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#medical response dog

thegeminisage · 4 months

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the fundamental difference between my mom and me - one of them anyway - is that she thinks of children like pets and i think of pets like children. she's like awww i want a grandchild so bad why will neither of my kids give me grandchildren and i'm like ma'am you don't want a grandchild. you want to have unrestricted access to a baby. what about when it grows up and it's not little and cute anymore? are you still gonna take care of it when it chews power cords and pees on the furniture? answer: no, because who takes care of her dog? me. i'm like if you want to take care of and cuddle something we have one dog and two cats in this house that rely on us and we have a responsibility to put them ahead of ourselves for as long as they live and she's like yeah but animals smell bad. as if babies don't.

#personal #i have literally skipped meals so the animals could eat and receive vet care. i grieve them when they die. meanwhile she's like #you know in my day when a pet was ill we would let nature take its course. like of course you can love them as they go but VET VISITS???#she grumbles monthly about the cost of medication and grooming. HE'S YOUR DOG (i now pay for the medication and grooming)#on the other hand every time she sees a baby in public she's like wahhhh i want one i wanna play with a baby i wanna cuddle a baby #you're not responsible enough. prove that you can do it for life and then we'll make a trip to the shelter

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mandana-the-service-pup · 1 year

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We celebrated on Sunday but today is actually Mandanas third birthday. We celebrated by taking some donations to the local animal shelter.

#belgian malinois #3 years #service dog in training #medical alert service dog #birthday dog #dog birthday #service dogblr #dogblr #adopt or shop responsibly

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manyblinkinglights · 2 years

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Love how things going well is making me absolutely sick with dread around the edges of shutting down. It will literally be fine. I guess I’m reacting to putting up with whatever happens to me being my only response to like the ordinary exigencies of adult life, because for a while doing that did mean enduring stuff that sucked. And now I’m doing the same thing again, and I can’t accept that maybe it will be nice this time because obviously that’s a totally dysfunctional attitude to have. Like, there WILL be various disappointments and stressors, and these WILL feel, however briefly and inappropriately, like the hell for which I am braced. So the blows like WILL fall though even it’s just “and I had to stand in the sun without sunscreen for longer than I intended” (the little rat inside my skull fried and screaming) Like it will definitely be fine, I am going to endure it. But I can’t accept that it will be nice. OKAY LISTEN UP, RAT. YEAH PROBABLY YOU WILL FORGET YOUR SUNGLASSES AT SOME POINT. SO HOLD FAST AND STAY BRACED FOR IT.

#being bad at time and having a binary response to whether things are good or bad which is itself frequently inappropriate #is my problem #Definitely bad things WILL happen to me so I cannot relax. Bad things like forgetting to brush my teeth #or other forms of ''I just couldn't manage to do one thing and then took a risk that fell through and now I'm paying for not having done it'#The Things: laundry. washing hair.#socks.#sunscreen. sunglasses #maybe the masks get shuffled around and I have to use an old grubby one with a dog footprint on it.#and this WILL fry the rat and the rat IS tired of being fried #so it really isn't actually appropriate to relax #flossing. traveling and there are strange toilets with no bidets.#forgetting my vitamins. taking my medication slightly late. not going to bed on time.#having to put gas in the car.#Having to use my shitty overheating laptop for AnyTaur stuff but I can't do much in Unity without it screaming #and I can't put it on my lap without it screaming #Bad ergonomics generally are going to happen to me...#I still haven't cashed this check...#At least I don't have to worry about my voice any more I've gotten compliments in VRChat so that's fine #nice knowing I sound like a gryphon even if I don't sound like John Wayne #My glasses will get dirty and maybe rubbing them on my shirt won't be enough to clean them #The rat is sick of this!!!!! Sick of all of it!!!!!#THE RAT CANNOT RELAX

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mylowmilo · 2 years

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I keep seeing people arguing that they shouldn’t be responsible for other people’s student loans

and it’s just so ridiculous to me! this whole ideology of “every man for himself” completely falls apart the moment you poke it just a little bit. what IS a human society if not a group of humans pooling resources and collectively raising the quality of life for everyone? what’s the point of any of this if we’re not going to help each other??? and they seem to think that it’s not going to help them personally at all to live in a society where people are well-educated, or fed, or housed, or given medical care. people actually act better when their needs are met, y’know. being hungry, being cold or physically exposed, being in pain? these are all things that make people less productive, less able to care for themselves and others, and much more likely to lash out or commit a crime. even if you can’t see the value of their happiness and comfort and safety in and of itself, you should at least be able to acknowledge that a well cared-for populace is more pleasant to live in and around for you the individual.

and we know it is. we have statistics, we have studies. we know the best solution to homelessness is to give people housing. we know the best solution to food insecurity is to just give people food. punishing them for not having these things does nothing to solve the problem-- being kind, generous, even when it might strike someone else as ‘an unfair handout’ or whatever, THAT’S WHAT WORKS. so when someone’s response to that is “but my ideology says that it’s immoral to solve the issue that way, people have to earn it” what they really mean (whether they know/admit it or not) is “I don’t care about the actual outcome. I don’t care about making anyone’s life better, not even my own. The most important thing to me is that people continue to suffer, because my ideology tells me that they deserve to suffer, and that makes me feel better about the world. If I acknowledge that the solution would work, I would have to confront the flaws in my ideology, and the mental structures that keep me from facing harsh truths about the world would start crumbling down. I’m not prepared for that kind of introspection. To spare myself that pain, I need everyone else in society to suffer.”

#anyway I'll probably #delete later #but I'm just so tired of these people #they have no argument for the 'statistics and studies show this works though'#they just go. no but I don't WANT to #and I'm like yeah I know. this was never about logic for you it was always an emotional response.#the emotions of a 3 year old. or a dog with food aggression.#and part of me is like. oh maybe they are also an example of 'hurt people hurt people'#like maybe these folks are lashing out on twitter about student loans because they're suffering in other aspects of their lives #and then I'm like. but wait. why is it always the rich folks whose parents paid for their college?#and why are they always lying and exaggerating their narratives to make it sound like they struggled more than they did?#maybe because these people haven't known real material suffering (going hungry or being homeless or going without medical care)...#...that's why they glorify human suffering and seem to think other people deserve it. Because they don't know what it's really like.#I'm sure many of them are deeply unhappy in their lives. just not for money reasons. more like 'my parents never loved me enough' shit #which obviously is also valid as a form of pain but it's very very different from the kind of stress it is living in poverty

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finalrestingplace · 9 months

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also what do you guys think of this? this is a new letter since i last had a MRI quite a while ago…

i wish they’d just come out with it and call it what it is- A. I. why hide your true intentions shady people

my first instinct is to not trust and hate technology but when that thing is used for good- not evil- then maybe it is not all the same?

obviously i am not going to base my medical care on asking my friends on tumblr their opinion but i don’t know how to end this sentence

with those points and disclaimers stated as clearly as i can make them: do you dear reader think i should go for it or not?

#i will be reblogging this a couple of times to get responses #even though getting an mri is not new to me it is relaxing to lie in a tube and listen to the wonderful industrial harsh noise sounds insid #if they try to change the sound to some music ，i will kill them #for legal purposes that is a joke reference to the price of the costco hot dog #i still stress about every medical thing ever every appointment in general actually. it’s just needless anxiety #like trying to communicate online #or just being online in general

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anarchywoofwoof · 10 months

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my dear babies who grew up with undiagnosed adhd who are now medicated adults and still struggling, this ones for you.

let me give you a cute tip ok? ready?

you don't have to do things as fast as possible

ok i know that this is jarring to read, but stay with me. you may be having the realization at this very moment that every single task that you have ever undertaken in your life, your goal was to complete it as quickly as you possibly could. and maybe you're medicated now or maybe you aren't. but this has always been your philosophy.

this is not actually necessary and not how neurotypical people view things like tasks or responsibilities

a real life example of how this information has changed the way that i behave and has had a positive effect on my mental health:

i noticed that when getting ready to take my dog for a walk, my primary goal has always been to get the harness and leash on her and get out the door as quickly as i can. for no reason other than i was lead to believe as a kid that faster = efficient = better. however, there are other factors, such as: i sweat very easily and moving around at a fast pace trying to collect all of the things i need to rush out the door exacerbates this. these combination of factors results in me getting highly irritable and overstimulated.

i later realized that this is the way that i get ready to leave the house no matter what i am doing

now, when i am getting ready to take my dog for a walk, i purposefully do everything at half speed. i gather stuff slower. i move through the house slower. i put the harness on slower. i clip the leash slower. i open the door slower. i make a conscious effort to do everything almost in a way that feels like slow motion to me.

and you know what? applying this behavior to almost every single task or activity that i have to do results in me having a significant magnitude less anxiety than if i am in my usual "do this task as if you are racing against an invisible clock" state of mind.

the old saying "slow down to speed up" is quite poignant when it comes to dealing with neurodivergency, especially adhd. even if you're medicated, you may still be consistently making mistakes because you're probably still moving with a level of urgency that is unwarranted. you're not in a race. it's ok to do things using inefficient methods, especially if it is a benefit to your mental well-being.

#text #adhd #adhd problems #adult adhd #neurodiversity #adhd stuff #neurodivergent #mental health

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mandana-the-service-pup · 1 year

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My PTSD is flaring up and I’ve been having nightmares again. Mandana was kind enough to wake me last night. It’s a lot harder than it used to be when she would sleep with me and nuzzle me awake but she managed it from her kennel by stress shaking & nuzzling the kennel bars. It was a rough night and I didn’t get much sleep. I was still feeling stressed out come morning so I took Mandana to the park for a scooter run. She trotted next to me for a mile and then we came home and relaxed.

In the afternoon we made our first trip back to the Training Center. It’s been about a year since we last visited. She’s had a lot of improvement in her health, behavior and training so it was fun to see how well she did. No one else was there but it was nice to walk around the facility proofing cues.

She got to run around the indoor agility course off leash and that was really exciting. Despite being free to run around and explore, she chose to walk over to me, take her badge out of my hand and do a really nice medical alert. I was also able to send her “around” a barrel nearly 100’ away which was really cool because I mostly use that cue to get her longline untangled from trees. Doing it off leash on an agility course was not something we’ve ever done before so I was kind of surprised it worked but she really enjoyed the game.

Our current plan is to scooter in the mornings a couple times a week, swimming once a week and drop in at the training center whenever we can for proofing cues and working on her excitement around dogs. We also signed up for a canine conditioning class which is four 1hr sessions starting in June.

I wasn’t feeling up for taking pics today so here’s a stock photo 🥲

#belgian malinois #3 years #service dog in training #service dog training #positive reinforcement #canine rehabilitation #canine conditioning #service dogblr #dogblr #tw ptsd #tw nightmares #medical alert service dog #medical alert dog #medical alert and response tasks #medical alert

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why-animals-do-the-thing · 19 days

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Do you have a snoot noodle or other variation of sighthound? If yes, there’s new heart health research for the breed happening!

A researcher at Texas A&M whose work I’m familiar with is starting a new study looking at genetic factors contributing to heart disease in Borzoi and related breeds. They just put out a call for dog owners who are willing to submit saliva samples & (noodle) medical records. Studies like this need a big sample size! They’re accepting new sign-ups starting now until March 1, 2025, for dogs both in the US and internationally.

Let’s help make some science!

From the study page:

“Background and purpose

Recent research in Borzoi dogs has revealed that dogs of this breed experience sudden, unexplained death. About 85% of sudden, unexplained deaths in humans are linked to an underlying heart disease. Our existing research in Borzoi dogs has shown that they are predisposed to developing arrhythmias (abnormal heart rhythms) and dilated cardiomyopathy (a heart muscle disease causing dilated heart chambers and weak pumping function).

Due to our documentation of the frequency of these conditions in Borzoi dogs, we seek to identify responsible genetic variations similar to what is seen in humans with electrical cardiac diseases that trigger arrhythmias and dilated cardiomyopathy.

The objective of our study is to identify genetic mutations associated with heart disease in Borzoi dogs and document their existence in other sighthound breeds.

What happens in this study

We are collecting saliva samples from both healthy Borzoi and Borzoi dogs affected with arrhythmias and/or dilated cardiomyopathy. We will also collect saliva samples from any other sighthound breeds.

We will extract DNA from these samples and perform genomic sequencing on a select number while retaining the remainder for further screening.By analyzing the sequencing data, we can compare the genes of healthy and affected Borzoi dogs and identify variants linked to their heart conditions. We will also compare the findings in Borzoi dogs to results from other sighthound breeds.

Pet owner responsibilities

A swab kit will be sent to you for at home use along with a link to an instructional video on how to properly obtain a swab of the mouth. The kit will contain equipment to collect the saliva swab, a history form for your pet, a client consent form and a shipping label to return samples to us.

Participation requirements

To participate, you must have a Borzoi dog or a sighthound breed that is either healthy or affected by arrhythmias and/or dilated cardiomyopathy. Pets may be any age or sex. Electronic or paper veterinary medical records will need to be provided.

Benefits and risks of participating

There is little to no risk for taking a brief swab of the mouth for saliva collection if procedures outlined in the video are followed. No individual genetic test results will be provided to study participants.

Compensation

There is no cost to the owner for participating in this study. No compensation will be provided.”

#I know this lab from big cat genetics #but they do good work on lots of things #sighthound #borzoi #silken windhound #greyhound #afghan hound #ongoing research #citizen science contributions #contribute to science

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yawnderu · 5 months

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K-9 — Simon ''Ghost'' Riley x Reader | Chapter I

Sick as a dog, and just as vicious.

1 2 3 4 5

Simon Riley and his pathetic efforts to get close to the new medic will earn him a scar or two

Simon Riley is crushing on an uninterested, tired medic.

''I don't mean to be rude, but I'm getting tired of seeing you here.'' Your blunt words are met with a quiet chuckle, the masked man looking up at you with pure amusement in his eyes.

'' 'M trying not to get injured, bird.'' Oh, but he isn't. He's actively getting injured just so he can drop by and get your help. It's stupid, really, how his obsession with you began. He thinks about the first time he saw you, standing right next to Price, an unamused expression as he went on and on about his team, telling you stories of their missions and time together and despite how bored you looked, your attention was solely on him.

He took that chance to look at you, to truly admire you, noticing the way you pull up your glasses every few minutes even when they're not sliding down your nose, the way your eyes were focused only on Price, paying attention to no one but him, legs crossed while sitting next to Price, your face resting on your hand.

''Clearly not trying hard enough.'' He can't help the way his cock twitches at your bored tone, the small frown on your lips just making him think how pretty you'd look with his cum all over your face— he shakes his head softly, trying to get his mind out of the gutter, focusing on the fast and professional work you're doing on his injured arm, pulling the skin back together with a beautifully done stitchwork.

''It's hard being out there.'' He tries to make conversation and all you can do is hum in acknowledgement, gaze focused on the way the needle digs into his skin, coming out of the other side just to be pulled back together with the thin, transparent thread.

''Y'know Gaz was hanging from a chopper by a bloody rope?'' He knows you're close to Gaz, he has seen you talk to him often, and so he tries to desperately make conversation again.

''Scared the shit out o' the old man.'' His efforts work as a small snicker escapes your lips, stopping working on his stitches as you collected yourself. You look up at him with an amused glint in your eyes, nodding your head. God, he has never seen something quite as beautiful.

''Cap told me about it. Poor guy had his whole waist bruised.'' You let out another small laugh before turning your attention back to the deep cut in his arm.

''If I didn't know any better, I'd think you're getting injured on purpose.'' His heart almost stops as your cold eyes look back up at his, an eyebrow raised, yet there's a smirk tugging at the corners of your lips as you notice his lack of response.

'' 'M not.'' Is all he can say, the knowing look you give him enough to make his blood boil, traveling all the way down to his throbbing cock, thankful for the black hoodie sprawled across his lap to prevent the blood from leaking into his jeans. You ignore all the... beige flags, knowing he's not stupid enough to actually get injured on purpose. You finish stitching him up, throwing away the tools used and the bloodied gloves.

''Keep the wound dry for 24 hours, if any of the stitches come off or the wound opens, come to me.'' You softly pat his shoulders, a small yawn escaping your lips as you look up at the clock on the wall; 0200.

''Tired?'' He asks sarcastically, earning him a way-too-hard pat on the shoulder. Simon woke you up at 2 in the morning, claiming his wound couldn't wait. It wasn't even as bad as he made it seem, though you appreciate your work with the TF141 more than you let on, so you decided to help him. It isn't the first time he wakes you up at outrageous hours, claiming to need help for things ranging from a pathetic paper cut to a gunshot wound. This time, his arm was the only thing affected, a cut big enough to need stitches.

''Very. Now get out.'' Your hand sneaks into the back of his uniform, tugging softly and he gets the message, standing up and allowing you to guide him out of your office like he's a child. He doesn't care if it's you.

''Goodnight, Simon.'' You can barely keep your eyes open and he feels a slight sense of guilt at keeping you up, knowing you'll have to be awake again in less than 3 hours.

''Night, Doc.''

[NEXT]

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total-dxmure · 4 months

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✦ INVISIBLE STRING THEORY →【ELLIE WILLIAMS】→ CHAPTER TWO

pairings: modern!marine ellie x reader

summary: the marines didn’t ruin ellie. ellie ruined ellie. after being medically discharged she feels lost. being sent to live with joel is more of a last ditch effort to save her and less of a fun reunion for the father-daughter duo. jackson is worlds different than chicago, but the fresh air and sprawling countrysides are a welcome reprieve. ellie finds herself finding comfort in more than just the change in scenery though. after losing your girlfriend due to an accident you feel as though you’ll never find love again- but that was before meeting ellie williams. the two of you figure out that you have more in common than just the fact that she and your girlfriend were both marines though. tethered by some invisible string, the two of you meeting has to be fate. who would have known that you were the golden ticket to ellie’s recovery?

warnings: eventual smut! lots of tension building and mutual pining. ellie falls first and hard. small town girl meets a frightening, strong ex marine. TW: talk of panic attacks, ptsd episodes and death. come for the ellie smut and stay for the plot and fluff. (A/N: this chapter is just plot/character building. next chapter we're getting to the good stuff)

⬶ previous chapter | next chapter ⤅

The old farm truck rocked back and forth as you made your way up the all-too familiar dirt path, heading in the direction of the greenhouses. You’d already let the hens out to graze and feed and the last thing you had to do before dropping today’s produce off was check on the nurseries.

Johnny Cash’s southern twang hummed gently over the speakers, your well worn-in cassette tape having been the first thing you reached for this morning. The sun had risen just a few hours ago, and after a few cups of much needed coffee you were ready to go.

The caffeine had done the lord's work, having cleared your brain of any anxious background noise. You could actually function when you had tasks at hand. The second you slowed down though… well, that was a different story. You were trying hard not to imagine Abby sitting beside you in the beat-to-hell red pickup, her blonde braid tossed over her shoulder as she stuck her arm out of the window. You used to joke about her being part dog, what with her loving the wind on her face so much. You missed being able to reach out and wrap a stray strand of blonde hair around your finger, only giving it a soft tug when those blue eyes of hers looked at you with a little too much heat behind them.

So instead of looking at the empty passenger seat you busied yourself with turning up the volume, country music crackling over the shot, old speakers. You all but jumped out of the car the second you put the car in park, ready to get your hands dirty and your mind preoccupied.

You couldn’t remember how many times the two of you had snuck off to the greenhouse when your mother had gotten a little too overbearing back when she still lived in the main house with you. There wasn’t a single surface in the old rickety building that abby hadn’t fucked you on or vice versa.

You walked along the rows and rows of seedlings, looking for any sign of water rot or bug infestations. Everything was perfect, every stem and leaf a vibrant green. Tomatoes, all different kinds of summer squash, and beans of every variety; you had the gift of a green thumb. Your father was more than happy to sign his company over to you right before he passed. All five acres of his property belonged to you now, and with that every bit of responsibility had been placed upon your shoulders. You used to resent the fact that you were so young and in charge of so much. Now you were thankful for the constant work. Distractions. You hated seeing your dad’s life work being summed up as a mere distraction, but it was the only thing that got you out of bed in the morning.

Everyone in the family knew that your dad had wanted a boy when your mother’s pregnancy was first announced. It was a family business, the job having been passed down to him by his own father. Still, he had been ecstatic to show you the ropes. Rather than taking up dance or art like most other little girls your age, you spent your free time elbow deep in mud. You wore the bows and fussed over getting new outfits, but overalls were your daily uniform.

You wore a pair even today, your work boots tightly fastened to ward away any unwanted pecks from overprotective mother hens. Today was bound to be monotonous, as it always was. All you had to do was repot a few strawberry plants. Maybe if you were lucky a goat would find a hole in the gate and escape. At least it would give you something to worry about that wasn’t Abby related.

You slunk over towards the sinks, pumping soap into your dirt covered palm to wash off the dirt. You rubbed your hands together to begin lathering but froze when you realized your right hand felt bare. You brushed your thumb against your middle finger only to realize that it was just as you had feared.

Your ring. It wasn’t there.

White hot dread locked your limbs as you turned your hand over, the dainty opal missing from your middle finger. You blinked, hoping that you were just seeing things. You didn’t even turn off the sinks before racing back over to the repotting table, as if the promise ring had grown legs and would escape you. Your eyes frantically searched the table, pain shooting through your knees as you dropped down on all fours, pushing dirt and leaves aside to get a better vantage point. Nothing. It wasn’t there.

“Oh god. No! No, no, no.” You all but screamed, eyes filling with tears as you pulled yourself off.

You broke out into a nervous sweat, the blood rushing from your head. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening right now.

You didn’t care if you killed the plants, you ripped the strawberries up by their stems, shaking their roots out as you searched their new pots.

Every. Single. One.

Empty.

Abby had given you that ring just before her last deployment, promising that she would be giving you the real thing once she got back. Of course, she never did. It was single handedly the most important piece of jewelry that you had ever owned, even above your grandmother’s pearls and engagement ring. How could you be so reckless? Why hadn’t you thought to leave it in the car?

“Stupid! I’m so fucking stupid!” You screamed, tossing a clay pot on the ground in a fit of anger. It shattered behind you, exploding into a thousand tiny pieces.

You spent an hour sifting through dirt and untangling roots before you finally realized that it was a lost cause. The ring was gone. You’d wrecked the entire greenhouse in your frantic search and the strawberries were just as you expected: dead.

You slammed the door shut behind you, the old window panes shaking with the force. You had barely thrown yourself into the pickup before your body was wracked with full body sobs. White knuckling the steering wheel you leaned your head forward, completely unbothered as the horn blared.

How could you lose something so precious to you? It had been the last gift that you had ever received from Abby. The last. There was no possible way to replace something that was that special to you. Her hands had touched that ring. She’d been nervous to give it to you in the first place, anxious that two years hadn’t been enough time to give you something that sentimental. It was the meaning behind it that had you clutching at your chest, your fingernails digging into your shirt as if you could rip your heart straight out from between your ribs.

She was going to replace that ring once she got back. Give you the “real deal” once she was back home and able to have a ceremony.

But there would never be a ceremony. Never another ring. Never another Abby.

Never. Never. Never.

It felt like you were losing a piece of her, and with that came the revelation- the same one that you’ve already had a thousand times- that she was really gone. There would be no do-overs; no alternate universes where the two of you could be together. The reality of your situation sat heavy in your throat, clogging your airway.

The loss of Abby had eclipsed your heart completely, and darkness was all that was left.

You stayed in the car until your eyes had practically swelled shut and there were no more tears to shed.

The car ride back to her childhood home was completely silent, the only sound being the engine of Joel’s shiny new truck. She did her best to compliment him on the new purchase, but Ellie was sure that she didn’t sound even half as enthusiastic as she had hoped she would. She didn’t feel like being an actress today. Not when he already knew how bad she was doing. Joel had taken one look at her as she got off of the plane and frowned, grabbing her bags only after giving her a bone shattering side hug.

“Well I missed ya,” He finally spoke, causing her to jump in surprise. The sound of his baritone voice soothed her nerves over though. “I’ve really missed you annoyin’ the hell outta me at all hours of the day.”

Ellie cracked a small smile at that, leaning her head into the plush leather seat. The last time she saw Joel was when she had first been transferred to the Kindred Hospital back in Chicago, which was where she had rotted away for a full week. Her eye and face healed up quickly but her back was a different story. She’d been burned badly and had all of the nasty scars to prove it. He had stayed by her bedside for the entire week and had helped her to readjust to being back home in her apartment. The nearly debilitating pain was the only thing that had distracted her from the gravity of her situation back then.

Her therapist said it was normal to disassociate for long periods of time when the body and mind are put under so much stress. Ellie still felt like Ellie back then, but it was only because she didn’t have any real grasp on reality. It was just a few days after Joel left that she finally snapped out of it. She was one of the only five that survived. She was told that landmines were the cause of so many deaths in Iraq.

“It happens all the time out there. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.”

She didn’t want her unit to just be another statistic. They weren’t just numbers. They were people who had loved ones at home. Loved ones that they had to leave for months and months on end. She couldn’t help but shoulder all of the blame. Ellie was the one that had led them out there in the first place. It was her fault, so why hadn’t she died right along with them? She would have considered herself lucky if she had lost her life right along with them. These were the people that she saw daily. Ellie had developed deep friendships with every member of her unit. She knew the details of all of their lives- the names of their children and loved ones back at home, what they wanted to do with their lives once they were dismissed- how could she not feel like someone had ripped her soul to shreds? How could she not constantly remind herself, every second of every goddamn day, that she was the reason.

She was a ghost. A mere shell of the person that she once was and she had no one to blame but herself.

“I didn’t know you liked me being annoying so much,” Still, she turned to Joel and cracked him a small smile. It was more for his sake and less for hers though. “I’ll make sure to turn it up a notch while I’m here.”

The older man grumbled, shaking his head slightly as he kept his eyes on the country roads in front of him. “That sounds like a threat.”

Ellie could tell that he was playing with her. They were professionals when it came to teasing each other, often to the point that people thought that they were seriously bickering. The short haired female let herself settle into the normalcy of the moment. He hadn’t mentioned anything about the accident or her mental state yet, so it was easy to pretend that things were still…okay.

So that’s exactly what she did. She began to pretend. Ellie allowed herself to be transported back in time. This was just another Tuesday. She’d get back home and sweet talk Joel into cooking her an after school snack. Then she’d go up to her room and procrastinate doing her homework so that she could reread one of her comics.

“Got anything good in here?” Ellie asked before opening up the center console. “I’m not gonna find anything nasty, am I?”

Joel’s lips pursed as he tried to fight off a smile. “Don’t go rifflin’ through my shit, kiddo.”

Her eyes snagged on a familiar purple book, and for the first time in a while something yawned to life in her chest. Joy.

“What do we have here?” She pulled out the book of puns, using it to fan herself before she cracked the bad boy open.

“Ah, don’t start.” He groaned.

She didn’t take the time to wonder why he had put the well loved book in his brand new truck. Instead of allowing herself to be overcome with endearment she flipped to a random page, her lips turning up in the first genuine smile she’d had in months.

“Where can you find a tiny coke?” She asked him, turning in her seat so that she could face him, tucking one of her converse-clad feet underneath her.

“Hey! Get your dirty shoes off of my new upholstery!” Joel reached over and gave her knee a slap.

Ellie reared back, holding the book of puns tight to her chest.

“Come on, try and guess.”

He groaned, rolling his eyes as he leaned his arm against the door.

“I don’t know… tiny town.”

Her nose wrinkled, an eyebrow quirking up at his half assed answer.

“Shitty guess, but alright.” She mumbled under her breath. “Mini-soda.”

“Hilarious.” He said sarcastically, turning onto the familiar drive.

“I think I saw you smile though.”She leaned over to give his cheek a poke, but he swiftly batted her hand away.

The truck’s all-terrain tires crunched over the gravel driveway, revealing the only real home she’d ever lived in. The house and yard looked exactly the same as it had whenever she was a teenager. She sighed out a breath of relief, not knowing how much well she would have handled any sort of severe change. Ellie opened the passenger side door before Joel had a chance to put the car in park, eager to settle in after the flight. She wanted to shower, and that surprised her a bit. A welcome surprise.

Maybe things would be better for her here.

“You didn’t turn my old room into some perverted sex dungeon while I was gone, did you?” She teased as she grabbed her tan duffel bag, easily tossing it over her shoulder as she bounded up the stairs.

He laughed as a response, following close behind her so that he could unlock the front door. She didn’t know why he even bothered. He lived in the middle of nowhere, and they rarely got visitors.

“I’ve got some guitars in there that are worth a fortune.” He’d told her the last time she’d asked.

It had been one of the few times that Ellie had snuck out of the house after curfew. She’d been unable to haul herself back into her second story window once she’d gotten back home and had been forced to sleep in the beat up old hatchback that he had bought her for her sixteenth birthday. Breakfast that morning had been… tense, to say the least.

“I didn’t touch your room… but I did get a dog, so make sure not to let her out.”

She paused at that, turning to look at him with wide eyes. There had been a strict “no animals” rule back when she lived with him. She never thought she’d see the day where Joel Miller would adopt a pet, let alone a dog.

“You got a dog?” She was still in disbelief and half expected him to fucking with her.

“Buckley is a good boy. He shits on the floor sometimes and barks all hours of morning though. It’s almost like having you home.” He teased, bumping his shoulder against hers so that he could shove his key into the lock.

The deadbolt clicked open, and low and behold there was a dog. He looked like some sort of lab mix, his pink tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth as he anxiously waited for his owner’s return. Ellie was too excited to come up with a witty response to Joel’s joke. She tossed her duffle down on the couch, quickly getting down on her knees so that she could pet the dog.

“He’s not much of a guard dog, is he?” He asked, closing the door behind him.

The second that Ellie’s hand tangled into his thick black fur he flopped down, eager for love. Ellie smirked, looking at Joel over her shoulder.

“I don’t know. He looks pretty ferocious to me.”

The sudden knock on the door had Ellie’s lips downturning, eyebrows pinching in confusion. She didn’t like the idea of company right now, and the last thing she wanted was to socialize with anyone. For a second she feared that he had called a doctor or therapist to come out to the house to see her. She wasn’t sure if she could take another “come to Jesus” meeting this week, and she was barely holding it together as is. Ellie put her hands on her knees, pushing herself up to stand before she nodded at the door.

“Company?” She simply asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Joel ignored her obvious distaste, wrenching the door open quickly before she could stop him. It sure as hell wasn’t Tommy. . . and Ellie doubted that most doctors wore overalls, even in Jackson. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon, the golden rays shone through the vast expanse of trees on the property, making it almost look like the world was on fire. The warm glow behind the beautiful stranger made her look ethereal almost, her eyes watery and cheeks flushed. At her feet was a cardboard box packed to the brim with fruits and vegetables. All at once Ellie became startlingly aware of the fact that she looked like absolute hammered shit. Her hair was a frizzy mess, her skin was paler than it had ever been before, and she was wearing an old NASA shirt and dingy sweatpants. If she noticed her disheveled appearance she didn’t show it.

The smile that she beamed in Joel’s direction didn’t quite reach her eyes, and a strange sense of understanding flickered in Ellie’s gaze as she took a few inquisitive steps forward. Ellie Williams knew what suffering was like; true suffering. Looking at her was like looking in a mirror, her well hidden misery plain as day to the auburn haired female.

“Sorry I’m so late, Mr Miller. My truck was giving me problems.” Her voice was beautiful. Melodic in a way that Ellie’s wasn’t.

Spring. . . this girl was spring incarnate.

And she was lying through her teeth.

She’d been crying. Ellie could tell. Still, Joel was already peeking his head out of the door, looking in the direction of where she had parked.

“I could take a look at it for you.” He was being dismissed with a small wave of your hand before he could even get the words fully out.

“That’s so nice of you, but I’ve got it cranking up again. It shouldn’t give me any more trouble today.” Her hair fell off of her shoulder as she leaned down to pick up the box.

Ellie moved forward without thinking, picking up the heavy box for the girl before her fingers could even grip the sides of the cardboard. “Here, let me get it.” She said, craning her neck up so that she could speak directly to the woman.

There wasn’t a single thing about you that Ellie found undesirable. In that moment she was completely certain that you were the most beautiful woman she had ever seen, even with the pain and memory that swirled behind your bright eyes. Their eyes locked, and much to Ellie’s embarrassment, she held her gaze. She watched her with the same sort of silent appreciation.

“-I think it would be good for her. What do you say?” Ellie hadn’t noticed that Joel had been talking the entire time.

The woman blinked a few times, tearing her eyes away from Ellie. “Huh? I’m sorry, do you mind repeating that?” She was nervously tucking a few strands of unruly hair behind her ear, shifting in place on the front porch.

“I was just saying that Ellie is going to be staying out here with me. I think working with you on the farm would be good for her. It would help her to get out of the house, and I know you’ve been pretty busy since it’s just you running things now.” Joel put a hand on Ellie’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. Supportive. Non-judgemental. He was reminding her what would be good for her mental state right now, and having something to do with her hands would certainly help to take her mind off of things.

“O-Oh!” The girl’s lips parted in shock, her eyes flickering between the two of them. “Yeah, I don’t see why not. I get a pretty early start though, so don’t feel obligated to wake up as early as I do.”

“I’ll wake up.” Ellie said quickly, nodding her head.

Her words held a tone of desperation and it had Joel’s head whipping around in her direction. He probably wasn’t expecting her to be so supportive of his last minute idea. She couldn’t be sure if it was because she genuinely wanted to get her mind off of things or if the farm girl’s looks had anything to do with her enthusiasm. Ellie couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt drawn to someone like this. Relationships were the last thing on her mind these days.

“Can you start tomorrow?” The other girl asked, shoving her hands into her front pockets.

Adorable. She was adorable. Ellie felt her breath hitch and all she could do was nod as an answer for your question.

“Alright. . . “She began to trail off, backing up a few steps on the porch. It seemed like you were in a bit of a hurry. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow.” Ellie repeated back to her.

She leaned back, lifting the box higher up on her chest so that she could watch the woman get back into her mud stained pickup truck. She only took a step back when Joel started to close the door on her.

“So you’re actually fine with that? I didn’t think you would go for it, honestly.” Joel rubbed at his stubbled chin, flashing her a small smile of approval.

“There’s no way I want to be stuck in a house with your ass all hours of the day.” Ellie quipped, walking to the kitchen so that she could place the vegetables on the countertop.

“I think workin’ there would be good for the both of you. That poor girl has had an awful year. . . I think you’d be good for each other. She needs a friend.” Joel’s voice was somber as he followed her into the kitchen.

Ellie turned to face the older man, swallowing hard as he leaned against the doorway. He was being a bit cryptic. It seemed like he didn’t want to be the one to tell Ellie the girl’s business. Still, she was curious, and she didn’t want to be blind sided tomorrow just in case she wanted to talk about it. Ellie wasn’t usually nosey, but she had a strong urge to get to know her.

“What do you mean by that?” Ellie’s first guess was that she had to be going through some sort of divorce. Joel had mentioned the fact that she was on her own now, so coming to that conclusion was natural.

“No, nothin’ like that,” He cleared his throat before pushing off of the door frame, slowly beginning to unload the box's contents. “She lost her girlfriend and her father this year. She’s the kindest girl. . . you’d never know how much she’s sufferin’ based on how she acts.”

“Oh.” Ellie frowned, having realized that your mourning must be the reason for your sad, sad eyes. She understood how it felt to lose so many people so close together. Better than anyone, really.

“Oh.”

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