June 4, 2020
I am one week and a day away until I begin my move towards the rocky mountains. Boxes have been packed, mostly with kitchen and dining ware. I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something or I have far too many things to fit into my car. My parents have decided to come along and help me move, so they will be taking a second car out. I’m a little concerned because my dad is not the safest driver in the world and I’m constantly holding on to dear life every time I’m in the car with him.
I went to SD last weekend and I’m fortunate to be able to spend time with some friends before I leave, I won’t find another like them. But it still felt like an anticlimactic farewell and I didn’t get to see everyone. Sadness hasn’t hit me yet, maybe because I’ve gotten used to the distance living a few cities away. But this time the distance is growing wider and I’ll be living a few states away. I probably won’t feel the sadness and longing until I’m actually living there.
One of my biggest concerns about starting medical school is the isolation. I don’t know a single soul out there. I feel like I made the big mistake of deciding to live without roommates. I assumed campus would reopen this semester and I’ll have that opportunity to make friends and meet people there. But the way the pandemic is going, I don’t see the campus reopening until maybe the end of this year. Going through a significant life change like this requires major readjustment. I have to get used to living in a new city, new state, and adjust my study habits to the medical curriculum and the overwhelming information thrown at me. It’s times like this that make social support so crucial for me…
The school recently sent out the pre-orientation training course that’s supposed to inform us about what to expect when starting medical school and give us the skills to prepare us for success. I’ve been putting it off because the thought of starting school already stresses me out, honestly I’m terrified that I won’t make it through medical school; maybe the information will be too much for me to handle, or I won’t impress my attendings during clinical rotations, or I’ll encounter a difficult patient and I wouldn’t know how react. I’m bound to encounter at least one of these, but kind of hoping that I do because at least I’ll be in a learning environment where I can improve on my mistakes. Growth doesn’t come from staying in your comfort zone.