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cryptictongues · 3 months

Text

184 Days

pairing: Clive Rosfield x Flower!Reader Series rating: Mature (angst; tw listed below) word count: 13.6K summary: You have a hard time grieving after Clive's passing, even when you didn't need to grieve at all.

warnings: reader-insert (sorry lol), angst, hurt/comfort, reunions, grief/mourning, slight suicidal ideation, slight self-harm, depression, panic attacks, happy ending (yay!) - this is part of the Flower!Reader series! You don't need to have read the other two but there are references to them if that interests you.

Spoilers: This is post-game stuff. If you haven't played the game, beware.

TW's: This fic contains major themes of grief, so it is heavy. There is minor suicidal ideation and self-harm, not graphic in nature, but it is there. Depression and panic attacks are more common in this fic. If these topics don't sit right with you, please be cautious when reading. You may also reach out if you want to know specifics if you are worried!

Songs: I just want to share that I was constantly listening to When the Sun Hits by Slowdive, Thick Skull by Paramore, and Wicked Games by Chris Isaak.

LASTLY, I am sharing this on my birthday! My birthday gift to you all <3

[AO3 link]

Day 1

The Hideaway is full of people. People from all over Valisthea arrive in droves, coming to grant supplies, donate gil, and help around the Hideaway because today is the day; the day everyone here sends off Dion, Joshua, and Clive for their leave to Origin.

You are working overtime, helping with the final preparations before they take off. The biggest reason, however, for the hard work is the ever creeping anxiety filling your body as the time ticks closer to Clive’s departure; from his friends and family, and from you. This day has been a long time coming, yet now that it’s here you can barely stomach the thought of him leaving. With that thought lingering, every moment together has been even more precious than the next.

Every moment of free time has been spent together. With today being the day of departure, your last moments together were last night. You both made love all night, and in between sessions would talk about what you two will do once he comes back; creating the life of your dreams together. Yet, in the back of your mind, all you could think was those thoughts were just that: dreams. You don’t know what will happen during Clive’s mission. But it’s fun to play pretend, and to envision what life could have in store for the two of you.

The sun was in its golden state before its colors showed, telling you it’s almost time. You see everyone gathering on the main deck, Clive and co included, talking with one another as they say their farewells and safe travels. You start your way there, walking slowly as if it would prevent the inevitable. You know the moment you reach Clive, it would only be a matter of minutes before he is no longer within your grasp.

You see Clive talking to Jill, bringing her in for a tight hug as he continues. You see a shake in her shoulders, telling you she feels the same way you do. Just as hard as it is to wish your lover away, it must be just as hard to watch the man who has become a brother figure leave. They grew up together, after all.

You give a farewell to Prince Dion and Joshua once on the deck, giving Dion a firm handshake and a bow, while Joshua brings you in for a hug. You didn’t know Dion for long, but Joshua is a different story. Getting to know your lover’s brother has brought you closer to the both of them. Seeing how happy Clive was with Joshua around made your heart swell. You wonder if Joshua ever felt the same about you two.

Joshua let’s go of you, a melancholy smile drawn on his face. “Thank you, _____. Thank you for taking care of my brother.”

You shake your head. “No, thank you for finding each other again. I will be praying for the three of you to safely return to us.”

“I appreciate that, my lady.” Joshua thanks, yet his eyes shift, and he nods. “Here he comes.”

You turn to see Clive approaching you, and you already feel your chest growing tight and eyes water. He is standing before you, looking as beautiful as he always has, but with a sorrowful look that says everything you feel. It’s unfair, really. It devastates you that he is the one to stop all the madness, when in a perfect world he would stay. You keep telling yourself this isn’t the end, yet your gut keeps telling you otherwise.

“____.”

“Would it be selfish of me to ask you to stay? To ask to let the world go to hell?”

Clive smiles, solemnly chuckling at your suggestions. “Never.”

You reach for his left hand with both hands, holding it as you rub your thumbs into his palm. “I know it would be futile, all the same.” You utter. “There would be no life worth living for anyone. I just wish things could be different.”

“I am doing this for a better future for everyone. It is what the world deserves.” Clive’s other hand covers your hands in full. “I must do this, so you and I can live the future we’ve always talked about.”

“I wish I could take your place, so I could guarantee your safety.” You choke out, the waterworks starting.

Clive is quick to react, pulling you into him as you sob softly into his chest. “Knowing you will be safe here will be reason enough for me to make it back to you.” Your hands squeeze his sides, his statement making you want to sob harder. Clive pulls back, taking one hand to lift your head to get a good look at you. “I promise I will be back. Wait for me.”

You nod frantically, sniffling as you take deep breaths to calm down. Clive’s forehead leans against yours, his thumb brushing continuous strokes on your cheek, before pressing a gentle kiss against your lips. You accept his kiss, giving it your all knowing the outcome is unknown. Both of your lips linger, not wanting to pull away because once one of you does, he will be on his way.

Clive pulls away slightly, his lips still lingering near your own. “I love you, ____.”

“I love you too.” You whisper, placing one more kiss to his lips before pulling away. “I have something for you.”

You reach into the pouch you keep attached to your corset belt and pull out a lily. You thread the stem in between the crease of his corset and tunic, the tightness of his uniform keeping the flower in place. You brush his chest, stalling him a little longer before you accept it is time. “Lily represents reunion. With this flower, you shall come back to me.”

Clive sucks in a breath, releasing with a shutter as if he was on the verge of tears. “I will, no matter what.”

You feel a hand on your shoulder, and you turn to see Jill still sniffling with watery eyes. She smiles at you before looking at Clive. “We will take care of each other.”

You feel something rub against your thigh and look to see Torgal rubbing his head on you. You smile, rubbing behind his ears. “Torgal will look out for us too.”

Clive hums, appreciating the sight before him. “This is farewell for now. Till then, we have a god to kill.”

Everyone has now formed a semi-circle around the three dominants about to depart, watching as they walk towards the end of the deck. They pick up their pace, all of them running until they are no longer in sight. A bright light goes off and the next thing everyone sees is Bahamut carrying Clive and Joshua towards an event that will shape the world.

You are sitting on the main deck, legs dangling off the side as you continue to stare off into the horizon. You haven’t left since Clive left, the golden hour long gone and twilight having come and gone, dusk now settling in the sky. It feels like it has been hours since his departure, when in reality it has only been a few. You wonder if they have made it to Origin yet, if the battle has started, if Ultima has been defeated… if they have met their maker for good. That thought makes you shiver.

You hear footsteps coming from behind you before a presence sits right beside you. You don’t look, but the aura alone tells you it’s Jill and you smile slightly. She puts an arm around you, pulling you into her as you both continue to look into the distance, like they would be back any second. She twists your hair, which comforts you in a way, and you hum. It is silent for a while, watching the sky continue to grow darker and darker until the sky is black with its pearls.

“Have you prayed to Metia today?” You break the silence with a question. Jill’s fixation that Metia answers prayers is comforting in these moments, especially when every prayer she has spoken through her heart has come true.

She shakes her head. “I haven’t, but only because I wanted you to join me. Our hearts combined will help, no doubt.”

You nod your head, and you both move into a position that faces Metia herself, kneeling before her with hands clasped together. You bow your head, and say your prayer in your head, letting your heart translate it in a way that only Metia understands. You pray for everyone’s safe return with little to no injury. You pray they come back healthy and happy. You pray for the dawn of a new age where you and Clive help build a world you two can grow old in. You pray for everything to be okay. You raise your head as you finish, and you admit that some weight has been lifted off your chest, but an uneasiness still sticks. You turn your head to see Jill finishing her own prayer, and she looks towards you with her hand reaching for yours. You give her your right hand and she grips it with a smile. “Metia has listened to our prayers. Now, we wait.”

“Jill, your faith that everything will be okay is admirable. I wish I had your confidence.” You confess, the sour feeling remaining deep in your body.

“For the longest time, I thought Clive was long dead. I believed that Metia hadn’t listened. And next thing I know, there he is. Granted, it was years later.” She squeezes your hand, and turns so your knees are touching hers. “That’s why I have faith that they will return to us.”

“Maybe your faith will rub off on me, and not the other way around with my worries.” You chuckle, trying to make light of the night.

“No matter what happens,” Jill reassures, “I will be here for you. We will be here for each other.”

You nod, and bring her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly which she returns. “Thank you, Jill. For everything.”

You both stay there for a minute, until next thing you know you hear running on the deck. You pull away to see Gav running towards you two, panic clear on his face. “Ah fuck,” he breathes in and out as he approaches. “Edda is in labor. All hands on deck.”

You and Jill gasp in unison, both jumping up to run to the infirmary to help bring new life into this world. And hopefully, a new one.

Day 2

“Alright, one more push, Edda.”

You are sitting behind Edda, letting her use your hands for her death grip as she continuously pushes and wails out in pain. You, Jill, and Mid are giving her words of encouragement as she continues her labor, and after one final push Tarja fully delivers the baby. A cry echoes throughout the room and the atmosphere is full of happiness and relief.

“Can I come in yet?” You hear Gav yell from the other side of the door.

“She just gave birth, Gav. Give us a minute.” Tarja yells, eyes rolling hard at Gav’s common sense.

“He’s just excited,” Jill chimes in. “As we all are.”

“Congratulations, Edda! It’s a boy!” Tarja finishes cleaning off the baby, kneeling beside Edda as she passes him off to her. You watch Edda admire her baby boy for the first time, her smile brightening up the room as she talks to him.

Seeing them interact stirs you with an emotion you wish to experience directly. You and Clive have talked about having children, making it clear you two wouldn’t have any until the world has been set straight. But you two would talk about what it would be like to have a little you or a little him running around or both. You imagine cradling a little boy in your arms, giggling as you shower him with kisses. You imagine Clive holding a little girl, swaying her around while singing a melody. Two giggly children to call your own with the man you have fallen madly in love with. You feel as if your heart could burst from the thought.

“_____, can you go up to the rear stacks to grab more towels off the lines?” Mid asks, taking you out of your sappy daydreams. You snap out of it, humming in the affirmative before moving away from Edda and heading to the door. You could barely get out the door before almost being trampled by Gav, running in like a mad man. “Let me see! Let me see!”

You chuckle to yourself, exiting the room and heading to the linen lines. Even when things seem dark, you can’t help but keep smiling at everyone’s high spirits tonight. You suppose new life being brought into the world will do that to people because it sure as hell is doing that for you. It’s a good distraction, and you accept it with open arms.

You grab some towels from the line, cradling them in your arms securely as you make your descent to the main deck and up the stairs to the infirmary. You reach the infirmary doors when you are once again almost hit by a body, except this time it was Jill. One quick look at her made it apparent she was crying. She doesn’t spare you a glance as she runs down the stairs, sobs fading as she goes further down. You turn to the open door, shock clear on your face. “What happened?”

Gav and Mid look at you like they don’t know what to say. You look at Gav, tears streaming down his face, and it’s like everything hits you all at once. Towels drop from your arms, your arms no longer working as your body starts to erupt. “No,” you shudder. “No.” You kept repeating yourself, not quite believing what’s happening. No words spoken, and yet everyone is saying your worst nightmare out loud.

You could see Gav wanted to say something, but before a word could break the glass box you were building around yourself, you ran. You ran right out the door, and ran as fast as you could to Clive’s chambers. You slam the door shut, starting to pace back and forth with your fists yanking your hair. You turn to the balcony doors, and run to them, slamming them wide open before looking out into the distance. You see the moon, as bright and big as ever, yet Metia no longer shines in its vibrancy. You hear a howl and see Torgal and Jill, Jill’s head tilted down as her body continues to shake. Jill’s connection with Metia was enough to tell you that something terrible has happened: Clive is dead.

You back away from the door, utter disbelief and pain seeping into your lungs. He promised. He promised he would return to me. Your mind keeps reeling, and next thing you know you find yourself in Clive’s bed, wrapping yourself in his covers tightly to encapsulate his lingering scent. Sobs devastate your body, almost to the point of not being able to breathe. But you embraced it, for you wish you could stop breathing all together in this moment.

You fall asleep with choked up airways and puffy eyes, dreams full of a future that’s no longer possible. You dream of him and him alone. You fall asleep in the dead of night, missing the sun greet Valisthea into a new era.

Day 5

Clive would’ve thought he was dead if it weren’t for the loud thumping in his head. He slowly comes to, the first thing he sees being light. It takes him a few seconds to adjust, his eyes working overtime against the strain. He feels sand, and hears the sound of waves. He goes to move his fingers when he notices he can’t move the ones on his left hand. He brings his left arm to his view and sees his hand is completely petrified. He couldn’t see the rest of his arm, but could feel the lack of blood and flesh ending right above his elbow. He pushes himself up with his good arm, hunching over in his spot as he breathes the salty air deeply.

Origin. He had defeated Ultima. The crystal in the sky was destroyed and now he finds himself here on this beach. Based on his surroundings, he concludes he is on the coast of Storm, even though the dark coast was no longer dark, but bright. It could have easily been mistaken for a coastline off of Valisthea, but behind him were still the dead brush of the continent.

He wonders how long he’s been out for. He vaguely remembers waking up, but not long enough to recollect anything. He reaches up to his face to touch his facial hair, feeling the scruff that has grown out slightly. A few days, he thinks. It was a mere few days ago when he left the Hideaway with Dion and his brother, and now he is the only one left. It burns him up inside knowing he couldn’t save them, and the fact he watched his brother die not once, but twice weighs heavy on his heart. Especially because if Ultima hadn’t chosen him as his vessel, he most likely would have become the Phoenix and Joshua would be alive and safe. He couldn’t be sure, of course, but alas.

Clive knows it does no good to think this way. Just like he would have done anything to save Joshua, he knows just as well Joshua would’ve done everything to save him. He knew Joshua would want him to help bring Valisthea and Storm into a new age. And most importantly, he knew Joshua wanted him to be happy, and deserved as much. I cannot delve into what was, but what can. And what he can focus on is the future, especially one with you.

Clive suddenly remembers the lily you had given him, and scrambles to retrieve it from his pant pouch with some difficulty due to one available hand. He felt its petals, still smooth and soft, and pulled it out to see it still looked brand new. He lets out a stuttered breath, eyes watering slightly. He almost couldn’t believe that after everything it had managed to stay in one piece, but he knew it was because you had blessed him with it. You had grown it, cared for it, and plucked it for him, and it was his turn to care for it. Just as well, it was time to keep his promise: to come back to you. He has been away for too long, and he must make haste now.

Clive sighs and slowly starts to stand up, gathering his bearings so as to not get too dizzy. He stands still for a moment, breathing in deeply once more to ensure he won’t collapse before assessing his situation. He will need a boat. He thinks he could find a port somewhere, and worse comes to worse he travels to Waloed to get one there. He will need to eat something to gain some semblance of energy to do said travel. The biggest obstacle for him will be his arm, a heavy weight on his body that doesn’t help his fatigue. He will have to find something to make it more manageable until he can get back to the Hideaway.

He starts to walk up the beach towards the woods; body heavy from his wet clothes, stone arm, and tired eyes. But he will move forward, for you are waiting back home for him and his safe return. No matter the cost, he will make it home to you.

“Darling, wait for me. I’m coming home.”

Day 14

It has been two weeks since the end of Origin, and to say you haven’t been grieving well is an understatement. You have a hard time getting out of bed these days, and your motivation to do anything is abysmal. You know your numbness is unsettling to other Hideaway members, many not knowing what to say when they see you. It’s like they saw you change overnight; your happy, go lucky self now tainted with expressionless reactions.

Gav has officially transitioned as the new Cid, but has yet to move into what will be his new room. He only comes in to do some paperwork, and read his latest messages. Oftentimes he will come to you, asking if he can get you anything, and he gets the same response from you every time: a subtle shake of your head. You are grateful that he lets you stay here as the smell of Clive’s sheets is the only thing keeping you from breaking all together.

You had forced yourself out of bed today to go to the Backyard. You sat beside the flower bed, staring at the flowers hoping for something to happen. Flowers were your comfort for a long time, and now it is like they have no effect at all. You look at the lilies that are off to the side, and all you can do is scoff. Reunion my foot.

You hear footsteps and paws coming down the stairs. You know it is Torgal and Jill, especially when Torgal has been stuck to Jill’s side for the last two weeks. You can’t blame him. You wouldn’t want to be around you either.

“You came to pay the flowers a visit. They’ve missed you.”

“They aren’t very good at showing it.” You shrug. You have been here for a few hours, and your mood hasn’t changed. You feel empty.

“Hortense is holding a sewing class for some new arrivals. You should come and say hi.” Jill says gently, not wanting to make your mood shift further south.

Deep down, you know you’ve let Jill down. You had promised to be there for her like she had with you, yet your own self pity refuses to acknowledge your lack of empathy. The demon residing in your brain just tells you that no one understands. It doesn’t matter if everyone is grieving about the three’s passing; your happy ending relied on your lover coming back to you. Everyone else can move on, keeping him in their memory. You can’t because a part of you is now dead with him.

You move to stand up, not wanting to bring her down with you. “They won’t want to see me. I’ll just make a fool out of myself.”

You move to head upstairs when Torgal blocks your walking route, and Jill gets in front of you. She grabs your shoulders, looking at you intently. You can see she is trying hard not to break in front of you, making that deep part of you scream to get over yourself. “Please, _____. You are an important asset to the Hideaway; the Jack of all Trades. I know they would love to meet you. The more kind people like you they meet, the more comfortable they will be here.”

Even since the end of Origin, new arrivals have continued to come in, many wanting to help with the cause. Even though bearers no longer have the power of magicks, it has led to more violence against those with the mark. This has led to everyone working more tirelessly to make strides for a future with new hope reinstated. You have yet to meet many of them, the motivation to do so never in your favor.

“Clive would want you to continue his legacy.”

You wanted to scream. You wanted to scream how his legacy has taken him away from you. You know your way of thinking is irrational, but the rational part of you is a mountain ready to avalanche. With the last bit you have, you take a deep breath, knowing she is right. He would want you to continue living, even without him.

“Okay,” you nod. “I’ll meet them. I can’t promise I’ll come off as kind. Even if I wanted to, I don’t have the strength.”

Jill smiles, brushing hair from your face. “All I ask is that you try. We miss you.”

You three ascend the stairs, Jill locking arms with you as if you’d run away. You make it to the main deck, seeing Hortense and a few new faces sitting in a circle. Hortense waves, signaling you three to join in. “_____, it is so good for you to join us!”

“It’s, um, great to be here.” You say, trying to come off as happy.

You, Jill, and Torgal join the circle, quick introductions being passed around before Hortense starts her lesson. She is doing a lesson on basic sewing techniques using cross-stitching circles, showing everyone different patterns, styles, and methods for different types of fabrics. One of the new arrivals, Greta you remember her name being, was looking at your stitching constantly. You turn to look at her, and she quickly turns away. You look at her work, and you can tell she is struggling a little bit.

“Hey,” you say slightly above a whisper. “Try this.”

You show her a trick when it comes to tightening the thread, making it so it won’t want to fall apart. “Okay, now you try.”

Greta follows your method to a T, going slowly as she does it from memory. She smiles, seeing how well it worked. “That’s genius! Thank you so much!”

You nod, going back to your own work with a subtle smile on your face. You remember when you first learned how to sew, and how difficult it was for you. You remember when you had to learn on your own, Hortense having too much on her plate. You forgot how good it was to help others, and even if this feeling is for a moment, you feel lighter. You face Jill to see her glancing at you, a grin on her face as she continues messing with her circle of fabric. You know she is punching the air in success in her mind right now.

The session lasts for roughly an hour, and Hortense puts it to a close. “I’ll hold another class next week. Feel free to practice in the meantime.”

‘Yes ma'am’ is said in unison, and everyone departs to get ready for supper. You and Jill stay behind, helping Hortense put stuff away and create small chatter. As you all finish up, you pull Jill aside, feeling the need to say something. “Jill, I want to thank you. But most importantly, I want to apologize for not being there for you as well. I promise to do better by you.”

“Oh, _____,” Jill coos, bringing you in for a hug. “It’s okay. I understand your pain. We will get through this.”

You two continue like this, and all you can think is maybe this is a new start. Maybe you can start grieving in a better way than you have been. You know it won’t happen overnight, but after days of feeling like you’ve been dragged into a hole, you sense you can see the light.

Someone is yelling from afar, and you pull back to see a woman walking quickly to Hortense, a basket of what looks to be freshly clean linens in her hands. You and Jill walk over to see the commotion, only to see another new face. Hortense motions you two over, grinning from ear to ear with the woman beside her. “Ah, _____! I don’t think the two of you have met. This is Willow. She’s been helping me a lot with many of the laundry duties.”

“Oh Lady _____, it is so lovely to meet you.” Willow says, bowing her head slightly. “Also, lovely to see you again Lady Jill.”

You bow slightly, not used to such formalities towards yourself. Jill chimes in, glee in her tone. “You as well. Thank you for helping Hortense during this time. I know she surely appreciates it.”

“Of course!” Willow chirps. “I was coming over here to tell her the linens for the beds are done. Lady ____, I was able to clean your sheets as well so you will have a freshly made bed for tonight.”

You stop breathing, your ears deceiving you. “W-what?”

Willow was still smiling, not catching on to the atmospheric shift. “Your sheets! Hortense got me to get all the bed linens for a wash, but I went ahead and had your bed made as a good gesture.”

Your heart is hammering in your chest, and your vision is starting to blur. She cleaned the sheets. She cleaned Clives sheets. Not yours, but Clives. The one thing you had left of him, the one thing that still smelled like him, the one thing that made it feel like he wasn’t completely gone from the world, vanishing right before your eyes. You are starting to breathe hard, everything around you is no longer real. It is just you being thrown back into your suffocating glass box, and being thrown back into that dreaded hole. You can hear voices, but can’t distinguish what is being said. It’s when you feel a hand on your shoulder that the glass shatters, leaving you bloody in the dark, dank hole.

You collapse, the flood gates opening with shrieks and agonizing sobs. You are hitting the wood, small splinters digging into your fist as you continue. You didn’t care because no pain was more painful than what you are feeling right now. You hear running, and more commotion in the background.

“There is nothing to see here, take your leave.” It’s Gav. It fucking Gav.

“_____, please get up. What happened?”

“This is my fault.” Hortense says mortified. “I didn’t tell Willow that room was off limits.”

Your breathing is now rapid, sucking air and pushing it out because it isn’t enough. Arms wrap around you and you thrash around, yelling and screaming to let you go. “Get the fuck off of me!”

Gav has you upright and the rage you are now feeling bubbles out, turning into hitting his chest. “You are the only other person that goes in there, and you didn’t notice the fucking sheets were gone?! How could you let this happen?!”

“Please, _____. I just got back from Lostwing. I haven’t been there since early this morning.” Gav reasons, getting a grip on you with your arms secure so you wouldn’t do something you regret.

“That was all I had left of him.” You wail. “All I had was his scent and now it’s gone! It’s all fucking gone! He’s gone!”

“I got her from here. You three go have dinner.” Gav picks you up bridal style, walking up the main deck stairs. You are still crying, and your vision is blurry but you can still make out what is behind you. Willow is hugging Hortense, both visibly upset. But then you see Jill, who is standing there looking at the ground, none moving. Torgal is nudging her, but she won’t budge.

I’m sorry, Jill. I broke my promise.

Day 31

One month. It has been one month since Clive’s death, and you are no longer alive; a living corpse that lays in bed for days and days on end. You only get up to use the privy chambers, but other than that you lay there. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. The idea of going to the Backyard, to the Shelves, or even the Ale House is unappealing. Gav usually brings you food, sometimes Jill, but you barely touch it. You eat a little, but your appetite is non-existent; you eat only when your stomach tells you to.

People don’t visit you like they did. Sometimes Jill, Tarja, and even Jote would come in for a short time. They would try talking to you, they would rub your side to bring comfort, they would brush your hair, yet you wouldn’t react. Those visits have slowly dissipated, and you can’t blame them.

You hate what Clive’s passing has turned you into. You never thought grief would transform you so poorly. Grief isn’t new to you, just as it isn’t new for most people in the realm. You grieved when your parents passed, you grieved when Hideaway members didn’t return from missions, you grieved when Titan and his Dhalmekian goons killed so many innocent people in the Old Hideaway. But Clive is your one true love; the one man that was able to intertwine his soul with yours. They say once the soul has been torn into two, it never fully recovers.

You get up from the bed with all the strength you can muster. As you stand, you face the mirror from across the room, and what you see makes you shutter. You walk over slowly, not quite believing that it is you in the reflection. Your fingertips drag along the cool surface, slightly dissociating in the process. What was once full and bright features were now hollowed from lack of sleep, crying, lack of appetite, and the grief that’s swallowing you.

“By the Founder, I look dreadful.”

You want to heal. You want to get better. Your soul is waiting for your shell of a body to hatch, so it may continue to live. But how can you do that in a place where everywhere you look, you see him? Every corner of the Hideaway is covered with Clive’s aspirations, dreams, and ideas. If you want to move on, to grieve healthily, you can’t stay here. You need to be somewhere that takes you back to a time before Clive.

The moon shines brightly in the room, giving you enough light to maneuver around. You pack a small bag of your belongings, only with things that would benefit your travels, and dress yourself in clothes to protect you from the elements. Once situated, you walk over to what was once Clive’s desk and sit down. You grab the quill and a scroll, and look at the blank paper. Your eyes start to water, knowing this decision will ruffle some feathers, and will create a form of worry you won’t be here to satiate. You think about getting back into bed and forgetting about what you are about to do, but you know this is a must. You are holding everyone in the Hideaway back, and you can’t support the cause if you aren’t getting better.

You must do this, so therefore you write.

“What do you mean she left?” Jill raises her voice, the shock clear in her tone.

Gav had come into Clive’s old chambers to send some letters out to town leaders when he saw the bed was empty and made, with a scroll lying on top of the pillow. When Gav opened it, and read the words on the page, he immediately called for an urgent meeting with the main Hideaway members.

“She left this on the bed.” Gav states solemnly, passing it to Otto who is on his right. “Long story short, she doesn’t want to be found. She didn’t give a direct location to where she was heading. All she said is she will send word when she is ready to communicate.”

“She isn’t in the right state of mind to go out by herself!” Tarja says with irritation. “What is she thinking?!”

“How would she have even left? We only have one boat, no?” Tomes questions.

“We have a second boat in case the one Obolus uses is in need of repair.” Otto mutters, looking at the scroll a tad longer before passing it off to the next person.

Jill stands up from her seat, huffing as she turns to take her leave. Gav stands with her, already reading her mind. “Where the bloody fuck you think you’re going?!

“Rather than us wasting our breath, I’m going to go find her!” Jill shouts, frustration built into her face.

Tarja stands up quickly to grab Jill’s arm. “Now wait a damn second. We need a plan before we start going out willy nilly.”

“As you said, she isn’t in the right mindset to be out by herself. She could be dead in a ditch for all we know.” Jill seethes, pissed that nobody seems to be as fearful for her friend as she is.

“She is strong, Jill.”

Everyone turns to Jote, who is never one to chime in unless need be. She is holding the scroll, looking at it as she speaks. “I don’t know her as well as you all may, but from what I do know she is very resilient. She wouldn’t leave unless necessary, and this letter proves as much.”

Everyone is quiet, thinking caps on as they process Jote’s words. The first words spoken after the pregnant silence is Otto, turning to Gav seriously. “Gav, you are the leader of the Hideaway now. It is your call.”

Gav ponders for a moment, a bit torn of what action is best to take. You are family and he wants to know you are safe. He also doesn’t want to get in the way of what you need to do to get better. He fears sending Hideaway members out to find you will make things worse.

“I think,” Gav pauses, sighing in the process. “I will alert town leaders around Valisthea to keep their eyes peeled for her. If she doesn’t want to be bothered, we shouldn’t intrude. Getting a location on her though would be beneficial for us to ensure she is at least safe.”

“Gav is right,” Otto agrees. “She will need to go into towns for essentials and will probably pass through a few.”

“If we don’t hear anything within a month's time, we will start sending out some search parties, but as I said we cannot bother her if we find her. We have to hope she will reach out to us when she is ready.” Gav continues, giving everyone a once over to see if his words are reciprocated.

Agreements are shared, some more hesitant than others, before Gav dismisses everyone to their daily duties. When the last person leaves, Gav collapses into his seat, taking deep breaths as he runs his hands over his face.

“May Greagor be with you, _____.” Gav whispers to himself.

Day 40

You can’t sleep, constantly shifting under the covers with no sense of relief. You feel hot, which is abnormal for this cool night. You start to burn up, skin flaring until it starts to burn. You sit up, panicking as you throw the covers off of you before you freeze, breath caught in your throat. In the moonlight, there is a figure sitting across the room from you, head bowed down with arms in their lap. You panic in silence, not knowing whether to fight or flight.

“You’re awake.” That voice. You know that voice all too well.

“C-Clive?” You stutter, not trusting your voice to break the quiet.

Silence suffocates the room. You wait for a response, but he just sits there. You move off the bed and walk towards him slowly, feeling off about what you are experiencing. He’s dead. Metia’s star went out. This can’t be real.

You are standing in front of him now, your bare toes touching his boots. He still doesn’t move, so you move your hands to his head, messing with the strands of hair from his head. “Clive, is it really you?”

“You left.” You pause, his tone off. Is he not happy to see me?

“Clive, I thought you were dead. We all did.”

“And yet, you still left.” He growls, finally moving his hands to grip your waist tightly, on the verge of pain. “You promised to wait for me. You broke that promise.”

“Clive,” you choke. “I’m sorry I-”

“You broke your promise to Jill.”

“I didn’t mean to!”

“You abandoned the Hideaway, my legacy, like it was nothing!”

“Clive, you’re hurting me.” You are crying now. His fingers are digging into your side hard, and you look to see he is shaking with anger.

“This is nothing in comparison to how you have hurt me!” He yells, and he lifts his head, causing you to gasp. His eyes are orange, glowing bolder and bolder the more worked up he got. You try to pry his grip off of you, but to no avail.

“Please, Clive!” You cry harder. “I love you, I'm sorry for leaving! I should have stayed!”

“You are too late, _____.” He seethes.

“Because I don’t love you anymore.”

You shoot up from your bed, screaming in a cold sweat. You look around the room like a mad woman, trying to gauge your surroundings. A wave of nausea overcomes you and you fall to the floor, vomiting from the absolute madness that occurred in your head. You dry heave on the floor, waiting for the next course of nausea to arrive but it never came. You sat up so your back was against the bed, relieved you weren’t going to be sick again, yet frustrated all the same.

You arrived in Dhalmekia four days ago. Originally, you set out to find your childhood home where you grew up with your parents, but when you arrived at the village off to the left of the Northern Velkroy, it had all but been abandoned. Your home, that was left with memories of your old life, ravaged from what you could assume to be bandits. So you kept going, hitchhiking a few rides before traveling on foot. That is when you found a small, two room cottage down in the Fields of Corava, a place you weren’t aware of, having never been south of Dalimil. There was minimal damage; a broken window and some chipped flooring. It was a better place to stay for the time being.

Ever since arriving, however, your mind has conjured terrible dreams with it being the same every time. It was always you and Clive in this room with him degrading your worth. The first night didn’t feel real, knowing that Clive would never act as such with you. But tonight, after having it for the fourth time in a row, your heart is waning.

You stare at the chair you saw Clive in, an increasing amount of anguish washing over you as you look. He’s gone. Your fingers dig into your thighs, trying to ground yourself. He’s gone. You start to choke on air, not wanting the cries of grief released from your lungs. He’s gone.

He’s gone.

He’s fucking gone!

The shell cracks, the quiet night becomes piercing as you scream. You shoot up to the chair, taking it and bashing it into the floor. You keep screaming, the splinters from the chair and the floor growing with each smack. No matter the ache your body is having, the adrenaline rushing through your it has given your grief new purpose; a cathartic event that is shaping your mentality.

The chair is nothing but wood; the bare bones of it. You get up to open the door, chucking the wood outside the door with rage. The splintered wood digs into your hands, your emotional distress covering any semblance of physical pain. Your screams have turned into wails, angry tears dripping from your face to the floor.

This rage inside of you stirred by grief makes you feel like you're dying. If anyone told you that Clive’s death would make you transform into the living dead, you’d laugh. How could anyone make you feel dead when you were the cheerful jack of the Hideaway?

The wood is now dispersed all across the field before you, bathing in the pure light of the moon. You sink into the cottage where the dark swallows you, slamming the door shut and sliding down it as your body continues its assault. Your bloody hands grip at your hair as you rock back and forth, chanting the same two words over and over.

He’s gone.

Day 70

The atmosphere at the Hideaway was the same like any other day. People were up doing their tasks or simply enjoying the day; it has been the same old, same old.

That is, until the bell on the pier sounded off.

“What is going on?!” Jill yells, everyone looking over the main deck to see the commotion. The bell is only used for emergencies, like if an enemy were to approach the Hideaway. However, Jill sees that people weren’t panicking, but rejoicing.

Gav runs up to Jill alarmed, trying to get a sense of what’s happening. “Oh fuck me! What’s going on?!”

“That’s what I’m trying to find out.” Jill says, her and Gav picking up the pace as they walk to see the situation at hand; both ready to take action. The two of them push through the crowd, finally reaching the railing that sees over the pier. The first instant Jill looks down, a gasp is let out with her hand covering her mouth and eyes bulging.

“No fucking way,” Gav whispers, not quite believing what he is seeing.

But their eyes do not betray them, for the bell has rang not for an emergency situation, but a message that he is alive. Clive is alive.

“He made it… Great Greagor he fucking made it!” Gav cheers.

“Clive!” Jill yells.

Clive looks up to the main deck to see two of his cherished friends, and right as he makes eye contact with them, he makes a run for the lift. Gav and Jill follow his lead, running in the direction he is to come to officially greet him. The minute Clive steps out from the lift, Gav and Jill are on him, hugging him tightly to make sure he isn’t here to haunt the place.

“You’re alive!” Jill elates.

“I apologize for my late return. I didn’t realize I’d be sorely missed.” Clive jokes, watching as more people gather around them.

“Are you kidding? This place has been falling apart without you!” Gav exaggerates.

It makes Clive chuckle, placing his hand on Gav’s shoulder as he pulls back. “Seeing all the new faces, I doubt that. And that is thanks to you. Thank you for keeping the Hideaway safe.”

Clive feels something rub his leg, and looks to see Torgal rubbing his head against him. He bends down, using his good arm to rub behind Torgal’s ears. “Torgal, have you been a good boy since I’ve been away?”

“Clive,” Jill gasps. “You’re arm.”

During Clive’s travels back home, his arm had become more of a nuisance if anything. He is a strong man; he can wield swords made of the heaviest metals, no problem. But to have an appendage weigh more than the other, well, that is a whole different situation. He had ripped part of his cape and created a sling to keep his arm in place, making travel more bearable.

Clive stands up straight, rubbing his stoned arm. “Yeah… I didn’t get away completely unscathed.” Clive draws out. “But nevertheless, we won.”

“What of Joshua and Dion?” Jill asks, even though the look in her eyes tells him she already knows. All he could do was shake his head.

“I suppose I have a lot of explaining to do.” Clive says, having much to tell.

“You will, but not before we get your arm sorted out.”

“Of course,” Clive chuckles, and turns to see Tarja with her arms crossed and hip out. He is so happy to be back amongst friends and family, ready to truly cherish his time after a battle where he could have easily perished. But most importantly, he is ready to see you.

Truth be told, Clive’s travels back to Valisthea were consumed mostly by you. All he could think about was how he craves for you to be in his warm embrace, giving him kisses and caresses that would heal him for a lifetime. To be away from you for so long is agony, and what has kept him going was knowing the future is now his and yours; one where you both can live lives worth living.

He looks around and sees a bunch of familiar faces approach, his original crew gathering around him as they welcome his return. He scans the crowd, nodding to everyone and granting a smile. However, he doesn’t see you within the sets of familiar faces.

“Where’s _____?” Clive asks, scanning the crowd once more for your face.

Everyone goes silent, glancing at one another trying to communicate. An uneasy feeling settles in Clive’s pit, not liking the reaction he got with his simple question.

Tarja is the first to speak up, diverting the question quickly with urgency. “We can talk about her later, but first we need to do something about your arm straight away. Jill. Gav. Take him to the infirmary. I’ll be up there shortly.” There was a look in Tarja’s eyes that told Clive she wouldn’t be there for a while, which made that uneasy feeling grow bolder.

Gav and Jill suddenly hook arms with Clive on either side, walking fast so he had no choice but to follow. Clive could feel himself getting frustrated, having wanted to see you for days upon days and not being granted that wish immediately upon his return.

He leans down to Jill’s ear, needing an explanation immediately. “Where is she?”

“It is better we explain once we are upstairs.” Jill reasons, although there is a shake in her voice.

The four of them get into the infirmary, Jill and Gav situating Clive on a cot. Gav whispers to Jill, her nodding in response as he jogs out of the room. Clive looks at her, a million thoughts running through his head at their peculiarness.

“Jill, what is happening?”

Jill twiddles her thumbs, taking deep breaths as she prepares herself. She looks down at the floorboards, and Clive can feel the tension in the room. “Some things happened while you were away, Clive.” Her breath trembles. “You aren’t going to be happy with what I’m about to say.”

“You are worrying me, Jill.” Clive says, trying to stay calm. “Please tell me what’s happened.”

Jill looks up, eyes starting to gloss over. She places her hands over Clive’s right hand, squeezing it gently. “The night of Origin. Metia’s star went out, and I couldn’t feel you anymore after that. I thought you were dead.

“Jill,” Clive says in a low tone. “I apologize for causing so much grief.”

“We all thought you died.” Jill laughs solemnly. “Seeing you right now doesn’t feel real.”

Clive squeezes Jill’s hands as a means to comfort her, as well as to urge her to continue. She shakes her head, tears as icy Shiva’s magick slipping down her face. “We all took it very hard. Some held hope, but after weeks of no signs of your return, everyone had accepted it.”

Jill’s breath stutters. “But Greagor, Clive. _____ took it so hard.” The tears started to fall, Jill shaking as she continued. “She wouldn’t get out of bed, wouldn’t eat… oh Greagor she wouldn’t talk to anyone. She would just lay there no matter what we tried to do.”

Clive thinks his heart just tore. The thought of you like that made him ill. And the past tense of Jill’s words make the air all the more suffocating.

“Where is she, Jill? Let me see her, please.” He pleads, needing to show you that he lives and has come back to her.

“I’m sorry,” Jill cries, her head bowing onto their intertwined hands. “I’m so sorry, Clive.”

“Jill talk to me, please!” He begs before hearing the door to the infirmary open, only to see Gav with a small scroll in his hand.

“Gav, you need to tell me what has happened.” Clive says sternly, knowing another second longer with no answer will send him into a frenzy.

Gav shows him the scroll, making Clive gently let go of Jill’s hands to reach for it but before he could grab it Gav backed away. “When you read this, know that we have plans enacted.”

Gav hands it to him, taking another step back to give Clive more space. Clive unravels the scroll quickly, the need for answers strong. And he gets his answer, but that answer makes his skin run cold and go hot at the same time.

Gav,

I apologize for putting this on you. I know your transition as the new Cid has been a lot, and I am sorry for making it much harder for you. This space is yours now. Not Clive’s, nor mine.

You know as well as the others I am not well. A part of me died the day Clive passed, and being here has made any progress of healing not happen. Truth is, I see him everywhere. Everything here reminds me of him, and it’s killing me because one moment I see him and the next I don’t. The grief that has consumed me has become everlasting.

By the time you read this, I will be far gone. Please, I beg of you, do not come find me. Do not send anyone to come find me. I will not come back, at least for now. Any chance of me getting better is for me to go out there, not stay here. I know this will cause worry, and I apologize for being a nuisance, but I have no choice. It’s either I die out there trying or I stay here rotting.

Tell the others I’m sorry, especially Jill, and take care of her. Once I’m ready, I’ll send word of my whereabouts. Until then, please let me grieve in peace.

Much obliged,

_____

Clive is seeing red. His fist starts to squeeze the paper, crackles and the sound of a tear coming from it. “When did she leave?”

“It’s been about a month.” Gav mutters, and everything that happens next is a blur. Clive shoots up from the bed, charging towards Gav before slamming him into the door.

“Clive, please don’t!” Jill cries.

“She’s been gone for a month?! And you have yet to find her?!” Clive yells, his fist gripping tightly onto Gav’s leathers.

“We have notified people on the outside to keep us posted.” Gav tries to reassure. “That is what the Hideaway members have agreed on.” His words do nothing to soothe him. If he still had his magick, he is sure hellfire would rain on the Hideaway.

“She needed time, Clive.” Jill rests her hand on his shoulder. “We chose to respect her wishes.”

He scoffs, backing away from the both of them, disbelief clear on his features. “You agreed to this too?”

“You were not here to witness what we did!” Jill yells agitated. “Clive, I understand your frustration, but if you saw how she was you wouldn’t think twice.”

He wants to stay angry, put the blame on someone selfishly. You’ve done so much for the Hideaway, the cause, everyone involved. How could they let you leave? But all he feels is defeat. He came too late, and now he needs to make up for lost time.

“Excuse me,” Clive mutters, walking towards the door Gav is still leaning against.

Jill shoots herself to grab the upper half of his petrified arm, a grunt forced out at the pulling tension. “Clive, you need to stay right here so Tarja can do something about your arm.”

“No, I am going to go out and look for her! She needs to know I’m alive!” He tries shaking her grip off his arm, but to no avail as she holds on tighter. Panic is starting to set in, not knowing where you are and if you are safe freaking him out. It is almost as if he is experiencing firsthand what you went through.

Gav steps forward, putting his hands on Clive’s shoulders shaking him slightly. “We have cursebreakers looking for her daily now that the month of her leave has passed. We will find her. And now that you are back, we will bring her home.”

“Once you are better, we will go with you to search for her. But for right now, you need to rest. Let the cursebreakers do what they’ve been assigned to do.” Jill reassures. “Let’s get you ready for Tarja. The sooner she can fix you up, the faster you can go out.”

Clive takes a deep breath before nodding, and lets Jill and Gav guide him back to the cot. He sits back down, and all he can do is look down at the floorboards. Anger and defeat have turned into a sadness he cannot fully comprehend; a feeling he hasn’t quite felt before. “Do you two mind giving me some time alone? Please.”

“Of course, Clive. We will be outside if you need anything.” Jill says, before the sound of four feet patter across the floor and the creak of the door opens and closes, leaving Clive completely alone.

He doesn’t know how long he stays like that; unmoving, eyes glued to the floor. All he thinks is he should have found a way to send a message to you so you knew he had survived. Deep down, he knows there was nothing he could have done given his circumstances, but that doesn’t stop the blame game he is putting upon himself. So he sits there, wallowing in his heartache as his shoulders shake and throat lets out faint sobs.

The letter is still held tightly in his grasp.

Day 71

Waking up early in the morning before the sun makes its greeting isn’t abnormal for you, not when you dream constantly. Sometimes your dreams would startle you. Sometimes they would make you wake up crying. Sometimes they would wake you up with a smile on your face. But the time is always the same; the moon is always there to tell you the time of the morning and you fall back into a deep sleep before the sun shows itself. However, this time is different.

In recent days, you’ve had nothing but wonderful dreams. Not ones like when you first came here, or ones about a future no longer possible. They were dreams of the past, deja vu in nature. Fond memories of you and Clive ranging from the first time you laid eyes on him to the last. What’s different about your calling back to the real world is your eyes open to hues of yellow and orange shining through the window. It is not the moon’s beams that greet you, but the sun’s rays.

You get out of bed and go to the door, opening it to step out onto the field. The early morning air hits your skin, the grass licking at your feet as you continue forward. You trek to the spot between the elevated land, a v-shape displaying the rising sun as it continues its ascent. Your hand goes out in front of you, watching your skin transform as the sun’s colors grow brighter. You can’t help but smile at the sight before you because all you feel is peace. For once since Valisthea changed forever, you felt like everything will be okay.

You think about the first time you and Clive watched the sunrise together, holding each other tightly as you both talk about how it is a new day full of hopes and dreams. You remember him telling you how he has never felt more alive than he did in that moment, and you can understand why; you understand because you feel the same.

You know Clive would want you to live to the fullest, for that was what he wanted all along. Even if things didn’t turn out the way they should have, he would have wanted you to live for him, but most importantly for yourself. He would want you to remember your time together fondly, and that it wasn’t for nothing. It was everything.

You inhale deeply, the scents of the morning filling your airways before you exhale. You continue to look out on the horizon, mesmerized by the beauty of a new day; a new start .

“I deserve to be happy, right Clive?” You whisper to yourself. “I will continue to live for you and for me. Starting now.”

This is the start of your new life.

Day 172

“These are absolutely beautiful, my lady. These are so hard to find in Dhalmekia.”

You smile brightly, watching the woman before you admire your handy work. “I’m pleased that you love them. Morgenbeards are native to the swampy waters in Rosaria, but I was able to get my hands on some seeds.”

“You must know your stuff to get them to grow here.” The lady continues.

You shake your head, grinning at her. “I have my ways.”

To say things have gotten better would be the greatest understatement in history because you are thriving. It is as if everything has fallen into place. You fixed up the small cottage you are residing in so it felt more like a home rather than a temporary visit. You did a lot of prep work to ensure you’d live comfortably. The greatest thing, however, is you found a way to make a living for yourself, the one thing you do best: grow flowers.

You noticed how flowers grew in the fields, yet you could tell they needed help; the Dhalmeky dirt too dry to keep them alive for long. You were able to get some books on flower gardening, along with different kinds of seeds, all imported from merchants who graciously accepted the little gil you had. It took some time, but those things helped you open a flower shop out of your home. And thus far, it has been a wonderful success.

You had taken a flower cart to Dalimil to get your name out there, and to let people know where to find your business. You eventually want to move your business within the inn’s market, but when you had come to propose the idea, you found out Lubor had been gone on an expedition. The cart will have to do, you recalled thinking. The people there have been nothing but supportive, offering their business in exchange for theirs: vases, business signs, gardening supplies, etcetera. It was a good system that benefitted you and them. You were grateful.

You are sitting at the kitchen table, having closed shop for the day, sipping on some hot tea as you write down your daily earnings. A hard day’s work is rewarding, and knowing your flowers have made your customers happy makes you happy. To be doing things that feel worthwhile feels good, and the last time you felt this way was when you lived at the Hideaway.

The Hideaway. You stop writing as you reminisce about those times. It really wasn’t that long ago, yet it feels like a lifetime. Have I changed that much?

You miss everyone dearly. You miss Tarja’s tough love. You miss Mid’s inventiveness. You miss Otto’s gruffness. You miss Tome’s stories of his travels. You miss Jote’s coolness. You miss Gav’s banter. You miss Torgal’s way of comforting you. You miss Jill’s faith. You miss everyone. You often wonder if they miss you too.

You are surprised no one has come looking for you, or have found you if they were. You think about what they must have thought when you left that letter. Were they angry? Sad? Worried? All three? Did they listen to you when you said you didn’t want to be found or did they nonstop look day and night for you? You couldn’t tell. Not unless you find out for yourself.

You set the daily earnings paper aside, and lay out a fresh one, your quill hovering over the paper as you think of what to say. There are so many words to say, yet you don’t know where to start. Do you share everything? Do you just tell them you are okay? Do you tell them where you are? So many questions to answer with little paper to write it all out. So you write something simple, hoping it gets the message across.

I hope this finds you well. Come see me if you wish. You all know where to find me.

Day 179

Clive’s search for you has been non-stop, days and nights spent looking for trails only to find dead ends. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get how you could have disappeared without a trace. But that will not deter him. He will not stop looking until he finds you.

Every place that Clive could think of they checked. Areas in Dhalmekia were the first places they looked, knowing you knew the area better than others. The very first place they checked was your childhood home near the Northern Velkroy, but it didn’t look like there were any signs of life there. Different towns within the area were checked but no one had heard or seen you. Hell, they were more surprised to see him alive and well to focus on the whereabouts of a lost woman. He understood, but it grated his nerves.

Every other place in Valisthea had been scouted and marked as they went, but every location and mark was the same. So here he was, writing letters to town leaders of the cause again to be his eyes. You have to show up somewhere eventually, if you haven’t already.

As every day passes, his heart wanes further. It yearns for you, calling out its other half to be complete again. When he does rest, granted not for long periods of time, he imagines you are lying with him. He holds a pillow close in his arms, picturing it to be you to subdue his crazed heart and mind. It was nice to pretend, but then he wakes up and is sorely disappointed to see what lies in his arms is just that: a pillow. It’s a cycle because the same thought crosses his mind each and every time: the day you are back in his arms will be a momentous day. That day has yet to come.

He keeps writing the same words over and over on different sheets of paper when he hears commotion from beyond his doors. The fighting instinct in him shoots up, running to the door to see what was happening when he sees Otto, Jill, and Gav running towards him.

“Has something happened?” Clive asks, alarmed.

Otto reaches Clive first, shoving a piece of paper into his hand. “She has communicated with us.”

Clive couldn’t read the paper fast enough, not quite believing this day had come. He rings out the paper to straighten it before reading her handwriting. “She is staying in a cottage in the Fields of Corava.”

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go get the lass back!” Gav expresses with full excitement, springs basically on the bottom of his feet with how bouncy he is.

Jill pats Gav on the back. “Gav, let’s let Clive go alone.” She then turns to face Clive, an understanding smile greeting him. “They will need some time together.”

“Thank you, Jill.” Clive says softly. “I thank all of you.”

“Well, if that’s the case…” Gav draws out, approaching Clive before slamming his hand on his shoulder, “you better get cleaned up! You have a lady to see.”

Clive laughs at Gav’s antics, and turns to ready himself; ready himself to return to you once and for all.

Day 184

It’s late in the morning as you gather flowers into your basket, trimming and cutting the ones that have bloomed beautifully. The flower gardens in the field were flourishing more and more every day. The more you work in the gardens, the more fulfillment you feel. You felt this when you helped out in the Backyard, but what you built here is from your own doing. You believe it to be a testament to your growth, showing that you made the right decision all those months ago. You’ve created your own little utopia, and to share it with others is a beautiful thing.

As you cut fresh flowers, you start to wonder if people at the Hideaway got your letter. You would love for them to come visit, and see what you have done with the place. You wonder if they will ever come to see you or if they will send a letter back. It could be any day now, and you will be ready.

You have a full basket of flowers ready to be put in vases, and before you can get up to head inside you see a shadow lingering above your form. “I’m sorry, but I won't be open for another couple of hours.”

There is no reply, and the shadow remains as still as a statue. You sigh, standing up to turn and be more clear with your words. “I apologize for the inconvenience, but I still need to se-”

The flower basket falls from your grasp, tumbling out and falling into a heap by your feet. Time has frozen, not feeling real as you look at the person you have longed to see for months. You question if you are hallucinating, having had moments where you would see Clive one second and the next he was gone. This, however, was different.

The man before you was not in uniform; just a simple white tunic that displayed a few of his chest curls at the v-cut and regular black trousers with his leather boots. His face was clean-shaven, the facial hair he had kept for so long absent from his face making him look younger. The biggest difference, however, was his left arm; from his elbow down was gone. How could this be hallucination?

“Am I dreaming or is this real?” You breathe, blinking a few times to see if he’d disappear. He didn’t.

He takes a step forward, grabbing one of your hands to place it over his heart. He is warm, his heart fluttering quickly. He is looking down into your eyes, where you see his baby blues grow glossy. “This is real.” He murmurs. “I’m home, sweetheart.”

Something about his words break you, your hands latching onto his shirt to hold yourself to reality. He’s home. My Clive is home.

You can’t help the sobs that leave your mouth as you bury your face into his chest, making him wrap his arm around you as you both collapse down into the flower beds. You are feeling every emotion under the sun, and you can tell Clive does too as he holds you in his lap. He cries with you, sharing a reunion so pure that it is overwhelming. You lift your head and bring his face to yours, kissing him so deeply that your lungs shake. Exchanges of small words come out between the two of you as you give each other kisses that have been longed for.

“I never thought I’d see this day.” You say with a wobble in your tone, kissing him again and again. “I love you so much.”

“And I love you. I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” Clive croaks, and goes back in for your lips.

There you both make up for lost time; holding onto each other in a field of flowers where kisses and touches are continuously exchanged.

You and Clive eventually went inside. You turn the sign on your door to ‘close’, so no one can bother you two. You watch Clive look around the place, taking in your little set up of flowers on the kitchen table.

“I apologize for the mess. I’ve had a lot of requests over the last few days believe it or not.”

Clive looks at you, a soft chuckle leaving his lips. “That doesn’t surprise me in the least. You’ve always had a way with flowers. Speaking of which…”

He reaches into his pocket, only to pull out the lily you had given him all that time ago. You gasp, surprised he has kept hold of it. “You still have it? But how?”

“I protected it with my life.” Clive sets it onto the table. “You gave it to me with the wish that I’d return to you. I wasn’t going to lose it easily.”

“You are so endearing.” You say, but you have so many things you want to know and that alone puts a small frown on your face.

Clives sees the shift immediately, grabbing your hand to console you. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“What happened at Origin, Clive?” You ask, needing to know what he went through for the time he was gone.

Clive exhales, seemingly knowing that question was coming. He pulls your hand towards him as he walks to your bed. “We should sit down. It is a long story.”

The two of you sit down and Clive still has a tight hold on one of your hands. “Forgive me, for this may take me a second. Thinking about certain events there still hurts.”

You bring your free hand to his face, which feels smooth under your touch. His head leans into your palm, turning slightly to kiss the delicate skin. “Take all the time you need. I am here.” You murmur.

And so, he tells the tale of Origin. He tells you about Dion’s sacrifice. He tells you about what he found out about Ultima’s plans. He tells you about Joshua’s passing, something he had a hard time conveying without his voice breaking, but he pushed on. He tells you about Ultima’s demise. He tells you about how he woke up somewhere off the Shadow Coast of Storm. And he tells you how throughout his journey back to Valisthea, all he could think about was how he couldn’t wait to come home to you. All of it was hard to listen to, hearing what he went through from Origin till now.

“So, Metia going out was a sign that magick has been lost…”

“Mmm,” he hums, the both of you lying down now.

“So that’s why you didn’t become wholly petrified? You stopped it in time.”

“Tarja did a great job removing it and ensuring my stub was healed properly, despite my stubbornness.” He jokes, but you don’t laugh. All you can think about is the past.

“If only I waited a little longer,” you start. “I would have saved us so much grief.”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself.” Clive shushes, kissing the top of your head and pulling you closer into his body. “Jill told me you had a very hard time grieving. I will not shame you for doing something you felt was right.

You bury your head into Clive’s neck, breathing in something that is so undeniably him. “You know, when I first got here, I would have these dreams. Nightmares really.”

Clive stays silent, letting you continue. “It would always start and end the same. I would wake up with you in the room, and the next thing I knew you were telling me I had betrayed you… and that you no longer loved me.” You start to sniff, not liking to recall those dreams. “For such a long time, I felt I didn’t deserve to be happy because I had left part of your legacy behind. It felt like your ghost was haunting me day and night.”

“Oh, darling,” Clive pulls you into him so you are on top of him with legs on either side of him. Clive brings your forehead to his, his thumb coming up to swipe the tears building up in your eyes. “I could never not love you.” He looks deeply into you, burning the truth of his heart into you. “I am yours even beyond death.”

His words overwhelm you, and you lean down to kiss him with every passionate fiber in your being. Your hands go to his torso, running your fingers up and down the sides as you continue to show him how much you love him. He grunts into your lips, his arm holding you down to him. Your hands start to slide slowly under his tunic, your fingers slowly ascending until they reach his chest only to go down again. The delicate touch of your fingers makes his hips buck right against your heat, a grunt and a moan echoing together simultaneously. Your hands go back up again, only this time you bring the tunic with you.

“We have a lot of lost time to make up for.” You say against his lips.

Clive smirks at your boldness, only to flip you over on your back so he is hovering over you. “That we do, darling. Forgive me, though. Having one arm gives me less leverage.”

You hum, bringing him back down to you by his hair. “I’m sure we can manage.”

You two make love into the night and into the morning, not getting enough of one another; making up for lost time.

Day 200

Since you and Clive’s reunion, he had decided to stay for a while. He had sent a letter to the Hideaway to let them know you were well and that he would be staying for the time being, making Gav in charge.

“He’ll love that.” You had joked.

“He’s his own man. I have all the faith in him.”

These last few weeks have been sublime. When you wake up, you see Clive snoozing away beside you on your right; always the right so he can wrap his arm around you in his sleep. He has also helped you with the flower shop. You two would go out in the morning before the heat set in to work the ground and water the flowers. You don’t know if the yearning in your body has yet to be satiated, but there have been times when you would come outside to gather more flowers to see Clive with his shirt off, sweat glistening on his burly chest as he works. It takes every bone in your body not to jump his own. Most times, you are unsuccessful.

You also found out Clive is quite the salesman. When you two would go out to Dalimil to sell from your cart, the way he is able to convince people to make a purchase is astounding. Is it the charm? The looks? A combination of both? You could guess, but it didn’t matter. Every time you made a sale, he would turn to give you a quick peck.

“I would kiss you for every individual flower we sell, but we don’t want to scare them away now, do we?”

After a long day out in Dalimil, you two are now inside the cottage finishing up dinner. You are cleaning the dishes when you feel him behind you, wrapping his arm around you pulling your hips to his. You hum in a laughing manner, his friskiness showing as he places kisses on the side of your face. “Clive, let me finish these.”

“They aren’t going anywhere.” He hums, his kisses lingering below your ear.

You sigh but continue cleaning. Clive, on the other hand, was not having it. He pulls you away, soap and water sloshing from your hands as he pulls you to him. He plops down onto the kitchen chair, bringing you into his lap. “Hmmm, I got you.”

“You are such a horn dog. Are you sure Ifrit still doesn’t linger within you?” You laugh, then squeak when he pinches your side.

“In all seriousness,” he murmurs in your ear. “I want to talk about something.”

“About?” You hum.

“About our future.”

“Go on,” you urge. “What about our future?”

“Well,” Clive starts, “living the way we have the last couple weeks, my mind can’t stop wandering to what I want for us.”

Your hand reaches up to his cheek, only for him to nip at the tips of your fingers causing you to giggle. “Such as?”

“To start the life we’ve always talked about.” He places more kisses on your neck. “One where our lives are strictly ours. One where I come home to my beautiful wife.”

“I like the sound of that.” You mewl, his kisses making you squirm in his lap.

“One where I get to see you bearing our child.” His hand goes down to your tummy, rubbing just above your uterus.

“I’ll be surprised if I’m not already with all the love making we have done.” You giggle.

He chuckles along with you, his hand squeezing your flesh. “You’d look beautiful. You always do.” He continues, “one where I get to raise a little me, a little you, or both.”

“It all sounds so wonderful.” You purr, feeling all warm and fuzzy at his remarks.

“Then let’s go ahead with step one.” Clive says, lifting you off of him only to sit you back down. He kneels before you, both of your hands in his one. “I don’t have a ring, but I can’t wait a moment longer. _____, will you do me the utmost honor of marrying me?”

You hum, smiling brightly at his question. “Would you have me in a wedding dress? A big ceremony?”

“Anything your heart desires.”

You shake your head, laughing at his insistence. You look at him, letting yourself get swallowed by his eyes. “I’d marry you with just the clothes on my back.”

Clive grins, bringing your left hand to his lips as he kisses your ring finger. “I cannot wait to marry you, future Lady Rosfield.”

Lady Rosfield. It has a nice ring to it.

#clive rosfield x reader #clive rosfield #ffxvi x reader #ffxvi #clive rosfield angst #clive x reader #final fantasy xvi #my fics

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sleepiexx · 8 months

Note

Valeria Garza x fem reader. Reader and Valeria were once lovers until one day she disappeared and a few years later on a mission to capture El Sin Nombre the reader finds out what she has been doing all this time.

Back When I Loved You

Valeria Garza x fem!Reader

Link to Pt.2

Note: so sorry this took like for-fucking-ever, I’ve been working so fucking much I never write anymore 😭😭 I’m so glad I got this done, I needed to write this. Also, I switched to y/n instead of (Y/N) bc I did a survey and it said most ppl prefer y/n, tell me if u think that’s dumb

Summary: It’s been years since y/n had been stationed in Las Almas, returning opens some old wounds she hadn’t realized never healed.

Warnings: death mention (no one actually dies), soap is a slut, uhhh not much else rlly

Word Count: 3345

Quite a peculiar phenomenon, “the one that got away.” The idea of an old flame that was never allowed to fully ignite and crackle into something beautiful, never quite coming to fruition. The kind of love that leaves you wondering what could have been had circumstances been different, desperately yearning for even the slightest taste of something more.

The topic came up one day as the task force sat around at a bar drinking, waiting for the assignment that they would inevitably have the next day. It started as Gaz recounted the story of how he met a girl before graduation and fell madly for her. Their story ends there with the fact that the moment Gaz realized how he had felt for her, he was being shipped off to boot camp, never to see his lost love ever again. He spoke of how deeply he regretted not pursuing a relationship with her, and how every time he goes home to visit his mother, a tiny part of him hopes to see her again.

Soap went next. Lord knows the man had many, many regrets and many stories regarding his love life, yet one took president in his mind. “She had the softest skin,” he had said, story veering off the main point and getting caught up on the details as it had nearly a million times, once about her hair, three times about her eyes, and now about how “baby soft” her skin was. Eventually— with a little pushing from the others— he told the full story, how he was on vacation, a rarity for him, and how he’d hit it off with this woman. Usually with his one night stands, it was purely sexual, no emotional connection whatsoever. Yet this time, Soap had found himself enchanted. After what he described as a “magical” night, she’d disappeared, and he never got the chance to give her his number.

“What about you, old timer, I’m sure you’ve got an old flame who escaped ya’,” Soap beamed, turning the conversation towards Price who smiled and nodded fondly to himself.

“She was-“ he sighed, “well, she was something.” No matter what he did, he couldn’t escape the smile that creeped up his cheeks as he told the story. A kind lover, she was. Made him breakfast in the mornings, listened as he complained about work— he was just a Lieutenant back then, but she listened. And she was always there. Until she wasn’t. The Captain’s story ever so slowly changed from happily reminiscing and took on a much more somber tone as Price recounted the fighting that led up to his break up with the woman. He had been coming up on the end of his contract with the British Army and she had wanted him to stay with her, start a family, but Price had been in the military for a long time. He had no clue what life would even be like outside of the Army. And so he reenlisted. He spoke about how deeply he regretted that, how there were nights that he woke up and just imagined how his life could have panned out had he stayed with her. Would he be awoken by their kids pouncing up and down on him, rather than the ever-present nightmares he gets as his current wake up call? He would never know, and that would haunt him to this day.

Price took a big swig of whiskey at the melancholy thought, turning the attention toward y/n, “What about you, kid? You’re still young, hopefully no sad stories yet?”

Y/n shook her head, “I don’t see it as sad, more so I see it as I’m happy I got that experience. Yeah I’m upset that it never went anywhere but I’m glad that it happened period.” She smiled, happy with her answer but the others stared on with shocked looks. “What?” She asked.

Soap’s eyes were wide, “Well you can’t just say all o’ that and then just not tell us the story.” He shook his head, flabbergasted, “We all told you, save for Ghost but the man’s already very private, so now it’s your turn.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, “yeah, yeah,” she took a sip of her drink, a little liquid courage to help loosen the story out of herself, “I was stationed in Mexico for some time. Beautiful country, beautiful people, I loved every second of it. Every night I would go out with my American buddies on the town and we would just fuck around, have some fun. Well one night I’d gotten separated, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe they ditched me, I don’t know, we don’t really talk anymore so I don’t think I ever will. But anyways, as you do when you’re drunk and alone, I found trouble. Some man came up to me with a knife, tried to rob me, I was really in no state to fight back, but in comes this woman to defend me. I’d seen her around the base before, she was Mexican Special Forces, I knew that. I also knew how goddamn hot she was. With her tattoos running all up and down her toned arms, and how enchanting her deep brown eyes were.”

The team immediately got chatty at that, hyping her up. “L/n with the moves,” one of them had teased. She laughed, feeling blood pumping in her face.

“So anyways, she jumps in and fights the guy for trying to rob me while I was so drunk. I was absolutely slack-jawed. I’d never had anyone fight so fiercely for me in my life, especially not a stranger, and even more especially not a stranger I had a huge crush on. I remember her turning to me, once the dude was down for the count and just saying ‘you okay?’ I can remember her exact tone and god, it made me melt. She walked me back to my barracks and I was done for. The very next day I sought her out and told her I’d buy her a drink to make up for it. Thus started an epic romance.”

Y/n grinned as the others piped in with their little comments, excited to finally get to talk about her lost love after all this time.

“For months we went out together, dancing, talking, drinking, everything else that comes along with a relationship,” she smirked at that, face only dropping as she got the ‘getting away’ part, “and, uh, we were happy, y’know. I could see myself having a future with this woman. But as life has it, I was stationed elsewhere while she had been on a mission. I tried calling the base a few times.” She stopped to collect her breath, “but, uh, I was told that her and her squad went MIA on that mission. Likely killed in action is what they said.”

She sniffled a little bit, hoping it was unnoticeable by her teammates. Shaking her head as she finished her drink, and began to stand she turned to them for a final time, “I’m gonna turn in for the night it’s getting late.”

The rest of them nodded, waiting until she was gone to quietly chat amongst themselves. She was the topic of choice, of course. How bad they all felt for her. How guilty they felt for bringing it up. Ultimately it wasn’t their fault but they felt awful. Not too long after, they themselves all turned in, awaiting what the next day would have for them.

Months later, after many missions, and after the conversation they had had slipped away from them, the task force found themselves on their way to Mexico in search of the infamous cartel leader, El Sin Nombre. No one dared to mention y/n’s past, but of course, they weren’t completely discreet with their fleeting looks.

Despite their knowledge of y/n’s deployment to a base in Mexico, they were still shocked to see that the Colonel as well as some of the soldiers of the Las Almas base knew her.

“Y/n! Long time no see, last I saw you, you were still just a private.” Colonel Alejandro Vargas said, patting her on the shoulder in greeting as the group got off their chopper.

Y/n smirked, “could say the same to you. Wonder who died and made Lieutenant Vargas into the colonel of the Mexican Special Forces.”

Alejandro rolled his eyes and went to counter, but the man next to him made himself known with a contagious laugh. The task force could see sparkles in y/n’s eyes at the sound.

“Rudy!” She shouted, happily enveloping the giggly man into a hug.

“Hi, y/n.” He smiled, hugging her back just as tight.

In the midst of it all, Captain Price couldn’t help but clear his throat to get the group’s attention. “I hate to break this up,” he said, thick British drawl dragging out every word, “but we really do have some pressing matters to take care of.”

Y/n and Rodolfo split, standing at attention. Alejandro spoke for them, “you are right, there will be plenty of time to catch up once this is all over.”

They each nodded in agreement, eager to get to the task at hand.

It was no easy feat. Despite not really keeping up with the news in Las Almas since she had been gone, y/n knew just how bad cartels could get. That paired with the frustration that seemed to radiate from Alejandro every time El Sin Nombre was mentioned, he had to be some bad, bad motherfucker.

Soap went in under no guise or cover, walking right up to the front door and presenting himself like meat to hungry wolves. Y/n and Alejandro, on the other hand, terminated nearly half a dozen cartel soldiers, stealing their masks and outfits to fit right in to the party.

They surveilled Soap throughout, following closely behind, making sure no actual cartel soldiers noticed him. They followed him right to the third floor, right to El Sin Nombre. When the name Valeria left Soap’s mouth after looking through the snake cam, y/n and Alejandro made eye contact, both feeling a similar nausea at the thought.

But they shook it off.

It couldn’t possibly be her, right? She died on a mission targeting the son of La Araña, didn’t she? Sure she was officially determined MIA but a person doesn’t get lost this long, not like this.

Sure enough, as the door burst open, through the hail of bullets being shot across the room both to and from cartel higher ups, there she was.

The shock was evident on y/n’s face as she saw the woman kneeling on the roof. She saw short, dark hair and shook. It’s not her, it can’t be her. But it was. She could tell by the dark eyes carefully watching her every move as she walked behind the woman, pulling her hands down around the woman’s body and behind her back to cuff them.

Y/n prayed the woman couldn’t feel the tremor in her hands, but she knew all too well. Once upon a time the dark-haired woman knew every detail about her, it almost seemed as though that hadn’t changed.

Few words were uttered on the chopper back to the Vaquero’s base— save for a few “shut up Graves,”’s since the man refused to stop talking all smug, as though he was the sole reason El Sin Nombre had finally been caught— but a million things went unsaid as y/n avoided the Vaqueros’ gazes. The rest of the 141 were none the wiser to the fleeting looks that the Vaqueros shared.

The waiting period was long and drawn out as the woman was processed. Of course she had to have her prints and DNA taken, it’s never as simple as getting to talk to her first.

The anticipation was getting to y/n, who was anxiously chewing her nails down to the beds, leaving them jagged and slightly bloody.

The door clicked open, catching the room’s attention, “She’s been fully processed, whenever you’re ready you may begin the interrogation.” The soldier in the doorway stepped aside, clearing the path for the 141, the Colonel, and his second in command to pass.

They walked swiftly and with precision as they borderline-prowled their way down to the storage container that held the woman. Price took the lead as y/n and Alejandro fell behind, dragging their feet. Rudy followed behind the two, making sure neither avoided the inevitable.

Graves was the first to open his mouth, gesturing to both Alejandro and Valeria, “explain how you two know each other?”

Words, glares, and taunts were exchanged as they began the story.

“Go on, tell them.” Alejandro commanded.

Valeria scoffed, “I don’t take orders anymore, even the dogs in Las Almas know not to bark at me.” Valeria’s eyes caught y/n’s hesitant form as she spoke the last part.

Alejandro angrily shook his head, “she’s ex-military, we served together.”

Despite their distances, and their long time apart, the two shared a perfect flow when telling the story.

“Different squads, same unit.” Valeria began, “you were the wild ones, huh? Los Vaqueros.”

Alejandro grinned at her words.

Her gaze once more shifted to y/n, “my squad was clean cut señoras y señores.”

“Until the raid on the son of La Araña,” Valeria smirked at the sentence, Alejandro continued. “Her team was told to cordon of the city to ward off La Araña’s enforcers and prevent the bloodshed.”

“That’s exactly what we did,” she smiled.

Alejandro’s anger only spiked at her smug face, “What, you kept out his enforcers because you were his enforcers, eh?”

Her voice was taunting, “he was escorted to the mountains without incident, also to prevent bloodshed.”

Y/n felt her stomach turn. All the time she spent sobbing over Valeria and yet all the while the woman was running around doing all sorts of illegal activities.

Rudy piped in, almost as shocked at the realization as y/n, “he was supposed to go to prison.”

Graves grabbed Valeria’s shoulder, pulling her back, and further pissing off y/n. “So you killed him. And you took over.”

“I created a power vacuum, and I filled it. Las Almas needs me.”

The moment his hands looked as though they were about to wander, y/n was upset, nearly growling out a rage-filled “hands off.”

Graves lifted his hands off of the woman as if he’d been burned, holding them up. “Woah, woah, woah. What’s with you getting all feisty over the prisoner?”

Y/n just glared, gaze unmoving.

“Holy shit,” Gaz whispered, glancing between y/n and Valeria, “It’s her, isn’t it?”

Y/n’s eyes softened in confusion, turning her attention to Gaz, “Pardon?”

The rest of the team seemed to come to the same realization as him, moments before he spoke, “Her. She’s Her. You said you had a romance with a soldier while stationed in Mexico, a soldier who went missing. With what Alejandro said, the stories line up, Valeria is the woman you were in love with, isn’t she?”

Y/n broke eye contact, slightly embarrassed, still enraged, altogether hot in the face as she stared at the floor. “Yeah,” she admitted hesitantly, “yeah, it’s her.”

Valeria’s eyes were stuck to her down-trodden form, smirking at the fact that she now knew; y/n had talked about her. Y/n talked about her to her team. A sweet little thought.

“Nothing to be ashamed about,“ Valeria spoke cockily, “you sure weren’t ashamed of it when we were in love.”

When we were in love.

The words stung. The wound was old, yet here it had been ripped open as if it had happened mere days ago.

“Yeah, well that was before you left me to join the cartel.”

Valeria scoffed, “Join it? Please, I fucking run it. Besides, I think you forget that you’re the one who left.”

As the tension rose between the former lovers, the atmosphere in the room became rather awkward. The 141, the Vaqueros, and the few Shadows who were in the room sat staring dumbly at each other, wondering just how long they should let this go on

“You wanna go there? As I recall, you left weeks before I was deployed on what I thought was a mission. Turns out you went off with your little druggie friends to play gangster. I called the base a million times, they told me you were dead!”

Valeria stood from her seat abruptly, causing everyone else in the room to reach for their guns. Neither y/n, nor Valeria stood down. Y/n gestured for the others to leave the room, they hesitated but eventually followed her command. Now face to face, feeling each other’s breaths on their cheeks, the two seethed.

“I bet you would have liked that, huh?” Valeria started, eyes set into a deep glare, “me being dead would have made this so much easier for you, no loose ends.”

If y/n didn’t know any better, she would think this was Valeria trying to get y/n to kill her, death before snitching after all. But y/n knew her, knew suicide wasn’t her calling. This wasn’t a plead for death, this was a challenge. Fuck with me, I dare you.

Y/n’s lips turned downward into a gritty scowl. Even through her anger, tears managed to slip their way through her glaring eyes at the thought of her ever wanting Valeria dead.

“Never.” She whispered, voice cracking, “I cried every night for you for months, Valeria. I loved you so much, god, I still fuckin’ do.”

She reached into her shirt, pulling out two sets of dog tags and gripping tightly onto one of them. The ones she held, Valeria knew very well. They matched the ones she kept tucked under her shirt. An old pair that she had given to y/n way back when; they were the ones she was issued as a sergeant, before she reached lieutenant status and received the ones she currently wore all these years later.

And all at once, Valeria felt her heart shatter.

All these years she had spent letting her anger toward y/n fester and grow, thinking she had just abandoned her. All these years and yet all the while, y/n was devastated. They told y/n she died. Y/n thought she was dead. Y/n mourned her, cried for her, hurt for her. And here was Valeria, yelling at her.

She softened her stiff posture, cautiously reaching out for y/n. Valeria cupped y/n’s cheek, and for a while they just sat there like that. Time passed but it felt like nothing compared to the eternity they had missed together. Y/n finally looked up. In one fell swoop, Valeria crashed her lips to y/n’s

The kiss was all consuming, destroying any distractions in its path as the lovers made up for lost time. Caution was thrown to the wind with neither girl worried about their positions and duties. In this kiss they were not El Sin Nombre nor Sergeant l/n, they were just lovers. Just Valeria and y/n, reunited.

What felt like a million hours were lost in each other’s lips. As they separated, Valeria’s eyes opened, y/n’s stayed shut. Valeria stared, waiting for y/n to reveal her gorgeous eyes, yet when the moment finally came, it hurt. Y/n’s eyes shined with sorrow, something Valeria could see very clear.

Valeria tried to reach forward, but y/n stepped back, clearing her throat, “this,” she sighed deeply, fighting internally with herself, “this cannot happen again.”

She turned her back toward Valeria, knowing it would be too hard to look her in the eyes. Knowing she would lose all composure and fold. But she stayed strong, and in a few short steps, she was out of the room.

#call of duty fanfic #valeria garza #valeria garza x fem!reader #valeria garza x reader #valeria x reader #valeria cod #valeria garza cod #call of duty valeria #valeria x fem!reader #call of duty x reader

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hollowtones · 7 months

Note

I missed the stream last night how was picking on men?

I'm emulating it & using my partner's Xbox controller that I'm not used to, so I keep hitting the wrong buttons by accident & sending little guys to their doom because of it, & it makes me very sad. I can live with losing my buddies to my own tactical mishaps (it makes me a different kind of sad), but losing a bunch of boys because I hit the disband button at the end of a day instead of the map button makes me want to cry. LOL

Other than that... I'm so happy to be playing this game again. I adore it. The original "Pikmin" has such a special sense of atmosphere that none of the other games in the series ever really try to capture again. It's janky and rough around the edges and sometimes it feels weird to control. But to some extent I feel like that's the point. The gameplay weirdness is part of how it cultivates this sense of dread, of oppressive fear or maybe somberness, of being stranded somewhere unfamiliar that has glimmers of familiarity, but those glimpses that reminds you of home just serve to make the whole all the more overwhelming! It's like being stranded in an airport in another country where you don't really know the language and your flight home's been cancelled.

The way the game plays folds into how the game looks and sounds & how levels are laid out to establish this really strong feeling of overwhelmed anxiety (not overwhelmING! overwhelmED! you're exhausted and 20 things happen to you at once!) and melancholy that gives way to hope and a sense of routine as you come to grips with it. It's a very strong presentation and a very cool, tightly knit little game. I adore it. None of the other games capture this exact sort of feeling for me!! Which is fine. It doesn't mean they're worse. They're trying to do other things, & for the most part I say they do those other things very well. I love "Pikmin 2" and I'm excited to stream it some day. But man... the original is really something special, IMO.

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bysaber · 5 months

Text

Meeting a pretty stranger ft. Kakashi Hatake

Day 06 of 31 Days of Ficmas!

summary — you’re feeling down after all your christmas plans got canceled when a dog wearing elf clothes jumps on you.

word count — 1.1k

content — fluff, reader is a bit depressed, mentions of alcohol, fastburn i guess, modern au (kakashi still wears a mask)

notes — pretty happy with this one even though i almost didn’t finish it on time (so it’s not revised sorry)

THE FIRST time you and Kakashi Hatake crossed paths was rather an unusual experience.

You walked home wearing a disappointed expression, your hopes of having a nice Christmas had disappeared after all your plans got canceled; all of your friends were going out of town with their partners and families, and your short-term relationship had ended a few weeks prior.

Living far from home, you couldn’t celebrate it with your family either – you simply didn’t have enough money to afford that kind of trip.

So what awaited you was a lonely Christmas, with a liquor bottle and maybe a few treats, if you felt sympathetic enough about your own situation. You had 14 days left to plan for your “big night”, after all.

You stood in front of a liquor store, wondering if you should step in or not. Maybe I should start warming up, you thought, forget a little about my increasing melancholy.

“Pakkun, wait!”

A shout brought you back to the real world, but not fast enough to avoid the– what was that?– that jumped on you. You yelped, surprised, as you processed the small dog in green elf clothes that clawed at your sweater.

When you finally understood it was just a small dog, you chuckled and held him to keep him secure and away from your sweater, “Hi, doggy! Why so angry?”

In a heartbeat, a white-haired man with a mask covering his face was by your side, breathing heavily, “Gosh… I’m so sorry! Did he hurt you?”

You couldn’t hold back a laugh. He looked so desperate, “No, don’t worry. Did he outsmart you or something?”, you asked as you handed him his dog back.

The man grabbed the elf-dog and glared at him as if he was about to scold him for several minutes, but then his attention was back on you, “Yeah, something like that. I bought this cute little costume for him but he is an ungrateful dog…”

The dog growled and you threw your head back, laughing out loud, “I don’t think he wants to be an elf. What’s his name?”

“It’s Pakkun.”

“Well, Pakkun, you should know you look adorable,” you said, petting his head. Pakkun seemed to soften and you smiled, all the while the man watched the interaction. “I should get going now, but it was nice meeting you two.”

“You too,” the masked man said and, as you walked away, you could hear him whispering to the dog, “To her you listen, huh?”

You realized you ended up not buying any liquor and, fuck, you should’ve asked for his name as well.

THE SECOND time you encountered him was something else.

10 days left for Christmas and your sadness kept building up.

Grocery shopping and having to go through all those Christmas decorations, meals, and even gifts was a different kind of torture for you.

You gloomily roamed around the islands, picking only the essentials for your house and to keep yourself alive when you spotted that white hair you couldn’t quite forget.

“It’s Pakkun’s owner!”, you greeted, a bit of light taking over that sorrow inside you.

He turned to face you, confused at first, but his eyes lightened when recognition hit them, “It’s Pakkun’s victim!”

You both laughed like old friends. He seemed like a really good person, even with that mask covering half of his face, maybe it was the fact that he dressed his dog as an elf or his soothing voice or the way he closed his eyes when he laughed.

You couldn’t tell, but you liked his company already.

“What is your name?”, he asked you the question that was burning in your tongue. You told him and he repeated it as if testing how it sounded in his voice.

“What’s yours?”

“It’s Kakashi. Kakashi Hatake,” he smiled again, his eyes closing and you felt like you could melt right there and then.

“Kakashi… such a beautiful name,” you complimented and, if he wasn’t wearing that mask, you would see him blushing.

You both got lost for a moment, in your own thoughts and in each other, until he called your name again and you hummed, “I gotta get going… feed my dogs,” he explained.

“Oh, sure. See you around, Kakashi,” you say, stepping away so he could pass.

But you still stood in that place for a while, watching as he walked away.

Catching him when he looked back.

THE THIRD time Kakashi met you was intentional.

You stepped out of the liquor store, a pout on your lips and a bag with two bottles in your hand when you saw the man standing outside the door, apparently waiting for something.

“Kakashi?”

He looked at you, his eyes closing in that way that told you he was smiling, “Oh, hey.”

“What are you doing here?”

You tried to hide the alcohol you just bought; you had 4 days left until Christmas and still hadn’t pushed away all the melancholy you felt towards the date, but you didn’t want him to think you were some sort of an alcoholic or something like that.

“I was waiting for you, actually,” he said mindlessly. Noticing your confused expression, he added, “This is the place we first met, around this hour. I was trying my luck, since we didn’t exchange numbers.”

You could feel your cheeks warming up, your heart tightening in such a good way, and felt like a fool for wanting to drink your sadness away.

“I know we didn’t talk much, but… I’d like to know you better. Can I walk you home?”

THE FOURTH time you saw Kakashi was on Christmas Eve.

You didn’t expect it.

You had such a good time when he offered to walk you home; he ended up on your couch, talking with you for hours about everything you could think about. You hadn’t laughed so hard in years, but eventually, he had to leave.

So you didn’t expect it when, on Christmas Eve, you open your door to see Kakashi with Pakkun and two big bags of food, with a close-eyed smile.

“Kakashi!”

“I hope you don’t mind, but that day you said you would spend Christmas alone and, well… it was my case as well,” he chuckles. “So I thought it would be nice if we spent it together.”

Pakkun barked as if to prove his owner’s point.

You felt your eyes stinging, tears forming, and immediately let them in, “Please, come in.”

Never, in a hundred years, would you imagine this turn of events.

“Are you okay?”, Kakashi asked when he noticed your red eyes, approaching you carefully after putting the food bags on the table.

“I’m…” you looked at him, at Pakkun, at the food. You looked at the alcohol you were about to open, also on the table. Your lips tremble, but you smile, “I’m happy.”

#s23ficmas #wbysaber #kakashi hatake x reader #hatake kakashi x reader #kakashi x reader #kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #kakashi #x reader #naruto #fluff #fanfic

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ophelieverse · 11 months

Note

Can you write something angsty for my boy Jace please?🥺

₊˚ˑ༄ؘ My bones are your bones.

Jacaerys Velaryon x fem!reader.

The blacks won the war.After his mother,Jacaerys became king and still,after all these years,he’s haunted by the ghost of his first love.

Also Jacaerys,Y/n and Baela deserved better😭

I’m back with whatever this is!Please be gentle with me and thank you so much for all the love y’all gave me!💕🫶🏻

Sorry for the errors and let me know what you think!🥰

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The sound of the rain is delightful.

It beats on the roofs,it ticks on the windows,falls from the downhill streets and huddled people to find a shelter together. Sometimes,tired and melancholy it gets trapped inside a pit and falls asleep.The sun, then, akes the rain away.Only the scent remains, he sky returns to its usual blue and the joyful birds return to chirp.

That afternoon it smelled of rain on the asphalt,but it wasn't raining,not yet.Even if the sky was already covered with clouds and the wind that was blowing was able to carry the scent of lilies that were blooming in the big garden of the castle.

King Jacaerys Targaryen,first of his name,was in his thirty two years of living and seven years of reign.Many things had changed through the decades,he grew taller,wiser and dutiful embracing his birthright as the ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.After a bloody and destructive civil war between his family members,between ashes and bones,dragons and brothers,his mother reign was short and not very welcomed by the people.

Jacaerys was like a breath of fresh air,a young and smart man that,since the beginning,knew what he had to do.In his seventh year of reign,he didn’t only changed his last name,like his grandfather requested before his death,but after the war he was a completely different person.

Even rain,the sound and the smell of it,the feeling on the bare skin and the waiting to see it falling for the grey sky was different for him now.

Rain became much more than just water falling from the sky.It is a very underestimated element of nature,whenever it started to rain the world changed.It was raining the first time he kissed her and it was raining the day she died.

For Jacaerys,rain was a similarity of sadness.The sky changes to accommodate the bad mood and then it starts to rain slowly,a heartbreaking slowness that leads him to think as he look at it from behind the window.Exactly like pain,which hugged him slowly and then invaded him completely,soaking his soul.

But the worst rain is the one that comes suddenly,unexpectedly,when he was around and it starts to rain suddenly and he didn’t know how to protect himself from it so he could start running desperately to find shelter.Equal to the pain that hits him straight to the heart like a bolt of lightning in the blue,he couldn’t expect it,he was not prepared for this kind of pain so it spreads in him sucking in every hope of being able to smile in the rain

Everything gets darker,the rain murmurs it’s sad music in his ears and he no longer distinguishes the various scents that usually hover in the streets.The rain covers everything, it covers the noises,the scents and also covers himself.

The dropps of water are short-lived,who knows if in the stretch they make from the sky to the asphalt they are sad because they know that in a few moments they will disappear or if they decide to be happy for their last moments of life.

Whether it comes slow or comes suddenly,rain is always dangerous but never as much as pain. Because the rain ends and then the sun returns but the pain continues because it got under his skin.He could wash his soaked clothes and then he put them to dry and it's like they've never been wet,but he will keep feeling the pain constantly and he’ll like to tear his skin.

The rain in Jacaerys life was sadness,but from the rain he could always find a shelter,from the pain he couldn’t protect himself.

During that time of the day,late evening,an ancient sadness came up from inside him and he knew he didn't have to let her get where it really started to hurt.In the place inside himself where she was still alive,breathing and dancing with his deepest dreams,hopes and fears.

When Jacaerys became King he was only twenty five years old and,for a moment,he was getting better.For a moment he felt good.For a moment he wanted to live.For a moment he had hope again.And in a moment,when he got back at her house,in the gardens and near the lake,he had lost everything again.

He had gone back,the day after his coronation,and everything seemed to have remained the same.The bright light of the sun hitting on the windows,the sweet smell of spring in the air,the crystalline water.It was like in the past,the time he had fallen for her.

He could see some of the roses still blooming in the garden.Brown on the edges and bright in other colors,their petals drooping downward, dying just as their lives have begun.

They stayed past their time,and Jacaerys realized that she have too.Y/n presence was everywhere and it took his breath away,in a second it all came back.

He liked to think that everything was going better,that he was alright and had a new life with a new love in it.But he was wrong.What lived and died between them was still haunting him.

«You promised to protect her!»her father had screamed to him,pure anger on his old face but in his eyes the empty feeling of the pain of having lost his daughter.

«She is gone because of you!»her older sister had sobbed,holding a hand close to her chest.

Death its terrible.So terrible to lose someone.And if he didn't face it,if he didn't deal with it,then he’ll just end up losing himself too.But Jacaerys didn't want to heal.He didn’t wanted to let go,because the pain was the only connection to what he had lost.

When we lose someone to whom we gave all the love we had inside ourselves,at that moment everything stops.We may have a lot of other people around,of course, but in our eyes they will be invisible.We are convinced that nothing will make sense anymore,that nothing will ever be the way it was before.Together with that person we also lose ourselves a bit, denying ourselves the chance to move on.We darken more and more,shrouded in the shadow of our loneliness,forgetting that everything that is not watered,sooner or later withers.

For a moment,Jacaerys closed his eyes.In his mind he was still fifteen,together and in love with her.He liked to believe that they have never been apart,so that he could invent a new past to remember.He could imagine how things would’ve been different if she had been with him.

He imagined what life could’ve been if that day he had decided to take her with him at Dragonstone instead of leaving her behind at Oldtwon.A tiny voice in his head liked to tell him that he did it to keep her safe,once the war started and he was called back to fight.Another part of him,the one that kept him awake at night,tormented him with the heart wrenching feelings that it was his fault.

Y/n death was his fault.

«I’m sorry it ended this way.»was the only thing he could breathe out.

Her younger sister was a Septa,closer to the gods that Jacaerys had stopped to believe in,and the only one that accepted his presence at Y/n memorial near the lake where her body was found.

«Y/n has been dead long before she died.»her sister stated,her grey vest blowing in the chilly wind and her voice soft«The time she had spent with you was the most happy I’ve ever seen her.She was alive for the first time.»she confessed,her bright eyes locked on the cold stone on the green grass.

Jacaerys fell on his knees near where little violets were blooming,his vision was blurry with the tears that were streaming down his cheeks and he almost didn’t noticed the words written on her grave:

“My bones are your bones.”

Jacaerys choked a cry,remembering the poem that they had read together as he whispered«When my time is near,i will be burned with you.So i had desired my dusts to be mingled with yours.Forever and forever,to be able to lay with you.»he prayed.

«Your grace-»her younger sister was trying to comfort him,but he didn’t heard her.

«I had never loved anyone,anything in the way i loved her.»he sobbed,his heart was hurting so much that he wanted to rip it out from his chest with his bare hands«I would never love someone else like this.I can’t.It only happens once.»his hands were trembling as he traced his fingers on the stone pretending it was her face.

Her sister placed a comforting hand on his shoulder,her eyes wet fro the tears and a sad little smile on her lips«For some people not even once.Y/n was very lucky to be loved by you.»she whispered«Your love made her immortal.»as she looked around,from the birds chirping,the blooming flowers,with the awaking of the spring her sister was there.

Jacaerys shook his head,his brain was pounding against his skull,the air was like fire in his lungs«She is gone because of me.»he cried her older sister words.

«Your grace,it wasn’t your fault.My-»the young Septa tried,holding back a the urge to cry with a sad and apprensive smile.

The king choked a sob«You can put the blame on me.I already blame myself.»his eyes burned,his breathe was short«She was there,all alone,and she shouldn’t have.She should have been with me!»the skin on his face was itching,he wanted to take it apart,feel physical pain to numb the one in his soul.

He didn’t wanted her to be immortal if she wasn’t there with him.It was selfish,to dream of having her just for himself and so painful to have loved something that death had touched so easily.

«The gods have reasons-»her younger sister calm voice was interrupted harshly by his.

«What reasons?»Jacaerys almost shouted,turning his head up to look at her«If the gods are so merciful,what was the reason?Why couldn’t they just took some else?Why my Y/n?»he asked as she knew the right answer.

Her younger sister,now that he looked at her better,had the same eyes of his Y/n.But hers were brighter,warmer and full of life.Y/n ones,the last time he saw them up close,were white like sea pearls,cold and empty,dead just like the rest of her.

Her sister knelt besides him,a gentle hand on his shaking back gave him a warm familiar feeling«When we were children,my mother used to scold Y/n because she always preferred to pick the flowers that my mother had just planted»the young girl told him,giggling at the old memory«She said she liked them most because they bloomed with the first day of the spring,they were untouched and they were the most beautiful in the gardens.»she continued with a little voice.

«She loved to paint them.»Jacaerys murmured,closing his eyes for a second.

Her sister nodded«I think the Gods picked my sister for the same reasons.She was the most beautiful flower.»she then said,looking up at the sky.

The clouds were darkening,the chilly wind was starting to blow stronger.It was about to rain again.

«Then why?»he asked again«Why did they made us met and fall in love,if they had to pick her?»he couldn’t understand,this was definitely a punishment for his family sins.

Her sister shook her head«All that i know is that intense love always lead to mourning.»she whispered.

Legend has it that there is always a reason why souls meet.Maybe they found each other for reasons that weren't all that different.They were two souls who sought and found comfort in each other and it is not possible to separate. The reasons why they are united are not incidents.Maybe Y/n needed someone to show her how to live and Jacaerys needed someone to show him how to love.

Memory was an agony,but he remembered everything about the first time he had laid his eyes on her.All the things they did together and even though sometimes he wished he had never met her to spare his heart from this pain,he would’ve been lying to himself if he didn’t wish to do it all again and again just to be with her.

Jacaerys was fifteen,betrothed to his cousin Baela,one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen,fearless and bold.She would’ve made a good Queen one day,ruling by his side with a good heart and an open mind.Even though he was promised to her,Jacaerys had never wondered if he was capable of it,of loving someone romantically.

He had always thought that,for him,a prince that life was already planned by his parents for him,love would remain a utopia,that he would never be able to fall in love with a woman and he did not believe that he would ever have the chance to bond with a girl,not enough to love her.He thought he wouldn't even be able to recognize love.

Then,Y/n had arrived and it was her that he had recognized.Love was not a word.Love was her silhouette.Her height that paraded away from him and reached him on the other side of the corridor and then became her hair and the contours of the light that caressed them.Love was her eyes looking for his mouth and her teeth biting his lips;it was her voice greeting him distracted,while in her throat she still heard my saliva.

The love for Jacaerys was his Lady Y/n and thousands had died because of it.

In the Long Summer of his fifteen years,young prince Jacaerys flew on the back of his dragon,Vermax,from Dragonstone to Oldtown.As the future King,he already had duties and responsibility on his shoulders,one of them was to know and embrace his Valyrian roots.He had heard the whispers,seen himself and his two younger brothers to know the truth that everyone was afraid to talk about.

His mother,Rhaenyra,suggested it would be a good idea for him to study in Oldtown where history and philosophy met daily,where all of his ancestors had learned and whose presences still lingered in the streets.

Lord Penrose house was one of the most beautiful in the Citadel,with ancient paintings,beautiful gardens,big libraries full of histories and the most beautiful thing the prince ever saw in his life.Lord Penrose house was a place were young Lords and Ladies from all the Seven Kingdoms stayed whenever they where in the city to study,but among all the people that crowded the big place,his young daughter,Y/n,was the only one that glowed.

A light green dress hugged her body,clinging to her wet skin,as she emerged from the warm water of the lake in the middle of the central garden.Roses,daffodils and daisies were the most beautiful frame for the most beautiful painting, “The birth of a nymph”he would’ve called it and in that moment Jacaerys wished he was gifted with the capability of painting,to capture that instant forever.Carving it in his mind,heart and soul.

She was one of those beauties he couldn’t forget,because she screams like an earthquake, or a thunderstorm in her impetuous force.She had the charm of an unpredictable destiny.And he had lost his heart.

Jacaerys was frozen,his dark eyes became big as two cups of tea,his cheeks redden as his gaze trailed on her small figure and on the exposed glistening skin.He had never believed in the gods,ora in any other form of deity,but right now he was more than willing to go down on his knees for just a taste of her.

«Are you in need of any assistance,my Lady?»the young prince just noticed the way the hem of her dress got stuck in the branches of the bush near the lake.

The girl didn’t looked at him,her wet hair were clinging to the skin of her neck and falling down her beautiful face«No,thank you.»she groaned as she tried to free herself and not reap the dress at the same time.

Jacaerys smiled at the sound of her voice,gorgeous just like her and only now he noticed that she was holding,in her left hand,two brushes«Are you sure?You seems like you could use some help.»he said with kindness and a bright smile.

Y/n huffed annoyed by the situation«I may be a damsel,but i’m not the distressed kind»she spit out«I don’t need your-»her voice stopped when she lifted her face to look at who she was talking to.

Jacaerys lowered his torso,leaned forward and with a gesture of his wrist broke the twig,then threw it in the middle of the lake.The girl immediately took steps back,surprised by the presence in front of her.She didn't know how to behave,she didn't know whether to thank him or pretend nothing happened.The focus fell on his stature,he was much taller than her and his shoulders could have lifted a trunk from how thick and wide they were.Immediately afterwards she lingered on his eyes,slightly closed for the first rays of the sun.She remained hypnotized by his eyes.Brown,dark.

And a normal person couldn’t add all the adjectives and facets of that color,but for someone like her it wasn’t just brown.Static, firm,her mind was motionless.She almost couldn't see the bottom of those eyes.

Brown and bold,yet rich and deep stood those eyes.

«Here»he said gently,offering his hand to here«Are you alright,my lady?»he asked then,with a worried tone.

Y/n nodded slowly,instead of accepting his hand she used her free one to lift her dress to walk out the water of the lake«Actually,there is something you could help me with my prince.»she said with a calmer voice.

Jacaerys smiled immediately«Of course»he said,«But first can i know your name?»he asked as he walked after her.

«I’m Y/n.»she informed him,barefoot and her dress wetting the floors of the porches«And you are princess Rhaenyra son»she continued.

He nodded«Indeed I’am.»

Jacaerys had visited the big as soon as he had arrived in the morning,Lord Penrose offered him a nutritious breakfast,a tour of the place as he introduced to the young prince all the brightest Lords and Ladies that were studying,but nothing of them could’ve compared with what he was seeing right now.

In a small room,away from the big art studio in her house,there was different canvases,canes of paint and dirty brushes.Y/n placed the brushes she had in her hand on a wooden table were they scattered some pencils and papers.

But what had caught his eyes was the painting right next to him.It was drew directly on the white - stoned wall,not on a canvas and it was not framed,but free on the bricks.

From the windows across the room the rays of the sun illuminated the work of art in all it full glory.A masterpiece it was,from the accurate paint brushes,the fluid technique,the colors that were chosen.It definitely showed that whoever paint it was an amazing artist with years of practice and love and devotion.

On the wall it was represented Gael Targaryen death,the thirteenth and last child of King Jaehaerys and Queen Alysanne.After the deaths of her parents,it was revealed that Gael had been seduced and impregnated by a traveling singer.She had given birth to a stillborn son,and overwhelmed by her grief,she had walked into Blackwater Bay and drowned.

Jacaerys stared at the painting,his ancestors,the young and frail princess was the center of the artwork.She is floating in a body of water.Her head is situated to the left of the composition,and her feet face towards the right-hand side.She is depicted in a beautiful,soft dress barely keeping her buoyant and her midsection is submerged in the water.

Her face is still out of the water,and he could see she had an almost listless expression;her eyes are staring out ahead and her mouth is slightly parted.She appears almost unaware of the fact that she is drowning.There is a necklace of purple violets around her neck and a small pink rosebud on its stem near her right ear.One of Gael hands is floating just above the water,her palm is facing up and her hand appear cupped,the other one is clinging to her empty and cold belly where once a life was supposed to be.

«Which one are you?»the girl asked suddenly,she was using one of the covers that were sitting on a chair next the window to dry her hair.

Jacaerys turned around confused«Uh?»he sounded lost.

Y/n giggled at his expression«I think one the princes is named Joffrey»she started,closing her eyes for a moment to remember better«The other one is Lucas or…no…i think his name is Lucien.»she murmured.

«It’s actually Lucerys and he’s my brother»he corrected her with a soft smile.

«I was close.»she sounded proud of herself and it made him smile even more.

«You were.»he reassured her.

«And you?»she asked.

«I’m Jacaerys.»he introduced himself.

Y/n stayed quiet for a second«Why are you here Jacaerys?»it was the first time someone asked him why he wanted to go to Oldtown.

The prince swallowed,licking his dry lips«I’m here to study,my Lady.»he informed her,standing still on his feet.

She pursed her lips,trailing her eyes on his regal figure«That’s what you told my father and perhaps what you told your mother.»she was reading him like a book without much effort«But why are you really here?»she asked again.

Her eyes were on him and for the first time in his life he felt seen.Something warm was spreading in his chest,his hands were sweaty as he looked at her coming closer to him.Her dress was still wet,hugging her perfect silhouette,as she walked past him.

«Why were you in the lake?»Jacaerys asked a question instead of answering hers.

Y/n was holding an annoyed expression but a little smile was forming on her face«I had thrown my brushes in it.»she explained.

The young boy looked even more confused now,walking around covered canvas with white sheets and empty easels«And,forgive me for asking,why would you do that?»he said with a chuckle.

«I will answer your question when you will answer mine.»she stated with a playful expression on her sun kissed face.

Jacaerys looked again at the painting on the wall,the purple eyes and silver hair that he never had and still,after all these years,were haunting him every time he looked at himself.The whispers,the nasty glances,the harsh words and his mother reassurances did everything and nothing at the same time to carve on him his true identity.

«I want to be part of something.»he immediately said,after taking a deep breathe.

His mother always told him that,not matter what,he was and always will be a Targaryen.He had a dragon that followed his orders and he was the heir of the Iron Throne.Yet whenever he looked at his family members he felt like an outsider,like he was admiring a beautiful painting from afar.If he knew something more about his family,maybe he could feel part of it.

Y/n sounded content with his answer but she didn’t added anything«I threw my brushes in the lake because my father wants me to marry Ser Gwayne Hightower.»she said suddenly.

Jacaerys cringed at the sound of his name«I can assume that it’s not what you wanted.»

The girl let out a frustrated sound,crossing her arms on her chest«All i want to do is to paint.»she murmured,looking around her small art studio.

«You can still paint after you get married.»Jacaerys stated with nonchalant advice.

«My father fell in love with my mother after he saw her paint in the streets of the Citadel.She was the most talented artist,but after their marriage she had never touched a brush again.»Y/n explained with a distant melancholy.

«We are not our parents.»Jacaerys started with a solid voice and a comforting expression«We can change and still decide what to be and what to do.Even if it’s all already planned for us.»he needed to hear these words as much as her.

«Don’t do that.»Y/n shook her head with a small smile.

Jacaerys smiled with her«Do what?»he asked.

«Make me become a optimist.»she answered«You will ruin my life and i didn’t invite you here for this.»she continued picking up the paint and the brushes that she needed for her next work.

«Why did you invited me here for?»he raised a brown.

As he looked at her,he realized that in a very short time that was a special feeling when he was with her,and he wished that wonder would remain in his life forever.

«I want you to pose for me.»she answered.

After a year in her house,that sensation grew stronger and Y/n was the one that showed him the city,Oldtown,in all its beauty.She was at his bedroom door one morning,a dark cloak in her left hand and a pile of commoners dirty clothes in the other.She was dressed as a boy,light brown pants that were too big for her and a maroon shirt.

«You have to be one with the city to enjoy it at it fullest.»she had told him,shoving the dirty clothes in his hands.

Something told Jacaerys that she was used to sneak out in disguised,to loose herself in the crowd and to be just like everyone else around.

«There is no other place like this in the world,my prince.»Y/n was walking beside him,the first lights in the morning and the ancient architecture framing them.«Sometimes walking in silence,I feel like I'm listening to the voices of those who filled these streets before me.Lives after lives,after other lives,for centuries,and I know that even King’s Landing and Dragonstone are made of centuries of history and people,but you can't recognize every moment of that story overlapping like this,one on the other.»she sounded so in love with the place she was born and grew up with,her eyes scanning every place that learned by heart in the years.

«I’ve never seen something so breathtaking.»Jacaerys confessed,but his eyes weren’t looking,weren’t taking in what the Lady next to him was talking about,they were fixed on the way her lips moved.

«Me neither,no matter how many times i walk here.»she admitted.

«Can i…will i be able to look at if forever?»he didn’t know what he was asking for,but he had to ask.

Maybe he was asking her to be always by his side,to always have something beautiful to look at.

Y/n nodded«Oldtown does not lose its pride,its sincerity,its sarcasm and the uncontrollable cynicism with which for centuries it has watched generations of the world fall in love with it,without ever breaking down.Breathe in Oldtown,Jacaerys,tomorrow it will already be different,tomorrow there will also be your smell,in a hundred years they will still feel it,here nothing is lost.»she reassured him with a gentle smile.

«We will be here forever?»Jacerys said,stood in the middle of the square,people all around them laughing and talking,different shades of colors and tunes of musics.

«We will be here forever.»Y/n repeated with a sincere and strong affirmation«Even when our bones will become ashes and our souls will leave this earth,you will always found us here.»then she took his hand,her fingers latching on his,their skins caressing each other,a silent promise as she started to walk again with him.

In the time they had spent together,Jacaerys had learned that one of Y/n older brothers became a Maester for the Citadel,her older sister was married to Lord Manderly son and was expecting their fourth child,her younger sister was studying to become a Septa and her younger brother was training to be a knight in the capital.

After the first kiss that they shared together,she opened up more to him«They already knew what they wanted,what to be in this big world.»Y/n said to him.

«And you?»Jacaerys asked her one evening.

They were walking slowly in the city streets,a cloak on their shoulders as she showed him all the beauty that history can offer them.Immortals and young at the same time.

«Me?»her sweet voice was surprised,her nose scrunching up in confusion.

«Yes.»he said quietly«What is it that you want?»he asked this time,keeping his gaze on her silhouette.

She seemed to think about,maybe a second or two,no one has aver asked her what she wanted «I want to live near the ocean,in a beautiful house with big windows so that i can watch the water.»she started with a dreamy look in her beautiful eyes«Oh and i also want a room,a small one,just for me where i can paint.»she continued with a small smile on her lips.

Jacaerys heart soared in his chest,a bright smirk on his face was burning his cheeks«Anything else?»he chuckled.

She nodded immediately«I also want you to take me fly on your dragon,»her small face heated up«to see the rest of the world with you.»she added.

«Thats what you want?»his heart was beating loudly in his ear,he almost couldn’t heard her.

But then she smiled brightly,like she was shy«Yes»she nodded again«Would you do it for me?»she asked with a tiny voice.

He pulled her to himself in the dark,under a building,an arch,a slit of the world,pushed her against the wall and kissed her.And if he had gone crazy,to kiss her under the eyes of so many people,she would let him do it and she would have been crazy the same way,or even more,if he had asked her.

«Sometimes,Y/n,»Jacaerys whispered on her lips,behind him the Temple of the Seven stood in all it magnificent«I get doubts about the existence of the Gods.»he confessed to her.

«What?»she murmured confused,opening her eyes to look at how beautiful he was so close to her.

«Shh,»he said,his hand holding her face and thumb against her delicate mouth,«I have doubts about the existence of the Gods.Then I look at you and think that the Gods,even just one of them,must necessarily exist,because Nature cannot be so diabolical to create something so beautiful and prohibit it.»He approached,squinted his thumb on her half-closed lips,and spoke in her ear in a hoarse voice that made her tremble«Nothing is like you and there is nothing that i wouldn’t do to make you happy.You want to see the world?I’ll buy it for you,i’ll give you every centimeters of this earth,every drop of water,all the clouds in the sky.»And it was almost a lament.

«Would you do it for me?»she asked again,she was breathless,cheeks red and hair messy but she was the most beautiful thing in the whole city.

Jacaerys nodded his head slowly«But i will only ask you something in return.»he breathed out,holding himself up with a hand on the wall near her head.

«What is it that you want?»Y/n nose brushed against his,her breath tickling his neck.

«You.»he said immediately«I want you to be my wife,i want you to be mine as i’m yours and even after our deaths our love can still remain right here where we stood.»his lips were on hers again,a way to keep this promise and to be forever tangled with her.

No matter how many squares there would be later,how many statues,staircases,temples, paintings or extraordinary palaces would await them at the end of that darkness,that smile of her as she pronounced a small«I do.»would always be a blasphemy screamed in the face of the Gods,or art,and nothing could ever be more beautiful.Oldtown was just a worthy frame.

Jacaerys never smiled again after that day.That’s was everyone said about him,a joyless man,severely marked by his experiences during the civil war that changed his life forever.The King could be graceful and courtly when it was required,but at the same time had a darkness within him that never went away.The guilt he felt over having abandoned and lost Y/n kept him awake every night.He had known love and it had broken his heart.

Even after years,when everyone moved on,how could he think of looking at and recognizing the same world as before,after loving in that way?How could he imagine going back to living any life after that,after Y/n? How could he think he was the same person?She had changed his name and stole his soul.There was nothing of him without her.

Jacaerys knew it wasn’t fair,not just for them,he had promised and dreamed a life with her but it also wasn’t fair for his wife,Baela,that was caught in the crossfire of a dying love that could never be replaced.

Jacaerys was a good King and a even better father for his five children,but he wasn’t a good husband.He tried his best,but that evening,the day before his thirty three Name Day,the Gods were indeed punishing for letting the day of his birth to also be the day he lost his love,he had spoken to his wife for the first time in the entire week.

Baela was wearing a beautiful dark red dress with golden embroiderers on,her curly hair were tied up on her head with the purest gems between them.She looked beautiful,the most beautiful woman in the Seven Kingdoms.

«What are you doing?»Jacaerys voice sounded distant,it made her flinch,stopping her hand before she could reach the handle to open the door.

«I was looking for you.»she stated,composing herself and taking a deep breath.

Baela stood right in front the door where Jacaerys kept hidden,on the inside,what his heart desired the most,something that he wouldn’t share with the rest of the world ever again so that no one could take her away from him again.

«I told you to not come in here.»his face was made of stone,always so serious and dark as he spoke lowly.

Baela nodded,never loosing her pride«I wanted to discuss the plans for your Name Day,before it is too late.»she cleared her throat and held her chin up.

«Not today,to now.»he simply answered.

«You always say this.»her tone was sharp,like her gaze on his taller and broader frame.

«And you never listen!»Jacaerys voice came out harsh,he closed his eyes for a moment when he saw her painful expression.

«Why would I?You never talk to me or even look in my direction if you aren’t forced to do so!»Baela accused him,it was the truth though,he couldn’t bare any of this.

Jacaerys let out a deep sigh«Just take the children to do whatever they want,let Laenor decide.I will join you later in the day.»he simply stated,moving across the room.

«Later in the day?»Baela scoffed,a sour laugh on her lips«She will still be dead tomorrow and the day after and for all the years to come,your children are here and alive and yet you rather spend your time in this tomb than with us!»her anger lashed out,but the silence her harsh words were met with hurt more.

Jacaerys had fire in his eyes.Baela didn't even think he knew how to scream and from that moment on she didn't understand anything.It seemed to her that she was no longer present: she was a spectator of the consequences of her stupidity and her profound naivety.Baela felt his hand squeeze her arm and drag her first along the the hallway,out of the room,and, then, across the lawn.She had always considered him calm,quiet,collected,he was yes taller,but she never thought he had so much strength.His gaze burned,he was out of his mind,yet his body remained calm,of an indefinite and chilling composure.

Hours later,as her husband locked himself in that one room,Baela was sitting in one of the terraces of the Red Keep,sipping some hot tea and looking at the beautiful city below her eyes. She was supposed to be a mask of frustration,humiliation and disappointment. Everything that had happened that afternoon went back and was rewritten,with the new eyes of deception and anger.Because it was what she felt and he understood it and repeated it:

«Not today,not now.» almost like a prayer.

«Hypocrite!Go to the seven hells,Jace!»she screamed as he walked away.Without voice, without strength,without momentum.Almost out of politeness.But he didn’t came back.

«Has he told you anything?»Rhaena asked with a small voice,sitting right across from her and a pitiful expression on her beautiful face.

«Jace never talks about her or the time he had spent at Oldtown.He never talks about anything.»Baela had whispered to her twin sister.

Rhaena gave her a sad smile,squeezing her sister hand«Maybe,one day,he’ll come around.You just have to give him some time.»she tried to reassured her.

«It’s been years and still he loves a dead girl more than he will ever love me.»Baela murmured,she felt bad for thinking these sort of things but seeing her husband,the man that she had always wanted so devoted to a girl that wasn’t there anymore made her heart crumble.

«You have to understand him.»Rhaena started,taking a deep breath«He wasn’t there to protect her and she died without giving him the chance to say goodbye.If i had lost Lucerys in the same way,i don’t know if i would be able to stay alive.»she confessed with a quivering voice and looking down.

Baela stayed quiet,swallowing the hard lump in her throat.She still remembered the night of her wedding,how happy she was when she first saw Jacaerys waiting for her at the altar in the Temple in the city,every girl in the Seven Kingdoms wished to have him but he was hers by the laws of the gods.Then,that same night,after he drunk all the wine he could’ve found,he went on top of her,did what he could and whispered in her ear a name:

«Y/n,my love.»

It was the first time that Baela heard it,the only time that he spoke about her,before closing himself in his private chambers.

Baela was a living woman,his wife,the Queen and the mother of his children.Y/n was a dead girl,a corpse that,just like the Targaryen House tradition,was burned by the fire of his dragon during her funeral.And yet Jacaerys was still completely in love with her.

Baela hated her,his love,his Lady Y/n.She hated her,a girl that she never met and never will,with all the pain she had suffocated in the last years of their marriage,because it was her, because it was him,for all that they meant to each other.Because Y/n represented what Baela wanted to be and she enjoyed the one thing she wanted to have:Jacaerys’love.

She didn’t knew anything about this girl,only a name that her husband whispered like oxygen.Baela also knew that they met in Oldtown when Jacaerys went to study,when she had begged him to take her with him,she often wondered if things would’ve changed of went differently if she went with him,if during that summer,during that three years he had fallen for her,his betrothed,instead that with another girl.

In the long summer of so many moons ago,when Y/n was just a young girl that hated to be called a Lady even though her voice,just like the princesses of the fairytales,breathed roses and Jacaerys knew nothing about love and was certain of not many things in his life,they met for the first time under the sweet dark trees and with the perfume of peaches and honey in the air.

Y/n was everything a girl of her age,of her social status was not supposed to be:loud,inconvenient,wild and with always something to say.She had always been as fragile as porcelain but inside herself she cherished something strong and indestructible. Inside her heart she lived on the sadness that over time had turned into art.

And now that she was gone,she was like the paintings Jacaerys detached from the walls of his room after she left.She stayed like the rectangular marks left on the walls.

Now he looked at her image like he did every day,at the same hour,from the same spot,letting his dark eyes memorize every piece,very small detail that he so meticulously had engraved in his brain,in his heart.

Over the long and painful years,Jacaerys would often dream of her.His bright light in an ocean of darkness,whose despair mirrored his own,and whose love brought him a joy he had never felt,and have not felt since.

Years ago,this room was supposed to be her art studio,a reserved place where it was always sunny and bright,where she could watch the ocean,the way the waters shined under the rays of the sun and the waves crashed on the shore.A place where she could’ve taught to their children how to paint,where she wouldn’t have to be the Queen,just herself,just the person that he loved more than anything else in the world.

Instead,it became a tomb for his memory of her.Jacaerys had conserved everything she had gave him,the flowers she used to pick from the gardens,the little silly doodles that she made of them and her ghostly and everlasting presence.He thought that if he painted what haunted him,he could free himself of her forever.In all these years,he had never been more wrong about anything.

She was everywhere,in the air that burned his lungs,in all the salty tears that washed down his face,in the sound of the rain,in the laughter of his children through the corridors,in the flowers in the meadows,in the sun that welcomed him every morning and in the moon that accompanied him to sleep every night.

In his private chambers,in that small and quiet room,away from everyone else eyes and presence,Jacaerys had let in only the best artists,the most talented painters he could had find in the Seven Kingdoms.

It took years,after his coronation and arranged marriage with his cousin Baela,to finally find someone who was able to represent his biggest fear,the only thing that made his heart ache and beat again,that made his blood flow in his veins,his eyes water and his lips trembling with the whisper of a faint name:

«Y/n.»

His Lady Y/n was as beautiful as the day he had lost her,pale and serene.

Her image was painted right on the stone wall,not on a canvas and definitely not restrained by any frame.Jacaerys wanted her to be free by any restrictions and to occupy all the space,every centimeters like she did with his mind and all of his memories.

She was there,so close to him that if he wanted he could reach forward and let his hand,even his fingertips trace briefly the curves of her frame.But he never did,to touch her it would be a sin,a privilege that he had lost and he’s punishing himself for it.

She was there in the middle of a lake,just like when he first laid his eyes on her,when he first met her and felt his heart skip a beat,his mouth dry and palms sweaty.Surrounded by the awestruck swans,a nymph she had been,a real nymph like the ones he used to read in the ancient books,submerging her skin like roses in the crystalline waters.Her hips like a flower shrouded by foam seemed to turn golden,bathed by the light coming through the leaves.Her collarbones like wings spread from the base of her throat to the ends of her shoulders.A bird held down by skin.

She was paler than dead,her eyebrows were smooth and thin and angular like in every antique portrait.Her lips were pursed,her mouth scarlet red and her teeth set close together,her soft eyes were looking right into his,shining with the sweetest melancholy.Her face was turned,up in search for the light like the most precious flower.

Her marvelous poetry,her splendid sensibility her tragic and beautiful mouth made him quiver.Jacaerys was the King,but in front of her,of the beautiful,young and full of life girl that she once was before she had became immortal before his eyes,he was nothing but just the young and naive boy full of love that she once met.

A broken porcelain vase and a now dry,light pink dress,that still smelled like her,was all that remained in that room of the first time they shared a kiss and understood what loving someone meant.

She was love,Y/n was his love.

Jacaerys loved her way of seducing him,a flirtatious look,an indiscreet smile,they wete part of her weapons as a beautiful lady,of which he declared himself defenseless.

These were things he loved in her,he loved her flaws,the nobility of her feelings,her way of seeing life,he loved her optimism and the way she encouraged others,she was a miracle that fate has sent to give him inspiration with a beautiful smile.

Like a beautiful flower that opens its petals to receive the sun's rays after receiving the morning tuft.Like a beautiful flower,the one on a cliff,it resists the weather,drought,rain, strong winds,strengthening one's being,to face day by day,opening the petals to beautify the landscape,always with a beautiful smile.Like a beautiful lotus flower,which,regardless of where it grows,rises with great beauty.This is how his Y/n’s love was,that with her mere presence she give beauty,her journey she begin to sigh to hearts.

Before that day,before kissing her for the first time,Jacaerys have not noticed love.

But for Y/n,he was so easy to fall in love with.He made her feel safe,he made everything feel like an adventure with a hand always on the small of her back to guide her.He laughed at things easily,he was kind,gentle,sweet and thoughtful.He listened to her words and to her silences.

«Come here.»he said to her one day,opening his arms wide,and she went.

«Stay.»he begged her,and she stayed,she wished she could had stayed with forever.

They were in her art studio,it had been months since they met for the first time and since she asked him to pose for him.

Y/n stood there,proud,never in awe and with a beauty so brazen as to intimidate the centuries of literature and art that framed her.Even though her house was a museum,not a single item could’ve compared to her.

«Don’t look at me.»she murmured,even though her eyes were set on the wall she was painting she could still feel his stare on her figure«Keep your chin down and look at the window.»she instructed him.

It was easy for her to say,but it was hard for Jacaerys to do it when the only thing he wanted to look at it was her.Y/n was a few feet from him,her hair were messily tied up her head,but some of them still managed to fell down on her beautiful face.Her body was wrapped in a delicate pink dress,a white apron stained with paint,she was barefoot as always.Nothing out there,outside the windows,was worth looking when she stood there like a little goddess.

Jacaerys was sitting on footstool and he was trying his hardest to remain still and to look where she asked.The marigolds,the daisies,the tulips were so plain,Y/n skin was smoother than any of their petals,her lips plumper and her scent enough to drive him crazy.

«I thought that she was the one naked and chained.»Jacaerys observed as he took a quick glance at was she was painting.

On the wall next the door,it was represented Argella Durrandon and Orys Baratheon.She was the daughter and only child of Argilac the Arrogant,the last Storm King.After her father was killed in Aegon's Conquest,she married Orys Baratheon,the first Lord of Storm's End,founding the new House Baratheon.

They delivered her to Orys,naked and chained. Orys,however,covered her with his cloak and treated her chivalrously,the next day he had married her.

«She is.»Y/n muttered,cleaning one of her brushes to use a different color.

Jacaerys hummed,his cheeks were a little red«He is too.»he noticed.

The two people were naked,their body fluids like they couldn’t feel the heavy chains on their wrists and ankles.Holding each other,trying to cover each other with his cloak,their eyes locked and their lips a centimeter away.

«They are the same,is what love do to us.»Y/n told him,taking a step back to admire her unfinished work.

«My bones are your bones.»Jacaerys whispered,getting up and quoting an old poet that they had read together.

«Where you go i go,what you see i see.»Y/n nodded,continuing it.«Argella was given to him as a slave,but he freed her and made her his wife.Orys was a bastard child,but for her it was the first man that treated her like a person.They were both chained all their lives,they were the same.»she said,her eyes were soft like the sound of her voice.

Equals,on the same level.That what Jacaerys felt when he was with her,understood.Like he was missing a piece and the hole was filled whenever she was near,like he was drowning and she was air.A balance,something safe and comforting.They were the same,Y/n was chained by her father choices and Jacaerys was chained by his mothers.

«If Gwayne Hightower won’t let you paint,he’s a total idiot.»Jacaerys said suddenly,surprising her«Because he will miss how beautifully and uniquely you view the world.»it pained him to smile to her like that.

Y/n eyes widened,her cheeks were rosy as she tried to hide the way her heart was beating.Jacaerys was so much closer now,she could feel his shoulder touching hers,see all the dark shades of his eyes.

«The world is always beautiful,you just have to look at it the right way.»she told him.

Jacaerys shook his head«The world is beautiful when you look at it.»he said,his fingers were trembling as tried to reach for hers.

Their invisible chains were entangling on each other,every ring was forged with heavy duties,promises and responsibilities.At both ends a marriage,unspoken words that were trying to drag them away from each other.

But we can't be with anyone,we're made for a few people.Jacaerys was made for being loved by Y/n,she was made for being loved by him.On the same level,equals.His bones were her bones.

«Jace-»she took a few step back,knowing where it was going to lead.

They both tried in these months that they had spent together to not give in,to suffocate the burning desire that was growing between them.Anyone could seen that something was blooming,something pure and soft that needed to be protected by the harsh weight of reality.He was to be married to his cousin and to become King,she was to be some else wife.

«I think i love the version of myself that i’am when I’m with you.»he confessed,his breath was rapid«I love what I become,what I no longer hide,everything you make me reveal.»he sounded relieved but also in pain as he took in her ethereal figure.

«I didn’t do anything-»she dismissed him,she was becoming shy.

«I love everything about you,that's probably why i love myself when i'm with you.»his heartbeat was ringing in his ears,but he could still hear hers perfectly in tune with his«Whenever i’m with you i feel like i’m part of something.»he breathed out almost killing her.

Y/n made him feel at home,like everything in him was right.That yearning feelings,that desire to be part of something became real,he was part of her now.They spoke the same language,breathed the same air.She looked at him with different eyes and he couldn’t help to give her his heart.

«I think it’s about to rain.»she said,picking up the porcelain vase where the dirty brushes where.

As she made her way out of the room,a hand placed on her chest to keep her heart in it,she felt like she was about to explode.For Y/n painting was the metaphor for control.Every choice was hers:the canvas,the color.As a child she had neither a sense of the world nor a place inside it,but art taught her that our vision is only achieved with the will.The same goes for life. As long as she didn’t allow someone to get in her way.

Jacaerys went in the way.He was everywhere,he was her.The other half.She didn’t had control whenever he was around,her thoughts became his,her choices revolved around him.For the first time in her life she knew what she wanted.And the incessant and tormented desire of love,for her,was him.

He was walking fast behind her«Stop following me.»she yelled,quickening her pace,her face was hot and she was right,it was about to rain.

«I’m afraid I can’t.»Jacaerys said«My heart calls for yours.»it sounded like a lament.

Y/n immediately frozen on her feet,almost tripping on the stairs that were leading to the gardens«Shh!»she whispered looking around to make sure nobody had heard«There can be people everywhere here!»she warned him embarrassed.

Jacaerys was in front of her now,so handsome that he looked like she had drawn him«Do you think I care?I’ve been hiding all my life,I won’t hide what I feel for you.»he stated proudly.

«What you think you feel for me.»she corrected him,but when he took a step closer she didn’t moved an inch this time.

The gesture encouraged him even more«I know what my soul is been aching for.My love for you can’t even be contained in it.»he chuckled.

«Love is not measured my prince»Y/n had told him that evening,holding the porcelain vase in her hands,her beautiful skin gleaming under the cloudy sky and her hair messy from the sweet wind«it is not in what we do or say.Love is what we are.And I know who you are.»she had breathed out,almost as she was shy to admit it out loud.

Y/n didn’t seem to have noticed love too.As Jacaerys eyes cried out “I love you”,as in a sigh his heart fell exhausted,as with a smile of hers or with her sweet voice his soul vibrates.She didn't notice it with a caress of the tips of his hands,with the touch of his lips on her skin,with the intention of caressing her heart and kissing her soul.She haven't noticed that with her presence alone she changed his days,spring is in his heart even though the long winter was upon them.Y/n did not notice that:Jacaerys breathe her breath,it is oxygen for his desires,food for his feelings,fertile soil where the seed of love grows,he breathe her breath,in the preamble of a kiss,before savoring the nectar of her mouth,putting an end to a drought,with this expectation to feel her lips next to mine,selling their love with silent promise.

«We wasted so many months.»he had breathed on her sweet tasting,cherry colored lips«All we did was talk,while we could’ve been doing this.»he said,angry for her mouth again.

Y/n smiled in the kiss,he was the first to lain in«Have you been thinking about this?.»she asked,a hint of teasing in her voice as she caressed his sun kissed cheeks.

Jacaerys nodded his head,his eyes hazy,his heart was beating so fast he thought that it could escape his chest«Every time that i was watching you paint,all i could think about was kissing you senseless.»he admitted with a light chuckle.

He had spent many evenings in her company,in silent,taking or arguing about something stupid in her little art studio near the lake.Watching her being so passionate about something,the way her hair glimmered,her hands moving,all of her attention on what she was doing.He felt stupid for being jealous,to wanting her to touch him in the same way,to paint him and being passionate towards him in the same way.

The girl in his arms gasped,a little laugh tickled the back of her throat«Don’t you dare.You would’ve ruined my concentration.»she scolded him lovingly.

«Am i that distracting?»Jacaerys asked raising a brow,already knowing the answer to his question.

Y/n seemed to became smaller in his loving embrace and he pulled her closer to him,sheltering her«When i look at you,sometimes i feel overwhelmed that you exist.»she whispered,only him could make her feel so self conscious about herself.

She had never tried to paint what she felt for him,because to do it she would have to invent a new color.Y/n simply find comfort in the fact that he existed.When she sees him she got this feeling of relief,to known that she was alive and near him.

«You were right,it's going to rain.»he said,noticing how the sky had become darker«In every drop of rain there is a little hope;isn't that how you said?But then,what does that mean?»he asked with a small smile.

«It means that every drop of rain holds the promise of regrowth.»she answered«Every drop has its purpose,even if it doesn't know it.I believe that it can happen to us too to feel purposeless,but we have it.»she continued.

«Well,i have one now.»he said,caressing her chin lovingly.

«Do you?»she giggled.

«Yes.»he hummed«May i kiss you again?»Jacaerys asked,filling his heart with the feeling of her skin,supple and fresh,not blemished with the sickness that is death.

«Now?»Y/n said,looking around as she heard the sound of voices coming through the gardens.

And he smiled,that bright and slow smile again«Now is preferable,but i can do it for the rest of my life too.»he murmured before kissing her again and again and again.

But it was a lie,a horrible and disgusting lie.They didn’t have that time and she didn’t have the rest of his life.As she became dissolving flesh and melting bones,Jacaerys grew up in a man that wished to be alone with her once again.To be in that gardens,to watch her paint,to hear her voice and touch her young and precious skin again.

Jacaerys had dream of it again that night.

Y/n face,her familiar eyes.In his dreams she was still with him.Sometimes,when he touched her,her warmth seemed so real that he was out of breath.The eyelids trembled,the heart stretched and then tore in pain.He was bleeding in the silence of the night,alone,suffocating in the pillow the agony that during the day I tried at all costs to suppress.

He dreamed to hear her laugh.

«I miss you and i’m so sorry.»he whispered.His voice cracked.He hated it when it happened, because it made it even more real.It was like admitting that she wasn't there.That she would never be there anymore.That those memories were the only thing he had left.

Her eyes,her sweetness and her good heart.It had been a piece of advice,a perfume,a secretly given caress

Coming closer to the stone wall,Jacaerys,touched it.His fingers trembling like he had felt the cold water that was hugging her body.He couldn’t bring himself to trace his fingertips over her small figure,but he felt the itching desire to touch the painted water,to touch at least something that she had been part of and that loved.He doesn’t indulge it or grasp at it though.He gently absorbs a fleeting glimmer of something delicate that she had left behind,her love for the water,ocean,the lake at her parents house.Something that was part of her and just like her,he couldn’t hold it anymore.

How many things he would give,his crown,his own life to be the water that touched her skin,that held her so closely.Just once again,it would’ve been more than enough for him,to touch and feel her skin,inhale her scent just for a second again.

He kept his eyes were his hand was,he couldn’t look into hers but they were all he could think about.He memorized her face as if it was his mirror or a prayer that needs to be said every night.He would forget his name before he forgets her.

Then like a ghost,a mournful memory,she seemed to walk through the room,a white halo following her.Soft like a holy flower,her body seemed to be carved out from marble.Sparkly and calm eyes,her beautiful eyes,ruby lips,rosy cheeks.All her grace was in her vagueness,her voice was distant and soft,her manner languid,her features blurred and dreamy.She looked like a cruel immortal,finding her spiritual feast in the agonies of his dying heart.

The last time that he saw her was when he came back for her,after flying back to Dragonstone when his mother throne was usurped by his uncle,she was dead.She was killed and he couldn’t erase the imagine from his nightmares.It felt like he was looking at the painting of Gael Targaryen on the wall in her art studio.

Such a cruel faith to be abandoned and to be killed by the two things she loved the most:his love and water.Y/n was dying,gasping for air,trying to breathe,falling deeper and deeper into the darkness as her fragile body sank under the cold water.One of the soldiers that sympathized for the Greens had his rough hands around her delicate,thin neck as he was drowning her in the lake of her house.Then he left her lifeless body under the cold rain for Jacaerys to find.A threat,a challenge.

That night Oldtown burned,thousands had died for his love.He did too,he loved her so much that he had let her kill him,he will always adore her like a drowned person adore the sea.

«You are here early.»her ghost spoke to him with a tender whisper.

Jacaerys closed his eyes,they were burning«I missed you.»he said with a shaky tone.

«You should stop to come here.»she told him,moving quietly behind him.

He shook his head«I can’t live without you,without seeing your face.»

«But i’m not here,i don’t exist anymore.»she remained him.

«My bones are your bones.»he repeated«This is more than enough for me,till what will remain of me will lay with you.»he gestured at the portrait he was looking at.

«I wish you shouldn’t be doing this.»she smiled sadly.

«Me too.»he suppressed a cry«I wanted you to be my wife,the mother of my children.I’m sorry that life couldn’t gave us this.»he was shaking.

Then he felt a caress,like the wind in the spring«I will find you in another one.Where we will be free by any chain and you can kiss me every time you will se me paint.»it was a promise.

He blinked.He felt the acrid sensation behind his tongue again.He tried to breathe but his heart slowed down with heavy,suffocating thuds,a bruise with every beat.He took a step back as if to withdraw from the pain,his eyes were squinting around,warm and lost.The pain of climbed into his heart and he tried not to deform under that weight,but it was useless.

The throat closed and the sight flatned.Jacaerys soul was crumpled.Y/n absence collapsed on me all at once again . Sometimes it didn't seem possible to him. Sometimes it was as if that day in the garden had never existed,as if he was still expecting to see her come in the door,greet him and take him home.Sometimes he even thought he saw it among people,behind a man's hat or over the window of his room.

It was just an instant,but his eyes deluded him and his heart fell for it.«Endure»whispered Y/n voice,and the pain reached an unbearable peak. He felt the rubble inside him asking him to scream,vent,burst once and for all.She was eroding me from the inside.

Soon Y/n would take everything:his soul,his eyes,even his voice.They say there are five stages of mourning.The first is negation.The rejection of the loss,the inability to accept such a radical shock.The others are anger, processing,depression and finally acceptance. Jacaerys didn't recognize myself in any.He didn't want to reject reality.He couldn't make it happen.He was under the illusion of getting by, suppressing a pain that then exploded like a caged creature.He had put a key to his heart, but suffering is not something he could tame.

It breathes with him.It feeds on his hopes.It drinks his dreams,his looks and his fears.It sits at the table and watches him eat.He could pretend not to see it,but it won't leave him. Every now and then it whispers something to him.It has the sweetest voice in the world,but it's a heart-rung song.He can't forget it.It learns to wait for him.And it fits him,just like a living creature.Learn to live in his own silence,fly through his nightmares,dig into the dark and take root.It looks more like him than anyone else.The suffering is him.I took a deep breath, crossing his reflection.The reddened eyes contained the pain that he could no longer suffocate.He kept strangling it,suppressing it, locking it up and gagging it in his most hidden ravines.

And looking at that familiar face in his soul,Jacaerys prayed that he could see Y/n again,one day.So as to show her the empty shell that he was without her — and then he would have caressed her,but with her own sweetness.Squeezing her until she merged with his heart,he would say to her:«Endure with me, because I can't do it alone.»

He had known love and it had broken his heart.

He had finally understood one thing:there are thousands of ways to die in the world.Those who kill you outside,and those who kill you inside.But there is only one engraved with your name and it beats in another person's chest.

«Stay»he whispered to her.«Stay in the room. Stay in this moment.Stay with me.»he pleaded.

But of course she never does.She wasn’t there anymore.She was immortal,stuck and framed forever in his heart and in between the art and history of the city they fell in love in.

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inkbyajm · 6 months

Text

of forgotten people

masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

tropes: fluff, hurt/comfort, age-gap

word count: ~860

author’s note: this is a short excerpt (maybe the first chapter?) of a story i’ve been thinking about for the past few weeks. this is just to establish the vibe of something that will probably turn into a series. i hope you enjoy a little melancholy.

————-　❈　————-

“Joel.”

Tommy’s voice resonated in his brother’s ears. The eldest Miller was lost in his thoughts for what seemed like the 5th time in the past half-hour that they’ve been in the Tipsy Bison. He only responded by blankly looking up from his spot around the table.

“You alright, big brother? Wanna share what’s on your mind?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just,” Joel paused, hesitating whether or not he should be sharing his doubts. I mean, what a fucking coincidence would that be.

“I was walking around town today and... Jesus, I’m gonna sound like I’m going insane, which I probably am, but,” he let out another breath “I saw this person, this woman, standing in front of the barn and... it looked a lot like someone I knew back then. Before the outbreak, I mean.”

“Shit, didn’t think your memory was that good, old man.” Tommy joked, taking another sip of his pint.

That was the problem. His life 20 years ago and the one he was currently living felt like two different realities, he could have been mixing up his recollections. He wasn’t even sure he remembered her all that well, despite everything they’ve been through in a relatively short amount of time.

What he did know is that she was the type of person a kid would look up to: kind, passionate, crafty, incredibly smart and with a strange sense of humour. And while she was mature, she was also naïve, and indecisive, and petty, and emotional at times. But he remembered ardent feelings, feelings she displayed openly, without fear. The same couldn’t be said about him.

“Yeah, looks like all those hits to the head are finally taking effect.” he mumbled into his own drink, earning a chuckle from his brother.

“Listen, as long as you’re making sense, I ain’t complaining.”

————-　❈　————-

The two sat around for another hour, chatting to a few people that stopped by their table for a quick hello. Tommy was mostly doing the conversing as Joel still found it a bit hard to adjust to a life in a functioning community. While the former was busy talking about supplies for the new playground with Dennis (Danny? Dean?), Joel felt like he needed another pint and headed to the bar.

It was Friday night, which meant the Tipsy Bison was busier than usual, with everyone celebrating the end of the week. It took a lot of convincing from Tommy to get his older brother to go out for drinks. He rarely ever agreed, usually preferring to stick to the bottle of whiskey he was gifted when him and Ellie first arrived. Nevertheless, Joel felt like he was finally starting to recognise some of the faces around town, which for him was a small accomplishment.

Making it to the bar, he patiently waited for one of what appeared to be three bartenders to serve him. The conversations all around him were all blending together as a soft rock tune played in the background for more ambiance. But it didn’t stop him from singling out a particular voice, a laugh, among dozens. It sounded more mature than the one etched into the far back of his mind.

He looked up from his spot at the far end of the counter, searching for the source of the anxiety growing in his chest. It’s been twenty years. It cannot be her. You are working yourself up for nothing.

And yet he strained his neck to get a better view, and there she was. Her appearance had changed slightly, she looked more rugged, more...experienced. But it was her, or at least the older version of her. You’re losing your damn mind, Joel, snap out of it.

As if she were reading his thoughts, the woman turned her head and the two made eye contact. Her smile wasn’t the only thing that had dropped as the glass she was originally drying found itself in pieces on the ground.

Joel’s ears began to ring and he found himself backing away from the counter, bumping into a few displeased townsfolk as his feet clumsily carried him out of the pub. He didn’t even realise how suffocated he felt inside until he took a big breath of the fresh evening air, leaning against a utility pole for support, not trusting his knees to hold him up. His thoughts were racing a million miles an hour, his heart was just about 10 pumps away from officially stopping.

“Mr. Miller?”

Her voice, faint and quavery, came from behind him. It ain’t her, you are seeing ghosts. Go home. It took everything in him not to run away, to get hold of himself and his emotions as the world felt like it was crumbling down on him. Finally, after what felt like hours, he braced himself and hesitantly turned around to face his past.

It was just the two of them stood outside in the dimly-lit streets of Jackson. The only sound that filled the heavy silence were the muffled noises coming from the wooden walls of the Bison. Her eyes, those pleading eyes, glistened ever so slightly with tears.

“Joel.”

————-　❈　————-

masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

#joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller one shot #joel miller x reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller x you #joel miller x fem!reader

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victoirey · 1 year

Text

♥︎. REQUESTS I HAVE NO IDEAS FOR —

to the senders of these requests, hi! unfortunately, either due to the fact your request didn't sit right with me or I simply didn't have any ideas — I decided to post your ideas on my account so that people who do have ideas can write those ideas :) thank you!

request one : neytiri and jake break up because jake wanted to leave , however neytiri didn't. so instead of both jake and neytiri going, it's just jake and his family moving to awa'atlu. jake meets metkayina!reader and they click immediately.

— requested by anonymous.

request two : avatar quaritch x reader— in which readers clan was killed by the sky people and reader sees quaritch flying away at the end of the movie. readers first instinct is to kill quaritch, but he is too weak to fight. the reader forces quaritch to fight until they realize there's no honor killing a dead man. reader is quaritch's ticket to getting out of the area he's in, so he charms the reader and befriends them. slowly but surely, quaritch's motives go from killing jake/his family to them.

requested by : @vampire-hunter

request three : jake sully x reader in which reader is a halfbreed— they're human sized, has a queue, and a few blue spots as they were experimented on. basically how jake and them fall in love, and a bunch of cute moments because he's twice their size and hugs them too hard or ends up unable to kiss them because of the height difference.

requested by: @as-lost-as-sams-shoe

request four : na'vi quaritch having a familial bond with a captured na'vi child (reader). he realizes he begins to care for reader and detests it— but refuses to let the kid be tortured by humans.

requested by: anonymous.

request five: you grow up with the sullys— raised a human, raised like spider was— you get jealous over neteyams interactions with tsireya. neteyam x reader.

requested by: anonymous.

request six : "hey could I request a neteyam x male na'vi reader?? maybe he has a breakdown or an anxiety/panic attack after something happened to one of his siblings and the reader helps him ?? thanks !!"

requested by: anonymous.

request seven : "omgmg could I please ask for lo’ak or neteyem w/ reader who’s normally a ball of energy but spends a lot of time alone/is secretly very melancholy a lot of the time?? Idk how to explain it!! I personally tend to put on a bubbly personality around others, but I spend a lot of time alone feeling gloomy. So it’s nice when someone can appreciate both or see through the bubblyness!"

requested by : @|forever-paramore28

request eight: "hello hello! ive been admiring your writing for quite some time now and i was so excited to see your requests have opened ! do you think you could do a tsu’tey’s daughter! reader insert x neteyam? wym tsu’tey died lmao that’s so funny anyways, maybe him and ninat got together and had reader, a sweet looking omaticayan that was taught everything by tsu’tey when it comes to warfare and defense while also having knowledge of the traditions of singing, making beads, and etc. ? just reader being an absolute all rounder. this makes her looked up to and admired among her peers and regarded by adults as a tsahik in the making? maybe she is betrothed to neteyam and despite some complaints (mainly from protective dad tsu’tey bc excuse me thats my baby????) they actually hit it off really well and balance each other out. when the threat of quaritch comes around again, tsu’tey decides to send reader off with the sully’s for her safety. maybe ao’nung, being the lil shit he was, would often make moves on the reader bc he thought he had a chance with her before neteyam gets involved and firmly introduces reader again as his future tsahik and betrothed? idk man protective mfs >>>>>>"

requested by : anon ( thank you for the compliments nonnie. I'm happy that you admire my writing <3)

request nine : "can I request some headcanons for the Sully fam x half bread!reader and by half breed I mean not from avatars but like a lab made baby who looks human, maybe has white hair due to testings and surgeries and can breathe the planet's air since if the humans r making pandora their new home, they gonna try find ways to breathe in the planet's air. Just headcanons about reader going into the forest and stumbling upon the kids and Spider and then noticing shes breathing the air and has cuts n bruises all over her cuz of testing n shi and how the Sullys save and adopt her from the scientists 🤔?"

requested by : anon

request ten : "it’s the tsu’tey daughter! reader insert x neteyam anon again! sorry i sent it way too soon 🥲 maybe after that, the scene where neteyam is supposed to die, reader is beside him and she goes absolutely ballistic and goes ham on the recom na’vis like neytiri did bc 💅🏻 ofc she does my lil girl boss pookie wookie, HAPPY ENDING PLEASE LORD I HAVE HAD ENOUGH TEARS TO SHED"

requested by : anon

my apologies I wasn't able to fulfill these requests as you expected me to, but I am sure someone else could bring your ideas to fruition!!

♡. maggie

#jake sully x reader #jake sully #avatar jake sully #james cameron avatar #avatar quaritch #miles quaritch x reader #na'vi quaritch #miles quaritch #neytiri #awow #avatar way of water #fanfiction ideas #fanfic ideas #ideas

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cvoq · 2 months

Text

In Commemoration of Her

Synopsis ﹐ You and James Sunderland are at Lakeview Hotel, planning to stay the night when he unlocks a key memory.

content ﹐Rated R (MDNI), SPOILERS! darkfic, smut, angst, non-con, pwp, descriptive/smut sex, somno, grinding, fingering, squirting, rough sex, p n v sex, james sunderland x fem!reader

╰╮wc 3.3k

Mary was a bright, sweet woman. Illness plagued her body when she was young and died 3 years ago from what you’ve heard. Apparently this “Maria” looked exactly like her, but where was she? You’ve heard so much about Mary this Mary that, that you knew James really did love her; For that reason he and you are at their special place, hotel room 312 looking outside of the illuminated Toluca Lake.

“James,” The name rolls sweetly off your tongue admiring the lakeside view. “It’s beautiful here..”

The cool moonlight hits your skin, reflecting you off the window. You’re wearing a white frilly sundress with spaghetti straps. As soon as you came off of work a few days ago, you took a trip to West Virginia with your bags packed heading to the homey-tourist-attraction; Silent Hill.

James was seeing something completely different. You turned around getting a glimpse to check on him, he previously placed a cassette tape into the TV that the room provided but it was just static. He was engulfed in what he was watching though. You chose to let him be in his thoughts and focus on yours.

As you recall, many strange things have been occurring ever since you came. While following James around, a little girl by the name of Laura tagged along with the two of you. She too was fond of Mary, however not so much of you. All you could remember was the girl's words that she exchanged with you in private while at the bowling alley.

“–James would never replace Mary!” She exclaimed clearly upset, her eyes welled up with tears ready to spill.

“I’m his friend,” You reply quietly trying to give the young girl reassurance. You watch her hold back from crying, feeling guilty. “Nothing will happen between us, everything that I’m doing right now is for her.”

“Rea-lly?” Laura asked, stifling through her words, rubbing her eyes with her hands.

“Really”

If only that were true. You wonder to yourself what the hell you were doing alone with a man in a hotel room during the dark. You really can’t pretend that you weren’t attracted to James. Ever since you’ve met him at the gazebo after wandering in the town for what seemed like hours, you’ve become “travel” buddies.

You choose to snap out of it, turning your attention towards James. He was on the armchair, slouched forward. He looked as if all life had been erased from him. Melancholy, miserable, you felt the feeling emanate with the void of silence.

“James?” You call out, taking a step closer to him on his right side.

“Mary’s,” James muttered with a pause. You pay close attention to what he’s trying to say. “Mary’s gone.”

You stand in silence, watching as James takes time to reflect on himself. You follow his eyes to see that he’s looking at the bed behind him tucked away in the corner with the night lights, staring at the pillows. You knew and took account of how lost and unstable James came off to be, but it never occurred to you how severe it was.

You pressed your lips, speaking softly to him. “Is everything..-Are you doing alright there?”

He stayed still in the same position, still not responding. It pains you to receive silent treatment from him but all you can do is wait for him to open up.

“I killed her,” James tells her with a defeated voice. His head stayed down as he looked at the floor right in front of him, not bothering to look up at you.

Your eyes widen and you respond with nothing. Didn’t he love her? You try to reason that maybe James was imagining things from all the pent up guilt he must have felt, but it really did seem that yes. James killed his late wife.

You’ve never felt more convicted.

“I’m going to wash up..” You say after a minute of pure silence between the two of you and James nods in response. Hopefully a quick shower would drain away all your worries. You promptly leave to the bathroom, leaving James all alone by himself.

For almost an hour, you stood under the shower thinking to yourself. You continued with the regular routine of brushing your teeth, combing your hair, and putting on a fresh pair of clothes which you had thanks to hauling around your suitcase everywhere you went. You felt refreshed that you were in new clothes but felt a dawning sense of pressure and guilt still there. You’re also a bad person if you somehow still manage to like him, a murderer, after all he’s done right?

Finishing your alone time, you swing open the restroom door stepping outside of it. “The bathrooms free for use,” you spoke while looking around the room to spot for James. There he was, on the bed without a blanket on top of him, fast asleep.

James' shoes weren’t even off.. he still had his jacket on, he was knocked unconscious. You scurry to his side of the bed he was occupying. The last you could do was get his shoes off for being able to book a room for the two of you. So you take off both his black leather boots from his feet carefully, trying not to wake him up. After placing them down nearby his bedside you look at his military jacket.

You contemplate if you should change him out of it but you wonder if it would be considered overstepping. You furrow your brows with your eyes lingering in his state. When James slept, you came to notice how his face was definitely more relaxed. His hair fell out of the way he styled it and his crease on his forehead seemed to vanish. He glowed under the warm light of the lamp, but he was a stressed guy.

Sighing to yourself, you move your hands to clasp onto James' jacket. Although you had to maneuver his arms and had to tug a lot, you managed to get it off revealing his gray long sleeved shirt. You place the coat on the nightstand beside you and get ready to tuck him in the sheets when you notice something.

A bulge, a bulge in his jeans. Your face flushes, staring at it for quite some time. Who knows what would’ve happened if you tried to take his pants off? What’s surprising is the size of it. It looked as if it was uncomfortable resting there.. but you just quickly covered James in a blanket.

You wonder where to sleep. The couches only seated one person and the night was cold. Surely, if you slept on the right side of the bed it would be fine. So you chose to climb in the sheets, on the far side facing away from James.

After turning off the lamp, you try to close your eyes but that led to you thinking about what you just saw. You smothered your face into the pillows but can’t help feel your cheeks warm up. You know it’s wrong. James only has love for his wife and you should respect that, so you doze off to sleep.

You wake up in a daze, feeling something press up against you. There’s a weighted feeling lingering on your back. A pair of hands hold your waist and- Shit. Who was doing this?!

Your eyes open slowly to catch a glimpse of your situation. It was James, rutting into you.

He grinded into your ass pressing his hardon into you. Grunting softly into the crevice of your neck that you felt his scratchy stubble rub against you.

What was worse is that you were turned on by this. He was in such close proximity, you could feel the heat emitting off of him. You tightly press your legs together clenching your thighs for dear life, feeling something build up inside of you.

“James..-”

“Help me with this, please..” He begs breathily, pressing you tighter onto himself.

“Al..” You hesitate for a bit. “Alright.”

James reached for your chest, groping onto you. You can feel his rough hands through the fabric, much larger compared to yours. He’s pressing them and messaging them with his palms, running his fingers over your now hardened nipples as you jolt at the sensation.

“I’ve needed this,” He admits grudgingly, taking in your smell. You’re so clean, floral.. so different from him.

You don’t know whether to feel relieved or shameful.

By now your top is ridden up, so James takes his time to place his hands on your stomach to feel your bare skin. You feel so hot, it’s suffocating. His calloused hands slide further to reach your supple breasts. Having you hitch your breath. He takes his time toying with them, squeezing your buds in between his fingers in a firm manner.

“-You’re teasing me..” You manage to utter out, embarrassed.

“Just a few more minutes,” James mutters, still rubbing your skin.

He then moves his hand down into your pajama pants, trailing to your soppy cotton panties. Running a finger up and down your slip, sometimes visiting your clit. You try to suppress your reactions but you can’t help bucking your hips into him.

“You’re -wet there.” James remarks in a quiet tone. It came off as he was flustered or akward, maybe a mix of both. You felt your heat pulse from his words.

“..I want more,” Communicating to him sheepishly. Afraid of seeming whiny and demanding of doing too much while doing too little, you reach your hand back touching his clothed erection. Then pressed your hand on it, trying to feel his girth through his jeans. His warmth emanated off of it.

James groans in response, nodding his head in affirmation. He moved your undergarments to the side revealing your glistening folds, slick from it was still strung onto your panties like a string. He’d blush, admiring how messy you were and rubbed his fingers up and down your hot pussy.

He slid a finger in, watching as you suck it in. Wetness seeped out from you onto his hand as he watched your face contort. You really did put lube to shame..

James worked his way to getting two fingers inside you. You let out soft “ohs” and “ahs!” with a flushed face. Your body felt so hot but your core was even worse, it craved for more and latched onto his fingers as he tried to pull out. Filthy noises spilled from your pussy, embarrassing you from the wet sound you were producing.

He rubbed his pads on the walls of your soaked cunt, noticing you tense up around them as he’s preparing to slide a third finger into you. There James feels a spongy area, feeling it and pressing his fingers on the spot.

“James-!” You yelp, tossing your head up. You feel yourself gush from your pussy, not used to the unfamiliar feeling.

He clenched his jaw feeling himself throbbing with need. The way you said his name was so endearingly erotic. James' pants felt so tight that any friction he felt within his confines almost had him losing it.

You clench around his fingers, gripping his hand placed on your waist as you let out a whimper. However all James does is tighten your grip on you, pressing down on your stomach continuing to fingerfuck you. You bury your face into the pillows as you feel the need to urinate as pressure builds up.

James then stuck another finger in, thrusting in and out of you at a fast pace watching as you go slack in his arms and your hips wiggle trying to escape his grasp. Did you have to be this sexy?

“Auh-Shit!” You moan, coming undone.

Warm clear fluid expels from your cunt as your abdomen tenses up, arching your back like a cat. You're so tight, trying to keep James fingers in as you shudder through your organsm. All that pressure is gone as you begin to feel a tingling sensation across your body.

After a couple of seconds of rest, you hazily look down to see the sheets drenched by you. James looks at his pants, wondering what he just did to you seeing all your essence on him. You squirted.

It took a lot of self control for James to not end up cumming hands free. His dick is pulsating like crazy as he tries to not succumb to the cloud of lust impairing his decisions. It’s too late.

You feel the mattress and sheets shift as you try to come back to your senses as your eyes wander around the hotel room, you see him on top of you.

“I’m sorry, I can't—” James exhaled in a shaky voice while looking down at your body. “Can we.. for tonight..”

You kissed him boldly for the first time, pressing your lips against his somewhat chapped ones. James' eyes widened but he eventually closed his eyes just as you were doing. He relaxed, getting more comfortable with touching you by rubbing your thighs. When James had the chance, he prodded his tongue in your mouth. You and him shared spit and saliva as your wet tongues went back and forth with each other. Messy like a makeout session but more intimate.

You run your hands over his chest, pulling off for fresh air as a string of saliva connects both of your mouths.

“Please,” You plead in a needy tone, looking into James’ green eyes. You toss your soaked panties to the side, spreading your legs apart feeling your slick coat the insides of your thighs. “Take me..”

Quickly, James unzipped his pants, although fumbling and took his cock out from his boxers. James sighed at the feeling of the cold air, giving his dick a few strokes spreading the leaking beads of precum across his shaft.

God, it looked so pretty. All you could focus on was how lengthy it was. He was well groomed too. You’d clench around nothing thinking about that thing being inside you.

You watch as he rubs himself on you, coating him with your slick. You gasp at the feeling of friction whenever he hits your clit and couldn't come to ignore his little grunts of pleasure.

James slid into you, bullying his cock into you halfway. He’d sigh at the feeling of how tight you were around him. Wet walls encapsulating him as he’d groan at how much he’d missed this feeling. You however, felt the stretch as you gripped onto the sheets. Legs shakingly wrapped around his torso.

He continued to bottom out, forcing his way into you. Hearing the audible squelch that came from you and James from doing so. You hissed at sensation, feeling so filled up as you place an arm covering your eyes arching your back.

-And that’s when something happened.

As you were still adjusting to his size, he quickly pulled out and slammed into you.

James' rapid thrust did not stop. His balls hit you each time he went in and out. He was completely infatuated looking at your body, watching your breasts bounce everytime he did that. You easily accepted his cock because of how drenched your little pussy was. He treated you if you were a fleshlight, something to be taken out on.

“Wa-it-! Too -rough!” You wail, not used to the fast pace. Your hips couldn't keep up with the pace as they quivered, having yourself being pounded by this man. Was it supposed to sting this much?

He ignored your request, drinking up the site of you as he let out a suppressed moan. James watched as your expression grew on your face, showing how lewd you were. Gripping you by your waist he fucks yourself onto him as he plunges into you. More focused on the heat of the moment than the lasting consequences.

Skin slapping echoed off the walls of the room. You try to get a hold of yourself, but your body was reacting in different ways. Your sloppy cunt leaked out onto the messy bed sheets, dirtying the vicinity more. You felt your pelvis rub against his, which already got sticky from you. So many moans left your mouth, but you can’t help but wonder what was going on in James' mind for him to be treating you in this way with the little amount of thought you had left.

“Hah..—You’re -driving me crazy,” James’ exhaled in between grunts having a tighter hold on you. He leaned his head down to your chest and latched onto your nipples. Sucking hard onto your tit as if he was expecting you to lactate out of nowhere or something.

Your head rolled back into the pillows, getting so much stimulation as your body jolted from his assault. The way James treated you during sex was like a cheap hooker and you couldn’t help but feel disgusting for loving all of it. Your legs at this point were in the air and about to give up. You just needed more time to experience this, but based off the way there was buildup of pressure in your core, it wouldn’t last too long.

His saliva coated your chest as he managed to hit the same rigid point in your walls. You let out the most salacious sound as you bucked your hips into him, urging James to do it again. Everytime he managed to grind himself against that one spot you’d tense up and clench around him with your gummy walls. All this time he was holding off the urge to release right in you. You were too good for a guy like him.

James had to reciprocate in one way or the other, so he moved one of his hands from your waist, trailing down to your pelvic region. He got his hands lubricated in your hot slick, and began circling your bundle of nerves sending you ablaze. You tighten around him like a vice, feeling yourself gushing all over his cock. He managed to try and go as deep as he could go, as if he was trying to reach your stomach.

Pleasure hit him like a flood. Warm ropes of semen filled you as he groaned, waiting for his load to empty inside of you.

You feel the substance flow into you. Suddenly, realization hits you and began pressing your hands on his chest.

“-James’ pull-out!” You urged quickly, unsure if Plan-B was available around these parts of town. Even so, James wouldn’t budge off of you. He instead gave a few pumps, riding out his orgasm while rubbing your clit, coaxing you to your bliss in which you quickly followed.

“I’m-!” You sob with a hoarse voice. You held onto James’ shoulders for stability reaching your peak. All the buildup crashes down on you as a pulse is sent all the way from your spine, making you bend your back from the mattress. Milky fluid bubbles out of the seams around his cock. You almost get knocked out from how powerful it was. Crashing onto the sheets.

You both stay in silence, catching your expirated breaths trying to regain yourselves. You hear James heavy breathing as he rests on top of you, engulfing you in a hug.

Moonlight shunned through the windows, being the only source of light in the room. You couldn’t make out his face but he clung onto really hard. Your face went cold after the afterglow washed over. James just came inside of you.

You tried to get him off but he was too heavy, his grip increased more. Almost enough to bruise you. You felt warm splotches on your shirt, looking down at James, beginning to apprehend your situation.

“Mary..” He crooned, burying his face into your chest. “Mary..”

authors note ︵ ✦ Didn’t see that much works for Silent Hill 2 so I thought I’d contribute! Interpret the ending however you like, first fic! Once I get my AO3 account, I’ll probably post this..

#Spotify #silent hill #silent hill 2 #james sunderland x reader #james sunderland #smut writing #dark fic #angst #fanfic #horror #horror games

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