of course leads to him making little comments about how he can't wait to be a dad some day.

At the same time, Robby is so nervous about even the idea that he could be anyone's father in the future. Robby works with kids though, kids in tough situations who feel like they have no control over his life. But that's totally different, he swears up and down it's not the same as being a father. And he's right, it's not the same. But he thinks he's a subpar youth advocate when he's actually a lot of kids and teens favorite person to talk to. He's selling himself short. It's a whole thing.

But all this to say that when Hawk and Reader start talking about possibly having a baby, Robby doesn't know what to do. He's so scared but sees how happy the idea of a baby makes his partners, that he goes along with it. He thinks, "I'm not ready but they are, so why should my dumb little fears stop them?" He starts to pull back from their relationship without realizing it. He spends more time working than he is at home. He's helping kids elsewhere, which is noble of course, but he's throwing himself into finding resources and help for these kids than ever before. He's falling asleep at his office while his partners are at home wondering where he is.

He of course is home when Reader announces she's pregnant and Robby pulls on a smile because she's so happy and he's happy because he's happy. For a moment, he's not thinking about his fears but he is repressing them because this is real now. And in some twisted way knowing that the baby is Hawk's and not biologically his helps him not freak out so much when he steps out of the room for a glass of water. His heart is beating so hard in his chest that he thinks it might break free and fall on the floor. Also, he might puke.

Hawk comes in and stands with him, silently, for a while. Robby smiles and Hawk sees right through it. "Stop with the bullshit."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not exactly subtle, but Reader is so excited that she can't even see you fake smile. So cut the bullshit and tell me what's really going on. Are you done with us?"

"Don't with- what are you talking about?"

"The late nights, the sleeping at the office, the few mornings you stay and eat breakfast with us, you're checked out, man. So tell me the truth, are you done with us?"

Robby can only stare for a moment, so Hawk continues.

Hes struggling to keep his voice level and low, not wanting to draw Reader's attention while she's on the phone with Sam in the other room. "Ever since we started trying for this baby, it's like you stopped caring-"

"It's not that."

"Then what is it then?"

"I'm scared!" Robby nearly shouts. He takes a deep breath but the tears prick his eyes. "I'm not ready for this."

"Then why did you agree to it?"

"Becaude you two were so happy about it and I didn't want to get I the way of that."

"We could have waited."

Robby shakes his head. "You'd be waiting a long time then because I don't know when I'll actually be ready for all of this."

"We could have talked about it."

"This is so dumb. There's nothing we can do about it now."

"Except talk about it," Hawk says so seriously that it almost chills Robby to the bone. "Why are you so scared?"

The tears have been free falling down Robbys face the whole time but he finally breaks and cries. "I don't wanna fuck this up. I mean- I mean, what if I can't do this? What if I'm just like my dad?"

Hawk doesn't say anything and just brings Robby into his arms. He holds him while he cries for a few minutes, rubbing his back but not sure of what to say. The words also have to sink in and Hawk is reminded of how hard Robby had it for so long, and it's why he does the nonprofit work with troubled kids because he was once one of them. Hawk knows that this is hard on anyone but a new baby is especially hard on people who had it rough.

"You're not your dad, Robby," he finally says. His voice is low and soft, only loud enough for Robby to hear over his muffled cries. "You're not even half as stupid as your dad."

Robby let's out a choked out laugh. He looks up at Hawk and his tears sparkle in his eyes. "Shut up. I'm serious," he says, but he's smiling through it.

Hawk shakes his head. "So am I. Your dad fucked up over and over... and over again, but you're too smart to let that happen."

"Yeah, but how do you know I'm not gonna fuck it up?"

Hawk pulls away and holds Robby by his face, making him look up and see him. He looks him in the eyes as he tells him, "Because I see the way you work with the kids at the youth center and how hard you try to get everything done for them, get then everything they need. You're already so great with those kids, so why not our kid?"

Robby doesn't know what to say. His throat is tight and hurts like he's going to start crying again. And he does, shrugging at the question because he truly doesn't know what the difference is. He just feels it and it scares him. Hawk kisses his tears away.

That's when Reader comes in and she's so confused. She looks so cute, a little lost, unaware of what's going on. It's a type of cluelessness and innocence Robby would like to keep intact because he doesn't want to bother her with his emotions and fears. He wants her to remain happy. But he can't look at her and her soft body the same now because he knows in a few months her pudgy tummy is going to round out into a prominent baby belly. And she's going to look even hotter, which he didn't think was possible because she's already so gorgeous.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" she asks.

Robby shakes his head and smiles. And it's a true smile despite his fear. "I'm just really happy... but also scared out of my mind."

There no use in hiding his fears anymore. He knows Hawk won't hide these big feelings from her, so he tells her himself. And she pouts and comes over to him, hugging him and Hawk joins it too.

"Aww, honey, we're all a little scared," she says.

He looks at her. "But you're ready for this and I'm... I don't know if I am."

"Well, just because I said I was ready doesn't mean we're truly ready," she tells him, giggling. "It's so much to do and get ready and prepare for. You have time to get ready."

He nods gently, understanding what she's trying to say: us anyone ever really ready? He doesn't know. Maybe extremely prepared people, like Miguel and Sam, who were so elated when they found out they were having a bay that they just fell right into the prepping and planning process like pros. But they're still young, young and successful and supported by so many, they were likely only half ready.

Reader kisses Robby's cheek and smiles against his skin. "It's okay to not be ready, Robby. So long as you love us and we love you, were gonna be just fine."

He nods, unable to speak because he's scared if he does, he'll start crying again for a third time. He just basks in the hug from his partners, recharging off their energy. That's all he needs is them. And their excitement rubs off on him, making him smile when he thinks about the baby, his fears slowly fading.

And when he goes with Hawk and Reader jer first scan, they're all so excited. Though he nearly faints when he learns that they're not having just one baby, but two!

But it's okay, Hawk catches him. And he knows they're ready for this.

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theteablogger · 7 months

Note

Follow-up Q from reading back on the timeline: is there a place on here/elsewhere where screenshots or Wayback captures from AB’s blog are, if such things exist? Since he deleted his blog (or possibly just made it private) there are a lot of dead links etc., or analyses of an original post which appears nonexistent.

PS thank you for still being here. I know a lot of AA bloggers are not, which is understandable because he seems to have gone quiet for a few years, but coming from someone on the West Coast who’s also trying to get into costuming, seeing the bullshit he’s pulled around the entertainment industry/film/TV, and then realizing that he’s also in fandom freaks me the hell out. I’ve met that ‘type’ before and body-shaming is such a rampant issue around costuming (and even tailoring more broadly) that day one of my education on the subject was “Do not ask a person for information about their body which you do not absolutely need; so not make comments on their body (including “compliments” on their figure etc); and put their physical safety and comfort as a top priority”.

I found your blog because of the Strange Aeons video and was sad to learn that much of the early bullshit happened in my hometown, but when I came back to this blog I was far more horrified discover that this person is also a serial sexual harasser and body-shamer not only had gone viral one here (the “cis people can get dysphoria” tweet went around costuming tumblr for obvious reasons) but also was/is in this industry. That is such a dangerous position to put him in, not just because he’s clearly a sexual predator, but because bad costumes regularly cause people serious injuries. This is especially likely to be the result of directors trying to make women look skinnier or otherwise “more attractive,” and the harm is often most serious in scifi/fantasy contexts where lots of stunts happen. Good costuming requires ETHICS when it comes to things like health, body image and, yes, gender. Mr. “Complimented his ex on her weight loss when she was literally starving because of him” should not be trusted with such a job ever imo.

I hope there are no dead links on the timeline--all the links on there should be to screenshots of Andy's posts rather than directly to his blog. There are definitely dead links in a bunch of my old tumblr posts, though.

As far as I know, the timeline is the only place to find a significant number of screenshots from Andy's blog. The Wayback Machine has captured some of it, but it's scattershot and some of those links don't work. archive.is also has a little bit.

“Do not ask a person for information about their body which you do not absolutely need; so not make comments on their body (including “compliments” on their figure etc); and put their physical safety and comfort as a top priority”

I'm glad to hear that this is emphasized in costuming education, and sad to say that Andy has violated all three of those rules at least as recently as 2018, which isn't that long ago. I agree with your concerns, and those are some of the reasons I'm still around. I hope this blog is a good resource for people in the industry to find information about Andy's past and decide for themselves how to respond if they encounter him.

#andythanfiction #thanfiction #andrew blake #andy blake

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write-and-wander · 4 months

Text

Touch: Epilogue

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Non-canon AU

Word count: 1K

Author’s note: As much as I loved the ending of the last chapter, I can't resist a little epilogue to show where I imagine things would go in my version of the sequels.

(Part 1)

(Part 2)

(Part 3)

(Part 4)

(Part 5)

(Part 6)

(Part 7)

Epilogue: Future's Path

“General Kenobi?” You hear Poe call out to you.

“Be there in five!” you call back, looking back down to your journal. It’s been a while since your last entry, and you just wanted to finish recording things before The Path Forward’s first meeting for Project Rebuild. With a deep breath, you think back on all that has transpired since the Final Victory.

The first order of business was to repair what had been broken. For the Path- which, at the time, was still the Resistance- that meant tending to the wreckage of the bases we had built in the past. They settled on rebuilding in D’Qar as, for most of those who stayed after the Victory, it felt like home. Though many people left the Resistance after that final battle was won, feeling satisfied with having achieved what they had set out to accomplish, some still remained, determining that the work was not yet finished. Those that stayed reached out to those that left and other allies to raise funds and gather supplies, and while the Resistance itself was gone, the spirit of working together to make the galaxy a better place yet remained. We all had managed to gather enough not just to rebuild the base we once had, but to also improve upon it with the hope that future generations would be using this place to continue to strive for better. In fact, reconstruction and renovation just came to completion- hence the meeting I’m about to attend.

General Dameron seamlessly took over the Path after the Victory. Those of us who joined prior to Leia’s passing knew that it was exactly what she would have wanted- and seeing him lead now confirmed that it was for good reason. He really was the perfect choice for the head of the organization. Poe, having grown up with the group and being- well, himself- made for a natural leader. While some members, new and old alike, still disagree with the risks he’s willing to take, it’s hard to argue against his decisions when they always seem to work out. I don’t want to discount his natural talents, but I also believe that none of it would be possible without the force’s favor over him. Regardless, he really is the best we’ve got.

General Storm would agree with me- and, being as force sensitive as he is, I trust his word (admittedly, sometimes more than I trust my own). Finn’s wisdom is unparalleled, and his bravery and even head makes for a perfect counterpart to General Dameron. I’m still getting used to calling him General Storm; it was the last name he had taken for himself while Ben, Poe, and I were working out logistics for the Path. We were shocked when it was the first name he offered for himself, being a reference to his time with the First Order as a Stormtrooper. However, he said it best himself: “It’s who I am. It can always mean something new.” It was a short deliberation, then, on how we would be referring to Finn upon his promotion to General: ‘Storm’ it was. Shortly after, Rey took the same sort of inspiration, having found out the truth of her past- though, there was no concern about a proper title, as she would not be stepping up into any sort of leadership for the Path.

Now make no mistake, Rey was still working in a close alliance with the Path- which I believe is at least in part due to General Storm. Instead, she had also taken on her own mantle moving forward. She had kept both Luke and Leia’s sabers, as well as some of the ancient Jedi texts- which, I just recently learned, were otherwise turned to ash on Ahch-To by Jedi Master Yoda; meaning that the ever-resourceful scavenger managed to recover some before the fiery incident. With those few relics, she determined that the Jedi tradition should not so easily die. She decided to try again what Luke had failed to do in his lifetime- rebuild the Jedi Order. While we disagreed with her decision, we’ve also decided to respect it; with the caveat that the Path would be keeping a close eye on her new Order. Understanding the hesitation and wanting to be held accountable for the sake of the galaxy’s security moving forward, she easily accepted the conditions.

General Solo- my beloved Ben- took a similar path for himself. While he was more invested in the Path than Rey was- enough to be given a proper title and position- he also still pursued more, taking the last words of his uncle to heart. Actually, it’s a project we’ve both been working on for a while now. We want to forge a new future; to pave a new path for those who are strong with the force. It will be a way of balance, where the dark cannot exist without the light, both in the galaxy and within ourselves. We hope to honor our ancestors with the work we do- and, having taken advantage of the presence of their force ghosts to seek out guidance from them, we can confidently say that we’re off to a good start. Together, we began to teach new, young force-wielders what true balance and harmony with the force might look like, and how one can harness the power within that.

Finally, both sides of the force are intertwined into one, just as intended; and to think it all began when the light first touched the darkness.

You jump at the sound of the door opening, but relax when you see Ben walking in.

“If you show up any later, they might think you’re nervous,” he teases.

“Nervous?” you scoff, “Never.”

Ben laughs. “The journal can wait, my light,” he says with a kiss to your temple. You stand.

“There’s just so much to record, I wanted to at least start-”

“Will you two stop making out in here?” Poe butts in, “We’ve got a project to start.”

You laugh and give Ben a kiss. “Okay,” you say, taking a deep breath.

Ben grabs your hand. “Together?”

You nod as you both follow Poe to the meeting room. “Together.”

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whump-card · 2 months

Text

Forged Divinity Chapter 26: Leannan Learns the Truth

2168 words

CW: past institutionalized slavery, religious themes, eugenics, sterilization, implied past noncon

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~~~ Enjolras had tracked every sale Leannan had gone through. From Iowa City to Lord Ransom; from Ransom to Queen Killia; from Killia to the Desert Conquerors. She had appealed to buy him from each, offering all the La Liberan riches and resources she had been allowed to. Each had refused. When the enclave of the Desert Conquerors was overrun by bandits, Enjolras had despaired, thinking Leannan lost.

But then, she’d heard tell of the last Iowan, on Donda Island.

Accompanied by none other than Phineas Kaŝpafisto.

Fate was a funny thing.

Now, after twelve years, Leannan was finally home; surrounded by his people, curled up head-to-head with his sister on the couch, his feet pressed against Enjolras’ thigh.

Enjolras wasn’t the only one awake, and wasn’t the only one looking at Leannan like he might disappear if they looked away. Callum and Siobhan basked in the presence of their completed family for a while before extracting themselves from their blankets and heading out to start breakfast. Teresa, an older teen, watched Leannan sleep with an unabashed smile but eventually roused her two peers to go take care of the animals.

Enjolras thought herself alone in her wakefulness, until she spotted Jeanette’s cool gaze, not on Leannan, but on her.

“That’s his sister, right?” Jeanette whispered, indicating Shannon with a flick of her eyes.

Enjolras nodded.

“He’s lucky to have a sister that loves him so,” Jeanette said.

“He is,” Enjolras agreed.

At the sound of her voice, Leannan stirred. He pushed himself upright with a silent yawn, then slumped against Enjolras, blinking sleepily.

“We’re still here,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Enjolras put her arm around him, “We are.”

Leannan yawned again.

“I wish Phineas were here,” he said.

Enjolras couldn’t hide the way she tensed. Leannan lifted his chin to look at her.

“Why do you and Phineas dislike each other?”

Enjolras pursed her lips, considering her answer.

“Phineas…” she smiled sadly, “Phineas hates me the way only a middle child can.”

Leannan sat upright in surprise.

“They’re your sibling?”

“Yes,” Enjolras whispered, “Which means, they can’t ever really hurt me. And I can’t ever really hurt them.”

Leannan settled back into Enjolras’ side, closing his eyes.

“You should try to get along,” he mumbled.

Enjolras felt a little sick, as she watched Leannan fall back asleep in her arms. He had no idea how cruel Phineas had been to him. Phineas was a “good master” in his eyes. How could she possibly repair a view so skewed?

“You think you can’t kill Phineas, even if they deserve it?” Jeanette asked. Enjolras looked up at her sharply, but had no response.

“I killed my brother,” Jeanette whispered, her voice a finger of ice on Enjolras’ spine, “He was trying to kill Leannan, and he had always been… He deserved it.”

“You think Phineas deserves to die?” Enjolras asked, almost hoping Jeanette wouldn’t answer.

“They destroyed hundreds of people’s homes. Their livelihoods. Who knows how many died. Not even to escape – they could have done that without setting the fire. They were making a point.”

Enjolras closed her eyes, a childhood threat coming to mind.

“If I can’t have it, no one can.”

~~~

The whole group woke up properly not long later, and the teenagers rejoined from their chores. Leannan and Jeanette, who felt well enough to walk a bit as long as she could lean on Enjolras, were shown briefly around the Longhouse. The common room stood at one end, while the rest of the building was made up of rooms connected by a long hallway – mostly bedrooms. At the opposite end was a cinderblock addition of a bathhouse, with toilet and shower stalls.

The next mission was breakfast. Their group left the Longhouse and walked towards another building, an age-old one that stood blocky and concrete – but as they walked around it on a path, the other side was revealed: a massive, convex curve of glass windows, looking westward over an open field of wildflowers cross-crossed with walking paths, and to beyond that, the southwest-side waterfall. Horseshoe Falls, Enjolras informed Leannan and Jeanette. The northwest one was American Falls. Weathered signage dubbed the building the Top of the Falls Restaurant.

They entered the building into a large room outfitted as another common space; couches, a pool table, a blinking arcade cabinet. The children dashed forward and up a flight of stairs, followed by most of the adults, while Enjolras lead Jeanette and Leannan to an elevator.

Upstairs was a massive room, dotted with columns, the whole west wall an arc of glass windows. The room was filled with tables and chairs, and at the center was a large rounded counter set up as a buffet. The fare was plentiful: scrambled eggs, cheeses, salad, summer fruits and berries such as strawberries and peaches, and rolls of bread. There were pitchers of water, milk, and fruit juice as well. Leannan and Jeanette followed the lead of everyone else, grabbing a plate at one end and filling it as they shuffled along.

The Iowans hovered about, watching Leannan as he stepped away from the buffet with a full plate – they all wanted to sit near him. Leannan balked a bit, looking around with uncertainty, so Enjolras took his elbow and guided him to a table by the windows.

Finally seated, the group settled into a comfortable chatter as they ate. The teenagers reintroduced themselves to Leannan, and he marveled at how they were only yea high when he last saw them. He met the three new children, Callum and Siobhan’s brood, ages five, seven, and nine. Peter and Rory started listing all the things and places they needed to show Leannan – the playground, the chickens, the goats, the different places to look at the waterfalls, the arcade cabinet.

Then Mohammad arrived, with the baby.

He stood awkwardly at the top of the stairs, one hand on Lena where she rested in her sling, desperately trying to catch Shannon and Enjolras’ eyes. They spotted him at the same time, and Shannon stood and clapped her hands.

“Okay, everyone! Let’s let Leannan have some peace and quiet for a bit, yeah? I know you all have chores to do.”

The teens started to argue that they certainly did not, but a quiet word from Clary had them gathering their empty plates and telling Leannan they’d see him later.

Soon it was just Shannon, Leannan, Jeanette, and Enjolras sitting at their table, and Mohammad slowly walked over.

Leannan turned as he heard someone approach, and Enjolras couldn’t quite read his expression. Stifled curiosity, maybe, or suspicion buried under polite neutrality.

“Hi, Leannan,” Mohammad offered a hand, “I’m Mohammad, I’ve heard so much about you.”

Leannan smiled pleasantly, shaking Mohammad’s hand.

“Nice to meet you.”

“I uh,” Mohammad smiled nervously, “I’m Shannon’s husband. And this is our little Lena. Say hi, Lena!”

He leaned down slightly so the baby could see Leannan, and she obediently flapped an arm.

“She’s named after you, actually,” Mohammad added.

Leannan’s smile was stiff as his eyes flicked from the baby, to Shannon, to Mohammad.

“You’re not an Iowan,” he said.

“No, I’m not,” Mohammad confirmed.

Leannan’s gaze circled the group again, faster this time.

“So how…?”

Enjolras could see the gears turning in his head. He’d been raised on the idea that Iowans weren’t human, that they could only procreate with each other – and now, he was trying to come up with an explanation for Lena that didn’t involve his sister being a cheater.

“Leannan,” Shannon reached across the table and took his hand, “They lied to us, in Iowa City. Father Ambrose lied to us. We’re not incompatible with humans. Because we’re not inhuman.”

“But then…” Leannan started, “But I…” he stopped, glancing back at Mohammad.

Enjolras stood, pushing her chair back.

“Leannan,” she said, “Let’s take a walk.”

~~~

The stone tiles of the observation point were damp with mist beneath their feet. Enjolras leaned against the sturdy metal railing, and Leannan did the same, watching her. The waterfall in front of them rumbled comfortingly. The lone ruin of a skyscraper across the river stood stark against the sky.

“Leannan,” Enjolras spoke for the first time since leaving the restaurant on the hill behind them, “Before they sold you, did they tell you that something was wrong with you. That something needed to be fixed, and you couldn’t ever tell anyone because it would ruin your value.”

Leannan was shaking his head before she even finished speaking.

“No, of course not,” he said, a little too quickly.

Enjolras sucked in a slow breath.

“I know they did. They got Owen, too. They weren’t fixing anything, Leannan, they performed something called a vasectomy. Do you know what that is?”

Leannan slowly shook his head.

“They sterilized you, Leannan,” Enjolras said gently, “You used to be able to have children, with anyone, human or Iowan, and they took that away from you.”

“That’s insane,” Leannan said, looking away from her out over the falls.

“Everyone younger than you and Owen – we rescued them before they could be sterilized, too,” Enjolras continued, “That’s how Shannon can have a baby with a non-Iowan. And, just think about it, Leannan,” she turned to face him, gesturing with her hands, “There are so few of you, how do you think they avoided inbreeding?”

“Our pairings were planned,” Leannan tried to argue, “God had a plan…”

“No, Leannan, Ambrose would let his priests…” Enjolras took a breath, unable to continue piling horrors upon Leannan. She changed course. “It’s true that you have a genetic mutation. Your blood is the color that it is, and you really are immune to most diseases and infections. But that doesn’t make you inhuman. The fallen angel is made up. The pain resilience is made up. You’re just as human as I am, Leannan. You were lied to. Not even that thing you wear around your neck is real, it’s the company’s logo, not a religious symbol.”

Leannan instinctively grabbed the gold pendant. A tiny five-pointed star with feathered wings.

“Company?” he echoed.

“ComLock Logistics,” Enjolras said, “They were trying to create supersoldiers, before the Fall. They figured out how to sequence resistance to disease, but nothing else – and decided they could make money a different way. When they saw the tide of religion moving across the continent, they adapted. Put on a show. The ‘nuns’ and ‘priests’ training you? ‘Father’ Ambrose? I doubt any of them truly believed in God. They were there to make a profit, and they did. They lived in unbelievable luxury.”

Leannan stared silently at the rushing water. Enjolras lifted a hand, about to touch his shoulder, but dropped it.

“I’ll just let you… think, for a while, okay?” She tilted her head, trying to catch his gaze. “Meet me back at the Longhouse common room when you’re ready?”

Leannan didn’t look at her.

“Okay.”

~~~

The roar of the falls was helpful. It drowned out Leannan’s thoughts – or at least made them slow down. Because he knew he needed to think through it, whether he liked it or not.

Everything Enjolras had said prior to this had turned out to be true. If she was right, it would explain Lena. It would explain his mysterious defect, the secret surgery.

But it would destroy so, so much more.

Iowans were made to do incredible things, things that humans shouldn’t. It would be horrifying for a human to be owned, to be used for sex their whole adult life. It would be cruel. Humans weren’t made to withstand that.

But if Iowans were human too, then…

Leannan pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, the rush of blood in his ears joining the thunder of the falls. A new thought crept in.

He’d always suspected he didn’t have the pain tolerance he was supposed to.

Everything hurt so much.

Everything had been so difficult.

He’d tried so hard, under the assumption that he had been made for this life. Under the assumption that he had been made to be hurt, to be fucked, to be owned.

If that assumption was wrong, then all of it had been wrong.

He had been wronged.

Hot tears welled up under his hands.

He’d always found comfort in the idea that he was a divine, holy being. All the dirty things done to him could never take that away, could never tarnish his spirit. But if he was human, that divinity was fake. Forged. If he was human, surely his spirit was in dirty shreds at this point.

None of this would have happened if he had just found a kind master and stayed with them.

(But if he had been human the whole time, that wouldn’t have been right either.)

He dropped to his knees with a sob, pressing his forehead to the metal bars of the railing.

“Is this real?” he asked tearfully, “Is she right?”

The angel that was Horseshoe Falls didn’t answer.

~~~

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Taglist: @angst-after-dark, @sunshiline-writes, @flowersarefreetherapy, @thecyrulik

Let me know if you want on or off the taglist!

#whump #whump fic #whump writing #forged divinity #cw slavery #cw religion #cw eugenics #cw sterilization #cw past noncon

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julietasgf · 2 months

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I know little about the war in the USA (war IN USA ITSELF), but I can say a couple of things:

The capitol is a symbol. Its complete destruction would have been ineffective because we are talking about war. Taking the Capitol was a necessary and powerful movement.

It is implied that there were many open francs, which is tiring for both sides, and can eat up all your resources, especially if you are winning, you had to have the financing to continue winning.

The differences in technology could have been something significant. The Capitol was able to launch muttos, that is, fucking biological mutants. The districts do not. Who knows what they could have been using to protect the Capitol from direct invasion.

We do not know how united the districts were with each other, I can see some following D13 but without trusting their districts "allies" and vice versa, districts allied with each other but totally distrusting D13 (which can translate to certain districts producing food, or producing weapons and making an unequal distribution to the rebels in the front), not to mention the possible differences between the districts themselves and their people.

There is a very good fic, which I can give you the link if you want it, in which in Two, during the war, baby Sejanus and Ma Plinth have to go out to the street with a white pañuelo? An offer of peace for their lives, a mark that they are different. In the fic people who supported the capitol lived in certain areas and the rebel sympathizers avoided them like if they had leprosy. Always there is going to be division in the cities, in your own territory depending of which side you choice.

So about Strabo, he mentions doing business with the capitol before the war. My personal hc is that he actually played for both sides for a while as soon as the war began, it's not something crazy. I can see him having this idea of "I don't give a shit who uses this as long as it gives me money to take care of my family", and selling to both; the capitol and the rebels themselves. What could possible happen is that as the tensions get higher, he ends up betting on the stronger seller. The capitol would let their people die in order to buy more weapons, as a desperate measure to stop the rebels from really entering inside and Strabo selling them more and more.

He for sure was making people angry in D2 but not enough. Obviously, there would be people who considered him a traitor already and I'm sure that Ma and Sejanus baby were already being judged on the street by all their neighbors, but he was too helping the rebelds in certain way... Besides, I don't know if I overthink it too much but there is something in the phrase Strabo took the side of the president… as I believe the decision to support just the president could be a possibility, nothing like this very black and white vision of the capitol and districts already Its only once that D13 fell, that Strabo need to make a quick decision, knowing that the rebels had lost their strongest ally (which was in fact financing the war to a large extent…) and yet I personally don't think The Plinths' name will be completely stained until the end of the war and their actions after it. Ma's family, and others may have understood that Strabo did what was necessary to survive, but what the hell was that once defeated, you continue to support our oppressors? D13 falls, and the capitol's weapons industry moves to fucking district 2, what a great coincidence Strabo, no one noticed. Oh, and when your son turns 8 you move to the fucking Capitol? Yes, at that moment the Plinths are dead for everyone in Two. BUT WHATEVER.

I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAY ABOUT MA and I agreed, her trauma is so underestimated, OH BUDDIE I AM CONSIDERING MAKING AN EXCLUSIVE POST TALKING ABOUT THE PARALLELS BETWEEN MA AND MRS. EVERDEEN BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT IS A TOPIC THAT CAN BE SO MUCH ANALYZED, I HAD MORE TO SAY I SWEAR (and let dig more into the Sejanus /Katniss hehehehe)

PD: Panem is one country but you are not wrong for say that even moving from district to district could be a giant trauma.This is particular talking about Mexico but for example, our states are so different, and there were people who spoke Nahuatl (or other languages) forced to learn Spanish to survive in the fucking capital, forced to change their clothing and traditions. Bc yes even within your own country that type of trauma is very possible.

The Plinth cousin in the first Quarter Quell was an idea that I considered leaving in my box of crazy concepts that I have in my notepad (I have many more, stop me, thank you) but you have really inspired me to want to dust it off. Regarding what you and Anon were saying about how the Plinths got involved in the games, can I go against the grain and say that it was actually Ma who took that initiative?

Look. I think Strabo was able to get involved in that business because Coriolanus established the connection between Gaul's laboratory and the Plinths producing weapons, and said YES this would be convenient. So logically, Strabo began to get more involved in the games in a certain way but there is something about Tigris becoming a stylist in the games, this idea, of her being for years a passive agent, an accomplice in them while perhaps helping in them believing that she was doing good, that she was helping in the only way she could and well Tigris and Ma know each other (the only good thing that happen after the Snow-Plinth adoption disaster) and I think it would be fascinating if Ma is the one who ends up pushing funding and support for Two in the games.

She with a new deep and cruel connection to them. Much of the last days she spent with her son were during the 10th games, and perhaps she sees in D2's tributes to Marcus, the boy her son loved, to Sejanus himself. Vesta can't stop the games, she doesn't have the power, but maybe she can tell Strabo that the Plinths can finance the tributes, send them food, and something else. When the shows start, she can give Tigris suggestions when it is her turn to dress them, and details of that style. She is the woman who makes special food for the Avox so they can eat, she could have done something like that. Strange ideas that I had.

I'm writing down the Mitski songs that you mentioned about Sejarcus and I'll definitely be waiting to that playlist. AND YES, I'M GLAD YOU SEE THE VISION ON ROOTLESS, IT'S SUCH A PERFECT SONG FOR THE PLINTHs (by the way as you can see I love Marina, YOU KNOW EMOTIONAL MACHINE? BC BUDDIE I CAN TALK HOURS ABOUT THAT ONE AND CORIOLANUS AND LGB AND SEJANUS-) also Mamas Boy Sejanus bonded in trauma with his MOM, CANON I'm preparing my notes for the rant about Clemensia, Lysistrata, Festus, and the movie is Snow propaganda to make him look better, but I have things to say about the Lation au and a myth that reminds me of Ma Plinth, so they will continue flying in the air, although I can tell you how Clemensia was Snow's first victim, his first big breakdown and not portraying it well almost destroyed his character? (not him being actively evil but choosing his own survival over the people he cares about, showing Gaul the potential to be that "cold-blooded", his becoming aware of the Capitol and the way it oppresses him, there is so much to say…) Azul is now Vesta's song, my god, I'm crying, but it's so canon, I swear, but you know what other song and myth reminds me of Ma Plinth? LA LLORONA!

Not me saying that I would not forced the mexicanization of the Plinths meanwhile also me saying this mexican song is so her

Although in my defense, my friend Wikipedia says that it is a legend spread throughout Latin America and Puerto Rico have their version (a reddit of dubious origin confirmed it to me as well). You in Brazil surely have your version, we all have versions. So it's all good, but the important thing is that, regardless of the version, is there something about the idea of a woman who has lost her children and mourns them loss every night? A woman whose heart is so broken that she can't do nothing more but cry and look for them in the streets?

CAN YOU SEE THE VISION? (In addition, there is something about some versions saying that the father killed the children, Strabo killing Sejanus in live with his actios... others where she murder them, let's be metaphorical and talk about Ma wondering if she caused Sejanus' death by not fighting, by not saying something, by not getting divorced, for not hugging him enough, etc?) I offer you the version of Lila Downs, or the one of Eugenia Leon (ignore Coco and their cut version, I implore you), I believe even Natalia one day sing it, also I offer you: Caifanes -La llorona, although this is not a version of the best-known song related, it is still related to the myth, and it is from my favorite group Caifanes, you should know, how good they are by now kssjhsjhdjhd

In happier things, Sejanus would undoubtedly complain about how stupid it is that he can't vote, Colombian Lucy Gray is here to stay, her paisa accent is dangerous but it's also incredible, so she deserves to have that super power, and yes please Tigris taking embarrassing photos of Baby Coryo and even videos, SHE STOP HIM TO BE EVIL JUST FOR BLACKMAIL HIM WITH THESE PHOTOS I SWEAR LMAO

SEJANUS WAS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE BABY WHO SLEEPED IN TWO CHAIRS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARTY JSBSJJDBJKFGHGF ALSO IM SURE VESTA MUST BE THE BEST DANCER??? SHE CAN DO EVERYTHING, one day Coryo found she can even do tango, also the other day in the great discord I'm in, they talked about the fact that Coryo wears humble clothes in his house in the book? But do you see that sometimes political parties usually give out shirts when they are campaigning? And that is a classic pajama in LATAM? Please imagine Snow wearing shorts and an ugly shirt from a political party that they gave him. I propose that they find photos of Piolin in Coriolanus's phone, because ofc lunatic has a fucking secret account where he argues with old ladies about the end of the telenovelas, and instead of telling him something, they go to Tigris to ask about the matter and so on. that's how they end up with THE PHOTOS.

Coriolanus would defend villains girls from telenovelas so much, I can see that Sejanus also knows a lot about the subject because his Ma (and STRABO EVEN THOUGH HE DENIES IT) always forced him to watch them, so they would have passionate debates on the subject, PLS SEJANUS DEFENDING MARIA LA DEL BARRIO OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

btw: have you seen betty la fea?, because buddy, there is a scene that summarizes Sejanus's daddy issues Im stoping myself for now, but before I go: 1. YOU CAN DRAW?!, YOU ARE THE MOST TALENT I SWEAR 2. YOUR NEW FIC!?! AMAZING 3. The songs!!! The songs, what do you think about; Cursis melodias by natalia our dearest as a sejarcus song? and Stromae - Formidable about Strabo dad's?

HIII omg I'm so glad to see you on my inbox again <33

heavily agree on the capitol being a symbol, and the capitol being taken over is they actually being able to invade it was a strong move!! also, two of the most important things you mentioned: the technological imbalance and the alliance between the districts. there's a line in the movie that caught my attention (I don't remember if it was in the book too tho) where someone tells lucky flickerman that not everyone in the districts have television. it's a tiny detail, but we can assume that there is a big technology imbalance, even though the districts were able to bomb the capitol. and HEAVY on how united the districts were... specially the ones around the capitol, and I mean D2, D1, etc, etc. I can see some districts being closer to others, but how could D4 and D13 be close, for example, when they were in two opposite extremes? how did that communication work? some districts are very rural, like D7 and D12, but D8 and D6 are more city-like (if I'm not wrong, I read somewhere that D8 tributes have less chances because they are not used to the environment the capitol uses for the games). D13 may know how to use strategy in places closer to the capitol and the capitol itself, but what about these districts that are in environments so different? also, the rebels for sure had differences between them, even in one-party countries, there will always be opposition.

(the first rebellion raises so many interesting questions, about how things went, which districts were closer to each other, how the capitol strategized the conflict in places so different from the capitol itself... here I come begging suzanne collins again)

OH MY GOD SEND THE LINK PLEASE. and this makes so much sense!!! if I'm not wrong, in the third book, D2 was a loyalist district, but still some villages sided with the rebels, and not everyone was 100% on board with the capitol. so it just fits so well, I'm in love with this concept

I can perfectly see him doing this 😭 to me, strabo is very much capitalism in its purest form. he has no true ideals, nothing to fight for beyond his own survival, and what pretty much motivates him is money. him not caring about who the hell he's selling these guns to, or who the hell these guns are killing, what matters is the cash. and plus, the capitol are just better clients; they have more money, and as you said, they're desperate at this point. D13 (as I think that it was mostly D13 who made most of deals and stuff) wouldn't go as far as the capitol to buy guns, they are not as desperate. (also, the line of him support the president is a good point! specially if you think the president offered something in exchange for it)

I think D2 ppl were angry before D13 fell, but just like you said, after it... it's just fucked up. and the move to the capitol was the last straw. okay, they were selling guns, but for sure there were other loyalists in D2, for sure there were other people who made a lot of money with the war (and also post-war; with the capitol being reconstructed, D2 would for sure benefit a lot from it, with their main industry being masonry). but leaving D2 was the ultimate betrayal, something unforgivable.

there was no turning back after that point.

(ma plinth my love why didn't you divorce that man, why didn't you stay babe 😭)

DO ITTTTTT I WOULD LOVE IT AND READ EVERY SINGLE WORD (also, please, let's talk about more of these parallels, I'm a sucker for the sejanus and katniss parallels). also, yes!!!!! absolutely yes!!!! this is so real in big countries. I know the fandom talks a lot about sejanus' experiences being very alike to a child of immigrants (which is true! and considering the time the book was published, I don't think it's a coincidence, or an accident, I think suzanne collins knew what she was doing here), but also, assimilation inside of your own country is as hurtful and fucked up. there's a very specific and tiny thing that touched me when reading the book, and it's the fact that he called his mom ma, and other kids at the capitol mocked him. I'm from the northeast, and here we have an affectionate way of calling our moms, which is mainha, but it's a very regional stuff and it's not uncommon for people from the southeast and the south to mock it. so when I read coriolanus mocking sejanus calling his mom ma, I got pissed off, because atp I was having war flashbacks and taking it too personally ☠️

no, I won't stop you, please, bring it to life, I'm begging on my knees ☝️ I would LOVE to read it from you, it's such a cool concept (and the first quarter quell in general IS SUCH A COOL CONCEPT BY ITSELF).

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS. comparing ma to tigris is such a good argument, because we all know tigris is a good person, why did she stand quiet as a stylist while letting it happen? I can see the same logic applying to ma. the 74th games are much more human than the 10th; of course the killing children part is brutal, but it's disguised with parades, with mentors who can send them stuff and weapons and more things to help them, with the children being able to say goodbye (something that as far as I remember, they weren't allowed to in the 10th games), with them being able to get on a fancy train and eat fancy food. it's almost mercy before they are sent to death, a chance to taste the best in life before inevitable pain. I can totally see her trying to talk with coriolanus, because she can't stand the idea that these kids got away from home without even being able to say goodbye (I think she would try to talk to him to end the games, maybe as a way to honor her boy, but coriolanus tries to convince her that the games are necessary, but she can give him some ideas to make the kids more comfortable). for example, some of the 74th stuff I can see coming from coriolanus: the spetacule, the parade, the chariots, the fancy clothing. but what about the other more human aspects? anyway. that's such a good idea 😭 (also, the idea of ma personally talking to tigris about ideas of how to dress the D2 kids, I'm not okay)

marina is SO GOOD, love her so much <3 searched up the lyrics of emotional machine (bc I didn't remember them well) and OH MY GODDD PLEASE TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS because I can see the vision of the doomed trio so well

the movie did so much damage that I even forgot about poor festus oh my god, I really forgot he was also just a kid in the book 😭 BUT YESSSSS WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT CLEMENSIA AND HER BEING HIS FIRST VICTIM, LIKE, sometime ago, I saw a really good video analysis about tbosas and connecting the characters to different philosophers and philosophies. so, that person connected coriolanus to (if I'm not wrong) thomas hobbes, who pretty much said that human beings are naturally bad, naturally selfish; according to hobbes, a human being will choose theirselves always. of course, during the book, we see this is not true, we see people being kind and gentle and selfless even during the games (which are the worst possible situation to be in), but in that scene when coriolanus puts himself first, it's a step to this conclusion, and it's a conclusion gaul came to much before. anyway, it's such an important and symbolic scene, I really wish they didn't change it like that, specially to make it seem that CLEMENSIA was in the wrong 💔 she may not be my favorite character, but they did her SO WRONG

THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED BC I STOPPED TO THINK ABT IT AND!!!! IT JUST FITS SO WELL!!!! and I'm HEARTBROKEN.

(whatever you're doing, don't think about ma plinth being so heartbroken after sejanus' death that some days she forgets things in the oven because she sees something that reminds of him, and all she can do is cry; she's not able to go back to baking, the only thing she can do is stand there and cry; and don't think about her for the first time screaming at strabo, because if they never left D2, this wouldn't have happened, her baby would still be alive with her, but it's no use because it's now too late to stand up to him; and don't think about the plinths having to move to another place, a house and not an apartment anymore, because the neighbours were complaining about the loud sounds of crying during the night)

I listened to the lila downs version and got CHILLS. now I would really love a work inspired by it, focusing on the post-death of sejanus, because I particularly love to suffer reading and this would be just pure brutal pain.

sejanus would be so politically active, he would be that cousin who ruins christmas because he starts arguing with his father every single year 😭 if tigris got a way to take baby pics of sejanus in canon, I'm so sure she would blackmail him enough during teenage years, and then we wouldn't need to have him as a fascist president, we got robbed, it would've solved so many things 😔 VESTA BEING A GREAT DANCER, I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT!!! she knows EVERYTHING. salsa!!! cumbia!!! samba!!! bachata!!! name it, she'll do it. when sejanus was a baby she would put him on the chairs to sleep just to go to dance in family gatherings. her pulling coryo to dance tango with her and him being embarassed because he can't dance for life, but she's so happy and he's letting her guide it 😭 KSKSKSLSKSALSK I'M SCREAMINGGGGG now, one day lgb and sejanus deciding to make him a surprise (maybe on his birthday) and going to his house, and them seeing coriolanus in his pajamas and they'll bully him eternally now (lgb would probably get one of these shirts on the next campaign, give to him and be like "here's another one for your wardrobe 🫶" and the thing is he complains but he actually wears it lmao)

ofc they wouldn't ask coriolanus anything, that boy would straight up LIE, but thankfully tigris saves the day and now they can use it against him <3 bc the problem is not watching the telenovelas; even if you're not a fan, if you grew up in latam, you DID watch some telenovela, even if not by yourself but with some relative. but coriolanus is an arrogant prick, he would make fun of people who watch it and enjoy it and act like he's better for not watching it, but here he is fighting for his life with old ladies online about thalía. he deserves the bullying ☝️

BABY SEJANUS WATCHING TELENOVELAS WITH HIS MA AAAAAAAAAAA I'M SCREAMING, THIS IS SO CUTE 😭 imagine him wanting to watch cartoons, but his ma is watching tv, so he doesn't have much choice but sit down and watch along her (and also, strabo is also the kind of dad to be like "I'm not watching this", but then he stands on the kitchen with his hands on his hips watching it, and that's how he watches every single one of vesta's favorite telenovelas; she tried to offer him a seat at first, but he would go like "no, I'm already leaving to my room", but he's standing there until the end, and that's how him and coriolanus get along). sejanus would get into such heated arguments with coriolanus, specially bc coriolanus will ALWAYS defend the villains, sejanus being like "THEY MURDERED SOMEONE????" and coriolanus there "and they looked great while at it 💕"

(also, I present you with another concept: bby marcus going to sejanus' house every single day so they could watch the kids telenovelas with each other)

I watched it, but it have been such a loooong time, but SEND ME THE SCENE!!!! I love to talk about that boy's daddy issues

AAAAAA TYSM, THIS IS SO SWEET 😭 I draw sometimes, but I'm personally not a big fan of my own artstyle, so I do it much less than I write :)) TYSM, I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT (and also, tysm for the comment <333)

about cursis melodías: OUCH. I'M HEARTBROKEN. I'M CRYING. I'M NOT DOING OKAY. oh my god, solo te pido una semana más, now, bby marcus at the time not understanding why sejanus had to leave, and being so angry and so hurt and so mad, because it didn't make sense, he was asking for just one week (I'm going to curl up in the corner of a room to cry). about formidable: it's SO on point about that man. literally him.

#tbosas #tbosas movie #coriolanus snow #president snow #sejanus plinth #ma plinth #strabo plinth #ask #I love the latam au so much #it lives in my mind rent free

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tarisilmarwen · 10 months

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Rebels Rewatch: “Call To Action”

The first entry in our finale arc and the moment the gloves came off and Rebels went, “Oh you thought I was a nice safe little kids cartoon huh? Hold my beer.”

Yet another gorgeous establishing shot.

This sequence is staged/blocked as a parallel to the Emperor arriving on the Death Star in Return of the Jedi, the looming Star Destroyer, the Lambda shuttle, troops lined up in neat formation and the Imperial March at full ominous strength. Fitting given that we’re bringing in the big guns.

ANDTHENTHERE’STHISASSHOLE.jpeg

Tarkin was offhand mentioned as being the governor of the Outer Rim early in the series, and “Tarkintown” was a direct result of laws and policy he put into place that allowed the Empire to simply seize people’s properties to strip mine them for resources, so he’s kind of been a very background looming shadow for our Rebels from the beginning and wastes no time dressing everyone present down for making him have to come out to this stupid insignificant backwater planet personally.

The roasting is epic.

“Look I know you’re an airheaded ditz who only got this job because Pryce is too busy faffing around the Core Worlds but you could at least not look so incompetent at it.”

“ancient history“ BITCH THAT WAS WITHIN YOUR LIFETIME. YOU WORKED WITH ANAKIN AND OBI-WAN. YOU WERE THERE.

Tarkin seems awfully certain there’s no possible way Kanan can be a Jedi. I wonder if it’s a matter of he truly doesn’t believe that any survived or he’s not very impressed with Kanan as compared to the Jedi he knew.

Note again: No fanfare.

We lighten things up a bit with a brief little action setpiece, calling back to the speeder chase in the pilot. It’s the kind of safe peril you’d expect from the early part of the show, no mess, no trouble, just fun adventure set to exciting music cues and watching our heroes be cool.

You know... lulling us into a false sense of security.

Sabine once again participating in the banter with Ezra and even throwing in a sweet little shoulder pat as well.

(Ezra looks disappointed that Kanan didn’t say anything to compliment him, maybe Sabine thought to cheer him up?)

Ugh, Trayvis’s slimy, “Well of course I never advocated for violence, those Rebels are twisting my message!”

The Holonet does not have Twitter Community Notes alas.

“Readers added context they thought people might want to know: You’re a lying traitorous dick and you suck.”

And the plan to take control of the Imperial communications tower is hatched.

Watching the microexpressions on Ezra’s face this whole scene is a trip, because you can tell he has misgivings but also agrees that the best way to reach the people is to break through the state-controlled media propaganda machine and offer up the truth.

OH BOY IT’S THE TRAUMATIZING SCENE!

Comedic staples Aresko and Grint, who have been with us on the show from the beginning, are brought in for their own dressing down before being summarily and literally beheaded in the office.

Yeah no, the first time I watched this I was like, “OKAY WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED HOLY SHIT.“

Ngl, Grand just casually walking around the desk to go stand behind them is even worse after you know what’s coming.

“Your Rebel cell is more principled than others.” Lol is that a dig at Saw and the Partisans?

No but hold me back from getting into my messy Rebellion Era Jedi feelings and wordspewing about how even with all the Empire’s propaganda, even with all the effort and energy they expend smearing them and erasing their legacy, they still represent Hope to the ordinary people and inspire them to stand up and fight. And how that’s so so dangerous to the careful order and control Palpatine set up and so he can’t allow any of them to survive because their mere existence makes people stare in awe and take up their arms.

*sobbing forever*

Kallus and Tua’s slow dawning horror as they realize what’s about to happen. D:

HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN, THIS IMAGE IS NOW BURNED INTO YOUR NIGHTMARES.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

See, even these two are unnerved. It takes Kallus a full second to blink himself back into composure when Tarkin addresses him.

This cue here in the aggressive low brass is part of the Inquisitor’s theme and gets used later in the big Seventh Sister and Fifth Brother introduction I’m pretty sure.

I always love the way Rebels does background sky, it looks almost like watercolor paintings.

“I said be optimistic.”

“Five minutes is optimistic!”

They bring a bit of the fyrnock cue back here, I think to put us just a little bit on edge.

(Also apropos given what Ezra does moments later.)

Sabine being pouty all, “I could have done that.“

Please appreciate how Ezra beams at Kanan’s praise and Sabine get embarrassed at how heartwarming they are.

Too bad the probe wasn’t 100% dead.

LOLOL Kallus seems a little on edge as he leaves Tarkin’s office here.

“Lure them into a trap? But... but I literally just tried that last episode!”

The plan is further hatched but Ezra gets solemn when Sabine brings up that things never seem to follow the plan and Kanan, sensing something up, doesn’t take Ezra’s deflection for an answer.

Oof and watch how Ezra’s arms come up in his self-protective pose right there.

At first, Kanan thinks it’s just insecurity about taking on the role and by implication the legacy of his parents, nervousness about speaking. And yes, Ezra confesses that that’s part of it. (Once again with the self-esteem issues, “I’m not brave, I’m not special, I can’t do this without the rest of you.”)

But it runs deeper. Ezra’s afraid of loss, of having something bad happen to his new family like it happened to his parents. But for a Jedi, fear of loss, fear of potential loss, can cripple you. Paralyze you from being able to think and take proper action.

So Kanan reminds Ezra that loss is going to happen to matter what. You can’t cling to the things you have, you have to let them pass away, if that’s what’s going to happen. You can’t be attached. You have to let go.

“We will take more losses before this is over.” “When the times comes, we’re going to have to be ready to sacrifice for something bigger.”

Don’t think about Season Four don’t think about Season Four don’t think about Season Four--

The Force theme plays out sweetly in the background as Kanan talks about how they’re “learning these things together”, ending on a modified major chord to leave on a brighter note resolution.

And this is such a pretty shot.

And this one too. And this might be the first time we see Lothal’s twin moons?

This is such a smooth action sequence, the way Sabine hops off her bike and lets it Tokyo drift into the cannon to blow it up before rolling into view and popping off shots, the conservation of camera movement as it cuts to Zeb, quick inserts and then Ezra and Kanan are on site.

Hate to keep repeating myself but seriously, look at that cloud painting work.

The Imperial March, naturally, as the Empire’s vehicles close in.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The way Ezra’s eyes dart from target to aerial target.

The camerawork this episode is really excellent, love this dolly in shot of Grand.

Nnnfhkhg Ezra flinched a bit when Kanan got in his face and ordered him to get Zeb.

Cripes, I think Kanan is already thinking ahead to what he’s going to have to do.

“But I like this gun!” “We’ll get you another gun!” Children, both of you. Lol.

AND THE FIRST OFFICIAL TIME THOSE ETERNALLY CURSED WORDS, “I’LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.” ARE UTTERED.

Seriously, it became an awful kind of running joke.

Right, so in spite of Kanan’s reassurances, said to get Ezra to keep going and not stall, Ezra still lingers long enough to watch Kanan shut the door behind them.

NO THAT’S FINE. A HEART IS OVERRATED ANYWAY.

Grand drops down accompanied by his bass chorals and Kanan turns his saber on the door controls and about right here is when I think we all knew he wasn’t going to be right behind Ezra at all.

Again with the camerawork, this tilting pan up towards the top of the tower and then tracking dolly zoom in as the others spill out onto the balcony.

Nooooooooo bbyyyyyyyyyy. :((((((((

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The way Zeb shields Sabine right here.

Kanan’s matching the Inquisitor strike for strike now, and even repays the kick in the chest from “Gathering Forces”. He’s calm, almost zen, having accepted what he has to do, and his cavalier attitude throws Grand, stalling for enough time to let Hera get there.

The “Shenanigans“ theme rolls in on somber trombones, stalling out after only the opening notes.

:((((((((

Capping this scene is an exercise in, “Whose expression looks more devastated?”

Hera’s tight-lipped tremble as she makes the call is especially hard.

My gosh look at the smoke effects though.

This episode really has no business being this pretty.

I hate you Tarkin, I hate you I hate you I wanna punch you in your stupid sneering face.

Kanan looks astonished to hear the others are still proceeding with the plan and making the transmission. I guess he thought they might write the mission off as a loss what with his capture.

Aaaaaah Ezra I’m so proud of him!

This really is an excellent speech.

The woodwinds plink away in the background of some muted brass here, even the Main Titles theme (Luke’s theme, used to denote heroism in the Star Wars score) is quiet, fading out before a slow dooming Imperial March takes over.

“Ho shit, they’re firing on their own tower?”

Well uh... we already knew that Tarkin doesn’t believe in overkill.

The show makes use of some very effective silence, only the faint static of the transmitter playing over the closing stinger. Just to drive that last devastating blow in.

And cue cliffhanger.

Ha ha, another one I don’t rewatch that often, at least not without completing it out with the next two because seriously, that is a cruel cliffhanger.

Rebels does not really believe in a static Status Quo, which I appreciate. Even in Season One it throws wrenches, shakes things up, unmoors our characters. And by extension us the audience. XD

Even for those of us who believed in the show from the beginning I don’t think anyone expected it to axe our two staple recurring side antagonists and end an episode with Kanan captured.

So kudos to Rebels for taking that risk. It has more freedom to do so, granted, than a show like TCW or Kenobi, given that it’s mostly original characters not protected by Plot Armor, but still.

Next episode takes us two steps forward and one great big Mustafar step back, I can’t wait!

#star wars #star wars rebels #rebels rewatch #ezra bridger #space dad and his precious pumpkin child #this is a pro jedi blog #liveblog #music #soundtracks

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blue-chimera · 3 months

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I didn't want to hijack @mlobsters post (a fun/witty recap of S13:E13 "Devil's Bargain"), but it brought to light some great little moments I wanted to talk about, so I figured I should make my own!

In their recap, mlobsters points out the ridiculousness of Dean apologizing for failing to clock a shifter impersonating Cas over the phone (in this case, Asmodeus, who was holding Cas hostage), despite the distance & brevity of the calls. Meanwhile, just one scene earlier, Dean says (and fails to apologize for saying), "I specifically told you not to do anything stupid!" in response to Cas detailing a meeting with Lucifer (something most folks would agree is — at minimum! — pretty rude, and that Cas clearly gets at least a little offended by).

But I think both of these things are actually great illustrations of how Dean's control issues affect his perspective. (Which I totally get being exasperated about! But I also get where Dean's coming from.)

So, first: Dean's not sorry for his "don't do anything stupid" comment because what he means when he says that is, "Don't be reckless — people care about you (I care about you) & we don't want to see you get hurt. So, ask us (me) for help, check in with us (me), and don't do stuff on your own (where I can't control the outcome or at least review your strategy & give it my stamp of approval)."

And if that sounds super controlling, well, it is. Because Dean has massive control issues, thanks mostly to the way John parentified him (which I go into in greater depth here). He's internalized the idea that only he can keep his loved ones safe, and that he can only do that if he controls all the variables of the situation (which necessarily includes controlling them)...

And Dean doesn't have a great grasp on his issues at this point. So, he thinks he's just saying, "I care about you, so be safe" the way that anyone would, and he thinks his meaning (and underlying concern) is clear enough without having to get "sappy" & say it nicely/directly.

[Tangent: I'll add here that I don't think Dean really understands how much Cas looks to him for validation. For his part, I think Cas is at least somewhat aware of Dean's motivations when he says this stuff, so he tries not to take it personally, but I think these kinds of comments make him feel like he always has something to prove (which is a pretty reasonable response to someone constantly implying that you're stupid!). Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect from Dean wants. What Dean wants is for Cas to stay within arm's reach, like Sam, but these jabs typically just spur Cas to strike out on his own more, to try to prove that he can stand on his own two feet.]

On the other hand: Dean very much is sorry for not being able to do the impossible & perceive that "Cas" on the phone was actually Asmodeus, and this also goes back to his control issues. When John made him responsible for keeping Sam safe (in a world full of monsters, with very little in the way of resources, and having only the body & mind of a child), Dean internalized the assumption that A) the seemingly-impossible was actually possible (cuz John wouldn't have given him a task if it wasn't within his power, right?) and that B) it was, by extension, his basic duty towards his loved ones to keep them safe regardless of the circumstances — no excuses. John's parentification of him crystallized for Dean that he was capable of being a protector, so that was his role.

Thus, Dean telling himself that it was his fault for not recognizing Asmodeus as not-Cas provides a perverse sort of comfort to him because it reinforces the bedrock idea (the idea at the very foundation of his worldview) that it is always possible to protect his loved ones. That if he just kept a little more alert, stayed a little more wary, that next time, he'd know the difference. Next time, he'd be able to rescue his friend. He's the protector, that's his role, and he has to believe he's capable of protecting everyone...

...or else come to terms with the vast & terrifying feelings of helplessness that he experienced — and desperately repressed — as a small child who was expected to stand guard over an even smaller & more fragile child against horrors unimaginable. Not to mention having to confront his hurt and anger against parents he grew up idolizing for forcing him into that position.

(For more analysis of Dean's growth on this issue up through the finale, see here.)

#spn meta #understanding dean winchester #dean winchester #castiel #dean studies #john winchester #parentification #control freak!dean winchester #dean winchester needs a hug #spn season 13

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songsofbloodandwater · 3 months

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Ask game! 5, 11, 19!

5. Do you have a favorite spell that you find particularly powerful?

Excluding healing arts (because I personally wouldn't consider them 'spells'), I think the most 'powerful', rather, shocking effect I've gotten was with one specific cleansing method I tried, not really expecting much of it, but with surprising results. In the weirdest way possible. I kid you not, I ended up waking up in the middle of the night to unknowingly summoned spirits manifest in physical form. That kind of weird. It's become my favorite way to remove unwanted spirits and things from the home ever since.

11. Do you have a favorite book or resource that has influenced your craft significantly?

Book, I don't think so. I do read witchcraft books but they're not deal breakers to me. What I read more often, and do end up adding up to become important references in my practice, are articles in anthropology, history, or similar publications. As a researcher, I'm more in sync with that kind of sources and they're easier for me to read and understand (and importantly, put weight on) than most 'witchy' books I read. Less mass-marketed, regurgitated, commonly misappropriated filler, less pseudohistory, more substantial data, in it's proper very specifically stated context and with all which that context entails taken into account in the writing and described, with further similar quality references at the end for me to continue digging. Those are things that I can actually work with. Picking one article to be my most influential source at the moment feels impossible to me, there isn't one. It's how all the little pieces from different sources (including many being personal experiences) add up to form the bigger picture that has meaning and influence to me.

There are good books out there, of course there are. But I don't really get 'influenced' by them because I was already brought up with a lot very clear answers to my questions, and those answers don't tend to agree a whole lot with what I read from other people. I read grimoires and 'classics' as what they are, an often embellished glimpse of what somebody else was thinking or doing at the time. I might compare ideas, practices, beliefs and conclusions, but I don't have a book (or books) that I can point to and say "this is where I got my beliefs/practice from!" or "this was my starting point". I would be pointing at my family's elders instead. There are books that I've found fascinating because they seem to have come to similar conclusions to my own but from a completely different angle, and from very different paths, but I don't think that's what the question was referring to? (is it really influential if you were already doing or thinking the same thing?) I consume a fair amount of books, articles, podcasts and videos from other practitioners, but frustratingly to me, most of the time what they talk about is either (a) while still interesting, exciting even, to hear and contemplate, old news to me, (b) factually wrong or misinformed and thus painful to hear, (c) simply something I already have formed ideas about and therefore something I simply have to disagree with the other person on. I deeply enjoy option (a), I also enjoy (c) because it puts my brain to work and challenges my beliefs in a healthy way, but I dread (b), and it breaks my heart when the hit comes from someone I respect. The influential break-throughs, twists and turns I take at this point are coming from personal experience, UPG becoming VPG, and various forms of communication with my Spirits, Deities and Ancestors.

19. What advice would you give to someone just starting their witchcraft journey?

Besides the obvious answer for me being "begin with your Ancestors" and seeking ancestral spirits in general, I'd say it's also important to figure out where your strengths lie and to nurture those gifts first. Sometimes people online make it seem like you have to know everything and be able to do everything to be a "real witch", and that's simply not true. It's even a harmful thing to believe. For starters, acknowledging that certain practices will absolutely be closed to you or out of your reach from the get-go, and there's certain things you will never be able to do for multiple reasons, is not an option, it's a fact, is a need. But even further, there's certain things that you simply will not be the best at, or not even be good at. And that's perfectly normal. Focus on your gifts instead. What can you do. What comes natural to you. How you can develop a full working skillset from the talents you were given at birth and the strengths you already have.

Thanks for asking!

#ask #asks #ask games #my notes

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basedkikuenjoyer · 5 months

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Crown Jewel

We're skipping the discourse around this one. Ginny is Bonney's mother, Kuma's her daddy, and there's the potential of a half-Tenryubito bloodline which would explain a fair amount of leeway we've seen. Bonney is also only 12 years old. Love how it all fits well with her intro, do hate how grim Ginny's story ended up. But she kept that spark until the end, like the wrinkle of not wanting to be seen and trying to hide the pain. Out of respect for that we're not dwelling on the horrific circumstances of Bonney's conception.

I gotta say though, I was already wondering before that if film buff Oda wasn't striking again because Kuma's story of a humble guy weaving around big events was reminding me big time of Forrest Gump. If Wano was the Kabuki revue you'd pick and choose parts you care about...is Egghead a night at the movies? Sci-fi B movie vibes obviously. Then maybe these segments away are almost like, say going to the bathroom and catching a snippet of another. Hence missing parts of it. I'm rambling...

Absolutely adore the origin of the "jewelry" part of Jewelry Bonney. Both this cute scene and how the Sapphire Scale disease hearkens back to Thriller Bark. The core stakes of losing your shadow. Same with the origin of "If you could travel, where would you go?" In hindsight...I bet Perona reminded him of Bonney. It's also pertinent to point out they were at Sabaody around the same time. There's a lot to say about her after this chapter, starting with...

Bonney, welcome to the top tier of the blorbo rankings. How can I hate a chapter that gives me a feisty five-year-old flagrantly flipping the forbidden finger? Young Bonney you are so precious. Er...younger Bonney. So we don't just have the Sapphire Scales connection either. This chapter hits that running Egghead theme of callbacks so hard. I love this bit about calling her a vampire and brandishing a cross, especially with her flatly pointing out she lives in a church, but a lot of things honestly. Talking about wanting to see a Sky Island was nice.

We're gonna peel this one off for tomorrow, but there is one thing I do wanna note. Actually being 12 with a fruit like that is a different angle, but it has that fundamental thematic harmony with a quartermaster. Just like an elegant but lowkey scary big sister with an actress vibe, a bossy little sister with the infinite possibility of distorted futures suits bringing order and wearing many hats. Kiku's deal was being shown as legitimately good but not great at others'skills. The ultimate redundancy. Bonney is the blank slate. Strap in friendos, I have a lot to say on the matter over the next few days.

This is what I was thinking last week, the part that really gets there. The ability to just pop up at island after island is hellacious for a Revolutionary. Makes it easy to pull something like Sabo's simultaneous uprisings which is smart. Paralyzes a World Government that can step in it prioritizing the wrong ones. But yeah, Kuma goes on a tear after Ginny is taken. We get a great run of back-and-forth shots though between the hero and the doting father. Love that. He goes into a pit of despair, but the last remnant of Ginny becomes a reason to live again.

My guess is ultimately we'll see something like he agreed to the cyborg program at least partially because he could take on Bonney's disease himself. That would make sense for something. Kinda dig the theory Im suffers from Sapphire Scale. I know they said Bonney had a limited time but that may be because she'd already started to turn. Im if anyone has the resources to ensure you'd never encounter natural light and it'd be incredibly thematic. I will also laugh my ass off if we end up making the World Government functionally run by the Sohma Family from Fruits Basket. Sickly lil shut-in who was handed control for stupid reasons.

Hearken well, dear reader and don't look away. For what comes next is the tragedy of Sorbet. From priest to tyrant, from man to machine. A tragic tale who's end has already been seen.

Talk about callbacks, yeah this familiar nightmare reminds me a lot of Drum and Dressrosa. It is cool how Wano fits into that, a more benign version of reinstalling the ancient dynasty. This here is the perfect setting to shift us into the parts we already know a bit about. It'll be interesting to see what happens. Somewhere this kind pastor and loving father became known as a tyrant and he was referred to as King of Sorbet. We've only got a short window to cram in a lot of big things for Kuma. That said, could see us out of this by or in 1100. So a break and a big one-two punch?

#one piece #chapter 1098 #post-wano musings #jewelry mutha fuckin bonney #who will hence be known as jewelry heckin bonney #you know to be more PG

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